We Moved Across The Country For Work And I Hate It!
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When my son asked me if he should moved because of a job, I told him sometimes you have to go where the money is.
Moving from California to Iowa to do the same job, for a much better pay, with much smaller bills I wholeheartedly agree with you! Although I always wanted to get out of that liberal hellhole
Women complaining about this while their husband's are working always gets me. She's complaining about about having nothing to do all day. Get a job or something.
that house and yard better shine
@@NrthrnKnght better smell dinner when i walk throught the door!
Actually, what she is complaining about is not so much boredom, as much as the lack of a support system. I’ve been there, so I get it. But like John said, she will need to make the effort to create that. It doesn’t tend to just walk up to you.
@@melstarr1864sounds like the same thing to be perfectly honest with ya. Not disagreeing as both can be true at the same time. Still changes nothing though.
@@Jzzonem Having been in this situation myself, a lot can be changed when you choose to step up and create your own support system. It can be hard for some people who are introverted, but once they make it happen, they will be much happier, and boredom will be a thing of the past.
Same here, we moved to TN from Boston and we ain’t going back. Love it here!!!
I moved from Mississippi to Butte, Montana. It was a huge transition that was not ideal at the beginning. We've been here four years and are *just* now feeling connected, mainly because we found a great church and became stable in our jobs. Now we are looking to buy a house here.
I will say too that Montana has one of the highest, if not the highest, depression and suicide rates in the country. The seasons and long winters really do get to you - get outdoors (even in the winter! skiing, snowshoeing, etc) as much as you can. Take a vitamin D supplement.
Montana is terrible.
@@lisaowen7617 Sorry you feel that way!
I heard about that about Montana and I was a bit surprised. I'm even MORE surprised that anyone would actually move to Montana!
@@Essays4College Montana is a terrible place. Yuck.
I love winter time and the holidays in general
I’m from Texas and moved to Havre Montana. First year was rough. I never experienced such a hard winter. I’m a little more acclimated now and seasonal depression is real. Luckily I have made great friends and now I can see myself living here forever. It’s crazy how just two years ago I wanted out!
Whoa, you DID move to a small place.
Montana is awful.
@@lisaowen7617 There's a ton to do in Montana if you like the outdoors. It's definitely a more beautiful state than Texas. No doubt the winters are awful though.
Sounds like somebody should’ve investigated the winters and the location before they moved. It’s not all about money. That’s what I learned when I moved to Bethel Alaska from Michigan.
Get out of your house, make friends, get a job, get a dog, go to church, take courses online, exercise, volunteer, etc. YOU absolutely have to make the effort. No one will do this for you. I've been there many times.
10000% percent. What is wrong with people. This shouldn't even be a matter of discussion. Common sense 101. You move to a brand new place. You have to plug in and get some elbow grease.
You moved to Billings MT, what do you expect? People don't think before they move thousands of miles away.
Just looking at dollar signs instead of what they were moving into.
That city sounds boring.
@@kekejefferson9219
She sounds a little immature. She seems spoiled.
@@kekejefferson9219 yeah because theaters, galleries, museums, breweries, historical sites, hiking, kayaking, fishing, skiing, hunting, and more are all so boring.
@@kekejefferson9219
You should get out more..
Isolation is a terrible feeling. Dr. Jon nailed this one. I had a similar experience moving from my rural hometown to urban college setting. Say yes to people and once you form a community anywhere can be home.
I would say yes, anywhere can be home for a while. Enjoy the experience of where you are. Learn to do different things, meet new kinds of people, develop interest in a place by learning local history. If ultimately a place doesn't suit you, know that you can make an exit plan at some point. But Montana is tough in the winter. That's why there aren't so many people there. You might not be able to go out at all sometimes. Maybe they didn't think it through as well as they should have. If her husband is on the road more now, it means she feels even more isolated more often. Make the most of it now, and re-evaluate in a year or so. More money does not always equal a better life.
Isolation is terrible for some, but others love it.
"Isolated and don't like the winter weather." Chose to move to Montana 🤦♂
Do people not research where they plan on moving to?
Hard to know how bad winter might be in Montana until you live it.
I’m a Montanan. I lived in Marathon FL at one time then we moved up here. I know-from the beach to the mountains. Love the cold. Love the beautiful area I live in. However, the transition was tough because I loved the ocean. My sixth grade teacher the first year was a piece of work. However, going to Whitefish Lake tomorrow with family. Going to see wild horses. I’ve learned to see the beauty wherever God leads me.
U can research n have an open mind doesn’t mean u will like it enough that u feel comfortable…🤔🙄
@@bradleymaravalli2851 Yea but all it takes is to look where it is on a map and see what the elevation is. They shouldn't be surprised winter is bad.
@@redfox_84 Everyone knows Montana's winters are worse than Tennessee's winters. I just doubt this couple knew exactly how bad it would be.
Another person who thinks “being sad” is the same as mental health. Even it’s the right decision long term there’s always going to be a transition.
Don't you know that _her_ feeling is the only one that matters.
@@terriesmith2616 no. Feelings aren't the end all be all. Mental toughness is a part of mental health. She can get over her feelings.
Yeah I hate that people have made mental health a red herring.
I grew up in a state and moved in my early 20's with a toddler and baby to SC. The weather was such a shock, we were called yankees and the southern culture felt like another world. We plugged into a church and got very involved. It took about a year, but I grew to really enjoy the location. You have to make yourself meet people and make friends.
I sympathize with her. I moved for my husband's job to Colorado and a year later to Texas where we currently are. We moved during the pandemic but he gave the perfect advice to not isolate yourself and to branch out and make friends. Even if you move it will make the time that you're there more enjoyable.
This is why I watch this show. You guys help change perspectives for the good.
Dr. John was very compassionate regarding Kayla's feelings and predicament. Missing home, family, friends and familiarity is very real. Some people can adjust quicker than others. Some need more time and others are just not vibing with the new change - AND THAT IS OK. I like how Dr. John didn't dismiss her feelings or made her feel like she failed, complete opposite. Kayla and her husband made a huge change by moving away from their comfort zone which takes a big step already (so kudos to you!) and now doesn't like it. That's ok! Try living there a few more months with a shifted mentality and see how that goes. And if you really don't like it apply to go back to your home town. But at least you tried and experienced something new! Don't let that new experience drag you down. Make it a growing and learning experience. :)
Way too many people moving to MT, don't discourage them from leaving.
In my case, I moved to dramatically different areas of the US for college and grad schoool. I hated being away from my hometown, but looking back, it was something I needed to do and I grew from it. It allowed me to reach my career goals.When is was all over, I moved back home.
My cousin was married to an Air Force soldier for 12 yrs. Every single place they move to she hated. She was a total California girl and missed family too much. She made him get out of the service because she hated the travel and then a year later she divorced him. Not everyone is cut out to relocate. A lot of people can’t get out of their comfort zone, need familiarity and are miserable if they’re not in the city/area they grew up in.
It takes a while to make new friends and connections when ever you move.
Great advice! I needed to hear this because I just moved from TX to SC and I miss my family/friends. I hope to find a church here that I can connect with soon! Thank you!
I've gotta say, I live in Billings MT. We do get all four seasons, we just get them about every other week xD I've always loved it, lol.
Yup, all four montana seasons: winter, second winter, summer, and early winter!
That doesn’t mean she has to love it
Really good advice here! I moved to LA from Colorado. Miss my family a lot. Nice to hear that this is normal and great advice to make some changes and try something new.
I retired from my state job in
Santa Cruz Ca. A few weeks later my landlord said she was gonna double my rent. So I went on line and bought a home in Texas sight unseen
$23k. Moved to Tx. Hate it here. But I now have
No debt. No rent. No mortgage.
So I love it here
Yikes. Santa Cruz vs. Texas. That sounds like a rough adjustment. Santa Cruz is one of my favorite places on earth. No mortgage is nice though.
I couldn’t do it. But good for you
Great advice!! The minute she said she was from Tennessee, I knew why she missed it. We LOVE Tennessee.
I tried living in TN from 1995 to 1997 and I never felt more rejected and alone because I was an outsider and did not grow up there. I tried church and was snubbed. I couldn't wait to get out of there and go back to the west coast.
Kayla is experiencing culture shock. She's moved from her home to a new place that's completely different than what she's used to. If she can figure out how to get through the culture shock, she should be fine. Good luck, Kayla!
The entire US has the same awful culture
Some people are always unhappy.
I moved 600 miles away from my family, friends, and hometown almost exactly one year ago, knowing no one in my new town. Of course, there were things that I didn't love about my new surroundings, but I chose not to focus on them. Every time a negative thought would come into my head, or I'd make a negative comparison, I'd start to list reasons why I loved my new place. I also did what John talked about with forcing myself to go places and be a part of groups. I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't gone to church and participated in outreach groups. I'm not saying I'm perfect -- just trying to give ideas to someone who might be going through the same thing.
Moving is often difficult physically and emotionally . Just try to focus on you . One step at a time . Rebuild slowly . It’s hard I understand. You may discover new things . Great advice . Find joy and own it 🥰
you moved to MT. what did you expect. LOL.
All she had to do was research the place first.
It's terrible.
Immerse yourself into where you are! You have not given it long enough. It takes a long time to develop friendships .
Don’t live in the past
Get involved with your church, find social groups that you have common interests or hobbies with
Grass always looks greener on the other side. Didn’t you do any research “before” you moved there.
Great advice from someone who had been through it.
Moves take a minimum of two years to adjust to. Give yourself at least two years before you throw in the towel. HINT: it’s not the outside that’s bothering you, time to look within.
Not necessarily. I moved from California to Texas years ago. It took a year to adjust. Some people adjust sooner...some will take longer...some never adjust.
Great advice guys! 👍 grow where you are planted honey.
So no one asks how the husband feels? I guess his feelings don’t count. Princess probably approved this move and now wants to go back
Also, when she married her husband, he became her family.
In this channel, husbands are just an ATM to wives. His feelings don't matter, only the wife's feelings count.
@@terriesmith2616 of course
Surprised to see the negativity towards Montana in these comments. It’s clearly not for everyone but it’s a nice place.
Except for the cost of living!
I think one particular commenter might be a Montanan that is sarcastically commenting to deter incoming folks lol.
Very good, specific advice on this call.
Its takea time to adjust to a new place. But you have to get out and meet people, join local groups, a gym, go out on dates, local outdoor stuff. I've done it many times over and I always end up missing where I just left because I miss the life I make in that particular place. Started over in Houston, San Diego, las vegas, austin.....helped me grow and I've made a great life in every city.
If a wife doesn't feel like her husband is "family" then the marriage is not long for this world. 💁
Excellent observation. Lol
Of course. Hes just a wallet to her.
@@crzyruskie86 That’s how many of them feel. They just don’t admit it because women have accountability issues and it’s been proven time and time again,
Let's not be too judging here. I moved once and hated it. My husband and kids are my family, but my husband was gone at work and loneliness is a very real thing. Many blessings to you all.
You sound so ignorant. He's a truck driver so probably not home alot. She's home with kids and no extended family. You have no idea how difficult that is. I've moved away from everyone I've ever known twice. I love my husband more than anything (which is why I moved with him) BUT that doesn't mean I don't miss my friends and family and that I don't get depressed. Luckily my husband is not offended by this like you seem to be. He supports me through it and helps me move pass it.
I moved to a new place but I made the effort. Joined an adult ice hockey team, community strings orchestra, local crossfit gym, made a huge garden and took advantage of outdoor activities. There's no excuse for loneliness, boredom, etc. It's called effort and becoming a grinder. Get plugged in and you will find people that you connect with. Eventually things will fall into place but sacrifice is needed girlfriend. Things don't magically fall from the skies without effort.
I lived in NY for work and never felt at home or used to it. I always felt depressed. We moved to Tennessee for my job and we love it here so much. We will probably retire in the mountains.
Where are good places to live in TN? No income tax state and lower property taxes are a big plus!
I have a slightly different issue to this, I hate the area that I live in and have for a decade + and want to get out ...except I have a decent job and own my home...the area for me has too many negative reminders so I bury myself in work. Ive actually been working on upgrades to my house so I can eventually sell it in the next year or so, the older I get the more I feel the window is closing on me to make the change ...Im not a huge risk taker either so I do lots of research on areas that I am considering moving to.
I just looked at Billings on the map. There is everything you could possibly want there. Lots of food, lots of fun things to do in the town, and best of all you go a little out of town and have amazing outdoors! This woman is not trying to settle in on purpose. She probably didnt want to move because her friends made her feel like some sort of important socialite and now shes having a tantrum. Good grief.
She does sound spoiled ‘mental needs’. How privileged she is.
She didn’t say anything about what her husband thought of it.
Right!? Seems like a great place. Be brave, make friends, join clubs, and travel more come the winter time. Problem solved.
There is definitely not lots of food in Billings Montana. It’s not even in the mountains, though it has close access to them a few hours in most directions.
If you like outdoor activities, camping, hiking, fishing, etc., it’s got all of that nearby. But if you’re not so much into that, it’s definitely short on other things.
There’s a LOT of assumptions in this comment.
Looks boring af
Struggling with this prospect right now. In my heart I want to move more out west (UT/CO) from the southeast. I love the outdoors and heart is pulling me there but my family and friends are here and I’m so torn
the pay is higher because no one wants to live there ... Beulah ND .. where is that ... exactly
The sun is so important for health, I couldn’t imagine being without it everyday. SAD seems like it is hard to navigate in a place like where she is. They probably jumped at the chance to make more money because they heard Dave’s voice. Another example where you have to do your own thing and stay where you are happiest. I’m home here where I can go to the beach, mountains, desert in less than an hour.
Easy and quick answer for you.. Get to work!!!!
I did the same thing when I moved my family from Florida to North Carolina and he is right you have to get your self out of the funk and go out and make life fun where your at home is where your kids and husband are not your friends and mom and dad are
Billings winters can be rough. Almost went to MSU Billings back in the day for football :)
The hardest part about living in Montana is the 5 months of winter. Back in the 90s people with lots of money would come on vacation in the summer, say "It's so beautiful here, let's move." They'd buy land, build a big house, and after the second winter they'd sell it and move back to California.
Old man Winter used to keep out the riff raff.
Great answer from John
This call came at the right time. We made the decision to leave the county that we grew up in and began raising our kids in but affordability is ridiculous. We bought somewhere where we can afford while still keeping time with our kids and giving them a yard to play in but were worried a bit about feeling isolated from current family and friends. Mindset! get connected. make new friends. grow our community
Dr John always has the best advise. Love having him on Ramsey
This is great advice.
I'm considering moving to Omaha, NE from Orlando, FL since I work from home and Omaha is where my job is headquartered. Also rent is a nightmare here in Orlando. Omaha rent is cheap. And I'm a single male with no kids or debt.
You work for Berkshire lol. Might as well just leave the country.
@@Koolej98 LOL I wish
couldn't you just live somewhere cheaper in Florida?
@@Ep1cRainbow I've found decent rentals in up north Florida, but they're few and far between for what I make. And many of them are bottom of the barrel in terms of amenities and space, but the prices remain high on even those.
Move to Nebraska, as a single guy? Florida is the place, hands down.
As someone who is from Boston, I wouldn't wanna come back if I were George either lol
I felt like this when my husband was stationed in Augusta, GA.
Great Message
Excellent advice ❤❤❤
She sounds entitled
Me and my wife can move anywhere because we love isolation and don't care much for other people.
There's a lot to do in MT. It's ok for people to get outside and exercise. I know most people don't have hobbies that don't involve screens, but it will do you a lot of good to get outside!
Excellent John!!!
They have made us believe that money is more important than Life & Happiness, it’s not. I believe we should live where our heart is then find the best career you can there. 🙏🏿🙌🏾
Where I live in europe most People stay around the area they grew up in especially if you grow up near a big city.
I live in Stockholm sweden and have not more than 20 minutes to everyone i know and I love it for me staying with near my parents brother Sibblings grandmother nephews etc is important and more important than earning more money
Great advice!
I had a discussion with a friend about this exact same discussion. Who cares how much money you make if your miserable. On the flip side it's not worth living somewhere where you on the poverty line even if your in decent paying career.
Who cares how much money you make if you're miserable. Just end the sentence there.
How would you be on the poverty line if you make a decent wage? By definition that is not decent.
@@superblump87 if you make 60k a year in NYC or Seattle that's next to poverty line in terms of income to expenses however if you live in Kansas and say make 45k same career your middle class. Not too hard to figure out.
@@desertguy1362 are you trying to say 60k is a decent income?
at 23 i moved to SoCal from south Texas where i grew up, and it wasn’t too bad honestly. the traffic was claustrophobic but besides that i adjusted well to the new culture and climate. better than i even thought i would.
here’s the weird part: i’m now 29 and recently moved to Ohio, which is actually very similar to Texas in many ways in my opinion. the biggest difference is definitely the weather, it’s alot cooler here. obviously especially during the winter when it snows. but otherwise, very familiar. yet…. i’m actually extremely unhappy here. you would think it would feel kinda like coming home because they’re so similar but i don’t know. i’ve been battling extreme depression for a few months now since coming here. i’ve been miserable and can’t wait to leave. October will be my anniversary of moving to ohio. hoping to move on to something else soon… i can’t take it much longer.
billings montana is a gorgeous place .. you are just home sick
Does she work? Even part time? Iit's important to jump in and make a life for herself. Being busy helps significantly with being home sick. I moved to a new continent. I get it.
I know how she feels. I felt the same way when I moved the family to Austin, TX. As it turns out the wife and kids ended up enjoying Central Texas even though I didn’t. Now that we are back home I can honestly and pragmatically say while I didn’t care for it I am glad they got to experience living in a different part of the country and experience things they never would’ve been able to. I wish she would’ve included how the other members of the family feel about the move. She sounds a little selfish. It seemed to be all about her.
@Peter Osbourne, Jr I think the purpose of her call was to identify her own sadnesses and the changes she is recognizing with this move. Since she is not in the midst of current mental health therapy, she viewed the move as something they did for the money/career aspect only but then noticed a shift in her own moods and true happiness.
I moved to a new state 2.5 years ago and haven’t made any good friends yet. I’ve moved 40 times in 45 years to many states so I’m used to moving and making friends but this time has been hard. I have some family but only see them on holidays. Brainstorming ways to make more friends.
I've moved several times across the country. It's definitely not easy but there are so many ways to get connected to your community. I found volunteering is a great way to get out of your feelings and worrying about your "happiness". Stop being self centered and be of service.
Military people are going through this a lot and every place we went we miss Poeple from those town or others province and we have language differences not everyone speak English in Canada.
So don’t join the military
Try to find the good in your new location beyond the increased paycheck....whether that is a job for the caller, connecting with a church, the fact that you learn to ski, a new kind of flower grows in your yard during the short summer, or whatever. It is too easy to focus on what you have "lost." Try to find something good about the new location each day.
A light box can make a huge difference in the winter. ❤
Change is never easy. The ease of where you were in life to where you are going takes a strong person to handle this type of change. Find a church family.
I would say do some volunteer work if you are not religious
She needs to get over this and settle in
Get a job! Any job. A reason to get up in the mornings, interacting with work colleagues & customers will give you purpose.
The answer is always you got to plug in
I have moved countries three times, one was not English speaking. You just have to get out there and make the effort to meet people, whether that is through work or activities, or volunteering. Not everyone you meet will become besties, some will become more casual friends, but it is likely you will meet people you really click with.
I am old now, many of my friends have died. I just realised the other day that I need to 'recruit' new friends or associates! So I will do activities or volunteering, or some other project that will lead me to more like-minded peeps.
The grass is always greener - if you're willing to fertilize.
Too many people moved to Montana because they watched Yellowstone. Montana has become trendy. Hopefully, people fleeing Montana will become trendier. 🤞
Anytime things get trendy, stuff gets expensive, and idiots move in.
Them two moving is not the same as her moving.
There's nothing to do in Montana. Unless you like hiking and go camping.
Montana is terrible.
things are rough when you move to find a better truck driving job
One easy way to make friends is get a part time job that requires exercise so not cubicle stuff. You'll feel better because you're making some money, exercising and meeting people.
Why would someone who lives in an area with jobs move to another area for a job? You can’t tell me that they didn’t have a six figure job in TN. The move was completely unnecessary
Exactly and Billings, Montana is a small city of 109K population. There are many metropolitan areas in TN with thousands of jobs.
Nashville
Memphis
Knoxville
Chattanooga
Kingsport-Bristol-Bristol(VA)
Clarksville
Johnson City
Morristown
Jackson
Cleveland
John (and George) great, great advice. She's probably very glad she called you
Billings Montana is beautiful and a great place to live! Just saying
I watch videos of people vacationing in the Caribbean all winter to help get through cabin fever.
Change Is Part Of Life
I'm a otr driver, he can definitely find otr work. Might have to leave FedEx.
Girl from Wisconsin here 👋🏽 Seasonal Depression is 100% real. I get it every February-April!
Moving to Butte is not really comparable to moving to Nashville.
What a great question
She will never be happy.....
That’s a tough one 😞
My non-credentialed take on this: I'd prefer to live most anywhere in TN versus MT. Sure, MT is beautiful and worth a visit at least, but most people just aren't prepared for the looonnnnggg arctic winters there. My advice: bank as much money as possible in the next couple of years, then look to make your escape.
She either wants a divorce or needs a job