Sometimes when we watch vids like this, we may start to believe we're narcissists. But we should just remind ourselves that while we may have a few toxic traits here and there, we at least try to work on them when we notice them. That's what sets us apart from narcissists.
Narcissist lack empathy, if you even slightly worry about being a narcissist it shows that more than likely, you are not a narcissist because you care about your impact on others and their experiences overall. Most likely you’re a regular human who carries imperfections like every other human being that exists, not a narc.
Did that for my ex and it drove him crazy. I hope it still does lol. I never even knew the meaning of "narcissist" until I met him. He's the most manipulative, cynical person I know. I'm so much happier now
Sorry- not a narcissist. My ex narc will up the game when I ignore trying everything that he can to get me to respond. He drags the kids into it, punishes the kids if I say no. It takes all of strength to not engage in any way.
And so should you Christine. Go hard. No contact. Move on... receiving messages and not responding keeps you in contact with them. It keeps connected with them. You may not realize it but there’s still an attachment there. Going no contact cuts the cord. It frees you up to move on. Move on...and live your best life.
I have an ex who has antisocial personality disorder. We were off and on for 7 years, until I stopped opening his Facebook messages. I didn't block him. I wanted him to see me online, ignoring his messages. He's messaged about 10 times at random over the last 3 years. May not be as hurtful to him as blocking him (which at this point would give him some sort of validation), but makes me smile knowing he is very aware that there is nothing he can say that would cause me to open those messages.
I don't really have social media so he doesn't have my whereabouts and he doesn't continue stalking me. Funny thing similar to your story he kept texting me and making up horrible stories. I eventually stopped responding to phone calls and texts. Eventually he started Even answering his own Texts🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
@@ParisAntoinette Lmao I'm trying to remember 🤣 It's been years. He would ask me a question and then later on answer his own question. Like tf. They're crazy.
It's that feeling when you realize that you aren't going to bow down to their bs anymore. ... that feeling when you finally realize what's going on, and YOU have the power now, not them, and you truly think, "wow! They can go F- themselves!" The best feeling in the world after all that abuse! So freeing!
I started to be indifferent after I caught on to his little mind games and eventually moved on and moved away 400 miles and haven't spoken to him since 2014-ish maybe🤔 best decision ever😊
I sold our shared house and am about to move states here soon. Someone told me I had to let my ex know because what if he wanted to get remarried. I really just had to walk away I mean it caught me off guard.
Depending on where you live, it 100% has use and they will get consequences if they break the rules of the restraining order. It doesn’t matter if they don’t think the law applies to them, but to get a restraining order takes ALOT and thus there will be great respond from police 9/10 times here.
Get educated on it and look for the signs in yourself you can get help if you ever develop this personality disorder but it’s up to you to want to get help for it most narcissists are so far gone it would be embarrassing for them to get help because they’ve been that way for so long
Hey Richard God bless you in Jesus my name did you know that there are 30 plus demons in narcissists. I humbly say I've been a Deliverance worker for the Lord for the past 11 years casting demons out of people in Jesus by the name. In addition the Bible 2 Timothy 3 States that their narcissist and that father God has turned them over to a reprobate mind so they're not able to get healed and Satan will not allow them to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. Interesting so the only thing we can do is Born again Christians if you're a born again Christian is bind up all the strong men and plead the blood over all the demons as consuming fire in Jesus mighty name.
This. Went through that enough and I was amused at their responses! Wish I stopped kidding myself these few years with them, I'd likely be happier now I'm just analyzing things while in recovery from having enough of them
@@samanthasalas8119 I'm at the point where I'm just angry at everything involving them and the people who are their newest *supply*. They think they'll be so happy, you've no idea what you're gonna be up against. And course, you can't do anything altogether and it's that part that hurts. I'll get there >< so I hope for the best for everyone feeling they are lost too. My heart goes out to them!
My NPD ex did exactly that. I'd be working and he'd be with our 4 yr old and I'd call after a couple hours to see how they were doing and he wouldn't answer for hours. And when he did he'd yell and scream his phone was charging and he's not gonna bring his phone in Home Depot. He was a true tormentor. I was non-reactive but that never changed anything. Made me lose money cuz stopped working that job on weekends cuz wasn't worth worrying about my kid. Finally left the SOB but now my 15 yr old is a BPD and NPD. And he just came back in her life after many years.. Sad 😥 and very hard on me, the normal, loving, caring mom who raised her alone cuz the ex was never around which I was glad he wasn't cuz he was a moody idiot, sicko.
Also: exposing them, leaving them alone, showing off newfound happiness and relationship, and abstaining from their existence as essential to your happiness. Beat them at their own game!
If you get into a relationship with the sole purpose of “showing off” and “hurting” him you’re not better than him and doing exactly what you are accusing him of and you are using another person who didn’t have anything to do with it
@YTber! perhaps, or worse! As a young man who still has much potential to increase in value. I do hope for the ex to find a better replacement, because I know I will find one better than my last that’s for sure.
GREAT point. I don't live with mine...thankfully. He told me he wanted to move in with me...so thankful I knew better. 7 days of no contact and I feel so much better.
She’s not talking about living with them! No contact means leaving and no communication! I know it’s not easy to get out because everybody has different circumstances. If you can’t get out goto the police !
My ex is in prison and is still trying to contact me and was granted a permanent restraining order and I have not answered any calls from the jail I'm a soul survivor of dv
Taking this advice saved my life. It took a year of studying and applying it, but after 31 years of being bullied and abused I am free!! Now I study healing. I am amazed at how my life is unfolding. 😊
Amen to this! When I left him (after being with him 5 years), two days before our "wedding (which he also controlled), I blocked him in all ways; changed my number, blocked on social media, told security at work to not allow his calls... It was the hardest thing for him to deal with. He was writhing in agony. He did everything he could to try to get me back in response, including threatening to kill himself (that was at the beginning when we first broke up). Finally, completely blocking him out of my life was the best peace I have ever known since then!
I am all to familiar with the typical narc. suicide threats going on for years. If they were serious about killing themselves it would have happened along time ago. Normally, people who are set on killing themselves don't make repeated threats to do so as in most cases when an individual wants to kill themselves they are secretive and say nothing about their plan to others.
I love your videos soooo much... ignoring and BLOCKING the narcissist does wonders... first off... I notice i actually feel better.. I didnt realize how poisonous this guy was to my mental and physical health
When you ignore block and stop contacting them it will hurt them soo deep that it rock their emotions soo low that they really feel that you've defeated them at their own hate game.
I needed this.. I used to have a friend who was and still is a narcissist. She would constantly gaslight, degrade, and hurt me emotionally mentally. She made me question my every sentence in fear I would make her mad. Last year I got pregnant, she told me I needed to get an abortion saying If I had a baby it would burden her. After a straight year of abuse and mental gymnastics that was the last straw. I unfriended her on every social media platform, STILL to this day a whole year later she still texts my number and I just don’t respond. After watching this I have the strength to just block her number completely. Although I’m afraid I’m ready. Thank you.
I can relate to that, fortunately our friendship ended in high school and she turned our entire friend group against me. Constant gaslighting, would do things to me and then tell me I'm crazy for saying something and that it never happened. Years later, I have reconnected with a few of the people from the friend group, they have all started to dislike her and none of them are friends with her. Its honestly satisfying for them to go against her when they wouldn't before. I am so sorry she said such awful things to you about your pregnancy, I am so glad you have cut her out. I promise you, you are much better without her.
@@becz9485 I had a friend like that too. Didn't come to my wedding cuz she was so jealous. Never was a true friend of course. In middle school told a guy I liked that I didn't like him and I saw her smoozing up next to him on the bleachers. He told me the lies she told him. Surprisingly admitted to me she was jealous of me getting married way back then. She's a psychological mess. She has had a very hard life, mentally ill grown son, drunk cheating husband, lots of drama...maybe that's her karma. I learned a good lesson though to wean those toxic people out! We talk like 2x a year cuz known her since like we were 3 through our families...she lives 50 miles away and tells me I'm her best friend....sick and sad.
Maddie, that's a high maintenance friend who you needed to dump a long time ago. She sounds nuts and tried to make you nuts. Don't buy what she's trying to sell.
It can hurt people with trauma too in my experience. My ex, who I think was a narcissist, would ignore me when he was mad at me. I couldn't act or do what he wanted so he would withhold affection, he wouldn't talk to me,touch me or even look at me when he did that and it didn't start until later in our relationship after I had told him about some parts of my childhood. Maybe I'm not understanding how you mean, but being ignored can hurt anyone really I think.
I don’t think she bothered to think her comment through at all. Ignoring someone to hurt them/silent treatment is an incredibly common abuse tactic. You are not a narcissist for feeling hurt when abandoned. Her comment was so poorly thought out I’m shocked she didn’t consider how many victims of narcissists and abusers out there are subject and hurt by tactics like that.
I see so many posts dedicated to hurting the narcissist who by definition is already a very hurt, damaged person. People looking to hurt anyone intentionally, including those who have hurt you, need to go heal themselves, forgive and move on rather than seeking revenge. The world would be a much better place
I had an NPD ex try to wiggle back into my life after 2 yrs. Seeing how completely shattered he was around me was amazing. He had zero power or control over me anymore. He wanted to “stop by your place” to give back some videos back to me. Nah, bro. Meet me in front of this bar, in the open. Here’s your VCR homie. Bye 👋🏽 Haven’t seen him since.
Forgive those who insult you, attack you, belittle you or take you for granted. But more than this, forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you. AMEN !!!
I flat out ignored my mother when I had enough after she kicked me out. Let's just say that she spiraled out of control as she had lost her power over me and it went even more out of control when I told her exactly how I felt about her. Restraining order got her to shut up and leave me alone
Just did this the other day to my narcissistic ex. I have to say it was wonderful giving them a taste of their own medicine. She said "Hi" including my name and I walked right passed her without any sort of acknowledge and minus the eye contact.
@@J05TI In the beginning I did follow any demand. Completely brain washed. Also must admit to have joined many a circular fight for nothing. Towards the end I was just exhausted, stopped arguing and started doing what I thought to be the right things. One lead to the other, then came the worst heartbreak I've ever lived through, finally freedom (almost). So no, at that point I didn't follow anymore. Both best and hardest lesson ever. Don't really get why it took me a decade to learn, but now I'm grateful to have been taught.
@@karoshi2 Oh, I misunderstood. You said "ignoring them is worst" and I thought you meant "ignoring them is the worst decision". But you meant "ignoring them is the worst feeling for them". Glad to hear you got out!
@@J05TI sorry for not being specific enough. Correct, ignoring them is the worst for the narcissist as they then realise they lost control over you. And that doesn't mean to silent treat them - that's just a cruel manipulation method I'd prefer to leave to the narcissist. But willfully ignoring their manipulation attempts works wonders. It gets a bit noisy for a while, but you'll be rewarded with years of peace in the long run. PS: edited the initial comment for more clarity.
This is how I broke up with mine. Full no contact. I told him that he couldn't hurt me anymore and cut him completely out of my life. He stalked me for months after. But he finally took the hint.
I finally figured out his kryptonite the day I told him "if I leave you, you are completely screwed because you can't afford to live here. If you leave me, I honestly wouldn't notice"
I find narcissist always try to convince you that you are a narcissist even though you are peaceful, respectful , nice. When you call them out on any out of line behavior...Your a narcissist. Be patient and don't stress, it's not always intentional but learned toxic behavior.
We are now separated for 3 years and from the start my lawyer told me to block him 👍🏼✨ Even though I didn’t understand at the time (never heard about narcissist and was still confused)ITS THE BEST ADVICE, BETTER LATE THAN NEVER 😃✨
Blocking them is definitely critical for proper recovery; however when they know for sure that you are able to see or hear their messages but completely 100% ignore them (if you’re capable or strong enough) the narcissistic injury you will cause them is insane
The day I left my ex I told him "say what you have to say to me now because I guarantee that you will never hear from me again" I stuck to my guns. Changed my phone # and moved out of state. He stalked me for 5 years after I left. 🥴😩. He would send money via PayPal just to leave messages. A narcissist can be relentless!
I get terrified when my boyfriend doesn’t respond to me and it’s like my worst nightmare to be ignored because that feeling of loneliness is just…just terrifying, I don’t know how to explain it but I could literally break down and cry if I’m ignored for too long (too long being more than a day)
We all feel that. Even on social media when you get no likes on a comment,, even That can be hurtful🤷♀️ You’re not alone💝 It stems from a lack of self-worth, which results in co-dependency. I agree a good therapist ⛅️
@@becz9485 I haven’t tried talking to a therapist just yet, I’m currently trying to fix my family problems so I’m just talking to a therapist about that and right now we’re waiting to get someone who I can talk to about my gender dysphoria
My husband has a friend we ended up living with for a few months and I very quickly realized he was a narcissist. I’d never met anyone like that before. He quickly caught on that I didn’t like him and he turned up the charm like you wouldn’t believe. People were really shocked by his behavior towards me. I’ve told everyone what he is and that they should block him from their life. They haven’t caught on. They’re like “oh yeah he’s full of himself,” and I’m like you don’t get it, he’s certifiably a narcissist. Obsessed with himself, blames everyone else for his behavior and manipulates them into believing his behavior is really their fault , lavishes his friends with generosity then holds it over their heads....his behavior is terrifying. Thankfully, my husband agreed to block him from our life when we moved out. After verbally abusing my husband he’s changed his tune and is telling him how much he misses his best friend and all this pathetic nonsense.
I don’t think anyone likes being ignored - especially by someone they believe loved/loves them. So I would imagine this is a huge injury to ANYONE narcissist or not.
Let alone the implication that victims of abuse, who likely had abusive tactics like the silent treatment (extremely common) used against them, are narcissistic because they felt bad when they were being emotionally abused. Making them feel bad and blame themselves as though it was all their fault. I genuinely don’t like this video at all for what it suggests.
It is also dependent on what kind of narcissists you are dealing with. While all people don't like being ignored, a narcissist that is closer on the spectrum to machiavellianism may become angry and take revenge for being ignored. It is helpful to gage what type you are dealing with, in order to know what steps to take. When to take them, and if you may need take measures of self protection first.
@@Leelee-op7vj That's such a good way to describe them; with astonishment. I often just sit back and look in silence during one of my mother's rants at the sheer ludicrous that it is. EVERYTHING is turned on it's head, nothing makes sense, EVERY SINGLE thing from any part of her or my or our lives are brought together in one big mash up of twisted truths, gaslighting and delusions. Exhausting.
Yesss!!! Went thru this and if I wouldn’t respond Right away I would get 10 texts but he would go hours with out responding! Blessed to be out of 2 years post break up
What bothers me is that as a society we’re once again trying to villainize yet another mental disorder we don’t quite yet fully understand. I’ve been diagnosed with narcissist personality and it stemmed from years of trauma, abuse and neglect…basically my entire childhood. It took me forever to understand that the reason why I was so self absorbed was because no one else gave a shit about me, it was almost like a defense mechanism “it’s ok no one loves me, I love me” and that self love was taken to an extreme, from one extreme to the other. Why do you think narcissistic people crave being loved by someone so much and why their biggest fear is to be left? I wasn’t born a narcissist and I don’t go out of my way to hurt others, matter of fact it’s the opposite which is why I sought therapy. The woman in this video is basically acting like narcissists are evil people that deserve to be cut off. I am so glad my husband didn’t choose to cut me off and instead was patient/understanding with me, even when I wasn’t doing that for myself
I’d also like to add I’m not saying narcissists can’t be bad people, some people never change regardless of whatever disorder they’ve got going on, while others realize there’s a problem and seek help. My point is that having a particular mental disorder doesn’t mean you’re automatically bad and should be thrown out, your actions are what should dictate if you’re let go or not. Are they in therapy? Are they interested in sorting out the issue? Are they even aware there’s an issue? The conversation needs to be less about “just cut them off and wish them death”, it should be “if you can’t change your behavior, I’m leaving”
You don't have any right to negatively effect anyone else. People have every right to not be involved with you. You are not their baggage or problem. They owe you nothing.
@@MiteshDamania That is true. Still doesn't make it ok to hurt mentally disordered people on purpose or because it is a widely accepted "trend" right now.
Facts. I know that as soon as I ignored the narcissistic co-worker, they kept trying to add fuel to the fire. All I did was not talk to them and walked away anytime they came close and she ran and cried to the boss every single time.
Makes sense because my dad went to far and I blocked him and he said, "Your mother is brain washing you, she's the reason you hate me, she makes Mr look like the villan." Even though I've personally seen whet he does and I've been his victim
I was married to a seriously severe narcissist and the ultimate burner after she Falsely accused me of cheating was: “I will never try to convince you anymore. You are not interested in the truth. You just try to hurt me. If you do not believe me, this is on you. I’m truthful and I will never talk about this again. This is the last time.” and it was. It took all air out of her argument and we never talked about it ever again.
I remember the days of finally standing up to my mom and when she'd start her shpeel, I'd just keep doing my thing. Well that turned into my door coming off because I was trying to do dishes.
Sometimes a narcissist may already be suffering and can experience deep pain from this type of rejection. Even though this person is not right for you and they may have been terrible, please don’t make it your goal to hurt them.
It’s crazy that they can’t take what they dish out! They will ignore you when they are busy with the new supply but excessively call when they are not being paid attention
I’m all about boundaries. But if one’s actions are motivated by a desire to injure the narcissist, that’s not healing energy… establish boundaries that will allow for healing… not to spite our enemy, but in spite of our enemies 🥷💚🧡💚
Don't really care for how she's like....joyous about how to hurt someone 🤨 Narcissist or not, this feels messed up. No one should want to make someone else feel "insignificant or meaningless" I was a narc victim for 98% of my 50 years & I still have no desire to hurt anyone just for the sake of hurting 🥺
Beautifully said, but you shouldn't have stayed with someone for that amount of time if they were cruel to you, I surmise that you are a beautiful soul, God bless you.
@@caroline-9672 Thank u Caroline 🙏 Sadly, how we r raised as small children can kinda set the stage...being spanked n2 submission all the time by parents can leave a young female to become easy prey for the first charming man that tells her what to do 😕
I've just had a narc lead me on for 10 months, then disappear saying by text that she had a boyfriend. I had to block her on multiple media just to protect my sanity.
I finally went no contact with my narcissistic adopted parents in April and it has been a long process. Not only did they try to break into my apartment, I do have them blocked but I still get voicemails everyday. I just want it to stop.
I’d say don’t block because blocking itself is a reaction which will give a narcissist some satisfaction. Ignore, move on and don’t look back. Don’t get hoovered.
But how can you block a narcissist that you are court ordered to communicate with because you have to co-parent four children? What’s the answer there? It HAS to be ignore what you can.
I absolutely feel this. There really is no sure fire way to block them because you care about your children. They know that and use it against you every single chance they get.
The worst night of our 10 year marriage was when I tried not to engage by putting metal super loud in my earbuds when we went to bed, & refusing to react. But he only got angrier & angrier, and he just kept raising the stakes, trying to force me to respond. I only heard a couple of words here and there, which, like I said, was on purpose, so I finally discovered what threats he had been making, & following through on, when he showed me that he was calling 911. It was after midnight at that point, and I learned that he had decided to demand my sister’s address because both of our daughters were at a pre-planned sleepover, something that he agreed to through text a week prior, and that he had hugged her goodbye for and told her to have fun as she’s carrying her sleeping bag and backpack of stuff. He was 100% on board with this sleepover. But after midnight, he apparently demanded the address so he could go pick her up from this sleepover with her sister and her cousins. Because that is one thing that he could force me to respond about. He could GET THE POLICE TO FORCE ME TO RESPOND TO HIM! And because I wasn’t responding, he called the police and said that I was hiding where his daughter was. So our 4 boys got to hear the police come in the middle of the night and question me about kidnapping his daughter. Oh, & one of his earlier threats of the night that he followed through with, that I didn’t know about until the police were on their way, he chased my 2 cats out the front door of our apartment and shut them out. I searched for hours literally every single night, but I only ever got 1 back. I stayed for about 30 more days, long enough to arrange to move myself & my 3 kids & my cat to my mom’s house. I’m physically disabled and not able to work, so I had to gather help, and I wanted time to search for my cat. My life is so peaceful now. But he, of course, cut off my contact with his 3 kids who I had helped raise since they were so little, and my heart is broken every single day because of that. But that was the night that I realized that I couldn’t be an effective buffer to his meanness for his kids, which was one of the reasons why I was staying. I wanted to protect them. But what happened that night made it crystal clear that I had zero power to protect them from his meanness, and his daughter just got traumatized (along with my daughter) because he was irritated at me.
I worked for a government laboratory and its customer. The management team were companies of narcissists. Grandiosity, attention starved, power hungry, and non-empathetic. They could not acknowledge their own limitations and constantly blame shifted, triangulated, and marginalized / disparaged. I wish I knew what I know now. I wonder, as someone who served in two aa interventions, how I stayed there for 8 years. In a workplace, you need to get the hell out. It's not like dealing with a solitary narcissist. It is a collective narcissist composed if toxic individuals.
I don't know if it hurt him, but it absolutely made him furious. And the thing was, I wasn't trying to make him angry. I just didn't want to hear or see him in any context. Sometimes I still am amazed that I lived through that divorce.
It hurts all people to be ignored.
You aren’t ignoring them to hurt them. You’re blocking them for self preservation!
Great minds think alike I said the same thing in different words
This is true but it's worth warning people that they'll lash out more than the average person.
Yes because only a narcissist blocks and ignores others to hurt them on purpose.
Yes!!🙌 This
Exactly I ignore often when neccessary
Sometimes when we watch vids like this, we may start to believe we're narcissists. But we should just remind ourselves that while we may have a few toxic traits here and there, we at least try to work on them when we notice them. That's what sets us apart from narcissists.
Thank you
Yup. We're normal. Narcissist are not normal, they never grow or evolve.
You’re rt …..The fact that they worry bout being one makes them not one cause a real narcissistic wouldn’t even care
She must have been scorned. All of her videos have the same message!
Narcissist lack empathy, if you even slightly worry about being a narcissist it shows that more than likely, you are not a narcissist because you care about your impact on others and their experiences overall. Most likely you’re a regular human who carries imperfections like every other human being that exists, not a narc.
Did that for my ex and it drove him crazy. I hope it still does lol. I never even knew the meaning of "narcissist" until I met him. He's the most manipulative, cynical person I know.
I'm so much happier now
I did not know how evil narcissist are, i once believe that narcissist meant that people are not consident.
He hears me screaming in his face so much louder through my silence than he ever did through my voice. Over 4 years of no contact for me!!
Love this comment 💪
Wow that’s awesome, so proud of you ! I’m a week into my no contact. Each day gets better but it’s been really hard.
I also 100% believe SILENCE is the only way to be heard. 7 days of no contact for me.
They like that you are giving them gradafication when your mad because there laughing 5!year old brain don’t waste your time
@shaniecegullison I love it with you and I love for her and for myself. These Narcissists are dead to me.
"if you ignore them long enough they will go away" - Jordan Apuya
You ignore anyone long enough and they will go away short of a narcissist
Sorry- not a narcissist. My ex narc will up the game when I ignore trying everything that he can to get me to respond. He drags the kids into it, punishes the kids if I say no. It takes all of strength to not engage in any way.
Blocking them isn't to hurt them. It's to survive.
No contact is badassery at the highest level!
“It’s not ‘no response’ it’s ‘no contact’”.
Important distinction.
And so should you Christine. Go hard. No contact. Move on... receiving messages and not responding keeps you in contact with them. It keeps connected with them. You may not realize it but there’s still an attachment there. Going no contact cuts the cord. It frees you up to move on. Move on...and live your best life.
@@christinetaylor9856 until you die or they die always a chance you will be hoovered. Take it from someone who has been hoovered enough times.
I have an ex who has antisocial personality disorder. We were off and on for 7 years, until I stopped opening his Facebook messages. I didn't block him. I wanted him to see me online, ignoring his messages. He's messaged about 10 times at random over the last 3 years. May not be as hurtful to him as blocking him (which at this point would give him some sort of validation), but makes me smile knowing he is very aware that there is nothing he can say that would cause me to open those messages.
I don't really have social media so he doesn't have my whereabouts and he doesn't continue stalking me.
Funny thing similar to your story he kept texting me and making up horrible stories. I eventually stopped responding to phone calls and texts.
Eventually he started Even answering his own Texts🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
@@---nj7hl do you have an example of him answering his own texts? 😂
@@ParisAntoinette Lmao I'm trying to remember 🤣 It's been years.
He would ask me a question and then later on answer his own question. Like tf.
They're crazy.
It's that feeling when you realize that you aren't going to bow down to their bs anymore. ... that feeling when you finally realize what's going on, and YOU have the power now, not them, and you truly think, "wow! They can go F- themselves!" The best feeling in the world after all that abuse! So freeing!
Love it
I started to be indifferent after I caught on to his little mind games and eventually moved on and moved away 400 miles and haven't spoken to him since 2014-ish maybe🤔 best decision ever😊
amazing! good job. you’re very strong
I sold our shared house and am about to move states here soon. Someone told me I had to let my ex know because what if he wanted to get remarried. I really just had to walk away I mean it caught me off guard.
@@1hellofabutler1313 that someone was a damn idiot holy shit
I hope youre feeling better.
@@squishy_peach oh a lot just caught me off guard.
I did the same thing to x husband narc.best thing I ever did.
"You know whats wayy better to hurt a narcissist its to have a restraining order on them (that is if you have to)"
That didn't work for me. He got through my children and went into my new apt and car. So No thats not enough. Have cameras Everwhere.
Dont bother. They won't comply with it. They believe the rules dont apply to them
Depending on where you live, it 100% has use and they will get consequences if they break the rules of the restraining order. It doesn’t matter if they don’t think the law applies to them, but to get a restraining order takes ALOT and thus there will be great respond from police 9/10 times here.
That hasnt worked at all for me , either times. I tell people " a lil slip of paper doesnt stop crazy"
Hahaha
I've had no contact with my mom for almost a year and my life has improved in nearly every aspect.
Me too
Am a few weeks into ridding evil loving mom... Prayer's welcome!
I didn’t gain control of my life or emotions until I cut off my narcissistic mother. Good for you .
A narc mother is the absolute WORST
What do you all mean by a "narcissit" mother??? How could that be?? Anyone to explain please??
My worst fear is not being ignored but being a narcissist without realizing it. I don't want to be toxic...
Get educated on it and look for the signs in yourself you can get help if you ever develop this personality disorder but it’s up to you to want to get help for it most narcissists are so far gone it would be embarrassing for them to get help because they’ve been that way for so long
Ignore the evil demons! Thank you. Amen.
Why do we keep seeing trump on t v ?
Hey Richard God bless you in Jesus my name did you know that there are 30 plus demons in narcissists. I humbly say I've been a Deliverance worker for the Lord for the past 11 years casting demons out of people in Jesus by the name. In addition the Bible 2 Timothy 3 States that their narcissist and that father God has turned them over to a reprobate mind so they're not able to get healed and Satan will not allow them to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. Interesting so the only thing we can do is Born again Christians if you're a born again Christian is bind up all the strong men and plead the blood over all the demons as consuming fire in Jesus mighty name.
@@miss.l.c.minister Amen
Amen 🙏.
That’s why if you don’t reply to them, they do the same to punish you and if you need an answer right away they make you wait and tell you your needy.
This.
Went through that enough and I was amused at their responses! Wish I stopped kidding myself these few years with them, I'd likely be happier now I'm just analyzing things while in recovery from having enough of them
@@blix_xo I am with you on that and it’s great to hear that you are in recovery 😊
@@samanthasalas8119 I'm at the point where I'm just angry at everything involving them and the people who are their newest *supply*. They think they'll be so happy, you've no idea what you're gonna be up against. And course, you can't do anything altogether and it's that part that hurts. I'll get there >< so I hope for the best for everyone feeling they are lost too. My heart goes out to them!
My NPD ex did exactly that. I'd be working and he'd be with our 4 yr old and I'd call after a couple hours to see how they were doing and he wouldn't answer for hours. And when he did he'd yell and scream his phone was charging and he's not gonna bring his phone in Home Depot. He was a true tormentor. I was non-reactive but that never changed anything. Made me lose money cuz stopped working that job on weekends cuz wasn't worth worrying about my kid. Finally left the SOB but now my 15 yr old is a BPD and NPD. And he just came back in her life after many years.. Sad 😥 and very hard on me, the normal, loving, caring mom who raised her alone cuz the ex was never around which I was glad he wasn't cuz he was a moody idiot, sicko.
👌
Also: exposing them, leaving them alone, showing off newfound happiness and relationship, and abstaining from their existence as essential to your happiness. Beat them at their own game!
If you get into a relationship with the sole purpose of “showing off” and “hurting” him you’re not better than him and doing exactly what you are accusing him of and you are using another person who didn’t have anything to do with it
@@victormartinez6974 well said, these woman are out here hurting men.
@YTber! perhaps, or worse! As a young man who still has much potential to increase in value. I do hope for the ex to find a better replacement, because I know I will find one better than my last that’s for sure.
If you live with one, and they start on you, and you ignore them in a rude way, they might physically attack you in their rage.
Yes, very true.
Yes and very true.
This is my fear. They are capable of hurting people.
GREAT point. I don't live with mine...thankfully. He told me he wanted to move in with me...so thankful I knew better. 7 days of no contact and I feel so much better.
She’s not talking about living with them! No contact means leaving and no communication! I know it’s not easy to get out because everybody has different circumstances. If you can’t get out goto the police !
My ex is in prison and is still trying to contact me and was granted a permanent restraining order and I have not answered any calls from the jail I'm a soul survivor of dv
That is messed up... I'm sure they can see who he's contacting... yet they let him continue. Can't the prison do something or remove his privileges?
Good for u
Change your number move far away.
Yes, completly ignore them, which renders the person insignifigent. Nothing devalues a person more than absolutely ignoring their existence..
Taking this advice saved my life. It took a year of studying and applying it, but after 31 years of being bullied and abused I am free!! Now I study healing. I am amazed at how my life is unfolding. 😊
Amen to this! When I left him (after being with him 5 years), two days before our "wedding (which he also controlled), I blocked him in all ways; changed my number, blocked on social media, told security at work to not allow his calls... It was the hardest thing for him to deal with. He was writhing in agony. He did everything he could to try to get me back in response, including threatening to kill himself (that was at the beginning when we first broke up). Finally, completely blocking him out of my life was the best peace I have ever known since then!
I am all to familiar with the typical narc. suicide threats going on for years. If they were serious about killing themselves it would have happened along time ago. Normally, people who are set on killing themselves don't make repeated threats to do so as in most cases when an individual wants to kill themselves they are secretive and say nothing about their plan to others.
Two days before your wedding, you ditched your fiance? Sounds like he's the one who dodged the bullet there.
I remember someone told me the greatest insult to your enemy is to be ignored.
... He was right.
I love your videos soooo much... ignoring and BLOCKING the narcissist does wonders... first off... I notice i actually feel better.. I didnt realize how poisonous this guy was to my mental and physical health
You are never going to get closure from a narcissist. Ignore, move on and don’t look back. The longer you stay away from them, the better you get.
The goal is to AVOID being noticed by a narcissist. My favorite technique is to behave so stupid that I am ill equipped to adore and worship them.
When you ignore block and stop contacting them it will hurt them soo deep that it rock their emotions soo low that they really feel that you've defeated them at their own hate game.
Not merely their deepest fear, that's how to get them to go away!
The best advice is to block them, even if you are related! 🙏🏽
I needed this..
I used to have a friend who was and still is a narcissist.
She would constantly gaslight, degrade, and hurt me emotionally mentally. She made me question my every sentence in fear I would make her mad.
Last year I got pregnant, she told me I needed to get an abortion saying If I had a baby it would burden her. After a straight year of abuse and mental gymnastics that was the last straw.
I unfriended her on every social media platform, STILL to this day a whole year later she still texts my number and I just don’t respond. After watching this I have the strength to just block her number completely. Although I’m afraid I’m ready.
Thank you.
I can relate to that, fortunately our friendship ended in high school and she turned our entire friend group against me. Constant gaslighting, would do things to me and then tell me I'm crazy for saying something and that it never happened.
Years later, I have reconnected with a few of the people from the friend group, they have all started to dislike her and none of them are friends with her. Its honestly satisfying for them to go against her when they wouldn't before.
I am so sorry she said such awful things to you about your pregnancy, I am so glad you have cut her out. I promise you, you are much better without her.
@@becz9485 thank you. I’m glad you got to rekindle your relationships :) and get the happiness you deserve
@@becz9485 I had a friend like that too. Didn't come to my wedding cuz she was so jealous. Never was a true friend of course. In middle school told a guy I liked that I didn't like him and I saw her smoozing up next to him on the bleachers. He told me the lies she told him. Surprisingly admitted to me she was jealous of me getting married way back then. She's a psychological mess. She has had a very hard life, mentally ill grown son, drunk cheating husband, lots of drama...maybe that's her karma. I learned a good lesson though to wean those toxic people out! We talk like 2x a year cuz known her since like we were 3 through our families...she lives 50 miles away and tells me I'm her best friend....sick and sad.
Me too. You were vindicated, yay 🙌 👏 😀
Maddie, that's a high maintenance friend who you needed to dump a long time ago. She sounds nuts and tried to make you nuts. Don't buy what she's trying to sell.
7 days.....no contact. 100% silence. No emails. No phone calls. He even came to me outside in public and I would NOT say a word. I simply walked away.
It can hurt people with trauma too in my experience. My ex, who I think was a narcissist, would ignore me when he was mad at me. I couldn't act or do what he wanted so he would withhold affection, he wouldn't talk to me,touch me or even look at me when he did that and it didn't start until later in our relationship after I had told him about some parts of my childhood. Maybe I'm not understanding how you mean, but being ignored can hurt anyone really I think.
I don’t think she bothered to think her comment through at all.
Ignoring someone to hurt them/silent treatment is an incredibly common abuse tactic. You are not a narcissist for feeling hurt when abandoned. Her comment was so poorly thought out I’m shocked she didn’t consider how many victims of narcissists and abusers out there are subject and hurt by tactics like that.
Being ignored is the deepest fear of anyone.
Today is 4 months. Making progress on my healing. I went no contact for me.
I see so many posts dedicated to hurting the narcissist who by definition is already a very hurt, damaged person. People looking to hurt anyone intentionally, including those who have hurt you, need to go heal themselves, forgive and move on rather than seeking revenge. The world would be a much better place
I had an NPD ex try to wiggle back into my life after 2 yrs. Seeing how completely shattered he was around me was amazing. He had zero power or control over me anymore.
He wanted to “stop by your place” to give back some videos back to me. Nah, bro. Meet me in front of this bar, in the open. Here’s your VCR homie. Bye 👋🏽 Haven’t seen him since.
Perfect you bowed gratefully definitely made them feel insignificant that yo don’t even want them at your spot not to even meet them out front 😝
VCR, what yr was this?
@@joncarbone this made me laugh. Thank you
Forgive those who insult you, attack you, belittle you or take you for granted. But more than this, forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you. AMEN !!!
I flat out ignored my mother when I had enough after she kicked me out. Let's just say that she spiraled out of control as she had lost her power over me and it went even more out of control when I told her exactly how I felt about her. Restraining order got her to shut up and leave me alone
With some narcissists, no contact doesn't work. They just find another supply.
Went no contact with my mom several years ago and it was the best decision I ever made
Just did this the other day to my narcissistic ex. I have to say it was wonderful giving them a taste of their own medicine. She said "Hi" including my name and I walked right passed her without any sort of acknowledge and minus the eye contact.
Ignoring them is the worst for the narc. When mine once screamed insults into my face, but I didn't react, I've presumably been abusing her.
It sounds like you didn't follow though. Could that be true?
@@J05TI In the beginning I did follow any demand. Completely brain washed. Also must admit to have joined many a circular fight for nothing.
Towards the end I was just exhausted, stopped arguing and started doing what I thought to be the right things.
One lead to the other, then came the worst heartbreak I've ever lived through, finally freedom (almost).
So no, at that point I didn't follow anymore. Both best and hardest lesson ever. Don't really get why it took me a decade to learn, but now I'm grateful to have been taught.
@@karoshi2 Oh, I misunderstood. You said "ignoring them is worst" and I thought you meant "ignoring them is the worst decision". But you meant "ignoring them is the worst feeling for them". Glad to hear you got out!
@@J05TI sorry for not being specific enough. Correct, ignoring them is the worst for the narcissist as they then realise they lost control over you. And that doesn't mean to silent treat them - that's just a cruel manipulation method I'd prefer to leave to the narcissist. But willfully ignoring their manipulation attempts works wonders. It gets a bit noisy for a while, but you'll be rewarded with years of peace in the long run.
PS: edited the initial comment for more clarity.
It often also sends them into a rage that will cause them to target you even more.
There is no single way to handle one.
This is how I broke up with mine. Full no contact. I told him that he couldn't hurt me anymore and cut him completely out of my life.
He stalked me for months after. But he finally took the hint.
Why you want to hurt someone? Just protect yourself and your loved ones 💪
Wait I thought I was a narcissist but I love it when people ignore me...
LOL. I love it when the trash ignores me. It means I don't have to deal with their crap.
You love it when ppl leave you alone. That’s not the same thing as being ignored.
Block them is giving so much importance
6 years of narcissistic abuse at work and I'm looking forward to finally pulling the pin.
Good luck!!
👍
Good for you 👍.
🎉 you can do this !
Don’t want to hurt anyone, just want to dip out if needed…..
I finally figured out his kryptonite the day I told him "if I leave you, you are completely screwed because you can't afford to live here. If you leave me, I honestly wouldn't notice"
I find narcissist always try to convince you that you are a narcissist even though you are peaceful, respectful , nice. When you call them out on any out of line behavior...Your a narcissist. Be patient and don't stress, it's not always intentional but learned toxic behavior.
We are now separated for 3 years and from the start my lawyer told me to block him 👍🏼✨
Even though I didn’t understand at the time (never heard about narcissist and was still confused)ITS THE BEST ADVICE, BETTER LATE THAN NEVER 😃✨
Blocking them is definitely critical for proper recovery; however when they know for sure that you are able to see or hear their messages but completely 100% ignore them (if you’re capable or strong enough) the narcissistic injury you will cause them is insane
The day I left my ex I told him "say what you have to say to me now because I guarantee that you will never hear from me again" I stuck to my guns. Changed my phone # and moved out of state. He stalked me for 5 years after I left. 🥴😩. He would send money via PayPal just to leave messages. A narcissist can be relentless!
Yes! ...and sneaky af!
Yes they are definitely relentless
Wooooow!!
WAS THAT F C
I get terrified when my boyfriend doesn’t respond to me and it’s like my worst nightmare to be ignored because that feeling of loneliness is just…just terrifying, I don’t know how to explain it but I could literally break down and cry if I’m ignored for too long (too long being more than a day)
Maybe co-dependence. Have you tried connecting with a therapist?
This doesn’t mean you’re a narcissist, but it isn’t healthy either. Please get some professional support ❤️
We all feel that. Even on social media when you get no likes on a comment,, even That can be hurtful🤷♀️ You’re not alone💝 It stems from a lack of self-worth, which results in co-dependency. I agree a good therapist ⛅️
@@becz9485 I haven’t tried talking to a therapist just yet, I’m currently trying to fix my family problems so I’m just talking to a therapist about that and right now we’re waiting to get someone who I can talk to about my gender dysphoria
Sounds like you suffered fear of abandonment as a child.
My husband has a friend we ended up living with for a few months and I very quickly realized he was a narcissist. I’d never met anyone like that before. He quickly caught on that I didn’t like him and he turned up the charm like you wouldn’t believe. People were really shocked by his behavior towards me. I’ve told everyone what he is and that they should block him from their life. They haven’t caught on. They’re like “oh yeah he’s full of himself,” and I’m like you don’t get it, he’s certifiably a narcissist. Obsessed with himself, blames everyone else for his behavior and manipulates them into believing his behavior is really their fault , lavishes his friends with generosity then holds it over their heads....his behavior is terrifying. Thankfully, my husband agreed to block him from our life when we moved out. After verbally abusing my husband he’s changed his tune and is telling him how much he misses his best friend and all this pathetic nonsense.
I don’t think anyone likes being ignored - especially by someone they believe loved/loves them. So I would imagine this is a huge injury to ANYONE narcissist or not.
Let alone the implication that victims of abuse, who likely had abusive tactics like the silent treatment (extremely common) used against them, are narcissistic because they felt bad when they were being emotionally abused. Making them feel bad and blame themselves as though it was all their fault.
I genuinely don’t like this video at all for what it suggests.
It is also dependent on what kind of narcissists you are dealing with. While all people don't like being ignored, a narcissist that is closer on the spectrum to machiavellianism may become angry and take revenge for being ignored. It is helpful to gage what type you are dealing with, in order to know what steps to take. When to take them, and if you may need take measures of self protection first.
THIS HAS A PERFECT LOOP - PLAY IT TILL YOU GET IT. !!!
This is so difficult when the narc is your mother.....
And when it's your daughter. 😔
@@Leelee-op7vj Sorry, friend. Narcs make life painful.
@@ts4686 Thanks. Yes, they do all by their own creation. It makes one's head spin with astonishment.
@@Leelee-op7vj That's such a good way to describe them; with astonishment. I often just sit back and look in silence during one of my mother's rants at the sheer ludicrous that it is. EVERYTHING is turned on it's head, nothing makes sense, EVERY SINGLE thing from any part of her or my or our lives are brought together in one big mash up of twisted truths, gaslighting and delusions. Exhausting.
Yesss!!! Went thru this and if I wouldn’t respond Right away I would get 10 texts but he would go hours with out responding! Blessed to be out of 2 years post break up
Takes two to tango.
I think that exposing their abuses is what hurts them the most.
Block them on all platforms...text, internet, phone, friends of their friends, their family, and if you can...leave town.
Yeap. Block everyone.
All people hate being ignored. That’s not a sign of a narcissist
What bothers me is that as a society we’re once again trying to villainize yet another mental disorder we don’t quite yet fully understand. I’ve been diagnosed with narcissist personality and it stemmed from years of trauma, abuse and neglect…basically my entire childhood. It took me forever to understand that the reason why I was so self absorbed was because no one else gave a shit about me, it was almost like a defense mechanism “it’s ok no one loves me, I love me” and that self love was taken to an extreme, from one extreme to the other. Why do you think narcissistic people crave being loved by someone so much and why their biggest fear is to be left? I wasn’t born a narcissist and I don’t go out of my way to hurt others, matter of fact it’s the opposite which is why I sought therapy. The woman in this video is basically acting like narcissists are evil people that deserve to be cut off. I am so glad my husband didn’t choose to cut me off and instead was patient/understanding with me, even when I wasn’t doing that for myself
I’d also like to add I’m not saying narcissists can’t be bad people, some people never change regardless of whatever disorder they’ve got going on, while others realize there’s a problem and seek help. My point is that having a particular mental disorder doesn’t mean you’re automatically bad and should be thrown out, your actions are what should dictate if you’re let go or not. Are they in therapy? Are they interested in sorting out the issue? Are they even aware there’s an issue? The conversation needs to be less about “just cut them off and wish them death”, it should be “if you can’t change your behavior, I’m leaving”
@@Solitude1990 I agree 100%. Never give up, I know how it feels. Humanity always loved witch hunts, turns out we are the witches of the current age
You don't have any right to negatively effect anyone else. People have every right to not be involved with you. You are not their baggage or problem. They owe you nothing.
@@MiteshDamania That is true. Still doesn't make it ok to hurt mentally disordered people on purpose or because it is a widely accepted "trend" right now.
@@derchillosoph how is a person hurting the other person when that person just wants to get away?
2 years no contact never again
I get it…. But why do we want to hurt them? I’ve got no desire to hurt my ex, I’m completely indifferent about him.
Yeah, this whole "Identify and hurt a narcissist" trend on TH-cam is disturbing.
Facts.
I know that as soon as I ignored the narcissistic co-worker, they kept trying to add fuel to the fire. All I did was not talk to them and walked away anytime they came close and she ran and cried to the boss every single time.
Makes sense because my dad went to far and I blocked him and he said, "Your mother is brain washing you, she's the reason you hate me, she makes Mr look like the villan." Even though I've personally seen whet he does and I've been his victim
I feel that… and usually they say those things so you see them in a “perfect” light
Tell them-
If your phone doesn’t ring,
It’s probably me!
This is such valuable information
I was married to a seriously severe narcissist and the ultimate burner after she Falsely accused me of cheating was: “I will never try to convince you anymore. You are not interested in the truth. You just try to hurt me. If you do not believe me, this is on you. I’m truthful and I will never talk about this again. This is the last time.”
and it was. It took all air out of her argument and we never talked about it ever again.
Yes. I began to shrug and say, "ok." And, to finish whatever I was doing. I filed for divorce later on.
Being ignored by someone who broke your heart would hurt anyone. It isn't only narcissists
I remember the days of finally standing up to my mom and when she'd start her shpeel, I'd just keep doing my thing. Well that turned into my door coming off because I was trying to do dishes.
YES I did this and know reaction when they front you too keep it moving don’t respond and pretend they don’t exist
I don't even want to hurt the narcissist.....I want to protect myself and my family from the drain of dealing with them.
That’s also when they go off the deep end.
Sometimes a narcissist may already be suffering and can experience deep pain from this type of rejection. Even though this person is not right for you and they may have been terrible, please don’t make it your goal to hurt them.
Wow, I just found this out two weeks ago and this message is confirmation.
It’s crazy that they can’t take what they dish out! They will ignore you when they are busy with the new supply but excessively call when they are not being paid attention
Thanks for the tip (ima go finish my metaphorical war with my father)
I’m all about boundaries. But if one’s actions are motivated by a desire to injure the narcissist, that’s not healing energy… establish boundaries that will allow for healing… not to spite our enemy, but in spite of our enemies 🥷💚🧡💚
I remember the day I finally had enough strenght to break things up and ignoring him. He was so angry and pissed.
There's no need to hurt them. That just passes on pain. Just protect yourself. No contact. Forever
Don't really care for how she's like....joyous about how to hurt someone 🤨
Narcissist or not, this feels messed up. No one should want to make someone else feel "insignificant or meaningless"
I was a narc victim for 98% of my 50 years & I still have no desire to hurt anyone just for the sake of hurting 🥺
Beautifully said, but you shouldn't have stayed with someone for that amount of time if they were cruel to you, I surmise that you are a beautiful soul, God bless you.
@@caroline-9672
Thank u Caroline 🙏
Sadly, how we r raised as small children can kinda set the stage...being spanked n2 submission all the time by parents can leave a young female to become easy prey for the first charming man that tells her what to do 😕
I've just had a narc lead me on for 10 months, then disappear saying by text that she had a boyfriend. I had to block her on multiple media just to protect my sanity.
I finally went no contact with my narcissistic adopted parents in April and it has been a long process. Not only did they try to break into my apartment, I do have them blocked but I still get voicemails everyday. I just want it to stop.
Take restraining order and send them to jail!
Yes but also remember that is when they can get dangerous too. Stay alert and safe!
Me looking at my friend with NPD: ">:]"
For me it’s not to hurt anyone , but grant me peace and freedom from low vibrational people
I’d say don’t block because blocking itself is a reaction which will give a narcissist some satisfaction. Ignore, move on and don’t look back. Don’t get hoovered.
But how can you block a narcissist that you are court ordered to communicate with because you have to co-parent four children? What’s the answer there? It HAS to be ignore what you can.
I absolutely feel this. There really is no sure fire way to block them because you care about your children. They know that and use it against you every single chance they get.
James 4:7
New King James Version
Humility Cures Worldliness
7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
This is EXACTLY what i needed to hear right now.
I don't know if things hurt my 'old news' narcissist, but blocking sure helps me!
I knew one who said "When they block me, I know I got to them and thus I win"
The worst night of our 10 year marriage was when I tried not to engage by putting metal super loud in my earbuds when we went to bed, & refusing to react. But he only got angrier & angrier, and he just kept raising the stakes, trying to force me to respond. I only heard a couple of words here and there, which, like I said, was on purpose, so I finally discovered what threats he had been making, & following through on, when he showed me that he was calling 911.
It was after midnight at that point, and I learned that he had decided to demand my sister’s address because both of our daughters were at a pre-planned sleepover, something that he agreed to through text a week prior, and that he had hugged her goodbye for and told her to have fun as she’s carrying her sleeping bag and backpack of stuff. He was 100% on board with this sleepover. But after midnight, he apparently demanded the address so he could go pick her up from this sleepover with her sister and her cousins. Because that is one thing that he could force me to respond about. He could GET THE POLICE TO FORCE ME TO RESPOND TO HIM! And because I wasn’t responding, he called the police and said that I was hiding where his daughter was.
So our 4 boys got to hear the police come in the middle of the night and question me about kidnapping his daughter.
Oh, & one of his earlier threats of the night that he followed through with, that I didn’t know about until the police were on their way, he chased my 2 cats out the front door of our apartment and shut them out. I searched for hours literally every single night, but I only ever got 1 back.
I stayed for about 30 more days, long enough to arrange to move myself & my 3 kids & my cat to my mom’s house. I’m physically disabled and not able to work, so I had to gather help, and I wanted time to search for my cat.
My life is so peaceful now. But he, of course, cut off my contact with his 3 kids who I had helped raise since they were so little, and my heart is broken every single day because of that. But that was the night that I realized that I couldn’t be an effective buffer to his meanness for his kids, which was one of the reasons why I was staying. I wanted to protect them. But what happened that night made it crystal clear that I had zero power to protect them from his meanness, and his daughter just got traumatized (along with my daughter) because he was irritated at me.
Well this is definitely true. It is also incredibly hurtful and harmful to avoid your spouse. Especially if your spouse has abandonment issues.
I worked for a government laboratory and its customer.
The management team were companies of narcissists. Grandiosity, attention starved, power hungry, and non-empathetic.
They could not acknowledge their own limitations and constantly blame shifted, triangulated, and marginalized / disparaged.
I wish I knew what I know now. I wonder, as someone who served in two aa interventions, how I stayed there for 8 years.
In a workplace, you need to get the hell out. It's not like dealing with a solitary narcissist. It is a collective narcissist composed if toxic individuals.
I don't know if it hurt him, but it absolutely made him furious. And the thing was, I wasn't trying to make him angry. I just didn't want to hear or see him in any context.
Sometimes I still am amazed that I lived through that divorce.