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I just have one question, i believe in a lot of what your saying, espically about how she feels emotionally with me, the baggage the trust issues, not living up to promises. Shes tried 1000 times. I pushed her away, but the question i have is. I pushed her into an emotional affair, and maybe im taking the wrong approach sometimes in the healing process/ reconcilation but now shes saying its not because of the wall, or our history, my issues, how shes tried so hard to get me to see, and i didnt listen and build that emotional safty, she says now its because of him. What approach am i suppose to take here. Maybe shes just coming from a place of hurt i dont know anymore. she says she doesnt want me to try, or be different, and that i cant be her safty, because he was that for her. I know im never giving upand immaking real changes. Is that all i can do, im lost on how to communicate with her. She sees it as to much, or trying to hard or im preeching. Do i just sit back and make mychanges? Worst yet is its a co worker. How do i handle this?
She invited me back in our bed last night after almost two months of sleeping in the guest bedroom. I’m putting in the work and she’s starting to see my internal shifts outwardly. I’m putting in work like I never have. I’ll be back in the guest room tonight as discussed, last night was a “test run”. The old me would have gotten upset that she hasn’t let me back in fully, but the new me sees and understands her internal struggles and is holding zero expectations to move back into our shared bed until she’s fully ready, but the fact that she wanted a “test run” is MASSIVE compared to where we were a month ago when I was staying at my dads. Put in the work guys, she will see it when she’s ready. Don’t forget to remember the small victories when things feel hopeless, don’t give up even if it seems easier. If I can do it, you can do it. Thank you Geoffrey. Without your guidance and watching these videos daily (sometimes more than once 😂) and really striving to make myself better, last night wouldn’t have happened. Thank you so much. To the other guys in my position, YOU GOT THIS!
I’m happy to report almost a year after posting our relationship is thriving. Our communication has improved so much I have a hard time quantifying. She feels safe to come to me with issues big or small. The “bullet proof vest” is REAL. Mindset shifting is REAL. All these concepts that Geoffrey is pitching are REAL and completely responsible for helping me save my marriage. Watch these videos and apply the lessons to your everyday life, even if things don’t work out between you and your significant other, you’ll still come out better having watched the videos and taking these concepts with you. I will say it again, THANK YOU GEOFFREY! You helped me see what I had been doing wrong for so many years and helped me course correct. It’s not easy starting out, but keep putting in the work. You’ll be infinitely better for it.
@@skagor1178 happy for you brother! I’m in the early stages of my wife wanting to break up but after watching Geoffrey’s videos it definitely has changed my entire perspective/mindset on the situation, BPV it is.
@@stinky_pole just keep plugging away at it brother. I know exactly where you’re at right now and I know how hard it is. If you’re anything like me you’ll obsess over these videos and in my opinion that’s one of the best things you can do for yourself right now. I’m hoping things work out for you the same way it all worked out for me, but if it doesn’t, just remember it’s not the end of the world (even though it may seem like it). Work the steps, make the changes. You got this 👊🏻
This is so on the money. The catch 22 is why relationships fail. Because one person cannot be open and discuss openly. It's always the inability to overcome a problem that ends the relationship, not the problem itself
@@RohanDas-z3t a year ago, I was separated due to my partner’s frustration with my commitment and trust, lack of responsibility, emotion disconnection, bad communication and emotion unintelligence, so she had every reason to do so, I wasn’t getting it for the past 7 months til she blocked me until I spent most of my time trying to figure out myself then I stumble across Geoffrey’s video and learn a lot from it. Even tho months went on we got along again but now I’m in the process of applying for the lifetime program to change my life around me in a greater good. Thanks to Jason Newman as well with all the email replies and advices now I’m definitely ready to move forward on this. I’m still in the works.
Ugggghhh it rocked me to the CORE when you were talking about putting yourself in her shoes where even if you can express your unhappiness, your partner brushes it aside as a simple misunderstanding. I do that. I do. I'm not being malicious or machiavellian, i really do believe if i can just explain myself she'll see this isnt as big a deal as she thinks. Man...I gotta do better. Thank you for holding up that mirror.
I'm extremely thankful that this was the first video I was recommended today! It was precisely what I needed to listen to! I find myself in the same scenario and your evaluation of what has probably occurred is absolutely accurate. It’s a difficult situation to be going through & it’s not all one sided. I certainly take responsibility my part. I ‘m definitely not perfect! Being a step parent to older teens add so much complexity to the dynamics of the relationship. It’s also difficult when the other person never takes responsibility for their own actions/ faults. Do as I say, not as I do? Thank you for your advice!!
We're launching a video in about 1 month on the topic of fixing one-sided relationships. We also currently have many interviews that center around this topic. e.g. All of them began their journey in the program as the only one trying to fix the relationship, and with their leadership and reversing the feedback loop, all of them are amazed at how much their partner usually reciprocates. Glad you enjoyed this one and found this to be valuable...
I'm happy that you found this early enough to fix it.. I wasn't so fortunate.. its been 9 months and I did all the wrong things. Similar situation. Step dad to her 2 teenage kids we have 1 5 year old together so we still communicate and she wanted to communicate and stay friends, other coaches said do no contact..it was 7 months later when I found about no contact. When I did that it made her pull back from communicating and now we talk less but still talk. I'm not sure where she is mentally with me. I feel her feelings are less now than before. So I'm confused.
wow your explanation on falling outcome really hit me deep. its true. ive been trying to get back together with my partner of 9 years after 4 months breakup, the more i ask can we get back? can everything get back to normal? the more shes running away from me. but the moment i stopped asking and just hangout with without asking, the more she contacted me back. and today she said shes ready to give us one last chance. and i swear to never f it up. our issues is communication and my lack of attention to her. but these 4 months of getting her back, ive been present at all times. pray for me, she fall in love w me like before and more guys. and goodluck to all! 🎉
We’re you guys still hanging out in the break? Did you just go about your life during the break until she contacted you? Or did you ask to hangout with out any questions?
Thank you. I needed to hear exactly this right now. My girl and i are on the rocks and today I was going to talk to her and try to figure things out and hearing this right before is helping me with how to go about it and really needed to hear this. Thank you so much. Hopefully this will help me save my relationship and help me change to heal the love of my life
I have learned and understood more about relationships, my partner, and myself in just 3 of your videos than I've learned my whole life. I am so happy that I found you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
wow geoff! thank you again for such ana amazing video! working on getting into the program but like all videos, this video is tremendous in my path of self betterment and to prove to myself that i can make changes for life!!
I've spent weeks soaking up dozens of these "types" of videos, but i have to say Geoffrey, this talk clicked with me in a totally new way that finally is making sense and giving me a little bit of confidence about what to do. You speak like a true scholar of this subject and your knowledge and approach is not only motivating, but inspiring. I am going to continue watching many more of your videos and will look into your programs. Thank you!!!
I just broke up with my gf after a year and a bit together - all are mutual friends got involved and told her she rushed it and made a mistake - she is currently saying that there is no chance of us getting back to gether I’m afraid that r friends and I have pushed her further away by saying this to her it came out of the blue after a petty argument 3 days ago, we were completely fine and in a good spot which is what i thought like everyone else. What do I do?
I feel like the missing element of number 3 is encouraging her to take time away, but also tell her your boundaries, and that what she decides to do with the time away could come with consequences. If you feel strongly about her not dating other men, and are willing to set that boundary, you will come across as less needy because you’re telling her that you might not be there as the fallback option if she explores what is out there. If the situation was reversed, most women would be totally out on you if you went and dated other girls to see how you really felt.
Greetings from Nicaragua! Wow, this is the best relationship coach I have found in YT! I was paying attention to other dating sites and making the mistake to use the NCR, something inside me was telling me that was not the right approach, I know I have an anxious attachment style that I need to work on, but going in the opposite direction of the spectrum is not the right thing to do, I hope this channel grows and many more people benefit from your expert advice.
My wife hasn't left yet, but she has filed the divorce papers. I'm trying to work on myself as much as possible. I may be overdoing it and cramming my brain with loads of positive information. It has been 3 weeks since the day she decided to leave me. Just today she actually said, "Yeah, you're getting better." Today I resisted a lot of her issues and she even threw a curve ball at me. I remained calm and peaceful. I guess I passed 1 test. lol. It's only going to get worse. From my understanding she needs to approach me to emotionally connect with her deepest emotional insecurities. Right now she does not trust me enough to share those with me. Trying really hard to build back trust. I suppose I'm planting seed #2 right now. I have sort of planted seed #3. I have encouraged her and helped her file the divorce. I haven't encouraged her to leave and I especially haven't encouraged her to meet someone else. That will be extremely tough.
Any update? I have been planning with my wife (who cheated once then left me harshly) to file so we can agree on details. She knows the door is open to talk but said immediately she doesn't want to talk to me. We talked a lot about our issues for a few weeks, things were getting better with increasing resistance. She was emotionally safe enough to talk about stuff prior, now she needs space. She seems to resent herself a bit and regret how she has acted. All I have now is to keep working on myself.
@@tb87670 I discovered something about myself even though my wife has said it for 9 years, that I have a bad temper. For some reason, everything bad I did my wife brought it up and I didn't really think much of it. I would always justify myself saying that I'm not as bad as most men. Well that attitude led to the divorce I'm afraid. As far as updates are concerned. I finally admitted that I have a bad temper. She said, "Finally, you realized that after 9 years!?" Just yesterday I wrote her a message apologizing for not realizing everything I've done sooner. I even complemented her character. After assuming responsibility for my mistakes and complementing her her response this morning was the following: " I read your text last night. I have a hard time believing anything you just said. Actions speak louder than words." She also mentioned that I haven't ever valued her opinions and that I don't listen to her. That's where I'm at right now. I'm working with friends and getting as much advice as possible. Biggest thing is making peace with whatever the outcome is. I'm struggling with that mindshift. I am continuing to work on my temper. Most importantly, I am making goals so I can become the best version of myself possible. Those are actions that my wife may or may not see. I can't force her and I can't tell her what changes I'm making otherwise she thinks I'm doing it to get her to come back. Hope this helps. Good luck with your relationship.
wife has moved out we talked about the root problem together and we agreed it was both of us being complacent in life and not working towards being more intimate with eachother, it was like a snowball effect things just happened little things added on and on, and it didn't help, we both love eachother and we know the problem, I respect everything she has said, I'm working on myself I told her and my door is open for her always, I believe it can be fixed together, but I have to respect her, no people involved, just us, and we find eachother attractive still etc, just hit a bump on the road, any advice would be great, I'm working on safety, I apologise and respect her wanted to be separated, been over 14 years together, I watched nearly all these videos, and I am hopefully still, she knows me better than anyone so she will see my changes for myself, not for her, any advice? Thanks
we have broke up ,, my girlfriend is okay day 1 to day 2 then after that day 3 she broke up with me due to im too jeolous at everything after 2 weeks i keep on begging her and end up getting worse ,, i wish i had watch this before acting
Hello Geoff, thanks for doing what you do! I watched this video and it really resonated deep with me. I am in a particular situation. I feel I am going through a transformative moment in my life after a breakup and would appreciate your insights if you would allow me to tell you my story. Is there a way that I can reach you in more of a 1:1 setting? Then maybe you can tell me how you can help me, what programs you have, etc. I'd really appreciate your answer. Thank you!
Ive been watching dozens of this guys videos. These arent bullshit gimmicks, these arent stupid tactics to keep your partner. This guy is improving people with permanent lasting changes. Enter him into the wholesome triad of Mr. Rogers, steve irwin, and Bob ross and turn it into a quartet. I'm not even trying to save my marriage anymore through these videos. I'm trying to make myself a better man. If my marriage is saved as a result then yay. Otherwise still yay. Thanks Geoffrey.
So me and my ex been together 3 years high school relationship and she broke up with me because she said she lost love in 2 days and she said she wants to be single and she said I had a bad job I talked to her told her I can be better I can change for her and she say no she said I need time to heal should I do no contact would that be the best I told her I would be able to fix everything
And I am only 18 I am young she is to I told her I would do anything but she didn’t let me and I saw her In person and she talk to me and she told me that she was genuinely happy and she haves her little moments what should I do?
My wife moved out. So many unresolved issues and past events enter my mind all of the time. We work well with communication if it's about our son but that's the only topic that is ever communicated. She has no interest in talking to me personally.
I want to learn that she will never ever come back. I don't want her back. I want her to forget me, to move on! I even thought to fake my death. I keep on hearing the contrary of my need and desire. You being a expert , this should be do easy. Lets hear it.
In the video, all the steps for creating safety assume you screwed up somehow. How do you establish safety when you havent screwed up (or at least you don't know how do you screwed up if you have)?. My girl seems to still love me, but we are distancing ever more every day, and she says is not my fault. I think we lack enough safety to properly communicate, but I can't create safety with the steps described here because I can't see the "bad seeds", and she will not tell me either. Its a catch 22 in the catch 22.
THE BIGGEST QUESTION I HAVE …..CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY MEN IN AMERICA ARE NOT CONSISTENT ? Consistency of men and they character MAKE OR BRAKE A RELATIONSHIP…PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD . SEXUAL LOYALTY OF THE MAN IS REQUIRED EITHER .
So we have to be at our best when we are already at our worst? This is how I feel. Yes, there are some things I need to change. I’m humble enough to know that but there are also a lot of false accusations brought against me and then the few things that I do need to change are used to prove the false ones too. I’m exhausted I’ve also stepped out of the marriage while separated. So now she’s extremely convinced that she’s made the right choice.
i feel that brother besides being married, i dated a girl for 2 years and we just broke up. bunch of fake accusations put against me that hurt my heart even her own mom forced her to do it which hurt even more because i thought her mom liked me lmao
Just to add an extra scenario to people’s minds. My girl and I have been dating for 4 months and she told me last night that “she loves me but isn’t IN LOVE with me” she’s told me early on that her original plans for life were to be single and get a donor to have a baby and live her life alone. Which to me sounds very sad.. but I asked her if she actually wants to try to make a life with a man in it and she said yes! We are very different in the way we were brought up though. I was neglected and not loved enough which makes me want to give love a lot, she grew up getting a lot of love and not liking it. So with me giving tons of love, she doesn’t know how to accept it because it smothers her. My living situation isn’t ideal either and I was depressed and not working for a few weeks while we’re together. I got a job again and slowly rebuilding what I lost. But i am losing faith that she’ll want to try again. She doesn’t resent me or not like me, she is overwhelmed from what I can tell and she may be interested in someone else if I’m giving my opinion.. and for the people out there worrying about their partner not coming back. It is hard and sometimes they won’t want to come back even with you doing these type of steps he’s teaching. You have to be able to be masculine and stand strong and firm with it. If she see’s you’re staying strong and you’re bettering yourself still even after this happened she might become attracted again. Pro tip: BE MASCULINE
I am in a bad situation. My wife has blocked me everywhere, we are separated from past 3 months and she is living in another country (parent’s home) now. She’s not ready to talk, her parents are not ready to talk. What should I do? My wife is asking for divorce.
Hey please here me out. I'm in a secret long term relationship with my 2nd cousin. She's 16 and i'm 22, my father and mother okay with it. But i don't think her mom would be okay if she finds out. What can i do???
The first time after watching 1000+ videos in TH-cam the only one i didn't Skip any second of the video And the most video have the key of our problems
I been watching for a couple weeks and I keep fucking up. It's hard to change after being with someone for 25yrs. It's like I'm stuck in a repeat and can't change the channel.
Change is a mother fucker I know I'm the problem in the relationship 100% I've learned a lot from watching hours upon hours of ur video's. It's like anger and being piss off at the world does want me to change because it's grown such deep roots.
@@mickey7664696 Begin by watching my videos on emotional regulation & managing emotions. Understand the differences in approaches to managing emotions at the very least.
My wife asked for a separation on June 2nd. The night before we had sex and then she saw comments that I made on redditt. On the third she downloaded tinder. She went on a couple of dates by week two. She told me she was leaning towards divorce. Long story short I think she was getting the affection I wasn't giving her. I caught her lying about going to work and caught her with another man. I'm sure they had sex. She has asked me to move out. I'm in therapy. I'm getting better. I have a porn addiction, have since my 20's. She isn't really texting me like she did, some days are better than others. We have 3 kids. she works in Midwifery. I told her today that I still care for her and always give her the respect and kindness that being the mother of my children affords. she left it on read. I saw her when she got back from work. She was pleasant. But tired. Right now I'm just trying to get back to being her friend. She knows I caught her. I called her a name. I have since apologized. Between her depression and my codependency, how screwed is this marriage. She says she wants out. I think she doesn't really know. She starts therapy this week. I'm working on detaching from her so I can move on. I know this is hard for both of us. I know in 6 months I may feel that I don't want her back. But codependency.
I left my last relationship because of the catch-22, I didn't know how to properly express the feelings I was having and thought it would be better to end things. We were on and off for 2 years prior to this final chance my ex gave me. She told me she'd reach out sometime around valentines day but at the beginning of February I found out through my friends she's become facebook official with someone else. I have yet to talk to her and I'm really really hoping that she either reaches out or responds to me when I ask her if she can talk. I'm probably gonna watch this video a couple more times. It feels like I haven't given up hope entirely but I do genuinely love her and miss her and I figured out what I did wrong to cause those feelings of the catch-22. Wish me luck guys
The falling striving breakdown was amazing. Tiring it back to sleep. I was literally today going to talk to her on our date about us and are we there…. But that would be striving. Thank you!!!
I am sorry but I couldn't agree with you all... Because if someone is a keeper, no matter how many fights you do or how much troubles you face, they would never even bring the idea of "Leaving you" in the first place. I understand that the dumped person has issues, probably lots of issues. But if after a fight he/she realises that it's their fault and apologize for his/her actions putting their ego aside then the other person who if truly loves them will melt right away and never even think of leaving that fool.
same here my wife wants to leave me because of a Catch-22 my son 17 from a previous relationship lives with us is becoming very violent. My wife has given me the options him or me, but I am legally responsible for my son so I can't really make him move, the only thing I can do is trying help him solve his anger issues, but this will be the cost of my marriage
Ok I have a question what does it mean when it feels like she’s trying to avoid topics that may hurt your feelings does it mean she’s trying to protect my feelings still because she still cares for me or them?
soo if im the dumpee, should i just wait til she contacts me first before implementing these? Like, when should i create these "seeds" when she doesnt want me to text or call her after the break up? Cause im currently just working on myself growth, and chillin, having no idea if i should contact her or not.
All these are true, but my partner don't want to leave me to work it out, easy for her just to kick me as a piece of garbage after all I have done, after all we have done, she is in her prime now, she is feeling having everything so she doesn't need me anymore, I feel like I wasted 12 years and I feel like I've been used 😢 no respect at all, the homeless will have more sympathy than me. One of them person who use you when they need you, and as long as they need you than they will just dump you at the point when they are grown at a certain level in life, "very loyal" typically female behaviour....
Just want to point our your captions always say "why *she* leaves" 🙃 Just wanted to point out that it's not always her. Otherwise ignoring this - bang on advice
Welp, she dumped me by freely laying out the issues she had but was opposed to any solutions or discussions because those were hard and required her to confront her family. I think she already felt safe enough with me to unload but she wasn’t comfortable enough to tell her parents she was in love me.
I Bad with english but ill try Hey , i was just wondering my gf and me have 3 Kids together , but out of the suden she says she needs space she says she dosent love me anymore like then and most of the time she is ignoring and out of suden she has a New Hobby bikes with her mom and i dont know what to think about it , im already take the Kids so she can go there (bike weekend) and im just worried that she has already learned someone New, she said it isnt a someone , i know her Problem as well , she is a mother has almost no time i guess emotional a little bit broken , i will still support her in her hobby like taking the Kids to my home but it wont fix her Problem with the "no time for herself" should i just let her do her Thing and trust her? And well cant call her "schatz" anymore "honey" in german I just dont get her i understand her but her logic is well.. not thought thrue Will be happy if u answer , love from germany
Thanks god for showing me this, i was falling for these first date advices in a long term relationship and it made it so much more worse, thank You for this
I made a mistake a prettu huge one it wasn't cheating but it broke her trust badly , she told me she hates me and will never ever date me again been in no contact ive appologised her though
So I gave her space since I did some shit with my girl of 5 years. We saw each other after 2 weeks of not. Still she was dry and upset and I gave her what she wanted and we agreed on 1 month of no contact, is that the best thing to do or what should I have done?
I'm sorry you had me until the let her date other people part. If you guys are married and separated that time apart should be to try and reconcile not go meet other people. You can't compare a relationship to a job either.
This is one of the best theories I’ve heard about causes and solutions for a LTR to brake up but what you say in the min 19:50 is exactly the lack of skills that lead us to a break up, there fore you can’t encourage you ex to explore other relationships
Me and my wife have one kid we been together for 4 years but she say she is done and want nothing to do with me but I want to restore trust and get back with them what can I do or what should I do
What should I say when I slip up and appear needy to my wife? Case in point: I got up at 3 in the morning and my wife wasn’t in bed and I did what I normally did which was go to the window to see if she had left. She saw me doing this while she was getting cereal and got angry at me asking why I’m checking up on her due to the way I USED to be controlling. I calmly told her I wasn’t trying to control her but that I understood why that would piss her off due to what had happened in the past. Should I apologize more in those situations or I feel it might be better in this situation just to give her space bc words won’t mean as much as actions.
What do you do when they say not to contact them again ? Its been 3 and half months sonce the break up i feel misunderstood and also i made her feel misunderstood acted negative agressive after the break up she put me in a space where she came to collect things and her cousin try to start a fight with me a snap back didnt call her names but i know i show anger which i regret i feel like i want to fix her but she doesnt feel there anything to talk about and shuts down and now doesnt want to hear from me
My ex-wife wanted to get back together, and we've been trying to see if we can make it work. However, she's still communicating with a man that she agreed to go on a date w/ shortly after we broke up. I've tried to have a conversation with her about committing to us, and she's said that she will continue to talk to him & doesn't see an issue with it as she has set the boundaries. She's said that me having serious conversations with her is pushing her away, but I'm also uncomfortable with the situation I find myself in now. What should I do?
That she told you "you are pushing me away having these conversations" sounds manipulative, ngl if the dude is some kind of old partner or interest and she is not willing to cut him off, let her go
@@jtnguyen8105 With you there. OP will be amazed how quickly you can get over her. Go through the processes and you will come out feeling great. I have been there and done it, looking forward and don't even think about her anymore.
Do you believe this is the same for a dismissive avoidant? They sabotage the relationship, close down, push you away, won't communicate, will not see self fault and then they leave you.
Well, yes I believe this works regardless of situation or what you label your partner. I guess the problem (paradox) with your question is that you are blaming character of your partner as to why you can't create safety. Whereas, your partner doesn't feel safe, which is why they are shutting down... Creating a negative loop... Do you see the problem here? If you label the character of your partner as the problem, then you have no power to create safety in the first place... what do you think?
@@droflivelife fair point, it sounds like you aren't trying to hide from reality, also sounds like labeling helps you understand your situation better? Am I understanding correctly?
@Alex-yu1bh it's just being honest with ourselves. But I find APs are OK with identifying and helping themselves. APs are mainly watching these videos to try save a relationship but DAs unfortunately don't do the same work most times and you can not ask them to either as they reluctant to see their side of the issue.
[Please Geoff] I split up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years just a week ago (or she split up with me, should I say. Reason being I haven’t been the most attentive and in many many cases I took my anger out on her. It’s important to add that my dad passed just 4 weeks prior to me and her making it official. And in that time (3.5 years) she poured her heart and soul into making me a better me, but I neglected her. She broke up with me and to say I am distraught is an understatement. She wants space, and I am trying to respect it, but I am also dying to message her. How do I re-establish this contact, or do I simply allow the process to take its course and hope and pray she initiates the contact with me. (Trying to get my mindset right for the long term) Thanks Geoff!
Keep watching my videos - Your internals are clearly very shaky, and if you need to ask "How do I re-establish contact", then your frameworks are shaky, at best. And like I always say -- The BIGGEST shame is not having no contact... The BIGGEST shame is manufacturing contact when you have nothing to show in terms of changes... So keep watching my videos, and help yourself by learning to help yourself. :)
@@GeoffreySetiawanBeen on a very big binge of the videos. And attended the masterclass last night. And I’m going to watch them (ur videos) regularly to let things sink in and settle in. Thank you for replying.
My story is similar. She tried to uplift me out of a bad funk for a while, then following a few family tragedies she cheated then left me quite suddenly. Right now she needs space, this is the hard part. She claims to have nightmares of us talking about our issues. She notices improvements but doesn't trust it yet, plus obviously needs time and space. This is a hard thing to do.
@@tb87670 I’m sorry to hear that mate. But I can agree entirely that giving space is quite tough. It’s been strange for me too, because we went cold turkey after speaking every day for like 3.5 years. But I’ve taken Geoff’s advice and I’m doing self improvements whilst allowing her to take time. Hoping that it works out. And I hope that your side works too. 🫶
Over a year ago, my wife said that she wanted a divorce, and moved into the guest room. Now she is planning to move out on July 1, after the kids school year ends. My wife sees and believes my changes. But she says it’s too late. Her main complaint, in a nutshell: I never gave her my whole heart without reservation. And you know what? She’s right. I always held a little back. And it showed. I never cheated on her, but I flirted with other women. I did not take her needs seriously. She wanted to go out more to nice restaurants, for example, and I was too lazy to make that happen. But now that I am ready to give her my whole heart, she no longer wants it. We talk openly. We communicate openly. We get along. We are able to express our feelings to each other better than when we were together.
Nah, I'm not offended by being told that. I'm just upset in general because I've never been good enough and they always leave for someone else. Yeah, it definitely is a me problem. Doesn't hurt any less. Thanks for the video Geoffrey.
well you need to start telling yourself you are good enough, because that internal self talk of you not being good enough will show give yourself more credit and believe you are good enough
If she isn’t really leaving you, but all the sudden wants to be out with her friends more or away from you more, without leaving…is that really the same as “wanting their space” even if they don’t say that phrase?
Coach I really got to ask you this because I see this a lot in your vids: what if she comes back and she lets the floodgates open... And the way she expresses that is by extreme disrespect and even with physicality?!
I'll just say this - If you believe your partner is such a bad person that even though you gave her the PERFECT ENVIRONMENT and every reason possible to behave well, that she still acts like a narcissist... Then you need to get out of that relationship, but both people's sake. But the irony in that is this - would you personally feel safe with someone who thinks that lowly of you? So have you REALLY created the perfect environment? And if you admit that you have not created the perfect environment, why not learn to? I can tell you, thousands of my clients have learned the right ways to create the 5 pillars, and they are always amazed as to how much their partner changes too, and realize how much more potential their partner actually had. And you cannot just say "I tried that" - are you sure you tried it with the right HOW and WHY? You can't just go to the gym, do it all wrong, and say "Tried that - doesn't work!" :)
Your videos are good and they help to have faith and to keep growing for ourselves. Do you believe anyone can change? Can a toxic relationship be healed?
Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited)
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How do I get your help?
I just have one question, i believe in a lot of what your saying, espically about how she feels emotionally with me, the baggage the trust issues, not living up to promises. Shes tried 1000 times. I pushed her away, but the question i have is. I pushed her into an emotional affair, and maybe im taking the wrong approach sometimes in the healing process/ reconcilation but now shes saying its not because of the wall, or our history, my issues, how shes tried so hard to get me to see, and i didnt listen and build that emotional safty, she says now its because of him. What approach am i suppose to take here. Maybe shes just coming from a place of hurt i dont know anymore. she says she doesnt want me to try, or be different, and that i cant be her safty, because he was that for her. I know im never giving upand immaking real changes. Is that all i can do, im lost on how to communicate with her. She sees it as to much, or trying to hard or im preeching. Do i just sit back and make mychanges? Worst yet is its a co worker. How do i handle this?
She invited me back in our bed last night after almost two months of sleeping in the guest bedroom. I’m putting in the work and she’s starting to see my internal shifts outwardly. I’m putting in work like I never have. I’ll be back in the guest room tonight as discussed, last night was a “test run”. The old me would have gotten upset that she hasn’t let me back in fully, but the new me sees and understands her internal struggles and is holding zero expectations to move back into our shared bed until she’s fully ready, but the fact that she wanted a “test run” is MASSIVE compared to where we were a month ago when I was staying at my dads. Put in the work guys, she will see it when she’s ready. Don’t forget to remember the small victories when things feel hopeless, don’t give up even if it seems easier. If I can do it, you can do it. Thank you Geoffrey. Without your guidance and watching these videos daily (sometimes more than once 😂) and really striving to make myself better, last night wouldn’t have happened. Thank you so much. To the other guys in my position, YOU GOT THIS!
This just made my day… all I do is watch his videos lol
How’d things go mate? Work out in the end ❤️
I’m happy to report almost a year after posting our relationship is thriving. Our communication has improved so much I have a hard time quantifying. She feels safe to come to me with issues big or small. The “bullet proof vest” is REAL. Mindset shifting is REAL. All these concepts that Geoffrey is pitching are REAL and completely responsible for helping me save my marriage. Watch these videos and apply the lessons to your everyday life, even if things don’t work out between you and your significant other, you’ll still come out better having watched the videos and taking these concepts with you. I will say it again, THANK YOU GEOFFREY! You helped me see what I had been doing wrong for so many years and helped me course correct. It’s not easy starting out, but keep putting in the work. You’ll be infinitely better for it.
@@skagor1178 happy for you brother!
I’m in the early stages of my wife wanting to break up but after watching Geoffrey’s videos it definitely has changed my entire perspective/mindset on the situation, BPV it is.
@@stinky_pole just keep plugging away at it brother. I know exactly where you’re at right now and I know how hard it is. If you’re anything like me you’ll obsess over these videos and in my opinion that’s one of the best things you can do for yourself right now. I’m hoping things work out for you the same way it all worked out for me, but if it doesn’t, just remember it’s not the end of the world (even though it may seem like it). Work the steps, make the changes. You got this 👊🏻
This is so on the money. The catch 22 is why relationships fail. Because one person cannot be open and discuss openly. It's always the inability to overcome a problem that ends the relationship, not the problem itself
so true, I failed to communicate my feelings effectively and that ended up in a disaster...
You’re the reason why my old partner reached out to me. It gets better.
Yo let’s hear it?
@@RohanDas-z3t a year ago, I was separated due to my partner’s frustration with my commitment and trust, lack of responsibility, emotion disconnection, bad communication and emotion unintelligence, so she had every reason to do so, I wasn’t getting it for the past 7 months til she blocked me until I spent most of my time trying to figure out myself then I stumble across Geoffrey’s video and learn a lot from it. Even tho months went on we got along again but now I’m in the process of applying for the lifetime program to change my life around me in a greater good. Thanks to Jason Newman as well with all the email replies and advices now I’m definitely ready to move forward on this. I’m still in the works.
tell us the guys need help
Story please?
How is that?
Ugggghhh it rocked me to the CORE when you were talking about putting yourself in her shoes where even if you can express your unhappiness, your partner brushes it aside as a simple misunderstanding. I do that. I do. I'm not being malicious or machiavellian, i really do believe if i can just explain myself she'll see this isnt as big a deal as she thinks. Man...I gotta do better. Thank you for holding up that mirror.
How did it go?
@buellerferrisbueller3045 WELL she's a really mean person lol, but I still apply this to my other relationships and it's always helpful, good luck!
I'm extremely thankful that this was the first video I was recommended today! It was precisely what I needed to listen to! I find myself in the same scenario and your evaluation of what has probably occurred is absolutely accurate. It’s a difficult situation to be going through & it’s not all one sided. I certainly take responsibility my part. I ‘m definitely not perfect! Being a step parent to older teens add so much complexity to the dynamics of the relationship. It’s also difficult when the other person never takes responsibility for their own actions/ faults. Do as I say, not as I do? Thank you for your advice!!
We're launching a video in about 1 month on the topic of fixing one-sided relationships. We also currently have many interviews that center around this topic.
e.g. All of them began their journey in the program as the only one trying to fix the relationship, and with their leadership and reversing the feedback loop, all of them are amazed at how much their partner usually reciprocates.
Glad you enjoyed this one and found this to be valuable...
I can help you get your back, ask me how
I'm happy that you found this early enough to fix it.. I wasn't so fortunate.. its been 9 months and I did all the wrong things. Similar situation. Step dad to her 2 teenage kids we have 1 5 year old together so we still communicate and she wanted to communicate and stay friends, other coaches said do no contact..it was 7 months later when I found about no contact. When I did that it made her pull back from communicating and now we talk less but still talk. I'm not sure where she is mentally with me. I feel her feelings are less now than before. So I'm confused.
@@demigod5913how?
wow your explanation on falling outcome really hit me deep. its true. ive been trying to get back together with my partner of 9 years after 4 months breakup, the more i ask can we get back? can everything get back to normal? the more shes running away from me. but the moment i stopped asking and just hangout with without asking, the more she contacted me back. and today she said shes ready to give us one last chance. and i swear to never f it up. our issues is communication and my lack of attention to her. but these 4 months of getting her back, ive been present at all times. pray for me, she fall in love w me like before and more guys. and goodluck to all! 🎉
Praying for you brother❤️
What do you mean? Did you just whent to her house or?
We’re you guys still hanging out in the break? Did you just go about your life during the break until she contacted you? Or did you ask to hangout with out any questions?
Men. Know your worth. Know that no one is better than you. Love someone and set them free.
Thank you. I needed to hear exactly this right now. My girl and i are on the rocks and today I was going to talk to her and try to figure things out and hearing this right before is helping me with how to go about it and really needed to hear this. Thank you so much. Hopefully this will help me save my relationship and help me change to heal the love of my life
I found your videos a little too late... I hope I still have time to reconcile with the woman I love.
Get her back?
I have learned and understood more about relationships, my partner, and myself in just 3 of your videos than I've learned my whole life. I am so happy that I found you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
This is 100% the best video I have watched on youtube!
If people want to walk away from you, let them walk. Something breaks even if you do win them back
wow geoff! thank you again for such ana amazing video! working on getting into the program but like all videos, this video is tremendous in my path of self betterment and to prove to myself that i can make changes for life!!
Awesome to hear! What were your most valuable takeaways from this video?
Can I or should I ask her (separated wife) on dates during the Time phase or do I wait for her to come to me and ask
"About to fall asleep" watching this video.
I've spent weeks soaking up dozens of these "types" of videos, but i have to say Geoffrey, this talk clicked with me in a totally new way that finally is making sense and giving me a little bit of confidence about what to do. You speak like a true scholar of this subject and your knowledge and approach is not only motivating, but inspiring. I am going to continue watching many more of your videos and will look into your programs. Thank you!!!
I just broke up with my gf after a year and a bit together - all are mutual friends got involved and told her she rushed it and made a mistake - she is currently saying that there is no chance of us getting back to gether I’m afraid that r friends and I have pushed her further away by saying this to her it came out of the blue after a petty argument 3 days ago, we were completely fine and in a good spot which is what i thought like everyone else. What do I do?
I feel like the missing element of number 3 is encouraging her to take time away, but also tell her your boundaries, and that what she decides to do with the time away could come with consequences. If you feel strongly about her not dating other men, and are willing to set that boundary, you will come across as less needy because you’re telling her that you might not be there as the fallback option if she explores what is out there. If the situation was reversed, most women would be totally out on you if you went and dated other girls to see how you really felt.
Greetings from Nicaragua! Wow, this is the best relationship coach I have found in YT! I was paying attention to other dating sites and making the mistake to use the NCR, something inside me was telling me that was not the right approach, I know I have an anxious attachment style that I need to work on, but going in the opposite direction of the spectrum is not the right thing to do, I hope this channel grows and many more people benefit from your expert advice.
My wife hasn't left yet, but she has filed the divorce papers. I'm trying to work on myself as much as possible. I may be overdoing it and cramming my brain with loads of positive information.
It has been 3 weeks since the day she decided to leave me. Just today she actually said, "Yeah, you're getting better." Today I resisted a lot of her issues and she even threw a curve ball at me. I remained calm and peaceful. I guess I passed 1 test. lol. It's only going to get worse. From my understanding she needs to approach me to emotionally connect with her deepest emotional insecurities. Right now she does not trust me enough to share those with me.
Trying really hard to build back trust. I suppose I'm planting seed #2 right now. I have sort of planted seed #3. I have encouraged her and helped her file the divorce. I haven't encouraged her to leave and I especially haven't encouraged her to meet someone else. That will be extremely tough.
Any update? I have been planning with my wife (who cheated once then left me harshly) to file so we can agree on details. She knows the door is open to talk but said immediately she doesn't want to talk to me. We talked a lot about our issues for a few weeks, things were getting better with increasing resistance. She was emotionally safe enough to talk about stuff prior, now she needs space. She seems to resent herself a bit and regret how she has acted. All I have now is to keep working on myself.
@@tb87670 I discovered something about myself even though my wife has said it for 9 years, that I have a bad temper.
For some reason, everything bad I did my wife brought it up and I didn't really think much of it. I would always justify myself saying that I'm not as bad as most men.
Well that attitude led to the divorce I'm afraid.
As far as updates are concerned. I finally admitted that I have a bad temper. She said, "Finally, you realized that after 9 years!?"
Just yesterday I wrote her a message apologizing for not realizing everything I've done sooner. I even complemented her character. After assuming responsibility for my mistakes and complementing her her response this morning was the following: " I read your text last night. I have a hard time believing anything you just said. Actions speak louder than words." She also mentioned that I haven't ever valued her opinions and that I don't listen to her.
That's where I'm at right now. I'm working with friends and getting as much advice as possible. Biggest thing is making peace with whatever the outcome is. I'm struggling with that mindshift.
I am continuing to work on my temper. Most importantly, I am making goals so I can become the best version of myself possible.
Those are actions that my wife may or may not see. I can't force her and I can't tell her what changes I'm making otherwise she thinks I'm doing it to get her to come back.
Hope this helps. Good luck with your relationship.
wife has moved out we talked about the root problem together and we agreed it was both of us being complacent in life and not working towards being more intimate with eachother, it was like a snowball effect things just happened little things added on and on, and it didn't help, we both love eachother and we know the problem, I respect everything she has said, I'm working on myself I told her and my door is open for her always, I believe it can be fixed together, but I have to respect her, no people involved, just us, and we find eachother attractive still etc, just hit a bump on the road, any advice would be great, I'm working on safety, I apologise and respect her wanted to be separated, been over 14 years together, I watched nearly all these videos, and I am hopefully still, she knows me better than anyone so she will see my changes for myself, not for her, any advice? Thanks
we have broke up ,, my girlfriend is okay day 1 to day 2 then after that day 3 she broke up with me due to im too jeolous at everything after 2 weeks i keep on begging her and end up getting worse ,, i wish i had watch this before acting
Hello Geoff, thanks for doing what you do! I watched this video and it really resonated deep with me. I am in a particular situation. I feel I am going through a transformative moment in my life after a breakup and would appreciate your insights if you would allow me to tell you my story. Is there a way that I can reach you in more of a 1:1 setting? Then maybe you can tell me how you can help me, what programs you have, etc. I'd really appreciate your answer. Thank you!
Ive been watching dozens of this guys videos. These arent bullshit gimmicks, these arent stupid tactics to keep your partner. This guy is improving people with permanent lasting changes. Enter him into the wholesome triad of Mr. Rogers, steve irwin, and Bob ross and turn it into a quartet.
I'm not even trying to save my marriage anymore through these videos. I'm trying to make myself a better man. If my marriage is saved as a result then yay. Otherwise still yay. Thanks Geoffrey.
So me and my ex been together 3 years high school relationship and she broke up with me because she said she lost love in 2 days and she said she wants to be single and she said I had a bad job I talked to her told her I can be better I can change for her and she say no she said I need time to heal should I do no contact would that be the best I told her I would be able to fix everything
And I am only 18 I am young she is to I told her I would do anything but she didn’t let me and I saw her In person and she talk to me and she told me that she was genuinely happy and she haves her little moments what should I do?
Work on yourself and do the work that needs to be done and relax and stop worrying about. Things will work out just trust and let go
My wife moved out. So many unresolved issues and past events enter my mind all of the time. We work well with communication if it's about our son but that's the only topic that is ever communicated. She has no interest in talking to me personally.
I want to learn that she will never ever come back. I don't want her back. I want her to forget me, to move on! I even thought to fake my death. I keep on hearing the contrary of my need and desire. You being a expert , this should be do easy. Lets hear it.
All of your videos are unbelievably helpful man. Thank you for the insight
#3 can be done by no contact...let her go into the wilderness...she'll decide from there just work on self
Well she's already with someone else. Idk if this would work.
Does this apply to a relationship that was a year and 3 months?
I get it! I really fucking get it!!! Thank you so much for the information.
I think the initial thing is it just hurts man.
In the video, all the steps for creating safety assume you screwed up somehow. How do you establish safety when you havent screwed up (or at least you don't know how do you screwed up if you have)?. My girl seems to still love me, but we are distancing ever more every day, and she says is not my fault. I think we lack enough safety to properly communicate, but I can't create safety with the steps described here because I can't see the "bad seeds", and she will not tell me either. Its a catch 22 in the catch 22.
In the same situation and looking for the same answers.
Bro can i talk with uu im in the same situation also i am an over thinker 😢
XDDDD i just watch these for troll
Hi can this apply to a same sex marriage? We are both men. Thank you for your amazing videos!
THE BIGGEST QUESTION I HAVE …..CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY MEN IN AMERICA ARE NOT CONSISTENT ? Consistency of men and they character MAKE OR BRAKE A RELATIONSHIP…PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD . SEXUAL LOYALTY OF THE MAN IS REQUIRED EITHER .
I just want to thank you for opening my eyes with my own relationship. I love her but i want the best for her so i will be as open minded as i can🙏🏻
So we have to be at our best when we are already at our worst? This is how I feel. Yes, there are some things I need to change. I’m humble enough to know that but there are also a lot of false accusations brought against me and then the few things that I do need to change are used to prove the false ones too. I’m exhausted I’ve also stepped out of the marriage while separated. So now she’s extremely convinced that she’s made the right choice.
i feel that brother besides being married, i dated a girl for 2 years and we just broke up. bunch of fake accusations put against me that hurt my heart even her own mom forced her to do it which hurt even more because i thought her mom liked me lmao
Just to add an extra scenario to people’s minds. My girl and I have been dating for 4 months and she told me last night that “she loves me but isn’t IN LOVE with me” she’s told me early on that her original plans for life were to be single and get a donor to have a baby and live her life alone. Which to me sounds very sad.. but I asked her if she actually wants to try to make a life with a man in it and she said yes! We are very different in the way we were brought up though. I was neglected and not loved enough which makes me want to give love a lot, she grew up getting a lot of love and not liking it. So with me giving tons of love, she doesn’t know how to accept it because it smothers her. My living situation isn’t ideal either and I was depressed and not working for a few weeks while we’re together. I got a job again and slowly rebuilding what I lost. But i am losing faith that she’ll want to try again. She doesn’t resent me or not like me, she is overwhelmed from what I can tell and she may be interested in someone else if I’m giving my opinion.. and for the people out there worrying about their partner not coming back. It is hard and sometimes they won’t want to come back even with you doing these type of steps he’s teaching. You have to be able to be masculine and stand strong and firm with it. If she see’s you’re staying strong and you’re bettering yourself still even after this happened she might become attracted again. Pro tip: BE MASCULINE
I am in a bad situation. My wife has blocked me everywhere, we are separated from past 3 months and she is living in another country (parent’s home) now. She’s not ready to talk, her parents are not ready to talk. What should I do? My wife is asking for divorce.
damm this was some incredible information, thank you 1000x 💯
Too late G , we don’t speak
Thanks man..been giving my wife space for a month. With occasional contact. Now we have a dinner date set. I think you know what you're talking about
Hey please here me out. I'm in a secret long term relationship with my 2nd cousin. She's 16 and i'm 22, my father and mother okay with it. But i don't think her mom would be okay if she finds out. What can i do???
The first time after watching 1000+ videos in TH-cam the only one i didn't Skip any second of the video
And the most video have the key of our problems
I been watching for a couple weeks and I keep fucking up. It's hard to change after being with someone for 25yrs. It's like I'm stuck in a repeat and can't change the channel.
This is why the internal shifts and identity shifting is a massive part of our curriculum.
Change is a mother fucker I know I'm the problem in the relationship 100% I've learned a lot from watching hours upon hours of ur video's. It's like anger and being piss off at the world does want me to change because it's grown such deep roots.
@@mickey7664696 Begin by watching my videos on emotional regulation & managing emotions. Understand the differences in approaches to managing emotions at the very least.
I have a couple times and it has helped when I talk to her a lot
My wife asked for a separation on June 2nd. The night before we had sex and then she saw comments that I made on redditt. On the third she downloaded tinder. She went on a couple of dates by week two. She told me she was leaning towards divorce. Long story short I think she was getting the affection I wasn't giving her. I caught her lying about going to work and caught her with another man. I'm sure they had sex. She has asked me to move out. I'm in therapy. I'm getting better. I have a porn addiction, have since my 20's. She isn't really texting me like she did, some days are better than others. We have 3 kids. she works in Midwifery. I told her today that I still care for her and always give her the respect and kindness that being the mother of my children affords. she left it on read. I saw her when she got back from work. She was pleasant. But tired. Right now I'm just trying to get back to being her friend. She knows I caught her. I called her a name. I have since apologized. Between her depression and my codependency, how screwed is this marriage. She says she wants out. I think she doesn't really know. She starts therapy this week. I'm working on detaching from her so I can move on. I know this is hard for both of us. I know in 6 months I may feel that I don't want her back. But codependency.
Not sayin it cause no balls🙏😎
Lovefools stay hard 💪💪💪
That’s good if you are the problem. But in my case , she self admits that she is the problem.
She knows she is a dismissive avoidant and BPD.
I left my last relationship because of the catch-22, I didn't know how to properly express the feelings I was having and thought it would be better to end things. We were on and off for 2 years prior to this final chance my ex gave me. She told me she'd reach out sometime around valentines day but at the beginning of February I found out through my friends she's become facebook official with someone else. I have yet to talk to her and I'm really really hoping that she either reaches out or responds to me when I ask her if she can talk. I'm probably gonna watch this video a couple more times. It feels like I haven't given up hope entirely but I do genuinely love her and miss her and I figured out what I did wrong to cause those feelings of the catch-22. Wish me luck guys
The falling striving breakdown was amazing. Tiring it back to sleep. I was literally today going to talk to her on our date about us and are we there…. But that would be striving. Thank you!!!
I am sorry but I couldn't agree with you all... Because if someone is a keeper, no matter how many fights you do or how much troubles you face, they would never even bring the idea of "Leaving you" in the first place. I understand that the dumped person has issues, probably lots of issues. But if after a fight he/she realises that it's their fault and apologize for his/her actions putting their ego aside then the other person who if truly loves them will melt right away and never even think of leaving that fool.
same here my wife wants to leave me because of a Catch-22 my son 17 from a previous relationship lives with us is becoming very violent. My wife has given me the options him or me, but I am legally responsible for my son so I can't really make him move, the only thing I can do is trying help him solve his anger issues, but this will be the cost of my marriage
Ok I have a question what does it mean when it feels like she’s trying to avoid topics that may hurt your feelings does it mean she’s trying to protect my feelings still because she still cares for me or them?
I’ve been with my ex girlfriend for 8 years we’ve haven’t spoke in about 3 weeks. When is a good time to check / if it is a good time what do I say?
soo if im the dumpee, should i just wait til she contacts me first before implementing these?
Like, when should i create these "seeds" when she doesnt want me to text or call her after the break up?
Cause im currently just working on myself growth, and chillin, having no idea if i should contact her or not.
All these are true, but my partner don't want to leave me to work it out, easy for her just to kick me as a piece of garbage after all I have done, after all we have done, she is in her prime now, she is feeling having everything so she doesn't need me anymore, I feel like I wasted 12 years and I feel like I've been used 😢 no respect at all, the homeless will have more sympathy than me.
One of them person who use you when they need you, and as long as they need you than they will just dump you at the point when they are grown at a certain level in life, "very loyal" typically female behaviour....
My wife committed adultery, and she doesn’t like who I am inherently as an extrovert. I really can’t think of how the marriage can continue.
Just want to point our your captions always say "why *she* leaves" 🙃
Just wanted to point out that it's not always her.
Otherwise ignoring this - bang on advice
Welp, she dumped me by freely laying out the issues she had but was opposed to any solutions or discussions because those were hard and required her to confront her family. I think she already felt safe enough with me to unload but she wasn’t comfortable enough to tell her parents she was in love me.
I Bad with english but ill try
Hey , i was just wondering my gf and me have 3 Kids together , but out of the suden she says she needs space she says she dosent love me anymore like then and most of the time she is ignoring and out of suden she has a New Hobby bikes with her mom and i dont know what to think about it , im already take the Kids so she can go there (bike weekend) and im just worried that she has already learned someone New, she said it isnt a someone , i know her Problem as well , she is a mother has almost no time i guess emotional a little bit broken , i will still support her in her hobby like taking the Kids to my home but it wont fix her Problem with the "no time for herself" should i just let her do her Thing and trust her?
And well cant call her "schatz" anymore "honey" in german
I just dont get her i understand her but her logic is well.. not thought thrue
Will be happy if u answer , love from germany
How long is considered to be a long relationship or at least short one?
I think a long relationship is like 10+ years
@@EggmayorI say at least two
I listened to her for weeks and the one day I brought up the problem I had with the relationship she leaves. Great.
Thanks god for showing me this, i was falling for these first date advices in a long term relationship and it made it so much more worse, thank You for this
If she left you… just accept it… wish then well and tell them you will miss them … that is all
I made a mistake a prettu huge one it wasn't cheating but it broke her trust badly , she told me she hates me and will never ever date me again been in no contact ive appologised her though
How do you "plant the seed?" I hear from all your clients keep saying i just kept planting the seed everyday. What does that mean and how do i do it?
So I gave her space since I did some shit with my girl of 5 years. We saw each other after 2 weeks of not. Still she was dry and upset and I gave her what she wanted and we agreed on 1 month of no contact, is that the best thing to do or what should I have done?
I'm sorry you had me until the let her date other people part. If you guys are married and separated that time apart should be to try and reconcile not go meet other people. You can't compare a relationship to a job either.
This is one of the best theories I’ve heard about causes and solutions for a LTR to brake up but what you say in the min 19:50 is exactly the lack of skills that lead us to a break up, there fore you can’t encourage you ex to explore other relationships
Me and my wife have one kid we been together for 4 years but she say she is done and want nothing to do with me but I want to restore trust and get back with them what can I do or what should I do
You are honestly the best on TH-cam with advice . Is there any way I can get a 1on1 with you ?
@GeoffreySetiawan, I am experiencing scenario #2
#3 literally says no contact but u discouraged no contact at start of video
What should I say when I slip up and appear needy to my wife? Case in point: I got up at 3 in the morning and my wife wasn’t in bed and I did what I normally did which was go to the window to see if she had left. She saw me doing this while she was getting cereal and got angry at me asking why I’m checking up on her due to the way I USED to be controlling. I calmly told her I wasn’t trying to control her but that I understood why that would piss her off due to what had happened in the past. Should I apologize more in those situations or I feel it might be better in this situation just to give her space bc words won’t mean as much as actions.
You should’ve said you weren’t checking up on her you were just worried something happened.
Create safety!!!! Accountability. CHANGE Transparency. Communication. EFFORT. TIME
What do you do when they say not to contact them again ? Its been 3 and half months sonce the break up i feel misunderstood and also i made her feel misunderstood acted negative agressive after the break up she put me in a space where she came to collect things and her cousin try to start a fight with me a snap back didnt call her names but i know i show anger which i regret i feel like i want to fix her but she doesnt feel there anything to talk about and shuts down and now doesnt want to hear from me
My ex-wife wanted to get back together, and we've been trying to see if we can make it work. However, she's still communicating with a man that she agreed to go on a date w/ shortly after we broke up.
I've tried to have a conversation with her about committing to us, and she's said that she will continue to talk to him & doesn't see an issue with it as she has set the boundaries. She's said that me having serious conversations with her is pushing her away, but I'm also uncomfortable with the situation I find myself in now. What should I do?
Tough one. Been in that boat. You need to play her game I think. Its painful I know!
That she told you "you are pushing me away having these conversations" sounds manipulative, ngl if the dude is some kind of old partner or interest and she is not willing to cut him off, let her go
I’m telling you man, it’s not worth just leave. Close that door fully
@@jtnguyen8105 With you there. OP will be amazed how quickly you can get over her. Go through the processes and you will come out feeling great. I have been there and done it, looking forward and don't even think about her anymore.
Do you believe this is the same for a dismissive avoidant? They sabotage the relationship, close down, push you away, won't communicate, will not see self fault and then they leave you.
Well, yes I believe this works regardless of situation or what you label your partner. I guess the problem (paradox) with your question is that you are blaming character of your partner as to why you can't create safety. Whereas, your partner doesn't feel safe, which is why they are shutting down... Creating a negative loop... Do you see the problem here? If you label the character of your partner as the problem, then you have no power to create safety in the first place... what do you think?
@Alex-yu1bh I label her as I label myself as an AP. We are what we are, and we shouldn't hide from that.
@@droflivelife fair point, it sounds like you aren't trying to hide from reality, also sounds like labeling helps you understand your situation better? Am I understanding correctly?
@Alex-yu1bh it's just being honest with ourselves. But I find APs are OK with identifying and helping themselves. APs are mainly watching these videos to try save a relationship but DAs unfortunately don't do the same work most times and you can not ask them to either as they reluctant to see their side of the issue.
@@droflivelife that is an interesting perspective to hear! I appreciate you sharing
How can your partner see these shifts if you're separated?
What if they don’t want come back even after the change? Does it take time
[Please Geoff]
I split up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years just a week ago (or she split up with me, should I say.
Reason being I haven’t been the most attentive and in many many cases I took my anger out on her.
It’s important to add that my dad passed just 4 weeks prior to me and her making it official. And in that time (3.5 years) she poured her heart and soul into making me a better me, but I neglected her.
She broke up with me and to say I am distraught is an understatement.
She wants space, and I am trying to respect it, but I am also dying to message her.
How do I re-establish this contact, or do I simply allow the process to take its course and hope and pray she initiates the contact with me. (Trying to get my mindset right for the long term)
Thanks Geoff!
It will take you at least 6 months to change
Keep watching my videos - Your internals are clearly very shaky, and if you need to ask "How do I re-establish contact", then your frameworks are shaky, at best.
And like I always say --
The BIGGEST shame is not having no contact...
The BIGGEST shame is manufacturing contact when you have nothing to show in terms of changes...
So keep watching my videos, and help yourself by learning to help yourself. :)
@@GeoffreySetiawanBeen on a very big binge of the videos. And attended the masterclass last night. And I’m going to watch them (ur videos) regularly to let things sink in and settle in.
Thank you for replying.
My story is similar. She tried to uplift me out of a bad funk for a while, then following a few family tragedies she cheated then left me quite suddenly.
Right now she needs space, this is the hard part. She claims to have nightmares of us talking about our issues. She notices improvements but doesn't trust it yet, plus obviously needs time and space. This is a hard thing to do.
@@tb87670 I’m sorry to hear that mate.
But I can agree entirely that giving space is quite tough. It’s been strange for me too, because we went cold turkey after speaking every day for like 3.5 years.
But I’ve taken Geoff’s advice and I’m doing self improvements whilst allowing her to take time.
Hoping that it works out. And I hope that your side works too. 🫶
What do I do if she is saying she needs space to process how she feels?
This video is about plumbing?
Over a year ago, my wife said that she wanted a divorce, and moved into the guest room. Now she is planning to move out on July 1, after the kids school year ends.
My wife sees and believes my changes. But she says it’s too late. Her main complaint, in a nutshell: I never gave her my whole heart without reservation. And you know what? She’s right. I always held a little back. And it showed. I never cheated on her, but I flirted with other women. I did not take her needs seriously. She wanted to go out more to nice restaurants, for example, and I was too lazy to make that happen. But now that I am ready to give her my whole heart, she no longer wants it. We talk openly. We communicate openly. We get along. We are able to express our feelings to each other better than when we were together.
I am in the same boat.. I was or I am always working so it was hard to give her more than I usually could… now I am too late
Nah, I'm not offended by being told that. I'm just upset in general because I've never been good enough and they always leave for someone else. Yeah, it definitely is a me problem. Doesn't hurt any less. Thanks for the video Geoffrey.
well you need to start telling yourself you are good enough, because that internal self talk of you not being good enough will show
give yourself more credit and believe you are good enough
So how do we say go have another relationship and not do no contact at the same time
If she isn’t really leaving you, but all the sudden wants to be out with her friends more or away from you more, without leaving…is that really the same as “wanting their space” even if they don’t say that phrase?
it’s either she lost interest or she wants more space
Sometimes… stop trying to do things and just gotta let go
Coach I really got to ask you this because I see this a lot in your vids: what if she comes back and she lets the floodgates open... And the way she expresses that is by extreme disrespect and even with physicality?!
I'll just say this - If you believe your partner is such a bad person that even though you gave her the PERFECT ENVIRONMENT and every reason possible to behave well, that she still acts like a narcissist...
Then you need to get out of that relationship, but both people's sake.
But the irony in that is this - would you personally feel safe with someone who thinks that lowly of you? So have you REALLY created the perfect environment?
And if you admit that you have not created the perfect environment, why not learn to?
I can tell you, thousands of my clients have learned the right ways to create the 5 pillars, and they are always amazed as to how much their partner changes too, and realize how much more potential their partner actually had.
And you cannot just say "I tried that" - are you sure you tried it with the right HOW and WHY?
You can't just go to the gym, do it all wrong, and say "Tried that - doesn't work!" :)
Your videos are good and they help to have faith and to keep growing for ourselves. Do you believe anyone can change? Can a toxic relationship be healed?
He does not even think he needs to change even though I left ;(
This is incredible! Wow this is so helpful. I completely resonate with everything you’ve said
Definition of Internal Shift: 12:37 thank you G
Most definitely! I enjoyed making this video for you guys!
Me and my gf of 17 years have separated we have a 8 year old daughter she want talk to me at all what do I do