Dialogue Mistakes You Might Be Making (with Examples)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ก.ค. 2024
- Writing dialogue is important because it allows you to show the dynamics between your characters, but if you get it wrong, bad dialogue can cause you to lose your reader. In this video, I outline the most common dialogue mistakes and explain how to fix them using examples. By following these tips, you'll know how to write strong dialogue that engages your reader!
COMMON DIALOGUE MISTAKES:
01:07 - Mismatched attributions
03:49 - Skipping over reactions
07:07 - Incorrect paragraph breaks
10:08 - Distracting dialects
12:25 - Name-calling or name-dropping
BONUS DIALOGUE MISTAKE IN MY OTHER VIDEO:
My Biggest Dialogue Pet Peeve: • My Biggest Dialogue Pe...
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Mark’s lack of reaction to the treadmill incident made me wonder if he had something to do with the fire 🤔🙀
Haha! Maybe he did! 🤔
Mark definitely did it. He plead guilty the following week. Got probation.
She probably cut the text off right before: Mark's eyes shifted nervously around. "How much evidence had they collected," he thought to himself.
When I wrote my debut novel, I was told by betas and later my editor to give more life to the characters in conversations. I'm glad they did.
Yes dry characters make a day story..
Just came to like, comment and tell you I'm obsessed with this
This is such a good video because all the other videos tell you what to write about but this video explains the actual grammar or writing dialogue which is precisely what i wanted, thanks x
Dialogue can be tricky to get right. Often as writers we miss some of these mistakes as we already know who is talking or what their reaction is.
Good point
i get the urge to write a story without dialogue
I live for videos that provide examples. Thank you.❤
Glad you like them!
Another great video! I have just found your channel and I'm binge watching your content. When I write dialogue, I try to think about realistic conversations I have with people in everyday life. Mirroring reality is the only way to get believable dialogue, if you ask me.
I write both in English and in Portuguese and each language has its own formatting rules for dialogue. Since I started writing fiction in English, I still have difficulty with Portuguese formatting. Thank you very much for your lectures, which I only recently discovered.
Thank you for offering this advice!
i just read a scifi book that took place in the future and all the slang was changed so that i would have to think really hard on almost every page about what they were trying to say, it definitely made a bad reading experience
Love your videos! I’ve been trying to find videos with examples since that makes it easier for me to understand and honestly you are so very helpful with everything! Thank you!!
Glad it helped!
Alyssa, your explanations are succinct yet thorough, and your examples always clearly convey what to do vs. what not to do. "Awesome!" I said.
So glad it was helpful! Thanks for the kind comment!
Love your videos
Excellent narration. I learn a lot from your videos
I watched five of your videos today. You are articulate, organized and make a great presentation. Very good practical advice. I am now a fan. I only wish that I could afford your consulting fees.
I went to USC for screenwriting (in the 80's) and I write my dialogue very much like real speech. Yes, attribution is a "chigger in the bush" to maintain in a novel. This is probably my favorite vid of yours!
Dialogue in dialect... Looking at you, Zora Neale Hurston. (BUT: also probably a good example of doing it for a good reason, and authentically.)
Excellent as always. I am writing in Close Third Persons POV
This was so helpful! Just finished up my first draft and on my first page its evident how sloppy it looks! Thank You!!
Glad it was helpful! Best of luck with your edits!
Regional and racial dialect is a treat when done well. James Ellroy uses it wonderfully as it helps add levity and humor to otherwise very dark subject matter.
Thanks, Alyssa, As a long-retired Canadian writer with television screen-writing in my early career, I find dialogue writing in fiction a minefield of possible errors as you clearly pointed out. In a movie script it's easier of course as the camera shows you clearly who's speaking, but even then you have to create some movement or it becomes talking heads. Thanks for this series, Alyssa, I find them a great refresher course in the craft of writing.
John, Ontario, Canada
I'm glad these dialogue tips translate across mediums! Thanks for sharing your perspective, John :)
I agree on the topic of writing dialects. Putting "y'all" at the end of a sentence is fine but writing "haiy'all doowin" makes me want to throw the book away.
If you aren't familiar or comfortable with a dialect. JUST dont..
If you are and it fits the character..do it.
My YA novel is 18 yr old and 24yr old talking..using typical young people speak.. Harvard grad proper speaking is inauthentic and doesn't fit my characters or the age bracket.
Also, quite diff from mom speaking, cop speaking, teacher speaking. Etc..
It boils down to knowing how and not over doing it.
Geographic dialects are also vital. NC speak diff than L.I.NY and Cali is diff than Az...
Muy buenos consejos para escribir mejor.....
6:39 I get the message, and definitely an important one for budding writers, but I also think you could eschew all the signposting here with a simple "Jesus" or some other dialogic expression to convey Mark's shock/concern.
The treadmill caught fire? That's dumb.
I watch a lot of booktuber lately. This vid is the best of this topic. Thanks
All I have to say is I miss writing fanfiction.
thanks for the plain-speak on dialogue.
Thanks for video keep going 🤠 greeting from Morocco
Great information here, Alyssa. Thanks! One of the big challenges I have when writing dialogue is punctuation, specifically comma placement in connection with quotes. Possible to address that in a future video?
in american english, commas are included in the quote. "I took the cat," James whispered. in UK english, commas are outside the quote. 'I took the cat', James whispered. if your audience is primarily american, you want to use the convention they are familiar with. if you don't know what your audience is, pick a convention and be consistent.
I'd like to add to this something I'm seeing frequently. Often people speak 'out of age'. There maybe a child speaking too much like an adult or the other way round, which is worse. This often extends beyond dialogue, I've read of five-year-olds with pacifiers or three- year-olds crawling.
Honestly, I've always written as I speak..I don't like using over flowery words, comments, clichés ( sometimes you need them, like to hit a point..but I write very naturally with all genres.
The one about long paragraphs was vital to me. I was never sure how to break up the lengthy dialogue of one person - but now I know I've been doing it right. Thank you Alyssa.
That was something I just learned from reading a lot. You see it in a lot of novels, so I adapted it for when I wrote myself.
I am just starting out as a writer. I’m still learning craft. I think I would just tend to use the earlier tip in this video: show the reaction of the other person in the scene.
Character A is telling a long story about something that happened to her earlier that day. She’s upset. So at some point in the long story, have Character B react: Character B nodded, encouraging Character A to get it all out.
That breaks Character A’s dialogue up. Then she can start again after B’s reaction line. You could even say: Character A paused before she told B the worst part. Break on the action line. Then character A resumes.
Wouldn’t these things work? If not, why not? Again, still learning. 🤔☺️
I nodded my head. “Is this what you mean?” 😂😂
Dialects can add flavor if used sparingly. But too much flavoring will spoil any meal. I find them useful in class or regional distinctions, especially when it reinforces the other person's prejudices.
"Cannaugh go doon," he said.
I struggled through his upland brogue. Another highland dolt. "Why not?"
I deeply appreciate the quotation advice. This was a wonderful addition to some confusion i had on how to break up long commentary. I had only found it was helping me by showing motion to help break up a continuation the same way a real room would feel and shift during a story. Do you happen to have advice about name-dropping techniques where there may be dialogue in a group that are all speaking between each other (i.e coming up with a plan or reviewing a new discovery)
Glad it was helpful! As for a group dialogue, I would recommend sticking to using dialogue tags to indicate who's talking, rather than having characters refer to each other by name. Namedropping is even more full of intention in a group setting, as it usually happens if someone is being called out (whether because they're not paying attention, or said something smart or silly, etc).
I tend to create large blocks of dialogue where one character says a lot and others wait for them to finish. I think it's prob just me subconsciously compensating for living amonst people who NEVER, EVER allow you to get a single sentence out without interrupting. Interruption is an incredibly frustrating thign that i hate.
Very helpful, thank you! When using dialogue tags, is it correct to put the name of the person after the verb (e.g., "How are you?" asked Julie)?
What if the say southern accent gets stronger with emotion? Examples say if they are with their significant other or they are angry. That is the only time I really use the accent and the other times it is implied.
I must admit, the very first line of dialogue in my work in progress is a big, fat name drop! 🤣 just hitting the nail on the head, I guess.
I think she may have overstated a bit our natural tendency not to say each other's names in familial conversation. I could've imagined the reverse, if you want to call it that. The first line could be "Oh, Mary, you're awake." then later "Go get Molly." Without any mention of Molly being Mary's sister in the first place. Or by clearing that up in the text instead. Either way, I had already inferred that the woman cooking breakfast was their mother, that wasn't mentioned. So I'd likely assume they were sisters anyway, since they're two girls in the same house. If I'm wrong about any of this it can always be cleared up later.
There are all kinds of ways to approach this, a funny one might be:
"Go get your sister."
*_"MOLLY!"_*
I think the important point to remember is that things can be cleared up in the narration, one way or the other. What I find kind of amusing is that substantively she lets a "namedrop" slide in that conversation. She finished her point, and it goes completely unmentioned.
th-cam.com/video/QstuIhn8-qI/w-d-xo.html
The issue I struggle with is I feel I have too much dialogue. I'm writing a close third-person romance novel. I have one section that is literally 30 lines of dialogue (with tags every 2-3 lines), but nothing that breaks up the monotony of it. I need to figure out how to write things between the dialogue. Something along the lines of: Brandon stared at his reflection in his coffee. Sarah's words rang true, but how could he face Kevin? Something like that I think would break up he said she said, or even he gasped, she shrugged. Just something more. What are your and the other viewer's thoughts on this?
About the characterscalling each other by their names, it's sometimes beneficial as it brings emphasis. So the solution would be asking ourselves, while writing, "does this sentence *lose* impact if I remove the name?"
If the answer is yes, then we should keep it!
i'm writing a romance novel, and character is one of the most important thing, rather than the prose. but it's so hard to write an exchange of funny and witty banters because in real life, i am not a funny person, i don't have a smart mouth that counterattacks people. sad.
Then you should read novels and watch series and movies that succeed in doing that, so you get examples to inspire you! Also, you can adk people, close or far, what they would answer to x sentence and make sure they don't mind if you use their ideas! That would also help you make your characters different from one another!
Great video, but what about the dialect thing? Terry Pratchett's book is almost all in dialect.
Shai blocked the first shot attempt and hit him on the elbow on the double-clutch shot attempt. As a basketball ref myself, foul all day.
As far as mismatched attributions, what if the point you're trying to convey is that Kelsey's eyes widened _because_ Joey looked concerned? Almost like a stylistic choice. You're picturing it, like you might see it edited into a film. Would you recommend separating that out from the dialogue completely? That seems like it would clear up the confusion.
Yes, I think that's a easy and clean way of distinguishing what's going on!
Hi Alyssa. I wonder if you could do a video with advice about using contractions? I try to avoid them (except in dialogue) but I find that not using them in the narrative makes it sound forced and unnatural. There are parts where the use of contractions seems wholly necessary to prevent a disturbance in the flow of the story and I'd be very grateful for any advice you could offer. Your videos have already helped me loads and I'd love a bit more clarity on this one. Thank you.
AFAIK, the use of contractions that even the most posh formal speaker would usually do in spoken language, such as "It's", mustn't, don't, doesn't, I've etc. are perfectly fine to also use in the narrative. If you are writing first person or third person limited POV, where the POV character isn't the speaker of the narrative like in first person POV but his way to express himself still flavors the narrative because the narrative basically reports the POV-characters thoughts, it's preferable to do those contractions rather than avoid them. Avoiding each and every contraction can make your text appear overly formal.
Colloquialisms like wanna, gotta, or ain't on the other hand should probably only appear in direct speach, unless you are writing first person and really want to make it feel like the protagonist is actually telling the whole story to someone.
@@chrisrudolf9839 Thank you. Your reply will certainly help me out. I've pretty much gone with contractions as the story flows so much better with them. The narrative works better too as it's told on a sympathetic bent towards the main character. Great advice :)
6:37
I think you should also remove the second or last "he asked".
The readers already know that it's Mark unless Stephen would like to add in something before Mark could reply or another character interrupts the dialogue.
Sorry, it just irritates me whenever I see too many said, asked and replied on a page when there's only 2 characters talking 😅
Would these tips work with an animated series?
Are there genre related exceptions in the name drop issue? In romance, I think it dials up the intimacy and connection when the couple uses each other’s name every once in a while - instead of whatever pet name they have for each other.
“Come on Talia, you know what it does to me when you speak in French.” Corny I know. 😂. You could skip the name but the sentence hits differently without it. It loses something.
I’ve heard it said that everyone on the planet has the same favorite word: their own name. If that’s true, it seems that a name drop could be extremely intentional and maybe even manipulative which could tie in to the protagonist’s goal in the scene for instance.
Idk. I think there are times when it should be acceptable to address a person by name in dialogue and not have it considered a mistake.
You've got a point here. So the solution would be asking ourselves, while writing, "does this sentence *lose* impact if I remove the name?"
If the answer is yes, then we should keep it!
@@demoncorrupted6164 I like that! Good suggestion.
There’s also that whole dynamic of calling someone by a different name to emphasize what you’re saying to them. Like, you’re “Jimmy” when you’re good with Mom; but “James” when you mess up and are being called on bad behavior.
@@nikkinewbie6014 oooh, yes! I admit that I especially love to use that in a ennemies or rival situation (I'm a sucker for cute nicknames used in a snarky manner) but yes! This! It shows how characters interact and even how they consider each other in different contexts!!!
@@demoncorrupted6164 100% 😂😂
1 ''Where did Ryan go''? Joey asked nervously, as his expression shifted around him, while looking concerned.
'''Oh, thought he had told you'' explained Kelsey, as her eyes widened, as her features shifted around her.
This might be a little too much though.... just my opinion
3' ''I had a strange guy follow me at the grocery store'' declared Jordan nervously. '''He was at the entrance, so I got to the other side of the building and he was there. He freaked me out enough for me to push passed him. I moved quickly through the store to get the milk and he just continued to follow me.''
interesting that a common writing mistake misattrubution and naming the wrong characters in dialogue is a really common error in chatgpt / ai generated text, I wonder how many authors are submitting work based on ai generated material or if ai generated material has learned the error from authors.
for dialect, i think, if two characters have same dialect then there dialogues can be written in standard english but if one person have a different dialect then his dialogue should be written in the dialect. The reason is simple the pov character might be not following every word that same experience need to be delivered to the reader. It can also be used while two characters have same dialect but different from the protagonist. So, writer can convey some information and hide some. Feel free to correct me. I m an amateur.
How can you get contacted for editing novels?
You can check out my services here: www.alyssamatesic.com/professional-book-editing-services#professional-book-editing-services-13
I'm ok with dialogue..not over explaining..but..how many lines do we space after each dialogue..2 lines??
1 line? Is there specifics for this??
In my writing critique group, we're told that you shouldn't have a dialog tag, such as 'he said',, along with an action tag for example, "he said, blowing a puff of smoke from his cigarette." Is this correct?
Rules are made to be broken! But here, you could say, for example: "he whispered, a puff of smoke escaping his mouth" to make it breathy (tadum-tsss!) Or use other verbs that convey tone, emotion, etc. If you want to skip the tag verb, you can include it in a little description before or after the dialogue:
""Hdnzkkdbdjd"
As he whispered, a puff of smoke came out of his mouth, reeking of cigarette..."
Hope this is useful?
I googled which words to use instead of the he said, she said, and came across very interesting words to use. Sometimes I begin a dialogue like this: ' Beth glared at him. "So you think it's okay to help yourself to my money while I'm out?"
Half of my editing is just nuking character names out of dialogue. when the words are flowing it feels like it packs a bit of a punch to the dialogue, but then when I reread it I'm just like "Why did he just say this guy's name 6 times one one page?" 😣
Haha, that's why it's always worth it to reread your work at least once!
@@AlyssaMatesic at least once? Oh Alyssa, you sweet, miraculous little summer child. Cut to me using the read aloud function in Word on the same scene ten times back to back trying to catch flaws 😭/😂
NNNOOOOO. 'I thought I told you, Krelsey said, her eyes widening.
That's terrible. Run on sentence tag with the comma and an adverb. Kelsey's eyes widened. 'I thought I told you.' is all you need. Widening is a HORRIBLE word, dude! listen to it: Widening. WIDENING WIDENING.
''Did you hear about what happened at the gym''? Stephen asked quickly, while drawing breath.
''''No, ''supplied mark, shaking his head, ''I have been in class all day.'' His voice became serious, '''Why''?
''One of the treadmills caught fire and the woman on it had to be rushed to hospital''
''Oh my'' Mark gasped, as his eyes widened with shock. 'Do they know the cause''? he asked desperately.
You altered one word of dialogue and now they are unmistakably from a different hemisphere.
@@futurestoryteller that's interesting. I didn't expect that. What word was it?
@@andeeharry You took out the word "the"
"He asked desperately" not needed. We know by his gasp who's speaking.
I disagree with your second example @6:10. "He asked" should be removed from the last line - we know, by his gasp, who is speaking. Attributions, when overused, not only slow the narrative flow, but become downright annoying. From my observations, NINETY PERCENT of them are unnecessary, and can be avoided by, for example, prefacing the dialogue by an action of the speaker.
I do not agree with you on use of dialects. Every fiction is directed at a target audience. If use of dialect appeals to the target audience, it makes an interesting and engaging reading. I guess you have US in mind. If that's correct, then bear in mind that US constitutes only 4% of world population.
Alyssa, I've been an editor and writer for 30 years, and all that you say here is only pap, which helps to make you money through YT, but does almost nothing for these young writers. Your advice is obvious, if only entirely outdated, and only encourages not-very-good authors to waste their time. Meanwhile, you also play at being an expert at book endings, or book beginnings; and how to write the perfect first 10 pages, and etc-etc-etc. When, in fact and in practice, no editor, publisher, nor agent, knows what makes saleable writing sell (much less what is a good book); this is because none of those people have a clue as to what people want to read at any given time. In other words, editors-publishers-agents are scared out of their minds for their jobs because they haven't a clue as to what will sell: good book, bad book, or the greatest book EVER; or an absolute crap story. If anyone (or you, Alyssa) doubts what I have to say, just ask yourself, "Why is Alyssa running this YT channel rather than making millions-billions as an editor-publisher-agent?" Yes, your answer will lead ALL THESE YOUNG WRITERS to the truth: just write; make your characters believable; make your story readable. That's all. And, and, and ... if you get lucky enough to find a publisher, you might get lucky enough to sell books to all the very few readers who are yet out there looking for their next good book to read.