How To Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children | Lael Stone | TEDxDocklands
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 พ.ย. 2024
- How did your parents respond to you as a child when you were upset?
Can you see the impact of their imprints in your life as an adult?
What is the magic ingredient when raising an emotionally intelligent child?
This talk explores all these questions along with how the lack of emotional literacy in our culture has significant power when it comes to the way we parent. It explores how compassion, empathy and mindfulness have a place in raising children - as well as in our education system. If connection, listening, and heart were at the center of every relationship, how different could our world be?
Working with thousands of families for over 16 years as an educator and counselor, Lael has seen the impact that trauma and disconnection have on a family. As an Aware Parenting Instructor, she facilitates workshops and support groups that empower parents to create connections and stronger relationships with their children. She is also the co-creator and Director of Woodline Primary School which is due to open in 2021 - a school based on emotional wellbeing and connection, set on a magnificent 20-acre farm in the Geelong hinterland in Victoria, Australia.
Lael co-hosts The Aware Parenting Podcast, is a regular contributor to several online publications and is a sought-after public speaker who talks candidly about her experiences and her great passion; helping to create wellness in families through connection and communication.
You can find Lael at laelstone.com.au and her school at woodlineprimary.com.au Lael is a birth, parenting and sexuality educator who has worked with thousands of families over 15 years witnessing what lack of connection and attachment can do to relationships and sense of worth. She works one on one with families, runs workshops on birth, parenting and talking to kids about sex and also run pleasure-based sex ed in secondary schools for teens. Lael is currently putting all her knowledge and learning into practice as she builds an innovative new primary school in Geelong. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
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Honestly, this book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ gave me the encouragement I needed to stay strong in raising my kids with Christian values, it’s comforting to know Im not alone on this journey
I can not wait to read this! Ty for the recommendation ❤
Brilliant! “Children can’t be what they don’t see.”
that stood out for me too
Aye! They can only experience and project the knowledge given.
0
They'll see it eventually, then it's anyone's guess. In my experience results have been best desensiting them young, get it out in the open and then it's no big deal.
This is gold!
To see all those comments here, I feel lucky to have a mom like my mom..
She wasn't really talkative but she always listened to me and carefully dealt with my emotions as I was growing up.
I don't remember exactly what she used to say to me when little, but I remember the feeling I had when I was around her.
Warm, comfortable, relaxed and secured.
I don't remember her screaming or yelling at me at all.
She was always tender, kind and gentle.
I thought every mom is like her.
Apparently, they're not!
I thank Lord to have sent my mom to be my mom.
Amen.
From South Korea
Wowww!💕
You could not have paid your mom any greater compliment!! You are truly blessed and so is she for beeing able to be such a great mom.... It truly is a blessing!
You are truely Blessed!!!
Me neither
No yelling
Just love in eyes and cheerful face
She raised 4 children very well despite financial hardships
May my mother lives long 🙏🏻
amin
Cheers to reparenting ourselves and conscious parenting.
YES
We the real MVPs, healing ancestral trauma and all
Save it for morons... 're-parenting'...roflmao
Morons
@@boldbeliefsociety making up stories about dead people to save yourself from what...Santa ain't real...yet you asshats preach "re-parenting"
@@Theo-dj7vs lol
I’m adopted and have inherited mental illness from my biological parents but my adopted mom allowed me to process my emotions and no matter how hard it’s ever gotten I’ve always looked for tools to try to make my situation better. I know it’s because of my mom. She saved me.
I also am adopted and have inherited mental illness from both of my parents. I was not given the space to process my emotions as a child and was often told to not cry. I am glad you had an open environment wherein your adoptive parent was understanding of your developmental and mental health struggles. Take care 💜
This is beautiful 🥹
❤
Please share about the tools that have worked for you
You don’t inherit mental illness, mental illness is an abstract thought
As a dad who is used to listening but trying to fix the problem, this was what I needed to hear. I have to let my kids express themselves without telling them to shush or keep it down or stop crying. Thanks.
same here. thanks for this advice!
Writing from memory Marshall Rosenberg once said: "
When it comes to giving advice to your children, never do so unless you've first received a request in writing, signed by a lawyer. They usually need empathy"
When it comes to the unconditioned flowering of a child, never put the torch out but rather give it gas.
Yep, people just want to be acknowledged!
me too
I teach prek. This is the core of my being a preschool teacher. Mental health above the curriculum. Meantal health above the common core. Mental health above alphabets and numbers.
Can you tell a difference in the kid's who have this kind of support at home and those that don't? Do they carry themselves differently?
Same that’s why in my pre-K 4 class I teach social skills; to teach them how to cope and also recognize emotions. When some of them get upset they do deep breathing. Some do levels and bring their feelings down and then talk about it. I’m very proud of my class.
@@crucialtaunt722 no cuz I have the best children...and look at how you see conflict...these people talking are 20s with illegitimate children...
@@crucialtaunt722 they act differently. Kids this age are such good mirrors. Not always, you have to try to listen to everything they are saying and pay attention to how they treat their peers
single mothers are a biblical plague - Jesus
As an African Dad and Husband, this video unlocked a lot of how disconnected one can become by Repression and being Strong when one needs to be vulnerable and express..food for thought.
Well said
Every teacher should have listened to this and incorporated this philosophy into their daily work of educating pupils
I used to work at a daycare and I wish I would have watched this before I started working there. It's a perspective I've never thought of. I already understood that emotional outburst aren't in a child's complete control, but I never really thought for too long about the fact that children need help dealing with the emotions they're feeling. I honestly feel a little guilty for not helping with emotions and feelings the way I should have. But, I have a son who's still under a year old and I fully intend to do better. I know a phrase I heard a lot as a child was "quit crying!" and it made me feel so...unimportant and invalidated. I hope to never use that phrase with my son.
I really wish that more teachers actually cared enough to even consider this. Where I live, a lot of people don't become teachers because they feel a calling to teach, but because it's accesibile to them or they think it's easy. Imagine how many of them are bitter, disinterested, consider the kidd a burden (except for the "easy" ones)... I can count on one hand throughout my 16 years of school, the teachers that actually cared or were good at their job.
This sounds like shifting the responsibility onto others. There are so many places around the world where teachers want to help kids, but so often the whole education system is against them, and particularly parents that don't educate their own kids. In Finland, they realized 30 years ago that their priorities were to train better teachers in general, but also not let parents interfere in kids learning at school. They had to change the whole system and the whole mentality, respect for teachers grew to the highest point. Having only teachers listen to this talk is completely useless. Those that need to listen to it are politicians and parents (that should stop accepting the system as it is) so that things can really change.
I’m afraid a lot of schools have a “get on with it” attitude
single mothers are a biblical plague - Jesus
This was awesome! Best point of it all is “Children can’t be what they can’t see.”
200% Correct
I wrote in my diary exactly the same phrase
single mothers are a biblical plague - Jesus
@@robertwarner1160 I agree with this and I'm not closed minded person
@@robertwarner1160 Single fathers are not a biblical curse?
The story of your 10 year old comforting your 5 year old made me cry because that was beautiful!!! 🥺
Same💜💙💚💛🧡❤🙏
Me too cry 😭
Okay I’m not the only one 🤧 this was so beautiful!
i’m only 14 but i enjoy watching these videos not only to just be prepared in the future but also since there are a lot of younger kids in my life that i want to be able to properly talk to and set an example for. especially when i see that their own parents tend to neglect these little things, i feel like my perspective as an outsider can help me to be more intuitive with these kids and i find that they usually enjoy my company a lot :) i started watching these kinds of videos after a while ago, when my mom got into an argument with my brother and i and she ended up getting extremely upset with us. instead of talking with us about why we said what we said she sat us down at night and had my grandpa lecture us on how our point was wrong and my mother’s was correct, it ended up in my brother breaking down and crying. i love my mom and i know she does her best, she’s only human but in that moment i realized how childish and whiney she seemed, letting her own anger stop her from properly talking to us. i realized in that moment i didn’t want to be like that with my own future children, i had to console my brother afterwards too and i told him that it wasn’t right of her to blow up on us like that, and he shouldn’t copy her behavior. i’ve seen similar things happen between my moms friends and their children too, i’m guessing it’s a common issue. i can only hope to improve from their mistakes
Am 42. Take it from me- you are going far in life.
Keep being you and keep learning. Everyone will be proud of you.
@@bashka99 thank you :)
Wow you’re only 14?! God has blessed you with maturity far beyond your years, sweet heart! ❤️
@@VelvetyMoon thank you!
That is brilliant. I am 31, Mom of a 3 year old, but I am still learning to express my feelings. I don’t know you but I am so proud of you.
I thought I was empathetic and compassionate with my children, but it turns out I have a lot to learn. Every parent should watch this video once a week. Thank you for the amazing advice and insight ✌💕
Amazing to hear. I feel the same way. Just goes to show you can never stop learning. We can always grow as parents just as we grow as individuals throughout our lives. Maybe watching a new mindful parenting video each week would be great for us all ;) Much love mama!
So true..we are unconsciously transferring those limiting beliefs on our children and yes, we need to learn. Readiness to change us also a very good quality of a parent!!
Yes. I watch it every other day
Agreed.
Yes! The books "How to talk so little kids listen and listen so little kids talk" have changed our lives! Highly recommend.
This is what I do with my 4 year old. And the only reason I know this is because I had many years of therapy and learned to do this for myself .
That's great. It's so good that you're being a thoughtful parent. Keep it up!
When it comes to the unconditioned flowering of a child, never put the torch out but rather give it gas.
Your story about your two daughters brought me into tears! So much compassion, kindness and love! The world will be a better place because we are raising emotionally intelligent children!
“There is always a reason behind the behavior.” So true! Many think it’s just a bad kid but normally it’s what the kid has experienced. Instead of attacking the kid, dig deeper to see what the real issue is. ❤️
Not for the children only, but also for adults, too. Everybody is equal. Do not attack and equally see that there must be things behind the real issues.
This needs more views! One of the most profound TED talks I’ve ever seen!
I found it moronic...and fancy filled hyperbole.
@@Theo-dj7vs why?
Ditto!
@@Theo-dj7vs elaborate!
I want to listen to this every day. This is so powerful!
I'm in my 30s and have only recently started self-healing from a life of emotional neglect. I have 3 children and have not talked much about emotions with them either, simply because I find feelings so hard to deal with. It's time for a change!
Sending you lots of love and hugs. ❤️
Literally in the same boat I feel like I just woke up from a 30 year nightmare and realized my whole family is narcissistic and im the scapegoat...now I'm trying to figure out how to fix myself and save my children...sending you love and light on your journey 🙏 🤍
I'm here with you, I'm 30 with 3 small boys, with an emotionally scarred past that I just figured out how to deal with. It's not easy.
My baby is a year old and I am a 22 year old mom. I was raised by my grandmother who was very strict and shouted a lot. I sometimes find myself reverting to the same way I was raised. I take this talk to heart. I dont want my baby to feel like he cannot tell me how he feels.
Great talk I learnt a lot
Should also try the book "The book you wish your parents had read". It was in line with this ted talk with useful tips and insights on how to raise awareness of your feelings and your child's, and help identify them when they appear, how to work through them etc.
The first step is always to realise the source of the "problem". You will do great.❤️
Just the awareness has given your child an advantage. You got this mama!
Pls listen to your child instead of ruling them. And like the video said try to make your Child express the feeling to u. And one of thing don't compare your child with other when they grow up.
This is message from a person of face this issue in his early childhood and it results me to lose all my confidence and also bottled up my feelings.
oh my God, I'm just a uni student, not a mother but love this. I think this is not just for parents but for sisters, brothers, for all people. If we want to connect with people genuinely, this is the way to make it right.
My mom always respected her children as individual people. She listened and encouraged us to "listen to understand, not to respond." She taught us to resolve conflict through compromise and compassion.
"Tell me all about it" with a compassion in your eyes
was the most heart touching and impressive words that I heard in Nov 2024.
As a graduate student in Psychology, I just wanted to say thank you for bringing this truth!
so touching and it was really goooood!
I cried and cried through this message. My husband and I are stuck in a shushing, critical un supportive rut with our kids and your talk has given me so much hope! Thank you so so much!
I definitely needed this, as a mom to a toddler I need to start doing this! Thank you so much!
So true, “Children can’t be what they can’t see.”
These Tedx presentations are possibly the most 'valuable' things on TH-cam
I've implemented the skills imparted here with my 8 yo and teenaged children, the atmosphere in our home has changed completely. Thank you so much Lael, this talk has been life changing. Came back several times to get the words down pat, 'Tell me all about it', 'That's hard', 'what else'..... So simple, yet magic!
“Children can’t be what they can’t see.” This is so true.
As a single dad this validated my style of parenting. Sometimes just listening to their pain feels like your not doing enough to support them. Thank you.
I love this. I worry for the children who grow up with this innate sense of emotional maturity who will soon clash with the generations ahead of them. I already deal with those 10-20 years older than me in the workplace and how they repress, rage, and see all of this as "normal"
Yes, unfortunately, some people will resist change, but there are also older people who are willing to reeducate themselves, and it's important as a species that we move forward.
Society is so organized and complex that you have no other way of surviving except to accept the way of life around you as organized, along with the limitations it places upon all of us. We must all accept the reality of society, whether we like it or not. But this is not what we are talking about. What we are talking about is altogether different. All your relationships, knowledge, and experiences, all your emotions and feelings, all that romantic stuff, belongs entirely to society, not to you. You are not an individual at all; you are secondhand people. Only when you are free from what every man and woman has thought and felt before you will you become an individual. Such an individual will not go around attempting to destroy everything that belongs to society. He is not in conflict with society at all. He would never tear down the temples and institutions or burn books that men have made with great care. He would not be a rebel. All the accumulated knowledge, experience, and suffering of mankind is inside of you. You must build a huge bonfire within you. Then you will become an individual. There is no other way.
I grew up with old traditional parents. If I made a mistake I was smacked as a child. Also yelled at all the time and had fingers pointed to my face. I grew up so clueless about the world because I never had conversations with my family about anything. I would cry at night as my outlet because if I cried in front of them I would be smacked or told “to get over myself.” It makes me sad that some parents are just so uneducated and oblivious to their actions.
I'm so sorry that was your childhood experience. I hope that you have been able to find healing and a way to move forward.
I do hope you can find a way to seek refuge for your feelings
That's a mood
Hey I know what's that's like. I was physically and emotionally abused throughout my childhood. But i believe that as victims of such situations we can be examples of strength, courage, and empathy. God bless you.
I was like you when I was a kids (grade school) when I cried I have to hide it. Or else I've got yelled from my mom and to my oldest siblings 😢
This was amazing. Pray for me to keep growing to be the best father I can possibly be!💙💙
Such a loving mother. Into great depth she went into why we act & feel the way we do. I almost melted into tears to hear her own children know how to emotional take care of each other, was just so heartwarming.
She is so right! I believe that every child should have a “me” class From k-12. It’s a class to help identify and process feelings. There are lots of exercises that can be done to help a child get in touch with their inner feelings. Its not hard. Politicians just have to care enough to fund such nurturing ideas. 💟☮️
Yeah, it's very unfortunate that politicians are making the choices about education. Teachers should be the ones making them.
It’s unfortunate that more and more parenting is being thrown at public schools
I grew up in foster care and I was given a ton of classes. I also studied psychology at the University level. None of that education did anything but teach me how to pretend I was okay. I was suicidal and emotionally unstable well into my 30's. I then had a dark night of the soul...and I am at peace today. But my point is, it's not about information, it's about how you are treated. Children don't need more information, they need better treatment.
My mom was a very strict, authoritative, parent. So were the adults around me, and there was abuse as well. I have so much anxiety that has followed me through my adulthood. I’m 27 and I’m now learning how to express my emotions and learning that it’s okay to do that.
My husband and I are planning to have a baby and I could feel the anxiety of not wanting to raise my child like I was raised and raise them in a similar environment. I reminded myself that there’s always going to be room to grow and learn. I recognize where I need help and also recognize most importantly that it starts with me. This talk reassured me. Thanks 😊
I have the same experience!
I cried watching this as I can't change my childhood but know how to change it for future generations and all the people I know, can share this video with them.. One of the most underrated video on TH-cam..
One of the most engaging and awe inspiring Ted talks I’ve watched ‼️ The speaker was phenomenal and hit all the nails on the head. She shared a powerful quote, “The aim of education is to understand the world around us and then the world within us. However, if we prioritize the world within us, the world around us will make so much sense.”
I remember my daughter was a baby when I told my (ex) friend I would be practising Gentle Parenting and not using hidings etc. She laughed at me, called me a hippie and said that children need hidings. Her children all received regular hidings and when you looked at our children playing together, there was a notable difference in my child's ability to express herself as well as her leadership. She isn't afraid to be who she is, say what she feels and FEEL what she feels. The proof is in the pudding.
She moved me to tears- her message is so important 💖
Make sure to pass it on to friends and family
Thankyou x
me 2
Me too! ❤️
Indeed
This was amazing!! As a Mom to a two year old, it’s very reassuring that this parenting method can work. I have incorporated most of her examples, simply because I wanted to provide my daughter with safe place to express her feelings, something I felt I didn’t have growing up as kid. Well done!!🙌🏾
YES! People say that my 2 yr old is bad when he's around me, because I don't force him to shut down his emotions. I knew right away that my son was emotional. I allow him to feel safe with me to express them!!! THATS NOT BAD BEHAVIOR. I'm trying to teach him to direct his emotions so he doesn't channel it into negative emotions or negative aggressive behavior. which is just natural at this stage. So it's very reassuring that SHUSHING their emotions is NOT the way to do it, and my initial instinct was right. No more letting outside people dictate how I parent.
You go Nina. Break generational curses. I pray your daughter and you are both bountifully blessed for your dedication to motherhood.
This video is really informative and helpful in understanding emotions. How our emotions are expressed and dealt with in childhood affects his/her behavior in adulthood.
when she told the story about the 10yr comforting the 5yr I got teary.
I wish I had that when I was a kid. I hope I can do this for my daughter.
What a wonderful speaker, thinker, and above all, mother.
My cousin Lindy worked at Focus on the Family for years while becoming a mother of 3. I was amazed how effective such a simple question got to the heart of wtvr chaos or trauma arose for each of them: "How can I help you?" with open arms when tears are present.
Too many parents/humans go straight to an 'end' to the chaos without the moment being dealt with.
“Children can not be what they can not see!.” Wow 🤯
Wow did that blow ur mind
It is a profound thing to realize. Kids mimic much more than they listen.
First time mother here! Been struggling to articulate the same idea into my household, as growing up, I didn't learn how to express my emotions . These thoughts do justice to the perspective 'Being a role model'. Kudos 🙌🏼
Her calm voice...i could listen for hours
You are an incredible person, and most enriching ted talk i have ever seen!
beautiful talk and this should be taught in schools, much more important for kids and parents to learn Emotional intelligence than to have good grades from subjects they will never use in life. well done and thank you
Beautifully expressed! As a parent of a 6 year old, I could totally relate to this. "There's always a reason for the behaviour." So simple and powerful! Loved it!
I'm in tears in how she is narrating all the behaviours of her kids.
Me too, it hurts I don't know why, because what she described is something that I'd never do, I'd never call a friend, everytime I had a problem I would shut myself out from the world, I'm scared that I'll be judged by my family so I don't say anything to my Mom
Fantastic talk! Wonderful conversation starter for parents and teachers.
“Children can’t be what they don’t see” YES!
I’m trying to teach my children what I didn’t learn as a child! It’s hard when you’re fighting against the way you were raised but it’s so worth it.
Brilliant…as a Dad we listen, but with an ear towards fixing. It is tough…but this reinforces what I was recently told by my little one..active LISTENING is what they really want.
This made me cry. Not because of how I grew up but because it got me thinking about how it was something we never got but how something in me at least tried with my younger brother. Yes we had our fights as kids and teenagers but I felt a need to always love him as my little brother and be compassionate even though that was not something we learned growing up. He trusts me enough to come to me when he’s dealing with major issues or even financially and I’ve always been there for him and now that I am 26 and he is 24, I see how well he’s grown up. Out of all of my siblings, I would say we’re probably the only ones who have a genuine brother and sister relationship. I won’t say it was all due to me, but I’ve always done my part in being there for him, in hearing him and advising him without judging him. I feel proud of myself for noticing that I wanted to be different and be his big sister and protect him as my little brother. Something that I don’t feel any one of my older siblings ever did. I thank god for always somehow allowing me to see that I didn’t want to be the same, I wanted to be better. And I will be even better.
If we prioritise understanding the world within us then showing the world around us will make more sense!”
Every would be parent and parent should listen to this. Shared with my children
I grew up with 10 siblings and had no emotional regulation. It wasn't taught to them but it's up to me as a parent to help them to regulate their emotions so that they have an easier life!
I’m in tears listening to this talk. Wish I had found it sooner. Raising a boy with an ex who is emotionally abusive and absent, who tried to erase me entirely from my son’s life for the past several years is so hard…As I struggle to keep my head above the water myself, there are times I could be more patient and compassionate towards my now 11 yrs old. As I came onto TH-cam searching for parenting advices i found this. Such wonderful, awakening messages to all parents and beyond. Thank you!
Valuing peace of mind over happiness.. ..Always come out of your comfort zone..
看这篇演讲的时候眼泪止不住地流，好想知道这是什么感受。小时候一哭爸爸就会非常冷漠，他说我不喜欢自己的孩子哭哭啼啼，我不需要这样的孩子，你什么时候不哭了再跟我讲话。现在有什么困难从来不愿意和他们讲，因为还要反过来安慰他们，更累。
This is such an inspiring speech for me, both as an educator and a mum. For the last ten years, I have always tried to train my daughter to fix problems immediately whenever she is feeling sad or complaining anything. What I really forgot to do is listening to her feelings and hold it for her. Thank you so much for the great and important ideas you have shared.
This is so beautiful. "There's always a reason behind the behavior - I wonder if we'd take that and place it into our education system"
I love this talk. I agree w everything except that our parents did the best they could with what they knew bc as an overcomer of childhood abuse, it’s unfathomable to me how anyone can beat, curse and abuse a child and see the destruction on their innocent life and have no conscience. Thus, I hope everyone especially the abused and abusers not only hear but apply emotional intelligence so the cycle STOPS repeating💯🙏🏽❤️
Good on you for breaking the cycle. Generational curses are overwhelmingly to deal with but the freedom found in Christ, the Chainbreaker is soooo worth it. The Generations after you will never know the suffering you did because of your sacrifice. Stay victorious ❤️
@@Stop_Infanticide AMEN! My story would not be possible without God! All glory to Jesus Christ and him alone🙌🏽
I also had issue with that line, I didn’t grow up with physical abuse but I did with mental. And I too find it so unbelievable that someone “trying their best” finds enjoyment out of messing with people’s heads like my father does. I promise to myself I will not repeat my parent’s mistakes. And they have made many.
@@artscraftsgaming7169 Precisely 👏🏽💯🙏🏽
@@Stop_Infanticide amen. My husband and I were freed from generational curses and our daughters are so blessed.
I've always said that I need the tools to be a better parent. This is one of the best presentations on parenting I've found.
Thank you for this encouraging insight! So often when I'm trying to just listen, I get sucked into the child's problems, attitude or physical agression and end up trying to contain/control it. I find that when dealing with an emotionally charged irrational child, it can be very difficult to ignore their "symptoms". I try to listen, but then set boundaries as to what I'm willing to take on.
it is the reason why i found non-voilent communication so amazing. what she said here are all about non-voilent communication, which gives so much instruction and tools to communicate with ourselves, our families and others with empathy.
What a beautiful talk. One to save and rewatch again and again. She also has the most beautiful calming voice. Thank you
I know I’m on the right track as a parent when I have the opportunity to apologize to my kids. If I’ve been impatient or dismissive, I make a point of apologizing later, even for the smallest slight. For exactly the reason this video made - that children can’t be what they don’t see. I also try to share most (not all) of my negative and positive feelings, to offer the vocabulary they will need to describe their own feelings. And when my kids ask me for something, I answer with “yes ma’am”. Before you know it, they’re saying it right back.
Kids need to hear the words and see examples to develop emotional intelligence. Which is a good indicator of future happiness and success.
Thank you for the lecture, I agree with you entirely.
I just feel like moving my children from Europe to Australia to join her school. Well done! Every educator and parent should listen to this talk 💙
I’m also a father of two boy and a girl 11 and 14 and I’m trying to teach them emotional intelligence. It’s OK to express yourself and have feelings and for them to tell me how they’re doing. I’m being very open with them and honest as my mom was with me.
Lovely!! Children don't need us to fix their problems or tell them that they're special. They just want to be HEARD. Loved hearing this parenting success story 😊
As a kid I was raised on harsh disciplines, punishment, fear of failure, etc... Now as a father I have to try SO hard not to make the mistakes my father made with me. It´s hard work.
I truly believe there should be some kind of parenting manual that every parent can get their hands on, all around the world. In this "manual" they will be taught the best ways to handle certain situations with children. This will have a ripple effect through society and the world! It starts with our childhood. Think about it.. emotional regulation, attachment styles in relationships.. so much contributes to our mental health and state of wellbeing.
Try books by Daniel Siegel. I believe his books are just that. And I definitely agree.
As I tell people around me that I try to get to read these books, if everyone learned this stuff it would change the world
I think parents should get a licence for having kids. For that licence they have to pass the test
So let’s make it! ✨
@@greek2068lovely thought. But who will be the ones whom make the rules.
@@gco1950 the government could work with some experts
I have two young daughters and your story of your 10 yr old caring for your 5 year old literally brought tears to my eyes. So beautiful.
So beautifully said. I work with children on the autism spectrum and have gained so much powerful emotional insight. Thankyou.
This is how my spouse and I raised our daughters. It worked really well when they were young. They excelled with friends and each other. It stopped working when they got older. They learned to manipulate our compassion to get what they wanted and to avoid their responsibilities. My oldest refused to get up in the morning and go to school. No amount of compassion or listening made her change her mind.
this video is such an inspiration and motivation to parents out there . this teaches us even better how to develop better relationships with our children and giving them the priority to express their feelings and making sure its always a safe place . such an amazing women,speaker and a mom!!!!
Thank you for this excellent content! I am a single parent of an only child (now 8). Something happened at school this morning where her teacher said something that caused her to cry. It hurt me too and so I returned home to look for content that would help me raise my child tobe confident and found this presentation tobe very helpful so thanks again so much for sharing your experience with many of us parents around the globe. I so needed to hear it and l loved the story about your 5 and 10yo children. May God bless them both and you for being a great mum! 🙏💕.
This message is explosive and mind blowing. It's so simple, using the power of listening skills as parents..
The opening scene.... my daily work as a preschool teacher! I try to teach emotional literacy all day, every day, and calmly allow children to feel their feelings, I always acknowledge and accept their feelings.
( and am labelled soft and 'nice' for this by colleagues, as being tough and firm seems more highly valued in a lot of early childhood centres)
Thank you so much, I will keep it in mind when I face my screaming 3yo. I'll try my best.
One of the most important and best ted talks that I have listened to. This needs to be implemented in every education system!! Mental health first!
I am an educator from Asia. I believe that only a handful asian teachers are compassionate and emotionally intelligent. I couldn’t imagine how stressful it is for the students to be constantly yelled at when they make mistakes. I feel extremely guilty. After watching this video, I know that I have to change. Because of that, this has now become my most favorite video on TH-cam.
Could not agree more and I have spoken the same words for years now. Where are the lessons for teaching emotional intelligence to our children coming from all sources? Camps, schools, parents, caregivers, we all need to be taught. Thank you for sharing.
I'm from Singapore and this video just gave me an idea to open up a weekend school / class of some sort to teach kids emotional regulation and feelings. Loved this talk and it's something I've been thinking about lately. Especially in the Asian context where feelings are usually not expressed and we repress a lot. My question though, is, at which point do we use authority over our children? Like say if they are throwing a tantrum in public and we try to talk to them calmly but it doesn't work? At which point do we need to be careful to not become a pushover?
As a parent of two boisterous boys I can tell u that's a daily struggle! The ideal way is to acknowledge the hurt,/pain/confusion/unmet desire with a oh no you wanted ___ ( and give it time to sink in) , then say I'm sorry the sad news is its not possible because ___. And then give an alternative which is okay/allowed/safe/legal. Works every time. But u need to be patient and be very good at reading the situation from the child's point of view.. gets better with practice 😉
That behaviour is what makes a confident adults, let them express them selves for their own future benefit, remember its about them not you.
Stay calm and wait for them to get calm before responding.
When attentive to their emotions and needs even need for attention, they may not throw tantrums.....how you communicate with them will determine how they communicate and express themselves.....throwing a tantrum is an indication of either aggression or expression and how you respond to it will determine how the kids will behave going forward......
when a kid throws a tantrum in public or at home, yelling at them or hitting doesn't work. Hence you must not be annoyed but try and talk to them as "adults". But that is responsive or reactive. Preventing tantrums would be as I mentioned before, be attentive to their needs, talk to the them and understand them in order to make them understand they do not have to throw tantrums but the are free to express what they want.
That's cool. I have a friend in Singapore. I'm in Beijing right now, but I find that emotional intelligence is a big issue with my students. Is it the same in Singapore?
Having the access to knowledge like this will make me a better parent in the future
This is beautiful I was taught to toughen up whenever I felt like crying and thankfully getting myself involved in emotional intelligence helps in fathering My two kidos!!❤️✊🏾
“Mommy, I’ll listen to her feelings.” That made me cry. Just imagine a world like this. Geesh!
Oh my gosh! This school sounds incredible. I want to move across the world for this school. I love it. So inspiring.
Always accepting their feeling, and imagine yourself in their place, childeren keeps watching you, so first working on ourselves.thank you. That's the key of raising happy child.
Wonderfully presented ! Thank you for the reminder 🙏♥️ Couldn’t agree more that this would be world changing to go into educational system everywhere
Very grateful new dad for coming across this
We need more of this! SO SO important to thrive emotionally. And that is something that needs to be taught.
Agreed Caylyn! I'm a teacher and have started an online school teaching this stuff to teens :)
bro idk why i cried watching this speech! it was so powerful!
Single most best ted talk ive ever seen. So important. Thanks
To understand everything is to forgive everything, may we all understand. Thank you. Joy and well to all beings.
8:57 It seems to be already known, but rarely practised. Incredible talk.
Place connection, heart, and compassionate listening at the centre of everything. Thank you for this. As a mom to two young kids a lot of times I didn't know what to do with their feelings and just wanted to make them happy. No idea I was preventing their emotional intelligence development.
Your lecture and you are awesome! Wish the world would hear this, it would be a very different world 😭
This video was not what i had searched for, but thank god i saw it.
Praise God! ❤️❤️❤️