Lazy Stalker Lures Canadian to England | Ashley Wadsworth Case Analysis
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ก.ค. 2023
- This video answers the question: Can I analyze case of Ashley Wadsworth?
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References:
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Never tell an abuser you’re leaving, just leave. She was so close to getting away.
Easier said than done.
I usually tell my abusers I’m staying. I’m crafty like that
@@Lopfff lol
@@koray2573yes you can. Just go about your shopping n routine..but Don't Come Back.
@@koray2573Nonsense. If you have to go, then you have to keep it quiet.
He threw a kitten against the wall. Big red flag. Poor kitten.
I wish I could throw him against the pavement from a tall building
Yeah I'd have taken that cat and bounced later that night.
my ex did that too. He was highly manipulative and very good at gaslighting and deception. He is a narcissistic, sadistic, socio-psychopath. It was very hard to leave him because I had to navigate out with children and his threats and attempts on our lives. If they do something and we're not expecting it and they lie about it, deny it hotly, know how to gain everyone else's sympathy to the point they too, including judges, become abusive and justify taking advantage of us, it is very hard to prove. Everyone refuses to consider what little proof we have or even the common sense of our truth over his crazy lies he gets entangled in, and if we can't prove it we can't protect ourselves from more of it. It is a big game for him, still to this day. We are never free or safe. He stole from us again recently and the police protect him and people like him who help him hurt and take advantage of us. Those who should support us, support him instead. I thought he was my joyful blessing until I discovered he was a nightmare. My ex came from the UK to Canada to the USA.
I don't know how you can stay with somebody after they attack a kitten
@@kimberlycarrigan8824 you could turn around and hurt them and wind up in jail or you have to be very careful leaving someone like this because you know what they are capable of and they will chase you doown and kill that kitty, you, your child, or another kitty and leave it as proof of what they can do while hotly and emotionally denying it to everyone else, and people believe them.
He's a good person 'deep down' is the red flag of the century. When a person is actually good, you don't have to go digging to find it.
Correct!!
6:00
Set the Bar any lower.....She needed an Oil rig 😂😂😂😂😂
By then, he would've had the tattoo, and dragged a knife through it. You couldn't get me out fast enough.
Right
Wise, wise words 👏 👌 🙌
Women need to recognize a loser when they see one
And stop going for bad boys
or recognize that changing others is abusive act, let others be....they are not your school homework!
This is the way. Why we can't seem to do this very basic discernment is a mystery, serious mystery.
@@saffrontaylor3070stop going for stalker incel types
he sounded psychotic narcissist
Some people actually look unstable, he’s one of them.
Creepy eyes
He appeared to have permanent black eyes. Bizarre looking indeed
I'm in that infamous Facebook group that's in like every city now named "Are We Dating The Same Guy." I'm appalled at women's taste in men. They start dating someone, post a pic of him, then ask the group if they know the guy. At least 90% of these guys look either deranged or there's major red flags in the profile itself the guy wrote. I don't know where the hell our poor judgement comes from. It's just bizarre. And we're not allowed to ever comment on the pics themselves, so no comments about how a guy looks in his pic. If we could, we could maybe educate each other.
both of them are unstable
@@dubaiedge You're not allowed to comment things about appearance because it's nonsense. Go have a look at Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, Peter Scully, Joseph McCann, David Carrick. I could go on. You see the odd one here and there like this dude and Charles Manson, but the vast majority of them look absolutely normal. Perhaps that is what scares you the most, so you believe this lie that they look different and you can spot them.
Wash, rinse, repeat. This story is constantly being retold, with different females dying a cruel death. RIP Ashley. She deserved so much better than this shiftless kook.
💔
You forgot to add at the hands of pos males.
I don't know what it is but most females are attracted to those type of men. I've never understood
she chose him
90-95% females and 10-5% males are victims of these creeps.
There are some very sick people out there.
And BTW what's wrong with Jack's neck?
Look at the photos...looks like he was busy choking himself?
I lived with an abusive man for 4 years. He strangled me year 3. I planned my escape silently and had a "backup" safe house. I told him I was leaving him, 3 states away over the phone. Never tell an abuser your plans to leave.
Lies…do you think I didn’t know right where you were the whole time …
@@lamaarporter300 really not funny.
@@survivor_speaksI reported it. Harassment is unacceptable.
I'm so glad that you are safe now.
@@megalopolis2015 thank you. I am safe, healed, and now an advocate for others facing the same thing I lived through for 5 years. To anyone reading this: it is never the victim's fault. Stop expecting victims to do impossible things if you have never lived that life for one minute.
That creepy looking kid. It’s a real shame he survived when he was in the hospital.
There needs to be education in High School about dark personality types. Girls like Ashley want to heal the world but don't understand such dangers and that some people lack the capacity to love.
(Edit). It would be great if a special 1 day am or pm program could be taught in the auditorium by retired detectives and a psychologist using actual cases. Not all Psychopaths are creepy. Ted Bundy was successful because he was handsome, likeable and charming.
A basic understanding of traits and learning to read red flags could save lives and prevent other crimes.
Yes!!! Teenagers NEED to be taught this!
All that will do is direct girls to seek out those behaviors.
A better solution would be to allow the good men of society to take out the trash ones.
@@mjanny6330 you're an idiot. Ashely thought she could save him and didn't understand he didn't have the capacity to love.
The emphasis on casual sex and teen pregnancy along with the " Just say no "
Campaign had positive results. Sure why not.
Teens are mature know everything eighty year olds in a fifteen year old body. They will likely ignore advice .
I recall being a teen once. I thought i knew better.
No she was attracted by his looks.
If people are not interested in fixing or changing themselves, there's no way anyone else will change them.
One of my favorite quotes, 'Unless he wears a diaper, girl, you can't change him!'
And I tell you more, people rarely changes. What happens more often is that some individuals, because of age or any other reason, manage to control themselves, but that complicated or violent person, is still living deep inside. The only time in life that we can really build or change someone is during chilhood, with good examples and a good family structure, after that, it is not impossible to change, but it's much more unlikely that we imagine.
@@BRGPF1TEAM Nonsense. I am 30 years old and I have never changed as much as I did the last 10 years through therapy and dialectical behavioural therapy for BPDs such as myself. Do NOT spread misinformation like this that might take someone's hope away, for neuroplasticity is a thing, where you train to change your neuron pathways; resulting in different behaviour/choices from then on. I changed many toxic thought patterns that are very similar to this man, and sure while some remain; they are in NO WAY the same intensity as before. So even if some things remain; they are in no way the same. Other things are gone and therefore changed forever.
@@Valoelify First of all, I didn't say it is impossible, I said that is rare. You can be one of these rare cases, which based on your behavior, I doubt. Who are you to tell me what I can say or not? Who are you to say what is right or wrong? All of what you said, is only YOUR percepction of the world, so when you say to someone that he is spreading misinformation, you are just beeing stupid. You can tell everyone your thoughts, just as I did, but when you act the way you did, as if you were the right side, censoring others as if they were the wrong side, you show that your toxic way of beeing, is still inside you, which only corroborates what I said about how difficult is to a person to change
@@BRGPF1TEAMThat's really rare. If you want to know how a man is then look at his past that is your answer. What he has done in the past he will do in the future, my partner told me this
Ladies (and gentlemen), if your romantic partner hits you once, do not give them the opportunity to hit you a second time. Apologies mean nothing to them. It is part of their manipulation so you can let your guard down so they can hit you again.
Plenty of people had opportunity to report Jack to the police including her sister and the neighbor.
It’s so sad that murder is too often the case with these abusive controlling nut jobs.
More proof that the best thing you can do for your daughter is to teach them self-worth and that this kind of behaviour is never, ever OK, that no one has the right to harm and abuse them. This same story has been told too many times, like a remake of an awful, twisted movie. The details change, but the basic story remains the same.
You can't fix delusional.
@@ohsweetmystery she was not delusional. Just tragically naive.
Casual female whoring has been exceptionally easier these days though
@@JMurdochNZ Or attracted to it, honestly. I find myself attracted to men like this, but I am diagnosed with BPD... Childhood and teenage-years traumas screws you up like that, making one attracted to this type of behaviour. I have some of the behaviours myself, albeit suppressed by yours dearly.
Or teach our sons not to be abusive arseholes
Anyone that throws a kitten on a wall is someone that should not be allowed in public, this is the exact kind of person that should be shunned. Thanks for another interesting case Dr. Grande.
Yes. One of the signs of psychopathy is hurting animals.
My husband did that to my kitten. I was too naive to get outta there
Just today there was an article on CNN. It gave 10 warning signs of a serial killer and cruelty to animals was one of them. 🧚♀
As much as I love kittens, this dude MURDERED a PERSON and you’re most concerned about the injured cat?
Yep. It’s where it all starts.
Never ever never: stay involved with someone who threatens to kill themselves if you leave. Also, you shouldn't want to change your partner.
Some kind of family and friends!!
She ended the relationship and he contacted her through them!!
Finally, a romantic partner that gives you Hell about your PAST is a red flag!!
My bet she came from loving family and her friends loved her, no one ever bullied her or hurt her, she couldn't even comprehand that there are mean spirited people in this world. Secondly, she couldn't accept who Jack really was, she couldn't accept that her imaginary online boyfriend was someone else that she imagined him to be. Lastly, she never saw it coming, probably she never thought it could end up with her being seriously wounded or killed, even after she witnessed his rage. Her silver lining was far too thick. It's real shame that she encountered such a troubled, cruel man on her path. It's 100% his fault, he destroyed pretty flower on meadow full of weed just because he had a power over her.
I think she watched Beauty and the Beast a few times too many and couldn't figure out that it doesn't work that way in real life.
@@jamesbowman6925 And that Beast is not a psychopath
It's just as much her fault
no, she clearly was childish and stubborn despite what her 'loving family and her friends' tried to tell her since she was in high school. she set herself up for this
That’s far from it. She saw it but thought she could bring him back into the light. He was a psycho. It’s weird she stuck with him. Maybe even fear itself. Didn’t go away.
“I can fix him”
If we only could get our children to understand the dangers that are in this sick world.
Well said Well said 👏
If only you would parent 😢
Lol
No excuse tbh. I grew up in a bad neighborhood. I knew better at age 9 not to go with men. Plenty of men tried.
She was 19 when she went. That's an adult age.
If only you people would stop putting them in this sick and dying world!
2:08 😂 you're not wrong! His photographs would definitely not put me at ease! He looks like one of those Nosferatu vampires from the 1920s!
Yeah, but kids dress in weird ways these days. Maybe there was abuse in her family which made her tolerate Jack's bad behavior
@@amber40494 to me I didn't even notice how he dressed it was his eyes that looks really scary to me! I bet you are exactly right! Either abused or abandonment. I noticed her father wasn't mentioned at all so that could make her willing to put up with anything just so she doesn't get abandoned again
He looks like Remi Malik, who I personally think looks kinda weird but girls love the guy.🤷♂️
She went to my high school, I was not close with her at all but the few times I did talk to her I could tell she had a very bubbly and hyper personality, very sociable girl. My friend knew her a lot better and remembers Jack, the man started showing his true colors the more the years went on. Loose cannon. He would call her from england, start shouting at her when he realized she had dated in the hometown, and threaten people close to her. It's unfortunate she went out to see him in england.
Using Marijuana first and should be last clue drop this dope like a hot rock .
Did the mom and sister know how bad it was before he left?
I wonder why the mom didn’t go get her :-(
In the UK anyone who believes a woman is at risk from a violent or controlling abusive previous offender can ask the Police to disclose to the victim that the abuser is a risk to them it’s called Claire’s Law. See local Police website. This man ought to have been highlighted he appeared high risk of continuous serious offending. Never ever tolerate abuse.
It's amazing how the same behaviours repeat through these videos.
Not just the perpetrator or the final victim, but the previous partners and law enforcement. It says so much about the human condition and behaviour.
As a survivor of a DV relationship, stories like this are so incredibly heartbreaking. If Amber had covertly planned her escape back home to Canada, she would probably still be alive today. 💔 And for those in an abusive relationship: no matter what they promise and no matter how much you think that you can help them heal and change… it never happens. Things only get worse and the abuse gets exponentially worse. Reach out for help and plan an escape without giving your partner any indication that you are going to be leaving them. It is better to escape with your life than die with your material possessions. If your friends and family can’t help you escape, there are plenty of other resources available to assist you. You can even have LE come to ensure your safe escape while your partner is at work. Please don’t wait to leave until it is too late. 🙏🏼
This is so deeply sad. Thank you, Dr. Grande. I pray people learn from this horrible story.
Yeah good luck with that lol
Sad and all too familiar... I don't even recall a single dry joke from Dr. Grande... yikes.
In UK we have Clare's law, which lets you apply to, I think it's the police, to ask if the partner and ex partner are guilty of domestic violence, or have been involved in domestic violence.
That's great, but I think we all need to trust our intuition more rather than justify bad behaviour and brush away red flags.@@ElizabethWarrenYeahYeah
@@PHJoy He spoke one dry joke at least. He said her standards were so low in regards to this man that she'd have to use a drill rig to find him.
It was something like that.
I’ve been waiting for this. It’s sooo close to home. Jack is the ex of a friend of mine and the murder literally happened across the road from me. Her next door neighbour, Helen is my friend and ex neighbour as I used to live in the same block of flats.
I knew Jack and I knew what a vile pos he is, but I had no idea he had that poor girl living with him
Btw. The housing isn’t sub standard at all. He got very lucky to get one of those flats.
Thanks for sharing! Do you know if the neighbors knew what was happening? I guess at least Helen did, and there wasn't much anyone could do if the girl didn't want to save herself, but I just wonder if everyone around them wasn't surprised he murdered her.
@@MeMe-lx2jw I doubt anyone there would have known he’d murder her. None of them knew him. He’d not been living there long. I knew Jack’s history because his ex (the 2020 lady who was throttled and held hostage in her home) was my daughter’s boyfriend’s mother. She’s the one who didn’t turn up for court…and is now in a psych unit herself) I knew what he was capable of and I’d seen him around the area quite a lot. I would have warned any woman against having anything to do with him, but I didn’t know he’d moved into that flat and I certainly didn’t know he had that sweet girl living with him. If I’d made more effort to visit Helen, I might have known. When this happened there were of course lots of police and ambulance around and I was just passing by. I saw Helen standing there, but wasn’t allowed to get close. I went across later that night and she said that Ashley had been round a couple of times, but then went quiet. Helen then knocked a little later and from the front door, saw Ashley laying still on the bed. Jack told Helen Ashley was sleeping. Helen regrets leaving her now. I know she’s still grieving
Thanks for the insight! If only there were ways to explain to young ppl that we cannot save these psychopaths. They come off charming just often enough to make us second guess ourselves and believe we can love the "crazy" right out of them. 😢
@@BobbiGail in most circumstances an abusive childhood will lead a young woman to an abusive adulthood as it’s all she knows, it’s her normal. But Ashley was different from what I’ve seen and heard. I really can’t fathom what she saw in him.
Thanks for replying! That's lots of crazy in one package.
Helen shouldn't blame herself, though. We can't help those who don't want to help themselves. I was in an abusive relationship myself for a bit and my friends tried to help me but I pushed them away. I had to get myself out.
If you can help it - never tell an abusive person your plans to discard them. Just leave. Never argue w them or rip their mask off. Let them think you are in the dark about their triad disorders. It may save your life.
Never too early to teach kids about toxic relationships. And that you can’t fix someone period: people can only fix themselves. Also, how crucial it is to foster decent self esteem.
I think this is also what happens when culture puts romantic love on such a pedestal so that people think it’s worth sacrificing everything. Relationships of all kinds require work and compromise but only enslavement and abuse demand you sacrifice everything.
All true. I would add though it's also never too early to teach kids (both girls and boys but heavy emphasis on boys) that girls/women are not objects or property, that you are not entitled to their attention, company and body, and that abuse and violence are zero tolerance. Otherwise, the systemic and universal problem of male violence against women isn't going away.
Parenting is very important from a male figure and female figure. Early consequences for actions are so important to learn. It helps curb over emotional thinking, and developing i can save the world fantasies ( empaths). Fostering dreams is fine, but as kids age, it's asking ok you want to travel the world, how will you pay for this, how will you stay safe? And this turns the brain on for problem solving. I dated a university student from England here in Canada, I told my mother I need to practice my accent, totally joking, but she came down hard on "don't get ahead of yourself etc". The guy had many gf before he graduated and went home.
True!!
As hard as you work to build up a girl's self esteem, a psychopath will always work ten times harder to tear it down. The main problem is that he is a dangerous psycho, not with her, or her upbringing, or romantic love, or even youthful stupidity.
@@valgardener7656 If she has enough, she'll steer clear of psychopaths from the start. But of course he's a huge problem (understatement of the year). He'll never change of his own will, though (certainly not through her, prison forever is where he belongs) and Girls don't have to run towards this problem, we must teach them that. If she had been taught to see all the red flags early on and act on them as normal people with a healthy sense of relationship would and also to question her understanding of "love" and her motives she and everybody else would have been so much better off and this needn't have ended in tragedy
Nobody could have saved her! I hope at least one young person sees this and this saves their life. Be cautious and listen to those that REALLY love you.
Yes she could of but she decided to stay. I left my abuser and in England you get help, not like US.
@@jademcqueen5474people in the United States can certainly get help and protection against domestic violence. It’s always a dangerous situation no matter where you live. Staying was a big mistake.
@@jademcqueen5474 - we have women shelters in the US. I was in an abusive marriage and he would promise to do better and I would stay. I finally got out and I never looked back.
Thank you for pointing this out. She literally just refused any help. I have a ton of sympathy for her and I wish that Ashley escaped and was here today, but she could only be saved by herself. No one could have saved her
@@jademcqueen5474 What are you talking about? I'm a British person who's currently in school in New York. You can get help here 🙄
It's too bad Ashley ever met him. It sounds like he suffered from narcissistic rage among other things. The only thing a person can do in a situation like that is to leave stealth. Don't let the abuser know what you are doing. You have to make it a surprise exit the same way the abuser likes to surprise attack.
Ashley seemed like a beautiful person and I’m sorry and sad she came to the UK and this happened to her, she didn’t deserve this, rest easy Ashley ❤
Ashley thought that things were very safe, but they were not safe. This guy was NOT safe. Everyone needs training on these matters.
Wow this one kind of hits home being Canadian and also the same age as Ashley. I remember as a teen, I also had made a lot of internet friends from several countries in Europe who were other girls around my age and we all were just very interested in art and writing so became really good penpals. I even met one in person when she came to North America for vacation. It definitely was exciting and there was just this comforting sense of community connecting with others from a whole other side of the world. This guy however was a predator and what he did to Ashley was absolutely disgusting. I wish she was able to recognize that she was in danger and that there was no way of “fixing” him. May she rest in peace.
If someone hurts me, my cat or dog, it's over. Period. The different between a young person and an older person. One of life's lessons. You cannot change another person.
You seem to be ignoring the fact that it WAS over for Ashley after he attacked the cat. She decided to go home that very day, which is why he killed her.
Alcoholics Anonymous is an excellent example of this.
They tell everyone that you.... are in charge of your recovery.
You have to want to get well and do the work or it won't happen.
Of course Jack survived an overdose, cockroaches always survive. The poor naive girl should of left while he was in the hospital. So sorry for her family.
Very sad. When Dr. G says " now moving to the timeline of the crime", but you find yourself thinking the crime was already committed (earlier in the story), you know it's going to be a bad ending.
Leaving an abusive partner is often very dangerous. It’s too bad that her family couldn’t get her an immediate flight. Such a tragic case. I feel for the beautiful young woman and her family. Great analysis as usual. I don’t ever wait to hit the like button because I know I will
Its usually pretty easy to leave an abusive partner when they're in another continent on the other side of the planet... Unless you do it to yourself
That’s why it’s unfortunate that she couldn’t get an immediate flight out. She and her parents didn’t understand exactly how dangerous the situation was. Leaving belongings and camping out in the airport would have been a better option.Hindsight is 20/20 but I like to point out the cautionary nature of these tales. Maybe Dr Good Grande will help save a young lady in a similar situation
I immediately thought "hotel room. Get the girl a hotel room for the two days until her flight leavea."
@@hatuletohI thougt exactly the same
He should stay in prison forever, the Warden could take a picture “forever mine” . Thank you Dr. Grande for this video, I wish more young people would watch!
I wonder what happened to her in her background that she had a such a high tolerance for a horrible miss treatment and abuse.
yes good point, sometimes movies make that fixation sometimes it is not being able to analyze feedback,
There has to be some kind of abuse in her family.... why was it so important for her to get so far away from them?
@@ekaterinarambin5081oh my goodness finally someone saying what I'm feeling about this case.
💯 exactly this. I feel like there's more to her past and upbringing and personal life than we heard in the documentary (which I just watched last night) and it left me with some questions/things that didn't add up or stood out to me... there were several but 2 of the texts from her mum and sister - her mum said you're welcome home anytime and her sister said we won't hurt you. Massively stood out to me. Why would a mother say to their teenage daughter is welcome to come back?? Surely that goes without saying? Made it seem there were issues in some way about her being away or leaving in the first place? The sister saying we won't hurt you - again why would that need to be said? Again surely goes without saying?? Those were immediately what stood out to me... odd choice of phrase... also for a 19yo to go across the world is in itself pretty alarming..made me think of maybe what she was leaving wasn't so good in the first place because not many youngsters of that age would want to leave their family like that, especially for that length of time/so far away AND over Christmas?? Also why did her parents/family not know the address of where she was living?? Why did they need to contact the church for THEM to get in touch/send the police?? As a mother if it was me I'd know everything of every detail where she was etc... I'd also be the one getting the police involved way before it ever reached the stage it did before the police eventually did go to her?...
Just so unbelievably unbearably heartbreaking 😢💔
I was that idealistic once. I got out alive. All the same behaviours from the dude and I displayed all the naivety Ashley did. I'm so sorry, Ashley. Well summed up, Dr G. x
Girls/women - if you plan to leave an abusive relationship, prepare and go without telling the creep. Just go.
So frustrating how many warnings she got but still defended him…
@NM-mc4rj I said it was frustrating but not that I’m not sympathetic.
I had a boyfriend who killed himself 10 or 15 times during our relationship to keep me from leaving. Finally I figured out: 1) that this was an unhealthy relationship, and 2) that he either wasn’t good at killing himself or his heart just wasn’t in it. I wish poor Ashley had realized the same.
It was never about killing himself, always about manipulating you. I'm so glad you got out of that relationship!
You can never fix the person, only they can fix themselves but some people just dont want to sort themselves out!
If more people beat thier ferral kids more like
fixing others is a violent act, others also want to be loved and don't want to see something is wrong with you- so change!!
yeah, it's a bit shameful for me to openly admit but I was in an online overseas relationship for 11 years but NEVER AGAIN! I was 15 at the time and he was 28, but he groomed me without me fully realising despite all of the warnings I had gotten from the adults in my life because at the very same time those adults were regularly toxic and unloving towards me so I ignored their warnings. All I wanted at the time I was to feel loved by somebody, just a single person in my life and of course he made me feel 'special and super loved.' *PSA to the young women out there!* do not make the mistake I did, online long-distance relationships (especially oversea ones) aren't worth it imo. It's better to focus on yourself and your future rather than wasting it on spending hours upon hours almost daily on a man who's non-stop needy for your time and attention whilst they're unemployed and not even making min wage to help make your future a more happy & comfortable one. All they want is for you to do all of the work for them so you can look after them one day whilst the only thing they can provide you in life is 'loving words'.
It may feel tempting, you may be brainwashed into thinking that you're both 'soulmates' but I've learned that your 'soul/personality' changes over time, and you'll most likely not be compatible in the future no matter how convincing it may all seem in the moment. The only thing these type of men can do is create short-term 'happiness' but long-term stress in your life, and he had known how I had been abused by my family for years but did he bother to get a job? Nope. He told me that he'd literally 'stare at his own hands for hours' cause he had 'nothing to do' except play games or watch TH-cam when I wasn't spending time with him. When he finally told me that, I just couldn't take it anymore.
And despite my fears of him potentially unaliving himself from me breaking up with him I just sent him a final message and blocked him on every platform that I knew him on, I didn't care about 'guilt-tripping' message he'd try to send me as a response to my final message. He didn't help put in the effort for making our future a reality, despite how much he 'super loved me and I was his soulmate, no other man was allowed to have me because he (so-called) loved me more than anybody.'
I feel really disgusted about his grooming, but now I'm happier than ever realising that I'm an emotionally independent person now that has so much more time now to focus on my future, hobbies and career. Luckily, I don't personally feel any desire to get married anymore, to have kids or to have a serious long-term relationship because I'd rather just have a few close friends in my life from now on (and maybe a few non-serious lovers once & a while just for some company/fun, aha!) But if you're a woman who does want those things, a marriage, kids, a long-term partner.. don't let an incapable and time-wasting partner steal your 20's, cause marriage as a woman is extremely difficult past the age of 30-35. It's a harsh reality, but that's the reality that we live in. And in hindsight, I should of broken off the relationship a long time ago but grooming and the need to feel loved when you feel that nobody loves you can be incredibly powerful. It's been a chapter in my life, but I'm living the rest of my life with as much real self-love and happiness as I can from now on.
Your long-term partner doesn't have to be 'super rich', but if he's financially stable, a genuine heart, serious about making your future a happy one and is capable of doing so, doesn't possess you in a toxic way, doesn't distract you from reaching your goals & dreams and is able to support you in your endeavours.. then they are a much better fit to have in your life. No matter how well you believe that you get along 'personality-wise', you can always try and find another personality one day who's even more fun and loving towards you.
Some people may make fun of me for what happened to me, but I was born with a learning disability and abused by my parents so it was a factor in my poor decision making skills, but nowadays I've never felt more liberated and happy. I love working hard, maintaining my mental health, studying with passion and enjoying my hobbies so my life feels like it's truly begun now. I'm just hella grateful that I never had kids with him, no matter how much it was his dream to have at least 2 kids to carry on his surname cause he's the last of his surname. I don't give AF about a surname, my surname is literally also the last in the world but I've never cared about that. Become your own support system before anything else! 💙
Great advice!
I know having a learning disability doesn't preclude you from being intelligent but I have had 35 years of therapy and I've never had anyone outline what to look for in a partner the way you did. Brilliant!
Keep up the good work and thank you for being so open and honest in order to help others.
@@judithhofweber4858 thank you very much :) I hope that you're happy and thriving, life is a rollercoaster but as long as we keep trying our best, learn and teach others when we can then that's all we can do. I wish that schools would also teach this topic to highschoolers, how to avoid scammers of all kinds essentially including "love scammers" cause there's too many of them out there!
Wow. He was a predator. If I have a daughter I'll never allow her to date somebody 13 years older than her, especially if she's in her teens.
It is so hard to get away from an abuser....especially a very violent one. I was around family, thankfully. I can't imagine being in an entirely different country and trying to leave. RIP Ashley. You deserved so much better.
When I was a teenager I was groomed by an older man in England. I ended up moving there, because what farm girl from Iowa doesn't think moving to England is glamorous? 13 years of manipulation, torture and domestic abuse later I finally took off. I'm back in the USA but I'm so broken.
Hope you didn't have kids with the monster.
@@midhamm Nope! I was too busy keeping him happy and myself safe to consider having children. Unfortunately I left just after the new coercive control laws went into effect otherwise he could have gone to prison. He was arrested later for stalking and harassment though!
What an unattractive guy. He looks so unhealthy. Was Ashley living off savings? I think as you’re speculating you could suggest why she might be attracted to this guy. She has very little competition because he doesn’t leave his house and he’s pretty inept so that makes her feel more secure about his dependence on her?
@spooksgallery1447 Take care of yourself. If you feel that you have post traumatic stress, seek therapy ASAP.
@@midhamm I am very fortunate to be in therapy and have a wonderful psychiatrist. ^_____^ Thank you very much for your kind words. :)
If you have to go digging to find the good in someone, it isn't there; just walk away.
Claiming aggression is just passion is a narcissistic tactic. Do not fall for it.
You cannot "fix" someone with love.
If someone threatens to harm themselves to get you to do something, let them. You aren't responsible for their choices.
An awful story, and I feel for her family. Thanks, as always, for the compelling video, Dr. Grande.
Many years ago I had a stalker. Just as it was beginning to increase I left for the military. Being in another state on a secure base put an end to the problem. Also military weapons training helped discourage the stalking!!! I was lucky. If I hadn't already had an enlistment date lined up and moved 1000 miles away who knows what would have happened.
How tragic is it that she came to a neighbor with such horrific abuse the night before and STILL nobody called the police.
@@lauren9004still mind-blowing to me it ever got to this stage. Why oh why did a neighbour or SOMEONE not call the police 💔
@tattlevixen2581 You can't rely on others to save you! This girl was very naive and refused to see the red flag after red flag. After seeing her kitten thrown and being abused herself she still was worried about him going to jail instead of herself and told the neighbour not to call 911. Young women need better teaching and role models in their lives and young men need to understand they aren't gods gift to women and are obligated to nothing. They need to be taught emotional control
Ashley didn’t do her homework before moving to be with Jack. Ashley should have stayed in Canada and stuck with being a penpal with Jack until he lost interest or died. I don’t know what about Jack doesn’t scream crazy.
Thing is, what she saw was someone that needed her, someone she could "fix." It's a very common thing among women, unfortunately.
@@MeMe-lx2jwthis!
If it wasn’t Ashley that Jack murdered, it would had been someone else, unfortunately. Hope he never gets out of prison
In my younger days, I've had creeps like this one approach me in real life. Like clockwork, when I told them I wasn't interested, they inevitably cussed me out or followed me.
There was one that stood out because I was out with a friend who was like the young woman in this video: too nice. We were having some drinks in an almost empty, large bar. We were actually talking about her leaving an abusive man. There were about 30 empty tables around us.
These two guys came in and one of them had the vibes like the one in the video. They sat at a table right next to us and started staring. The creepy one tried to play that insult game and interrupted me as I was talking to my friend. I *very* politely said, "we're having a conversation. Could you please stop saying things to us?"
The guy made some more rude comments and I looked at my friend and said, "do you want to go somewhere else?" She didn't answer and the creepy guy kept making eye contact with her.
I was about to go off on him so said to her, "I'm going to the toilet and we can go when I come back." When I came back, creepy guy was sitting in my seat with a smirk on his face. I said, "that's my seat." He wouldn't move and I was angry, so I said to my friend, "do you want this guy to talk to you?" She shrugged her shoulders and I wanted to shake her and say, "damn, girl, grow a spine!"
I was trapped because I didn't want to leave her there with this creep and his side-kick, but we couldn't get rid of them. I got fed up and went to the bartender, who was an acquaintance and told him about the two guys. He came over and pretended that he was waiting to get off work so he could go out with us after we left his bar. That got rid of the creeps.
After they left, I told my friend, "look, you need to speak up because I couldn't leave to get away from those weirdos because I wasn't going to leave you here by yourself with them!"
I cut off ties with her after that because my safety is more important than going out with someone who is too nice to predatory creeps. I don't know who the creep or his friend was trying to target, but I knew it was a game those two were playing.
I also remember how embarrassing it was to have to sit there because I didn't want to leave my friend by herself with two weirdos. Old age is a blessing because men don't pull that crap anymore with me.
Never tell them you're leaving. Never tell them you're getting a divorce 😢😢😢
Why did she "care about him"
she cared about her power of changing him, like a getting an A for a good work...very sick state of mind matching his sickness of obsession, maybe they matched the obsession about other, she wanted to change him and he wanted to own her.
@@mrazik131they are vibrational match in term of wanting to be superior
No amount of physical violence is allowed in a relationship. I dont care if the person apologizes, just leave the person.
Fixing people is a tough business. Thanks for discussing the signs and symptoms of domestic abuse. Often partners (and their families) minimize abusive behavior. Tragic a young woman with so much potential found herself in the lair of a repeat offender. Prayers for all involved.
This is an example of why you shouldn't always be so positive and assume the best in people.
There's nothing wrong with positivity and assuming the best in others, it just has to be grounded in reality. The moment people start yelling at me is when the assumptions and positivity turn to a different direction.
@@rtyria Exactly. Allow me to reword. "Give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they prove they don't deserve it".
After talking with him for years, she didn’t realize that he was lazy and boring??! Him not having a job, or going to school should automatically tell her that he is lazy!! 😂🤣
The drilling rig joke was funny! Video games & pot all day...too many losers, criminals, narcissists have those habits. So sad she kept going back to him, poor girl. Great points again. Thanks Dr G😊❤❤
If I had a young daughter travelling to see a guy in another country, I'd pay a PI a few $ to have his criminal record looked at. Now that I've watched this.
My heart goes out to Ashley.. but I could never understand having to work at a relationship. The moment I feel uncertain, I end it. Nobody is worth the extra effort.
I think that classes touching on different personality types - bipolar, borderline, psychopathy, narcissism, etc, should be taught in high school. We need to better prepare our kids for the world. Everyone is not nice and some people are not worth "saving".
I do not see bipolar - a mood disorder - as being in the same category as the personality disorders you mention. As a person with bipolar, I find this quite insulting.
I'm not so sure. 1st bipolar is not a personality disorder. 2nd the way you are presenting this is re-inforcing stigmas around mental health. Like anyone diagnosed with a mental disorder is a dangerous individual and should be avoided. Maybe teaching high school students about personality characteristics is a better approach. For example, just because an individual shows traits of narcissism does not make them a narcissist. I find that people often refer to their ex-partner as narcissists but have little understanding of the term nor the severity of their statements. God forbid these individuals hold any self accountability for their own actions lol. Teaching HS students may lead to normalizing terms and overly categorizing people that don't meet the criteria set by that term. ie narcissism is not inherently bad, there is healthy narcissism. Furthermore narcissism is fundamental for children during certain developmental stages of their life in order to form into a healthy adult. Lastly, it's not just high school students who are uninformed, the majority of adults could benefit from a better understanding of human personality and behavior.
So let's not over work the teachers by making them teach something that the parents should be teaching their kids, stop being lazy and teach them that 🙄🙄🙄 instead of putting that all on teachers who make nothing and have to watch your snot nosed brats
@@NealBurkard-ut1oo I agree with you. I think it may be counterproductive and backfire on society to 'teach' these things at school. For one, it might normalise undesirable personality and behavioural traits, and secondly it might give those students who have those traits more tools with which to cause damage. As some earlier commenters said, it's up to parents to parent well and be aware of what their children will encounter as they move through the world. The school guidance counsellor or psychologist or social studies teacher, on a one-on-one low-key basis or at parent-teacher interviews, is the only school-related involvement that seems appropriate to me.
we just need better education for young people on healthy relationships, DV, and what to do if you ever do end up in an unsafe relationship. as well as red flags that people who haven’t been in relationships before may not notice or see as alarming. that could definitely be a part of a general middle or high school sex ed course.
Am I the only one who wants to know if the kitten at least survived? 😢
I don't know why she thought adopting a pet with someone prone to violence, was a good idea. She really must have believed in him 😕
Wait…are you more concerned for the kitten or the human life? Can’t tell by this comment…
@@oregonsnob31some people actually care about animals…
Are you for real? 🫤
@@oregonsnob31the cat 💯
@@oregonsnob31 She had it coming, the kitten did not.
How very sad and tragic. I wonder what became of the poor kitten too 😭
All the women in his life enabled his behavior up until the point he killed someone. His mother and sister were in his life, allowed him to be violent and abusive and didn’t get him help. This was inevitable, and someone should’ve intervened. This man was never told no.
A guy like him can't be fixed, He was always going to be dangerous...and there seems to be a real supply and demand for this type. A Constant demand...and he knew it.
This is how you raise a narcissist
Why do we blame the women for men being violent? Yes his parents (mother and father) clearly didn’t bring him up right nor seek proper medical help for his mental health issue, but ultimately this man was responsible for his actions. Women can’t ‘fix’ men. Just like this girl thought that she knew him better and could see deep down he had a ‘good heart’ she couldn’t fix him or make him better
@@Vonononie I wasn’t saying women can fix men. I meant calling him out on bad behavior, as parents should do, and getting him appropriate mental health treatment. Only the mom and sister were mentioned as figures in his life, otherwise the dad would’ve been included.
Also, if there had been a dad around, this likely wouldn’t have happened. Clearly his mom didn’t tell him no or treat his violent behavior appropriately. She enabled it throughout his life, even as he was an adult.
When I was 22 I moved in with a 36yo I found on Facebook because I wanted to live in his neighbourhood. I'm lucky I was never physically harmed but learned a lot about unhealthy relationships. And people should be taught that there is nothing wrong with ending a relationship.
Sooner or later she would have become someone's victim. Why? Because Ashley defended Jack's bad behavior to her family and friends. RIP 😔
Jack took nude photos of a 14 year old and posted them online. Why was he not charged with possession and distribution of child pornography?
It doesn’t get much lazier than for your stalker to insist that _you_ fly ‘cross country to come & see _them._
She deserved so much more than what he gave her & she gave so much more to him than what he deserved.
People like Ashley want to believe that there’s goodness in everyone, because they can’t fathom the kind of evil that’s truly in our world.
_“The light shone in the darkness; & the darkness comprehended it not.”_
Rest In Peace, hun- & if you can’t seem to do so- make sure you give him hell, show him how it’s done, & stalk him better than he ever managed to stalk you; i.e. _haunt his ass!_
Dr. Grande displays a very dry and downplayed humor while still calmly analyzing these cases with great respect for the victims
We appreciate your analysis on this case. We wish you all the best.
I like my speculation shaken, not stirred. Thanks Dr. Grande.👍
If only Ashley had listened to her mother 😢
RIP....Okanagan girl. You will always have the lake. Wishing your mom peace through this challenge, sissy too. It's devastating for the family...pray. I will also pray for you
Prayers from So Cal...❤
I know some viewers will not like me saying this, but the fact she converted to the Church of LDS indicates she was very gullible.
Did she convert or did she grow up in that cult? Isn't very late baptism a thing there? Either way, sadly, you're right, it's definitely an overlooked factor in why she was susceptible to that manipulation and why she might've wanted to escape to a different country.
@@CationnaI would think it would be a bigger part of the story if she were a recent convert
@@dreamcore She was a recent convert. Most evangelical groups emphasize the power of God to heal and redeem. The way Jack's other girlfriends turned to Ashley to "calm him down" might have made her feel like she had some special ability and responsibility to protect other women and save him from himself. Like Scheherazade.
She probably wasn’t very bright and as a result decided “she could fix him” -which inevitably ended up like this
I thought she was just a normal mormon. That changes a lot of things, yes.
It's odd how I always agree with your analysis and theories.Your a smart man Dr Grande.Thank you for sharing Ashley's story prayers for her family
This is why parents need to stop being a children’s friend and lay down the law and protect their children at all costs. That means the family computer has to be in a common area like a dining room. It cannot be somewhere where a person can have total privacy behind a closed door especially if they are a minor.
When my daughter was a teenager, I set parental blocks including time limits on the internet. She had her all logged in but I was the main account holder. She squawked about the restrictions but I didn’t care.
How can someone be this oblivious to this amount of red flags.
She liked them.
@@mjanny6330Dr Grande has left a lot out about the family.The family are lovely,Let Google be your guide.I believe religion maybe involved,she was looking for the good in him.
Dr Grande, I and many others find your insights helpful.
What is not often said is that you also have a beautiful voice, this is a bigger factor of your success than one might think.
Good evening Dr Grande, excellent analysis. Been in a similar relationship in my 30s. You cannot change someone, only they are change themselves.
As always I learn something new from your videos.
Have a great evening.
A red flag was when he sent Ashley gifts. While appearing to be generous and disarming in Ashley's eyes, it was really his way of putting his mark on her like a cat spraying its territory. Her keeping them led to a feeling of obligation by her. I am unsure if Ashley's mother was aware of the gifts. If so, she should have confiscated them and sent them back.
omg ... PSYCHO. That was rough. My Respect for your work, Dr. G. and your Excellent presentations but I couldn't finish this. This was very sad. HORRIBLE.
I’ve experienced something similar.
The Late Tina Turner’s movie ‘What’s Love Got to Do with It’
Gave me the strength to flee and defend myself.
Do remember that you’re not alone when seeking help.
Even though you look like the post Limo movie scene.
Maybe if Ashley had given a shite about what happened to Winston and called the cops, she's still be alive. What the heck did she see in Jack - gross?
I got a story for everything i guess😂.
I was a ride share driver for a while and picked up a woman in her late 20s from a hotel for a trip to the airport. She was crying and distressed and i didnt really have to pry to get the story. She had arrived a week prior from canada (of all places). She met a dude online who was real cool blah blah etc. Well she took her savings to start a life with this man and upon arrival he reportedly picked her up from the airport drunk, told her he gets better looking women, he is an iraq veteran and has bodies buried in his yard and all this thug gangster abusive madness. Thats the story. I was happy for her that she was going home. She stayed for a week though, which i thought was odd. I wouldnt put up with that from instant number 1. But thats me. It just reinforces my belief that meeting people online is a bad idea.
Thank you Dr. Grande for sharing this painful and heartbreaking story so everyone will be aware on how to deal with any kind of abuse. It’s really dangerous when the abuser isn’t self-aware to do their own healing work.
I didn’t hear about her story until now. Apparently, there’s a rise of femicide during the pandemic.
May we all live in a world that’s safe and loving for all.
Still optimistic. ❤🙏🏼
Dr Grande, thank you for this podcast. I live in Canada in British Columbia and have been watching your analysis on cases for a few years now. Of course this one hits close to home, and like many of your cases it is very disturbing. I fear for our young people out there, as it seems with our universal front door wide open cases like this will only become more common. It is with the help of people such as yourself, who bring these stories to us that we may be able to save some of our most precious and vulnerable. Thank you for your help.
why call her family in Canada instead of calling the British police ?
Yes, I don’t want to victim-blame but that was my first thought too.
1) She was only in UK 2 months. Maybe she didn't know to call 999 not 911.
2) She was messaging, not calling, suggesting attempts at stealth. You can text 999, but you need a special app on your phone.
3) Jack already knew she'd contacted her family. If he caught her doing so again, she might have felt she'd be in less danger than if he caught her contacting police directly.
4) Still trying to protect Jack from police.
My guess is a combination of 2 and 3. She knew her mom would call the police, she just was afraid or unable to do so directly.
@@valgardener7656 It’s definitely not 1. Calling 911 from a mobile in the U.K. redirects to 999.
Thanks, I wondered about that.
@@valgardener7656I never understood why the UK went with 999 and that it’s another number in the EU. It’s so odd to me. We should all have the same emergency number
I’m always calmer after a Grande video. Thank you so much for all the logic and reason you bring your audience, Dr. Grande.❤
Dear Dr. Grande, thank you for this thoughtful anaysis. I hope many people will learn from this video. May Ashley Rest In Peace. ❤❤from Jean
I've never heard of this case, Ashley's life ended way too early, she was only a teenager. She had a big heart and she was too compassionate, hence it was very easy for the psycho to take advantage and control her. I wish she could just slowly leave to the airport and return home without him knowing, so he wouldn't have to tried to stop her and kill her. She died knowing he killed her, may her soul could rest in peace.
If she had such big heart she would have stood up for that cat. She didn't
@@joannawinters65928:57 watch again.
@@joannawinters6592 The evidence suggests that she did stand up for the cat. She only decided to leave after the cat got thrown against the wall. Protecting the cat was likely part of her reason for staying with him. If it died, she was free to leave. Possibly he got the cat in the first place as a help in abusing and controlling her. That is part of the standard psychopath playbook. Btw, your eagerness to jump to conclusions that ignore the evidence just so that you can hate on a dead girl is not admirable.
@@valgardener7656 Thankfully, she did, but probably also too late - we don't know if the kitty survived (and he should never have been subjected to such danger and horrors!). My friend only left her abusive husband when he threw her kid down the stairs in a near-deadly act of violence. Her kid could have died! She thought she was protecting her kids by staying, but in fact she was endangering them! Same with the cat! Still, I am glad that both women eventually(!) came to their senses, imo it was not the leaving him or the standing up for the kitty that killed her, it was her initial decision of entering a relationship with a madman (and being too naive to take appropriate and called-for measures if she absolutely had to go through with it as well as when she (rightly!) ended it) My friend thankfully got away, but the kids always bear the psychological scars of having been exposed to a violent offender at home daily
i always go to you for info on interesting cases and i went to look up Jared Fogle (from subway) and I realized you don’t have a video on him yet. It’s a good one, i would love to hear your breakdown
This is beyond sad. 😢💔
Not really. Everyone told her why she shouldn't go over. If she's stupid enough to avoid all signs then she deserved what was coming.
@@BlueAmerican26 imagine thinking a woman deserved to be murdered because she was in an abusive relationship.
@@BlueAmerican26 Bit harsh, dontcha think?
He reminds me of my 1st husband. A narcissistic mommy's boy. I barely survived.
This is horrible, they should have had him locked up as soon as they bought the plane tickets. What a scumbag
We need to stop telling people that they can fix others.
Some women are attracted to bad men, she was attracted to a loser
Ashly was a victim who also acted narcissistically and was selfish. What kind of person dumps her dirty laundry onto her sister and then threatens to never talk to her again if she dares to try to help her? I immediately knew the kitten was going to suffer also. She knew he wasn’t safe. Yeah I know it’s only a kitten & not a person so I guess that makes it okay. 🙄
Does anyone know if the kitten survived? Such a horrible vile monster.
This was truly heart breaking
This is why it is so important to talk to our kids about people like jack, not only should we be have puberty talks but also talks about healthy relationships, boundaries and red flags like Jack,( the walking red flag), and also kids and social media do not mix, communication with our kids is very important, we had a girl Carly Ryan here in Australia who was chatting to a guy online but unbeknownst to her she was actually talking to 50yo S Offender creep, look Carly's story up and read about her, very sad indeed.
This is why she, and other teenagers, needs strong parents. She needed someone to say a hard "no" to her on going to see this guy.
She needed to hear that hard 'no' long before the relationship got to that point. Years before.
It's a shame an idealistic young woman didn't listen to her family and friends who had real world advice for her
Poor thing I can’t even imagine the amount of control and abuse someone with no job or anything would have to put out to get someone to stay. Must have been horrible
Maybe the most dense, stubborn girl in existence. That alone should be seen as a red flag.