Just had a conversation with my kiddo about cleaning up after themselves. I started with, "Why do you think it is important to clean up messes?" After some time to think and hints, they got it. I asked why it is important they clean up their messes. They melted down as they don't want to do that. But after a cool down time, they came back with some good answers. I think asking Why also helps with buy-in and give them the message that their thinking and reasons matters. They aren't being arbitrarily asked to do things. It takes more time, but I think that showing this respect helps them build self respect.
People don't know how to write anymore. Kiddo is singular, so it's "he" or "she", not "they". Can we get back to speaking and writing correctly, please?
@@evitaevita98 So, instead of focusing on the message, you decided to point out grammatical mistakes. That too without knowing if the person has English as second or third language and may not be native speaker.
Thank you so much for sharing this confidence building exercise. I never realized that asking my children why is building confidence in them and I’m excited to use this more. We already ask them why we don’t hit and call each other names but this was very helpful for me just mentioning why we clean up messes. I will definitely be asking them why just as much as they do now if not more. Thank you. And God Bless all the parents out there struggling I wish you all the success in the world you wish for your babies. 💪🙏
Here’s the thing that parents don’t get because they are too wrapped up in trying to teach the kid something. Sometimes kids just don’t vibe with other kids. My son came home and said I don’t want to hang out with that kid anymore. Fine done , there are tons of other things you’re going to have to do that you don’t like. But the most valuable lesson I learned, late in life that if you aren’t vibing with someone. Get away from them as soon as you can. There’s a reason
I disagree, there are case were this is necessary: cousins, school mate, family friends... I like what she says: you shall use this to learn how to avoid what you don't like
When my pregnant spouse looked at me and said "I'm fat", i replied "i believe you". Now I'm looking for a huberman clip for protocols to deal with pain from being slapped
Tell them the truth. Tell them it's okay, and teach coping skills. It takes consistency and effort, and eventually, they gain a solid foundation to stand on.
Number one advice is give Time to your children and Listen to them speak freely about anything and everything. Yes that will drive you insane but actually try to have a conversation with them. Building this child-parent relationship from when they are young will help that they trust you as they transition into adulthood
I was this kid that you’re describing. I now have a toddler who is very much like me and it worries me because now I have to do what my own mother did not do for me. I don’t blame her, she just didn’t know how to handle me. I want my son to have the mom I didn’t so he grows into an adult who is secure and confident.
I’m struggling between the greater good of sharing this with my spouse so our kids can benefit, and keeping it to myself so I can use the techniques with my kids AND my spouse.
I find when I talk to my spouse like a child I get great results. Im being series! My spouse almost never wants her problems solved she just wants her feelings validated.
I had the plan of having my son do his homework packet first thing home today, but I could tell he was exhausted and needed to unwind. We talked it out and let him hold that space to recognize that he WAS exhausted, so he can tackle the homework after.
As parents we try to help by solving our kid’s challenges but a lot of the time they just need to be “believed”, steered towards the healthy course and they end up intrinsically motivated to find the solution.
The way they feel should be supported as valid, while providing them another way to think about things, and reassure them that they have a choice in how they feel! Sometimes, as a parent, you do have to tell the child that they need to do what they might not want to do at the time.
In the wonderful Word of people that try to teach parenting there is one thing that's not actually happening in reality: kids usually don't speak openly about their feelings, because they often lack the ability to do so (it's difficult also as an adult). The first thing imho is to teach kids how to communicate their feelings, then you can say stuff like "I believe you"
Everyone is so focused on validating the feelings of their kids. You will do this naturally. Hyper-focusing on this makes kids think they are the center of the universe.
If you had it though experience, you will do it naturally. My experience unfortunately was: oh, come on, no it's not scary you are fine. Come on, don't make drama, etc. in which case you grow up to constantly question if you feel what you feel and you don't know how to react to other people's feelings. I had to read and learn it in order to support my child
Truth is I don't think people will do it naturally because our natural instincts are so buried under all the societal pressure, trauma, limited beliefs etc etc. Also parents who try to hard often hurt their children because they miss the part where they are supposed to connect and truly know their children. If you connect and truly know them then naturally them feeling safe, heard, seen, understood, validated and so on and so forth will follow. Stop trying so hard and just be and accept who you are and your children are. Love and support unconditionally. ❤
Hello brothers and sisters. I would just like to recommend that everyone read the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. Reading that book was the best desicion I ever made.
This seems to cater to the concept that all children are good or correct in their evaluations of a person or situation. From my experience kids can be quick to misjudge a situation or even what someone said and be extremely manipulative or persuasive to get what they want. Children are normally extremely self centered and tend to bend towards feelings over facts. It is our job as the parent to show them other perspectives and put them in healthy environments that allow them to grow. Helping others builds confidence.
Confidence is self trust. Arrogance is self promotion. Separately I think the difference wasn’t that she necessarily used believe over heard, rather she used the acknowledgement statement followed by “and” instead of “but”.
It’s not about telling your kids that you believe them, but to actually believe in them. If you need to say it, then you’ve have trust issues you need to work out with your kid. Why would they need to lie and what do they gain out of it? And why wouldn’t they expect you to believe in them? Believing in them includes believing that they are human and can make mistakes, but always have the capability to grow and improve.
I believe in you, in my opinion, can be more powerful. Understanding the child’s feelings is most important. However, if a kid says that they are sick/hurt etc to get out of challenging situations then it is up to their support system to assist in providing the courage and belief to overcome adversity so that the child can understand that all good things come from time spent (sacrifice) and controlling emotions. Validating emotions is important but validating irrational emotion is debilitating.
I can't buy into the idea of having to bribe my children to be polite when they go to a place that they don't feel like being at. "if you go, and your polite, I'll give you 20 extra minutes of game time" thats a hard no
@@Funnybone_FB being polite is required of children, not optional. They shouldnt be rewarded for it. Same with doing homework, cleaning their room, and similar basics. If they go somewhere they do not want to go and choose not to complain about it, or develop a pattern of doing homework without being asked- thoroughly with a positive attitude and good effort, that would earn them a spot incentive of a bit more game time.I am currently raising teenagers and this is working well.
Do you have an ADHD child? I feel like you have to dangle the carrot on the stick bc they are so reward driven. Even as an ADHD adult I have to do this (If I do the dishes, I will watch youtube while I do it) Nothing wrong with that, it's how I got through my MS program and hold a stable job with ADHD
Being a mom to my youngest is breaking me, he cries for just anything, he’s afraid of so many things, he can’t tolerate foods, odors, clothes. I feel like a failure. Everyday is a struggle.
I'm reading this book called the speed of trust. Great book when she saids confidence instantly I think is it a high trust relationship? Does the kid and parents have self trust and moral atority? Just saying Its a good book
@alecrovniak9269 sure, I'd say since around 12 years old I'd consider myself conscious and really able to like think about my relationship with my parents and myself. Since then I'd say having your parents say they believe in your experiences is very true. I know what I feel and I know it's real because I feel it. To have my parents tell me that what I feel is real and they understand it - for me is I'd say the simplest and best way to deal with challenges I encounter in my life. Trying to downplay such things (as said in the video) feels as if youre considering the situation from your own feelings and perspective rather than mine, when I'm trying to receive help cause im struggling with something. So if this makes any sense to you in short - the video is spot on. I now know these things and know how they can help, and still my relationship with parents wouldn't exactly be optimal. So most of all just try to keep an open mind as a kid and parent because there's a lot of stuff you don't tell eachother for obvious reasons. Which will most definitely lead to some arguments, but if you're both alright with that and just work through it, try to learn from eachother, I'm sure it'll end up alright. And even if it doesnt, atleast you tried. Hope this helps and I hope it makes any sense too since this is a first draft and I've never answered one of these questions before, just raw thought :))
6:20 is a bribe not a reward A reward is for winning , not for doing the right thing + ppl don’t have time for mind games, dictate is the only possible way .
You guys in this whole video section are hilarious 😂 I think I would keep it a secret first and actually see if it really does work and in which scenarios. Over sharing will just pollute the “test subjects” (wife & kids), and probably backfire.
Underage kids SHOULDN'T be online. THEIR accounts should be banned. Adults' posts shouldn't be shadow banned. According to numerous studies/experts in child psychology, social media platforms (not just IG) AREN'T conducive to building self-esteem and self-confidence IRL for kids.
Yes, kids absolutely must learn to do uncomfortable things in terms of tasks, but not to be forced even in a strategic adult way to spend time regularly with people = kids they do not like. 1-2 experiences is alright, but never on permanent bases. By making kid spending time with ”kids” they clearly do not like, means raising yes-adult, who will be befriending people just to be nice. No surprise that the only trusted friend in America is often a psychology therapist. Early or late that bubble bursts in to unhappy adult. Kid’s Heart is true, Adult Mind is Noice.
Maybe I'm the only one but it doesn't feel right. At least not in a blanket statement "i believe you" on everything. How about we just give kids our time,treat them more like intelligent people and stop doing everything for them.
Also really typical American lense of here is this hack now go off and robotically repeat it. I hear you or I believe you said in an empty perfunctory way. We see it in corporate all the time. People hate it. It's phony and disingenuous
Totally agree! That statement can lead the parent to feel he’s doing great as dad/mum but… is he really listening? Is he being present to the kid’s emotion without trying to intervene, distract or dispel the discomfort? Otherwise he’s just gaslighting the poor kid.
Sounds like interesting points and maybe some of these suggestions might be applicable for some kids and parents, but it can't and shouldn't be generalized (which is how it came across to me). IMHO most of the suggestions and approach is overthinking as a parent and lot of these suggestions can/will lead to more than needed cognitive processing as a parent.
Difficult to focus on validating feelings then deciding something else anyway. Parents should be very very sure a situation is safe before going ahead with these practices.
At what point do we let these little humans learn its ok to not do what we dont want. We dont actually need to spend time with people we dont like to please our parents, or have a job we dont like just because thats what society dictates. All kids are different i suppose. But the idea of personal choice is fundamental to a happy adult life in my humble opinion
I think what works best is asking them for a favor. “Hey do this for me and be a good kid today and next movie night you pick the movie” or whatever. And most importantly keep your promise.
I've literally said "I genius don't know what you're talking about" to my manager and she gets pissed 🤡 oh well her problem she doesn't keep me in the loop
I actually kind of disagree about the reward. This sense of coping with something you didn't expect you could cope is reward only if you chose this task as a goal. But when it's not your goal, not your decision, but the world of adults just want you to di it, then coping with it won't be a reward even if you succeed unexpectedly for yourself... That's my break point, actually. When I see that my son is just not motivated to do something, and I cannot make him to find that motivation I cannot push him. I just give up, as I don't want to force.
So I have a question for you. How does someone like? Francis Ngannou become world, champion, and arguably one of the greatest athletes of our time yet he had no parents no upbringing no nothing. He did it all through self-determination. This idea building confidence versus possessing it I just fine to be a crock of shit personally. Confidences built within not an external validation over a series of times. Change my mind, but all these champions of tragedy prove otherwise.
No upbringing? No nothing? What He's a adult so he def had a upbringing and something. You could say he had fantastic role models and well grounded upbringing. You wouldn't really know the slightest how he was brought up
Sorry this not going to work with a kids ! You have to create a genuine atmosphere of unconditional love everywhere store church home at the neighbors bbq etc , trust and confidence will come and grow within the child and the rest will be history. Remember kids are an engage audience not a truly committed audience they come tru us they’re not here to please our life . Create love and give unconditional love no matter what even if !!!
I absolutely disagree. Teaching your children to listen to their instincts, respecting their own boundaries and respecting their own peace is what will help build their confidence. If they constantly don't want to do stuff, sure. Teach them to work through the struggle. But following this example, if a child really doesn't want to spend time with the child of their parents friends (or family for that matter) one shouldn't be forced (even if its through "i believe you"method).
Off all the wisdom you talk about on your channel (which ia great) why dont you throw some light on the issue of "keeping kids alive" in gaza or "how not to be deluded by the super powers version of story"?
“I believe you” and the difference between “and” or “but” means absolutely nothing to my 4 yr old. Low confidence can also just be a result of a personality trait. Especially children who are naturally introverted, still discovering coping methods and overwhelmed by external stimuli. Words don’t help then…exposure and experience does. We need a non Caucasian parent on here for some real parenting advice. 😂
Wow, this soft parenting is what's destroying our country. Stop pandering to your kids! "Billy, get in the car. Life is difficult sometimes. Learn from it and deal with it." No one else is going to pander to them in the real world. You are setting them up for failure.
What a bunch of word salad. Confidence doesn't come from validation, it comes from a combination of honesty and successful outcomes. And before you argue that validation and successful outcomes are the same, it's not. Example: Giving your kid that stinks at sports a trophy.
Give a mid who tries multiple sports and is bad at them the most improved or best teamate trophy, and they will have the confidence that they can continue to try new sports going forward, even if they aren't getting successful results vs peers. Ultimately it's a combination of multiple factors, validation being one
Idt she was giving validation the way you’re implying. If it was validation (to your point), she would have let the kid stay home. She was merely letting the kid know his concerns were heard. Which in important for kids.
I dont stand behind what shes saying, telling our child we belive them even when we dont is lying, not affirming their thoughts... hes videos mostly are great, this one is mehh...
This woman is likely a terrible and ineffective parent . Her words make zero sense and if thats how she interacts with her kids those kids are soft and confused.
Is this the same lady that said that you should let your child hold you hostage in their room while they're having a tantrum. Ah, progressive parenting. That's exactly what we needed
If progressive means having a better insight into kids psychology, being well informed and aware of the problems your child is facing as a parent, then that's good. I didn't hear anything here that could harm your kids. I don't understand why you used it as a pejorative.
Just had a conversation with my kiddo about cleaning up after themselves. I started with, "Why do you think it is important to clean up messes?" After some time to think and hints, they got it. I asked why it is important they clean up their messes. They melted down as they don't want to do that. But after a cool down time, they came back with some good answers. I think asking Why also helps with buy-in and give them the message that their thinking and reasons matters. They aren't being arbitrarily asked to do things. It takes more time, but I think that showing this respect helps them build self respect.
People don't know how to write anymore. Kiddo is singular, so it's "he" or "she", not "they". Can we get back to speaking and writing correctly, please?
@@evitaevita98 So, instead of focusing on the message, you decided to point out grammatical mistakes. That too without knowing if the person has English as second or third language and may not be native speaker.
That's a great question to start with
Thank you so much for sharing this confidence building exercise. I never realized that asking my children why is building confidence in them and I’m excited to use this more. We already ask them why we don’t hit and call each other names but this was very helpful for me just mentioning why we clean up messes. I will definitely be asking them why just as much as they do now if not more. Thank you. And God Bless all the parents out there struggling I wish you all the success in the world you wish for your babies. 💪🙏
Here’s the thing that parents don’t get because they are too wrapped up in trying to teach the kid something. Sometimes kids just don’t vibe with other kids. My son came home and said I don’t want to hang out with that kid anymore. Fine done , there are tons of other things you’re going to have to do that you don’t like. But the most valuable lesson I learned, late in life that if you aren’t vibing with someone. Get away from them as soon as you can. There’s a reason
That’s really good. I agree, you don’t vibe, get away. That goes with adults too.
I agree with you 1000000% and I learned that the hard way!
I disagree, there are case were this is necessary: cousins, school mate, family friends... I like what she says: you shall use this to learn how to avoid what you don't like
When my pregnant spouse looked at me and said "I'm fat", i replied "i believe you". Now I'm looking for a huberman clip for protocols to deal with pain from being slapped
My wife said the same thing but I replied "maybe I love fat women"...I don't think there's a Huberman clip for that one
🤣
Hahaha - solid 💪
😂
😂
Notice the preferred use of the word “and” versus “but.” Good advice.
So powerful (you need to aware to see it though)
Tell them the truth. Tell them it's okay, and teach coping skills. It takes consistency and effort, and eventually, they gain a solid foundation to stand on.
Number one advice is give Time to your children and Listen to them speak freely about anything and everything. Yes that will drive you insane but actually try to have a conversation with them. Building this child-parent relationship from when they are young will help that they trust you as they transition into adulthood
To summarize in 1 word:empathize
1:54 confidence comes from feeling trusted
1000%
I was this kid that you’re describing. I now have a toddler who is very much like me and it worries me because now I have to do what my own mother did not do for me. I don’t blame her, she just didn’t know how to handle me. I want my son to have the mom I didn’t so he grows into an adult who is secure and confident.
I’m struggling between the greater good of sharing this with my spouse so our kids can benefit, and keeping it to myself so I can use the techniques with my kids AND my spouse.
😂
I find when I talk to my spouse like a child I get great results. Im being series! My spouse almost never wants her problems solved she just wants her feelings validated.
😂 that took a dark turn
@@shock80eyis wanting your feelings validated automatically a childish desire?
@@central_scrutinizr Picnics.
I had the plan of having my son do his homework packet first thing home today, but I could tell he was exhausted and needed to unwind. We talked it out and let him hold that space to recognize that he WAS exhausted, so he can tackle the homework after.
She’s amazing, I wish more parents would hear this
As parents we try to help by solving our kid’s challenges but a lot of the time they just need to be “believed”, steered towards the healthy course and they end up intrinsically motivated to find the solution.
holy moly this clip is full of actionable insight!
I love when she says “and” instead of “but”
It was intentional. You gotta be a good communicator with children.
@@chrisginoc with everyone
The way they feel should be supported as valid, while providing them another way to think about things, and reassure them that they have a choice in how they feel! Sometimes, as a parent, you do have to tell the child that they need to do what they might not want to do at the time.
Becky’s so cute, and I love her advice. I’m also looking forward to when she has teenagers that are 15+. 😂
In the wonderful Word of people that try to teach parenting there is one thing that's not actually happening in reality: kids usually don't speak openly about their feelings, because they often lack the ability to do so (it's difficult also as an adult). The first thing imho is to teach kids how to communicate their feelings, then you can say stuff like "I believe you"
Well said I believe
Really took notice of the use of 'and in place of 'but' to further verify reasoning. Small but powerful inclusions.
Everyone is so focused on validating the feelings of their kids. You will do this naturally. Hyper-focusing on this makes kids think they are the center of the universe.
If you had it though experience, you will do it naturally. My experience unfortunately was: oh, come on, no it's not scary you are fine. Come on, don't make drama, etc. in which case you grow up to constantly question if you feel what you feel and you don't know how to react to other people's feelings. I had to read and learn it in order to support my child
Truth is I don't think people will do it naturally because our natural instincts are so buried under all the societal pressure, trauma, limited beliefs etc etc. Also parents who try to hard often hurt their children because they miss the part where they are supposed to connect and truly know their children. If you connect and truly know them then naturally them feeling safe, heard, seen, understood, validated and so on and so forth will follow. Stop trying so hard and just be and accept who you are and your children are. Love and support unconditionally. ❤
Too@@Richiroo15
No you won't. No I doesn't.
Hello brothers and sisters. I would just like to recommend that everyone read the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. Reading that book was the best desicion I ever made.
Is there any ebook version of that book?
Yes
@ThomasSmith-z5q it seems that the book is containing some christianity messages, is it okay for me as a non christianity?
This seems to cater to the concept that all children are good or correct in their evaluations of a person or situation. From my experience kids can be quick to misjudge a situation or even what someone said and be extremely manipulative or persuasive to get what they want. Children are normally extremely self centered and tend to bend towards feelings over facts. It is our job as the parent to show them other perspectives and put them in healthy environments that allow them to grow. Helping others builds confidence.
Confidence is self trust. Arrogance is self promotion. Separately I think the difference wasn’t that she necessarily used believe over heard, rather she used the acknowledgement statement followed by “and” instead of “but”.
You guys are modern Sigmund Freud. Gift for parents like us
Freud had a twisted way of viewing children and their upbringing. No thanks.
It’s not about telling your kids that you believe them, but to actually believe in them. If you need to say it, then you’ve have trust issues you need to work out with your kid. Why would they need to lie and what do they gain out of it? And why wouldn’t they expect you to believe in them?
Believing in them includes believing that they are human and can make mistakes, but always have the capability to grow and improve.
Maybe its a bit like “I love you” … we just need to hear it every so often.
Yea I think it's the verbal queue for sure@@seanjermy2692
I’m reading ‘The self driven child’ which has some overlaps, but also different insights. Would love to hear your thoughts on that.
I believe in you, in my opinion, can be more powerful. Understanding the child’s feelings is most important. However, if a kid says that they are sick/hurt etc to get out of challenging situations then it is up to their support system to assist in providing the courage and belief to overcome adversity so that the child can understand that all good things come from time spent (sacrifice) and controlling emotions. Validating emotions is important but validating irrational emotion is debilitating.
At 8:42 huberman says "I believe you, but in this family". In truth she said "I believe you, and"
Huge key there, changes the power of the statement with the one word
I can't buy into the idea of having to bribe my children to be polite when they go to a place that they don't feel like being at. "if you go, and your polite, I'll give you 20 extra minutes of game time" thats a hard no
Why not? What's wrong with a reward structure for good behavior? Seems societal at its core
@@Funnybone_FB being polite is required of children, not optional. They shouldnt be rewarded for it. Same with doing homework, cleaning their room, and similar basics. If they go somewhere they do not want to go and choose not to complain about it, or develop a pattern of doing homework without being asked- thoroughly with a positive attitude and good effort, that would earn them a spot incentive of a bit more game time.I am currently raising teenagers and this is working well.
You're right. After 3 years old, the simplistic incentive mechanism doesn't work anymore. At least that's how it has played out in my experience.
Do you have an ADHD child? I feel like you have to dangle the carrot on the stick bc they are so reward driven. Even as an ADHD adult I have to do this (If I do the dishes, I will watch youtube while I do it) Nothing wrong with that, it's how I got through my MS program and hold a stable job with ADHD
100%. I read Making Kids, Feel Confident. Like Feel Confident Making Kids. Do that show.
Loved this!
That was awesome
Being a mom to my youngest is breaking me, he cries for just anything, he’s afraid of so many things, he can’t tolerate foods, odors, clothes. I feel like a failure. Everyday is a struggle.
Great perspective!!
I'm reading this book called the speed of trust. Great book when she saids confidence instantly I think is it a high trust relationship? Does the kid and parents have self trust and moral atority? Just saying Its a good book
I believe you
Great stuff here🙏🏾
Watching this as a 16yr old is funny ngl, in a good way
Im a dad to 2 boys (7 and 5) could you share what your perspective is on the topic?
@alecrovniak9269 sure, I'd say since around 12 years old I'd consider myself conscious and really able to like think about my relationship with my parents and myself. Since then I'd say having your parents say they believe in your experiences is very true. I know what I feel and I know it's real because I feel it. To have my parents tell me that what I feel is real and they understand it - for me is I'd say the simplest and best way to deal with challenges I encounter in my life. Trying to downplay such things (as said in the video) feels as if youre considering the situation from your own feelings and perspective rather than mine, when I'm trying to receive help cause im struggling with something.
So if this makes any sense to you in short - the video is spot on. I now know these things and know how they can help, and still my relationship with parents wouldn't exactly be optimal. So most of all just try to keep an open mind as a kid and parent because there's a lot of stuff you don't tell eachother for obvious reasons. Which will most definitely lead to some arguments, but if you're both alright with that and just work through it, try to learn from eachother, I'm sure it'll end up alright.
And even if it doesnt, atleast you tried. Hope this helps and I hope it makes any sense too since this is a first draft and I've never answered one of these questions before, just raw thought :))
Love this! ❤
"we go because I said so" does not work anymore?
@3:20 very good
6:20 is a bribe not a reward
A reward is for winning , not for doing the right thing
+ ppl don’t have time for mind games, dictate is the only possible way .
You guys in this whole video section are hilarious 😂 I think I would keep it a secret first and actually see if it really does work and in which scenarios. Over sharing will just pollute the “test subjects” (wife & kids), and probably backfire.
Underage kids SHOULDN'T be online. THEIR accounts should be banned. Adults' posts shouldn't be shadow banned. According to numerous studies/experts in child psychology, social media platforms (not just IG) AREN'T conducive to building self-esteem and self-confidence IRL for kids.
Yes, kids absolutely must learn to do uncomfortable things in terms of tasks, but not to be forced even in a strategic adult way to spend time regularly with people = kids they do not like.
1-2 experiences is alright, but never on permanent bases.
By making kid spending time with ”kids” they clearly do not like, means raising yes-adult, who will be befriending people just to be nice.
No surprise that the only trusted friend in America is often a psychology therapist.
Early or late that bubble bursts in to unhappy adult.
Kid’s Heart is true, Adult Mind is Noice.
thanks!
Maybe I'm the only one but it doesn't feel right. At least not in a blanket statement "i believe you" on everything.
How about we just give kids our time,treat them more like intelligent people and stop doing everything for them.
Also really typical American lense of here is this hack now go off and robotically repeat it. I hear you or I believe you said in an empty perfunctory way. We see it in corporate all the time. People hate it. It's phony and disingenuous
yeah, it seems like "I believe you" needs to be crafted into a few different forms to make sense in responding in different contexts.
Totally agree! That statement can lead the parent to feel he’s doing great as dad/mum but… is he really listening? Is he being present to the kid’s emotion without trying to intervene, distract or dispel the discomfort? Otherwise he’s just gaslighting the poor kid.
Sounds like it’s all about empathy
I tell my child “I understand, I’ve felt the same way before BUT…”
Sounds like interesting points and maybe some of these suggestions might be applicable for some kids and parents, but it can't and shouldn't be generalized (which is how it came across to me). IMHO most of the suggestions and approach is overthinking as a parent and lot of these suggestions can/will lead to more than needed cognitive processing as a parent.
Difficult to focus on validating feelings then deciding something else anyway. Parents should be very very sure a situation is safe before going ahead with these practices.
Huberman is like a medical student who has never treated a patient telling his mom he knows how to solve the worlds problems
Let’s talk about the science behind the science.
I just love what you said. It is not about fixing - just listen
At what point do we let these little humans learn its ok to not do what we dont want. We dont actually need to spend time with people we dont like to please our parents, or have a job we dont like just because thats what society dictates. All kids are different i suppose. But the idea of personal choice is fundamental to a happy adult life in my humble opinion
I think what works best is asking them for a favor. “Hey do this for me and be a good kid today and next movie night you pick the movie” or whatever. And most importantly keep your promise.
Bribe vs reward 6:52
Totally beautiful ❤
We should get her classmate from Duke on this podcast
I've literally said "I genius don't know what you're talking about" to my manager and she gets pissed 🤡 oh well her problem she doesn't keep me in the loop
Listening to a woman give parenting advise who has kids and has a career. So a woman who has chosen to focus on stuff other than her kids.
*COLD SHOWERS* 🚿
My parents fucked me up 😂
Then it's up to you to fix yourself. And when you have you can fix them too.
At the end of the day you are manipulating your kids .What makes you think he is wrong about not wanting to be around certain kids ?
I actually kind of disagree about the reward. This sense of coping with something you didn't expect you could cope is reward only if you chose this task as a goal. But when it's not your goal, not your decision, but the world of adults just want you to di it, then coping with it won't be a reward even if you succeed unexpectedly for yourself... That's my break point, actually. When I see that my son is just not motivated to do something, and I cannot make him to find that motivation I cannot push him. I just give up, as I don't want to force.
Is anyone feeling that the background is dull or not appealing?
Because we are visually overwhelmed stimulated that's why it seems boring
Good. What's being said should be the focus, not the background.
It's a recording studio! Chill.
I believe you
@@jibsandjumpers😂😂
So I have a question for you. How does someone like? Francis Ngannou become world, champion, and arguably one of the greatest athletes of our time yet he had no parents no upbringing no nothing. He did it all through self-determination. This idea building confidence versus possessing it I just fine to be a crock of shit personally. Confidences built within not an external validation over a series of times. Change my mind, but all these champions of tragedy prove otherwise.
This is foolish.
No upbringing? No nothing? What
He's a adult so he def had a upbringing and something.
You could say he had fantastic role models and well grounded upbringing.
You wouldn't really know the slightest how he was brought up
Sorry this not going to work with a kids ! You have to create a genuine atmosphere of unconditional love everywhere store church home at the neighbors bbq etc , trust and confidence will come and grow within the child and the rest will be history. Remember kids are an engage audience not a truly committed audience they come tru us they’re not here to please our life . Create love and give unconditional love no matter what even if !!!
Not sure about this one
I believe kids are nieve and un experienced.
Please don’t ruin Dr. Becky with athletic greens! ANDREW has lost all credibility for me as a shill for that fraudulent product
What's wrong with athletic greens?
@@namrehhhe owns a competing product
If only you could teach your children NVC
I don’t believe her 😂that’s how she handles similar situations 4:06
This is fantastic, but why the hell does she say, Like , like , like .. every seven seconds..
I absolutely disagree. Teaching your children to listen to their instincts, respecting their own boundaries and respecting their own peace is what will help build their confidence. If they constantly don't want to do stuff, sure. Teach them to work through the struggle. But following this example, if a child really doesn't want to spend time with the child of their parents friends (or family for that matter) one shouldn't be forced (even if its through "i believe you"method).
Yeah my kid is a little liar… how do you deal with that lol
All you need is Dan Pena
Omg, 20 more minutes of Roblox 😭There must be a camera somewhere in my house!
Off all the wisdom you talk about on your channel (which ia great) why dont you throw some light on the issue of "keeping kids alive" in gaza or "how not to be deluded by the super powers version of story"?
Weird... I do this all the time to my kid... didn't even realize it's how it's supposed to be done.
“But” is also a bad word to use, but…😅
Swap the word Roblox with heroine. No amount of Roblox is a good thing. Other than that, loved this episode!
💖💖💖
“I believe you” and the difference between “and” or “but” means absolutely nothing to my 4 yr old. Low confidence can also just be a result of a personality trait. Especially children who are naturally introverted, still discovering coping methods and overwhelmed by external stimuli. Words don’t help then…exposure and experience does. We need a non Caucasian parent on here for some real parenting advice. 😂
Wow, this soft parenting is what's destroying our country. Stop pandering to your kids! "Billy, get in the car. Life is difficult sometimes. Learn from it and deal with it."
No one else is going to pander to them in the real world. You are setting them up for failure.
why is she whispering?
Shhhhhh
What a bunch of word salad. Confidence doesn't come from validation, it comes from a combination of honesty and successful outcomes. And before you argue that validation and successful outcomes are the same, it's not. Example: Giving your kid that stinks at sports a trophy.
Hmm..say more
Give a mid who tries multiple sports and is bad at them the most improved or best teamate trophy, and they will have the confidence that they can continue to try new sports going forward, even if they aren't getting successful results vs peers.
Ultimately it's a combination of multiple factors, validation being one
Kid*
Idt she was giving validation the way you’re implying. If it was validation (to your point), she would have let the kid stay home. She was merely letting the kid know his concerns were heard. Which in important for kids.
Talk about word salad…
I dont stand behind what shes saying, telling our child we belive them even when we dont is lying, not affirming their thoughts... hes videos mostly are great, this one is mehh...
I’m sorry but she is incredibly irritating in explaining such superficial and self-promotional “experiences” omg..
Don't be sorry, please... Why are you sorry for saying what you think. Omg...
This woman is likely a terrible and ineffective parent . Her words make zero sense and if thats how she interacts with her kids those kids are soft and confused.
Why this girl assumes she is a good psychologist and behaves like an adult ? I don't believe her
Cough, cough, bs! .. Not at all the boss that anyone wants. And ppl that talk like that are incredibly annoying.
Stop saying right rhetorically that's unhealthy Everyone in the world should stop doing that. Besides that though good job
Is this the same lady that said that you should let your child hold you hostage in their room while they're having a tantrum. Ah, progressive parenting. That's exactly what we needed
If progressive means having a better insight into kids psychology, being well informed and aware of the problems your child is facing as a parent, then that's good. I didn't hear anything here that could harm your kids. I don't understand why you used it as a pejorative.
Ehhh Idk, I wouldn't use a reward as a bribe for a kid to do what you say. I would only every reward hard work and effort after the fact.
A Karen’s guide
Thats bs. Just Tel your son "men Up so'n and lets Go"
❤
This aint it...
Just love your kids .. do the best you can .. and lean on God. These parenting people. Putting EVERYTHING under a microscope. Make me nauseous.