I agree with Stef on the impossibility of calmness in despair. When I was in despair, there was this kind of anger, agitation, rage. But when everything calms down and I got quiet in despair, I was close to do smg awful, bc calmness in despair sounds like acceptation for me, which is the last step of grief, it's the (my) end. And this was bad bad bad, very bad. Can't write the words, but you understand what I'm talking about.
I have used Abraham Hicks and Louise Hay so many times to bring me out of a dark place. Anything that gives you hope I suppose can be a starting point to moving forward 🤷🏻♀️ I suppose different things work for different people though, as you both always say.
Despair to me doesn't hold a lot of anger... when I'm angry I'm fighting despair...so for me it's like I'm an animal giving up before it knows it's going to die...
What to do with despair when looking at your overweight body and refusing to let go of the idea of weight loss, still trying to lose weight in order to feel and look better but at the same time failing and not succeeding?
I didn't know if I could watch this one. Turns out, I can't. I could talk about ****cide all day but despair? That's a pain point 🙁. I hate that version of me - she's so uncaring and unempathetic. Basically, the inverse of my healthy self - all emotions turned tf down and no personality. Not saying I like my healthy self either, just that I can at least negotiate with her? I hope that makes sense. But thank you for the video anyway. It was a safe way to discover this particular topic is a trigger for me 🩷🩷
I had to stop watching this. It reminded me of a very dark time in my mid 20's. Despair for me is the absence of any fear or anger, it's nothingness. I nearly k###ed myself in my mid 20's. I'm glad I didn't and I got the right support for my mental health. I've had bad times since but never as bad as that time. I'm 62 now and age really does help.
I'm not far into the video, but I gotta say... Despair, for me, is devoid of anger. It's utter surrender; I've no fight so anger would be redundant. Despair is the point at which nothing could make me feel much of anything e.g. when my nan was ill, things looked like the end for her, and I genuinely didn't care. I didn't feel like it was unfair or cruel or that I'd miss her. I wasn't in shock. I just went "ok". I was so deep in my depression, it had no meaning to me. It was a fact detached from my immediate feeling of emptiness. My despair comes AFTER distress (acute or prolonged), not alongside it. Think of it as the calm after the storm. Not in that I *feel* calm. Just that, the world feels still and distant in comparison to the prior chaos. I know I can't do anything about the wreckage but I can observe it without getting hurt; there's a safety in the unchangeable nature of the situation. I will say, tho, I CAN feel fear in that state. Not usually, but some fears are so pronounced, they sneak in - its individual. I don't fear death in the way most ppl do, but I have OCD. The fear of that being triggered would still be very present. It would be a sudden rush of energy and fear to restore order and then... despair again.🫥 In other words: Distress = chaos/heightened emotions/lots of motivation for action (even if unable to follow through) Despair = emptiness/stillness/indifference/hopelessness IMO😅
I agree with Stef on the impossibility of calmness in despair. When I was in despair, there was this kind of anger, agitation, rage. But when everything calms down and I got quiet in despair, I was close to do smg awful, bc calmness in despair sounds like acceptation for me, which is the last step of grief, it's the (my) end. And this was bad bad bad, very bad. Can't write the words, but you understand what I'm talking about.
I have used Abraham Hicks and Louise Hay so many times to bring me out of a dark place. Anything that gives you hope I suppose can be a starting point to moving forward 🤷🏻♀️
I suppose different things work for different people though, as you both always say.
Despair to me doesn't hold a lot of anger... when I'm angry I'm fighting despair...so for me it's like I'm an animal giving up before it knows it's going to die...
What to do with despair when looking at your overweight body and refusing to let go of the idea of weight loss, still trying to lose weight in order to feel and look better but at the same time failing and not succeeding?
I didn't know if I could watch this one. Turns out, I can't. I could talk about ****cide all day but despair? That's a pain point 🙁. I hate that version of me - she's so uncaring and unempathetic. Basically, the inverse of my healthy self - all emotions turned tf down and no personality. Not saying I like my healthy self either, just that I can at least negotiate with her? I hope that makes sense.
But thank you for the video anyway. It was a safe way to discover this particular topic is a trigger for me 🩷🩷
I had to stop watching this. It reminded me of a very dark time in my mid 20's. Despair for me is the absence of any fear or anger, it's nothingness. I nearly k###ed myself in my mid 20's. I'm glad I didn't and I got the right support for my mental health. I've had bad times since but never as bad as that time. I'm 62 now and age really does help.
I'm not far into the video, but I gotta say... Despair, for me, is devoid of anger. It's utter surrender; I've no fight so anger would be redundant. Despair is the point at which nothing could make me feel much of anything e.g. when my nan was ill, things looked like the end for her, and I genuinely didn't care. I didn't feel like it was unfair or cruel or that I'd miss her. I wasn't in shock. I just went "ok". I was so deep in my depression, it had no meaning to me. It was a fact detached from my immediate feeling of emptiness.
My despair comes AFTER distress (acute or prolonged), not alongside it. Think of it as the calm after the storm. Not in that I *feel* calm. Just that, the world feels still and distant in comparison to the prior chaos. I know I can't do anything about the wreckage but I can observe it without getting hurt; there's a safety in the unchangeable nature of the situation. I will say, tho, I CAN feel fear in that state. Not usually, but some fears are so pronounced, they sneak in - its individual. I don't fear death in the way most ppl do, but I have OCD. The fear of that being triggered would still be very present. It would be a sudden rush of energy and fear to restore order and then... despair again.🫥
In other words:
Distress = chaos/heightened emotions/lots of motivation for action (even if unable to follow through)
Despair = emptiness/stillness/indifference/hopelessness
IMO😅