Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
They weaponize forgiveness...They think it's like a magic trick that removes all consequences and repercussions... as in from themselves, not from the ones they victimized. No acknowledgement, no honesty about what took place. Doing the bare minimum of external changes and expecting everything to be back to normal because of that. Thank you for a thoughtful explanation in this video.
Definitely agree with you! The magic “ word”..! A word that really has no energy or substance behind it..! Without honesty there is no Relationship..! Let’s keep ourselves also honest about not feeding into negative loop patterns that “ feed” those behaviors and lead to giving us hurt over and over again! Breaking through those cycles is essential and if that means a complete reset of where the relationship may head..so be it! It may take many years until we can unmask this type of toxic painful and destructive behaviors that lead to isolation, questioning, confusion, guilt as this people try to make you and counter blame to shift the attention and responsibility to the one victimized by their immature behaviors!
This video is so important. It’s exactly what my husband needs to understand…forgiving him doesn’t mean my body has forgotten the trauma. Repairing a marriage after abuse takes time, even with trauma therapy
In order to understand, they will need to *want to understand. Batterers generally don't want to understand, preferring instead to believe that forgiveness is the cure-all, and that it all rests on you, and that if magical healing is not instantaneous, then the problem is your "refusal" to forgive, thus accusing you of not forgiving. "Forgiveness," as perceived by many, puts all the responsibility on the one who "needs to forgive." No one else, apparently, has any accountability. Such are trash doctrines, doctrines of demons.
Jimmy has an outstanding understanding of humans. What a great gift he is to this world, by clearly explaining things that people need to know. If you read this, Jimmy, know that you are helping MILLIONS of people.
Share his wisdom and his videos with your friends and family. He deserves more followers and truly I believe -- around the world -- many more relationships will improve with his increased viewership.
Forgiveness is about understanding your under story and their under story for both sides and then working towards better communication where trust is built and closeness in time 🙏🏼💗
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Such an important video. You summed up the residual trauma well - yes, you forgive, but it doesn't mean you can jump back in as if nothing happened. You can't. Your internal world has been altered (trust, safety, expectation, confidence, etc). There must be real, tangible change by the person who hurt you; otherwise, it's only a matter of time before they do it again. Thanks for all you're doing, Jimmy. It's much appreciated by many.
Not just tangible change, but a *_long_* pattern of doing the right thing, to where it *_overcomes_* the past patterns and establishes a new good pattern. That is how someone becomes *_trust-worthy._* I've never seen any abuser get to that point. They somehow figure that once, twice or maybe three times of behaving themselves should be sufficient for the injured party to trust them completely. Hogwash.
@@GreenEggsAndGram Seeing is believing. Anything less than that, I won't believe, for their words are lip service, in vain, empty. Show me your change. I like Missouri's motto, Missouri is the 'Show Me' state.
You know, I don’t think I have ever said to anyone that I care about their feelings, or “Thank you for telling me how you feel”. I do care, but I’ve never said it before. Thank you so much for making these videos!
As someone who suffers from chronic depression and insecure attachments, my ex made the right decision by ending the relationship with me a month ago. I was way too crippled and paralysed with my own insecurities and my own toxic behaviors rooted in trauma to be able to reciprocate love the way he deserved it. I come from an abusive household and I never had the courage to help myself. I've been waiting forever for someone to help me, I've never learned to love myself. This is my time to do the work to heal and avoid doing the same mistakes. I cannot make someone else feel loved if I don't love myself. And this is so important in order to build a healthy relationship. Thank you for your videos, they give me an amazing insight and help me confirm my own limitations and what I can do to be a better person.
@@NoixDeCocoSplit Crappy Childhood Fairy Adam Lane Smith Healthy Gamer GG Are some great TH-cam channels for healing if you haven’t already found them May you find your serenity 🕊️💪
That's a powerful post right there! Give yourself a pat on the shoulder and believe that you are going to get to wonderful places. Keep up the hard work!
@@goblinsRule Would you allow your progeny to be babysat by a known P? You preach forgetting, so would you? Are you just going to chalk that up to their being "fallible?"
@goblinsRule the point of the video, is that whilst you can forgive someone, it takes time to rebuild the trust, if at all.. ie, forgiven but not forgotten?
My husband and I have been talking about this for about a year. It's so validating for us to hear this expressed outside of our personal conversations.
There is a difference between forgiveness and fellowship and I think that is a hard concept for most. Especially the person seeking forgiveness. The expectation that fellowship will immediately follow forgiveness without healing causes imminent disappointment.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Thank you so much for this Jimmy. I never knew what love truely is about. I was abused by some family members and had to deal with them. Consequently, I have put up with men's abuse for years, not knowing what real love is. I'm 69 years oldow realizing not a one took accountability or apologized for all the pain they caused me. I have let go of a futile 16-year relationship now. 😢 Hurting so badly!
Jimmy is really sharing some profound truths. Thank God somebody is. I forgave my husband years ago and don’t hold it over his head, but there are enormous boulders of consequence between us. That is HIS burden to work on to remove thru repair and new behaviors.
I don't think people in their shoes understand that, that it is their burden to remove through repair and new trustworthy behaviors. They don't understand what they must do, that regaining trust is their responsibility.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Wow this is great to learn. When I think of seeing my brother again, I get freaked out a bit and filled with anxiety. His wife has decided she hates me and he goes along with it....Years of hurt, rejection, bad treatment from them because of her hateful stance. I have forgiven but there is ZERO trust there and I no longer want to see my brother.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this, Jimmy! Great explanation! So important that we understand these concepts. Religion often pushes us to forgive but doesn’t provide enough detailed understanding of the concept, and without a clear grasp of all the implications, forgiveness can actually keep us in harm’s way. I had to learn that while I may forgive someone on a spiritual level because we are all flawed human beings, I needed to keep a strong guard up against them and not allow my heart to soften toward them because they would just strike again. There are levels of forgiveness, access and closeness that we need to wisely maintain or adjust as needed.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
My older sister used to yell at me, for hours at a time even if it was the middle of the night and i had school the next day. She was trying to correct the unhealthy behavior i had of blowing up on people when i got stressed. I told her it hurt me when she did that and i didnt feel like she was a safe person. She said she was sorry i felt that way but thats the way she has to do it because i dont remember/pay attention when she tries to correct my behavior without yelling. If i tried to step away to cool off or ask her if we could schedule this talk later, she would refuse, saying no one has time for that, she's busy all the time, i just want to get away from this conversation, if she is important to me, I'll stay, etc. I would be shutting down while she's yelling at me. She isnt sorry for the way she goes about it because she says its the only way it works. I feel such resentment toward her for that. Even though our relationship is okay most of the time until I make that kind of mistake again. I thought she was done, ready to end our relationship a while back because she had to drill this lesson into me year after year for a decade and i still wasnt getting it. I tried but i just dont know how to forgive her for hurting me, even knowing i hurt her too.
Its called resentment. Resentment is when you feel upset because the person moved on and you are still thinking about the event. You resent them for moving on to fast
Yep. Resentment and contempt are both relationship killers. Gotta talk about it. Get the feelings out. But also repair and have a plan with your partner for moving forward. Otherwise that resentment just festers. Been there. Mine lingered because I simply could not establish trust with my toxic partner :L
What they did, doesn't just go away because an apology happened, you forgave them. It takes a long time for that broken trust to heal, to knit back together, just like when a broken bone needs to heal over months. The pain (equal to "resentment"), slowly fades away as the broken bone (broken trust) is healing with proper care. And, putting stress on the broken bone (the broken trust) too soon is going to re-injure and cause malunion or nonunion of the two broken parts. So, trust has to be rebuilt, and that requires lots of care and attention, not neglect, not re-injury, not rehashing. Both parts need to do all that's needed to knit back together.
I dig that comment. For anyone reading, don't let the cause of resentment be your own lack of speaking up clearly and often. That would be like not telling your dancing partner they're stepping on your feet every night for years and then resenting them for not caring that they hurt you. Give them a chance to fix their steps by telling them clearly and respectfully how much it hurts getting stepped on over and over. Most partners want to avoid hurting their partner. If they won't hear you out or they simply don't care, cross that bridge when/if it comes.
But few seem to know what repentance is, as many define it as simply saying 'Sorry.' No, it means completely forsaking the violational behavior, in action, for real. *_It is not lip service, it occurs in reality._*
Thank you Jimmy. It’s hard letting go of someone or anyone who you really wanted a relationship with but didn’t feel safe mentally or emotionally with.
Currently experiencing my partner not contacting me after talking on the phone and he flipped out and accused me of being ungrateful for anything he’s done/does for me which is totally untrue, we’ve been together for 8yrs now but we don’t live together it’s a mutual choice as we both have our own homes and my children still live at home with me, in the past I’ve always been the first one to make contact with him to try and resolve things but I’m waiting for him to make the first move as he’s always said he can’t live without me now it’s time for him to show me this and be a man of his word as actions speak louder than words!
The narcissist has a demon problem. He has allowed evil into his life, usually in the form of rebellion against God, and he practices narcissism to destroy people because the more damage he does, the more power he acquires from the dark side. Narcissism is a form of witchcraft, plain and simple. For my family, we have memorized Psalm 91 (the most powerful prayer for protection) and Psalm 140 (which exactly describes the different attacks that narcissists use). There are many more chapters that speak to these types of attack because in the Psalms we find the prayers of King David (before he was king) when he was being targeted and stalked and attacked by King Saul because the king was jealous of David and wanted him dead. (The king used his entire army to attack David.) The Imprecatory Psalms are the prayers of someone crying out for God to fight on their behalf to protect them from evil and to punish the wicked person.
The first and main thing that many ask is "Have you forgiven them?" as if that will solve everything. They have asked it in the context of domestic violence, they asked it in the context of a one-sided situationship where the narcissist was chronically disrespecting while the one being asked (about forgiveness) was the one trying to fix things. It felt as if that was the only idea/focus/proposed "solution" they had, as if they had no idea what to say other than "Have you forgiven them?" There has been no accountability in the false church. Truth has not been upheld there, nor ethics, integrity, principles or precepts. Over the last fifty years, they have practiced antinomian notions, that of lawlessness, ignoring the attitudes of the heart and the fruit of it. Accountability has been rejected. Truth cannot do its work where it is rejected. Forgiveness doesn't enable accountability or change, but it does enable the abuse to continue.
Same here. He finally admitted he doesn't know how to love and is set in his own ways. No change desired, so I'm moving on. Enough time wasted trying to make it work alone.
Forgiveness is a process, and it takes time to heal one's self and to build safety and trust back into the relationship. It starts with boundaries and leads us to do that inner work to find peace with that inner turmoil to find ultimate peace comes from within.
I forgave and forgave and forgave. He would yell at me to just forgive him and let it go stop talking about it. I kept trying to explain this to him, that I have forgiven him however that doesn't mean we have security and trust back yet. It would just make him angry. We are separated now 😭
He would say "Drop it." I said calmly that we needed to talk about it because it was hurtful, it did damage. He sternly said "DROP IT." I said we need to resolve this, it has hurt our relationship. He yelled *_"DROP IT!! WE ARE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT!"_* That meant that he was not willing to resolve or fix anything, that he was not going to be accountable to fix or change his behavior, and that he was going to continue being abusive, which he did. If I had had wisdom at that point, I would have left then. *_Trust is earned. It takes a long pattern of doing the right thing to overcome past violations. Abusers don't like accountability, they refuse it because it requires them to humble themselves, which they aren't going to do._*
First your emotional wounds need to heal, then forgiveness comes by itself. But healing takes time, lots of time, distance and love. And those three ingredients are not available to everyone always. You cannot will or force forgiveness. Anyone saying so do not know forgiveness.
If the offending or abusing party sees what they did, changes their mind, heart and behaviors, and becomes reliably trustworthy, that can go a very long way to healing broken trust.
I remember talking to an old Friend. One of the last conversations I had discussed exactly what you said at 6:40. I said to him, if she’s going to constantly use that against you, she’s not forgiving you. Which isn’t healthy. You need to leave or confront it with her. Can’t tell you what happened between them. I gave him space.
Forgiveness doesn't heal violated trust. It is your friend's responsibility to cease the violating behaviors, and to consistently replace those with trustworthy behaviors to do the right thing and to rebuild trust. Rebuilding trust is your friend's job, not the one who may or may not "forgive." Forgiveness doesn't mean that the damage done by those violations is gone. You've got the shoe on the wrong foot. Forgiveness doesn't need to be enforced, your friend needs to be held accountable to behave honorably and in a trustworthy manner. Until your friend rebuilds trust over the long haul, that damage remains, and they will *not be trusted. It sounds like your friend and you believe that your abusing friend is innocent and on the high ground. It sounds like you are enabling your friend's false innocence and false pride, and not understanding that damage from violated trust remains until trust is reestablished. Only your violating friend can reestablish that. If they don't, they will never be trusted by their ex.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
I went on one date with a guy…it was ok. He sent me a message late in the night that I took as booty call. Every person I have shared the message with has agreed with me. He apologized BUT then he told me he was mad that I didn’t trust him. I replied “I don’t know you.” One date and then you booty call me and you’re mad that I don’t trust you? Act trustworthy and then I’ll trust you.
The guy's false pride/ego was defensive. They knew they were busted, and were trying to cover. Lame, blatantly unethical and obviously immature, untrustworthy. If a person can't own up, they can't be trusted, and unethical behavior can't be trusted.
Plain and simple. You can work on forgiving someone but you never forget what they said to you that was hurtful. And when they never apologize, that just shows a lack of maturity.
When a person humbles themselves and has remorse over what they did, they will *_ask you for forgiveness,_* not merely "apologize" which only says 'Sorry.'
A video on how long “hurt feelings” can dominate every situation would be nice. Repair is important but I don’t want to feel like I’ve lost myself in a relationship because I made mistakes out of unhealthy and impulsive behavior.
I can forgive you and move on when you finally put something on that shelf. Kidding, of course. This was a great video. Forgiveness is crucial, but change has to happen for the relationship to change!
There are more costs created by violations that are *not paid for at Calvary, damages and consequences that will remain, as the abuser needs to repent in *real life and deed (NOT lip service) and reestablish a whole new pattern of honorable accountability and trustworthy behavior. If the abuser did physical damage, then that physical damage may remain. Christianity and forgiveness do not mean that the results and consequences/costs of abuse don't exist. Such doctrines are of fairytales. Head injuries *do exist due to batterers, there are *real consequences. Broken bones and damage are real results of violations, you are not counting the costs of reality. If the abuser is going to jail, they are still going to jail, regardless of your simplistic doctrines. If a parent unalives their child, or a batterer does the same to their victim, that is a lasting reality that will not be undone by your no-consequence doctrine.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Yes, Amen brother. Forgiveness is not to go back with that one who hurt you or as you said trust them again. Is just about not holding grudges, about not getting bitter or resentful for. It is to set you and the person free of your hate but we shouldn't trust a person that hurts us repeatedly without a transformation in Christ. Only God can change a person and if they don't want to surrender their life to follow Him, they won't change much because we need God's strength to be really delivered of strongholds.
If someone creates a breach, a violation, and they don't fix it, they don't mend it, that breach will remain. People mistakenly call breaches "grudges" when those breaches are simply part of reality. Doing mental gymnastics to deny reality won't change it.
The man I loved very much, who suffers from some kind of personality disorder and addiction (drugs and alcohol) gave me three weeks to forgive him all the mistreatment that was happening for months and when I expressed my frustration he left me again, the second time, and said how I didn`t appreciate him trying to come back and that, actually, he doesn`t want to take me back. I felt like I am in the twilight zone, as if I was the one who verbally abused him, and was drunk for most of the time. Eventually, it turned out I was, as he said "proudly defiant" and he doesn`t want to expose his future children to my behaviour. :/
Narcissists and criminals, abusers and batterers, make a practice of turning the tables so far around that the victim of their crime is, in their delusional mind, the perpetrator. It is a total perversion where reality is upended, where up is called down, down is called up, where evil is called good, where truth is not honored or upheld. They have departed from reality, and that is insanity. You have escaped the abuser's clutches, that is excellent. They are full of lies, and darkness rules their disordered minds.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Some people can't forgive and they don't understand what forgiveness is no matter how small or how large so they can't move on. That kills a relationship as much as mistrust.
As someone who neglected my relationships because of deep unsolved insecurities, be kind and true to yourself. It's NOT your fault. You tried, you did your best. We have to acknowledge and work on our shortcomings on our own. Stay strong, be true to yourself ❤
This headline hurt my heart as I scrolled by- I forgave because it was good for my heart- but the trust was never repaired- it takes two to repair the trust, and sometimes that will never happen, and you have to choose your demand move on. Thank you for making this video- somebody out there is in a fragile state and needs to hear this. ❤
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Thank you, Jimmy, I really needed to hear this today as this is exactly what I have been struggling with intensely the past days. Lots of love, keep up the good work!
My ex is maybe trying to hard to keep a connection by my gut would just churn and sink when it comes to interacting with him. I told him, he does not believe me. But that he does not believe me is his problem. I will listen to my gut.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
This applies to abuse as well. Forgiveness is a cop out, and avoids actually dealing with it. The abuser will continue their actions and just continue to hurt you. Cutting ties is the only way. Forgiving is avoiding it.
If they are not going to come clean and establish reliable, trustworthy behavior, then I hope you're free of them. I'm sure that many here understand how you feel.
so good, christians love to throw in the words of Jesus that we must forgive without ever understanding what forgiveness is and what it is not. Jesus is on the side of the broken and He who knows what the bodies, souls and minds have gone through and cares about healing the brokenness and providing safety and not be limited to keeping up relationships for the sake of the world.
Exactly! Repair is what is necessary, not forgiveness. Forgiveness is an individual's need, not what the relationship needs. Forgiveness CAN be an outcome of repair but should not be expected nor sought.
Is there a point when you realize that you don't actually forgive them or don't want to rebuild trust? That the hurt was to great and that the only way you can heal is to step away?
Only you can decide what that point is for you. If that's how you feel, it's valid. I can tell you that I have hit points like that. I initially tried to forgive, but when I saw that they just kept up the same hurtful behavior and wanted continuing forgiveness for it, I chose to step away. I was a mess when I was trying to be the sole person holding the relationship together and it felt awful. It was hard, but felt much better to let go of the idea that I could have a healthy relationship with them and step away.
@rainbowconnected Oh, agreed on all your points. I was coming more from a do you give them a chance to prove themselves or just immediately wash your hands regardless of their remorse.
@@Dragonmoon1598 Has the person established a pattern (three times or more) of behaving with disrespect, or any other form of abuse? If they have established that pattern, then they have already proven themselves in the wrong direction, and any "remorse" may be crocodile tears as the abuse is very likely to continue, especially if you forgive them, as they will see that you can be manipulated by "remorse." Watch the patterns. The patterns will reveal them. Don't excuse the patterns, don't try to explain them away (to yourself), LISTEN to what the patterns reveal. Once a pattern reveals itself, don't invest any more time in relationship with them. "Love" and "remorse" are irrelevant if they are not willing to do the right thing. If there's a pattern of three abuses, they are not willing to do the right thing.
Thank you so very much for the videos. I struggle with talking to my fiance about emotional needs but your videos have helped me learn and grow as an individual so much. 😊
Forgiveness is for YOU. The person who hurt you couldn't care less. Forgiveness is for your OWN well-being. And it also doesn't mean you condone the behavior--it just means that you see what it is and you're moving on. Holding onto that will just make YOU bitter and ugly--and basically THEM. Get rid of it. Forgive.
As long as you first feel all the anger, hurt, sadness, etc. Jumping to forgiveness without that is immensely harmful. It's so tempting though, because to most people, saying you've forgiven someone feels good, like you've taken the high road. But it can be a shield from more vulnerable feelings and pretending it didn't affect you. Essentially, a spiritual bypass. Forgiveness is the last part of the healing process. And honestly, for some people's process, it isn't necessary.
I see what they are/were, what their behavior was, I chose to move on from them, but I have also observed that "forgiveness" disables accountability. As a result, for now at least, I no longer believe in "forgiveness." Radical acceptance of who and what they are/were, and what they did, but not "forgiveness." Many spiritual and scriptural principles have been misused, mistaught and weaponized, such that those principles are used to further victimize the wronged. Accountability belongs to the violators, and it's time that they were held accountable. Both the "church" and the culture have long abandoned accountability, and accountability is what is needed.
Is it a bad idea to send your vid to my ex ? She kinda need to understand what your explaining and I've tried to explain it to her, but you're clearer than me maybe i dont know. She was my 3rd great love in life and broke my trust multiple times and is just expecting that I'm not hurt and that just not doing it again and not talking about it is enough to move forward otherwise it mean I haven't forgiven her. Opening the door for the other person to repair their wrongs isn't the basis of forgiveness ?
Forgiveness is not the magical cure-all. That's how many imagine it to be. It puts the burden of reconciliation and the regaining of trust onto you, the one who is expected to forgive, when that is not how it works. The burden of regaining trust belongs to your ex. It is *their duty to behave rightly, consistently, and to do what is necessary to regain your trust over time. It will take time, and if they are not willing to take that time, and to exercise their responsibility to work that through, then they don't care enough to do the work of regaining your trust. Trust has to be rebuilt not just from the ground up, but from the sub-floor (below ground level) due to the damage of their violations. Forgiveness does not empower reconciliation, does not heal broken trust, does not heal violations. Forgiveness and healing of trust are ***_TWO SEPARATE ISSUES._*
The best advice I ever got was this:
Love Needs Action
Trust Needs Proof
Sorry Needs Change
Excellent.
Excellent!
@@Stillpril Excellent 🌼
Perfect! I wrote that down. Thank you for sharing that ❤
@@Stillpril love this!! Thank you!!
Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?
Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.
He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable
I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
They weaponize forgiveness...They think it's like a magic trick that removes all consequences and repercussions... as in from themselves, not from the ones they victimized. No acknowledgement, no honesty about what took place. Doing the bare minimum of external changes and expecting everything to be back to normal because of that. Thank you for a thoughtful explanation in this video.
💯
Yup walking away from a porn addiction aint enough, no repair/understanding was being made on his part. Im still here but feel distrust in my body.
They reject accountability.
Well said, very true.
Definitely agree with you! The magic “ word”..! A word that really has no energy or substance behind it..! Without honesty there is no Relationship..! Let’s keep ourselves also honest about not feeding into negative loop patterns that “ feed” those behaviors and lead to giving us hurt over and over again! Breaking through those cycles is essential and if that means a complete reset of where the relationship may head..so be it! It may take many years until we can unmask this type of toxic painful and destructive behaviors that lead to isolation, questioning, confusion, guilt as this people try to make you and counter blame to shift the attention and responsibility to the one victimized by their immature behaviors!
This video is so important. It’s exactly what my husband needs to understand…forgiving him doesn’t mean my body has forgotten the trauma. Repairing a marriage after abuse takes time, even with trauma therapy
In order to understand, they will need to *want to understand. Batterers generally don't want to understand, preferring instead to believe that forgiveness is the cure-all, and that it all rests on you, and that if magical healing is not instantaneous, then the problem is your "refusal" to forgive, thus accusing you of not forgiving. "Forgiveness," as perceived by many, puts all the responsibility on the one who "needs to forgive." No one else, apparently, has any accountability. Such are trash doctrines, doctrines of demons.
@@cacatr4495 I agree. 100%
Jimmy has an outstanding understanding of humans. What a great gift he is to this world, by clearly explaining things that people need to know. If you read this, Jimmy, know that you are helping MILLIONS of people.
Share his wisdom and his videos with your friends and family. He deserves more followers and truly I believe -- around the world -- many more relationships will improve with his increased viewership.
@@dianeatpeace337 I absolutely agree!
Forgiveness is about understanding your under story and their under story for both sides and then working towards better communication where trust is built and closeness in time 🙏🏼💗
this is perfect & lovely, thank you :)
Absolutely. Forgiveness is the starting line, not the finishing line! 🏁
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Such an important video. You summed up the residual trauma well - yes, you forgive, but it doesn't mean you can jump back in as if nothing happened. You can't. Your internal world has been altered (trust, safety, expectation, confidence, etc). There must be real, tangible change by the person who hurt you; otherwise, it's only a matter of time before they do it again. Thanks for all you're doing, Jimmy. It's much appreciated by many.
Not just tangible change, but a *_long_* pattern of doing the right thing, to where it *_overcomes_* the past patterns and establishes a new good pattern. That is how someone becomes *_trust-worthy._* I've never seen any abuser get to that point. They somehow figure that once, twice or maybe three times of behaving themselves should be sufficient for the injured party to trust them completely. Hogwash.
Forgiveness is a component of the grieving process and it is for our own healing💚
Forgive but never forget. It’s just that.
@@GreenEggsAndGram
Seeing is believing. Anything less than that, I won't believe, for their words are lip service, in vain, empty. Show me your change. I like Missouri's motto, Missouri is the 'Show Me' state.
Not necessary
You know, I don’t think I have ever said to anyone that I care about their feelings, or “Thank you for telling me how you feel”. I do care, but I’ve never said it before. Thank you so much for making these videos!
As someone who suffers from chronic depression and insecure attachments, my ex made the right decision by ending the relationship with me a month ago.
I was way too crippled and paralysed with my own insecurities and my own toxic behaviors rooted in trauma to be able to reciprocate love the way he deserved it.
I come from an abusive household and I never had the courage to help myself. I've been waiting forever for someone to help me, I've never learned to love myself. This is my time to do the work to heal and avoid doing the same mistakes.
I cannot make someone else feel loved if I don't love myself. And this is so important in order to build a healthy relationship.
Thank you for your videos, they give me an amazing insight and help me confirm my own limitations and what I can do to be a better person.
Wow, you're doing great by having this self-reflection. I recommend reading the book "CPTSD" by Pete Walker.
@@NoixDeCocoSplit Crappy Childhood Fairy
Adam Lane Smith
Healthy Gamer GG
Are some great TH-cam channels for healing if you haven’t already found them
May you find your serenity 🕊️💪
That's a powerful post right there! Give yourself a pat on the shoulder and believe that you are going to get to wonderful places. Keep up the hard work!
Wow, you have incredible self-awareness, indispensabile prerequisite for healing. Best wishes on your healing journey!
God loves you, he heals. He healed me. It took time, but I did the work. Now I can love back
Forgiven but not forgotten...
That is resentment, it never works, the real forgiveness accept that the other is fallible and it doesn't reflect you, just them.
@@goblinsRule
Would you allow your progeny to be babysat by a known P? You preach forgetting, so would you? Are you just going to chalk that up to their being "fallible?"
@goblinsRule the point of the video, is that whilst you can forgive someone, it takes time to rebuild the trust, if at all.. ie, forgiven but not forgotten?
My husband and I have been talking about this for about a year. It's so validating for us to hear this expressed outside of our personal conversations.
You covered all the areas I needed to hear. Now I don't feel so bad removing myself from a painful situation 🥺
There is a difference between forgiveness and fellowship and I think that is a hard concept for most. Especially the person seeking forgiveness. The expectation that fellowship will immediately follow forgiveness without healing causes imminent disappointment.
That is absolutely the case. The difference between the two is vast.
THANK YOU. FINALLY SOMEONE ON OUR SIDE AND NOT GASLIGHTING US. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
This is your best video, in my opinion!
Works with family too.
Absolutely. Works with any relationship
Sure. Perfectly valid. I have forgiven him, because holding on to anger only hurts me myself, but want him nowhere near my life again.
So refreshing. It only took me 55 years to understand this but it is liberating to your mind and spirit. Thanks for sharing.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Thank you so much for this Jimmy. I never knew what love truely is about.
I was abused by some family members and had to deal with them. Consequently, I have put up with men's abuse for years, not knowing what real love is.
I'm 69 years oldow realizing not a one took accountability or apologized for all the pain they caused me. I have let go of a futile 16-year relationship now. 😢
Hurting so badly!
Jimmy is really sharing some profound truths. Thank God somebody is. I forgave my husband years ago and don’t hold it over his head, but there are enormous boulders of consequence between us. That is HIS burden to work on to remove thru repair and new behaviors.
I don't think people in their shoes understand that, that it is their burden to remove through repair and new trustworthy behaviors. They don't understand what they must do, that regaining trust is their responsibility.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
So true. Forgiveness was given. But the betrayal continues. Bye bye I'm worth more
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Wow this is great to learn. When I think of seeing my brother again, I get freaked out a bit and filled with anxiety. His wife has decided she hates me and he goes along with it....Years of hurt, rejection, bad treatment from them because of her hateful stance. I have forgiven but there is ZERO trust there and I no longer want to see my brother.
Excellent thanks very much 😅
One
Thousand percent everything you said, thank you for this.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Thank you Jimmy for all of your videos. It has helped me in being more aware of what it looks like to be in a healthy and self-aware relationship.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this, Jimmy! Great explanation! So important that we understand these concepts. Religion often pushes us to forgive but doesn’t provide enough detailed understanding of the concept, and without a clear grasp of all the implications, forgiveness can actually keep us in harm’s way. I had to learn that while I may forgive someone on a spiritual level because we are all flawed human beings, I needed to keep a strong guard up against them and not allow my heart to soften toward them because they would just strike again. There are levels of forgiveness, access and closeness that we need to wisely maintain or adjust as needed.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
My older sister used to yell at me, for hours at a time even if it was the middle of the night and i had school the next day. She was trying to correct the unhealthy behavior i had of blowing up on people when i got stressed. I told her it hurt me when she did that and i didnt feel like she was a safe person. She said she was sorry i felt that way but thats the way she has to do it because i dont remember/pay attention when she tries to correct my behavior without yelling. If i tried to step away to cool off or ask her if we could schedule this talk later, she would refuse, saying no one has time for that, she's busy all the time, i just want to get away from this conversation, if she is important to me, I'll stay, etc. I would be shutting down while she's yelling at me. She isnt sorry for the way she goes about it because she says its the only way it works. I feel such resentment toward her for that. Even though our relationship is okay most of the time until I make that kind of mistake again. I thought she was done, ready to end our relationship a while back because she had to drill this lesson into me year after year for a decade and i still wasnt getting it. I tried but i just dont know how to forgive her for hurting me, even knowing i hurt her too.
Its called resentment. Resentment is when you feel upset because the person moved on and you are still thinking about the event. You resent them for moving on to fast
Yep. Resentment and contempt are both relationship killers. Gotta talk about it. Get the feelings out. But also repair and have a plan with your partner for moving forward. Otherwise that resentment just festers. Been there. Mine lingered because I simply could not establish trust with my toxic partner :L
What they did, doesn't just go away because an apology happened, you forgave them. It takes a long time for that broken trust to heal, to knit back together, just like when a broken bone needs to heal over months. The pain (equal to "resentment"), slowly fades away as the broken bone (broken trust) is healing with proper care. And, putting stress on the broken bone (the broken trust) too soon is going to re-injure and cause malunion or nonunion of the two broken parts.
So, trust has to be rebuilt, and that requires lots of care and attention, not neglect, not re-injury, not rehashing. Both parts need to do all that's needed to knit back together.
There can be resentment because they never bothered to abandon their violational behaviors, and make things right, having no remorse.
I dig that comment.
For anyone reading, don't let the cause of resentment be your own lack of speaking up clearly and often.
That would be like not telling your dancing partner they're stepping on your feet every night for years and then resenting them for not caring that they hurt you. Give them a chance to fix their steps by telling them clearly and respectfully how much it hurts getting stepped on over and over.
Most partners want to avoid hurting their partner.
If they won't hear you out or they simply don't care, cross that bridge when/if it comes.
@@PostThaMost
Excellent metaphor, very well expressed. I'm sure your post will assist in understanding.
💜 Thank you! As usual, you do an amazing job explaining a touchy subject, with grace & clarity.
Forgiveness requires repentance. Everything else is just moving on.
But few seem to know what repentance is, as many define it as simply saying 'Sorry.' No, it means completely forsaking the violational behavior, in action, for real. *_It is not lip service, it occurs in reality._*
or skipping over it because they don't want or know how to deal with the truth.
Thank you Jimmy. It’s hard letting go of someone or anyone who you really wanted a relationship with but didn’t feel safe mentally or emotionally with.
Or valued by
@@fruitascension5089 I am so sorry you didn't feel valued.
Currently experiencing my partner not contacting me after talking on the phone and he flipped out and accused me of being ungrateful for anything he’s done/does for me which is totally untrue, we’ve been together for 8yrs now but we don’t live together it’s a mutual choice as we both have our own homes and my children still live at home with me, in the past I’ve always been the first one to make contact with him to try and resolve things but I’m waiting for him to make the first move as he’s always said he can’t live without me now it’s time for him to show me this and be a man of his word as actions speak louder than words!
Yes!!!
Stay strong. You deserve only the best.
The narcissist has a demon problem. He has allowed evil into his life, usually in the form of rebellion against God, and he practices narcissism to destroy people because the more damage he does, the more power he acquires from the dark side. Narcissism is a form of witchcraft, plain and simple. For my family, we have memorized Psalm 91 (the most powerful prayer for protection) and Psalm 140 (which exactly describes the different attacks that narcissists use). There are many more chapters that speak to these types of attack because in the Psalms we find the prayers of King David (before he was king) when he was being targeted and stalked and attacked by King Saul because the king was jealous of David and wanted him dead. (The king used his entire army to attack David.) The Imprecatory Psalms are the prayers of someone crying out for God to fight on their behalf to protect them from evil and to punish the wicked person.
The first and main thing that many ask is "Have you forgiven them?" as if that will solve everything. They have asked it in the context of domestic violence, they asked it in the context of a one-sided situationship where the narcissist was chronically disrespecting while the one being asked (about forgiveness) was the one trying to fix things. It felt as if that was the only idea/focus/proposed "solution" they had, as if they had no idea what to say other than "Have you forgiven them?"
There has been no accountability in the false church. Truth has not been upheld there, nor ethics, integrity, principles or precepts. Over the last fifty years, they have practiced antinomian notions, that of lawlessness, ignoring the attitudes of the heart and the fruit of it. Accountability has been rejected. Truth cannot do its work where it is rejected.
Forgiveness doesn't enable accountability or change, but it does enable the abuse to continue.
@@cacatr4495 I agree.
I just walked away from someone that I thought was gonna be my ride or die😢
I’m so sorry, I know that’s so hard
Me too 😭
Me too
Me too. It’s exquisitely painful to let go of my fantasy of happily ever after.
Same here. He finally admitted he doesn't know how to love and is set in his own ways. No change desired, so I'm moving on. Enough time wasted trying to make it work alone.
Forgiveness is a process, and it takes time to heal one's self and to build safety and trust back into the relationship. It starts with boundaries and leads us to do that inner work to find peace with that inner turmoil to find ultimate peace comes from within.
I forgave and forgave and forgave. He would yell at me to just forgive him and let it go stop talking about it. I kept trying to explain this to him, that I have forgiven him however that doesn't mean we have security and trust back yet. It would just make him angry. We are separated now 😭
He would say "Drop it." I said calmly that we needed to talk about it because it was hurtful, it did damage. He sternly said "DROP IT." I said we need to resolve this, it has hurt our relationship. He yelled *_"DROP IT!! WE ARE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT!"_* That meant that he was not willing to resolve or fix anything, that he was not going to be accountable to fix or change his behavior, and that he was going to continue being abusive, which he did. If I had had wisdom at that point, I would have left then.
*_Trust is earned. It takes a long pattern of doing the right thing to overcome past violations. Abusers don't like accountability, they refuse it because it requires them to humble themselves, which they aren't going to do._*
This is so true! Thank you for the video.
First your emotional wounds need to heal, then forgiveness comes by itself. But healing takes time, lots of time, distance and love. And those three ingredients are not available to everyone always. You cannot will or force forgiveness. Anyone saying so do not know forgiveness.
If the offending or abusing party sees what they did, changes their mind, heart and behaviors, and becomes reliably trustworthy, that can go a very long way to healing broken trust.
I remember talking to an old
Friend. One of the last conversations I had discussed exactly what you said at 6:40. I said to him, if she’s going to constantly use that against you, she’s not forgiving you. Which isn’t healthy. You need to leave or confront it with her. Can’t tell you what happened between them. I gave him space.
Forgiveness doesn't heal violated trust. It is your friend's responsibility to cease the violating behaviors, and to consistently replace those with trustworthy behaviors to do the right thing and to rebuild trust. Rebuilding trust is your friend's job, not the one who may or may not "forgive." Forgiveness doesn't mean that the damage done by those violations is gone. You've got the shoe on the wrong foot. Forgiveness doesn't need to be enforced, your friend needs to be held accountable to behave honorably and in a trustworthy manner. Until your friend rebuilds trust over the long haul, that damage remains, and they will *not be trusted. It sounds like your friend and you believe that your abusing friend is innocent and on the high ground. It sounds like you are enabling your friend's false innocence and false pride, and not understanding that damage from violated trust remains until trust is reestablished. Only your violating friend can reestablish that. If they don't, they will never be trusted by their ex.
You are truly a gem ❤
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
I went on one date with a guy…it was ok. He sent me a message late in the night that I took as booty call. Every person I have shared the message with has agreed with me. He apologized BUT then he told me he was mad that I didn’t trust him. I replied “I don’t know you.” One date and then you booty call me and you’re mad that I don’t trust you? Act trustworthy and then I’ll trust you.
The guy's false pride/ego was defensive. They knew they were busted, and were trying to cover. Lame, blatantly unethical and obviously immature, untrustworthy. If a person can't own up, they can't be trusted, and unethical behavior can't be trusted.
Thank you Jimmy 🥰🙏🥰 I'm inspired, again 🙌 Years in and out of therapy and interesting relationship choices and THIS is the clarity 💝 thank you 💖
Plain and simple. You can work on forgiving someone but you never forget what they said to you that was hurtful. And when they never apologize, that just shows a lack of maturity.
When a person humbles themselves and has remorse over what they did, they will *_ask you for forgiveness,_* not merely "apologize" which only says 'Sorry.'
Perfect. Couldn't agree more. Thank you.
excellent as always, i really appreciate this, thank you! 🔑
A video on how long “hurt feelings” can dominate every situation would be nice. Repair is important but I don’t want to feel like I’ve lost myself in a relationship because I made mistakes out of unhealthy and impulsive behavior.
I can forgive you and move on when you finally put something on that shelf.
Kidding, of course. This was a great video. Forgiveness is crucial, but change has to happen for the relationship to change!
And this is exactly why we need Jesus, our mistakes do have a cost, but He already paid it ❤
There are more costs created by violations that are *not paid for at Calvary, damages and consequences that will remain, as the abuser needs to repent in *real life and deed (NOT lip service) and reestablish a whole new pattern of honorable accountability and trustworthy behavior. If the abuser did physical damage, then that physical damage may remain. Christianity and forgiveness do not mean that the results and consequences/costs of abuse don't exist. Such doctrines are of fairytales. Head injuries *do exist due to batterers, there are *real consequences. Broken bones and damage are real results of violations, you are not counting the costs of reality. If the abuser is going to jail, they are still going to jail, regardless of your simplistic doctrines. If a parent unalives their child, or a batterer does the same to their victim, that is a lasting reality that will not be undone by your no-consequence doctrine.
“The only way to get RID of that negative energy is …” .
I don't forgive him and don't have to. That gives me peace.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Perfectly said!
Thank you, I needed to hear this!
❤❤❤
As a therapist, I have seen folks go through this and when it works…it is beautiful.
Thank you for this video! 🎉
This was helpful ❤ Thank you
In the New Testament It says. IF they repent change Forgive them
What is needed for truth and reality to be upheld is Accountability. Forgiveness doesn't do that.
No interest in repairing. Key component.
Your videos are always so awesome!
This video couldn't have come at a better time.... For myself and what I have to tell my children. Thank you so much.
I like that plant. Very lush.
Forgiveness is closeness to yourself…
Yes, Amen brother. Forgiveness is not to go back with that one who hurt you or as you said trust them again. Is just about not holding grudges, about not getting bitter or resentful for. It is to set you and the person free of your hate but we shouldn't trust a person that hurts us repeatedly without a transformation in Christ. Only God can change a person and if they don't want to surrender their life to follow Him, they won't change much because we need God's strength to be really delivered of strongholds.
@anointedhealthcoach YES AMEN! AGREE 💯
If someone creates a breach, a violation, and they don't fix it, they don't mend it, that breach will remain. People mistakenly call breaches "grudges" when those breaches are simply part of reality. Doing mental gymnastics to deny reality won't change it.
The man I loved very much, who suffers from some kind of personality disorder and addiction (drugs and alcohol) gave me three weeks to forgive him all the mistreatment that was happening for months and when I expressed my frustration he left me again, the second time, and said how I didn`t appreciate him trying to come back and that, actually, he doesn`t want to take me back. I felt like I am in the twilight zone, as if I was the one who verbally abused him, and was drunk for most of the time. Eventually, it turned out I was, as he said "proudly defiant" and he doesn`t want to expose his future children to my behaviour. :/
Narcissists and criminals, abusers and batterers, make a practice of turning the tables so far around that the victim of their crime is, in their delusional mind, the perpetrator. It is a total perversion where reality is upended, where up is called down, down is called up, where evil is called good, where truth is not honored or upheld. They have departed from reality, and that is insanity. You have escaped the abuser's clutches, that is excellent. They are full of lies, and darkness rules their disordered minds.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Maybe just move on.. without them... if you can't stay close after forgiveness.... This one's on you to be honest with yourself.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Some people can't forgive and they don't understand what forgiveness is no matter how small or how large so they can't move on. That kills a relationship as much as mistrust.
Thank you Jimmy I needed to see this right now, over a 23 year old wound resurfacing..
thank you
What happened to all the plants on the shelf!!!?
I totally wondered the same thing!
So that's what seemed different. I really love all the plants. It's relaxing.
Aaaw so perfectly explained 😢😭🫶🏼✨
For way too long I assumed their disinterest was MY fault and MY issue to "get over" right? Had no idea that was self abandonment ❤
As someone who neglected my relationships because of deep unsolved insecurities, be kind and true to yourself. It's NOT your fault. You tried, you did your best. We have to acknowledge and work on our shortcomings on our own.
Stay strong, be true to yourself ❤
❤ 3:11 earth angel Jimmy face 3:28
3:58 😮😅 4:00 🎉😢 4:04 😢 4:05 😢
Are you exalting someone? The message of the video is important, not their appearance.
Benjie! I can’t. I told you already.
This headline hurt my heart as I scrolled by- I forgave because it was good for my heart- but the trust was never repaired- it takes two to repair the trust, and sometimes that will never happen, and you have to choose your demand move on. Thank you for making this video- somebody out there is in a fragile state and needs to hear this. ❤
truth
You can’t un-ring a bell. Once you hurt me, I’ll never look at you the same again. Never.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Thank you, Jimmy, I really needed to hear this today as this is exactly what I have been struggling with intensely the past days. Lots of love, keep up the good work!
LOVE
Excellent ❤
My ex is maybe trying to hard to keep a connection
by my gut would just churn and sink when it comes to interacting with him.
I told him, he does not believe me. But that he does not believe me is his problem. I will listen to my gut.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
This applies to abuse as well. Forgiveness is a cop out, and avoids actually dealing with it. The abuser will continue their actions and just continue to hurt you. Cutting ties is the only way. Forgiving is avoiding it.
Amen 🙏🏽
The hurt story of my life...the last 16 yrs with my ex.
If they are not going to come clean and establish reliable, trustworthy behavior, then I hope you're free of them. I'm sure that many here understand how you feel.
Yup and hurt you repeatedly.
Facts/Truths 🎭
Many, many thanks for your videos🌻🌻🌻
so good, christians love to throw in the words of Jesus that we must forgive without ever understanding what forgiveness is and what it is not. Jesus is on the side of the broken and He who knows what the bodies, souls and minds have gone through and cares about healing the brokenness and providing safety and not be limited to keeping up relationships for the sake of the world.
this video came at the perfect time tysm❤
❤
Forgiveness doesn't equal repair.... this should be taught in school instead of "turn the other cheek" 🙌
Exactly! Repair is what is necessary, not forgiveness. Forgiveness is an individual's need, not what the relationship needs. Forgiveness CAN be an outcome of repair but should not be expected nor sought.
It's a both/and not an either/or, I think.
@@true8843 Why do you need forgiveness? Why does anyone really??? I don't get it.
Shout out to all the toxic families out there weaponizing the “turn the other cheek” mentality 📣📣
@@potsnpaninis That must have struck a nerve because I was eating and I started coughing. Our bodies always remember our toxic family relationships.
This was a beautiful video 🤍
YAAASSSSS 🎉🎉🎉
I'm trying to decide if the last 5 years have been worth it?
Is there a point when you realize that you don't actually forgive them or don't want to rebuild trust? That the hurt was to great and that the only way you can heal is to step away?
Only you can decide what that point is for you. If that's how you feel, it's valid.
I can tell you that I have hit points like that. I initially tried to forgive, but when I saw that they just kept up the same hurtful behavior and wanted continuing forgiveness for it, I chose to step away. I was a mess when I was trying to be the sole person holding the relationship together and it felt awful. It was hard, but felt much better to let go of the idea that I could have a healthy relationship with them and step away.
@rainbowconnected Oh, agreed on all your points. I was coming more from a do you give them a chance to prove themselves or just immediately wash your hands regardless of their remorse.
@@Dragonmoon1598
Has the person established a pattern (three times or more) of behaving with disrespect, or any other form of abuse? If they have established that pattern, then they have already proven themselves in the wrong direction, and any "remorse" may be crocodile tears as the abuse is very likely to continue, especially if you forgive them, as they will see that you can be manipulated by "remorse."
Watch the patterns. The patterns will reveal them. Don't excuse the patterns, don't try to explain them away (to yourself), LISTEN to what the patterns reveal. Once a pattern reveals itself, don't invest any more time in relationship with them. "Love" and "remorse" are irrelevant if they are not willing to do the right thing. If there's a pattern of three abuses, they are not willing to do the right thing.
@cacatr4495 I like that perspective. Thank you.
Needed to hear this today...thank you🙏🏼
How do we meet in the middle to solve issues ,when your partner is not prepared to meet in the middle.
That is not possible when they refuse. It's over.
Thank you so very much for the videos. I struggle with talking to my fiance about emotional needs but your videos have helped me learn and grow as an individual so much. 😊
Forgiveness is for YOU. The person who hurt you couldn't care less. Forgiveness is for your OWN well-being. And it also doesn't mean you condone the behavior--it just means that you see what it is and you're moving on. Holding onto that will just make YOU bitter and ugly--and basically THEM. Get rid of it. Forgive.
As long as you first feel all the anger, hurt, sadness, etc. Jumping to forgiveness without that is immensely harmful. It's so tempting though, because to most people, saying you've forgiven someone feels good, like you've taken the high road. But it can be a shield from more vulnerable feelings and pretending it didn't affect you. Essentially, a spiritual bypass. Forgiveness is the last part of the healing process. And honestly, for some people's process, it isn't necessary.
I see what they are/were, what their behavior was, I chose to move on from them, but I have also observed that "forgiveness" disables accountability. As a result, for now at least, I no longer believe in "forgiveness." Radical acceptance of who and what they are/were, and what they did, but not "forgiveness." Many spiritual and scriptural principles have been misused, mistaught and weaponized, such that those principles are used to further victimize the wronged. Accountability belongs to the violators, and it's time that they were held accountable. Both the "church" and the culture have long abandoned accountability, and accountability is what is needed.
Hi bro, why didn't you do SEO on your big channel? Do you know about SEO?
Is it a bad idea to send your vid to my ex ? She kinda need to understand what your explaining and I've tried to explain it to her, but you're clearer than me maybe i dont know. She was my 3rd great love in life and broke my trust multiple times and is just expecting that I'm not hurt and that just not doing it again and not talking about it is enough to move forward otherwise it mean I haven't forgiven her.
Opening the door for the other person to repair their wrongs isn't the basis of forgiveness ?
Forgiveness is not the magical cure-all. That's how many imagine it to be. It puts the burden of reconciliation and the regaining of trust onto you, the one who is expected to forgive, when that is not how it works. The burden of regaining trust belongs to your ex. It is *their duty to behave rightly, consistently, and to do what is necessary to regain your trust over time. It will take time, and if they are not willing to take that time, and to exercise their responsibility to work that through, then they don't care enough to do the work of regaining your trust. Trust has to be rebuilt not just from the ground up, but from the sub-floor (below ground level) due to the damage of their violations. Forgiveness does not empower reconciliation, does not heal broken trust, does not heal violations. Forgiveness and healing of trust are ***_TWO SEPARATE ISSUES._*
Once again, on this channel, the thumbs-up button does not show.
It's showing on both my tablet and phone. Currently showing 1.7k thumbs up.
Jimmy is the best.