@@SoundsBogus I don't like to think of myself as empath, however I relate with the meaning and this is the most accurate video, of the hundreds i've watched, describing my relationship. I come from a healthy middle class family, meaning i naturally have a secure attachment style, but the love bombing i wasn't ready for easily lured me into being codependent. Now my eyes are open & I think the op comment stands.
It doesn't matter. Your true character over time will win out. I have a friend in your situation. At first, the narcissist seemed credible, but over time, we all began to see who he really was. He never had me fooled in the first place though lol.
So true. I too had a friend that way. Horrible experience of my life. Never about Narcissism about that time. She just used my kindness, abused, exploited and now she is acting like we never knew each other. So much anger I had in my body when I figured out how I was targeted.
madam you actually missed one big point, majority of the time they practice selective amnesia like some information they forget and some information they clearly remember and playing victim and crying triggering the trauma bonding to the men they are in the relationship with
Man mine was like this. Made me think I was insane and made something up , luckily I had the receipts, texts she sent me. And when I showed her , she then got mad and said don’t pull up text anymore lol
Listen to your gut. Trauma bonding to a female narcissist is very hard to break away from. My ex narc was obsessed with external male validation, and loved to stonewall and gaslight when you tried to bring up boundaries. On the phone checking, I actually did this to prove she was lying, which turned out to be true, but I was the one in the wrong, even though I confessed to it because I genuinely felt awful. They make you feel crazy and you’ll end up losing your sanity if you stay in their web of chaos.
i'm sure you confessed or rather abdicated because you just couldn't take their relentless arguing and attacking, accusing, blameshifting, gaslighting, projecting etc....
I saw a message reply pop up walking past her phone late at night from a guy from the past. They had an on and off affair, and he was supposedly an ahole. I opened her phone and there they were, messages between them throughout my relationship with her as well as through her last relationship. Says she doesn't know why she did it.
I just ended a 6+ year friendship with a woman who has high narcissistic traits. It wasn’t an easy decision but it got to the point where I could no longer handle their toxic behavior any longer. I had to do what’s best for me and my mental wellbeing.
Just come out of a relationship where a lot of this is relatable. She actually left me as well. Never been so confused and worn out in my entire life and it wasn’t until I was out of the toxic bubble that I could clearly see what was going on. Dodged a bullet, feel sorry for the next guy.
I went through that. When I told her I put more effort (18 months) into the relationship then my past marriage (17 years). She said " what effort ?" That was hurtful.
i married one all of the above really. One that i havent seen a lot of people talk about is 12. She would constantly pick the very best behaviours or abilities of other males i mean their very best and i would have to measure up to all of them which now i see as just ridiculous but at the time it was just awful for me but literaly all of those things plus extremely explosive behaviour when a story or narrative she created had come undone
When the social worker told me I was an abused spouse I didn't believe her at first, I really thought I was the problem. Thanks for your videos, they are helping me understand what has been going on.
This is a superb breakdown by Dr. Becky! I would add one other sign from personal experience: covert female narcissists hold a grudge for as long as it takes for payback; days, weeks, months. They are so vindictive!
If you think THEY are the one that "made' you feel then you are still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. The truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies. They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? ' Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. . .
One thing to remind the people dealing with this is to heal the part of yourself that feels the need to people please, be co dependant, or lack strong boundaries. These type of people need you to unconsciously accept them. YOU must agree to their terms for it to work. So before you consider another relationship. KNOW your terms. What will you immediately walk away from? What are your boundaries? Are you fulfilling all your needs or have you left a hole for them to fill with fantasies? Also that braid is bad ass Dr.Spelman! Great vid!
It's better for the children if they don't have to grow up with a narcissistic mother. But of course, if she would get the custody, it's even worse for them.
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Understand how your wife is most likely cheating on you.
Get a lawyer, then get out. Don't tell the narcissist before filing. They will do anything to get the kids, including using the time to frame you for a crime as they want the children to maintain their image as a great parent.
Exactly! Just found out the woman I'm in a relationship with. Has OCD and more than likely OCPD too . Oddly enough she accuses me of being a Narcissist all the time even though I bend over backwards for her irrational demands all the time . She also has many of these signs I've observed.
Excellent video! I went No Contact for a year after thinking I might be dealing with one, possibly. She checked every one. But, that's my opinion. However, during the No Contact, she contacted me two days after my birthday to inform me that I was worthless and not worth remembering the actual day. She then blocked me again, before I could respond. Thank you for making this video, I don't advocate for labeling either, I think its used too frequently and thrown around too easily. But I do advocate for observing patterns of behavior.
Think I can tick about six of these off the list, I new a female for a while even years actually and I can see now I've possibly been dealing with a narcissist, the only difficult part is that I liked them in a big way and now it's caused uneccessary things to happen. Thanks Dr Becky s this is good
An excellent spotlight on narcissism, particularly the covert, vulnerable type. 20 years with one to my shame! I got the initial ' love bombing' start quickly followed by the devaluation treatment. Typical textbook stuff like they all take a college course and graduate with a diploma in torturing people. The trauma bond is the only true connection you share, not a genuine mutual, reciprocal relationship at all. Leaving is like launching into space! It need tremendous power to overcome that gravity pulling you back down. It's really rocket science to break free as you may feel love bonds and or feelings of guilt, shame or just not wanting to throw away years you've invested in having a life /future together. Whether you go or stay It's always over anyway! Because you can't unknow what you've learnt and seen behind the mask they wear. You simply take whats good and emotionally leave the rest. Have no expectations of them changing, stop trying to fix things, stop reacting to their triggering you and enforce your boundaries more. It's a bit like dealing with stroppy children and having to ignore the tantrums and sulks. Children go through a self centered phase but grow up wherase covert narcissists don't grow up emotionally ( in my experience) I still watch narc videos only to stay grounded. Your video is one of the best I've seen and is the one I wish I'd seen long ago. Stay strong if in such relationships ❤
I can relate to what you wrote its been absolutely soul destroying and emotionally draining. Also lol on your analogy of leaving is like launching into space. So true breaking free of the gravity of guilt and shame and the trauma bond. I agree, at this stage it over regardless.
I was in a relationship for 15 years with someone with this kind of behaviour, but I managed to get out of the situation and I decided not speak with the person ever again, and I haven’t done so for the past 12 years, and I am feeling good in the last couple years I mean emotionally with that person around me. Watching your video I can say was 100% what I had to support, and thank for the video because I can now see bit more about the true. The person also according to the medical experts suffer from Bipolar Disorder, but after seeing your video I do believe she suffer of narcissistic disorder there is no doubt. Your video was very helpful thank you.
Yo, I’m going through the same shit rn! It’s been a month since I left my soon to be ex wife. We’re together for 10 total years. I honestly feel better but damn she fucked up my head bro. I’m the complete opposite of her. I’m a happy , grateful person and an optimistic person she was the opposite. She was super manipulative playing the victim never took accountability for shit and lacked empathy I never put 2 and 2 together that she was a narcissist. I told her everything the last day exactly how I felt and the path is choosing to go w/ her single hoe friends and she gonna fall right behind them. I even was suspicious that she had sex w/ someone with in the 1st 5 days of calling it quits for the last time. She came back super drained low energy and she caught a cold ( bodily fluids) . And I called her out and she got super defensive. I know she did bc of the ppl she hangs out w/ and his mental illness. Ppl like her w/ PD and other mental illnesses are sexually active bc it fills an empty space in their heart 😊
Narcs actually go around the world feeling and or trying to take what others have built if your an honest person, who finds healthy ways of having self compassion, healthy boundaries, and choosing safe enough connection, working for yourself your goals, advocating for your needs and taking your space in the world, your an empath with healthy boundaries cause narcs dont really work for things they just think they're entitled to them, so it s good to have boundaries and let good people into my circle and keep choosing safe enough connection and taking up my space in the world im worth it in a good way were worth it.
Thank you in particular for the disclaimer at the end.I agree a lot of these terms are way overused, and as you said, we all have some or all of these traits at different times.
Becky, You have no clue how many people come to Ayahuasca ceremonies who've been completely traumatized by narcissistic abuse (mostly men as false society has trumpeted the "modern woman" of being a cold, cruel, calculated parasitic snake as if they're some sort of endearing attributes, lol !). And in the ceremonies they get all the truthful answers and infinitely more than they were initially looking for (spiritually speaking). I was just in a ceremony a few nights ago where 6 of the 17 participants were men and came to the ceremony because they have been completely depleted by their female narcissist partner...and Since eye am an expert on the subject Mama Ayahuasca and I healed them all in spectacular fashion far beyond any words can describe..You're doing an outstanding job raising awareness ! Much love !! You're a Spiritual Warrior my friend !! : - )
Your observation is truly fascinating to read, very glad you shared that. I'm a gay bloke and 50% of my straight male friends are shells of themselves having been hollowed out over many years.
@@romac9516 Doesn't matter if you're gay, how you look, what color you are, and all the nonsense of human judgment of stupidity. The universe of spirit only cares about your heart and if you inhabit the love, courage, and action to go deep within you millions of times deeper within yourself with Ayahuasca that the ego-mind is terrified of going (narcissists cant go within imprisoned by the dark mind), hence why every religion on the planet states the kingdom of god/universe/heavens/nature/spirit is all WITHIN you... With that said, much love brother !! I know what I say as eye have sat in hundreds of ayahuasca ceremonies with thousands of people from all over the world, and from all cultures...some gay, mostly straight..and none of that matters.. Can you go deep within is ALL that matters ...screw sexual orientation all all that human nonsense. Much love !!
I understand where you are coming from, but it is not loving to affirm sin. I understand you come from a «new age» mindset, nut there is only one true God! He is the only one who define love and moral, but people are seeking the things of this world and denie the real God of the bible, the real Christ Jesus, and make their own version of him. «New age Jesus» is demonic.
@@knockout4121 Nothing about Shamanism is "new age", Ayahuasca Shamanism is over 40.000 years old, by FAR the oldest and true original, hence why your criminal bible-writers had to CONTROL..as You had to steal 75 stories from us, and then twist/manipulate those stories to CONTROL...What's new age is your gov't written book of endless nonsense and self-hatred.
Definitely my last gf. Very pretty, but wow she is one unfortunately. I feel bad for her and hope she gets help.😢 But she needs to stay the F away from me😂😂
Thank you. Very helpful. Especially the simple description of “ someone who has difficulty seeing another’s perspective. Yes the term narcissist is used too readily today. Thank you dr
My twin sister. I was in the black and white box all my life. I waited for the white box and the black box was hell.. i was always open and excepting of when the great version would be switched on.. she would steal my friends and turn them against me while spreading lies about me my whole life.. its sad because part of me still wants a relationship with her. My arms are always open. But the pain of it all haunts me.. i was always in a loosing battle. I never really stood up or confronted the lies. It almost wasnt worth it so id just try be and make new friends in school or work . My group did get smaller. Then i moved away.. its really sad and unfair and i hate that it has to be this way !!! I think she is a very lucky person with friends from when she was a young teenager in her life now. A very kind caring son a patient partner a beautiful home.. its sad to see her destruct things around her.. i keep my distance but will always answer that phonecall in her drunken state.. get realed in again and then im in, i reach out the following day to communicate to be ignored again.. I'll try this for a while till I get the hint again.
I have watched many of these videos and has explained a lot of things in my life. It is always said that they had a hard life but the people that have most of these traits are only children that was spoiled growing up.
Sooooo.... I was dating someone and I opened up to her about how I have low self-esteem about my looks because you know, emotional intimacy, blah, blah, blah... She eventually told her it (my low self-esteem over my looks) "discusses" her (that's "disgusts" in literary-speech). I realize that when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
This advise is spot on and the first thing I look for. It's not just a stereotype and I've encounters it enough to just run away from it as well as their responses.
My ex gf from France, Sandy Patou ticks every box on your list. I walked out on the 10th Jan this year as I couldn’t handle the abuse and mental torture any more. I name the person as people online believe the projection that she is beautiful, funny and a wonderful human being but the reality is she is a human wrecking ball of peoples lives. I’ve even now made friends with her ex bf before me as she triangulated us in the early stages of my relationship with her. A few days after I walked out on her on the 10th January she had her next victim from the USA. Unfortunately these people are among us and need calling out as they do huge damage to peoples lives
I love how you named her. 😅 I went through the same relationship. I left my parallel relationship 2 weeks ago. These type of people ruin lives and don't take accountability for anything weather it's something small or something huge.
Becky! Thank you so so much for helping me verify a situation with my roommates girlfriend... Both of them are Narcissist and pulling each other done to the 9th level of hell... thank you for talking about this problem.
My ex is hitting every number. Especially #7. She raged on me when she left. I came home to a couch on fire in yard broken glass broken guitar, door, windows. It completely blind sided me that this sweet woman who is loved by so many in the community could be the extreme opposite to me.
I wish i knew this before i sacrificed my sanity for my last two exs. They literally drove me to the point where i sought counseling and was questioning myself if i was a narcissist (turns out i wasnt from what my therapist said thats a woman and my constant behavior of putting myself last which is the complete opposite of a narcissist)
Jeepers. I thought I always had OK girlfriends throughout my life, till I got to the going through my phone, part. You made me realize my judgement realy sucks.
I can add a couple more to your list: triangulation and constantly moving goal posts. 2 years out of a "relationship" with a text book narc, and she used these 2 tactics frequently, as well as literally every other on your list.
@@HANZELVANDERLAAY When I actually heard what triangulation was it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like damn, that’s what she was doing. It drove me insane.
My mother in law is a covert narc, plays the victim and lies consistently. She is a martyr, highly sensitive and defensive.Talks over you and has become more racist and can't stop complaining every year. My wife still believes she has mental health issues, my gut feeling doesn't believe it. Toxic energy and I feel sick when I am around her 😞
I was born from a natcissitic family. Married one ,I had a breakdown .I didnt know who I was anymore or who I was supossed to be. I had inheritted some narcissistic traits that ,I am now getting my mjnd renewed. My mum was constantly putting me down and I was constantly trying to buy her love until she dued 7 years ago .My mum was so controlling and I did not see it until later. If I try to run away from her. She will cry and tell everyone that I am a bad person. Now I left my ex and it was very dangerous to leave I survuved still picking up the peaces and finding my identiy .
Unfortunately,I married one. She is a beautiful woman and she blew me away with her charms and loving personality. Then I was diagnosed with advanced, aggressive stage 3 prostate cancer. At first, she was very understanding. But as treatment started to take its toll, the narcissist personality started to surface. 45 days ago, she told me she didn’t love me. This after I made arrangements to solve some financial issues for her. She even told me to leave the house knowing I am going in for surgery in a couple of weeks and will need help during the recovery process. And today, she filed for divorce. I gave up everything for her. And I love her to the point of making the ultimate sacrifice for her. Too bad I did not recognize the signs because I am so in love with her. And I still love her just like the first moment I l laid my eyes on her. This sucks!!!! 😢😢😢😔
It's not uncommon for narcissistic traits to become more evident during times of stress or when a partner becomes vulnerable. Your feelings of love and the sacrifices you've made are deeply meaningful, but it's crucial to prioritize your own well-being, especially during your recovery. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can help you navigate this difficult period. It's important to remember that you deserve compassion and care, particularly when facing significant health issues. Take care of yourself, and lean on your support network during this challenging time.
The label ist 100% justified and people who tell me otherwise are most often narcissists and later dumped by me. So yea using this label is 100% right for those who deserve it.
healthy self care is having self compassion , healthy boundaries advocating for my needs in healthy ways and choosing safe enough connection where I can share my true self and get my needs for connection met im worth it , in a good way were worth it. Dont let anyone, male or female / try to dim your light just cause they're jealous, have healthy boundaries and shine my true self im worth it in a good way were worth it . Cheers fellow travelers. And find accounts and places you resonate with . And that are safe enough were worth it.
great research study. it's sad when . Yes they change. with time you need not look too far just a little before your nose you will see it. Isn't it their ego that ruins theeir future?
Im on a binge watching mode trying to confirm if I’m the narc…because I would get so cold and angry at the constant need for attention…These people are like walking wounds… Like I have an ego if I’m being accused of something I’m not I am going to get angry after a while and when it’s everyday I ended up having PTSD after being cruel and mean to the person always criticizing and talking about her needs because I actually did love her.. She finally discarded me after 2 yrs of me breaking up with her after every fight and taking her back because I hated myself for being so mean and defensive to her… Well 2 weeks after she already has another man in her life and she’s saying she’s been happier in those 2 weeks than 2 yrs with me… She now used me losing my shit on her as me being the narc and evil one…
I'm am going through the exact same thing as you now mate. She ended things last Saturday without wanting to talk and have clarity and closure on things. By Tuesday she had deleted all of our pictures together on social media and declared herself single to everyone 😢 the day after she sent me a massive text about how I've been this great father figure to her son (who I love very much) and she wants me still to be in his life but I know deep down this is going to be very hard to do due to her constant gaslighting and mind games 😢just like you I actually loved her so much and once we got engaged the narcissistic traits just got turned up even more and I didnt understand what was happening it was all very sad. I also kept ending the relationship after arguments and constantly going back because I was always told it was my fault and I always felt guilty about it. She would use her son as a weapon aswell which kills me!! I think deep down all her family know what she's like because a few years ago when I was allowed to go to the pub with my mates I bumped into her slightly younger sister and she gave me a big hug and told me " To have a ABIT of patience with my sister" Those words have haunted me since she said it about 3 years ago I know now what she finally means 😢
Absolutely, it's crucial to approach discussions about narcissism and personality disorders with care and understanding. Labeling someone as a narcissist based solely on certain behaviors can be misleading and oversimplifies the complexity of mental health conditions.
@@dr.beckyspelmanI do 🙂 And that's great, because I wanted you to make a video about it but I didn't even have to ask you because, obviously, you read my mind, my thoughts 😄 I was doing something but I immediately stopped doing what I was doing just to watch (and listen to) this video. Thanks again!
The eyes. The eyes. Has there ever been an independent study of taking women with the eyes and see if they are good hearted empathetic females that have that deer in the headlight ghostly stare? this way they are discriminated against. Also how often do female narcissist not have that gaze.
I want to say. I hate the diagnosis of histrionic. I dated a histrionic girl. She was so alluring, so clever, and seemingly her feelings were thrice as powerful as any girl I’d ever met. What I found out is that her feelings were shallow and self-centered. She liked me for how I made her feel, until she didn’t. But her histrionic diagnosis was a lie. A histrionic is a narcissist
I have only come to realize that I am a walking, breathing source of supply. It’s a curse that leads me to believe that perhaps it’s just better for me to be alone. 30+ years of codependency and manipulation has taught me a true life lesson that I accept like a gift of an empty box
This was very informative, thank you! How many of the signs/red flags would you say could constitute a narcissist? (assuming there’s no neurodivergent contributing factors)
A certain superstar female singer songwriter right now fits all the categories but i bet even the doctor wouldn't agree to call her out on the behavior...
So many videos I seen like this one are so accurate but for the lack of empathy statement. I think there is a level of empathy but serious lack of compassion. Maybe my autism takes things literally . But some better explanation of the empathy might help please. Thank you for the video. The trauma bonding is insane and therapy is worth considering. PTSD can also be a big thing.
My ex was a narcissist… I confronted her several times about some behaviours and the world blew up! When I said she even had traits of narcissism all hell broke loose. These people can be great but need to be checked constantly!!!
In my opinion, they are only great during the love bombing phase or when they are trying to hoover you back under their control. Any other time they are mediocre and a big share of the time very difficult to be around. There is always some difficulty or fire that needs to be put out. Going to restaurants is usually always difficult as they seem to think the waiter and especially waitress is paying more attention to you and giving them the aditude and/or stink eye. That's how mine always acted, everyone was against her and giving me the google eyes as she would call it, even though I know that I am nothing special. I'm not rich, young, good looking, no six pack, etc. Just an average Joe as one would say. I do talk to people the same way that I would like to be treated, with respect and kindness; something that she seems to lack so often.
This is very useful knowledge that you are sharing because i can feel in many cases that i am just abusing someone for my own benifit. It could also be that i have it hard to realise it in the presence. I am an INTP so i go and think about this constantly and dry out myself because i am mostly stuck in brainstorm, sounds wierd like my biggest hobby is to go around and think. Keep up with the great work and best regards.
Interesting when you read these comments and you say to yourself my father didn’t say that either, and neither did my mother, and you see how much you downplayed and acted as if for your whole life, while they sauntered on and expected you to.
Been close to four female extreme narcissists. Two aunts, and two almost lovers ... Much the same with the male extreme narcissists I've been in close contact with. The dynamics are a little different, but only differently the same ...
What’s your take on Avoidant Narcissists? The type to stew in past trauma as the victim, so when they flip out they blame you or past. They are never accountable, even when they have violent outbursts and hit you. It’s you who made them do it. Sad cycle.😢
Off topic But can wee all jjst appreciate this beautiful soul for all she does for us ! Holy cow so so healing you are ! Ps love the hair and outfit Stunning :)) Angels be with you kind heart Angels be with you all
What does it mean if I am attracted to this kind of women? Logically, I don't like the delusional aspects of it and I also don't like the lack of concern for others. But I am willing to ignore it. Because I find the confidence and bossiness attractive, and I am willing to pretend its justified. As in they are confident and bossy because they are super smart and just know better.
I feel like once you’ve met one, uncovered what they are, then after knowing it, they are all basically the same people? It’s like one character type. It’s weird. It’s like they don’t have an actual personality of their own? Can you share your thoughts on this please?
@@dr.beckyspelman has it ever occurred to them that “they” are a figment of their own imagination? Or do you think they would think that preposterous?! “I know who I am! How dare you! You’re crazy...etc” Being so deeply entrenched in western indoctrination?
@@dr.beckyspelman like I can see their behavior. But “who are you?” “I have brow eyes”... you a billion other people. “Who are you?” “I’m a man!” So are a billion other people... “Who are you?” “My name is ...... “ “Yeah and so is these other million people.... so... who are you?” Nothing they can show you says anything about “them” And it’s like... so you can’t actually show me? And everything you have is given to you? “God and my Right!” “The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument." ― George Carlin Can’t explain it? God did it! To limit people to the voluntary conscious actions is an absurd definition of ones self. Ones self must include the entire panorama of human experience. I don’t get the whole Fraudian trip thing? I think he had issues. But to reduce someone down to an object for study or what ever seems . A little wack
Yikes my boyfriend’s grandmother is a cover narcissist and wonders why so many of her family members turned out the way they day. Narcissists aren’t born they are created, and this family has so many of them too I’m worried if I’m around them so much I’m gonna turn into one too. Which is a nightmare cause I’ve seen some of the vile nasty shit they do, and try to get away with.
@@dr.beckyspelman Can’t remember what I said, but I do remember you not being too impressed lol In hindsight, should have been more direct. Would have been nice to grab a drink.
She tool the words out of my mouth, "we (women) are all a little bit of a narcissist." LOL. If you think of a reflection like the origin of Narcissist it makes sense. But is she good willed or ill willed? That's the question.
She reacted to my cousin wanted to go last min xmas shopping while she was away doing the same. I went with him and she got pissed. She got pissed at her sons 17th bday party because i was giving her 24 year old son "more attention " than her. I paid for carry out and the order was messed up when i got home. Was given the silent treatment. Seen an old co worker at a restraunt and talked to him too long as she was waiting in her booth. Silent treatment....blah blah blah. Geez🙄
Empath men should be extremely wary of female narcissists.
No shit
@@SoundsBogus I don't like to think of myself as empath, however I relate with the meaning and this is the most accurate video, of the hundreds i've watched, describing my relationship. I come from a healthy middle class family, meaning i naturally have a secure attachment style, but the love bombing i wasn't ready for easily lured me into being codependent. Now my eyes are open & I think the op comment stands.
As an empath who married a narcissist, I can't believe I fell for her and my marriage just ended after 3 years.
Ruined me, be careful guys
Oh, I know.
I had a friend like this. Long story short, everyone thinks I am the problem.
So true
It’s ok….your mental health is more important
My ex turned many others against me , including our children.
It doesn't matter. Your true character over time will win out. I have a friend in your situation. At first, the narcissist seemed credible, but over time, we all began to see who he really was. He never had me fooled in the first place though lol.
So true. I too had a friend that way. Horrible experience of my life. Never about Narcissism about that time. She just used my kindness, abused, exploited and now she is acting like we never knew each other. So much anger I had in my body when I figured out how I was targeted.
madam you actually missed one big point, majority of the time they practice selective amnesia like some information they forget and some information they clearly remember and playing victim and crying triggering the trauma bonding to the men they are in the relationship with
Man mine was like this. Made me think I was insane and made something up , luckily I had the receipts, texts she sent me. And when I showed her , she then got mad and said don’t pull up text anymore lol
@@PoyTroyi held the line until she started punching herself in the face. To ‘make me believe her’.
It's called disassociation
Hmm this explains a lot
Listen to your gut. Trauma bonding to a female narcissist is very hard to break away from. My ex narc was obsessed with external male validation, and loved to stonewall and gaslight when you tried to bring up boundaries. On the phone checking, I actually did this to prove she was lying, which turned out to be true, but I was the one in the wrong, even though I confessed to it because I genuinely felt awful. They make you feel crazy and you’ll end up losing your sanity if you stay in their web of chaos.
i'm sure you confessed or rather abdicated because you just couldn't take their relentless arguing and attacking, accusing, blameshifting, gaslighting, projecting etc....
Ahhh, yes....the web of chaos. Been there. I felt trapped with NO way out.
I saw a message reply pop up walking past her phone late at night from a guy from the past. They had an on and off affair, and he was supposedly an ahole. I opened her phone and there they were, messages between them throughout my relationship with her as well as through her last relationship. Says she doesn't know why she did it.
@@andrewh8865No accountability.
20 years of hell…
I just ended a 6+ year friendship with a woman who has high narcissistic traits. It wasn’t an easy decision but it got to the point where I could no longer handle their toxic behavior any longer. I had to do what’s best for me and my mental wellbeing.
Just come out of a relationship where a lot of this is relatable. She actually left me as well. Never been so confused and worn out in my entire life and it wasn’t until I was out of the toxic bubble that I could clearly see what was going on. Dodged a bullet, feel sorry for the next guy.
I've been there
Same
no guy will ever be good enough. they are never yours just your turn
Me too
I just got out of one myself. Trippy. Everyone thinks that I am the fucker.
When I asked her " what she contributed to our break up" absolutely nothing was her response.
LOL, my Ex said this about his last relationship. I should have ran for the hills!!
Remember these gals are queens (perfect) and have been delusional conditioned.
I went through that. When I told her I put more effort (18 months) into the relationship then my past marriage (17 years). She said " what effort ?" That was hurtful.
samee
My narc gave me the exact same response.
Female narcissist
1. Constantly need for attention
2. Lack of empathy
3. Manipulative behavior
4. Grandiose sense of self
5. Exploitative nature
6. Shallow relationship
7. Inconsistent behavior
8. Extreme sensitivity to criticism
9. Lack of Accountability
10. Boundary violation
11. Isolation
12. Constant Comparison
13. Unpredictable Mood Swings
So....women?
Hero
Yep... my mother in law has 90% of these lol
i married one all of the above really. One that i havent seen a lot of people talk about is 12. She would constantly pick the very best behaviours or abilities of other males i mean their very best and i would have to measure up to all of them which now i see as just ridiculous but at the time it was just awful for me but literaly all of those things plus extremely explosive behaviour when a story or narrative she created had come undone
Most important rule: if she's white...
When the social worker told me I was an abused spouse I didn't believe her at first, I really thought I was the problem. Thanks for your videos, they are helping me understand what has been going on.
This is a superb breakdown by Dr. Becky! I would add one other sign from personal experience: covert female narcissists hold a grudge for as long as it takes for payback; days, weeks, months. They are so vindictive!
Thanks so much.
Thank you for this, I was with her for ten years, and the worst part about it is I was I love with a lie the whole time 😢
If you think THEY are the one that "made' you feel then you are still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. The truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love).
Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. . .
Ignore the other reply. I'm sorry you went through that, I wish you the best in recovery. 🙃
Same brother i served 8 year's, ultimately i ended up discarding her, we have a 4 year old boy together so she still makes me miserable
@@robertdemeter5793 Wow...👏🏽👏🏽
They are really difficult to deal with. Wounded children. Do not commit to one
One thing to remind the people dealing with this is to heal the part of yourself that feels the need to people please, be co dependant, or lack strong boundaries. These type of people need you to unconsciously accept them. YOU must agree to their terms for it to work. So before you consider another relationship. KNOW your terms. What will you immediately walk away from? What are your boundaries? Are you fulfilling all your needs or have you left a hole for them to fill with fantasies? Also that braid is bad ass Dr.Spelman! Great vid!
My wife is a textbook narcassist...right down to the last letter. Its absolutely nauseating and I would make a runner but there is children involved.
It's better for the children if they don't have to grow up with a narcissistic mother. But of course, if she would get the custody, it's even worse for them.
Understand how your wife is most likely cheating on you.
Been there. Done that......run!!!!
Get a lawyer, then get out. Don't tell the narcissist before filing. They will do anything to get the kids, including using the time to frame you for a crime as they want the children to maintain their image as a great parent.
I feel your pain. Im in the same boat. It is extremely hard.
I find the biggest sign of a female narcissist is that they call everyone else narcissists.
Exactly! Just found out the woman I'm in a relationship with. Has OCD and more than likely OCPD too . Oddly enough she accuses me of being a Narcissist all the time even though I bend over backwards for her irrational demands all the time . She also has many of these signs I've observed.
@@KS-lb1tumy ex too
A narcissist calling me a narcissist
Unbelievable!😮
Excellent video! I went No Contact for a year after thinking I might be dealing with one, possibly. She checked every one. But, that's my opinion. However, during the No Contact, she contacted me two days after my birthday to inform me that I was worthless and not worth remembering the actual day. She then blocked me again, before I could respond.
Thank you for making this video, I don't advocate for labeling either, I think its used too frequently and thrown around too easily. But I do advocate for observing patterns of behavior.
Thank you for sharing this and I am sorry to hear you went through this.
Awesome content! ❤❤The end game seems to let you down when you need them most. 😢
So true.
Think I can tick about six of these off the list, I new a female for a while even years actually and I can see now I've possibly been dealing with a narcissist, the only difficult part is that I liked them in a big way and now it's caused uneccessary things to happen. Thanks Dr Becky s this is good
Good to hear this and thanks for sharing.
An excellent spotlight on narcissism, particularly the covert, vulnerable type. 20 years with one to my shame! I got the initial ' love bombing' start quickly followed by the devaluation treatment. Typical textbook stuff like they all take a college course and graduate with a diploma in torturing people. The trauma bond is the only true connection you share, not a genuine mutual, reciprocal relationship at all. Leaving is like launching into space! It need tremendous power to overcome that gravity pulling you back down. It's really rocket science to break free as you may feel love bonds and or feelings of guilt, shame or just not wanting to throw away years you've invested in having a life /future together. Whether you go or stay It's always over anyway! Because you can't unknow what you've learnt and seen behind the mask they wear. You simply take whats good and emotionally leave the rest. Have no expectations of them changing, stop trying to fix things, stop reacting to their triggering you and enforce your boundaries more. It's a bit like dealing with stroppy children and having to ignore the tantrums and sulks. Children go through a self centered phase but grow up wherase covert narcissists don't grow up emotionally ( in my experience) I still watch narc videos only to stay grounded. Your video is one of the best I've seen and is the one I wish I'd seen long ago. Stay strong if in such relationships ❤
Good one.Thanx for sharing!👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾💪🏾
I can relate to what you wrote its been absolutely soul destroying and emotionally draining. Also lol on your analogy of leaving is like launching into space. So true breaking free of the gravity of guilt and shame and the trauma bond. I agree, at this stage it over regardless.
I was in a relationship for 15 years with someone with this kind of behaviour, but I managed to get out of the situation and I decided not speak with the person ever again, and I haven’t done so for the past 12 years, and I am feeling good in the last couple years I mean emotionally with that person around me.
Watching your video I can say was 100% what I had to support, and thank for the video because I can now see bit more about the true.
The person also according to the medical experts suffer from Bipolar Disorder, but after seeing your video I do believe she suffer of narcissistic disorder there is no doubt.
Your video was very helpful thank you.
Thanks for sharing and sorry you had your experience all that.
Yo, I’m going through the same shit rn! It’s been a month since I left my soon to be ex wife. We’re together for 10 total years. I honestly feel better but damn she fucked up my head bro. I’m the complete opposite of her. I’m a happy , grateful person and an optimistic person she was the opposite. She was super manipulative playing the victim never took accountability for shit and lacked empathy I never put 2 and 2 together that she was a narcissist. I told her everything the last day exactly how I felt and the path is choosing to go w/ her single hoe friends and she gonna fall right behind them. I even was suspicious that she had sex w/ someone with in the 1st 5 days of calling it quits for the last time. She came back super drained low energy and she caught a cold ( bodily fluids) . And I called her out and she got super defensive. I know she did bc of the ppl she hangs out w/ and his mental illness. Ppl like her w/ PD and other mental illnesses are sexually active bc it fills an empty space in their heart 😊
Narcs actually go around the world feeling and or trying to take what others have built if your an honest person, who finds healthy ways of having self compassion, healthy boundaries, and choosing safe enough connection, working for yourself your goals, advocating for your needs and taking your space in the world, your an empath with healthy boundaries cause narcs dont really work for things they just think they're entitled to them, so it s good to have boundaries and let good people into my circle and keep choosing safe enough connection and taking up my space in the world im worth it in a good way were worth it.
Thank you in particular for the disclaimer at the end.I agree a lot of these terms are way overused, and as you said, we all have some or all of these traits at different times.
Becky, You have no clue how many people come to Ayahuasca ceremonies who've been completely traumatized by narcissistic abuse (mostly men as false society has trumpeted the "modern woman" of being a cold, cruel, calculated parasitic snake as if they're some sort of endearing attributes, lol !). And in the ceremonies they get all the truthful answers and infinitely more than they were initially looking for (spiritually speaking). I was just in a ceremony a few nights ago where 6 of the 17 participants were men and came to the ceremony because they have been completely depleted by their female narcissist partner...and Since eye am an expert on the subject Mama Ayahuasca and I healed them all in spectacular fashion far beyond any words can describe..You're doing an outstanding job raising awareness ! Much love !! You're a Spiritual Warrior my friend !! : - )
Your observation is truly fascinating to read, very glad you shared that. I'm a gay bloke and 50% of my straight male friends are shells of themselves having been hollowed out over many years.
@@romac9516 Doesn't matter if you're gay, how you look, what color you are, and all the nonsense of human judgment of stupidity. The universe of spirit only cares about your heart and if you inhabit the love, courage, and action to go deep within you millions of times deeper within yourself with Ayahuasca that the ego-mind is terrified of going (narcissists cant go within imprisoned by the dark mind), hence why every religion on the planet states the kingdom of god/universe/heavens/nature/spirit is all WITHIN you... With that said, much love brother !! I know what I say as eye have sat in hundreds of ayahuasca ceremonies with thousands of people from all over the world, and from all cultures...some gay, mostly straight..and none of that matters.. Can you go deep within is ALL that matters ...screw sexual orientation all all that human nonsense. Much love !!
I understand where you are coming from, but it is not loving to affirm sin. I understand you come from a «new age» mindset, nut there is only one true God! He is the only one who define love and moral, but people are seeking the things of this world and denie the real God of the bible, the real Christ Jesus, and make their own version of him. «New age Jesus» is demonic.
@@knockout4121 Nothing about Shamanism is "new age", Ayahuasca Shamanism is over 40.000 years old, by FAR the oldest and true original, hence why your criminal bible-writers had to CONTROL..as You had to steal 75 stories from us, and then twist/manipulate those stories to CONTROL...What's new age is your gov't written book of endless nonsense and self-hatred.
@@knockout4121 As of course, What's new age is your gov't written book of endless nonsense and self-hatred.
Definitely my last gf. Very pretty, but wow she is one unfortunately. I feel bad for her and hope she gets help.😢 But she needs to stay the F away from me😂😂
They are hell to deal with and give zero back
Had a child with one over 30yrs ago, the madness never stops it's relentless 😢
Thank you. Very helpful. Especially the simple description of “ someone who has difficulty seeing another’s perspective. Yes the term narcissist is used too readily today. Thank you dr
My twin sister. I was in the black and white box all my life. I waited for the white box and the black box was hell.. i was always open and excepting of when the great version would be switched on.. she would steal my friends and turn them against me while spreading lies about me my whole life.. its sad because part of me still wants a relationship with her. My arms are always open. But the pain of it all haunts me.. i was always in a loosing battle. I never really stood up or confronted the lies. It almost wasnt worth it so id just try be and make new friends in school or work . My group did get smaller. Then i moved away.. its really sad and unfair and i hate that it has to be this way !!! I think she is a very lucky person with friends from when she was a young teenager in her life now. A very kind caring son a patient partner a beautiful home.. its sad to see her destruct things around her.. i keep my distance but will always answer that phonecall in her drunken state.. get realed in again and then im in, i reach out the following day to communicate to be ignored again.. I'll try this for a while till I get the hint again.
I have watched many of these videos and has explained a lot of things in my life. It is always said that they had a hard life but the people that have most of these traits are only children that was spoiled growing up.
Disagree I am the only child yet I am a Empath . My ex who was the oldest in her family has 2 brothers & 2 sisters and she was a big time Narc.
Sooooo.... I was dating someone and I opened up to her about how I have low self-esteem about my looks because you know, emotional intimacy, blah, blah, blah... She eventually told her it (my low self-esteem over my looks) "discusses" her (that's "disgusts" in literary-speech). I realize that when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Zoom in on the eyes, dead in the eyes. Lifeless. Dead.
Look for this sign to begin with.
True
This advise is spot on and the first thing I look for. It's not just a stereotype and I've encounters it enough to just run away from it as well as their responses.
My ex gf from France, Sandy Patou ticks every box on your list. I walked out on the 10th Jan this year as I couldn’t handle the abuse and mental torture any more. I name the person as people online believe the projection that she is beautiful, funny and a wonderful human being but the reality is she is a human wrecking ball of peoples lives. I’ve even now made friends with her ex bf before me as she triangulated us in the early stages of my relationship with her. A few days after I walked out on her on the 10th January she had her next victim from the USA. Unfortunately these people are among us and need calling out as they do huge damage to peoples lives
I love how you named her. 😅 I went through the same relationship. I left my parallel relationship 2 weeks ago. These type of people ruin lives and don't take accountability for anything weather it's something small or something huge.
I actually already knew these because I was raised by one but good to have the confirmation 🙃
Awesome way to uncover this type of individual! Just came out of this type of relationship
Sorry to hear this.
clear and concise with care. Thanks Bec. ♥
You're so welcome!
Becky! Thank you so so much for helping me verify a situation with my roommates girlfriend... Both of them are Narcissist and pulling each other done to the 9th level of hell... thank you for talking about this problem.
This was very informative. You put them right out there. Thank you. 😊
How can narcissists be jealous when they only think of themselves ??
My ex is hitting every number. Especially #7. She raged on me when she left. I came home to a couch on fire in yard broken glass broken guitar, door, windows. It completely blind sided me that this sweet woman who is loved by so many in the community could be the extreme opposite to me.
I needed this video 30 years ago. 😂 Laughing to keep from crying.
I have two sisters like this and I broke away. I couldn’t be happier.
I wish i knew this before i sacrificed my sanity for my last two exs. They literally drove me to the point where i sought counseling and was questioning myself if i was a narcissist (turns out i wasnt from what my therapist said thats a woman and my constant behavior of putting myself last which is the complete opposite of a narcissist)
This needs to be promoted 💯
Thanks for your educational experience and resources. God-bless.
You on Point Dr. Becky!😮
Great Information.
Jeepers. I thought I always had OK girlfriends throughout my life, till I got to the going through my phone, part. You made me realize my judgement realy sucks.
The nice guy trope tends to make people think that any nice person is always being shady. What's the difference between niceness and kindness.
Just modern women.
I can add a couple more to your list: triangulation and constantly moving goal posts. 2 years out of a "relationship" with a text book narc, and she used these 2 tactics frequently, as well as literally every other on your list.
Oh, the triangulation. Ugh.
@@jvizzie1033yup..my did it...and actually wanted to be married two nites a week..good riddance
@@HANZELVANDERLAAY When I actually heard what triangulation was it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like damn, that’s what she was doing. It drove me insane.
@@jvizzie1033 ya gotta just move on..time makes it go away..2.5 yrs later I am good now
My mother in law is a covert narc, plays the victim and lies consistently. She is a martyr, highly sensitive and defensive.Talks over you and has become more racist and can't stop complaining every year. My wife still believes she has mental health issues, my gut feeling doesn't believe it. Toxic energy and I feel sick when I am around her 😞
Very well put and insightful.
I was born from a natcissitic family. Married one ,I had a breakdown .I didnt know who I was anymore or who I was supossed to be. I had inheritted some narcissistic traits that ,I am now getting my mjnd renewed. My mum was constantly putting me down and I was constantly trying to buy her love until she dued 7 years ago .My mum was so controlling and I did not see it until later. If I try to run away from her. She will cry and tell everyone that I am a bad person. Now I left my ex and it was very dangerous to leave I survuved still picking up the peaces and finding my identiy .
They have a double standard which I remember when you mentioned checking out once’s cellphone and boundaries.
Unfortunately,I married one. She is a beautiful woman and she blew me away with her charms and loving personality. Then I was diagnosed with advanced, aggressive stage 3 prostate cancer. At first, she was very understanding. But as treatment started to take its toll, the narcissist personality started to surface. 45 days ago, she told me she didn’t love me. This after I made arrangements to solve some financial issues for her. She even told me to leave the house knowing I am going in for surgery in a couple of weeks and will need help during the recovery process. And today, she filed for divorce. I gave up everything for her. And I love her to the point of making the ultimate sacrifice for her. Too bad I did not recognize the signs because I am so in love with her. And I still love her just like the first moment I l laid my eyes on her. This sucks!!!! 😢😢😢😔
It's not uncommon for narcissistic traits to become more evident during times of stress or when a partner becomes vulnerable.
Your feelings of love and the sacrifices you've made are deeply meaningful, but it's crucial to prioritize your own well-being, especially during your recovery. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can help you navigate this difficult period. It's important to remember that you deserve compassion and care, particularly when facing significant health issues. Take care of yourself, and lean on your support network during this challenging time.
May God heal and bless you sir 🙏🏽❤
The label ist 100% justified and people who tell me otherwise are most often narcissists and later dumped by me. So yea using this label is 100% right for those who deserve it.
healthy self care is having self compassion , healthy boundaries advocating for my needs in healthy ways and choosing safe enough connection where I can share my true self and get my needs for connection met im worth it , in a good way were worth it. Dont let anyone, male or female / try to dim your light just cause they're jealous, have healthy boundaries and shine my true self im worth it in a good way were worth it . Cheers fellow travelers. And find accounts and places you resonate with . And that are safe enough were worth it.
great research study. it's sad when . Yes they change. with time you need not look too far just a little before your nose you will see it. Isn't it their ego that ruins theeir future?
Im on a binge watching mode trying to confirm if I’m the narc…because I would get so cold and angry at the constant need for attention…These people are like walking wounds…
Like I have an ego if I’m being accused of something I’m not I am going to get angry after a while and when it’s everyday I ended up having PTSD after being cruel and mean to the person always criticizing and talking about her needs because I actually did love her..
She finally discarded me after 2 yrs of me breaking up with her after every fight and taking her back because I hated myself for being so mean and defensive to her…
Well 2 weeks after she already has another man in her life and she’s saying she’s been happier in those 2 weeks than 2 yrs with me…
She now used me losing my shit on her as me being the narc and evil one…
I'm am going through the exact same thing as you now mate. She ended things last Saturday without wanting to talk and have clarity and closure on things. By Tuesday she had deleted all of our pictures together on social media and declared herself single to everyone 😢 the day after she sent me a massive text about how I've been this great father figure to her son (who I love very much) and she wants me still to be in his life but I know deep down this is going to be very hard to do due to her constant gaslighting and mind games 😢just like you I actually loved her so much and once we got engaged the narcissistic traits just got turned up even more and I didnt understand what was happening it was all very sad. I also kept ending the relationship after arguments and constantly going back because I was always told it was my fault and I always felt guilty about it. She would use her son as a weapon aswell which kills me!! I think deep down all her family know what she's like because a few years ago when I was allowed to go to the pub with my mates I bumped into her slightly younger sister and she gave me a big hug and told me " To have a ABIT of patience with my sister" Those words have haunted me since she said it about 3 years ago I know now what she finally means 😢
Thanks for this video and especially your ending note. Totally agree! Most videos on TH-cam about narcism are so black and white.
I hope her end point is taken seriously by more people. So many people are quick to label others a narcissist without knowing all that NPD entails.
Absolutely, it's crucial to approach discussions about narcissism and personality disorders with care and understanding. Labeling someone as a narcissist based solely on certain behaviors can be misleading and oversimplifies the complexity of mental health conditions.
Hello!
Thank you very much for talking about this. Good idea!
Glad you like it.
@@dr.beckyspelmanI do 🙂
And that's great, because I wanted you to make a video about it but I didn't even have to ask you because, obviously, you read my mind, my thoughts 😄
I was doing something but I immediately stopped doing what I was doing just to watch (and listen to) this video. Thanks again!
Dated this girl for five weeks.
Whew. Looks like narcissist made it into my bucket list.
The eyes. The eyes. Has there ever been an independent study of taking women with the eyes and see if they are good hearted empathetic females that have that deer in the headlight ghostly stare? this way they are discriminated against. Also how often do female narcissist not have that gaze.
You explain everything so well!
'Direct communication didn't work.' Interesting. Makes perfect sense.
Very accurate. Bless You 🌤️
I want to say. I hate the diagnosis of histrionic. I dated a histrionic girl. She was so alluring, so clever, and seemingly her feelings were thrice as powerful as any girl I’d ever met.
What I found out is that her feelings were shallow and self-centered. She liked me for how I made her feel, until she didn’t.
But her histrionic diagnosis was a lie. A histrionic is a narcissist
I have only come to realize that I am a walking, breathing source of supply. It’s a curse that leads me to believe that perhaps it’s just better for me to be alone. 30+ years of codependency and manipulation has taught me a true life lesson that I accept like a gift of an empty box
This was very informative, thank you! How many of the signs/red flags would you say could constitute a narcissist? (assuming there’s no neurodivergent contributing factors)
Glad you found the video helpful. It’s just about their general lack of empathy and lack of ability to see other people’s perspectives really.
@@dr.beckyspelman thank you 💜🙏
My ex-wife wanted me to believe all this. She knew exactly what she was doing.
A certain superstar female singer songwriter right now fits all the categories but i bet even the doctor wouldn't agree to call her out on the behavior...
Talk HEAVY💪🏿 Dr. Becky.
You nailed it!
So many videos I seen like this one are so accurate but for the lack of empathy statement. I think there is a level of empathy but serious lack of compassion. Maybe my autism takes things literally . But some better explanation of the empathy might help please. Thank you for the video. The trauma bonding is insane and therapy is worth considering. PTSD can also be a big thing.
My ex was a narcissist… I confronted her several times about some behaviours and the world blew up!
When I said she even had traits of narcissism all hell broke loose.
These people can be great but need to be checked constantly!!!
In my opinion, they are only great during the love bombing phase or when they are trying to hoover you back under their control. Any other time they are mediocre and a big share of the time very difficult to be around. There is always some difficulty or fire that needs to be put out. Going to restaurants is usually always difficult as they seem to think the waiter and especially waitress is paying more attention to you and giving them the aditude and/or stink eye. That's how mine always acted, everyone was against her and giving me the google eyes as she would call it, even though I know that I am nothing special. I'm not rich, young, good looking, no six pack, etc. Just an average Joe as one would say. I do talk to people the same way that I would like to be treated, with respect and kindness; something that she seems to lack so often.
Sorry to hear that brother but we live, we learn and we move on!
10 years of hell, worst decision of my life to get into that relationship
Wow, this is nearly all of my last ex, she nearly broke me. 😢
When she says "your emotions are your problem" yet won't take responsibility for her feelings getting hurt 😅
Your braid is like a golden tunnel to your amazing mind and your eyes are essence of purity .=❤❤❤❤ I adore you
This is very useful knowledge that you are sharing because i can feel in many cases that i am just abusing someone for my own benifit. It could also be that i have it hard to realise it in the presence. I am an INTP so i go and think about this constantly and dry out myself because i am mostly stuck in brainstorm, sounds wierd like my biggest hobby is to go around and think. Keep up with the great work and best regards.
My ex girlfriends father never told her he loved her. May have had an impact. This has been a perfect analogy.
Interesting when you read these comments and you say to yourself my father didn’t say that either, and neither did my mother, and you see how much you downplayed and acted as if for your whole life, while they sauntered on and expected you to.
This sums up my ex wife. We tried marriage counseling and second she was held accountable she quit. Then told everyone that I was the one that quit.
I’m so sorry to hear this.
Avoid, divorce run away
Been close to four female extreme narcissists.
Two aunts, and two almost lovers ...
Much the same with the male extreme narcissists I've been in close contact with.
The dynamics are a little different, but only differently the same ...
What’s your take on Avoidant Narcissists? The type to stew in past trauma as the victim, so when they flip out they blame you or past. They are never accountable, even when they have violent outbursts and hit you. It’s you who made them do it. Sad cycle.😢
Off topic
But can wee all jjst appreciate this beautiful soul for all she does for us ! Holy cow so so healing you are ! Ps love the hair and outfit
Stunning :))
Angels be with you kind heart
Angels be with you all
What does it mean if I am attracted to this kind of women? Logically, I don't like the delusional aspects of it and I also don't like the lack of concern for others. But I am willing to ignore it. Because I find the confidence and bossiness attractive, and I am willing to pretend its justified. As in they are confident and bossy because they are super smart and just know better.
I feel like once you’ve met one, uncovered what they are, then after knowing it, they are all basically the same people? It’s like one character type. It’s weird. It’s like they don’t have an actual personality of their own?
Can you share your thoughts on this please?
They are carry out a lot of behaviours to try to protect their ego. So that’s where the similarities lie.
@@dr.beckyspelman has it ever occurred to them that “they” are a figment of their own imagination? Or do you think they would think that preposterous?!
“I know who I am! How dare you! You’re crazy...etc”
Being so deeply entrenched in western indoctrination?
@@dr.beckyspelman like I can see their behavior. But “who are you?”
“I have brow eyes”... you a billion other people.
“Who are you?”
“I’m a man!”
So are a billion other people...
“Who are you?”
“My name is ...... “
“Yeah and so is these other million people.... so... who are you?”
Nothing they can show you says anything about “them”
And it’s like... so you can’t actually show me? And everything you have is given to you?
“God and my Right!”
“The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument." ― George Carlin
Can’t explain it? God did it!
To limit people to the voluntary conscious actions is an absurd definition of ones self. Ones self must include the entire panorama of human experience.
I don’t get the whole Fraudian trip thing? I think he had issues. But to reduce someone down to an object for study or what ever seems . A little wack
@@dr.beckyspelman thanks for taking the time to humor me or hear me out and respond. Have a lovely weekend
So correct
Watched this to see if my ex was and just as suspected, she ticks all 13 boxes. Glad it ended, ruined my life
I want a love button for this video
Oh wow thank you.
Yikes my boyfriend’s grandmother is a cover narcissist and wonders why so many of her family members turned out the way they day. Narcissists aren’t born they are created, and this family has so many of them too I’m worried if I’m around them so much I’m gonna turn into one too. Which is a nightmare cause I’ve seen some of the vile nasty shit they do, and try to get away with.
They didn't all have a tough life at all. They also can be spoilt ,favourite child shown they are special and incredible without any merit whatsoever.
I have a female friend who is narcissistic she is nice to me but mean to anybody else. Makes me uncomfortable 😣
I still remember approaching you at Liverpool St station and giving me RSDGs contact details lol
Haha yes I remember when you asked for the train to Chingford.
Must be 15 years ago now.
@@dr.beckyspelman Can’t remember what I said, but I do remember you not being too impressed lol
In hindsight, should have been more direct. Would have been nice to grab a drink.
This is most women!! As men We are totally screwed 🤦♂️
Here in China these principles still work, Narcissists behave alike despite nations.
She tool the words out of my mouth, "we (women) are all a little bit of a narcissist." LOL. If you think of a reflection like the origin of Narcissist it makes sense. But is she good willed or ill willed? That's the question.
She reacted to my cousin wanted to go last min xmas shopping while she was away doing the same. I went with him and she got pissed. She got pissed at her sons 17th bday party because i was giving her 24 year old son "more attention " than her. I paid for carry out and the order was messed up when i got home. Was given the silent treatment. Seen an old co worker at a restraunt and talked to him too long as she was waiting in her booth. Silent treatment....blah blah blah. Geez🙄
#1 is incomplete. The second half of it is - sleep with any man who gives her attention. If she is married, it is more likely.
I’ve been called a “narcissist” by an actual narcissist.