Thanks to Evy for sharing her wisdom with us! Leave a “YES” if you enjoyed this and share the biggest moment for you. And make sure to subscribe to never miss out on inspiring content like this again TH-cam.com/lewishowes
Yes! Love Evy and you, Lowes. What really hit home for me was when Evy shared how volunteering with the other survivors cleaning up helped to heal the trauma together, and that each of us needs a different form of therapy. Thank you! Keep up your great work! 🙏
The covert narcissist is the worst to be in a relationship with because everyone else thinks they are so kind and giving. They will help strangers but do nothing for their family. They volunteer to get praise, not for the sake of helping others.
Ive been learning about the spirit, aka energy body/biofield/chi/Qi. And quantum physics, but only in reference to these... but yeah! Be careful with emotions. That's how it begins. Thats how they get in. Have control over emotions and practice love. Be like a lion and only connect with your own.
@FredCarpenter-pb6bd they are not 98% of the population. That’s ridiculous. I’m talking NPD and on the extreme end. That is a once in a lifetime experience.
@@4787fhjjk It truly is once in a lifetime. At least I hope it is. I'm desperate to find someone in my vicinity who has, as you brilliantly put it, "danced with a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath", just to look them in the eye and give a knowing nod of validation and shared (and absolutely bizarre) experience and trauma. Because I've given up trying to explain it to people and seeing on their face, that they don't get it. Even mental health professionals, who may have read the recipe, but haven't actually tasted it. And it is such a specific taste and trauma. Before I "went to the dance", nobody could have described it to me in a way that would have given me even a 10% understanding.of the nature of these "people". Anyway. Cheers Take care of yourself and keep your eyes open.
We are part of a larger organism. The organism is suffering from a rapid takeover of malignancy. Almost every single person I have contact with behaves in narcissistic and malicious ways. And when they aren't, they are waiting for energetic cords or a moon cycle. They are organized and clearly have a mission. So either I'm a legitimate hostage or your statistics have changed.
Narcissism is a real thing, I lived with one for 11 years. To give you a feeling of what it's like try walking on quicksand, no matter what move you make or word you say you sink a little deeper.
She brings up some great points. 1. I don’t watch TV anymore and since I’ve been doing this for years now, I’m astounded by the junk being drip fed to people and they don’t even understand it. 2. Prefer a phone call over a text, face time is important. 3. Stop all social media, there’s nothing good knowing about someone else nonsense. If our new generations can’t wake up and realize what’s being done to them mentally, they’ll end up killing each other.
Most dangerous psychopath I have ever met got custody of my daughter! They will destroy everyone around because they are demoniac! He showed his true colors but I was unable to pick on it as I had no clue! This skills should be thought in schools!!!
@@pandacutie4557 Hle had a mom that he lived with. He was a teen and only visited occasionally. His dad, my ex, barely knew him because he'd made so little effort to get to know him. I wasn't equipped to raise a 17 year old autistic boy.
I grew up with not only a narcissistic mother but maternal grandmother too and no father on the scene. The problem with people like me is when we get into relationships, the red flags are there and you do get some gut instinct about it but the behaviour they are showcasing is also very familiar because it’s all you’ve known, so we constantly give people the benefit of the doubt
Im sad having a narc daughter! I hope for maturity and care every year, but nothing. Its hard on a parent cause I just cant cut her off and move, Im her Mom! So I live with heartache and wait for the next crisis phone call!😢
Evy Poumpouras's advice is spot on and truly resonates with me. As they say, "Surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you." Thanks for sharing such valuable wisdom, Evy! 🌟
But her ideas about no one being special are absurd and trauma based. And irrational. Being special isn't about being better tha. Other people or about other people not being special. It's about appreciating a loving the fact that you have been uniquely created to fulfil your own amazing life, and that the universe has actually called you forth to do what you can in life, that's a very beautiful and special thing, we all have it, and when you grasp it fully you will always treat people better, and alwaya be of more service. Being trained to feel like "you're nothing special" is actually narcisstic abuse. @@lewishowes
99.9% of people are self absorbed and not interested in someone else’s feelings so MOST PEOPLE BRING OUT THE STRESS IN YOU, NOT THE BEST IN YOU. You can only control your own behavior.
Listen when someone has drama in their life, it could also be because they are just suffering in this shitty life and isolated without a lot of help. Doesn’t make them a narcissist. Usually it makes them a target for narcissist.
What she said was “their drama will become your drama.” She’s not wrong (coming from someone who’s been through a lot and the waves aren’t necessarily a rolling sea-YET!) I’ve learnt to have high standards for myself. If I want to be better I need to associate with better. I’m doing the work. I stopped playing the victim a long time ago. I know things will continue to get better if I keep working and never stop putting one foot in front of the other.
1. Your circle matters- curate it 2. Be instrumental and team goal driven 3. Recognize the 4 animal archetypes 4. Notice the self focused individuals-red flag 5. Label the behavior not the person.
Was that sarcasm? I mean I was on this video for guidance on how to spot harmful personality types, but that discussion only began somewhere around the middle of the video.
Yes, refusal of communication, lies or withholding truth, dismissal, disrespect, blaming, anger are all part of the red flags!!! Run … to protect your sanity even your life!!! When someone shows you ‘who they are the first time, BELIEVE THEM!!!
I agree with you a lack of communication or poor communication has ruined many relationships. People think that being vulnerable is a weakness. No, it is actually a strength ,and allows people to better understand you not be angry let their guard down to in turn end up giving you what you want more importantly what you need we are Sometimes Hot behind walls and barriers not letting other people in which is a very thing we need to do to get our needs met
This video came as a confirmation for me. I recently removed the "consistent drama" flavor of people from my life. Before, I genuinely believed that I had a health issue. Once I cut ties, though, my energy levels returned, I could focus on my projects, and I rarely feel chronic stress anymore. I thought I was an island, unaffected by other people's affinity for drama. Boy, was I wrong.
It's amazing the recovery when cutting out toxicity from your life. I recently found a photo of me 14 years ago when I was in the last phase of my 10 year abusive marriage. I look older in that pic than I do now 14 years later! --Just by cutting out the toxic that was literally an agent of satan to destroy me. I even got near death ill for almost a year after leaving that situation and I still look younger now than then! This actually may be why predators will destroy the past and photos of their victims (which he'd destroyed all of mine that he could) because the before/after photos do speak for themselves 1000's of words. 💔
It's amazing the recovery when cutting out toxicity from your life. I recently found a photo of me 14 years ago when I was in the last phase of my 10 year abusive marriage. I look older in that pic than I do now 14 years later! --Just by cutting out the toxic that was literally an agent of satan to destroy me. I even got near death ill for almost a year after leaving that situation and I still look younger now than then! This actually may be why predators will destroy the past and photos of their victims (which he'd destroyed all of mine that he could) because the before/after photos do speak for themselves 1000's of words. 💔
In that area, I have learned to give other people, grace, mercy, kindness, and forgiveness because I know within myself I am a work in progress, and I don’t always have it together and always make the right decisions. When I make a mess I step back be quiet, self check and clean up my mess. It doesn’t make me a bad person or anyone else. It just makes us human.
"Their drama is your drama"-Ex-boyfriend always getting into fights-telling people to pullover-getting pulled over by cops-I'm always in the car when this happens... 15 years later he wanted to get back together!...NOPE...NOT EVEN AS A FRIEND.
I Spoke to both of my children in English while the rest of the environment around us was 100% Spanish. Today, they are 14 and 7, fluent bilingual and ready to learn a third language. They never struggled, it is just the best way to go 😊🎉
Exactly, you can tell when a new friend starts asking you very intrusive questions without fear or remorse despite seeing your reluctance to answer... they keep prying into your privacy. It's a sign of poor upbringing ...a need to dominate and make you vunerable to unforseen attacks.
did you read Jenny McCarthy's book.. she helped her son who was diagnosed autistic.. no gluten was one thing I heard her say along with anti-candida diet/antifungals.. check food allergies too..nutritional deficiencies, heavy metal detox, essential fatty acids for brain function..
Autism is NOT a disease you can cure. It is a frame in which an operating system is different from yours. Society has put a "norm" as to how we are supposed to behave. If we don't fit that "behave" "something is wrong"... says who?. Granted we can dimish outside stimulation. That's a HUGE one. But I'm not going to give my already hyper child more sugar and zero sleep. That's all you are doing when I see those suggestions. You are stating the obvious. Why not teach and accept and embrace Autism instead of looking at it like a fault or flaw.
Shes such a pro and such a solid and agreeable personality. Her introvertness is her strength, its become so rare to hear an hour of talking thats actually thought trough and not regurgitated.
She is such a self-aware speaker. I love how she redirected the personality question to a framework she was familiar with, and then later referenced the manner in which she redirected that question. Sharp mind.
These people are everywhere. Doesn’t matter if rich, poor, good looking or ugly. It’s shocking when it’s someone you trusted most or closest to you. Once you educate yourself to the level of spotting them and learn how to move on, that’s strength, power, and wisdom. You win💪🏻😉✨
True and it is sad however it is rooted in childhood and unresolved trauma and instead of being victimised they become the victimiser, it's horrible because they can do alot of damage to others. It's like you said it's just better to educate yourself and move on, noone is infallible to these types as they're good at making but a little bit of insight and observation can really help one dodge a bullet so to speak or if it's family at least play with a different rulebook once you understand their mind games.
My mother is a covert narcissist. It took me until 45 years old to fully get the picture, but knew something wasnt right since childhood. Half the problem, is the self-doubt, its part of their abusive bag of tricks to spin you in circles with sweet / mean cycles. I have since cut her from my life.
You teach your children that they are special to you as the parent and many others in life and not everyone will like, love or even care about you at all. Know your self worth and know what you bring to the table. Persevere and move forward in life regardless what or who tries to stand in your way. Be a great follower and leader. Be honest, trustworthy, kind, humble, knowledgable and loving.
She said something that really resonated with me about people that stay on their phone, aren't connecting, or spending too much time in a negative mindset: When we aren't connecting with people, we feel less empathy, we fear or don't like the other, & we are more likely to cause harm. She went on to pinpoint some of these mindsets. "You can sell anything to yourself if you want to".
And not to mention that ptsd and rumination is an actual thing. Covert narcissists treat people poorly behind closed doors and gaslight them in public.
Listen also Abraham Hicks short videos. She talks baout different topics people ask about different topics, As a spiritual being you may be inspired that there are other ways to find strength, be in the higher vibration. Usuall hobbies put people in place of happiness and higher vibration.
Yes. I sat and quietly explained to my family what "passive aggressive"; "gas lighting" and "Narcissism" is. I didn't point fingers or blame. It was obvious. I told them about what these terms meant; and that I was unwilling to deal with those behaviors; that said, I had nothing but love for family members. They did a step back. That's okay, we now have an UNDERSTANDING. They still contact me, and I them; but the least bit of emotional garbage and I will call them out where they stand. Not angrily; but very clinically. And positively reinforce all the good ones; cleverness, resourcefulness, care for others. my "mental disorders" were finally diagnosed. PTSD. I deal with that. In other words; I'm sore from being hit. I had to deal with being burned. And walk forward without the upset. I really enjoy what you said about parenting. My daughter got support...not fluff. No candy for tantrums. DEAL with it, work it out. Instruction in foreign language. YES. Don't isolate people by hampering them. Being able to communicate with other people is KEY. Knowing a few languages really really helps. It also communicates that no person is an island. We NEED others.
As a 13th Generation American and a 5th generation Californian, I just wish you New Yorkers would stay in NY rather than bring your tribal, arrogant, uncouth selves to The West where you mess our vibe and disrespect our culture. But yes, I love rude, entitled, foul people when I'm in New York where filth is the vibe.
This is soo validating for me. Because in the relationship I was in - whenever there was drama I just wanted to sit and think and find a solution. But the partner I had was always looking for shame, guilt, and blame. It makes sense why I got tired of him.
I just listened to your podcast, and I have to say-it’s the best one I’ve ever heard. I'm a 36-year-old business owner, and your story really resonated with me. I, too, am passionate about helping people and have been trying to find my path after leaving a cult at 18. It's been challenging, especially since I can't communicate with my family, but your journey is inspiring me to keep pushing forward. Thank you for sharing your story; it means more than you know.
In my experience there are two personality types, people that treat you the same no matter whether they are eye to eye with you or with you in a group setting and other people that treat you differently when nobody else is watching.
that's barely scratching the surface, the onion has so many more levels than that.. also you make it sound like it's okay to spie on people to determine how they act/talk when you are not visibly there.. and: it is the most often used excuse from abusrs for their own controlling behaviour..
Fully agree! I make the distinction between power people and eye-level people. The latter always treats you with respect and appreciation - regardless of the circumstances.
What my father taught us at a very young age was that we can achieve just about any goal you put your mind, attention and focus on. If you are given the opportunity to try to achieve that goal. Otherwise, you need to self educate yourself and learn as much as you can and do it on your own. No one can stop you beside yourself. You give positive reinforcement for good behavior and grades or teamwork and then also to have great sportsmanship when you or your team loses. It doesn’t make you a loser for life, it makes your loss for that moment important to understand and learn from it so you can get back out there and try to win.
Your first sentence resonates with me as my father said the same to me. I was ambitious, my sister confirmed this to me. Then I got married, 5 kids in 10 years. The Husband with his narcissistic behavior (almost)killed my spirit. After 20 years I divorced , cause 2 kids did suicide and I blamed him. Lack of Empathy was just 1 issue beside many others...Now I am 57, remarried, 3 adult kids. My self-esteem never came back. My Motivation is just enough for a day. No more ambition. No more Patience for anything that takes longer....(I tried 5 months patisserie. )so much damage done. Wondering what I do with the rest of my life. Don't want to sell my time for money.
Energy drainers who will not take accountability for their actions or refuse to be responsible must go! My life is important to me, and I am a humanitarian, empath, and human rights advocate. I matter! 😊❤
There were signs of abuse before my dad was diagnosed with cancer but it's my mother's name would have been fixed she could have taken care of my dad she didn't need nothing she didn't need my brother in that house with his p*** and his damn bear and it's over spending it was horrible these people were overtaken by adult people they needed and my sister was always drunk over there and insisting that my mother beat her punching bag for all her woes both my brother my sister needed to be gone spell love time in jail honest to God yes absolutely the time in jail and maybe a little training on how to treat elderly people and they're not even elderly they're just older. I was told this after human rights very important and I believe that humans should try to stay innocent as long as they can kids naturally want to stay innocent as long as they can and look what they have to contend with miserable sick too much for the human mind
My father used to say “nah! She’s no bloody different than any other kid her age!” but he was wrong. I AM DIFFERENT. I am gifted in ways that I’ve not seen before, and I have been hiding myself away but I haven’t been sure why. This has caused me so much anxiety and depression in the past but now hearing this, along with my own courage returning, I reclaim my voice and my confidence and I am grateful for what this has taught me. Thank you Alyonna. You have guided me through your own gifts in ways that you may never know. An arrow must be first drawn backwards before it can be launched towards its target 🎯
What you said about being on devices impairing empathy is very interesting. I (Gen X) am used to talking with people. I always chat with waitresses, cashiers, other people in line. I worked with a recent college grad who had moved to take a position and she complained to me, that she didn't like the city we were in very much, mainly because she hadn't made any friends. I asked what she liked to do and suggested that she chat with people in those settings, as a way to meet people, but her response was, "When I go somewhere, I just want to do what I went there for. I wear my earbuds, and I would be annoyed if people tried to talk to me." I could not convince her that she had to interact with people in order to make friends. On a related note, when I talk to strangers (especially my age and older), it is striking how happy many people are just to have a small interaction. I feel like if we could help younger generations learn this, we could create a lot more community and happiness.
I agree completely with you on all your points. I'm a boomer and I noticed that if I'm in a waiting room, usually the only people who aren't staring at their phones are people my age and older. They are the people who will likely smile and start conversations. You are absolutely correct in stating that small interactions do make people happy. I always try to make an attempt with older people especially, to say hello because I now know from experience there is a good chance their kids are gone, they might have lost their spouse and likely don't work. Older people often live very isolated lives. Humans need connection with each other. I won't even get started on how worried I get when I see young mothers holding babies and just starting at their phones. Technology is leading us into isolation both physical and emotional. I'm 63, the difference I see in social connection in society from my youth to now is incredibly sad.
This is one of those interviews that needs more than one listen. There are so many nuggets of wisdom. Thank you Evy and thank you Lewis for a fabulous interview!
Some people don't know how to move out from identity. One thing that genuinely helps me is recognizing my personal value. When I am satisfied with gratitude, my mind is free to be other-centered
I really love Evy Poumpouras, she's a straight talker, insightful and a great educator. Lewis has great guests on and asks good questions and flows well with his guests which is why it's a great show!
Thank you Evy for mentioning this: The similarity between athletes, military, and secret service is coachability. I've been an employer for decades and even if the term coachability was not commonly used or recognized, it was always one of the traits I was looking for in a prospective employee.
You have to let go of past traumatic events. You'll never forget. But you can let go of the feeling and the anxiety. That's what I had to do with my previous marriage.
@@carynmartin6053 That is not true. Your emotions are messengers there to protect you from harm. If you refuse to accept their message the emotions don't go away. They come back into your consciousness now and then trying to deliver their message. .......
..... In order to get past these emotions you MUST acknowledge the feelings and process then. How did you feel when something happened that caused strong emotions ? Were you safe to feel those emotions at the time or did you ignore them ? If they were suppressed and not fully felt at that time they will resurface to give you their painful message when you are safe to do so. Feeling and "processing" these emotions gets them out of your mind. Feeling painful emotions involves grieving. The crying that comes from feeling these emotions serve to get these feelings out. The feelings must be released or "expressed". This is a painful process but it cleanses away old emotions that were stuck inside you when you suppressed them. That is what grieving is. Feeling and processing these heavy emotions. Getting the pain out of your system. It is a natural way to sustain your mental health. 💖🙋🏼♀️
Wow, she is really good! I can’t believe I sat through an hour of this and it didn’t even feel like it was an hour. She has so much wisdom and knowledge and I learned SO much. Going to take a lot of her points to apply to my own personal life in order to improve and move forward. I can’t keep on talking about my problems and traumas over and over again, because I’ll live in this miserable state of mind always. I have to accept that bad things happened, but I must move forward and live life abundantly. Bring her back! I truly enjoyed this conversation! ❤
I really like Lewis's point about how talking about his problems helped him and how our culture conditions men not to express emotions. It is important for men to be able to discuss and express what they are going through and I suspect there would be a lot less men with anger problems if this was the norm.
Yes.the biggest moment for me is that my past doesn't define me and that I don't have to be a victim no longer Also not to label the person but recognize the BEHAVIORS! THANK YOU SOO MUCH TO THE BOTH OF YOU.
@@Sabrina-LosAngeles I've know of her for years as well but i guess i wasn't ready back then, she didn't resonate with me. I recently found her again and now i'm binge-watching all her interviews. I need more of that energy in my life🔥
When my au pair who had become my sister-in-law took it upon herself to create the best birthday parties, gifts and excludive trips with and for my daughters without even consulting me I tried to State my boundaries that I needed to be asked first in regard to my children- she thought I was only thinking about myself. She cut me out of the family circle and influenced my daughter emotionally and physically away from me saying I was the one who was over reacting. This to me is evil making.
Some people can’t look forward until they do the work. Trauma is not only in the mind but also in the body. There are also therapies that do not involve retelling traumatic events.
Brava! In this day and age, it is unusual for new parents to let their children experience negative situations so that they learn how to solve and handle adversity. I speak from the experience allowing our twin daughters to fail, to learn from their own mistakes without bailing them out. They are now 35, and they are wonderful, loving productive adults. I've had parents of their peers approach me, telling me that they wish they had not enabled their kids, because their children, now adults, are unable to accept responsibility for their lives.
Dude, babies do not “self soothe”. They’re wired for maternal (especially) skin to skin contact, and to learn to trust the world CARES about their needs. They build their nervous system adaptations from their primary interactions with caregivers. Picking up a crying baby to reassure them is NOT spoiling them. Now, having said that…, there are times when a baby can learn they are still safe even if you need to put them in a bouncy -where they can see you- to get a quick shower or wash some clothes or bottles. But it shouldn’t be for long when they’re very young (under 8-10 months, say). Never let them “cry it out” alone in a room at night. That’s just cruel.
You’ve never had a baby who learned how to be manipulative very early. I couldn’t put my girl down for more than a few minutes..she had to have all of the attention all of the time. The doc told me to let her cry it out. So I did. She was right there in the room with us while we retrained her. It took only two evenings, and she learned that she could not have all of the attention all of the time. I was exhausted, at my wits end, and was finally able to take a shower, eat my own breakfast, do the laundry, etc. Some babies ARE manipulative, and have to be retrained. This self-centeredness is inborn. My eldest was so jealous of her new sister that she went out of her way to make the younger miserable all of their growing years…and the younger was so frightened of her that she never came to me. When I found out years later, I was heartbroken.
This mission-oriented, it’s-not-about-me advice is necessary to serve in armed forces and law enforcement. It can, however, be dangerous advice for average people if you take it to too high a degree. It makes you highly susceptible to control groups and individuals. You need a balance of identity and group think to be a person who can critically think and discern. Again, it is necessary to look for that trait in armed forces in law enforcement but regular people have to beware of being “of service” too much. You can lose yourself and take on a controller’s identity. At that point, you can be coerced to do things you would never do in your own identity.
Love your comment. It needs to be highlighted. Especially since we live in a world that is actively seeking to dumb down and control most of the public and those who think and question are pushed to the fringes. Thank you again!
I’ve been naturally growing into myself. This interview is wonderful! It’s helping to put a visual and perspective on things. I would be grateful to learn more from this wonderful lady being interviewed. 💜♾️
No time left to teach things that matter in life. Critical race theory and understanding the "capitalism" is the driver of all evil on this planet is more important.
The most valuable thing I've learnt from her was to set boundaries from the start. People should know how they can and cannot treat and talk to you, in business that is even more important because some will disrespect you just because they think they are in a position of power over you, especially now with DEI appointments. Leadership matters in tough situations, grow a spine.
Totally agree; I owned 2 Businesses, and there’s that fine line of respect given( to keep clients coming in), and putting your food down, so I’m am not taken advantage of. My spine became solid. 😊
I am over 60 years and I am so glad I don't think I am alone because I live my life the same exact way she explains to you. I usually think I have a carefree thought but now with her explanation I really know who I am and that's why I am so physically and mentally fit. People usually tells me I am younger than my age because it's like I am age freeze
be careful with that, the worst narcisists are often great in a crisis, they shine and excell, but in the normal day to day setting they get bored, the yfeel scared and purposeless and their dark side takes over..
I respect this ladies service to her country. Respectfully, I also have to say that I appreciate her view, but simply see it as her life circumstance and how she sees the world through the lens of her own life. I don’t wish challenge on anyone, but it does change perspective. Often, for me it’s the people with more life experience, that have suffered for whatever reason that seem to truly want to help others and have the best information to share. And that is exclusively just my opinion and whom I choose to listen to personally
Love this woman! ❤ being investigative with people is always a must. Checking their integrity. Assessing their boundaries. I really enjoyed the talk on humility. I know in my 9 year degree “ humility “ was superimposed in on our classes. It’s something everyone should be aware of. Amazing words, “ I want her to know how to fail, and to fail well.” ✅
I so agree with the look at peoples patterns rather then what they say. Being instrumental or solution oriented is fine at work if your not being gaslit or manipulated. Working with others requires that your boss or others do their part as well. This was a problem at my old workplace the organization and structure of the environment their just didn't function correctly and the boss didn't step up and do her part of the work (I worked their for over 7 years). Now I am thriving at a different workplace where things are organized and they have systems and routines in place. So it is not all up to the individual. You can not fix something that is being run badly if your not in a management position. When you see experienced staff that have been their for years start to quit in masses it is time to move on. Just like with people look at your workplaces patterns, what is their staff turnover rate, how do they speak to/treat their workers on the floor? How is the general vibe their. Do they listen if many different people ask for a certain thing to be fixed?
She's spiritual yet very grounded....enjoy the good times, learn and grow from the tough times.....also may I add that adding humour into that mix will keep you very sane!
Thank you Evy for speaking with Lewis about what you went through because of your experience in 9/11 and moving forward from it. It means a lot to countless people to hear your story.
As someone who has 2 full blow narcissists as parents it’s been super hard not to be narcissistic too! I think for me being instrumental has been really healing as I can take criticism well and have learnt to overcome behaviour patterns. I love what she said about labelling people not behaviours as sometimes people need to relearn how to react!
My mom is a raging narcissist. It turned me into a co-dependent person. I had no idea what boundaries were until 4 years ago. I have some narcissistic tendencies but overall, I'm the opposite of a narcissist. The narcissists I've known LOVED attention and validation. They needed to be the center of attention and constantly self-promoted themselves. I hate being the center of attention and prefer being behind the scenes. I stopped seeking external validation early on and learned to develop internal validation. I also rarely self-promote and downplay any accolades.
This was a really good interview ! The woman is concise and explains things very well. She is a smart woman. The man ( host ) asks interesting questions. is engaged in the discussion, and is very professional. But what makes him a very good interviewer is the fact he is sincerely interested in the discourse, and he is actively listening which the woman appreciates. And this is where " chemistry " happens. They each work off of one another. GREAT interview..
This is great. This separates people that like drama and those that don’t. I have seen it in my family and helping my daughter to choose her life over a toxic relationship has been a positive thing. She is still struggling to find her identity but I believe that she will find herself as I have. Thank you for sharing.
Great interview, The gift is your life , talk less observe more, move from the past, label the behavior not the person, build connection and community.
Antisocial personality disorder is not just lack of empathy. It's diagnosed by a pattern of consistent behaviors over time. Lying, manipulation for personal gain, criminal versatility, impulsivity, substance abuse, parasitic lifestyle, no long term goals, disregard for the rights of others, many partners, etc. Sociopathy is just another name for aspd. Not all people diagnosed with aspd meet the criteria for psychopathy. Psychopathy isn't even a diagnosis in the DSM-5. Reduced empathy can be caused by depression, ptsd, autism, burnout, chronic @bus3, and entitlement. There is a lot of misinformation about this disorder, and it is caused by a mixture of trauma, environment, and genetics. Simply being a jerk doesn't make a person a sociopath. It's being used too often to discredit and label people.
This often shows up in the workplace where a sociopath may have a certain amount of chaos in their life but are very cool and calculating when they lie and manipulate to get their way. And when they do, they will order others around and defame them. The theme here is control and entitlement.
Indeed, and there is a big difference between narcissism and sociopathy. My father was a bit narcissistic. Could never admit fault, quick to anger/gaslight if criticized... but also affectionate and understanding (genuine emotion) in many/most scenarios. My step-mom, on the other hand, was full on sociopath with no ability to relate to anyone on a genuine level. Any caring or emotion she displayed was either from a textbook or mimicking what she'd seen in others. Whenever she found herself in a situation for which she did have a script, the real bizarre reactions would come out.
The cost to society It needs to become criminalised , l found so many Nursing lateral violence on a daily basis. It's everywhere family members , Partners . It's exhausting... Trying to recover , l feel for the younger generation the internet of everything is horrifying.
I’ve met several “jerks” in my 82 years of live, the one thing they all had in common was a lack of empathy and a lack social skills, focus on themself only.
Paused at 21:47 because I had always said this about my now 22 year old son since he was younger about wanting him to fail so he could learn to overcome struggles. His Dad and others thought I was crazy. I just didn’t want my son to be in his late 20s to 30s and fail at something deeply personal and not have the coping skills at a middle adult age and have that have a lasting impact. I totally get her point here!
I interpret her saying that it's important to remember the ones that WERE there for you during your cancer diagnosis/ recovery. The ones who were NOT , take note who your real village was by their actions
Self-awareness, empathy, resilience, and gratitude. Trauma teaches you these things once you look within and outward. Its hard learn and move on from but its possible. I got tired of suffering in my thoughts and letting my trauma take over me. The trauma that happened to you doesn't define you. You can control your thoughts, you can control how you react, and you can control who you let in/out of your life.
I’ve been blessed to raise 2 amazing teenagers, through an unwanted divorce. I gave my son and daughter boundaries, discipline, guidance and a ton of unconditional love and support. I am receiving a lot of great advice from this conversation but I wouldn’t ask a Secret Service agent for parenting advice:)
Wow this 57 minute video is amazing. It uncovers what true potential people have and choose daily to suppress it. Key takeaway for me would be not to revisit childhood trauma and just move forward. Thank you both for this great in depth analysis 🙏🏻
As a general rule of thumb most healthy minded people will have consistent behaviour. The odd outburst of temper is neither here nor there and is only what makes us human. However, there are people whose behaviour is inconsistent and may sway from one extreme to the other, and more often than not they will have some kind of personality disorder. Good video.
Children, especially young ones, need to learn to regulate their emotions with their parents support. That means hugging, telling the child everything's going to be alright, and age appropriate explanations. Not ignoring them!
She didn't say she ignores her child. Quite the opposite, she's highly observant and steps in when necessary which are the hallmarks of a strong and capable mother.
There is something almost musical in the wau she speaks. Its loud clear and decisive but st the same time warm valm and inviting. Its almost like a whisper but still loud but not too lid.. i could listen to her at day😊
Lewis speaks so authentically and eloquently at the 40-minute mark - it stopped me in my tracks. It is so powerful when men speak like this about their emotions and about finding another approach to expressing their emotions. I wonder that a lot of men would benefit to hear other men speaking like Lewis does here. This woman missed the moment completely and doubled down on her point of view. Lewis shows exactly how to be empathetic, authentic, emotionally connected, and a total dude. Love it.
That's what I plan on doing. Survivor of 14 year stalking hatred crime because of hidden cameras on my estate now I'm on disability thank you Connecticut
@@RaymondTruiting surviving is good. Thriving is great because that's why Jesus died for us. If you all, he'll find a way to show Himself to you. He loves you that much
Yes. Not a biggest moment yet it rewired my thinking. I used to have customer service issues. Like many, this reaction is not so unusual. My reaction was excessive. Excessive until waiting in a grocery store line listening to the clerk talk about her troubles to a customer. While my blood pressure rose, I turned around to a tiny black older lady. Just coming from church, dressed conservatively, just so, with her perfect church hat on. She seemed so peaceful, collected and mature. I asked her how she was doing. She simply responded, “I be blessed”. I looked at her and responded, “I be blessed too”. My customer service issues dissolved away. I decided I was blessed and put my frustrations down for the rest of my life. Sure the dragon lift’s its head at times and now I know how to fade it away.
There were many moments of confirmation , red flags, behaviors , actions speak louder than words. Very interesting throughout the whole show and very informative . Thank you Mr. L Howes
self soothing for a child is one of the most traumatic things a parent can do to there child (it reeks havoc on the nervous system), they dont yet have the capacity to create there own resolve and they need the love and guidance of the parent.
She's next to the child, providing emotional support and positive reinforcement, while encouraging her to investigate her environment, learn about her world, and solve problems. All of that will develop vital, life skills, and develop a strong sense of self. THAT'S how parents raise people who are able to processs their emotions, while becoming intrinsically motivated to succeed...and be CONFIDENT...rather than be anxiety-ridden and constantly seeking external validation. The goal is to raise children who love themselves, know how to overcome challenges, and think about people other than themselves. If you want to raise children who grow into non-functional, highly co-dependent adults, put them in an overly protective coccoon, never let them learn how to self-regulate and/or process their own emotions, and solve all of their problems for them. You'd essentially be guaranteeing that they will battle anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem...for life. (They also may never leave the parental nest.)
Agreed. Everything else she was talking about was good but the whole ignore your baby thing has been proven to do real harm. It's traumatic for a child and does serious harm. Even the animals know this.
Yes! We need more instrumental like Evy and Lewis teaching this. Humility is the key. Lewis, can you imagine in a huddle people not being instrumental? Serve the team! Works in all areas and all relationships.
I found w/kids in therapy … sitting & talking does not help…( it’s suppressing& after session & reliving!! My kids did so much better w/TBRI…therapy -w/add 2 days socially integrating therapy !! Doing things!!! Basketball Tennis Movies…..🎉👏👏👏👏 Thank you for sharing & teaching!!!!❤
Retelling traumatic events is actually part of most evicence-based treatments for REDUCING effects of trauma as retelling the trauma in a safe environment usually leads to the nervous system learning that the memory of the event is tolerable and will not result in death or high levels of stress any longer. Such therapies reduce an overreactivity of the nervous system to traumatic triggers, and this allows people to progress to more normal lives when otherwise such traumatic memories and triggers may have severely curtailed their activities. So just an fyi: retelling a traumatic event over and over is part of established effective treatment for PTSD.
I’m certified in trauma informed practices and you don’t want people to keep repeating over and over. They need to speak it, acknowledge it, and then move past so they can start utilizing that trauma as a strength.
@@schoolingdiana9086 What evidence-based practice did you train in, I wonder? I trained (as an MS in clinical psychat Purdue U) in PE, CPT and CBT. I also delivered these therapies with veterans assessed specifically for PTSD. These are manulua-based therapies,which means there ares specific steps involved for each of the (usually but not always) 12 weeks during which they are delivered so it is not just a general retelling over and over of the triggering traumatic event. Included are weekly assessments and outside exercises for the patient to do to reduce the response to their specific environmental triggers (things the patient actively avoids so as to not trigger the traumatic memory, like fireworks for many war veterans). So it is not just retelling the event over and over--it is a series of steps over the course of (usually) 12 weeks where retelling the event is done in a specific way and with assessments that demonstrate the decrease in arousal through the process. I'm curious about your specific PTSD therapeutic training because your response surprises me. Here are the treatments I know are effective for PTSD (to clarify, I am not speaking of any trauma; only treatments for someone who meets criteria for PTSD). www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments
Thanks to Evy for sharing her wisdom with us! Leave a “YES” if you enjoyed this and share the biggest moment for you. And make sure to subscribe to never miss out on inspiring content like this again TH-cam.com/lewishowes
Here here ❤ super discussion!
Yes! Love Evy and you, Lowes. What really hit home for me was when Evy shared how volunteering with the other survivors cleaning up helped to heal the trauma together, and that each of us needs a different form of therapy.
Thank you! Keep up your great work! 🙏
Yes! The perspective shift from identity based to instrumental based🎉
You're welcome, thank you for watching! 🧡
Yes
The covert narcissist is the worst to be in a relationship with because everyone else thinks they are so kind and giving. They will help strangers but do nothing for their family. They volunteer to get praise, not for the sake of helping others.
Yes, I second this. Dangerous and crazy making stuff, you have to be strong willed to deal with it all.
Thanks for the comment 🍀
What I found is that they are walking contradictions, pretty much what you said, & only those who live with them will see it.
💯 agree. Coverts are the worst because cannot be easily identified
@@JuliaShalomJordan😢 I wish they had to be registered like other abusers.
Yes. 100%. I have lived this too.
After you dance with a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath your eyes are wide open. There are some BAD people who walk this earth. Don’t let them in.
Ive been learning about the spirit, aka energy body/biofield/chi/Qi. And quantum physics, but only in reference to these... but yeah! Be careful with emotions. That's how it begins. Thats how they get in. Have control over emotions and practice love. Be like a lion and only connect with your own.
@FredCarpenter-pb6bd they are not 98% of the population. That’s ridiculous. I’m talking NPD and on the extreme end. That is a once in a lifetime experience.
@@4787fhjjk It truly is once in a lifetime. At least I hope it is.
I'm desperate to find someone in my vicinity who has, as you brilliantly put it, "danced with a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath", just to look them in the eye and give a knowing nod of validation and shared (and absolutely bizarre) experience and trauma.
Because I've given up trying to explain it to people and seeing on their face, that they don't get it. Even mental health professionals, who may have read the recipe, but haven't actually tasted it. And it is such a specific taste and trauma.
Before I "went to the dance", nobody could have described it to me in a way that would have given me even a 10% understanding.of the nature of these "people".
Anyway. Cheers
Take care of yourself and keep your eyes open.
We are part of a larger organism. The organism is suffering from a rapid takeover of malignancy. Almost every single person I have contact with behaves in narcissistic and malicious ways. And when they aren't, they are waiting for energetic cords or a moon cycle. They are organized and clearly have a mission. So either I'm a legitimate hostage or your statistics have changed.
🎯💯💯💯
Narcissists are people who claim to be victims of "drama", but they're actually the ones causing drama.
Because they have a hardened heart and haven’t forgiven the offender…they then carry that burden
I agree. I have narcissistic in-laws who stalk me but somehow it’s my fault that they are stalkers.
💯🎯
@@criskatanthat too beloved…it’s a spiritual battle, not a flesh one
@@criskatan don't forgive...make them irrelevant.
"When people show you who they are, believe them." Maya Angelou
No truer words were ever spoken
You forgot "..the first time"
She wasn't the most gracious of women either.
The mask she wrote. Like A coping mechanism for people stalking me in the animals
I know right she basically said that same thing from her very different experience...deep.
Narcissism is a real thing, I lived with one for 11 years. To give you a feeling of what it's like try walking on quicksand, no matter what move you make or word you say you sink a little deeper.
It's literally walking in hell,been there,done that,and bought the t-shirt.
That's very well-said.
@@JoshuaAnzalone-zk5htI agree
@@kimberlie369 ….spot on! 👍🏽
💯
She brings up some great points.
1. I don’t watch TV anymore and since I’ve been doing this for years now, I’m astounded by the junk being drip fed to people and they don’t even understand it.
2. Prefer a phone call over a text, face time is important.
3. Stop all social media, there’s nothing good knowing about someone else nonsense.
If our new generations can’t wake up and realize what’s being done to them mentally, they’ll end up killing each other.
I completely agree and do the same.
Agreed done the same and HAPPIER than ever and WAY more productive
Definitely a narcissist being defensive.
Isn't that the Gov's(shadow/deep states) goal...
As a man I found that the key to managing emotions is not to suppress them but to understand them then learn to let them go.
❤
Brilliant!
Beautiful
Wow, I needed this ❤
You must let yourself feel the emotions before you let them go.😊
My ex is a narcissist. They are incapable of feeling empathy for ANYONE, including their own children. And that will never change.
Most dangerous psychopath I have ever met got custody of my daughter! They will destroy everyone around because they are demoniac!
He showed his true colors but I was unable to pick on it as I had no clue! This skills should be thought in schools!!!
I took a road trip with ex narcissist and his youngest son, and the nex fussed about having to buy his son's lunch. I was flabbergasted.
@@Hatbox948why don’t you take him?
My son in law is definately one!! He can't even feign empathy! Mastery manipulator on top of it! My heart aches for my daughter and my grandchildren.
@@pandacutie4557 Hle had a mom that he lived with. He was a teen and only visited occasionally. His dad, my ex, barely knew him because he'd made so little effort to get to know him. I wasn't equipped to raise a 17 year old autistic boy.
I grew up with not only a narcissistic mother but maternal grandmother too and no father on the scene. The problem with people like me is when we get into relationships, the red flags are there and you do get some gut instinct about it but the behaviour they are showcasing is also very familiar because it’s all you’ve known, so we constantly give people the benefit of the doubt
Im sad having a narc daughter! I hope for maturity and care every year, but nothing. Its hard on a parent cause I just cant cut her off and move, Im her Mom! So I live with heartache and wait for the next crisis phone call!😢
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that, plus the added obligation of staying in her life 😔
Yes 100% I was doing that for 42 years. 34ish full time:) then healing kicked in.
Both of my parents are narcissistic psychopaths - and BOOMERS. It’s taken 50+ years to recover.
I resonate with you.
Evy Poumpouras's advice is spot on and truly resonates with me. As they say, "Surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you." Thanks for sharing such valuable wisdom, Evy! 🌟
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
🎉❤🎉❤yes
But her ideas about no one being special are absurd and trauma based. And irrational. Being special isn't about being better tha. Other people or about other people not being special. It's about appreciating a loving the fact that you have been uniquely created to fulfil your own amazing life, and that the universe has actually called you forth to do what you can in life, that's a very beautiful and special thing, we all have it, and when you grasp it fully you will always treat people better, and alwaya be of more service.
Being trained to feel like "you're nothing special" is actually narcisstic abuse.
@@lewishowes
99.9% of people are self absorbed and not interested in someone else’s feelings so MOST PEOPLE BRING OUT THE STRESS IN YOU, NOT THE BEST IN YOU. You can only control your own behavior.
I can't wait to read her book!
The disconcerting part is there are people who enjoy making others suffer.
DJT glitters when he is othering people, making fun of people, giving people nicknames. . .a joyous sadist indeed.
@@judithholder2537y
Ya got that TDS.😅
@@ginadean5696 You seem to have that T Unobjectivity Syndrome.
Exactly
and they see themselves as the victim, even as they are poundng others into the pavement, be it verbally, physically, emotionally or financially..
Listen when someone has drama in their life, it could also be because they are just suffering in this shitty life and isolated without a lot of help. Doesn’t make them a narcissist. Usually it makes them a target for narcissist.
Lived thru hell. Counseling and self help groups and self help books can help one change to a better person!
Absolutely 😢
What she said was “their drama will become your drama.” She’s not wrong (coming from someone who’s been through a lot and the waves aren’t necessarily a rolling sea-YET!)
I’ve learnt to have high standards for myself. If I want to be better I need to associate with better. I’m doing the work. I stopped playing the victim a long time ago. I know things will continue to get better if I keep working and never stop putting one foot in front of the other.
True. But that doesn't make them qualify to be a Secret Service agent.
They think they know it all exactly why this country is in the shape it is
1. Your circle matters- curate it
2. Be instrumental and team goal driven
3. Recognize the 4 animal archetypes
4. Notice the self focused individuals-red flag
5. Label the behavior not the person.
on point with her info.
side note - never trust someone who wears all white....
@@dazingamaine4318Ghosts?
😆
@@dazingamaine4318can you share more on white clothing?
@@betsychavez2914same thoughts
I really appreciate how quickly she gets to the "meat" of the interview. No having to wait half an hour of mindless chitchat.❤
I agree. I can't handle chitchat.
Absolutely love that about her. She doesn’t waste time. Just gets to it.
He does a good job as well. They're both good.
Was that sarcasm? I mean I was on this video for guidance on how to spot harmful personality types, but that discussion only began somewhere around the middle of the video.
If you don't have patience to handle mindless chit chat especially in these videos you'll never learn anything
Your misery is their happiness & your happiness is their misery .
Yes. They want to make everyone unhappy like them.
Is power trip is sadistic behavior they are horrible people!
Well said🎉
💯
Told me I’d rather see you sad then happy he sure did Jesus Christ he said that
For sure! Red flags can be different for everyone, but things like lack of communication, dishonesty, or disrespect are usually big ones.
Very true
Yes, refusal of communication, lies or withholding truth, dismissal, disrespect, blaming, anger are all part of the red flags!!! Run … to protect your sanity even your life!!! When someone shows you ‘who they are the first time, BELIEVE THEM!!!
I agree with you a lack of communication or poor communication has ruined many relationships. People think that being vulnerable is a weakness. No, it is actually a strength ,and allows people to better understand you not be angry let their guard down to in turn end up giving you what you want more importantly what you need we are Sometimes Hot behind walls and barriers not letting other people in which is a very thing we need to do to get our needs met
@@LonjeMarie7a narc will use your weakness to beat you doing. So being vulnerable is not a good move for those people.
Disrespect is a huge 🚩🚩🚩
This video came as a confirmation for me. I recently removed the "consistent drama" flavor of people from my life. Before, I genuinely believed that I had a health issue. Once I cut ties, though, my energy levels returned, I could focus on my projects, and I rarely feel chronic stress anymore. I thought I was an island, unaffected by other people's affinity for drama. Boy, was I wrong.
Good for you, 👍that's really great and I hope your life just keeps getting better and better without those toxic people in it 😊.
It's amazing the recovery when cutting out toxicity from your life.
I recently found a photo of me 14 years ago when I was in the last phase of my 10 year abusive marriage. I look older in that pic than I do now 14 years later! --Just by cutting out the toxic that was literally an agent of satan to destroy me.
I even got near death ill for almost a year after leaving that situation and I still look younger now than then!
This actually may be why predators will destroy the past and photos of their victims (which he'd destroyed all of mine that he could) because the before/after photos do speak for themselves 1000's of words. 💔
It's amazing the recovery when cutting out toxicity from your life.
I recently found a photo of me 14 years ago when I was in the last phase of my 10 year abusive marriage. I look older in that pic than I do now 14 years later! --Just by cutting out the toxic that was literally an agent of satan to destroy me.
I even got near death ill for almost a year after leaving that situation and I still look younger now than then!
This actually may be why predators will destroy the past and photos of their victims (which he'd destroyed all of mine that he could) because the before/after photos do speak for themselves 1000's of words. 💔
Me too…..my body & mind feel so much better
In that area, I have learned to give other people, grace, mercy, kindness, and forgiveness because I know within myself I am a work in progress, and I don’t always have it together and always make the right decisions. When I make a mess I step back be quiet, self check and clean up my mess. It doesn’t make me a bad person or anyone else. It just makes us human.
This woman is a firecracker. So much wisdom and knowledge. And it's unbelievable how resilient she is after the 9/11 event. Standing ovation to her.
"Their drama is your drama"-Ex-boyfriend always getting into fights-telling people to pullover-getting pulled over by cops-I'm always in the car when this happens... 15 years later he wanted to get back together!...NOPE...NOT EVEN AS A FRIEND.
I know the type!
Yep, their fight is your fight.
You did well 👏 💜
You dodged a bullet! Possibly literally.
Ew
“ The circle of people around you matter”. Choose wisely who you let in.
💯
I Spoke to both of my children in English while the rest of the environment around us was 100% Spanish. Today, they are 14 and 7, fluent bilingual and ready to learn a third language. They never struggled, it is just the best way to go 😊🎉
And they ll do better in different areas. Well done
This quote by Voltaire - "Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers." Lewis, you are the definition of greatness! ✨
🙌
Exactly, you can tell when a new friend starts asking you very intrusive questions without fear or remorse despite seeing your reluctance to answer... they keep prying into your privacy. It's a sign of poor upbringing ...a need to dominate and make you vunerable to unforseen attacks.
@@XQRobertzdamn so true
Right they gather info to use it against you or to control/manip. Meanwhile they are hiding ALOT.
Yes!!!!!
“It’s ok when things go wrong.” That seems so simple but absolutely spoke to me as a mother of a child with autism. I needed to hear that today. 👍
did you read Jenny McCarthy's book.. she helped her son who was diagnosed autistic.. no gluten was one thing I heard her say along with anti-candida diet/antifungals.. check food allergies too..nutritional deficiencies, heavy metal detox, essential fatty acids for brain function..
Vaccine injury.. detox the heavy metals and never vaccinate again
Autism is NOT a disease you can cure. It is a frame in which an operating system is different from yours. Society has put a "norm" as to how we are supposed to behave. If we don't fit that "behave" "something is wrong"... says who?. Granted we can dimish outside stimulation. That's a HUGE one. But I'm not going to give my already hyper child more sugar and zero sleep. That's all you are doing when I see those suggestions. You are stating the obvious. Why not teach and accept and embrace Autism instead of looking at it like a fault or flaw.
Autism and ADHD household. You got this! ❤ Headphones can be your best friend. Always have a sensory bin for the kids. 🙏🏼
Narcissists are control freaks and when things go wrong, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT even if it's the narcissists fault.
Shes such a pro and such a solid and agreeable personality. Her introvertness is her strength, its become so rare to hear an hour of talking thats actually thought trough and not regurgitated.
She is such a self-aware speaker. I love how she redirected the personality question to a framework she was familiar with, and then later referenced the manner in which she redirected that question. Sharp mind.
Can’t wait to see that in myself 🙏🏼
I love her. And I wouldn't mess with her 😂
time stamp pls?
At which time in the video... I am weak..help...
Caught that as well
These people are everywhere.
Doesn’t matter if rich, poor, good looking or ugly.
It’s shocking when it’s someone you trusted most or closest to you.
Once you educate yourself to the level of spotting them and learn how to move on,
that’s strength, power, and wisdom. You win💪🏻😉✨
Excellent information
Yes they are and getting away from that is a beautiful form of freedom.
True and it is sad however it is rooted in childhood and unresolved trauma and instead of being victimised they become the victimiser, it's horrible because they can do alot of damage to others. It's like you said it's just better to educate yourself and move on, noone is infallible to these types as they're good at making but a little bit of insight and observation can really help one dodge a bullet so to speak or if it's family at least play with a different rulebook once you understand their mind games.
My mother is a covert narcissist. It took me until 45 years old to fully get the picture, but knew something wasnt right since childhood.
Half the problem, is the self-doubt, its part of their abusive bag of tricks to spin you in circles with sweet / mean cycles. I have since cut her from my life.
Great comment✨
You teach your children that they are special to you as the parent and many others in life and not everyone will like, love or even care about you at all. Know your self worth and know what you bring to the table. Persevere and move forward in life regardless what or who tries to stand in your way. Be a great follower and leader. Be honest, trustworthy, kind, humble, knowledgable and loving.
She said something that really resonated with me about people that stay on their phone, aren't connecting, or spending too much time in a negative mindset: When we aren't connecting with people, we feel less empathy, we fear or don't like the other, & we are more likely to cause harm. She went on to pinpoint some of these mindsets. "You can sell anything to yourself if you want to".
And not to mention that ptsd and rumination is an actual thing. Covert narcissists treat people poorly behind closed doors and gaslight them in public.
Yep. Once you see them without their mask on, they are pure evil disgusting people.
Sounds like my mother
Listen also Abraham Hicks short videos. She talks baout different topics people ask about different topics, As a spiritual being you may be inspired that there are other ways to find strength, be in the higher vibration. Usuall hobbies put people in place of happiness and higher vibration.
Yes. I sat and quietly explained to my family what "passive aggressive"; "gas lighting" and "Narcissism" is. I didn't point fingers or blame. It was obvious. I told them about what these terms meant; and that I was unwilling to deal with those behaviors; that said, I had nothing but love for family members. They did a step back. That's okay, we now have an UNDERSTANDING. They still contact me, and I them; but the least bit of emotional garbage and I will call them out where they stand. Not angrily; but very clinically. And positively reinforce all the good ones; cleverness, resourcefulness, care for others. my "mental disorders" were finally diagnosed. PTSD. I deal with that. In other words; I'm sore from being hit. I had to deal with being burned. And walk forward without the upset. I really enjoy what you said about parenting. My daughter got support...not fluff. No candy for tantrums. DEAL with it, work it out. Instruction in foreign language. YES. Don't isolate people by hampering them. Being able to communicate with other people is KEY. Knowing a few languages really really helps. It also communicates that no person is an island. We NEED others.
The therapy of being in service of others is truly powerful. Brilliant discussion.
As a born and raised New Yorker, I just really appreciate how everything she says is the most new yorkish advice and it just *reaches* me.
As a 13th Generation American and a 5th generation Californian, I just wish you New Yorkers would stay in NY rather than bring your tribal, arrogant, uncouth selves to The West where you mess our vibe and disrespect our culture. But yes, I love rude, entitled, foul people when I'm in New York where filth is the vibe.
Totally agree. Very direct, bare bones, honest and straight to the point.
She’s from New York I hear it in her manliness
New York wow ???????
As a native New Yorker myself, I can somewhat agree. Most lack empathy and respect, though.
This is soo validating for me. Because in the relationship I was in - whenever there was drama I just wanted to sit and think and find a solution. But the partner I had was always looking for shame, guilt, and blame.
It makes sense why I got tired of him.
My ex was like that. Nothing was ever her fault but could find infinite faults in other people.
Omggggg
hes a king
I just listened to your podcast, and I have to say-it’s the best one I’ve ever heard. I'm a 36-year-old business owner, and your story really resonated with me. I, too, am passionate about helping people and have been trying to find my path after leaving a cult at 18. It's been challenging, especially since I can't communicate with my family, but your journey is inspiring me to keep pushing forward. Thank you for sharing your story; it means more than you know.
In my experience there are two personality types, people that treat you the same no matter whether they are eye to eye with you or with you in a group setting and other people that treat you differently when nobody else is watching.
Oof
I agree.. or people who act different when you aren't present.
I recently cut ties with s “friend” who was like that. What a relief 😮💨
that's barely scratching the surface, the onion has so many more levels than that.. also you make it sound like it's okay to spie on people to determine how they act/talk when you are not visibly there.. and: it is the most often used excuse from abusrs for their own controlling behaviour..
Fully agree! I make the distinction between power people and eye-level people. The latter always treats you with respect and appreciation - regardless of the circumstances.
This lady is so well put together, mentally, physically and spiritually. Kick ass woman 👌🏽
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
@@lewishowes You not Simba anymore... Lion who can be very dunky. Glad you made that platforms
What my father taught us at a very young age was that we can achieve just about any goal you put your mind, attention and focus on. If you are given the opportunity to try to achieve that goal. Otherwise, you need to self educate yourself and learn as much as you can and do it on your own. No one can stop you beside yourself. You give positive reinforcement for good behavior and grades or teamwork and then also to have great sportsmanship when you or your team loses. It doesn’t make you a loser for life, it makes your loss for that moment important to understand and learn from it so you can get back out there and try to win.
Your first sentence resonates with me as my father said the same to me. I was ambitious, my sister confirmed this to me. Then I got married, 5 kids in 10 years. The Husband with his narcissistic behavior (almost)killed my spirit. After 20 years I divorced , cause 2 kids did suicide and I blamed him. Lack of Empathy was just 1 issue beside many others...Now I am 57, remarried, 3 adult kids. My self-esteem never came back. My Motivation is just enough for a day. No more ambition. No more Patience for anything that takes longer....(I tried 5 months patisserie. )so much damage done. Wondering what I do with the rest of my life. Don't want to sell my time for money.
Energy drainers who will not take accountability for their actions or refuse to be responsible must go!
My life is important to me, and I am a humanitarian, empath, and human rights advocate.
I matter! 😊❤
Great job 👏 ❤your message
There were signs of abuse before my dad was diagnosed with cancer but it's my mother's name would have been fixed she could have taken care of my dad she didn't need nothing she didn't need my brother in that house with his p*** and his damn bear and it's over spending it was horrible these people were overtaken by adult people they needed and my sister was always drunk over there and insisting that my mother beat her punching bag for all her woes both my brother my sister needed to be gone spell love time in jail honest to God yes absolutely the time in jail and maybe a little training on how to treat elderly people and they're not even elderly they're just older. I was told this after human rights very important and I believe that humans should try to stay innocent as long as they can kids naturally want to stay innocent as long as they can and look what they have to contend with miserable sick too much for the human mind
🎉 Amen
Your first sentence describes my mother perfectly
The self proclaimed empath. 😂
This made me cry . We tend to ignore the important things in life, our faith, our health and our family.
My father used to say “nah! She’s no bloody different than any other kid her age!” but he was wrong. I AM DIFFERENT. I am gifted in ways that I’ve not seen before, and I have been hiding myself away but I haven’t been sure why. This has caused me so much anxiety and depression in the past but now hearing this, along with my own courage returning, I reclaim my voice and my confidence and I am grateful for what this has taught me. Thank you Alyonna. You have guided me through your own gifts in ways that you may never know.
An arrow must be first drawn backwards before it can be launched towards its target 🎯
you ARE gifted and UNIQUE 🫂 ❤
What you said about being on devices impairing empathy is very interesting. I (Gen X) am used to talking with people. I always chat with waitresses, cashiers, other people in line. I worked with a recent college grad who had moved to take a position and she complained to me, that she didn't like the city we were in very much, mainly because she hadn't made any friends. I asked what she liked to do and suggested that she chat with people in those settings, as a way to meet people, but her response was, "When I go somewhere, I just want to do what I went there for. I wear my earbuds, and I would be annoyed if people tried to talk to me." I could not convince her that she had to interact with people in order to make friends.
On a related note, when I talk to strangers (especially my age and older), it is striking how happy many people are just to have a small interaction. I feel like if we could help younger generations learn this, we could create a lot more community and happiness.
Great observation!
This is such good insight! Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Love this! Thanks for sharing!
I agree completely with you on all your points. I'm a boomer and I noticed that if I'm in a waiting room, usually the only people who aren't staring at their phones are people my age and older. They are the people who will likely smile and start conversations. You are absolutely correct in stating that small interactions do make people happy. I always try to make an attempt with older people especially, to say hello because I now know from experience there is a good chance their kids are gone, they might have lost their spouse and likely don't work. Older people often live very isolated lives. Humans need connection with each other. I won't even get started on how worried I get when I see young mothers holding babies and just starting at their phones. Technology is leading us into isolation both physical and emotional. I'm 63, the difference I see in social connection in society from my youth to now is incredibly sad.
Oh yes, the glorious earbud people.
This is one of those interviews that needs more than one listen. There are so many nuggets of wisdom. Thank you Evy and thank you Lewis for a fabulous interview!
Some people don't know how to move out from identity. One thing that genuinely helps me is recognizing my personal value. When I am satisfied with gratitude, my mind is free to be other-centered
I really love Evy Poumpouras, she's a straight talker, insightful and a great educator. Lewis has great guests on and asks good questions and flows well with his guests which is why it's a great show!
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
@@lewishowes
Thank you Evy for mentioning this: The similarity between athletes, military, and secret service is coachability. I've been an employer for decades and even if the term coachability was not commonly used or recognized, it was always one of the traits I was looking for in a prospective employee.
I love this woman, in every interview I've seen with her she just shines. Down to earth, intelligent, tough and beautiful, reminds me of my daughter.
You have to let go of past traumatic events. You'll never forget. But you can let go of the feeling and the anxiety. That's what I had to do with my previous marriage.
Yeah, same here.
The ppl who are unwilling to let these things go are holding onto them for a reason 🎉😮
@@carynmartin6053 That is not true. Your emotions are messengers there to protect you from harm. If you refuse to accept their message the emotions don't go away. They come back into your consciousness now and then trying to deliver their message. .......
..... In order to get past these emotions you MUST acknowledge the feelings and process then. How did you feel when something happened that caused strong emotions ? Were you safe to feel those emotions at the time or did you ignore them ? If they were suppressed and not fully felt at that time they will resurface to give you their painful message when you are safe to do so. Feeling and "processing" these emotions gets them out of your mind. Feeling painful emotions involves grieving. The crying that comes from feeling these emotions serve to get these feelings out. The feelings must be released or "expressed". This is a painful process but it cleanses away old emotions that were stuck inside you when you suppressed them. That is what grieving is. Feeling and processing these heavy emotions. Getting the pain out of your system. It is a natural way to sustain your mental health. 💖🙋🏼♀️
you need to heal your trauma anxiety is and emotion and is conectado with a memoria or memories there some their is a therapy of red ligth.
Wow, she is really good! I can’t believe I sat through an hour of this and it didn’t even feel like it was an hour. She has so much wisdom and knowledge and I learned SO much. Going to take a lot of her points to apply to my own personal life in order to improve and move forward. I can’t keep on talking about my problems and traumas over and over again, because I’ll live in this miserable state of mind always. I have to accept that bad things happened, but I must move forward and live life abundantly. Bring her back! I truly enjoyed this conversation! ❤
I really like Lewis's point about how talking about his problems helped him and how our culture conditions men not to express emotions. It is important for men to be able to discuss and express what they are going through and I suspect there would be a lot less men with anger problems if this was the norm.
Not even halfway through and I’ve forwarded this to 5 people; my children, friends, and manager. I’ve ordered her book. I needed this today.
Yes.the biggest moment for me is that my past doesn't define me and that I don't have to be a victim no longer Also not to label the person but recognize the BEHAVIORS!
THANK YOU SOO MUCH TO THE BOTH OF YOU.
Can't get enough of Evy Poumpouras 😍 She's such a badass!
It's definitely going to be another great interview
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
💯💯💯💯 been following her for years. She’s amazing
@@Sabrina-LosAngeles I've know of her for years as well but i guess i wasn't ready back then, she didn't resonate with me. I recently found her again and now i'm binge-watching all her interviews. I need more of that energy in my life🔥
@@vlightphotography a worthwhile binge for sure :) 👌🏽
When my au pair who had become my sister-in-law took it upon herself to create the best birthday parties, gifts and excludive trips with and for my daughters without even consulting me I tried to State my boundaries that I needed to be asked first in regard to my children- she thought I was only thinking about myself. She cut me out of the family circle and influenced my daughter emotionally and physically away from me saying I was the one who was over reacting.
This to me is evil making.
She really seduced her way into your family. Damn, another narc
Some people can’t look forward until they do the work. Trauma is not only in the mind but also in the body. There are also therapies that do not involve retelling traumatic events.
Brava! In this day and age, it is unusual for new parents to let their children experience negative situations so that they learn how to solve and handle adversity. I speak from the experience allowing our twin daughters to fail, to learn from their own mistakes without bailing them out. They are now 35, and they are wonderful, loving productive adults. I've had parents of their peers approach me, telling me that they wish they had not enabled their kids, because their children, now adults, are unable to accept responsibility for their lives.
❤
A lot of what she speaks about is what i teach my clients as a Psychotherapist but we always have more to learn and she is truly inspirational.
Dude, babies do not “self soothe”. They’re wired for maternal (especially) skin to skin contact, and to learn to trust the world CARES about their needs. They build their nervous system adaptations from their primary interactions with caregivers. Picking up a crying baby to reassure them is NOT spoiling them.
Now, having said that…, there are times when a baby can learn they are still safe even if you need to put them in a bouncy -where they can see you- to get a quick shower or wash some clothes or bottles. But it shouldn’t be for long when they’re very young (under 8-10 months, say). Never let them “cry it out” alone in a room at night. That’s just cruel.
I was thinking the same...I hope she's getting the balance right
Agreed.
@@katychamberlain982 thanks ladies.
You’ve never had a baby who learned how to be manipulative very early. I couldn’t put my girl down for more than a few minutes..she had to have all of the attention all of the time. The doc told me to let her cry it out. So I did. She was right there in the room with us while we retrained her. It took only two evenings, and she learned that she could not have all of the attention all of the time. I was exhausted, at my wits end, and was finally able to take a shower, eat my own breakfast, do the laundry, etc. Some babies ARE manipulative, and have to be retrained. This self-centeredness is inborn. My eldest was so jealous of her new sister that she went out of her way to make the younger miserable all of their growing years…and the younger was so frightened of her that she never came to me. When I found out years later, I was heartbroken.
If you pick up a child EVERY time they grow up without the inability to be on their own😂😅 I’ve seen it. It’s not pretty
This mission-oriented, it’s-not-about-me advice is necessary to serve in armed forces and law enforcement. It can, however, be dangerous advice for average people if you take it to too high a degree. It makes you highly susceptible to control groups and individuals. You need a balance of identity and group think to be a person who can critically think and discern. Again, it is necessary to look for that trait in armed forces in law enforcement but regular people have to beware of being “of service” too much. You can lose yourself and take on a controller’s identity. At that point, you can be coerced to do things you would never do in your own identity.
Love your comment. It needs to be highlighted. Especially since we live in a world that is actively seeking to dumb down and control most of the public and those who think and question are pushed to the fringes.
Thank you again!
Absolutely agree. Like that thing that happened in recent times where many completely followed and refused any critical thinking for themselves
Yes!
Basically armed forces and law enforcement can be or are similar to cults or are actually the same. it's that simple.
I’ve been naturally growing into myself. This interview is wonderful! It’s helping to put a visual and perspective on things. I would be grateful to learn more from this wonderful lady being interviewed. 💜♾️
YES! This information should be taught in schools. I've made major changes in my life since I listened to one of her interviews. Thanks Lewis and Evy.
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
No time left to teach things that matter in life. Critical race theory and understanding the "capitalism" is the driver of all evil on this planet is more important.
The most valuable thing I've learnt from her was to set boundaries from the start. People should know how they can and cannot treat and talk to you, in business that is even more important because some will disrespect you just because they think they are in a position of power over you, especially now with DEI appointments. Leadership matters in tough situations, grow a spine.
Totally agree; I owned 2 Businesses, and there’s that fine line of respect given( to keep clients coming in), and putting your food down, so I’m am not taken advantage of.
My spine became solid. 😊
You are not concerned with DEI appointments you’re afraid of black people.
I am over 60 years and I am so glad I don't think I am alone because I live my life the same exact way she explains to you. I usually think I have a carefree thought but now with her explanation I really know who I am and that's why I am so physically and mentally fit. People usually tells me I am younger than my age because it's like I am age freeze
Always look for the helpers during a crisis, hard times.
Really??
Yep,they’re no where around,are they?
be careful with that, the worst narcisists are often great in a crisis, they shine and excell, but in the normal day to day setting they get bored, the yfeel scared and purposeless and their dark side takes over..
@@esmeraldaweatherwaxe970very true! 😂they think they are soooo smart. Hahaha☮️👽
@@esmeraldaweatherwaxe970😂
I respect this ladies service to her country.
Respectfully, I also have to say that I appreciate her view, but simply see it as her life circumstance and how she sees the world through the lens of her own life.
I don’t wish challenge on anyone, but it does change perspective.
Often, for me it’s the people with more life experience, that have suffered for whatever reason that seem to truly want to help others and have the best information to share.
And that is exclusively just my opinion and whom I choose to listen to personally
I get what you're saying and agree. We're largely who we are because of what life has put in our path. Life is lived forward but understood backwards.
Love this woman! ❤ being investigative with people is always a must. Checking their integrity. Assessing their boundaries. I really enjoyed the talk on humility. I know in my 9 year degree “ humility “ was superimposed in on our classes. It’s something everyone should be aware of. Amazing words, “ I want her to know how to fail, and to fail well.” ✅
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
I so agree with the look at peoples patterns rather then what they say. Being instrumental or solution oriented is fine at work if your not being gaslit or manipulated. Working with others requires that your boss or others do their part as well. This was a problem at my old workplace the organization and structure of the environment their just didn't function correctly and the boss didn't step up and do her part of the work (I worked their for over 7 years). Now I am thriving at a different workplace where things are organized and they have systems and routines in place. So it is not all up to the individual. You can not fix something that is being run badly if your not in a management position. When you see experienced staff that have been their for years start to quit in masses it is time to move on.
Just like with people look at your workplaces patterns, what is their staff turnover rate, how do they speak to/treat their workers on the floor? How is the general vibe their. Do they listen if many different people ask for a certain thing to be fixed?
Sounds like a bad work culture and low vibrations.
She's spiritual yet very grounded....enjoy the good times, learn and grow from the tough times.....also may I add that adding humour into that mix will keep you very sane!
I’m so confident that this video would help a lot of people that didn’t have a father in their lives.
Thank you Evy for speaking with Lewis about what you went through because of your experience in 9/11 and moving forward from it. It means a lot to countless people to hear your story.
As someone who has 2 full blow narcissists as parents it’s been super hard not to be narcissistic too! I think for me being instrumental has been really healing as I can take criticism well and have learnt to overcome behaviour patterns. I love what she said about labelling people not behaviours as sometimes people need to relearn how to react!
My mom is a raging narcissist. It turned me into a co-dependent person. I had no idea what boundaries were until 4 years ago. I have some narcissistic tendencies but overall, I'm the opposite of a narcissist. The narcissists I've known LOVED attention and validation. They needed to be the center of attention and constantly self-promoted themselves. I hate being the center of attention and prefer being behind the scenes. I stopped seeking external validation early on and learned to develop internal validation. I also rarely self-promote and downplay any accolades.
She says " label the behavior not the people"
This was a really good interview ! The woman is concise and explains things very well. She is a smart woman. The man ( host ) asks interesting questions. is engaged in the discussion, and is very professional. But what makes him a very good interviewer is the fact he is sincerely interested in the discourse, and he is actively listening which the woman appreciates. And this is where " chemistry " happens. They each work off of one another. GREAT interview..
This is great. This separates people that like drama and those that don’t. I have seen it in my family and helping my daughter to choose her life over a toxic relationship has been a positive thing. She is still struggling to find her identity but I believe that she will find herself as I have. Thank you for sharing.
She can makes you visualise emotions framing / reframing... painting a picture.
Good educator, warm experienced personable.
Love the way this woman thinks and processes information and knows how to rewire her way of thinking in any situation.
Great interview, The gift is your life , talk less observe more, move from the past, label the behavior not the person, build connection and community.
Thank you for tuning in! :)
Antisocial personality disorder is not just lack of empathy. It's diagnosed by a pattern of consistent behaviors over time. Lying, manipulation for personal gain, criminal versatility, impulsivity, substance abuse, parasitic lifestyle, no long term goals, disregard for the rights of others, many partners, etc. Sociopathy is just another name for aspd. Not all people diagnosed with aspd meet the criteria for psychopathy. Psychopathy isn't even a diagnosis in the DSM-5. Reduced empathy can be caused by depression, ptsd, autism, burnout, chronic @bus3, and entitlement. There is a lot of misinformation about this disorder, and it is caused by a mixture of trauma, environment, and genetics. Simply being a jerk doesn't make a person a sociopath. It's being used too often to discredit and label people.
This often shows up in the workplace where a sociopath may have a certain amount of chaos in their life but are very cool and calculating when they lie and manipulate to get their way. And when they do, they will order others around and defame them. The theme here is control and entitlement.
Indeed, and there is a big difference between narcissism and sociopathy.
My father was a bit narcissistic. Could never admit fault, quick to anger/gaslight if criticized... but also affectionate and understanding (genuine emotion) in many/most scenarios.
My step-mom, on the other hand, was full on sociopath with no ability to relate to anyone on a genuine level. Any caring or emotion she displayed was either from a textbook or mimicking what she'd seen in others. Whenever she found herself in a situation for which she did have a script, the real bizarre reactions would come out.
The cost to society
It needs to become criminalised , l found so many Nursing lateral violence on a daily basis. It's everywhere family members , Partners .
It's exhausting... Trying to recover , l feel for the younger generation the internet of everything is horrifying.
I’ve met several “jerks” in my 82 years of live, the one thing they all had in common was a lack of empathy and a lack social skills, focus on themself only.
Wonder why he didn’t just interview you?
Paused at 21:47 because I had always said this about my now 22 year old son since he was younger about wanting him to fail so he could learn to overcome struggles. His Dad and others thought I was crazy. I just didn’t want my son to be in his late 20s to 30s and fail at something deeply personal and not have the coping skills at a middle adult age and have that have a lasting impact. I totally get her point here!
I find her mesmerising I could listen to her all day, she has had an extraordinary life. It’s so interesting to listen to
I interpret her saying that it's important to remember the ones that WERE there for you during your cancer diagnosis/ recovery. The ones who were NOT , take note who your real village was by their actions
Absolutely ! So called long term friends or even family member putting walls says everything
When I got sick , no one was there for me. No one saw me or anything so I am by myself
Self-awareness, empathy, resilience, and gratitude. Trauma teaches you these things once you look within and outward. Its hard learn and move on from but its possible. I got tired of suffering in my thoughts and letting my trauma take over me. The trauma that happened to you doesn't define you. You can control your thoughts, you can control how you react, and you can control who you let in/out of your life.
I’ve been blessed to raise 2 amazing teenagers, through an unwanted divorce.
I gave my son and daughter boundaries, discipline, guidance and a ton of unconditional love and support.
I am receiving a lot of great advice from this conversation but I wouldn’t ask a Secret Service agent for parenting advice:)
OK, don't ask then.
yea well you know. Many of the same things can apply to children and terrorism suspects.
@@lightlayagajoie5739 lol
Her interviews are not for the weak minded
Saw her on another show, bought her book and she is so, so good!
🎉 yes, you gotta want to hear the truth
@@earthrooster1969 exactly
I think they are for the weak minded, so they can build a stronger mind
@@prayerpower1585 ima sense yes but then again no because some people can’t handle the truth
Wow this 57 minute video is amazing. It uncovers what true potential people have and choose daily to suppress it. Key takeaway for me would be not to revisit childhood trauma and just move forward. Thank you both for this great in depth analysis 🙏🏻
Glad you enjoyed it!
As a general rule of thumb most healthy minded people will have consistent behaviour. The odd outburst of temper is neither here nor there and is only what makes us human. However, there are people whose behaviour is inconsistent and may sway from one extreme to the other, and more often than not they will have some kind of personality disorder. Good video.
Children, especially young ones, need to learn to regulate their emotions with their parents support. That means hugging, telling the child everything's going to be alright, and age appropriate explanations. Not ignoring them!
I didn't get 'IGNORING" she said she lets her go through it-doesn't rescue immediately.
Never got that.
The reassurance I mean.
She didn't say she ignores her child. Quite the opposite, she's highly observant and steps in when necessary which are the hallmarks of a strong and capable mother.
Today's parents tease their child and invalidate feelings. Good advice
There is something almost musical in the wau she speaks. Its loud clear and decisive but st the same time warm valm and inviting. Its almost like a whisper but still loud but not too lid.. i could listen to her at day😊
Lewis speaks so authentically and eloquently at the 40-minute mark - it stopped me in my tracks. It is so powerful when men speak like this about their emotions and about finding another approach to expressing their emotions. I wonder that a lot of men would benefit to hear other men speaking like Lewis does here. This woman missed the moment completely and doubled down on her point of view. Lewis shows exactly how to be empathetic, authentic, emotionally connected, and a total dude. Love it.
I love what Evy said about her recovery from her 911 trauma. She regained her sense of what her life is by helping others! Genius
👍
That's what I plan on doing. Survivor of 14 year stalking hatred crime because of hidden cameras on my estate now I'm on disability thank you Connecticut
@@RaymondTruiting surviving is good. Thriving is great because that's why Jesus died for us. If you all, he'll find a way to show Himself to you. He loves you that much
9️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ was an inside job
She is extraordinary, a perfect communicator, easy to follow and understand.
Great programme.
She IS really great to listen to. She doesn't use a bunch of unnecessary words. She makes her point clearly. You can see her hearing the other person.
Yes. Not a biggest moment yet it rewired my thinking. I used to have customer service issues. Like many, this reaction is not so unusual. My reaction was excessive. Excessive until waiting in a grocery store line listening to the clerk talk about her troubles to a customer. While my blood pressure rose, I turned around to a tiny black older lady. Just coming from church, dressed conservatively, just so, with her perfect church hat on. She seemed so peaceful, collected and mature. I asked her how she was doing. She simply responded, “I be blessed”. I looked at her and responded, “I be blessed too”. My customer service issues dissolved away. I decided I was blessed and put my frustrations down for the rest of my life. Sure the dragon lift’s its head at times and now I know how to fade it away.
Sounds like an Angel in disguise……
Beautiful story
Wow, I love this! Bless you 🙏❤️
What?
There were many moments of confirmation , red flags, behaviors , actions speak louder than words. Very interesting throughout the whole show and very informative . Thank you Mr. L Howes
self soothing for a child is one of the most traumatic things a parent can do to there child (it reeks havoc on the nervous system), they dont yet have the capacity to create there own resolve and they need the love and guidance of the parent.
She's next to the child, providing emotional support and positive reinforcement, while encouraging her to investigate her environment, learn about her world, and solve problems. All of that will develop vital, life skills, and develop a strong sense of self.
THAT'S how parents raise people who are able to processs their emotions, while becoming intrinsically motivated to succeed...and be CONFIDENT...rather than be anxiety-ridden and constantly seeking external validation.
The goal is to raise children who love themselves, know how to overcome challenges, and think about people other than themselves.
If you want to raise children who grow into non-functional, highly co-dependent adults, put them in an overly protective coccoon, never let them learn how to self-regulate and/or process their own emotions, and solve all of their problems for them. You'd essentially be guaranteeing that they will battle anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem...for life. (They also may never leave the parental nest.)
100% agree
Agreed. Everything else she was talking about was good but the whole ignore your baby thing has been proven to do real harm. It's traumatic for a child and does serious harm. Even the animals know this.
It definitely feels unnatural
My interpretation is she will hug her but provides time for emotional processing and then praises. Which would use the two strategies together
love this super strong assertive woman! Clear and extremely intelligent! Driven for greatness! Sooooo many good strategies!! 💓
Yes! We need more instrumental like Evy and Lewis teaching this. Humility is the key. Lewis, can you imagine in a huddle people not being instrumental? Serve the team! Works in all areas and all relationships.
...i am always watching the patterns & actions - never the words - only if they match or not the actions ! ...
I deeply pray that your life be filled with wealth, health and happiness
How'd a bot, do that for me before I even watched this and read comments?
This interview was very well received. Very informative. Thank you, @Evy Poumpouras. Thank you, @LewisHowes for having her on and for the interview.
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
I found w/kids in therapy … sitting & talking does not help…( it’s suppressing& after session & reliving!!
My kids did so much better w/TBRI…therapy -w/add 2 days socially integrating therapy !! Doing things!!! Basketball
Tennis
Movies…..🎉👏👏👏👏
Thank you for sharing & teaching!!!!❤
Retelling traumatic events is actually part of most evicence-based treatments for REDUCING effects of trauma as retelling the trauma in a safe environment usually leads to the nervous system learning that the memory of the event is tolerable and will not result in death or high levels of stress any longer. Such therapies reduce an overreactivity of the nervous system to traumatic triggers, and this allows people to progress to more normal lives when otherwise such traumatic memories and triggers may have severely curtailed their activities. So just an fyi: retelling a traumatic event over and over is part of established effective treatment for PTSD.
I’m certified in trauma informed practices and you don’t want people to keep repeating over and over. They need to speak it, acknowledge it, and then move past so they can start utilizing that trauma as a strength.
@@schoolingdiana9086 What evidence-based practice did you train in, I wonder? I trained (as an MS in clinical psychat Purdue U) in PE, CPT and CBT. I also delivered these therapies with veterans assessed specifically for PTSD. These are manulua-based therapies,which means there ares specific steps involved for each of the (usually but not always) 12 weeks during which they are delivered so it is not just a general retelling over and over of the triggering traumatic event. Included are weekly assessments and outside exercises for the patient to do to reduce the response to their specific environmental triggers (things the patient actively avoids so as to not trigger the traumatic memory, like fireworks for many war veterans). So it is not just retelling the event over and over--it is a series of steps over the course of (usually) 12 weeks where retelling the event is done in a specific way and with assessments that demonstrate the decrease in arousal through the process. I'm curious about your specific PTSD therapeutic training because your response surprises me. Here are the treatments I know are effective for PTSD (to clarify, I am not speaking of any trauma; only treatments for someone who meets criteria for PTSD).
www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments