I listened to this with my daughter who is a very deep feeling kid. She nodded to so many of the things and really helped her see she isn’t alone in the world, and made her feel less like an outcast. It was also really helpful for me to tell her how I feel as we listened along. Amazing talk!
Biggest thing I found. Set boundaries. It's ok to say no. Let them have their meltdown stay calm. They'll learn it doesn't work after awhile. But I always tell my daughter every day I love her and plenty of hugs and kisses. You'll be fine.
Yep, mine has complete meltdown. I straight up tell him, okay dude, you’re entitled to feel how you want, my decision isn’t changing. I also don’t want to be around you when you’re like this. If you want to scream and have fits, you can do so in your own space. I’ve done this since he was about 3.5/4. With my youngest, (he’s 1) I tell him (words and actions) I’m not okay with some things… he bites… no biting, keep doing it, imma remove you from me. No hitting, yadda yadda
@@danielnaberhaus5337 That is the exception, not the norm. If the father is bad in that household then the likelihood is that the mother is bad as well which means the child won the negative lottery.
We have a toddler and dad has so much power with him. They play and the joy he has is amazing but at the same time when dad says NO, my boy stops in his tracks and really listens. Not saying I don’t play with him or say NO but it is a different thing with daddy.
I’m a dad of an incredible deeply feeling 4 year old and this conversation has given me so much to think about. When you were describing them as super sensors… I felt like you were talking about her! ❤💃
One thing that helped me is chores. Make your child learn to cook, clean, do laundry. Show them things that they can focus on. That helps get their energy out.
Thanks. This is my 3 turning 4 year old. She does all the above - throws tantrums and says some of the cutest expressions of love than I’ve ever known. I’m glad to hear that they will come to an end and we all will be better for it.
Oh dear Lord, this is my son! He is 8 years old and he is definitely a Deeply feeling kid. He rarely has an outburst now, He had one at school early this year because of him not understanding some math problem and sadly this has contributed to his being bullied and left out by his classmates. I will definitely look more about this to be more informed about this trait of my son. He is as the Dr. describes very very affectionate and I know with due guidance, wisdom and love this trait can turn him into a successful, compassionate emphatic man someday.
Omigosh, I started crying when she said I like your kid. So validating. Kids just want to be loved! I grew afraid of my daughter as she became a teen/preteen. Actually, not of her but of how intense her emotions were! I had never experienced anyone who had emotions so intense. I didn't know how to respond. It was terrifying. Sadly, no therapist had any advice. It wasn't until I did years of research on my own that I finally figured out I had to learn to NOT be afraid!! It was the only advice that made sense to me. It took years but it has made a huge difference for both of us. She feels her emotions are validated and is able to regulate her own feelings now. And I'm not afraid. I know how to sit with strong emotions now. Took years but it is possible and so worth it! I have to add that my kid did not have the sense of entitlement to get her way. We didn't cater to her when she was young. It started as night terrors and hearing voices and grew to severe school anxiety that morphed into general social anxiety. In the beginning, I didn't panic and thought we could find solutions, but as behaviors became physical with age, we really didn't know what to do. Therapy didn't offer us any guidance and often made things worse. Co-regulating was the solution.
My son threw a lot of tantrum when he was 4. I just let him do it and stay calm (secretly thinking it’s cute) and let him know we heading home now since he’s throwing a tantrum. If the tantrum happens inside the home i just said “ok im gonna clean the house you can talk to me whenever you are ready.” NEVER give in, stay calm & firm. He is 10 now no more tantrum but he will try to manipulate me into getting his way. I just let him play it out and at the end i say “hey buddy you been fishing me all day and the answer is still NO.” 😂 he is very a loving and sensitive child.
I tell my kids you better learn to discipline and control your emotions or you’re going to get a spanking. Simple. I tell them you learn to discipline yourself or I will do it for you.
@@williamryan7212Exactly. That’s hundreds of thousands years of evolutionary behaviour that works. All of it has been thrown out the window in the past 30 years because of educated idiots.
@@2010bhood it’s not about fear, it’s about teaching them there are consequences for their actions. And spanking shouldn’t be the only tool you use. Time outs, no screen time etc.
The problem is most people (adults and kids) use ghosting as their coping mechanism. The great fear for parents is not the kids reaction, it’s parental alienation or abandonment.
Their vulnerability is close to their shame. I’ve seen this. I tend to try to be authoritative and it sometimes stops stuff from starting but it doesn’t calm daughter down. She says things like, “I can’t stop, I can’t calm down.”
Hahaha I was hoping so because my husband throws tantrums hoping to glean something from this. I saw another comment saying having someone who can control tantrums is one of many read why it is why it's important to have a father in the home. And I agree, but my husband's parents were married right up until his father passed at 79 yrs of age. So.......
I'm very distinctly remember wanting rules as a kid. I even pretended I had some! From an early age and even into my teen years I was disappointed I wanted rules and structure. I did whatever I want as a teenager linked up with other kids with parents just as bad as mine made poor choices, and it took a lot of self taught course correction.
Watching outside of US i feel like Americans will spin up any conversation around handling kids,without openly talking about their own shortcomings in raising such kids. Most of the first world doesn't have these problems. And it all comes down to culture. While watching this video i came to the realisation that in Europe(I have lived in Germany,Switzerland,the Netherlands and visited many more...I'm serbian so eastern Europe counts as well) I have never seen a child rolling on the floor screaming, as well as I have never experienced adults screaming g at each other the way they do in America. Sorry folks that's on you. The most rich country in the world,with the most money and you adult folks act like bipolar todlers. THEN YOU WONDER WHERE THE KIDS GET IT FROM.
What are you talking about? I’ve seen this plenty of times in European countries. Not everything in Europe is just better. Lol what are you talking about?
I have four kids. I've noticed most parents don't tell their kids "No". Lay those guardrails, tell your kids what's appropriate and inappropriate, and be consistent.
There's also an argument for these kids to have ADHD/ADD and this specific type of tantrum is called ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). Please interview DR Russell Barkley @andrew huberman
My dad was 5'10" and weighed 130 soaking wet. I was 6' and 180. I never thought I could whoop my dad's butt. He had man strength and I knew it, so I never thought to cross him. I think a healthy fear of your dad is a good thing. It lets you know there's always someone bigger or stronger than you, so it's not smart to chose violence to get what you want. Now days parents are friends instead of parents. It's sad...
Did I miss something? It seems like this video was heavy on identification and extremely light on solutions... Like yeah, I know my child has big feelings: that's something that virtually no parent of such children needs help with figuring out... But what are the strategies/solutions? It's not always practical to take them to a smaller/secluded space, so what are some other options/ideas? What are some responses to avoid? Our early 2 year old is generally a very happy boy, but he gets upset like a million times a day. Whether it's because mom went outside for 30 seconds to grab a toy from the car or because we tried to show him how to get a tricky food onto his utensil. If anything doesn't go exactly as he wanted it, however trivial, he melts down and starts squealing/screaming, which he knows has a huge negative impact on me (I have a chronic medical condition, similar to a TBI, that causes loud noises to be unbearable and triggers systemic problems). I could really use some strategies to minimize the screaming and help him to handle life's misgivings better.
I had this with my first kid and I learned about something called separation anxiety and it helped change my perspective. Also kids at this age are learning to do things for themselves and get easily frustrated when they fail. (We adults get frustrated when we can't figure out things). Asking them if they are frustrated because xyz happened helps sometimes. Or are you feeling sad because mommy had to go. Little things help them recognize the feeling so it because less scary or frustrating I think.
Check out Dr. Ray Guarendi. Lots of practical solutions. I have a “big feeling” 3 year old son and we lovingly and consistently set consequences with him. We empathize but still follow through (we give grace when he’s sick or really tired) and don’t let him scream, hit, or nag. It takes a lot of follow through and can be hard to do calmly but he needs to learn for his sake as well as ours, what is acceptable. He gets lots of love and snuggles and attention but he’s not allowed to get away with everything just because he feels things deeply. It’s funny, my older daughter never really needed consequences. We “gentle parented” her easily. Kids are just born different.
Because nobody has the solution to stop toddlers from toddlering. I have a 2 year old and my only suggestion is get some sleep, be kind to yourself and ride it out daily. Try not to yell or scream and be patient. They’re developing.
This is excellent advice. I wonder how much this is related to ADHD and emotional dysregulation. I have a deeply feeling kid who has ADHD, and I was a deeply feeling kid who also has ADHD. I have always had a fear of abandonment that if someone knew how intense I am sometimes they would leave. I grew up in a very invalidating environment though, I really try to be there for my son, though days when he is dysregulated alllll day can really be tough sometimes.
I totally agree with what's been said. How do I do this with a very hyperactive were she gets aggressive and we can't contain her to that smaller space to help them regulate. She would run out of the house if we didnt deadlock the door.
How old is your child if under 10ish think about a soft hold if she is being violent. Face her away from you and wrap your arms around her and repeat I love you and this will pass. My job is to not let you hurt yourself or others. I love you no matter what. It is so hard. I'm sorry I know how you feel.
@@Kevin.Grindel thank you. We do try this. She doesn't like us to touch her when she is in the frame of mind. But we do say what you say when we step away and out of the room if she is in there.
My son is ten and it was shocking when I told him to go to his room, he said no, and he is already too big for me to actually be able to put him in there..:
Is it safe to say that the deep feelings kids, that don’t get this treatment talked about, end up becoming the toxic people later on? 🤔 Cause it would really make sense, having listened to this conversation.
"Deeply Feeling" kids are definitely somewhere on the spectrum whether they are diagnosed or not doesn't matter. I have two of these deep feelings kids and while a kind and gentle approach is necessary, cultural "gentle parenting" is a disaster. Also, the majority of our food supply is mentally poisonous. So we could start there as well when it comes to behavior.
My 2.5 year old throws tantrums like no other. I take something away or say no and it’s immediately a freak out. Idk if I’m doing something wrong or it’s just the way he is?
I wonder if she's not aware of the existing HSP body of work or wants to differentiate somehow (or claim for herself). Everything she said is entirely consistent with HSP, and with my personal experience having one HSP kid, and one 'regular' one.
@@LordFuzzandBeak I agree that her descriptions aligned with HSP characteristics. I don't know. The only people that I saw knew about this, were either HSPs themselves or had a closed one that was HSP, to the extent that made them learn about this. She might not be aware of the term.
@@FtmNqv my kids go to a fully outdoor school, because we thought it was a good learning environment for them, and the teaching philosophy aligns fairly well with all the issues discussed in the talk (intrinsic motivation, etc.). Point is, that the school attracts parents similar to us (with what I would call progressive views, in the context of standard education), and their kids are exactly similar to ours, all highly sensitive! So if according to the good doctor from the talk HSP is 2 out of 10 kids in the general population, in our school it is 9 out of 10 kids. All the characteristics described are absolutely identical, the acute sensitivity to smells, tastes, textures, the absolutely earthshaking 10 megaton tantrums, all of it. As a psychologist, she would be seeing a high proportion of these families, where the parents have no idea what the issue is, but she'd be hearing about all the exact same symptoms, so very difficult to believe that she wouldn't have dug into the literature on what it is she's seeing, and why it's so consistent family to family. And again, the 'symptoms' are really identical. To give an example, ask parents of highly sensitive kids about socks with prominent seams, if not put on correctly. Every single one will know what I'm talking about.
@@FtmNqv Argh, YT regularly deletes my comments (which have no vulgarity and are generally kind - go figure, the tyranny of the algorithm). I won't rewrite it, but I'll just summarise that the way HSP shows up is similar among kids. My kids go to an outdoor school where probably all or nearly all the kids are HSP, and talk to any parents, all the signs are identical. So as a therapist seeing families, it could hardly escape notice that the description of behaviour is identical, and that there's already a body of work on the subject.
It’s nice to think about people on social media (me included) as unregulated children throwing tantrums. Maybe we are all ‘acting out’ unresolved relationships and striving to create conditions for a second chance at conflict resolution, where we have agency over the outcome. Even those who aren’t ‘deeply feeling’. In pursuit of the need to be seen and heard and feel we can make a positive impact on the world. By safely and effectively tapping into the source of pain, we can turn past experiences into a powerful force for change.
What we need to do is eliminate the male/fenale part. The roles flip flop all the time depending on your cultural upbringing. The point is yin and yang so to speak. You can have an authoritative strong mother and a pushover sweet father….. but western society teaches the roles to be opposite. A lot of Italian households have strict mothers that a son wouldn’t mess with and a pushover emotional dad. It’s not mother father roles is just a good balanced dichotomy.
I tell my kids you better learn to discipline and control your emotions or you’re going to get a spanking. Simple. I tell them you learn to discipline yourself or I will do it for you. If it does get to the point were they get a spanking I sit them down and talk with them on why they are getting a spanking and afterwards I hug them and tell them they are good children and that I love them but I will discipline them until they learn to discipline themselves. Spanking is reserved for massive tantrums and being defiant when asked to do something.
Why do they need to be So Reactive as to Need CONTROL Rather than Communication You dont want them to be feel UnSafe Its not Intellectual... Unless you are looking to Outside Influences Yay. REAL little Peoples....Happily Able to Feel. And be All of the 7 Senses. Know Thyself. INNER SENSE Connected. Inner Sense. Innocence Always Enough 😊😊😊 Blessings Professor
I'll never fully understand the hate for a well placed spanking. I've heard so much contempt for any kind of real discipline. Weather it is taking away toys, denying sweets, etc. Carrot and stick. Mostly carrot, but stick when necessary.
Or your confronting and canceling out their first tool of navigation..... manipulation through emotion. Sit in then room until they realize its. Not going anywhere and not the most productive means to get what they want or the lesson that they cant always get what they want. Not necessarily a speech of feelings but presenting them in unavoidable reality (with no hostility) that....hey buddy this aint it....but when youre ready...calm down and use your words and you can come back to civilities. This is a therapized language version of a normal lesson in life. A calmer time out.
I think that they really need to come up with a new term other than "deeply feeling children" as that is one hell of a phrasing issue. Setting that aside, it sounds silly. So, creepy sounding or silly...
Calling it deeply feeling is condescending. They normalising a$$holes who have no empathy. How about shutting down a$$holes. I tell you what everyone has deep feelings and that's why they act out .
Huberman is so full of hot air...I am yet to hear anything useful from him. He has to throw in Stanford at the beginning of every episode. Snake oil salesman
Kids throw tantrums because they're abandoned by their parents at a very young age (just a few months for many), due to the need for dual incomes, to be raised by strangers in daycare, school, and sports. This sense of abandonment causes deep, longlasting emotional and psychological damage to our young.
I have 4 kids, 10, 8, 3 and 1. My two older went to preschool from age 1 through 5 and 1 through 3, then stayed home from COVID on. My two little guys have been home since birth. My older kids rarely, if ever, threw tantrums. My little guys throw MASSIVE tantrums. My third is one of those kids who doesn't care to people please, he does whatever he wants. I fully agree that being home with your kids is best, they need safety and familiarity and relationships with their siblings and parents. I homeschool and would sacrifice whatever I need to do do so. Because we're home, because we have rules and boundaries and don't give in, the tantrums are short and my husband and I aren't held hostage.
That has absolutely nothing to do with it. Kids throw tantrums when they struggle to manage their emotions. Whether it's the sadness or anger of not getting what they want, or the confusing of not being able to express what they're feeling... it's all emotional.
And now they are doing this gentle parenting garbage. The world isn't going to stop just to hold your hand and speak to you in a calm voice everytime you say or do something inappropriate.
I listened to this with my daughter who is a very deep feeling kid. She nodded to so many of the things and really helped her see she isn’t alone in the world, and made her feel less like an outcast. It was also really helpful for me to tell her how I feel as we listened along. Amazing talk!
Great job
This
Education for the parent and the kid helps a lot
Biggest thing I found. Set boundaries. It's ok to say no. Let them have their meltdown stay calm. They'll learn it doesn't work after awhile. But I always tell my daughter every day I love her and plenty of hugs and kisses. You'll be fine.
Yep, mine has complete meltdown. I straight up tell him, okay dude, you’re entitled to feel how you want, my decision isn’t changing. I also don’t want to be around you when you’re like this. If you want to scream and have fits, you can do so in your own space. I’ve done this since he was about 3.5/4.
With my youngest, (he’s 1) I tell him (words and actions) I’m not okay with some things… he bites… no biting, keep doing it, imma remove you from me. No hitting, yadda yadda
Speaking as a male raised by a single mother my advice is to be married. The biological father in the home is crucial for multiple reasons.
What if your dad is a hothead and teaches the kid to be angry? Or is an enabler?
@@danielnaberhaus5337 That is the exception, not the norm. If the father is bad in that household then the likelihood is that the mother is bad as well which means the child won the negative lottery.
💯
We have a toddler and dad has so much power with him. They play and the joy he has is amazing but at the same time when dad says NO, my boy stops in his tracks and really listens. Not saying I don’t play with him or say NO but it is a different thing with daddy.
Unless the father is a narcissist who undermines the authority of the mother.
I’m a dad of an incredible deeply feeling 4 year old and this conversation has given me so much to think about. When you were describing them as super sensors… I felt like you were talking about her! ❤💃
One thing that helped me is chores. Make your child learn to cook, clean, do laundry. Show them things that they can focus on. That helps get their energy out.
Thanks. This is my 3 turning 4 year old. She does all the above - throws tantrums and says some of the cutest expressions of love than I’ve ever known. I’m glad to hear that they will come to an end and we all will be better for it.
Just sent this to all 4 my kids and hopefully they will receive a nugget or two as they raise mi nietos! 🙏🏽💗🕊️
Oh dear Lord, this is my son! He is 8 years old and he is definitely a Deeply feeling kid. He rarely has an outburst now, He had one at school early this year because of him not understanding some math problem and sadly this has contributed to his being bullied and left out by his classmates. I will definitely look more about this to be more informed about this trait of my son. He is as the Dr. describes very very affectionate and I know with due guidance, wisdom and love this trait can turn him into a successful, compassionate emphatic man someday.
The key is get your kid out of F'ing public school ans never look back. It's a laboratory of coarseness, rudeness, sloppiness.
Omigosh, I started crying when she said I like your kid. So validating. Kids just want to be loved! I grew afraid of my daughter as she became a teen/preteen. Actually, not of her but of how intense her emotions were! I had never experienced anyone who had emotions so intense. I didn't know how to respond. It was terrifying. Sadly, no therapist had any advice. It wasn't until I did years of research on my own that I finally figured out I had to learn to NOT be afraid!! It was the only advice that made sense to me. It took years but it has made a huge difference for both of us. She feels her emotions are validated and is able to regulate her own feelings now. And I'm not afraid. I know how to sit with strong emotions now. Took years but it is possible and so worth it!
I have to add that my kid did not have the sense of entitlement to get her way. We didn't cater to her when she was young. It started as night terrors and hearing voices and grew to severe school anxiety that morphed into general social anxiety. In the beginning, I didn't panic and thought we could find solutions, but as behaviors became physical with age, we really didn't know what to do. Therapy didn't offer us any guidance and often made things worse. Co-regulating was the solution.
I just love this guests content and hadn't heard about her until your podcast. Just pure gold!
My son threw a lot of tantrum when he was 4. I just let him do it and stay calm (secretly thinking it’s cute) and let him know we heading home now since he’s throwing a tantrum. If the tantrum happens inside the home i just said “ok im gonna clean the house you can talk to me whenever you are ready.” NEVER give in, stay calm & firm.
He is 10 now no more tantrum but he will try to manipulate me into getting his way. I just let him play it out and at the end i say “hey buddy you been fishing me all day and the answer is still NO.” 😂 he is very a loving and sensitive child.
Did you comment this before you listened to the video? 😂
I tell my kids you better learn to discipline and control your emotions or you’re going to get a spanking. Simple. I tell them you learn to discipline yourself or I will do it for you.
@@williamryan7212Exactly. That’s hundreds of thousands years of evolutionary behaviour that works. All of it has been thrown out the window in the past 30 years because of educated idiots.
@@williamryan7212yeah. Fear never works long term.
@@2010bhood it’s not about fear, it’s about teaching them there are consequences for their actions. And spanking shouldn’t be the only tool you use. Time outs, no screen time etc.
The problem is most people (adults and kids) use ghosting as their coping mechanism. The great fear for parents is not the kids reaction, it’s parental alienation or abandonment.
Their vulnerability is close to their shame. I’ve seen this. I tend to try to be authoritative and it sometimes stops stuff from starting but it doesn’t calm daughter down. She says things like, “I can’t stop, I can’t calm down.”
This advice works in most adults too. At least here in the states where there is a mass cultural aversion to emotional maturity.
Hahaha I was hoping so because my husband throws tantrums hoping to glean something from this. I saw another comment saying having someone who can control tantrums is one of many read why it
is why it's important to have a father in the home. And I agree, but my husband's parents were married right up until his father passed at 79 yrs of age.
So.......
Is it just me or is there great chemistry between these two? She seems to be devouring him with her eyes
I'm very distinctly remember wanting rules as a kid. I even pretended I had some! From an early age and even into my teen years I was disappointed I wanted rules and structure. I did whatever I want as a teenager linked up with other kids with parents just as bad as mine made poor choices, and it took a lot of self taught course correction.
Watching outside of US i feel like Americans will spin up any conversation around handling kids,without openly talking about their own shortcomings in raising such kids. Most of the first world doesn't have these problems. And it all comes down to culture. While watching this video i came to the realisation that in Europe(I have lived in Germany,Switzerland,the Netherlands and visited many more...I'm serbian so eastern Europe counts as well) I have never seen a child rolling on the floor screaming, as well as I have never experienced adults screaming g at each other the way they do in America. Sorry folks that's on you. The most rich country in the world,with the most money and you adult folks act like bipolar todlers. THEN YOU WONDER WHERE THE KIDS GET IT FROM.
Bruuuz that's exactly what inwas thinking. I'm not taking advice about kids from anyone in the USA, especially the Wyt families
What are you talking about? I’ve seen this plenty of times in European countries. Not everything in Europe is just better. Lol what are you talking about?
She is a great communicator
I have four kids. I've noticed most parents don't tell their kids "No". Lay those guardrails, tell your kids what's appropriate and inappropriate, and be consistent.
Jeeze - I'm not even planning on having kids, and this was SO fascinating.
There's also an argument for these kids to have ADHD/ADD and this specific type of tantrum is called ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). Please interview DR Russell Barkley @andrew huberman
These issues are caused by trauma and later become BPD. I say later bc you can't diagnose a child with BPD.
My dad was 5'10" and weighed 130 soaking wet. I was 6' and 180. I never thought I could whoop my dad's butt. He had man strength and I knew it, so I never thought to cross him. I think a healthy fear of your dad is a good thing. It lets you know there's always someone bigger or stronger than you, so it's not smart to chose violence to get what you want. Now days parents are friends instead of parents. It's sad...
It's like you didn't watch the video...
@erictschroeder1064 Or, it's like I comment on what part of the video I wanted too. But however you want to look at it I guess.
@@erictschroeder1064Maybe he just disagrees?
If my kid hissed at me.....let's just say a lesson would be learned and that wouldn't happen again
I highly recommend a morning exercise or walk for these kids
It helps to even them out for the day
Did I miss something? It seems like this video was heavy on identification and extremely light on solutions... Like yeah, I know my child has big feelings: that's something that virtually no parent of such children needs help with figuring out... But what are the strategies/solutions? It's not always practical to take them to a smaller/secluded space, so what are some other options/ideas? What are some responses to avoid?
Our early 2 year old is generally a very happy boy, but he gets upset like a million times a day. Whether it's because mom went outside for 30 seconds to grab a toy from the car or because we tried to show him how to get a tricky food onto his utensil. If anything doesn't go exactly as he wanted it, however trivial, he melts down and starts squealing/screaming, which he knows has a huge negative impact on me (I have a chronic medical condition, similar to a TBI, that causes loud noises to be unbearable and triggers systemic problems). I could really use some strategies to minimize the screaming and help him to handle life's misgivings better.
I had this with my first kid and I learned about something called separation anxiety and it helped change my perspective. Also kids at this age are learning to do things for themselves and get easily frustrated when they fail. (We adults get frustrated when we can't figure out things). Asking them if they are frustrated because xyz happened helps sometimes. Or are you feeling sad because mommy had to go. Little things help them recognize the feeling so it because less scary or frustrating I think.
Check out Dr. Ray Guarendi. Lots of practical solutions. I have a “big feeling” 3 year old son and we lovingly and consistently set consequences with him. We empathize but still follow through (we give grace when he’s sick or really tired) and don’t let him scream, hit, or nag. It takes a lot of follow through and can be hard to do calmly but he needs to learn for his sake as well as ours, what is acceptable. He gets lots of love and snuggles and attention but he’s not allowed to get away with everything just because he feels things deeply.
It’s funny, my older daughter never really needed consequences. We “gentle parented” her easily. Kids are just born different.
Because nobody has the solution to stop toddlers from toddlering. I have a 2 year old and my only suggestion is get some sleep, be kind to yourself and ride it out daily. Try not to yell or scream and be patient. They’re developing.
This is excellent advice. I wonder how much this is related to ADHD and emotional dysregulation. I have a deeply feeling kid who has ADHD, and I was a deeply feeling kid who also has ADHD. I have always had a fear of abandonment that if someone knew how intense I am sometimes they would leave. I grew up in a very invalidating environment though, I really try to be there for my son, though days when he is dysregulated alllll day can really be tough sometimes.
Love this clip and identify with the info. Much appreciation for the point of view. 🐾
I totally agree with what's been said.
How do I do this with a very hyperactive were she gets aggressive and we can't contain her to that smaller space to help them regulate. She would run out of the house if we didnt deadlock the door.
How old is your child if under 10ish think about a soft hold if she is being violent. Face her away from you and wrap your arms around her and repeat I love you and this will pass. My job is to not let you hurt yourself or others. I love you no matter what. It is so hard. I'm sorry I know how you feel.
@@Kevin.Grindel thank you.
We do try this. She doesn't like us to touch her when she is in the frame of mind. But we do say what you say when we step away and out of the room if she is in there.
Love this topic!
My son is ten and it was shocking when I told him to go to his room, he said no, and he is already too big for me to actually be able to put him in there..:
Is it safe to say that the deep feelings kids, that don’t get this treatment talked about, end up becoming the toxic people later on? 🤔
Cause it would really make sense, having listened to this conversation.
Bpd*
This video is about childhood BPD.
"Deeply Feeling" kids are definitely somewhere on the spectrum whether they are diagnosed or not doesn't matter. I have two of these deep feelings kids and while a kind and gentle approach is necessary, cultural "gentle parenting" is a disaster. Also, the majority of our food supply is mentally poisonous. So we could start there as well when it comes to behavior.
Loved it, thank you
My 2.5 year old throws tantrums like no other. I take something away or say no and it’s immediately a freak out. Idk if I’m doing something wrong or it’s just the way he is?
Elaine Aron introduced the concept of a "highly sensitive person" or HSP, which Dr. Becky uses as a deeply feeling kid.
I wonder if she's not aware of the existing HSP body of work or wants to differentiate somehow (or claim for herself). Everything she said is entirely consistent with HSP, and with my personal experience having one HSP kid, and one 'regular' one.
@@LordFuzzandBeak I agree that her descriptions aligned with HSP characteristics. I don't know. The only people that I saw knew about this, were either HSPs themselves or had a closed one that was HSP, to the extent that made them learn about this. She might not be aware of the term.
@@FtmNqv my kids go to a fully outdoor school, because we thought it was a good learning environment for them, and the teaching philosophy aligns fairly well with all the issues discussed in the talk (intrinsic motivation, etc.). Point is, that the school attracts parents similar to us (with what I would call progressive views, in the context of standard education), and their kids are exactly similar to ours, all highly sensitive!
So if according to the good doctor from the talk HSP is 2 out of 10 kids in the general population, in our school it is 9 out of 10 kids. All the characteristics described are absolutely identical, the acute sensitivity to smells, tastes, textures, the absolutely earthshaking 10 megaton tantrums, all of it. As a psychologist, she would be seeing a high proportion of these families, where the parents have no idea what the issue is, but she'd be hearing about all the exact same symptoms, so very difficult to believe that she wouldn't have dug into the literature on what it is she's seeing, and why it's so consistent family to family.
And again, the 'symptoms' are really identical. To give an example, ask parents of highly sensitive kids about socks with prominent seams, if not put on correctly. Every single one will know what I'm talking about.
@@FtmNqv Argh, YT regularly deletes my comments (which have no vulgarity and are generally kind - go figure, the tyranny of the algorithm). I won't rewrite it, but I'll just summarise that the way HSP shows up is similar among kids. My kids go to an outdoor school where probably all or nearly all the kids are HSP, and talk to any parents, all the signs are identical. So as a therapist seeing families, it could hardly escape notice that the description of behaviour is identical, and that there's already a body of work on the subject.
It’s nice to think about people on social media (me included) as unregulated children throwing tantrums.
Maybe we are all ‘acting out’ unresolved relationships and striving to create conditions for a second chance at conflict resolution, where we have agency over the outcome.
Even those who aren’t ‘deeply feeling’.
In pursuit of the need to be seen and heard and feel we can make a positive impact on the world.
By safely and effectively tapping into the source of pain, we can turn past experiences into a powerful force for change.
Or the illusion of agency.
If you throw stuff or hit somebody, im whoopn ya 😂
What we need to do is eliminate the male/fenale part. The roles flip flop all the time depending on your cultural upbringing. The point is yin and yang so to speak. You can have an authoritative strong mother and a pushover sweet father….. but western society teaches the roles to be opposite. A lot of Italian households have strict mothers that a son wouldn’t mess with and a pushover emotional dad. It’s not mother father roles is just a good balanced dichotomy.
I tell my kids you better learn to discipline and control your emotions or you’re going to get a spanking. Simple. I tell them you learn to discipline yourself or I will do it for you. If it does get to the point were they get a spanking I sit them down and talk with them on why they are getting a spanking and afterwards I hug them and tell them they are good children and that I love them but I will discipline them until they learn to discipline themselves. Spanking is reserved for massive tantrums and being defiant when asked to do something.
So when I go to the smaller room what then? I just sit by the door to not let him leave and stay calm while he is smashing everything around?
I wish my parents were like u
I was a good child , who is afraid of her mother at 48 years old. Yes. There is trama
Seems to line with "love and logic", program my wife loves
The problem is how ppl in society react to good parents disciplining children in public. Too many Karen's out there ready to film ya or judge ya.
Have a conversation with Jordan Peterson❤
Our daughter would immediately game the system to get 1 on 1 time and nothing would change.
Why do they need to be So Reactive as to Need CONTROL
Rather than Communication
You dont want them to be feel UnSafe
Its not Intellectual... Unless you are looking to Outside Influences
Yay. REAL little Peoples....Happily Able to Feel.
And be All of the 7 Senses. Know Thyself. INNER SENSE
Connected. Inner Sense. Innocence
Always Enough 😊😊😊
Blessings Professor
I'll never fully understand the hate for a well placed spanking.
I've heard so much contempt for any kind of real discipline. Weather it is taking away toys, denying sweets, etc.
Carrot and stick. Mostly carrot, but stick when necessary.
Because science exists they did studies on this it said spanking only causes harm and is abuse hitting is hitting. Hitting is wrong. Never okay.
My wife needs to hear this more than my son 😂. She scares me far more than my children.
God damn yall im trying to go to work yall got me fucking crying
Or your confronting and canceling out their first tool of navigation..... manipulation through emotion. Sit in then room until they realize its. Not going anywhere and not the most productive means to get what they want or the lesson that they cant always get what they want.
Not necessarily a speech of feelings but presenting them in unavoidable reality (with no hostility) that....hey buddy this aint it....but when youre ready...calm down and use your words and you can come back to civilities. This is a therapized language version of a normal lesson in life. A calmer time out.
Best tip get them off the tv, tablet, phone. Go outside. Play together.
She’s rebranding Highly sensitive person.
Gentle parenting SUCKS
I think that they really need to come up with a new term other than "deeply feeling children" as that is one hell of a phrasing issue. Setting that aside, it sounds silly. So, creepy sounding or silly...
On the other hand, children have to feel deep as they are learning )
Agreed. It's entitlement 101.
Simplify it. Know Thyself Inner Sense Know Thyself Limitless. Could be Habit-forming 😊😊😊
Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) already exists, why not use it.
Or maybe use "emotionally reactive kids", as that seems to be the core of the problem they're getting at.
*Tantrums
10:28
hey doctor, please change the thumbnail its very misleading without context
How is that misleading?
@@BerthyNora it has been changed thankfully, earlier it was "deeply feeling kids" which hints more on perversion than parenting
@@perfectinparam that makes sense. Thanks!
All you need is a belt and a loving father. It’s that simple
most cringe comment ever on the subject of parenting.
@@LordFuzzandBeakmeanwhile the issues in America is because of a spankless generation
The title is click bait. No solutions offered just a description of what it is.
Very misleading thumbnail, most kids throw tantrums, its not like its a special kind. You can tell andrews not a parent😅
But most kids don't throw tantrums for three hours straight
@@annareed6988 interesting that you wrote this reply when I never implied that they do. I was simply commenting on the thumbnail
The thumbnail misspelled tantrum
Calling it deeply feeling is condescending. They normalising a$$holes who have no empathy. How about shutting down a$$holes. I tell you what everyone has deep feelings and that's why they act out .
"deeply feeling kids". I think the word you're looking for is: undisciplined
Unfortunately switched to a different video when she starts up with "Does my child feel seen?"
Why is that?
Just bring out the belt . Its undefeated
Huberman is so full of hot air...I am yet to hear anything useful from him. He has to throw in Stanford at the beginning of every episode. Snake oil salesman
Kids throw tantrums because they're abandoned by their parents at a very young age (just a few months for many), due to the need for dual incomes, to be raised by strangers in daycare, school, and sports. This sense of abandonment causes deep, longlasting emotional and psychological damage to our young.
No, kids throw tantrums because they’re kids and that’s what kids do.
I have 4 kids, 10, 8, 3 and 1. My two older went to preschool from age 1 through 5 and 1 through 3, then stayed home from COVID on. My two little guys have been home since birth. My older kids rarely, if ever, threw tantrums. My little guys throw MASSIVE tantrums. My third is one of those kids who doesn't care to people please, he does whatever he wants.
I fully agree that being home with your kids is best, they need safety and familiarity and relationships with their siblings and parents. I homeschool and would sacrifice whatever I need to do do so. Because we're home, because we have rules and boundaries and don't give in, the tantrums are short and my husband and I aren't held hostage.
That has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Kids throw tantrums when they struggle to manage their emotions. Whether it's the sadness or anger of not getting what they want, or the confusing of not being able to express what they're feeling... it's all emotional.
People are too soft these days that’s why.
And now they are doing this gentle parenting garbage. The world isn't going to stop just to hold your hand and speak to you in a calm voice everytime you say or do something inappropriate.
🙏❤🫶
I have a husband that throws tantrums, I should watch this.
😢b s
Two narcissists. You're perfect for each other. Gross.
What are you even on about?