Prom Culture Has Gotten OUT OF CONTROL
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ก.ย. 2024
- Prom just 10 years ago is MUCH different than prom today. Due to social media, societal pressures, and peer pressure, it seems the prom has turned into the Met Gala for some communities. In this video, I will be discussing how prom culture has gotten out of control.
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Prom has definitely gotten out of control. Parents going in debt for 1 night when most of these children either aren’t passing their classes or misbehaving at home.
How do you know parents are going into debt? For the most part prom is still regular for the average student. The parents who could financially afford to be extravagant do it.
People assume these parents can’t afford it because they’re black. You’re also assuming the kids who get these celebrations are doing bad academically or are misbehaved for the same reason.
@@KayTalkNYC let’s not act stupid please, we’re talking about on average.
And misbehaving in class too🥴🥴
@@lovetheLord2005 let’s not act stupid the average child doesn’t have an extravagant prom. Social media makes y’all believe that the average student is doing this when that’s not the case.
These videos don’t account for thousands of students who either don’t attend prom or do attend prom but don’t do as much. So the kids who do the most, can afford to do so. That’s common sense.
@KayTalkNYC thank you for having sense just because we want to enjoy doesn't mean we are too "extra" one day to feel good and people are hating
As a black senior that just had prom, I’ve noticed that black people treat prom like white ppl treat weddings. Like the level of intensity is the same.
Honestly it’s much more similar to quinceanera and bar/bat mitzvah. It’s treated like a coming of age ceremony just like southern debuts.
@@bria8481fr
Thanks for mentioning the sad economics of this for the black community. The fact that these children and their parents don’t realize the stereotypes they are projecting by the overdoing of such an event while living below the poverty level. A very sad commentary.
I just said this!
@@vueme805the fact that y’all think every black family thats able to do something lavish for prom is living in poverty simply off the fact that they are black seems more like white supremacy has gotten to YOU more then anything. Y’all do not know these families on any person level nor what their wallet looks like
I feel like prom has been over glamorized, it should be more homey and more fun rather than making it a flexing competition
I 100 percent agree its no longer something that is about being surrounded my friends that love u and have a good time
It's now people trying to one up each other mostly in the black community
Showing off for social media of course
Agree
I agree with you. Prom shouldn’t be a competition. It’s a one day event💯
@@jasmyneperryman9629I mean historically it wasn’t about that to begin with so 💁🏽♂️
Prom for college students actually sounds awesome
At the University of Michigan, they have prom for the grad students. At the social work school and the law school
@@AngelisaHassan oh wow good to know
College is tough and having an event like prom would be refreshing because it is a last chance to celebrate with friends and have a fun goodbye.
@whatsonhermindblog123 It is is actually funny. Because of the wide age demographic you have people bringing their spouses. People in their 30s and 40s. It seems like fun.
My undergrad had a homecoming “ball” type of affair. However, the vast majority of us just wore our prom dresses from high school and did each other’s hair in the dorm, with maybe a few exceptions of girls who went to the salon down the street 😂 Granted, I graduated high school in 98 and attended these homecoming affairs primarily Fall 99 and 00, so it was definitely a whole ass different time.
My issue with black proms is that it seems like they go all over the top for prom and baby showers, but we never have weddings. This is the one time that parents will see their daughter dressed up, looking so beautiful because the chances of her having a wedding are not likely. I think prom and baby showers are substitutes for weddings in the black community. It’s so sad to see.
Agreed, I've gone to several black baby showers were the mothers wore white dresses and we're all unwed. 😢
It’s because blk men are the only men that financially benefit from marriage. Blk women have to settle snd be the bread winner or 50/50 if they’re lucky. Our community sees taking care of your family as tricking. Other men will go with out for their family while their women are more the user type. It’s flipped in the blk community where the women will sacrifice and the dads selfish.
Ewww all that tells you I the quality of men in those communities
I totally agree 😞
My family has had weddings since I was a little girl from my mama to aunts to cousins but as far as baby showers some women just want to feel special so why not make them feel that way black women deal with trauma from child birth it’s called a village for a reason let’s have more grace on them
In 2001, my prom tickets were $10 each. I made my own dress and we drove in our normal cars. Dinner was the main expense of the night. It's crazy to spend that much money on one day. Weddings fall in the same category. Why go deep into debt to flex on people you won't likely see again after graduation?
fr
Exactly
I think mine were around 10-20 dollars as well.
I got lucky that I found an affordable dress and shoes for 25 dollars total at Ross. Still have them.
My school was lucky because they found a nice venue, but am glad that I found an affordable way to go and did not have to go all out.
We don't have prom in my country, just a small farewell thing, you wear you best or whatever, and that's it. Not even a dinner or anything.
@@mpazinambao2938damn
Ain't no college kids affording prom clothes and shit as opposed to teenagers w mommy and daddy's money😂😂
Right! 😂
who has thousands to spend on a dress in uni? These bills won't pay themselves😂😂
For prom, my parents paid for everything from the ticket to the shoes
Six months later, I was in uni, rationing food, working two jobs and still broke 💀
@@lavenderlillies8149which is exactly the point. Social events like this shouldn't be so extravagantly expensive. You'd appreciate the price more in college
@@katelynbrown98 yup!
I have a Goodwill and rit dye 🫡
My prom was 24 years ago. I actually made my own dress in sewing class at school. It was very simple and turned out super cute. Side note: I was also Prom Queen 💖
Girl, you ruleeeee!!
Do you still make clothes
@@roselynholloway7863The same thing that I'm thinking.
beautiful! i hand tailored my dress, taking it in from an XXL down to an XS-and i was even able to give a random girl my matching satin robe as a coverup for an accident she had. my prom night was still just as eventful and wholesome as everyone else’s, and didn’t cost much outside of my jewelry (stretched ears) and shoes. win-win 🙌🏽
You go GIRL 👏🏾🩷
As a 17yr old black teen that graduated this yr and couldnt afford to do a sweet 16 or go to prom/homecoming, prom culture has literally had such a negative effect on me...even if i could spend $100 for a ticket, the pressure of having to keep up with the other kids spending $2000+ on dresses, makeup, hair ect. was too much for me. I ended up not going ofc but now when i look at all of the posts of my friends that did go, it makes me feel a type of resentment for not only them but the culture as a whole...thats probably a horrible way of looking at it but thats just how i feel:/ srry for the rant lol
No need to apologize you are completely valid for feeling this way based on your experience!
Your feelings are valid. Especially with this economy. So many families are struggling just to eat everyday and yet social media shows you lavish 20k proms and $30 ice from erwin 😅 things will get better sweetie stay the course your time to shine WILL come
You are a bright young person and based on your writing skills, I know that you'll get far in life. May God bless you 🙏🏾
You could’ve done your own hair and makeup and bought a cheap dress (mine was $50) if there’s a will there’s a way
Aww I get it tho. I didn’t get to have a prom because of COVID but tbh i nvr rlly like going to formal school events due to the pressures of having to meet certain expectations and don’t get me started of the anxiety of a guy having to ask a girl out. I didn’t even want to bother with that fear so a part of me is glad. However, I do get the resentment and FOMO of prom culture, but something to remember is that this is one moment of our lives, who said we can’t do something big like this for ourselves in the future💕💕
Part of the reason prom is a big deal is because for most people it’s the only true dress up opportunity in life. Most people don’t go to college, don’t go to galas, may not have a wedding etc etc
Exactly
Doesn’t that signify a greater problem in the black community then? Like that just sounds wrong. Maybe it shouldn’t be that way then?? Just a thought…
@@scvpink5683I’ve been screaming this. Fix the deeper issue. Teach our children that there’s more to life after high school. Going over the top for proms and baby showers because you may never graduate college or get married is sad. Even if you don’t want to go to college there are galas and fundraisers where you can dress up. The message of “this might be my ONLY time” at the age of 18 is really messed up.
Doesn’t make sense
@@scvpink5683 only 35% of Americans go to college and many of them aren’t even real schools lol Most people don’t have professional jobs that require galas and such. I don’t see the big deal with letting loose from prom just don’t go into debt.
As a black girl, I can understand showing up and out but at this point they be doing so much it's just tacky.
They could literally save for college, their own business, traveling, etc. And they'll choose this? It's only one day 😭
I feel the exact same way about extravagant weddings
It’s as if quality items at decent prices don’t exist
And I love events and understand wanting to go big and make things memorable. But it’s one night/day 😬
Let’s calm down a bit 😂
@@alkahinat4558I mean part of it is the wedding industry just hiking prices up the moment they hear the word “wedding”
i think the worst thing about prom is all of the adults that take prom photos to judge these teens and tell them if they slayed or they look, ugly, stupid, etc.
kind of gross
huh
@@anastasia.noelle there are pages with millions of views where adults take prom photos from insta and comment on how they look, their bodies, if they look poor...
Yall I went to prom in 2019 (the last normal school year) I bought myself a $1k dollar dress and drove my dad’s Chrysler 300. Now I’m 23 and I feel like that was way too much and not needed. High schoolers do not need to be dripped in designer, driving expensive cars & looking grown. Honestly what is it all for? I wish we let kids be kids and let them come into adulthood at the appropriate time
Well none of it is needed. Prom isn’t needed, birthday parties aren’t needed, most forms of celebration isn’t needed. But we do it because we can.
There’s nothing wrong with parents who can afford that stuff getting it for their child. It’s not hurting anyone.
@@KayTalkNYC Exactly, we do it because we ‘can’ but just because you can do something doesn’t always mean you should. If you grow kids up too fast they have nothing to look forward to and that is my point especially at that young of an age.
@@kyrajnai4201 You haven’t given a valid reason why they shouldn’t though. Besides it’s “too much” in your opinion but that doesn’t and shouldn’t dictate other people’s prom experiences.
Giving your child an extravagant prom won’t make them “grow up too fast”. Prom is actually the last childhood experience many have. One girl was riding in a horse and carriage for a princess theme, it’s extravagant but not adult-like by any means.
@@KayTalkNYC What do I need to give a valid reason for? To who? I’m stating my opinion just like you and everybody else is stating theirs. I don’t need to convince you or anybody else on why doing too much for prom is unnecessary in the grand scheme IN MY OPINION. I stated my personal experience and plenty of people agree with me. Plenty of people agree with you. This is not a right or wrong debate.. we don’t agree and that’s okay. If you need the last word you can have it
@@kyrajnai4201 I didn’t say you have to I said you haven’t. Why? Because we were having a conversation and I wanted to understand your perspective. That’s how conversations work.
Isnt it crazy how every single part of our history has racism attached to it
Right
It's awful but it makes sense, America as a whole was founded off of racism
@@Rin-wm7hr ...because it makes for divisive politics in time for the elections. Just like the pep rallies before a home game 😉
@@jungleboots or its just reality , if you see history as politics you got a problem
@@908i38uIts definately both. It's a weaponized truth
I heard someone say on tiktok that African Americans from the hood go all out for prom because this replace weddings since the probabilities of them experiencing those types of glamorous experiences for their weddings is unlikely since it’s not really ingrained in the culture to get married and it’s not what’s promoted. And it makes so much sense. That’s the closest they will get to a “wedding” experience.
Good point.
You know all of that is just a racist stereotype you repeated right?? 🥴
@tiaraw872 maybe but it still doesn't change the fact that most black people, black women especially are unlikely to ever marry in our life time. A majority of the black American community does not value marriage the way other races do.
I heard that very same thing 😮🤔
What a propaganda piece you just spewed. Be so ashamed of this take .
I feel people go all out for prom because they see it as a Met Gala that we can actually go to
Same and I ain’t mad at it.
I didn't go to prom. Didn't see the value as a new immigrant who watched teen movies as a kid. The bullying culture (personal and on TV) stirred me away from it. I attended my nursing undergrad one, which, attended by burnout but mature nursing students, was so much more enjoyable.
Rolleyes.
Fine you’re so much better than the rest of us Americans. You win the self righteous award 🥇
@monalisa9636 you should take an English comprehension class bc you completely missed the point. We have our own graduation party too, but I never felt strongly about it, especially bc I was BULLIED as a kid.
@@malouj7932 Thank you for sharing your story. It took me until high school to go to prom.
@@monalisa9636 lol, what?!
@@monalisa9636 um why are you so offended
I grew up in a small town in North Georgia & our proms were pitiful and some people didn't even dress up, they served water and cookies 😂
water and cookies😭 omg
Now they could've atleast made sandwhiches😭
Were they at least the nice Lofthouse cookies?! 😭
Water???! I know it’s healthy but gosh 😅
@amandaford8730 Shooooot I wish, pretty sure they were plastic tray cookies from the Piggly Wiggly 😵
Love prom but senior year is WAAAY too expensive to be laying down thousands on prom. You still gotta buy your cap and gown, diploma case, yearbook, football games, if you are in an extra curricular you might have to purchase your grad chords. I already bought my prom dress (for next year) off season and on sale cause I would rather have multiple experiences as a senior (senior sunrise, homecoming football game, spring theatre musical, senior prank, meet-ups with friends) then just one night.
This and if your school does even more senior exclusive events that are paid for too (tho not necessary ofc bc again not everyone wants to go or can afford) like my school did. There was prom, senior night (which is a two parter one is a party and the other is a second one on (forgive me for this i can’t remember bc i never planned to go bc i could never afford it) either the pier or a literal yacht (my family are all trades but the area we live near is very rich n my parents prioritized the best schooling n sent us there), senior grad after party at a rose garden nearby i think (tho u had to be invited n therefore know someone n i was not in the know), and senior grad vacay in Hawaii the week after grad… all these paid events in ONE year on top of all the other things u mentioned that you pay for senior year 💀💀 it was rough watching my friends do all that while i just stood there like no I’m not doing anything but the bare minimum bc i cannot afford it 🥴
Plus, all the costs for SAT/ACT testing, college application fees, etc. Senior year was hella expensive.
Thank u for saying this I thought I was the only one who felt this way. There is nothing wrong with getting dressed up beautifully for prom but alot of these kids and their families are doing tooooooo mmmmuuuccchhh for prom. Half of the time the dresses these girls choose to buy they can barely walk in without assistance let alone dance and have a good time in them like you are supposed to do at prom
Its no longer about making it an event where u are surrounded by friends a d family that love and are a proud of u and having fun
Instead of celebrating one another Its now mostly about people trying to one up each other on who looks the best and who spent the most money especially in the black community
Like why are there people dropping whole mortgage payments on a prom dress🤦🏽♀️
I’m 18, and my family and I spent about 390$ on prom. (ticket, dress, accessories, and nails) I did makeup and hair on my own. I feel pretty guilty about it, the prices are exorbitant.
I think with how expensive things are currently, what you spent is more like a splurge for a significant event....it's not yet in the range of ridiculous spending 😅.
@@rhuonaChanelyeah ridiculous spending in this economy is more like in the thousands than the hundreds, money isn’t worth that much anymore. I mean the video here is showing how people spend on prom that could easily be used for college tuitions, while hers might not even cover the textbook costs so she’s good
I remember seeing a comment on TikTok discussing this topic and someone had said they are dressing like this because they know this is the most amount of money they would spend on a dress since they don't like to get married 💀💀
Shadyyyyyyyy
That's wild
Facts tho , which is why alot of these young girls look like brides damn near. This is the closes thing to that BIG day yk 🤷💯not even half is going to experience a wedding . No shade but as an adult I’ve never been invited to a black American wedding and I said American because we are the only ones NOT getting married within the black circle. Those from different parts of Africa , Nigerians , Jamaicans etc they always having a big ass wedding and they be going CRAZY especially those Nigerians 🤷🎉
@@maybeitsjustin1650I’ve been to plenty of black American wedding and I’m a married Black woman. But I know a lot of Black American have small ceremonies not a lot of hoopla. But I have a feeling u probably aren’t even close to any black American ppl. Y’all will always trash Black Americans so we are used to to it by now.
And they be the same people complaining about being single
Had my prom yesterday. Used a 12€ dress from shein. Was the best looking according to what ppl say. You can slay on a budget. No need for all those fancies shit
i also got mine from shein, then wore a few accessories
My brother bought a nice green velvet suit for prom his senior yr and you couldn't even tell that it was from shein so you're right...
I graduated high school in 2009 and went to prom in 2008. Since then, I’ve noticed a HUGE difference. Imo it’s all due to social media and these kids wanting to show out now days. When I went to prom my dad bought me a simple but pretty dress, paid for my ticket, and paid for my hair and makeup and that was it and it was FUN! Most kids now days don’t care about the fun aspect of it all, it’s about showing out and the aesthetic. It’s not a wedding, it’s prom!
Girl same. Graduated 2009 and went to my prom then. It was simple. My dress was only $100 (and was beautiful), and our tickets were like $100 (50 for both mine and my dates). My mom did my hair and makeup, and nails and shoes were about $55. I looked great and had fun. It isnt a wedding, it is prom. Not being mean though, what I've noticed, and I could be totally wrong, I only see this extravaganza for only baby showers and prom. Never for a wedding.
I went to prom & graduated high school in 2011 and I didn’t even want to go lol. My dress was simple and my cousin did my makeup. But even back then people were slowly but surely starting to do the most regarding prom but it wasn’t not as extreme as it is now. Social media definitely had a big impact on that. Back then facebook was popping and Instagram didn’t really start to pop until that next year
All the dresses look the same in some way to be that expensive, it's played out!
Yess it’s the same dress but different colors!
I think Prom and baby showers are starting to replace weddings in the black community a lot. Like other communities look to their wedding as their large scale celebration with maybe another smaller cultural moment (think quince in the latin community or mitzvahs in the jewish community). But they still have their wedding to look forward to as their biggest moment for celebration. But I think because marriage rates are rapidly dropping in the black community, we have settled on prom and baby showers are the big moments we go all out for. And every year the budfgets for these two events start to rival wedding budgets more and more
Who’s we this is a black American issue
Sad
I bought a $60 dress from JCPenney, borrowed my dad's car, and went to prom driving my friends. Had a great time, none of us really cared how extravagant we could have looked, as long as it looked cute, who cares how little we spent? That was like 2016. It's insane how much parents spend on there kids for one night. I honestly think it's teaching teens a bad lesson in money management...
Phenomenal break down! I kind of shed a tear when I realized as a black woman, I’ve also have been to way more baby showers than weddings. The weddings number goes down even more if I’m only counting all black marriages 🫠
I made a deal with myself that I would not be going to any more baby showers if there was not a wedding first. Luckily for me, my friends have respect for themselves, but you can’t choose your family
Exactly!!!!!! My cousins are always having baby showers but no weddings 😢
as a black girl I didn't go to prom lol. 5 yrs later and no regrets
Same, it was a waste of time and energy.
wrong i’mlivid
Sameee
In my school we didnt eveb have a prom 💀 (i live in England lol)
@@gumgum8802i live in england and we do have proms! Atleast here in London. I had mine at 2019
I’m a senior in highschool and I just went to prom two weeks ago!! I literally did my own makeup got my hair straightened for like 50$ got my dress from fashion nova for 40$ and wore some flats that I already had jewelry from my mothers extensive collection. AND I DROVE MYSELF😭😭. Im middle class (black) and I just cannot justify how much money the girls are spending on prom it’s insane to me
People don’t realize that prom (for the most part) is still normal for the average student. Most kids aren’t going as lavish as the kids who could afford to do so.
However, it’s great that the famalies who could afford to celebrate their child’s achievements in such an extravagant way, do so.
I don’t necessarily think it’s about “who can spend the most or outdo the other” as comments have said. For many places like Philadelphia and Florida, it’s culture. It’s avant-garde, it’s creativity, it’s extravaganza.
I much rather see our teens in the black community celebrated for graduating rather than the situations they could be in instead.
Facts. Places like Chicago & Florida were ALWAYS extra when it comes to Black proms.
Exactly and black people always shine and show out that’s why we the blueprint
My prom dress was so simple I saw somebody wear the exact same version of it while grocery shopping. This was in 2007.
Right? Somebody actually wore the same dress as me in a different color and I wasn't even mad about it lol
& its crazy, bc its the same now, but they spend THOUSANDS to get the same dress style in a different color 😂
As a French black girl going to prom in two days, I found this video very interesting. The same way you did I always looked down at those girlies spending 10K for prom. And I think it especially comes from the fact that prom is a new thing In France, it’s still something we’re trying to adopt, so we’re obviously not spending as much. My gown Is from Fashion Nova, I think it was €60 and I still have the feeling that I spent too much and that I’ll be overdressed. But looking to the historical background, I can now understand better the whys and wherefores of prom being this expensive in the US, especially when it comes to black community.
How is it
Cc! Je vais aussi a un lycée français, nous aussi on va faire un prom jai trop hate, et dit toi que je passe mon bac demain genre!!
Tu veux faire co?
@@vanilla_chocolatteah oui, et c’était comment, t’as kiffé?
@@roselynholloway7863 idk, i mean we had fun, like fr, the dj was excellent, food and drinks were good. I guess it was more “genuine” than US proms🤷🏽♀️
@@inesegoulety7106 ok
as a teen who never made it to any sort of prom i had NO idea they had tickets for it .. that’s actually insane to me, i guess i get it for public schools in need of money but $100 ?? that’s wild
like why don’t they just do fundraisers ? students do that stuff all the time for trips and stuff , why not a prom fundraiser instead of tickets ?
@@elfish7766there are fundraisers that lower the cost but most usually still end up paying something, usually less than 100
@@elfish7766YES BRO.. AND THE TRIP WAS 409 FOR ME
@@elfish7766And it wasn’t even all inclusive
real ……..
It’s interesting how you mentioned that different cultures have coming of age parties. 👏
They've made it soo tacky! it's all mesh bedazzled mermaid style gowns with a lace front.
Thank you!! I felt like I was the only one who thinks these dresses are very tacky
I still can't believe these young girls wear wigs !!!!
Back in HS my hair was long and on point
The most I ever saw in HS was someone wearing a ponytail extension
Lol
I graduated in 04🙌
@@anjalE30or the good ole casual weave
Prom definitely isn't as extravagant in the UK as it is in the US. It's normal prom dresses and cars. It's a whole fashion parade in America...and a competition of who can be the boldest and over the top. A whole different game - people are definitely going into debt spending insane amounts of money for one evening
I'm in North Yorkshire and I went to a wedding that was having a prom at the same venue and some of the farmer kids pulled up in tractors. My fiancé is a Yorkshireman and he said that's normal cause it happened at his prom too. That might be as extravagant as is gets in the UK lol 🤣
@@breevans5219 I'm from North Yorkshire and it happened at my Y11 prom, I guess it makes sense since you can get a tractor licence at 16 so the farmer kids were the only ones who weren't reliant on lifts. Still wondering where they parked the thing once they got there though.
The reason why prom is for high school students is the same reason why most shows about young people center around high schoolers. Most Americans don’t go to college lol
😅😅😅
54% of Americans have a college degree. So that’s false.
Huh r u American?
@@char6081 that matters to you why?
@@rachel1729 bc that’s not true
My prom was 2011 and I was homeless. His mom got my dress made that I designed and paid for the tickets , my grandma got make up done and a family friend paid for my hair and nails. I was an amazing experience and I know they didn’t spend thousands of dollars. Now my kids have a massive support system and the entire family will want to go above and beyond and I’m not going to stop them. I feel as long as you’re not going into debt then go for it
aaaa I am so happy for you girl!! Glad you're doing well now 💞
"Why isn't prom for college students?" Not everyone goes to college, but everyone goes to highschool for the most part. It would be robbing the kids of a fun and memorable experience. Colleges should start hosting more adult themed proms while highschool should be more toned down and age appropriate for the kids. They should still be allowed to dress up and feel nice, but the outfits need to be a lot less revealing and inappropriate.
I mean it depends on your college, mine does host proms so I get to wear pretty dresses at least once a year lol
I decided not to go to prom because I felt like there was no frigging point. I went to school to graduate and get that diploma baybee! Everyone was like, "You can still graduate and go to prom" yeah but I don't want or need to get all dressed up just to go to go hang out with all the same people I don't like during the school day. Pass!
I grew up Catholic and we had our first communion at age 8 then Confirmation at age 14. Nowadays some families are spending over 2k for Confirmation. Its insane. Some kids for first communion are also having large expensive parties.
Class of 2020 here, not having a senior prom was the WORST😭
we were robbed
I just got done with my senior prom and it has 100% turned into more putting on for people rather than having fun and being in the moment with the people you are with
This gave me a better perspective so thank you! I’m Nigerian and we celebrate a lot. Weddings and graduations are common. We have big celebrations all the time and do the most with basically everything so I never understood why people were so extra about prom.. but it’s a culture thing.
I think it’s another way the adults can show case their wealth and what they have. It’s like another accessory to once again prove or show off what the parents have and what they do for their children to prove something . I think that’s something that’s happening with all parents in general. I think it’s a really nice thing to give your child a beautiful event that you’ve together planned and put together with them for them, but at one point when is it too far where the meaning behind it is more for the parent then it is for the young adult .
Parents going into debt so their daughter can show out for strangers on the internet is kinda the opposite of showing off wealth
My prom was 150 for couple I’m sorry .. that’s was just to much completely knew my parents didn’t have the money .. so I didn’t bother asking
I had my senior prom this year. I had spent around $400 on everything. I am not spending a whole band for one day. I can use the rest of the money for college next year.
I like how you mentioned the similarities between other cultures “coming of age” parties and how prom is basically, for the Black community, is our coming of age.
You’re so right! Prom should be for college kids instead!! I totally agree with that & think that’s a fantastic idea! Prom was so anxiety inducing, stressful & kinda awkward tbh at 18 especially if you went to a school like mine that had a *VERY* strict zero tolerance policy towards alcohol! 😣
As a 16 year old black girl (juinor) tht has yet to have prom and knows I won't be able to or at least struggle to afford tickets, a nice enough dress, hair, and etc I am 𝘋𝘙𝘌𝘈𝘋𝘐𝘕𝘎𝘎𝘎 the feeling of inadequacy that's going to consume me seeing how mediocre my look will be to other girls or even my own expectations. I am super huge on fashion and flashy jewelry which isn't compatible with my family's impoverished status so I constantly feel a looming sadness about my life n all. Ur words have made me feel a tad better about my future prom and I hope when I get older I have the $ to be the fashionista I've always dreamt of being :) ❤
When I was in prom season it was more of a flex to be invited to multiple proms, not the amount of money that was spent.
I'm Canadian, black girl, and I graduated in 2017. I never wanted to go to prom, but my mom made me go because she was unable to go to hers. She was prepared to spend waaaay too much money, and I still think it's ridiculous that my dress was $600 but it was a really fun night and I'm blessed that she saved up money just for me to be able to do it. However, my yearly college galas were WAY more fun and I spent way less money so price =/= value haha.
british prom is a lot more different. we have prom at 16 (and at 18 in college although the high school one is better) and from my pov, prom was more about having fun + making memories. although many tried buying dresses, many showed up in traditional outfits or old dresses they had. everyone went to friend's houses to get ready and just came in their cars. we all did our best to look pretty but the main focus was to dance, have fun with each other and teachers. when i had my prom (this year) i was looking through everyone's stories on Instagram and they were predominantly fuzzy, dark, shaky videos of ppl dancing or being silly. i feel like that makes prom so much more memorable.
22:39 I think the difference is that prom isn’t about your specific child. It’s a highschool event. So if you’re spending more money for your child than the school did to host the event it’s stupid. Just have a sweet 16 or whatever for your kid😂😂😂
that's why people can't compare this 2 bat/bar mitzvahs or quinceanro because those are singular person events, plus only family members go 2 those events
Here’s my take, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating your children and making moments special for them. However, I feel like some of these dresses are very revealing they look really grown like almost like 21+. like why are your parents letting you show off all your entire chest 😩. Also, $5,000 for shoes whewww like I don’t even know people who are married that spent $5000 on their shoes for their wedding. That’s insane. Like is she even gonna wear those shoes again?
Also, Toni, I would love to hear your take on how these baby showers are really starting to look and almost be as expensive as weddings.
During high school, I didn’t go to my prom. Instead, I was on Instagram just looking at pictures.
However, I did attend an LGBTQ+ prom during college… which happened on my birthday!
happy pride month
Yes I miss prom being somewhat simple and not extra.
I also find it funny all the glam over the years put in for prom bc it’s just a school dance.
It’s not that major.
Yes it’s fun gettin glam but prom be expensive too TT.
Agreed. I think there should be a price limit at high schools😭💯
@@JulianSteve or no price limit at all
@@JulianSteve absolutely
But let’s be real, teaching financial literacy isn’t on most schools agenda (it definitely should be)
my prom was a couple weeks ago and I was just with my man, the rest of my “friends” were in these extravagant dresses and sitting down most the time and not really having fun just wanting to look cute. I tried to have fun but it’s just a bunch of people that don’t like eachother and want to outshine eachother. Fast forward now, NOBODY CARE ABOUT THOSE DAMN DRESSES AND FITS, i removed myself from who i thought was my friend because they think they too cute to be normal, acting like they can’t have certain people in their “section” after that
25:02 black kids nowadays are so SPOILEDDDDD 😂😂😂 these videos are insane to me. And they be having the nerve to say they had to get it out the mud. SMH
It’s giving hater vibes
I'm 23 years old and as a black woman I can say I've only been to two weddings in my entire life, so I think there might be something to that but I remember my mom working 4 jobs just to afford my prom and practically shaking afterwards asking me if I enjoyed myself and did I feel special. She was SO nervous I was going to say no but when I said yes and thanked her she literally busted out in tears with relief and hugged me. She never got to go to prom and she's never been married, my big sister never went to prom or got married due to personal reasons, so I wonder if it was a double stitch with her that my prom was amazing.
having a junior prom AND a senior prom is crazy
I went to prom this past April and spent maybe 250 total. One of my friends thrifted a wedding dress from Goodwill and dyed it red, it was super cool looking
This was also homeschool prom, there were maybe 50 people there total but it was a great night
I’ve never heard anyone suggest that racism is a mental illness up to this point in my life - it has to be one of the most blindingly real statements I’ve ever heard. I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it since I watched this video yesterday. I’ve watched you now for a couple of years; your videos are always well-researched, and thought provoking. Keep up the amazing work. I truly believe you have great things in your future ❤👍🏼
I completely disagree with a prom being extravagant for black girls because they may never get married. That thought is crazy there are many factors to why black women aren't getting married and prom ain't one. BTW I have been married for 22 years & I am a black female.
I never went to prom. I don’t feel I really missed out on anything, especially since my last homecoming made me uncomfortable with how people were acting. I'm sure at one point in time it was fun. I love your videos Toni!
Social media most definitely a major influence on this. I finished high school more than 10 years ago and I went to a fairly expensive school but when i think about our "prom" (it's callled a matric dance in my country) I think wow😂 when i see the kids today on social media. For a lot us it was a big deal to bring a hot date from a different school and get a chance to drink at the after party😩. The popular hairstyle was sew-ins!🤣
2013 went to prom. It was bad. One of my friend's date died in a car crash on the way to the prom
That's so horrible, I'm sorry for your loss.
My mom forced me to go to my prom. I thought it was a waste of money and when she dragged me shopping I tried to choose the cheapest option of everything we bought. Like it’s only one night that I don’t even want to go to. It was ass and not fun, terrible food, terrible music, teachers there being cringe. Went home immediately after it was over.
As a Gen X who went to prom in 1994 this stuff the parents do these days for their children to go to prom is absolutely outrageous and is no need when half the time most of these children are not performing to the best of their abilities are pulling in the best grades but because their parents are younger they want to be seen and to be seen with your young teenager as your friend is what that is parenting these days
Recently my daughter and a lot of her friend skipped prom because they were charging a $160 per ticket! So what did she do? She & buddies from the school's choir department got together and raise money for their own prom with help from parents also assisted finacially who helped planned. We formed a commitee assigned tasks (catering, decorations, venue etc).
We set it up ourselves & the kids had grand ol time! Tickets were on $20 for Choir Students & $25 for non Choir. It was a complete secuss. And I got to be the head chaparone along with another parent who chipped in with me for the venue. Not only did they have dancing & food but they also had games set up they even played limbo at one point. One of the kids MC & DJ & was really good at it. Best of all were people who didn't get to prom either because they couldn't afford it or whatever other reason got to come to the Choir prom.
I'd even go as far as saying ot was better than my prom back in the early 2000s which was school funded & held at a fancy venue, which was okay for the time. But mom daughter's prom was awesome & the total cost for everything including the venue had to be somewhere between $1200 to $1600. Plus we my daughter's dress from Amazon which only $76.
I recently heard a woman spent $16k on her daughter for prom & the dreas alone was $1300. It's her money she can do what she wants but that money could have gone to her college education. But if schools keep over charging for tickets you're going to see alot more prom alternatives happening.
Another thing that’s pretty common here in 🇧🇷 (mainly in São Paulo, where I live) is that when you wanna have a big 15th birthday celebration it’s considered okay to spend at least 10k on it
its a quincenera right...?
@@kayla8824 yeeep! A brazilian version of it.
Honestly prom is a replacement for a wedding for some people. I refused to spend so spend thousands and thousands of dollars for prom. University, a home, anything else that kind of money could be used for
Yes, the ONE school had segregated prom. However, the black students wanted to be segregated! They didn’t care they wanted their own space. Not all black are begging to be in white spaces. However segregated prom is weird. But it’s not as widespread as you think back in the day. My parts are 80s and from the south and had desegregated proms. History is not always one way.
Segregated proms are expensive for the school
I wouldn't go to a segergated prom.
I like how we’re always doing the most when it comes to prom like why not ? Why not have that nice experience, no one says anything when other races of people go above and beyond for a party.Let us enjoy something and stop comparing us to what white people do!
Exactly! We should be celebrating our teens for their accomplishments!
This!!
It's sad that for many black ppl, prom or a baby shower is seemingly the pinnacle
It's unfortunate that the coming of age events for the African Americans were lost during the slave trade because we still celebrate them here in Africa and I believe most if not all African cultures have events for this passage into adulthood
my family found it insane when i said I didn't want to go to prom. Is it that crazy that I would rather all of those expenses go toward my graduation instead? 😭
I'm a whole 40 year old and I'm obsessed with your channel. You are well beyond your years and I learn so much from you ❤
"Go to prom! You'll regret it later"
I didn't go to mine & have no regrets. It is overhyped & expensive, not to mention there have been many moments in my life that were more important than dancing in a room with people that would reach their peak in high school (in the sense that even now, 6-years after we've graduated & started our adult lives, they still behave like dumb 17-yr olds bc they mentally never left high school) & didn't like me or each other.
As a German, this prom culture in America has always been a mistery to me. Just like the Sweet-16-Parties. Yes, we also have "proms" here in Germany after we graduate, but they are much more... Simple. But I also have to admit that many opulent trends from the US are slowly swashing over to Europe, for example these excessive baby showers or gender reveal parties. I'm not a fan.
I'm American, but I wonder where the Sweet 16 party came from in the first place!
Prom has always been like this. The only difference is that social media has come into the picture.
I think so. However, it feels like it’s gotten worse due to social media😭💯
No it hasn't... I graduated in 2007 and it wasn't like this
I went to both proms (08/09) but my favorite one was junior year. I went with a friend and it was great, fun and exciting. My dress was between $100- 200 dollars. We got dropped off in a normal car and I was ok with that. I enjoyed every moment. Sure we took pictures and videos, but we didn't have social media like now. I feel like we got to enjoy life back then. Nobody trying to outshine people for views and likes. We just had fun and enjoyed the moment. I also feel like some outfits these kids are wearing to prom now are meant for clubs. Lol. Some do look very nice and elegant though. All I'm going to say is. I am happy I went to school when I did. This new generation of kids is off the chain. Nice video.
Last year my husband and I moved out to the country onto a cattle farm and we have a large barn we rent out for weddings and events. We have donated the use of it for the local prom so we recently held it here. It was really interesting because they still carry on the debutant tradition of having a grand march where couples are “presented” and announced. All the parents and families come to watch this pageant like march. I’ve never seen anything like it. I’ve never seen high school kids showing up at prom with their moms, dads, siblings, grandparents, etc. It was wild but kind of cool.
The vision is VISIONING
Prom culture is too out of control. The entire situation is about impressing other people. Sad.
Girlll you are gorgeous
22:32 when you put it like that it actually makes so much sense. I know I went semi crazy for prom since I didn’t get to have my quince, and every girl deserves to have her coming of age party ❤
Some of the things you were talking about I did not know about. Especially that Prom had some racism. Thank you for talking about this.
Been watching your video for about 7 months now, before when I first found your channel it seemed more like a pop culture new show -ish but now I love how you seem more comfortable with the camera and showing more of your personality!!
as a white girl who's never really had a coming of age party or anything or the money for a big prom or birthday party, I've always looooved black prom dresses i think they are beautiful and I've always wanted to wear a dress like that! i really admire the style, I'm always bored by the typical prom dresses and if i had the money i would literally buy one of these in an INSTANT!!
What!? I don't remember paying for my Prom? It was in 88'. The biggest thing was hanging out with your friends after midnight at IHOP. I miss the simplicity of things, now everything is way over the top. However, your take on this is refreshing and insightful. Thank you showing us a different perspective on this.
So Bridgerton lol @ 4:05
Why is this a problem? I feel like stuff only a problem when its african Americans . Ppl go all out for sweet sixteens , quinces, bat mitivahs , whats the difference?
Because I bet if it was a white girl nobody would be complaining
those are birthday parties there's nothing wrong with going all out for birthday parties
@@quirkywoman8969 babe theyre not just birthday parties they’re cultural coming of age celebrations
@@dabrathaute3176 some of them are still birthday parties and there an event for a singular person.
I didn’t go to prom, still don’t regret it.
I didn’t go to prom when I was in high school either. It was too expensive then, and it is still expensive in 2024! I don’t see the point of wearing an outfit that you’re only going to be wearing once and listening to music that I don’t like.
I also don’t like how much money people spend for prom.
@@goodcommunitylife
Not all proms are like that. My prom had lots of activities. Hell, they even had a Nintendo switch and people were playing Mario Kart. It just depends on the school. It was about spending time with my friend and having fun for me
I went to prom in April and spent about $380 total for dress, makeup, shoes, hair and tickets. Dress was $210, Hair and Makeup was free (I did it myself) Shoes were $80, Accessories were $15 (Cheapo fake jewelry) and the ticket was $75. Although I didn't really like my dress, prom was fun.
I’m glad I
Did my prom dress for me and not social media. I looked amazing. It was simple but elegant! Now the total cost was $936 for everything but I don’t think it was that bad 😅
I feel like folks get upset when they see black people flourishing. Like that one girl said, people have no idea what’s happening behind closed doors or what their money situation is, but want to assume all black folks are broke and spending beyond their means. It’s the internalized racism, for me.
Yep people hate when black people secede
I think with the historical contexts of Prom, black people should wait until college, trade school completion - their 20s - before having a prom. Prom was historically meant for eligible bachelor's and ladies to meet and build communities and families which is something black folks could really use nowadays. Be mad at what I'm saying if you want, but I think it would be more beneficial for the community to host real coming of age parties later in life ( seeing how so many of us are adultified in the home and society) and for our communities to still pull together in our adult years to show that we are truly supportive of one another and setting us up for long term success.
My prom dress in 2007 was an original couture Dior dress. It belongs to my grandma back in the 1950s. It's breathtakingly beautiful and with a little adjustment it fitted me like a glove.
I live in the UK where people can leave secondary school at 16 or 18 so two proms are often held. I'm having my second prom this year and there's a massive difference between how people are treating it. At 16 people showed up in actual ballgowns whereas this year the majority of people are wearing less formal dresses that they will be able to find some other opportunity to wear in the future. I guess that this prom does not hold as much significance as the first one and doesn't seem worth the money.
Then again, it's probably just because the drinking age in the UK is 18 and nobody wants to show up to a club after prom in a disney princess dress.