Anyone capable of vaguely rational thought can come up with a cost:benefit analysis and when either the cost or benefit for said person involve the loss of life, moreso some forms of life than others, it is far easier to want to be on the other side of that equation. Even when the vikings would show up, places could just pay them to go away. This was done at every level from local to royal in what is now the UK.
So looking back on the opening to this story, a captain requesting the report. I feel someone just poked the humans and is now wondering why half his fleet suddenly has holes in it.
Close. More along the lines of "Let's do a bit of research and see if it is worth it to poke the humans", and when this research paper came up, the decision was made "Let someone else try first, and we'll casually observe. If they actually are easy pickings, we can always come in later. If not, we save significant materiel by not being the one charging into the meat grinder." For that particular polity, lesson is learned without needing to do it the hard way. But what would a story be without a practical example?
It was my fleet sad to say. We were tasked with expanding our empire and securing rare recourses. Our two fleets entered their territory. A few security ships were easy enough targets. Then taking the Space Station was easier. All together it took 4 standard hrs. We were enjoying our spoils. When 3 standard days latter thousands of ships showed up and started attacking. In 3 sgh’s later my 2nd fleet was burning wreck and half the first was gone. We barely got out alive. My emperor ordered the Study. He is now suing for peace.
@@timesthree5757wow, i would have warned your emporer for you. i accidentially shot one of their small mining drones and 3 standard hours later they had disabled my vessel and boarded with what seemed like relative ease. bear in mind my ship is no military vessel but it is well armed and armored.
@@ShneekeyTheLost Operation Praying Mantis, when one of the surface action groups ran across a Soviet ship that showed up to the *largest naval operation since WWII* simply to, and I quote, "take pictures for history."
Close, that saying actually comes from Musashi. A Samurai of Japan famous as philosopher and duelist. This is a man that killed people in a duel using a bokken (bamboo sword) against people with proper swords, and once killed a man who was using an odachi (think a greatsword sized katana) while he himself used a boat's oar. He is famous for creating several sword schools, several sword forms, an entire ideological outlook on life, and of course famous for cutting down all who challenged him to duels. I rather enjoy another quote by him though "really skillful people rarely appear busy".
@@Nempo13 Isn't he also the one who *invented* the bamboo practice sword because he was fed up with all the broken bones and worse his students were suffering? Also, I'm pretty sure a bokken is a *wooden* sword, which was the weapon causing all those broken bones. The bamboo sword is a shinai.
As Paarthunax said "What is better; To be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?" Even if you overcome your nature, that doesn't mean that nature disappeared.
The projectile usage in this story is like another I heard where the humans were preparing for battle by firing rounds at "random" trajectories. Then during the face off the humans backed up a little, leading the opposing force to advance themselves into the elliptical orbits of the randomly fired weapon slugs and met their doom. That's by far the cleverest foresight battle plan and it runs through my head every day.
It seems like a good trick. Especially since 'there aint no stealth in space' [nyrath] small ballistic black metal rods will be harder to spot in the infrared. We need to know the name of the author so we can name the trick after him. t. fantasy author trying to get into hard SF
Man, what I love about some of these stories is how the author tries to get into the head of beings that aren't us, and what they would or wouldn't find common sense. To us remembering what came before, actively trying to find out even, is pretty common and makes sense....to these guys looking backwards is odd and not something to be done....to the point that the concept of leading a target is completely mind boggling. Thanks for the upload, enjoyed this one
I think it's less confusion at the concept of leading the target and more the sheer amount of development we've made in pursuit of "predicting the future," instead of going the most direct route of innovating/maximizing the existing engagement methods most other races were using. The distances and nature of space locked the older races to a 4-way battle of guided munition beats armor, point defense system beats guided munitions, laser beats point defense systems, and armor beats lasers. The idea of trying to predict all the potential locations a ship could be in space, across those distances and travel times for munitions, and accurately launching an object that can't react to a mobile target is insane and not worth investing in. To the aliens, "leading a target" is throwing a spear at a running deer: what humanity is doing in their eyes is throwing a spear at a flea...on a beach 2 miles away, using a map from a year ago to pick where to aim, while it's being chased by an ant, and still somehow landing a direct hit every time. The aliens optimized their spears, but we optimized our throwing techniques...then also our spears, because HFY!
One thing that would of made this story even better is if there was an added bit on the end like "Composed by Doctor Xec'nik Lur, 5 years before the Human-Rak'tur war, the first and only interspecies war with the Humans."
It's actually the first in a four part series on HFY. Someone does indeed poke the humans. And they do indeed regret it. They not only fired on civilians, did orbital bombardment of civilian residences, and shelled civilian orbital habitats... they fired upon Red Cross vessels attempting SAR. They caused the humans to enact the John Wick protocols. Alien: What's that you're feeding into the shredder? Human: Oh, just something we used to call the Geneva Conventions. We won't be needing them this time around.
I would tell the alien researcher another human saying: "Me against my brother, my brother and I against our father, and all three of us against the outsider".
Second ;) Humans being one of the few to not only not forget their past, but make museums - we know that you should never forget the past and it's lessons. Erratic space courses - planned chaos. Excellent story and perfect narration. Thank you Agro Squirrel.
I wish we remembered the lessons of our past. Today we rewrite history worse than any 3rd world warlord. Go to you library. Ask about encyclopedias. (People try to donate them all the time) offer a donation if they call you when a nice complete set in good condition is offered. 2010-2015. Online history can, and has been “corrected” Having a paper source to compare when online history is not how you recall is valuable.
@@calvingreene90both the left and the right of all nations have covered up things throughout history. The left and the right of the US only disagree on what should be taught and what should be hidden, that said the left generally seems to think about hiding current troubles that may involve the US in a war while the right seems to think that hiding all the problems inside the US which will eventually lead to an internal collapse of the US and blaming the few they can't cover up on outsiders is the way to go. Neither is perfect but it seems like the left currently wants to focus on solving the internal problems then deal with the rest of the world while the right's leadership seems to be focused on maintaining their current power and wealth by convincing people everything is fine except for these few issues which we can use to fear monger or rely on ignorance and/or blind faith of those who preach the word of the Bible while following it's teachings only with those they personally know. Obviously completely ignoring the outside world to focus on the internal issues is obviously a bad plan but it's a plan that might actually work out in the long run, whereas ignoring the majority of internal problems and blaming everything you can't on others might be safer in the short term as fear mongering and spreading ignorance does at least have the side effect of a populace willing to fight and die should the need arise but it will weaken the country every year by just a bit and thus can't be sustained forever. Personally I think we need a hard reset on politics and education funding if we are to become a healthy and prosperous nation. As it stands early in the 2000s America was in the top 3 economic powers largely because California on it's own was the 5th largest economic power. The US was coasting on the tech boom that took place in silicon valley, and due in part to national measures and in part due to the American schooling system already having fallen behind most other nations of similar economic status at the time even silicon valley in California is starting to die as of now the US is sliding closer and closer to destruction only relying on it's tremendous military spending to maintain relevance with no hope of recovery without diverting a considerable portion of it's military spending to education and infrastructure building/repair.
I do like the fact the alien picked up on the fact that the humans are practically screaming " don't test us, because you will regret it". Civilization is a thin veneer over our savagery.
Whole "They poked the humans!" story: Someone poked the humans. Everything they had subsequently exploded. And I do mean _everything._ Some humans laughed. The end.
@@OddlyIncredible The Fat Electrician and Habitual Linecrosser should be part of the required training of non-human militaries. Sink eight ships. Taste the power of the Sun. *Twice.* Almost sink *one* ship? Watch half your navy blow up. And just... don't mess with Poland. Like, *ever.*
@@brigidtheirish _"And just... don't mess with Poland. Like, ever."_ Damn skippy. Be smarter to paddle a polar bear wearing pork chop panties than to poke Poland - just ask the Russians. Repeatedly.
To the best of my recollection: primarily because they're a very useful tool for all sorts of Other things, with their use as a weapon mostly just being a nice, but rarely relevant, bonus.
I keep seeing this recurring idea in sci-fi stories that you can’t dodge lasers because by the time you see that they fired you’re already hit. But you don’t need to see it to dodge. If you’re in a battle over a distance of light minutes, just keep changing course at random. Whoever is shooting you with lasers will need to try and guess where you’ll be next, and if you keep making random course changes, that will be impossible.
In space it's harder than on Earth. Ships don't move as we'd "imagine" in the way our planes and jets can. They can bank and turn and move in unexpected directions far quicker and easier than if in space itself. There, it's full blown Sir Isaac Newton, and he RULES there. Turning a mass requires a LOT of energy, and if you managed the turn, the FORWARD momentum is STILL happening. You cannot do a 90* turn in space, but rather a long arc. You'd need to fire off thrust in the opposite direction you'd been moving in to first reduce it, and more to bring that "axis" of movement to zero so that you ARE moving at a right angle to your original heading. That takes time. More the larger the mass of the ship. So... it's easier for non-guided in space than on Earth. Lasers would be effective, unless the hull or physical shielding were up to scratch. Only time this would fail is if you were at a dead stop when the laser was fired but was moving by the time it "got" to you... but since it move at light speed, how would you know it was coming to even pull off that stunt?
Exactly. The other problem is that actually focusing a laser at the ranges involved is challenging at best. Mirrors warp, lenses deform under the heat from inefficient reflection or transmission, and cooling your optics to the degree necessary to maintain focus becomes nigh impossible with a laser of the kind of output necessary.
There's actually a name for randomized course corrections in an otherwise predictable course plot. It's called a "random walk," and some researchers theorize that it's an integral component of terrestrial navigation for animals and even humans. (Random walks are also either theoretical constructs or known components within other disciplines and areas of study, such as the movement of stock prices in economics.)
Don't worry, the psychotic war ape is kept on a short leash but please don't give us an excuse to let him loose. --- Humanity Edit: corrected punctuation
Maybe we should petition the UN that all SETI messages sent out by Earth include a set of these stories and not "Welcome/Peace" messages. If "someone" out there hears it and wants to invade, I would prefer they think of us as predators and not prey! LOL!!!
Humanity indeed has a nugget of information in terms of self preservation; "Don't kick the hornets nest" And yet, we also have known fearless folk, full of bravado and cautious yet ignorant; "Me no fool, check for bees first"
This made me think of a pen and paper rpg we played... "And it is ill advised that the (can not remember the species name) interact with the humans, their combined aggressive interactions could spark of another conflict resulting in another solar system becoming uninhabitable"
I've discovered this channel (and through this, 'HFY' stories) just some time ago and wonder in my capacity as an old sci-fi nerd, how on Earth I could miss those two for so long. There are so many good stories to be found here and the narration by AS is spot on, captivating, funny and riveting and bound to start what is called 'Kopfkino / cinema in the head' in german. Since I often listen to videos of all kind while doing other things (playing games, painting miniatures or creating little dioramas for instance), it can happen that even though I liked a lot what I've just heard, I forget to leave a like. This is one of the very few channels where I instantly give a Thumbs Up _before_ even starting the video, because I know what I hear will be good and entertaining.
Humans are interesting creatures to say the least. We dont care about each other and our history shows it regardless where you go. But if someone outside messes with us, you get ALL OF US.
The rate from which we go "Not my guy, not my problem" to "One of us" or "if I don't know and like you then it's not my problem" to "Geneva Checklist" would probably give some species whiplash.
"Present [the enemy] with losses so horrific that even a victory becomes too costly, and the alternative becomes more economically valuable. Peace by any other means, because war would be too costly for the resources you would acquire." Clearly whomever wrote this short probably never read -- and almost certainly never heard of -- "The Great Illusion" by Norman Angell. This was a book published in 1910 (note the date) which had as its thesis the idea "the economic cost of war was so great that no one could possibly hope to gain by starting a war the consequences of which would be so disastrous." As Angell saw it, a general European war was very unlikely to start, and if it did, it would not last long, as it seemed self-evident war between industrial nations would be socially, industrially, and economically disastrous and futile because conquest did not pay. Four years later, the whole of Europe proved him wrong.
Fun fact Human in general a very good level of prediction thanks to our subconscious thats why even if the term "Sixth Sense" is considered unscientific, it still holds foundation in many aspects, from art, to music, to engineering to war only when things go beyond the human understanding is where our "Sixth Sense" fails, like we can discern the concept of 1 - 999 999 of a number, but after it becomes a million it gets foggy, something like that
I've been gone for some time, catching up on a very long podcast. Imagine my surprise when I see the great Squirrel himself grace my screen! Thank you for the constant stream of great videos. Thank you again for putting The New World back up when I was listening through it
Sometimes I am amazed by how certain advanced concepts aren’t all that advanced. H putting the focus of a high power laser on target is simple with adaptive optics. Get a sharp image of the target with your (mirror based) telescope and fire your laser along the same path; boom, instant perfect focus. The concept goes back to the invention of the laser in the 1960s. Making it real took a little while, but we still haven’t met any aliens…
That is one of the things about space that makes me skeptical about wetsheet species making it. How would they withstand the pressure against their home world’s gravity and cosmic radiation if they ever did escape orbit?
Greetings, Mentlegent! For the Rhyhtm that is Algo It's not that our weapons aren't guided. It's that they're not *automatically* guided. Also, other races refuse to learn from their pre spaceflight history? Tactically dangerous. And foolish in other ways as well. I think this particular galaxy/timeline needs human involvement, not for the sake of HFY (which this story most definitely has), but for the sake of their own sustainment and improvement.
I was curious about the authors definition of “not guided”. I’d call both heat seeking and radar tracking missiles guided, because they will track the motions of their target with their own inbuilt tracking packages and the tracking of the parent plane. It is pretty automatic as well, it’s not like there’s a person guiding it.
So, he just found that the humans are peaceful, but far from helpless, JUST by visiting an Historical museum. He really had a good idea. Don't go to war against the humans. They'll hit you well before you had a chance to hit them. Well before that you could even imagine in your most pessimistic evaluation.
I think this alien's interpretation of the museum is incorrect. It isn't about intimidation as so many in this comment section are so ready assume and celebrate, but it is instead about remembrance and a warning, not to them, but to ourselves. We have made many mistakes, some repeatedly. Many of those mistakes were preventable and, if we had recognized we had done this before, they could have been prevented and saved many lives. It's a warning to us, to humans, to not make the mistakes of our ancestors and as stark reminders of what we're capable of. It is a reminder to do better, to be better. As the old saying goes, "those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it". I also find it quite insulting that this alien says our kindness, politeness, and generally care is a "mask". It's not. The fact that we mourn our losses so heavily, weep even at graves of those we did not and will never know, reach out to others while they go through great pain, send aid to those suffering even when it doesn't benefit us and much much more is a testament to the love we have for others even when they are not like us. And while we do often fight over things like land, money, and objects that only have meaning because we say they do, we also frequently fight for people, to protect them, to avenge them, to ensure they will not suffer the way we have. To say that humans merely "wear a mask" of kindness is to deny why many of our wars were fought (the world wars, many revolutionary wars, the American Civil War, etc, etc). It can be for greed, yes, but it is also for our beliefs, for our people, for our freedom, and ultimately for our families. We are like the two-faced god Janus, the god of many things, but for this argument, the god of duality. Humans, as a species, go to show you can be both a killer and a lover. They aren't mutually exclusive. To say otherwise is to deny us our nature. And that is insulting to say the least. The fact that the human behind this piece also doesn't take that into account is just shameful and rather disappointing. The same can be said for this warmongering comment section.
I came to this recording for entertainment. What I feel like I got was a badly acted arrogant and condescending alien lecturer in some school setting or such. I had hopes …
The alien researcher should have invariably discovered another 'Human' concept that accompanies MAD, that of FAaFO.
FA=FO it’s simple math.
Wonder what his reaction was to "Kentucky windage"?
Just FAFO.
The and is unnecessary.
Whats that?
Eff around and find out.
Humans: 'You want to be friends, cool, we can be friends.'
"You wanna fight...we can do _that_ too.'
Choose wisely...
PFP checks out
(HINT: You want to be friends, whether you realize it already or not)
That is just true
We will be friends. How many, or few, dead it takes is up to you
Anyone capable of vaguely rational thought can come up with a cost:benefit analysis and when either the cost or benefit for said person involve the loss of life, moreso some forms of life than others, it is far easier to want to be on the other side of that equation. Even when the vikings would show up, places could just pay them to go away. This was done at every level from local to royal in what is now the UK.
Reminds me of the phrase of : ' don't poke the sleeping dragon' on a solar scale.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for to them you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup
@@piedpiper1185and Humanity are dragons in this one story)))
So looking back on the opening to this story, a captain requesting the report. I feel someone just poked the humans and is now wondering why half his fleet suddenly has holes in it.
Good catch, didn't think of that
Close. More along the lines of "Let's do a bit of research and see if it is worth it to poke the humans", and when this research paper came up, the decision was made "Let someone else try first, and we'll casually observe. If they actually are easy pickings, we can always come in later. If not, we save significant materiel by not being the one charging into the meat grinder."
For that particular polity, lesson is learned without needing to do it the hard way. But what would a story be without a practical example?
It was my fleet sad to say. We were tasked with expanding our empire and securing rare recourses. Our two fleets entered their territory. A few security ships were easy enough targets. Then taking the Space Station was easier. All together it took 4 standard hrs.
We were enjoying our spoils. When 3 standard days latter thousands of ships showed up and started attacking. In 3 sgh’s later my 2nd fleet was burning wreck and half the first was gone. We barely got out alive. My emperor ordered the Study. He is now suing for peace.
@@timesthree5757wow, i would have warned your emporer for you. i accidentially shot one of their small mining drones and 3 standard hours later they had disabled my vessel and boarded with what seemed like relative ease. bear in mind my ship is no military vessel but it is well armed and armored.
@@ShneekeyTheLost Operation Praying Mantis, when one of the surface action groups ran across a Soviet ship that showed up to the *largest naval operation since WWII* simply to, and I quote, "take pictures for history."
"Defeat an opponent in their minds, you have already defeated them in body."
That sounds like an actual Sun Tzu quote
But slightly accurate if their outsider. Doing research, they can easily get quotes wrong cause of how long it's been.
Close, that saying actually comes from Musashi.
A Samurai of Japan famous as philosopher and duelist. This is a man that killed people in a duel using a bokken (bamboo sword) against people with proper swords, and once killed a man who was using an odachi (think a greatsword sized katana) while he himself used a boat's oar.
He is famous for creating several sword schools, several sword forms, an entire ideological outlook on life, and of course famous for cutting down all who challenged him to duels.
I rather enjoy another quote by him though "really skillful people rarely appear busy".
@@Nempo13 Isn't he also the one who *invented* the bamboo practice sword because he was fed up with all the broken bones and worse his students were suffering? Also, I'm pretty sure a bokken is a *wooden* sword, which was the weapon causing all those broken bones. The bamboo sword is a shinai.
As Paarthunax said "What is better; To be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?"
Even if you overcome your nature, that doesn't mean that nature disappeared.
And it's a struggle to maintain that dominance over that nature. A reminder to never get complacent or weak, for that nature will never be so..
To quote another valued resource on the topic: Good men need no rules. Today is *not* the day to find out why I have so many.
@@ShneekeyTheLost"Demons run when a good man goes to war." Great episode 😁
If you want peace, prepare for war.
beautiful job you lot, I approve. You, my Draconic and Time Lord friends, make me smile
The projectile usage in this story is like another I heard where the humans were preparing for battle by firing rounds at "random" trajectories. Then during the face off the humans backed up a little, leading the opposing force to advance themselves into the elliptical orbits of the randomly fired weapon slugs and met their doom. That's by far the cleverest foresight battle plan and it runs through my head every day.
I was thinking of the same story.
It seems like a good trick. Especially since 'there aint no stealth in space' [nyrath] small ballistic black metal rods will be harder to spot in the infrared.
We need to know the name of the author so we can name the trick after him.
t. fantasy author trying to get into hard SF
The Keyes Loop from HALO?
@@Starlance_ I honestly don't know anything about Halo stories. Never played any games.
And its pure chaos nobody would assume this would occur
"And then, do the smart thing: _let someone else try first."_ - The Doctor
Man, what I love about some of these stories is how the author tries to get into the head of beings that aren't us, and what they would or wouldn't find common sense. To us remembering what came before, actively trying to find out even, is pretty common and makes sense....to these guys looking backwards is odd and not something to be done....to the point that the concept of leading a target is completely mind boggling. Thanks for the upload, enjoyed this one
Your reply is a great observation and now I want a story where humanity's strength is its ability to put itself in the shoes of its opposition.
I think it's less confusion at the concept of leading the target and more the sheer amount of development we've made in pursuit of "predicting the future," instead of going the most direct route of innovating/maximizing the existing engagement methods most other races were using. The distances and nature of space locked the older races to a 4-way battle of guided munition beats armor, point defense system beats guided munitions, laser beats point defense systems, and armor beats lasers.
The idea of trying to predict all the potential locations a ship could be in space, across those distances and travel times for munitions, and accurately launching an object that can't react to a mobile target is insane and not worth investing in. To the aliens, "leading a target" is throwing a spear at a running deer: what humanity is doing in their eyes is throwing a spear at a flea...on a beach 2 miles away, using a map from a year ago to pick where to aim, while it's being chased by an ant, and still somehow landing a direct hit every time.
The aliens optimized their spears, but we optimized our throwing techniques...then also our spears, because HFY!
For the Authors, For the Algorithm, For the Health of Agro!!!!
Now we're banned from Argo everyone. Banned from Argo just for having a little fun..... ;)
@@jeanannd Agro talks Battlemechs?
@@jeanannd We spent a jolly shore leave there, for just three days or four...
@@ShneekeyTheLost Now Argo doesn't wanted us anymore.
Dear Xenos, we're showing you our history as a warning. Don't start anything you can't finish.
Perhaps it could be better phrased, don't start something that the Humans will finish.
One thing that would of made this story even better is if there was an added bit on the end like
"Composed by Doctor Xec'nik Lur, 5 years before the Human-Rak'tur war, the first and only interspecies war with the Humans."
It's actually the first in a four part series on HFY. Someone does indeed poke the humans. And they do indeed regret it. They not only fired on civilians, did orbital bombardment of civilian residences, and shelled civilian orbital habitats... they fired upon Red Cross vessels attempting SAR. They caused the humans to enact the John Wick protocols.
Alien: What's that you're feeding into the shredder?
Human: Oh, just something we used to call the Geneva Conventions. We won't be needing them this time around.
I would tell the alien researcher another human saying: "Me against my brother, my brother and I against our father, and all three of us against the outsider".
Second ;) Humans being one of the few to not only not forget their past, but make museums - we know that you should never forget the past and it's lessons. Erratic space courses - planned chaos. Excellent story and perfect narration. Thank you Agro Squirrel.
I wish we remembered the lessons of our past. Today we rewrite history worse than any 3rd world warlord. Go to you library. Ask about encyclopedias. (People try to donate them all the time) offer a donation if they call you when a nice complete set in good condition is offered. 2010-2015. Online history can, and has been “corrected” Having a paper source to compare when online history is not how you recall is valuable.
@@larrythompson8630 In certain parts of the world, politicians outright ban teaching history they don't like.
@@larrythompson8630
Leftism in action.
We don't dare forget our past. We know what we're capable of.
@@calvingreene90both the left and the right of all nations have covered up things throughout history. The left and the right of the US only disagree on what should be taught and what should be hidden, that said the left generally seems to think about hiding current troubles that may involve the US in a war while the right seems to think that hiding all the problems inside the US which will eventually lead to an internal collapse of the US and blaming the few they can't cover up on outsiders is the way to go. Neither is perfect but it seems like the left currently wants to focus on solving the internal problems then deal with the rest of the world while the right's leadership seems to be focused on maintaining their current power and wealth by convincing people everything is fine except for these few issues which we can use to fear monger or rely on ignorance and/or blind faith of those who preach the word of the Bible while following it's teachings only with those they personally know. Obviously completely ignoring the outside world to focus on the internal issues is obviously a bad plan but it's a plan that might actually work out in the long run, whereas ignoring the majority of internal problems and blaming everything you can't on others might be safer in the short term as fear mongering and spreading ignorance does at least have the side effect of a populace willing to fight and die should the need arise but it will weaken the country every year by just a bit and thus can't be sustained forever.
Personally I think we need a hard reset on politics and education funding if we are to become a healthy and prosperous nation. As it stands early in the 2000s America was in the top 3 economic powers largely because California on it's own was the 5th largest economic power. The US was coasting on the tech boom that took place in silicon valley, and due in part to national measures and in part due to the American schooling system already having fallen behind most other nations of similar economic status at the time even silicon valley in California is starting to die as of now the US is sliding closer and closer to destruction only relying on it's tremendous military spending to maintain relevance with no hope of recovery without diverting a considerable portion of it's military spending to education and infrastructure building/repair.
The basic human philosophy here can be laconically but elegantly summarized as:
"Don't START nothin', won't BE nothin'!"
I do like the fact the alien picked up on the fact that the humans are practically screaming " don't test us, because you will regret it".
Civilization is a thin veneer over our savagery.
Needs to be a part 2: They poked the humans!
Ooooooohhhh....
DON"T poke the humans.
Don't Poke The Humans!
Don't Poke The Humans! 2: Oops, I Poked The Humans.
Don't Poke The Humans! 3: Frack Me, Who Poked The Humans This Time?
Whole "They poked the humans!" story:
Someone poked the humans. Everything they had subsequently exploded. And I do mean _everything._ Some humans laughed.
The end.
@@OddlyIncredible The Fat Electrician and Habitual Linecrosser should be part of the required training of non-human militaries.
Sink eight ships. Taste the power of the Sun. *Twice.*
Almost sink *one* ship? Watch half your navy blow up.
And just... don't mess with Poland. Like, *ever.*
@@brigidtheirish _"And just... don't mess with Poland. Like, ever."_
Damn skippy. Be smarter to paddle a polar bear wearing pork chop panties than to poke Poland - just ask the Russians. Repeatedly.
Secondary issue: why do Marines still carry edged weapons? Feck around and find out!
You never know when someone needs to be stabbed in the neck or there may be cheesecake.
Because knives don't jam or run outta ammo
@@MrGoesBoom HOO AH!
Sergeant Zim approves.
To the best of my recollection: primarily because they're a very useful tool for all sorts of Other things, with their use as a weapon mostly just being a nice, but rarely relevant, bonus.
@@zimrielThe enemy can not push a button... if you disable his hand. Medic!
I keep seeing this recurring idea in sci-fi stories that you can’t dodge lasers because by the time you see that they fired you’re already hit.
But you don’t need to see it to dodge. If you’re in a battle over a distance of light minutes, just keep changing course at random. Whoever is shooting you with lasers will need to try and guess where you’ll be next, and if you keep making random course changes, that will be impossible.
In space it's harder than on Earth. Ships don't move as we'd "imagine" in the way our planes and jets can. They can bank and turn and move in unexpected directions far quicker and easier than if in space itself. There, it's full blown Sir Isaac Newton, and he RULES there. Turning a mass requires a LOT of energy, and if you managed the turn, the FORWARD momentum is STILL happening. You cannot do a 90* turn in space, but rather a long arc. You'd need to fire off thrust in the opposite direction you'd been moving in to first reduce it, and more to bring that "axis" of movement to zero so that you ARE moving at a right angle to your original heading. That takes time. More the larger the mass of the ship.
So... it's easier for non-guided in space than on Earth. Lasers would be effective, unless the hull or physical shielding were up to scratch.
Only time this would fail is if you were at a dead stop when the laser was fired but was moving by the time it "got" to you... but since it move at light speed, how would you know it was coming to even pull off that stunt?
Exactly.
The other problem is that actually focusing a laser at the ranges involved is challenging at best. Mirrors warp, lenses deform under the heat from inefficient reflection or transmission, and cooling your optics to the degree necessary to maintain focus becomes nigh impossible with a laser of the kind of output necessary.
There's actually a name for randomized course corrections in an otherwise predictable course plot. It's called a "random walk," and some researchers theorize that it's an integral component of terrestrial navigation for animals and even humans. (Random walks are also either theoretical constructs or known components within other disciplines and areas of study, such as the movement of stock prices in economics.)
Reflective surfaces.
Don't worry, the psychotic war ape is kept on a short leash but please don't give us an excuse to let him loose. --- Humanity
Edit: corrected punctuation
Like that line from Shakespere's Julius Caeser - Cry 'havoc' and let slip the dogs of war
Oh dam... I have a new way to call human soldiers XD
31st century equivalent of current Poland: Please give us an excuse.
The problem with putting a leash on a beast means you're leashed to a beast.
@@bignasty4874
But in this case we are the Beast anyway.
the missile knows where it is by knowing where its not XD
by subtracting where it is, from where it isn't, or where it isn't, from where it is,
Ah yeah another saying they need to learn is "those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it"
and aliens who forget human history are doomed to become just another part of human history
On the Galactic Plane, the old Human adage is clear: "To ensure Peace, prepare for War."
Or: "Looks can be deceiving. A touch can be deadly."
Maybe we should petition the UN that all SETI messages sent out by Earth include a set of these stories and not "Welcome/Peace" messages. If "someone" out there hears it and wants to invade, I would prefer they think of us as predators and not prey! LOL!!!
But then our next meal won't get delivered? 😉
@@snidecommenter7117 Well, there is that! LOL!!!
@snidecommenter7117 Not to mention, they might just decide to take us out before we can become a threat.
Humanity indeed has a nugget of information in terms of self preservation; "Don't kick the hornets nest"
And yet, we also have known fearless folk, full of bravado and cautious yet ignorant; "Me no fool, check for bees first"
Ah, yes. An HFY about Space Engineers PVP Piloting skills.
Praise be to klang.
This made me think of a pen and paper rpg we played...
"And it is ill advised that the (can not remember the species name) interact with the humans, their combined aggressive interactions could spark of another conflict resulting in another solar system becoming uninhabitable"
I've discovered this channel (and through this, 'HFY' stories) just some time ago and wonder in my capacity as an old sci-fi nerd, how on Earth I could miss those two for so long. There are so many good stories to be found here and the narration by AS is spot on, captivating, funny and riveting and bound to start what is called 'Kopfkino / cinema in the head' in german. Since I often listen to videos of all kind while doing other things (playing games, painting miniatures or creating little dioramas for instance), it can happen that even though I liked a lot what I've just heard, I forget to leave a like. This is one of the very few channels where I instantly give a Thumbs Up _before_ even starting the video, because I know what I hear will be good and entertaining.
_"DON'T PUSH THE PINK-SKINS ONTO THE THIN ICE."_
-Shran, Star Trek: Enterprise
We remember the old adage: those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.
For the Algorithm, and for the Narrator who brings us such Joy!!
words to live by
thanks for the story and narration
Humans are interesting creatures to say the least. We dont care about each other and our history shows it regardless where you go. But if someone outside messes with us, you get ALL OF US.
The rate from which we go "Not my guy, not my problem" to "One of us" or "if I don't know and like you then it's not my problem" to "Geneva Checklist" would probably give some species whiplash.
Audio logs were basically audio twitter.
Tiktok. Audio longs were tiktok.
That...explains a lot, actually
Excellent description of the human condition
To quote another story he did a video on. "Meat math".
For the algorithm, for the author, for the narrator. And one to grow on
Alien Commander: If we are victorious in one more battle with the Humans, we shall be utterly ruined.
I love the stories, i often binge them. I recently found your channel and must say, your vocal delivery is unprecedented. Thank you for your work
the old adage holds true---PEACE THROUGH SUPERIOR FIREPOWER AND THE WILL TO USE IT
The best part is the ussf, the Legit space force is advertising recruiting on this video.
"Present [the enemy] with losses so horrific that even a victory becomes too costly, and the alternative becomes more economically valuable. Peace by any other means, because war would be too costly for the resources you would acquire."
Clearly whomever wrote this short probably never read -- and almost certainly never heard of -- "The Great Illusion" by Norman Angell. This was a book published in 1910 (note the date) which had as its thesis the idea "the economic cost of war was so great that no one could possibly hope to gain by starting a war the consequences of which would be so disastrous." As Angell saw it, a general European war was very unlikely to start, and if it did, it would not last long, as it seemed self-evident war between industrial nations would be socially, industrially, and economically disastrous and futile because conquest did not pay.
Four years later, the whole of Europe proved him wrong.
Thank you for the story. Here is a like and comment to help your channel grow and get you the recognition you deserve.
And now I have John de Lancie' s voice in my head screaming not to provoke the borg...
Fun fact
Human in general a very good level of prediction thanks to our subconscious
thats why even if the term "Sixth Sense" is considered unscientific, it still holds foundation in many aspects, from art, to music, to engineering to war only when things go beyond the human understanding is where our "Sixth Sense" fails, like we can discern the concept of 1 - 999 999 of a number, but after it becomes a million it gets foggy, something like that
All hail human, all hail the humans - those who fallow us in our wake
I'd love to see these space hippies try and understand the Night Lords.
Ave Dominus Nox!
😊sounds like the aliens haven't heard of duck hunting.
I've been gone for some time, catching up on a very long podcast.
Imagine my surprise when I see the great Squirrel himself grace my screen!
Thank you for the constant stream of great videos. Thank you again for putting The New World back up when I was listening through it
Sometimes I am amazed by how certain advanced concepts aren’t all that advanced.
H putting the focus of a high power laser on target is simple with adaptive optics. Get a sharp image of the target with your (mirror based) telescope and fire your laser along the same path; boom, instant perfect focus.
The concept goes back to the invention of the laser in the 1960s. Making it real took a little while, but we still haven’t met any aliens…
Ladies and mental gents? Aight, you won a sub in the first ten seconds of a video. Let's see the rest now.
We may lose, but you can be damned sure you won't win
Thanks again for the joy you share
Don't start the fight, but you better end it.
another great story time
Well done, especially auto-correcting glaring errors in the text on the fly.
Thank you for the reading
In the words of a very wise man named Dalton, be nice until it’s time to not be nice
Loved the narration.
Very Good 👍... Us humans have a way of snapping, and becoming total zombies/warriors...
"Don't start none... won't be none".
As always awesome story please keep going!!!
I enjoy your narrations.
Unless poke is from a adorable fluffy species's child asking to be e lifted up. Wholesome is wholesome
Solution to aliens dodging your bullets… fill the entire area with them 😎
Great story and reading.
Excellent!
nice narration - as usual. thanks @Agro
Another great story
Actually this was rather good.
That is one of the things about space that makes me skeptical about wetsheet species making it. How would they withstand the pressure against their home world’s gravity and cosmic radiation if they ever did escape orbit?
This reminds me of Humans us Math as a weapon
I liked the „fishy actors“, but a proper space Viking reading stories is even better! Cheers!
You look exactly how you sound. Good complement from me. Will continue to listen
Thank you for another great video.
This was awesome, i love it!!!!
Very similar to a certain Andorian quote "Don't push the pinkskins to the thin ice"
Thanks, Regards.
Yes, don't poke the murder monkeys
Nice story
Good one!
Do you read for audio books? I think you have a great voice for it.
Seems like he's auditioning for that job on this 'tube.
I recommend hiring him.
Excited
...... .> ...... *proceeds to poke humans*
Excellent story, looking forward to new ones.
great video!
The irony is that "don't poke the Humans" applies very well in the current Here And Now... we need to listen a little better. :-)
been watching your vids here recently, awesome, love the content, however, you remind me of Yuri from Red Alert 2, and im all for it
Poke poke... quit it.. poke poke... Mawm he's poking me... Stop it... poke poke...
For the Algorithm, for the Author(s), for the Holographic Voice!
Human do love their guns..
"What do you need?"
"Guns. Lots of guns."
Greetings, Mentlegent!
For the Rhyhtm that is Algo
It's not that our weapons aren't guided. It's that they're not *automatically* guided.
Also, other races refuse to learn from their pre spaceflight history? Tactically dangerous. And foolish in other ways as well.
I think this particular galaxy/timeline needs human involvement, not for the sake of HFY (which this story most definitely has), but for the sake of their own sustainment and improvement.
I was curious about the authors definition of “not guided”. I’d call both heat seeking and radar tracking missiles guided, because they will track the motions of their target with their own inbuilt tracking packages and the tracking of the parent plane. It is pretty automatic as well, it’s not like there’s a person guiding it.
There is less than 1/100 000 chance to hit our ship humans.
Humans: Ok than, let's fire in 500 000 bursts than.
“Don’t push the pink-skins to the thin ice.”
- Klingon proverb
Reminds me of the story about the Vulcans explaining to the Klingons why they let the humans run Starfleet.
Humans are, by Vulcan standards, so ridiculously coldly logical that they can afford to let their emotions run wild.
A scary thought.
So, he just found that the humans are peaceful, but far from helpless, JUST by visiting an Historical museum. He really had a good idea.
Don't go to war against the humans. They'll hit you well before you had a chance to hit them. Well before that you could even imagine in your most pessimistic evaluation.
Newton is the GOAT!
I think this alien's interpretation of the museum is incorrect. It isn't about intimidation as so many in this comment section are so ready assume and celebrate, but it is instead about remembrance and a warning, not to them, but to ourselves. We have made many mistakes, some repeatedly. Many of those mistakes were preventable and, if we had recognized we had done this before, they could have been prevented and saved many lives. It's a warning to us, to humans, to not make the mistakes of our ancestors and as stark reminders of what we're capable of. It is a reminder to do better, to be better. As the old saying goes, "those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it".
I also find it quite insulting that this alien says our kindness, politeness, and generally care is a "mask". It's not. The fact that we mourn our losses so heavily, weep even at graves of those we did not and will never know, reach out to others while they go through great pain, send aid to those suffering even when it doesn't benefit us and much much more is a testament to the love we have for others even when they are not like us. And while we do often fight over things like land, money, and objects that only have meaning because we say they do, we also frequently fight for people, to protect them, to avenge them, to ensure they will not suffer the way we have. To say that humans merely "wear a mask" of kindness is to deny why many of our wars were fought (the world wars, many revolutionary wars, the American Civil War, etc, etc). It can be for greed, yes, but it is also for our beliefs, for our people, for our freedom, and ultimately for our families. We are like the two-faced god Janus, the god of many things, but for this argument, the god of duality. Humans, as a species, go to show you can be both a killer and a lover. They aren't mutually exclusive. To say otherwise is to deny us our nature. And that is insulting to say the least.
The fact that the human behind this piece also doesn't take that into account is just shameful and rather disappointing. The same can be said for this warmongering comment section.
Ah yes the human flying gun.
I came to this recording for entertainment. What I feel like I got was a badly acted arrogant and condescending alien lecturer in some school setting or such. I had hopes …