Anyone else feel the tug of war of both autism and ADHD? What's your experience feel like? Tell us in the comments ⤵ it really helps to hear the unique ways we all feel this and for many of us to know we're not alone on it!
Daily. It's like constantly needing everything in your life to be systematically organized, complete and correct. And at the same time my mind being in total chaos All The Time. Which makes me anxious. Cause I can't handle chaos. Which totally exausts me. Everything you said is completely accurate. Lol
I had to stop and rewind to figure out which issue caused the ruminating. Plus, I got distracted by your purple nee-doh too. I didn’t know, in addition to having late-diagnosed ASD, I have ADHD. Ugh! I’m sixty-two years old next month. How did I get through life living with both of these issues? 😵💫
Autism L2 and ADHD most severe. Add SAD, GAD, PTSD and possibly hEDS. Still not the full list. Technically diagnosed at 53. I knew I was Autistic decades before that, but no one saw it, they did see the ADHD, but I didn't see that even though it was a huge part of the problem. It took a specialist to see the Autism, and me watching a hell of a lot of TH-cam to recognize the ADHD. Taste and smell were so bad I forced myself to get used to smoking to intentionally kill some of both senses. Especially smell. I could smell things about people around me no one ever wants to know about another person. VHS style plastics (i know most will not remember this), perfume counters. Anything like that anywhere near your store, I couldn't even come close. Hearing wasn't far behind, but I have hearing loss (9-year-olds do NOT need to be taught to use a shotgun without hearing protection) but I always had trouble hearing people speak over any other sounds. Everything else was too distracting and I could no longer focus. Still cannot get hearing doctors to understand, they see the actually quite narrow bit of loss and just write it off as that. Projects and stuff. I never had to work at most school related learning. I listened or read, and I just knew it from that point on. Physical skills took more like "normal" effort to do, as a result I am far prouder of locksmithing then my coding skills. Let's face it, even the best mental health professionals just are not yet up to the task of dealing with that level of complexity and it shows when I try and seek help. I stopped trying.
I cannot simply “stop doing something”. If it doesn’t get done, I can’t let it go and it causes immense stress and burnout if it reoccurs daily/ weekly. More of my life feels like it’s out of control. Going out to the grocery store/ mall/ doctor- there is always way too much stimulation. All the colors, smells, sights- it’s so exhausting. I get scared at nothing. The only way I could tolerate all the noise of life was through drugs. I always thought there was something wrong with me and that the anxiety would never stop. I have crazy high anxiety doing “basic” things like driving, flying on a plane, riding on a bus, being seen by others or looked at by others, being vulnerable in conversations, going to a concert/ event, attending a work meeting even on Zoom, etc. ASD/ADHD creeps into every aspect of your life! I feel like no one has understood how difficult things can be for those of us who go through this. I am seeking a diagnosis this coming week. Blessings to you, reader, may you have peace and joy ❤
My biggest tension here is the autistic *need* for routine vs the ADHD inability to sustain a routine of any sort. Once in a while I get into a routine and it helps so much, but as soon as anything disrupts that routine, it is GONE, like it never happened and i can't get it back 😭
I get this so much, I have ADHD and I'm pretty certain my child has both. Trying to supply the routine but also both of us being unable to maintain the routine is REALLY hard
Sporadically starting routines, maintaining them for a few days to a few weeks, then dropping them and forgetting that I did that and enjoyed it until the day I randomly do it again. Onto the next routine. Honestly, work is probably my biggest routine and helps my brain in a lot of ways (a structured environment with set rules?! Yes please! Except then sometimes those rules are not good, that's a whole other hole to dive down). I wish I didn't have to work and could spend my days in neat places learning new things and sometimes meeting new and interesting people but ces't la vie I suppose.
I need someone to help me get back on track every time I slip... I had a water intake tracking up and I kept using it for a year... But then I spent a few weeks in a summer camp where I could not use a phone and I could never get on again... Even flossing... I had a perfect record of 3 years... And on a few occasions I could not bring my equipment, some sleepovers, some work emergencies and spontaneous ideas later and I cannot recollect when I actually stopped. I always hated myself for it and my family and coworkers blamed my laziness, my lack of organisation skills or just called me stupid.
Having both is like having two toddlers constantly fighting in your head with you standing in the middle begging them to get along and play nice with each other.
I've never been diagnosed with anything officially. But I've never felt more understood and heard than I did with this video. You perfectly captured everything that's been plaguing me my entire life. Thank you.
Felt like this as well and a few months ago I found out that one of my cousins has ASD I think? My mother just called it autism but, yeah that made me question even more about myself
Literally. I have been diagnosed with ADHD but watched this more to see the comparison to my partner who is autistic... only to realise this whole video described me perfectly... oops.
Not this time, because I was doing other things… earlier I spent the best part of an hour trying to watch a six minute video because I kept zoning out or falling asleep…
Thank you. I've never seen someone so perfectly describe the chaos of desperately wanting to finish all those projects while simultaneously being unable to finish said projects, causing intense daily mental suffering. Subscribed!
The 100+ unfinished songs on my PC haunt me every day and night... I keep saying I am going to work on stuff but I don't.... honestly so overwhelming. Wanting to do something but not doing the thing because of how frustrated you get!
I have this so much too. I have tried so many different things to alleviate this or to make me focus on one of the projects long enough to finish it or to get better at it. I'm not sure if anything has ever worked except keeping it in my line of sight, like always leaving it out in a room, but then I also can't stand to have it out when I'm not using it. It causes me a lot of anxiety.
@@GArtist32 the anxiety is very real. You want to work on it but... not right now. You need to be in the right headspace to do it. You desperately want to finish the thing, but the right headspace never comes. You can't do it without the right headspace, so you wait endlessly for it to arrive, sometimes it never shows up. But the thing sits there, taunting you.
@@SuperKirby_Gamingwaiting for the headspace doesn't work that well (or at all) the trick is to GET your brain into the mood, by thinking about that project, collecting ideas and one day, finally starting (again) it may take some time, months even, but when you started and you're right into it, or even finish something, it feels amazing. For me it helps when somebody is around that is there to control, just to make sure you're working on it, they don't even need to help, just be there.
The push and pull of my ADHD and autistic brain sometimes cancel out into a form of paralysis. This is why I get stuck so often. So many of us, especially those who are diagnosed later in life, have a history of how others have reacted to the way our brain functions which can result in complex traumas. I'm now working on accepting how my brain works and being less hard on myself. Pre-diagnosis, I regularly tracked cause and effect (so autistic, right?) and it led to me agreeing with others that something was wrong with me. I couldn't adjust and adapt as easily as everyone else could. Many times, this dynamic was tied to judgments about me as a person. Clearly, I WAS too lazy, too aggressive, too blunt, too controlling, too loud, etc. Since I never imagined I was AuDHD, what other "excuse" was there for my "abnormal," "negative" behaviors? I'm one year post-diagnosis and I'm slowly getting better at being kind to myself. I feel that, the more I am kind to myself, the less of a trauma response I experience. It is a slow process but it is happening. When my brain is freed from the energy of the trauma responses, I feel I can be more present and make better choices. My brain is amazing and not broken. Thanks for this video. It is important that we realize we aren't alone in these experiences.
It’s really true about the shame (which can reach self hate) worsening trauma responses, which increases meltdowns, frustration, rage - and this worsens the feeling of self hate, feeding the downward spiral. Some of the time I’ve felt like there’s no good reason not to hate myself except that it makes me even harder to live with. It also makes it nearly impossible to live with myself.
@@jimwilliams3816 You’re so right. The spiral can be debilitating. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It helps so many to feel less alone. We don’t have to resign ourselves to what others put onto us.
thanks for being kind to yourself. I should try it, but I honestly don't know how. I'm trying to laugh things off instead of getting upset(usually at myself).. but its hard.
what exactly do you admire? my absolute constant lack of energy? even Adderall does nothing. The worst is a project I desperately want to do but simply can't for "its going to cause problems with my brain"
I'm recently diagnosed AuDHD, and would always say I hate routines and could never stick to one. I discovered the craziest thing this year. After living with my partner for over 10 years and never spending more than a day apart, I had to do a 2-week work trip out-of-state. First time on my own for an extended period. Annnnd I woke up the same exact time each morning, well before my alarm; I did stretches and yoga, made myself breakfast, and got to where I needed to be on time every. single. morning. I've spent the last 10 years (especially the last 2-3), completely UNABLE to do this! Made me realise that many of my habits (or lack thereof) were due to having others constantly around me and feeling unable to allow routines to happen naturally. Definitely opened my eyes that if I were given the chance, my autistic side was happy to take over and create some stability. Instead, I get to try and wrangle constant chaos and sleep deprivation! Now I'm working on how I can achieve how I functioned those 2 weeks in my daily life! 😅
Relatable! And definitely supported by what Dodson says on 'creating a manual' and 'toolbox' where some 60-100 tools will be needed. Going out of state is one of my tools, revigorating my ability to function in accordance with a productive 'schedule' or at least some kind of productive planning. Combined with a solid set of long term goals (useful resource there: Tony Robbins original book - or just use his tutorial on setting goals, for free on YT). Go for it! PS also remember: money buys good relievers/finishers.
Could it have been not being able to access a go-to ADHD silencer. For example videogames? Because for me, all the time, I’m like BRO if I didn’t have videogames, I could do SOOO much 😂
Thanks for sharing this. Been finding something similar. Interesting to reverse the common belief that habits and routines are imposed from without and ‘shoulds’ rather than allowed to evolve and establish themselves naturally because they feel good.
Yes, me too. I've flip flopped whether I want to get diagnosed or not, but I feel like if the opportunity presents itself that I can get diagnosed without having to pay thousands of dollars (because of course I am unemployed and poor since our society/culture/country/gov doesn't have the supports in place to help us) I will go ahead and take the test, because without it everyone judges you anyway, and at least with the certification in hand you can prove that you are neurodivergent.
I'm undiagnosed as well. My older son was diagnosed with ADHD and I realized I have a lot of qualities. Recently I've been learning about Autism and realized I have a lot of those qualities too. My younger son is probably on the spectrum, but recently I think he has both like I probably do.
I hate it when my brain wanders off during a meeting or at parties when I realize I’ve been sitting quietly in my head instead of interacting with people for who knows how long.
I am training to just be honest about that and and tell them I got distracted by a thought or a memory or whatever and ask them to please repeat the last sentence or from the last point I remember what they said. My daughter is getting really good at telling if it happens, often before I realize it and because she realizes it anyways it helped me to just tell how it is when it happens. Children are such good teachers of how to human sometimes
I don't really think I'm autistic, but I do think I have ADHD. In college like 5 of us hotboxed a bathroom with the lights off and I enjoyed just listening to everybody chat with each other and crack jokes that they had to go "hey dan you still in here" hahaha with no ability to see anything I was just vibing listening to everybody like they were a podcast
I desperately want a routine to stick to, as the idea of a routine is incredibly comforting, but at the same time the thought of doing the exact same thing every day is agonizing. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 7, and I'm working on getting evaluated for autism now.
The trick is to trick your brain in doing a routine but convince your brain it's not boring because the task isn't the same, the topic is, but you're always doing something different. And then you'll learn, even when you do the same stuff, it still can be very satisfying (like flossing your teeth with flossing sticks or using a cordless screwdriver or hammering nails etc.)
I am almost in the exact same spot, I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was 7-8 and now I'm 19 realizing a lot of my social issues, overthinking/not understanding social cues, eye contact and other people could be ASD lol, now I'm focusing on getting medication for my ADHD for the first time and see if that'll help with at least some of my executive dysfunction.
Wow I feel the same exact way. I only recently got diagnosed at 18 (20 now) with ADHD and despite having looked into autism for a few years on my own now (highly interested in it/how it works), I am still not convinced I’m autistic even though some of my diagnosed autistic friends tell me it’s very likely I do LOL Idk, I know symptoms often overlap and having both would make sense that it feels so conflicting due to the (mostly) opposing nature of each disorder but it could just be ADHD without the other. Maybe I will look to get evaluated someday but for now my ADHD has caused me way more significant issues that need addressing than potentially autism (which when I look back may have contributed to my childhood problems instead). But yeah this thing about routines I always explain it to people and my therapist that I really love the idea of a routine because it’s so controlled and predictable and would definitely help me stay on track but my ADHD hates the thought of having to do the same thing everytime especially when it feels like a task I have to do. Man 😭 Sorry for the lengthy comment LOL I didn’t realize
I love going off to the coffee shop to work on something or read. A new coffee shop is even better. Something fun about the people watching, the interaction, the coffee smells, the variety. Then, after a bit, people start to annoy me. It gets too loud or the dishes are clattering, or someone is on their phone. People bump into you in line or bump in to your table. The table is wobbly or at a weird height. I'm hearing every conversation even if I don't want to. And then I start wishing I had stayed home where I can concentrate. A couple days later, I do it all over again.
Everyone has a tolerance level for peopleing stressors. It takes intense physiological effort for your brain to do the filtering of all the things simultaneously. At some point the brain can't keep up and suddenly all the things that were being filtered out exist, much to our chagrin. 😫 Then it's time to gtfo because it's not going to get better from there. The peopleing battery requires recharging!! 😅
This is me but in Libraries XD especially hard when I have no isolated area to sit in and have to sit opposite someone because then I feel like they’re noticing my fidgetiness and I get very tense and freeze up and can’t concentrate so I just leave abruptly.
Even though I’ve already gone through similar things with ADHD and Autism separately, this was the first time that I think I heard somebody else with both explain in it in that way where I was like, “Yes! That! Me too!” and like finally hearing somebody else describe dealing with the same struggle I do.
Same!!!! So good and validating!!! I remember when I got my autism diagnosis ( as adult like so many of my generation ), and then went into deep study of it ( ha! So typical! It became my very intense SI for couple of years ), and joined forums...and some were quick to judge me as possibly having gotten wrong diagnosis, cos my ADHD made me more impulsive and possibly also more social. 🤔 I didn't fit into the box, that some of the forum members seemed to demand in order to be "one of them". Made me angry and disappointed. ADHD symptoms were recognisable to my neurologist ( who is also psychiatrist ), but she said that if I got the official diagnosis of ADHD too, it would do more harm than good for me in the country where I live now. But oh my, it's so great to hear from others who have the combo as well! Makes it so much more challenging to rest, and to find the right balance between sensory friendly, reliable ( like f.e. strict routines.... they do help me many times... ) environment, and not too boring at the same time...the exhaustion is real...
8:29 I always call this “spiraling” and when I start doing this in a conversation/argument with my husband, he says “hey! Where are you? Come back to me!” Spiraling is a terrible feeling because you blame yourself for whatever you deem your fault when 90% of it was out of your control
The biggest advice i was told is to use your task blindness to your advantage. Example: if you need to have a shower but you're stuck because you know it'll be a lot of sensory stimulation with a cold bathroom and water pressure etc. break down the task. Youre not having a shower yet, you're just moving your towels into the bathroom. You're not having a shower yet, you're just putting on your playlist. You're just changing out of your clothes, oh wait you're in the shower! 😮 Well you might as well shower now so you can get into warm fresh clothes 😁
in the meantime, i'm standing there trying to figure out what to do first. i mean, no sense changing out of my clothes till i get the towels in there. but i really need to finish the laundry first so i have towels. but before that, i need to do the dishes cause, by this time, i've been standing there so long that my blood sugar is dropping and i feel faint. but how can i cook anything when it's still in the freezer
@LittleDergon, yes! I do this all the time. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, and often describe what you've shared as tricking my stubborn inner child/"I don't wanna" streak by doing steps of a task thinly disguised as an unrelated task. But seeing your comment here, on a video about having both ADHD and ASD is another point for considering getting assessed for ASD, too. I've wondered for a while, but didn't realize what you described might be tied to both.
What I’ll do is I’ll go into the bathroom to use the bathroom and then that makes my brain go hey woah let’s in the shower that would be a funky fresh idea. Like it wasn’t refusing to let me do it two minutes ago before I walked in there
i do that with cleaning dishes. first step i do is putting the clean ones in the shelves, second step is i classify the dirty dishes so the task has more structure in how i can tackle it. third step i clean them. sometimes this is on the span of 3 days or a few hours between. sometimes just seeing the classed dirty dishes makes me go "might as well clean it". i also put on my earbud with a youtube video. helps removes the clinks sounds of dishes and entertains my suffering for a bit. sometimes i spontaneously really want to clean the bathroom sink, i end up cleaning the whole bathroom or appartment...
Something specifically that really scrambles my brain is the spontaneity/routine conflict. If someone cancels on me last minute and my day changes, I either end up doing very little and feeling really guilty, or I do EVERY HOUSEHOLD CHORE to make up for it. And then I’m exhausted either way. Curious to know if anyone else gets this way. Thank you for this incredibly insightful video! I’m so happy to be alive at a time when people are having open conversations about ND things. I thought something was just kind of wrong with me for a long time and it’s a big relief to know that isn’t the case.
Yes. I still don't know how to explain this. Part of me loves having plans and routines. Part of me can not tolerate the thought of having to do anything at a particular time or in a particular place. There is no pattern to what goes into which category. I've generally learned to compromise: I wind up with long lists of things that need to be doe at no particular time. Mostly it works. Unless one of those things is picking up my daughter from work. She schedules her day in, like, three minute time blocks, and her day is ruined if she is either dropped off at work 1 minute too early, or picked up 3 minutes too late. We try to make it work, although I tend to not really notice time periods of less than an hour. And yes, I, too, call it "Guilt Cleaning". It's not because I've done anything wrong, it's the overwhelming and irrational feeling that every single thing in the universe that needs to be done that hasn't been done is my fault and all of space-time will collapse unless the last piece of laundry is folded and put away. Thankfully my wife keeps trying to tell me it isn't true, and it's OK to sleep, and the dishes will still be there tomorrow, but it's a hard sell.
Spontaneity vs routine is why I didn't think I had ASD for so many years. One conflict in that area is not being able to set my own routines, but doing so much better when others do it for me. But, then resentment about their authority over me builds until either exploding or imploding.
Haha… usually I only have the second example. Feel like I got free time and see all the things I can fill up. But I also recognise the feeling of paralysis when plans changes. I’m not diagnosed with either of asd or adhd, but probably have adhd.
@jayotto1628 you're not alone. This internal conflict is one of the most exhausting symptoms of having both. I never understood it before. How I can crave socializing and at the same time not want to be around people has always perplexed me. I do the same thing too. If plans change I feel a sense of doom and must either fill my day with overexertion or do nothing at all in a state of paralysis.
My son is AuADHD (16) we homeschool so we love it when kids go back to school because the stores are empty. We have also learned that walking the dogs after dark is very sensory friendly. As a mom in the hustle of the culture he has taught me to slow down and live in a smaller space. It isn’t less, we have expanded our views. It’s like we were running on land and now we are scuba diving with him. It’s different, not less.
We need to make a country, small island, of exclusively AUDHD people. Either nothing will get done, or everything will be utopian. It’d certainly be quiet, and peaceful - but fun and interesting at the same time. I could only imagine the little collections of trinkets and gadgets, all the special interests and focuses of passion that’d be present in every household. It would certainly be a cool project. Thanks for this video, man. You really are a good representative of people like us. It’s hard living life with this shit in your head, but were beautifully unique. Talented, too, and can use our “special brains” to do great things. Every autistic/adhd person I’ve ever met has always been so down-to-earth and generally intelligent.
beautiful comment, I totally agree with everything you say! I'm slightly concerned about this island though... it does sound like a utopia but where is the food coming from? and where is the trash going? actually who's doing the trash? and wasn't someone supposed to order food? I really need to pee - oh wait that looks interesting.....
@@garybeman9497 I'm also concerned about the island. I have a few friends who i love dearly whose adhd side is more dominant and they are LOUD, but their ASD side misses all the social cues that people are feeling uncomfortable. Maybe instead of an island we could have a group of islands and we each get our own one... and kind hearted NT people come and deliver us food and make sure we sleep and stay alive and stuff.
#4 ..saw a shrink for anxiety and he was talking about the noise from the fan being tuned out, and I replied “no it’s not, I hear it like I hear you. I hear the reception staff working in the front. I feel the seat under me, my feet in my shoes. I don’t tune anything out, my brain doesn’t do that.” He said that’s really interesting and sent me on with my script.
Yes, if you don't fit the mold, they just medicate. Been there. In fact, my last shrink told me the same crap and I screamed at him that that's what I'm trying to stop.
@@jacquimoore5967 eek..yeah..was 30 at the time and just learning that level of awareness to all things stimuli wasn’t what everyone experiences, kinda sucks if I try to get with a guy who’s a “petter”…stop touching me..please I beg you. Hypersensitivity is ass
I have struggled with sleep ALL my life and one thing no one but other autistic people seems to understand is that I MUST have white noise close to the bed (fan, radio on low, whatever) or else my brain will not let me sleep because NOTHING gets filtered out: the icemaker downstairs making ice in the freezer, cars going by outside, cats walking around inside the house (yes I can hear cats walking), the wind, the faint sound of the neighbor's TV, airplanes going by overhead, whatever.
Chris. You are literally living in my brain. It makes me happy that there is someone that can articulate the situation. I'd like to share is that the obsession/passion thing that we have can also apply to relationships or people. Lets say it sucks when your GF of ten years dies and you havent been able to stop thinking about her since the beginning.
As a teacher, and one with ASD, I am VERY much aware of my students who have ASD or ADHD. There are a number of similarities but if you know, you know. I adjust my lessons accordingly.
@@LimitedWish: Your students are lucky to have you! When I was in school in the 1960s-early 70s, the medical community didn’t even think that GIRLS could BE ADD’ers! I am extremely MATH-challenged, so those classes were literally painfully humiliating-which I wouldn’t wish on anyone! Thanks again for your honesty and openness with your students.
It makes my heart warm to hear of you teachers with autism/adhd ❤it makes so much sense to help children/adults with autism/adhd when you are life experienced in it ❤
@@LimitedWish EXACTLY! I usually have the gifted and those not-so-gifted so the range is immense. It helps promote acceptance as well, to talk openly about it, imo. We learn about each other and that encourages empathy.
Yes! This is me!! I now realise I am so very likely AuADHD, too, as a result of this video, as I resonate so highly with every single one of these points.
That is the story of my life... Never been diagnosed with ASD nor my clearly HFA mom and sister and HER sister. But my cousin and my child have ASD. I think I'm on the borderline of ASD. Spent childhood memorizing topics like EVERY dog breed that existed, EVERY bird call, EVERY type of tree, and developing uses for my then-photographic memory. Now it's me, my 20 yr old, two cats, and our GOBS & GOBS of deep dives into our special interests. In other words... an apartment filled to the brim with stuff we just HAVE to collect, lol.
About a year ago I found out that my brother and his wife are expecting a baby. I immediately wanted to gift him a baby music box like I did for my daughter. So I bought fabric and a music box with a cute melody I wanted to use. Then I decided to make a pillow to lay on instead of a star shaped one that you attach to his crib as I planned at first. I then ordered a sewing machine because I didn't have one. My nephew was born in June this year and we will visit them this month for the first time. And guess who didn't even START sewing that gift but started to do a dream catcher as a gift for him simultaniously that will probably also remain unfinished? 🙄
I don’t know how you were able to describe my entire personality in one video but thank you so much. I finally have a condensed and easy to understand description of what I deal with to show others so they can also finally understand. I can’t believe I’ve finally found a video where I related to EVERY SINGLE part of it.
That explanation of the hyper one minute then zoning out the next in social situations resonates with me SO MUCH! I feel like in social situations I sort of black out and am this super chatty, hyperactive talker and it's like the automatic mask that comes over me. It's like being behind a glass shield that does the "neurotypical socialization" for me. Then some sort of overt sensory stimuli might happen to knock me out of it or something and I sort of come back to reality and I get anxious. And like you said, I'm happy to get home and then my brain ruminates on all the stuff I might have said in my "blackout state". It's super strange and I've only just realized that this happens to me. I've got an ADHD diagnosis and going in September to be tested for Autism cause both seem to fit, but neither feels like the full picture. I REALLY appreciate these videos from your perspective as an AuDHDer! Thanks for all you and Debby do, it has helped me so much!
Same! I was telling a friend recently after her party and feeling like I blew it socially, "I feel like an alien cosplaying as a human a lot of the time." Like I know what you're supposed to do but I've got to consciously play the part. It doesn't come naturally.
Oh I hear you!!!! 😮 I need hours and hours and hours before I can sleep, so meeting people until late, keeps me awake until morning hours, or worse, sometimes even 24 hours or more, depending ! 😩 With physical health problems it's even worse, cos then I am so "out of order" the next day, or get migraine on top of it, etc etc ... Difficult! I try to meet people one-on-one at my home or peaceful environment, then it works the best. Parties? I stopped torturing myself and gave them up ages ago! Lost a few "friends" for it, but I am not sad about it, anymore. I anyway often had the feeling, that for many I only had some "curiosity" value, and nothing more. But I rather be alone than harm myself by doing things that exhaust me with people who eventually don't really care about me... Still having only few friends, but hopefully finding more in the future.
I do this thing in communities where I'm very active for the first little bit and then basically shut down. And then feel bad because I watch everyone else continue interacting and bonding and not knowing how to do that.
A lot of people go through this NT as well. Its common for ur social battery to run out time to time. People also ruminate on what they said all the time. When ur nervous, you can say dumb things. What u describe as a blackout state is normal as well, its ideal actually, to be in a flow state in certain situations and not to think so much. But thats just my NT view on this
The way you explained the projects taking on too many, getting overwhelmed then not managing to finish any is literally my life and I finally understand why I do it. Thank you
I had to paint my shower room ceiling so that's half done. I'm also filling many holes in my wall which were left when the boiler was moved. I "finished" laying laminate flooring in my lounge but not the edging strips. That's been waiting 3 years as I can't figure out how to fill the big gaps that the strips won't cover... Then there's the kitchen tiles that are around 1/2 completed but I'm bored of it now. My bathroom is literally 99% finished. I just keep forgetting it until I'm cleaning my teeth for bed.
@@nowonmetube I hope I'm not repeating what others have already said but autism increases ADHD overwhelm, fear and sensory issues. Fearfulness can exacerbate paralysis, rheuminating and overthinking. Its like a "push-me pull-you" animal. Thats my take but happy to hear other viewpoints.
I can't tell you how many times I've collected enough crafts supplies to start my own store and never done anything with them other than take stuff out of the packages so I can't even return them for my money back.
You’re probably the most relatable autism related online presence I’ve come across. Not only does it feel comforting to hear you share your personal experiences, but your content has been a powerful tool for me to help those close to me understand me and my life better. Thanks for what you do ❤
This is relatable. I struggle with this pull all the time. Getting started and finishing tasks are so difficult for me. And energy management is difficult too. I get so frustrated that I have so many big ideas and can’t seem to go anywhere with them, and I see so many people around me succeeding and I know I could too, if I could only just focus. And I need so much time to rest from masking and sensory overwhelm that when I do have energy and time to focus on my own creative projects, I don’t know where to start. It’s all so overwhelming and frustrating. I could go on, but I’ll leave it there for now. Thanks for sharing.
Agreed! I get so many ideas for things but have a hard time starting, and for the ones that do get started I don’t finish. I can already see the process like he said, but have a hard time managing and doing it no matter how badly I want it. It feels like a jack of all trades in knowledge but no physical showing of that knowledge.
That's me as well. Extremely frustrating. I feel like I can't handle things, and when I DO feel I can handle things, I get overwhelmed because of all the things I want to handle. Then rinse and repeat.
@@PocketKaninthis is so me! And all I want is a degree to show how knowledgeable I am but with the adhd + asd it’s so hard and feel like if I can’t understand it or am overwhelmed by it, no one else will understand. Thanks for sharing
I really wish this condition could be diagnosed more conclusively, sometimes when you say “I’m on the spectrum or I have adhd”, some people just roll their eyes, but they wouldn’t roll their eyes if someone was blind or in a wheelchair, because the condition is obvious to them. I’m sure one day modern medicine will catch up.
My one and only friend has asked me if I’ve ever had diagnosed with ADHD because I talk about it affects me. I was offended. Did she think that I just made this stuff up? I’m hoping to see a neurologist soon to be tested for autism. I’m 70 years old.
@@Sharon_54-w6uYou are absolutely valid!! Your struggles are real, regardless of whether anyone *gets* you! I want you to know that you deserve to be respected for who you are, and for your very real life experiences. And you deserve to be heard out and listened to and appreciated for who you are. I don't know you, but I love you, and I hope you have an awesome life friend 🤗🫶
Being in a wheelchair isn't a diagnosis. And I can tell you from experience not everyone takes one as seriously as you make it sound. This comparison did not help me to understand you
@@Sharon_54-w6u My comment didn't show up for some reason. I hope you can see this. I just want you to know that you are valid, no matter if anyone "validates" you or not!!
@@Lucky9_9 Thank you so much. Life is hard for everyone. It helps that comfort and understanding comes from a stranger through the internet. As humans we need to be kind and love one other. When my mother was dying that’s what she said God had told her. Be kind and love one another.
Lists are your friend. They tell both sides what needs to be focused on, where to start, where to go when you finish one task and need another, remind you where you are when you get lost, remind you that you're supposed to be doing something when your break goes on a little too long...etc. I love lists.
I have told many people, "You can keep talking, I just can't keep listening." The reactions I got from this statement almost always led to my confusion and then apologizing for letting someone know I couldn't follow the conversation any more. I still don't quite understand, but I know to only say this to my kids. Everyone else just gets to keep going until they get mad that I'm not paying attention any more. No matter what, it's wrong and it's my fault. This to what both look like. to me
Its the words you've chose. It sounds like an "idc shush". If you said something empathetic like: "I dont have the capacity to continue listening to u right now. I am sorry. Can we talk about this later (schedule it)?" Or, if uninterested: "I see your excitement and passion and I am happy for you...The thing is that I, unfortunately, am not as invested in this as you. You mind switching topics?" Basic respect for people's feelings and politeness go a long way
@@Pieza_De_Queso That's a lot of words and they don't hear the nuiance. I've tried all of that. Doesn't change anything. Once someone has taken something personally they can't really listen either. Obviously it's not a "shush", because there was an invitation to continue to talk. One of my kids wanted to talk to avoid falling asleep. There are reasons for why everyone does everything. They just aren't always the same reasons. If someone says they can't do something, believe them. Why do they need to explain? The issue is continuing to pay attention is a struggle for some which others have never truly experienced.
@@pamlindquist2861 I highly disagree. You ordered your point in a very "all or nothing" manner when, apparently, what you had in mind was a very specific situation. Also, people need to explain because this is how we mostly understand each other as humans: through body and verbal language. I get it might be more dfficult for those with autism (I have ADHD and high abilities/giftedness, not autism), but its crucial for social interactions. Makes little to no sense to simyply accept stuff without any questions, it goes against the curious human nature. We do question everything, especially whats related to the ones close to us. And I believe NT people struggle to pay attention sometimes, as many factors can cause this. It's just not a regular issue to them. Some NT individuals lack empathy towards ND insividuals, of course, but expecting people to simply accept statements or actions that are considered rude in their culture is unrealistic and not empathetic as well.
You know what? I stop the video, because I have to say "what a beautiful moment "for us"... that people of our "species" are speaking loud and clear... And that we can understand each other. I suspect many of us have been very alone and ignorant of the validity of our difference. It’s only the beginning, but it’s so valuable. I think I also have ADHD, in addition to ASD... And now, I return to the video ;)
It's super important to feel "seen" and for so many of us that's been an impossible challenge to surmount. It feels incredibly validating to not only find out what makes me the way I am, but to hear and see other people going through the same thing and supporting others like us. Gotta stick together and help each other progress because there's still not many people out there who understand us or are able to help us.
@@blindmownindeed! Now I wonder, if there's some forums that understand both autism and ADHD? I got diagnosed as an adult, and found out ( to my great disappointment ), that in many ways I didn't "fit" in with only autistic, nor ADHD groups...some even doubting my autism diagnosis, which feels terrible when I had just finally understood what was "wrong" with me since childhood...Now I would love to "meet" more AuDHD people, and hopefully make new friends too, who "get" the special challenges of having autism AND ADHD... Would make some communication so much easier, I guess.
Difference to mention for point number 1: my brother is ADHD and I am AuDHD. We both struggled in school to make friends as kids, but he could easily approach kids on a random playground and make temporary playground friendships with them where I absolutely 100% couldn't. Similar from a professional standpoint, yet very very different from my perspective. Even now he knows how to schmooze and succeed on a shallow level which gets him far, yet I can't even get a positive result from an interview without prior help from an acquaintance
I’m an ADHDer and on the fence about whether I’m AuDHD (inconclusive self-tests). I’ve never had any difficulties socializing. Yes I zone out sometimes, but I’m so good at masking that only people who live with me ever notice. Thing is, most socializing is masking, and I just don’t care enough to do it anymore. I’m a very confident person, and once I’m comfortable, I don’t hide that confidence behind politeness. Luckily I’m a teacher now, so being confident and commanding is an asset, but when I worked corporate jobs, I was called arrogant. And as every last one of my friends is getting diagnosed with some flavor of ND, I’m like… yeah that’s why I like you. 😂 NDs recognize that I don’t think I’m better, I’m just not willing to shrink myself.
@@MissAmeROCKanaalso noticed as an ADHD-er that ND people will cycle around you, you don’t even notice until adulthood. I didn’t even realise I was masking anything until recently, I’m now in my 40s and discovering what ADHD is and that I probably have it, but watching this video has quelled the questions about ASD, which my son has a diagnosis of (and I’m fairly sure he has ADHD as well, also on the grounds of this video). Thank you!
And i kinda have both things at the same time. Just getting to lnow someone is easy for me but if i have a more seroius talk, like just a couple days ago about if i have adhd, hypersensibllity and autism and how strong my depression is, i had trouble to tell them what i feel like or what is happening with me. i couldn´t remember so many things, where i previously thought, it woudn´t be bad to remember these things in case of a talk like that. tha was and still is quite frustrating to me...
So I’m bad at putting myself out there but once it is a requirement for me to talk to a person I’m over here making everyone think I’m heckin awesome and having conversations like it’s no problem
I literally cannot focus on people talking over each other because my brain just gives up. I will completely check out and start looking around and I realize it too late, after the person that was trying to involve me in the conversation started giving me weird looks or just won't make eye contract with me any more. As an audio engineer, this is a blessing while working
@@Lyandra01 wow same! i even play some vids with really slow narrators on 2X speed haha, its like when they talk slow while my mind is treating too fast the informations, i think more in between phrases and my mind drifts and i get disengaged
@@meriemcullen8510 Exactly! I lose track of what they’re saying if there’s too much time between their words or sentences. I rarely go above 1.75, though, because a lot of videos have background music that can become painful if played too fast. 😅
WOW.. this IS my husband 100% It’s taken me YEARS to figure all of this out about him, but I’d love to send this video to literally everyone in his office. I’m definitely sending to him now. Thank you!! 🤗 You are so funny btw
Thank you for being willing to learn him, and not just making him out to be a bad guy due to not understanding. Lot of dudes like us have NOT had the best luck with relationships. Women especially, tend to take our ticks and "problems" the wrong way. Wishing yall nothing but the best!
As a teacher, I always asses myself and never try to fake anything with my classes (bc if I start masking at work I’ll have the energy to work half a day week) On days where I know I’m a bit more blunt and monotone, I simply communicate that. “Hey guys, I have a tendency to be blunt and my tone is pretty flat today. I’m not upset and everything is good, I promise I’m not mad at anyone. If I come off wrong, please let me know and I’ll happily clarify” That usually eases a lot of tension, the students see that they’re being talked to like real people, and it encourages my students with the same things going on to simply communicate those things to me and others, which I think is super valuable!
Bro, comedy is such a life saver. I might do it way too much, but being able to constantly joke and play this bouncy character that loves to meow at people and laugh at the word balls or fart, it's so much easier pretending that I'm "mostly normal" and jump from wall to wall with energy when in actuality I'm not really sure as to what's happening, what people are feeling, if I'm too much or too little, if I'm over or under stimulated, etc. The world is so confusing, but somehow, making people laugh isn't, and that's the best part about being neurodivergent imo.
I whined about a video with music several months ago. You were super nice about it. I've been here ever since. I've been diagnosed with ADHD by a few therapists and doctors but there were still some big holes in my story. In the last two years, I've been thinking that ASD filled in some gaps, kind of like contextual spackle, if you will. I'm convinced now. The struggle between the two often paralyzes my decision making. I CONFUSE ME and that's tiring. Thank you for the great videos (and for the lack of music). I'm probably a minority but I appreciate it greatly. I learned several months ago that I have serious auditory issues.
Childhood (or other) trauma can also be a crazy variable to consider. I have all three... and I suspect most people with either neurological profile do as well.
Thankfully I don't struggle too much with overstimulation, and when it comes to interactions with people, I can read others quite easily. Instead of missing things, I see everything! And that itself can be tiring. BUT everything else I can definitely relate to! Especially the battle between wanting routine (asd) but getting bored easily(adhd) and having many unfinished tasks, all of which I want to finish but often never do because I can't do one at a time. It's a constant internal battle. 😴
LOL! People ask me, in a concerned tone, Why are you upset?!? I tell them, I'm not. I'm just thinking. (BTW, I'm just ASD not both, but this all sounds so familiar). I also endlessly replay social interactions, and my perfectionism kicks in and I'm sure I must have said something stupid or wrong or I said more than I should. Sighhh(or should I say shyyyy) hehehe
The catch phrase of my youth was "are you okay?!" As an adult, I can appreciate how concerned my classmates were for me. As an angsty middle schooler... not so much 😂
My GF is like this. The amount of times I look at her and think "God she looks really angry what have I done wrong" and then she is absolutely fine.... I am Autistic so facial expressions are already hard... I am starting to think she might be a bit as well haha
This video is over the fence to the seats at 420 feet. A homerun. I am 74 and discovered I am autistic about fifteen years ago. Made a lot of sense. And in just the past month after not being able to finish deep dive projects, I was informed I am also ADHD. Why I never knew this before or was not ever diagnosed is a mystery. But I do know all this psychological knowledge in decades and decades ago was non-existent. I must have been in my thirties before I even heard of autism. But somehow, in some way, I was able to finish a Ph.D. Now that is very much a mystery given I can in my declining years rarely finish projects and use equipment I have purchased. Oh well. Thank you so very much. :)
On very late diagnosis, I’ll say this...I had to take care of my father very late in his life, and having a diagnosis would have been helpful to him in some ways. I only sort of suspected both him and me at the time, and if I had been clear about it I hope I would have avoided some pretty big mistakes I made. The penny started to drop when he was in the hospital, which was very autism unfriendly, and while I advocated then for the right things, being able to point tia diagnosis might have made them pay better attention. And finally, while his mind was going, both I and various caregivers assumed some things that were autistic distress to be part of the developing dementia. I only ended up with an AuDHD diagnosis (among others) because I started deteriorating myself from overwhelm and stress. It’s worth being aware that, while many of us have managed to trudge through adulthood, old age has ways of increasing autistic distress. I’ve now encountered a lot of people online who, like me, started struggling more in their late fifties and later.
@@jimwilliams3816 and that’s the only reason I’m considering it. My abilities to function in a social work setting, having been forced back into the office, and in an advanced role in my career feel like they’re slipping away. Also, as someone who _has_ been tested for cognitive abilities multiple times in my life, I’ll be the first to say IQ tests are a sketch, not the whole mural, and I’m struggling to bring my thoughts to bear more and more. It’s a focus and energy problem, but it’s really got me doubting myself.
@@jimwilliams3816 also, I’m glad you were able to advocate for your father. I’m with mine now after getting a diagnosis of late stage leukemia. Much love to you and yours.
Thank you for this video, it was basically a look into my own brain! I'm 44 and got my ADHD diagnosis last year, and have just got a referral for an ASD diagnosis. I'm now on ADHD medication, which has helped, but another thing that I've recently found that helped is, surprisingly, hunger. I've done intermittent fasting a few times, but I just started doing One Meal A Day, and the hunger during the day actually stops me getting distracted and keeps me focussed on the task at hand.
I work for a company that helps to assess and diagnose ADHD and Autism and while working there and helping with patients a lot of things started to make sense with me. This video made so much sense and was very relatable. My partner has ADHD and Autism as well and a lot of this reminded me of him too. The part which made the most sense was the exhaustion with the 2 sides pulling. I have long covid which creates its own issues with fatigue and exhaustion but my boss sat me down a few weeks ago to sort out my referral for an ADHD assessment (which I procrastinated for 7 months, very ADHD I know) because she thought that the undiagnosed and unsupported ADHD was probably making the fatigue a lot worse which was making me unwell and burnt out. I honestly can’t thank my boss enough for doing that because I know I would’ve just kept pushing it back without her and watching this video really highlighted how much I probably need those assessments right now to help me.
Gosh all these points hit right home. I got diagnosed with both ADHD (inattentive type) and Autism a few weeks ago. I am well in my twenties. I struggle with so much stuff, because sometimes it just feels to have the bad sides of both autism and ADHD combined, which makes the simplest tasks, just the biggest mountains for me. I wanna have a routine, I need routine. If I do not have routine, I will either forget things because of my grated cheese brain or I will not get anything done. On the other hand, I get so extremely bored with routine and doing the same things over and over again, that I wanna start new things. Go to the store to buy whatever I absolutely do no need and let it rot somewhere in my house. It is just so frustrating sometimes.
I started something that helps me with using food in the fridge. I got some plastic baskets that I put stuff in that I would need at the same time- like stuff to make work lunches. I also freeze portion size amounts of leftovers in clear baggies that I can write on, since some foods are hard to identify frozen. I lay the bags fairly flat to freeze so they thaw more evenly and don't have a cold patch in the middle of my hot dinner. A marking pen is kept with the baggies so I done have to search for one and end up on a side quest. The baggies labeled freezer bags are better at not having weird smells. Some of the ones labeled storage bags are okay but others stink.
I wish I'd shown my ex wife this video 1yr ago, before she walked out because of an 8yr med degree triggering my anxiety, ASD and complications due to burnout. If only they knew what we were struggling with.... it would potentially save thousands of marriages. 🤦♂️
I am AUDHD and suffering a burnout. I lost my mom a bit over a year ago. I handled her estate and cleaned out her place on my own. My family did not help. It was a slow roll to burnout. Thank you for your videos. This one was quite relatable. 😊
Sorry you lost your mom and had to handle all that by yourself without your family to help. It sounds like a lot of physical exhaustion, feelings of heaviness, and time to ruminate. I hope you are able to bounce back from the burnout and self appreciate all that you were able to do 😊
You know what puzzles me. NT people of average intelligence who can focus on things and be organized and did well in school, who either did not strive for higher education (even if they had the brains and the money) and also never started a company or wrote a book or started a TH-cam channel or worked on a hobby. They watch tv and kittens on TH-cam and like to go out with friends and that's all they do. Even if they have more ability to do more than us. It is almost painful to have Autism and ADHD where there is so much ambition and drive and great ideas, but barriers to getting it done, seeing intelligent NT people with social and organizational skills doing nothing.
I also have mild AuADHD and wondered the same thing. Then i realized i should stop caring bout people's businesses because my concept of success and happiness might be different than theirs. Just because they could doesn't mean that they should :)
It’s because they’re already satisfied/content with life and they just want to enjoy it in the ways that appeal to them. They don’t feel the need to strive for more, they’re just happy with their relationships and life in general.
NTs are absolutely not a monolith of people who've got it all figured out. Nearly everyone would love to do the things you mentioned, but they have their own barriers. Their barriers are just different from ours. The reason why Jim didn't seek higher education despite having the intellect, organizational skills, and the money, could've been due to the fact that his high acheivment in grade school actually kept him burned out throughout his teen years, despite the fact he appeared so organized on the outside. He doesn't want to go through that intense struggle again in colllege and waste is early 20s to stress. He'd rather work in his friend's plumbing business to keep a comfortable environment in his head until he figures out his true goals in life. Sarah watches TH-cam videos of kittens everyday because it's one of the few things that recharge her after interacting with people all day at her demanding job. She relates to cats in a way. Maybe she's not neurodivergent, but she's still an introvert with a battery. Lee hangs out with his friends nearly every chance he gets when he is able. He and his friends like to share thoughts on books they've read, and he is in the process of writing his own book. He hangs with friends so much, because those same friends made him see the value in that life is worth living even though his depression is so severe sometimes that he can only get out of bed to use the bathroom. He was supposed to finish his book a long time ago, but he's still doing his best and is slowly reaching his goal of completing it. Bianca was always very organized and known for being smart. She got straight As and worked long hours? How?? School and work were her safe havens from the abuse she endured at home, so anything was better than "home." Her exquisite organizational skills and generous amounts of income she brought in during her teen years allowed her to land herself a decent apartment as soon as she turned 18. But now, she can't help but eat and watch TV all day. It distracts her from the nightmares she calls memories. She doesn't understand why she can't continue to work to escape the trauma like she used to, but she knows she needs to work, but her intense anxiety tells her the safest place to be is in her apartment. That's where abuse doesn't exist, but her money is slowly running out, and she might not be able to afford the apartment soon.
I’m feeling so naked right now that I’m on the verge of crying. You’ve described me without those masks keeping (hiding) the chaos and overwhelm inside. When you put it that way, what a raw, naked mess I seem. But I have always known that, haven’t I? I just haven’t wanted anyone else to know. (I am, however, relieved that it’s not just me.)
4:19 I'm not diagnosed or assessed at all but its always been kinda apparent something is wrong about my brain. as a full time game and engine developer, this rant sings directly to my soul; an expression of exactly this abstract mental process which stresses, struggles against, and kills me day by day.
Im 34, and my son has been diagnosed with asd and adhd. This describes me to a tee. Discovering this about myself is like a.light shining on me. I thought i was broken for the longest time
I have ADHD ANXIETY DEPRESSION and let me tell you guys it’s fucking exhausting beyond disbelief. I’m currently in the process of getting medicated but I hope that I get well soon because if I don’t I see myself giving up.
Hang in there. I had (have) Anxiety/Depression so bad that when I got out of the military, the VAST chunk of my VA Disability is from that. Later, I ended up getting diagnosed as ADHD, and once I started on meds ...(not right away, but in about a year)... I have to take that "depression assessment" every few weeks when I get the meds refilled, and suddenly realizing that my "through the roof" anxiety score was now down at about knee level was ASTONISHING. *hugs*. Hang in there. If you're in the process of getting meds, stick with it. It DOES get better.
I think the biggest help for the routine thing is having a bunch of mini routines for certain things, and leaving other parts up to you For example, I always cook foods the same way, I prep, I cook, I wait, I eat But I leave the waiting and eating parts up to interpretation Sometimes it means standing in the kitchen competing other tasks while I wait for my food to finish, and then I relax while I eat. Sometimes it means sitting on the couch watching a video or reading until I hear that the food is done, then transferring it to the most comfortable spot to eat at the time. This allows me to keep some sort of control, while allowing spontaneous decisions to exist. Something I still struggle with is paying attention to someone if I'm not interested, though. I have a habit of just staring at people's eyes while zoning out, cause I want them to know I'm listening, but I get so focused at making sure I'm staring at their eyes that I forget to listen to what they are saying as well.
I have a dx for ADHD but I was pretty sure it didn't explain all of the things I have experienced throughout my whole life till now. the more I watch and relate to AuDHDers the brighter the lightbulb gets for me, and every single time it's like, hey you're literally just describing my life it's crazy..
That having too many projects and not finishing them is something I struggle with. I learned the roomba method of cleaning a while ago, where you just wander around cleaning as you go, and it works. I've started applying that to projects. Just work on a project till you're distracted by another, then when the original project comes around again, you return to it and pick it up again. No judgment, no worries about why it's not done, just... get to it when you get to it. I'm getting somewhere slowly with this approach.
This brought tears to my eyes. I feel like this far too often and had no idea why. Especially the repeating thoughts over and over again. I feel like I can never forget.
I knew I had combined especially after I was diagnosed with ADHD. I just felt like something else was off. Everything you talked about nailed it for how I work and function. That last part about being tired all the time, I never knew that was something caused by my mental state until I started meds. It was wild.
@@Christina.N. I went through several types of meds, at least half a dozen, before I landed on the one I have now. Vyvanse seems to work really well for a lot of people and it's now on generics so it can be bought much cheaper.
I was told for a long time that I couldn't have both that I'm either autistic it ADHD and that I must be faking if I think I have both. This video is so validating and actually explains so much.
Making beautiful bullet journal type planners with drawings and colours and schedules and goals and trackers all thought out in great detail.. only to throw it out the window 2 weeks later because it got boring/overwhelming 😅
This is why I do different sticker themes every week in a planner that’s already dated, so I can still use it if I don’t make time to finish setting it up. 😂 I usually start the week strong and forget to look at it Friday and Saturday, but it’s worth it for the days I do use it. Also writing down how I actually spend my time, so my adhd brain doesn’t get overwhelmed trying to figure out where the time went!
For everyone struggling to find a good stim. Try to sift sand. Its really great for me, so give it a try. If you have kids with a sandbox, it even has a real purpose.
I really relate to everything you spoke about. I also stim like crazy, and it gets worse when I can unmask at home. I literally run around while making noises. My echolalia is so bad, too.
Lol! I love a good analogy and watching this video just helped my wrap myself into a nice tidy bow. I’ve recently rediscovered my crochet obsession after a multi-year hiatus. My previously undiagnosed AuDHD brain felt bad for years constantly reverting to crocheting in order to avoid tasks I didn’t know how to prioritize. I blamed the crochet so I destashed all my yarn and put my supplies out of sight/out of mind. My NEWLY diagnosed AuDHD brain recognizes the intense special interest of the hobby; the calming sensory stimulation of the yarn running through my finger; the thrill of finding a new pattern and new yarn to play with; the ability to switch between projects when I get bored with the repetition of one; the absolute joy of actually finishing something while also looking forward to diving back into an abandoned project; the way I can pop in a pair of noise canceling headphones and listen to audio books, podcasts, and TH-cam videos of my other special interests… I have (re)found my promised land and I’m leaning into the many benefits it gives my brain instead of chastising myself for the other things I’m avoiding. It is my self-prescribed AuDHD therapy because it ticks all my boxes and helps me avoid meltdowns and burnouts.
Sometimes I am intensly paying attention and engaging with.... the first half of what somebody tells me. Then my mind goes off, gets hitched, grows old and dies with the fist half of the conversation, and while it is doing that, I sit there and ask,"Hmmm, I think I'm forgetting something.... Oh yeah, I missed the second half of what somebody was telling me."
Thank you. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one dealing with the duality of AuDHD. It’s nice to see such a community of us gathering to talk about the challenges we face in an understanding and safe environment. I’m not used to receiving that in my local community…great video.❤
It feels good to hear someone explaining exactly what you feel and what yout going through cause in real life it's frustrating Evry time trying to explain your self and what your going through and in the end no one understand and the worse thing is when they take it as a joke
Ok. Thanks to your explanations I can feel in my bones I have both. Fun! I've often wondered why I switch gears from routine and plans to spontaneity. Its like being oppositional-defiant to myself. LOL. The NT community seems to put this all interns of self sabotage and I have been pooping on myself for decades because of it. To know that's its just my thing is such a relief. I do take lamictal and it has immensely helped the loopy looping thoughts. immensely. Thanks for being a mirror and helping to normalize these actions.
It's so interesting, I was on Lamotrigine (Lamictal) for 10 years while I was misdiagnosed as being bipolar. Now that I've been off of it for a year and a half, it's only now that I've been looking more into ADHD (have the diagnosis) and Autism because it feels like the world has been turned up to 11 and I'm so overwhelmed. May I ask, were you given that medication for a neurodivergent condition? Or is it just a lucky side effect and you take it for something else?
@@akaymac1 I was first given it over a decade ago. I had an incorrect diagnosis of "rapid cycling bi-polar". I found it helpful. When my diagnosis then changed to CPTSD, I went off of it with my dr.'s help and used other methods like meditation, breath work, etc. Recently went on it again and then got an AUD(and I think ADHD may be added )diagnosis.I find it so helpful in stopping my thoughts from completely freaking out and taking off. I do still get upset appropriately but my thoughts dont churn unendingly any more. I wish there was a more natural equivalent but I have yet to find one.
@@GoodBeets4ME This is super helpful to know! Thank you for sharing it with me! I'm in that boat of struggling to function with bad anxiety (from AuDHD I think...getting testing soon) and they want to put me on an SSRI, but my stomach can't tolerate them. So far therapy hasn't been super helpful in terms of managing the anxiety so it's made me question going back on a low dose of Lamotrigine (even though that had negative side effects for me too). If I can ask, did you get put on the same dosage you were on previously?
@@akaymac1 I dont remember but now I take 25 mg in the morning and 50mg at night. Its one of the few meds that I have had no side effects from and I am grateful.
I think I've figured out why I hate cooking dinner. I don't want to stop what I'm doing and it feels like admitting defeat and the rest of the day is over. Even if I start dinner early. Somehow it will take 2 hrs to make dinner then I'm too tired to go back to whatever the project was.
Wait is that a thing that can happen as a result of not being diagnosed?? I’m pretty sure i have bpd and i was only diagnosed in my 20s. Holy shit i need someone to look at my brain seriously
wait you might be unto something... i was diagnosed with bpd and i dont have 3k$ to get assessed on adhd and asd so i just have to rely on info online and myself. so i have been just thinking its impossible since i have bpd, but something is missing in the equation. whenever i open up to my family or some redirecting doctor ( in charge of understanding why you are asking for help. they are mediocre, put word in your mouth and contradict themselves...), i get told its impossible and all bunch of nasty stuff with ableism thrown in the mix. "you are just making excuses" -my mom. so... in a way knowing someone else with bpd has more than just bpd is comforting. im not insane for feeling like bpd doesnt describe all of my issues that make me feel distanced? marginalised? misunderstood? like the odd one out? forced to act in social areas, which i guess is masking now that i know more about it... 😅
I'm in the process of getting assesed for ADHD, but I'm certain I'm auDHD. From all the TH-camrs out there, I could never relate to anyone more than to Chris. This video has been proof again! Feels so good to be not alone!!
I found out I have both after working with Ayahuasca for years, it's a powerful realization that I am still learning to manage. First it was the ADHD and then the Autism. When you drink Ayahuasca you see the ADHD as a black hole in your head just shooting thoughts at you randomly, you also notice the super fast thinking among other things, constant acceleration, while the Autism feels like this pristine creativity but also extra sensitivity and rigidity. I would say one of the things that helped me the most was also a friend reinforcing this idea when I bring it up to him. Turns out he was in the same journey of discovery and we both now know we are AuDHD.
It’s really weird hearing someone so specifically describe what it’s like in my brain. But I’m very happy to know there is an actual reason my brain is like this. Thank you.
I'm so glad I found your channel. My ex wife told me about 4 years ago that she thought I was on the spectrum but after researching through more main stream sites I decided although similar it must be just my ADHD. But seeing this now through other autistics and ADHD eyes it's more than obvious. I can see how exactly why I learned to mask. My parents would leave home when they went to visit with other relatives and they were very embarrassed of my rocking. I would rock in bed, rocking chair and in the car. And I was always alone and although I had one close that friend by high school I didn't any friends. But if course that's just the tip of the iceberg. At 63 y.o. and alone but I do pretty good by myself considering only ex wife shows up to bring me groceries when I run out of food or place looks like a cyclone came through the house because which overwhelms me. Virtually everything that you mentioned here is a duplicate of what I go through. There's been only two things that I don't do which is the stuffed animals and I like to be rubbed lightly. But it has to be a certain way or it likes finger nails on a chalk board and irritates me. And if it's done right its similar to the rocking chair. It just soothes my mind. This all said I think the number one way that I have always stimmed Is in a rocking chair and I haven't had one in 3 years since I moved to this place I'm in and my ex-wife is working on getting me one. Thanks to your site and a few others hopefully I can talk the insurance company into doing the testing they said they only have funding for somebody under 21 which I think is discrimination. And it may seem like an odd thing but I need that rocking chair because it will help me function or at least alleviate the tension I feel inside me. Oh, and I should be thanking you so I will but to tell you the truth I forget formalities all the time especially when I write a book like this because I think, who would take this much time to explain themselves if they weren't grateful😂
OMG! This video was just recommended to me by TH-cam and it's a perfect description of how my brain works. Sadly i never could put it in words like you, and was never taken serious.. Thanks for this Video.
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here
I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
@@AlbertoTorres894 I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
I grew up over achieving. I thought I’d be such a badass by now…only to have my symptoms worsen after trauma. Now I feel like a different person but the same person. I’ve always felt this way but the level of dissociation and my unawareness of time is so terrifying. I wanted college, independence, passion. Now I rely on my bf to take care of me. I know that I’m so lucky. I just can’t come to terms with how my cptsd interacts with my audhd. 😢❤ Does it get better? I hate living at times.
As someone who got my formal diagnosis of ASD last year, I'm finding it EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to find a medical provider who will accept me that I have ADHD which in the US helps with the open possiblity to drugs like Vyvanse. I'm just so frustrated because no matter how much I try to stabilize myself between the ASD and ADHD parts of my life and brain, work on what I can, I feel that I'm being prevented and blocked from medical intervention and accessibility to these medications that would also help me further. I even had a doctor who concluded that I was OVER DIAGNOSED and didn't think I was ASD, neglecting the idea that I didn't struggle with ADHD entirely. EVERYTHING you listed off in this video and every video you make is identical to what I go through as an AuDHD'er 😥 I absolutely HATE how there isnt any consistency with healthcare in general.
Same here. Had to opt for natura remedies, chewing a couple seeds of nigella sativa proved so efficient helping me fall asleep - which led to a better quality sleep- therefore didn’t have anxiety or issues getting myself started the next morning… not the best but it helped calm me down. Read about it there are plenty of studies
One thing that has helped me is becoming self employed via 3D modeling, and I have found the best way to get things done is to work in what I call “chunks” where I take long days or weeks breaks, and then when I do work I go into “crunch mode” and all I do is work. Obviously this isnt possible with standard work and so I always struggled with that so find your passion and make something of it!! Every point is this video was spot on. Also.. so many unfinished projects lol.. But they serve as a back up in the future atleast lol!
Having to focus just to really hear what someone is saying and not just hear that they're speaking is so exhausting. I love reading, but haven't been able to as much as I'd like as an adult due to working long hours and having a 2 hour commute round trip. I've gotten into audiobooks and listen to them during my drive. Whether I'm reading an actual book or listening to an audiobook, I'll have to reread the same paragraph or re-listen to the same 30 seconds of audio several dozen times to stay focused long enough to understand what was said. Once I hyperfocus or fall into the story, I forget all outside factors, but getting to that point is so difficult sometimes.
I'm also both... I just got to a point where I'm trying to kinda have a schedule but also not... I'm literally just riding the waves, when they come. Sometimes I'm too exhausted. But I also zone in and out. But as soon as a topic bores me... I zone out. It's alota ups and downs in one day. But I'm kinda making peace with it. Been so exhausted past few weeks and just do the best I can. I feel more at peace accepting that I'm gonna probably fall around from the one brain operating station to the other more than I'd like. That helps a great deal to not beat myself down. I'm embracing who I am but still trying to develop and grow in new ways and not doom myself. It really is challenging. But it's also freeing to not put such extreme expectations on myself as I usually did. I'm feeling whatever I feel and just living through all the emotions might look very weird to people on outside. But, I dont care anymore. My life is less boring just experiencing everything life has to offer daily. It's definitely push ND pull. Release from tension also.. 😂 Platue also.. It's a bit chaotic I guess. And thats okay. Not perfect at all. Growing daily ❤
Sometimes it's interesting living in the zone where autistic pattern recognition collides with adhd hyperactivity. I don't have a schedule, but I do have a pattern and a plan. But it is completely non-verbal, so I literally can not explain it to anyone. If forced to, I can put together a 20 page essay explaining some of the significant factors and how they fit together and the multiple interconnections that make it so that what seems to others as "the most important thing" actually needs to be done after 27 other things (you know, like how in order to build a new wall, you have to tear down the old wall first?). But, if forced to, by the time I'm done with the 20 page essay it will be completely out of date, inaccurate, and will have used up all the time and energy I had to do any of the things, so it's not a useful exercise. One thing I've learned, is trust the pattern recognition.. but listen to others too, because other perspectives are often valuable.
6:21 Routines were so confusing to me when I was first exploring the idea that I had ADHD. I had this desire to not have them but I strong feeling and understanding that I needed them. Then I was told by my mother that I was actually diagnosed with ASD at 8 years old...and it all made a lot more sense.
Thank you for this video. I'm diagnosed ADHD and ASD and have been trying to figure out just what that means to me for a while. Yours is the first video I've watched on the topic that gave me the aha! moment of feeling like someone out there had my brain.
Fantastic communication, Chris. I'm still learning about what the combo entails and I REALLY appreciate your calling out the exact biology class smell that caused me to get an incomplete in that class! The tug of war is real so I just need to get these two aspects of myself to do some creative and positive collaboration; hopefully, that's possible! Thank you thank you thank you.
I especially relate to struggling with group conversations. The combination of not being able to filter out sounds and deep diving into a particular subject when I hear anything interesting makes it impossible to follow the eb and flow of normal group conversations. To counter that I naturally grew a very unique sense of humour and I tend to drive the group dynamic by putting on a show. If I can't, I disappear in the background and pretend I'm doing something more important than participating in the group.
Isn't it amazing how the people who complain the loudest about being interrupted are the same people who never leave a gap for anyone else to say anything?
Anyone else feel the tug of war of both autism and ADHD? What's your experience feel like? Tell us in the comments ⤵ it really helps to hear the unique ways we all feel this and for many of us to know we're not alone on it!
Daily. It's like constantly needing everything in your life to be systematically organized, complete and correct. And at the same time my mind being in total chaos All The Time. Which makes me anxious. Cause I can't handle chaos. Which totally exausts me.
Everything you said is completely accurate. Lol
I had to stop and rewind to figure out which issue caused the ruminating. Plus, I got distracted by your purple nee-doh too. I didn’t know, in addition to having late-diagnosed ASD, I have ADHD. Ugh! I’m sixty-two years old next month. How did I get through life living with both of these issues? 😵💫
Autism L2 and ADHD most severe. Add SAD, GAD, PTSD and possibly hEDS. Still not the full list.
Technically diagnosed at 53. I knew I was Autistic decades before that, but no one saw it, they did see the ADHD, but I didn't see that even though it was a huge part of the problem. It took a specialist to see the Autism, and me watching a hell of a lot of TH-cam to recognize the ADHD.
Taste and smell were so bad I forced myself to get used to smoking to intentionally kill some of both senses. Especially smell. I could smell things about people around me no one ever wants to know about another person. VHS style plastics (i know most will not remember this), perfume counters. Anything like that anywhere near your store, I couldn't even come close. Hearing wasn't far behind, but I have hearing loss (9-year-olds do NOT need to be taught to use a shotgun without hearing protection) but I always had trouble hearing people speak over any other sounds. Everything else was too distracting and I could no longer focus. Still cannot get hearing doctors to understand, they see the actually quite narrow bit of loss and just write it off as that.
Projects and stuff. I never had to work at most school related learning. I listened or read, and I just knew it from that point on. Physical skills took more like "normal" effort to do, as a result I am far prouder of locksmithing then my coding skills.
Let's face it, even the best mental health professionals just are not yet up to the task of dealing with that level of complexity and it shows when I try and seek help. I stopped trying.
Knowing that I am AuDHD explains soooo much about my strengths and weaknesses! Thank you for continuing to add to the conversation! 🎉
I cannot simply “stop doing something”. If it doesn’t get done, I can’t let it go and it causes immense stress and burnout if it reoccurs daily/ weekly. More of my life feels like it’s out of control. Going out to the grocery store/ mall/ doctor- there is always way too much stimulation. All the colors, smells, sights- it’s so exhausting. I get scared at nothing. The only way I could tolerate all the noise of life was through drugs. I always thought there was something wrong with me and that the anxiety would never stop. I have crazy high anxiety doing “basic” things like driving, flying on a plane, riding on a bus, being seen by others or looked at by others, being vulnerable in conversations, going to a concert/ event, attending a work meeting even on Zoom, etc. ASD/ADHD creeps into every aspect of your life! I feel like no one has understood how difficult things can be for those of us who go through this. I am seeking a diagnosis this coming week. Blessings to you, reader, may you have peace and joy ❤
My biggest tension here is the autistic *need* for routine vs the ADHD inability to sustain a routine of any sort. Once in a while I get into a routine and it helps so much, but as soon as anything disrupts that routine, it is GONE, like it never happened and i can't get it back 😭
I get this so much, I have ADHD and I'm pretty certain my child has both. Trying to supply the routine but also both of us being unable to maintain the routine is REALLY hard
Sporadically starting routines, maintaining them for a few days to a few weeks, then dropping them and forgetting that I did that and enjoyed it until the day I randomly do it again. Onto the next routine. Honestly, work is probably my biggest routine and helps my brain in a lot of ways (a structured environment with set rules?! Yes please! Except then sometimes those rules are not good, that's a whole other hole to dive down). I wish I didn't have to work and could spend my days in neat places learning new things and sometimes meeting new and interesting people but ces't la vie I suppose.
OMG THATS SO REAL THOUGH
💯
I need someone to help me get back on track every time I slip...
I had a water intake tracking up and I kept using it for a year... But then I spent a few weeks in a summer camp where I could not use a phone and I could never get on again...
Even flossing... I had a perfect record of 3 years... And on a few occasions I could not bring my equipment, some sleepovers, some work emergencies and spontaneous ideas later and I cannot recollect when I actually stopped. I always hated myself for it and my family and coworkers blamed my laziness, my lack of organisation skills or just called me stupid.
Having both is like having two toddlers constantly fighting in your head with you standing in the middle begging them to get along and play nice with each other.
totally
Exactly!
This analogy is perfect
In my case it's just the two toddlers and there is nobody in the middle.
@@ModMINI And they're just also exhausted because they've been allowed to run rampant in their feud? 😅
I've never been diagnosed with anything officially. But I've never felt more understood and heard than I did with this video. You perfectly captured everything that's been plaguing me my entire life. Thank you.
Felt like this as well and a few months ago I found out that one of my cousins has ASD I think? My mother just called it autism but, yeah that made me question even more about myself
Yep...
Same here
Literally. I have been diagnosed with ADHD but watched this more to see the comparison to my partner who is autistic... only to realise this whole video described me perfectly... oops.
Me either. My mom never "believed" in ADHD or Autism. She passed away almost three years ago now. I am 36. This has been quite the ride.
Thumbs up if you got distracted three minutes into this video 😂
3, 6 and 9 minutes that I was well aware of
Not this time, because I was doing other things… earlier I spent the best part of an hour trying to watch a six minute video because I kept zoning out or falling asleep…
I had to rewind 5 times 😂
right about when I zoned out and had to rewind 😂😂😂
I want that pink squishy thing
Thank you. I've never seen someone so perfectly describe the chaos of desperately wanting to finish all those projects while simultaneously being unable to finish said projects, causing intense daily mental suffering. Subscribed!
The 100+ unfinished songs on my PC haunt me every day and night... I keep saying I am going to work on stuff but I don't.... honestly so overwhelming. Wanting to do something but not doing the thing because of how frustrated you get!
I finished 6 years of English Literature and couldn't finish my 20 page senior project.
I have this so much too. I have tried so many different things to alleviate this or to make me focus on one of the projects long enough to finish it or to get better at it. I'm not sure if anything has ever worked except keeping it in my line of sight, like always leaving it out in a room, but then I also can't stand to have it out when I'm not using it. It causes me a lot of anxiety.
@@GArtist32 the anxiety is very real. You want to work on it but... not right now. You need to be in the right headspace to do it. You desperately want to finish the thing, but the right headspace never comes. You can't do it without the right headspace, so you wait endlessly for it to arrive, sometimes it never shows up. But the thing sits there, taunting you.
@@SuperKirby_Gamingwaiting for the headspace doesn't work that well (or at all) the trick is to GET your brain into the mood, by thinking about that project, collecting ideas and one day, finally starting (again) it may take some time, months even, but when you started and you're right into it, or even finish something, it feels amazing. For me it helps when somebody is around that is there to control, just to make sure you're working on it, they don't even need to help, just be there.
I haven't been professionally diagnosed but everything you said is basically how my brain works. Absolutely unreal.
The push and pull of my ADHD and autistic brain sometimes cancel out into a form of paralysis. This is why I get stuck so often. So many of us, especially those who are diagnosed later in life, have a history of how others have reacted to the way our brain functions which can result in complex traumas. I'm now working on accepting how my brain works and being less hard on myself. Pre-diagnosis, I regularly tracked cause and effect (so autistic, right?) and it led to me agreeing with others that something was wrong with me. I couldn't adjust and adapt as easily as everyone else could. Many times, this dynamic was tied to judgments about me as a person. Clearly, I WAS too lazy, too aggressive, too blunt, too controlling, too loud, etc. Since I never imagined I was AuDHD, what other "excuse" was there for my "abnormal," "negative" behaviors? I'm one year post-diagnosis and I'm slowly getting better at being kind to myself. I feel that, the more I am kind to myself, the less of a trauma response I experience. It is a slow process but it is happening. When my brain is freed from the energy of the trauma responses, I feel I can be more present and make better choices. My brain is amazing and not broken. Thanks for this video. It is important that we realize we aren't alone in these experiences.
Very good point about being kind to yourself. There can be a lot of self-judgment and shame. We need some empathy for ourselves too
It’s really true about the shame (which can reach self hate) worsening trauma responses, which increases meltdowns, frustration, rage - and this worsens the feeling of self hate, feeding the downward spiral. Some of the time I’ve felt like there’s no good reason not to hate myself except that it makes me even harder to live with. It also makes it nearly impossible to live with myself.
@@jimwilliams3816 You’re so right. The spiral can be debilitating. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It helps so many to feel less alone. We don’t have to resign ourselves to what others put onto us.
I don’t have resources for diagnosis but the more of these kind of comments I read the more I know to my core who I am. Thank you for sharing.
thanks for being kind to yourself. I should try it, but I honestly don't know how. I'm trying to laugh things off instead of getting upset(usually at myself).. but its hard.
If being an autistic person is exhausting I can't even imagine what to be AuDHD must be. I admire you all.
Thank you
It is very exhausting but I've obviously got nothing to compare it to since its always been this way
It's not that hard... We're naturals at it 😅😂😭
what exactly do you admire? my absolute constant lack of energy? even Adderall does nothing.
The worst is a project I desperately want to do but simply can't for "its going to cause problems with my brain"
It's hell. Even worse when your a woman with how we have our periods? Imagine being both AuDHD, while on your period....Unmedicated....Haha, help me😭😃
I'm recently diagnosed AuDHD, and would always say I hate routines and could never stick to one. I discovered the craziest thing this year. After living with my partner for over 10 years and never spending more than a day apart, I had to do a 2-week work trip out-of-state. First time on my own for an extended period. Annnnd I woke up the same exact time each morning, well before my alarm; I did stretches and yoga, made myself breakfast, and got to where I needed to be on time every. single. morning. I've spent the last 10 years (especially the last 2-3), completely UNABLE to do this! Made me realise that many of my habits (or lack thereof) were due to having others constantly around me and feeling unable to allow routines to happen naturally. Definitely opened my eyes that if I were given the chance, my autistic side was happy to take over and create some stability. Instead, I get to try and wrangle constant chaos and sleep deprivation! Now I'm working on how I can achieve how I functioned those 2 weeks in my daily life! 😅
Relatable!
And definitely supported by what Dodson says on 'creating a manual' and 'toolbox' where some 60-100 tools will be needed. Going out of state is one of my tools, revigorating my ability to function in accordance with a productive 'schedule' or at least some kind of productive planning. Combined with a solid set of long term goals (useful resource there: Tony Robbins original book - or just use his tutorial on setting goals, for free on YT).
Go for it!
PS also remember: money buys good relievers/finishers.
Could it have been not being able to access a go-to ADHD silencer. For example videogames? Because for me, all the time, I’m like BRO if I didn’t have videogames, I could do SOOO much 😂
How were you able to get diagnosed?
Thanks for sharing this. Been finding something similar. Interesting to reverse the common belief that habits and routines are imposed from without and ‘shoulds’ rather than allowed to evolve and establish themselves naturally because they feel good.
@Crazakun what did you do with the missus then?
I am undiagnosed, but have been certain for years that AUDHD is what has governed my life. Thank you for not letting me feel alone in this.
Yes, me too. I've flip flopped whether I want to get diagnosed or not, but I feel like if the opportunity presents itself that I can get diagnosed without having to pay thousands of dollars (because of course I am unemployed and poor since our society/culture/country/gov doesn't have the supports in place to help us) I will go ahead and take the test, because without it everyone judges you anyway, and at least with the certification in hand you can prove that you are neurodivergent.
I'm undiagnosed as well. My older son was diagnosed with ADHD and I realized I have a lot of qualities. Recently I've been learning about Autism and realized I have a lot of those qualities too. My younger son is probably on the spectrum, but recently I think he has both like I probably do.
You can’t just self diagnose tho. What if it’s antisocial personality disorder
@ajnunez8788 You need go be able to identify yourself to a point. No body else KNOWS the real you.
@@ImOnA_Plain the sad thing is that doctors are the first ones acting like this. So instead of a patient you become a client 😢
My Dad " it's not what you say, it's how you say it!" Destroyed me for decades!
I feel that so hard, but with me it was both my parents
I heard that from many people over my life.
My husband says this to me. He is beginning to understand.
My dad’s phrase was, “If looks could kill…”
SAME!
My mom told me this one 😢
I hate it when my brain wanders off during a meeting or at parties when I realize I’ve been sitting quietly in my head instead of interacting with people for who knows how long.
I am training to just be honest about that and and tell them I got distracted by a thought or a memory or whatever and ask them to please repeat the last sentence or from the last point I remember what they said. My daughter is getting really good at telling if it happens, often before I realize it and because she realizes it anyways it helped me to just tell how it is when it happens. Children are such good teachers of how to human sometimes
i do the same. so i just stopped going to parties.. i feel better... am sure i am autistic but with add... what do think?
@@AvaMoon-f9g I’ve suspected the same about myself.
I don't really think I'm autistic, but I do think I have ADHD. In college like 5 of us hotboxed a bathroom with the lights off and I enjoyed just listening to everybody chat with each other and crack jokes that they had to go "hey dan you still in here" hahaha with no ability to see anything I was just vibing listening to everybody like they were a podcast
That's me when my dad drove me to school realizing halfway that I didn't listen to a single thing he said
I desperately want a routine to stick to, as the idea of a routine is incredibly comforting, but at the same time the thought of doing the exact same thing every day is agonizing. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 7, and I'm working on getting evaluated for autism now.
Same!!!!
Same with me, i wish i would be able to get a routine, but i can´t really stick to anything longer for longer periods, except i am interested in it :D
The trick is to trick your brain in doing a routine but convince your brain it's not boring because the task isn't the same, the topic is, but you're always doing something different. And then you'll learn, even when you do the same stuff, it still can be very satisfying (like flossing your teeth with flossing sticks or using a cordless screwdriver or hammering nails etc.)
I am almost in the exact same spot, I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was 7-8 and now I'm 19 realizing a lot of my social issues, overthinking/not understanding social cues, eye contact and other people could be ASD lol, now I'm focusing on getting medication for my ADHD for the first time and see if that'll help with at least some of my executive dysfunction.
Wow I feel the same exact way. I only recently got diagnosed at 18 (20 now) with ADHD and despite having looked into autism for a few years on my own now (highly interested in it/how it works), I am still not convinced I’m autistic even though some of my diagnosed autistic friends tell me it’s very likely I do LOL Idk, I know symptoms often overlap and having both would make sense that it feels so conflicting due to the (mostly) opposing nature of each disorder but it could just be ADHD without the other. Maybe I will look to get evaluated someday but for now my ADHD has caused me way more significant issues that need addressing than potentially autism (which when I look back may have contributed to my childhood problems instead). But yeah this thing about routines I always explain it to people and my therapist that I really love the idea of a routine because it’s so controlled and predictable and would definitely help me stay on track but my ADHD hates the thought of having to do the same thing everytime especially when it feels like a task I have to do. Man 😭
Sorry for the lengthy comment LOL I didn’t realize
Thank you for powering through and finishing the project of making and posting this video. It was incredibly validating to watch.
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for this comment too - made me smile 😊 and always helps keep us motivated
I love going off to the coffee shop to work on something or read. A new coffee shop is even better. Something fun about the people watching, the interaction, the coffee smells, the variety. Then, after a bit, people start to annoy me. It gets too loud or the dishes are clattering, or someone is on their phone. People bump into you in line or bump in to your table. The table is wobbly or at a weird height. I'm hearing every conversation even if I don't want to. And then I start wishing I had stayed home where I can concentrate.
A couple days later, I do it all over again.
Everyone has a tolerance level for peopleing stressors. It takes intense physiological effort for your brain to do the filtering of all the things simultaneously. At some point the brain can't keep up and suddenly all the things that were being filtered out exist, much to our chagrin. 😫 Then it's time to gtfo because it's not going to get better from there. The peopleing battery requires recharging!! 😅
I got chills. It's creepy how you described it because it's exactly how I interact with places.
This is me but in Libraries XD especially hard when I have no isolated area to sit in and have to sit opposite someone because then I feel like they’re noticing my fidgetiness and I get very tense and freeze up and can’t concentrate so I just leave abruptly.
Wow, same here! Listening to music and sitting in a corner help a bit.
Even though I’ve already gone through similar things with ADHD and Autism separately, this was the first time that I think I heard somebody else with both explain in it in that way where I was like, “Yes! That! Me too!” and like finally hearing somebody else describe dealing with the same struggle I do.
Same!!!! So good and validating!!! I remember when I got my autism diagnosis ( as adult like so many of my generation ), and then went into deep study of it ( ha! So typical! It became my very intense SI for couple of years ), and joined forums...and some were quick to judge me as possibly having gotten wrong diagnosis, cos my ADHD made me more impulsive and possibly also more social. 🤔 I didn't fit into the box, that some of the forum members seemed to demand in order to be "one of them". Made me angry and disappointed. ADHD symptoms were recognisable to my neurologist ( who is also psychiatrist ), but she said that if I got the official diagnosis of ADHD too, it would do more harm than good for me in the country where I live now. But oh my, it's so great to hear from others who have the combo as well! Makes it so much more challenging to rest, and to find the right balance between sensory friendly, reliable ( like f.e. strict routines.... they do help me many times... ) environment, and not too boring at the same time...the exhaustion is real...
8:29 I always call this “spiraling” and when I start doing this in a conversation/argument with my husband, he says “hey! Where are you? Come back to me!” Spiraling is a terrible feeling because you blame yourself for whatever you deem your fault when 90% of it was out of your control
The biggest advice i was told is to use your task blindness to your advantage. Example: if you need to have a shower but you're stuck because you know it'll be a lot of sensory stimulation with a cold bathroom and water pressure etc. break down the task. Youre not having a shower yet, you're just moving your towels into the bathroom. You're not having a shower yet, you're just putting on your playlist. You're just changing out of your clothes, oh wait you're in the shower! 😮 Well you might as well shower now so you can get into warm fresh clothes 😁
in the meantime, i'm standing there trying to figure out what to do first. i mean, no sense changing out of my clothes till i get the towels in there. but i really need to finish the laundry first so i have towels. but before that, i need to do the dishes cause, by this time, i've been standing there so long that my blood sugar is dropping and i feel faint. but how can i cook anything when it's still in the freezer
@@vulcanfelineYes!
@LittleDergon, yes! I do this all the time. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, and often describe what you've shared as tricking my stubborn inner child/"I don't wanna" streak by doing steps of a task thinly disguised as an unrelated task. But seeing your comment here, on a video about having both ADHD and ASD is another point for considering getting assessed for ASD, too. I've wondered for a while, but didn't realize what you described might be tied to both.
What I’ll do is I’ll go into the bathroom to use the bathroom and then that makes my brain go hey woah let’s in the shower that would be a funky fresh idea. Like it wasn’t refusing to let me do it two minutes ago before I walked in there
i do that with cleaning dishes. first step i do is putting the clean ones in the shelves, second step is i classify the dirty dishes so the task has more structure in how i can tackle it. third step i clean them. sometimes this is on the span of 3 days or a few hours between. sometimes just seeing the classed dirty dishes makes me go "might as well clean it". i also put on my earbud with a youtube video. helps removes the clinks sounds of dishes and entertains my suffering for a bit.
sometimes i spontaneously really want to clean the bathroom sink, i end up cleaning the whole bathroom or appartment...
Stop reading my journal damn it :P
mood
Facts. Are we all the same person?
So much this... I miss being able to mask 😥
@@stferret not able to mask ? I'm curious, can you elaborate ?
@@BethFebbo It may be the case :P
2:10 what drives me crazy is when people tell me to smile.... 🤬🤬🤬
Something specifically that really scrambles my brain is the spontaneity/routine conflict. If someone cancels on me last minute and my day changes, I either end up doing very little and feeling really guilty, or I do EVERY HOUSEHOLD CHORE to make up for it. And then I’m exhausted either way. Curious to know if anyone else gets this way. Thank you for this incredibly insightful video! I’m so happy to be alive at a time when people are having open conversations about ND things. I thought something was just kind of wrong with me for a long time and it’s a big relief to know that isn’t the case.
Yes. I still don't know how to explain this. Part of me loves having plans and routines. Part of me can not tolerate the thought of having to do anything at a particular time or in a particular place. There is no pattern to what goes into which category. I've generally learned to compromise: I wind up with long lists of things that need to be doe at no particular time. Mostly it works. Unless one of those things is picking up my daughter from work. She schedules her day in, like, three minute time blocks, and her day is ruined if she is either dropped off at work 1 minute too early, or picked up 3 minutes too late. We try to make it work, although I tend to not really notice time periods of less than an hour.
And yes, I, too, call it "Guilt Cleaning". It's not because I've done anything wrong, it's the overwhelming and irrational feeling that every single thing in the universe that needs to be done that hasn't been done is my fault and all of space-time will collapse unless the last piece of laundry is folded and put away. Thankfully my wife keeps trying to tell me it isn't true, and it's OK to sleep, and the dishes will still be there tomorrow, but it's a hard sell.
Spontaneity vs routine is why I didn't think I had ASD for so many years.
One conflict in that area is not being able to set my own routines, but doing so much better when others do it for me. But, then resentment about their authority over me builds until either exploding or imploding.
Haha… usually I only have the second example. Feel like I got free time and see all the things I can fill up.
But I also recognise the feeling of paralysis when plans changes.
I’m not diagnosed with either of asd or adhd, but probably have adhd.
@jayotto1628 you're not alone. This internal conflict is one of the most exhausting symptoms of having both. I never understood it before. How I can crave socializing and at the same time not want to be around people has always perplexed me. I do the same thing too. If plans change I feel a sense of doom and must either fill my day with overexertion or do nothing at all in a state of paralysis.
Same, relatable!!!
My son is AuADHD (16) we homeschool so we love it when kids go back to school because the stores are empty. We have also learned that walking the dogs after dark is very sensory friendly. As a mom in the hustle of the culture he has taught me to slow down and live in a smaller space. It isn’t less, we have expanded our views. It’s like we were running on land and now we are scuba diving with him. It’s different, not less.
Yeah night time walks r nice, of course u have to have the right setting for it too
Ooooh I should take nighttime walks! I love being outside any time but I haven’t actively gone out at night in ages!
I'm scared of the dark unless I'm with someone. You should invite someone trusted to go with you and do it tonight :) @@Lari-lc3zq
@@heedmydemands yes safety first and always.
I love night walks & cycling after dark, definitely sensory peace. Woodland walking has the same effect for me.
I’m watching this with tears in my eyes, having one of those “Someone put me to words…” moments…
We need to make a country, small island, of exclusively AUDHD people. Either nothing will get done, or everything will be utopian. It’d certainly be quiet, and peaceful - but fun and interesting at the same time.
I could only imagine the little collections of trinkets and gadgets, all the special interests and focuses of passion that’d be present in every household.
It would certainly be a cool project.
Thanks for this video, man. You really are a good representative of people like us.
It’s hard living life with this shit in your head, but were beautifully unique. Talented, too, and can use our “special brains” to do great things.
Every autistic/adhd person I’ve ever met has always been so down-to-earth and generally intelligent.
beautiful comment, I totally agree with everything you say!
I'm slightly concerned about this island though... it does sound like a utopia but where is the food coming from? and where is the trash going? actually who's doing the trash? and wasn't someone supposed to order food? I really need to pee - oh wait that looks interesting.....
@@garybeman9497 I'm also concerned about the island. I have a few friends who i love dearly whose adhd side is more dominant and they are LOUD, but their ASD side misses all the social cues that people are feeling uncomfortable. Maybe instead of an island we could have a group of islands and we each get our own one... and kind hearted NT people come and deliver us food and make sure we sleep and stay alive and stuff.
@@rachaeledwards2782 Sooo.... A zoo?! (I joke)
It’s called Silicon Valley
@@justanotherchannelname1273 😂
#4 ..saw a shrink for anxiety and he was talking about the noise from the fan being tuned out, and I replied “no it’s not, I hear it like I hear you. I hear the reception staff working in the front. I feel the seat under me, my feet in my shoes. I don’t tune anything out, my brain doesn’t do that.” He said that’s really interesting and sent me on with my script.
Yes, if you don't fit the mold, they just medicate. Been there. In fact, my last shrink told me the same crap and I screamed at him that that's what I'm trying to stop.
@@jacquimoore5967 eek..yeah..was 30 at the time and just learning that level of awareness to all things stimuli wasn’t what everyone experiences, kinda sucks if I try to get with a guy who’s a “petter”…stop touching me..please I beg you. Hypersensitivity is ass
Yeah people that are able to tune things out does not make any sense to me at all.
I have struggled with sleep ALL my life and one thing no one but other autistic people seems to understand is that I MUST have white noise close to the bed (fan, radio on low, whatever) or else my brain will not let me sleep because NOTHING gets filtered out: the icemaker downstairs making ice in the freezer, cars going by outside, cats walking around inside the house (yes I can hear cats walking), the wind, the faint sound of the neighbor's TV, airplanes going by overhead, whatever.
Exactly! Everything everywhere all at once and it doesn't stop. STOP CLICKING YOUR PEN!!!😮
Chris. You are literally living in my brain. It makes me happy that there is someone that can articulate the situation.
I'd like to share is that the obsession/passion thing that we have can also apply to relationships or people. Lets say it sucks when your GF of ten years dies and you havent been able to stop thinking about her since the beginning.
As a teacher, and one with ASD, I am VERY much aware of my students who have ASD or ADHD. There are a number of similarities but if you know, you know. I adjust my lessons accordingly.
Me too. I talk about it very openly with students since, due to my school setting working with gifted students, this is very common.
@@LimitedWish: Your students are lucky to have you! When I was in school in the 1960s-early 70s, the medical community didn’t even think that GIRLS could BE ADD’ers! I am extremely MATH-challenged, so those classes were literally painfully humiliating-which I wouldn’t wish on anyone! Thanks again for your honesty and openness with your students.
@@nanwilder2853 thank you! It really is my absolute pleasure. I love what I do!
It makes my heart warm to hear of you teachers with autism/adhd ❤it makes so much sense to help children/adults with autism/adhd when you are life experienced in it ❤
@@LimitedWish EXACTLY! I usually have the gifted and those not-so-gifted so the range is immense. It helps promote acceptance as well, to talk openly about it, imo. We learn about each other and that encourages empathy.
4:00 "possibly not any of them." 😃😄😆😅😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭 Yeah, I can relate to the 20+ projects of my AuDHD brain. 🙌
Yes! This is me!! I now realise I am so very likely AuADHD, too, as a result of this video, as I resonate so highly with every single one of these points.
That is the story of my life... Never been diagnosed with ASD nor my clearly HFA mom and sister and HER sister. But my cousin and my child have ASD. I think I'm on the borderline of ASD. Spent childhood memorizing topics like EVERY dog breed that existed, EVERY bird call, EVERY type of tree, and developing uses for my then-photographic memory. Now it's me, my 20 yr old, two cats, and our GOBS & GOBS of deep dives into our special interests. In other words... an apartment filled to the brim with stuff we just HAVE to collect, lol.
Yep. I have so many ideas, they just keep trumping each other and, at best, I only sketch them out.
My father, always so kind, liked to call me a dilletante.
About a year ago I found out that my brother and his wife are expecting a baby. I immediately wanted to gift him a baby music box like I did for my daughter. So I bought fabric and a music box with a cute melody I wanted to use. Then I decided to make a pillow to lay on instead of a star shaped one that you attach to his crib as I planned at first. I then ordered a sewing machine because I didn't have one.
My nephew was born in June this year and we will visit them this month for the first time. And guess who didn't even START sewing that gift but started to do a dream catcher as a gift for him simultaniously that will probably also remain unfinished? 🙄
I don’t know how you were able to describe my entire personality in one video but thank you so much. I finally have a condensed and easy to understand description of what I deal with to show others so they can also finally understand. I can’t believe I’ve finally found a video where I related to EVERY SINGLE part of it.
No kidding
That explanation of the hyper one minute then zoning out the next in social situations resonates with me SO MUCH! I feel like in social situations I sort of black out and am this super chatty, hyperactive talker and it's like the automatic mask that comes over me. It's like being behind a glass shield that does the "neurotypical socialization" for me. Then some sort of overt sensory stimuli might happen to knock me out of it or something and I sort of come back to reality and I get anxious. And like you said, I'm happy to get home and then my brain ruminates on all the stuff I might have said in my "blackout state". It's super strange and I've only just realized that this happens to me. I've got an ADHD diagnosis and going in September to be tested for Autism cause both seem to fit, but neither feels like the full picture. I REALLY appreciate these videos from your perspective as an AuDHDer! Thanks for all you and Debby do, it has helped me so much!
Same! I was telling a friend recently after her party and feeling like I blew it socially, "I feel like an alien cosplaying as a human a lot of the time." Like I know what you're supposed to do but I've got to consciously play the part. It doesn't come naturally.
Oh I hear you!!!! 😮 I need hours and hours and hours before I can sleep, so meeting people until late, keeps me awake until morning hours, or worse, sometimes even 24 hours or more, depending ! 😩 With physical health problems it's even worse, cos then I am so "out of order" the next day, or get migraine on top of it, etc etc ... Difficult! I try to meet people one-on-one at my home or peaceful environment, then it works the best. Parties? I stopped torturing myself and gave them up ages ago! Lost a few "friends" for it, but I am not sad about it, anymore. I anyway often had the feeling, that for many I only had some "curiosity" value, and nothing more. But I rather be alone than harm myself by doing things that exhaust me with people who eventually don't really care about me... Still having only few friends, but hopefully finding more in the future.
I do this thing in communities where I'm very active for the first little bit and then basically shut down. And then feel bad because I watch everyone else continue interacting and bonding and not knowing how to do that.
A lot of people go through this NT as well. Its common for ur social battery to run out time to time. People also ruminate on what they said all the time. When ur nervous, you can say dumb things. What u describe as a blackout state is normal as well, its ideal actually, to be in a flow state in certain situations and not to think so much. But thats just my NT view on this
The way you explained the projects taking on too many, getting overwhelmed then not managing to finish any is literally my life and I finally understand why I do it. Thank you
I had to paint my shower room ceiling so that's half done. I'm also filling many holes in my wall which were left when the boiler was moved. I "finished" laying laminate flooring in my lounge but not the edging strips. That's been waiting 3 years as I can't figure out how to fill the big gaps that the strips won't cover...
Then there's the kitchen tiles that are around 1/2 completed but I'm bored of it now. My bathroom is literally 99% finished. I just keep forgetting it until I'm cleaning my teeth for bed.
I don't understand what's different to just regular ADHD?
@@nowonmetube I hope I'm not repeating what others have already said but autism increases ADHD overwhelm, fear and sensory issues. Fearfulness can exacerbate paralysis, rheuminating and overthinking. Its like a "push-me pull-you" animal.
Thats my take but happy to hear other viewpoints.
I can't tell you how many times I've collected enough crafts supplies to start my own store and never done anything with them other than take stuff out of the packages so I can't even return them for my money back.
You’re probably the most relatable autism related online presence I’ve come across. Not only does it feel comforting to hear you share your personal experiences, but your content has been a powerful tool for me to help those close to me understand me and my life better. Thanks for what you do ❤
This is relatable. I struggle with this pull all the time. Getting started and finishing tasks are so difficult for me. And energy management is difficult too. I get so frustrated that I have so many big ideas and can’t seem to go anywhere with them, and I see so many people around me succeeding and I know I could too, if I could only just focus. And I need so much time to rest from masking and sensory overwhelm that when I do have energy and time to focus on my own creative projects, I don’t know where to start. It’s all so overwhelming and frustrating. I could go on, but I’ll leave it there for now. Thanks for sharing.
Agreed! I get so many ideas for things but have a hard time starting, and for the ones that do get started I don’t finish. I can already see the process like he said, but have a hard time managing and doing it no matter how badly I want it.
It feels like a jack of all trades in knowledge but no physical showing of that knowledge.
@@PocketKanin yes, exactly!
That's me as well. Extremely frustrating. I feel like I can't handle things, and when I DO feel I can handle things, I get overwhelmed because of all the things I want to handle. Then rinse and repeat.
@@PocketKaninthis is so me! And all I want is a degree to show how knowledgeable I am but with the adhd + asd it’s so hard and feel like if I can’t understand it or am overwhelmed by it, no one else will understand. Thanks for sharing
I really wish this condition could be diagnosed more conclusively, sometimes when you say “I’m on the spectrum or I have adhd”, some people just roll their eyes, but they wouldn’t roll their eyes if someone was blind or in a wheelchair, because the condition is obvious to them. I’m sure one day modern medicine will catch up.
My one and only friend has asked me if I’ve ever had diagnosed with ADHD because I talk about it affects me. I was offended. Did she think that I just made this stuff up? I’m hoping to see a neurologist soon to be tested for autism. I’m 70 years old.
@@Sharon_54-w6uYou are absolutely valid!! Your struggles are real, regardless of whether anyone *gets* you!
I want you to know that you deserve to be respected for who you are, and for your very real life experiences. And you deserve to be heard out and listened to and appreciated for who you are.
I don't know you, but I love you, and I hope you have an awesome life friend 🤗🫶
Being in a wheelchair isn't a diagnosis. And I can tell you from experience not everyone takes one as seriously as you make it sound.
This comparison did not help me to understand you
@@Sharon_54-w6u My comment didn't show up for some reason. I hope you can see this. I just want you to know that you are valid, no matter if anyone "validates" you or not!!
@@Lucky9_9 Thank you so much. Life is hard for everyone. It helps that comfort and understanding comes from a stranger through the internet. As humans we need to be kind and love one other. When my mother was dying that’s what she said God had told her. Be kind and love one another.
Lists are your friend. They tell both sides what needs to be focused on, where to start, where to go when you finish one task and need another, remind you where you are when you get lost, remind you that you're supposed to be doing something when your break goes on a little too long...etc. I love lists.
I wish I could do lists. I make lists and then I lose them or forget where I put them. Which I guess is the same thing. 😒
If you're trying to do it with slips of paper, forget it lol I use the notes app on my phone, and I have numerous white boards around
Dude I’m glad I found your channel, It’s like someone finally understands me and my brain.
That's exactly how I feel 🤓
I have told many people, "You can keep talking, I just can't keep listening." The reactions I got from this statement almost always led to my confusion and then apologizing for letting someone know I couldn't follow the conversation any more. I still don't quite understand, but I know to only say this to my kids. Everyone else just gets to keep going until they get mad that I'm not paying attention any more. No matter what, it's wrong and it's my fault.
This to what both look like. to me
that's such and honest, difficult statement. People should appreciate it. But I guess most people think you're messing with them or something.
I barked out a laugh from reading this! I almost searched Google for “why does listening to people talk always suck the lifeblood from my core?”
Its the words you've chose. It sounds like an "idc shush". If you said something empathetic like: "I dont have the capacity to continue listening to u right now. I am sorry. Can we talk about this later (schedule it)?" Or, if uninterested: "I see your excitement and passion and I am happy for you...The thing is that I, unfortunately, am not as invested in this as you. You mind switching topics?"
Basic respect for people's feelings and politeness go a long way
@@Pieza_De_Queso That's a lot of words and they don't hear the nuiance. I've tried all of that. Doesn't change anything. Once someone has taken something personally they can't really listen either.
Obviously it's not a "shush", because there was an invitation to continue to talk. One of my kids wanted to talk to avoid falling asleep. There are reasons for why everyone does everything. They just aren't always the same reasons.
If someone says they can't do something, believe them. Why do they need to explain?
The issue is continuing to pay attention is a struggle for some which others have never truly experienced.
@@pamlindquist2861 I highly disagree. You ordered your point in a very "all or nothing" manner when, apparently, what you had in mind was a very specific situation.
Also, people need to explain because this is how we mostly understand each other as humans: through body and verbal language. I get it might be more dfficult for those with autism (I have ADHD and high abilities/giftedness, not autism), but its crucial for social interactions. Makes little to no sense to simyply accept stuff without any questions, it goes against the curious human nature. We do question everything, especially whats related to the ones close to us.
And I believe NT people struggle to pay attention sometimes, as many factors can cause this. It's just not a regular issue to them.
Some NT individuals lack empathy towards ND insividuals, of course, but expecting people to simply accept statements or actions that are considered rude in their culture is unrealistic and not empathetic as well.
I shared this with my wife, you said everything I fail to. Thank you for being the first person in my life to understand me.
You know what? I stop the video, because I have to say "what a beautiful moment "for us"... that people of our "species" are speaking loud and clear... And that we can understand each other.
I suspect many of us have been very alone and ignorant of the validity of our difference. It’s only the beginning, but it’s so valuable. I think I also have ADHD, in addition to ASD... And now, I return to the video ;)
It's super important to feel "seen" and for so many of us that's been an impossible challenge to surmount.
It feels incredibly validating to not only find out what makes me the way I am, but to hear and see other people going through the same thing and supporting others like us.
Gotta stick together and help each other progress because there's still not many people out there who understand us or are able to help us.
@@blindmownindeed! Now I wonder, if there's some forums that understand both autism and ADHD? I got diagnosed as an adult, and found out ( to my great disappointment ), that in many ways I didn't "fit" in with only autistic, nor ADHD groups...some even doubting my autism diagnosis, which feels terrible when I had just finally understood what was "wrong" with me since childhood...Now I would love to "meet" more AuDHD people, and hopefully make new friends too, who "get" the special challenges of having autism AND ADHD... Would make some communication so much easier, I guess.
I stop the video and realize I missed the last minute because I was reading comments 😭
Difference to mention for point number 1: my brother is ADHD and I am AuDHD. We both struggled in school to make friends as kids, but he could easily approach kids on a random playground and make temporary playground friendships with them where I absolutely 100% couldn't. Similar from a professional standpoint, yet very very different from my perspective. Even now he knows how to schmooze and succeed on a shallow level which gets him far, yet I can't even get a positive result from an interview without prior help from an acquaintance
I’m an ADHDer and on the fence about whether I’m AuDHD (inconclusive self-tests). I’ve never had any difficulties socializing. Yes I zone out sometimes, but I’m so good at masking that only people who live with me ever notice. Thing is, most socializing is masking, and I just don’t care enough to do it anymore. I’m a very confident person, and once I’m comfortable, I don’t hide that confidence behind politeness. Luckily I’m a teacher now, so being confident and commanding is an asset, but when I worked corporate jobs, I was called arrogant. And as every last one of my friends is getting diagnosed with some flavor of ND, I’m like… yeah that’s why I like you. 😂 NDs recognize that I don’t think I’m better, I’m just not willing to shrink myself.
@@MissAmeROCKanaalso noticed as an ADHD-er that ND people will cycle around you, you don’t even notice until adulthood. I didn’t even realise I was masking anything until recently, I’m now in my 40s and discovering what ADHD is and that I probably have it, but watching this video has quelled the questions about ASD, which my son has a diagnosis of (and I’m fairly sure he has ADHD as well, also on the grounds of this video). Thank you!
And i kinda have both things at the same time. Just getting to lnow someone is easy for me but if i have a more seroius talk, like just a couple days ago about if i have adhd, hypersensibllity and autism and how strong my depression is, i had trouble to tell them what i feel like or what is happening with me. i couldn´t remember so many things, where i previously thought, it woudn´t be bad to remember these things in case of a talk like that. tha was and still is quite frustrating to me...
So I’m bad at putting myself out there but once it is a requirement for me to talk to a person I’m over here making everyone think I’m heckin awesome and having conversations like it’s no problem
I literally cannot focus on people talking over each other because my brain just gives up. I will completely check out and start looking around and I realize it too late, after the person that was trying to involve me in the conversation started giving me weird looks or just won't make eye contract with me any more. As an audio engineer, this is a blessing while working
Couldn't even concentrate hard enough to listen. Saved it to re-watch later...😮😂❤
I’ve found it much easier to concentrate when I play videos at 1.5x speed. Oftentimes with captions.
@@Lyandra01 wow same! i even play some vids with really slow narrators on 2X speed haha, its like when they talk slow while my mind is treating too fast the informations, i think more in between phrases and my mind drifts and i get disengaged
@@meriemcullen8510 Exactly! I lose track of what they’re saying if there’s too much time between their words or sentences. I rarely go above 1.75, though, because a lot of videos have background music that can become painful if played too fast. 😅
I was the same until I started taking ADHD medicine and now it feels like I finally understand the word "zen". I'm so functional now it's crazy.
I’ve tab cycled between at least 10 other things while this video was playing. Thank god for auto captions, really helps me focus
WOW.. this IS my husband 100%
It’s taken me YEARS to figure all of this out about him, but I’d love to send this video to literally everyone in his office.
I’m definitely sending to him now.
Thank you!! 🤗
You are so funny btw
Awesome!!! I hope he watches it and it helps 🙌
I wish I had a gf like you. My ex was the opposite of you.
Thank you for being willing to learn him, and not just making him out to be a bad guy due to not understanding. Lot of dudes like us have NOT had the best luck with relationships. Women especially, tend to take our ticks and "problems" the wrong way. Wishing yall nothing but the best!
I was really interested this in this, but I had to laugh when you said "when we get interrupted..." bc there was an ad break 😂😂
As a teacher, I always asses myself and never try to fake anything with my classes (bc if I start masking at work I’ll have the energy to work half a day week) On days where I know I’m a bit more blunt and monotone, I simply communicate that. “Hey guys, I have a tendency to be blunt and my tone is pretty flat today. I’m not upset and everything is good, I promise I’m not mad at anyone. If I come off wrong, please let me know and I’ll happily clarify” That usually eases a lot of tension, the students see that they’re being talked to like real people, and it encourages my students with the same things going on to simply communicate those things to me and others, which I think is super valuable!
Bro, comedy is such a life saver. I might do it way too much, but being able to constantly joke and play this bouncy character that loves to meow at people and laugh at the word balls or fart, it's so much easier pretending that I'm "mostly normal" and jump from wall to wall with energy when in actuality I'm not really sure as to what's happening, what people are feeling, if I'm too much or too little, if I'm over or under stimulated, etc. The world is so confusing, but somehow, making people laugh isn't, and that's the best part about being neurodivergent imo.
Please never remove this video, it’s so relatable, I feel so seen, thank you!
*reminder to myself I got up to 9:01 and will finish rest of vid later * (let’s hope I actually remember to)
@@ashamachin-hunt6099 did you remember?
I whined about a video with music several months ago. You were super nice about it. I've been here ever since. I've been diagnosed with ADHD by a few therapists and doctors but there were still some big holes in my story. In the last two years, I've been thinking that ASD filled in some gaps, kind of like contextual spackle, if you will. I'm convinced now. The struggle between the two often paralyzes my decision making. I CONFUSE ME and that's tiring. Thank you for the great videos (and for the lack of music). I'm probably a minority but I appreciate it greatly. I learned several months ago that I have serious auditory issues.
Childhood (or other) trauma can also be a crazy variable to consider. I have all three... and I suspect most people with either neurological profile do as well.
I like that description- “contextual spackle”. Fits well for me, too.
Serious auditory issues 😂 Like how I can hear someone smacking their Cheerios from two rooms away and it DRIVES ME CRAZY 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Thankfully I don't struggle too much with overstimulation, and when it comes to interactions with people, I can read others quite easily. Instead of missing things, I see everything! And that itself can be tiring. BUT everything else I can definitely relate to! Especially the battle between wanting routine (asd) but getting bored easily(adhd) and having many unfinished tasks, all of which I want to finish but often never do because I can't do one at a time. It's a constant internal battle. 😴
Same here. Over stimulation from light and sound are not an issue for me. However, the rest of the issues are spot on!
LOL! People ask me, in a concerned tone, Why are you upset?!? I tell them, I'm not. I'm just thinking. (BTW, I'm just ASD not both, but this all sounds so familiar). I also endlessly replay social interactions, and my perfectionism kicks in and I'm sure I must have said something stupid or wrong or I said more than I should. Sighhh(or should I say shyyyy) hehehe
Yeah same, I think my thinking face is interpreted negatively
The catch phrase of my youth was "are you okay?!" As an adult, I can appreciate how concerned my classmates were for me. As an angsty middle schooler... not so much 😂
Story of my life...
My GF is like this. The amount of times I look at her and think "God she looks really angry what have I done wrong" and then she is absolutely fine.... I am Autistic so facial expressions are already hard... I am starting to think she might be a bit as well haha
This video is over the fence to the seats at 420 feet. A homerun.
I am 74 and discovered I am autistic about fifteen years ago. Made a lot of sense. And in just the past month after not being able to finish deep dive projects, I was informed I am also ADHD. Why I never knew this before or was not ever diagnosed is a mystery. But I do know all this psychological knowledge in decades and decades ago was non-existent. I must have been in my thirties before I even heard of autism. But somehow, in some way, I was able to finish a Ph.D. Now that is very much a mystery given I can in my declining years rarely finish projects and use equipment I have purchased. Oh well. Thank you so very much. :)
I’m 56 and trying to decide what benefit there is to get a diagnosis. Do you have any insight you might share?
On very late diagnosis, I’ll say this...I had to take care of my father very late in his life, and having a diagnosis would have been helpful to him in some ways. I only sort of suspected both him and me at the time, and if I had been clear about it I hope I would have avoided some pretty big mistakes I made. The penny started to drop when he was in the hospital, which was very autism unfriendly, and while I advocated then for the right things, being able to point tia diagnosis might have made them pay better attention. And finally, while his mind was going, both I and various caregivers assumed some things that were autistic distress to be part of the developing dementia. I only ended up with an AuDHD diagnosis (among others) because I started deteriorating myself from overwhelm and stress. It’s worth being aware that, while many of us have managed to trudge through adulthood, old age has ways of increasing autistic distress. I’ve now encountered a lot of people online who, like me, started struggling more in their late fifties and later.
@@jimwilliams3816 and that’s the only reason I’m considering it. My abilities to function in a social work setting, having been forced back into the office, and in an advanced role in my career feel like they’re slipping away. Also, as someone who _has_ been tested for cognitive abilities multiple times in my life, I’ll be the first to say IQ tests are a sketch, not the whole mural, and I’m struggling to bring my thoughts to bear more and more. It’s a focus and energy problem, but it’s really got me doubting myself.
@@jimwilliams3816 also, I’m glad you were able to advocate for your father. I’m with mine now after getting a diagnosis of late stage leukemia. Much love to you and yours.
So good, so gold that you share. @@jimwilliams3816
Thank you for this video, it was basically a look into my own brain! I'm 44 and got my ADHD diagnosis last year, and have just got a referral for an ASD diagnosis. I'm now on ADHD medication, which has helped, but another thing that I've recently found that helped is, surprisingly, hunger. I've done intermittent fasting a few times, but I just started doing One Meal A Day, and the hunger during the day actually stops me getting distracted and keeps me focussed on the task at hand.
I work for a company that helps to assess and diagnose ADHD and Autism and while working there and helping with patients a lot of things started to make sense with me.
This video made so much sense and was very relatable. My partner has ADHD and Autism as well and a lot of this reminded me of him too.
The part which made the most sense was the exhaustion with the 2 sides pulling.
I have long covid which creates its own issues with fatigue and exhaustion but my boss sat me down a few weeks ago to sort out my referral for an ADHD assessment (which I procrastinated for 7 months, very ADHD I know) because she thought that the undiagnosed and unsupported ADHD was probably making the fatigue a lot worse which was making me unwell and burnt out.
I honestly can’t thank my boss enough for doing that because I know I would’ve just kept pushing it back without her and watching this video really highlighted how much I probably need those assessments right now to help me.
Gosh all these points hit right home.
I got diagnosed with both ADHD (inattentive type) and Autism a few weeks ago. I am well in my twenties.
I struggle with so much stuff, because sometimes it just feels to have the bad sides of both autism and ADHD combined, which makes the simplest tasks, just the biggest mountains for me.
I wanna have a routine, I need routine. If I do not have routine, I will either forget things because of my grated cheese brain or I will not get anything done. On the other hand, I get so extremely bored with routine and doing the same things over and over again, that I wanna start new things. Go to the store to buy whatever I absolutely do no need and let it rot somewhere in my house. It is just so frustrating sometimes.
Hang in there sweetie.
I started something that helps me with using food in the fridge. I got some plastic baskets that I put stuff in that I would need at the same time- like stuff to make work lunches.
I also freeze portion size amounts of leftovers in clear baggies that I can write on, since some foods are hard to identify frozen. I lay the bags fairly flat to freeze so they thaw more evenly and don't have a cold patch in the middle of my hot dinner.
A marking pen is kept with the baggies so I done have to search for one and end up on a side quest.
The baggies labeled freezer bags are better at not having weird smells. Some of the ones labeled storage bags are okay but others stink.
I plan to show this video to my wife so she can hopefully gain a clearer perspective on what I'm dealing with on a daily basis.
I wish I'd shown my ex wife this video 1yr ago, before she walked out because of an 8yr med degree triggering my anxiety, ASD and complications due to burnout. If only they knew what we were struggling with.... it would potentially save thousands of marriages. 🤦♂️
I am AUDHD and suffering a burnout. I lost my mom a bit over a year ago. I handled her estate and cleaned out her place on my own. My family did not help. It was a slow roll to burnout. Thank you for your videos. This one was quite relatable. 😊
Sorry you lost your mom and had to handle all that by yourself without your family to help. It sounds like a lot of physical exhaustion, feelings of heaviness, and time to ruminate. I hope you are able to bounce back from the burnout and self appreciate all that you were able to do 😊
You know what puzzles me. NT people of average intelligence who can focus on things and be organized and did well in school, who either did not strive for higher education (even if they had the brains and the money) and also never started a company or wrote a book or started a TH-cam channel or worked on a hobby. They watch tv and kittens on TH-cam and like to go out with friends and that's all they do. Even if they have more ability to do more than us. It is almost painful to have Autism and ADHD where there is so much ambition and drive and great ideas, but barriers to getting it done, seeing intelligent NT people with social and organizational skills doing nothing.
That's why I feel zero remorse manipulating NTs into getting what I want.
It's something that confuses me too, don't they get bored doing nothing all the time?
I also have mild AuADHD and wondered the same thing. Then i realized i should stop caring bout people's businesses because my concept of success and happiness might be different than theirs. Just because they could doesn't mean that they should :)
It’s because they’re already satisfied/content with life and they just want to enjoy it in the ways that appeal to them. They don’t feel the need to strive for more, they’re just happy with their relationships and life in general.
NTs are absolutely not a monolith of people who've got it all figured out. Nearly everyone would love to do the things you mentioned, but they have their own barriers. Their barriers are just different from ours.
The reason why Jim didn't seek higher education despite having the intellect, organizational skills, and the money, could've been due to the fact that his high acheivment in grade school actually kept him burned out throughout his teen years, despite the fact he appeared so organized on the outside. He doesn't want to go through that intense struggle again in colllege and waste is early 20s to stress. He'd rather work in his friend's plumbing business to keep a comfortable environment in his head until he figures out his true goals in life.
Sarah watches TH-cam videos of kittens everyday because it's one of the few things that recharge her after interacting with people all day at her demanding job. She relates to cats in a way. Maybe she's not neurodivergent, but she's still an introvert with a battery.
Lee hangs out with his friends nearly every chance he gets when he is able. He and his friends like to share thoughts on books they've read, and he is in the process of writing his own book. He hangs with friends so much, because those same friends made him see the value in that life is worth living even though his depression is so severe sometimes that he can only get out of bed to use the bathroom. He was supposed to finish his book a long time ago, but he's still doing his best and is slowly reaching his goal of completing it.
Bianca was always very organized and known for being smart. She got straight As and worked long hours? How?? School and work were her safe havens from the abuse she endured at home, so anything was better than "home." Her exquisite organizational skills and generous amounts of income she brought in during her teen years allowed her to land herself a decent apartment as soon as she turned 18. But now, she can't help but eat and watch TV all day. It distracts her from the nightmares she calls memories. She doesn't understand why she can't continue to work to escape the trauma like she used to, but she knows she needs to work, but her intense anxiety tells her the safest place to be is in her apartment. That's where abuse doesn't exist, but her money is slowly running out, and she might not be able to afford the apartment soon.
This is the best summation of this disorder combo I've seen yet on TH-cam. This describes me at every step. Well done
I’m feeling so naked right now that I’m on the verge of crying.
You’ve described me without those masks keeping (hiding) the chaos and overwhelm inside.
When you put it that way, what a raw, naked mess I seem.
But I have always known that, haven’t I?
I just haven’t wanted anyone else to know.
(I am, however, relieved that it’s not just me.)
4:19 I'm not diagnosed or assessed at all but its always been kinda apparent something is wrong about my brain. as a full time game and engine developer, this rant sings directly to my soul; an expression of exactly this abstract mental process which stresses, struggles against, and kills me day by day.
Im 34, and my son has been diagnosed with asd and adhd.
This describes me to a tee.
Discovering this about myself is like a.light shining on me.
I thought i was broken for the longest time
I was diagnosed with both last year age 42
I have ADHD ANXIETY DEPRESSION and let me tell you guys it’s fucking exhausting beyond disbelief. I’m currently in the process of getting medicated but I hope that I get well soon because if I don’t I see myself giving up.
Hang in there. I had (have) Anxiety/Depression so bad that when I got out of the military, the VAST chunk of my VA Disability is from that. Later, I ended up getting diagnosed as ADHD, and once I started on meds ...(not right away, but in about a year)... I have to take that "depression assessment" every few weeks when I get the meds refilled, and suddenly realizing that my "through the roof" anxiety score was now down at about knee level was ASTONISHING. *hugs*. Hang in there. If you're in the process of getting meds, stick with it. It DOES get better.
I think the biggest help for the routine thing is having a bunch of mini routines for certain things, and leaving other parts up to you
For example, I always cook foods the same way, I prep, I cook, I wait, I eat
But I leave the waiting and eating parts up to interpretation
Sometimes it means standing in the kitchen competing other tasks while I wait for my food to finish, and then I relax while I eat. Sometimes it means sitting on the couch watching a video or reading until I hear that the food is done, then transferring it to the most comfortable spot to eat at the time. This allows me to keep some sort of control, while allowing spontaneous decisions to exist.
Something I still struggle with is paying attention to someone if I'm not interested, though. I have a habit of just staring at people's eyes while zoning out, cause I want them to know I'm listening, but I get so focused at making sure I'm staring at their eyes that I forget to listen to what they are saying as well.
I have a dx for ADHD but I was pretty sure it didn't explain all of the things I have experienced throughout my whole life till now. the more I watch and relate to AuDHDers the brighter the lightbulb gets for me, and every single time it's like, hey you're literally just describing my life it's crazy..
That having too many projects and not finishing them is something I struggle with. I learned the roomba method of cleaning a while ago, where you just wander around cleaning as you go, and it works. I've started applying that to projects. Just work on a project till you're distracted by another, then when the original project comes around again, you return to it and pick it up again. No judgment, no worries about why it's not done, just... get to it when you get to it.
I'm getting somewhere slowly with this approach.
That's how I plan in creating my game.
This brought tears to my eyes. I feel like this far too often and had no idea why. Especially the repeating thoughts over and over again. I feel like I can never forget.
I knew I had combined especially after I was diagnosed with ADHD. I just felt like something else was off. Everything you talked about nailed it for how I work and function. That last part about being tired all the time, I never knew that was something caused by my mental state until I started meds. It was wild.
What did you get prescribed?
@@Christina.N. I went through several types of meds, at least half a dozen, before I landed on the one I have now. Vyvanse seems to work really well for a lot of people and it's now on generics so it can be bought much cheaper.
I was told for a long time that I couldn't have both that I'm either autistic it ADHD and that I must be faking if I think I have both.
This video is so validating and actually explains so much.
It's a lie from the old icd. It's not true anymore.
Making beautiful bullet journal type planners with drawings and colours and schedules and goals and trackers all thought out in great detail.. only to throw it out the window 2 weeks later because it got boring/overwhelming 😅
This. This is the worst.
This is why I do different sticker themes every week in a planner that’s already dated, so I can still use it if I don’t make time to finish setting it up. 😂 I usually start the week strong and forget to look at it Friday and Saturday, but it’s worth it for the days I do use it. Also writing down how I actually spend my time, so my adhd brain doesn’t get overwhelmed trying to figure out where the time went!
For everyone struggling to find a good stim. Try to sift sand. Its really great for me, so give it a try. If you have kids with a sandbox, it even has a real purpose.
Love doing this. Didn’t realize I was stimming 😂
I really relate to everything you spoke about. I also stim like crazy, and it gets worse when I can unmask at home. I literally run around while making noises. My echolalia is so bad, too.
Lol! I love a good analogy and watching this video just helped my wrap myself into a nice tidy bow. I’ve recently rediscovered my crochet obsession after a multi-year hiatus. My previously undiagnosed AuDHD brain felt bad for years constantly reverting to crocheting in order to avoid tasks I didn’t know how to prioritize. I blamed the crochet so I destashed all my yarn and put my supplies out of sight/out of mind. My NEWLY diagnosed AuDHD brain recognizes the intense special interest of the hobby; the calming sensory stimulation of the yarn running through my finger; the thrill of finding a new pattern and new yarn to play with; the ability to switch between projects when I get bored with the repetition of one; the absolute joy of actually finishing something while also looking forward to diving back into an abandoned project; the way I can pop in a pair of noise canceling headphones and listen to audio books, podcasts, and TH-cam videos of my other special interests… I have (re)found my promised land and I’m leaning into the many benefits it gives my brain instead of chastising myself for the other things I’m avoiding. It is my self-prescribed AuDHD therapy because it ticks all my boxes and helps me avoid meltdowns and burnouts.
Embroidery is my version of the same thing!
Sometimes I am intensly paying attention and engaging with.... the first half of what somebody tells me. Then my mind goes off, gets hitched, grows old and dies with the fist half of the conversation, and while it is doing that, I sit there and ask,"Hmmm, I think I'm forgetting something.... Oh yeah, I missed the second half of what somebody was telling me."
Thank you. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one dealing with the duality of AuDHD. It’s nice to see such a community of us gathering to talk about the challenges we face in an understanding and safe environment. I’m not used to receiving that in my local community…great video.❤
It feels good to hear someone explaining exactly what you feel and what yout going through cause in real life it's frustrating Evry time trying to explain your self and what your going through and in the end no one understand and the worse thing is when they take it as a joke
Ok. Thanks to your explanations I can feel in my bones I have both. Fun! I've often wondered why I switch gears from routine and plans to spontaneity. Its like being oppositional-defiant to myself. LOL. The NT community seems to put this all interns of self sabotage and I have been pooping on myself for decades because of it. To know that's its just my thing is such a relief. I do take lamictal and it has immensely helped the loopy looping thoughts. immensely. Thanks for being a mirror and helping to normalize these actions.
So glad you're finding it helpful! It's also nice for me to hear that I'm not alone with these feelings, so thanks for sharing this 😊
It's so interesting, I was on Lamotrigine (Lamictal) for 10 years while I was misdiagnosed as being bipolar. Now that I've been off of it for a year and a half, it's only now that I've been looking more into ADHD (have the diagnosis) and Autism because it feels like the world has been turned up to 11 and I'm so overwhelmed. May I ask, were you given that medication for a neurodivergent condition? Or is it just a lucky side effect and you take it for something else?
@@akaymac1 I was first given it over a decade ago. I had an incorrect diagnosis of "rapid cycling bi-polar". I found it helpful. When my diagnosis then changed to CPTSD, I went off of it with my dr.'s help and used other methods like meditation, breath work, etc. Recently went on it again and then got an AUD(and I think ADHD may be added )diagnosis.I find it so helpful in stopping my thoughts from completely freaking out and taking off. I do still get upset appropriately but my thoughts dont churn unendingly any more. I wish there was a more natural equivalent but I have yet to find one.
@@GoodBeets4ME This is super helpful to know! Thank you for sharing it with me! I'm in that boat of struggling to function with bad anxiety (from AuDHD I think...getting testing soon) and they want to put me on an SSRI, but my stomach can't tolerate them. So far therapy hasn't been super helpful in terms of managing the anxiety so it's made me question going back on a low dose of Lamotrigine (even though that had negative side effects for me too). If I can ask, did you get put on the same dosage you were on previously?
@@akaymac1 I dont remember but now I take 25 mg in the morning and 50mg at night. Its one of the few meds that I have had no side effects from and I am grateful.
I think I've figured out why I hate cooking dinner. I don't want to stop what I'm doing and it feels like admitting defeat and the rest of the day is over. Even if I start dinner early. Somehow it will take 2 hrs to make dinner then I'm too tired to go back to whatever the project was.
Get an air fryer, it will change your life 😊
Undiagnosed adhd and asd caused me to develop bpd. Fun times!
Diagnosis has changed my whole understanding of the world
Hey, I developed OCD! 🤝
Wait is that a thing that can happen as a result of not being diagnosed?? I’m pretty sure i have bpd and i was only diagnosed in my 20s. Holy shit i need someone to look at my brain seriously
wait you might be unto something... i was diagnosed with bpd and i dont have 3k$ to get assessed on adhd and asd so i just have to rely on info online and myself. so i have been just thinking its impossible since i have bpd, but something is missing in the equation.
whenever i open up to my family or some redirecting doctor ( in charge of understanding why you are asking for help. they are mediocre, put word in your mouth and contradict themselves...), i get told its impossible and all bunch of nasty stuff with ableism thrown in the mix. "you are just making excuses" -my mom.
so... in a way knowing someone else with bpd has more than just bpd is comforting. im not insane for feeling like bpd doesnt describe all of my issues that make me feel distanced? marginalised? misunderstood? like the odd one out? forced to act in social areas, which i guess is masking now that i know more about it... 😅
I'm in the process of getting assesed for ADHD, but I'm certain I'm auDHD. From all the TH-camrs out there, I could never relate to anyone more than to Chris. This video has been proof again! Feels so good to be not alone!!
Wow, I’ve known I’ve had ADHD for around 10 years, but this video felt like you were giving a play by play of my experience.
I found out I have both after working with Ayahuasca for years, it's a powerful realization that I am still learning to manage. First it was the ADHD and then the Autism.
When you drink Ayahuasca you see the ADHD as a black hole in your head just shooting thoughts at you randomly, you also notice the super fast thinking among other things, constant acceleration, while the Autism feels like this pristine creativity but also extra sensitivity and rigidity.
I would say one of the things that helped me the most was also a friend reinforcing this idea when I bring it up to him.
Turns out he was in the same journey of discovery and we both now know we are AuDHD.
Where did you do Ayahuasca?
@@darksparkyshark430in Costa Rica.
Interesting. I've been meaning to do psychodelics. Thanks for sharing
It’s really weird hearing someone so specifically describe what it’s like in my brain. But I’m very happy to know there is an actual reason my brain is like this. Thank you.
Couldn't agree more. ❤
Thank you so very much as a late diagnosed woman with high functioning Autism and ADHD your videos help me understand myself so much better
I'm so glad I found your channel. My ex wife told me about 4 years ago that she thought I was on the spectrum but after researching through more main stream sites I decided although similar it must be just my ADHD. But seeing this now through other autistics and ADHD eyes it's more than obvious. I can see how exactly why I learned to mask. My parents would leave home when they went to visit with other relatives and they were very embarrassed of my rocking. I would rock in bed, rocking chair and in the car. And I was always alone and although I had one close that friend by high school I didn't any friends.
But if course that's just the tip of the iceberg.
At 63 y.o. and alone but I do pretty good by myself considering only ex wife shows up to bring me groceries when I run out of food or place looks like a cyclone came through the house because which overwhelms me.
Virtually everything that you mentioned here is a duplicate of what I go through. There's been only two things that I don't do which is the stuffed animals and I like to be rubbed lightly. But it has to be a certain way or it likes finger nails on a chalk board and irritates me. And if it's done right its similar to the rocking chair. It just soothes my mind.
This all said I think the number one way that I have always stimmed Is in a rocking chair and I haven't had one in 3 years since I moved to this place I'm in and my ex-wife is working on getting me one. Thanks to your site and a few others hopefully I can talk the insurance company into doing the testing they said they only have funding for somebody under 21 which I think is discrimination. And it may seem like an odd thing but I need that rocking chair because it will help me function or at least alleviate the tension I feel inside me.
Oh, and I should be thanking you so I will but to tell you the truth I forget formalities all the time especially when I write a book like this because I think, who would take this much time to explain themselves if they weren't grateful😂
HOW MUCH BRAIN DRAIN: YES!
WHEN DO WE WANT IT??
OMG! This video was just recommended to me by TH-cam and it's a perfect description of how my brain works. Sadly i never could put it in words like you, and was never taken serious..
Thanks for this Video.
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here
I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
I was having this constant, unbearable anxiety due to work stress. Not until I came across a very intelligent mycologist. He saved my life honestly
@@AlbertoTorres894
I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
@@WalterFair130Does he deliver to various locations?
Thank you for saying you get nausea from crowds
I grew up over achieving. I thought I’d be such a badass by now…only to have my symptoms worsen after trauma. Now I feel like a different person but the same person. I’ve always felt this way but the level of dissociation and my unawareness of time is so terrifying. I wanted college, independence, passion. Now I rely on my bf to take care of me. I know that I’m so lucky. I just can’t come to terms with how my cptsd interacts with my audhd. 😢❤
Does it get better? I hate living at times.
As someone who got my formal diagnosis of ASD last year, I'm finding it EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to find a medical provider who will accept me that I have ADHD which in the US helps with the open possiblity to drugs like Vyvanse. I'm just so frustrated because no matter how much I try to stabilize myself between the ASD and ADHD parts of my life and brain, work on what I can, I feel that I'm being prevented and blocked from medical intervention and accessibility to these medications that would also help me further. I even had a doctor who concluded that I was OVER DIAGNOSED and didn't think I was ASD, neglecting the idea that I didn't struggle with ADHD entirely. EVERYTHING you listed off in this video and every video you make is identical to what I go through as an AuDHD'er 😥 I absolutely HATE how there isnt any consistency with healthcare in general.
Same here. Had to opt for natura remedies, chewing a couple seeds of nigella sativa proved so efficient helping me fall asleep - which led to a better quality sleep- therefore didn’t have anxiety or issues getting myself started the next morning… not the best but it helped calm me down. Read about it there are plenty of studies
One thing that has helped me is becoming self employed via 3D modeling, and I have found the best way to get things done is to work in what I call “chunks” where I take long days or weeks breaks, and then when I do work I go into “crunch mode” and all I do is work. Obviously this isnt possible with standard work and so I always struggled with that so find your passion and make something of it!! Every point is this video was spot on. Also.. so many unfinished projects lol.. But they serve as a back up in the future atleast lol!
Such a good work-life balance you've made for yourself and as a career. I'm doing very much the same! 👌🤙💙
Having to focus just to really hear what someone is saying and not just hear that they're speaking is so exhausting. I love reading, but haven't been able to as much as I'd like as an adult due to working long hours and having a 2 hour commute round trip. I've gotten into audiobooks and listen to them during my drive. Whether I'm reading an actual book or listening to an audiobook, I'll have to reread the same paragraph or re-listen to the same 30 seconds of audio several dozen times to stay focused long enough to understand what was said. Once I hyperfocus or fall into the story, I forget all outside factors, but getting to that point is so difficult sometimes.
I'm also both... I just got to a point where I'm trying to kinda have a schedule but also not... I'm literally just riding the waves, when they come. Sometimes I'm too exhausted. But I also zone in and out. But as soon as a topic bores me... I zone out. It's alota ups and downs in one day. But I'm kinda making peace with it. Been so exhausted past few weeks and just do the best I can. I feel more at peace accepting that I'm gonna probably fall around from the one brain operating station to the other more than I'd like. That helps a great deal to not beat myself down. I'm embracing who I am but still trying to develop and grow in new ways and not doom myself. It really is challenging. But it's also freeing to not put such extreme expectations on myself as I usually did. I'm feeling whatever I feel and just living through all the emotions might look very weird to people on outside. But, I dont care anymore. My life is less boring just experiencing everything life has to offer daily. It's definitely push ND pull. Release from tension also.. 😂 Platue also.. It's a bit chaotic I guess. And thats okay. Not perfect at all. Growing daily ❤
Spot on.
Sometimes it's interesting living in the zone where autistic pattern recognition collides with adhd hyperactivity. I don't have a schedule, but I do have a pattern and a plan. But it is completely non-verbal, so I literally can not explain it to anyone. If forced to, I can put together a 20 page essay explaining some of the significant factors and how they fit together and the multiple interconnections that make it so that what seems to others as "the most important thing" actually needs to be done after 27 other things (you know, like how in order to build a new wall, you have to tear down the old wall first?). But, if forced to, by the time I'm done with the 20 page essay it will be completely out of date, inaccurate, and will have used up all the time and energy I had to do any of the things, so it's not a useful exercise. One thing I've learned, is trust the pattern recognition.. but listen to others too, because other perspectives are often valuable.
6:21 Routines were so confusing to me when I was first exploring the idea that I had ADHD. I had this desire to not have them but I strong feeling and understanding that I needed them. Then I was told by my mother that I was actually diagnosed with ASD at 8 years old...and it all made a lot more sense.
I recently got diagnosed as ASD and ADHD. I've rejected the ADHD diagnosis until seeing this video. Thank you for providing clarity.
Thank you for this video. I'm diagnosed ADHD and ASD and have been trying to figure out just what that means to me for a while. Yours is the first video I've watched on the topic that gave me the aha! moment of feeling like someone out there had my brain.
Fantastic communication, Chris. I'm still learning about what the combo entails and I REALLY appreciate your calling out the exact biology class smell that caused me to get an incomplete in that class! The tug of war is real so I just need to get these two aspects of myself to do some creative and positive collaboration; hopefully, that's possible! Thank you thank you thank you.
They way you explained #2 for both is so incredibly relatable to me that I just started crying. You explained what I couldn't
I especially relate to struggling with group conversations. The combination of not being able to filter out sounds and deep diving into a particular subject when I hear anything interesting makes it impossible to follow the eb and flow of normal group conversations.
To counter that I naturally grew a very unique sense of humour and I tend to drive the group dynamic by putting on a show. If I can't, I disappear in the background and pretend I'm doing something more important than participating in the group.
Isn't it amazing how the people who complain the loudest about being interrupted are the same people who never leave a gap for anyone else to say anything?