My narc mom died yesterday, she was a true demon. I've been no contact for two years, I had to break away to save my mental health. She's been bragging she cut me out of the will. I feel nothing, no sorrow, nothing but relief.
My mother also tried to manipulate me with money, and manipulated me to give her money. :( I know and understand now that she thinks EVERYONE thinks the same way she does -- that you need to get one-up on everyone or they will get you. Paranoid delusional behavior all her life. And it only got worse. We are no-contact as of my father's death. He willed everything to me, but had dementia, so he didn't understand my mother had put everything of his into a trust with her the only beneficiary. Oh well! Thing is.... I became independent early, and had to fight them to get my first job. I understand now they didn't WANT me to be independent. Every stage of my life where a normal parent would be happy for their child, they did something to sabotage me. :( No contact is survival. My mother's simply evil. I'm just sad it took me over 50 years to figure it out and ACCEPT the truth. She never loved me, and wanted to see me either fail, or even die. And no one sees this side of her. She puts a good show on. But as she develops dementia, her mask slips more and more. And I don't care. Evil people make evil choices, and they need to reap the consequences of choosing to harm others, even the people who cared about them.
My Malignant Narc mother died just over a year ago. I was No Contact as well. I was relieved when I received the notification from extended family, too. Whatever you feel is completely normal and valid...it's how you feel. One of the harder things that was a bit more surprising was that I found myself grieving the mother I never had as well as the childhood I'd never had. These were both weeks/months later, and it seemed to come in waves. How/what you grieve now (or don't) may depend on what you've already grieved or dealt with before. Whatever comes up for you, it's OK. It may not be what one would expect if they were grieving a "normal/healthy" relationship, but this is not that. You know that. So, however you feel and grieve is OK. Just take your time, and you'll get through it--if anything comes up for you. Everyone is different. Take care of yourself...that's important, too. 🙏💜
Mines 93, i say to 'others' that i would have liked the woman that THEY knew, but I can assure them that they wouldn't have liked the person I knew....
My mother did all these things. She controlled the narrative among family, friends, acquaintances, etc. She was pure evil. I was her target most of the time. When she passed away in 2020, i could feel nothing but relief. The damage had been done though. My brothers do not speak to me because of the animosity she created. Really none of my family wants anything to do with each other. It's beyond disturbing .
She triangulated and did this. Anyone in a family who believes the narc’s smear campaign is a flying monkey and they become and/or are abusers as well. I pray you find a tribe, a true family. I have and I’m leaving this group I don’t care if I ever see my mother, sister or brother again. This has been so freeing- not caring about these relationships anymore. I’m done.
Very accurate description of my mother, I did not even go to her funeral. Narcissist women can never be mothers ( in the true sense of the word), they are just narcissists who have kids.
Scapegoat of an malignant N mother here. Looking for approval I became an overachiever. Still not good enough. When I became successful in business, or received any accolades, her response was the same: " You THINK you're really something! Don't you?! Guess Again!" But it didn't stop there. She started on my daughter too. No Contact.
It left me the opposite. Even while struggling mentally, physically and emotionally and financially she has “expected” me to pay rent, take care of the house, her, etc…but has said in the same breath she wouldn’t expect either of my brothers to pay rent because they “try”. Still haven’t figured that one out. One doesn’t have anything to do with her and the other lives an hour away to be away from her. I had to move back in with her after divorcing an alcoholic who was JUST LIKE HER. I didn’t see that until I had to move back with her. Talk about a rude awakening. Often times, it’s not our fathers we marry, it’s our mothers and vice versa!! We gravitate towards what we know, what and who feels comfortable, and often it’s a narc mother or father in another genders body!
Never underestimate their ability to use their magical powers to determine what other people think. It couldn't possibly be the case that they're really just reading the one mind to which they have access, in accordance with how visible reality works. 😊
From the time I was a toddler, I was the scapegoat and whipping post, & she brought in the rest of my family & encouraged them to treat me the same way. I am 65 and STILL trying to work thru diabolical physical, mental, emotional & spiritual abuse. As I got older it was character assassination -- even into adulthood. This life has been a living hell that I still suffer from. The sibling triangle still lingers to this day.
There may be something in your childhood that you experienced and/or know. Information that is DANGEROUS to her. If you have a relationship with your siblings you may end up "remembering" and having discussions that she just cannot let happen. She NEEDS to keep the children separate. Because you might "lightbulb" something she wants kept hidden.
I grew up as the scapegoat and now I understand. When she passed I was mad at my siblings. We never were close because of the triangulation. The last 7 years has brought a huge difference in our relationships. Your education to those who experienced this is priceless. Thank you
Mine used to whip me. Emotional, physical abuse. Jealousy, Lies. My younger sister was the apple of her eye, she used to stand behind my mother laughing when I got beaten. I still to this day despise both of them nasty people.
At 28 I received an award from my city’s mayor and chief of police. I was stupid enough to ask my mother to attend the ceremony with me thinking she would be proud of me NOPE !! She shamed me over the phone for asking her ! It actually brought me back to my childhood feelings of emptiness . We keep having hope maybe this time NOPE ! Evil til the end !! 3 years no contact . Multiple hoovering attempts.” I don’t care anymore. Zero control over me
Crazy making. There are books about it. Patricia Evans has written The Verbally Abusive Relationship a few years ago and several other books on the topic. There are other good writers. Good that you are toyally free now.
I'm proud of you for what I just read. My children who are 17 and 21 have a Narcissistic mother and I know all about what abuse they can cause to their children and other family. I raised myself after losing my entire family when I was 14. I had loving parents and I was raised well by both parents. I feel your pain bro and I wish only the very best in life to you.
My feelings towards the malignant narcissistic sociopaths in my family swing like a pendulum from one hour to the next, from absolute indifference to pure hate. The lifelong damage these demons inflict on their victims torments them long after going no contact and even decades after their death.
You have described my mother, my life. This is the best explanation I have of a narcissistic mother’s abuse. I had it all. I left at 63 years. I was told soo many times to leave. I wanted to be loved, validated, understood , appreciated, name it. I got nothing. I was the scapegoat most of the time. Then my little sister too. My brother was the golden child. My sister is narcissistic. My brother seems to be also. We have 14 years difference, he has not hade the same mother I had, she was different with him. I am free now. I see what she did too me emotionally, all the abuse. I am treating myself with love, respect, gentleness , validation. I just am. I still have triggers, but ohhh soo much smaller. I regulate myself faster. I know now that I am a good person. I always thought I was a bad person, always trying to make other happy. And, that would make me happy. I still care and love others, and often put myself second, but after I go and treat myself good. Thank you for this video. Wow❤
Mee eens. .de beste verklaring ! Ik loop al lang te zoeken en vele podcasten afgedraaid maar kon me nergens in vinden dan alleen wat details. Maar deze potcast raakt de aarde van mijn hart aan. 100% Elk woord klopt
I was talking to my daughter about my mum the other day & was sad to admit that I felt relief when she died. I was happy she was no longer suffering but her stronghold in my life felt suffocating. Our relationship changed when I decided to leave my husband who was also a narc. I' ve been surrounded by them my entire life. Nothing I did was ever good enough for my father, who told me I was "almost beautiful". Still healing. Thank you Jill, you have been a Godsend. Big love from Aus💖
Wow My mother was on hospice for 6 years. I was so relieved when she finally passed. Talk about milking it. I imagined she was arguing with God about her fate and that’s what took so long. 🙄🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
This compelling video brings back terrible memories of my recent breakup after four years of dating. My dearest friend made the decision to go, and I was left with an inexhaustible hurt. I can't even begin to imagine my life without him, much as I keep trying to make amends. I'm frustrated. I want to write about how much I miss him here because I can't seem to get him out of my head.
I understand how hard it is to let go of someone you love; after a five-year relationship ended, I was unable to simply let him go; instead, I tried everything to get him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance.
I understand your commitment to your relationships. I would like to offer also the idea of a trauma bond. After 4 years, it seems appropriate to look into other reasons for an ongoing dedication to an absent partner. There are probably videos on this channel about trauma bonding. Spiritual counseling can be very helpful in moving on with your life. It’s important to get the right one. Counselors to avoid are those that engage in any kind of negativity, who put you down, or cause you to feel ’less than’ in any way, whether through their arrogance or judgment. Many spiritual counselors are closet abusers or emotional vampires. I look for people who ‘feel’ right, and who seem like an Earth angel. Feel free to try a few before you start to do real work. And if anything ever feels not right, walk away. Your health and well being is the most important thing. Once you feel secure in that way, wonderful people will flow into your life. Blessings. 💕
I refuse to feel guilty for feeling relief. I know that I never have to worry about being drug back into that life draining person. A real mother never takes joy in a child's pain or fear.
Thank you for creating this video. I have this mind splitting quandary in that my mother did every one of these things, yet everyone loved her and she did a 360 in front of public. At no time did I ever think of her as a safe person. However, everyone else adored her, so maybe I was the issue. I always felt like a failure. She said I ruined her life, and that she would have been more successful in life, without me. She wanted me to stop calling her Mom. Over time I became a people pleaser, over achiever, and constantly alert to mood changes. She died in 2017. Her actions indicate that she was not a good parent, but my brain keeps making excuses for her behavior. I need for my brain to accept what a monster she really was. And my Dad was even worse. I wish they could have realized the amount of damage that they did to me.
Mine unalived herself in January. It’s the strangest feeling ever. I’m relieved that she’s gone, but so sad/horrified about it at the same time. It breaks my heart that she felt the need to do that. My therapist pointed out to me that I’d been abandoned by her as a child and then it happened again, in a sense, when she unalived herself. So, at 54 years old I’m dealing with these childhood feelings of abandonment again. It’s so bizarre. I can’t even describe it.
This is so spot on and I wish I had known this years ago. My mom is worse than I have ever realized. Almost lost my business and now my family. Its so sick.
My mom subtly puts me down, is very rude when she is unhappy or doesn't get her way, picks fights with everyone, tells me awful things about my father that no daughter should ever know. She becomes cold and distant when I'm too sick to tend to her. She's the most selfish woman alive
Exactly my mother and flying monkeys, boundaries up and access denied!🙌💯 protecting my energy from chronic toxicity and emotional,spiritual,financial abuse!
My mom is a psycho she flashed me last time I was at her house a few years ago. When I was little she acted like I was her boyfriend and demanded I opened the door and be her servant in many ways.
I was a paranoid nervous wreck by 6yrs old ...fearful of everything and anything...had so many nervous tics my father nicknamed me "nervous norvus"...you explained things to a tee why.
My wife deals with this. My MIL once asked my wife’s boss (at a happy event) if if she “had any talent” so she managed to insult two people at once. Her boss said to her “Why would I hire her if she wasn’t fabulously talented?”
My dangerous abusive narcissist mother It was hell on earth She tried to kill me I didn't realise she was a narcissist till my late 40s She played me She even She was going to send my brothers to beat me up I told her I would call the police on her 13 years zero contact for me Moved 200 miles away
When you started talking about the mocking it's like you unlocked a door of suppressed memories,everything you mentioned was spot on but for some reason the mocking was so bad I would be balling my eyes out begging her to stop I remember this burning sensation in my head like I was dying or losing my mind and she would push me to the point of screaming then her demeanor would flip and then she would start yelling saying she was trying to have fun with me and i ruined it or something along those lines, and then make me go to bed early, she also said I was a pig just like all men after I was trying to comfort her after her bf at The time cheated on her....I was eleven or 12
Thank you, this helped me to understand. I am 50 years old and still I am in battle with all the seeds of evil seeded by my narc mother, resulting in low self-confidence and permanent anxiety. Your list of her behaviour and explanation what it does gives me a good ground to possibly win over those seeds as I can see it more clearly. This will be the second step in my journey, quite recently I have understood, she never loved me and she will never love me. And finally I have stoped in an attempts to gain her love. What a relief.
I can really relate. I found by my mid-twenties that I'm never going to be a famously big giver of arbitrary shits, and this disengagement approach really drove them - they're both abusive lunatics - totally up the narcissistic wall.
I’ve been so very blessed by the grace of Yah to have been raised by an amazing loving empathetic mother who was raised by my narcissist grandmother but since learning about the depths of narcissistic abuse, have come to realize there are a few of them in my family and the abuse is painful to watch. I pray for these spouses and children constantly, hoping they grow to see the abuse for what it is and remove the toxicity from their lives. You all deserve validation for what you have endured❤ Jill…thank you for the wisdom and insight that you share with those who need words of encouragement. Blessings 🕊️
I started to not care anymore as soon as she spotted that she asked me what my therapist had done to me: well opening my eyes for ever this obviously isn’t reversible. She went angry beyond any belief while I’d classify her as a “vulnerable narcissist” while performing munchhausers (by proxy) on me and acting constantly needy and sick towards others. Vulnerable as till me grandmother died she was seeking for validation by her mother with pity stories, plain lies to score attention. She remained a little complicated attention seeking child and exhausted my grandmother with it. My grandmother told me she got sick after a phonecall and ended up in bed for three days to digest it all which was recognizable for me.
This is probably the cause of my Sons’ Alcoholism. He almost died twice while going through rehab. And my daughters’ life long battle with an anxiety disorder. How will the Narcissist Mother escape what awaits them for the abuse they instilled. Truly sad 😞
I dont say this lightly..but thank god shes dead !! she destroyed everything..but I rise!..thank you Jill..this was very triggering but exactly my experience .. healing well now after walking away from the shitshow she left and never felt better .much love to you for validating us all.deep gratitude..❤
I had such an unexpected wave of relief when i was told she has passed. I was so confused I called my therapist. She told me the weight of hope quite heavy & now I don't have to carry it any longer. There is still healing work, but it will be easier.
@@annem7806 yes I understand..I shed no tears as for the previous 50 years I had cried an ocean.. continued healing and blessings to you and I pray the peace and joy which is your natural state shines thru brighter and brighter...you are a brave warrioress and I salute you..much love..❤️🙏❤️
@@nickandrews2255 however horrific!! . there is hope..never give up..heal and then thrive not just survive..this transforms you into a warrior..much love ❣️
@@angel772921 No it does not it hurts us all to have to hurt or carry this. This idea that it makes you better is false it just hurts us no need to try to fake positivity it just hurts release the hurt to try to release it not to try to cover it up with lies
This is my mother Carol H. who resides in Jeffersonville, Indiana. I was a straight A student. She would always ask why didn’t get an A+. After her brother started giving me drugs and sexually assaulting me I went down hill. This was in the 70’s where no one cared. I got out of that hell hole in my early 20’s. I developed a career in California. Finally cut off contact at 45. She is a true witch I could never please. Pure evil that fractured the family to meet her needs. She drove my sister to insanity. My brothers were the golden children. My father tried to kill her and her boss and wound up in prison where he eventually died. She was serial cheater for years. Typical Borderline Personality. I broke up their fights as a child and teenager. She damaged me beyond repair until I had the right therapist. I finally figured her out. No contact is the only way.
@@melaniekellner6056 sounds like you’ve been there done that, and no paycheck from Lifetime for the script royalties 😝 while I chuckle a little, please don’t take that as non chalance of the entire drama. There is strength in the survival of this un real journey. You, and sadly many others, are not alone. Virtual hug
As a now 50-year-old Scapegoat child rasied by a Malignant mother and Covert father, I most certainly relate to this video. My father was also a "minister," so many of the abuses in our home were done through the lens of the church or what would be right for the ministry. "Appearances" are often important in narcissistic homes, but for our family (which included my Golden Child younger sister) the veil of "religion/spirituality" seemed to always be there. I've always understood it in that way. To hear Jill describe all of these things WITHOUT referring to religion was eye-opening! This shows me that it was simply a convenient tool, so to speak, for my parents to use to hide their abuse. They would have abused me regardless had they NOT been in the ministry...they just happened to be. I have also witnessed some families that are overly religious without an actual minister as well, so that could have happened, too. Regardless, this is something I've noticed over the years--their strong use of religion. It has taken a lot of work to unravel the misconceptions they taught me about God, the Bible, church...ALL of it. I'm still working on it, to be honest. This sort of what I call Spiritual Abuse is awful! It is SO confusing, and it is so harmful in more ways than I can express here. I suppose I just wanted to say that I found what I mentioned above interesting, but I also wanted others who may have had similar experiences as "preacher's kids" to know they are not alone. I believe there are many of us out there, and I imagine we have very similar stories. All of the details don't have to match exactly for us to understand each other and to have compassion for what we all went through as children. None of us deserved that, and our abuse had nothing to do with God. Our parents perverted religion for their own gains...how disgusting! Going to church in person is still painful for me, but I do consider myself a Christian and a woman of faith; however, it took me a LONG time to get here! Sometimes, just talking to God on my own and reading my Bible is easier. It's harder to know who to trust in churches, you know? I believe our parents will be punished for what they did when they die, so I left that up to God a long time ago. I don't need that "revenge" taking up space in my head or my heart, especially when I'm No Contact with them; I prefer NOT to think of them at all if I can. Again, the topic of Spiritual Abuse is not discussed as much (yet) unless it's within the context of leaving the church. It also usually leaves out the kids of the ministers who are abused at home behind closed doors while everyone at the church is singing their praises. This is a problem because it traps children in abuse, and the people in the church literally put the minister and the family on a pedestal. They CANNOT believe that any abuse is occurring--even when it is reported or help is requested. That was my experience, at least. You can imagine what it was like to go back home at 15 after begging for help, then becoming hysterical realizing the person you asked (because you trusted them) went to get your parents. My parents Smeared me, of course; I didn't know what it was then...but that's what they did. Not specifically related to this instance, but let's just say that I think the whole cliche of preacher's kids being "so wild, rebellious, or uncontrollable" comes from multiple Smear Campaigns of many parents over the years. It's just a theory. My Golden Child younger sister learned from my mother especially, and we have no relationship today. We've also been No Contact for years. Frankly, she's volatile and dangerous! Maybe you're like me and feel like you have no family. It does get lonely sometimes, but it's also better than living in the chaos--so much better! Sometimes, watching these videos opens a floodgate of memories and emotions. It's better for me to get them out in a positive way. If it also helps someone else not to feel as alone in all of this, then I don't mind sharing some of my personal stuff, as they say. I'm not embarrassed by it anymore. "It" is my parents' fautls and weaknesses--not mine. The being/feeling alone part, for me, was always the worst. That's why I reach out...just in case someone needs someone else. Peace, love, and strength to you all... 🙏💜⚔
@@davidhinkson8856 I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm obviously not surprised given my own experience. One thing I've learned over the years is that narcs really like to hide in churches--whether they're part of the ministry, or not. Church is a great place to find unsuspecting, yet very trusting and forgiving, people. Church is also a place where you can find "easy praise" for your "good deeds" if it's the right kind of church...you know, the kind that likes to allow people to be showy about the various things they do to help others or will totally buy fake humility. Some churches/people see right through all that, but some almost seem to compete for such accolades. Those are the kind of "churches" that would also treat you, me, anyone else horribly because we supposedly did something wrong or didn't fall into line in some way. Usually, it's because we stood up to someone, and they didn't like it. That was my "big mistake" from the beginning with my parents and what made me into the Scapegoat; I never bought the BS they were selling. That, and many other things...stories for other days. Just know that what they did had nothing to do with God or Jesus. Frankly, Jesus spoke out against people like the narcs we had to deal with. He said in three different places in the New Testament (Matthew 18:6, Mark 9:42, and Luke 17:2) that it would be better for a millstone to be put around someone's neck and they be thrown into the sea than to harm a child. That's paraphrasing, of course, but I find it comforting to know that Jesus was always very protective of children. That's a lot different and a lot more loving than what many of us got from our parents (or whoever the narcs in your life happened to be) as kids anyway. That truth has been healing for me--even if I only share it between me and God in our little talks at home since going to church in person is too much for me. Somehow, I think He understands. I also think He will punish those who hurt all of us someday when they pass on. His punishment will likely be more appropriate than any "revenge" I/we could ever dream up, you know? I sincerely hope you are doing well today. Know you are not alone. Please, take care of yourself and take things one day at a time, my friend.
@@emmaleaone 🙏💜⚔ I'm so sorry to hear that, but it only means we are all not alone in this. I remind myself of that when I do feel alone and like no one else understands. So many other people do understand; they may simply be somewhere out there on the internet. You may know people closer to you as well with similar stories, but some don't feel comfortable sharing...you never know. Hopefully, the more of us that do share our stories will help lessen the stigma or embarrassment or whatever one may have. We didn't do anything wrong! Our parents did, and it's imperative to remember that! The shame and guilt is theirs to bear. It was never ours no matter how much they tried to put it on us. Again, I'm so sorry for what you have had to deal with and survive in your life, but that's also important. You survived! You may not feel strong, but you are...that's how you survived, and it's partially why they attack and try to silence us to begin with. I'm sure you've realized a lot of this already, so hold onto it. Use this strength to help yourself--to heal. Hang in there and take things one day at a time. It can and does get better, and you can find peace away from the chaos. Peace, love, and strength to you... 🙏💜⚔
It's really really depressing knowing that my daughter who is 14 years old is dealing with my ex who literally I believe she is possessed by the devil.. The things that she does towards my daughter are unbelievable.. literally my daughter has told me that she's even tried towards committing suicide ..I've told the mother about her behavior and her response was stop talking about me.. Man it sucks the justice system is a complete failure.. I've lost custody of my daughter.. all because of the lies that this person has been telling the court ...it's unbelievable how unresponsible and how unreliable the court system is as well..
She always touched me and my things with dirty fingers. I feel even today disgust about it, but say to me it was purposefully so... Thank You, Jill👍💖🌷💯%💫✨
It took me years to figure out my mom was starting a fight with me every time the day before I would get my paycheck after years of this abuse it's played a role on my a dopamine I don't want to work no more because of it I don't get no reward for that hard work
Oh my God. This SUCH a good summary... I love that you don't just describe the behaviors but you talk about how it makes the victim feel. Do you have the same video but for narcissistic fathers?
I grew up with a very violent alcoholic narc father and a covert victim playing, narc mother. I was so desperate to get away. I was young, I was trapped and I could not leave. My mother came into my bedroom and found me trying to cut my wrist with a pair of scissors. I just wanted out of the situation. She got very angry and yelled at me, and asked me why was I trying to upset her.
They always put up that false front to make themselves look good to the outside world, but eventually they get exposed as con artists because they can only keep up their charade for so long.
My Mother will remind me of her taking me to specialists and doctors, 30 YEARS ago!!!! She is so desperate to show me that I am fragile and she is a super mother. The pathetic part is that none of it was needed because it was all done to just control me and follow her narritive, all those years ago.
Wow, this describes not only my mother, but also my ex-wife. I've never been more happy now that I no longer have women in my life. I didn't think it was possible to be this content.
I always felt unsafe My mother left out alcoholic father when l was seven I remember he came to visit us and she let us get into the car and he was going to take us away We were terrified as we knew what he was like He was always drunk Fortunately his friend who was driving decided against it and brought us back There eas no acknowledgement of what happened or reassurance that she would not let that happen
Realizing I was married to one. we divorced and then relized this happened to my father have never seen my daughter since our divorce she was 12. She is 36. My father was mentally abused like my daughter and I. He comment subside at 49. We love you Dad Rest In Peace
Wow! Your insights are so appreciated, I am feeling so relieved that someone could speak so intelegently about the exact thing that I went through. Thank God for you.
My mom sabotaged any opportunity I had that would make me better or greater that her….I married and divorced and fell in love with a narc … nearly destroyed me… but I had to have that happen to heal ….I thought all adults were like that … I’d been afraid of people almost all my life.
great timing! my only sibling (the golden child) texted me yesterday about how much our mom's decling in case i want to visit before it's too late & have been struggling with what to do {replied to sibling i'm nearly no contact with yesterday afternoon asking where our mom is as finally stopped interating with them before the pandemi when in a major depression but have yet to get a reply, lol, resent my message saying wanted to ensure it hadn't slipped through the cracks since it seemed time's of the essence but have no idea what i'll do wether i get the info or not) this definitely helps me accept & validate my resistence to re-engaging with any of them...
I sympathize. I ended up going no-contact with my malignant narcissistic mother. I tried not to go no-contact with my enabling covert narcissistic father, but.... in the end, my mother was manipulating him against me. So I didn't go back to be at his side when he died. And everyone said you'd regret it. I don't. I don't at all. I don't want to be near people who do not love me, and who don't have my best interests at heart, and even gaslight me to take advantage of me, financially and emotionally. Screw that. People who do not have malignant narcissists for parents/relatives will never understand. They project their own good parentage upon everyone -- which is kind of presumptious in itself. If you aren't sure what you should do, write out a list of pros and cons about going to see her. I did. And the "nay"s won by a mile.
Specially evil when they are violent. Getting bit up 2, 3 per week. Going to school with face scratches, bruces everywhere, falling hair by the bunches not to mention all the evil cruel words she said to us. The childhood from hell.
I've been sick and she doesn't bother to call me to check on me, made fun of me when I had post pardom depression, imitating how I was crying, telling me that I must not want to be a mother
I think this is the best video on this subject ever made. it is crammed full of realities. I could spend hours on just one of these points. damnnnnnn fine video.
I feel like I am killing myself by exposing the game and dragging my entire family to therapy. Some people can now see, but the cost was so high, and the future so uncertain.
My narc mother does all such things, she turned people against me after causing multiple traumas,and making me un s😊uccesful she has fake love towards othrs and seeks their validation and support
I witnessed this kind of mocking towards my brother when he wept over the separation from a girlfriend. I hope I have shown enough empathy. I just cant recall anymore
I found it curious how screaming abuse, false character attacks, lying, belittling, dictating, trying to undermine and hijack someone else's primary relationship, and having raging tantrums complete with delightful spitting and foot-stomping were all just fine. Yet being calmly told no to some outrageous demand or other would make her the biggest victim the world has ever known.
My mother was a covert/overt all-around narcissist. I lost large parts of myself over a 35 yr period. I’m 50 now. She’s been dead for over a decade now and I was relieved when she passed from a brain bleed, but one of my sisters quickly assumed the role. I left my siblings because I couldn’t take anymore. They smeared my name every chance they got. I had to leave my hometown to survive and the abuse crushed my spirit. Everything I did was to please my family to avoid the inevitable emotional annihilation. My confidence and voice are still waiting to be discovered. It was the guilt trips, manipulation, silent treatments, public humiliation and scapegoating that are all too classic that really did me in. No one ever asked me about me. I was too sensitive, quiet etc. but had to hold the family’s toxic emotions. I was the live-in maid and babysitter. I hate her still. She triangulated my siblings and I to a point of no return, and labeled me at a very early age as “the troubled child”. I don’t think I’ll ever feel good inside. I don’t know how to release these seeded traumas and I’ve been at it for quite awhile now. Thank you for your videos. You really can take the confusion out of trying to explain this shit!
Thank you Jill ❤️for this ..I wish I has this information back when I was growing up would have been different didn’t have the knowledge back then in the 80’s like now only knew life of walking on eggshell everyday and that she was bat shit crazy!!! Never knew NARCISSISM !!! Let alone covert narcs Do Now !! Better late than never I guess
I saw this with my former mother in law, who did all in her power to destroy every single relationship her children had. And she has such a hold over them they act sometimes like they are in a physical/sexual relationship.
Before going no contact with my narcissistic mother I tried to see if she would be receptive to my plea for her to stop being abusive by confronting her. It was perfect timing to confront her because her dog had just died and I wanted her to think about the long term consequences of her abusive behavior towards me. I called her on the phone and told her about the abusive things she had done and told her if she didn't stop being abusive that I wouldn't talk to her ever again. She apologized for being abusive to me. A month later I called her again to see how things are going and when I was speaking to her, out of nowhere while she was acting happy came a second voice saying 'YOU HAD TO CALL ME WHEN THE DOG DIED!' It was demonic because she kept talking in a happy voice as that other demonic voice came to the surface for a few seconds. That was the last time we ever talked and that was in 2015.
One thing that's not brought up a lot, is that besides being abused, unloved, neglected etc..., by your NARC parent, your also cheated out of giving love & concern to your NARC parent, because (at least in my case) i would get attacked (mostly verbal Demonic screaming, but sometimes physical abuse too)...
I finally walked away from our mother when she was 75. At the time I concluded she was "Miss Information, the Queen of Envy" because it seemed the greater my accomplishments, the more abusive and dismissive she became. As you describe, she shamed me in front of the county prosecutor who made the mistake of praising me and asking me to run for office, after I developed the argument that was used to charge, try and convict my father's killer. Up to the last couple years I'd never heard of narcissism, but it seems she was full-blown and pathological. She destroyed her own family.
Dealing with this. Parents refused to help me with the FAFSA out of spite then said I should praise them when my school gave me a scholarship so I could afford school because they were praying for me 💀
My mom kidnapped us kids. When we were little, parents finally got a divorce started drinking when I was 10 it felt good. I had no more pain than the drugs came. I have basically stopped everything thanks to god called her on her birthday to tell her i forgive her and like i said god rescue me 😊. She never apologized for what happened to me when i was a kid . I'm glad im moving on 😊 . I haven't talked to my brother or sisters. In years that's okay, too.😊
So right,I've seen it with my own eyes,the poor boy "38" years old, now he has a strong partner? "His escape route" bless him. Therefor hope for a good future away from her remains.
I’m 62, my evil monster mother died 4 years ago at 88, my entire life she constantly referred to me as just a stupid little kid, as well as an idiot. I was the off radar child, my eldest sister was the golden child, then when she divorced suddenly my middle sister became the golden child and she was also the flying monkey. My mother’s toxicity flowed up and down the entire family tree and poisoned everyone. She was the most displeasurable person to ever meet, with people who are alive still vividly remember a one time 5 minute encounter with that witch. To this day, most, if not all my so called friends that are still alive still believe her wild ass bullshit, along with remembering all horrific embarrassing and humiliating events that she created to destroy me, and there were hundreds of events. She lost, I won, and thank G-d for all the excellent therapists out there. I have yet to shed a single tear of her death, which actually brought me great relief. Ding dong the wicked witch is dead, but yet her lies still live on with family and friends. I have no contact with those who are trying to still carry her toxic torch.
My narc mom died yesterday, she was a true demon. I've been no contact for two years, I had to break away to save my mental health. She's been bragging she cut me out of the will. I feel nothing, no sorrow, nothing but relief.
I felt a lot of relief when my father died, so I know where you’re coming from.
My mother also tried to manipulate me with money, and manipulated me to give her money. :( I know and understand now that she thinks EVERYONE thinks the same way she does -- that you need to get one-up on everyone or they will get you. Paranoid delusional behavior all her life. And it only got worse. We are no-contact as of my father's death. He willed everything to me, but had dementia, so he didn't understand my mother had put everything of his into a trust with her the only beneficiary. Oh well! Thing is.... I became independent early, and had to fight them to get my first job. I understand now they didn't WANT me to be independent. Every stage of my life where a normal parent would be happy for their child, they did something to sabotage me. :( No contact is survival. My mother's simply evil. I'm just sad it took me over 50 years to figure it out and ACCEPT the truth. She never loved me, and wanted to see me either fail, or even die. And no one sees this side of her. She puts a good show on. But as she develops dementia, her mask slips more and more. And I don't care. Evil people make evil choices, and they need to reap the consequences of choosing to harm others, even the people who cared about them.
My Malignant Narc mother died just over a year ago. I was No Contact as well. I was relieved when I received the notification from extended family, too. Whatever you feel is completely normal and valid...it's how you feel. One of the harder things that was a bit more surprising was that I found myself grieving the mother I never had as well as the childhood I'd never had. These were both weeks/months later, and it seemed to come in waves. How/what you grieve now (or don't) may depend on what you've already grieved or dealt with before. Whatever comes up for you, it's OK. It may not be what one would expect if they were grieving a "normal/healthy" relationship, but this is not that. You know that. So, however you feel and grieve is OK. Just take your time, and you'll get through it--if anything comes up for you. Everyone is different. Take care of yourself...that's important, too. 🙏💜
Congratulations 🎉
You are free to live like never before !!!!!!
By the way im cut out of the will also!!!!
😂
@@JamesJoeeight-o4f seems like a pattern with these narcs.
Mine is 77. They don’t change, either. They only get worse and even more infantile.
So true. Mine is 87. After years in studying her I am at the point where I feel nothing more than disgust for her.
@@i.l.9546 Same.
@@i.l.9546 Even if she wasn’t who she is, I would not like her as a person.
Mines 93, i say to 'others' that i would have liked the woman that THEY knew, but I can assure them that they wouldn't have liked the person I knew....
@@johnscully2637 Yes! Exactly! Everyone else is “Oh your sweet momma!!” Woooweeee 😈 in disguise!
My mother did all these things. She controlled the narrative among family, friends, acquaintances, etc. She was pure evil. I was her target most of the time. When she passed away in 2020, i could feel nothing but relief. The damage had been done though. My brothers do not speak to me because of the animosity she created. Really none of my family wants anything to do with each other. It's beyond disturbing .
Sick
Exactly 💯, what I felt and went through also. 💜 stand strong.
its as if you're describing my toxic family exactly
my narc mother is still alive but i will be relieved to hear that she's gone.
Same, except she's still alive.....
She triangulated and did this. Anyone in a family who believes the narc’s smear campaign is a flying monkey and they become and/or are abusers as well. I pray you find a tribe, a true family. I have and I’m leaving this group I don’t care if I ever see my mother, sister or brother again. This has been so freeing- not caring about these relationships anymore. I’m done.
She was jealous of me, her own teenage daughter.
Horrific to hear
She was jealous of me when l was about four She hated it if any male gave me any attention which she thought she should have had
@@Ann-eb8dp 😢
I didn’t know I had a self seperate from others until my late 30s
I pick men who treat me like trash.
@@BraneyTroyandbrac same here my friend. But now that I am financially independent, never again.
Very accurate description of my mother, I did not even go to her funeral. Narcissist women can never be mothers ( in the true sense of the word), they are just narcissists who have kids.
And men toxic ones don't get a pass neither....(fathers) that is....Etc...
Punish success. So true. They are out to destroy you.
All are
Black sheeps
They are
Scapegoat of an malignant N mother here. Looking for approval I became an overachiever. Still not good enough. When I became successful in business, or received any accolades, her response was the same: " You THINK you're really something! Don't you?! Guess Again!" But it didn't stop there. She started on my daughter too. No Contact.
It left me the opposite. Even while struggling mentally, physically and emotionally and financially she has “expected” me to pay rent, take care of the house, her, etc…but has said in the same breath she wouldn’t expect either of my brothers to pay rent because they “try”. Still haven’t figured that one out. One doesn’t have anything to do with her and the other lives an hour away to be away from her. I had to move back in with her after divorcing an alcoholic who was JUST LIKE HER. I didn’t see that until I had to move back with her. Talk about a rude awakening. Often times, it’s not our fathers we marry, it’s our mothers and vice versa!! We gravitate towards what we know, what and who feels comfortable, and often it’s a narc mother or father in another genders body!
My mom was that way!
Never underestimate their ability to use their magical powers to determine what other people think. It couldn't possibly be the case that they're really just reading the one mind to which they have access, in accordance with how visible reality works. 😊
From the time I was a toddler, I was the scapegoat and whipping post, & she brought in the rest of my family & encouraged them to treat me the same way. I am 65 and STILL trying to work thru diabolical physical, mental, emotional & spiritual abuse. As I got older it was character assassination -- even into adulthood. This life has been a living hell that I still suffer from. The sibling triangle still lingers to this day.
There may be something in your childhood that you experienced and/or know. Information that is DANGEROUS to her. If you have a relationship with your siblings you may end up "remembering" and having discussions that she just cannot let happen. She NEEDS to keep the children separate. Because you might "lightbulb" something she wants kept hidden.
when the child does better than the mother it's like survivor's guilt
Yes! Absolutely!!
I grew up as the scapegoat and now I understand. When she passed I was mad at my siblings. We never were close because of the triangulation. The last 7 years has brought a huge difference in our relationships. Your education to those who experienced this is priceless. Thank you
Luckily my siblings and I have stayed tight because we saw through her early on. Hopefully ya’ll can repair your relationships. ❤
Not a narcissist if it didn't triangulate.
Mine used to whip me.
Emotional, physical abuse. Jealousy, Lies.
My younger sister was the apple of her eye, she used to stand behind my mother laughing when I got beaten.
I still to this day
despise both of them nasty people.
At 28 I received an award from my city’s mayor and chief of police. I was stupid enough to ask my mother to attend the ceremony with me thinking she would be proud of me NOPE !! She shamed me over the phone for asking her ! It actually brought me back to my childhood feelings of emptiness . We keep having hope maybe this time NOPE ! Evil til the end !! 3 years no contact . Multiple hoovering attempts.” I don’t care anymore. Zero control over me
ps.... You're not stupid.
Winning!
Crazy making. There are books about it. Patricia Evans has written The Verbally Abusive Relationship a few years ago and several other books on the topic. There are other good writers.
Good that you are toyally free now.
I'm proud of you for what I just read.
My children who are 17 and 21 have a Narcissistic mother and I know all about what abuse they can cause to their children and other family.
I raised myself after losing my entire family when I was 14.
I had loving parents and I was raised well by both parents.
I feel your pain bro and I wish only the very best in life to you.
@@Raymond-v4c i know how you feel. Keep up the good work and your peace of mind is what's most important
You described my childhood, youth, teens, 20s-40s and beyond exactly.
My feelings towards the malignant narcissistic sociopaths in my family swing like a pendulum from one hour to the next, from absolute indifference to pure hate. The lifelong damage these demons inflict on their victims torments them long after going no contact and even decades after their death.
Horrific to hear I hope you get the peace or healing you deserve
You have described my mother, my life. This is the best explanation I have of a narcissistic mother’s abuse. I had it all. I left at 63 years. I was told soo many times to leave. I wanted to be loved, validated, understood , appreciated, name it. I got nothing. I was the scapegoat most of the time. Then my little sister too. My brother was the golden child. My sister is narcissistic. My brother seems to be also. We have 14 years difference, he has not hade the same mother I had, she was different with him. I am free now. I see what she did too me emotionally, all the abuse. I am treating myself with love, respect, gentleness , validation. I just am. I still have triggers, but ohhh soo much smaller. I regulate myself faster. I know now that I am a good person. I always thought I was a bad person, always trying to make other happy. And, that would make me happy. I still care and love others, and often put myself second, but after I go and treat myself good. Thank you for this video. Wow❤
Mee eens. .de beste verklaring !
Ik loop al lang te zoeken en vele podcasten afgedraaid maar kon me nergens in vinden dan alleen wat details.
Maar deze potcast raakt de aarde van mijn hart aan. 100%
Elk woord klopt
I was talking to my daughter about my mum the other day & was sad to admit that I felt relief when she died. I was happy she was no longer suffering but her stronghold in my life felt suffocating. Our relationship changed when I decided to leave my husband who was also a narc. I' ve been surrounded by them my entire life. Nothing I did was ever good enough for my father, who told me I was "almost beautiful". Still healing. Thank you Jill, you have been a Godsend. Big love from Aus💖
Wow My mother was on hospice for 6 years. I was so relieved when she finally passed. Talk about milking it. I imagined she was arguing with God about her fate and that’s what took so long. 🙄🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
This compelling video brings back terrible memories of my recent breakup after four years of dating. My dearest friend made the decision to go, and I was left with an inexhaustible hurt. I can't even begin to imagine my life without him, much as I keep trying to make amends. I'm frustrated. I want to write about how much I miss him here because I can't seem to get him out of my head.
I understand how hard it is to let go of someone you love; after a five-year relationship ended, I was unable to simply let him go; instead, I tried everything to get him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance.
Introducing Father Obah Eze, a well-known spiritual advisor who is famous for his ability to bring back former romantic partners.
I am grateful for this important knowledge. Thank you for the advice. I looked up Father Obah Eze and he seems to be a real guy.
Wow father obah eze saved my marriage.
I understand your commitment to your relationships. I would like to offer also the idea of a trauma bond. After 4 years, it seems appropriate to look into other reasons for an ongoing dedication to an absent partner. There are probably videos on this channel about trauma bonding.
Spiritual counseling can be very helpful in moving on with your life. It’s important to get the right one. Counselors to avoid are those that engage in any kind of negativity, who put you down, or cause you to feel ’less than’ in any way, whether through their arrogance or judgment. Many spiritual counselors are closet abusers or emotional vampires. I look for people who ‘feel’ right, and who seem like an Earth angel. Feel free to try a few before you start to do real work. And if anything ever feels not right, walk away.
Your health and well being is the most important thing. Once you feel secure in that way, wonderful people will flow into your life. Blessings. 💕
I refuse to feel guilty for feeling relief. I know that I never have to worry about being drug back into that life draining person. A real mother never takes joy in a child's pain or fear.
Thank you for creating this video. I have this mind splitting quandary in that my mother did every one of these things, yet everyone loved her and she did a 360 in front of public. At no time did I ever think of her as a safe person. However, everyone else adored her, so maybe I was the issue. I always felt like a failure. She said I ruined her life, and that she would have been more successful in life, without me. She wanted me to stop calling her Mom. Over time I became a people pleaser, over achiever, and constantly alert to mood changes. She died in 2017. Her actions indicate that she was not a good parent, but my brain keeps making excuses for her behavior. I need for my brain to accept what a monster she really was. And my Dad was even worse. I wish they could have realized the amount of damage that they did to me.
You are loved ❤
Mine unalived herself in January. It’s the strangest feeling ever. I’m relieved that she’s gone, but so sad/horrified about it at the same time. It breaks my heart that she felt the need to do that. My therapist pointed out to me that I’d been abandoned by her as a child and then it happened again, in a sense, when she unalived herself. So, at 54 years old I’m dealing with these childhood feelings of abandonment again. It’s so bizarre. I can’t even describe it.
I know what you mean, I'm 50 n still coming to terms with my abuse ❤
Do you mean she committed suicide? At what age? Did you ever think of having an exorcism or praying for her? Very sad.
Please talk about narcissistic grandparents
This is so spot on and I wish I had known this years ago. My mom is worse than I have ever realized. Almost lost my business and now my family. Its so sick.
My mom subtly puts me down, is very rude when she is unhappy or doesn't get her way, picks fights with everyone, tells me awful things about my father that no daughter should ever know. She becomes cold and distant when I'm too sick to tend to her. She's the most selfish woman alive
This is how my stepkids mom acts, infantile. It is so sad.
Exactly my mother and flying monkeys, boundaries up and access denied!🙌💯 protecting my energy from chronic toxicity and emotional,spiritual,financial abuse!
My mom is a psycho she flashed me last time I was at her house a few years ago. When I was little she acted like I was her boyfriend and demanded I opened the door and be her servant in many ways.
I was a paranoid nervous wreck by 6yrs old ...fearful of everything and anything...had so many nervous tics my father nicknamed me "nervous norvus"...you explained things to a tee why.
Thank you for being courageous enough to share your knowledge❤
My wife deals with this. My MIL once asked my wife’s boss (at a happy event) if if she “had any talent” so she managed to insult two people at once. Her boss said to her “Why would I hire her if she wasn’t fabulously talented?”
My dangerous abusive narcissist mother
It was hell on earth
She tried to kill me
I didn't realise she was a narcissist till my late 40s
She played me
She even She was going to send my brothers to beat me up
I told her I would call the police on her
13 years zero contact for me
Moved 200 miles away
thank you for sharing this .
When you started talking about the mocking it's like you unlocked a door of suppressed memories,everything you mentioned was spot on but for some reason the mocking was so bad I would be balling my eyes out begging her to stop I remember this burning sensation in my head like I was dying or losing my mind and she would push me to the point of screaming then her demeanor would flip and then she would start yelling saying she was trying to have fun with me and i ruined it or something along those lines, and then make me go to bed early, she also said I was a pig just like all men after I was trying to comfort her after her bf at The time cheated on her....I was eleven or 12
Thank you, this helped me to understand. I am 50 years old and still I am in battle with all the seeds of evil seeded by my narc mother, resulting in low self-confidence and permanent anxiety. Your list of her behaviour and explanation what it does gives me a good ground to possibly win over those seeds as I can see it more clearly. This will be the second step in my journey, quite recently I have understood, she never loved me and she will never love me. And finally I have stoped in an attempts to gain her love. What a relief.
Dump her ❤
My mom died tragically 40 years ago.
She is still ruining my life.
FTW
i'm so sorry 💚 i hope you're able to break free so you can enjoy your own life more & more
Use picart form your thoughts
Everything I ever did, said, went, bought, liked was wrong.
I can really relate. I found by my mid-twenties that I'm never going to be a famously big giver of arbitrary shits, and this disengagement approach really drove them - they're both abusive lunatics - totally up the narcissistic wall.
I’ve been so very blessed by the grace of Yah to have been raised by an amazing loving empathetic mother who was raised by my narcissist grandmother but since learning about the depths of narcissistic abuse, have come to realize there are a few of them in my family and the abuse is painful to watch. I pray for these spouses and children constantly, hoping they grow to see the abuse for what it is and remove the toxicity from their lives. You all deserve validation for what you have endured❤
Jill…thank you for the wisdom and insight that you share with those who need words of encouragement. Blessings 🕊️
I started to not care anymore as soon as she spotted that she asked me what my therapist had done to me: well opening my eyes for ever this obviously isn’t reversible. She went angry beyond any belief while I’d classify her as a “vulnerable narcissist” while performing munchhausers (by proxy) on me and acting constantly needy and sick towards others. Vulnerable as till me grandmother died she was seeking for validation by her mother with pity stories, plain lies to score attention. She remained a little complicated attention seeking child and exhausted my grandmother with it. My grandmother told me she got sick after a phonecall and ended up in bed for three days to digest it all which was recognizable for me.
This is probably the cause of my Sons’ Alcoholism. He almost died twice while going through rehab. And my daughters’ life long battle with an anxiety disorder. How will the Narcissist Mother escape what awaits them for the abuse they instilled. Truly sad 😞
How about the enabling dine by YOU???! Cheers all the best
I dont say this lightly..but thank god shes dead !! she destroyed everything..but I rise!..thank you Jill..this was very triggering but exactly my experience .. healing well now after walking away from the shitshow she left and never felt better .much love to you for validating us all.deep gratitude..❤
I had such an unexpected wave of relief when i was told she has passed. I was so confused I called my therapist. She told me the weight of hope quite heavy & now I don't have to carry it any longer. There is still healing work, but it will be easier.
@@annem7806 yes I understand..I shed no tears as for the previous 50 years I had cried an ocean.. continued healing and blessings to you and I pray the peace and joy which is your natural state shines thru brighter and brighter...you are a brave warrioress and I salute you..much love..❤️🙏❤️
The weight of hope wow horrific
@@nickandrews2255 however horrific!! . there is hope..never give up..heal and then thrive not just survive..this transforms you into a warrior..much love ❣️
@@angel772921 No it does not it hurts us all to have to hurt or carry this. This idea that it makes you better is false it just hurts us no need to try to fake positivity it just hurts release the hurt to try to release it not to try to cover it up with lies
This is my mother Carol H. who resides in Jeffersonville, Indiana. I was a straight A student. She would always ask why didn’t get an A+. After her brother started giving me drugs and sexually assaulting me I went down hill. This was in the 70’s where no one cared. I got out of that hell hole in my early 20’s. I developed a career in California. Finally cut off contact at 45. She is a true witch I could never please. Pure evil that fractured the family to meet her needs. She drove my sister to insanity. My brothers were the golden children. My father tried to kill her and her boss and wound up in prison where he eventually died. She was serial cheater for years. Typical Borderline Personality. I broke up their fights as a child and teenager. She damaged me beyond repair until I had the right therapist. I finally figured her out. No contact is the only way.
@@melaniekellner6056 sounds like you’ve been there done that, and no paycheck from Lifetime for the script royalties 😝 while I chuckle a little, please don’t take that as non chalance of the entire drama. There is strength in the survival of this un real journey. You, and sadly many others, are not alone. Virtual hug
God Bless you, Mel. 😘⚖️🤍🦅
These are the "Babyboomer" Mothers. I dont know what happen with that generation 😢
As a now 50-year-old Scapegoat child rasied by a Malignant mother and Covert father, I most certainly relate to this video. My father was also a "minister," so many of the abuses in our home were done through the lens of the church or what would be right for the ministry. "Appearances" are often important in narcissistic homes, but for our family (which included my Golden Child younger sister) the veil of "religion/spirituality" seemed to always be there. I've always understood it in that way. To hear Jill describe all of these things WITHOUT referring to religion was eye-opening!
This shows me that it was simply a convenient tool, so to speak, for my parents to use to hide their abuse. They would have abused me regardless had they NOT been in the ministry...they just happened to be. I have also witnessed some families that are overly religious without an actual minister as well, so that could have happened, too. Regardless, this is something I've noticed over the years--their strong use of religion.
It has taken a lot of work to unravel the misconceptions they taught me about God, the Bible, church...ALL of it. I'm still working on it, to be honest. This sort of what I call Spiritual Abuse is awful! It is SO confusing, and it is so harmful in more ways than I can express here.
I suppose I just wanted to say that I found what I mentioned above interesting, but I also wanted others who may have had similar experiences as "preacher's kids" to know they are not alone. I believe there are many of us out there, and I imagine we have very similar stories. All of the details don't have to match exactly for us to understand each other and to have compassion for what we all went through as children. None of us deserved that, and our abuse had nothing to do with God. Our parents perverted religion for their own gains...how disgusting!
Going to church in person is still painful for me, but I do consider myself a Christian and a woman of faith; however, it took me a LONG time to get here! Sometimes, just talking to God on my own and reading my Bible is easier. It's harder to know who to trust in churches, you know? I believe our parents will be punished for what they did when they die, so I left that up to God a long time ago. I don't need that "revenge" taking up space in my head or my heart, especially when I'm No Contact with them; I prefer NOT to think of them at all if I can.
Again, the topic of Spiritual Abuse is not discussed as much (yet) unless it's within the context of leaving the church. It also usually leaves out the kids of the ministers who are abused at home behind closed doors while everyone at the church is singing their praises. This is a problem because it traps children in abuse, and the people in the church literally put the minister and the family on a pedestal.
They CANNOT believe that any abuse is occurring--even when it is reported or help is requested. That was my experience, at least. You can imagine what it was like to go back home at 15 after begging for help, then becoming hysterical realizing the person you asked (because you trusted them) went to get your parents. My parents Smeared me, of course; I didn't know what it was then...but that's what they did.
Not specifically related to this instance, but let's just say that I think the whole cliche of preacher's kids being "so wild, rebellious, or uncontrollable" comes from multiple Smear Campaigns of many parents over the years. It's just a theory.
My Golden Child younger sister learned from my mother especially, and we have no relationship today. We've also been No Contact for years. Frankly, she's volatile and dangerous! Maybe you're like me and feel like you have no family. It does get lonely sometimes, but it's also better than living in the chaos--so much better! Sometimes, watching these videos opens a floodgate of memories and emotions. It's better for me to get them out in a positive way. If it also helps someone else not to feel as alone in all of this, then I don't mind sharing some of my personal stuff, as they say. I'm not embarrassed by it anymore. "It" is my parents' fautls and weaknesses--not mine. The being/feeling alone part, for me, was always the worst. That's why I reach out...just in case someone needs someone else. Peace, love, and strength to you all... 🙏💜⚔
The narcs in my life also used the church to isolate me from friends and family and to cover their nasty behavior.
@@davidhinkson8856 I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm obviously not surprised given my own experience. One thing I've learned over the years is that narcs really like to hide in churches--whether they're part of the ministry, or not.
Church is a great place to find unsuspecting, yet very trusting and forgiving, people. Church is also a place where you can find "easy praise" for your "good deeds" if it's the right kind of church...you know, the kind that likes to allow people to be showy about the various things they do to help others or will totally buy fake humility. Some churches/people see right through all that, but some almost seem to compete for such accolades.
Those are the kind of "churches" that would also treat you, me, anyone else horribly because we supposedly did something wrong or didn't fall into line in some way. Usually, it's because we stood up to someone, and they didn't like it. That was my "big mistake" from the beginning with my parents and what made me into the Scapegoat; I never bought the BS they were selling. That, and many other things...stories for other days.
Just know that what they did had nothing to do with God or Jesus. Frankly, Jesus spoke out against people like the narcs we had to deal with. He said in three different places in the New Testament (Matthew 18:6, Mark 9:42, and Luke 17:2) that it would be better for a millstone to be put around someone's neck and they be thrown into the sea than to harm a child. That's paraphrasing, of course, but I find it comforting to know that Jesus was always very protective of children.
That's a lot different and a lot more loving than what many of us got from our parents (or whoever the narcs in your life happened to be) as kids anyway. That truth has been healing for me--even if I only share it between me and God in our little talks at home since going to church in person is too much for me. Somehow, I think He understands.
I also think He will punish those who hurt all of us someday when they pass on. His punishment will likely be more appropriate than any "revenge" I/we could ever dream up, you know?
I sincerely hope you are doing well today. Know you are not alone. Please, take care of yourself and take things one day at a time, my friend.
Same for me! I feel so lost sometimes! I’ve been used and abused my entire 60 years of life
@@emmaleaone 🙏💜⚔ I'm so sorry to hear that, but it only means we are all not alone in this. I remind myself of that when I do feel alone and like no one else understands. So many other people do understand; they may simply be somewhere out there on the internet. You may know people closer to you as well with similar stories, but some don't feel comfortable sharing...you never know.
Hopefully, the more of us that do share our stories will help lessen the stigma or embarrassment or whatever one may have. We didn't do anything wrong! Our parents did, and it's imperative to remember that! The shame and guilt is theirs to bear. It was never ours no matter how much they tried to put it on us.
Again, I'm so sorry for what you have had to deal with and survive in your life, but that's also important. You survived! You may not feel strong, but you are...that's how you survived, and it's partially why they attack and try to silence us to begin with. I'm sure you've realized a lot of this already, so hold onto it.
Use this strength to help yourself--to heal. Hang in there and take things one day at a time. It can and does get better, and you can find peace away from the chaos. Peace, love, and strength to you... 🙏💜⚔
It's really really depressing knowing that my daughter who is 14 years old is dealing with my ex who literally I believe she is possessed by the devil.. The things that she does towards my daughter are unbelievable.. literally my daughter has told me that she's even tried towards committing suicide ..I've told the mother about her behavior and her response was stop talking about me.. Man it sucks the justice system is a complete failure.. I've lost custody of my daughter.. all because of the lies that this person has been telling the court ...it's unbelievable how unresponsible and how unreliable the court system is as well..
My brother hates me because of her 😭she’s the devil to me
She always touched me and my things with dirty fingers. I feel even today disgust about it, but say to me it was purposefully so... Thank You, Jill👍💖🌷💯%💫✨
It is disgusting it feels repulsive hey
It took me years to figure out my mom was starting a fight with me every time the day before I would get my paycheck after years of this abuse it's played a role on my a dopamine I don't want to work no more because of it I don't get no reward for that hard work
Oh my God. This SUCH a good summary... I love that you don't just describe the behaviors but you talk about how it makes the victim feel. Do you have the same video but for narcissistic fathers?
I grew up with a very violent alcoholic narc father and a covert victim playing, narc mother. I was so desperate to get away. I was young, I was trapped and I could not leave. My mother came into my bedroom and found me trying to cut my wrist with a pair of scissors. I just wanted out of the situation. She got very angry and yelled at me, and asked me why was I trying to upset her.
I have nightmares of public humiliation from my mother. Specific events that occurred as a child. I am a grown man now.
My earth mom 'cared' so dearly to elderly, disabled and o.p. children...had everyone fooled lol
They always put up that false front to make themselves look good to the outside world, but eventually they get exposed as con artists because they can only keep up their charade for so long.
Wow. Sounds like mine
My mom is a dominant mother where we have to summit to her emotions.
Your videos are exceptional! Thank you so much!!!
My Mother will remind me of her taking me to specialists and doctors, 30 YEARS ago!!!! She is so desperate to show me that I am fragile and she is a super mother. The pathetic part is that none of it was needed because it was all done to just control me and follow her narritive, all those years ago.
Wow, this describes not only my mother, but also my ex-wife. I've never been more happy now that I no longer have women in my life. I didn't think it was possible to be this content.
I always felt unsafe My mother left out alcoholic father when l was seven I remember he came to visit us and she let us get into the car and he was going to take us away We were terrified as we knew what he was like He was always drunk Fortunately his friend who was driving decided against it and brought us back There eas no acknowledgement of what happened or reassurance that she would not let that happen
She didn't threaten to abandon me. She did. Put a tiny little girl on the street and didn't care at all. I cannot call it "mother" because it wasn't.
It's like walking down memory lane! Great video! Thank you for posting!
Realizing I was married to one. we divorced and then relized this happened to my father have never seen my daughter since our divorce she was 12. She is 36. My father was mentally abused like my daughter and I. He comment subside at 49. We love you Dad Rest In Peace
Wow! Your insights are so appreciated, I am feeling so relieved that someone could speak so intelegently about the exact thing that I went through. Thank God for you.
The standards enforced were often co-dependency
My mom sabotaged any opportunity I had that would make me better or greater that her….I married and divorced and fell in love with a narc … nearly destroyed me… but I had to have that happen to heal ….I thought all adults were like that … I’d been afraid of people almost all my life.
U r so spot on 👍Seen this up close n personal.Wickedness to the max.N what's so sad the little girl don't realize what's going on.SmH.😭
great timing! my only sibling (the golden child) texted me yesterday about how much our mom's decling in case i want to visit before it's too late & have been struggling with what to do {replied to sibling i'm nearly no contact with yesterday afternoon asking where our mom is as finally stopped interating with them before the pandemi when in a major depression but have yet to get a reply, lol, resent my message saying wanted to ensure it hadn't slipped through the cracks since it seemed time's of the essence but have no idea what i'll do wether i get the info or not) this definitely helps me accept & validate my resistence to re-engaging with any of them...
I sympathize. I ended up going no-contact with my malignant narcissistic mother. I tried not to go no-contact with my enabling covert narcissistic father, but.... in the end, my mother was manipulating him against me. So I didn't go back to be at his side when he died. And everyone said you'd regret it. I don't. I don't at all. I don't want to be near people who do not love me, and who don't have my best interests at heart, and even gaslight me to take advantage of me, financially and emotionally. Screw that. People who do not have malignant narcissists for parents/relatives will never understand. They project their own good parentage upon everyone -- which is kind of presumptious in itself. If you aren't sure what you should do, write out a list of pros and cons about going to see her. I did. And the "nay"s won by a mile.
Dont feel guilty.. when your mom treated you badly.. your sibling never help you
Specially evil when they are violent. Getting bit up 2, 3 per week. Going to school with face scratches, bruces everywhere, falling hair by the bunches not to mention all the evil cruel words she said to us. The childhood from hell.
I've been sick and she doesn't bother to call me to check on me, made fun of me when I had post pardom depression, imitating how I was crying, telling me that I must not want to be a mother
My mother, my mother, my mother. She did all these things!!!
My mother did all these abusive, evil, horrible things to me as well!
My sister is 2x worse than my Mom ever was.
That
Adding to this, my sis was the scapegoat for my nar mom. Sis is hard to be around and just a phone call from her is frightening and disturbing.
I think this is the best video on this subject ever made. it is crammed full of realities. I could spend hours on just one of these points. damnnnnnn fine video.
I feel like I am killing myself by exposing the game and dragging my entire family to therapy. Some people can now see, but the cost was so high, and the future so uncertain.
My narc mother does all such things, she turned people against me after causing multiple traumas,and making me un s😊uccesful she has fake love towards othrs and seeks their validation and support
Everything that you have said is exactly with my daughter has been going through..
I witnessed this kind of mocking towards my brother when he wept over the separation from a girlfriend. I hope I have shown enough empathy. I just cant recall anymore
This checks all the boxes!
Thank you for such videos. ❤️
She frequently told me that my sister was her favorite, she's just a terrible woman
I found it curious how screaming abuse, false character attacks, lying, belittling, dictating, trying to undermine and hijack someone else's primary relationship, and having raging tantrums complete with delightful spitting and foot-stomping were all just fine. Yet being calmly told no to some outrageous demand or other would make her the biggest victim the world has ever known.
Yes. Can’t deny textbook characteristics!
This is horrific
And social services back them police back them.
Thank you for this video. It needs more views.
My mother was a covert/overt all-around narcissist. I lost large parts of myself over a 35 yr period. I’m 50 now. She’s been dead for over a decade now and I was relieved when she passed from a brain bleed, but one of my sisters quickly assumed the role. I left my siblings because I couldn’t take anymore. They smeared my name every chance they got. I had to leave my hometown to survive and the abuse crushed my spirit. Everything I did was to please my family to avoid the inevitable emotional annihilation. My confidence and voice are still waiting to be discovered. It was the guilt trips, manipulation, silent treatments, public humiliation and scapegoating that are all too classic that really did me in. No one ever asked me about me. I was too sensitive, quiet etc. but had to hold the family’s toxic emotions. I was the live-in maid and babysitter. I hate her still. She triangulated my siblings and I to a point of no return, and labeled me at a very early age as “the troubled child”. I don’t think I’ll ever feel good inside. I don’t know how to release these seeded traumas and I’ve been at it for quite awhile now.
Thank you for your videos. You really can take the confusion out of trying to explain this shit!
Thank you Jill ❤️for this ..I wish I has this information back when I was growing up would have been different didn’t have the knowledge back then in the 80’s like now only knew life of walking on eggshell everyday and that she was bat shit crazy!!! Never knew NARCISSISM !!! Let alone covert narcs Do Now !! Better late than never I guess
I saw this with my former mother in law, who did all in her power to destroy every single relationship her children had. And she has such a hold over them they act sometimes like they are in a physical/sexual relationship.
I almost married into a family like this. I am so glad that I didn’t. It was very sad to see how much of a hold his horrible mother had on him
So well said! 💯👍
Jill, everything you said is so true for Me.
I'm so happy I've gotten past this most of this.
It took Me awhile to do.
Thank you❤
Quality vid, very insightful ❤
thank you
Thank you..
Thank you so much❤❤❤
Before going no contact with my narcissistic mother I tried to see if she would be receptive to my plea for her to stop being abusive by confronting her. It was perfect timing to confront her because her dog had just died and I wanted her to think about the long term consequences of her abusive behavior towards me. I called her on the phone and told her about the abusive things she had done and told her if she didn't stop being abusive that I wouldn't talk to her ever again. She apologized for being abusive to me. A month later I called her again to see how things are going and when I was speaking to her, out of nowhere while she was acting happy came a second voice saying 'YOU HAD TO CALL ME WHEN THE DOG DIED!' It was demonic because she kept talking in a happy voice as that other demonic voice came to the surface for a few seconds. That was the last time we ever talked and that was in 2015.
Wow. What a great video! My mother to the T!
I feel accepted n understood, watching these videos n reading many texts. Thank you all for helping me ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
One thing that's not brought up a lot, is that besides being abused, unloved, neglected etc..., by your NARC parent, your also cheated out of giving love & concern to your NARC parent, because (at least in my case) i would get attacked (mostly verbal Demonic screaming, but sometimes physical abuse too)...
Everything said here was my life when she was a life and now, even she is gone, I live with pain and my live is ruined.
Thank you Jill😊😢😊. So accurate thank you.
I finally walked away from our mother when she was 75. At the time I concluded she was "Miss Information, the Queen of Envy" because it seemed the greater my accomplishments, the more abusive and dismissive she became. As you describe, she shamed me in front of the county prosecutor who made the mistake of praising me and asking me to run for office, after I developed the argument that was used to charge, try and convict my father's killer. Up to the last couple years I'd never heard of narcissism, but it seems she was full-blown and pathological. She destroyed her own family.
Thank you for this Video..they evils
Dealing with this. Parents refused to help me with the FAFSA out of spite then said I should praise them when my school gave me a scholarship so I could afford school because they were praying for me 💀
Wonderful video! Thanks!
My mom kidnapped us kids. When we were little, parents finally got a divorce started drinking when I was 10 it felt good. I had no more pain than the drugs came. I have basically stopped everything thanks to god called her on her birthday to tell her i forgive her and like i said god rescue me 😊. She never apologized for what happened to me when i was a kid . I'm glad im moving on 😊 . I haven't talked to my brother or sisters. In years that's okay, too.😊
So right,I've seen it with my own eyes,the poor boy "38" years old, now he has a strong partner? "His escape route" bless him. Therefor hope for a good future away from her remains.
This is so true. Thanks for posting
I’m 62, my evil monster mother died 4 years ago at 88, my entire life she constantly referred to me as just a stupid little kid, as well as an idiot. I was the off radar child, my eldest sister was the golden child, then when she divorced suddenly my middle sister became the golden child and she was also the flying monkey. My mother’s toxicity flowed up and down the entire family tree and poisoned everyone. She was the most displeasurable person to ever meet, with people who are alive still vividly remember a one time 5 minute encounter with that witch. To this day, most, if not all my so called friends that are still alive still believe her wild ass bullshit, along with remembering all horrific embarrassing and humiliating events that she created to destroy me, and there were hundreds of events. She lost, I won, and thank G-d for all the excellent therapists out there. I have yet to shed a single tear of her death, which actually brought me great relief. Ding dong the wicked witch is dead, but yet her lies still live on with family and friends. I have no contact with those who are trying to still carry her toxic torch.
This is exactly what my ex-wife did with our children.
I don’t believe I will ever have a relationship with them again.
@@OfSoulAndSin
Keep trying & praying that their eyes will be open 🙏🏽🥹