It’s my opinion that should not even be a question. We keep rewarding the abuse. Their job was to take care of you and give you a stable life. Now you feel obligated to take care of them while they’re abusing you. For yourself, you have no duty to an abuser. They can behave or they can be alone, is their choice. Your number one job is to take care of yourself since they did not take care of you. Feedback welcomed.
Totally! Why to tolerate abuse? It's devastating Emotionally and physically establish strict boundaries if doesn't work then nursing home is the solution
Absolutely. Both of my mom's parents are textbook narcs. I keep telling her this, she finally started listening about a year ago. Shes never been happier.
@@NewDay8429 Easy to set standards ~ now firmly dedicate yourself to enforcing those standards on the High Road where Love Honor Cherish Thrives (all while they hit upon every last nerve/test your mettle.) Your new Mantra: "I'm Worth It."
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She ring's and ring's and ring's one evening eighteen times. I pick up the conversation starts then after five minutes her voice goes quiet can't hear you. This will go one fot twenty minutes. Shit. She drives me bat shit crazy.
Well this video came out 2 months after my narcissistic 98yo stepmother passed away. I truly did not wish her ill, but the relief in my life now that she is gone is amazing. My physical and mental health are both improved.
Amen!!!! Thank you... I needed to see your encouraging words. My mom has had zero respect for me my Entire Life!!! Even being in a convalescent hospital. I bring her flowers, gifts, food, my precious time with ZERO appreciation. With all that she meanly still projects. She said, you dont like me. I looked her straight in the eyes and said, " I just drove 70 miles to see you and bring you Thanksgiving dinner and this is the way you talk to me?" A lady sitting at the same table who had a stroke looked at me and said, " 70 miles! That was very nice of you." And that's what normal people say!!!! Yep! Time to follow my rainbow.
Amen to that. Was a caretaker for 23 years to my narcissist abusive mother all the way till the end. I’m sad I lost so many years to her cruelty. Life WILL get better though now that she’s gone. We all deserve healing.
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What I hate the most is that my narcissistic ultra-religious parents turned from abusive wolves into sly sheep in their old age. Now I am supposed to feel sorry for them now... and they conveniently "forget" any abuse they did in the past.
Then, you just might "Forget" to tell them how Very Full your schedule Really Is. Start with answering the phone calls with a very professional/pleasant tone when you greet ALL callers with "Good Afternoon"... Before you speak, remind yourself: My time is Valuable. Then, sound cordial, interested, and dedicated to heading back to work. Keep it light, short, and upbeat. Softly Hang Up on these Bye, Felicia no-accounts.
Two can play that game. I tell my mother that I myself am becoming forgetful in my late middle age -- forgetful of the evil I inflicted on her by being alive. 🤣
From a little girl I was told “Don’t make me live with you when I’m old.” Along with “I wish you would love far away so I never have to see your face again.” Wish’s granted you demon.
@@ursulasmith6402my narcissistic mother had FOUR girls. And she never wanted kids. She hated men, yet was married five times. She was extremely negative about EVERYTHING. she had me believing it her divorce From my father was my fault, as well as she blamed me for step dad leaving(now she admitted she wasn’t in love w/him). She had a long time partner die of cancer @his age of 40(mom was 51), and she said I didn’t help her enough thru that. When I was 17, she married a21yr old, moved away and left me behind because she said I’d steal her husband. She abandoned me! That marriage was a bust as he was a violent drug dealer, and when mom and one sister had to flee in the nite, my husband rescued them…mom blamed me that if I hadn’t been pregnant at that time I’d of been more helpful during HER time of distress. Her time of distress? WTH? Did she not remember she’d left me behind. Then she remarried again, this time an older man whom she treated horribly. She’d mock him on how stupid and unaware he is, right in front of him. She’d say, oh he’s so dumb he doesn’t even know it. She used men. Anyhoo, when she died in Feb of 2017, my sister said, “Well now the one person who’s responsible for your mental pain can no longer hurt you, you can now heal”!
I don't know if it's dementia-related, but my narcissistic mother tends to not remember bad things she did to others, but always remembers other people's flaws and use those against them.
Same.. Mums continues to ''FORGET". everything that she's done.. But God forbid, she forgets, or. Forgives. Anything Her her own parents or her siblings. Hv done to her. Her parents passed thirty or more years ago..n. Yet. Still. Holds. Grudges against them. Like. Her abuse. Happened yesterday..n. Then she tells me.. I Have to forgive.n. Forget. Everything that. She. n. Her. Abusive manipulative. Narcisstic husband. Has. Done to me. I HAVE TO Be the one. To FORGIVE.n. Forget..But. Not her.
I’ve just turned 60, but my mother has been manipulating and guilt tripping my sister and I since we were little. I still remember her sitting me on her knee when I was about 5 and telling me I don’t love her, I would tell her I do, over and over but she would keep insisting that I don’t until I cried… then she would say ok I believe you, you do love me😢 She did this quite a number of times! She has guilted us our entire lives in order to get her own way, she wasn’t very affectionate either, it was like cuddling a cold fish! She’s old and in a nursing home now and still manages to guilt my sister and I, I suffer terrible anxiety and I resent her so much, I wish I would have walked away years ago.
Your saddened heart walked into a corner, as a 5-yr-old, to turn away from that exhausting, lonely & creepy feeling. That 5-yr-old has been waiting for you to catch up and go for (long-awaited) walks in the open air ~
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That's the perfect portrait of my mother. The problem is... there's no way to talk to her or set bounderies like you suggest at the end, because she will get by all means what she wants. The last example, she has noticed that I never call to get some updates about her health issues (or my father's) after her appointments with different doctors. A few weeks ago, she said ironically that if I wanted to call to know how she is, her foot surgery was on X November. I know when her ego is hurt. So today, I came back home (my home) after a few days of absence and I had 2 messages on my answering machine : she said she will call me back to talk about her foot surgery, in a totally relaxed, even joyful voice, as if life was beautiful and normal. I know her by heart and I know she's like : "You don't want to hear it ? You're going to hear it though, because I'm the one who decides." But I decided to heal from my childhood and there's no way I'm going to lose my time with her attention seeking and manipulation. That phone call won't last long.
You are so brave. I'm 59, and my mother's carer .I put her needs before my husband , Adult kids & Grand children. I am exhausted trying to fit time into my days after I leave my Mother to see or help out with my family . I wish you well and applaud your brave stand whilst knowing I will never be free from this until one of us dies
If you have recognised what you are dealing with. There’s only one solution. No contact. Age nor illness is no excuse for abusive behaviour. Care homes are full of narcissistic people. Release them, let them go! They reap what they sowed. They are infected with the Wetiko virus, evil behaviour does not deserve compassion. You can love them from afar. Have compassion for that broken person from afar where they cannot hurt you any more. Move on, live your life and heal ❤
My mother is rude, cuts off my sentences, yells, calls me names and is rude in front of restaurant staff, puts down customer service workers, is lazy, entitled narcissistic, and drinks all my alcohol. She is a pain in the ass.
Your mom with Your Alcohol? Lock it in a fancy cabinet ~ hide the key ( as all of us with roommates-with-no-boundaries-YET do). And Girl, it's time for Mom-Interruptus To Behave (At Home & Abroad)
How do you set boundaries when this kind of person doesn't care about your boundries. They have no respect for no one. It doesn't work for long if you can get to work on them to begin with.
Another video that describes the problem. I know the problem. I live in the problem. So what do I do? Let's get to the solution right away. Stay on topic. You deliver very little on support and realistic action on how to cope with this very difficult problem. Focus on the solutions. Give examples of strategies. Model the new behavior for us. We know the problem. Every video ever describes the problem. I don't need any more of that. I need answers. One little paragraph of pat answers toward the end is not enough. Get some substance. I'm sorry I waisted my time watching this. Oh and your little cutsie tootsie music makes this all seem trite. It's insulting. This is a life long suffering problem. Don't trivialize it.
There are really good videos on the topic by Dr. Ramani, Terri Cole, and Dr. Les Carter - I highly recommend them! Their tips and advice are GOLD! I feel your frustration (I’m living in the crap stew, too!)
Wow. I really relate to this anger, I have it too. But this channel isn’t deserving of anger. The channel isn’t here to meet your specific needs. We are all at different stages and need different things, this channel meets particular needs superbly. Find the channels that offer what you need rather than demanding they be met where you happen to be. Your response is a bit close to the topic. Dr Gabor Mate can help you. Also Crappy Childhood fairy.
The title say “how to deal with…” not a treatise on the subject of, description of. So I guess I expected too much? I guess when I figure it out finally, I’ll need to take up writing my own content. It’s frustrating to read all about the problem. When I hoped for the how to deal with part, watched the entire content and was left on the porch with almost nothing but having relived the trigger experience. It was very accurate. I’m sure you mean very well and you are acknowledged for understanding and articulating the experience vividly. You really covered to subject very clearly. Please take my comment as a suggestion as to further exploration for further videos to really help people. I’m sure if you stay with it you I’ll get to convey the process of detachment. Keep going! You’re doing Gods work. We can’t recover alone. Also we must be able to say what we need. We all get better together.
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He does not abuse 1 out of 5 of his kids. The favourite golden child. It got so bad as Mum was dying that I realized once again he is not safe to be around. Having access to a firearm in his house and his disgusting behavior towards me- yeah ‘dealing’ with this aging narcissist reveals the only option is to get the hell far away and stay away. I would be stupid to even attempt to have a conversation let alone be stupid enough to not think he would harm me- unless he was fully supervised by competent adults who are used to dealing with violent psychopaths. He frequently physically hurt me in the past and with early onset dementia- and what I saw and experienced when caring for my dying mother- he is not right in the head. And since I dared stood up to him he sees me as a target to do whatever he thinks he can get away with, or worse. His dementia makes him truly unpredictable. And hell will freeze over before I will leave my kids without their mother all because some other family member or someone else used the term “he’s your Dad” and put myself in a position where he (this allegedly living father 🙄), could ‘snap’ and my kids are without a mother. No one is worth that. He was never a father to me growing up and thus I no longer see him as one.
It’s an awful thing to go through…such heavy responsibility and so unpleasant, 😢now I don’t even want to go see her at the home for the elderly where she is, I want and need to heal my body and spirit, whatever she left of me.
NPD is a mental illness. It has to be viewed like schizophrenia, bipolar and the other mental illnesses. It's tough having a very elderly NPD parent but I don't believe any of this is done on purpose. No one would choose to be like this. The only way I am finding peace is understanding my mother's responses are due to genetics, deep wartime trauma and arrested development. As my counsellor said, the only true 'no contact' is in your head! You can be there but you have to detach or at least try to.
This video is way too long, so let me make it easy for everyone and cut right to the chase. How to deal with an aging narcissistic parent? YOU DON'T! Choose yourself and your sanity and don't allow anyone (and there will be plenty of flying monkeys who do) to guilt trip you. Chances are they didn't see the abuse your aging narcissistic parent put you through, so they have no right to comment or dictate on your choices. While, in healthy and normal upbringings it's traditional to become caregivers to our parent (or parents), that shouldn't be the case when they're narcissists. This sounds cold but it's completely unacceptable and inappropriate to treat your child (or children) bad and expect them to take care of you in your old age based on titles alone. I'm sorry but you get in this life what you give! If you couldn't make me a priority when I was a child and felt burdened by my existence (that you caused btw), then don't expect me to feel any differently now that the roles are reversed. Case closed. Bye! 👋🏻
@lizziebkennedy7505 Not imposing anything. If you want to waste your time with a narcissistic parent, go on right ahead and enjoy yourself, but I promise you, you're wasting your time and destroying yourself in the process. Best of luck.
As a child, I seriously thought that my mother could die of grief if I disappointed her. Later in life, it was a revelation that not only did she survive my every outburst of independence, but she actually behaved semi-respectfully for a while after - once she was done with the theatrics of sighing and moaning very loudly.
"...focus on achieving YOUR goals by aligning them with THEIR best interests." Sorry, you're gonna have to get clearer on how that is not uncompassionate to yourself.
Very interesting clip - but PLEASE turn off this horrible unappropriate "music" ! That stupid noises make it quite hard to follow the content. Psychological abuse of children is no joke.
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I think both were bad and advice was worse. ageing narcs? I think the writer of this material ought to try it themsleves - then report back to the grown son/daughter. see how far that gets lol
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The cute cartoons, videogame sound effects, and bouncy music in the background are completely tone deaf. Try some brooding Mahler or something. The topic is horrifying and this is not even a Band-Aid. It's so bad I suspect it's AI generated.
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Part of me feels like the demonic took over the narcissist and when the person gets too old they discard the body and what’s left is the shell of the person whose never got to fully experience their own life.
My narc mom told us since we were children that, “she always felt different from the rest of the world…ever since she was little she was different, like she didn’t belong in this world”, for example, the holidays which she never cared for, (her mother did) she would say …”she felt like an alien in this world” “she always felt different” “she never like this world”. I say…There’s something strange with them…🤔I wander if the fallen angels did possessed the minds of this narcissistic people and many others like the psychopaths, sociopaths, etc.
@@AB-bl1fb idk. I’m trying to figure out how it works. I’ve been studying parasites and they operate the same way as demons. They might even be demons in the lowest life form, still parasites as small as they are can control your mind. They can make sure you feed them what they want so they can multiply. They can even alter your behavior. So for some it might not even be a full possession. But just inner demonic mind control by influence.
That's what my narc parent hated most, that of all her manipulations, guilt didn't work with any of us. Or, at the very least, it only worked some of the time.
The info is good but very hard to hear as the music is so loud on this video that it distracts from the words in it. The music is in the foreground and words in the background, and they are so hard to hear.
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Stay seperately from your parents or parents in law and set boundaries…even with the grandchildren if it’s voluntarily for the child.For example, if the child don’t want to be held at the time then be firm and polite to the parents about it.Show your children we can have opinions without hurting someone else feelings…
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Don’t feel bad my mother sent me a card two years ago - I changed my will. I don’t care- she will never have access to talk to me like I’m dirt ever again.
@@warangel4389 I agree. I don’t want the narcissist’s toxic blood money or inheritance . They can gladly keep it and pass that on to their golden child. I’d rather learn financial literacy,build wealth with investing and build my own finances. Besides narcissist (most likely )put a bunch of curses and hexes on anything they give to anyone else since they are evil. I don’t want stuff around me at all. No thank you.
I really like what you gave to say, but the background music is very annoying and distractive. I couldn’t focus on the message. Something to consider is no music. Thank you for all your insight and info. ❤
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My Grandad was a narc and was very sharp, my Nan was wonderfully loving and supportive but we lost her to Alzheimer’s. My Dad was a lovely soul that would give the shirt off his back to someone worse off and never expect anything in return, he had dementia in the end but had had various health issues that likely contributed to developing it. In my experience it doesn’t follow.
00:53 🔍 Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) involves impairments in identity, self-direction, and relationships, characterized by entitlement, lack of empathy, grandiosity, and manipulative behavior. 01:50 📜 Caregiver stories like Star's highlight the challenges of caring for an aging narcissistic parent, impacting mental and physical health due to the parent's self-centered behavior and manipulation. 03:40 🚸 Adult children of narcissistic parents often struggle with low self-esteem, chronic self-blame, and difficulty understanding healthy relationships. 04:07 🚫 Traits of narcissistic parents include immaturity, selfishness, aggression, guilt tripping, and manipulation, impacting their children's emotional well-being. 05:33 🗝 Children of narcissistic parents experience chronic shame, use of guilt as a tool, and the parental use of children to fulfill their own desires, leading to a lack of healthy boundaries. 07:45 🧠 There's a potential link between narcissistic traits and dementia, suggesting those with higher narcissistic tendencies may have an increased risk of cognitive decline later in life. 09:51 🛡 Strategies for dealing with narcissistic parents involve choosing battles wisely, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritizing self-care to navigate the challenges of caregiving.
@DoctorRamadi what if I found myself in a situation where I did in fact 'call out the narcissist' after enduring a bit all too much "crazy making" by the narcissist I am referring to... this individual was in the midst of throwing a tantrum while I was in the car and I "threw down my towel," "I did me" as you mentioned at the end of the video hah.. I am commenting because I felt impulsive as I called this person out, it definitely created a wedge in a relationship and lastly I feel a good amount of shame as I have to hold myself accountable for legit spelling out the $#!* (thank you for your insights and time if you catch my comment)
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I don't get it, what's wrong with baking cookies? .... although I can relate to a mohter insisting on being "the hero" to the point she gets excited when someone is sick so then she can step in and "fix" them, gets angry if you set a boundary and don't want to talk about your ailments, and doesn't get excited about every day positive things nor is willing to create little moments of cheer and laughter. .. .that's my story :( I find solace in friends and their families, tho. The Lord is good. :)
This is really bad advice. If you know they're narcissistic, run don't walk. RUN! Set them up in a care facility, whatever, just run. You can do everything they say in the video but it won't mean squat! Run, Forrest, Run!
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Both of them Narcissistic parents I took him for 60 years because my it was drama all the people throw it back in my face my mother was a cruel things around and telling people I'm of God help me. Everybody been around him for 3year.
I wish there was help about the type I experienced I always hear about Narc parents showing off or living vicariously through their kids like "Dance Moms" kinda vibes.... Now I had the opposite..... I was a natural incredibly talented dancer as a little girl.... but my mother refused to let me do ballet..... she would stop me from doing things she stunted my talents.... She would instead go around telling everyone how she was such a good ballet student that she got invited to Saddlers Wells.... it's a lie.... then when other people at school my teachers & others wanted me to do modelling or dance classes she made up a story that I was unwell & I couldn't do dance because it would be bad for my body...... I got a scholarship to sing in the national choir becasue they wouldn't pay to help me with a singing career & both parents used to criticise me & call me a show off when I would sing or dance....so I developed ingrained deep hatred of myself & felt inept & had no confidence to sing or dance or go to auditions ....so what kind of Narcissism was that they embarress me talk badly about me to other people not show me off....??!! Terrible things have happened to me awful horrific abusive relationships becasue I was used to being treated so badly not like a precious princess like other girls are treated..... then they my parents will shame me for being abused becasue in their mind I should never leave the house they have both sabotaged a couple of my jobs too.... showing up shouting or drunk then I've been too embraced to return friends who come from good families shy away I got a bad reputation at school because of my drunken violent father as though it was my fault & hysterical mother who used to start physical fights with him then complain about him everyday for decades....some of her friends who could see the truth about how she treated my siblings & I stopped being friends with her but she just blamed it on them being Bitchy arrogant everything except face how she's competing with her own children or simply abandoning my other siblings I'm a lot better bow in my self Love & confidence so there must be a sub category for those of us who's parents systematically sabotaged our attempts at career, marriage, having children, worst is this social shame they put on us its a whole different breed them gosspinging & complaining about their own children to cover their neglect & cruelty.....??
![เขามัทรี - เอ็กซ์ ศุภกฤต - จอนนี่มิวสิค [ Official MV ]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/AS9ufKuQIVs/mqdefault.jpg)
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It’s my opinion that should not even be a question. We keep rewarding the abuse. Their job was to take care of you and give you a stable life. Now you feel obligated to take care of them while they’re abusing you.
For yourself, you have no duty to an abuser.
They can behave or they can be alone, is their choice.
Your number one job is to take care of yourself since they did not take care of you.
Feedback welcomed.
@JoeCoxJr agreed. AGREED.
ABSOLUTELY!!!
agree
Totally!
Why to tolerate abuse? It's devastating Emotionally and physically establish strict boundaries if doesn't work then nursing home is the solution
Absolutely. Both of my mom's parents are textbook narcs. I keep telling her this, she finally started listening about a year ago.
Shes never been happier.
Rule #1: Don’t let them ever step foot in your home.
Finally got to that one after decades of lies, entitlement, manipulations & the impact on my mental health & wellbeing!
0:59AMEN!!!!!!!!!
That would be one way of closing the boundary door. lol
Easy for u to say.
@@NewDay8429 Easy to set standards ~ now firmly dedicate yourself to enforcing those standards on the High Road where Love Honor Cherish Thrives (all while they hit upon every last nerve/test your mettle.) Your new Mantra: "I'm Worth It."
The cheerful music is actually insulting. This is not a playschool fairy tale.
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I agree. Wagner would be more appropriate lol
@@CaregiverReliefplease redo this video without music. It’s like nails on a chalkboard
@@CaregiverReliefno music is required at all. Annoying and distracting.
I agreed terrible this song 😢
My aging mother is driving me crazy. Thank you for this video. I appreciate the support and understanding.
Diddo!!!!
My mother is driving me crazy as well. She lives with me so there are no boundaries unless I leave the house....😕
You have to put your narcissistic parent in their place, they need you & you do not need them. Force them into therapy, don't give them a choice.
Not sure if this helps... hut you are not alone. Remember to put yourself first. 😊
She ring's and ring's and ring's one evening eighteen times. I pick up the conversation starts then after five minutes her voice goes quiet can't hear you. This will go one fot twenty minutes. Shit. She drives me bat shit crazy.
Well this video came out 2 months after my narcissistic 98yo stepmother passed away. I truly did not wish her ill, but the relief in my life now that she is gone is amazing. My physical and mental health are both improved.
98 😮
I hope my parents do t live that long. Wow
Edith can live in a nursing home while Star begins her journey of healing. ❤
THIS is the correct answer. 🙌
Amen!!!! Thank you... I needed to see your encouraging words. My mom has had zero respect for me my Entire Life!!! Even being in a convalescent hospital. I bring her flowers, gifts, food, my precious time with ZERO appreciation. With all that she meanly still projects. She said, you dont like me. I looked her straight in the eyes and said, " I just drove 70 miles to see you and bring you Thanksgiving dinner and this is the way you talk to me?" A lady sitting at the same table who had a stroke looked at me and said, " 70 miles! That was very nice of you." And that's what normal people say!!!! Yep! Time to follow my rainbow.
bloody obvious to those who have walked in these shoes, egads! @@julieanna8495
Amen to that. Was a caretaker for 23 years to my narcissist abusive mother all the way till the end. I’m sad I lost so many years to her cruelty. Life WILL get better though now that she’s gone. We all deserve healing.
@@briansennett8460 Live the Beautiful life now you deserve. With many more Beautiful years to come.
Big Hugs girlfriend 🌈🥂❤
The music is RIDICULOUS and takes away from the whole video!
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Too LOUD 🔊
What I hate the most is that my narcissistic ultra-religious parents turned from abusive wolves into sly sheep in their old age. Now I am supposed to feel sorry for them now... and they conveniently "forget" any abuse they did in the past.
Then, you just might "Forget" to tell them how Very Full your schedule Really Is. Start with answering the phone calls with a very professional/pleasant tone when you greet ALL callers with "Good Afternoon"...
Before you speak, remind yourself: My time is Valuable. Then, sound cordial, interested, and dedicated to heading back to work. Keep it light, short, and upbeat. Softly Hang Up on these Bye, Felicia no-accounts.
Mine just say they are "too old" to talk about anything except what they want or do anything they dont feel like
The forgetting, it's called "gaslightling"
Same here.
Two can play that game. I tell my mother that I myself am becoming forgetful in my late middle age -- forgetful of the evil I inflicted on her by being alive. 🤣
From a little girl I was told “Don’t make me live with you when I’m old.” Along with “I wish you would love far away so I never have to see your face again.” Wish’s granted you demon.
👍🏼👍🏼demon,…it’s correct, that’s exactly what they are.
wow how evil how evil it is so frustrating...Let them have the wish ..oh i am so angry...
Yep. Go you good thing, take precious care of you.
I still don't understand the whole thing. People, please, if you don't want children, DON'T HAVE ANY!
@@ursulasmith6402my narcissistic mother had FOUR girls. And she never wanted kids. She hated men, yet was married five times. She was extremely negative about EVERYTHING. she had me believing it her divorce From my father was my fault, as well as she blamed me for step dad leaving(now she admitted she wasn’t in love w/him). She had a long time partner die of cancer @his age of 40(mom was 51), and she said I didn’t help her enough thru that. When I was 17, she married a21yr old, moved away and left me behind because she said I’d steal her husband. She abandoned me! That marriage was a bust as he was a violent drug dealer, and when mom and one sister had to flee in the nite, my husband rescued them…mom blamed me that if I hadn’t been pregnant at that time I’d of been more helpful during HER time of distress. Her time of distress? WTH? Did she not remember she’d left me behind. Then she remarried again, this time an older man whom she treated horribly. She’d mock him on how stupid and unaware he is, right in front of him. She’d say, oh he’s so dumb he doesn’t even know it. She used men. Anyhoo, when she died in Feb of 2017, my sister said, “Well now the one person who’s responsible for your mental pain can no longer hurt you, you can now heal”!
I don't know if it's dementia-related, but my narcissistic mother tends to not remember bad things she did to others, but always remembers other people's flaws and use those against them.
Same! I decided to cut all ties today, after 45 years of abuse.
Same.. Mums continues to ''FORGET". everything that she's done..
But God forbid, she forgets, or. Forgives. Anything Her her own parents or her siblings. Hv done to her.
Her parents passed thirty or more years ago..n. Yet. Still. Holds. Grudges against them. Like. Her abuse. Happened yesterday..n. Then she tells me..
I Have to forgive.n. Forget. Everything that. She. n. Her. Abusive manipulative. Narcisstic husband. Has. Done to me.
I HAVE TO Be the one. To FORGIVE.n. Forget..But. Not her.
I’ve just turned 60, but my mother has been manipulating and guilt tripping my sister and I since we were little. I still remember her sitting me on her knee when I was about 5 and telling me I don’t love her, I would tell her I do, over and over but she would keep insisting that I don’t until I cried… then she would say ok I believe you, you do love me😢 She did this quite a number of times!
She has guilted us our entire lives in order to get her own way, she wasn’t very affectionate either, it was like cuddling a cold fish!
She’s old and in a nursing home now and still manages to guilt my sister and I, I suffer terrible anxiety and I resent her so much, I wish I would have walked away years ago.
Mine did that same thing. You don’t love me wah wah wah gee I wonder why
Your saddened heart walked into a corner, as a 5-yr-old, to turn away from that exhausting, lonely & creepy feeling. That 5-yr-old has been waiting for you to catch up and go for (long-awaited) walks in the open air ~
God that is appalling. I'm so sorry you went through that and I hope you get all the healing you deserve 🩵
Oh God,the hurt..😢 I love you stranger
Great content. The bouncy music in the background is distracting. I read the slides deck without sound for better understanding.
It's like carnival music while they drive us insane and we go all Darkman at the circus lol
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How to deal with an aging narcissistic parent.......Don't
😂😂I agree!
Walk away. Never come back.
That's the perfect portrait of my mother. The problem is... there's no way to talk to her or set bounderies like you suggest at the end, because she will get by all means what she wants. The last example, she has noticed that I never call to get some updates about her health issues (or my father's) after her appointments with different doctors. A few weeks ago, she said ironically that if I wanted to call to know how she is, her foot surgery was on X November. I know when her ego is hurt. So today, I came back home (my home) after a few days of absence and I had 2 messages on my answering machine : she said she will call me back to talk about her foot surgery, in a totally relaxed, even joyful voice, as if life was beautiful and normal. I know her by heart and I know she's like : "You don't want to hear it ? You're going to hear it though, because I'm the one who decides."
But I decided to heal from my childhood and there's no way I'm going to lose my time with her attention seeking and manipulation. That phone call won't last long.
I had to start ending abruptly phone conversations at 10 minutes.
You are so brave. I'm 59, and my mother's carer .I put her needs before my husband , Adult kids & Grand children. I am exhausted trying to fit time into my days after I leave my Mother to see or help out with my family . I wish you well and applaud your brave stand whilst knowing I will never be free from this until one of us dies
If you have recognised what you are dealing with. There’s only one solution. No contact. Age nor illness is no excuse for abusive behaviour. Care homes are full of narcissistic people. Release them, let them go! They reap what they sowed. They are infected with the Wetiko virus, evil behaviour does not deserve compassion. You can love them from afar. Have compassion for that broken person from afar where they cannot hurt you any more. Move on, live your life and heal ❤
I just looked up what you were talking about, Weriko is a book? Where did this concept come from? I’m very interested. Thanks
My mother is rude, cuts off my sentences, yells, calls me names and is rude in front of restaurant staff, puts down customer service workers, is lazy, entitled narcissistic, and drinks all my alcohol. She is a pain in the ass.
Sounds like my mom, minus the alcohol part. Unfortunately, it doesn’t get better as they age 😕
May I suggest that you hide your alcohol? After all ~ they most probably hid it, themselves.
Is there any way you can EVICT her from your life?
Your mom with Your Alcohol? Lock it in a fancy cabinet ~ hide the key ( as all of us with roommates-with-no-boundaries-YET do). And Girl, it's time for Mom-Interruptus To Behave (At Home & Abroad)
@@danabaillie3948 Mom needs House Rules, Fo Sho. Well-Behaved Narcissists may enter here ~ until they're decidedly Not.
I'm sorry but my mom is going to the nursing home
How do you set boundaries when this kind of person doesn't care about your boundries. They have no respect for no one. It doesn't work for long if you can get to work on them to begin with.
You do it. You set it and hold it. They will HATE it and give massive grief. But they are not involved - you hold the boundary. 100%.
Don't be a caregiver to them...walk away, never look back...not your problem
Another video that describes the problem.
I know the problem. I live in the problem. So what do I do? Let's get to the solution right away. Stay on topic. You deliver very little on support and realistic action on how to cope with this very difficult problem. Focus on the solutions. Give examples of strategies. Model the new behavior for us. We know the problem. Every video ever describes the problem. I don't need any more of that. I need answers. One little paragraph of pat answers toward the end is not enough. Get some substance. I'm sorry I waisted my time watching this. Oh and your little cutsie tootsie music makes this all seem trite. It's insulting. This is a life long suffering problem. Don't trivialize it.
There are really good videos on the topic by Dr. Ramani, Terri Cole, and Dr. Les Carter - I highly recommend them! Their tips and advice are GOLD! I feel your frustration (I’m living in the crap stew, too!)
Wow. I really relate to this anger, I have it too. But this channel isn’t deserving of anger. The channel isn’t here to meet your specific needs. We are all at different stages and need different things, this channel meets particular needs superbly. Find the channels that offer what you need rather than demanding they be met where you happen to be. Your response is a bit close to the topic. Dr Gabor Mate can help you. Also Crappy Childhood fairy.
The title say “how to deal with…” not a treatise on the subject of, description of. So I guess I expected too much? I guess when I figure it out finally, I’ll need to take up writing my own content. It’s frustrating to read all about the problem. When I hoped for the how to deal with part, watched the entire content and was left on the porch with almost nothing but having relived the trigger experience. It was very accurate. I’m sure you mean very well and you are acknowledged for understanding and articulating the experience vividly. You really covered to subject very clearly. Please take my comment as a suggestion as to further exploration for further videos to really help people. I’m sure if you stay with it you I’ll get to convey the process of detachment. Keep going! You’re doing Gods work. We can’t recover alone. Also we must be able to say what we need. We all get better together.
it was very disappointing, agreed
I agree with you totally
Good video but really really annoying back ground music.
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I'm dreading it!!!! Already starting.
He does not abuse 1 out of 5 of his kids. The favourite golden child. It got so bad as Mum was dying that I realized once again he is not safe to be around. Having access to a firearm in his house and his disgusting behavior towards me- yeah ‘dealing’ with this aging narcissist reveals the only option is to get the hell far away and stay away. I would be stupid to even attempt to have a conversation let alone be stupid enough to not think he would harm me- unless he was fully supervised by competent adults who are used to dealing with violent psychopaths. He frequently physically hurt me in the past and with early onset dementia- and what I saw and experienced when caring for my dying mother- he is not right in the head. And since I dared stood up to him he sees me as a target to do whatever he thinks he can get away with, or worse. His dementia makes him truly unpredictable. And hell will freeze over before I will leave my kids without their mother all because some other family member or someone else used the term “he’s your Dad” and put myself in a position where he (this allegedly living father 🙄), could ‘snap’ and my kids are without a mother. No one is worth that. He was never a father to me growing up and thus I no longer see him as one.
Are there red flag laws in your area? Can you report that a dementia patient has firearns? What a dangerous situation.
Good Lord Edith is my Dad. Who I am currently caring for 😩 I am too tired.
Same, praying for you 🙏🏼🥹
Please pray for me ❤
It’s an awful thing to go through…such heavy responsibility and so unpleasant, 😢now I don’t even want to go see her at the home for the elderly where she is, I want and need to heal my body and spirit, whatever she left of me.
A video I need to see.
No my darling I dont deal. I walk away. You dont owe this people anything
NPD is a mental illness. It has to be viewed like schizophrenia, bipolar and the other mental illnesses. It's tough having a very elderly NPD parent but I don't believe any of this is done on purpose. No one would choose to be like this. The only way I am finding peace is understanding my mother's responses are due to genetics, deep wartime trauma and arrested development. As my counsellor said, the only true 'no contact' is in your head! You can be there but you have to detach or at least try to.
That requires an almost sociopathic ability to disconnect.
I'm still trying 😂@@madeleinegrayson8372
This video is way too long, so let me make it easy for everyone and cut right to the chase. How to deal with an aging narcissistic parent? YOU DON'T! Choose yourself and your sanity and don't allow anyone (and there will be plenty of flying monkeys who do) to guilt trip you. Chances are they didn't see the abuse your aging narcissistic parent put you through, so they have no right to comment or dictate on your choices.
While, in healthy and normal upbringings it's traditional to become caregivers to our parent (or parents), that shouldn't be the case when they're narcissists. This sounds cold but it's completely unacceptable and inappropriate to treat your child (or children) bad and expect them to take care of you in your old age based on titles alone. I'm sorry but you get in this life what you give! If you couldn't make me a priority when I was a child and felt burdened by my existence (that you caused btw), then don't expect me to feel any differently now that the roles are reversed. Case closed. Bye! 👋🏻
Too long for you, don’t impose it on the rest of us,
@lizziebkennedy7505 Not imposing anything. If you want to waste your time with a narcissistic parent, go on right ahead and enjoy yourself, but I promise you, you're wasting your time and destroying yourself in the process. Best of luck.
makes the 'reap what you sow" ever so true in this case indeed
@@oppressednolonger1497 Exactly!
As a child, I seriously thought that my mother could die of grief if I disappointed her. Later in life, it was a revelation that not only did she survive my every outburst of independence, but she actually behaved semi-respectfully for a while after - once she was done with the theatrics of sighing and moaning very loudly.
"...focus on achieving YOUR goals by aligning them with THEIR best interests."
Sorry, you're gonna have to get clearer on how that is not uncompassionate to yourself.
Yes, no practical advice at all!
Just don't. Leave them be.
Very interesting clip - but PLEASE turn off this horrible unappropriate "music" ! That stupid noises make it quite hard to follow the content. Psychological abuse of children is no joke.
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Good content but the background music was horrible. Repetitive and agitated
I think both were bad and advice was worse. ageing narcs? I think the writer of this material ought to try it themsleves - then report back to the grown son/daughter. see how far that gets lol
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The cute cartoons, videogame sound effects, and bouncy music in the background are completely tone deaf. Try some brooding Mahler or something. The topic is horrifying and this is not even a Band-Aid. It's so bad I suspect it's AI generated.
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Hell no, off to the nursing home you go!
I can’t listen to this as the background jingle music is super annoying!
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Say rip to your wellbeing, it's over. They win. They always win every time. The system high fives them covertly.
The system protects the victimizer and we continue being the poor victims. Such injustice!
My story 🥲
Being good to these demons doesn’t pay well.
Only if you let them. Get counselling. Put boundaries in place. Do not be a victim. Start winning
Dreaming of the day I can go no contact.
Do it!!
My mother would never keep a promise but she would always keep a threat.
You leave them to their own devices just the way they left you when you needed help.
Part of me feels like the demonic took over the narcissist and when the person gets too old they discard the body and what’s left is the shell of the person whose never got to fully experience their own life.
My narc mom told us since we were children that, “she always felt different from the rest of the world…ever since she was little she was different, like she didn’t belong in this world”, for example, the holidays which she never cared for, (her mother did) she would say …”she felt like an alien in this world” “she always felt different” “she never like this world”. I say…There’s something strange with them…🤔I wander if the fallen angels did possessed the minds of this narcissistic people and many others like the psychopaths, sociopaths, etc.
@@AB-bl1fb idk. I’m trying to figure out how it works. I’ve been studying parasites and they operate the same way as demons. They might even be demons in the lowest life form, still parasites as small as they are can control your mind. They can make sure you feed them what they want so they can multiply. They can even alter your behavior. So for some it might not even be a full possession. But just inner demonic mind control by influence.
@@AB-bl1fbType in on your computer…..” Is there a demonic influence in the narcissist?” you will find some really interesting articles!!
That's what my narc parent hated most, that of all her manipulations, guilt didn't work with any of us. Or, at the very least, it only worked some of the time.
How do children come to know they have narc parents? Isn’t the lack of insight what keeps them believing their life w/ their narc parent is normal?
Because they are traumatised
The info is good but very hard to hear as the music is so loud on this video that it distracts from the words in it. The music is in the foreground and words in the background, and they are so hard to hear.
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Stay seperately from your parents or parents in law and set boundaries…even with the grandchildren if it’s voluntarily for the child.For example, if the child don’t want to be held at the time then be firm and polite to the parents about it.Show your children we can have opinions without hurting someone else feelings…
The background music did not line up with the seriousness of the subject.. It was very distracting so i couldn't watch the whole video.. Too bad.
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why are you playing such happy music throught all of thisss ??!!! .... anyway, good info, thanks.
The sound is absolute terrible 😔 I can't listen longer...
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Nailed it
My narc sister can do everything, can't care for someone who tried to destroy me. She's Daddy's little girl anyway. Doubt I'm even in the will.
You can challenge that. The courts look unfavourably on such behaviour.
Don’t feel bad my mother sent me a card two years ago - I changed my will.
I don’t care- she will never have access to talk to me like I’m dirt ever again.
@@warangel4389 I agree. I don’t want the narcissist’s toxic blood money or inheritance . They can gladly keep it and pass that on to their golden child.
I’d rather learn financial literacy,build wealth with investing and build my own finances.
Besides narcissist (most likely )put a bunch of curses and hexes on anything they give to anyone else since they are evil. I don’t want stuff around me at all. No thank you.
This is a very useful video.
Good. Educative
Thank you for the info. The music is very destructive.
I really like what you gave to say, but the background music is very annoying and distractive. I couldn’t focus on the message. Something to consider is no music. Thank you for all your insight and info. ❤
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That thumbnail had me cracking up, that narc mother looking is so funny.
Annoying music for content subject. It's not a happy circus music moment.
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For first time I hear, dementia can be linked to narcissism. But I know a case f this with close relative of mine.
My father is covert & has dementia. My mother-in-law is Overt & likely has Alzheimer's by the brain MRI.
My Grandad was a narc and was very sharp, my Nan was wonderfully loving and supportive but we lost her to Alzheimer’s. My Dad was a lovely soul that would give the shirt off his back to someone worse off and never expect anything in return, he had dementia in the end but had had various health issues that likely contributed to developing it. In my experience it doesn’t follow.
Dont care . You owe no one nothing .
💯
00:53 🔍 Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) involves impairments in identity, self-direction, and relationships, characterized by entitlement, lack of empathy, grandiosity, and manipulative behavior.
01:50 📜 Caregiver stories like Star's highlight the challenges of caring for an aging narcissistic parent, impacting mental and physical health due to the parent's self-centered behavior and manipulation.
03:40 🚸 Adult children of narcissistic parents often struggle with low self-esteem, chronic self-blame, and difficulty understanding healthy relationships.
04:07 🚫 Traits of narcissistic parents include immaturity, selfishness, aggression, guilt tripping, and manipulation, impacting their children's emotional well-being.
05:33 🗝 Children of narcissistic parents experience chronic shame, use of guilt as a tool, and the parental use of children to fulfill their own desires, leading to a lack of healthy boundaries.
07:45 🧠 There's a potential link between narcissistic traits and dementia, suggesting those with higher narcissistic tendencies may have an increased risk of cognitive decline later in life.
09:51 🛡 Strategies for dealing with narcissistic parents involve choosing battles wisely, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritizing self-care to navigate the challenges of caregiving.
@DoctorRamadi what if I found myself in a situation where I did in fact 'call out the narcissist' after enduring a bit all too much "crazy making" by the narcissist I am referring to... this individual was in the midst of throwing a tantrum while I was in the car and I "threw down my towel," "I did me" as you mentioned at the end of the video hah.. I am commenting because I felt impulsive as I called this person out, it definitely created a wedge in a relationship and lastly I feel a good amount of shame as I have to hold myself accountable for legit spelling out the $#!* (thank you for your insights and time if you catch my comment)
The background music is a bizarre contrast with the content. We already have cognitive dissonance. Just skip the music, please.
I don’t know…throw mamma from the train??😂
😂😂
My mother is 87 a narcissistic and has dementia.
OMG - this video - the KI voice and music turns me off very much. Can´t watch it.
Is it narcissism or dementia.
7:45
Both! Yikes!
The background music...get rid of it. Distracting.
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The music for this video is distracting.
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did know you were suppose to care for a aging narcissistic parent?! im doing NOTHING
Help!
Why do you have this strangely incongruous background music? I find it distracting and too difficult to listen to this video. Am moving on
Background music super annoying given the subject matter
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I couldn't get past that stupid music that did not match the subject matter at all. I had to turn it off.
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@@CaregiverReliefstop spamming this useless response. Just stop posting videos on a serious subject with cartoon music.
Background music is infuriating
I am not concerned about their care and I won’t be assisting. Look for a nursing home now!
What is with the background music!!! Sheesh
It's weird taking counseling advice from what is obviously an AI voice misreading the script.
My mother can't stand that I won't let her be the hero of my life. She has the weirdest fantasies, i.e. baking cookies and calling me her "baby" ugh
I don't get it, what's wrong with baking cookies?
.... although I can relate to a mohter insisting on being "the hero" to the point she gets excited when someone is sick so then she can step in and "fix" them, gets angry if you set a boundary and don't want to talk about your ailments, and doesn't get excited about every day positive things nor is willing to create little moments of cheer and laughter. .. .that's my story :(
I find solace in friends and their families, tho. The Lord is good. :)
This is really bad advice. If you know they're narcissistic, run don't walk. RUN! Set them up in a care facility, whatever, just run. You can do everything they say in the video but it won't mean squat! Run, Forrest, Run!
You should cut the intro back. Takes to long to get to the point.
I literally can't listen to this because of the absolutely annoying music
I think Living with npd parent is better than listening this horrible music.
That music is really annoying
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horrible background music, had to stop.
Ez u dont
Both of them Narcissistic parents I took him for 60 years because my it was drama all the people throw it back in my face my mother was a cruel things around and telling people I'm of God help me. Everybody been around him for 3year.
Annoying music
The music is very distracting, had to stop watching
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Can’t stand this music!!
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I wish there was help about the type I experienced I always hear about Narc parents showing off or living vicariously through their kids like "Dance Moms" kinda vibes.... Now I had the opposite..... I was a natural incredibly talented dancer as a little girl.... but my mother refused to let me do ballet..... she would stop me from doing things she stunted my talents.... She would instead go around telling everyone how she was such a good ballet student that she got invited to Saddlers Wells.... it's a lie.... then when other people at school my teachers & others wanted me to do modelling or dance classes she made up a story that I was unwell & I couldn't do dance because it would be bad for my body...... I got a scholarship to sing in the national choir becasue they wouldn't pay to help me with a singing career & both parents used to criticise me & call me a show off when I would sing or dance....so I developed ingrained deep hatred of myself & felt inept & had no confidence to sing or dance or go to auditions ....so what kind of Narcissism was that they embarress me talk badly about me to other people not show me off....??!! Terrible things have happened to me awful horrific abusive relationships becasue I was used to being treated so badly not like a precious princess like other girls are treated..... then they my parents will shame me for being abused becasue in their mind I should never leave the house they have both sabotaged a couple of my jobs too.... showing up shouting or drunk then I've been too embraced to return friends who come from good families shy away I got a bad reputation at school because of my drunken violent father as though it was my fault & hysterical mother who used to start physical fights with him then complain about him everyday for decades....some of her friends who could see the truth about how she treated my siblings & I stopped being friends with her but she just blamed it on them being Bitchy arrogant everything except face how she's competing with her own children or simply abandoning my other siblings I'm a lot better bow in my self Love & confidence so there must be a sub category for those of us who's parents systematically sabotaged our attempts at career, marriage, having children, worst is this social shame they put on us its a whole different breed them gosspinging & complaining about their own children to cover their neglect & cruelty.....??
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The music is so distracting.
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