Atp I just need black women to know their worth and do better. A lot of single mothers sit around patting themselves on the back but really they’re depressed, overwhelmed and struggling daily. And they had all the control to prevent this. Raising children was never suppose to be a one person job. Out here really laying in a hospital bed risking their life for a man that doesn’t even value them.
What gets me is seeing women laying in that hospital bed ALONE while birthing a man’s child, but still entertaining that man after. Absolutely not!! Single moms work way too hard when they shouldn’t have to so don’t ever let a man disrespect you and then play house when they want to or want to lay with you.
@Liv Bri i know i was tricked by one who actually was nice and not a cheater but he was terrible with money and leaving the burden on me. Im like you give your mom so much credit just because you aren’t the typical fuck boy but she still didn’t raise a man who knows how to take care of himself. The bar is in hell as they say. These dudes do one decent thing and swear they’re a catch.
@@prncessbaby16 this is a big one! This was my father and now years later we have a strained relationship. Idk what women think when he constantly isn’t even present in the relationship and then they automatically think he’s gonna want a baby and even if he says he doesn’t eventually he’ll come around. Some of these men won’t even abandon the children but they will still put in no effort to be a father. Only show up when they absolutely have to and just to give money, no phone calls or time spent. Idk why they think eventually he will want the baby when he already said he doesn’t. These babies grow up and have a strained relationship with the father.
@@Spokentruths725 exactly. That happened to my brother, and my dad thinks giving money is "being a parent". He barely even texts me back it's ridiculous. Even my little brother who actually lives with him feels like our dad just doesn't care tbh and my brother is 16. I'm currently pregnant (by my husband who ive been married 3 1/2 years to and this is both our first child) and my dad doesn't ask me about how the pregnancy is going and doesn't respond when I send the ultrasound pics and it's really disappointing. Only time he responds is on holidays. It just sucks feeling this way so I can't even imagine how one night stand babies feel. Everyone talks crap about their baby daddies on social media, forgetting that they were the ones who had unprotected sex with these men to begin with. A lot of women admitted that they knew their baby daddies 2-3 months before they got pregnant, or they got pregnant from a one night stand like what??? My husband and I waited till we were financially ready and had a home for this baby to grow up in. This baby was 100% planned and even then it took some months to concieve her so I'm not sure how others just get pregnant so easily. (I'm 28 if that matters)
My niece is 21 with 3 babies all under age of three. I told her time and time again how beautiful and smart she is. A couple of months ago she finally started listening to me, she going back to school to be a nurse. I just hope she stays on track and leave these struggle bandits alone
It's likely over for her as far as marriage and serious relationships unless she finds a desperate simp. Just being honest. Passports hold more value to non Select/non Pookie BM than these disastrous situations of single mothers with a gang of some other men's kids. We just don't benefit from it. Single Mothers = Netflix and Chill only
@@dcoldestjenkins5868seeing as how there are sooooo many black beautiful blended families out there I can truly say what you just said is false . You can not speak for that women’s future….AT ALL😂
@@tiaraw872No, there's a very good chance they're right. The existence of "sooooo many black beautiful blended families" doesn't negate the numbers. The odds are that marriage or even a serious long term relationship are going to be difficult for her to achieve. It's not impossible of course, but it's not likely either.
Nowadays Baby Showers have replaced the wedding for some women. Spending thousands of dollars on a baby shower because marriage probably will not happen.
@@pandoraheartsvd & not trying to sound “old school” because im not. (& its ok if u have sex & even have a baby b4 marriage) but the fact that the level of confidence/commitment & willingness within the relationship community, has severely declined. Its the fact that some (not all) rather seek that pleasure “honeymoon phase” & maybe take precaution to not get pregnant but eventually might get pregnant then. & For some relationships, this is when the “honeymoon phase” is gone & the adulting begins. Some people aren’t ready to commit & adult while in this phase, especially not raising a child unless that was the intention to do. Not to mention- Partners taking advantage of not being married or committed, so therefore if a baby is produced during the “honeymoon phase” of their relationship- one can just leave. NO. You made a baby together, why leave something YOU created. You should’ve thought about it. Now- unless a partner is abusive or cheating or not mentally stable (anything negative in that category) sure leave the partner. But other than that.. gotta suck it up. Help each other, deal with it. learn as u grow🤷🏽♀️ cant leave when things get “tough” You Face it.
@@shineymcshine5026 I feel like the world is getting worse and worse. No one wants the be accountable for their own decisions anymore. Too many babies don't have dad's around and too many people are trying to make it seem like it's great. I personally would never risk my life for a man that didn't value me enough to wife me. Marriage has many benefits but too many people get their understanding of marriage from toxic Hollywood shows and films where the director or writers are projecting their own failed marriages.
Exactly and any BW down with that gets what comes with it . Black women are Divesting from Blackstain and STOP HAVING BABIES UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED...Let them KANGS Go to Becky and Marie so you can Focus on your life without the struggle.... STOP HAVING BABIES..... Shut the Womb Down...
I’m 31, and am in grad school! So many blk ppl are obsessed with the whole idea of not going to college, but like you said “what is your backup plan?”. Idk ANYONE who hasn’t been to college who’s life id like to trade with. College is AMAZING for networking and learning skills you didn’t know that you need…. Whether you’re going online or in-person, just go!
@@NIO623 no it’s not affordable but ppl can’t afford not to go either. It’s not like any of us have to pay out of pocket. Just treat it as an investment into the future 🤷🏽♀️
@@Academiacaramelcurlz It is affordable, if you’re a grown adult and can’t afford $200 a month for your future then you need to make some changes. I pay $800 a month to go to a major university, it’s tough but i’m managing. Some of y’all spend that on some damn hair with no issue.
Very smart young lady! I’m 36, and I wish I had your wisdom at 21! I wish I had divested from this dysfunction years ago! It’s toxic and is designed to leave us as single mothers. Nothing positive comes from situationships and struggle love. It’s disgraceful
@@purplelove3666 absolutely not common sense. Women have sex too and need guidance. Way too many infatuated women out here. Mom didn't show the way and dad didn't teach them the game
We as black Women need to learn to choose a mate who will stand by our sides for the long run & stop being addicted to a man’s swag or his money. Love a man that loves you & then try and make a life together & not the other way around, having children then trying to know the man. We’ve got to stop bringing all these babies in the world because we set them up for failure & struggles!!
Most black women get with broke dusties. So what money are you talking about? BLAck women are the most financially accomplished in the black community , what are you talking about?. And I dont know if this word is foreign to the black.communuty.but I think you need to get "married "first before you even have a child.
All black men are dusties and single mothers creators. Black men are creating single motherhood in every race of women, but never get responsibility and accountability for their actions. Black women divest
Young ladies, as a 31 year old black woman who is childless (also not married yet) don’t allow these men to make you into a baby mother especially without a ring. My best advice to you is ENJOY your youth, no baby before a marital commitment and how you start is how you finish with a man-have expectations and hold him to it! If you follow those tips you should be okay. It doesn’t mean life won’t happen but you can avoid so much unnecessary drama with standards and life goals. Travel the world, educate yourself, buy property, exercise, pray, live, laugh and love those deserving of it… I’ve seen so many women my age and older fall into toxic relationships traps (patterns) mostly because they had a child young by a bum without a commitment and/or they settled for struggle love and they could not recover from the damage; financial, emotional, mental, etc. as a result of being involved in struggle love. If you going to be with a man make sure he is the man you desire to be with full circle. Don’t waste your time especially your prime time 21-35years with men who aren’t ready and willing to treat you well.
I am Chinese living in Britain, and I'm not super knowledgeable on Afro-American culture. I have seen this term 'struggle love' floating around the Internet lately and thought I'd look into it. Thanks for your informative lecture. P.S. The resentful sneering at people for 'having it easy' or having 'mommy and daddy's money' is quite common among working/lower middle classes in the UK also. Envious contempt towards those with inherited wealth is a universal around the world, I'd imagine.
MY mom kicked me out at 16. I got in a relationship with a man 22 years older than me at 20. He has npd, and so does my mom. I had no where to go and no one to help plan my life before I left the house. My kids dad beat me than praised me. I now have three kids, alot of trauma, no contact with all family on both my side and my children's. I'm 7 months away from graduation for my bachelor's in finance. I know my three daughters aren't growing up in an environment where they can reach their fullest potential and it haunts me everyday. I promised her a house by 10, she'll be 10 in December. We have lived in a two bedroom apartment building. She calls it a hampster cage. I try not to get bitter and just hope it all works out for me and my kids. This hit me in the gut!
Awww baby girl. You’re doing amazing and I’m so proud of you on your graduation. Your children are very grateful for you, also. Please leave that man and find peace to move with your children. Peace. From another black woman.
I wish more women told the true story like this instead of glorifying baby mama culture. I was raised by a single mom. And trust ur kids will grow up and have to get therapy. We gotta do better as a whole and it start with the real raw and honest Convos. Stop always tryna spare the womens feelings
I'm glad somebody is speaking about this. God didn't want us to struggle, but He want us to be prosperous in life. All of this struggling in our community is nothing more but a curse, and it's time we start to break it.
Shame is good and necessary . It’s the lack of shame that makes people think that they can do whatever they want . The lack of shame creates degenerate communities. People need to feel ashamed for terrible mistakes . Clearly they don’t and do the same act over and over again
Thank you for this! As a black woman, I agree with everything you said, especially about the baby mama culture. This is why I’m married to a man who has a vasectomy, and I got a bi-salp. We don’t have any children. I also just watched your video about dating in the black community and yes… my husband is white. Yes, I am a darker skinned black woman. Subscribed!
@@Kat3369 hello. Bi-salp is short bilateral salpingectomy. It a permanent form of birth control where a woman has her tubes surgically removed. It used to be very hard for women who didn’t have kids yet to get. But with the reversal of RvW a lot of doctors (but not all unfortunately) are agreeing to do the procedure for women who choose to get it whether or not they have children or are married or not.
THANK YOU FOR THIS!! I was in a struggle love situation with another black girl (lezzies) who brought all the trauma from her former relationships int this one. Constantly telling me, you know, we might never be official. I listened to two months fo BS before I dipped out. For anyone who needs to hear this, if things do seem right, they likely aren't right! If you feel like the person is not into forreal, or like they aren't doing the best that they should by you , then PLEASE trust yourself.
It probably provides the illusion of comfort, but in reality it’s not comfort. There’s nothing comforting about doing horrible and not having a man be there for you during your pregnancy with his child, period
Came across your video on my home page. Definitely agree with the topics! Crazy how I literally just wrote in my journal that I’m not spinning the block on no one because I do not want a struggle love! If you didn’t want me from the beginning you don’t want me now!
your channel has helped me understand the black culture a lot better I'm currently 13 year old and within the year of watching you I have learned so much and I'm really happy I found this channel! Btw your so pretty!!!
Make sure you do well in school. Get great grades so you can get into a great university. Your education is priceless and will carry you all the way through your life! Don’t forget to apply for scholarships and look into colleges that wave tuition if your family is under a certain income.
All/ most of the blame/ responsibility should not be solely on black women. it takes two people to get pregnant and men just have to stop being deadbeats and creating children when they don’t wanna be in their lives as well.
One reason black women get the most focus is because they're most affected by it. Conversely that they're most effected by it means a lot of the blame has to go to them unfortunately. I'm 43. For as long as I can remember black women have been complaining about black men being deadbeats. Yet year after year after year young unmarried black women keep getting knocked up by black men who have a high likelihood of turning out to be deadbeats. Those young women can't say that weren't warned because _everyone_ knows the most likely outcome of that situation. So why does it keep happening? Why aren't those young black women taking steps to prevent a pregnancy in the first place?
I love how you say “WE” in these type of videos . Even though you may not being doing these things yourself, WE are a community and when the bulk of us grow & advance it’s better for all of us as a whole. Once we stop pointing the finger at others and start seeing each other as community instead of competition..we’ll be able to work together to break these generational curses and rise above the statistics. Great video ❤
It's the other way around. You need to stop seeing anyone as part of your "community" juat because they happen to be the same race as you. I know that sounds strange but there's a bunch of data to show that people being more individualistic leads to them engaging in more pro-social behavior. Westerners (especially white Westerners) are the most individualist people on the planet and they've produced the wealthiest, most free, safest and most orderly countries (relatively speaking of course). More individualistic people form _voluntary_ communities and those communities compete with one another. Iron sharpens iron and all of that.
You are one of the few black girls that have my approval when it comes to concealer shade and powder. No yellow undertone nor crazy light shade. Its perfect
Toni, your intelligence and the way you think strikes me for your age honestly! I mean, I'm a year younger, yet for a fact not many people around me think about this.
Hello Toni. You are pretty and you have your head on right. I'm 31 living my best life no, Pookies nor Ray Rays & I'm childless. Don't let the negative ppl bring you down. They want you to fall or get pregnant just so they can say you're no better than us. I say I'm proud of you! Keep it up. We need more people in our community who think like you.💓💓💓💓
I agree with you, @joyfulsoul2011. I’m 22 and recently noticed the pattern of single womanhood in my family. I have expressed to some family members that I am only dating to marry and am looking for someone on the same page. I was told by said family members, don’t date to marry or you should “experience life”… Sometimes it seems that they believe my desires are unattainable.
You give me hope. The problem is that blk women have to learn what self worth is because they have never had the opportunity. There has to be more than just “blk girl magic”. It’s step, but not the pinnacle. I think they just get desperate because its slim pickings out there: How long would you wait for blk men to heal from their compounded racial trauma? Sigh.
The sad thing is "trauma" can be passed down. We are dealing with depression, issues, anxiety etc that we weren't around physically for. That is scientifically proven.
There is no better feeling than being 23, single, and CHILDLESS. My world revolves solely around ME. My education is my child, and I dedicate myself to it every single day. My family and friends are my companions, and traveling and doing my little hobbies also brings me happiness. Having a man is not the most important thing in the world, and when you allow feelings of loneliness to motivate you to find a man, it will lead you into a very toxic and depressing relationship with a man who is attracted and feeds off of your low self esteem and desperation.
You said this isn’t to shame anyone and as a single mom I don’t feel shamed. I had the same mindset as you, still do. I got pregnant while wearing protection so I felt that she was meant to be here! Like you stated, I’m a statistic and her father is incarcerated. I don’t regret having my child, I knew better before I decided to keep her but I know even better now…I will never ever go through or make this same “mistake” twice as I don’t view her as a mistake but more so a purpose, a reason. My goal is to give her everything I never had and not materialistic wise (but that too). I wanted a boy, but I got a girl and I’m so excited, I know this is so I could give her the mother/ daughter relationship I always wanted. (Not saying my mom is a bad mom lol). Lastly I didn’t grow up in a two parent household but I grew up with two parents and I do think having both parents make a difference lol.
Thank you for sharing your story❤️ I’m the person that goes by the saying “never say never” because laughing or looking down at someone or their situation can easily be you. I commend you for being a stand up mother already in your daughter’s life. You use your own life lessons to teach her what to do and what not to do. Congratulations and I can already tell she will be so loved!! You’ll be amazing just judging by your comment. She definitely is meant to be here. I can’t wait to have a daughter one day. Wishing you a safe pregnancy love!
I’m black and I hate to say this but I almost have no interest in dating black men. I absolutely hate saying this because I love being black and want to create a black family but I simply do not feel safe creating one with a black man. I don’t trust that the love/honesty/support/happiness I give will be reciprocated and appreciated. My absolute WORST fear is becoming a BM It’s to the point I don’t even date because I’m strict with my boundaries and ALWAYS leave when disrespected. Yeah something I wish I had someone to go on cute dates with but honestly it’s not worth it. I’m young, have a great job and love myself. I’ll be okay until the right person comes.
Hey i just want to say that African Americans aren’t the only people in the black dysphoria. In many African cultures many children stay home till they can provide for themselves and their parents feel a duty to help their children on the way. And it’s very frowned upon too be pregnant with no one by your side also. I agree with everything you said in this video I think this is just fair to add. I’m a first gen Nigerian and so many things have to do with shame having a child out of wedlock is weird in my culture.
In the US and other Western cultures having a child out of wedlock _used_ to be seen as shameful but usually isn't anymore. That being said, white people might not necessarily shame a women for being pregnant and unmarried (or at least not in a relationship with the child's father) they still recognize that it's not a good idea and best avoided if possible. There certainly isn't a large scale acceptance (or even celebration) of unwed mothers like you see from some black Americans.
We need to remember MENTAL HEALTH is undiagnosed and neglected in the BLK comm. Remember if you don't have that intact...you can't possibly make the right decisions in life. College is the last thing a person with mental disorder is thinking about. That's why they stick to "no brainer" jobs.
You are absolutely right!! When I see statistics for certain mental disorders, I know they are substantially under reported. Gotta be, because some of the interactions I have with people in our community, babyyyyyyy!! I am extremely curious what the real percentages would be if the black community were more honest and properly diagnosed. And this is coming from a 27 yr old black female.
Exactly! Sis comeing from a two parent household and is thinking exactly the way she should be. But that’s from having both parents, the environment and support to develop into what she has developed into. Poverty is a breeding pool for mental illness and overlooked because of many reasons. All in all, poor manifest poor unless you have the character and the will to literally change who you are to get where you want to be.
Facts I come from a single parent home and grew up in the hood. I ain’t in jail and I’m doing fine. Stop always making excuses and just so better, unless u were raped u made a choice and need to be an adult about it
Even though I’m a year late finding this video, as a 30 year old, your mindset is extremely sharp for a young 21/22 year old. . I pray you keep it and stand on it! Don’t talk the talk, but walk the walk! You might also want to navigate in different spaces with different types of people and cultures and you’ll see it’s such a big world than just .. us and proximity! ❤
You nailed it. Sometimes, however, we tend to go from one extreme to the other. “ A Superman is not looking for a Super woman. He loved ❤️ Lois; a damsel in distress. “ ( Who is going to be home, raising the children; if y’all both out slaying dragons 🐉 )
Lois still works despite her and Superman having a child. When dad can zip hundreds of miles in a second to his parents house so Grandma and Grandpa Kent can watch the kid things are a little easier. I get your point though. People should be on the lookout for partners everywhere. For example a women doesn't *need* a man who makes $100,000 a year or whatever. She can certainly want that but the most important thing is to find a decent man who loves her, protects and provides for her and will be a good father to their children. A man who makes $75,000 and has those qualities will make a better partner for her than a selfish, immature narcissist who makes $105,000 a year.
I think part of it is a 'misery loves company thing'. My sister is 29 with no kids (unlike all my femla ecpousins older then her, whi are single moms or hate their husbands) they are CONSTANTLY telling her she should just... have a kid. To have one just to have one. My sister was waiting for marriage but now she just doesnt really want them after having to help raise our cousins kids
I just remember after my egg donor’s sister passed, she flunked out of her course due to grief. However, she wanted to yell at the woman who failed her because she wanted to keep going. Meanwhile I’m like, why do you want to be under so much stress? Take a damn break, you just lost your sister! But then I realized that’s what she’s used to, having a jillion things to do and being stressed out the whole time. And it shows on her face and body.
Technical Schools are a great alternative to a 4 year college. Also going to a community college your first 2 years is a great savings. I really regret going to a 4 year school and starting life out struggling to pay off my college debt. Choose a field that is lucrative as well....Research, Research, Research, and do job shadowing as well. Before choosing a career path.
I have been watching nothing but your videos for like 2 days because I'm sick. I love your content, vibe, research. It all goes together well. You are beautiful. Thank you for making content
I recently found your channel & I’ve been binge watching. You have such a way with words. I gotta share this with my friends. And omg, why did I think you were older when you’re my age 😩😩. You are so poised for your age. I hope your channel grows fr!! Also: I enjoyed this get ready with me & talk. I’m a sucker for video essays and makeup. Glad you incorporated both !! ♥️
Im a young mother and I’m still in a relationship with my babydaddy but I know it’s not gonna work out my daughter has nothing to do with it and I won't forbid him to see her and I'll make sure that we'll get along well anyway. And if I ever date someone I would wait a long time before he would get to know my daughter because I experienced for myself how my mother met several men and seeing something like that as a child is really heartbreaking.
As a black woman I think those women feel like they won’t find someone soo they settle, I feel that most don’t want to do the work on themselves to find better men! To be honest this “WHOLE IM INDEPENDENT ROLE IS KILLING OUR BLACK WOMEN” most talk to men like trash by putting them down, they lack accountability! It’s an insecurity! Then most get mad when you have a man that actually spoil their women! By putting women down who have that have a good man!
As a white man I think the constant conflict between black men and black women is *completely* out of hand. I also know it's probably the number one thing holding the black community back. Black people have it hard enough as it is and I don't think they should be making things harder on themselves with an intractable gender war. As I said, I'm a white guy so I understand this is something I might not completely understand. I was just giving my two cents as an outside observer. Take it or leave it.
A husband does not have the same status as a mare boyfriend.lets not. Those baby dadies are boyfriends not husbands. Maybe we shouldnt have Sex until marriage then people would not have to worry about making a "mistake".
I think you do not need to go to college to expand your social circle and be around the people you want to be like. The internet became another facet to allow people to socialize with others from different groups.
You get it!!! It's always breathe of fresh air to hear a woman from my race in these times speak logically. Better yet, you are only 21. You should do well in life. You overstand the many dynamics that damage our community. As you have stated, ultimately, many actions done are harming the children #savetheyouth. I advocate for the safety of children all the time, ironically as a 38yrs/blk male/no children. Great content 😎👍🏽.
It doesnot have to be that way.There is a deep routed cycle going on that no one think they can break.Set personal goals for yourself.If the person coming into your life doesnot align with that goal.Keep it pushing and don't look back.
At age 17 Met guy online to smoke some bud and f and next thing u know I'm 27 we are in a m3th filled , domestic violence ,went to jail 4 times almost prison , he ran me over etc situation ship ... This is too real ladies and gents
I’m mongolian (East Asian) and after hearing you out, I think I should go uni, at first I didn’t want to. I thought, uni is expensive and not useful especially when my career may not actually need uni to start but I think I will go now, because uni isn’t just the education, it’s the life long friends too. I saw your other video about the stay at home girlfriend and yeah, we was also taught to not really date and focus on education but if I go to uni I can do both and find a good man. I’m British btw do 16-18 year olds go college then uni, college for us is like a specific high school for those age groups so I chose VFX and Animation, so I don’t need to do maths or English or any other subject, just animation.
I guess I'm from an urban area. I'm for Virginia. And I was very pressured by women around me. White and black. Why didn't I have children? I said I wanted to be married. And they thought that was very strange and funny.
We have "civil union" here in France, when you break it off there's no fight around money AND when together you have the same right as married people? I'm going for that. What I hate about marriage is the money for a divorce and and all that shit!! I'm not saying I'm planning on getting a divorce but I'm picking the easy way out because money...
One thing I just want to say is that what we say black people from me it's brown skins to Black skins because lightskins they get a little bit more privileged then I'd say a black skin or brown skin because their skin is fairer and I'm a light skin so I've definitely experienced this like let's just admit that if you're going to treat a black person badly should all of them badly we don't it's just frustrating than they treat different skin tones that go with being black differently
Hi there, we as blk women should choose a partner that loves us, cherishes us, respects us & basically loves us for who we are. Not a 2 timing guy who we, think we can trust. Especially if he has a record of cheating. We also should date a guy who likes us for us. Nothing wrong with inheritance or getting cash handed to a person. Ppl need to accept if we wanna accomplish our goals, we have to go through the struggle to reach that point. Then do it. I think some ppl are jealous cuz they didn't have it easy. I 100% disagree with you & that college part. College isn't necessary. You can teach yourself, there's multiple of ways you of doing that. Study, learn new things, watch videos on what your trying to achieve. Or read articles & books to help you on what you wanna accomplish in life. College is a waste of money. Some go to college to be a doctor but they aren't actually taught everything the need to know or don't even get a job to be a doctor. I went to Fashion school, they didn't teach me everything I needed to know. I literally taught myself. Ex: I knew nothing about certain fabrics that are commonly used. As a Fashion Designer, I truly needed to know that.
I agree but I met a woman who was married and her husband had two outside children and was lying and have a question says the whole time and this does happen
My sister just had her 5th child at 41 with a dusty who barely helps her. He cheated on her multiple times over the years. She can’t even manage now, it’s sad to see but she was always very judgmental toward me, so I guess it could be karma… The shame childless women get from dusty men is astonishing. They hate when they can’t trap you. It’s sick how they make it a game to get women pregnant, especially when they see she has potential to be better and find better than him.
I have something to add to what you said at 8 minutes, its not the entire black community, different black people from other countries. We get taught importance of marriage etc and staying w your family till your financially ready or married is normal. Its not Everybody maybe just certain countries idk.lol
I have a lot of thoughts. As someone who used to think this way. I understand but it is so much more complex. Like people want to talk about how black women should protect their wounds but we all need love and black women are constantly passed over. So you might break down and make a f****** mistake because in fact we do all want love. It is really difficult to hold out for a good person if you have the generational trauma and abuse a lot of black women face. The statistics are that by the age of 18 60% of black girls have been sexually assaulted. What does that do to a person? It doesn't lead to someone who can have a healthy relationship and set boundaries and knows how to say no and be alone. And also many black people who are actually poor can't even afford the five grand for BBM they can't. So I really hate when people make up these false narratives. That black women are so desperate and they don't think and they just sleep with whoever. If you dated extensively particularly as a dark skin woman. You will begin to figure out that men will run some f****** games and if you date outside your race you realize that all men do this s***. It is not special for the black community. The lack of commitment the getting people pregnant and dipping being a crappy partner situationships. It is not just us. And I think when we do these videos where we point the finger at other black folks and say why don't you just get someone to treat you right why don't you just make better choices rather than looking at the systemic ways in which people are present causes and make the decisions that they make. We are doing them a f****** Injustice. Because in the right circumstances that could be us. So I really don't like this holier than that energy.. from someone who is extremely inexperienced in dating. Like you're 20 and I'm assuming you have never had a serious long-term relationship
@@M.b-q-bn Contraception isn't 100 percent. Also contraceptives van make people sick etc. I personally can't take bc because it makes me suicideally depressed. I am a lesbian so I am never gonna get pregnant on accident. I just don't like these naive 1D takes. Like human sociology and psychological are so much more complicated.
@@lw498 contraception may not always be 100 percent but the amount of single mothers with multiple babies is not due to contraceptives not working. Its ignorance and selfish behaviour bringing children into the world with little or no chance of success
Marriage doesn’t guarantee that u won’t end up a single parent! U can end up realizing after yrs of marriage that ur husband actually was or became “Johnny on the block” and left u for dead. Ain’t no shame in doing it alone, sometimes the absence of a ain’t shit parent is the best u can do to protect ur kids. Also, when Ur pregnant it’s simple to be alone but soon as the baby comes out and needs supervision 24/7, u have nobody to watch them, u can’t work it gets really complicated really fast. For those of us that it already happened to hopefully we live n learn but we do need to educate YOUNG women abt the reality of having a child n the MAJOR importance of who u have the baby with not just for u but literally for ur child’s safety and their life.
If you're just choosing any random person. Most of the time yall ignore red flags. Actually DATE. Not shack up, not situationship. Leave the house and see how that mean treat you and other people.
Personally , I don’t think everyone is upset about someone having it easy. It’s when the ppl who had it easy try to talk down to the ppl who have it hard. Like they’ll make it seem like you’re not doing enough or you’re being lazy or they are better than you because they have more. When they were given hand outs or their parents allowed them to stay with them until they were ready , etc. Like you can’t walk around talking down to someone & you’ve never had to be on survival mode Cus you’re handed everything. Then some of them are given the handouts but make dumb decisions & fuck it up. Which sometimes pisses me off Cus I think “damn I wish I had that” or “I wish I had someone who’ll do that for me” but instead I’m over here struggling on my own & this person just wasted hella money they got from their parents & if I had that , I could’ve used it to make my life easier. Or they paying for all of your car stuff & you’re not saving or getting your priorities straight. Then complaining about something later on. Smh.
Quick note, Toffee rhymes with coffee. It's not pronounced "Toe + Fee". I hope this comment doesn't come off as rude. I know it's really hard to correct someone and not come off like a jerk. Doubly so on the internet. I enjoyed the video and I hope you have a good day! 😁
![[LIVE] BABYMONSTER(베이비몬스터) - DRIP | 두시탈출 컬투쇼](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/UG05pxLGwzc/mqdefault.jpg)
Atp I just need black women to know their worth and do better. A lot of single mothers sit around patting themselves on the back but really they’re depressed, overwhelmed and struggling daily. And they had all the control to prevent this. Raising children was never suppose to be a one person job. Out here really laying in a hospital bed risking their life for a man that doesn’t even value them.
What gets me is seeing women laying in that hospital bed ALONE while birthing a man’s child, but still entertaining that man after. Absolutely not!! Single moms work way too hard when they shouldn’t have to so don’t ever let a man disrespect you and then play house when they want to or want to lay with you.
@Liv Bri i know i was tricked by one who actually was nice and not a cheater but he was terrible with money and leaving the burden on me. Im like you give your mom so much credit just because you aren’t the typical fuck boy but she still didn’t raise a man who knows how to take care of himself. The bar is in hell as they say. These dudes do one decent thing and swear they’re a catch.
Or for someone who wants nothing to do with the child as well.
@@prncessbaby16 this is a big one! This was my father and now years later we have a strained relationship. Idk what women think when he constantly isn’t even present in the relationship and then they automatically think he’s gonna want a baby and even if he says he doesn’t eventually he’ll come around. Some of these men won’t even abandon the children but they will still put in no effort to be a father. Only show up when they absolutely have to and just to give money, no phone calls or time spent. Idk why they think eventually he will want the baby when he already said he doesn’t. These babies grow up and have a strained relationship with the father.
@@Spokentruths725 exactly. That happened to my brother, and my dad thinks giving money is "being a parent". He barely even texts me back it's ridiculous. Even my little brother who actually lives with him feels like our dad just doesn't care tbh and my brother is 16. I'm currently pregnant (by my husband who ive been married 3 1/2 years to and this is both our first child) and my dad doesn't ask me about how the pregnancy is going and doesn't respond when I send the ultrasound pics and it's really disappointing. Only time he responds is on holidays. It just sucks feeling this way so I can't even imagine how one night stand babies feel. Everyone talks crap about their baby daddies on social media, forgetting that they were the ones who had unprotected sex with these men to begin with. A lot of women admitted that they knew their baby daddies 2-3 months before they got pregnant, or they got pregnant from a one night stand like what??? My husband and I waited till we were financially ready and had a home for this baby to grow up in. This baby was 100% planned and even then it took some months to concieve her so I'm not sure how others just get pregnant so easily. (I'm 28 if that matters)
My niece is 21 with 3 babies all under age of three. I told her time and time again how beautiful and smart she is. A couple of months ago she finally started listening to me, she going back to school to be a nurse. I just hope she stays on track and leave these struggle bandits alone
It's likely over for her as far as marriage and serious relationships unless she finds a desperate simp. Just being honest. Passports hold more value to non Select/non Pookie BM than these disastrous situations of single mothers with a gang of some other men's kids. We just don't benefit from it.
Single Mothers = Netflix and Chill only
SMH…
@@dcoldestjenkins5868seeing as how there are sooooo many black beautiful blended families out there I can truly say what you just said is false . You can not speak for that women’s future….AT ALL😂
@@dcoldestjenkins5868You should know since your mother was in the same situation 🥴
@@tiaraw872No, there's a very good chance they're right. The existence of "sooooo many black beautiful blended families" doesn't negate the numbers. The odds are that marriage or even a serious long term relationship are going to be difficult for her to achieve. It's not impossible of course, but it's not likely either.
Nowadays Baby Showers have replaced the wedding for some women. Spending thousands of dollars on a baby shower because marriage probably will not happen.
That’s honestly sad …in a way
It’s true
You're right, and it's honestly sad.
@@pandoraheartsvd & not trying to sound “old school” because im not. (& its ok if u have sex & even have a baby b4 marriage) but the fact that the level of confidence/commitment & willingness within the relationship community, has severely declined. Its the fact that some (not all) rather seek that pleasure “honeymoon phase” & maybe take precaution to not get pregnant but eventually might get pregnant then. & For some relationships, this is when the “honeymoon phase” is gone & the adulting begins. Some people aren’t ready to commit & adult while in this phase, especially not raising a child unless that was the intention to do.
Not to mention- Partners taking advantage of not being married or committed, so therefore if a baby is produced during the “honeymoon phase” of their relationship- one can just leave. NO. You made a baby together, why leave something YOU created. You should’ve thought about it. Now- unless a partner is abusive or cheating or not mentally stable (anything negative in that category) sure leave the partner. But other than that.. gotta suck it up. Help each other, deal with it. learn as u grow🤷🏽♀️ cant leave when things get “tough” You Face it.
@@shineymcshine5026 I feel like the world is getting worse and worse. No one wants the be accountable for their own decisions anymore. Too many babies don't have dad's around and too many people are trying to make it seem like it's great. I personally would never risk my life for a man that didn't value me enough to wife me. Marriage has many benefits but too many people get their understanding of marriage from toxic Hollywood shows and films where the director or writers are projecting their own failed marriages.
The only reason why men, especially black men promote this whole “ride or die chick” argument is because it benefits them. 🤷🏽♀️
@John 3:16 Honestly, it’s very sad to see some of these women “ride or die” for men who wouldn’t even walk for them.
Ride or die comes with shame when they do you wrong and you decide to leave too. Feels like a trap.
Exactly and any BW down with that gets what comes with it . Black women are Divesting from Blackstain and STOP HAVING BABIES UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED...Let them KANGS Go to Becky and Marie so you can Focus on your life without the struggle.... STOP HAVING BABIES..... Shut the Womb Down...
I’m 31, and am in grad school! So many blk ppl are obsessed with the whole idea of not going to college, but like you said “what is your backup plan?”. Idk ANYONE who hasn’t been to college who’s life id like to trade with. College is AMAZING for networking and learning skills you didn’t know that you need…. Whether you’re going online or in-person, just go!
College is expensive maybe that plays a part in it too
And you can pledge a fraternity or sorority...
@Deneesha community College is extremely affordable , no excuses
@@NIO623 no it’s not affordable but ppl can’t afford not to go either. It’s not like any of us have to pay out of pocket. Just treat it as an investment into the future 🤷🏽♀️
@@Academiacaramelcurlz It is affordable, if you’re a grown adult and can’t afford $200 a month for your future then you need to make some changes. I pay $800 a month to go to a major university, it’s tough but i’m managing. Some of y’all spend that on some damn hair with no issue.
Very smart young lady! I’m 36, and I wish I had your wisdom at 21! I wish I had divested from this dysfunction years ago! It’s toxic and is designed to leave us as single mothers. Nothing positive comes from situationships and struggle love. It’s disgraceful
Its not wisdom, its common sense
@@purplelove3666 no it’s exposure and love and guidance which she had.
@@purplelove3666 absolutely not common sense. Women have sex too and need guidance. Way too many infatuated women out here. Mom didn't show the way and dad didn't teach them the game
We as black Women need to learn to choose a mate who will stand by our sides for the long run & stop being addicted to a man’s swag or his money. Love a man that loves you & then try and make a life together & not the other way around, having children then trying to know the man. We’ve got to stop bringing all these babies in the world because we set them up for failure & struggles!!
Be careful when telling the truth. You just might get canceled.
Most black women get with broke dusties. So what money are you talking about? BLAck women are the most financially accomplished in the black community , what are you talking about?. And I dont know if this word is foreign to the black.communuty.but I think you need to get "married "first before you even have a child.
Y’all don’t want that quit cappin
Tried to love someone that “loved me” and he still left lol. Good thing no children though.
All black men are dusties and single mothers creators. Black men are creating single motherhood in every race of women, but never get responsibility and accountability for their actions. Black women divest
Baby mama culture 🚫🤢
Ghetto and embarrassing
I agree , black women need to learn their worth…..
Young ladies, as a 31 year old black woman who is childless (also not married yet) don’t allow these men to make you into a baby mother especially without a ring. My best advice to you is ENJOY your youth, no baby before a marital commitment and how you start is how you finish with a man-have expectations and hold him to it!
If you follow those tips you should be okay. It doesn’t mean life won’t happen but you can avoid so much unnecessary drama with standards and life goals. Travel the world, educate yourself, buy property, exercise, pray, live, laugh and love those deserving of it…
I’ve seen so many women my age and older fall into toxic relationships traps (patterns) mostly because they had a child young by a bum without a commitment and/or they settled for struggle love and they could not recover from the damage; financial, emotional, mental, etc. as a result of being involved in struggle love. If you going to be with a man make sure he is the man you desire to be with full circle. Don’t waste your time especially your prime time 21-35years with men who aren’t ready and willing to treat you well.
Prime is suggestive. Generally a person prime is 28-34
Facts
Childfree
Unfortunately most of the women who *need* to hear your message won't hear it.
I am Chinese living in Britain, and I'm not super knowledgeable on Afro-American culture. I have seen this term 'struggle love' floating around the Internet lately and thought I'd look into it. Thanks for your informative lecture.
P.S. The resentful sneering at people for 'having it easy' or having 'mommy and daddy's money' is quite common among working/lower middle classes in the UK also. Envious contempt towards those with inherited wealth is a universal around the world, I'd imagine.
Not a black woman but I think as a woman I want to relay a message to others. "Bagging a cheater is not a flex" Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
MY mom kicked me out at 16. I got in a relationship with a man 22 years older than me at 20. He has npd, and so does my mom. I had no where to go and no one to help plan my life before I left the house. My kids dad beat me than praised me. I now have three kids, alot of trauma, no contact with all family on both my side and my children's. I'm 7 months away from graduation for my bachelor's in finance. I know my three daughters aren't growing up in an environment where they can reach their fullest potential and it haunts me everyday. I promised her a house by 10, she'll be 10 in December. We have lived in a two bedroom apartment building. She calls it a hampster cage. I try not to get bitter and just hope it all works out for me and my kids. This hit me in the gut!
Awww baby girl. You’re doing amazing and I’m so proud of you on your graduation. Your children are very grateful for you, also. Please leave that man and find peace to move with your children. Peace.
From another black woman.
Wowww I'm sooooo sorry..!!
I really hope it works out for you. Keep pushing, you will make it! Wishing you and your kids the best
@@tajalewis7618 I did three years ago which is why we stay in a small apartment lol but I’m still healing and growing but thank you
I wish more women told the true story like this instead of glorifying baby mama culture. I was raised by a single mom. And trust ur kids will grow up and have to get therapy. We gotta do better as a whole and it start with the real raw and honest Convos. Stop always tryna spare the womens feelings
I'm glad somebody is speaking about this. God didn't want us to struggle, but He want us to be prosperous in life. All of this struggling in our community is nothing more but a curse, and it's time we start to break it.
Shame is good and necessary . It’s the lack of shame that makes people think that they can do whatever they want . The lack of shame creates degenerate communities. People need to feel ashamed for terrible mistakes . Clearly they don’t and do the same act over and over again
Thank you for this! As a black woman, I agree with everything you said, especially about the baby mama culture. This is why I’m married to a man who has a vasectomy, and I got a bi-salp. We don’t have any children. I also just watched your video about dating in the black community and yes… my husband is white. Yes, I am a darker skinned black woman. Subscribed!
congrats for not marrying a naker...BM are black women's worst nightmare !!!! the worst you can do is deal with one of them demons
What is a bi-salp?
@@Kat3369 hello. Bi-salp is short bilateral salpingectomy. It a permanent form of birth control where a woman has her tubes surgically removed. It used to be very hard for women who didn’t have kids yet to get. But with the reversal of RvW a lot of doctors (but not all unfortunately) are agreeing to do the procedure for women who choose to get it whether or not they have children or are married or not.
You are just spitting straight facts.
THANK YOU FOR THIS!! I was in a struggle love situation with another black girl (lezzies) who brought all the trauma from her former relationships int this one. Constantly telling me, you know, we might never be official. I listened to two months fo BS before I dipped out. For anyone who needs to hear this, if things do seem right, they likely aren't right! If you feel like the person is not into forreal, or like they aren't doing the best that they should by you , then PLEASE trust yourself.
I wouldn’t necessarily say we “like” struggle I think we find comfort in it most times. But we must get out of our comfort zone to succeed
It probably provides the illusion of comfort, but in reality it’s not comfort. There’s nothing comforting about doing horrible and not having a man be there for you during your pregnancy with his child, period
Came across your video on my home page. Definitely agree with the topics! Crazy how I literally just wrote in my journal that I’m not spinning the block on no one because I do not want a struggle love! If you didn’t want me from the beginning you don’t want me now!
Thank you. Truth hurts. People don’t want to hear 👂 the brutal honesty. Always excuses for piss poor behaviors.
Children are so very hard to raise!!!! N women are ok doing it alone, amazing to me.
your channel has helped me understand the black culture a lot better I'm currently 13 year old and within the year of watching you I have learned so much and I'm really happy I found this channel! Btw your so pretty!!!
Make sure you do well in school. Get great grades so you can get into a great university. Your education is priceless and will carry you all the way through your life! Don’t forget to apply for scholarships and look into colleges that wave tuition if your family is under a certain income.
👏🏾 ❤ I love this for you! I wish someone taught me this when I was your age. You will be way ahead of the game.
All/ most of the blame/ responsibility should not be solely on black women. it takes two people to get pregnant and men just have to stop being deadbeats and creating children when they don’t wanna be in their lives as well.
Close your legs and the problem disappears
One reason black women get the most focus is because they're most affected by it. Conversely that they're most effected by it means a lot of the blame has to go to them unfortunately. I'm 43. For as long as I can remember black women have been complaining about black men being deadbeats. Yet year after year after year young unmarried black women keep getting knocked up by black men who have a high likelihood of turning out to be deadbeats. Those young women can't say that weren't warned because _everyone_ knows the most likely outcome of that situation. So why does it keep happening? Why aren't those young black women taking steps to prevent a pregnancy in the first place?
You are young , but so wise. I have to share with my daughter. I have a daughter your age. I know your parents are so proud.
I love how you say “WE” in these type of videos . Even though you may not being doing these things yourself, WE are a community and when the bulk of us grow & advance it’s better for all of us as a whole. Once we stop pointing the finger at others and start seeing each other as community instead of competition..we’ll be able to work together to break these generational curses and rise above the statistics. Great video ❤
It's the other way around. You need to stop seeing anyone as part of your "community" juat because they happen to be the same race as you. I know that sounds strange but there's a bunch of data to show that people being more individualistic leads to them engaging in more pro-social behavior. Westerners (especially white Westerners) are the most individualist people on the planet and they've produced the wealthiest, most free, safest and most orderly countries (relatively speaking of course). More individualistic people form _voluntary_ communities and those communities compete with one another. Iron sharpens iron and all of that.
You are one of the few black girls that have my approval when it comes to concealer shade and powder. No yellow undertone nor crazy light shade. Its perfect
Toni, your intelligence and the way you think strikes me for your age honestly! I mean, I'm a year younger, yet for a fact not many people around me think about this.
Wow thank you so much! That literally is one of the best compliments any woman could receive💗 I thank you for the support and love!
Hello Toni. You are pretty and you have your head on right. I'm 31 living my best life no, Pookies nor Ray Rays & I'm childless. Don't let the negative ppl bring you down. They want you to fall or get pregnant just so they can say you're no better than us. I say I'm proud of you! Keep it up. We need more people in our community who think like you.💓💓💓💓
Childfree
I agree with you, @joyfulsoul2011. I’m 22 and recently noticed the pattern of single womanhood in my family. I have expressed to some family members that I am only dating to marry and am looking for someone on the same page. I was told by said family members, don’t date to marry or you should “experience life”… Sometimes it seems that they believe my desires are unattainable.
"....Leave her where she at". Preach sis
You give me hope. The problem is that blk women have to learn what self worth is because they have never had the opportunity. There has to be more than just “blk girl magic”. It’s step, but not the pinnacle. I think they just get desperate because its slim pickings out there: How long would you wait for blk men to heal from their compounded racial trauma? Sigh.
The sad thing is "trauma" can be passed down. We are dealing with depression, issues, anxiety etc that we weren't around physically for. That is scientifically proven.
A sensible black woman is like a unicorn in todays day and age 😂. Jesus lady please keep pushing this message cause when men say it they won’t listen
You are preaching in this video! 👏🏾 I truly don’t understand why anyone would want any of those problems.
There is no better feeling than being 23, single, and CHILDLESS. My world revolves solely around ME. My education is my child, and I dedicate myself to it every single day. My family and friends are my companions, and traveling and doing my little hobbies also brings me happiness. Having a man is not the most important thing in the world, and when you allow feelings of loneliness to motivate you to find a man, it will lead you into a very toxic and depressing relationship with a man who is attracted and feeds off of your low self esteem and desperation.
Marry a good men before winter come
@Seruzul i want to help sister
@Seruzul i am trying to help
You said this isn’t to shame anyone and as a single mom I don’t feel shamed. I had the same mindset as you, still do. I got pregnant while wearing protection so I felt that she was meant to be here! Like you stated, I’m a statistic and her father is incarcerated. I don’t regret having my child, I knew better before I decided to keep her but I know even better now…I will never ever go through or make this same “mistake” twice as I don’t view her as a mistake but more so a purpose, a reason. My goal is to give her everything I never had and not materialistic wise (but that too). I wanted a boy, but I got a girl and I’m so excited, I know this is so I could give her the mother/ daughter relationship I always wanted. (Not saying my mom is a bad mom lol). Lastly I didn’t grow up in a two parent household but I grew up with two parents and I do think having both parents make a difference lol.
Thank you for sharing your story❤️ I’m the person that goes by the saying “never say never” because laughing or looking down at someone or their situation can easily be you. I commend you for being a stand up mother already in your daughter’s life. You use your own life lessons to teach her what to do and what not to do. Congratulations and I can already tell she will be so loved!! You’ll be amazing just judging by your comment. She definitely is meant to be here. I can’t wait to have a daughter one day. Wishing you a safe pregnancy love!
I’m black and I hate to say this but I almost have no interest in dating black men. I absolutely hate saying this because I love being black and want to create a black family but I simply do not feel safe creating one with a black man. I don’t trust that the love/honesty/support/happiness I give will be reciprocated and appreciated. My absolute WORST fear is becoming a BM It’s to the point I don’t even date because I’m strict with my boundaries and ALWAYS leave when disrespected. Yeah something I wish I had someone to go on cute dates with but honestly it’s not worth it. I’m young, have a great job and love myself. I’ll be okay until the right person comes.
There are some no good black men no doubt but bw y’all allow them to get you pregnant and y’all don’t use birth control 😂😊
This me but with black women. I love y’all. But I just don’t see it happening tbh.
You hit so many good points in this video! Thank you so much! May God bless you!
Thank you!! May god bless you as well!
No things dont just happen , you dont just get pregnat. if you cant support a child why would it be a great idea to get a kid
Facts and they KEEP HAVING THEM
Hey i just want to say that African Americans aren’t the only people in the black dysphoria. In many African cultures many children stay home till they can provide for themselves and their parents feel a duty to help their children on the way. And it’s very frowned upon too be pregnant with no one by your side also. I agree with everything you said in this video I think this is just fair to add. I’m a first gen Nigerian and so many things have to do with shame having a child out of wedlock is weird in my culture.
In the US and other Western cultures having a child out of wedlock _used_ to be seen as shameful but usually isn't anymore. That being said, white people might not necessarily shame a women for being pregnant and unmarried (or at least not in a relationship with the child's father) they still recognize that it's not a good idea and best avoided if possible. There certainly isn't a large scale acceptance (or even celebration) of unwed mothers like you see from some black Americans.
I'm 25 with a 9 month old and I completely agree with everything you said!!!
I agree. social media is not easy. I don't think everyone wants to be an influencer, just the majority of certain personality types.
We need to remember MENTAL HEALTH is undiagnosed and neglected in the BLK comm.
Remember if you don't have that intact...you can't possibly make the right decisions in life. College is the last thing a person with mental disorder is thinking about. That's why they stick to "no brainer" jobs.
You are absolutely right!! When I see statistics for certain mental disorders, I know they are substantially under reported. Gotta be, because some of the interactions I have with people in our community, babyyyyyyy!! I am extremely curious what the real percentages would be if the black community were more honest and properly diagnosed. And this is coming from a 27 yr old black female.
Exactly! Sis comeing from a two parent household and is thinking exactly the way she should be. But that’s from having both parents, the environment and support to develop into what she has developed into. Poverty is a breeding pool for mental illness and overlooked because of many reasons. All in all, poor manifest poor unless you have the character and the will to literally change who you are to get where you want to be.
These are excuses u can make good choices either way
Facts I come from a single parent home and grew up in the hood. I ain’t in jail and I’m doing fine. Stop always making excuses and just so better, unless u were raped u made a choice and need to be an adult about it
Even though I’m a year late finding this video, as a 30 year old, your mindset is extremely sharp for a young 21/22 year old. . I pray you keep it and stand on it! Don’t talk the talk, but walk the walk! You might also want to navigate in different spaces with different types of people and cultures and you’ll see it’s such a big world than just .. us and proximity! ❤
You nailed it. Sometimes, however, we tend to go from one extreme to the other. “ A Superman is not looking for a Super woman. He loved ❤️ Lois; a damsel in distress. “
( Who is going to be home, raising the children; if y’all both out slaying dragons 🐉 )
Lois still works despite her and Superman having a child. When dad can zip hundreds of miles in a second to his parents house so Grandma and Grandpa Kent can watch the kid things are a little easier.
I get your point though. People should be on the lookout for partners everywhere. For example a women doesn't *need* a man who makes $100,000 a year or whatever. She can certainly want that but the most important thing is to find a decent man who loves her, protects and provides for her and will be a good father to their children. A man who makes $75,000 and has those qualities will make a better partner for her than a selfish, immature narcissist who makes $105,000 a year.
Girl yesss facts & everyone disagrees with me when I say all of this
I think part of it is a 'misery loves company thing'. My sister is 29 with no kids (unlike all my femla ecpousins older then her, whi are single moms or hate their husbands) they are CONSTANTLY telling her she should just... have a kid. To have one just to have one. My sister was waiting for marriage but now she just doesnt really want them after having to help raise our cousins kids
I just remember after my egg donor’s sister passed, she flunked out of her course due to grief. However, she wanted to yell at the woman who failed her because she wanted to keep going. Meanwhile I’m like, why do you want to be under so much stress? Take a damn break, you just lost your sister! But then I realized that’s what she’s used to, having a jillion things to do and being stressed out the whole time. And it shows on her face and body.
Technical Schools are a great alternative to a 4 year college. Also going to a community college your first 2 years is a great savings. I really regret going to a 4 year school and starting life out struggling to pay off my college debt. Choose a field that is lucrative as well....Research, Research, Research, and do job shadowing as well. Before choosing a career path.
WE NEED MORE PPL LIKE YOUU🎉🎉
Thank you for using your platform to educate young black people
Also u r wise beyond ur years u look so young and speak with maturity
girl you take the words out of my mouth every time !!
I have been watching nothing but your videos for like 2 days because I'm sick. I love your content, vibe, research. It all goes together well. You are beautiful. Thank you for making content
"Things" happened to Mary in the Bible. That's it. Ladies you are not Mary, "things did not just happen."
This made me giggle and yes I agree!
heavy on each generation should be better than the last
You are speaking nothing but truth in this video 👏🏾
I recently found your channel & I’ve been binge watching. You have such a way with words. I gotta share this with my friends. And omg, why did I think you were older when you’re my age 😩😩. You are so poised for your age. I hope your channel grows fr!!
Also: I enjoyed this get ready with me & talk. I’m a sucker for video essays and makeup. Glad you incorporated both !! ♥️
Awww thank you so much!! Ppl always think I’m earlier when they hear me speak😭 it’s a compliments really lol. I’m glad you’ve been enjoying!!!
Im a young mother and I’m still in a relationship with my babydaddy but I know it’s not gonna work out my daughter has nothing to do with it and I won't forbid him to see her and I'll make sure that we'll get along well anyway. And if I ever date someone I would wait a long time before he would get to know my daughter because I experienced for myself how my mother met several men and seeing something like that as a child is really heartbreaking.
You seem like a lovely mother your daughter is lucky to have you God bless 🙌
As a black woman I think those women feel like they won’t find someone soo they settle, I feel that most don’t want to do the work on themselves to find better men!
To be honest this “WHOLE IM INDEPENDENT ROLE IS KILLING OUR BLACK WOMEN”
most talk to men like trash by putting them down, they lack accountability!
It’s an insecurity!
Then most get mad when you have a man that actually spoil their women! By putting women down who have that have a good man!
As a white man I think the constant conflict between black men and black women is *completely* out of hand. I also know it's probably the number one thing holding the black community back. Black people have it hard enough as it is and I don't think they should be making things harder on themselves with an intractable gender war.
As I said, I'm a white guy so I understand this is something I might not completely understand. I was just giving my two cents as an outside observer. Take it or leave it.
A husband does not have the same status as a mare boyfriend.lets not. Those baby dadies are boyfriends not husbands. Maybe we shouldnt have Sex until marriage then people would not have to worry about making a "mistake".
right!
I think you do not need to go to college to expand your social circle and be around the people you want to be like. The internet became another facet to allow people to socialize with others from different groups.
You get it!!! It's always breathe of fresh air to hear a woman from my race in these times speak logically. Better yet, you are only 21. You should do well in life. You overstand the many dynamics that damage our community. As you have stated, ultimately, many actions done are harming the children #savetheyouth. I advocate for the safety of children all the time, ironically as a 38yrs/blk male/no children. Great content 😎👍🏽.
It doesnot have to be that way.There is a deep routed cycle going on that no one think they can break.Set personal goals for yourself.If the person coming into your life doesnot align with that goal.Keep it pushing and don't look back.
At age 17 Met guy online to smoke some bud and f and next thing u know I'm 27 we are in a m3th filled , domestic violence ,went to jail 4 times almost prison , he ran me over etc situation ship ... This is too real ladies and gents
You are so wise to be so young. Keep up the good work🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
I’m mongolian (East Asian) and after hearing you out, I think I should go uni, at first I didn’t want to. I thought, uni is expensive and not useful especially when my career may not actually need uni to start but I think I will go now, because uni isn’t just the education, it’s the life long friends too. I saw your other video about the stay at home girlfriend and yeah, we was also taught to not really date and focus on education but if I go to uni I can do both and find a good man. I’m British btw do 16-18 year olds go college then uni, college for us is like a specific high school for those age groups so I chose VFX and Animation, so I don’t need to do maths or English or any other subject, just animation.
Girl I agree!
This is so unrelated, but I love your lamp!
not even 1 min in and already subscribed 🥳
Keep living
if you know better you do better. some people do not know the how to
I LOVE the fact that you look like a MILLION BUCKS using products that all of us can afford! You are absolutely gorgeous ❤
I guess I'm from an urban area. I'm for Virginia. And I was very pressured by women around me. White and black. Why didn't I have children? I said I wanted to be married. And they thought that was very strange and funny.
Wow youre wise beyond your years. Someone raised you very well. :-)
At this point it's extremely embarrassing, sickening and beyond pathetic. I could say more, but some of you all will get mad at the truth. Shameful!
We have "civil union" here in France, when you break it off there's no fight around money AND when together you have the same right as married people?
I'm going for that. What I hate about marriage is the money for a divorce and and all that shit!!
I'm not saying I'm planning on getting a divorce but I'm picking the easy way out because money...
One thing I just want to say is that what we say black people from me it's brown skins to Black skins because lightskins they get a little bit more privileged then I'd say a black skin or brown skin because their skin is fairer and I'm a light skin so I've definitely experienced this like let's just admit that if you're going to treat a black person badly should all of them badly we don't it's just frustrating than they treat different skin tones that go with being black differently
Hi there, we as blk women should choose a partner that loves us, cherishes us, respects us & basically loves us for who we are. Not a 2 timing guy who we, think we can trust. Especially if he has a record of cheating. We also should date a guy who likes us for us. Nothing wrong with inheritance or getting cash handed to a person. Ppl need to accept if we wanna accomplish our goals, we have to go through the struggle to reach that point. Then do it. I think some ppl are jealous cuz they didn't have it easy. I 100% disagree with you & that college part. College isn't necessary. You can teach yourself, there's multiple of ways you of doing that. Study, learn new things, watch videos on what your trying to achieve. Or read articles & books to help you on what you wanna accomplish in life. College is a waste of money. Some go to college to be a doctor but they aren't actually taught everything the need to know or don't even get a job to be a doctor. I went to Fashion school, they didn't teach me everything I needed to know. I literally taught myself. Ex: I knew nothing about certain fabrics that are commonly used. As a Fashion Designer, I truly needed to know that.
PREACH !
SHE SPITTN 🦦
Facts 💯💯💯 especially on marriage
Great video and great commentary!! What is the name of the brush that you used to blend out your concealer around eyebrows??
Thank you so much! I'm honestly not even sure, I got it as a gift!
I agree but I met a woman who was married and her husband had two outside children and was lying and have a question says the whole time and this does happen
I’m happy I’m going to adopt and or foster
FACTS 💯👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Just because you didn't come from a rich family doesn't mean a rich family can't come from you
Big Facts
"Jhonny on the block"😂
My sister just had her 5th child at 41 with a dusty who barely helps her. He cheated on her multiple times over the years. She can’t even manage now, it’s sad to see but she was always very judgmental toward me, so I guess it could be karma…
The shame childless women get from dusty men is astonishing. They hate when they can’t trap you. It’s sick how they make it a game to get women pregnant, especially when they see she has potential to be better and find better than him.
Your sister the problem 😂 she 41 she took health class
Girl PREACH
thank you for this Toni
I have something to add to what you said at 8 minutes, its not the entire black community, different black people from other countries. We get taught importance of marriage etc and staying w your family till your financially ready or married is normal. Its not Everybody maybe just certain countries idk.lol
I'm glad that since a very young age i never fit into the black community (American black community to be exact) 👀
Most of the time they are ashamed cuz the guy is a waste of time
I have a lot of thoughts. As someone who used to think this way. I understand but it is so much more complex. Like people want to talk about how black women should protect their wounds but we all need love and black women are constantly passed over. So you might break down and make a f****** mistake because in fact we do all want love. It is really difficult to hold out for a good person if you have the generational trauma and abuse a lot of black women face. The statistics are that by the age of 18 60% of black girls have been sexually assaulted. What does that do to a person? It doesn't lead to someone who can have a healthy relationship and set boundaries and knows how to say no and be alone. And also many black people who are actually poor can't even afford the five grand for BBM they can't. So I really hate when people make up these false narratives. That black women are so desperate and they don't think and they just sleep with whoever. If you dated extensively particularly as a dark skin woman. You will begin to figure out that men will run some f****** games and if you date outside your race you realize that all men do this s***. It is not special for the black community. The lack of commitment the getting people pregnant and dipping being a crappy partner situationships. It is not just us. And I think when we do these videos where we point the finger at other black folks and say why don't you just get someone to treat you right why don't you just make better choices rather than looking at the systemic ways in which people are present causes and make the decisions that they make. We are doing them a f****** Injustice. Because in the right circumstances that could be us. So I really don't like this holier than that energy.. from someone who is extremely inexperienced in dating. Like you're 20 and I'm assuming you have never had a serious long-term relationship
Ray williams ever heard of contraception? Why would you decide to become a single mother get married first to give your child a proper start in life
@@M.b-q-bn Contraception isn't 100 percent. Also contraceptives van make people sick etc. I personally can't take bc because it makes me suicideally depressed. I am a lesbian so I am never gonna get pregnant on accident. I just don't like these naive 1D takes. Like human sociology and psychological are so much more complicated.
@@lw498 im well aware contraception isnt always 100 percent. But seriously the amount of single mothers certainly is nit due to contaception
@@lw498 contraception may not always be 100 percent but the amount of single mothers with multiple babies is not due to contraceptives not working. Its ignorance and selfish behaviour bringing children into the world with little or no chance of success
Love your channel
Marriage doesn’t guarantee that u won’t end up a single parent! U can end up realizing after yrs of marriage that ur husband actually was or became “Johnny on the block” and left u for dead. Ain’t no shame in doing it alone, sometimes the absence of a ain’t shit parent is the best u can do to protect ur kids. Also, when Ur pregnant it’s simple to be alone but soon as the baby comes out and needs supervision 24/7, u have nobody to watch them, u can’t work it gets really complicated really fast. For those of us that it already happened to hopefully we live n learn but we do need to educate YOUNG women abt the reality of having a child n the MAJOR importance of who u have the baby with not just for u but literally for ur child’s safety and their life.
If you're just choosing any random person. Most of the time yall ignore red flags. Actually DATE. Not shack up, not situationship. Leave the house and see how that mean treat you and other people.
Whatever helps you sleep at night sis
You will have the marriage of protection, assets, healthcare and alimony if you do divorce. Stop trying to scare women away from marriage.
Personally , I don’t think everyone is upset about someone having it easy. It’s when the ppl who had it easy try to talk down to the ppl who have it hard. Like they’ll make it seem like you’re not doing enough or you’re being lazy or they are better than you because they have more. When they were given hand outs or their parents allowed them to stay with them until they were ready , etc. Like you can’t walk around talking down to someone & you’ve never had to be on survival mode Cus you’re handed everything. Then some of them are given the handouts but make dumb decisions & fuck it up. Which sometimes pisses me off Cus I think “damn I wish I had that” or “I wish I had someone who’ll do that for me” but instead I’m over here struggling on my own & this person just wasted hella money they got from their parents & if I had that , I could’ve used it to make my life easier. Or they paying for all of your car stuff & you’re not saving or getting your priorities straight. Then complaining about something later on. Smh.
Quick note, Toffee rhymes with coffee. It's not pronounced "Toe + Fee". I hope this comment doesn't come off as rude. I know it's really hard to correct someone and not come off like a jerk. Doubly so on the internet.
I enjoyed the video and I hope you have a good day! 😁