Great conversation. I am an avoidant female and have spent nearly 40 years of my life being stone cold. I am doing the work of healing my traumas at the moment and I can tell you that being an avoidant is hard. You not only hurt others but yourself. I think working towards healing, and developing a secure attachment style will help us become resilient, love freely, avoid hurting others and basically build healthier relationships with ourselves and others. Keep up the good work.
Whew! I relate to that Ick part. I once went out with a guy who I wasn't really sure I was into and I remember we took a cab while changing locations. The man reached out to hold my hand, the intertwining hands thingy they do. When I tell you that I looked towards the window the WHOLE TIME, I was just wondering when we would get to where we were going. Safe to say that was the confirmation I needed.😂😂😂
I dont have a "lost and found" box, what I have is a "discard that sht" box. So I always make sure that for every gift I get I can equally afford it so that when we're done I trash it and if it's something I could really use, I replace it with my money after I burn yours.
Being an avoidant makes me feel like I'm missing out on the beauty of romantic relationships .....like yu know yu like this person but yu keep pushing them away..... And then when they finally leave.... It makes yu feel sooooooo baaaaadddddd
Story of my life. I treat what secure people would acknowledge to be healthy levels of communication as a sign of emotional neediness. As soon as we label the relationship I lose interest because I attach it with predictability. Every partner I have been with says I'm confusing. Been trying to heal but I keep falling back to my old habits to the point that I have almost given up. Funny how anxiously attached people envy us, they don't how we wish we had their vulnerability.
@@dorothykanana2623 sorry hon, you did the right thing. We pretend not to care but we really do. It's just that we don't believe in showing it or accepting unconditional love. Takes one to know one.
While everything you beautiful girls have said is true, remember, some things are influenced by how a lady was brought up, and not doing them doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a sign she’s not into you. Everyone’s journey is different, but I think you’ll know as a guy if a lady isn’t into you. The one I agree with and think is global, is the communication bit. That’s a glaring sign that she ain’t into you. 😁
I agree.... esp the comment about eating..... hmmmm.... unless we're eating together or hooking up to eat, I never ask if he's eating and I get kinda irritated if he asks. Coz I just don't gerrit
Context is very important when looking at these "signs" in the gentlemen's episode, a fair amount of it was given and that is why it was so impactful. This just felt like a list that was neither here nor there.
I look forward to your episodes every week....I would really love you ladies to do a video about fidelity in relationships and marriages; is it overrated? Is it a deal breaker? Do you forgive and forget? 😊
Avoidant here transitioning into the secure attachment style, I think it comes from being told that you are too much so you reduce and in contrast the anxious have been told they are not enough so they try to over compensate. For me when I'm into you I avoid pda, I never initiate communication, never call, never text and I leave no paper trail. I'm always ready to dip anytime, anywhere 365 days of the year. And if I stay around someone for too long like 2 nights I get an itch to leave, it's as though I have overstayed at a hotel. So I always make sure I have plans so that I don't morph into a person who wants to stay and chill and be vulnerable. In contrast when I'm not interested I will hold your hand in public, grind you at the club and call you pet names which is just weird and the opposite of what I should be doing cause I am not into this individual at all. I guess it's because if I don't like you there really isn't any risk of hurt and I also don't want to smother someone to a point that they leave or let them in and then the mystery is over and there's nothing more to learn or find. And the same goes with my other relationships and friendships. But as I said I'm transitioning into secure attachment, because aloofness and coldness does drive people away and I'm learning that people who like you and want you will feel loved and wanted if you show it and will reciprocate it while those who don't like, want or love you will feel smothered and suffocated and will go away anyway.
This one is awesome! But that one of bringing someone to your home doesn't apply to ladies with kids. You want to protect your kids until you are 100% certain they are there to stay....not necessarily because you're not into them.
Love , Love, Love Ivy's energy and compliments at the start. On resources for sexual empowerment. I loved Sex , Love and Goop on Netflix. It cuts across for women and men. And debunking myths like the porn one. Learning your erotic blueprint...etc.
I am an avoidant.Its tiring Jules and I would love to stop. Opportunities of a great love pass people like me by coz we are on defensive/protection mode through out. You are always protecting your heart. I think it would be nice to be vulnerable abit but avoidants appear very strong but inside we just on protection mode. Women like me won't keep checking on a man, we may not be touchy touchy or lovey dovey, we won't keep saying 'I love u' but at the same time we will be madly in love with the man. Its just nature coz i have tried being different but it was work and these love things should be natural coz u can only pretend or act for so long.So the man may think you not so into him and this could lead to a breakup coz men like the other girls who show vulnerability and are sweet and cheeky.
thanks so much gorgeous ladies, i have learnt soooooo much !!!! i will be on the lookout for those signs beginning today! especially my government name😊😊😊
This gets me thinking, the more I hear/learn about men and women I realise we are all the same😱we all experience same feelings and emotions(Will). So, this woman and men thing is more of a biological/ sexual organ/reproduction role difference thing rather than a "being" thing 🤔 loved this episode👌🏿👌🏿 P.S to anyone reading this remember you are awesome and remember to #bekind bless you!
Thank you touching on attachment styles I've never thought on mine but after some research and a test found out I'm a fearful avoidant which really shed light on why i view relationships a certain way
I swear there are so many things you guys are mentioning and I can't believe it coz am like...I do that. This was an eye opener I feel like I just learnt so much about myself😂😂. Am not into all these niggas. Lit episode🔥
when am not really into someone : above having a financial conversation we just don't have a serious conversation, I don't talk about my personal stories, I just don't give him space in my life, I don't include him to my plans not even try to adjust ...............................................AM JUST LIKE LET'S DO THIS BUSINESS AND GO
Thank you ladies for an awesome video kama kawa. ❤️ I'm with you Julia: I'm a one-person-at-a-time thing and this is when I'm trying to teach myself to diversify and have options. It's so hard but oh well. 😁
I really relate to Ivy in this episode. Also Lornzie about the WE thing. I don't want anyone assuming there's a WE unless we talk and we're on the same page
about the pet names, i don't use pet names at all!!...i'll call you by your name even if i'm head over heels. plus i'm not into PDA...so i won't touch touch you ...so it might be different for every girl
This was such a fun video to watch! Wishing Shikie a quick recovery. I'd highly recommend 'Whoreible Decisions'. It's a podcast hosted by two black, bisexual women who talk about their sexual experiences and *everything* sex. I will say though it ain't for the faint-hearted - they do not mince their words or opinions. So if you are open-minded enough, check them out on TH-cam (you have to type out their name to find them) or any other podcast platform like Apple, Spotify, etc.
Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah's ' Adventures from the bedrooms of African Women' blog is a really nice read and her book titled 'The sex lives of African Women' is worth a read. The book is not very well rounded, but I would definitely recommend!
100% TRUE, WHEN SHE'S NOT INTO YOU, SHE WILL LET YOU KNOW VERBALLY OR NON-VERBALLY! This is an imperfect world and that's why women & men have to do what they have to, which sometimes seems unfair and it's getting complicated day by day in this dating scene... because one needs to settle for what he/she wants despite hurting many people along the way! Most of us have been victims of this unfair world in one way or the other! The fact remains that life was not originally designed to span out this way, and once you start looking at life from an uncontaminated Biblical perspective and beyond life after death; then it will align you into true maturity in issues relationships + including all other spheres of life! I BELIEVE THERE ARE A FEW GOOD WOMEN & MEN WHO ARE GUIDED DIFFERENTLY ON MATTERS DATING/RELATIONSHIPS & WORKS FOR THEM! #BeDifferent
![PASULOL รามเกียรติ์ ตอนที่ 4 นนทกพบรัก [Ramakien Ep.4: Nonthok in love]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/tMUQgmZzf_A/mqdefault.jpg)
Mrs. Gatabaki never dresses down. She's always shinning like the diamond she is.
😍😍
Ivy is here giving complements to everyone, ebu lets tell her how pretty her top is.
How about her face and that hair being a match made in beauty heaven
Yeeesss Ivy looks so gorgeouuussss
Literally the reason I clicked on the video,❤😍
Even her hair as usual has never disappointed
So freaking pretty!! 🥰
I just love how excited Ivy is😂😂
Me too
@@miannegoro8006 true th-cam.com/video/pS3Cah-VdPo/w-d-xo.html
Inti-macy flashbacks will have you staring at nothing for ten minutes straight 😅 but I’m a virgin pls, y’all stay safe!
If you insist 😂😂
😂😂😂
Ivy complimenting Lornzies creativity and empathizing with Julez by saying the best is coming….I love this! Women lifting women up!
I love th vulnerability of Ivy,I feel like she doesn’t really open up often
Jules hair is goals
The attire that Lornzie is 👌🏾
I am an avoidant!!! I can shut my emotions and ignore you like you never existed. Protects you from so much heartbreaks.
Not saying Ivy was in a bad place but she seems to be in a better place than she was for sometime and i love that for her❤️
Ivy's energy is 🥰🥰🥰
she's the best th-cam.com/video/pS3Cah-VdPo/w-d-xo.html
im very happy yo see IVY laugh again.
Great conversation.
I am an avoidant female and have spent nearly 40 years of my life being stone cold. I am doing the work of healing my traumas at the moment and I can tell you that being an avoidant is hard. You not only hurt others but yourself.
I think working towards healing, and developing a secure attachment style will help us become resilient, love freely, avoid hurting others and basically build healthier relationships with ourselves and others.
Keep up the good work.
I am too babe I don't even know where to start
I'm with lornzie, the word 'WE' personally scares me but I'm slowly learning to embrace it
Whew! I relate to that Ick part. I once went out with a guy who I wasn't really sure I was into and I remember we took a cab while changing locations. The man reached out to hold my hand, the intertwining hands thingy they do. When I tell you that I looked towards the window the WHOLE TIME, I was just wondering when we would get to where we were going. Safe to say that was the confirmation I needed.😂😂😂
I dont have a "lost and found" box, what I have is a "discard that sht" box. So I always make sure that for every gift I get I can equally afford it so that when we're done I trash it and if it's something I could really use, I replace it with my money after I burn yours.
I like this!
Being an avoidant makes me feel like I'm missing out on the beauty of romantic relationships .....like yu know yu like this person but yu keep pushing them away..... And then when they finally leave.... It makes yu feel sooooooo baaaaadddddd
Story of my life. I treat what secure people would acknowledge to be healthy levels of communication as a sign of emotional neediness. As soon as we label the relationship I lose interest because I attach it with predictability. Every partner I have been with says I'm confusing. Been trying to heal but I keep falling back to my old habits to the point that I have almost given up. Funny how anxiously attached people envy us, they don't how we wish we had their vulnerability.
@@itsme_Andi yyyeeessss... So truueee
@Stephanie steph @Andie Aki am so triggered. Broke up with a guy with avoidant attachment style aki Kama am alive ni God😂😂 The way you guys are COLD
@@dorothykanana2623 sorry hon, you did the right thing. We pretend not to care but we really do. It's just that we don't believe in showing it or accepting unconditional love. Takes one to know one.
heyyyy ...another avoidant here..just stopped by to meet my people😂..that part of pushing away and giving mixed signals
Is it just me enjoying the "mmmhhhms" in unison to agree with a point 😂😂
While everything you beautiful girls have said is true, remember, some things are influenced by how a lady was brought up, and not doing them doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a sign she’s not into you. Everyone’s journey is different, but I think you’ll know as a guy if a lady isn’t into you. The one I agree with and think is global, is the communication bit. That’s a glaring sign that she ain’t into you. 😁
I agree.... esp the comment about eating..... hmmmm.... unless we're eating together or hooking up to eat, I never ask if he's eating and I get kinda irritated if he asks. Coz I just don't gerrit
Context is very important when looking at these "signs" in the gentlemen's episode, a fair amount of it was given and that is why it was so impactful. This just felt like a list that was neither here nor there.
I look forward to your episodes every week....I would really love you ladies to do a video about fidelity in relationships and marriages; is it overrated? Is it a deal breaker? Do you forgive and forget? 😊
She will never walk with you freely. Some kadistance, ama they only walk with you at night. Dude, run for your life.
Ivy your energy is on another level.. keep it up. Love you guys.
what are these ladies high on i need that syke and energy like this to get started on a monday🤣🤣🤣
The Sex Lives of African Women..is the book! A book! Every book! Every woman should read this book😊
Lornzie you're not the only one who had an issue with WE. I still do!!!
Avoidant here transitioning into the secure attachment style, I think it comes from being told that you are too much so you reduce and in contrast the anxious have been told they are not enough so they try to over compensate.
For me when I'm into you I avoid pda, I never initiate communication, never call, never text and I leave no paper trail. I'm always ready to dip anytime, anywhere 365 days of the year. And if I stay around someone for too long like 2 nights I get an itch to leave, it's as though I have overstayed at a hotel. So I always make sure I have plans so that I don't morph into a person who wants to stay and chill and be vulnerable.
In contrast when I'm not interested I will hold your hand in public, grind you at the club and call you pet names which is just weird and the opposite of what I should be doing cause I am not into this individual at all. I guess it's because if I don't like you there really isn't any risk of hurt and I also don't want to smother someone to a point that they leave or let them in and then the mystery is over and there's nothing more to learn or find. And the same goes with my other relationships and friendships. But as I said I'm transitioning into secure attachment, because aloofness and coldness does drive people away and I'm learning that people who like you and want you will feel loved and wanted if you show it and will reciprocate it while those who don't like, want or love you will feel smothered and suffocated and will go away anyway.
Interesting
I think my attachment style has transitioned from anxious to avoidant
Literally on the floor when Jules said “Me I’ll sort myself,cause (that gesture)🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I thought would be the first only to find 1000 plus in less than 40 min ,is everyone misbehaving in the office 🤣
Why are you shouting? Hahahaha
This one is awesome! But that one of bringing someone to your home doesn't apply to ladies with kids. You want to protect your kids until you are 100% certain they are there to stay....not necessarily because you're not into them.
When ivy is sipping some some on set ouuuuuuuuuh lord just know it's going to be lit lit. Someone give ivy another one, she will pay money mondays
The energy. It can be felt at the people at the back🥰🥰
Next time talk about She is not that into you (after marriage/long term relationship)
Yeess pliiiz
Julz you've changed girl. So much more composed. In a good way
Don't know why I always gotta stop by... U guys are never boring....
😂😂😂😂 During class and you get that sex flashback....😂😂😂 and maybe you were about to doze off.... TSK!
The way I chill on the TH-cam every Monday waiting for these🥺🥺🥺 OBSESSED!!!! Welcome to another channel?🤣🤣😭
Vaaall... We're here together 😂😂😂❤️
Just like I do gal... 😂😂😂
Where is my favorite❤ gal shikie ...Damn!! this podcast will not be so fine without her anywhay thanks guys for your consistent content
Wesonga was just chilling😂😂😂
That depression is called,post coital depression,both genders experience it.
But mostly when you have premarital sex
Never heard of that 🤔.
I could only find something about post coital Tristesse aka post coital dysphoria.
Love , Love, Love Ivy's energy and compliments at the start.
On resources for sexual empowerment. I loved Sex , Love and Goop on Netflix. It cuts across for women and men. And debunking myths like the porn one. Learning your erotic blueprint...etc.
I enjoyed watching it too I learned alot and got to understand my body and my sexuality and how it has a different experience for everyone
this episode Lornzie was sooo active 🕺🕺🕺i love it😍😚😚
I am an avoidant.Its tiring Jules and I would love to stop. Opportunities of a great love pass people like me by coz we are on defensive/protection mode through out. You are always protecting your heart. I think it would be nice to be vulnerable abit but avoidants appear very strong but inside we just on protection mode. Women like me won't keep checking on a man, we may not be touchy touchy or lovey dovey, we won't keep saying 'I love u' but at the same time we will be madly in love with the man. Its just nature coz i have tried being different but it was work and these love things should be natural coz u can only pretend or act for so long.So the man may think you not so into him and this could lead to a breakup coz men like the other girls who show vulnerability and are sweet and cheeky.
I love Ivy’s energy!!!! I’m here for it! Lornzie looks beautiful and Juls!!!girl your hair is goals! I really loved this episode.
This just made my week🤎 what a great way to start a Monday ....I can literally feel the vibe and it's contagious ☺️it's definitely worth sharing 😂
My attachment style is fearful avoidant. It saves me most times but it sucks sometimes I have to say..
This episode was vibey! Loved it❤️
Also, as Ivy said, Julia's hair😍😍😍😍 In love with it👌🏽
Julia, you look soo pretty! It's definitely the pisces season glow.
Hey ladies.. Si happy to be here.I love your content.🙂
Ivy is back! You look lovely ladies. Best wishes to Shikie
thanks so much gorgeous ladies, i have learnt soooooo much !!!! i will be on the lookout for those signs beginning today! especially my government name😊😊😊
I love your friendship, its so evident....Keep rocking
Yep! Jules' hair is everything!
This gets me thinking, the more I hear/learn about men and women I realise we are all the same😱we all experience same feelings and emotions(Will). So, this woman and men thing is more of a biological/ sexual organ/reproduction role difference thing rather than a "being" thing 🤔 loved this episode👌🏿👌🏿 P.S to anyone reading this remember you are awesome and remember to #bekind bless you!
INTIMESSY is thee most correctest of terms.
I address the guys in my life by their govt names & I loooooooove them.
I also like being addressed by my govt name 💕
Me toooooo sis! 😀
Thank you touching on attachment styles I've never thought on mine but after some research and a test found out I'm a fearful avoidant which really shed light on why i view relationships a certain way
Ivy and Jules expressions for me 😩 always
This episode confirmed we all have the same life 😂😂😂😂.
I swear there are so many things you guys are mentioning and I can't believe it coz am like...I do that. This was an eye opener I feel like I just learnt so much about myself😂😂. Am not into all these niggas.
Lit episode🔥
What a great way to begin my morning 😌❤️, love you girls
I think we need a video on avoidance personality
when am not really into someone : above having a financial conversation we just don't have a serious conversation, I don't talk about my personal stories, I just don't give him space in my life, I don't include him to my plans not even try to adjust ...............................................AM JUST LIKE LET'S DO THIS BUSINESS AND GO
Alas! Those names that open doors 🤔
Sr. Chief Gatabaki
The word you were looking for is the "aftermath" 😀😀
This is my favorite space. I learn aloot having mad fun at the same time , laughter all the way yaaani can't thank you enough . God 🙏 you ladies 😘😘😘😘
Learned so many things in one lesson. Very informative
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣she really isnt🙌🙌🙌🙌hands up for government names
Caught a reflection of myself just grinning 😁😁 because this Monday dose of dopamine.
Thank you ladies for an awesome video kama kawa. ❤️
I'm with you Julia: I'm a one-person-at-a-time thing and this is when I'm trying to teach myself to diversify and have options. It's so hard but oh well. 😁
Julesss!!! We need a hair tutorial!! Looking fabulous
Ivy you are so bomb moderating. Loved your energy. You ladies are glowing.
Jules!!My gal.
She is so real, full of vibes.
Thanks for this video
Wisdom and beauty combined
you all look stunning! Also LORNZIE , si you please plug us on the fit cause wheeeeeeeew!
@Lornzie that jumpsuit is giving 🔥🔥🔥🔥 Plug please.
State of their fedness😂😂😂Jules😂
I really relate to Ivy in this episode. Also Lornzie about the WE thing. I don't want anyone assuming there's a WE unless we talk and we're on the same page
Get well soon Shikie! Took A LOT of notes girls lol. Loved the video
This episode is so lit!! I love your energies ladies!!
What lornzie is talking about is postcoital dysphoria...or post-nut depression
about the pet names, i don't use pet names at all!!...i'll call you by your name even if i'm head over heels. plus i'm not into PDA...so i won't touch touch you ...so it might be different for every girl
It's Lornzie's outfit for me today.. 😍😍
I have been brutally attacked today😂😂😂
"if im dating you as a man".... love it!
You should do a meet and greet in Mombasa honestly. We feel left out shaaa
The fact that y'all guys articulate AF makes this channel super saucy. Jules be my fave.
Jules kujia tips🤭 am so good at the avoidant thingi ..its my fighting mechanism for attachment issues
This was such a fun video to watch! Wishing Shikie a quick recovery.
I'd highly recommend 'Whoreible Decisions'. It's a podcast hosted by two black, bisexual women who talk about their sexual experiences and *everything* sex. I will say though it ain't for the faint-hearted - they do not mince their words or opinions. So if you are open-minded enough, check them out on TH-cam (you have to type out their name to find them) or any other podcast platform like Apple, Spotify, etc.
A very good topic and alot of truth there. You ladies are looking good. Always a fan of Ivy 💕 the red top💯🔥😍
Aki na turn 25 soon... Nawapenda san😘😘😘
Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah's ' Adventures from the bedrooms of African Women' blog is a really nice read and her book titled 'The sex lives of African Women' is worth a read. The book is not very well rounded, but I would definitely recommend!
did you get the african version on Paper back?
Av read this book n am dying to have a discussion with someone else who has coz maze i have very mixed emotions on it😂🙈
@@dorischemutai9025 do you have it on soft copy unitumie?
@@muhunimuthoni6610 unfortunately no, i have a hard copy, but i can get a link for you, that can help. Shud i send it to you here?
@@muhunimuthoni6610 also am done with mine so alternatively i cud send thw hard copy one to you😜
One more thing, if she doesn't send you selfies for no reason, she doesn't like you.
Facts!!!!!!
Ivy channelling Ken from street fighter with that hair and top.
Nimekuja mapema before comments zikue tamu. will be back soon
Good content ladies 💕💕. Ivy’s energy on this episode is soo bubbly, yummy and contagious 🤩.
100% TRUE, WHEN SHE'S NOT INTO YOU, SHE WILL LET YOU KNOW VERBALLY OR NON-VERBALLY!
This is an imperfect world and that's why women & men have to do what they have to, which sometimes seems unfair and it's getting complicated day by day in this dating scene... because one needs to settle for what he/she wants despite hurting many people along the way! Most of us have been victims of this unfair world in one way or the other! The fact remains that life was not originally designed to span out this way, and once you start looking at life from an uncontaminated Biblical perspective and beyond life after death; then it will align you into true maturity in issues relationships + including all other spheres of life! I BELIEVE THERE ARE A FEW GOOD WOMEN & MEN WHO ARE GUIDED DIFFERENTLY ON MATTERS DATING/RELATIONSHIPS & WORKS FOR THEM! #BeDifferent
Lol this was so funny😂
Everyone was happy
Love jule’s hair😭
If she doesn't text you or call she's just not that into you
Ivy your energy is contagious 🙌🏿🔥
Not me busy using this episode as a metrics to check my past relationships
ohh boy, if this signs are true, am down bad😂