Must WATCH for Adult
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.พ. 2025
- NEW BOOK: Grief Journey to the Primal Wound Workbook FOR ADULTS: amzn.to/40eg7Nz
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AUDIBLE One Woman PLAY by Jeanette "What's Your Name, Who's Your Daddy?" adbl.co/3qBjsFu
PSYCHOLOGY TREATMENT BOOK: Working with Traumatized Children, Teens, and Families in Foster Care and Adoption: amzn.to/3ZUg9tA
Join Jeanette's TH-cam Channel here for more videos on adoption, foster care, mental health, and parenting: / jeanetteyoffefostercar...
Jeanette is a child/family/adult therapist with a special focus on adopted and foster care issues which derived from her own experience of being adopted and moving through the foster care system in New York City. Her personal experience has informed her education and provided insight into the unique stresses involved with these issues. Because of Jeanette's life experience, she can more easily connect and relate to the children, teens, and adults she works with. She is dedicated to helping each of her clients reach their full potential through mental health therapy and make the difficult journey from despair towards resiliency and hope.
Book a Therapy appointment with an Adoption or Foster Care Competent Psychotherapist in California: yoffetherapy.com/
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I will never fit with my adopted family or my bio family.. it's just the way it is, I feel a lot of spirits in the heavens keeping a close watch on me and protecting me, there is a lot more out there than what we see here on this earth.... Be strong brothers and sisters be strong!
Kindly, watch this video for Re-parenting:
Ideal Parent Visualization:
th-cam.com/video/z2au4jtL0O4/w-d-xo.html
So true. I know and have witnessed it.
Why are we different? I even look different than my bio family.
i feel this to an extent, i feel like im on a island and there are two ships . i feel like i swim to both ships independently and am made to feel guilty by my adopted family if i pass by them to see my biologicals. Neither ship has come to my island but a few times to visit, i always swim out to the ships when it comes time to visit. and frankly im often left exhausted from the journey.
I fit in in some ways with my adoptive fam. I fit in in other ways with my birth fam. Neither is perfect. In my case, education and love of the land are the 2 things that have brought the greatest belonging beyond nature or nurture.
I was adopted in 1971. I’m 52 and still lost and don’t understand who I am at all. I have server depression and anxiety. Very self punishing to myself. My wife divorced me three years ago and I feel the divorce opened all the emotions up again of being forgotten, separation anxiety, trust issues and suicidal thoughts. I feel like there is a big hole in my life. I’m lost and broken.
You are not alone and there is help. You will need to be with other adoptees. Join us here FREE SUPPORT GROUPS with other Adoptees across the country:
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/share/LFAsl_SBsiIxKCfZ?
10 Recommended Therapies for Adoptees::
www.jeanetteyoffe.com/post/10-recommended-therapies-for-adult-adoptees-by-jeanette-yoffe-m-f-t
Kindly, watch these videos:
Ideal Parent Visualization:
th-cam.com/video/z2au4jtL0O4/w-d-xo.html
Self-Therapy Tapping In:
th-cam.com/video/dBBTBYeBbmA/w-d-xo.html
Self-Acceptance Intervention:
th-cam.com/video/rtXfWd6H_Ro/w-d-xo.html
Rejection Sensitivity Interventions:
th-cam.com/video/aa9Kr_0YwJQ/w-d-xo.html
Love you buddy ❤
I understand. Adoption doesn’t end when a baby is placed. Even when you reunite with your biological family (if you do) you are still an adoptee who is damaged by the experience.
I cried and she felt inadequate. She thought I would have opportunities, so she gave me to an agency. I was placed at 4weeks. My life has been terribly difficult. I always make self destructive choices. I will never be ok. It’s always a struggle. It will never be over. I just wanted a hug and will never get one.😢as an infant, learning to soothe ourselves from birth…. It’s probably one of the worst things you can put someone through. Lying in the dark screaming… and no one comes. And the person you are screaming for will never be coming back. It creates an awful foundation. Abandonment on the bottom doesn’t make for a solid structure. I will forever be broken.
I Feel Ya !!!!
What are these techniques please?
@@lauriemcklaney557
10 Recommended Therapies for Adoptees::
www.jeanetteyoffe.com/post/10-recommended-therapies-for-adult-adoptees-by-jeanette-yoffe-m-f-t
Kindly, watch these videos:
Ideal Parent Visualization:
th-cam.com/video/z2au4jtL0O4/w-d-xo.html
Self-Therapy Tapping In:
th-cam.com/video/dBBTBYeBbmA/w-d-xo.html
Self-Acceptance Intervention:
th-cam.com/video/rtXfWd6H_Ro/w-d-xo.html
Rejection Sensitivity Interventions:
th-cam.com/video/aa9Kr_0YwJQ/w-d-xo.html
I will never heal from this🥲
I was adopted too. I was adopted with my big brother, and he passed away-I never thought I could make it without him, we were bonded through our shared pain and shame and I've always had a very hard time developing normal relationships with anyone else. We're taught we have to let go of our traumas but I feel we should be taught how to incorporate it. I like think of it like a tree that's planted next to a fence, and sort of becomes part of the fence as it grows and makes it twisted and strange. You can't remove the fence without killing the tree, but in the end the tree will keep growing and can even become more interesting because of its damage and imperfection. I have trouble with seeking out dangerous self destructive situations too, maybe find a way to channel that into something that will add to your life? Extreme sports could be an outlet lol. It's helped me. Don't give up
Honestly I was suicidal at a young age and don't know how I have endured this long. Actually I can't fathom how any of us have made it with all the detrimental issues we are faced with lifelong
This hit me in my soul. Its very much how I feel. There is so much pain associated with being adopted and early life traumas sometimes even I feel I'm too fucked up to even bother to be here. Sending you love there are people who understand us even if it's just each other 🙏🏾💜
P
Adoptees are spiritual superheros
This resonates ❤
@@donnamarie1133 We are!
I’m 34 and knew I was adopted from Chile my whole life. I just found my birth mother this weekend and I have been looking for ten years. I was able to talk to my birth mom and two little sisters on what’s app. She cried and said how much she wanted to hold me and that she thought about me everyday. I know everyone’s story is different but I’m happy with mine and I cannot express the filling of the void I feel. It’s like a second lifeline path opened up in my life heart, mind and soul.
Hello, can I ask you what was the process in order to find your birth mother? Im 33, adopted from Chile too, and I have been hiding/rejecting this adoption thing my whole life. Now, after another break up and failed relationship, I really want to start this journey and understand who I am, where do I come from and why I do what I do. Any help would be amazing... Thank you.
I'm so glad this is how things turned out for you. I spent my whole childhood obsessing over my birth mum needing to know who she was what she looked like. But since I turned 14/15 I just gave up stopped looking it was causing more pain needing her. Since then I've been against it totally until recently some stuff in life brought it all back up and I've realised you can just forget and dismiss these kind of things 🙄 the impact of being adopted is greater than I think a lot of people understand. Thank you for sharing a positive story it does give me a small hope that one day maybe I could too... Just not now 💜🙏🏾
I'm so happy for you that is great news :)
I was adopted when I was about 1 year old in 1964 by my great Aunt & Uncle
I called them Mom & Dad
Dad was born in 1912 Mom in 1916
They grew up dirt poor on the Missouri/Arkansas line where the Ozarks meets the Mississippi Delta Cypres swamps
They both had huge selfless hearts
They taught me about compassion , morals , values and a strong work ethic
We didnt have much money , but they made up for it with love
They raised me and two other boys
I was a very very lucky boy
I was adopted for the 2nd time at 18 months old. I'm 64 now. Adoption is an unnatural process and the child has no rights, it's basically identity theft. The surname change is only to save embarrassment to the childless couple. I don't know if things are different now, but back in the 1960s, I was informed that I should be grateful for this moral act of saving a morally inferior child, as I was an unwanted consequence of a mortal sin. This lead to resentment an all sides, by that I mean slapping sessions until I just grew much bigger than them. By the age of 16 I had a secret savings account and was secretly doing karate lessons. I left at 18 and joined the army. Looking back, this couple didn't want to bring up a child, they just wanted a baby, I was constantly reminded that I was a nice toddler and it went wrong after that.
I wish I would have been smart enough to hide money. But, then again, my adopted parents tracked every nickel I touched.
Being gratefull is a big part of the adoptive parents manipulation.
I ve been adopted in 87, I have heard all my childhood that my white catholic parents saved my racially and morally inferior life.
They stop caring about me as soon as I entered puberty( a little bit before, I was the middle, only boy, adopted child). I was in boarding school at 13, and mostly in the streets by 15/16.
The father especially hated me, he was very abusive on every ways, the mother was distant and depressed.
I just have the name of this man now, and all the traumas he gave me.
I wish I had not been adopted but left in some orphanage with ppl of my race.
@Renacle Erican There are many times I wished I had been placed in an orphanage instead. At least we would have been around other people like us. Instead, we were forced to play pretend and live with a name that isn't even ours.
Emotional scars, physical scars, and a made up identity are adoptions gifts to us.,
I wish I had hid money when I was younger. I could have left sooner and healed earlier. You are very intelligent and we adoptees are many. We are our own family. I am here for you. I also felt as though they simply wanted a baby/toddler because once I became a certain age it’s like I was this significant burden to them and was constantly reminded of how grateful I should be. I was adopted at 4. It’s horrible. Truly.
@@renacleerican7824Very similar story. My adoptive father was so abusive to us. He was so angry but the more I got older the more his true feelings seemed to come out. Making statement like ‘technically I don’t have to do anything for you, you’re not mine’’ his sister made comments about how she should be given a gift I was given because they share the same blood and I do nowt. I cannot make this stuff up. I am still healing ❤️🩹 28 now I’ve been on my own for 8 years and I think I’ve made a lot of progress. But it’s a lifelong healing journey truly. Sending you love and healing energy🤍
I was adopted in 1972, my mother never held me after birth, I was in the nursery for 12 days before I was permanently adopted.
This video is just the beginning for me, im trying desperately to heal from alot of inner and outer emotional torment
Thank you for sharing. It is very hard for a mother to hold her baby when a plan for relinquishment is made. She is defending against the "anticipatory loss." How can any mother let go of a 9 month embrace? Let alone forget. A mother never forgets. You will always have a psychic bond to her. Imagine yourself being held by your adult self now and loved. So you can integrate you were loved, you are loved and will continue to be loved. This was not your fault. You are worthy of life and love. Please watch this video I made just for this intervention: bit.ly/3gY3e53
Get the book “Primal Wound”. Life changing
I’m so sorry. I hear you. I had struggled with many things & didn’t consider my adoption (or foster care 5 in 1 year) as having that much impact. It was just my life.
A mental health professional, who I’d been referred to, told me she thought I had adoption trauma. I bawled in her office. My adoption had just seemed to be painted in a good light for most of my life…and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I didn’t even realize how much I struggled…with anxiety (didn’t even realize I had it, since it just was part of how I was), feeling like I didn’t belong, was an extreme people pleaser, was unsure about relationships and on and on…
Fast forward, I’m in my 40’s and in an adult adoptees online support group. The specific group isn’t my cup of tea, but the meditations and journal prompts are super helpful.
I work with an amazing therapist too.
I see someone recommended the book ‘The Primal wound’. It is good, but I still haven’t been able to finish it. It’s simultaneously painful and validating. I can only do a small amount at a time. The same author wrote ‘Coming Home to self’ which is also good (same as above though, haven’t finished it yet…despite having had it for a few years).
I wish you healing, peace and connection 💫💛
Exactly how I was adopted except 1967
I was adopted in 1986. Dr gabor mate really helped heal trauma from the experience
I'm 24. Finally have the space, time and environment to heal. It's only beginning to truly dawn on me. Ive never lived. My whole life has been spent purely surviing and im only now just living. This healing is terrifying. So worth it, but lonely and terrifying. To become who ive always been i must endure. Move foward. Much love brothers and sisters. Our position in this world is unique. A gift and a curse. It's time to open the gift.
Thank you for sharing. Being with other adoptees is crucial for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. You belong with other adoptees. You are not alone. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
I was adopted at birth and my brain has been messed up my whole life.
I was given to a couple who’d lost their child and I was supposed to be the replacement. I remember happiness when I was a toddler, but as I got older they became critical rigid and very emotionally and physically abusive. Screaming, coat hangers, ladles…..
I used to stay up as late as possible praying that somebody would come take me away, but it never happened. The physical abuse continue until I got strong enough to fight back.
Closed adoption or any adoption that is unmonitored is BAD NEWS….
Relinquished at birth.
I'm 33 adopted at 1 from abroad, and still feel stuck in perpetual "survival mode". Find it impossible to form healthy, if any, attachments or connections.
Im 49 , was adopted at 10 years of age , separated from 2 brothers , was in foster care then a childrens home.. was gaslight by adoptive parents in relation to the stress and pain of what i have gone through before ending up with them. Told by them to get over it as i have a new family now !! needless to say i have then gaslight myself about it all
. Only now coming out of the fog. Finding an appropriate therapist seems hard to come by
Thank you for sharing. Being with other adoptees is crucial for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
I'm 68 and was adopted within a couple of months of being born but shortly after I was returned (so the story goes). Shortly after my adopted parents no 2 took me home with them. If only there had been support like this way back in the 1950s.
It's been a hard slog all my life with all the usual problems i.e. divorces alcoholism and other addictions but recently over the last ten years I've discovered a Canadian doctor who has placed the jigsaw pieces into place and helped me to understand why I've made such a mess of my life. Dr Gabor Mate is his name, look him up.
Know you are not alone. Please join other adoptees at a Zoom support group here: celiacenter.org/events-calendar-support-groups/
À
What do you mean by ‘the usual problems’? Is there statistical evidence for their being ‘usual’?
❤
Dr Gabor Mate is brilliant! He has helped me too. I'm still struggling in my late sixties. adopted 6 days old.
I will always be an adoptee and I HATE adoption. I am so wounded and have never been able to fix myself. Adopted within first year by a parent and the mother despised me as I was fat and dark (I’m mixed race). She told everyone that the other 3 children were not adopted and that I ruined the family picture. She spoke to the other 3 children of birth parents who loved them and told me that I was a mistake and must never look. She was an alcoholic who was so abusive but loved on the 3 other pretty children that she adopted. Leaving this earth has always been on my mind. I attempted at age 20 and was brought back to life. I cried when I came out of the coma as I wanted to be dead. She died when I was 18 and I found my bio family when I was 31. The parents married and had my brothers. It’s somewhat helped me to heal but it’s also created a lot of pain as they are so fine and successful and I’m not.
I hate being adopted .. I'm 32 and it still feels like yesterday.. I'm taken from Ethiopia living in the Netherlands. I feel like I never overcom all these traumas
I have compassion for you, our experience is painful.
Please join other adoptees at a Zoom support group here: celiacenter.org/events-calendar-support-groups/
You are not alone.
Wat erg voor je, hoe oud was je?
@@Jeanette-icallySpeaking thank you
@@lienbijs1205 Ik was drie toen ik geadopteerd werd, en tot 12 jaar bij het adoptie gezin gewoond toen daar uit huis geplaatst.
@@AF3NI Wat ontzettend heftig en verdrietig om te horen. Ik hoop dat het goed met je gaat. Ik zie dat je nu 32 bent en ik hoop niet dat ik alles bij je oprakel maar ik heb jaren terug de documentaire Mercy,mercy gezien. Deze docu gaat over de adoptie van een meisje en haar broertje uit Ethiopië naar een Deens adoptiegezin. Het is een zeer heftige docu waar ik 2 weken door van slag was geweest. Ik weet dat onder andere de Deense regering naar aanleiding van deze documentaire adopties uit Ethiopië heeft stopgezet omdat adopties uit Ethiopië heel vaak onethisch waren. Ik raad je aan deze docu niet alleen te kijken vanwege de heftige emoties die het waarschijnlijk bij je op kan roepen en je de volgende dag niet hoeft te werken omdat je misschien niet er van kan slapen. Maar ik denk dat het voor jou erkenning kan geven. Hier een link naar de docu, je kan de ondertiteling op Engels zetten: th-cam.com/video/LlnuxSwJWO4/w-d-xo.html
35 adult adoptee. Adopted at 2 months..told at age 7.
I can't believe what I'm reading/seeing since recently coming out of the fog. I feel like running.
I have compassion for you, our experience is painful. You are not alone. Please join other adoptees at a Zoom support group here: celiacenter.org/events-calendar-support-groups/
As someone who was abandoned and neglected by my biological mom.😥💔😔 Loss my biological dad in my teens due to an overdose tragically.💔 I am now in my thirties and in the last six years I’ve lost majority of my adopted family members. From four lovingly adopted aunts to my recently adopted mom.💔😪💔 In 2021, her birthday is nearing Thursday. My grief and deep dark sorrow, sadness, & despair is immense.😪😔😭 She was truly the mom I never had, till this day I don’t even exist to my biological mom. I certainly though now in my thirties know painfully what it’s like to feel unwanted, discarded, and completely abandoned if not disconnected.😔💔😰 Losing my adopted mom, the mother I never had has been the most devastating I honestly don’t even want to be in this world any longer. Being parentless and not having any reliable parent to lean on for advice, guidance, wisdom, supportive love. Is an incredibly isolating deeply sorrowful grief, I feel even forsaken by God.😰😔😥 Where is he in all of this it truly hurts and I seriously don’t think or feel I can do this anymore. I’ll never have a parent cheering me on, to be proud of me, or even keep me grounded, or being able to experience being a care giver to, my dad or mom, or having that safety net of protection. All alone in this cruel world…💔🌏😪 #DeeplyBroken
You are not alone and there is help. You need to be with other adoptees.
Join us here FREE SUPPORT GROUPS with other Adoptees across the country:
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/share/LFAsl_SBsiIxKCfZ?
10 Recommended Therapies for Adoptees::
www.jeanetteyoffe.com/post/10-recommended-therapies-for-adult-adoptees-by-jeanette-yoffe-m-f-t
Kindly, watch these videos:
Ideal Parent Visualization:
th-cam.com/video/z2au4jtL0O4/w-d-xo.html
Self-Therapy Tapping In:
th-cam.com/video/dBBTBYeBbmA/w-d-xo.html
Self-Acceptance Intervention:
th-cam.com/video/rtXfWd6H_Ro/w-d-xo.html
Rejection Sensitivity Interventions:
th-cam.com/video/aa9Kr_0YwJQ/w-d-xo.html
Adopted at 8 from Russia, and ended up giving up a child for adoption. Just recently began to unravel it all. Have a hard time trying to think about it but your video helps so much
Thank you for sharing. Being with other adoptees is crucial for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
I was in foster care two separate times spanning 6 years of my childhood. I was adopted during my 2nd stint; placed at 11 yrs and adopted at 14 by my foster family. At 33 I’ve acknowledged the conditional love from my covert narcissist adoptive mom. She controls the narrative but I don’t care anymore. No contact for 2 months.
Im 36 and just now starting to slowly feel like a whole person, this really helped
I am Venezuelan,black,my Indian mix is from India,Portuguese,Irish and Scottish. I was born in Jamaica West Indies in the early 1970's. I was adopted at 3 months old. I was neglected a lot before i was adopted. I showed early signs of neglect as an infant. I was afraid of my adopted father at a very early age. My adopted father verbally,physically,sexually and spiritually abused me. My adopted mother mostly verbally and spiritually abused me. My adopted mother blamed me for the abuse they both did. Everything your saying i agree with. I told my adopted parents about most of what your talking about in your lecture when i was very young but they didn't care to change for the better. My adopted mother did say she was sorry before she died in September 2020 at 90 years old but did not do the important work to tell the authorities the truth about my adopted father behavior and her behavior and go to therapy to make healthy changes. Excellent lecture!!!!!😂😢😅🤗🤗
As an adoptee and a mother I cannot understand how someone can relinquish their child. I met my birthmother 30 years ago and she is about as abusive as my adoptive mother. Dad molested me for 12 years until I entered foster care. Adoptive mom broke 5 of my bones. Through life long counseling I managed to create a life for myself. People should not delude themselves about adopting your child out. Their are very, very bad people out there. Abortion is much more humane than adoption. It goes against nature and the plan of the Divine. To me it's worse than murder and you start your life out with a lie to please society. I feel the purpose of life is to understand the truth not to please society.
I agree totally. But a lot of women are said to place their babies to adoption. Only to fill the need of babies f western rich people. It is a market, or a very lucrative human traffic.
I am an adoptee too. I am absolutely against adoption( excepted between the bio family members), pro abortion and pro sterilization of those who give birth like animals.
There are many reasons, by no fault of their own, learn more here: th-cam.com/play/PLv3YZUTYaRRu10CN1pU6Q9oHgVXKVa2T-.html
There’s so much sense in this presentation that I haven’t been able to make sense for myself. Wow.
One thing to note, resilience is NOT innate. It’s learned.
In 1986 I was adopted at birth in Canada. My birth mother was 16 years old when she had me. I spent 36 days in the hospital before my parents took me home, and legally my name was 'Baby Boy' until that lol. I am of Guyanese decent, and i grew up in a mixed ethnicity household with a Caucasian (also adopted) brother, Caucasian (English) dad, and a West Indian mother. Not your typical Canadian family but it worked..I guess. My whole life I have struggled with abandonment issues, addiction, relationship problems, attachment, I stole, kept everything to myself, chronically lied, and hosted a slew of other bad social behaviours. I was diagnosed with BPD, and bi-polar II three years ago (which i had a few life threatening manic epsodes), and struggle with major depression. I am a type 1 diabetic, and I have a slew of other health related complications which are catching up with me. There had always been a void in my life and I don't know if I will ever be able to fill it. Two years ago I found my birth mother on Facebook through an adoption group (angels), and as a result of my adoption being open to records. When I first saw a photo of her I cried, and felt numb. I never followed through with reaching out to her physically, through text, or over the phone. My brother doesn't want to find his birth parents and I respect that. Growing up we almost had a 'pact' that we would never find them. We would be there for each other if we ever did and side by side through the process. My main concern is being rejected again by my birth mother as I don't think I could mentally handle it. I half two biological half-brothers and it eats at me everyday. I try not to think about it too much or it consumes me. Mostly I feel like I am in survival mode 50% of the time, and a weight is constantly keeping me down. Good news is I have traveled the world, have some amazing friends, and have succeeded in a career which I thoroughly enjoy, so there are some positives. Constantly trying to work on myself yet it does feel like 2 steps forward 1 step back constantly. Adoptees, we are not alone! I just wanted to share this tidbit of information about myself and hope it inspires others to come forward with their stories and albeit struggles. Don't know if j will keep this post up but for now I think it will. Cheers
Edit: Also, my adopted father passed away in 2016.
You are not alone. There are 7 million adoptees in the US and about 1,700 children are adopted each year still today according to the Adoption Council of Canada. Please join other adoptees at a Zoom support group here: celiacenter.org/events-calendar-support-groups/
I'm an adoptee in her 50s who has also struggled most of my life. My adoptive dad and I were very close until he died unexpectedly of cancer 2 years ago. My husband passed also unexpectedly on Thanksgiving. He was the ❤ of my life and the only man who didn't hurt me in relationships. My adoptive mother should have never had kids,even her friends said so ! She has always been cold and distant. When my husband passed she never understood my pain and laughed in my face when I explained what I use to help a little . I believe in the spirit world and that loved ones will come and visit from the other side. My birth family is mostly deceased and it's painful. Anyone else feel that way ? Sending love to all my fellow adoptees out there ! 🥰🥰🥰
i lost my birth mom when I was almost 3 years old, and was left with my alcoholic father. In comes the CAS, and my life was to change, constantly, and not always to my liking, for the rest of my days. I have stories to tell, and I am commencing the writing of a book detailing the experience of a fostered/adopted child. It will bring to light many things that most non-fostered, non-adopted children never had to face, were never forced to accept situations of life that overwhelmed them, as they were alone.
I'm 35, adopted nearly at birth, I think. I don't know much about my birth first family, but I do know that my biological mother was murdered. A few years after I was born. I might have a half brother out there somewhere.
I have no idea how to proceed.
I'm so new to looking at myself as adopted through the lens of what we know about adoption now...
The narrative I had available as a child was much more... Tidy.
I'm kind of just barely beginning to achieve the sort of permanence described in this video necessary to facilitate healing, but it's through this gateway of grief.
I'm so desperately curious to know everything that I can, but... I'm not sure I really want to know all the (pun intended) gory details?
This video was revelatory and I'll be watching it again, I can't thank everyone involved enough for putting this out into the world.
I sometimes want to adopt, but I also can't imagine myself being a parent. As far as being an adoptee I always felt like I fit into my family. We look similar enough, & have the same personalities. We also already had the same last name. I was told I was adopted at a very young age, so thankfully I have no recollection of being told. I think all of that has helped me to never have an identity crisis.
I didn’t have an identity issue ever until I became a mom. It changed everything.
I was taken from my first Mum when I was 6 days old in 1970. She had been sent away when she started to 'show' as was the norm then in the UK. It was a closed adoption, facilitated by a christian charity. My second Mum died when I was 11, then was sent to a boarding school as a 'petitioner' (literally a charity case) a year later. Fast forward through many seemingly inexplicable traumas, too much to go into now. Essentially I was emotionally alone from a few days old & physically alone from around 8 (when Mum became ill with what I found out much later was cancer of pretty much everything, which wasn't what I was told) All that was done/decided to/for me was genuinely done as it was thought this would be best for me, out of love, and what society believed at the time as 'the right thing' to do. Good intentions which pave the road to hell. I have no blame or bitterness now, I am certainly no victim, though I spent a lot of my life in that mentality.
I was diagnosed with a lot of neurodivergencies, primarily ADH, Autistic traits, dyspraxia, hyper sensory processing et al. when I was 48 (3yrs ago) and that helped me understand myself more, to make me make more sense. Of course these experiences will affect me for the rest of this lifetime... but y'know I didn't think I'd make it to 25, now I'm past 50 and I'm glad that I'm alive. So, if you've made it this far, thankyou... here's a poem I wrote about closed adoption.
'A Borrowed History'
A borrowed history, a second-hand life,
A true heritage denied.
This stranger sapling grafted to your family tree,
And the story told, to them and me,
"You are special, you were chosen, we were lucky"
So you won. Here's your prize.
A commodity baby, a charity child.
Love conditionality and gratitude implied.
Woken from connection and amniotic peace
to a secret story of threefold grief.
To all my family-not-family sisters & brothers (I suspect you know that feeling you get before someone tells you?) One Love 💚
Love the poem, so much truth in it!
Thank you so much for sharing your story and difficult life.This poem is so well done. Thank you for sharing.
Please join one of our free support groups online here to connect with other adoptees. You are not alone. We are a community supporting one another!
celiacenter.org/events-calendar-support-groups/
That wasn’t the norm in the U.K. by 1970. I’m sure it still happened, but it wasn’t the norm.
adopted at birth 1965 to people who got me to make them better not being able to have children, i would be a 5 on ACES score. unable to have relationships just finished this short term crazy internet relationship thing and the pain is amazing like emotional pain turned to physical pain, happy to die now i am so tired and over life. i have no friends left my family , found my birth mother she is of no use, the damage has been done. been a crazy ride 😜😜lots of loss like from day dot right 🥺🥺so tired.
You are not alone and there is help. You will need to be with other adoptees. Join us here FREE SUPPORT GROUPS with other Adoptees across the country:
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/share/LFAsl_SBsiIxKCfZ?
10 Recommended Therapies for Adoptees::
www.jeanetteyoffe.com/post/10-recommended-therapies-for-adult-adoptees-by-jeanette-yoffe-m-f-t
Kindly, watch these videos:
Ideal Parent Visualization:
th-cam.com/video/z2au4jtL0O4/w-d-xo.html
Self-Therapy Tapping In:
th-cam.com/video/dBBTBYeBbmA/w-d-xo.html
Self-Acceptance Intervention:
th-cam.com/video/rtXfWd6H_Ro/w-d-xo.html
Rejection Sensitivity Interventions:
th-cam.com/video/aa9Kr_0YwJQ/w-d-xo.html
Ummm I’m crying because you have hit bulls eye on every Word …. Speechless I have kids now and I know how much of me they are and how talking to my baby’s mother in my belly made such an impact time I can tell I know I did that I know that I suffered a great loss when I was adopted because now I understand why I feel the way I feel.
You’re an angel you have explained my whole life’s feeling I had it rough I was adopted from Bogota Colombia at four months old to a white family and upstate New York, that had racist family members on both sides and my parents are gonna stick up for me and I had to deal with a lot of issues with abuse in many forms and this is just explaining everything I felt and letting me know it’s OK it’s just a fired. It’s OK to feel what I feel. I deserve to feel that’s why I feel like I’m wrong for feeling it.
I been feeling confused as far as I can remember. Smh it's tough
So have I. We aren’t alone
@@pebbleinyoshoe532we are though😢 more than most.
I AM NO LONGER LOOKING TO, OR FOR ANY ONE ELSE TO COMPLETE ME OR MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. THATS MY JOB NOW. ONLY I CAN DO THAT. IVE LEARNT THAT THE HARD, PAINFUL WAY.
My birth grandparents on my birth father side have been supportive in regards to the abuse i suffered from my adopted parents. My grandma is very upset that my adopted parents were so abusive. My birth grandparents are precious gifts to me. They were the only birth relatives that cared about what happened to me.❤🤗😉😊
Thank you for sharing. Being with other adoptees is crucial for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. You belong with other adoptees. You are not alone. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
As an adoptee, now 40, I needed this to continue to process things not fully known in my world still to this day surrounding my biological fathers side. Gosh. I do not know that I will ever fully heal from my adoption.
Thank you for sharing. Being with other adoptees is crucial for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
Can you explain the psychological impact of an adopted person that is also then rejected by their adopted family? I would assume enhanced mental illnesses and suicide….asking for myself. The internet can’t seem to explain or give a solid answer
I believe that is what happened to me also. Compounded with adoption I was the scapegoat of narcissistic parents alcoholic adoptee father
@@lauriemcklaney557 Sort of the same but my father has never done anything wrong…or let me put it this way…something I can prove. My mom depends on him physically, to survive but now they are both dying horrible genetic diseases that I have the fortune of dodging. However due to my parents mental, physical, emotional, spiritual abuse. I don’t know where they live, address or nothing. My father has block my # from my mom’s phone and refuses to help with their only grandchild. Trust me it gets deeper, sicker and more depressing but I was wondering if there were others suffering the same fate?!
I believe by experiencing a 2nd set of rejection by the family that raised you, could cause borderline personality traits i.e. controlling others in order to not lose the relationship, as well as experience rejection sensitivity i.e. either too clingy in relationships or not wanting to be in a relationship at all. There are 2 tracks in the mind of someone who has experienced compromised attachments. They move towards their attachment figure to get their needs met and then ultimately push them away at the same time for protection ----fear of rejection. They are put in a double bind and don't know where to turn to get their needs met.
Forget everything and run or face everything and thrive.
The best way to treat these vulnerabilities is to attend Adult Adoptee Support Groups with an adoption therapist and work with an adoption competent therapist who is proficient in E.M.D.R.
I hope this answer helps you make sense. I am sorry this happened to you, and you are worthy of love, attention and care.
I can attest to the UNBELIEVABLE effectiveness of EMDR.
Tiffany, me too. Waking up to this reality has been a nightmare. It's hard to explain and no one wants to believe it, at least in my case. It can absolutely cause CPTSD, which can have aspects of a lot of disorders, but is in fact a result of a lifetime of perpetual emotional, psychological and spiritual torture. You are responding to extreme trauma over a lifetime in a very normal way. It may make you feel like there is something wrong with you, but in reality there was something wrong with the people you should have been able to feel safe with and bond with. They couldn't bond with you. Not the other way around. There are adopted people who have healthy family bonds, because they had healthy minded adoptive parents, capable of love. It was out of your control, but as children we blame ourselves and adapt to that narrative so we believe it and bring it with us into adulthood. I have seriously been thinking about starting a YT channel just for people like us. I've had a really hard time finding information on both issues as well. Being adopted into a highly dysfunctional or narcissistic family unit. The adopted scapegoat. You are brave and strong. You've made it so far. Be proud and humbled by your own spirit to survive and to be you, against all odds. You are not alone. My heart goes out to you.
EVERYONE IN LIFE HAS DIFFICULT STUFF TO GO THROUGH. THAT'S WHERE WE ARE ALLLLL SIMILAR.
How can I connect with adoptees. I was given to a foster family after birth. They abused me and another adoptee for years! The state never checked on us and we literally knew nothing else. Tied to box spring beds every day and locked in a room. This went on until I was 10. Next was the foster care system and group homes. A family adopted us in the next year. Happy beginning because they think there saving us and we were just happy to be treated Soo good. Well we had issues!! We were finally seeing what life was like outside of abuse and foster care staff and all that good shit right. We had behavior issues. My brother had alot of anger from the abuse we went through I was able to manipulate to avoid some of beatings and other abuse but he got it worse. Now think I'm 11 he's 13. Were already more than halfway to being an adult and I'm eating McDonald's for the 1st time. The parents were not prepared to deal with it. They had no idea how to relate and it angered them that they we would get in trouble and we were told everyday how ungrateful we were. But get this they adopt another boy. Same behavior issues now all 3 of us are ungreatful. The new boy was the first to be kicked out. My brother now 16 was next to go. And when I was 15 my adoptive parents had me call a shelter because they were just so upset I couldn't be greatful and stop misbehaving. Well they took it a step further now I'm an adult, never recovered but I hid it well. Developed a drinking problem and couldn't figure out why I can't just be normal. Adoptive parents pop in give money and FORGIVE me for being ungreatful but the next mistake I made they disowned me. Turned off cellphones took my car they payed for they took everything for me to start over with nothing. This happened 3 times. This last time I was officially told I don't deserve there last name I should go back to the abusive home because I don't know who my real family is and again took everything. If you think adoption is fucking all roses and sunshine I would love to really tell you ALL of my story. It's too long to put here. I'm 27 now started Altruistic LLC and I'm going to spend the rest of my life changing this system and giving the as many kids as possible a real opportunity to be successful and understood. Actually give these kids the resources and materials to be successful just like a NORMAL Child. And think the ones that age out are setup on government programs and sent out to fail.
You are not alone. Please join other adoptees at a Zoom support group here: celiacenter.org/events-calendar-support-groups/
Argh! All the reactions you and your adoptive siblings had, were normal, not “ungrateful” (though I suspect you already know that). Adoption isn’t natural and is disruptive to our development.
You are not alone and there is help. You will need to be with other adoptees. Join us here FREE SUPPORT GROUPS with other Adoptees across the country:
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/share/LFAsl_SBsiIxKCfZ?
10 Recommended Therapies for Adoptees::
www.jeanetteyoffe.com/post/10-recommended-therapies-for-adult-adoptees-by-jeanette-yoffe-m-f-t
Kindly, watch these videos:
Ideal Parent Visualization:
th-cam.com/video/z2au4jtL0O4/w-d-xo.html
Self-Therapy Tapping In:
th-cam.com/video/dBBTBYeBbmA/w-d-xo.html
Self-Acceptance Intervention:
th-cam.com/video/rtXfWd6H_Ro/w-d-xo.html
Rejection Sensitivity Interventions:
th-cam.com/video/aa9Kr_0YwJQ/w-d-xo.html
I'm approaching 70 and have only recently discovered through videos like this why I've been an addict all of my life, alcohol, heroin and every other drug have been the means by which I've been soothing the pain of abandonment. Where was the Internet sixty years ago.I was adopted in 1953 I assume and remember flipping out when my parents told me, my rage was taken out on an apricot pie my mother had baked, both hands fingers and all buried under the crust tearing it apart. Mum and dad took me to a shrink and all he could do was tell me to be a good boy, fuckin' moron! My eldest daughter has done a genetic testing procedure and so have I at her expense but then Covid kicked in and possible relatives have been found but I haven't initiated contact that I should do before I die for my children's benefit at least.
Well, you should do it for your own benefit if you want to. My parents are your age and morbidly talking about doing things for my brother’s and my sake before they die. It’s annoying because they’re things I don’t want them to do. They should do them for themselves if they want to and you should do your thing for yourself if you want to. Your children are quite capable of contacting the same people if they want to and you don’t do so.
You are not alone and there is help. You will need to be with other adoptees. Join us here FREE SUPPORT GROUPS with other Adoptees across the country:
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/share/LFAsl_SBsiIxKCfZ?
10 Recommended Therapies for Adoptees::
www.jeanetteyoffe.com/post/10-recommended-therapies-for-adult-adoptees-by-jeanette-yoffe-m-f-t
Kindly, watch these videos:
Ideal Parent Visualization:
th-cam.com/video/z2au4jtL0O4/w-d-xo.html
Self-Therapy Tapping In:
th-cam.com/video/dBBTBYeBbmA/w-d-xo.html
Self-Acceptance Intervention:
th-cam.com/video/rtXfWd6H_Ro/w-d-xo.html
Rejection Sensitivity Interventions:
th-cam.com/video/aa9Kr_0YwJQ/w-d-xo.html
My parents told me I was adopted at 8 years old, I don't think that was the right move at that age. I did not have the emotional intelligence to process that at all. It felt like my biological parents just did not want me so they threw me away and my adoptive parents had me now. I know that is not the case at all but processing that as an 8 year old stays with you as a core belief for years after that. There is a certain level of "I do not belong here, this is not my family". Until you learn that your biological parents loved you more than enough to do one of the most difficult things ever and give you to a family that could take care of you better than they could.
Thank you for sharing your life experience. That must have been extremely painful and confusing for you. Yes a CORE BELIEF for years. I want to share with you a video about CORE BELIEFS OF ADOPTEES here: bit.ly/3IAygeW
And an audible play, when I was removed from family to family at the same ripe age of development here: bit.ly/3KC0zvD
What is Adoption for Kids Animation: bit.ly/3qXOLMn
Warmest regards!
I was 6 months old to replace a baby who died and never bonded w my adopted mother and now I’m 55 I found my family at 46 and now 10 years later I’m struggling with my place as a sister and I never felt that way until this year the 10th year . I was told I’m not honest and genuine which destroyed me entirely
I am so happy to hear that invitro, birth and silent! Communication. Adopted at 3 weeks I had/have sensory memories particularly of touch and oral taste eg breast to rubber teat on bottle. ..I hate the taste or smell of rubber or similar...thanks I'm glad I found this...🙏
This is outstanding. Thank you Jeanette and Sharon.
8 MINS IN....I ALREADY GOTTA GO FOR A WALK. IM WORKED UP ALREADY. NOW I GOTTA TRY AND KEEP,IT CONTAINED SO I DONT LET THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD HEAR ABOUT IT. NOT THAT I CARE WHAT THEY THINK.
I need so much help. I am 37 years old and just found out that I was adopted as a crack baby in 1984. There are so many mixed feelings
Wow I am so sorry to hear that! I would love to chat if you can! I am also a Late discovery adoptee. I understand what you are going through!! You are not alone!!
Me too. I found out when I was 32. I'm here for you as well.
Hi Todd! I am sorry for your loss. I would highly recommend you meet with an adoption competent therapist. Please email me and I will help you get support.
Jeanette@yoffetherapy.com
@todd, what’s the update?
@@JT0007 did therapy once a week for about 3 months. I also got divorced since I last posted 7 months ago. I will be better than I was. I know I will
Where's the support for the couple who adopt??
Yes I have a video for you too: th-cam.com/video/tfRlDypTwmQ/w-d-xo.htmlsi=aP2mThK-8S6qo7ec
Hi, In 1958 they didn't realize the Importance of the Birth Mother holding the child. I went directly into the incubator. What is your thoughts? Kevin
I was adopted in 1973 my adopted mother told me she didn't want me. Im pretty sure I was adopted for my father, for sexual abuse. He likes girls under the age of five
I was allergic to cows milk and had to have goats milk, my mother said I would be crying in the cot and she wouldnt pick me up as I smelt from the goat milk. How sad
Thank you for sharing. Being with other adoptees is crucial for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
Hello I’m 35 years old and I was adopted at birth I found out that my adoption was closed which means I can’t find my mother or father I think about them often but hay what can you do. I notice my adopted parents really didn’t have a attachment to me and I felt awkward I still do I have problems with keep friends and relationships it’s really hurting me hard now that I’m in my 30s I fee out of place with a lot of things I like being alone and I only have like two good friends.
Know you are not alone. Please join other adoptees at a Zoom support group here: celiacenter.org/events-calendar-support-groups/
I was given up for adoption at birth. I am 34 now My adoptive parents told me when i was in fifth grade. Didnt bother me then. But as i got older i wanted to find my mom. (Which i did when i was 18 or 19). I have been in and out ofjailand rehab and neverfelt whole or worth anythi g except when im with my. Iological mom. My adoptive parents werent very accepting of my life choices and were very hard on me for it. Then shortly after i mety mom GSA ruined my life and still haunts me today. I hate beingan adoptee with every fiber of my being. I really just want it all to end but i javng on by a thread bc my daughter needs me. 😭
My story is very complicated and hard to follow.
in short, my husband was coerced to voluntarily terminate his rights by signing adoption to his father and step mother. My husband was physically and mentally abused by his step mother. So now the woman that abused my husband is raising his daughter. The step mom is no contact. His daughter doesn't know she is adopted. We are just the random people she see every couple of years when the paternal side celebrates holidays.
The girl was wanted and is still wanted by a loving father but a covert narcissists is the gate keeper.
Edit to add: I have met with attorneys. There is nothing we can do until the girl is abused or the step mom becomes ill or somehow unfit.
I am very sorry to hear this. She does need to know the truth and one day the truth will come out whether it's a DNA test or she senses how strongly she feels connected to your husband. I hope this gets resolved soon and there can be peace for you all.
Oh my God 😢❤..
Thank you for a beautiful presentation. Appreciated.
I was adopted in 1970. I had an adopted brother, who was totally a sociopath. Well he still is very messed up and abusive to all in his space - I have left him out of my life. Both my adoptive parents have passed away. I was not abused as a child, besides by my brother, and in ways that were not really bad - when I read other experiences, I feel very lucky indeed. My bio mother was 17 years old and bio dad was 19. I was not aware of anything until my mother told me at 10 that I was adopted. I was told that I was specially picked for my family, a magical gift and that I was so beautiful with rosy cheeks and blue eyes (they not really blue now!) I wanted to find my birth parents immediately and did try, but of course, I was ten and it was forbidden . I could not talk about it to my parents. It was kind of a secret that I was adopted, but mentioned from time to time when needed. My ad mom was ashamed about it and kept it secret, My parents were a generation older than ALL my friends parents. I was often asked if they were my grand parents. They were quiet victorian and we didnt have the things my friends had like video machines or games. My friends were great but it was well known that I was in a family that I didnt really belong in. My brother did not worry about it at all. I had a cousin try to have sex with me when I was a teenager and I told him that we could not as we were related and he said, well not really. (We didnt even though I did fancy him. It was so confusing). I was always worried I would meet a brother and date him and not know. I never felt like I belonged. I always felt like the fill in. As teen even more so. I was happy but lost. I was also alone with my passions - what I lusted after, farms, horses and animals was seen as strange, and not suited to me, as I was told. I wanted to do ballet and was told I was too large to do such a graceful sport. I wanted to ride horses and was told that it was too dangerous. (which it is! I have since ridden and owned horses lol). I wanted to have animals and this was allowed with a lot of boundaries....for example, I was promised a puppy, but it never happened. I had a hamster and fish instead. I met my bio parents as soon as I was legally allowed to meet them. It was exciting but caused SO MUCH stress. My ad dad was so offended, it tooks months for him to forgive me. I found out that my ad parents knew all along I came from a horse and dog mad background. I only realised how much they tried to steer me away much later on in life really - and the impact of that, and why they would do that. My ad mother was more open to meeting my bio parents. My bio dad is messed up as most humans, but we okay and have agood relationship as it is. In the beginning we could not spend enough time together, but I had been for counselling and knew about genetic attraction and it was all good and we worked through it. But it messed up HIS relationship and in a way, its super weird and creepy and quite dangerous for sanity. His children and I were okay when we were younger, quite close, but life tore us apart - I cant say it had to do wit being adopted, just different ethics (which I guess IS to do with it). My bio dad met my ad parents and actually all became friendly to a civil degree which was awesome. My bio mother refused to meet my parents, and refuses to talk about them. Her and I had a confusing relationship where she thought she could step in and be my mother and I did not feel that she had any right to tell me what to do at all. I wanted a relationship. but not a mother number 2. Over our years of knowing each other, she has mostly refused to engage in listening to my side of how I feel about HER, or about being adopted, or that it had an impact on my relationship skills. She and I had a huge argument on my 50th birthday and she roped in her 2 daughters, and now they refuse to speak to me or my daughter AT ALL. So I was written off. I speak to Bio mom now and then over whatsapp. I am not really invested in the relationship anymore to be honest. She has a fantasy version of who I am and isnt really into knowing WHO I am . my adoptive family ALL stopped speaking to me and my brother after my parents passed away. Nothing, no contact at all. Not even to tell me when people die. People I grew up with. Houses I played in. Nothing. ANd I certainly dont feel a part of my bio families. I have one ad cousin I speak to from time to time and one bio aunt whom I get along with. Otherwise, its me and my daughter . That is my family. It IS sad. It is unfair to ALL concerned. So many broken people and of course, I was not allowed to speak about it. I must always understand their perspective, be grateful, and be happy with my lot in life. If I am sad about being adopted, I am being a victim or selfish. If I upset someone, I am always wrong from the entire family side - they never are. Everyone always gangs up on me. I have questioned whether I am bad, selfish, narcissistic, or just a d*ck. I have cried and felt alone my WHOLE life. My successes where never special or amazing. I could on, in fact I want to write a book! But I put this all here to vent and perhaps someone will read this one day and feel less alone.
Thank you for sharing your story. It hurts to hear you are not speaking with either of your families, they were not informed or educated about your experience, and how best to support you. The system does not prepare either set of your parents with psycho-education. It is not your responsibility to teach them, however they were never taught. Which puts the blame on a faulty system. That's why I created this channel, to speak the truth. You can write a book. Your story is important. Please join one of our adoptee support groups online so you can know other adoptees whom feel the same and are writing their stories too. You are not alone and you are brave. Join us here: celiacenter.org/events-calendar-support-groups/
Thank you! I have done a lot of work on myself and continue to do so. Channels like this are life savers!
I ve read you and feel less alone. Thank you
You will be just fine ❤
“It’s not about education, it’s about to whom you matter.” 😢
THE MOST LOYAL/CARING TRUE FRIEND I EVER HAD....WHO HASNT LOST INTEREST IN ME IS MY MATE WHO WAS FOSTERED HIMSELF. THAT TELL YA SOMETHING
My twin sister and older brother (adopted 3 years before we were,) have both died by suicide after being adopted into a violent family.
Because my twin and I were adopted after boding with my grandparents for a year ( bio mother also committed suicide,) I have no object or emotional permanency.
This disorder has resulted in a separation from my only child (an adult,) and I am completely alone family wise.
My chances of dying the same way feel overwhelming. I have become homebound since the separation; it feels a lot like someone with a mortal fear of snakes waking every day in a snake pit.
Thank you for sharing. My heart is with you and your long lost siblings. Being with other adoptees is crucial for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. You belong with other adoptees. You are not alone. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
Adopted at 3 days old.
How does one master the core issues?? Can we accelerate this so we can enjoy a portion of existence before the last day comes?
I ask the same question
By working with an adoption competent therapist who is proficient in adoption, internal family systems and helping through EMDR to install a new narrative to live by. If you are ready to work with a therapist here is a list of competent therapists for you: growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/
read below
Very good question. I guess it is not the purpose of all these "adoption's specialists", they d rather keep us in this eternal victim, hopeless state to control us and take our money..
We are a BIG business.
Accepting that our lives was rough, still are, and probably will always be,is meaby the key to have it a little bit less hard.
We were vulnerable orphans, surviving children, weird broken teens and lonely sad adults, and it is a miracle that most( I dont know the rate of suicide of adoptees, accorded to myself and those I know,I guess it is high), of us have survived through all this hell until today: I find it amazing, I thought I d be dead before my 30s, but I am still here, still struggling, lonely and lost. But meaby someday, I ll feel that I am belonging somewhere( I wish a nice tiny home in a beautifull countryside with an English garden🤞, and DOGS❤).
I dont think we can" heal" from our chaotic past, I believe we have to live with it, and accept that a lonely life can be acceptable if you have some money and independance.
Courage to you.
I have been diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder.I have also experienced Caucasian white American hatred. My Irish and Scottish Jamaica relatives have been supportive.Yes there are Caucasian white people born and raised in Jamaica West indies which happened with my birth family.
Thank you for sharing. Being with other adoptees is crucial for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. You belong with other adoptees. You are not alone. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
Thank you for answering. I found a very supportive youtube platform called adoptees on hosted by Haley. She is located in Canada. Thank you for caring!!!🤗😁
My parents died in a car accident supposedly but I dont know if it's true and I was stolen from the hospital. I don't even know my real birthday. My father told me people told him not to adopt me because I'm black. I like to be alone.
Do some DNA tests and you might be able to find out who your birth family is through cousins matches.
You are not alone and there is help. You will need to be with other adoptees. Join us here FREE SUPPORT GROUPS with other Adoptees across the country:
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/share/LFAsl_SBsiIxKCfZ?
10 Recommended Therapies for Adoptees::
www.jeanetteyoffe.com/post/10-recommended-therapies-for-adult-adoptees-by-jeanette-yoffe-m-f-t
Kindly, watch these videos:
Ideal Parent Visualization:
th-cam.com/video/z2au4jtL0O4/w-d-xo.html
Self-Therapy Tapping In:
th-cam.com/video/dBBTBYeBbmA/w-d-xo.html
Self-Acceptance Intervention:
th-cam.com/video/rtXfWd6H_Ro/w-d-xo.html
Rejection Sensitivity Interventions:
th-cam.com/video/aa9Kr_0YwJQ/w-d-xo.html
Thank you so much, i was adopted in 1985 From Colombia to dk born at san José hospital at 5.45 thats all i know, so i haven’t Found my birth mother yet stil have hope. i have trouble Connet to People find true freeindship, but it first at my 30 i find it heart Barking and paunful because time makes its harder to Connect with People after They have Got children and famely and so. I also Feel very rootless - so i Feel so alone, i dont Feel im connected to my fam and af The 30 i Feel i have only One real freind sometimes kan i buy The book online on podcast so i Can listen to it in-sted what was The name on it ? Thank you for all The seminar so meaningful and true. Good Pless you ♥️🙏🌺
Thank you for sharing. Please join one of our free support groups online here to connect with other adoptees. You are not alone. We are a community supporting one another!
celiacenter.org/events-calendar-support-groups/
I was adopted from Colombia as well in 1980! I don't know anything about my bio family.
LISTENING IN FROM AUSTRALIA.
Omg. This woman is amazing. Primal Wound was only an intro compared to this information
Where can I share my story other than with a therapist? Is there a place where I can talk about what happened and get feedback? I am not the adoptee. My brother is. I did not know about him until I was 48, and he was 49. It has been a couple of years, and I love him so darn much! We are best friends. Very alike for siblings raised completely differently. It is a great story, and it is a devastating story.
Yes please share your story with us at info@celiacenter.org
I have been alienated from my son since he was 3.hes now 14. I am wondering if he will ever come to find me?
Join a First Mother Support Group here:
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/320088
7:08 This is very interesting choice of words -- a product of an institution. Abandonded girls from cultures that prefer boys is a shining example.
So good 😊
Thank you 😋 Thank you for sharing. Being with other adoptees is crucial for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
I was adopted and recently we adopted a little girl ourselves. What is the right age to start talking about adoption? Jeff
As soon as possible and as soon as you are prepared. Please watch these videos here to prepare you: th-cam.com/play/PLv3YZUTYaRRvDKOW7Dyl6ama2_ci8Aieq.html
Straight away. Just talk about it in simple terms including the word ‘adopted’ from the beginning, and add more later based on her responses.
I have no recollection of being told - it just seemed like I had always known and that it was not notable. My parents were social workers working in adoption themselves and thus they just did things according to the best accepted practice. As a consequence, I just don’t feel any of the trauma that most adoptees do who engage with online content on the subject. They always told me that they’d help me find my biological parents and I had to tell them to stop as I had no interest and thus it was annoying (in the way it’s annoying when your parents go on about anything when you’re a teenager). Just a couple of weeks ago my dad told me that they’d found some files about it and my response was that I’ll continue to not look at those just like I’ve never looked at my birth and adoption certificates. I don’t want to know the information on them. (Conversely, I haven’t put any block to contact in place. If the biological parents want to seek me out for their own well-being then I’m willing to talk to them. I feel positive towards them - I’m just not interested in them.)
@@icturner23You give me hope. I've been reading many comments and I really feel so down 😢. I am Adoptive mom, my kids arrive home almost newborn. Like your parents, I always talk to my kids about their adoption
with words
they can understand. I tried to let them clear that they have an origin family. For me, be honest is the key for build a healthy relationship and show them my love. ❤
IN MY ADOPTIVE FATHERS WILL LAST YEAR , HE CITED THE REASON FOR GIVING HIS TWO BIOLOGICAL SONS 40% EACH OF HIS ( AND DEAR MOTHER'S ESTATE ) AND 20% TO ME WAS BECAUSE a) I DID NOT CONTRIBUTE TO THE FAMILY BUSINESS ( I WAS ARTISTIC AND MUSICAL ) AND b) THEY DID NOT ENJOY A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH ME FOR MANY YEARS. I WONDER WHY.........
establish your identity, allows you to commit to intimate relationships
❤totally get it
Children learn from the sins of their parents too-If you have decent honest parents they will tell you about their failings! And you will not do as they did-usally, sometimes
NO LADY....THAT WASNT ON MY MIND AS A CHILD. MY ADOPTION WAS A SECRET!!!!! THE ONLY THING ON MY MIND WAS HOW TO AVOID MY PARENTS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE IN A SMALL CONFINED SPACE.
Thank you for sharing. My heart is with you. Many adoptees were secrets. Know that being with other adoptees is crucial for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. You belong with other adoptees. You are not alone. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
41:00
Is cellular memory proven or is it sort of a new age concept?
Most research points to yes. Yet a study published in the online journal eLife now suggests that traces of a lost memory might remain in a cell's nucleus, perhaps enabling future recall or at least the easy formation of a new, related memory.
55:00
How can adoption children be able to have drugs in there body And the department of social services children protective services don't do nothing about the children
Addiction is destructive to families. Unfortunately, it is the number 1 reason why children enter the system. This is a pandemic, we need a cure for. The opposite of addiction is connection.
I wish these resources were available when I was a child
NO...I WASNT SUPPORTED IN THAT WAY. BECAUSE IT WAS THE FAMILY SECRET!!!!! I HAD ZERO EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.
ADOPTED AT 9 MONTHS. YES....A SHIT LOAD OF TRAUMA AND BAGGAGE!!!!
Thank you for sharing. Being with other adoptees is crucial for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. You belong with other adoptees. You are not alone. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
It happened due to Infidelity!
Mostly true.
Infidelity is bad News for Any child
NO SUPPORT WHERE I AM REGARDING THIS TOPIC.
Thank you for sharing. Being with other adoptees is crucial support for your healing process. This is a lifelong journey. You belong with other adoptees. You are not alone. Join our Free Support Groups here: Adult Adoptee Support Group- Virtual
celia-center-adoption-constellation.mn.co/landing/plans/307068
How can this be a must-watch for adoptees when it mentions a primal wound in the title? I have no such wound. I feel very positive towards adoption and everyone involved (hence being interested in the subject and looking for a video to have on in the background whilst I do some chores). I’m therefore commenting to say that it’s highly inappropriate to word things as though you are talking for all adoptees. You aren’t. Presenting it as though you are has negative consequences for both adoptees and non-adoptees. I’m not dismissing anyone’s experience but I don’t want mine dismissed either. One person being traumatized by adoption does not mean that another is.
Then don't watch the video. First of all you never mention what "primal wound" is in the title that upsets you so. If you're referring to the word "issues," then you're showing how stupid you are. If you don't have an issue with being adopted, then you don't need to watch this video. Stop complaining if you don't have an issue. You're making an issue instead of just going about your merry way.
You may be a very lucky exception among adoptees. How do you feel "very positive towards adoption"?
What kind of adoption are you refering to?
The reality is that a great percentage of adoption ends up in tragedy.. I’m happy your experience was good.
I have watched this video in awe. I have 2 adopted sons and all of what you have said is sooo true! Our sons have watched it with us and they also identify with alot of what was said also.
The outcome of our story is that we have come out the other side with more answers to our questions on why and how things have evolved and on the whole our sons are happy now. The oldest said, "The alternative to being adopted would have ended far worse for him and his brother." Given the unstabled background of their birth parents. Also, both had countless Foster Carers before we finally adopted them.
In lots of ways, there isn't enough information and support for EVERYONE concerned. If there was, maybe it would be a different story. Maybe if there was, it might help break the cycle, and Birth Parents would get to keep their children more.
I'm not sure how to fix it, but we believe in being honest about everything ( ŵhen appropriate), helps us to identify issues and hopefully move forward. As parents , we dont always get it right, but by educating ourselves, can, help us all to move forward.
On a side note, my husband had a very traumatic childhood and he stayed with his Birth Family. Watching your video resonated with him too. Keep up the good work and keep those videos coming! Thankyou x