I remember sitting between my arguing parents each saying (about me) “I don’t want her” “I don’t want her, either” during their divorce. Needless to say how this impacted my self-esteem, poor relationship choices and fear/avoidance-based decisions MY ENTIRE LIFE. I’m now 60 and am reclaiming my life. MY life. This channel helps so much! 🙏
Wow... The level of cruelity is astonishing. As if you didn't even exist or matter in any way. It was all about them being disgusting and broken, and was not at all about you not being lovable. That was never the case. It takes so long to fully own that it was their brokenness all along, not yours. I'm still working on this and hoping my subconscious mind gets this. I'm still trying my hardest to heal but it's so hard. I'm so sorry your parents did that to you. I wish you full healing and wholeness.
I am so sorry, I went through that, and still so sometimes with different situation. I am so glad you are able to live your life now. I am 41 and trying to also. Please know that you are so very loved. Lots of love to you! ❤❤❤
I feel like society normalizes narcissistic parents too. Each time I've talked about the following points I am met with the idea that "oh, but they are your parents and it's like that sometimes." The gaslighting goes beyond the immediate family structure it seems.
thats because they don't know how severe their narcissistic level was. everybody has some level of narc in them, its whether mild or severe. those severe could never do self-reflection.
YES, IT DOES. It's one of the reasons it's such a frustrating conundrum when therapists and other people who really are trying to be helpful practically shout at us "YOU MUST FIND SUPPORT!!" but when other people outside the family gaslight us like that -- where the h*** are we supposed to find that support???
@@spaideman7850 that's not true no matter how often it is repeated. Not EVERYONE is narcissistic to some degree and it's just the "level" of narcissism. Narcissists prey on those of us who possess no narcissistic traits. We're their ideal person.
The difference between "having narcissistic traits sometimes" and "being a narcissist" is that the traits are nearly always based on some triggering context, without which the person is getting along otherwise, perhaps for years. This does not make the person a narcissist. A narcissist is someone whose behaviors are always, always, always narcissistic as to form an adult lifetime of consistent patterns, often getting worse with age. To say everyone has some level of narcissism is essentially saying everyone is a narcissist, and this is not correct.
I was raised by 2 narcissists. I was never hugged, never told “I love you”, never encouraged or supported. I never felt loved and never got any affection whatsoever. Only criticism and put downs. They really broke me. Same thing when I married my narcissist husband. I am finally realizing this and how I disassociate from life. I’m finally trying to heal.
I’m sorry. For what it’s worth I’ll be ur dad. I have experience raising a 2 y/o daughter thru 50/50 coparenting. All you gotta put up with us lectures, chores n dad jokes. Other than that you’ll get all the love, support, n hopefully something in common we can share ^_^
I was raised by a narcissist mother but my dad was so beaten down by her verbal skills, that he would beat me at her will. I never got hugs either. I was the black sheep of the family because I was born a sigma male. I do not accept hierarchy that is imposed. That is why they hated me but, even with the beatings, I grew stronger each day because I am INTJ-A sigma. You need to get out of your marriage if still in it. Those people are broken and have no path to wholesomeness apart from Jesus but they don't see themselves in need. My mom claims to be a christian, yet once said to me "you crucify me more than Christ was crucified." That is blasphemy and an utter lack of any kind of understanding of her own need for Christ. Run away. I am able to deal with my mom because since I little I saw her as broken. My grandmother would give me hugs and no beatings. So, it was clear how broken she was, even to a 5 year old boy.
THE IDEALIZATION OF THE TODDLER STAGE. My jaw is on the floor. This is all my mom. “You were so fun when you were little.” She only loved me until I could think for myself.
Yeah,me too!!! I was always told “ you were so cute - as a little girl”, like I’m some kind of monster now. ( I’m 70 and so called father is 90 ) I’ve been away from him for 30 years- now I’ve got to take care of him 😣😣😣😣😤😤😤😤. My parents divorced when I was 4 yrs old - my mom took my brother ( 2 yrs younger & handicapped) with her & left me with the asshole. **** I don’t fault her - I’m glad she took my brother away from this monster!!! ( my brother became handicapped because he was thrown against a hot radiator - trying to protect mom from the monster. ). I tried running away at 6 yrs, 8 yrs, 12 years & finally at 18 - legally I could. When I left at 12 years, I tried to get into the house to get something to eat - the locks were changed. I slept in a neighbors garage - under their boat. Went to school - eventually he was arrested for child endangerment. I saw him again at 21 & 44 years. Now - ALL that trauma haunts me - having to return to live in that f’en house. He has no friends - just a few students that admire him. I’m relying on” the grace of God” to get me thru this “ shit-show “. Not only do I have to deal with the monster - but also 3 squatters that he allowed to live there - *** they’re finally out, but all their crap is in the basement. “Arg “...." I certainly don’t need this at my age.... I hope the loser dies soon
This is my sister with both of her kids and my NARC ex with his daughter (16 now ) and has no use for her she is closer to me than him. And when we met, my youngest, my daughter was 4 and for a few years he "adored" her especially to my family and his family and friends. She is almost 11, and we recently finally split and he's barely interacted with her the last 3 years. They are both evil ( my sister and my ex).😢
I was raised in a narcissist family. You have no identity of your own, and when you try to create your own identity....all hell breaks loose. Thanks for your video. 👍🇺🇲
When my father died I was broken for a year. After two years I felt much better , and now after 9 years I don't miss him. Not at all. Which I think is kinda strange, but maybe he had narcisstic traits . He was a very dominating personality. He would start arguements at dinner time (I hated sitting down for dinner with him present). He would be in charge of my finances, even into adult hood. I was not working, and as far as I remember when I was 15-16 trying to get (temporary) jobs I would receive criticism from my parents about the way I dressed, the way my hair was styled, too much makeup etc when heading to interviews . He would also complain if talked about wanting to go work in a flower shop (not my daughter) . My sense was that it shamed him. I never ended up working , ended up on disability and my dad took over my accounts (which he had set up when I was early 20s). I did end up being a perpetual student as I was raised believing that only the highest degrees possible are worth it. I felt worthless while I had no degrees, and now with a MS I still feel worthless. I don't remember ever having a face to face converstation with him where I felt like an equal. It was more like being called in to talk to the boss at work. Off course he never said he loved me , but that could have been his generation. He also never hugged me, unless told to do so by my mom. Ended up very akward hugging. My mom is more gentle but maybe to the point where you are expected to protect and take care of her. I feel like I never gained independance. Now at 50 I'm still living in a house they bought for me and my brother, my brother also still doesn't work . I just feel my life is wasted from the start. But I'm still not convinced they are( and were) narcs just too controlling. They did like to treat us like 5 year olds still to this day. I think it also stems from a sense of being needed. My world will collapse if anything were to ever happen to my mom. Is that trauma bonding? She is loving in private . So I think it's just narc traits . Which most of us display probably.
That was my M-I-L. But my mother was worse. Went NC and have absolutely no regrets. They’re both deceased and I’m still healing from both of them. I hope you’re healing too.
We are more educated, now about this age old tragedy of shame they downplayed and turned into history repeating on us. I look at the reasons and try to forgive. Forgive in the name of modern therapy. To no avail. We are more educated in modern times about how wrong using and abusing people has become. No! We ar bigger and better than that stupidity that has ruined so many people. We can love unconditionally like the buddhist says. The less control you try to have, the more ability to change you will have. To say, break the history and love better as you wish to be loved and if it is not reciprocated, you are not loving the person you need. Move on, and find the one who loves you for your whole worth.
I'm sending you a BIG warm hug and tons of love. I feel your pain by your words. You sound like a sweet., sensitive, lovely person who deserves to be loved to bits and pieces❤❤❤
I have come to the conclusion that my mother never loved me. My siblings and I grew up never receiving hugs. When we got older and she tried to hug us it was awkward and cold. The years of projection, gaslighting, and physical/verbal abuse. I feel like I’ve been robbed of years of my life. She manipulated lied and caused so much confusion and turmoil in my home. Yet, I still love her. I was groomed and trained to be a mom before my time. In essence I became the parent to my mom and I am relearning that she is not my responsibility.
You speak for many, I'm sure. Thanks for putting it into such a direct and sussinct way. Many parents, of course, we're raised the same way. I'm not sure if they had the tools in the past to understand what was being done to them so they could possibly prevent the nonsense from being passed on. I'm glad we can heal.
My mom literally sabotaged my green card and told me she was glad to do it. The worst part is I married a woman like her and didn't know it till it was too late. I escaped my marriage mostly unscathed. She sabotaged my green card too. Now I'm forty, moms passed and I'm divorced rebuilding my life. I have zero tolerance for any type of toxic or narcissistic behaviors
@@jenmayo777 I'm grateful for the kind words. Life isn't stable at the level I'd like but I'm working towards it. Your good energy lends momentum and transformations to help with the goal. Thank you.
Holy shit bro my mother did the same thing Instead of helping me get my green card as a young kid She choose to pay 10k for her boyfriend green card He left her and not together anymore I left the house at 17 and I’m 27 haven’t talked to her in 10years 💕
@@realjcoop182 the world is your's to do with what you will. It helps to remind ourselves after living for other people so long. You got brothers out here you'll never meet that love you and want you to be happy.
I grew up hearing "you used to be so cute, idk what happened" or "we found ya in the trash pile (burn pile) i r3alized when i was older it was a joke because my white mom had belizian dark skinned kids and then had to move back to her American home town. So they were joking I was burnt. So many narcs in my family and mom is the golden child, not a narc, but so traumatized she totally dissociates and she also chose to be with a physically abusive and angry narc throughout my childhood from age 7 and for my whole life after :(
My aunt sneaked through after 2 years of me blocking my mother. She is all for my mum now as her own daughter just discarded her recently. My mother's family are cruel. I had my say with said aunt and now I'm healing all over again after being triggered! It's best to never give them the time of day ever
I was also the scapegoat in my family, and after telling my mother to essentially go and F herself after 44 years of straight up abuse and then being ignored, unless she wanted money, I let the healing begin and I’ve never felt BETTER. I would be happy if I knew she was reading this. I hate her with a passion.
@@MapsLab-u5z your mother's family sounds alot like my mother's family. Sorry u had to go through that it really is horrible. I'm glad u were able to go no contact with them.
@tommymack4372 Thank you Tommy. Yes, forgiveness is key, but it is best to stay away as it causes you to feel negative and angry and have to start all over again. Sometimes it's best for all involved - love them from a distance and pray their hearts soften 💕
same, always treated the blacksheep of the family despite excelling in academics and other stuff, rn im in the middle of academic slump and basically has no motivation to study, i hope things get better for all of us who suffer from narcissistic parents
It has taken me 66 years to realize how much I have been abused by my mother and my siblings, her golden children. Nobody sees what I have been through but as you say, I have to live in my own truth...I have to keep myself distant as much as possible..
@@MsMaryPatricia I can't believe how many people are living with similar problems to mine. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister: all golden children who could do no wrong. I could do no right. My self esteem and reputation have been trashed by the self righteous mindset of these bullies who will never repent of their wickedness and will never respect me. I am beginning to pick up the broken pieces of my life and start creating a life without them. Unfortunately, I can't make a complete break without hurting other people I truly care about. But, less is more! Less involvement, minimal socialization, expect nothing, set myself FREE and live the best life I can without looking back!
HI, right there with you. I'm sixty one years old and my mother will never change either. She refuses to recognize any achievements I"ve made in my life and actually expected me to move back home to take care of her, disrupt my entire life for her, even after finding out I had a heart attack and need help myself. By the way, I"m the scapegoat and she "can't stand" me. My sister, the golden child, is an RN and lives about fifteen minutes away from our mom. I live several states away from them ( on purpose) Bless you and me for all we have been through emotionally with these narcissists.
I have found, also a a survivor and as a professional who treats narcissistic abuse, that when you cannot get away from the parent for whatever reason, I work to predict the behavior. We talk in sessions about doing a game or even a bingo card about what the narcissistic parent is going to say, usually at family events. Predicting the behavior allows us to separate from the negative, narcissistic comments and lessen their emotional impact. Hope this can help you.
My father was a vocational high school teacher. He came home every day and took a nap for two hours. Me and my golden child brother had to be quiet for 2 hours. Then dinner. Then he read the paper after dinner. If you needed help with homework forget it. It was soon time to go to bed. See how he made himself emotionally unavailable to us. I just had this conversation with his cousin's wife. Last night. She tried to make excuses and said he had a bad childhood. His parents were narcs. That is no excuse. He denied me tutoring when I was failing Algebra in the 7th grade which later cause me to fail Algebra in college. He physically abused me. Pulling 4 of my bottom teeth out with pliers at age 5.My teeth had long roots on them. He was a failed oral surgeon. He did not have a license to practice. He was a dental assistant and had actually dropped out of the program at the time. My mother allowed all of this craziness She was a narc to. I could have bled to death. I should have been taken to a dentist.
@@elizabethmadron1336 OMG!!! Baby teeth?? WTH?!? That's horrifying and nobody helped you!! That's traumatizing just to read I will never understand people who deliberately hurt a child. Those kinds of thoughts never cross my mind
Absolutely true. My ex-mother-in-law only loves my ex-husband for what he can do for her. She loves to brag on him being a Doctor. She says “people can’t believe I raised a doctor.” I want to tell her she is wrong on that, she raised a son that became a cheating, abusive husband and father. Medical school made him a doctor.
I'm sure she would mention something to take credit for the medical school, like she paid for it. And blame your actions on pushing him to cheat, and provoking him to abuse, etc. They never have accountability when someone else is negatively impacted by their actions.
I'm in tears reading all these comments, mostly from people my age (older than 50) and how it impacted our lives. We grew up not knowing what was wrong with them and how it caused so much pain and destruction in our lives. I pray that each and every one of us can heal and spread love in this cruel world.
The world is not cruel but some people are. Choose your own "family" through healthy friends and abandon those who abuse you, regardless of "blood" relations.
I once tape recorded how my mother (the matriarch of our clan) spoke to me whenever we were alone. I played it back to family who hadn’t previously believed me. Everyone FROZE for 10 seconds and then went back to their conversation as if nothing happened! It was like their brains said, cannot compute so ignore what you just heard. I realized many things at that point in time.
I once had an argument with my narcissistic mother. She would accuse me and say the most horrible things to me. Then I simply parrotted her word for word, straight back in her face. She flipped her shit and said "How can you talk to people like that?!" I simply replied "Those were literally your own words to me." She was lost for words, but then she started screaming. Suddenly my grandmother walked in and said "You two shouldn't be in the same room.." No, my grandmother is not a narcissistic, she's the only one in the family who actually supports me, the black sheep
A lot of family members are uncomfortably aware but say nothing because they don't want to come under fire themselves. Either you go along with the naricissist or you are their enemy. There's no middle ground to the narcissist.
@@kengaroo5170 I hadn’t done what she wanted because I’m not a mind reader. Thing is if you want your kids to love you and respect you, don’t scream at them constantly and then maybe they’ll start thinking “oh mum could use some help, I’ll do the dishes” But instead we were too scared to do anything because it was always wrong 😑
I once mentioned to my parents that PARENTAL love is (and should be) unconditional. They both answered at the same time: "Since when?" That explained EVERYTHING!
@@Agameda1 that was meant as sarcasm. Most narcs I've met feel they are owed undying love, respect, loyalty, etc. My narc mother used to scream at us at how we "owed" her respect while telling us we were lucky she was letting us live with her till we were 18. We were little when she started telling us the day we hit 18 we were out on the street. All 3 of her kids left home before we hit 18.
I remember as a child, in the early years of being a teenager, being uncomfortable with my father's affection, but without realizing why exactly I felt this way. I realized years later that his love was conditional, and that I was uncomfortable with it because it was fake. He doesn't love me; he loves to control me.
Yes, you were uncomfortable because he was a virtual stranger. I'll bet he never got close and played physical games with you - probably never read you a story. My wedding photo describes you and me... the photographer wanted a picture of my dad and me alone. We stood side by side and then he said "look at each other", and I turned but felt myself pull my body back, away from him. In the picture he is standing straight and I am bent, in a real effort to get away from him and be able to look at him in the eyes - so close! My love and thoughts are with you. Have a really happy life, you deserve it.❤
I get it. I remember not understanding why I didn’t feel comfortable calling my mother “mom”. I never did because I now realize that she didn’t want to be one. You’re not alone.
Yes yes yes. I am 52 years old and my son's asked me why out of the 3 family portraits hanging over the stairs the only one my dad is smiling in is the one I am not in. I am the oldest of 8 and only recently learned why I was outcasted from the family. I am definitely the family scapegoat and it extends to my children. So sad. But it is what it is.
Omg!!!!! This is my childhood . Each item is precisely how I grew up. NEVER understand what was true and what was false. My mother would take one side on an issue in public and the complete opposite at home. So confusing we all walked on eggshells around her. She seemed always angry. She was an expert at shaming me and mocking and making fun of me. She absolutely crushed me to my core. I did not find out she was narcissistic til I was 45. Years and years of therapy did not help a whole lot. My professional life was good. I educated myself, went to college. Personal life was a wreck. I have never recovered. I am 75 yrs old now and still suffer. She ruined my life and stole it from me. Too late for me now. I cried when I read this because it is EXACTLY how my mother was
You are still alive. Don’t let her steal the rest of the time you have left! Do what you want, what you can, what you THINK you can, and do not care what the others might say. You still have life left. Take it back.
I can understand what you have been through, the pain is always there and you always wonder how your life would be different if you were raised by a normal parent… I know it’s harder now but try to do whatever you loved to do as a young person or child to bring joy to your life
I think a lot of people in the pathway of narcissists (like children) begin to train themselves not to feel the pain. It can take multiple decades to get good at it but I do believe it helps because it frees the mind and emotions to explore and enjoy life. It's like cutting the anchor loose and sailing away.
This is absolutely correct. My mom only loved me in public. At home she didn't want me and wished she had an abortion with me cuz she told me. She humiliated me every day. The verbal and physical abuse was beyond horrific. The name calling was sometimes inconsolable. My sister and I would cover each other's bruses and welts from being beat just a few hours before school. My sperm donor only liked me if everything was ok. He was never there. He's a drunk! He only cares about himself and his money. They never loved me. I am not them. My kids are everything to me. God, never let me be anything less than the best mom I can be for my kids and grandkids. Amen, 🙏🏼
You were soo much stronger than her! I always heard the excuse "I had it worse when I was a kid"! Now that I'm older and confront them, all they do is turn into one big sorry excuse... Stay strong and God bless...
My mom used to tell others in public stupid things we kids did to embarrass us (every child makes mistakes, but she would laugh about it). Once old enough I had to scold her to stop doing it. She did, but what a pain in the ass until she stopped.
The ‘Golden Child’ vs the ‘Scapegoat’ child really hit me hard, my brother’s definitely more “cherished” by my narcissist father and he ended up becoming a narcissist himself, where I fell down the ‘people-pleaser’ route for many years.
This one is complicated for me, because I was the golden child pre-adolescence and my younger sister with the scapegoat. The roles switched after I became a teenager.
Wow I know a people pleaser who married one narcissist after another, with the last of whom he had two sons. She is raising her oldest to be like herself.
@@TielMama777 he’s improving his situation. Finally. Had to diminish who he was for years in order to minimize the damage on the kids. It has been a hellish time attempting to raise kids with a narcissist. He now knows what she is, but before he used to make excuses for her, like even saying that her calling him names came from a place of love. He has grown a lot. I realize that I also fell for their tactics. They truly are master manipulators. So we have to forgive ourselves for giving them too many chances, appreciate the knowledge we possess now, go on and enjoy our days.
@@leonab545The way they become skilled (though often unconscious) manipulators was almost always (if not, always) their way of surviving in their own family unit growing up, to receive conditional "love" and not be neglected. Daniel Mackler talks about this better than I could here. It's a cycle and people like us are breaking them one at a time. Bless your souls.
That’s actually a terrible idea, and I’ll tell you why. You have to understand: you have the right to be angry. Feel what you feel. Suppressing your emotions is only going to harm yourself and others far more than you can imagine. The butterfly effect is very real. I know from experience; I took that exact path and I hurt people I loved so much. I lashed out because I wasn’t expressing how much I was actually hurting. I wasn’t allowing myself to feel the anger, hurt, and betrayal I felt. You have every right to mourn the death of parental love you never received. Let your wounds get some air so they can heal. Only then will you not be like them. After all, anger isn’t a negative emotion by itself; it’s how you use it. Anger is a powerful motivator for change, but only when you allow yourself to feel it and steer it in the right direction. Hard, but possible.
Same also the guy above me has his way to deal with this. Knowing how history repeats itself my mother was/is a severely damaged child too. I'm not sure if she loves me but I want to
Narcissists need to be avoided completely. There should be no compassion or affection for them because in the end there won't be...the longer we cope with their abuse, the greater the likeliness we become anusers or narcissists ourselved... after all the what does the narcissistic ever give us that a normal human couldn't give! Egomania, pride, vanity, jealousy, guiltrip, love bombing? No narcissists need to stay away... The heart needs love and narcissists hate love.. They find the idea of it weak.so they should be avoided to be at peace and in love! Without reservation!
Reading comments, wow, so many of us. I grew up thinking that I was alone in this planet. Sociopath father and cover narc mother. I ended up getting married to a cover narc (what a surprise). But never gave up, I have a decent happy life. I'm 56. And helping my kids to go through all this. My 19 year son is the one who showed me this videos. Thank you Danish!!
This issue is taboo; it feels dangerous to mention it outside certain channels. It feels clandestine and shameful. It would be easier to talk about witchcraft than talking about the witches in disguise we all know behind doors.
@flacabal you’re in a big family of children who have narcissistic parents. I have found support through the comments in these videos and it’s comforting that we are not alone and that we are worthy of love and a good life. I wish you all the very best.
My first husband who was a lovely man, the father of my child, died when he was 35 years old and my son was 15 months old. Within a few months a man who worked at the same company as my husband made a beeline for me. He couldn’t have been nicer at the start. Nothing was too much trouble. We later married. At first he was good with myself and son but as my son grew older that was when the control started. I left my husband 2 years ago. I feel so guilty and sad that I subjected my son to ex’s behaviour for so long , which has had a big impact on him. I just wish I knew what a narcissist was years ago. Having said that I had been so beaten down by ex I wouldn’t have had the confidence to leave at that time. There seems to be an awful lot of narcissists around. Why is that? 😥😥
I truly thought I was alone in the world living with a Narcissistic mother! It turns out there are thousands and maybe millions of us. I am a 69 year old lady that was used and abused by this " Thing" until I was A shell of a human. Thank you for your insight.
Wow! This described my mother spot on. I am the only person in my family who understands my mother is a narcissist (I'm the scapegoat). They all are brainwashed and gaslight and think that I am the problem. When I finally realized and came to terms with the fact that my mother did not love me, and actually hated me lividly, it changed my life. Allowed me to let go of so much. It is a hard thing for a child to come to terms with, they will lie to themselves and find reasons to convince themselves that their parent loves them because it is such a heartbreaking thing for a child to know.
I’m in the same boat. My mother has turned my siblings against me. And my father has been abused by her for so long it’s just normal to him. He doesn’t see it as abuse. I’m the only one who can see things clearly. It’s heartbreaking.
You came to what it took a wonderful therapist to get me to. “If they were not related to you, are they people you would seek out to be friends with?” I was horrified ‘NO!’ She let me just sit with my answer. They were liars, telling me who I was and they had no idea, bringing up the past but changing it to elevate themselves. I couldn’t buy any gift that EVER pleased them but anything they did, acted like it was the kindest, most elegant thing ever. They were exhausting.
@@katyjahn1353 It's hard when you're the only one that can see it. It's like they are brainwashed beyond approach. And when you try to get through to them they just act like you are crazy. The only thing that has helped me is distance. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that they were never going to wake up. EVER. It's sad but you just have to eventually learn to let them go.
Yep. I grasped and understood that my mother was a narcissist in my 20s and went no contact. So of course the narcissist makes sure that the rest of the family are brainwashed even though they know at heart she doesn’t love them. All relationship are for utility to them.
I wish i could hug every person who grew up w parents who made them feel unworthy of love. It’s so far from true. and I hope you can find the love within yourself so you can find your person and/or soulmate, whichever you believe in who will never make you doubt yourself or your purpose in this crazy narcissistic world. ❤❤ the evil parents clearly didn’t find it in themselves and so they take it out on their biggest blessings in life which isn’t fair. Be the one to break that cycle!!!
My parents not only want to erase my individuality, they want me in the ground for not being their puppet, it's disturbing how demonic these creatures are. Great video, Danish.
Totally disturbing. And yeah, it's cuz they're full of demons. As a believer in Jesus, I began to realize it's totally demonic. And what's wild is they lie to themselves and others so much, they begin to believe their own lies, act like nothing happened, like they have no clue, and expect you to believe their bs too.
Both of my parents were narcissists too, and yeah...they didn't love me...at all. I'm an only child, and also the scapegoat. I've learned how to be alone, and be fine with it. Especially now days because it seems like the level of narcissism in people has taken over, and it seems like they're everywhere. It makes it hard to meet good friends.
The hardest part is trusting people to even think about being friends. They really do a number on your emotions and I do not feel friendships are worth the risk. 😢
@@NCrdwlf how did you do it? Because yes I’m a recluse hermit although I crave friendship and companionship 😢😭…I think it wouldn’t “bother” me so much if the world wasn’t in such chaos….but because the world seems or is so scary right now, being so alone brings me even more anxiety….I am stuck in a mental prison
I had 1 narcissistic parent and the other passed when I was 10 weeks. I'm now on the path of Bhakti Yoga, and I love you, unconditionally. ❤ We all deserved better.🙏
My mom hated me and had my dad and brothers pile on. When I showed artistic talent early on and people would give me art supplies, she threw them away and wouldn't let me take art classes in school. When I was sick or injured, she wouldn't take me to the doctor, but my brother was rushed to the clinic for the slightest ailment. I walked on broken bones and, when I my brother knocked me over in a bike race and I was gravely injured with a TBI and bleeding wounds, she told the neighbors who had rescued me from the street and taken me home in their car, "Don't bring her in the house: she'll get blood on the carpet." It's a nightmare to grow up like this. I rebelled inside and made my own life, but the pissed off, suicidal 4 year-old terrorized little girl is still her with me. Thanks so much.
it's sad to say it, but an easy way to help everyone is to just tell the woman the truth, just start a conversation and start talking about her flaws... narcists can't cope with "i'm doing something wrong to others", if it was my parent i'd help her to realise that in this universe she's rather unwanted. Either she realises the truth and accepts her wrongdoings and tries to fix it with the little time she has left, or either she messes up herself and leaves our gameserver in anger, uncertainty, ... The older someone gets, the harder it is to let them accept the whole truth. I could let my father get a heart attack if i wanted too, but i don't. I know where his narcissism originated, lets say he grew up in "our" situation, and the "good" parent he had died at his age of 7yr. That doesn't mean i agree with his behaviour, but i know how and why he is like that and I learned to protect myself and others from that. My father knows his "charm" is totally useless against me, on the contrary, i unknowingly gave him a few experiences that chipped away from his "I'm elite"-way of thinking. It's not all fun and games, but the results are that he abandoned his most evil behaviours and now is a lot more bearable. He's still narcisstic, people very close to him sadly enough still have to endure that, but at least now i don't hate him anymore for what he is. I've done my part. Deep inside those people do know that they're behaving badly, it's just that no-one lets them realise how hurting they are to others. I guess you have a hard nut to crack; go into a massive fight with a parent that might end badly, or give that person the opportunity to have a last minute change in life. It's never too late to be a better person if u ask me, and if they're really unwilling to be a good person, i'm quite sure their next "round" in the game of life won't be so gentle for them...
I was the scapegoat in my house and yet - my mom left me to be her caretaker in the end. For all the reasons she hated me, she knew I was the one who would do right by her. And I did. People can treat you however they want, but I always remember, I work for God. It’s HIM I have to do right by.
You have literally described my childhood. How I wish the internet had existed when I was at an age where I could have realized the truth DECADES earlier. I might have had a chance to develop more self-esteem and made much better choices. I could have started healing at an age where it would have made a difference in my adult life. I remember when I realized the parents of friends loved their children in a way mine did not but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why. I never drank, skipped, did drugs. I never disobeyed in any way. In fact I excelled at everything I did; principal flute, majorette captain, honors society, etc. So if I was doing all that and still not worthy of love I must then just be INHERENTLY unworthy. As a person I didn’t deserve love. Ask me whether my first husband was basically my parents. I cry wishing I had a do-over. Do yourselves a favor. Go no contact as early as you possibly can. ❤
It's sad but true. My aunts and uncles told me they didn't think my mother was going to let me grow up if you know what I mean. They're just never going to change. Constant recriminations never any hugs never told good job. To this day she's the same at 87 years. Everything's my fault. They are just not going to change
My life, summed up. My mom has left a legacy of manipulations,lies,pain, favoritism etc. I realized I married my mom twice ,first with an overt narc and then a covert narc. I am kinda suspicious of men , don't want to be hurt again .
ESPECIALLY during the Holidays....😢 my BDay is on Christmas Eve but I have not Celebrated it nor Christmas (I miss Tamales) nor New Yrs and my fave.....not even Thanksgiving (I miss Cooking) I have Celebrated these Holidays for x6 yrs It's super lonely but Peaceful
Boy, is this 💯% correct! I grew up with a narcissistic mother and this describes my hellious upbringing just exactly. Narcissists don’t have the capacity for love because it’s always only about themselves.
My dad's "love" was ONLY about how anything good we've done reflects on HIM. He cares only for himself. He would even brag about what major we chose ("I convinced them!") how we did well in school because HE helped us and HE'S smart and we're his kids. It was always, always, always about him. Even the rare times he calls us for our birthdays he 99% talks about himself. "Happy Birthday! I've been so busy, I'm doing amazing stuff at work everyone loves me, blah blah blah."
My narcisstic mother started to be extremely violent since I started "growing up" at the age of 13/14. It only got worse and worse, progressively as I grew into the teen and early adulthood. She clearly hated the fact I exists and told me that very clearly many times, using eg words "I could abort you" or "Kill yourself" etc. It ended with me moving since I only had a chance and before that, she used to threat me with death literally (until I was afraid to sleep and eat or drink anything from the kitchen that she could access. I was only drinking tap water and eat what freshly brought home from the store, as she suggested would poison me and she was a doctor and had many medicines in home). I'm pretty sure, she never ever loved me. She may like some aspects of being mother and "owning" someone who was admiring and loving her unconditionally, until it lasted, but she also dropped me in grandparents house for years. She eventually took me home, when I was around 7. Then, the horror started. I remember developing insomnia, horrible stomach cramps that lasted for hours and other health issue that no doctor could diagnose, beside severe OCDs and depression. Then, eating disorders came, beside I turned from quite a social being into an introvert, extremely shy, insecure and scared person that passed through depression, EDs, addictions, severe panic attacks, huge problems with socializing, unable to stand for self and give people a healthy boundaries etc. We lost contact with each other for almost 8 years and I was getting better. I got a dream job, a nice apartment and some dignity, until she came back (due to her divorce with my stepfather that also didn't give a single s+it about me. It was all about her, because all the sudden, she needed help and support) and AGAIN turned my life into hell. For the 4 years she was "back", she achieved to make me loose almost everything, beside the panic attacks came stronger than ever, so it literally made normal life impossible for some time. She made me a WRECK. After she tried eventually to ruin me also financially, so I would stay homeless, I finally cut the contact again. I felt a HUGE relief. Nothing can be compared to that peace, when I don't have to deal with her anymore. I just wish it was sooner, but I also know I would have huge guilt if not the last drop of what she attempted on the end. I never felt so light since 4 years, I do after I cut her off. I wish to warn you all - NEVER let the narcisst come back a ruing your life again. Don't believe in their tears and promises - they DO NOT change.
My 14 year long headache departed WITHIN ten minutes of demanding my mother not say she loves me. Four months plus & no mom or her headache with me either.
I have never heard my mother described so perfectly. Thank you. Can’t say I feel better, but I know that it’s not my fault. I’m 70 now, bout time I find this out!
Seventy two and just figuring it out. I wish someone would address birth order. I was the scapegoat, in the middle , between a sister three years above and three years younger. I was such a chump……….
It's heartbreaking to think about the damaging effects that narcissistic parents can have on their children's emotional and mental well-being. This video serves as a reminder that we must prioritize the safety and healing of those who have experienced this kind of trauma, and work to create a world where children can grow up feeling loved, supported, and valued for who they are, rather than being used as tools to bolster their parents' egos.
Yessss..I was always asked..are you working.....when she never worked her whole life as married into wealth and dad abused her..yet she never left him....then never disciplined my older sis who bullied me
Every word is so true! I'm now 67, my mom always called me an "idiot". At 18 I left, paid for my college with money id saved,. It was a community college, $150 a semester, ( i had saved money from numerous jobs i had during high school from picking apples in an orchard to mowing lawns and working washing dishes in a restaurant, and a summer working in a shoe factory) The college was a 2 year program, 4 semesters, for a AA degree in business management. This was 1975. My mom said, " your not going you have no money", I said i have the money and i went. I year latter I moved out. My father always agreed with her. That"s the tip of the ice burg. It was a rough start.
bradlybradshaw5972 - My father called me stupid. It was a double insult because the way he said it has remained with me for 40 years. He had said, You are stupid like your mother. I am not stupid. I do have ADHD, which made my education very challenging and life in general. Also having such emotionally immature and selfish parents didn't help matters, either. I agree. It was a rough start. I hope you are okay and finally have peace in your life. 🫂❤️
My wife is a narcissist, and we're in the process of divorce. We got one kid, age 4. When we're in a small or tough argument, she would call me an "idiot" and her words are usually acid, it can cause blisters. If she can call me like that, then these narcissist can do the same toward their own child.
You explained my growing up, with a single, narcissistic mother, *perfectly*.😮 Even though I was the obedient, compliant child and my two brothers were serious trouble makers who were enabled by her well into their adulthood, I was still, somehow, the scapegoat. Now, at age 89, she has been living with my husband and I for the past five plus years. I have gone through PTSD therapy (plus been hospitalized twice). Her living here has affected my mental and physical health immensely and has become a terrible strain on my marriage. We are finally moving her into a very good care home in four days; despite her attempts at using guilt and emtional manipulation, which don't work anymore.❤ Thank you for sharing your expertise on this video! Very much appreciated!!!!!
I believe you. After believing in Jesus I realized these people have serious demons and a lot of them, and that's why just being around them in any way can seriously effect someone's health, and even cause premature death, because of that evil energy. Especially if you're empathic and sensitive. I'm happy for you to be free of that. People will reap what they sow, and that's just how it is, not your fault.
Two narcissistic parents is indeed a special kind of hell - I'm sorry you had to endure the misfortune of this experience as well. I'm almost 46 now, never married, no children and struggling with serious degenerative chronic illness... I pray that you are healed/ healing, and I wish you a much happier outcome for your life. Thanks for all that you do for/ share with us. ✨🙏🏽
Same here. Managing my chronic illness and coping with my special kind of hell. Both parents are narcissistic. I already mourned their deaths. It's sad.
I just tuned 66 years old. My father was/is narcissistic. You'd think I would be over this by now. I've started taking care of my 86 year old father a year ago. I didn't know what what narcissistic was. He is mean , different from other dads. Everything you said is true of a parent who is narcissistic. We had a falling out because I stood up to him. I've been learning as much as I can, so I can heal. They never change. 😢 I wish I had learned this earlier .
I'm also in my 60s. My mom never really took care of us, as kids. We were basically just housed, fed and clothed. We were Latch key kids in the 70s. Now my mom is 82 and in bad health. She's widowed and has failed to plan for her future. How much responsibility needs to be heaped on us now that she needs help? When we were kids, we'd hear stuff like. "You made your bed, now lie in it" do we get to come back with that? Or is that petty?
@@LoriDitchfield"you made your bed now lie in it" sounds exactly like my mom. She didn't raise me but thinks she owns me. I've gone no contact for 13 years. She wants me to move in with her. I don't want to do that bc I realize she's a narcissist now..
@@LoriDitchfield That's entirely up to you and your conscience to decide... Should you decide not to continue having anything to do with her...there are Federally run nursing homes... She made her bed..... and you don't need to lie in it with her...unless you choose to!
That's right, they never change. As experts in narcissism point out, narcissist don't want to change. There is no genuine responsibility or accountability. Regret about how long it takes to realize about narcissism is normal, however none of this was your fault. It takes time to recover.
I just feel sad realized after 40 years married and two children with a narcissistic husband that we were never truly loved it’s a hard pill to swallow.
I was raised with two narcissistic parents. I am now 48 and my life is considered to be of no value to my entire family including extended family. I have no right to a life of my own and am considered selfish to ever say `No` or set boundaries. The abuse of a narcissistic family will only end when they pass away.
"The abuse of a narcissistic family will only end when they pass away." Or when you set a boundary that includes no-contact, and please don't be afraid to do that. Let them go before they pass, and let them be dead to you. You'll mourn, you'll get over it (faster than you ever thought you could because, let's face it, these are not good people) and you'll find your life started at 48. Late, but not too late.
I'm sorry that you were not treated with the love and compassion you deserved. I know this from my own experiences with my parents. It caused me a lifetime of pain and self doubt. I hope you find peace in your life. We have to give ourselves the love we needed and didn't get. We have to be the parent to ourselves we wished we had when we were kids.
I was the same. My advise is to be “selfish”. It will seem strange at first, but You’ll be surprised to find that nothing bad happens and in fact people will like you more. Of course what seems selfish to you is just normal to others. You have to learn to be your own loving parent to yourself ❤ Don’t wait. Life is short. My mom lived to be 99 and I was 71.
@@lillianbarker4292 OK, that's a horrible thought after another afternoon of abuse from my mother. Who now thinks a minor brain bleed--absorbed the afternoon it happened--excuses 50 years of awful behavior to me that's now ramped up to screaming when I can't assist fast enough. I've advised her as of today that neither of us are tolerating it any more and if she's going to yell, we're leaving. I left.
I've been really worried that I might be a narcisist and this video has really helped. I'm always anxious for the approval of others. But that's not (in itself) narcissism. I think that if you're worried about being a narcisist and terrified that if you are you might negatively impact your loved ones - then you probably aren't. A narcissist wouldn't care.
You can be a narcissist and not be abusive. Being a narcissist is not a horrible crime. It’s a mental disorder. Self awareness is Key. Someone with this disorder can still be a decent person and be aware of their tendencies and work with therapists etc. to help them live life without the disorder completely ruining their relationships and own self esteem/health
@@theycallmeutopia lol. No. There are different types of narcissism: You don’t need to be hurt to display some traits of a grandiose narcissist (aka a show off) or a communal narcissist. Even with a covert narcissist. You do know spoiled children usually become narcissistic is nature, right? Nothing to do with abuse. Studies show that children who were lavished with praises and told how great they were from the beginning- in order to build up their self esteem ended up being narcissist. I’ll give you that point for a malignant narcissist, though. Those people are just mean and even criminal.
Idk you but you’re probably not a narcissist if you think you are if that makes sense. Narcissists usually think nothing is wrong with them and the idea of them being a narcissist is totally insane to them. Everyone can have some narcissistic tendencies some time in their life but that doesn’t make you an actual narcissist.
Not only do they not love you, they will convince you that they do, and you could grow up thinking those toxic behaviors equal love, and it will leave you as a permanently confused and damaged adult. Edit: Please do not leave advice about whether or not you can heal, it is entirely subjective and not up strangers on the internet, it's great if you've experienced your own form of healing, but please do not try to force your personal progress on to others, everyone is different, recovery is not a one-size-fits-all kind of outfit. If someone says "please drop it" then respect that. Edit #2: The persistently negative comments are a great example of toxic people. Even when politely asked to stop, they don't. Even when I put a notice asking for them to be respectful, they don't. A huge thank you to those who ARE mature and respectful, who don't feel the need to confront a stranger over the internet about their personal opinion. You are much appreciated.
Thank you for making this video! Your descriptions of how a narcissist parent uses her children and seems to be fueled by the tension and hatred she fosters between siblings. Unfortunately, but weirdly fortunately I knew at an extremely young age I was different because my mother allowed and encouraged my elder brother to bully me before I could even walk or talk. It got worse and worse as we got older. At 10 I begged the Children's Aid Society to get me out, but to no avail. It then became unbearable at 15 when I left home. I knew I broke the cycle when I became a dad, because the love I have for my 2 sons is the only true feeling of love I've ever had. Over the past 45 yrs, 30 of which I lived in a different country, I've tried several times to repair relationships with my family, yet not a single thing has changed. My emotional life had been a mess for most of my life until I knew I was going to be a dad. Ended up becoming an author of an emotional literacy book for kids and a parenting coach. There is hope for us black sheeps!😊
Yep, likewise, and I understand completely. Have you reached the point yet where you feel that you have no alternative but to distance yourself, and completely cut ties with both of 'em (presuming they're both still living)? Painful as it was, that was when I first began to feel 'free' and become my own person.
Both of mine are as well. They enable each other in a sick way. But they are both narcissist. It really messed with my head. Thank GOD for the man's TH-cam channel to help me understand my trauma.
same here. my narc mom had influenced all my relatives and cousins and spread vicious rumours about me, trying to force me to crawl back to her and call her 'My Queen, i obey'. Now I'm a Despicable Villain in my relatives eyes. I have no intention to proof to these stupid relatives that she's the real villain because they are easily influenced by sob stories, especially with tears. Truth will prevail, but until when, nobody know. I'm ok to be the villain in the eye of stupid people, its cool.
My siblings thought I was the golden child. Years later my sister and I had an open talk about our experiences with those people. They divide their kids against each other to compete for mom and dad.
That was my childhood. Minimal hugs. But we looked great in public! I wasnt the golden child. She made fun of me and my friends and everything about me, because it was wrong like my height, or funny looking- like my freckles, as in stuff you have no control over, like who your 8th grade English teacher is. Then- After my parents divorced, my mom waited till I was 18, then took my siblings and moved to another state while I was at work. I lived with relatives. That was a few decades ago.
My brother was the Golden Child -now Narcissist too. Didn’t realize until my Parents were both dead about the Golden Child. Now he has an older Sugar Momma Girlfriend. He doesn’t need anything from me, so he doesn’t bother with me. And because of my Parents we were never close.
“Children are placed in the centre of adult issues. They become the therapist. They become the mediator…” this describes my childhood to terrible perfection. The wedding anniversary of my (both deceased) parents just passed. It is still a traumatic day. My narcissistic mother placed all her failed expectations of my father into me and my sister. I realise now how incredibly inappropriate it all was. Hugs to you all. Thank you Danish. I have just come across your channel. It’s very accurate… very healing.
How did your mother place all her failed expectations of her husband on you and your sister? I am estranged from my borderline husband of 26 yrs and I hope that I haven't done the same to my children
It's a heartbreaking pain to realize at 48 years old that my mother didn't love me properly, not more than her house or any other object that served her; she didn't love properly herself, never knowing or learning what love really is. So sad! The rest of my life I will have to get used to this thought and love her the same, but learning to love myself and put myself first at the same time, before is too late. Thank you, Danish.
Same. I am 52. I have learned that loving myself is when I take on the two roles of being both (1) the loving parent I never had to (2) the inner child that still needs that parent.
Well, we all woke up a few decades too late. In my case, I would have made some VERY different life decisions had I understood things 30, 20, or even 10 years sooner.
“Any difference of opinion, any uniqueness, including your individuality, is belittled. You are humiliated for that and they attack your growing and developing identity until they erase it or suppress it.” Microphone drop. 🎤 This is so spot on and succinctly summarizes my experience growing up with my parents. 😢
"Children become the therapists of their narcissistic parent ..." Yeah. That's so true. From the age of 12 till young adulthood, I set down with my mother, sometimes daily and for hours (!!!), trying to understand and to help her with her depressions ... This was one of the many non-physicals abuses I had to endure. Try to imagine a 14 year old girl, that desperatly tries to explain her mother in hour-long daily sessions, that she should not kill herself ... The other way around, when I wanted to talk about something, even something little and light hearted, I knew from early age, that I had to express myself in no more than 2 or 3 sentences, because the attention span of my mother was (and still is) not existent. Only logically, because it is something NOT about her, that it is not valid.
Absolutely!!! For some of us it begins much earlier. I remember working very hard to cheer my mother up when I was a toddler. I was suicidal by age four.
Aw man, same. I don't think people who haven't gone through this understand how much of a burden it is and how it turns you into someone who learns that their own struggles will never be as important as anyone else's. It makes it very difficult to ask for help.
My daughter is currently dealing with this from her narcissistic mother… She turns 7 years old tomorrow… Her mother’s rejection stands out to her even more because her older brother (18 years old) was never rejected by her mother. She was a great mom to him, but somehow she morphed into a completely different person about a year after my daughter was born. At age 4 my daughter asked me “why is mommy nice to my brother but not to me”…. She felt it… Children see and hear and understand more than most adults would believe.. This situation is by far the most difficult and most painful situation I’ve ever experienced in my entire life because it’s not happening to me, it’s happening to my baby girl. I can’t fix it, but I can and will do whatever it takes to help prevent her mother’s issues from affecting my daughter’s future as much as possible by being a level headed non-dysfunctional presence in my daughter’s life. As a parent, it is critical for me to do and say the right things, and be whatever my daughter needs me to be at any given moment to ensure that she doesn’t normalize her mother’s behavior or assume responsibility for it. I know she’s confused and I know she wants answers, but I can’t explain the unexplainable to her. I can’t help her to rationalize behaviors that are selfish and irrational. But what I can do and will always do is be there for her and make sure she knows she is loved. For the rest of my life I will dedicate my entire existence to her. My love, my time, my effort, my energy, and my undivided attention belong to her and will always be at her disposal whenever she wants or needs them. Overcompensating for the void her mother created will become a part of my daily routine. My sole purpose in life is making sure my daughter is safe and feels loved every day til the day I die. She is my reason. I she is my everything. She is my one and only daughter, and she will always be daddy’s favorite flower. Irene Rose. I will love her unconditionally for the rest of my life and I would go to war with any entity no matter the odds, and will die on my shield if need be, in order to protect her.. I love you Irene… ❤
My narc Mom once said to us children, “you kids don’t love me” What an awful manipulation and opposite of the truth. Thank you for your list. I did not understand what was going on until my stepdad passed away, he had shielded us from the full picture. Blessed recovery to all of us ❤
My mom blamed me and my brother for her stretched out body. As if, we had a choice! I said, I didn't ask to be born, she said, "we didn't want you either." Lovely, huh?
Hi Danish, I’m comforted by your knowledge and experience. I’m in my late 60’s now and I have so many regrets. My Mother was the Narcissist and I was her whipping-post. Even with 2 parents and 2 marriages (20 yrs apart) I’ve NEVER felt truly cared for or valued. It’s such a hollow life. I’m sorry for you, me and everyone who’s been treated in such a damaging way. I’ve been in a battle with depression since the 3rd grade.
Be good to yourself. This was NOT your fault. Remember that. I hope you have joy and calmness now. I had to completely cut all contact with my parents to finally have peace. They passed away 8 years ago, within 3 months of each other. I did go to their funerals. I helped my sister take care of our mom when she got sick, right after my dad died, but I have yet to shed a tear over them both being gone. I wish you peace & joy. You are strong!! Enjoy your life!!
Thank you. This explained my childhood perfectly. I understand now, what I went through. Once I grew up, my mother treated me worse. I asked what I did wrong. Her answer, "You moved out and started your own family. You were supposed to live with me and take care of me until I died." :/
Oh my god I felt this! I am working on moving out of my toxic home with my boyfriend to start our lives together, and she feigns support for me gaining my independence, but she subtly clips my wings any chance she gets. She shoots down every plan I share with her and insists I have to do it her way, which would result in me never leaving (she wants me to save up money while living at home so I can buy a house in full). She tries to guilt me for leaving her alone with the abusive monster of a husband that SHE chose, but I don't care. My mom has always joked about living with me her whole life so I can wipe her butt when she's old, but screw her, she can wipe her own butt. She has done nothing to deserve that.
This video is extremely accurate and spot on. When I was a kid, I used to have this friend that was very intelligent. She noticed that my parents wouldn’t let me have any identity but I as a child, wouldn’t agree to see it for what it was. As time passed, being an adolescent I started developing my own sense of self and all hell went lose. They implanted the thought in my mind that I was being rebellious because of that one friend. I now understand with therapy that they seemed like healthy and loving parents just because I was agreeable. They were never that way, it just uncovered itself when I became a bit older
I was about 11 when I read the Greek myth about Narcissus, and my teacher said and explained about Narcissus and how it was where the name of narcissism comes from, and what that was. I thought wow, that sounds exactly like my father. Most of my life I thought my mother was a huge enabler to my father, but I realized later, she was a covert narcissist. She even took time to put a letter in her will, that was to accuse me of all the evil things she had done to me over the years, telling me it was all my fault. I figured out I was the scape goat by the time I was 7. I'm adopted, they went out of their way to find a child to scape goat, I wish I had been adopted by decent human beings and not the monsters who harmed me regularly.
Wow! and I always wanted someone to adopt me! When I was a child, my mother never allowed me to get close to her, I could never hug her. She said that this was pure hypocrisy and falsehood. She never gave me love or listened to me. She made fun of me with everyone, it seemed like an innocent joke, but it wasn't. She never said something nice or sweet about me, if she talked about me it was to make fun of me. When I was a teenager, she was no longer satisfied with despising me, then the real and terrible hatred began. Sometimes she would leave me without eating for 3 days, she would yell insults at me, she would tell me that she was ashamed of me... and even though I was a good student and I was decent, she always yelled at me how embarrassed she lived thanks to me. She is still alive and I take care of her, she is already 85 years old, and I have always felt the pain of so much verbal and sometimes physical abuse. Once with tears in my eyes I told her "Why didn't you give me up for adoption?" and the answer was that I am bad, ungrateful for everything she did for me. We were raised by monsters
@@MariaHernandez-rc2eqsounds very similar to mine but my dad always made sure my brother and I were fed. I believe it was because of him I turn out a non narcissist. He showed me some meaning of empathy and unconditional love. I miss him.
@@thevindictive6145 At least we now know that we weren't the problem. My blessings to all those who were abused, who never received a hug of love... God in his infinite goodness abundantly reward all the victims of narcissistic mothers.
Great video. I was the scapegoat child constantly blamed for everything a lot of which was nothing to do with me🙄 She is nearly 80 now & she’s ruined our family n the older she gets the worse she gets🙄
Brilliant video. It’s about my mother from A to Z. When I was 16/17 I visited a girlfriend of mine’s home and I met her mother and for the first time in my life I found out what a REAL loving parent felt like. Back then it was a mind blowing experience and also a very depressing realisation.
ibnenkigalileo9256 - I also had a similar experience. I was a young adult when I realized what a cohesive, loving and supportive family is like, and, yes, it was depressing as hell. 🫂❤️
Scapegoat here. Excellent video!!! My narcissistic mother is now elderly and has advanced dementia. As you so correctly stated . . . my Golden Child sister has become a narcissist.
Same issues here except my 94 year old mother doesn't have dementia. My sister is narcissistic and I worry for my niece, who is in her forties and treated like a baby.
Danish, yes, this is so true. I had to have brain surgery and my mom became my caregiver at her home. It was hell. I didn’t know at the time that she was a narc. She screamed at me constantly, especially when I pleaded for her to stop or when I begged for kindness. There were zero positive talks as I laid there. No empathy. Then when her friends would come over, she was so happy and friendly. She told them how much she was caring for me etc. When I found out I had to have the same surgery again, I was devastated and crying. She yelled at me 5 minutes after I got the news, made it all about her, and said that she refused to care for me after that one. Those are just a few of many, many experiences. Her son is the perfect one and she has made sure that he favors her. He hasn’t even contacted me after both surgeries.
I also suffered a brain injury and was forced to go back to live with my "dragon". I do not use the word mom to describe her. She tricked me into believing she wanted me to move in with her, but she just wanted it to appear that she did so she could look good to others. I am living in a room, not allowed to cook, she rigged the washing machine so i cannot use it. My advice to you is to think of your well-being and if possible, find another care-giver. Stay away from your toxic dragon. My brother is the golden child too. I hope you will be able to heal physically and emotionally.
I see you. I'm an only child as well and had a narcissistic mother and her narcissistic boyfriend. I couldn't wait to move out as soon as I graduated high school. I had no childhood.
Same. Home life was a living psychological hell yet I somehow knew that I needed to study my schoolwork expertly for the sole purpose of getting out and getting a job and never, ever having to depend on them ever again. Also, through all the constant intrusions and invasions of my privacy by my mother, when she saw me studying or reading the Bible, she would smile and leave me in peace. Sometimes I even did the same homework multiple times just to be left alone in my bedroom.
exactly what my childhood was like. i know i'm not the only one who had to suffer like this. thank you for this video. i wish much love + healing to everyone who grew up with narcissistic parents
Excellent video. All of it is 100% true right down to erasing and suppressing any normal and healthy growth that a child needs. The child is there to serve them and their needs. I'm sorry for what you had to experience in your life. But thank you for using your knowledge to help others.
Thank you to everyone in the comments that shared their experience of surviving or attempting to survive a narcissist parent. I clicked on this video after watching the one on clutter and it feels good to know I’m not alone. After my brother passed, my mom said she had nothing to live for. I told her she still has me and my daughter(2yo) and she said “That’s not enough”.. She finally said the words that her actions have made me feel my entire life. We all deserve parents that love us unconditionally and I’m sad that isn’t a birthright. However, we have the choice to be the parents we never had to ourselves and our children.
You know what, I dont know you, but yohr raw humble account of that devastating moment in your life made me overwhelmed with motherly protective love for you!! Xx I’ll love you as though you guys are my own child & grandchild- reply, or link in or however this is done I’ll be the genuine loving maternal figure we all need in our lives x
Wow you are 100% correct. You described my situation perfectly. I never realized my mom was a narcissist until I became older. It is very sad understanding that you were manipulated your whole life and were the scapegoat. I am trying to heal now.
Both my parents are narcicists and I am deeply traumatised realising this too late after many years of loving them unconditionally and getting nothing back
I know the drill.. but you should cherish the fact that you didn't ragequit on the game of life like many others in our situation did. You have the cabability to cope with very heavy mental stress and massive amount of relativation mechanisms. This puts you in a situation where u can help other people that have problems in life. Living with 2 narc parents is like living in a golden cage where the outside is made of gold and the inside is made of the rotting pest. Nobody wants to live such a youth, I know it because i've been there, with all the troubles and issues you can imagine, and as the cherry on the cake there was also alcoholism involved in my case. I've learned to accept my parents for what they are, I now make sure they don't put my in a situation i don't want to be, and if they try to "charm" me i just expose the truth instead of "acting along", so my father now knows his charm won't work on me anymore, and my mother; well... I've been and keep promising the world and myself that i'll throw a party on the day she dies. I don't want to see her alive anymore, at all. To me she's not my mother anymore, she's just a person who had the luck to have carried and delivered me to the world. She's a false person that doesn't care about lying to her own kids, stealing from them, betraying them, etc etc.. so I've decided to ban her from my game-of-life-server/biome until the day her character dies and the account gets closed... I'm in my 40s now, and it took me until my 30s to realise the whole truth, to uncover all the wrappings and see what has actually happened and why i struggled so much with having friends and what was at the base of that. You can't change the past, you can only try to influence your future by changing your views and actions in life. Doing so finally brought happiness and rest into my life... I'm single by choice atm, been for a very very long time, but that gave me ample time and opportunity to work on myself. I've had long relationships and i've learned a lot thanks to those, sadly not all good news there as i was in the state of changing my behaviour and then ended up being cheated on 3 relationships in a row. I deserved the punishment of that, because i cheated a few times in my first true love relationship; I now know why i did that back then, it was wrong but i was just 18, finally away from daily the toxic situation i was living in. I didn't know what love felt like, how precious it was what i had with my GF. I truly loved her, but i was like a 6 yr old kid who was released in a candy shop without any boundaries. Suddenly i noticed that lots of girls liked me, especially the friends of my GF; they were just jealous but i didn't realise it back then... I always felt sorry and bad for what i've done to the girl that really was the perfect match for me, but life tought me well after that... I finally properly grew up, I'm blessed that the 10 years i needed to fix all things in life don't show in my looks, I look at least 10yrs younger than my actual age and I believe that's also somewhat my ACTUAL mental state of age, I don't feel like i'm 40+ but more like at early 30s. I guess karma has forgiven me and has granted me an extra chance because i've shown to myself i'm clearly not that person anymore and truly chose to folow a path of rightousness, even it that's the harder path to walk. I could use my charm-powers on other people too, but i don't want to be a narcisstic person so i've become the person that always states the truth. About myself and others, I don't care WHAT they think about me, at least they know i'm speaking the truth and lies don't work on my. I've made friends getting very pissed at me because i said certain things, then a few months later they return and tell me they've changed because how i told them what they actually were ignoring about themselves. They hit a wall, then woke up and realised i was only helping them by telling the hard truth. Not everyone likes me, they don't have to, but at least everyone who knows me in real life is 100% sure that I won't lie to them and won't misbehave or take advantage of them. From my very youth I had the feeling that life was like a "test"; somehow this feeling never completely went away. It's the only result i'm interested in, i don't care about money, status, whatever. I only care about how I could do something to help other people, to keep my karma balanced on the right side. I'm not rich, neither am i living on the streets. I've got my vices, but I don't damage myself or others with those. I have happiness in my life, and yes i could have a better life if i really wanted to, but i'd be doing things to gain advantage which could hurt others, so i rather don't get rich like others do (which is: on the backs of other people). I know i'll end up OK in my next run on game-of-life, be it in this universe or another one; who knows... Good luck to you and all other people who lived under the stress of a narcist; it's never simple, but never forget you're not the only one who had to endure it, and for some it's even a lot worse. Once you can take control of your life, own it and learn to place the things in perspective, accept your past and try to live a life that makes you and others around you happy (again). It's possible but it can take some time to see the correct picture. Don't blame others for what happened to you, in the end the narcist is a sick person living an eternal life of unhappines. Don't fall for the trap to live that way too, step out of it and try to put other people before yourself; if you can do that, you'll notice that after a while life starts throwing the good stuff at you and there's no use to "pretend" you're better than anyone else... We're all equal, somehow half the world seems to forget that. My toilet-droppings smell just as nice/bad as the one from the president of any country. (probably mine smells better because i don't eat massive amounts of food; i'm healthy and have no fatlumps on my body, but that doesn't make me a better person or a person of more value. We're all humans, but money and status has pushed humanity out of a lot of people)
It's not too late. Look at the comments: some people in their 20s and 30s but SO many in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. You may have to go through a grieving process. But sounds like you are an affectionate person. Be proud of that! There is a difference between positive regard and absolute unconditional love. Somewhere in between is the balance that will keep you healthy. You can still feel SOME affection towards your parents, and positively regard them in SOME areas. I hope this gives you some comfort. There are lots of great videos on YT about recovery from narcissistic abuse.
Bravo🎉. You nailed it🎉 I’m 70. My narci mom died in 2020 at 96. I was so envious of friends whose parents died in their 70’s. I write poems to drive out my demons. “My face is a roadmap. My face is a roadmap of paralyzed fear It lost the contour of shine Where sadness appears. My face is a roadmap To my story afraid to unfold My face is a roadmap Of all the tears buried beneath the road. My face is a roadmap Where once there was light Molesting father, narcissistic mother and brother Darkened it to ashen abysmal night. For years my hidden molestation is what I thought shredded my soul THAT didn’t compare to the narcissistic abuse my mother and my religion bestowed. Trampling my heart, lungs, and vocal cords. My face is a roadmap Of religious demise Respect honor your parents at all cost Are the lies. I didn’t fight back, l didn’t utter a word. I didn’t even know what was a healthy loving world. My face is a roadmap Aging lines of frequent attacks From a shell of a mother Reminding me You’re selfish Self centered Regardless of the mountain of love showered to Her impenetrable heart sac. My face is a roadmap Wiped out by the tidal wave of trauma Voice smothered to the depths of all that Surreal drama. Good days I’m grateful to be alive, Rough days I struggle to stay to survive. My face is a roadmap 69 years Stained with tears. It took years layered with abusive narcissistic tasks To turn my roadmap Into a pretend happy face mask. My face is a roadmap It conceals Reveals A generation of trust built on sand A broken trust in me Constantly needs A helping hand Today, I author this piece to drive out my fears I want to claim happiness What’s left of my years. My face is a roadmap Also shows joy It came with a price I’d pay again and again To have my precious girl and boy. There is a truth to a portion of my heart undefeated That truth my two children saved With love over their years They repeated. My face is a roadmap Blake stares To a far away place Where all children are gently loved Always kept safe.” KimiMinor
Your words got caught in my throat, my heart aches with the familiar .Thankyou for sharing your life's pain , it transforms to a healing balm for others that suffer similar..⚔
@@AmziAsher @ninamarkovic4853 @pamalar4782 thank you for taking the time to tell me your thoughts. I screen shot your comments. Is so all about sharing and healing!
This sounds so much like my father. In public he will be all loving and comforting, but the minute we are in our private space, getting a hello from him is a blessing. I excel in school, I would show him my marks but he will always dispute them and say perhaps I cheated that's why I got higher marks, but unbeknownst to me when he's at work, with friends or family he always shows them the very same marks and tell them how proud he is of me but to me I'm always belittled and tortured with words.
Both of my parents were also narcissists. Father was grandiose, mother was covert. Everything you state is 100% accurate. My mother was so nasty and cruel over the course of 50+ years that I felt absolutely nothing when she passed away, except some relief that she was permanently gone. My father had passed away 25 years earlier before I put all the pieces together, so I grieved his passing back then ... but I don't miss him either. Good riddance to both of them. The only regret I have is that I never told them to their faces how much I hate and despise them.
So true, but labels are only generally accurate. The Covert can exhibit periodic bursts of grandiosity when their covertism isn't being rewarded. So they reward themselves with outlandish purchases to show off how great they are. In the same way, a grandiose may stay quiet in the background waiting for the opportunity to show off, and then we are off to the races, until their ego is satisfied. This can last years. Then they may take a timeout from grandiosity if you wil,l to evaluate if their actions and res
@@rickwhite5206 I saw all of what you describe as well. My parents were extremes, so they held to their patterns for the most part, but later in life I saw quite a few coverts who regularly crossed over into some grandiose behavior.
My God did you just literally heal me!! The short version of my story is that my father was a malignant narcissist and racist and bigot. My daughter dated out of our race five years ago and she was disowned as well as myself. Fast forward, and after several defensive exchanges with my “golden” siblings, they chose to follow my parents. My father recently died and when I got the courage to go to the hospital to say goodbye, I was threatened with security if I didn’t immediately leave. I was also not permitted to attend his funeral on account that I had gone no contact with my parents and extended family that five years ago. Your video has ALL the answers and I truly pity my mother, siblings and nieces and nephews for having unknowingly given up their own identity and throwing good loving people away. Such a sad sad shame. I am proud to be the authentic person I am and that I broke the cycle of madness by walking away.
Why would you visit him on his death bed when he treated you like trash? Mine aren't going to have that luxury. They can rot in hell for eternity for all I care.
Thank you sir. You have opened my eyes to the cause of my mother's inhumane treatment for my entire life. She is also very jealous. You have explained the lies, lack of affection, control issues, and really why i feel unattached & disassociated from her. The attention, the trophy, the use & misuse. In this short presentation of yours, you have summed up my entire life. Unfortunately, we live together. She is still trying to destroy my life. I am going to move out of here & leave her far behind. Thank you for opening my blind eyes! She has been a hideous parent.
My so-called mother actually came right out and said "I can do whatever I want to you, I'm your mother" when I was 15 and asked her why it was okay for her to do something that I wasn't allowed to do. Also, days after my dad's funeral, she told a close friend of the family that her & my dad really wanted a boy, but then I came along, so they had to take what they could get. I was sitting right there and heard her, but it was though I didn't even exist. I felt and saw my dad turn over in his grave & turn his back on her when she said that, because he DID want me!!
@@mireyaray1208 My abusive mother's dead. But I broke off our relationship before she died when she badmouthed my dad. Talk crap about me all you want, but you diss my dad, you're dead to me!
Yes, they feel entitled to use you with that I'm your mother or your family excuse. I was told it was my job to take care of her and my children were her children. Just sick 😫
Sounds exactly like my mother I can understand completely how you feel! Please stop playing their game shut it down and never go back for more. I did at 38 years of age for 2 1/2 years there was no contact. I ended up running into my parents at a funeral and somehow allowed to get sucked back into the dynamic. At 56 years of age the same thing has happened again completely estranged and disappointed in myself for going back for more abuse. At this time all are out of my life, even funerals are off limits to me. Stay strong and thank you for sharing this video!
THANK YOU for helping us understand! My mother was the same with me & I never understood why, yet I DID subconsciously recognize that it MUST have all been just an "ACT" or a "fake facade" or a "fake script" that they expected us to play in front of others, because we ALWAYS got into trouble if we could NOT "pretend" along with them that our family was SO "happy," while innocent children were secretly being abused. I realized that they did NOT love the family, after they shunned me for addressing the hurtful, dysfunctional, destructive behavior, hoping that we could all work together to FIX it, so that we COULD be a GENUINELY happy family.
As a 63 year old woman the realization that my mother was a narcissist helped me to understand her behavior and how much she didn’t love or like me proven by the evil she subjected me and my siblings to.
Oh my! I was also 63 when I figured it all out ( still figuring!) Your comment is such a comfort to see! My 95 yo covert narcissist is still at it and the most frustrating thing is I cannot share my feelings with any of my friends without looking like an ungrateful monster of a child! My sister and I have grown closer because she understood all along The pathology here is mind boggling!
@@Bella-fz9fy It takes us a while to sort it all out. To admit to yourself one or both parents didn't love you is extremely hard. I've heard that when you can get to that point, it's a big step towards better mental health.
When I was about 10, I was tired of my mother's lack of affection and her aloofness. I asked: "Mum, do you love me?". She was quite annoyed and barked: "Of course I do, aren't parents supposed to love their children".
@@spdadventurer1754 Thank you. So am I. I loved my mother a lot but her mind was made differently to mine; she just thought differently than most mothers.
@@ladyloungealot5119 I get u totally i have had both narc parents, my dad is no more and after his passing my mother is behaving better than before as she has no one but me to call her a family. I used to get horrible.nightmares about my parents...one of which included my mother eating me while blood drips down her mouth, m not mentioning much here as it will take books n books to write so much shit, I started journaling since I was 18 and that was my only therapist and endless tears
Watched it over and over with grandchildren. Set your watch by it. Once they began the journey into adolescence, they were no longer adored. Then I looked back and remembered the same pattern between me and my parent. The puzzle was complete. I was rejected as an irritant, a problem, an inconvenience as I began the healthy, normal separation from my family of origin. I was painted as a 'rebel' 'at risk' teen. Even though I made good grades, did extra-curriculars, got my first summer job. And I believed it. Then, several years later, a fried asked 'What did you do that was so bad?' And I couldn't think of anything. I grew up. Thats what I did.
This is so true. I am an only child. Both my parents are narcissists. I was belittled and used as a scapegoat when a child. The marriage was a deeply unhappy one. I have had many years of therapy and can now accept this. Remember NONE of this is your fault even when they tell you it is. Narcs never take responsibility and never grow up. I went N/C a long time ago. I do love my parents and I forgive them and move on. I keep contact to Christmas and Birthday cards. I am happily married with no children.
I’m in the same exact situation pounding headaches can’t sleep stomach cramps anxiety . I’m 27 lived with my grandmother for ten years now after leaving my ex boyfriend back home with her , only been here a week and I feel my mental health declining so bad. These people are so cold, so abusive and so mean. I now have to look elsewhere for shelter and afraid of being homeless as I can’t live with my grandmother. Please pray for me.
You are wise to see all this and know you don’t need to tolerate the narcissistic behavior. Keep in mind they cannot see themselves. They will never get it. You’re both smart and wise. You will be fine. Hugs.
You know what you are feeling and if she is nasty to you then know you don't deserve it and don't let anyone dismiss your feelings. I pray you find a better living situation. You don't deserve to be in an abusive relationship whether with family or others. May God bless and guide your steps✨✨✨ please expect that God will help you and it will happen. Don't look back and reunite with those toxic people once u are on your way
@joem7799 I take it you weren’t raised by a narcissistic parent? There’s no being kind and loving. It doesn’t matter what you do the response is always critical and condescending. Stuff from the past is constantly thrown up like old smelly garbage. Your very existence is the reason their life is ruined. There’s no winning. They literally are unable to critique their own behavior.
This is an incredible and truthful video that needs to be shared widely. Toxic societies and toxic cultures that reinforce the idea that you must be "grateful" to your parents and that you "owe them" make it even more difficult to figure out what is going on in your family as a child. Videos like this make it very clear.
Yup. My husband feels this way about his parents and I think he must be the golden one. Not sure but maybe. Anyway, he is never home because he wants to support them.
I grew up with narcissistic and emotionally abusive mother, but very loving father and grandmother. I know its harsh to say it, but it actually made me very strong, self-conscious and highly empathetic person. Maybe a better situation than both loving parents - their kids very often don't develop empathy very well, because they think that everybody had as happy and sunny childhood as they had.
Broke down crying after that last segment. You basically summarized my entire relationship with my mom in less than a minute. My entire life in a few sentences. Oof. Gut punch.
Totally. Daily physical and verbal abuse. I remember her making me watch the movie 'Mommie Dearest' and her saying "See, you don't have it that bad." Or the movie 'Sybil', and again her saying 'See? You aren't mistreated'. Later, when she'd call my name, I'd often respond with "Yes, mommie dearest?" We both knew what I meant.
You're talking about MY mother! And it hurts so badly!! I was always the "black sheep" in our family of 6. Four kids. Thank goodness for my dad, who ALWAYS showed me unconditional love.
I remember sitting between my arguing parents each saying (about me) “I don’t want her” “I don’t want her, either” during their divorce. Needless to say how this impacted my self-esteem, poor relationship choices and fear/avoidance-based decisions MY ENTIRE LIFE. I’m now 60 and am reclaiming my life. MY life. This channel helps so much! 🙏
Woah! That must have been so tough to hear from them.
Absolutely disgusting of them. 😢. Im sorry this happened buy glad that you are choosing to make YOU happy now. ❤
Wow... The level of cruelity is astonishing. As if you didn't even exist or matter in any way. It was all about them being disgusting and broken, and was not at all about you not being lovable. That was never the case. It takes so long to fully own that it was their brokenness all along, not yours. I'm still working on this and hoping my subconscious mind gets this. I'm still trying my hardest to heal but it's so hard. I'm so sorry your parents did that to you. I wish you full healing and wholeness.
My mother said something similar about myself and my brother to my father during an argument. I think some people just shouldn’t have children
I am so sorry, I went through that, and still so sometimes with different situation. I am so glad you are able to live your life now. I am 41 and trying to also. Please know that you are so very loved. Lots of love to you! ❤❤❤
I feel like society normalizes narcissistic parents too. Each time I've talked about the following points I am met with the idea that "oh, but they are your parents and it's like that sometimes." The gaslighting goes beyond the immediate family structure it seems.
thats because they don't know how severe their narcissistic level was. everybody has some level of narc in them, its whether mild or severe. those severe could never do self-reflection.
Oh I forgot your privileged and it’s like that sometimes 😂
YES, IT DOES. It's one of the reasons it's such a frustrating conundrum when therapists and other people who really are trying to be helpful practically shout at us "YOU MUST FIND SUPPORT!!" but when other people outside the family gaslight us like that -- where the h*** are we supposed to find that support???
@@spaideman7850 that's not true no matter how often it is repeated. Not EVERYONE is narcissistic to some degree and it's just the "level" of narcissism. Narcissists prey on those of us who possess no narcissistic traits. We're their ideal person.
The difference between "having narcissistic traits sometimes" and "being a narcissist" is that the traits are nearly always based on some triggering context, without which the person is getting along otherwise, perhaps for years. This does not make the person a narcissist. A narcissist is someone whose behaviors are always, always, always narcissistic as to form an adult lifetime of consistent patterns, often getting worse with age. To say everyone has some level of narcissism is essentially saying everyone is a narcissist, and this is not correct.
I was raised by 2 narcissists. I was never hugged, never told “I love you”, never encouraged or supported. I never felt loved and never got any affection whatsoever. Only criticism and put downs. They really broke me. Same thing when I married my narcissist husband. I am finally realizing this and how I disassociate from life. I’m finally trying to heal.
Me too, so similar to yours….thank u…i am not the only one suffering…
PLEASE DON'T LET THEM BREAK YOU ANYMORE!!! YOU ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED QUEEN!!
You just told my story. You are not alone.
I’m sorry. For what it’s worth I’ll be ur dad. I have experience raising a 2 y/o daughter thru 50/50 coparenting.
All you gotta put up with us lectures, chores n dad jokes.
Other than that you’ll get all the love, support, n hopefully something in common we can share ^_^
I was raised by a narcissist mother but my dad was so beaten down by her verbal skills, that he would beat me at her will. I never got hugs either. I was the black sheep of the family because I was born a sigma male. I do not accept hierarchy that is imposed. That is why they hated me but, even with the beatings, I grew stronger each day because I am INTJ-A sigma. You need to get out of your marriage if still in it. Those people are broken and have no path to wholesomeness apart from Jesus but they don't see themselves in need. My mom claims to be a christian, yet once said to me "you crucify me more than Christ was crucified." That is blasphemy and an utter lack of any kind of understanding of her own need for Christ. Run away. I am able to deal with my mom because since I little I saw her as broken. My grandmother would give me hugs and no beatings. So, it was clear how broken she was, even to a 5 year old boy.
THE IDEALIZATION OF THE TODDLER STAGE. My jaw is on the floor. This is all my mom. “You were so fun when you were little.” She only loved me until I could think for myself.
Yeah,me too!!! I was always told “ you were so cute - as a little girl”, like I’m some kind of monster now. ( I’m 70 and so called father is 90 ) I’ve been away from him for 30 years- now I’ve got to take care of him 😣😣😣😣😤😤😤😤. My parents divorced when I was 4 yrs old - my mom took my brother ( 2 yrs younger & handicapped) with her & left me with the asshole. **** I don’t fault her - I’m glad she took my brother away from this monster!!! ( my brother became handicapped because he was thrown against a hot radiator - trying to protect mom from the monster. ). I tried running away at 6 yrs, 8 yrs, 12 years & finally at 18 - legally I could. When I left at 12 years, I tried to get into the house to get something to eat - the locks were changed. I slept in a neighbors garage - under their boat. Went to school - eventually he was arrested for child endangerment. I saw him again at 21 & 44 years. Now - ALL that trauma haunts me - having to return to live in that f’en house. He has no friends - just a few students that admire him. I’m relying on” the grace of God” to get me thru this “ shit-show “. Not only do I have to deal with the monster - but also 3 squatters that he allowed to live there - *** they’re finally out, but all their crap is in the basement. “Arg “...."
I certainly don’t need this at my age....
I hope the loser dies soon
„I was so obsessed with you back then.“ 😒
Exactly. As you get older it all starts to increase the criticism and pain and rejection. The control is suffocating.
And they keep trying to treat their adult children like toddlers regardless of how old they get
This is my sister with both of her kids and my NARC ex with his daughter (16 now ) and has no use for her she is closer to me than him. And when we met, my youngest, my daughter was 4 and for a few years he "adored" her especially to my family and his family and friends. She is almost 11, and we recently finally split and he's barely interacted with her the last 3 years. They are both evil ( my sister and my ex).😢
I was raised in a narcissist family. You have no identity of your own, and when you try to create your own identity....all hell breaks loose. Thanks for your video. 👍🇺🇲
So true.
Yep, such a horrible thing
You sure nailed it!❤
Daniel Mackler has a lot of great valuable insight on these things too.
When my father died I was broken for a year. After two years I felt much better , and now after 9 years I don't miss him. Not at all. Which I think is kinda strange, but maybe he had narcisstic traits . He was a very dominating personality. He would start arguements at dinner time (I hated sitting down for dinner with him present). He would be in charge of my finances, even into adult hood. I was not working, and as far as I remember when I was 15-16 trying to get (temporary) jobs I would receive criticism from my parents about the way I dressed, the way my hair was styled, too much makeup etc when heading to interviews . He would also complain if talked about wanting to go work in a flower shop (not my daughter) . My sense was that it shamed him. I never ended up working , ended up on disability and my dad took over my accounts (which he had set up when I was early 20s). I did end up being a perpetual student as I was raised believing that only the highest degrees possible are worth it. I felt worthless while I had no degrees, and now with a MS I still feel worthless.
I don't remember ever having a face to face converstation with him where I felt like an equal. It was more like being called in to talk to the boss at work.
Off course he never said he loved me , but that could have been his generation. He also never hugged me, unless told to do so by my mom. Ended up very akward hugging. My mom is more gentle but maybe to the point where you are expected to protect and take care of her. I feel like I never gained independance. Now at 50 I'm still living in a house they bought for me and my brother, my brother also still doesn't work . I just feel my life is wasted from the start. But I'm still not convinced they are( and were) narcs just too controlling. They did like to treat us like 5 year olds still to this day. I think it also stems from a sense of being needed. My world will collapse if anything were to ever happen to my mom. Is that trauma bonding? She is loving in private . So I think it's just narc traits . Which most of us display probably.
The narcisistic parent demands that you love them while treating you like shit. They would not understand why you hate them. It is all your fault.
That was my M-I-L. But my mother was worse. Went NC and have absolutely no regrets. They’re both deceased and I’m still healing from both of them. I hope you’re healing too.
Yes!
💯 stated!
*Coward User Name !!!*
Yes, you are right!
My parents didn't love me unconditionally.. I felt it.
We are more educated, now about this age old tragedy of shame they downplayed and turned into history repeating on us.
I look at the reasons and try to forgive. Forgive in the name of modern therapy. To no avail. We are more educated in modern times about how wrong using and abusing people has become. No!
We ar bigger and better than that stupidity that has ruined so many people. We can love unconditionally like the buddhist says. The less control you try to have, the more ability to change you will have.
To say, break the history and love better as you wish to be loved and if it is not reciprocated, you are not loving the person you need. Move on, and find the one who loves you for your whole worth.
We all do. But then, we learn to love ourselves
Me too friend me too I’m so sorry
Same here
I'm sending you a BIG warm hug and tons of love. I feel your pain by your words. You sound like a sweet., sensitive, lovely person who deserves to be loved to bits and pieces❤❤❤
My narcissistic mother’s favorite line when we did something she didn’t like was “I love you, but I don’t like you right now.”
Damn. That hurts. My mother did say this exact same thing to me.
I have come to the conclusion that my mother never loved me. My siblings and I grew up never receiving hugs. When we got older and she tried to hug us it was awkward and cold. The years of projection, gaslighting, and physical/verbal abuse. I feel like I’ve been robbed of years of my life. She manipulated lied and caused so much confusion and turmoil in my home. Yet, I still love her. I was groomed and trained to be a mom before my time. In essence I became the parent to my mom and I am relearning that she is not my responsibility.
Good for you ❤
You speak for many, I'm sure. Thanks for putting it into such a direct and sussinct way.
Many parents, of course, we're raised the same way. I'm not sure if they had the tools in the past to understand what was being done to them so they could possibly prevent the nonsense from being passed on. I'm glad we can heal.
Scapegoat here of WHOM had been programmed by the Narcopathetic Parent management systems. This GOAT Escaped less than a year ago...😮
You were robbed. I’ve learned by God’s grace to pick up the pieces….. I am free, can recognize narcissists and got healing.❤️🎉
Interesting
My mom literally sabotaged my green card and told me she was glad to do it. The worst part is I married a woman like her and didn't know it till it was too late. I escaped my marriage mostly unscathed. She sabotaged my green card too. Now I'm forty, moms passed and I'm divorced rebuilding my life. I have zero tolerance for any type of toxic or narcissistic behaviors
Good for you! I'm proud of you!
@@jenmayo777 I'm grateful for the kind words. Life isn't stable at the level I'd like but I'm working towards it. Your good energy lends momentum and transformations to help with the goal. Thank you.
Holy shit bro my mother did the same thing
Instead of helping me get my green card as a young kid
She choose to pay 10k for her boyfriend green card
He left her and not together anymore
I left the house at 17 and I’m 27 haven’t talked to her in 10years 💕
@@realjcoop182 the world is your's to do with what you will. It helps to remind ourselves after living for other people so long. You got brothers out here you'll never meet that love you and want you to be happy.
Good
Never in my life has anybody so perfectly described my family. I was the scapegoat and the truth teller. It was brutal. Thank you for the clarity.
I am the truth teller too! They can't handle the truth though.
Me too, still fighting
Same.
Same.
I grew up hearing "you used to be so cute, idk what happened" or "we found ya in the trash pile (burn pile) i r3alized when i was older it was a joke because my white mom had belizian dark skinned kids and then had to move back to her American home town. So they were joking I was burnt.
So many narcs in my family and mom is the golden child, not a narc, but so traumatized she totally dissociates and she also chose to be with a physically abusive and angry narc throughout my childhood from age 7 and for my whole life after :(
Prayers for all who have been victimized by these sick people.
🙏we will survive
I could never ever call or text my mom about a problem im having without her making the situation completely about herself.
yes…!
Yes!!!!!
Normals for a personality disorder.
Weirdest thing, they can't give of themselves!
Same!!!
Im the scapegoat in my family and you described my mother to perfection. Ive given my family up for good. It was the only way to escape the abuse.
My aunt sneaked through after 2 years of me blocking my mother. She is all for my mum now as her own daughter just discarded her recently. My mother's family are cruel. I had my say with said aunt and now I'm healing all over again after being triggered! It's best to never give them the time of day ever
I was also the scapegoat in my family, and after telling my mother to essentially go and F herself after 44 years of straight up abuse and then being ignored, unless she wanted money, I let the healing begin and I’ve never felt BETTER. I would be happy if I knew she was reading this. I hate her with a passion.
@@MapsLab-u5z your mother's family sounds alot like my mother's family. Sorry u had to go through that it really is horrible. I'm glad u were able to go no contact with them.
@tommymack4372 Thank you Tommy. Yes, forgiveness is key, but it is best to stay away as it causes you to feel negative and angry and have to start all over again. Sometimes it's best for all involved - love them from a distance and pray their hearts soften 💕
same, always treated the blacksheep of the family despite excelling in academics and other stuff, rn im in the middle of academic slump and basically has no motivation to study, i hope things get better for all of us who suffer from narcissistic parents
It has taken me 66 years to realize how much I have been abused by my mother and my siblings, her golden children. Nobody sees what I have been through but as you say, I have to live in my own truth...I have to keep myself distant as much as possible..
I'm 66 years old, my father is narcissistic .
@@bettyhibbert3340 so sorry to hear that. The damage these parents cause lasts a lifetime, at least in my case.
I did the same thing my mom is narcissistic too.
@@MsMaryPatricia
I can't believe how many people are living with similar problems to mine. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister: all golden children who could do no wrong. I could do no right. My self esteem and reputation have been trashed by the self righteous mindset of these bullies who will never repent of their wickedness and will never respect me. I am beginning to pick up the broken pieces of my life and start creating a life without them. Unfortunately, I can't make a complete break without hurting other people I truly care about. But, less is more! Less involvement, minimal socialization, expect nothing, set myself FREE and live the best life I can without looking back!
I care, and many care.
we are not nObodies:)
I'm 64 years old and my mother still does this stuff. She will never stop. She will never see me as an intelligent, independent person.
Should have gone no contact years ago. Just saying.
You’re right. She never will. Can you emotionally shut her out?
HI, right there with you. I'm sixty one years old and my mother will never change either. She refuses to recognize any achievements I"ve made in my life and actually expected me to move back home to take care of her, disrupt my entire life for her, even after finding out I had a heart attack and need help myself. By the way, I"m the scapegoat and she "can't stand" me. My sister, the golden child, is an RN and lives about fifteen minutes away from our mom. I live several states away from them ( on purpose) Bless you and me for all we have been through emotionally with these narcissists.
I have found, also a a survivor and as a professional who treats narcissistic abuse, that when you cannot get away from the parent for whatever reason, I work to predict the behavior. We talk in sessions about doing a game or even a bingo card about what the narcissistic parent is going to say, usually at family events. Predicting the behavior allows us to separate from the negative, narcissistic comments and lessen their emotional impact. Hope this can help you.
@@michellebazin7988 that’s a fantastic idea!! 🙌🏻
When they tell you they love you, what they really mean is they have a very long list of detailed requirements for you to unconditionally comply with.
Yessss
I agree. I love you really means I love what you can do I for us.
And I "love you" when it suits us when it doesn't suit us then we don't care about you.
My father was a vocational high school teacher. He came home every day and took a nap for two hours. Me and my golden child brother had to be quiet for 2 hours. Then dinner. Then he read the paper after dinner. If you needed help with homework forget it. It was soon time to go to bed. See how he made himself emotionally unavailable to us. I just had this conversation with his cousin's wife. Last night. She tried to make excuses and said he had a bad childhood. His parents were narcs. That is no excuse. He denied me tutoring when I was failing Algebra in the 7th grade which later cause me to fail Algebra in college. He physically abused me. Pulling 4 of my bottom teeth out with pliers at age 5.My teeth had long roots on them. He was a failed oral surgeon. He did not have a license to practice. He was a dental assistant and had actually dropped out of the program at the time. My mother allowed all of this craziness
She was a narc to. I could have bled to death. I should have been taken to a dentist.
@@elizabethmadron1336 OMG!!! Baby teeth?? WTH?!? That's horrifying and nobody helped you!! That's traumatizing just to read
I will never understand people who deliberately hurt a child. Those kinds of thoughts never cross my mind
Absolutely true. My ex-mother-in-law only loves my ex-husband for what he can do for her. She loves to brag on him being a Doctor. She says “people can’t believe I raised a doctor.” I want to tell her she is wrong on that, she raised a son that became a cheating, abusive husband and father. Medical school made him a doctor.
I'm sure she would mention something to take credit for the medical school, like she paid for it. And blame your actions on pushing him to cheat, and provoking him to abuse, etc. They never have accountability when someone else is negatively impacted by their actions.
She raised a jerk who made it thru med school and continued to be a jerk.
Cheating is common in the medical field
That must have been horrible. Sending you wishes for lots of love and hugs in your life.❤
@@CrackrocksteadyNo it's not
I'm in tears reading all these comments, mostly from people my age (older than 50) and how it impacted our lives. We grew up not knowing what was wrong with them and how it caused so much pain and destruction in our lives. I pray that each and every one of us can heal and spread love in this cruel world.
😢
We just thought it was normal to be neglected, punished, beaten and abused. 9:58
The world is not cruel but some people are. Choose your own "family" through healthy friends and abandon those who abuse you, regardless of "blood" relations.
Wanted to say I'm 38. But I don't know anyone like me. Interesting
Amen..it's not a life sentence
I once tape recorded how my mother (the matriarch of our clan) spoke to me whenever we were alone. I played it back to family who hadn’t previously believed me. Everyone FROZE for 10 seconds and then went back to their conversation as if nothing happened! It was like their brains said, cannot compute so ignore what you just heard. I realized many things at that point in time.
We are all surrounded by enablers 💔
they went on like nothing happened because they are all narcissists or enablers. a lot of us have families that are all narcissists.
I once had an argument with my narcissistic mother. She would accuse me and say the most horrible things to me.
Then I simply parrotted her word for word, straight back in her face. She flipped her shit and said "How can you talk to people like that?!" I simply replied "Those were literally your own words to me."
She was lost for words, but then she started screaming. Suddenly my grandmother walked in and said "You two shouldn't be in the same room.."
No, my grandmother is not a narcissistic, she's the only one in the family who actually supports me, the black sheep
YEP this is my family!
A lot of family members are uncomfortably aware but say nothing because they don't want to come under fire themselves. Either you go along with the naricissist or you are their enemy. There's no middle ground to the narcissist.
My mother used to give me the silent treatment. And she’d say “I love you, but I don’t like you”.
The feeling is now mutual!
Some people you can only love from a distance.
My mother would say the same thing...im 62 and still carry that hurt.
I love you, but don't like what you do.
that is harsh. ugh. you have to love them but sometimes family can be so hurtful
@@kengaroo5170 I hadn’t done what she wanted because I’m not a mind reader. Thing is if you want your kids to love you and respect you, don’t scream at them constantly and then maybe they’ll start thinking
“oh mum could use some help, I’ll do the dishes”
But instead we were too scared to do anything because it was always wrong 😑
I once mentioned to my parents that PARENTAL love is (and should be) unconditional. They both answered at the same time: "Since when?" That explained EVERYTHING!
Unconditional from YOU, to them they mean
@@Agameda1Don't forget you "OWE" them respect too 🙄
@@anniep6248 oh dear, oh dear, don't forget you don't know me or my situation or how much respect I have for them - and myself.
@@anniep6248classic enabler.
@@Agameda1 that was meant as sarcasm. Most narcs I've met feel they are owed undying love, respect, loyalty, etc. My narc mother used to scream at us at how we "owed" her respect while telling us we were lucky she was letting us live with her till we were 18. We were little when she started telling us the day we hit 18 we were out on the street. All 3 of her kids left home before we hit 18.
I remember as a child, in the early years of being a teenager, being uncomfortable with my father's affection, but without realizing why exactly I felt this way. I realized years later that his love was conditional, and that I was uncomfortable with it because it was fake. He doesn't love me; he loves to control me.
Yes, you were uncomfortable because he was a virtual stranger. I'll bet he never got close and played physical games with you - probably never read you a story. My wedding photo describes you and me... the photographer wanted a picture of my dad and me alone. We stood side by side and then he said "look at each other", and I turned but felt myself pull my body back, away from him. In the picture he is standing straight and I am bent, in a real effort to get away from him and be able to look at him in the eyes - so close! My love and thoughts are with you. Have a really happy life, you deserve it.❤
I get it. I remember not understanding why I didn’t feel comfortable calling my mother “mom”. I never did because I now realize that she didn’t want to be one. You’re not alone.
Yes yes yes. I am 52 years old and my son's asked me why out of the 3 family portraits hanging over the stairs the only one my dad is smiling in is the one I am not in. I am the oldest of 8 and only recently learned why I was outcasted from the family. I am definitely the family scapegoat and it extends to my children. So sad. But it is what it is.
@@carlwhitaker7953 WOW! I'm 58... same here!
Narcissists don’t make ice cream in unconditional love flavours for their children do they?
Omg!!!!! This is my childhood . Each item is precisely how I grew up. NEVER understand what was true and what was false. My mother would take one side on an issue in public and the complete opposite at home. So confusing we all walked on eggshells around her. She seemed always angry. She was an expert at shaming me and mocking and making fun of me. She absolutely crushed me to my core. I did not find out she was narcissistic til I was 45. Years and years of therapy did not help a whole lot. My professional life was good. I educated myself, went to college. Personal life was a wreck. I have never recovered. I am 75 yrs old now and still suffer. She ruined my life and stole it from me. Too late for me now. I cried when I read this because it is EXACTLY how my mother was
You are still alive. Don’t let her steal the rest of the time you have left! Do what you want, what you can, what you THINK you can, and do not care what the others might say. You still have life left. Take it back.
I can understand what you have been through, the pain is always there and you always wonder how your life would be different if you were raised by a normal parent… I know it’s harder now but try to do whatever you loved to do as a young person or child to bring joy to your life
Know how it feels.
I think a lot of people in the pathway of narcissists (like children) begin to train themselves not to feel the pain. It can take multiple decades to get good at it but I do believe it helps because it frees the mind and emotions to explore and enjoy life. It's like cutting the anchor loose and sailing away.
Through Christ there is still hope and a peace
This is absolutely correct. My mom only loved me in public. At home she didn't want me and wished she had an abortion with me cuz she told me. She humiliated me every day. The verbal and physical abuse was beyond horrific. The name calling was sometimes inconsolable. My sister and I would cover each other's bruses and welts from being beat just a few hours before school. My sperm donor only liked me if everything was ok. He was never there. He's a drunk! He only cares about himself and his money. They never loved me. I am not them. My kids are everything to me. God, never let me be anything less than the best mom I can be for my kids and grandkids. Amen, 🙏🏼
Love how you think ❤
You were soo much stronger than her! I always heard the excuse "I had it worse when I was a kid"! Now that I'm older and confront them, all they do is turn into one big sorry excuse... Stay strong and God bless...
My mom used to tell others in public stupid things we kids did to embarrass us (every child makes mistakes, but she would laugh about it). Once old enough I had to scold her to stop doing it. She did, but what a pain in the ass until she stopped.
Thank you. The full truth at last. I still can’t go to my small town due to the way she defamed me from birth and I am 81. Difficult to recover.
Same here....my mother used me like a slave 😢
I never realise my mum is a narcissistic. How i wish i had known all this earlier. Awareness in this topic is very important to young adults.
23😂
Yes I only found out when I was an adult. I no longer have any contact with her it's a blessing. Hugs to you 🤗
*CoWard Name & a Hater of God!!!*
Very. It destroys them, especially as the Munchausen Syndrome and self-sabotage set in.
100% well said!! Me too
The ‘Golden Child’ vs the ‘Scapegoat’ child really hit me hard, my brother’s definitely more “cherished” by my narcissist father and he ended up becoming a narcissist himself, where I fell down the ‘people-pleaser’ route for many years.
This one is complicated for me, because I was the golden child pre-adolescence and my younger sister with the scapegoat. The roles switched after I became a teenager.
Wow I know a people pleaser who married one narcissist after another, with the last of whom he had two sons. She is raising her oldest to be like herself.
@@TielMama777 he’s improving his situation. Finally. Had to diminish who he was for years in order to minimize the damage on the kids. It has been a hellish time attempting to raise kids with a narcissist. He now knows what she is, but before he used to make excuses for her, like even saying that her calling him names came from a place of love. He has grown a lot.
I realize that I also fell for their tactics. They truly are master manipulators. So we have to forgive ourselves for giving them too many chances, appreciate the knowledge we possess now, go on and enjoy our days.
@@leonab545The way they become skilled (though often unconscious) manipulators was almost always (if not, always) their way of surviving in their own family unit growing up, to receive conditional "love" and not be neglected. Daniel Mackler talks about this better than I could here. It's a cycle and people like us are breaking them one at a time. Bless your souls.
@goopybonez My Older Sister was the Golden child, I was the scapegoat, the one who was always used for everything.
Instead of being upset about how garbage my parents are, I'm going to focus on making sure I don't turn out the same way.
That’s actually a terrible idea, and I’ll tell you why. You have to understand: you have the right to be angry. Feel what you feel. Suppressing your emotions is only going to harm yourself and others far more than you can imagine. The butterfly effect is very real.
I know from experience; I took that exact path and I hurt people I loved so much. I lashed out because I wasn’t expressing how much I was actually hurting. I wasn’t allowing myself to feel the anger, hurt, and betrayal I felt. You have every right to mourn the death of parental love you never received. Let your wounds get some air so they can heal. Only then will you not be like them.
After all, anger isn’t a negative emotion by itself; it’s how you use it. Anger is a powerful motivator for change, but only when you allow yourself to feel it and steer it in the right direction. Hard, but possible.
Same also the guy above me has his way to deal with this. Knowing how history repeats itself my mother was/is a severely damaged child too.
I'm not sure if she loves me but I want to
Narcissists need to be avoided completely. There should be no compassion or affection for them because in the end there won't be...the longer we cope with their abuse, the greater the likeliness we become anusers or narcissists ourselved... after all the what does the narcissistic ever give us that a normal human couldn't give! Egomania, pride, vanity, jealousy, guiltrip, love bombing? No narcissists need to stay away... The heart needs love and narcissists hate love..
They find the idea of it weak.so they should be avoided to be at peace and in love! Without reservation!
Same here
Good for you!
Reading comments, wow, so many of us. I grew up thinking that I was alone in this planet. Sociopath father and cover narc mother. I ended up getting married to a cover narc (what a surprise). But never gave up, I have a decent happy life. I'm 56. And helping my kids to go through all this. My 19 year son is the one who showed me this videos. Thank you Danish!!
This issue is taboo; it feels dangerous to mention it outside certain channels.
It feels clandestine and shameful.
It would be easier to talk about witchcraft than talking about the witches in disguise we all know behind doors.
@flacabal you’re in a big family of children who have narcissistic parents. I have found support through the comments in these videos and it’s comforting that we are not alone and that we are worthy of love and a good life. I wish you all the very best.
My first husband who was a lovely man, the father of my child, died when he was 35 years old and my son was 15 months old. Within a few months a man who worked at the same company as my husband made a beeline for me. He couldn’t have been nicer at the start. Nothing was too much trouble. We later married. At first he was good with myself and son but as my son grew older that was when the control started. I left my husband 2 years ago. I feel so guilty and sad that I subjected my son to ex’s behaviour for so long , which has had a big impact on him. I just wish I knew what a narcissist was years ago. Having said that I had been so beaten down by ex I wouldn’t have had the confidence to leave at that time. There seems to be an awful lot of narcissists around. Why is that? 😥😥
*Hi Bot!!!!*
@@Justice_TRUTH_Martyr
Huhhh
WHAT?.....!!!?
what ARE you talking about.....
I truly thought I was alone in the world living with a Narcissistic mother! It turns out there are thousands and maybe millions of us. I am a 69 year old lady that was used and abused by this " Thing" until I was A shell of a human. Thank you for your insight.
Yup. Mom was a monster. May she rot in hell!
You are not alone and I feel your pain.
Have you noticed in the comments it’s mostly about narc mothers?
Wow! This described my mother spot on. I am the only person in my family who understands my mother is a narcissist (I'm the scapegoat). They all are brainwashed and gaslight and think that I am the problem. When I finally realized and came to terms with the fact that my mother did not love me, and actually hated me lividly, it changed my life. Allowed me to let go of so much. It is a hard thing for a child to come to terms with, they will lie to themselves and find reasons to convince themselves that their parent loves them because it is such a heartbreaking thing for a child to know.
I’m in the same boat. My mother has turned my siblings against me. And my father has been abused by her for so long it’s just normal to him. He doesn’t see it as abuse. I’m the only one who can see things clearly. It’s heartbreaking.
You came to what it took a wonderful therapist to get me to. “If they were not related to you, are they people you would seek out to be friends with?”
I was horrified ‘NO!’ She let me just sit with my answer. They were liars, telling me who I was and they had no idea, bringing up the past but changing it to elevate themselves. I couldn’t buy any gift that EVER pleased them but anything they did, acted like it was the kindest, most elegant thing ever. They were exhausting.
@@katyjahn1353 It's hard when you're the only one that can see it. It's like they are brainwashed beyond approach. And when you try to get through to them they just act like you are crazy. The only thing that has helped me is distance. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that they were never going to wake up. EVER. It's sad but you just have to eventually learn to let them go.
Same here everyone now thinks I'm the problem. Some of her family members knows that she's a liar but they still somehow scold me
Yep. I grasped and understood that my mother was a narcissist in my 20s and went no contact. So of course the narcissist makes sure that the rest of the family are brainwashed even though they know at heart she doesn’t love them. All relationship are for utility to them.
I wish i could hug every person who grew up w parents who made them feel unworthy of love. It’s so far from true. and I hope you can find the love within yourself so you can find your person and/or soulmate, whichever you believe in who will never make you doubt yourself or your purpose in this crazy narcissistic world. ❤❤
the evil parents clearly didn’t find it in themselves and so they take it out on their biggest blessings in life which isn’t fair. Be the one to break that cycle!!!
My parents not only want to erase my individuality, they want me in the ground for not being their puppet, it's disturbing how demonic these creatures are. Great video, Danish.
Totally disturbing. And yeah, it's cuz they're full of demons. As a believer in Jesus, I began to realize it's totally demonic. And what's wild is they lie to themselves and others so much, they begin to believe their own lies, act like nothing happened, like they have no clue, and expect you to believe their bs too.
I am pretty sure my mom wants me to die before her
Same
Same here. They wish bad on you. Lol
Same
Both of my parents were narcissists too, and yeah...they didn't love me...at all. I'm an only child, and also the scapegoat. I've learned how to be alone, and be fine with it. Especially now days because it seems like the level of narcissism in people has taken over, and it seems like they're everywhere. It makes it hard to meet good friends.
I am here we can be friends. I'm not a narc
I’ve had the same parental experience…both narcs, only child, scapegoat….and feel the same way …narcissism is rampant in society…hugs 🤗
The hardest part is trusting people to even think about being friends. They really do a number on your emotions and I do not feel friendships are worth the risk. 😢
I think that most kids of a double narcissist household just want to be alone . It took me a long time to break that . A lot of work .
@@NCrdwlf how did you do it? Because yes I’m a recluse hermit although I crave friendship and companionship 😢😭…I think it wouldn’t “bother” me so much if the world wasn’t in such chaos….but because the world seems or is so scary right now, being so alone brings me even more anxiety….I am stuck in a mental prison
Having a "perfect little girl " was what she really loved
I had 1 narcissistic parent and the other passed when I was 10 weeks. I'm now on the path of Bhakti Yoga, and I love you, unconditionally. ❤ We all deserved better.🙏
It is never easy to be around a narcissistic parent. I am sorry for the loss of the other parent. Sending a lot of love and healing
@@narcabusecoach and mine back to you.
@@CherrysJubileeJoyfullyHare Krishna 😊he will love you unconditionally .....❤
@@Satyabhamakrishnan108 Krishna blesses my heart every day. That is why I can love everyone unconditionally. My love goes out to you as well. 🙏💕
My mom hated me and had my dad and brothers pile on. When I showed artistic talent early on and people would give me art supplies, she threw them away and wouldn't let me take art classes in school. When I was sick or injured, she wouldn't take me to the doctor, but my brother was rushed to the clinic for the slightest ailment. I walked on broken bones and, when I my brother knocked me over in a bike race and I was gravely injured with a TBI and bleeding wounds, she told the neighbors who had rescued me from the street and taken me home in their car, "Don't bring her in the house: she'll get blood on the carpet." It's a nightmare to grow up like this. I rebelled inside and made my own life, but the pissed off, suicidal 4 year-old terrorized little girl is still her with me. Thanks so much.
So sad to learn about your stories. God bless you.
You need to care for that 4 year old in order to heal yourself.
I feel you 😢 I have a narcissistic mother too .. peace to you❤🎉
Oh my God!!
Take very good care of yourself, Dear..
Luv, affection n soothing, healing emotions from india ❤
This is absolutely spot on. 100%. My narcissistic parent is 85 and still manipulating the family. It’s absolutely disgusting.
it's sad to say it, but an easy way to help everyone is to just tell the woman the truth, just start a conversation and start talking about her flaws... narcists can't cope with "i'm doing something wrong to others", if it was my parent i'd help her to realise that in this universe she's rather unwanted. Either she realises the truth and accepts her wrongdoings and tries to fix it with the little time she has left, or either she messes up herself and leaves our gameserver in anger, uncertainty, ... The older someone gets, the harder it is to let them accept the whole truth. I could let my father get a heart attack if i wanted too, but i don't. I know where his narcissism originated, lets say he grew up in "our" situation, and the "good" parent he had died at his age of 7yr. That doesn't mean i agree with his behaviour, but i know how and why he is like that and I learned to protect myself and others from that. My father knows his "charm" is totally useless against me, on the contrary, i unknowingly gave him a few experiences that chipped away from his "I'm elite"-way of thinking. It's not all fun and games, but the results are that he abandoned his most evil behaviours and now is a lot more bearable. He's still narcisstic, people very close to him sadly enough still have to endure that, but at least now i don't hate him anymore for what he is. I've done my part. Deep inside those people do know that they're behaving badly, it's just that no-one lets them realise how hurting they are to others.
I guess you have a hard nut to crack; go into a massive fight with a parent that might end badly, or give that person the opportunity to have a last minute change in life. It's never too late to be a better person if u ask me, and if they're really unwilling to be a good person, i'm quite sure their next "round" in the game of life won't be so gentle for them...
Walk away
@@karlabritfeld7104 maybe first let them know why you walk away, otherwise it's only a sign of cowardness
I was the scapegoat in my house and yet - my mom left me to be her caretaker in the end. For all the reasons she hated me, she knew I was the one who would do right by her. And I did. People can treat you however they want, but I always remember, I work for God. It’s HIM I have to do right by.
Silence is freedom
You have literally described my childhood. How I wish the internet had existed when I was at an age where I could have realized the truth DECADES earlier. I might have had a chance to develop more self-esteem and made much better choices. I could have started healing at an age where it would have made a difference in my adult life. I remember when I realized the parents of friends loved their children in a way mine did not but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why. I never drank, skipped, did drugs. I never disobeyed in any way. In fact I excelled at everything I did; principal flute, majorette captain, honors society, etc. So if I was doing all that and still not worthy of love I must then just be INHERENTLY unworthy. As a person I didn’t deserve love. Ask me whether my first husband was basically my parents. I cry wishing I had a do-over. Do yourselves a favor. Go no contact as early as you possibly can. ❤
It's sad but true. My aunts and uncles told me they didn't think my mother was going to let me grow up if you know what I mean.
They're just never going to change. Constant recriminations never any hugs never told good job. To this day she's the same at 87 years. Everything's my fault. They are just not going to change
This is why I'm so grateful we have people like Daniel Mackler to shine light on this stuff for a lot of people.
My life, summed up. My mom has left a legacy of manipulations,lies,pain, favoritism etc. I realized I married my mom twice ,first with an overt narc and then a covert narc. I am kinda suspicious of men , don't want to be hurt again .
They conveniently show affection and abuse in public depending upon their mood and who they’re performing for at the time.
Yes this! 😢
ESPECIALLY during the Holidays....😢 my BDay is on Christmas Eve but I have not Celebrated it nor Christmas (I miss Tamales) nor New Yrs and my fave.....not even Thanksgiving (I miss Cooking) I have Celebrated these Holidays for x6 yrs
It's super lonely but Peaceful
@@Timenow1 I’m originally from NY and I miss the food too.
Yes, especially infront of their relatives they don't mind being abusive towards their children.
Absolutely!!
Boy, is this 💯% correct! I grew up with a narcissistic mother and this describes my hellious upbringing just exactly. Narcissists don’t have the capacity for love because it’s always only about themselves.
My dad's "love" was ONLY about how anything good we've done reflects on HIM. He cares only for himself. He would even brag about what major we chose ("I convinced them!") how we did well in school because HE helped us and HE'S smart and we're his kids. It was always, always, always about him. Even the rare times he calls us for our birthdays he 99% talks about himself. "Happy Birthday! I've been so busy, I'm doing amazing stuff at work everyone loves me, blah blah blah."
@@Wft-bu5zc SMH. Unbelievable how these people are.
My narcisstic mother started to be extremely violent since I started "growing up" at the age of 13/14. It only got worse and worse, progressively as I grew into the teen and early adulthood. She clearly hated the fact I exists and told me that very clearly many times, using eg words "I could abort you" or "Kill yourself" etc. It ended with me moving since I only had a chance and before that, she used to threat me with death literally (until I was afraid to sleep and eat or drink anything from the kitchen that she could access. I was only drinking tap water and eat what freshly brought home from the store, as she suggested would poison me and she was a doctor and had many medicines in home). I'm pretty sure, she never ever loved me. She may like some aspects of being mother and "owning" someone who was admiring and loving her unconditionally, until it lasted, but she also dropped me in grandparents house for years. She eventually took me home, when I was around 7. Then, the horror started. I remember developing insomnia, horrible stomach cramps that lasted for hours and other health issue that no doctor could diagnose, beside severe OCDs and depression. Then, eating disorders came, beside I turned from quite a social being into an introvert, extremely shy, insecure and scared person that passed through depression, EDs, addictions, severe panic attacks, huge problems with socializing, unable to stand for self and give people a healthy boundaries etc.
We lost contact with each other for almost 8 years and I was getting better. I got a dream job, a nice apartment and some dignity, until she came back (due to her divorce with my stepfather that also didn't give a single s+it about me. It was all about her, because all the sudden, she needed help and support) and AGAIN turned my life into hell. For the 4 years she was "back", she achieved to make me loose almost everything, beside the panic attacks came stronger than ever, so it literally made normal life impossible for some time. She made me a WRECK. After she tried eventually to ruin me also financially, so I would stay homeless, I finally cut the contact again. I felt a HUGE relief. Nothing can be compared to that peace, when I don't have to deal with her anymore. I just wish it was sooner, but I also know I would have huge guilt if not the last drop of what she attempted on the end. I never felt so light since 4 years, I do after I cut her off. I wish to warn you all - NEVER let the narcisst come back a ruing your life again. Don't believe in their tears and promises - they DO NOT change.
My 14 year long headache departed WITHIN ten minutes of demanding my mother not say she loves me. Four months plus & no mom or her headache with me either.
I’m so sorry you had such a rough childhood! Please stay no contact and never let her come back ever again!
Ohh this is my story also 😔😔😔
What a strong person you are just putting your experience into words is a testament to your strength....be well 💪
Oh my heart hurts for you reading that. I am so sorry.💔
I have never heard my mother described so perfectly. Thank you. Can’t say I feel better, but I know that it’s not my fault. I’m 70 now, bout time I find this out!
69 and still dealing with the nonsense. You think you’re over it and then something triggers the past.
Seventy two and just figuring it out. I wish someone would address birth order. I was the scapegoat, in the middle , between a sister three years above and three years younger. I was such a chump……….
@@Kipper388 My husband was the first born but his brother was the golden child. Husband died 3 weeks short of his 68th birthday.
Same! My mother to a T!
Yes, same here!
It's heartbreaking to think about the damaging effects that narcissistic parents can have on their children's emotional and mental well-being. This video serves as a reminder that we must prioritize the safety and healing of those who have experienced this kind of trauma, and work to create a world where children can grow up feeling loved, supported, and valued for who they are, rather than being used as tools to bolster their parents' egos.
Right
If only we could acurately identify them and stop narcissists from reproducing.
Yessss..I was always asked..are you working.....when she never worked her whole life as married into wealth and dad abused her..yet she never left him....then never disciplined my older sis who bullied me
Well said ...need of the hour
Um ya think? Where do you thing we should start?🙄
Every word is so true! I'm now 67, my mom always called me an "idiot". At 18 I left, paid for my college with money id saved,. It was a community college, $150 a semester, ( i had saved money from numerous jobs i had during high school from picking apples in an orchard to mowing lawns and working washing dishes in a restaurant, and a summer working in a shoe factory) The college was a 2 year program, 4 semesters, for a AA degree in business management. This was 1975. My mom said, " your not going you have no money", I said i have the money and i went. I year latter I moved out. My father always agreed with her. That"s the tip of the ice burg. It was a rough start.
bradlybradshaw5972 - My father called me stupid. It was a double insult because the way he said it has remained with me for 40 years. He had said, You are stupid like your mother.
I am not stupid. I do have ADHD, which made my education very challenging and life in general. Also having such emotionally immature and selfish parents didn't help matters, either.
I agree. It was a rough start. I hope you are okay and finally have peace in your life.
🫂❤️
My wife is a narcissist, and we're in the process of divorce. We got one kid, age 4. When we're in a small or tough argument, she would call me an "idiot" and her words are usually acid, it can cause blisters. If she can call me like that, then these narcissist can do the same toward their own child.
You explained my growing up, with a single, narcissistic mother, *perfectly*.😮 Even though I was the obedient, compliant child and my two brothers were serious trouble makers who were enabled by her well into their adulthood, I was still, somehow, the scapegoat. Now, at age 89, she has been living with my husband and I for the past five plus years. I have gone through PTSD therapy (plus been hospitalized twice). Her living here has affected my mental and physical health immensely and has become a terrible strain on my marriage. We are finally moving her into a very good care home in four days; despite her attempts at using guilt and emtional manipulation, which don't work anymore.❤
Thank you for sharing your expertise on this video! Very much appreciated!!!!!
I believe you. After believing in Jesus I realized these people have serious demons and a lot of them, and that's why just being around them in any way can seriously effect someone's health, and even cause premature death, because of that evil energy. Especially if you're empathic and sensitive. I'm happy for you to be free of that. People will reap what they sow, and that's just how it is, not your fault.
Well then your mother’s sons should take her in then.
@@hereitis.2587 They've both been dead a long time.
Blessings for you for doing so much 😢
Ptsd lol only in america...
Two narcissistic parents is indeed a special kind of hell - I'm sorry you had to endure the misfortune of this experience as well.
I'm almost 46 now, never married, no children and struggling with serious degenerative chronic illness... I pray that you are healed/ healing, and I wish you a much happier outcome for your life.
Thanks for all that you do for/ share with us. ✨🙏🏽
I’m so sorry for all of us that had to endure this 😢 and I pray for our healing too 🤗💖🙏
Same here. Managing my chronic illness and coping with my special kind of hell. Both parents are narcissistic. I already mourned their deaths. It's sad.
😢
I just tuned 66 years old. My father was/is narcissistic. You'd think I would be over this by now. I've started taking care of my 86 year old father a year ago. I didn't know what what narcissistic was. He is mean , different from other dads. Everything you said is true of a parent who is narcissistic. We had a falling out because I stood up to him. I've been learning as much as I can, so I can heal. They never change. 😢 I wish I had learned this earlier .
I'm also in my 60s. My mom never really took care of us, as kids. We were basically just housed, fed and clothed. We were Latch key kids in the 70s. Now my mom is 82 and in bad health. She's widowed and has failed to plan for her future. How much responsibility needs to be heaped on us now that she needs help? When we were kids, we'd hear stuff like. "You made your bed, now lie in it" do we get to come back with that? Or is that petty?
@@LoriDitchfield"you made your bed now lie in it" sounds exactly like my mom. She didn't raise me but thinks she owns me. I've gone no contact for 13 years. She wants me to move in with her. I don't want to do that bc I realize she's a narcissist now..
@@LoriDitchfield
That's entirely up to you and your conscience to decide...
Should you decide not to continue having anything to do with her...there are Federally run nursing homes...
She made her bed.....
and you don't need to lie in it with her...unless you choose to!
That's right, they never change. As experts in narcissism point out, narcissist don't want to change. There is no genuine responsibility or accountability. Regret about how long it takes to realize about narcissism is normal, however none of this was your fault. It takes time to recover.
@@LoriDitchfield Why do you WANT more abuse? Are you worried what other's might think? It is your life now. I would leave her alone.
I just feel sad realized after 40 years married and two children with a narcissistic husband that we were never truly loved it’s a hard pill to swallow.
I was raised with two narcissistic parents. I am now 48 and my life is considered to be of no value to my entire family including extended family. I have no right to a life of my own and am considered selfish to ever say `No` or set boundaries. The abuse of a narcissistic family will only end when they pass away.
"The abuse of a narcissistic family will only end when they pass away." Or when you set a boundary that includes no-contact, and please don't be afraid to do that. Let them go before they pass, and let them be dead to you. You'll mourn, you'll get over it (faster than you ever thought you could because, let's face it, these are not good people) and you'll find your life started at 48. Late, but not too late.
I'm sorry that you were not treated with the love and compassion you deserved. I know this from my own experiences with my parents. It caused me a lifetime of pain and self doubt. I hope you find peace in your life. We have to give ourselves the love we needed and didn't get. We have to be the parent to ourselves we wished we had when we were kids.
I was the same. My advise is to be “selfish”. It will seem strange at first, but You’ll be surprised to find that nothing bad happens and in fact people will like you more. Of course what seems selfish to you is just normal to others. You have to learn to be your own loving parent to yourself ❤ Don’t wait. Life is short. My mom lived to be 99 and I was 71.
@@lillianbarker4292 OK, that's a horrible thought after another afternoon of abuse from my mother. Who now thinks a minor brain bleed--absorbed the afternoon it happened--excuses 50 years of awful behavior to me that's now ramped up to screaming when I can't assist fast enough. I've advised her as of today that neither of us are tolerating it any more and if she's going to yell, we're leaving. I left.
Same. ... everything is what can we use you for
I've been really worried that I might be a narcisist and this video has really helped. I'm always anxious for the approval of others. But that's not (in itself) narcissism. I think that if you're worried about being a narcisist and terrified that if you are you might negatively impact your loved ones - then you probably aren't. A narcissist wouldn't care.
Exactly. Everyone one has the potential to display some narcissistic traits. This however is different from narcissistic personality disorder.
You can be a narcissist and not be abusive. Being a narcissist is not a horrible crime. It’s a mental disorder. Self awareness is Key. Someone with this disorder can still be a decent person and be aware of their tendencies and work with therapists etc. to help them live life without the disorder completely ruining their relationships and own self esteem/health
@@theycallmeutopia lol. No. There are different types of narcissism:
You don’t need to be hurt to display some traits of a grandiose narcissist (aka a show off) or a communal narcissist.
Even with a covert narcissist.
You do know spoiled children usually become narcissistic is nature, right? Nothing to do with abuse.
Studies show that children who were lavished with praises and told how great they were from the beginning- in order to build up their self esteem ended up being narcissist.
I’ll give you that point for a malignant narcissist, though. Those people are just mean and even criminal.
@stellamariss3335 but they probably won't.
Idk you but you’re probably not a narcissist if you think you are if that makes sense. Narcissists usually think nothing is wrong with them and the idea of them being a narcissist is totally insane to them. Everyone can have some narcissistic tendencies some time in their life but that doesn’t make you an actual narcissist.
Not only do they not love you, they will convince you that they do, and you could grow up thinking those toxic behaviors equal love, and it will leave you as a permanently confused and damaged adult.
Edit: Please do not leave advice about whether or not you can heal, it is entirely subjective and not up strangers on the internet, it's great if you've experienced your own form of healing, but please do not try to force your personal progress on to others, everyone is different, recovery is not a one-size-fits-all kind of outfit. If someone says "please drop it" then respect that.
Edit #2: The persistently negative comments are a great example of toxic people. Even when politely asked to stop, they don't. Even when I put a notice asking for them to be respectful, they don't. A huge thank you to those who ARE mature and respectful, who don't feel the need to confront a stranger over the internet about their personal opinion. You are much appreciated.
Yep. Then we go out and find toxic partners.
I feel my granddaughter will be hurt by her narc father
OMG, are we ever damaged goods! And we didn't even know about it till Danish explained.
There favorite go to is "I love you unconditionally", they don't know the meaning.
Not permanent. Healing is possible.❤
Thank you for making this video! Your descriptions of how a narcissist parent uses her children and seems to be fueled by the tension and hatred she fosters between siblings. Unfortunately, but weirdly fortunately I knew at an extremely young age I was different because my mother allowed and encouraged my elder brother to bully me before I could even walk or talk. It got worse and worse as we got older. At 10 I begged the Children's Aid Society to get me out, but to no avail. It then became unbearable at 15 when I left home. I knew I broke the cycle when I became a dad, because the love I have for my 2 sons is the only true feeling of love I've ever had. Over the past 45 yrs, 30 of which I lived in a different country, I've tried several times to repair relationships with my family, yet not a single thing has changed. My emotional life had been a mess for most of my life until I knew I was going to be a dad. Ended up becoming an author of an emotional literacy book for kids and a parenting coach. There is hope for us black sheeps!😊
I’m 37 yrs old and now I understand why our life was so disfuntional. Both of my parents are narcissist 😢
OMG
Yep, likewise, and I understand completely. Have you reached the point yet where you feel that you have no alternative but to distance yourself, and completely cut ties with both of 'em (presuming they're both still living)? Painful as it was, that was when I first began to feel 'free' and become my own person.
I understand
Both of mine are as well. They enable each other in a sick way. But they are both narcissist. It really messed with my head. Thank GOD for the man's TH-cam channel to help me understand my trauma.
Same here, born and bred by narcissistic parents, I am the rebel in the family so you can imagine the amount of abuse I faced whilst growing up.
same here. my narc mom had influenced all my relatives and cousins and spread vicious rumours about me, trying to force me to crawl back to her and call her 'My Queen, i obey'. Now I'm a Despicable Villain in my relatives eyes. I have no intention to proof to these stupid relatives that she's the real villain because they are easily influenced by sob stories, especially with tears. Truth will prevail, but until when, nobody know. I'm ok to be the villain in the eye of stupid people, its cool.
Same here. I’m still the ‘black sheep’ at 50 yrs old. It’s ridiculous.
@@buildertrash4102 yep...100% true....i simply don't take shit from anyone any more...
@@tartanrocker5926 same here. If people don't like that then they can go kick f'n rocks.
@@spaideman7850At least you're Free & now you can have healthy relationships with healthy people!!!!
My siblings thought I was the golden child. Years later my sister and I had an open talk about our experiences with those people. They divide their kids against each other to compete for mom and dad.
That divide is real. I haven't spoken to my brother since 2005.
I suspect the same in my family.
That was my childhood. Minimal hugs. But we looked great in public! I wasnt the golden child. She made fun of me and my friends and everything about me, because it was wrong like my height, or funny looking- like my freckles, as in stuff you have no control over, like who your 8th grade English teacher is. Then- After my parents divorced, my mom waited till I was 18, then took my siblings and moved to another state while I was at work. I lived with relatives. That was a few decades ago.
My brother was the Golden Child -now Narcissist too. Didn’t realize until my Parents were both dead about the Golden Child. Now he has an older Sugar Momma Girlfriend. He doesn’t need anything from me, so he doesn’t bother with me. And because of my Parents we were never close.
So so true…..
“Children are placed in the centre of adult issues. They become the therapist. They become the mediator…” this describes my childhood to terrible perfection. The wedding anniversary of my (both deceased) parents just passed. It is still a traumatic day. My narcissistic mother placed all her failed expectations of my father into me and my sister. I realise now how incredibly inappropriate it all was. Hugs to you all. Thank you Danish. I have just come across your channel. It’s very accurate… very healing.
How did your mother place all her failed expectations of her husband on you and your sister? I am estranged from my borderline husband of 26 yrs and I hope that I haven't done the same to my children
It's a heartbreaking pain to realize at 48 years old that my mother didn't love me properly, not more than her house or any other object that served her; she didn't love properly herself, never knowing or learning what love really is. So sad! The rest of my life I will have to get used to this thought and love her the same, but learning to love myself and put myself first at the same time, before is too late. Thank you, Danish.
Same. I am 52. I have learned that loving myself is when I take on the two roles of being both (1) the loving parent I never had to (2) the inner child that still needs that parent.
Weird: I, too, was 48 when I finally woke up to most of it via finally thinking to Google "children of narcissists."
Same here 48 and same realizations!
Well, we all woke up a few decades too late. In my case, I would have made some VERY different life decisions had I understood things 30, 20, or even 10 years sooner.
“Any difference of opinion, any uniqueness, including your individuality, is belittled. You are humiliated for that and they attack your growing and developing identity until they erase it or suppress it.”
Microphone drop. 🎤 This is so spot on and succinctly summarizes my experience growing up with my parents. 😢
Sorry to hear that :( sounds kinda like my parents too.. so I can relate..
“Who do you think you are?”
“Get out of my sight”
“I love you, but I don’t like you”
“You’re so ungrateful”
Anything sound familiar ☹️🙄
"Erased" is 100% spot on.
"Children become the therapists of their narcissistic parent ..." Yeah. That's so true. From the age of 12 till young adulthood, I set down with my mother, sometimes daily and for hours (!!!), trying to understand and to help her with her depressions ... This was one of the many non-physicals abuses I had to endure. Try to imagine a 14 year old girl, that desperatly tries to explain her mother in hour-long daily sessions, that she should not kill herself ... The other way around, when I wanted to talk about something, even something little and light hearted, I knew from early age, that I had to express myself in no more than 2 or 3 sentences, because the attention span of my mother was (and still is) not existent. Only logically, because it is something NOT about her, that it is not valid.
Absolutely!!! For some of us it begins much earlier. I remember working very hard to cheer my mother up when I was a toddler. I was suicidal by age four.
Aw man, same. I don't think people who haven't gone through this understand how much of a burden it is and how it turns you into someone who learns that their own struggles will never be as important as anyone else's. It makes it very difficult to ask for help.
Exactly the same. EXACTLY.
Wow! You explained it so well!
@@BognaZoneim so sorry. i hope ur doing ok now.
My daughter is currently dealing with this from her narcissistic mother… She turns 7 years old tomorrow… Her mother’s rejection stands out to her even more because her older brother (18 years old) was never rejected by her mother. She was a great mom to him, but somehow she morphed into a completely different person about a year after my daughter was born. At age 4 my daughter asked me “why is mommy nice to my brother but not to me”…. She felt it… Children see and hear and understand more than most adults would believe.. This situation is by far the most difficult and most painful situation I’ve ever experienced in my entire life because it’s not happening to me, it’s happening to my baby girl. I can’t fix it, but I can and will do whatever it takes to help prevent her mother’s issues from affecting my daughter’s future as much as possible by being a level headed non-dysfunctional presence in my daughter’s life. As a parent, it is critical for me to do and say the right things, and be whatever my daughter needs me to be at any given moment to ensure that she doesn’t normalize her mother’s behavior or assume responsibility for it. I know she’s confused and I know she wants answers, but I can’t explain the unexplainable to her. I can’t help her to rationalize behaviors that are selfish and irrational. But what I can do and will always do is be there for her and make sure she knows she is loved. For the rest of my life I will dedicate my entire existence to her. My love, my time, my effort, my energy, and my undivided attention belong to her and will always be at her disposal whenever she wants or needs them. Overcompensating for the void her mother created will become a part of my daily routine. My sole purpose in life is making sure my daughter is safe and feels loved every day til the day I die. She is my reason. I she is my everything. She is my one and only daughter, and she will always be daddy’s favorite flower. Irene Rose. I will love her unconditionally for the rest of my life and I would go to war with any entity no matter the odds, and will die on my shield if need be, in order to protect her.. I love you Irene… ❤
My narc Mom once said to us children, “you kids don’t love me”
What an awful manipulation and opposite of the truth. Thank you for your list. I did not understand what was going on until my stepdad passed away, he had shielded us from the full picture.
Blessed recovery to all of us ❤
My mom blamed me and my brother for her stretched out body. As if, we had a choice! I said, I didn't ask to be born, she said, "we didn't want you either." Lovely, huh?
Hi Danish, I’m comforted by your knowledge and experience. I’m in my late 60’s now and I have so many regrets. My Mother was the Narcissist and I was her whipping-post. Even with 2 parents and 2 marriages (20 yrs apart) I’ve NEVER felt truly cared for or valued. It’s such a hollow life. I’m sorry for you, me and everyone who’s been treated in such a damaging way. I’ve been in a battle with depression since the 3rd grade.
Be good to yourself. This was NOT your fault. Remember that. I hope you have joy and calmness now. I had to completely cut all contact with my parents to finally have peace. They passed away 8 years ago, within 3 months of each other. I did go to their funerals. I helped my sister take care of our mom when she got sick, right after my dad died, but I have yet to shed a tear over them both being gone. I wish you peace & joy. You are strong!! Enjoy your life!!
PLEASE LOVE YOURSELF,FIRST. IT IS LIFE CHANGING TO DISCOVER THIS IN YOUR OLD AGE
I understand. Sunny, 🙏 Prayers.
God bless you ❤❤❤❤
It didn't enter my mind as I wrote, that anyone would respond . . I am filled with gratitude and hope 💟 Thank you 😊.
Thank you. This explained my childhood perfectly. I understand now, what I went through. Once I grew up, my mother treated me worse. I asked what I did wrong. Her answer, "You moved out and started your own family. You were supposed to live with me and take care of me until I died." :/
Nietzsche wrote about this phenomenon 100 years ago, people need God!!!
LOL what a joke! Good for you! Leave her in the dust and don't look back. Zero guilt!
Oh my god I felt this! I am working on moving out of my toxic home with my boyfriend to start our lives together, and she feigns support for me gaining my independence, but she subtly clips my wings any chance she gets. She shoots down every plan I share with her and insists I have to do it her way, which would result in me never leaving (she wants me to save up money while living at home so I can buy a house in full). She tries to guilt me for leaving her alone with the abusive monster of a husband that SHE chose, but I don't care. My mom has always joked about living with me her whole life so I can wipe her butt when she's old, but screw her, she can wipe her own butt. She has done nothing to deserve that.
Good lord! That’s a freaking a demon sis
That’s just what my mom told me too. “You can move far away when I get old and pass away.”
This video is extremely accurate and spot on. When I was a kid, I used to have this friend that was very intelligent. She noticed that my parents wouldn’t let me have any identity but I as a child, wouldn’t agree to see it for what it was. As time passed, being an adolescent I started developing my own sense of self and all hell went lose. They implanted the thought in my mind that I was being rebellious because of that one friend. I now understand with therapy that they seemed like healthy and loving parents just because I was agreeable. They were never that way, it just uncovered itself when I became a bit older
I was about 11 when I read the Greek myth about Narcissus, and my teacher said and explained about Narcissus and how it was where the name of narcissism comes from, and what that was. I thought wow, that sounds exactly like my father.
Most of my life I thought my mother was a huge enabler to my father, but I realized later, she was a covert narcissist. She even took time to put a letter in her will, that was to accuse me of all the evil things she had done to me over the years, telling me it was all my fault. I figured out I was the scape goat by the time I was 7. I'm adopted, they went out of their way to find a child to scape goat, I wish I had been adopted by decent human beings and not the monsters who harmed me regularly.
Wow! and I always wanted someone to adopt me! When I was a child, my mother never allowed me to get close to her, I could never hug her. She said that this was pure hypocrisy and falsehood. She never gave me love or listened to me. She made fun of me with everyone, it seemed like an innocent joke, but it wasn't. She never said something nice or sweet about me, if she talked about me it was to make fun of me. When I was a teenager, she was no longer satisfied with despising me, then the real and terrible hatred began. Sometimes she would leave me without eating for 3 days, she would yell insults at me, she would tell me that she was ashamed of me... and even though I was a good student and I was decent, she always yelled at me how embarrassed she lived thanks to me. She is still alive and I take care of her, she is already 85 years old, and I have always felt the pain of so much verbal and sometimes physical abuse. Once with tears in my eyes I told her "Why didn't you give me up for adoption?" and the answer was that I am bad, ungrateful for everything she did for me. We were raised by monsters
@@MariaHernandez-rc2eq You have my sympathy. That must be very difficult to care for someone so toxic.
@@MariaHernandez-rc2eqsounds very similar to mine but my dad always made sure my brother and I were fed. I believe it was because of him I turn out a non narcissist. He showed me some meaning of empathy and unconditional love. I miss him.
@@thevindictive6145
At least we now know that we weren't the problem. My blessings to all those who were abused, who never received a hug of love... God in his infinite goodness abundantly reward all the victims of narcissistic mothers.
How could your parents not love you? You are a wonderful person. May you always be blessed. Thank you for all you do.
in narcissist eye, there is only those who 'obey' vs 'disobedient'. no such thing as wonderful, honest, truthful
Great video. I was the scapegoat child constantly blamed for everything a lot of which was nothing to do with me🙄 She is nearly 80 now & she’s ruined our family n the older she gets the worse she gets🙄
🎉
They are destructors of goodness and happiness
Mine is 88 and I agree!
Brilliant video. It’s about my mother from A to Z. When I was 16/17 I visited a girlfriend of mine’s home and I met her mother and for the first time in my life I found out what a REAL loving parent felt like. Back then it was a mind blowing experience and also a very depressing realisation.
ibnenkigalileo9256 - I also had a similar experience. I was a young adult when I realized what a cohesive, loving and supportive family is like, and, yes, it was depressing as hell.
🫂❤️
Scapegoat here. Excellent video!!! My narcissistic mother is now elderly and has advanced dementia. As you so correctly stated . . . my Golden Child sister has become a narcissist.
Same issues here except my 94 year old mother doesn't have dementia. My sister is narcissistic and I worry for my niece, who is in her forties and treated like a baby.
Danish, yes, this is so true. I had to have brain surgery and my mom became my caregiver at her home. It was hell. I didn’t know at the time that she was a narc. She screamed at me constantly, especially when I pleaded for her to stop or when I begged for kindness. There were zero positive talks as I laid there. No empathy. Then when her friends would come over, she was so happy and friendly. She told them how much she was caring for me etc. When I found out I had to have the same surgery again, I was devastated and crying. She yelled at me 5 minutes after I got the news, made it all about her, and said that she refused to care for me after that one. Those are just a few of many, many experiences. Her son is the perfect one and she has made sure that he favors her. He hasn’t even contacted me after both surgeries.
I’m so sorry ❤ stay strong
@@FaryalZubair77 Thank you so much. I wish the best for you too.
Her son... you mean your brother? Is that how she talks... referring to him as HER son instead of your brother? If so, there is your sign!
@@AliciaGuitar no, that’s just how I worded it here. But trust me, she definitely fits the criteria of a narc.
I also suffered a brain injury and was forced to go back to live with my "dragon". I do not use the word mom to describe her. She tricked me into believing she wanted me to move in with her, but she just wanted it to appear that she did so she could look good to others. I am living in a room, not allowed to cook, she rigged the washing machine so i cannot use it. My advice to you is to think of your well-being and if possible, find another care-giver. Stay away from your toxic dragon. My brother is the golden child too. I hope you will be able to heal physically and emotionally.
I was the only child of narcissistic parents. thank-you for this content.
I see you. I'm an only child as well and had a narcissistic mother and her narcissistic boyfriend. I couldn't wait to move out as soon as I graduated high school. I had no childhood.
@@heatherroberson1648 I started the countdown at 11 years old until my 18th birthday. I moved out that day. I hear you and I can totally relate.
Same. Home life was a living psychological hell yet I somehow knew that I needed to study my schoolwork expertly for the sole purpose of getting out and getting a job and never, ever having to depend on them ever again. Also, through all the constant intrusions and invasions of my privacy by my mother, when she saw me studying or reading the Bible, she would smile and leave me in peace. Sometimes I even did the same homework multiple times just to be left alone in my bedroom.
@@danielkaiser8971 yes I used the same tactic. I skipped grade 4 and had graduated college on my 18th birthday, that day I left, never to return.
exactly what my childhood was like. i know i'm not the only one who had to suffer like this. thank you for this video. i wish much love + healing to everyone who grew up with narcissistic parents
remy5829 - ❤️
Excellent video. All of it is 100% true right down to erasing and suppressing any normal and healthy growth that a child needs. The child is there to serve them and their needs.
I'm sorry for what you had to experience in your life. But thank you for using your knowledge to help others.
Szuszu is a fun character. The real genius of that movie!
If your parent is a narcissist, you are like an accessory to be shown off. You might as well have been a new purse or pair of shoes. 🙄
Yeah. Or instead like a new looking antique car with a life sized life looking doll in it.
Thank you to everyone in the comments that shared their experience of surviving or attempting to survive a narcissist parent. I clicked on this video after watching the one on clutter and it feels good to know I’m not alone. After my brother passed, my mom said she had nothing to live for. I told her she still has me and my daughter(2yo) and she said “That’s not enough”.. She finally said the words that her actions have made me feel my entire life. We all deserve parents that love us unconditionally and I’m sad that isn’t a birthright. However, we have the choice to be the parents we never had to ourselves and our children.
You are so right!
so true, we can break the mould and feel the self-esteem this gives us
You know what, I dont know you, but yohr raw humble account of that devastating moment in your life made me overwhelmed with motherly protective love for you!! Xx I’ll love you as though you guys are my own child & grandchild- reply, or link in or however this is done I’ll be the genuine loving maternal figure we all need in our lives x
THE IDEALIZATION OF THE TODDLER STAGE.
Never saw other video talk about this point. Congratulations, that's spot on!
Wow you are 100% correct. You described my situation perfectly. I never realized my mom was a narcissist until I became older. It is very sad understanding that you were manipulated your whole life and were the scapegoat. I am trying to heal now.
Both my parents are narcicists and I am deeply traumatised realising this too late after many years of loving them unconditionally and getting nothing back
It’s not too late. You don’t need them. Love and cherish yourself for having survived. There are lots of us ❤
I know the drill.. but you should cherish the fact that you didn't ragequit on the game of life like many others in our situation did. You have the cabability to cope with very heavy mental stress and massive amount of relativation mechanisms. This puts you in a situation where u can help other people that have problems in life. Living with 2 narc parents is like living in a golden cage where the outside is made of gold and the inside is made of the rotting pest. Nobody wants to live such a youth, I know it because i've been there, with all the troubles and issues you can imagine, and as the cherry on the cake there was also alcoholism involved in my case. I've learned to accept my parents for what they are, I now make sure they don't put my in a situation i don't want to be, and if they try to "charm" me i just expose the truth instead of "acting along", so my father now knows his charm won't work on me anymore, and my mother; well... I've been and keep promising the world and myself that i'll throw a party on the day she dies. I don't want to see her alive anymore, at all. To me she's not my mother anymore, she's just a person who had the luck to have carried and delivered me to the world. She's a false person that doesn't care about lying to her own kids, stealing from them, betraying them, etc etc.. so I've decided to ban her from my game-of-life-server/biome until the day her character dies and the account gets closed...
I'm in my 40s now, and it took me until my 30s to realise the whole truth, to uncover all the wrappings and see what has actually happened and why i struggled so much with having friends and what was at the base of that. You can't change the past, you can only try to influence your future by changing your views and actions in life. Doing so finally brought happiness and rest into my life... I'm single by choice atm, been for a very very long time, but that gave me ample time and opportunity to work on myself. I've had long relationships and i've learned a lot thanks to those, sadly not all good news there as i was in the state of changing my behaviour and then ended up being cheated on 3 relationships in a row. I deserved the punishment of that, because i cheated a few times in my first true love relationship; I now know why i did that back then, it was wrong but i was just 18, finally away from daily the toxic situation i was living in. I didn't know what love felt like, how precious it was what i had with my GF. I truly loved her, but i was like a 6 yr old kid who was released in a candy shop without any boundaries. Suddenly i noticed that lots of girls liked me, especially the friends of my GF; they were just jealous but i didn't realise it back then... I always felt sorry and bad for what i've done to the girl that really was the perfect match for me, but life tought me well after that... I finally properly grew up, I'm blessed that the 10 years i needed to fix all things in life don't show in my looks, I look at least 10yrs younger than my actual age and I believe that's also somewhat my ACTUAL mental state of age, I don't feel like i'm 40+ but more like at early 30s. I guess karma has forgiven me and has granted me an extra chance because i've shown to myself i'm clearly not that person anymore and truly chose to folow a path of rightousness, even it that's the harder path to walk. I could use my charm-powers on other people too, but i don't want to be a narcisstic person so i've become the person that always states the truth. About myself and others, I don't care WHAT they think about me, at least they know i'm speaking the truth and lies don't work on my. I've made friends getting very pissed at me because i said certain things, then a few months later they return and tell me they've changed because how i told them what they actually were ignoring about themselves. They hit a wall, then woke up and realised i was only helping them by telling the hard truth. Not everyone likes me, they don't have to, but at least everyone who knows me in real life is 100% sure that I won't lie to them and won't misbehave or take advantage of them. From my very youth I had the feeling that life was like a "test"; somehow this feeling never completely went away. It's the only result i'm interested in, i don't care about money, status, whatever. I only care about how I could do something to help other people, to keep my karma balanced on the right side. I'm not rich, neither am i living on the streets. I've got my vices, but I don't damage myself or others with those. I have happiness in my life, and yes i could have a better life if i really wanted to, but i'd be doing things to gain advantage which could hurt others, so i rather don't get rich like others do (which is: on the backs of other people). I know i'll end up OK in my next run on game-of-life, be it in this universe or another one; who knows... Good luck to you and all other people who lived under the stress of a narcist; it's never simple, but never forget you're not the only one who had to endure it, and for some it's even a lot worse. Once you can take control of your life, own it and learn to place the things in perspective, accept your past and try to live a life that makes you and others around you happy (again). It's possible but it can take some time to see the correct picture. Don't blame others for what happened to you, in the end the narcist is a sick person living an eternal life of unhappines. Don't fall for the trap to live that way too, step out of it and try to put other people before yourself; if you can do that, you'll notice that after a while life starts throwing the good stuff at you and there's no use to "pretend" you're better than anyone else... We're all equal, somehow half the world seems to forget that. My toilet-droppings smell just as nice/bad as the one from the president of any country. (probably mine smells better because i don't eat massive amounts of food; i'm healthy and have no fatlumps on my body, but that doesn't make me a better person or a person of more value. We're all humans, but money and status has pushed humanity out of a lot of people)
❤
Please don't get into narcissist relationship ...heal yourself set strong strong boundaries then you will get a good spouse
It's not too late. Look at the comments: some people in their 20s and 30s but SO many in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.
You may have to go through a grieving process. But sounds like you are an affectionate person. Be proud of that!
There is a difference between positive regard and absolute unconditional love. Somewhere in between is the balance that will keep you healthy. You can still feel SOME affection towards your parents, and positively regard them in SOME areas.
I hope this gives you some comfort.
There are lots of great videos on YT about recovery from narcissistic abuse.
Bravo🎉. You nailed it🎉
I’m 70. My narci mom died in 2020 at 96. I was so envious of friends whose parents died in their 70’s.
I write poems to drive out my demons.
“My face is a roadmap.
My face is a roadmap of paralyzed fear
It lost the contour of shine
Where sadness appears.
My face is a roadmap
To my story afraid to unfold
My face is a roadmap
Of all the tears buried beneath the road.
My face is a roadmap
Where once there was light
Molesting father,
narcissistic mother and brother
Darkened it
to ashen abysmal night.
For years my hidden molestation is what I thought shredded my soul
THAT didn’t compare to the narcissistic abuse my mother and my religion bestowed.
Trampling my heart, lungs, and vocal cords.
My face is a roadmap
Of religious demise
Respect honor your parents at all cost
Are the lies.
I didn’t fight back,
l didn’t utter a word.
I didn’t even know what was a healthy loving world.
My face is a roadmap
Aging lines of frequent attacks
From a shell of a mother
Reminding me
You’re selfish
Self centered
Regardless of the mountain of love showered to
Her impenetrable heart sac.
My face is a roadmap
Wiped out by the tidal wave of trauma
Voice smothered to the depths of all that
Surreal drama.
Good days I’m grateful to be alive,
Rough days I struggle to stay to survive.
My face is a roadmap
69 years
Stained with tears.
It took years layered with abusive narcissistic tasks
To turn my roadmap
Into a pretend happy face mask.
My face is a roadmap
It conceals
Reveals
A generation of trust built on sand
A broken trust in me
Constantly needs
A helping hand
Today, I author this piece to drive out my fears
I want to claim happiness
What’s left of my years.
My face is a roadmap
Also shows joy
It came with a price
I’d pay again and again
To have my precious girl and boy.
There is a truth to a portion of my heart undefeated
That truth my two children saved
With love over their years
They repeated.
My face is a roadmap
Blake stares
To a far away place
Where all children are gently loved
Always kept safe.”
KimiMinor
Beautiful poem
Your words got caught in my throat, my heart aches with the familiar .Thankyou for sharing your life's pain , it transforms to a healing balm for others that suffer similar..⚔
Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem as it is a true representation of what so many feel.❤
@@AmziAsher @ninamarkovic4853 @pamalar4782 thank you for taking the time to tell me your thoughts. I screen shot your comments. Is so all about sharing and healing!
This sounds so much like my father. In public he will be all loving and comforting, but the minute we are in our private space, getting a hello from him is a blessing. I excel in school, I would show him my marks but he will always dispute them and say perhaps I cheated that's why I got higher marks, but unbeknownst to me when he's at work, with friends or family he always shows them the very same marks and tell them how proud he is of me but to me I'm always belittled and tortured with words.
Both of my parents were also narcissists. Father was grandiose, mother was covert. Everything you state is 100% accurate. My mother was so nasty and cruel over the course of 50+ years that I felt absolutely nothing when she passed away, except some relief that she was permanently gone. My father had passed away 25 years earlier before I put all the pieces together, so I grieved his passing back then ... but I don't miss him either. Good riddance to both of them. The only regret I have is that I never told them to their faces how much I hate and despise them.
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So true, but labels are only generally accurate. The Covert can exhibit periodic bursts of grandiosity when their covertism isn't being rewarded. So they reward themselves with outlandish purchases to show off how great they are. In the same way, a grandiose may stay quiet in the background waiting for the opportunity to show off, and then we are off to the races, until their ego is satisfied. This can last years. Then they may take a timeout from grandiosity if you wil,l to evaluate if their actions and res
Same.
@@rickwhite5206 I saw all of what you describe as well. My parents were extremes, so they held to their patterns for the most part, but later in life I saw quite a few coverts who regularly crossed over into some grandiose behavior.
Both narc parents here also...i think my soul will never heal
I was raised by narcisistic parents and can relate to everything you said. Thank you Danish.
My God did you just literally heal me!! The short version of my story is that my father was a malignant narcissist and racist and bigot. My daughter dated out of our race five years ago and she was disowned as well as myself. Fast forward, and after several defensive exchanges with my “golden” siblings, they chose to follow my parents. My father recently died and when I got the courage to go to the hospital to say goodbye, I was threatened with security if I didn’t immediately leave. I was also not permitted to attend his funeral on account that I had gone no contact with my parents and extended family that five years ago. Your video has ALL the answers and I truly pity my mother, siblings and nieces and nephews for having unknowingly given up their own identity and throwing good loving people away. Such a sad sad shame. I am proud to be the authentic person I am and that I broke the cycle of madness by walking away.
💜👏
Yes you did break the cycle dear soul.. you are the courageous one and I'm so proud of you..❤
May you be blessed always, and May the God who created you become your best friend 🙏♥️
Why would you visit him on his death bed when he treated you like trash? Mine aren't going to have that luxury. They can rot in hell for eternity for all I care.
Thank you sir. You have opened my eyes to the cause of my mother's inhumane treatment for my entire life. She is also very jealous. You have explained the lies, lack of affection, control issues, and really why i feel unattached & disassociated from her. The attention, the trophy, the use & misuse. In this short presentation of yours, you have summed up my entire life. Unfortunately, we live together. She is still trying to destroy my life. I am going to move out of here & leave her far behind. Thank you for opening my blind eyes! She has been a hideous parent.
Hey girl.are you okay? Praying for you. @Sasha11232
My so-called mother actually came right out and said "I can do whatever I want to you, I'm your mother" when I was 15 and asked her why it was okay for her to do something that I wasn't allowed to do. Also, days after my dad's funeral, she told a close friend of the family that her & my dad really wanted a boy, but then I came along, so they had to take what they could get. I was sitting right there and heard her, but it was though I didn't even exist. I felt and saw my dad turn over in his grave & turn his back on her when she said that, because he DID want me!!
My father literally said the same thing to me. So glad I’ve been able to end that relationship.
@@mireyaray1208 My abusive mother's dead. But I broke off our relationship before she died when she badmouthed my dad. Talk crap about me all you want, but you diss my dad, you're dead to me!
Your dad loved you very much. Don't forget that!❤ 🙏
Yes, they feel entitled to use you with that I'm your mother or your family excuse. I was told it was my job to take care of her and my children were her children. Just sick 😫
This touched my heart. Its hell for a child when u have both parents at home but feel completely alone. Let the healing begin for us all❤
Sounds exactly like my mother I can understand completely how you feel! Please stop playing their game shut it down and never go back for more. I did at 38 years of age for 2 1/2 years there was no contact. I ended up running into my parents at a funeral and somehow allowed to get sucked back into the dynamic. At 56 years of age the same thing has happened again completely estranged and disappointed in myself for going back for more abuse. At this time all are out of my life, even funerals are off limits to me. Stay strong and thank you for sharing this video!
Good for you
5.6k comments and I would guess at least 5k are about narc mothers.
This needs to be looked into
THANK YOU for helping us understand! My mother was the same with me & I never understood why, yet I DID subconsciously recognize that it MUST have all been just an "ACT" or a "fake facade" or a "fake script" that they expected us to play in front of others, because we ALWAYS got into trouble if we could NOT "pretend" along with them that our family was SO "happy," while innocent children were secretly being abused. I realized that they did NOT love the family, after they shunned me for addressing the hurtful, dysfunctional, destructive behavior, hoping that we could all work together to FIX it, so that we COULD be a GENUINELY happy family.
As a 63 year old woman the realization that my mother was a narcissist helped me to understand her behavior and how much she didn’t love or like me proven by the evil she subjected me and my siblings to.
It's hard, isn't it? I wanted to love my mom, but she was so dangerous and damaging.
Oh my! I was also 63 when I figured it all out ( still figuring!) Your comment is such a comfort to see! My 95 yo covert narcissist is still at it and the most frustrating thing is I cannot share my feelings with any of my friends without looking like an ungrateful monster of a child! My sister and I have grown closer because she understood all along The pathology here is mind boggling!
It's strange how often it only clicks in people's mind when they reach their 50's.
@@Bella-fz9fy It takes us a while to sort it all out. To admit to yourself one or both parents didn't love you is extremely hard. I've heard that when you can get to that point, it's a big step towards better mental health.
It was me the most, my brother a bit too, but she cared more about my sister, the eldest no matter what she did wrong, and there was so much of it!
When I was about 10, I was tired of my mother's lack of affection and her aloofness. I asked: "Mum, do you love me?". She was quite annoyed and barked: "Of course I do, aren't parents supposed to love their children".
Sorry for that terrible lady who happened to be ur biological mom ..😐😐😭😭
@@spdadventurer1754 Thank you. So am I. I loved my mother a lot but her mind was made differently to mine; she just thought differently than most mothers.
that is a crazy sentenc elol. And then they wonder why the relationship is colored for the rest of their life. get that yardstick treatment
I understand. I asked my mother if she loved me and she said "you are my child" in an angry tone. You are alone
@@ladyloungealot5119 I get u totally i have had both narc parents, my dad is no more and after his passing my mother is behaving better than before as she has no one but me to call her a family. I used to get horrible.nightmares about my parents...one of which included my mother eating me while blood drips down her mouth, m not mentioning much here as it will take books n books to write so much shit, I started journaling since I was 18 and that was my only therapist and endless tears
Watched it over and over with grandchildren. Set your watch by it. Once they began the journey into adolescence, they were no longer adored. Then I looked back and remembered the same pattern between me and my parent. The puzzle was complete. I was rejected as an irritant, a problem, an inconvenience as I began the healthy, normal separation from my family of origin. I was painted as a 'rebel' 'at risk' teen. Even though I made good grades, did extra-curriculars, got my first summer job. And I believed it. Then, several years later, a fried asked 'What did you do that was so bad?' And I couldn't think of anything. I grew up. Thats what I did.
"''What did you do that was so bad?' And I couldn't think of anything. I grew up."
This is so true. I am an only child. Both my parents are narcissists. I was belittled and used as a scapegoat when a child. The marriage was a deeply unhappy one. I have had many years of therapy and can now accept this. Remember NONE of this is your fault even when they tell you it is. Narcs never take responsibility and never grow up. I went N/C a long time ago. I do love my parents and I forgive them and move on. I keep contact to Christmas and Birthday cards. I am happily married with no children.
I’m in the same exact situation pounding headaches can’t sleep stomach cramps anxiety . I’m 27 lived with my grandmother for ten years now after leaving my ex boyfriend back home with her , only been here a week and I feel my mental health declining so bad. These people are so cold, so abusive and so mean. I now have to look elsewhere for shelter and afraid of being homeless as I can’t live with my grandmother. Please pray for me.
Definite prayers up for you!
You are wise to see all this and know you don’t need to tolerate the narcissistic behavior. Keep in mind they cannot see themselves. They will never get it. You’re both smart and wise. You will be fine. Hugs.
You know what you are feeling and if she is nasty to you then know you don't deserve it and don't let anyone dismiss your feelings. I pray you find a better living situation. You don't deserve to be in an abusive relationship whether with family or others. May God bless and guide your steps✨✨✨ please expect that God will help you and it will happen. Don't look back and reunite with those toxic people once u are on your way
@joem7799 I take it you weren’t raised by a narcissistic parent? There’s no being kind and loving. It doesn’t matter what you do the response is always critical and condescending. Stuff from the past is constantly thrown up like old smelly garbage. Your very existence is the reason their life is ruined. There’s no winning. They literally are unable to critique their own behavior.
Look to see if there is a hotel you can pay daily or weekly. There are some.
This is an incredible and truthful video that needs to be shared widely. Toxic societies and toxic cultures that reinforce the idea that you must be "grateful" to your parents and that you "owe them" make it even more difficult to figure out what is going on in your family as a child. Videos like this make it very clear.
My narc daughter is in her 30's. She says I owe her.
Yup. My husband feels this way about his parents and I think he must be the golden one. Not sure but maybe. Anyway, he is never home because he wants to support them.
@@seameology Owe her what? you gave her life. It is hers now.
I grew up with narcissistic and emotionally abusive mother, but very loving father and grandmother. I know its harsh to say it, but it actually made me very strong, self-conscious and highly empathetic person. Maybe a better situation than both loving parents - their kids very often don't develop empathy very well, because they think that everybody had as happy and sunny childhood as they had.
You just described me. And I agree!
I wonder if you had a compassionate caregiver or grandson who would have influenced your life.
I've had two narcissist parents too. I'm 62, just figuring things out the last couple of years. Married a covert. It's rough, struggling everyday.
I'm sorry 😞 you had 2 Narcissist parents. It's HELL with 1.
Narcissist parents are lethal! It’s the grace of God that the child doesn’t become demon possessed, but walk out “normal”….. ME! 🎉
And me , endured a whole family of ( them ) .
But some end of being demonic just like them & it's usually the golden child
My mom tried to give us children a “normal” life…. she didn’t know what she was up against! But God said …. this far and no more!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🙏🏾❤️
Ditto. They couldn’t take my soul because God owns me. 👍🏼⚖️🙏🏼
Indeed is a Grace of god to not be om a crazy Narc like them.💯Grace og God
Broke down crying after that last segment. You basically summarized my entire relationship with my mom in less than a minute. My entire life in a few sentences. Oof. Gut punch.
My childhood felt like being held captive by my hostile mother.
Sorry you went through this,me too!! 100% both of the people known as my parents were narcissist's.
Totally. Daily physical and verbal abuse. I remember her making me watch the movie 'Mommie Dearest' and her saying "See, you don't have it that bad." Or the movie 'Sybil', and again her saying 'See? You aren't mistreated'. Later, when she'd call my name, I'd often respond with "Yes, mommie dearest?" We both knew what I meant.
I literally snuck out and ran away at 20 years old from my mother. Because I felt that way and was
terrified of what she would do.
Same. I always wished she was never even there, it would have been a lot better.
@@nancysavard4322 How horrible. Gaslighting you. So sorry.
You're talking about MY mother! And it hurts so badly!! I was always the "black sheep" in our family of 6. Four kids. Thank goodness for my dad, who ALWAYS showed me unconditional love.