My Detransition (4 years later)

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 พ.ย. 2024

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  • @bohns3
    @bohns3 ปีที่แล้ว +1039

    I am a 75 year old woman and I think your voice is just fine. You are thinking too much, be the girl God made you and don't think what people think about you. You are a beautiful young woman and be so thankful. Have a good life and get all the help you need.

    • @HeroInTheSun
      @HeroInTheSun ปีที่แล้ว +7

      🧐

    • @evelyna_paula1747
      @evelyna_paula1747 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      Not everyone believes in God. Rephrase :-)

    • @elizabethAbbott-q6m
      @elizabethAbbott-q6m ปีที่แล้ว +50

      good advice. a lot of women have low voices; and keep telling your story; it is vitally important for those who are in the same boat.

    • @Songbird1977jk
      @Songbird1977jk ปีที่แล้ว +125

      Evelyna...who are you to tell someone to "rephrase"? I don't know about you but I live in a free country where all views are valued. If your fee fee's get hurt...just keep scrolling. 😘

    • @paullyrenee
      @paullyrenee ปีที่แล้ว +62

      ​@@evelyna_paula1747not everyone doesn't believe in God. You do you. That's why more people are not supportive because there are joy killers like you waiting to pounce. God bless your heart

  • @CaptRobertApril
    @CaptRobertApril ปีที่แล้ว +882

    Your voice has come a ways, Elle. As it stands, maybe think of it as a battle scar. Transitioning left its mark, but you've come through the other side, and you're still standing.

    • @CanadianMum444
      @CanadianMum444 ปีที่แล้ว +45

      I completely agree , Elle, your voice is actually quite fine(yes I’m twice your age but I promise it’s changed a lot over the past 3+yrs.)
      I personally think you sound lovely and genuine…..because you are❣️
      Coming from a woman with a lower voice from a few different medical conditions, I hate how I sound(never smoked either)
      and I can’t imagine your exact feelings about your voice other than it’s a difficult fixation from the real trauma you’ve been through over your gender, for you to move on from(NO judgement 💕) but please please talk to someone about your voice if it continues to cause you this amount of distress. Please, you are a beautiful, intelligent, ETC, young woman who deserve to see the goodness life has to offer you.
      Please take care of yourself, YOU DESERVE IT♥️
      Kimberly

    • @CaptRobertApril
      @CaptRobertApril ปีที่แล้ว +33

      @GamebatTheGamingPony Not helping...

    • @CaptRobertApril
      @CaptRobertApril ปีที่แล้ว +38

      @GamebatTheGamingPony Ruined is a matter of perspective. Changed, obviously, but as noted above, plenty of women have lower than average voices, and are considered sexy. And considering how much lower Elle's voice while still on T, it's actually come back quite a bit.
      Stop being a killjoy.

    • @brooke1639
      @brooke1639 ปีที่แล้ว

      ​@GamebatTheGamingPonywhen she starts looking real old it will be fine, she will sound like those older women that drink gin and smoke loads of fags, it will have that aged husky sound.

    • @TXHobbyFarm
      @TXHobbyFarm ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Wow such a cool loving perspective

  • @knekki.
    @knekki. ปีที่แล้ว +693

    As a fellow detransitioning woman, I need to thank you for sharing your story so openly. Your videos helped me cope with the despair that I felt in the first couple of years or my detransition(FtMtF). You are wonderful and bright, Elle. Thank you ❤

    • @sunkillsmoon
      @sunkillsmoon ปีที่แล้ว +16

      I swear I'm not trying to be mean, I'm genuinely curious what made you want to be female again? Is it when you learned male privilege isn't a real thing?

    • @ichabodcrane9479
      @ichabodcrane9479 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      @@sunkillsmoonyou’re obviously coming in with a chip on your shoulder because some ppl have said male privilege is a thing but you’ve not felt that in your life as a male.

    • @sunkillsmoon
      @sunkillsmoon ปีที่แล้ว +11

      @@ichabodcrane9479 whatever you say buddy.... tell me more about myself since you know me more than I know myself?

    • @haleyjae4145
      @haleyjae4145 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      Thank you for sharing your story. You are beautiful as a woman and so is your voice. Please know that there are caring people out there. Much love 💕 to you.

    • @RaineRed
      @RaineRed ปีที่แล้ว +16

      ​@@sunkillsmoonbest way to try not to be mean is to NOT be mean.

  • @Jennifer_150
    @Jennifer_150 ปีที่แล้ว +215

    After about 5 minutes of listening to you I honestly didn’t even notice your voice! I was interested in what you were saying, not how you actually ‘sounded.’ You were simply Elle. ☺️
    And it breaks my heart that this has caused you so much pain, suffering and self-consciousness. 😢
    It takes time to figure out who you are and why you matter; but you’ll get there! And once that confidence starts shining through, I promise no one will care what you sound like, they’ll just be happy to be in the company of such a wonderful, intelligent, funny and compassionate human being! 😊❤️🌸
    Thanks so much for sharing your journey! 🌻

    • @kayemarkham5660
      @kayemarkham5660 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      🙏 Praying that you will find love & peace that only Jesus Christ can give! Love ,hugs, and prayers! ❤️🙏

    • @andreataubman2878
      @andreataubman2878 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Lovely words of support.❤️🦋🌹

    • @jevans6080
      @jevans6080 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I don't notice a problem with your voice.

  • @lauraj7914
    @lauraj7914 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +70

    Some female singers have very low voices...maybe you could, just for fun, sing the blues and tell your story to yourself. The amazing power of singing. You may find out you have an amazing singing voice. You are right about getting away from all the opinions. Thank you for telling your story. Be nice to yourself because you are very special!!

    • @mackturtle2335
      @mackturtle2335 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      She’d make a great Sweet Adeline bass:-)

    • @jamegumb7298
      @jamegumb7298 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You can hear a female bassy voice.
      The crackle is very very male. I meet her I think she is a dude. Id not trust there to not be a surprise below.

  • @cgailb
    @cgailb ปีที่แล้ว +575

    Kathleen Turner has always had a deeper voice and she’s a movie star. Amy Winehouse, Vivica Fox, ooodles of women have contralto voices. Don’t worry about your voice. You are amazing!

    • @cannabistalk4164
      @cannabistalk4164 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Nah voice gotta go

    • @jaklenbasa5215
      @jaklenbasa5215 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      I agree❤

    • @jennbeth1
      @jennbeth1 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      It's a male Trans voice, not a deep female voice.

    • @RoadwayFlo
      @RoadwayFlo ปีที่แล้ว +20

      Thinking the same: Susanne Pleshette, Patricia O'Neal, Brenda Vaccaro. Wonderful voices.

    • @dubyabalthazar4598
      @dubyabalthazar4598 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Ouuuuuu, I absolutely ADORE Kathleen Turner for her voice ❤

  • @ExecutionSommaire
    @ExecutionSommaire ปีที่แล้ว +112

    Every detrans youtuber I've watched so far gives off this very calm, intelligent and self-reflective vibe. The whole point of life is to be a good human being, not to look a certain way ; you seem to be quite ahead in that regard.

  • @vampy_anne
    @vampy_anne ปีที่แล้ว +84

    Hi Elle! I am a 28 year old detransitioned woman from Australia. (got top surgery at 18, testosterone for 5 years, detransitioned about 2 years ago). I can relate to you so so much in this video. Seriously, even the codependency aspect you mentioned with your partner, and drug dependency. I don't think I've ever related to someone more. My voice brings me constant mental anguish and I understand you completely with what you said about feeling "fake" or inauthentic. Know that you are not alone in your struggle. It really is pure hell to go through. Wishing you the best and my messages are open if you need to talk to someone with a very similar experience.

    • @mc_va
      @mc_va ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Sorry if you don't mind me asking, what made you change your mind? Having surgery seems so definitive and final, besides your voice being deeper, do you still struggle with your body image or gender? It's ok if you don't want to answer 👍🏼

    • @vampy_anne
      @vampy_anne ปีที่แล้ว +24

      @@mc_va That's ok to ask! It was a culmination of many things. Realising it didn't fix my problems within myself, I was still miserable. Realising that I was abused sexually as a child and had a deep hatred for being seen as a female.. I thought breasts were inherently sexual and I didn't want that attention. Realising the thought of growing old as a man scared me. I couldn't relate to anyone, male or female, just felt like a mix between both. Realising that I wanted to be seen as a woman in sexual partnerships. Also, having an obsession with gay guys in general as a young teen while I was exploring sex and sexuality and wanting to be that. Those are just some of the things that made me change my mind but it really is a complex thing. I definitely struggle with my body image. Honestly I think I just have undiagnosed body dysmorphia and it manifested as wanting to be the opposite sex

    • @mc_va
      @mc_va ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@vampy_anne wow that's a lot you have to deal with!, I hope you can have clarity and acceptance in what ever shape of form and thank you for answering to my questions 😌

    • @even4175
      @even4175 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Sorry you’re dealing with this. How are you dealing with the top surgery thing now?

    • @LoganStyles21
      @LoganStyles21 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Did you and your Parents not consent and sign? Than why are ya all victims? I'm baffled. You and your parents made bad desicions and choices and yes this is real life with real consequences. Why do you think us grown upa been fighting this for so long only to be labeld as haters and transfibes etc uhhg can't win

  • @ralucadudescu
    @ralucadudescu 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +43

    Telling the shocking truth about wrong choices and medical advice in transitioning proves that you are extremely, extremely brave.

  • @lindanelson-e3n
    @lindanelson-e3n 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +90

    I’ve known a lot of women with deep voices . i’m 74 years old and I can honestly tell you you’re very pretty and your voice is fine.!

    • @fern4508
      @fern4508 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      A deep, sultry voice was a thing in Hollywood, ala Kathleen Turner, Lauren Bacall etc.

    • @TheSkyhazFallen
      @TheSkyhazFallen 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      ​@@fern4508 that's what I was thinking.

    • @crystalchesanek134
      @crystalchesanek134 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Yes that’s exactly what I was thinking to. Some woman just have deep voices, some sing in choirs I sm in and they sing tenor or bass and they are just woman with deep voices.

    • @iam1smiley1
      @iam1smiley1 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I agree, I'm a lady and get misgendered on the phone very frequently...I've never modified it. We are all different and have forgotten how to identify as ourselves.

  • @jimreed6875
    @jimreed6875 ปีที่แล้ว +319

    Hello Elle. Lauren Bacall, the movie actress, once said that she was often mistaken for a man when talking on the phone since she had a rather deep voice for a woman. I feel that your sharing your story is really helping people. Thank you.

    • @penthehuman
      @penthehuman ปีที่แล้ว +41

      Yeah and her voice was and is considered sexy, deep voiced for women are still feminine and cool

    • @sugaree71
      @sugaree71 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      @@penthehuman Remember liking being hoarse because of that sexiness ;)

    • @vickivictoria1295
      @vickivictoria1295 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yeah, heaps of women have deep voices but she still sounds like a female to me. Poor bloody kid. Another victim of Satan. But she can go straight to Christ and be accepted and loved right now! No questioned asked. A lot of these de-tranning kids are going to the Catholic Church for help and isn't it interesting that Catholic counselling on LGBT issues with kids is BANNED BY THE GOVERNMENT.
      Isn't that interesting? So who is the bad guy here?

    • @petadoptionsnetwork2667
      @petadoptionsnetwork2667 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Kathleen Turner and Bette Davis had low, sultry voices, too.

    • @martalorenc8893
      @martalorenc8893 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      L. B was A MAN

  • @rosedevault9301
    @rosedevault9301 ปีที่แล้ว +163

    My Aunt has had a very deep voice since her early 20s. Due to her thyroid disease. In her 30s. She decided she didn't owe anyone any explanations. She was always a beautiful woman inside and out. Once she let go of what others thought or may have thought about her. She was a much mentally healthy woman. I pray you will be able to do the same.

  • @josieallen4942
    @josieallen4942 ปีที่แล้ว +141

    You're Elle. You are a beautiful woman who's had a hard and confusing life. A deep voice gains attention, yes. It reverberates through the room and calls people to listen more than the average woman's voice. Use that. People double take when they hear you speak. This is positive. You use your voice to share your story online. Don't let seeing our faces scare you from sharing in real life. People will listen. You may be the only one they will listen to. A lot of girls my age (18) need to hear your story... You're amazing girly! Stay strong

    • @sunsetstormx
      @sunsetstormx 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Such an excellent excellent response. Her voice is powerful and she has a lot to share.

  • @Mango037
    @Mango037 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +111

    You are not the problem. The problem are the enablers in the professional fields and political areas etc. You’re gorgeous and kind, your voice sounds good to me, if you’re worried about it, don’t, things will improve, so don’t be so hard on yourself, you’ve come a long ways. ❤ new sub

  • @carolfox9620
    @carolfox9620 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Wow - brave woman, brave vid. For perspective, I'm a 66 year old woman from a deeply dysfunctional family and it's the gift that keeps on giving. I've recently found a wonderful coach and have made progress but it's such an upward slog. I think we pick something about us or about our life as the 'reason' relationships are hard or impossible and obsess about that, but really, the dysfunction is it and the rest is distraction. All we can do is keep going and find the best help we can and accept the things about us we find unacceptable. To do otherwise is just to hurt ourselves over and over and make it less likely that we'll see our way to the real healing. Your boyfriend was a blessing and there will be many more and you deserve good things. ❤

  • @karenarnpriester5688
    @karenarnpriester5688 ปีที่แล้ว +159

    This is my first time watching you and a couple of points came up. I will soon be 70, and my advice to women is that I regret spending so many years of my life worrying about what others thought. I finally realized that no one was asking me what I thought. Please don't get into your head so much about others. You are giving them too much energy. Also, you know what your voice used to sound like so it's a difference for you. Other than the people who knew you before, no one new has a comparison. You do have a deep female sounding voice. A lovely voice. I found myself wondering what you would sound like singing. A throaty rocker chick. I believe strongly that we were created by God and He is the only opinion that will matter in the end. Allow Him to lead you through this tough transition time and see what he has waiting for you. I think you will be very surprised and delighted. You do not need to explain to anyone about your intimate details.

  • @NoNameNumberTwo
    @NoNameNumberTwo ปีที่แล้ว +162

    They’ve interviewed people that jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and miraculously survived. They consistently say that the first thought after jumping was “This was a huge mistake.” Thinking about unaliving yourself is something that happens to human beings in all sorts of circumstances. Thoughts are just thoughts, and they cannot hurt us. I have appreciated your honesty in these videos throughout the years. I pray that God gives you strength and hope and faith. 🙏🏽💖

    • @tjones020570
      @tjones020570 ปีที่แล้ว

      Do you know how many good therapist got out of the field or lost their job because they knew all along you needed help? I have zero sympathy for you. You got what you asked for. Look at all the kids now who are forced to deal with your stupid pronouns etc.

    • @plumdutchess
      @plumdutchess ปีที่แล้ว +8

      I've heard the same thing. How scary that must be.

    • @projectbarbi871
      @projectbarbi871 ปีที่แล้ว

      huh? WHo knows what they were thinking....they jumped. Did the ppl who say the jumper was thinking what have I done?
      That fall is SO fast and SO scary I dont think they had time to think that. When they looked down and didnt change their mind it was too late.

    • @lulutubes12
      @lulutubes12 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      ​@@projectbarbi871It's a documentary of people who survived the jump. They were able to say what they were thinking because they lived.

    • @gingermcintosh6545
      @gingermcintosh6545 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      I was in a mental health hospital in a 2 bed room. The person in the other bed was someone who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and lived. And yes, they said they don’t know what they were thinking but ut was a huge mistake. They were so happy they survived.

  • @lacha608
    @lacha608 ปีที่แล้ว +1848

    If you don't want to talk about the gender stuff with random people you could just tell people who ask or comment that you had a medical condition in the past that affected your voice, you know it sounds unusual, but you're just a regular female. You don't need to delve into your personal history with strangers, unless you feel like it.

    • @Blake1720
      @Blake1720 ปีที่แล้ว +42

      So true!

    • @lovelover4408
      @lovelover4408 ปีที่แล้ว +39

      This is great.

    • @heart_towards_home
      @heart_towards_home ปีที่แล้ว +104

      Great idea. And it's not a lie. Transitioning is a medical "issue" in a sense. It's no one's business. As a person who has stuttered much of my life and couldn't hide it, I got tired of always having to explain why I was struggling with speaking. Now I have a channel but I just edit, edit, edit. Lol.

    • @pattyfluegel7816
      @pattyfluegel7816 ปีที่แล้ว +50

      yes, she can just say she has a partially paralyzed vocal chord or something....
      Or that she got vocal chord thickening from some medication she once was on...which is totally true that one.

    • @DannyD-lr5yg
      @DannyD-lr5yg ปีที่แล้ว +41

      She could even just say PCOS. It’s likely she has some degree of that anyways, and a lot more people nowadays know it can = higher natural testosterone, including facial stubble, etc.

  • @militarytalk5986
    @militarytalk5986 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I've been following your updates since I saw you on Blair White's channel. I really appreciate your transparency and sharing your story. Thank you for giving an update. You look great and I can tell your voice is much better now compared to your first video years ago. I'm sure you struggle to hear the difference but it was the first thing I noticed when I started this video. You are still young and have a bright future ahead of you, because you are taking the appropriate steps now to seek positive help and not just affirmation help.

  • @snowmu
    @snowmu 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    I thought about being a trans man when I was 13-16 years old but never perused it (I had enough issues to deal with.) I’m 23 now and I’ve always had a deeper voice than other women, had a more male or tomboyish way of behaving, etc. I was bullied for having a deep voice and being masculine in school, but that’s just how I am. Honestly, I think if trans stuff was as popular back then as it was now, I would have been accused of being trans. Most people would simply just believe you are a girl with a deeper voice, because you are. There’s nothing wrong with that.

  • @k.b.k.opsahl1493
    @k.b.k.opsahl1493 ปีที่แล้ว +163

    Dear Elle. I have followed your videos since the first one in 2019. You have grown so much in these 4 years as a person, you've got so much insight into your life and personality. Keep up the good work with therapy, try to adress your obsessiveness that, I believe, has had an impact on your life on many occasions (body issues? transition? validation from others?). And now it's holding control over you when you're doubting your femininity and worrying about other people's reactions. As a person who is also obsessing and worrying a lot, I understand your struggle. It's not easy to give it up. But to recognise its destructive power is the first step. To me, you have looked like a normal girl from the very first detransition video, your voice is deeper than that of an average woman, but it's feminin. It's not only the tembre of the voice that matters, it's the way of talking, too. Also a voice is just a little part of our appearance. I have known a coule of guys with naturally high pitched voices. Yes, some people noticed it, but nobody though that these men were women just from the register of their voice. Remember, you're evolving all the time (we all are), things will change, they'll get better, you'll get more distance and perspective. Virtual hugs from someone who's rooting for you.

  • @samuelsundin
    @samuelsundin ปีที่แล้ว +90

    As a male detransitioner (3 years down the line) I can definitely relate to the feeling of not being able to connect to people. I think that struggle definitely stems from having detransitioned, because it’s such a unique and profound experience that we detransitioners have gone through but that most people have not gone through. I find it easier to relate to people who have had other struggles in life, such as people that overcame different addictions or other things. But even then, it’s like there is something about my view of the human existence that changed after detransition and that new viewpoint is very hard to find in other people…

    • @carwai
      @carwai ปีที่แล้ว

      Honey, everyone has difficulties connecting with others.

    • @samuelsundin
      @samuelsundin ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@carwai I’m sure you and many other people have difficulties connecting with others too. Wouldn’t you agree though, that it’s easier to connect with people that you share some experiences with? And some experiences are so profound that it kind of affects most of your communication and view of life. I’m not trying to say that detransitioners are unique and special unicorns in the world, because a lot of people probably feel equally disconnected from everyone else, but for different reasons right. For example I think most immigrants have the same feeling that I was trying to get at in my original comment. Even though an immigrant learn to effectively communicate with the people in their new country by learning their language and culture, they will probably never feel as connected to them as they do to the people of their home country. If they meet another immigrant, they have something profound in common that makes it easier to relate even though they have lived completely different lives otherwise. To have gone through transition and then detransition is inevitably also going to be a very profound experience. It would be strange if it doesn’t affect the way you relate to others. And in a sense it has made me feel like an immigrant in my own country because it’s so rare to find other people with the same experiences.

    • @stephanietaylor1572
      @stephanietaylor1572 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      You look feminine and your voice has no bearing on that. I had friends in the 50s and 60s who had deep voices but we never took any notice, its only in today’s world that people look at others and wonder what they are. You are fit and healthy just live your life and try to be happy in your own skin. I am 72 and my life has been physically tough and I have lost my partner of 40 years in March and I don’t want to go on but I am still here.

    • @tonyhormiga5242
      @tonyhormiga5242 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@stephanietaylor1572 He does not look feminine at all. I checked the vids.

    • @tonyhormiga5242
      @tonyhormiga5242 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      That dude lied saying you look feminine.

  • @paullyrenee
    @paullyrenee ปีที่แล้ว +84

    I was born and still am a female. One with a deep voice. Your voice doesn't make you or break you. If you feel sexy, you are sexy. Period. No matter your voice, your gender, no matter what imperfections we all have. I would love to give you a big hug. What you are is a beautiful human. A brave one who is sharing her story so that others can be less alone.

    • @MalfunctioningAndroid
      @MalfunctioningAndroid ปีที่แล้ว

      You girls overthink it. Deep voice still sounds feminine and usually it's sexy af.

  • @Tristan492
    @Tristan492 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    There’s nothing more authentic than you being as real and honest as you are in this sharing. I know very little about the struggles other than what you and a few other de-transitioners have shared here on TH-cam. It is truly a sacred privilege to be able to witness your honesty & integrity in bravely sharing your experience & journey. I pray that you find peace in accepting yourself as you are, which is the most important experience of acceptance. My spiritual teacher taught us to love everyone, but only trust a few. I have since realized that the most important person we need to Trust is ourselves, and forgive ourselves for choices we have made. We didn’t know any better at the time. We all make mistakes, and will continue to do so, that’s Life, and how we learn. Blessings & Peace to you.
    Linda B
    66 yo Canadian

  • @joannerand2388
    @joannerand2388 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing your journey. Your story matters, you matter.

  • @awakened3651
    @awakened3651 ปีที่แล้ว +19

    Thank you for sharing again. Your voice is so important, not the physical voice, the personal voice. You are important.

  • @annetterivera2287
    @annetterivera2287 ปีที่แล้ว +62

    What You are, my Darling, is a BEAUTIFUL Woman.🌻 That is EXACTLY who You are!🌻 Consider Praying and ask who created You, for guidance.🙌🏼 He IS THE ONLY ONE, who can help Us All. I AM EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOU.👍🏼 Keep moving forward and DO NOT look back not even to gain momentum.🌻 God Bless.

  • @JonHop1
    @JonHop1 ปีที่แล้ว +1120

    I am a Family Therapist who has commented on a few detransition videos, and I just want to say.. You are incredibly lucky to come out the other side of the affirmation cult with as little permanent damage as you have. I am currently dealing with 4 clients(all under 21) who are coming to terms with being sterile and having gotten rid of body parts, and suffered permanent side effects from the medications... All of this has showed me, and proven to me, that you are all guinea pigs being experimented on. I feel you, and all detransitioners should sue, and hold these people accountable. We have a huge lawsuit on behalf of 30 young adults and minors now, and the Hospital is getting ready to settle for over 60 million dollars... The only advice I can give is, to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of you, and just be yourself for yourself. Stop worrying what people call u by, or think of u as. None of that matters. What matters is you finding inner peace and confidence in yourself. Accepting who u are. Once you can do this, you will free yourself of all of these identity burdens you carry. I will keep you in my prayers, and I wish you the best on this journey of life! Be happy and find purpose in life!

    • @danhanqvist4237
      @danhanqvist4237 ปีที่แล้ว +50

      We shouldn't play fast and loose with our bodies. They are not infinitely malleable and many choices are irreversible. All totalitarian ideologies have refused to accept the limitations -- or, if you like, the integrity -- of the human body. That's one of the characteristics by which they can be identified.

    • @Tonimarie8888
      @Tonimarie8888 ปีที่แล้ว +60

      Thank you so much for all you’re doing to assist the detransitioners - you are a rare light in the medical community.

    • @danhanqvist4237
      @danhanqvist4237 ปีที่แล้ว +48

      @@Tonimarie8888 What is the first clause in the Hippocratic Oath as conventionally understood? "Do no harm."

    • @JonHop1
      @JonHop1 ปีที่แล้ว +58

      @danhanqvist4237 The crazy thing is, the affirmation doctors and therapists(who are mostly activists and grifters with monetary motives) cite "research" that is not even 10 years old. The mass experimentation on minors with these drugs is very new. There are no concrete studies that show any 100% conclusive benefits over the risks. On the contrary, the side affects and down sides shown are so disturbing, it should make any ethical medical professional be unwilling to even go near this treatment until far more testing and understanding is done in labs. The brain n development is so complex, we cannot begin to know the harm we are doing. This is why lawsuits need to happen, and laws need to be put in place to stop this immediately.

    • @danhanqvist4237
      @danhanqvist4237 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      @@JonHop1 It would not be surprising if the "side-effects" were very serious. That is the more reasonable hypothesis. Again, there's a technological disregard for the integrity of the human organism. It's really the same kind of attitude that allows ecosystems all over the place to be destroyed. It is a kind of hubris that we somehow have transcended biology and that we can do whatever we want and decide the consequences for ourselves. It is odd that many who think this reshaping of the human organism is nothing very seriously often also claim to care about climate change, apparently without realising that their own disregard for biological limitations is the same attitude that drives climate change. It's hubris.

  • @user-VIntuitive
    @user-VIntuitive 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +43

    People are misled into believing that they will be happier as something else instead of working with what you were given. Everyone is here for a purpose and in the body that they were born in. It’s all about life m lessons. Thank you for this video and your a wonderful, beautiful girl! Appreciate and learn to love yourself for who you are! You are phenomenal!

    • @staceypark7408
      @staceypark7408 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I'm transsexual I know as a young child in the 70's my transsexual wife and the transsexual friends I have met since(around my age) all say they knew younger than I did. I think this is the difference between genuine trans people and the modern trans movement. It seems everyone can be trans now and making a mockery out of everything people like me go through

    • @user-VIntuitive
      @user-VIntuitive 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@staceypark7408 absolutely. It’s more of a fad , something to make people feel like they’re fitting it .

    • @staceypark7408
      @staceypark7408 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@user-VIntuitive agreed especially with the non binary community.
      I've seen in group " trans women " saying there identity is trans
      I've said in these groups if they need trans as there identity are they transitioning for the right reasons,
      Unfortunately there's going to be a lot of people hurt going back to there birth gender especially from the non binary community
      And people like myself are going to be left trying to pick up the pieces and trying to get some sort of acceptance again ( sorry if that sounds selfish )

    • @shicyn
      @shicyn 17 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Youre also mislead to be cis and allistic. If you care that much, tell society to stop abusing autistics and forcing them to "act allistic" aka "normal"

  • @margaretmoodie3416
    @margaretmoodie3416 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    What you are is a brave and beautiful woman.
    Plain and simple.
    God bless you and keep you strong. ❤🙏

  • @cathyl4622
    @cathyl4622 ปีที่แล้ว +126

    Wow. This girl is impressive. She thinks she is a freak, no way. She is so level headed. She takes ownership for her part and takes a hard, honest look at herself. I don't think I've ever met someone so self aware and interested in being the best person she can be.Beautiful woman. I wish her the best.

  • @JustFollowthePetals
    @JustFollowthePetals ปีที่แล้ว +30

    You're a child of God, Elle. That's who you are

  • @EnchantedIrish
    @EnchantedIrish ปีที่แล้ว +56

    I've been following you off and on since you began to detransition. I think you are beautiful...and I remember your voice in the beginning videos and to me, your voice now seems perfectly normal as a female voice. I remember when I first heard you, yrs. ago, I was taken aback a "bit"...Now, I truly think you sound like any other female. You have gorgeous hair too. I think you are very pretty and thanks for sharing your life with us. I am an old 50-something woman whose child went down the same path as you. Please keep learning about yourself and moving forward.

    • @wrmlm37
      @wrmlm37 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Sweet comment.

  • @Hiris-hu5pc
    @Hiris-hu5pc 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Life is a struggle, and we have to embrace the good things, good people, and celebrations when they come, as well as to ride with the waves of disappointment and despair; the main thing is to believe that the low times are only temporary, and there is still good to come. Never feel guilty about enjoying good times. Don't let bad things define you. It is a rare person that feels like they belong. And Facebook is one of the worst things to happen to society - everyone only posts smiling faces and "successful" lives, making us believe their lives are better than our own. Honesty of people like Elie show life as it really is. Thanks for sharing, and I wish you well. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. Your voice is lovely.

  • @3075bridget
    @3075bridget 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    You’ll one day learn we all have terrible problems and none are better than anyone else.
    Your story is one of overcoming. Your life gives encouragement to others because we all secretly worry we’re unlovable.
    One day you’ll understand what I’m telling you. You will fully own yourself and understand just how special you really are.
    In the meantime, a wonderful podcast I recommend is: Getting to Know Your Bible. We’re each here for a reason.

  • @isabelsmith
    @isabelsmith ปีที่แล้ว +35

    as an autistic nonbinary person, i feel a lot of the same things you do. I always felt/ feel like I have to perform and make myself more palatable so people will like me, it’s become so hard to really connect with other people because I am so afraid of my authentic self being too much for other people. I also started dating my gf in a few years ago as I was becoming an adult and trying to become my own person but i became very codependent for the same reasons, she was the one person I felt like i didn’t have to perform around and she knew everything about me but didn’t care. Im at a similar place to you now, i don’t feel sad over most of these things everyday anymore and i’ve worked on my codependency but I still just feel like i’m performing and waiting for my life to get better and to be happier…now i’m just trying my best to make each day a little better and praying that one day it does actually get better like everyone says. There are some things I guess we’ll never truly know about how other people perceive us but i’m just trying to take it one day at a time and remember that if sharing parts of myself that are authentic makes someone think less of me, they don’t deserve any more of my time or energy and that can just be that. I’ve enjoyed watching your videos throughout the years and although I’m not in the same position as you as someone who’s detransitioned, I understand you and you’re definitely not alone. ❤️

    • @leahtv7778
      @leahtv7778 ปีที่แล้ว

      You aren't non binary. You are your birth sex. Non binary is a made up, religious concept. Embrace your womanhood and watch your life change for the better.

    • @india1422
      @india1422 ปีที่แล้ว

      It’s a wonderful feeling if you ever get to the point of it giving a fuck. I don’t mean not caring about people. I don’t meany being nasty, an asshole, not holding yourself to high morals. But dressing for yourself. Cooking what you want, not what you are supposed to. Joining clubs you want or not joining any. Being g a night owl. Rising with the lark. Literally living your authentic life without considering what is going on in anyone’s head. And without being mean, 99.999999% of people don’t even see you, other than avoiding bumping into you in the street or thanking you for holding a door for them. Everyone is deeply in their own head, they don’t have the energy to worry about you. Wishing you all the best.

  • @jetrngr430
    @jetrngr430 ปีที่แล้ว +28

    Hi Elle, I happened across this video today and as Dad of 4 (grown and flown) and a grandpa to 9 (as of last inventory) I will tell you this, I would be proud to call you my daughter. I am definitely NOT an expert on these matters by any strectch. You seem to have a lovely soul. Battered and war-torn, but lovely. I hope you find your happiness. You deserve to be happy. Read that last line again. Say it to yourself everyday. Young people today have it WAY harder than us old folks.
    Soooo much information with the price tag of judgement. The world can sure use more beautiful, brave souls like you. I wanted to close by saying something inspirational like "hang in there" or some lame shit like that but...nah. Too cliché. How about...you do what's best for Elle and whatever brings you true happiness. I wish the best for you!

  • @limoncello_xo
    @limoncello_xo ปีที่แล้ว +18

    You are beautiful, to look at and to listen to, and I can't imagine anyone coming across as more authentic and sincere. Thank you for sharing. Time does heal. 💛

  • @moongoddess1978
    @moongoddess1978 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I’ve seen a bunch of your videos! Thank you for the vulnerability and authenticity, good and bad. Sending love ❤

  • @susanmorales5433
    @susanmorales5433 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I've always had a deeper voice, so don't worry how others perceive you, dear!
    You're very courageous & applaud you!❤💕

  • @Stalemarshmallow
    @Stalemarshmallow ปีที่แล้ว +64

    Also, Elle, take heart in this: you are depressed right now. All of your thoughts and feelings are extremely familiar to me, being someone who has fought chronic depression my whole life. But you will feel good again, I promise. I am so glad you are healing from your wounds but I promise that you will feel good again. A day is not a life. ❤

  • @chriskdayton
    @chriskdayton ปีที่แล้ว +50

    I am 5’11” tall. For all of my life I’ve thought people might think I’m a guy because I usually wear jeans a t shirt and tennis shoes. I’m 66 years old and most everyone I know feels uncomfortable about some flaw when being in public or meeting new people. We tend to focus on our differences rather than embracing them as uniqueness. Everyone is totally unique. No two people are the same. We have to stop allowing others to put us in boxes. Be you!! You are beautiful and have a lovely voice. To me it doesn’t sound masculine at all. I’ve always liked deeper feminine voices. It shows strength. Don’t be timid about it. Tell yourself you are perfect the way you are. Everything works good and you are perfect. God gave you special talents to be able to share what’s going on in your life. Thank you for sharing your journey. It’s encouraging to me as my lovely granddaughter is caught in the transgender movement and to hear your story gives me hope she will come out of it as well. Bless you. Keep on learning about yourself and the purpose why you are here. There is a purpose and your real journey is just starting. Blessings to you. May you find true Love, Joy and Peace.

    • @Parrotgirl-tattoo
      @Parrotgirl-tattoo 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      I'm 5'11" as well & although I wear more feminine clothing the last few years, I still have a tendency to go full on tomboy. It makes me feel good. And I really just don't care what anyone thinks. I try to give smiles to people no matter what I'm wearing or where I'm at. I wasn't always confident. I wouldn't go back to Elle's age for anything. I love being 49. ❤😊

    • @befarlow
      @befarlow 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I couldn't have said it any better. She is a lovely, seemingly intelligent young woman. I am so happy she is going to counseling to help deal with life. Very inspirational young woman.

  • @CanadianMum444
    @CanadianMum444 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    Stay brave, strong, smart, wonderful and true to your heart Dear Elle💜 You’ve been through a monumental amount in your young life. I’ve always had so much respect for your honesty and integrity since you began sharing here. As a mum of several, 2 of which are going through some of these huge life altering issues and trying to be who they need me to be (lots of self-education!) one of the most difficult part of parenting in my 30 yrs of being a parent.
    I hope you are doing well and continue to seek and receive support and help when you need to heal from the many serious pains you’ve experienced in life. You’ll find your groove darlin.💜❤️‍🩹

  • @jackieofalltrades5328
    @jackieofalltrades5328 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I think you have a good testimony to share with others by bringing awareness. Pray about all of the things you’re going through, I know that sounds so simple but there’s a lot of power in prayer. Hang in there!

  • @copernicushell
    @copernicushell 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I think you are amazing. Thank you for sharing your story in such a brave way. You may help so many others who are struggling or nervous about navigating through detransition.

  • @jodimeaders8613
    @jodimeaders8613 ปีที่แล้ว +133

    You’re not a freak. You are exactly who you are supposed to be. 💕

    • @sandywhat2429
      @sandywhat2429 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Except drastically modified? She changed who she perfectly was.

    • @viviennedunbar3374
      @viviennedunbar3374 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      @@sandywhat2429 hey guess what? We are all great as we are and everyone changes over their lifetime. People become more athletic or more relaxed, lose weight, gain weight, have babies, age, our bodies - especially as women continue to constantly change throughout our lives. Don’t judge others so harshly as clearly that’s how you are judging yourself and you cannot be happy with such an attitude (or at least others aren’t who are around you).

    • @sandywhat2429
      @sandywhat2429 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@viviennedunbar3374 She’s not a freak, she’s not worthless. She’s as valuable as anyone on this earth.
      I reject your armchair analysis of me. Perhaps you projected all that?
      She WAS who she was supposed to be. Transitioning is tragic when people realize they’ve made a grave mistake. That’s what many responsible adults in the world are trying to prevent. Surgeons should be held responsible.
      It’s going to be a tough road ahead for many of these people. Professionals have tragically failed them.
      Making de-transitioning videos are very valuable. Others need to see how this is failing.
      I hope she survives and finds peace.

    • @josieallen4942
      @josieallen4942 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@sandywhat2429 @viviennedunbar3374 Elle made a mistake. She was misled by her own feelings, her circle of influence, health professionals, the lgbtq+ community, and the media. Surgeons are responsible, but they are not the only ones. People pay these surgeons to perform these surgeries. Even Elle is at fault. Transitioning is tragic and Elle made a mistake, but it wasn't a grave mistake. It did not kill her and she is choosing to never let it kill her, even though it could have. It deeply scarred her. She has to live with the consequences of her actions for the rest of her life, a life she is choosing not to waste. She is grieving who she could have been, but she is using her story of brokenness and healing to hopefully prevent history from repeating in someone else's life. Vivienne, this is not a normal change of the body, nor a healthy one. Bodies change but there is a limit to how healthy one is. Too much weight loss or gain is unhealthy. Doing things to our bodies that's unnatural and damaging should not be accepted and normalized, something the body positivity movement does regularly. Sandy and Jodi, she is not -how- she was, but she can still be -who- she was, just with a bit more maturity, life experience, and mental bruises. She has a deep voice but she's going back to accepting that she is Elle, a beautiful woman. Videos by people detransitioning are amazing and could potentially save other kids and young adults from heading down this path to only more hurt and confusion. Transition is just another false hope given to people who are desperate for fulfillment and peace. Elle is a survivor. I hope she finds peace too.

    • @canadianalien370
      @canadianalien370 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      No, she was born exactly who she was meant to be. But now with all the artificial hormones she’s taken, she’ll never be the same… unfortunately, her health and life are in jeopardy… and clearly her mind. Where were her parents? Why didn’t they get her help when she was struggling?

  • @fatinhollywood
    @fatinhollywood ปีที่แล้ว +12

    thank you for being strong enough to be vulnerable. You are so loved and cared for! With each day that goes by, I think you will find that it does get better. Life for anyone/everyone has peaks and valleys. Your voice is beautiful, IMO. Thank you for posting an update!

  • @Minnesotaqueen1969
    @Minnesotaqueen1969 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    I remember when your first video popped up. I watch it and was so amazed at what you had been through and what you were about to go through. A very difficult experience you shared with us. You have come so far and keep moving forward. you got this

  • @quarteracreadventures855
    @quarteracreadventures855 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I'm very proud of you and your willingness to share your journey. Thank you for sharing your unique story. Your honesty and vulnerability will help others understand how to support someone who is going through what you are experiencing.

  • @kgreene460
    @kgreene460 ปีที่แล้ว +31

    My SIL is constantly mistaken for a man over the phone, she did not transition. I do not think that your voice is masculine, fwiw. You are a completely normal woman, Elle, you are normal. Give yourself some grace, be patient with yourself. My 20's were a shit show and my 30's were some how even worse, you are in a tremendous period of growth and growth is difficult and painful but you will make it through. Just give yourself some grace.

  • @ktbecker89
    @ktbecker89 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    I've been watching for a few years. It's so evident you are a gentle, beautiful soul. I am so grateful to you for showing us all that it's ok to NOT understand your gender ...or to change your self perception. It's hard being a human, let alone having all these labels pushed on us. I'm sorry you've had to struggle, but also glad you are doing OK. Keep being you, so honest and kind hearted, introspective. ❤ ALSO you look beautiful! And I love your voice. But then again I've always loved deeper female voices. If you like to sing, rock that shit!!!!

  • @tamarpeleg7452
    @tamarpeleg7452 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Elle, I've been watching your videos for some time now. For what it's worth: I like your voice exactly as it is, you have a beautiful voice. It is very normal to feel pain and despair at times. It is normal to go through periods where we feel different from others and inauthentic. Little by little, we find our way to mental well-being. You are a beautiful woman, and you look and sound very normal to me.

  • @carolehenson6180
    @carolehenson6180 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    It has been so long since you posted this that I don't know if you'll be looking at my comment... but I hope you will. Your story is so touching and I am crying my way through this. I can empathize with not feeling like you belong. I wonder... what if... what if it doesn't matter what people think of your deep voice. What if your voice is a badge of honor for making very hard, life-changing decisions to embrace your true self. I see you as really brave. It breaks my heart that for four years, you have not felt comfortable with yourself. Like the "people who live in glass houses should not throw stones" -- who in this world has the right to judge you for your journey?

  • @shirleywillis1407
    @shirleywillis1407 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Bless you, beautiful Elle. Thank you for sharing this. You're helping a lot of people.

  • @melissam8939
    @melissam8939 ปีที่แล้ว +35

    Having gone through depression and having a deeply dysfunctional relationship with my body: hang in there, girl. Took me a good 8 years before I felt like I was able to truly reconnect with myself physically. 10 years now and I finally feel Whole. Good. Healthy. Do I still struggle with my baggage occasionally? Absolutely. But this is the skin I'm in and I no longer let it rule my thoughts and sense of self. 4 years is a long time to look back on and to live with pain. But it's also a flicker in a lifetime. In another four years, you may look back and barely recognize this phase of your life, as intense as it's been. So just keep chugging. You got this

  • @OriginalSuperfreak
    @OriginalSuperfreak ปีที่แล้ว +208

    Elle, I am a mum of a trans identified child. I am deeply worried they will make the wrong choices and may suffer in the future. Your voice is vital to inform parents and vulnerable children of the consequences of inadequate mental health and gender care. Give yourself more time. You are grieving a life lost and that's a big grieve but that lost life is just gateway to a new unique life. A very important life, where you can love and be loved. Where you can make a difference regardless of in the public eye or not. To just one person or many, both are revelent. My words will not help but I mean them sincerely and hope you can come out the other side of your grief soon ❤

    • @ROYAL_REBEL
      @ROYAL_REBEL ปีที่แล้ว +8

      She's lucky she didn't go bald. Some lost it for good even after detransitioning.

    • @sanpellegrinolimonata
      @sanpellegrinolimonata ปีที่แล้ว +30

      I don’t know how to articulate this in a gentler way, but your kid knows themself better than you know them. It certainly took a lot of courage for them to come out to you, and it might drive them away if you express your concerns that they might change their mind on their gender identity. You’re a parent so it’s natural you’re worried about them

    • @sanpellegrinolimonata
      @sanpellegrinolimonata ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@ROYAL_REBELcis men go bald all the damn time, it’s just about genetic predisposition and testosterone. It shouldn’t be an unexpected side-effect, especially if your male relatives are baldies.

    • @ROYAL_REBEL
      @ROYAL_REBEL ปีที่แล้ว +63

      @@sanpellegrinolimonata Nope. Kids are kids. Let them decide once they've become adults. You stay out of it.
      I wanted to be a boy from 6-17 and then grew out of it after. I still live in my combat boots and still hate dresses & bright colors, or anything girly, but I'm married & I'm a computer programmer now.
      Luckily my parents left me be. So no, kids don't know. I've seen too many detranstioners regret their decisions

    • @ROYAL_REBEL
      @ROYAL_REBEL ปีที่แล้ว

      @@sanpellegrinolimonata We aren't talking about cis men are we. We are talking about this girl, who could've lost her hair due to testosterone therapy. F OFF

  • @somethingseriouslyserious420
    @somethingseriouslyserious420 ปีที่แล้ว +21

    I feel so much love for you girl! I am not part of the trans or detransitioner community, but I have always followed your journey because I appreciate your honesty and openness. It sounds like a very rough path to follow, but I’m glad that you’re still going.
    If it makes you feel any better, my family has mostly deep voiced women(myself included), and I think that most of us have been mistaken for a guy(especially on the phone lol).
    Genuinely, if I saw you walking down the street, I wouldn’t look twice. You just look like a normal woman(that sounds rude, but hopefully you catch my drift lol).
    Your voice has also lightened a lot(especially in comparison to your older videos). I genuinely don’t think that you sound like a dude at all. You have a deep voice, but it doesn’t sound like a man’s deep voice. It sounds like a woman’s.
    You also happen to look a lot like my family lol. You resemble my grandmother and I, and we are gorgeous so that’s further proof that you are too 💅
    You might not believe what I just said(you did say that you felt like everyone was putting on show and pretending like they saw you as a woman, so I don’t blame you), but I meant it.
    Also(as much as I enjoy your videos, and I am sure that you help many people with them) you mentioned that exiting the trans/detrans community sometimes helps, so I would hope that you would do so(even permanently) if you felt that it would help you.
    I cannot relate to most aspects of your story, so I know that my words can only go so far, but I hope that people who are walking the same path as you can find this video, and you guys can share in that experience. It sounds very isolating, even though you are not alone in it.
    You’re very strong, and I wish you luck and love! 💛

    • @albin2232
      @albin2232 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Every community I ever belonged to turned out to be bad for me. It was only when I realised that I had to navigate life without a community that I started to find my own understanding of myself. Still working on it.

  • @sierraforever2954
    @sierraforever2954 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I'm not a detransisioner but I have a lot of your same symptoms. I had major trauma that I was not able to get help with because it was hard to make those connections. Thank you for being so raw and honest.

  • @Nightfall_78
    @Nightfall_78 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    You are such a courageous young woman! It's beautiful that you are sharing your story. I have no problem with your voice at all! Know you are a gorgeous woman!

  • @karenhunter3113
    @karenhunter3113 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Be gentle on yourself. I have been questioning our society's obsession with self sufficiency lately. We seem to feel shame if we rely on another person for emotional regulation but we are literally wired to do so. We are a social species.
    Also, there's never a happy ending guaranteed and happiness as a goal is pretty elusive. I think going for meaning is more likely to result in happiness. You have been through a heck of an ordeal and you will have a lot to offer because of it. I hope you can find meaning in that.
    At the end of the day it's our relationships to self, family, and community that feed and nourish us. You absolutely have what it takes to have that. Sending you love through the ether.

  • @happynjoyousnfree
    @happynjoyousnfree ปีที่แล้ว +124

    Hey Elle. I am a therapist and so I'm going to do what I would do with any client and take a look at what you said at minute 21:00 "it's just a constant little voice in the back of my head that goes your voice is deep... and people are gonna look at you and... wonder why... people are gonna think it and not say anything... people are wondering why you sound like that... every time your voice goes down into that like rumbly rumbly way it does... they're gonna think that something is wrong with you, that you are lying to everyone about being a woman, that you're just you know putting on a show, and that you'll never be able to relate to real women..."
    First of all, you ARE a "real woman" and the fact that you have been injured by irresponsible professionals doesn't change that. Feeling uncomfortable in your body, feeling like you don't really fit in or fit the stereotype of what a woman is supposed to be or how a woman is supposed to behave--all of this is very common! A lot of women feel this way for one reason or another. I felt this way because I grew up fat and had issues related to undiagnosed ADHD. I was also likely on the autism spectrum but had no idea back in those days (I'm 60 now). So the idea that you can't relate to other women because something about you doesn't meet some artificial standard is demonstrably false.
    "it's just gonna be like fake like... everyone is putting on a show around me to make me feel normal and comfortable without acknowledging the fact that I sound like a man... so I kind of constantly feel like um everyone is secretly thinking that I am a freak and that I don't belong and that I you know am just putting on the performance of being a woman because I'm not really a woman..."
    I think this comes from the gender culture, don't you? You sound here like a man who believes that people are just humoring him and that he doesn't pass as well as he thinks he does. The tendency to worry so much about what everyone else thinks of you is not healthy. As you continue to focus on your mental health, I encourage you to recognize that other people's opinions are much more about them than about you.
    I'm not going to lie to you and say that your voice doesn't sound lower than that of most women. Of course it does, but I have heard women who naturally have a deep voice like yours, so it isn't out of the realm of possibility for a woman either. Also, this is not your fault and honestly, every other aspect of your appearance is unambiguously female. Your voice can be very quickly explained (if you want to explain it) by saying, "yeah I took testosterone for awhile but decided it wasn't for me, so I stopped."
    Finally, I think you go from "people notice that my voice is deep" to "they think I'm a freak." Do you honestly think that's the conclusion that people automatically come to? Deep voice="freak?" It's ONE ASPECT of your physical being--ONE! Just because we have a characteristic that differs from the norm doesn't make any of us a "freak." If it did, the vast majority would be freakish in one way or another. I know for sure that I would be 🤣
    Anyway, sweetheart, I hope that helps. I am on Twitter at @janewitchwoman and provide free support for detransitioners. Please take care of the lovely, unique woman that you are and always will be. ❤❤❤

    • @cherischroeder7502
      @cherischroeder7502 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Thank you for offering to help these poor young people who have been lied to. They should never have had the opportunity to change a perfectly healthy body into something else. We all know that children and young adults often don't perceive life clearly and so they jump on these quick fixes but then have to live with them. My heart goes out to Elle. She is special and beautiful and created uniquely by our heavenly father. I hope she can see that the Lord loves her and He can make all things new. FYI: I have a daughter who has been transitioning for 1.5 years, had a hysterctomy at 25, and has not talked to me in 5 years. I am so brokenhearted. I love her so much but the trans world has stolen her from me. I continue to pray for her and send her notes of love and that I want a relationship with her but she does not respond. She was never this person before. God Bless you or helping these people.

  • @fjdyyh2542
    @fjdyyh2542 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Thank you for this video. I'm having hard time and can relate to your words and tone. I don't know if this is ever going away. I'm feeling you. You are not alone

  • @1metuka
    @1metuka 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I'm not sure how old you are now. I had a lot of issues in my 20's & Thirties ( not about gender issues at all). I had a lot of therapy to deal with a dysfunctional childhood. Eventually i found a therapist who helped me deal with the emotional issues from my childhood, including severe depression. I want you to know it can get better, you can overcome these difficult issues. I'm now in my sixties and I'm okay psychologically . You will get better overtime and be able to look back at what a stellar job you have done dealing with your issues. I hope you keep on, keeping on!

  • @joanlong1413
    @joanlong1413 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I was far more interested in your words of experience than the sound of your voice. You are a beautiful young woman that has an important story to tell. And very courageous by the way. I’m proud of you- keep pressing on and please don’t be so hard on yourself. We all have things- there is no perfect person - and “normal” is highly over rated as you get older. Real is refreshing and interesting. Forget the labels just be you❤

  • @lisaamirant5595
    @lisaamirant5595 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    Sweetie, just so you know, anyone who doesn’t know you would never know or guess your back story. Lots of girls have deep voices and you are gorgeous. YOU know your voice and body are different so you are going to be more critical of yourself. People who don’t know you are just learning about you and you are perfect the way you are. ❤❤❤

  • @auntiekellie5189
    @auntiekellie5189 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Thank you for sharing your story Elle. The biggest lesson you describe is that neither transitioning or detransitioning has helped you to feel happy and that you are still struggling with negative sense of worth, low self-esteem and intrusive thoughts from past trauma. I hope others hear. Because fixation on gender & sexuality is a symptom not the answer.
    You're DNA says you are female, you have a female brain (males are different) your voice is very pleasant compared to some female American voices that hurt my ears, I don't mean to offend but it's true! I'm English and have a relatively deep voice for a female!
    You have amazing skin and are not afraid to go on camera pretty bare faced without layers of make-up! Natural beauty! You have been through a lot but this is your journey and you are still very young, time is on your side to decide what you would like to do with your life? Build Friendships outside of that community to just be you, the beautiful woman you were always meant to be. ❤

  • @ddss7272
    @ddss7272 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    Thank you for being honest, Elle.

  • @ArtsyAries23
    @ArtsyAries23 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    It sounds like you’re on the path of self discovery and clearing out your root chakra or balancing the sacral energy within you. I know that had to take a lot of courage. So I applaud you for your honesty. Wishing you the best in your healing journey. ❤

  • @kathypikras7017
    @kathypikras7017 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    You are beautiful and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with your voice. Thank you for your openness and honesty it was very enlightening to hear about the difficult journey you are on.

  • @oag2167
    @oag2167 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I'll be praying for you, Elle. You're doing great, especially on days when you feel like you're not. Those are the days that get you closer to happiness. Your feelings are all completely justified and normal. One day at a time. Many women have deeper voices, that doesn't make them any less of a woman. Keep pushing through, you're going to make it. ✝️❤️

  • @benjaminfox6756
    @benjaminfox6756 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    You have come a long way in 4 years, I watched your original video back then and seeing this video I can see how far you have come! You are a strong beautiful woman, Best wishes to you❤️❤️

  • @gigibelle7465
    @gigibelle7465 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Elle, thank you so much for sharing your story! It is so important that this information is out there to hopefully prevent others from following down this part. And your voice is really soothing - you sound like a woman with a deep voice to me. One of my mothers' friends has a naturally deep voice like that. It makes her sound very mysterious :)

  • @ariadnaestrauss3895
    @ariadnaestrauss3895 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    You know, many women has a voice like yours without transtionning, and personnally I like your voice, I'm sure that someone who loves you will like your voice too. However it's not very important, your personnality, your inner world will always be the most important, for you and for those who love you. You are a beautiful human being, give love to those who are important to you, and don't worry about how other people perceive or judge you, don't give any attention to that. The key is to not focus your attention on yourself (because that create doubts, anxiety, self depreciation, loneliness , depression ...for everyone, not only those who are in your situation. You will feel better when you will be able to be more indifferent to your suffering and instead you will desire to help and love people who are also suffering (and of course also people you care about). Giving love and compassion to other souls who are struggling and suffering, is the best way to walk on the path of self confidence, mental balance, and in the end happiness, connection to yourself and to people, capacity to feel that life has a real meaning and can be bright and meaningful. I assure you that will happen (not immediately, but more and more with time) because I experiencd it. And it will be real, not like a naive illusion, but like the most important discovery of your life. I wish you the best ...

  • @skylusko7953
    @skylusko7953 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I'm not transitioned or detransitioned but I struggle with a lot of emotional pain and isolation and I really appreciated you sharing your feelings and your hardship. your honesty really meant a lot to me to watch your video and hear you speak from your heart about wanting to live or not wanting to live etc. thank you so much for sharing what you've been going through. it really helps me not feel so alone.

  • @thesweetestpotat0
    @thesweetestpotat0 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I really relate about feeling disconnected and inauthentic. My story is a little different than yours, but I *was* on testosterone for 5 years and it upended my entire life. I often have to remind myself that a lot of weird shit happens to a lot of people and that people have all kinds of voices for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes, people compliment my voice and it upsets me because I don't feel like it's even mine... but then I feel like I have to be grateful that I'm getting a compliment. It's so complicated. I am lucky in that I navigate the world with relative ease and people tend not to question my gender, but I relate to what you said about that little voice-- I do sometimes still over-analyze the things people say to or around me or reactions people have to me, etc. It is exhausting, but not nearly as exhausting as it once was. I have hope for you even if you don't have it for yourself right now. Thanks for sharing so openly.

  • @allannagh232
    @allannagh232 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    I’m so very proud of you. Your strength is inspirational❤

    • @fatoumata7624
      @fatoumata7624 ปีที่แล้ว

      Silly : proud of somebody who has no link with you.

  • @heatherinde
    @heatherinde ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I was recently diagnosed with Autism/Adhd. The neuropsychologist who diagnosed me told me two things that I’ve found interesting. First she praised/commented that I was high masking and she would never have known I was on the spectrum. She also said that I might find gender to be circular and meeting in the middle. I am a cis woman, female presenting but I think about gender every day (I’m 43) because I don’t just “feel” like a woman. I don’t know what that would even feel like. For better or worse I grew up in a time before gender was talked about at all. I also struggle to let people in. The mask I put on everyday is not only that of being a women but it covers many other things (how fast my mind moves, social etiquette, acting happier/more present than I feel, etc.) However, worrying what people think is natural. It’s how humans are programmed. It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of grief for what could have been. It’s also natural to feel sad about that. It’s a journey and it makes sense that parts of your journey are dark. You don’t post much but I love watching your videos because of your way of talking and explaining yourself. I appreciate how honest you are. I’m sorry your inner critic is so loud and is telling you all the things that are wrong with you, instead of telling you about all the wonderful things about you. I personally have found a lot of healing by telling my inner critic that it is valid but also telling myself kind things and creating an inner cheerleader for myself. I might not be what people expect or understand but having a relatively loud inner cheerleader telling me I am good enough and that I matter helps. It’s taken a long time to cultivate it but it has made a huge difference.

  • @sunsetstormx
    @sunsetstormx 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    You are beautiful and articulate. You express yourself in such a mature way. I think your voice is fine. I've had many people in my life that were females that had slightly deeper voices. I know it's awkward and I know it feels like everybody is thinking this but not everybody is going to think that about you. You have so much to offer. You can help so many people from your own horrible experience. Live your best life and find your passions. You are a wonderful girl.

  • @reneewilliams5107
    @reneewilliams5107 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    So heartbreaking! ❤️ I hope you have people in your life now that are encouraging and lift you up.

  • @lorihengl6345
    @lorihengl6345 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    you’re awesome. thank you for being authentic

  • @blvdwika
    @blvdwika ปีที่แล้ว +49

    As a person with CPTSD and a lesbian I can relate to a lot of things you say. I never transitioned, so I have no idea how it must feel, but remember there are a lot of people like us, thinking about ending our lives every day, struggling with emotions or no emotions, feeling extreme shame and disgust towards our bodies... I hope we all will make it.

    • @CloudyWolf713
      @CloudyWolf713 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Hey. Is everything alright?

    • @kavitadeva
      @kavitadeva ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Hi There. I read your comment and felt alot coming from you regarding you having C PTSD. I have severe C-PTSD and it is extremely difficult. I get overwhelmed so easily and still have meltdowns. I get emotionally disregulated often. Are you Struggling right now? I can only imagine what could be going on. I hope you will be OK. Reply if you feel like talking. Take good care 🫂💜

    • @CloudyWolf713
      @CloudyWolf713 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@kavitadeva Hey. I hope you’re doing ok, too.

  • @klp1009
    @klp1009 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I wish you all the best in your life. Please don't give up on yourself because you're worth it!!!! Happiness is in your destiny just believe it and don't give up on yourself. Blessings 😇

  • @victoriamoreno4966
    @victoriamoreno4966 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I'm so happy for you. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this with transitioning and detransitioning but at least you seem to be very happy in your life now! I wish you luck in your life and God bless you!

  • @rosienewyork9094
    @rosienewyork9094 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you for sharing your story, I value your courage to speak out about it and I’m sure it will be very helpful to others living in such a difficult situation. I respect, admire and appreciate you 🙏👌💗

  • @discobones
    @discobones ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I'm so sorry you've been through this. You are worthy of love.

  • @giniatemmy8138
    @giniatemmy8138 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Elle, I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. It got me thinking about a PSA that Dr. Danielle Amen recently posted on his IG letting people know that our thoughts often lie to us. He suggested that people talk back to their thoughts and question them. That we are not our thoughts, and we don't have to believe each and every one that we have. He posted this on 6/22. I really do hope you feel better, and I will be praying for you. God bless. 🙏

  • @jeremylister89
    @jeremylister89 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    🇬🇧 Jerry and Karen here in the UK. We have followed your posts and just sending you positive thoughts and hopes for a great future.
    Karen has a MTF child so your wisdom thoughts and experience has been educational (thought about writing a book?). Best wishes to you Elle. X

  • @PropheticForensics
    @PropheticForensics 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    At 20 minutes, I was so focused on your authenticity, thoughtful, insightfulness.. that when you circled back to the sound off your voice.. only then did I recall that was your focus. Meaning, your other qualities way outshine your voice.. it just fades into background, literally. I love your self awareness.. but your voice sound deep, but natural.. it's not theatrical at all.. not fake.. but you are more than your voice. I'm sorry it's seems so central in your life, you have sooo much to give.
    Loved hearing your experience. Very helpful. ✝️🙏✝️

  • @marybelport4252
    @marybelport4252 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I think nk you're a beautiful girl! Smart , articulate and caring. You have so much to live for. We all go through things on our life time. Its what you do with ot to better yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you 🙏🏻

  • @janicedobis6490
    @janicedobis6490 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    You are so very beautiful. Ans your voice is strong, and also beautiful. Femininity has never been as narrow and rigid as society has made it to be. Strong, masculine women are as female as delicate, soft women. Pink has thousands of times and shades. Just as blue does. Just as any color or shape or texture. Don’t ever let someone place you into such a tight space. Keep being brave. Keep being truthful. Keep shining light on this.

  • @bubblesxo
    @bubblesxo ปีที่แล้ว +19

    i really don’t understand the hate you get. i think people are just miserable and taking it out on you. or they are jealous of how secure you are with yourself and the amount of support you get. anyways thank you for being so open and vulnerable. i definitely struggle with codependency and have a lot of my mental health to deal with and the way you articulated everything is on point ❤

  • @marsneedsbunnies
    @marsneedsbunnies ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Ive followed you from the beginning of your videos. Your insight into your own thoughts, which many people dont take the effort to develop, is impressive.
    One thing I would say about feeling like an impostor or not feeling the way women are "supposed" to feel or be is this: Women, far more than men, are endlessly told that we're not enough, not authentic, not real women if we don't do X, wear Y, or look like Z. We're not ladylike, we're too dependent, we're too independent, it just goes on and on. Most women are walking around not feeling as if we're enough, that we wont be liked or fit in. It can be all-consuming.
    It's part of why we stay in bad relationships, its part of why we get so much plastic surgery, its part of why we develop eating disorders. Its built into western society.
    Im not sure what the cure is, but other women walk around with the exact same feelings and thoughts. We've just had a s bit more experience in burying those thoughts, which is not good, but it is what it is. Don't ever think that youre somehow not like other women. That is the most "like other women" thing there is.
    Your voice is lovely, btw.

  • @gailmaltese7277
    @gailmaltese7277 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    You are really a beautiful thoughtful person. This video is authentic. Regardless of your gender, you are a critical thinker and sometimes you need to try to get out if your own way. Just being you is enough and should be enough for everyone. I know easier said than done. Only keep your real friends that see u4u close. Keep pushing!

  • @Draek25
    @Draek25 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Not only are you super beautiful, but it sounds like you are extremely strong to have been able to overcome something challenging. I hope you get all the love and happiness in the world! You have beautiful eyes!!!

  • @lawyerLoke
    @lawyerLoke ปีที่แล้ว +12

    its great that you are going to therapy and all that, and your bf seems like a good guy :) glad you realized you were co-dependent on him and that you are doing something about it, thats cool! ive never rly been in a relationship so there is a lot o dont know xD
    you might be able to learn to accept your voice, but also, there is voice training! as youve probably been told a lot xD but its true! there are guys with such deep voices that train and get a voice that sounds just like a womans, its possible!
    anyway, wish you all the best! i think you were a big reason for me to realize i should detransition, and i thank you for that, my life is better than ever :)

  • @breannaboswell1286
    @breannaboswell1286 ปีที่แล้ว +21

    Hey Elle, My mom has a deeper voice as well and it has no effect on her femininity! ❤️ You sound and look wonderful.

  • @PreciousRegalos
    @PreciousRegalos ปีที่แล้ว +8

    I think that most people think and would think how brave you are to make these videos. Your strength and vulnerability is helping to save others. Please know this.

  • @Kaspian95
    @Kaspian95 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    You are amazing . The world is better with you in it. We need courageous people like you to step into the arena and be willing to show their vulnerability in the way you are doing here. You are authentic and real, and worthy of love and belonging. ❤

  • @Tattoobabbii
    @Tattoobabbii 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Aww you look beautiful and your voice is fine, I’m glad you found your person and I know everything will get better with time ❤

  • @The_Notorious_N.O.E.
    @The_Notorious_N.O.E. ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Congrats on all that you've accomplished up to this point. You're doing great 👍