I came recently to the realization that REAL no contact actually means not letting the narcissist contact your emotional triggers/reactions, both positive and negative... It's not about avoiding interactions all-together ( sometimes it's inevitable ) but being sort of bulletproof to their mind-games
Narcissists are emotionally vacant. I personally found that the more I did for him the more he expected....I got nothing back - ever!!! He also split with me and then I took him back...again and again...no more!!! He used to tell me I was ‘good for his ego and made him look good’. Initially I took this as a compliment...now I know it wasn’t....they are true emotional vampires yet have no idea about emotion.
emotionally vacant so true, he usedme just for supply, sex, stuff i gave to him, adulation.Then he changed form wanting to live with me to wanting to keep his own place. He is back on th same dating website and he has 6 lies on his profile, sad creature.So rue the more i gave him the less of thank yous he gare me.All words and no actions what a fake creature
Exactly - listen @12:00 minutes in this video it's true! I've did that mistake to go back to the narc EVEN if I left him the covert and high-range narc - twice. Once after 10 years of abuse and then he hoover me in again after 4 years of singel for me for 2 years more but anyhow I left him again. Those 2 years was nearly MORE worse than those first 10 years. Anyway I'm free from him since 13 month for now. And THIS time I wan't go back again. I'm totally sure of that: NO MORE AND NEVER AGAIN is my motto. I'm DONE with that kind of shit of relationship and all his abuse against me. Self Preventives from toxic people and narcissists is an ORDER to my self ever since I left him last year in September. And to get myself to heal and re-build up my own self-respect and confidence to bee: Just as simpel - ME - again. Today I'm 62 and the narc is 54 years old. It all started when I met him as an adult about 45-46 years old I think I was and he about 38-39. I was newly divorced since one year back after a marriage who had lasted 21 years with a "normal" man but we decided to go separately ways. Today I have No Contact to the narc. Blocked him AND his supplies and Flying Monkeys everywhere and even change my life so I'm NOT crossing his natural places to go: stores, gym, bars or any other places. Even get rid of som friends that was not mine at the beginning - more his friends, so he van't get any information of me from those people either. Last week one of his exes tried to contact me in messenger but I blocked her too. Cause she is not a kind person either and earlier I have got messages from her so I think she is one of his Flying Monkeys who is trying to snare me in to a triangulation again = No answer from me and block! This video was a great reminder of those old times I was in that toxic relationship and even if I nowadays not thinking of him so much (just last week when one of his exes tried to contact me) I have to get a REAL END in my inner self so I can relax more and enjoy my re-born me and my life. Be safe out there and save Your self and really try to heal and go further in to a better future. Help Your self and listen carefully of Melanie Tonia Evans videos and learn the bitter truth of that is NOT going better the other times with a narc or a toxic person. Not the second time, neither the third time and etc.
I am such a confident person but boy did this narc give me a a run for my money!! It was so weird dealing with someone who tried to tear me down and break me down completely. Never in my life have I ever met a man like him. I swear I am not bragging here but I am a pretty woman, very laid back, fun, and generous. I have degrees from good colleges and a career that I am very passionate about. Never in my life have I been on a date with a man who didn't say that he had a great time with me. Then I met the narc and I could do NOTHING RIGHT! I dressed wrong, I said the wrong things, all of my opinions were dumb, I wasn't impressive, I cooked my food bad, my jokes were not funny, and EVERYTHING was my fault. Everything I did was apparently awful, according to him. I literally was like "What the heck is going on here??" I've never experienced this before so it felt so confusing and I had moments where I genuinely doubted myself. I started to think that maybe I did need to change and do things differently. But once I did what he wanted me to do and I saw that he was still unhappy, I realized what I was dealing with. A man who was literally emotionally dead inside. He only gets back with me to punish me but it doesn't really work because I figured him out and only wanted him for sex. Now I realized that sex isn't a good reason to keep him around.
You get so sick you have no energy. It's almost as if you give up. It feels like your heart is ripped out you just want it to stop. Melanie is awesome she knows this evil condition. She helped me tremendously I hope to help any of you that are still stuck. Stick with her she will get you out of this.
I was discarded and then another narc relationship I was energyless I knew he would be the end of me so I walked out with a little dignity and that was with Melanie's help.
I can’t believe this situation I’m going through others have experienced. I’m a very emotionally sensitive Cancer and my heart has taken the worse beating it ever has. I just texted her this morning. Been chasing her to get her bk since early December. Gift after act just totally not doing a thing to get us bk I’m only feeding her hunger and I’m so glad to realize that now. That beast will never be satisfied. I feel like if I don’t get out now it will kill me. I can barely stand to work. Everyone makes me angry. Thank you for this. I’m about to watch these vids all day so I don’t text or call her ever again and resist when she dangles a carrot in my face.
I'm about to be 40. I have been with my husband for 18 yrs married 12 years. We share a daughter. He doesn't help me financially with our daughter but won't divorce me. He is currently with another woman which I want it to end to help focus on raising our daughter and show more love. I do have more emotional feelings for him, and I don't want him feeling for anyone else but just his family,, I want him to pay spousal support and child support. I want him to realize what a good woman he had in me and lost and eventually be back in love with me. When I contacted PROPHET EHIAGWINA he was able to restore the love and support and he brought my husband back home within 48 hours and today our love has increased... Thank you Email (prophetehiagwina@gmail.com) WhatsApp +2348139182295
My narcissist thrived on negative energy. Positive energy confused her and she hated being confused so any positive energy coming her way that did not conform with her false self unleashed a torrent of verbal abuse.
Dear Melanie! This video showing up is absolutely incredible! There couldn’t have been better timing.... today is the day that, exactly 3 years ago, my ex narc discarded me! Needless to say, I was really impacted by the memories of that day this morning. Fortunately I was able to write to members of NARP about that experience and got very kind and compassionate and positive help....I just want to thank you for your narcissistic recovery program. Little by little NARP is helping me to get through days like this. Happy 2021 Melanie and thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤️🙏🕊❤️🦋❤️
I feel like I have become the problem, I have ended it so many times and then made contact again. She can be so warm and nice when I leave her and I fall for it. I don't I fear her rage and what she puts on social media. What a mess, I feel so weak. Had years and years of being reeled in and out
You describe the after shock so realistically and honestly. I wonder if you could make a video with steps and tips to stop this addiction and trauma and pain and turn it around. X
Hi Wendy, I'm so pleased that this was helpful to you. Please know you can follow my page on Facebook and Instagram for more information and resources plus you can sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse to receive more information and guidance in supportive emails to help you start taking the first steps on your healing path. I promise it can help you. Love and blessings xoxox
I have gone on and off crack/glass ect. The glass pipe can be crushed but peptide addiction to people is more complicated. I am grateful to heal the traumas, and DECIDE my authentic self love is what i need , not the ego, that triggers the fears. The anology of the waves is awesome !! Love your team & you thanx for sharing you!!
I was married to a narcissistic high profile alcoholic for almost 25 years. It took me about 7-8 years to!really grow away from my codependency and heal, experiencing all the ptsd chapters I needed to experience to come out the other side free and happy.
The BEST video going into 2021 to help understand the healing process and journey after an abusive narcissistic relationship . Just what I needed to hear. Thank you Melanie!!
Narcissist don't agree on maybe "we" should see other people, because there never was "we" in the first place. They believe they can go with who they want, and you shouldn't be with anyone. 😂
@@conniel.filesteel8040 It seems to be a common theme with narcissist, to do someone wrong and come back like nothing happened. They try to repeat this cycle and get worst each time. ☺️
I had a super malignant monster who was totally psycho toward the end, so violent, so cruelly selfish. It's so hard but so important to remember that he's actually more miserable than he made you, even though that seems impossible. My recent discard was shockingly and inhumanly cruel, and very recents so im reeling in pain still, but my mantra has to remain "he did me a favor," and i have to keep the faith that I'll really mean that and feel healthy and happy someday, hopefully sooner than later, but as a recovering heroin addict i can attest to the fact which Melanie brings up regarding leaving a narc being harder than the agony of putting down the dope. i am in misery but so grateful to u Melanie for your generosity and compassion and dedication, because we need this community if we're going to free ourselves from the hell of loving someone who has a black abyss where a soul should be, and no concept of others feelings or even common decency.. thanks everyone. much love.
This is worse than cutting out sugar!!! It was abandonment and losing them as friends, but I found meet up so I figured I dealt with abandonment and made new friends!!!
This video is like you waved your magic wand over me so I finally get it! You are amazing. Your words have been opening my eyes and healing me.THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH MELANIE 🥰
As a shrink said on Quora, "The devalue IS the discard! (For narcs)." You're never quite getting that closure, ha ha. So that's AS CLOSE as you're going to get. Once you start seeing it that way, it becomes a lot easier to deal with, and you can ONCE AND FOR ALL do the discard before they get the satisfaction of discarding you for, GOD FORBID, standing up for yourself or whatever
I'm about to be 40. I have been with my husband for 18 yrs married 12 years. We share a daughter. He doesn't help me financially with our daughter but won't divorce me. He is currently with another woman which I want it to end to help focus on raising our daughter and show more love. I do have more emotional feelings for him, and I don't want him feeling for anyone else but just his family,, I want him to pay spousal support and child support. I want him to realize what a good woman he had in me and lost and eventually be back in love with me. When I contacted PROPHET EHIAGWINA he was able to restore the love and support and he brought my husband back home within 48 hours and today our love has increased... Thank you Email (prophetehiagwina@gmail.com) WhatsApp +2348139182295
I saw one Instagram reel of you, and I’ve finally started to realise what I’ve been battling with. You’re such a blessing 🤧thanks for explaining this !
You are right! I have a narcistic mother and she abandoned me endless of times and I kept going back. And when I broke down completely she was oh so depressed and who was there? I was... Eventually I did that word that I can't say on TH-cam but I survived! Guess who wasn't there.. My mother! But she couldn't work and she would tell everyone I tried to kill myself and how horrible it is. While she didn't look after me even once lol. It needs to stop! If I want to have a future I really need to stop... Thank you for your video's it truly helps.
No contact is the best you can do. I did it and it was the best decision I made to move on and never contact again my covert narcissist ex partner. She also doesn't contact me anymore because she knows I see through her lies, flaws and fake behavior. It doesn't help you in recovering when you constantly keep in contact with these kind of fake and sick people.
I like your interpretation of the narc finally going away. I used to half hope they'd validate my value as a supply by keeping coming back. But they really didn't and it's really a compliment.
Thank you Melanie. I really needed to see this today. I have been in an on/off 'relationship' with a Narc for almost 2 years. I went no contact back in June and I was doing really well until he contacted me late October. Should've blocked his number! Anyway, I've done that today 👍 He knew my weak spots- he would not respond to my messages or phone calls but would wait or make up excuses. There was a strange one too about hair colour- he wanted me to dye my hair to his preferred type despite me telling him not a chance, for various reasons. I'm done. I shouldn't have let him hook me back but I guess I'm still learning about Narcissism and thankfully your videos and emails have helped me see the patterns. No contact sits a bit uneasy with me as I feel it's like ghosting- and that's something that's not very nice at all- but I need to do it. No point in wasting my energy telling him where he's gone wrong. I will always have empathy and a good heart, I'm just not going to be the enabler anymore x
I most definitely have asked myself why I couldn’t make/keep him happy. But I’m also realizing that I think he’s been “hoovering” me, even before I’ve left. We’ll get into a huge blowout argument, then for e next few days, even a week, he’ll be kind and considerate and giving, trying to do nice things to keep me complacent. But I know it’ll go right back to drag out arguing. I found your blog a couple of weeks ago, and have been getting the emails of “16 days”. I have learned so much about myself and the situation I’ve been dealing with. I have been renting a storage unit and moving my things out until I’m strong enough to leave for real. 3 days ago, I enrolled in NARP. I’m trying to work on me. I really liked your riding the wave analogy. It reminded me of an analogy I heard when I used to go to church. (Have you ever tried to hold a beach ball under water? The moment it releases, it shoots up out of the water almost the distance it was held down.)
Thank you lovely lady. It’s taken a while but I completely get it now and I am feeling good and strong and focused. The last 6 months have been dark and incredibly painful but you have helped me so much 🙏
Again I thank you so much for your insights and I am exactly at the place you describe. I do have an added challenge, however, that I didn't anticipate, that being that I have come out from this relationship an older woman in my 60s. My ex is 5 years younger than me and now I find myself at 65 where men my age don't find me as attractive as a woman of 50 and my ex of 60 had no trouble picking up a 48 year old who chased him. He showed me didn't he. He said he'd annihilate me and he did. I'm so proud of myself for having had the strength to do what I did at 61 and move away and start a new life and yet I now feel invisible again because of my age, and this makes me a target to another narcissist or I'll just be a lonely duck. Going from the rollercoaster of love bombing or angry rejection with a narcissist to feeling like nothing to nobody in my 60s is shocking. The narcissist always had my attention, be that good or bad. I was of value to him if even only as an object. Now the reality is I am just little fish in the ocean and yet internally I am more of an autonomous woman than I have ever been in my life. Pema was right on. I'm on the path I guess...
Better a free little fish than a big fish carrying parasites. You are glorious. The new supply is no better than you, just better at supplying right now. Many a narcissist will move on to less appealing, less interesting supply, because it's not about a supply's value but about their ability to supply. As you point out, your guy's new supply chased him. That's ability to supply. My mother was replaced by younger supply in her sixties. The narc even commented that the new supply was not as pretty, charming, accomplished, etc. But she held him as an idol and had been dreaming of him all her life. So he fell into a narcissistic passion. My mother was finally free, and she stopped having migraines.
I went through the aftershock. I became severely depressed. Suicidal ideations. My body physically hurt and it would heat up and shake like some weird withdrawal from him. I thought i was going to die the first 4 weeks or so. It was the most out of control ive ever felt. He continues to give me the non stop silent treatment as i left him 5 months ago and broke NC 3 times. The peptides are real. I am a mental health counselor and i felt i had no control over the process. Today months later im not feeling the shock but i have a long way to go. He is still posting our love songs on his social media for me to see. I want to be free of him. These videos help so much thsnk you
Big hugs Barbara sweetheart. I hear you and I understand how deeply painful it is. I'd love to invite you to sign up for my free healing webinar melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar if you feel drawn towards learning more and discovering how with energy clearing tools you can heal for real, powerfully and authentically. Love and blessings xoxox
Yes. I have often asked myself why it felt nearly impossible to make either my ex or my mother happy. All the time, actually. I can remember asking my ex if I EVER made him happy, after we broke up. This shook me. I often wonder if he was actually a narcissist, or simply anti-social (he was Dx, unbeknownst to me.) But then I hear stuff like this and I realize that I may not be crazy.
100% so true. What horrible people they are. They should be illigal. They should be law to protect us from this specie/ narcisist is a species i think. The damages they do is cruel. Animal catch food to eat. These ones are game playing for satisfaction. From South Africa 🇿🇦
The three loves of my life were with narcisstists. One psychopathic as well. But overall, there was always misogyny, a megalomaniac racist sense of being, drug abuse, and women enablers, also, the mother as such. Many times I felt the narc was abused as a child, there was deffinitly neglect in childhood, or one of the parents was narcissistic and their ego needed to hurt the person of the opposite sex as well as sexually use up, devour and discard them. This would happen literally and within matter of minutes sometimes, where they would be after someone else, but still use you in bed, and then show their true demonic face after usage. But they are not fully demonic or luciferian, they too have dreams, hopes and an open heart to give or listen, otherwise there wouldn't be an innitial attraction. So beware of the moments when they are good and giving, what they do is, they let their mind go to dark places where people become dispensable for them, even in order to get their relatively innocent dreams, and they will let their brain go there, and devour and then discard, and our codependency let's them do this in patterns of abuse. So work on yourself and heal your own inner wounds, the narc won't heal theirs.
Thanks for your video! You are important in this topic, bcs you can explain things the way you do, we can see behind, and have a new understanding. It is'nt easy to find out if there are love or addiction, you gave me the answer wt your video, thank you so much! 🌹
The aftershocks got worse each time. This current last time I found myself on the ground in the shower literally gaging & my body ached all over. The narcs mask slipped completely off & even tho I knew he was a covert narcissist it, his real being was terrifying. I literally felt so dirty & disgusting just by looking at him. There was only one boundary that I kept in place & never wavered from which was I refused to have any form of sexual intimacy with the narc, I have maintained that for over a year & will continue to do so for the rest of my life. At 56 I feel so fractured & fragile. I have never been in healthy relationships. Throughout my life each narc abused me differently. Physical abuse, Sexual abuse (drugged & raped) & intense Emotional, Psychological, Spiritual & verbal abuse. I have been to many psychs, counsellors ect ect they are well intentioned but it hasn't helped.
I wanted to end it maturely, after failing with that, i was given a way OUT. Took all my stuff & moved to another state " to help my sister with my dad" which i have, yet he expects me bsck. However i found narcs in my sister ( covert) & dad. Then i found you & the team now i am building myself to a new authentic person... who he will not want me back. Aaaahhahahaha.. oops
I went no contact with my ex narcissist after 40 years. The shock was so bad that I ended up in hospital. I have found myself in another narcissist relationship and keep trying to break up with him. Because I remember how bad it was, the last time, it’s stopping me. HELP
Hi Carol. Please keep in mind the previous shock was not so much about one narc in particular, but from your early trauma that was relived. To prepare yourself to go, start on the inside to see what your wounds are and tend to them. Notice how the current narc is of no use to you, is a leech sucking out your energy, supplying you with none, and even damaging your spirit. No matter how difficult it will be to end this bond, it can only be worst to stay. On your side. Best wishes.
Questions: If the narc love bombs their new supply and the discarded supply goes no contact, is the new supply not all the more at risk/an easy prey? Should targets have solidarity and alert each other/circulate relevant information where appropriate? Or would this be feeding into the manipulation/simply no longer one's business when the relationship has ended?
We are grand parents. Our daughter in law and son have stopped us all contact. How do you cope with this? I don’t have a problem with ending the adults. It’s killing us with the grands.
Hi Diane, my heart goes out to you - that is so painful. There is only one way - heal. Are you open to creating the shift on the inside to make the space for outer change to work. Either way you will absolutely get relief. My biggest recommendation to create this is NARP www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp To learn more about NARP you can come into my free webinar www.melanietoniavans.com/freewebinar xoxox
Thank You for that. and regarding them supposedly "knowing your weak spot" I have a comment. It's not their cleverness or developed intuition. In fact, they are dumb. It's probably not them literally. i.e. not that person. It's either the mind (words of some enlightened person that the mind (the monkey mind in spiritual sciences) is not personal, it's actually collective) or these are demons. In the west, as far as I know, demoness Jezebel is associated with the narcs. To prove that I have my own experience when they were saying just the things that were associated with a problem in mind, some of them were obvious, calculatable for them, but some can be minor subjective temporaty things that are not given off as special, however, when the narc would speak about these things , it (I think psychically they are neutral) would try to cause pressure on these topics. (confirmed by some ppl on TH-cam). Also, on a couple of occasions, a narc would speak in words and expression (different social class) not characteristic for it, but "borrowed" from another narc, without one seeing or knowing the other. So, I think what they are is hollow containers with something looking through their eyes at you, through all of them at the same time... may be the collective mind or may be the demons. Thanks again, Love and Light, all.
My narcissistic told me “ you are very rigid in ur conviction” but l kept giving him facts whenever he presented stuff that was clearly incorrect. Sometimes he would say I did something which he had done to me. Then l noticed under handed mean comments. I would then pull away for weeks. Not bcoz l needed him to chase me but bcoz my psych felt somewhat violated and l didn’t understand what l was dealing with. Now final curtains came down when we went on vacation. I overslept and we started our trip one hour later. He got soo angry. Yelled and clenched fists that l knew it was all wrong. Thro the trip he was silent. Got mad when l looked at my phone ( but I ignored him) and 4 days trip over l said to him”l am unhappy n ur unhappy. What dyou want us to do” he requested we speak by phone. Then he unleashed demands …. So l said” listen; l could never meet ur demands. Besides l don’t feel safe with u at all” By phone he said “ then we are done. So l said “ u should find ur stuff at my porch. Come get me” he did. But he rampaged through and all clothes n shoes l bought him…. I found in the Trisha bin 3 days later. I never called him. I was done. Now l know what this thing is.
Hi Melanie, you sure know how it feels. But I love the comment below. We're the lucky ones we can walk away. I got through with the help of your book. Thankyou for all your work. .
Hi Laura, sweetheart I'd love you to sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse I believe it can help to support you and grant you many answers so you can start detaching and begin the first steps towards your healing recovery. Love and blessings xoxox
Sweetheart I know truly painful and difficult that is for you. Please join my next free healing workshop, you will learn the methods and tools that will allow you to heal and regain your life force back. melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Love and blessings xoxox
For me the key words in this video were those- why I cant ever make him happy? Bkz there is nobody to be happy. That's the whole and the true answer to all trying , suffering a and hopes. The circle is completed by this lesson. After this all pain, cheating, abuse, aggression, attacks lose their meaning. Thank u for this great video.
Sofi please email my support team at support@melanietoniaevans.com for details. I highly recommend NARP www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp above even my personal sessions for the very best healing and coaching that i have to offer, because there is an endless supply of 24/7 healing for you for half the price of one personal session with me (and fully refundable if you are not 100% satisfied!) Maybe check out both options xoxox
You've got to become machvellian towards them.... they exploit due to your desire to be loved... better these types fear you...they will leave you alone...
Sad why do I love someone who is so mean to me I didn't want a divorce but my wife was very mean to me I did want a real relationship with her but she didn't I am having a hard time I keep having nightmares I have not spoken to her in 7 months I'm still hurt she called me a narcissist but I don't act like her I have a child with her and she is trying to completely destroy me I am suffering and find it hard to let go I am not ok I am struggling
The narcissist discarded his girlfriend in the name of JC. He said that god wanted them to separate by creating COVID. He must obey his god to dump her. His god is the only thing that matters period. What do you think about this situation Melanie? She is now a nonbeliever because of this religious narcissist.
Hi Woopie, what I think is that I dont buy into other people's behaviour if its not my truth. People will do what people will do! I can't even begin to try to understand that model of thinking! What is important is what we choose to do. xoxox
![เปิดบ้าน นาราเครปกระเทย 1 ไร่ ขายขาดทุนหลัก10ล้าน เอามาใช้หนี้!!! l [Nickynachat]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/0jz84VFWVP4/mqdefault.jpg)
I came recently to the realization that REAL no contact actually means not letting the narcissist contact your emotional triggers/reactions, both positive and negative... It's not about avoiding interactions all-together ( sometimes it's inevitable ) but being sort of bulletproof to their mind-games
I was addicted to heroine for 3 years. I won 🙌 23 years sober - getting off the narc 12 years. 10x harder!
My God bless you it's harder to get off the narc That's says alot.
Narcissists are emotionally vacant. I personally found that the more I did for him the more he expected....I got nothing back - ever!!! He also split with me and then I took him back...again and again...no more!!! He used to tell me I was ‘good for his ego and made him look good’. Initially I took this as a compliment...now I know it wasn’t....they are true emotional vampires yet have no idea about emotion.
emotionally vacant so true, he usedme just for supply, sex, stuff i gave to him, adulation.Then he changed form wanting to live with me to wanting to keep his own place. He is back on th same dating website and he has 6 lies on his profile, sad creature.So rue the more i gave him the less of thank yous he gare me.All words and no actions what a fake creature
I once asked a narc, "Is a reason you like me that I like you?" Spontaneous response, "Of course!!"
Exactly - listen @12:00 minutes in this video it's true! I've did that mistake to go back to the narc EVEN if I left him the covert and high-range narc - twice. Once after 10 years of abuse and then he hoover me in again after 4 years of singel for me for 2 years more but anyhow I left him again. Those 2 years was nearly MORE worse than those first 10 years.
Anyway I'm free from him since 13 month for now. And THIS time I wan't go back again. I'm totally sure of that: NO MORE AND NEVER AGAIN is my motto. I'm DONE with that kind of shit of relationship and all his abuse against me.
Self Preventives from toxic people and narcissists is an ORDER to my self ever since I left him last year in September. And to get myself to heal and re-build up my own self-respect and confidence to bee: Just as simpel - ME - again.
Today I'm 62 and the narc is 54 years old. It all started when I met him as an adult about 45-46 years old I think I was and he about 38-39. I was newly divorced since one year back after a marriage who had lasted 21 years with a "normal" man but we decided to go separately ways.
Today I have No Contact to the narc. Blocked him AND his supplies and Flying Monkeys everywhere and even change my life so I'm NOT crossing his natural places to go: stores, gym, bars or any other places. Even get rid of som friends that was not mine at the beginning - more his friends, so he van't get any information of me from those people either.
Last week one of his exes tried to contact me in messenger but I blocked her too. Cause she is not a kind person either and earlier I have got messages from her so I think she is one of his Flying Monkeys who is trying to snare me in to a triangulation again = No answer from me and block!
This video was a great reminder of those old times I was in that toxic relationship and even if I nowadays not thinking of him so much (just last week when one of his exes tried to contact me) I have to get a REAL END in my inner self so I can relax more and enjoy my re-born me and my life.
Be safe out there and save Your self and really try to heal and go further in to a better future.
Help Your self and listen carefully of Melanie Tonia Evans videos and learn the bitter truth of that is NOT going better the other times with a narc or a toxic person. Not the second time, neither the third time and etc.
The trauma pattern is looking for love....your love desire is like blood to a shark...
I am such a confident person but boy did this narc give me a a run for my money!! It was so weird dealing with someone who tried to tear me down and break me down completely. Never in my life have I ever met a man like him. I swear I am not bragging here but I am a pretty woman, very laid back, fun, and generous. I have degrees from good colleges and a career that I am very passionate about. Never in my life have I been on a date with a man who didn't say that he had a great time with me. Then I met the narc and I could do NOTHING RIGHT! I dressed wrong, I said the wrong things, all of my opinions were dumb, I wasn't impressive, I cooked my food bad, my jokes were not funny, and EVERYTHING was my fault. Everything I did was apparently awful, according to him. I literally was like "What the heck is going on here??" I've never experienced this before so it felt so confusing and I had moments where I genuinely doubted myself. I started to think that maybe I did need to change and do things differently. But once I did what he wanted me to do and I saw that he was still unhappy, I realized what I was dealing with. A man who was literally emotionally dead inside. He only gets back with me to punish me but it doesn't really work because I figured him out and only wanted him for sex. Now I realized that sex isn't a good reason to keep him around.
You get so sick you have no energy. It's almost as if you give up. It feels like your heart is ripped out you just want it to stop. Melanie is awesome she knows this evil condition. She helped me tremendously I hope to help any of you that are still stuck. Stick with her she will get you out of this.
I was discarded and then another narc relationship I was energyless I knew he would be the end of me so I walked out with a little dignity and that was with Melanie's help.
Thankyou Melanie for everything. I went no contact with my mom 2 months ago and I'm finally at peace and healing. Praise God.
That's really beautiful SSJI xoxox
I can’t believe this situation I’m going through others have experienced. I’m a very emotionally sensitive Cancer and my heart has taken the worse beating it ever has. I just texted her this morning. Been chasing her to get her bk since early December. Gift after act just totally not doing a thing to get us bk I’m only feeding her hunger and I’m so glad to realize that now. That beast will never be satisfied. I feel like if I don’t get out now it will kill me. I can barely stand to work. Everyone makes me angry. Thank you for this. I’m about to watch these vids all day so I don’t text or call her ever again and resist when she dangles a carrot in my face.
I'm about to be 40. I have been with my husband for 18 yrs married 12 years. We share a daughter. He doesn't help me financially with our daughter but won't divorce me. He is currently with another woman which I want it to end to help focus on raising our daughter and show more love. I do have more emotional feelings for him, and I don't want him feeling for anyone else but just his family,, I want him to pay spousal support and child support. I want him to realize what a good woman he had in me and lost and eventually be back in love with me. When I contacted PROPHET EHIAGWINA he was able to restore the love and support and he brought my husband back home within 48 hours and today our love has increased... Thank you
Email (prophetehiagwina@gmail.com)
WhatsApp +2348139182295
My narcissist thrived on negative energy. Positive energy confused her and she hated being confused so any positive energy coming her way that did not conform with her false self unleashed a torrent of verbal abuse.
Dear Melanie! This video showing up is absolutely incredible! There couldn’t have been better timing.... today is the day that, exactly 3 years ago, my ex narc discarded me! Needless to say, I was really impacted by the memories of that day this morning. Fortunately I was able to write to members of NARP about that experience and got very kind and compassionate and positive help....I just want to thank you for your narcissistic recovery program. Little by little NARP is helping me to get through days like this. Happy 2021 Melanie and thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤️🙏🕊❤️🦋❤️
I'm so pleased for you Peter that NARP is helping and that our wonderful community is supporting you! xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans Thank you Melanie! ❤️🙏🕊❤️🦋❤️🦋
Love a video on how highly sensitive people and narcissism mix.
I feel like I have become the problem, I have ended it so many times and then made contact again. She can be so warm and nice when I leave her and I fall for it. I don't I fear her rage and what she puts on social media. What a mess, I feel so weak. Had years and years of being reeled in and out
You describe the after shock so realistically and honestly.
I wonder if you could make a video with steps and tips to stop this addiction and trauma and pain and turn it around. X
Hi Wendy, I'm so pleased that this was helpful to you. Please know you can follow my page on Facebook and Instagram for more information and resources plus you can sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse to receive more information and guidance in supportive emails to help you start taking the first steps on your healing path. I promise it can help you. Love and blessings xoxox
I have gone on and off crack/glass ect. The glass pipe can be crushed but peptide addiction to people is more complicated. I am grateful to heal the traumas, and DECIDE my authentic self love is what i need , not the ego, that triggers the fears.
The anology of the waves is awesome !! Love your team & you thanx for sharing you!!
I was married to a narcissistic high profile alcoholic for almost 25 years. It took me about 7-8 years to!really grow away from my codependency and heal, experiencing all the ptsd chapters I needed to experience to come out the other side free and happy.
The BEST video going into 2021 to help understand the healing process and journey after an abusive narcissistic relationship .
Just what I needed to hear.
Thank you Melanie!!
Bless you! So pleased for you! Love to you xoxox
Narcissist don't agree on maybe "we" should see other people, because there never was "we" in the first place. They believe they can go with who they want, and you shouldn't be with anyone. 😂
Then they try and come back, like nothing happened.
@@conniel.filesteel8040 It seems to be a common theme with narcissist, to do someone wrong and come back like nothing happened. They try to repeat this cycle and get worst each time. ☺️
I had a super malignant monster who was totally psycho toward the end, so violent, so cruelly selfish. It's so hard but so important to remember that he's actually more miserable than he made you, even though that seems impossible. My recent discard was shockingly and inhumanly cruel, and very recents so im reeling in pain still, but my mantra has to remain "he did me a favor," and i have to keep the faith that I'll really mean that and feel healthy and happy someday, hopefully sooner than later, but as a recovering heroin addict i can attest to the fact which Melanie brings up regarding leaving a narc being harder than the agony of putting down the dope. i am in misery but so grateful to u Melanie for your generosity and compassion and dedication, because we need this community if we're going to free ourselves from the hell of loving someone who has a black abyss where a soul should be, and no concept of others feelings or even common decency.. thanks everyone. much love.
Also that you are a beautiful Mother!!!I am tired of hearing it is the parents fault.
That their childhood was miserable.Please talk about this.
This is worse than cutting out sugar!!! It was abandonment and losing them as friends, but I found meet up so I figured I dealt with abandonment and made new friends!!!
This video is like you waved your magic wand over me so I finally get it! You are amazing. Your words have been opening my eyes and healing me.THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH MELANIE 🥰
As a shrink said on Quora, "The devalue IS the discard! (For narcs)." You're never quite getting that closure, ha ha. So that's AS CLOSE as you're going to get. Once you start seeing it that way, it becomes a lot easier to deal with, and you can ONCE AND FOR ALL do the discard before they get the satisfaction of discarding you for, GOD FORBID, standing up for yourself or whatever
I'm about to be 40. I have been with my husband for 18 yrs married 12 years. We share a daughter. He doesn't help me financially with our daughter but won't divorce me. He is currently with another woman which I want it to end to help focus on raising our daughter and show more love. I do have more emotional feelings for him, and I don't want him feeling for anyone else but just his family,, I want him to pay spousal support and child support. I want him to realize what a good woman he had in me and lost and eventually be back in love with me. When I contacted PROPHET EHIAGWINA he was able to restore the love and support and he brought my husband back home within 48 hours and today our love has increased... Thank you
Email (prophetehiagwina@gmail.com)
WhatsApp +2348139182295
I saw one Instagram reel of you, and I’ve finally started to realise what I’ve been battling with. You’re such a blessing 🤧thanks for explaining this !
You are right! I have a narcistic mother and she abandoned me endless of times and I kept going back. And when I broke down completely she was oh so depressed and who was there? I was... Eventually I did that word that I can't say on TH-cam but I survived! Guess who wasn't there.. My mother! But she couldn't work and she would tell everyone I tried to kill myself and how horrible it is. While she didn't look after me even once lol. It needs to stop! If I want to have a future I really need to stop... Thank you for your video's it truly helps.
No contact is the best you can do. I did it and it was the best decision I made to move on and never contact again my covert narcissist ex partner.
She also doesn't contact me anymore because she knows I see through her lies, flaws and fake behavior.
It doesn't help you in recovering when you constantly keep in contact with these kind of fake and sick people.
I like your interpretation of the narc finally going away. I used to half hope they'd validate my value as a supply by keeping coming back. But they really didn't and it's really a compliment.
This is so validating, thank you Melanie.
Thank you Melanie. I really needed to see this today.
I have been in an on/off 'relationship' with a Narc for almost 2 years. I went no contact back in June and I was doing really well until he contacted me late October. Should've blocked his number! Anyway, I've done that today 👍
He knew my weak spots- he would not respond to my messages or phone calls but would wait or make up excuses. There was a strange one too about hair colour- he wanted me to dye my hair to his preferred type despite me telling him not a chance, for various reasons.
I'm done. I shouldn't have let him hook me back but I guess I'm still learning about Narcissism and thankfully your videos and emails have helped me see the patterns.
No contact sits a bit uneasy with me as I feel it's like ghosting- and that's something that's not very nice at all- but I need to do it. No point in wasting my energy telling him where he's gone wrong. I will always have empathy and a good heart, I'm just not going to be the enabler anymore x
I most definitely have asked myself why I couldn’t make/keep him happy. But I’m also realizing that I think he’s been “hoovering” me, even before I’ve left. We’ll get into a huge blowout argument, then for e next few days, even a week, he’ll be kind and considerate and giving, trying to do nice things to keep me complacent. But I know it’ll go right back to drag out arguing.
I found your blog a couple of weeks ago, and have been getting the emails of “16 days”. I have learned so much about myself and the situation I’ve been dealing with. I have been renting a storage unit and moving my things out until I’m strong enough to leave for real. 3 days ago, I enrolled in NARP. I’m trying to work on me.
I really liked your riding the wave analogy. It reminded me of an analogy I heard when I used to go to church. (Have you ever tried to hold a beach ball under water? The moment it releases, it shoots up out of the water almost the distance it was held down.)
Thank you lovely lady. It’s taken a while but I completely get it now and I am feeling good and strong and focused. The last 6 months have been dark and incredibly painful but you have helped me so much 🙏
I'm really pleased I could help Caroline xoxox
Oh yeah. I felt and am feeling the aftershock.Thank you so much Melanie x
You ARE SO ON TO THEM...AND IT.
Again I thank you so much for your insights and I am exactly at the place you describe. I do have an added challenge, however, that I didn't anticipate, that being that I have come out from this relationship an older woman in my 60s. My ex is 5 years younger than me and now I find myself at 65 where men my age don't find me as attractive as a woman of 50 and my ex of 60 had no trouble picking up a 48 year old who chased him. He showed me didn't he. He said he'd annihilate me and he did. I'm so proud of myself for having had the strength to do what I did at 61 and move away and start a new life and yet I now feel invisible again because of my age, and this makes me a target to another narcissist or I'll just be a lonely duck. Going from the rollercoaster of love bombing or angry rejection with a narcissist to feeling like nothing to nobody in my 60s is shocking. The narcissist always had my attention, be that good or bad. I was of value to him if even only as an object. Now the reality is I am just little fish in the ocean and yet internally I am more of an autonomous woman than I have ever been in my life. Pema was right on. I'm on the path I guess...
Better a free little fish than a big fish carrying parasites. You are glorious. The new supply is no better than you, just better at supplying right now. Many a narcissist will move on to less appealing, less interesting supply, because it's not about a supply's value but about their ability to supply. As you point out, your guy's new supply chased him. That's ability to supply. My mother was replaced by younger supply in her sixties. The narc even commented that the new supply was not as pretty, charming, accomplished, etc. But she held him as an idol and had been dreaming of him all her life. So he fell into a narcissistic passion. My mother was finally free, and she stopped having migraines.
Thank you so much, Melanie. You're awesome
I went through the aftershock. I became severely depressed. Suicidal ideations. My body physically hurt and it would heat up and shake like some weird withdrawal from him. I thought i was going to die the first 4 weeks or so. It was the most out of control ive ever felt. He continues to give me the non stop silent treatment as i left him 5 months ago and broke NC 3 times. The peptides are real. I am a mental health counselor and i felt i had no control over the process. Today months later im not feeling the shock but i have a long way to go. He is still posting our love songs on his social media for me to see. I want to be free of him. These videos help so much thsnk you
Big hugs Barbara sweetheart. I hear you and I understand how deeply painful it is. I'd love to invite you to sign up for my free healing webinar melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar if you feel drawn towards learning more and discovering how with energy clearing tools you can heal for real, powerfully and authentically. Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans thank you so very much. Your videos inspire hope in the hopeless. I am going to the link you sent now. Blessing to you.
A thousand thank you! Melanie. Many thanks for the wealthy knowledge and rare video 🙏
Yes. I have often asked myself why it felt nearly impossible to make either my ex or my mother happy. All the time, actually. I can remember asking my ex if I EVER made him happy, after we broke up. This shook me. I often wonder if he was actually a narcissist, or simply anti-social (he was Dx, unbeknownst to me.) But then I hear stuff like this and I realize that I may not be crazy.
I love you Melanie! Thank you for this video! It ALL happened!
Sundi, I'm thrilled to be able to help sweetheart! Love and blessings xoxox
Thankyou so much for your videos they have helped to change my life.
Aww I am so pleased to hear they are of support to you sweetheart. Love and blessings xoxox
100% so true. What horrible people they are. They should be illigal. They should be law to protect us from this specie/ narcisist is a species i think. The damages they do is cruel. Animal catch food to eat. These ones are game playing for satisfaction. From South Africa 🇿🇦
You're AMAZING Melanie xo
I was recommended to your channel and glad I was.
The three loves of my life were with narcisstists. One psychopathic as well. But overall, there was always misogyny, a megalomaniac racist sense of being, drug abuse, and women enablers, also, the mother as such. Many times I felt the narc was abused as a child, there was deffinitly neglect in childhood, or one of the parents was narcissistic and their ego needed to hurt the person of the opposite sex as well as sexually use up, devour and discard them. This would happen literally and within matter of minutes sometimes, where they would be after someone else, but still use you in bed, and then show their true demonic face after usage. But they are not fully demonic or luciferian, they too have dreams, hopes and an open heart to give or listen, otherwise there wouldn't be an innitial attraction. So beware of the moments when they are good and giving, what they do is, they let their mind go to dark places where people become dispensable for them, even in order to get their relatively innocent dreams, and they will let their brain go there, and devour and then discard, and our codependency let's them do this in patterns of abuse. So work on yourself and heal your own inner wounds, the narc won't heal theirs.
Melanie you are wonderful, thank you. And happy new year to you!
Aww and to you sweetheart! Love and blessings xoxox
Thanks for your video! You are important in this topic, bcs you can explain things the way you do, we can see behind, and have a new understanding. It is'nt easy to find out if there are love or addiction, you gave me the answer wt your video, thank you so much! 🌹
You are so welcome Tove. Love and blessings xoxox
You can’t make em happy. They can only offer two tokens of gratefulness: a blue guillotine and a red guillotine. No other.
The aftershocks got worse each time. This current last time I found myself on the ground in the shower literally gaging & my body ached all over. The narcs mask slipped completely off & even tho I knew he was a covert narcissist it, his real being was terrifying. I literally felt so dirty & disgusting just by looking at him. There was only one boundary that I kept in place & never wavered from which was I refused to have any form of sexual intimacy with the narc, I have maintained that for over a year & will continue to do so for the rest of my life. At 56 I feel so fractured & fragile. I have never been in healthy relationships. Throughout my life each narc abused me differently. Physical abuse, Sexual abuse (drugged & raped) & intense Emotional, Psychological, Spiritual & verbal abuse. I have been to many psychs, counsellors ect ect they are well intentioned but it hasn't helped.
🎯 !!!!!!!! Thank you !!!!!!
This is video is awesome.
4:02 5:57 7:29 10:47 11:15 13:21 12:34 14:45 15:25 17:16 18:06 19:00 20:06 21:27 22:18
Wow..... wow ♡
I wanted to end it maturely, after failing with that, i was given a way OUT. Took all my stuff & moved to another state " to help my sister with my dad" which i have, yet he expects me bsck. However i found narcs in my sister ( covert) & dad. Then i found you & the team now i am building myself to a new authentic person... who he will not want me back. Aaaahhahahaha.. oops
I went no contact with my ex narcissist after 40 years.
The shock was so bad that I ended up in hospital.
I have found myself in another narcissist relationship and keep trying to break up with him.
Because I remember how bad it was, the last time, it’s stopping me.
HELP
Hi Carol. Please keep in mind the previous shock was not so much about one narc in particular, but from your early trauma that was relived. To prepare yourself to go, start on the inside to see what your wounds are and tend to them. Notice how the current narc is of no use to you, is a leech sucking out your energy, supplying you with none, and even damaging your spirit. No matter how difficult it will be to end this bond, it can only be worst to stay. On your side. Best wishes.
Questions: If the narc love bombs their new supply and the discarded supply goes no contact, is the new supply not all the more at risk/an easy prey? Should targets have solidarity and alert each other/circulate relevant information where appropriate? Or would this be feeding into the manipulation/simply no longer one's business when the relationship has ended?
We are grand parents. Our daughter in law and son have stopped us all contact. How do you cope with this? I don’t have a problem with ending the adults. It’s killing us with the grands.
Hi Diane, my heart goes out to you - that is so painful. There is only one way - heal. Are you open to creating the shift on the inside to make the space for outer change to work. Either way you will absolutely get relief. My biggest recommendation to create this is NARP www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp To learn more about NARP you can come into my free webinar www.melanietoniavans.com/freewebinar xoxox
Thank you...
If you think atvthe movie with Jack Nicholson the Witches of Eastwick. Is EXACTLY like that!
Thank You for that.
and regarding them supposedly "knowing your weak spot" I have a comment. It's not their cleverness or developed intuition. In fact, they are dumb. It's probably not them literally. i.e. not that person. It's either the mind (words of some enlightened person that the mind (the monkey mind in spiritual sciences) is not personal, it's actually collective) or these are demons. In the west, as far as I know, demoness Jezebel is associated with the narcs. To prove that I have my own experience when they were saying just the things that were associated with a problem in mind, some of them were obvious, calculatable for them, but some can be minor subjective temporaty things that are not given off as special, however, when the narc would speak about these things , it (I think psychically they are neutral) would try to cause pressure on these topics. (confirmed by some ppl on TH-cam). Also, on a couple of occasions, a narc would speak in words and expression (different social class) not characteristic for it, but "borrowed" from another narc, without one seeing or knowing the other. So, I think what they are is hollow containers with something looking through their eyes at you, through all of them at the same time... may be the collective mind or may be the demons.
Thanks again, Love and Light, all.
My narcissistic told me “ you are very rigid in ur conviction” but l kept giving him facts whenever he presented stuff that was clearly incorrect. Sometimes he would say I did something which he had done to me. Then l noticed under handed mean comments. I would then pull away for weeks. Not bcoz l needed him to chase me but bcoz my psych felt somewhat violated and l didn’t understand what l was dealing with. Now final curtains came down when we went on vacation. I overslept and we started our trip one hour later. He got soo angry. Yelled and clenched fists that l knew it was all wrong. Thro the trip he was silent. Got mad when l looked at my phone ( but I ignored him) and 4 days trip over l said to him”l am unhappy n ur unhappy. What dyou want us to do” he requested we speak by phone. Then he unleashed demands …. So l said” listen; l could never meet ur demands. Besides l don’t feel safe with u at all” By phone he said “ then we are done. So l said “ u should find ur stuff at my porch. Come get me” he did. But he rampaged through and all clothes n shoes l bought him…. I found in the Trisha bin 3 days later. I never called him. I was done. Now l know what this thing is.
Hi Melanie, you sure know how it feels. But I love the comment below. We're the lucky ones we can walk away. I got through with the help of your book. Thankyou for all your work. .
Melanie, what about a narcissist in a long distance relationship??
Who can I contact during the initial process/step to leaving? (For support or to just vent or ask questions)
Hi Laura, sweetheart I'd love you to sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse I believe it can help to support you and grant you many answers so you can start detaching and begin the first steps towards your healing recovery. Love and blessings xoxox
she has my medical records and i need to leave but the doctor believes her over me and i need to build my life up and leave now please help me
Sweetheart I know truly painful and difficult that is for you. Please join my next free healing workshop, you will learn the methods and tools that will allow you to heal and regain your life force back. melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Love and blessings xoxox
Very hard place to be.
For me the key words in this video were those- why I cant ever make him happy? Bkz there is nobody to be happy. That's the whole and the true answer to all trying , suffering a and hopes. The circle is completed by this lesson. After this all pain, cheating, abuse, aggression, attacks lose their meaning. Thank u for this great video.
So true
I just love you ❤️
Much love to you too Annne xoxox
Is there a way to get coaching sessions with you ? Please
Sofi please email my support team at support@melanietoniaevans.com for details. I highly recommend NARP www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp above even my personal sessions for the very best healing and coaching that i have to offer, because there is an endless supply of 24/7 healing for you for half the price of one personal session with me (and fully refundable if you are not 100% satisfied!) Maybe check out both options xoxox
You've got to become machvellian towards them.... they exploit due to your desire to be loved... better these types fear you...they will leave you alone...
Sad why do I love someone who is so mean to me I didn't want a divorce but my wife was very mean to me I did want a real relationship with her but she didn't I am having a hard time I keep having nightmares I have not spoken to her in 7 months I'm still hurt she called me a narcissist but I don't act like her I have a child with her and she is trying to completely destroy me I am suffering and find it hard to let go I am not ok I am struggling
The pattern very toxic done with Narc
Soo sad!
🙏🏽
The narcissist discarded his girlfriend in the name of JC. He said that god wanted them to separate by creating COVID. He must obey his god to dump her. His god is the only thing that matters period. What do you think about this situation Melanie? She is now a nonbeliever because of this religious narcissist.
Hi Woopie, what I think is that I dont buy into other people's behaviour if its not my truth. People will do what people will do! I can't even begin to try to understand that model of thinking! What is important is what we choose to do. xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans thanks for your support!
♥️
Please can you help me try to leave Melanie? I hope it's not too late?
it is never too late hun. Love and Blessings xoxo