This reminded me of this poem I wrote months ago. “It’s Ok To Say No” There are some people in our lives to whom we have a hard time saying the word no. We may feel a sense of entitlement to them even if there is no particular debt we owe. You may be one who is afraid to say no, thinking a relationship could potentially end. It could be a situation where you are tying too hard to get someone to be your friend. It's hard for you to ask those you help for favors, thinking it's something you must earn. You devalue your time and efforts for them, so you never ask for anything in return. People may think that you just loving helping others and this is what you are all about. So, people will always come to you when they need help, expecting that free handout. When you give in to avoid arguments, this only takes away the other person's accountability. You have to say no to people sometimes so they can learn to take their own responsibility. You continue telling yourself that you are doing these things out of kindness or love. To avoid conflict or hurt feelings, you keep allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. You have to also look out for your own self and this is why boundaries need to be set. Don't allow yourself to become that person people go to when they want their needs met.
Oh I’m a graphic designer. All clients do this to graphic designers. Everyone wants their graphic design work as rush jobs. I’m so proud of your friend for stopping this pattern.
I am a recent graphic designer graduate. Back in college, we had a ton of work to do and I noticed we were burning out. In response to the workload, I took less courses at a time and only focus on what is important. I also said to my instructors, "can you extend the deadline on this project? I am not able to meet at the assigned deadline and will need a bit more time to complete it." We were taught graphic design lessons but not self-esteem matters. We were not taught how to respond to certain situations like if a client ask too much of us. I think that is a missed opportunity and a flaw in the education system.
1) Pay attention to your resistence of doing a favour 2) You nedd to say 'no' sometimes 3) Ask yourself: what it is taking you to be like this? 4) Make a rule for yourself: from now until the next request you receive, you're going to respond with ''let me get back to you'' (what do you actually have capacity for?) 5) Set your priorities 6) Check yourself (why is it that you always feel a need to say 'yes'?) Also remember that not all people are going to be happy with your change. They only want you for your 'yes'. Thank you Julia for such a great video!
Thank you for this particular topic Julia. This is something I am currently going through right now. This particular video is very timely for me. I enjoy and appreciate all your content.
I am basically speechless. This video is my life exactly. I now have 5 weeks hospitalized and need to have many shift while I can focus on myself. Julia thank you for all ur knowledge.
Great episode Julia! 👏👏👏 thank you so much for this teaching. Much, much needed help for a zillion of us, being raised by parents who made us servants to them and wanted us to have no boundries, because it benefited them 🥺
So so helpful to say "no " sometimes to be more appreciated. You are so right! This is a very important advice!! But it took me ages to understand that. Thank you very much! Many greetings from Germany. 🙋🏻♀️❤
This is a great video. One thing I struggle with is when comparisons are foisted upon you by family, friends, superiors at work, marketing ploys, etc. Once you’ve established what you really want as a person, there is a lot of pressure on that from others who are jealous and or need to fill a void in their life or work.
One of the Shifters here, this really got me thinking. The one that resonated with me the most is that when we say yes to something, we say no to something else. I really want to help everyone and be the go-to person for others, but I guess I often forget about my own needs and wants in the process. Kinda like being afraid of missing something out and wanting to build relationships since I feel quite lonely and I thought people needing me is a one good way to start relationships. Will be working on setting my own priorities better, thank you for the video ❤
I am new! My name is Greg! I am a professional Drummer from Toronto Canada, and as a session drummer, my job was to support thr artist, what ever the song required reguardless of what I felt best suited the music, my purpose was to give them what they needed and in a suttle way, own iot as if I created it. This does'nt work in personal relationships and I am gladd I found your voice...I will become a member.... You arfe the mentor I have been looking for! So grateful!! Oh, btw, she is out of my life because I won"t anable her to abuse and use me anymore.... I am 59,she's 57, and after 3 1/2 years, I finally accepted who I am, a lot of inner work, and she doesn't like this version of myself that is self reliant for my happiness. That I genuinely actually unconditionally love her. A person (me) that knows I am preventing her from growing by allowing her to to remain sustaining this false sense of self by validating her superior attitude and entitlement by coming back and trying to proove my worth by coming back. It's making me lonely. I would rather be alone then lonely with her.
Thanks, Julia Kristina, M.A. Psych for today’s video 6 Ways to Stop Being Used by Others. I don’t think this is an issue for me right now, but I will be mindful of it. Here are my notes: 1.If someone is asking you for something of you and you are feeling hesitant or resistant, and it doesn't feel right - pay attention to it. 2. If you want people to value your time and respect you more, you need to say "no" sometimes or "yes" with parameters and boundaries. 3. Make a rule for yourself right now that if someone ask you to do something or a favor, respond first with "Let me get back to you." 4. Set your priorities. 5. If people got used to you being the "yes" person, but you start to put up boundaries, some people are not going to like it. Accept that you may lose people. 6. Connect with yourself.
I feel like that about a hobby I got into during the pandemic. I guess I was using it to not deal with other things but now I want to put more time into other things but people expect me to post as much as I used to, and it's not like I want to quit completely, tho I feel like if I keep pushing myself then eventually I would lose all interest and end up vanishing, so it's a struggle to find the balance 😔
I have gone through this in the workplace . I have recently started to set boundaries especially my supervisor and she has been difficult recently . Any advice on how to handle that ? ❤
We live in a world where people will the slam the door in your face without hesitation and they won't care how badly you need what's behind that door. So you can close doors on others when you need to. Slamming is rude BTW.
I am a recent graphic designer graduate. Do you need any help with your materials, Julia? 😂 Anyways, I believe if we can see life as an experience to be lived, not an expectation to be met, it would greatly help us to not feel bad about setting boundaries and have effective communication. There are times when saying no is more difficult like being threatened to be fired or punished by parents who can't or won't accept boundaries. However, setting boundaries will enable us to find and develop relationships that will value us and let go of those that don't.
wot if u get threatened to lose it job and friendship along with a threat of phisical abuse by thst persons male lodger who is a dangerous psychopath and is on bail for violence?
This reminded me of this poem I wrote months ago.
“It’s Ok To Say No”
There are some people in our lives to whom we have a hard time saying the word no.
We may feel a sense of entitlement to them even if there is no particular debt we owe.
You may be one who is afraid to say no, thinking a relationship could potentially end.
It could be a situation where you are tying too hard to get someone to be your friend.
It's hard for you to ask those you help for favors, thinking it's something you must earn.
You devalue your time and efforts for them, so you never ask for anything in return.
People may think that you just loving helping others and this is what you are all about.
So, people will always come to you when they need help, expecting that free handout.
When you give in to avoid arguments, this only takes away the other person's accountability.
You have to say no to people sometimes so they can learn to take their own responsibility.
You continue telling yourself that you are doing these things out of kindness or love.
To avoid conflict or hurt feelings, you keep allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.
You have to also look out for your own self and this is why boundaries need to be set.
Don't allow yourself to become that person people go to when they want their needs met.
Oh I’m a graphic designer. All clients do this to graphic designers. Everyone wants their graphic design work as rush jobs. I’m so proud of your friend for stopping this pattern.
Yes - I was really happy she did that too - instead of letting bitterness and resentment build up
I am a recent graphic designer graduate. Back in college, we had a ton of work to do and I noticed we were burning out. In response to the workload, I took less courses at a time and only focus on what is important. I also said to my instructors, "can you extend the deadline on this project? I am not able to meet at the assigned deadline and will need a bit more time to complete it." We were taught graphic design lessons but not self-esteem matters. We were not taught how to respond to certain situations like if a client ask too much of us. I think that is a missed opportunity and a flaw in the education system.
1) Pay attention to your resistence of doing a favour
2) You nedd to say 'no' sometimes
3) Ask yourself: what it is taking you to be like this?
4) Make a rule for yourself: from now until the next request you receive, you're going to respond with ''let me get back to you'' (what do you actually have capacity for?)
5) Set your priorities
6) Check yourself (why is it that you always feel a need to say 'yes'?)
Also remember that not all people are going to be happy with your change. They only want you for your 'yes'.
Thank you Julia for such a great video!
I love how you aired yourself out in this series. Definitely gives all of us something to think about. This was helpful ❤
Yes! This was my mistake, and mine to fix as well.
I'm so glad you found this talk helpful. And thanks for being here.
Marek - Shifter. Thank you Julia for these reminders and tips of how to better preserve our wellbeing and prevent things from piling up. :)
Yes, yes and yes! So so important.
@@juliakristinamah Thank you! :)
Love it! I often want to say no, but I really do not know which words to use. You give a lot of expressions, which are so helpful. Thank you.
Thank you Julia, take good care of yourself as well
You're so welcome. And thank you ❤
Thank you for this particular topic Julia. This is something I am currently going through right now. This particular video is very timely for me. I enjoy and appreciate all your content.
Really glad this one connected. Thanks for taking the time to say so.
I am basically speechless. This video is my life exactly. I now have 5 weeks hospitalized and need to have many shift while I can focus on myself. Julia thank you for all ur knowledge.
Great episode Julia! 👏👏👏 thank you so much for this teaching. Much, much needed help for a zillion of us, being raised by parents who made us servants to them and wanted us to have no boundries, because it benefited them 🥺
So so helpful to say "no " sometimes to be more appreciated. You are so right! This is a very important advice!! But it took me ages to understand that.
Thank you very much! Many greetings from Germany. 🙋🏻♀️❤
This is a great video. One thing I struggle with is when comparisons are foisted upon you by family, friends, superiors at work, marketing ploys, etc. Once you’ve established what you really want as a person, there is a lot of pressure on that from others who are jealous and or need to fill a void in their life or work.
One of the Shifters here, this really got me thinking. The one that resonated with me the most is that when we say yes to something, we say no to something else. I really want to help everyone and be the go-to person for others, but I guess I often forget about my own needs and wants in the process. Kinda like being afraid of missing something out and wanting to build relationships since I feel quite lonely and I thought people needing me is a one good way to start relationships. Will be working on setting my own priorities better, thank you for the video ❤
I am new! My name is Greg! I am a professional Drummer from Toronto Canada, and as a session drummer, my job was to support thr artist, what ever the song required reguardless of what I felt best suited the music, my purpose was to give them what they needed and in a suttle way, own iot as if I created it. This does'nt work in personal relationships and I am gladd I found your voice...I will become a member.... You arfe the mentor I have been looking for! So grateful!! Oh, btw, she is out of my life because I won"t anable her to abuse and use me anymore.... I am 59,she's 57, and after 3 1/2 years, I finally accepted who I am, a lot of inner work, and she doesn't like this version of myself that is self reliant for my happiness. That I genuinely actually unconditionally love her. A person (me) that knows I am preventing her from growing by allowing her to to remain sustaining this false sense of self by validating her superior attitude and entitlement by coming back and trying to proove my worth by coming back. It's making me lonely. I would rather be alone then lonely with her.
"Let me get back to you" definitely using this one. Thank you so very much.
So understand how your friend feels!’
Glad it felt relatable. Thanks for being here.
I’m going to listen to this over and over! Such a big struggle for me. Thank you for all your help with these videos ❤
Excellent video! Just what I needed to watch today! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks so much for you're support - really glad it came at the right time.
Your approach with genuine compassion us refreshing. Thank you
Thanks, Julia Kristina, M.A. Psych for today’s video 6 Ways to Stop Being Used by Others.
I don’t think this is an issue for me right now, but I will be mindful of it.
Here are my notes:
1.If someone is asking you for something of you and you are feeling hesitant or resistant, and it doesn't feel right - pay attention to it.
2. If you want people to value your time and respect you more, you need to say "no" sometimes or "yes" with parameters and boundaries.
3. Make a rule for yourself right now that if someone ask you to do something or a favor, respond first with "Let me get back to you."
4. Set your priorities.
5. If people got used to you being the "yes" person, but you start to put up boundaries, some people are not going to like it. Accept that you may lose people.
6. Connect with yourself.
Thanks Chris
@@juliakristinamah My pleasure.
Listening to this over and over so it really sinks in!
Always so helpful ❤
David, thanks for your many insights, lifelines on a daily view, any advice for pasive /aggressive in the work place, from Aus, chers
I feel like that about a hobby I got into during the pandemic. I guess I was using it to not deal with other things but now I want to put more time into other things but people expect me to post as much as I used to, and it's not like I want to quit completely, tho I feel like if I keep pushing myself then eventually I would lose all interest and end up vanishing, so it's a struggle to find the balance 😔
It is a dance to find that balance - and I see you doing the work to find it. Thanks for watching.
Great content, love your videos, im learning alot, Joe Atlanta, Ga
I never said no to my ex-friend Becky Keena because I didn’t want to let her down Julia.
This was so helpful, thank you ! 🇨🇱❤
Definitely going to start using "Let me get back to you"
I have gone through this in the workplace . I have recently started to set boundaries especially my supervisor and she has been difficult recently . Any advice on how to handle that ? ❤
❤yes such healing
We live in a world where people will the slam the door in your face without hesitation and they won't care how badly you need what's behind that door. So you can close doors on others when you need to. Slamming is rude BTW.
Sometimes I think my ex-friend Becky Keena took advantage of me because I couldn’t say no to her.
My ex-friend Becky Keena had a very hard time with the word no Julia.
Becky Keena is a very jealous person Julia.
I was a people pleaser with my ex-friend Becky Keena Julia.
Nice
I am a recent graphic designer graduate. Do you need any help with your materials, Julia? 😂
Anyways, I believe if we can see life as an experience to be lived, not an expectation to be met, it would greatly help us to not feel bad about setting boundaries and have effective communication. There are times when saying no is more difficult like being threatened to be fired or punished by parents who can't or won't accept boundaries. However, setting boundaries will enable us to find and develop relationships that will value us and let go of those that don't.
Hi!
Hi! Welcome here. Thanks for watching!
❤
Hi
❤❤❤
Boundries. No, it has a period behind it.
Yes it does! No is a complete sentence.
🙃
wot if u get threatened to lose it job and friendship along with a threat of phisical abuse by thst persons male lodger who is a dangerous psychopath and is on bail for violence?
Get to the point already
What a great video Julia, thanks for sharing with us! 😊🩵