I aged out of the system. Was tortured and molested. Absolute miracle I only have attachment issues. I have zero faith I’ll ever experience real love or trust it when it appears.
I was adopted when I was 2 days old. One of my earliest memories was the horror of being told I was adopted. I had an older sister who was my parent's biological child; she resented me. Unfortunately, my adoptive mother was an alcoholic during my formative years, and my father did nothing to stop the abuse. If I complained about the abuse, I was told I was too sensitive or had a persecution complex. I am in my 40s and have been in psychiatric care for 14 years. I do think that I suffer from an attachment disorder and CPTSD.
my story in a nut shell,so much went wrong in my brain the day they told me as I was going to bed one night and was about 10 and had came in late from playing,it felt like a punishment .I never slept that night,they also had their own child ,we hated each other.I rushed into a marriage at 17 to have my own family and became depressed for most of my life. I HATE ADOPTION,
Thanks 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 my dear late father grew up in an orphanage (his parents divorced, father gave him to an orphanage because his next wife didn’t want him in the house) and had many problems. He was an exceptional human being and fought against his inner demons. I look forward to your lections on this topic.
I spent most of my childhood in care over 20+ placements. I was curious to watch when I saw the title as I have with many of your insightful videos. Hard to listen at times, but I feel it’ll be good for the rest of my journey having done so. Thank you professor
Good day Sam! Thank you. You are my teacher. Ive been through 7 years with a covert borderline that was a life time "regular" con artist too. I lost my marriage of 30 years and my alimony support due to the ex-narc. Youre education has gotten me through 11 months so far. Trying to "re-parent" myself. Im 59 years old. Bad, bad, bad timing to learn this lesson. But...your education helps.
Hi Sam Your video on adopted children really hit home. My two youngest grandchildren who are the children of my daughter and her spouse were adopted from Ukraine and Russia. The boy was 2 and the girl was 3. They are now 20 and 21. Many of the problems you discussed were there. My children were not prepared for this and to complicate things my daughter has narcissist tendencies.I have been a therapist all my adult life. I Would love to talk to you . I have gained so much from many of your videos on personality disorder.Thank You.
I was taken from my mother at birth. Then handed around to foster families until adopted. Then my adopted parents divorced 2 years after they adopted me. i was sent to live with adoptive mothers parents for four years hardly ever seeing my adoptive mother. I always felt i didnt belong anywhere or understand who i was. My life has felt so difficult. I dont fit in with anyone. I was diagnosed with bpd. But it isnt correct. I dont concern myself with abandonment i prefer it because its more comfortable. I dont attach to others in the first place. I cant. I feel i have had thoughts about suicide since being really small. I think my adoptive mother has a PD. I am so glad you have listened to this Sam because it resonates totally with me.
This just makes adoption so much less desireable. 💔 Marilyn Monroe, comes to mind and how she faced difficulties in life, very much what you have described (she never knew her father and her mother gave her away before being institutionalised.). My personal experience too, two relatives both orphans without a father and mother who passed away, each of them absolute opposites in what they achieved in life but both differently broken personality wise. A heart bleeds for all those poor souls who are tormented by powers beyond their control so early in life.
I adopted my daughter at the age of 8 from foster care. She is now 16. Compared to my bio child, she consumed a lion share of the family resources (weekly therapy, special education, extra time with her, etc etc)., due to trauma, behaviors, etc. We all struggled greatly the entire time we had her but weren't giving up on her. I feel like raising her and struggling greatly and feeling like we couldn't have tried any harder yet feeling like she was not making any progress while the rest of the family were developing PTSD just from her explosive angry difficult behaviors and physical damage to the house that will cost thousands in repairs. She fits all the BPD symptoms (from abandonment to emptiness to impulsiveness). Every one of them. In the end she chose to run away and found her bio mother who is still struggling with mental and physical health and not gainfully employed to be able to financially support them both. I am almost certain based on their history they are resorting to shoplifting to maintain their "standard of living". My daughter thought "grass is greener" with the fantasy of her bio mother who herself is full of guilt and shame which are being easily manipulated by my smart teenager. I also feel heartbroken because she's been telling people that she "got kicked" out (even though we have police runaway reports and her therapist to say otherwise). I know she created a different narrative for herself as a self-defense or alibi because it gives her the most sympathies from those new in her life who do not know her well (yet). Not at all what I had envisioned our relationship would be after so much effort :(
@@jakemelinko that sounds quite awful and heart breaking. No parent ever wants to have their kids hate them. I hope you find some healing for yourself. My daughter is technically turning 18 in a year so my legal responsibility for her would technically be done. Time will tell if she come around wants to rebuild her burnt bridges with us.
@@beavertonneurofeedback2363 I understand you….it is tough…people like your adoptive daughter have always serious problems but that is NOT their fault. My late father had many, many problems, but my love and perseverance in that love eventually helped him to conquer his demons because I DID NOT abandon him like everybody else. Please, please, don’t forget that you are her mother forever not just for one more year. Please, do not abandon her.
@@SH-jg5zq kkI never ever abandoned her. She ran away. If anything I can claim to feel abandoned (although I don't). Relationship is a choice.I never want to be in a relationship with anyone who does not want to be in a relationship with me. Begging and pleading is only a turn off to the other party. I am simply grieving and working on my own healing I do my part 100% and they do theirs. I hope you heal yourself. Having to be there for someone who constantly pushes you is harmful for both parties. Everyone wants to have a choice who and when they want to be with. Being a martyr is overrated and counterproductive.
I have often wondered how my husband’s adoption may have influenced his mental health, our divorce and his relationship with his only child. He exhibits many covert narcissistic traits along with some bpd traits. After we had our daughter several years ago , he completely changed stating that he had portrayed himself to me as someone he was not. We were together since I was 16 and I had our daughter at 32. In 2020, as a 41 year old man, he abandoned our family and began an affair with a 19 year old girl who is the same age that as his biological mother was when she had an affair with a 40 year old married man in 1978 resulting in the birth of my husband.His biological father disappeared and he is estranged from his adopted parents ,never knew his biological parents and he has estranged himself from our daughter. I cannot help but see the parallels in his life and our current situation as he never struck me as the type to abandon his family . He also developed alcoholism after our daughter was born. I’ve struggled to understand if a mother he never knew could still be viewed as a “dead mother “and if these things have contributed to his issues. We are currently awaiting our divorce to be finalized and here I am at age 41 as a single mother .
Adopted at birth… I always thought I wasn’t damaged by this because my family is loving but now that I’m in my 40’s I see that is not true as I sit around self diagnosing autism? Bpd? Geez I’ve even gone so far as prodromal schizophrenia? Thanks love your channel… for sure its bpd. The videos about fantasy and delusions were really helpful 💙
Amazing and thorough, thank you! It’s very difficult to maintain relationships with biological parents when kids are adopted from foster care. They can be dangerous, often criminal, often very unreasonable people. As adoptive parents, we do maintain relationships with some of the biological family members, those who are willing to do so and are not a threat to our family or the children’s emotional welfare. Unfortunately, two of the children’s birth parents are deceased. I can attest to the fact that the older the child is the more mental health and attachment struggles there are. It’s a sad situation all around.
Thank you Sam ,this one is close to my heart . Your channel has helped me understand this particular subject and the ills that come with it . Much appreciated.
I hate adoption with a passion and you have described every nuance of the feelings and mental health problems it causes.I cannot speak for those who are so grateful to have had a happy upbringing and are so content etc. I dont believe that they are satisfied to never know their roots whatever they may say we all need to know who we are.ADOPTION SHOULD BE BANNED ! I could write a book on why.
My dad was adopted, he was generally pretty easy going however occasionally he would have temper tantrums and lash out and hit us kids. He would go into himself and become completely unaware of the fact that someone was trying to talk to him, he seemed to be a lost soul.
I was adopted at birth......my adoptive family are great people.....but they dont understand.....at all....and well.....its hard.....really hard because i know evwn though i know wht i am the way i am.....doesnt change it.....its like a black hole in my mind
Hi I was adopted. I'm adopted father started having sex with me at age 9 until 18. I'm currently suing them in a civil lawsuit. The only thing keeping me in check was my ex of 10 years..he was not perfect and stressed me out but he would never allow me to do self destructive things...my case has been on going for 3 years. .in June my adopted parents were at my deposition ( yes adopted mom stayed with him)) I will.tell you that everything changed when I saw they were there. I wanted to jump off the 25th story building in downtown LA....even worse I broke it off with my ex...of 10 years. I sabotaged my relationship... And now It's 3 months later. I've got a psychological examination in 20 days with a doctor that both sides have agreed upon. I moved to vegas and it's the worst place for me to be ..I'm struggling, my night terrors are back. I have met many many men and have sex . I ve done things that I am so ashamed of I want to die. I Hate myself every single day and I feel so alone in my life. Knowing my adopted parents...they want nothing more than to drag this out and to make me look bad...which of course I am. The only person who would not put up with my sh*! Was my ex and I pushed him away to the point that he Hates me. I'm turning 39 and literally have nothing to show for it. No hope for me
I know a pair who adopted 2 children. Both parents have good jobs, wealth and status in the community. I never understood how an icecold woman with zero emotions can adopt children. She never ever hugged the kids or gave them a kiss on the cheek or some bonding signs, as a normal mother would caress a child. I assume having kids was on her prestige checklist. Now the older child is over 20 years old and does nothing. No job, no study. I bet he will live with his parents till they die and he will be depending on parent's money forever. The younger develops a little better. So sad that orphanages look more if a possible new family has money, instead of looking for empathic couples.
I aged out of the system. Was tortured and molested. Absolute miracle I only have attachment issues. I have zero faith I’ll ever experience real love or trust it when it appears.
I was adopted when I was 2 days old. One of my earliest memories was the horror of being told I was adopted. I had an older sister who was my parent's biological child; she resented me. Unfortunately, my adoptive mother was an alcoholic during my formative years, and my father did nothing to stop the abuse. If I complained about the abuse, I was told I was too sensitive or had a persecution complex. I am in my 40s and have been in psychiatric care for 14 years. I do think that I suffer from an attachment disorder and CPTSD.
@@SP-qi8ur I was a cute kid and I was thinner.
@@SP-qi8ur My sister was my parent's biological daughter.
my story in a nut shell,so much went wrong in my brain the day they told me as I was going to bed one night and was about 10 and had came in late from playing,it felt like a punishment .I never slept that night,they also had their own child ,we hated each other.I rushed into a marriage at 17 to have my own family and became depressed for most of my life. I HATE ADOPTION,
@@DavidBarry-kn2ukungrateful
Thanks 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 my dear late father grew up in an orphanage (his parents divorced, father gave him to an orphanage because his next wife didn’t want him in the house) and had many problems. He was an exceptional human being and fought against his inner demons. I look forward to your lections on this topic.
I spent most of my childhood in care over 20+ placements. I was curious to watch when I saw the title as I have with many of your insightful videos. Hard to listen at times, but I feel it’ll be good for the rest of my journey having done so. Thank you professor
Good day Sam! Thank you. You are my teacher. Ive been through 7 years with a covert borderline that was a life time "regular" con artist too. I lost my marriage of 30 years and my alimony support due to the ex-narc. Youre education has gotten me through 11 months so far. Trying to "re-parent" myself. Im 59 years old. Bad, bad, bad timing to learn this lesson. But...your education helps.
Hi Sam Your video on adopted children really hit home. My two youngest grandchildren who are the children of my daughter and her spouse were adopted from Ukraine and Russia. The boy was 2 and the girl was 3. They are now 20 and 21. Many of the problems you discussed were there. My children were not prepared for this and to complicate things my daughter has narcissist tendencies.I have been a therapist all my adult life. I Would love to talk to you . I have gained so much from many of your videos on personality disorder.Thank You.
I was taken from my mother at birth. Then handed around to foster families until adopted. Then my adopted parents divorced 2 years after they adopted me. i was sent to live with adoptive mothers parents for four years hardly ever seeing my adoptive mother. I always felt i didnt belong anywhere or understand who i was. My life has felt so difficult. I dont fit in with anyone. I was diagnosed with bpd. But it isnt correct. I dont concern myself with abandonment i prefer it because its more comfortable. I dont attach to others in the first place. I cant. I feel i have had thoughts about suicide since being really small. I think my adoptive mother has a PD. I am so glad you have listened to this Sam because it resonates totally with me.
I have been waiting for this topic! Thank you
This just makes adoption so much less desireable. 💔 Marilyn Monroe, comes to mind and how she faced difficulties in life, very much what you have described (she never knew her father and her mother gave her away before being institutionalised.). My personal experience too, two relatives both orphans without a father and mother who passed away, each of them absolute opposites in what they achieved in life but both differently broken personality wise. A heart bleeds for all those poor souls who are tormented by powers beyond their control so early in life.
I adopted my daughter at the age of 8 from foster care. She is now 16. Compared to my bio child, she consumed a lion share of the family resources (weekly therapy, special education, extra time with her, etc etc)., due to trauma, behaviors, etc. We all struggled greatly the entire time we had her but weren't giving up on her. I feel like raising her and struggling greatly and feeling like we couldn't have tried any harder yet feeling like she was not making any progress while the rest of the family were developing PTSD just from her explosive angry difficult behaviors and physical damage to the house that will cost thousands in repairs. She fits all the BPD symptoms (from abandonment to emptiness to impulsiveness). Every one of them. In the end she chose to run away and found her bio mother who is still struggling with mental and physical health and not gainfully employed to be able to financially support them both. I am almost certain based on their history they are resorting to shoplifting to maintain their "standard of living". My daughter thought "grass is greener" with the fantasy of her bio mother who herself is full of guilt and shame which are being easily manipulated by my smart teenager. I also feel heartbroken because she's been telling people that she "got kicked" out (even though we have police runaway reports and her therapist to say otherwise). I know she created a different narrative for herself as a self-defense or alibi because it gives her the most sympathies from those new in her life who do not know her well (yet). Not at all what I had envisioned our relationship would be after so much effort :(
Please don’t give up. You are her mother now 🙏🙏🙏🌹🌹🌹
@@SH-jg5zq yes, I have to persevere until she is 18 years old. Fortunately, she's turning 17 next month so I am not far.
@@jakemelinko that sounds quite awful and heart breaking. No parent ever wants to have their kids hate them. I hope you find some healing for yourself. My daughter is technically turning 18 in a year so my legal responsibility for her would technically be done. Time will tell if she come around wants to rebuild her burnt bridges with us.
@@beavertonneurofeedback2363 I understand you….it is tough…people like your adoptive daughter have always serious problems but that is NOT their fault. My late father had many, many problems, but my love and perseverance in that love eventually helped him to conquer his demons because I DID NOT abandon him like everybody else. Please, please, don’t forget that you are her mother forever not just for one more year. Please, do not abandon her.
@@SH-jg5zq kkI never ever abandoned her. She ran away. If anything I can claim to feel abandoned (although I don't). Relationship is a choice.I never want to be in a relationship with anyone who does not want to be in a relationship with me. Begging and pleading is only a turn off to the other party. I am simply grieving and working on my own healing I do my part 100% and they do theirs. I hope you heal yourself. Having to be there for someone who constantly pushes you is harmful for both parties. Everyone wants to have a choice who and when they want to be with. Being a martyr is overrated and counterproductive.
I have been waiting for this video my whole life !
I have often wondered how my husband’s adoption may have influenced his mental health, our divorce and his relationship with his only child. He exhibits many covert narcissistic traits along with some bpd traits. After we had our daughter several years ago , he completely changed stating that he had portrayed himself to me as someone he was not. We were together since I was 16 and I had our daughter at 32. In 2020, as a 41 year old man, he abandoned our family and began an affair with a 19 year old girl who is the same age that as his biological mother was when she had an affair with a 40 year old married man in 1978 resulting in the birth of my husband.His biological father disappeared and he is estranged from his adopted parents ,never knew his biological parents and he has estranged himself from our daughter. I cannot help but see the parallels in his life and our current situation as he never struck me as the type to abandon his family . He also developed alcoholism after our daughter was born. I’ve struggled to understand if a mother he never knew could still be viewed as a “dead mother “and if these things have contributed to his issues. We are currently awaiting our divorce to be finalized and here I am at age 41 as a single mother .
Adopted at birth… I always thought I wasn’t damaged by this because my family is loving but now that I’m in my 40’s I see that is not true as I sit around self diagnosing autism? Bpd? Geez I’ve even gone so far as prodromal schizophrenia? Thanks love your channel… for sure its bpd. The videos about fantasy and delusions were really helpful 💙
Thank you so much for this video!! I'm an adoptive parent who adopted my child when she was 6 yr old. This has been helpful and affirming.
Amazing and thorough, thank you! It’s very difficult to maintain relationships with biological parents when kids are adopted from foster care. They can be dangerous, often criminal, often very unreasonable people. As adoptive parents, we do maintain relationships with some of the biological family members, those who are willing to do so and are not a threat to our family or the children’s emotional welfare. Unfortunately, two of the children’s birth parents are deceased. I can attest to the fact that the older the child is the more mental health and attachment struggles there are. It’s a sad situation all around.
Thank you Sam ,this one is close to my heart . Your channel has helped me understand this particular subject and the ills that come with it . Much appreciated.
I hate adoption with a passion and you have described every nuance of the feelings and mental health problems it causes.I cannot speak for those who are so grateful to have had a happy upbringing and are so content etc. I dont believe that they are satisfied to never know their roots whatever they may say we all need to know who we are.ADOPTION SHOULD BE BANNED ! I could write a book on why.
I would think even a surrogate would result in some of the same problems.
My dad was adopted, he was generally pretty easy going however occasionally he would have temper tantrums and lash out and hit us kids. He would go into himself and become completely unaware of the fact that someone was trying to talk to him, he seemed to be a lost soul.
Wow. This helps! Thanks for sharing this information.
Such an important topic. The human pysche is so fragile. It's designed for a utopian world only. Heaven help us!
I was adopted at birth......my adoptive family are great people.....but they dont understand.....at all....and well.....its hard.....really hard because i know evwn though i know wht i am the way i am.....doesnt change it.....its like a black hole in my mind
Hi I was adopted. I'm adopted father started having sex with me at age 9 until 18. I'm currently suing them in a civil lawsuit. The only thing keeping me in check was my ex of 10 years..he was not perfect and stressed me out but he would never allow me to do self destructive things...my case has been on going for 3 years. .in June my adopted parents were at my deposition ( yes adopted mom stayed with him)) I will.tell you that everything changed when I saw they were there. I wanted to jump off the 25th story building in downtown LA....even worse I broke it off with my ex...of 10 years. I sabotaged my relationship...
And now It's 3 months later. I've got a psychological examination in 20 days with a doctor that both sides have agreed upon. I moved to vegas and it's the worst place for me to be
..I'm struggling, my night terrors are back. I have met many many men and have sex . I ve done things that I am so ashamed of I want to die. I Hate myself every single day and I feel so alone in my life.
Knowing my adopted parents...they want nothing more than to drag this out and to make me look bad...which of course I am. The only person who would not put up with my sh*! Was my ex and I pushed him away to the point that he Hates me.
I'm turning 39 and literally have nothing to show for it. No hope for me
Could you talk about transracial adoptions?
I know a pair who adopted 2 children. Both parents have good jobs, wealth and status in the community. I never understood how an icecold woman with zero emotions can adopt children. She never ever hugged the kids or gave them a kiss on the cheek or some bonding signs, as a normal mother would caress a child. I assume having kids was on her prestige checklist. Now the older child is over 20 years old and does nothing. No job, no study. I bet he will live with his parents till they die and he will be depending on parent's money forever. The younger develops a little better. So sad that orphanages look more if a possible new family has money, instead of looking for empathic couples.
What is the TX doc❓ what smoothes this over in Adulthood ❓ Thank You 💐