That's incredible. The begining of the video is a picture perfect description of myself currently. I watch trans videos until the wee hours of the morning, obsessing over it, trying to find an answer. Then when morning comes, I have the same thought process of "oh wow what was i thinking?". This morning i felt it a lot. I had just woken up, and i was remembering where i was and who i was as i woke up, and suddenly remembered the night before, that obsessive worry and video watching- and felt so embarassed, because at least that early in the morning, i definitely didnt feel trans, or male. I felt nothing, i just felt as myself, and i assume that myself is what i currently am i suppose. Interesting video.... Will continue watching it and the rest of your content. I see so much of myself in you.
I have the same inner questions as well. When I identifies as a lesbian I felt good in my body when I was in my best physical shape. During and after a climbing training program when my shoulders and back felt big and strong and my stomach looked hard. I even found myself comfortable in my sports bar without a shirt on. And I’ve usually been very dysphoric about my breast ever since realizing I was going to get them. I know now that I want top surgery but I know if I get back into shape that the need would be so urgent. But I do often wonder if my dysphoria of my breast and when my period comes around (thank god it’s not often for me) would be so bad or even a problem at all if it weren’t for societal norms of the masculine image. Like when I was a kid I liked dressing like my brother and didn’t have much interests that aligned with other girls. But I didn’t see myself as a girl or a boy. I was just me dressing how I liked and enjoying the interests that I liked. I even knew that I had different reproductive parts from my brother. to me they were “peeing parts” 😆 and that mine matched my sisters. But I never remember not liking my body until puberty came and people started paying attention to our bodies and we had to split gym classes into boy and girls “parts”. I wonder if there wasn’t so much emphasis and attention and separation because of it if I would have less or no dysphoria today…
I think it is indeed possible to be masculine and still appreciate your female body. I have been living with a masculine appearance (or as a butch) most of my life but still loved my female body and never had serious thoughts about transitioning, also I was also many times mistaken for a man, which actually insulted me. So I think it really is a matter of how you feel with your body and if you actually think about transitioning, as I think that these can be totally independent from each other. (I just saw that your video is from 2010... So I guess I am a bit off time :-) )
@MrSydn Wow! How interesting to hear that I have some influence! :) Your question, what is masculinity?, is a big one! I'll keep it in mind. Thanks for the comment!
@bbbbakey Thanks for commenting! I am also curious what keeps drawing me back to the idea of transition!! :) At this point, I think that it might be partly a culturally-influenced "body image" thing, where it's not so much that I feel male; I just get sucked into wanting to be stereotypically masculinely good-looking, which in our culture means having broad shoulders and all of that. Whenever I get positive feedback about myself and feel confident, I don't think much about transitioning.
I appreciate my masculine and feminine side; whatever I think that is and not what society thinks it is. I consider myself two spirited and I fit that a lot of the time in my daily life. I present myself more masculine in role and manner. I also present myself as feminine in a pretty face which is very powerful in a sense in my mind since it's so unique and great and can help other people like me out there.
I'm 25 year old tomboy, I see myself and feel like a dude, but being bothering because of my height (150cm). Everyone calls me cute little girl and starts to pet on my damn head like I'm some cat... sure that might not be the most bothering thing.. but keep telling me to wear a dress and be and act more like a woman, because of my damn gender and height. Sure everyone goes through this.. but why height..? I don't know how to deal with this crap. This is pretty much 99% everyday of my life.
Femininity and masculinity have been very focused on the physical aspect as it has been in my life as well... since I know I have to focus on this since I want a fit body more so than a masculine body. I also focus on the spiritual, mental, emotional aspect of being twospirited (feminine and masculine). I love embracing that and I'm teaching myself that every day.
Hi there, I can totally relate to this, I thought I was a boy when I was little ..:) always dressed like a boy. Everybody thought I was a boy until age of 22-23. Today I am 32, still wearing men clothes..I live in Bulgaria, a country in Eastern Europe where transitioning is out of the question. I think of myself more as having a fluid gender sensation - I am somewhere in between - still I like my female parts, and would not go for chess surgery :)
Hi there, I so enjoyed your video and thought process, I get lost in crazy headland too! hehe I just wanted to comment that I feel like gender euphoria is a state of Being, and everyone "reads" it differently, but that if we are comfortable with everything we have then our Being radiates it and others are drawn to THAT, not the labels or clothes....of course getting to this magical confident calm place is a journey cuz of this pathological culture! that's my 2 cents, love how u think!
I look very female, and usually dress very female. sometimes I dress like a man, with oversized band shirts, and I do have short hair- and usually feel very masculine/fluid normally. I do enjoy my female body, but at the same time I wish I was male- I don't think I would try to "fix" it though, because I'm so confused/gender-fluid
I am a 25 yr old gay female. I pass as male 90% of the time at work (unless ive seen the person a dozen times and they know by my feminine name on my badge that im a girl) but I pass as a 14 yr old boy that hasn't hit puberty yet. Anyways to answer your masculine but feminine question. I feel like if I could have a flat chest, a deeper voice, and a more masculine face oh and less curves id be content with being female below the waist. And I honestly don't like underarm hair. Is that selfish? to want the best of both worlds?
I look at it this way, I want to have the face, facial hair and chest. Every time I look in the mirror I always try and get rid of my breasts... I hate them I cant stand them I feel like I'm not supposed to have them.. I'm having a hard time deciding on if I want the complete sex change you know? It's not selfish haha I hate armpit hair as well.
borderlineloki I totally agree im glad someone can relate. I never wanted breasts. Ever! I have been seriously, contemplating transitioning a lot more lately then usual. I work out as an attempt to a more masculine body along with supplements and I recently bought a binder. Ive always said to myself I need to see a therapist to either learn to except myself as female or do something to change it. But sometimes its easier to just block it out.
I also wanted to add that to me, masculine and feminine and blends of the two are more about energy than about looks, in answer to your questions about being masculine and looking masculine.
I’m always rewatching theses old videos haha. I often want to have a body that looks more masculine but I also do enjoy having breasts to a certain extent and especially in a sexual context. The androgynous model Rain Dove actually looks very masculine despite having fairly large breasts possibly because of her wider shoulders and her masculine face offsetting her feminine features greatly. I would really enjoy having that sort of body instead of my one which looks sorta frumpy in men’s clothes sometimes. But my body is okay to me when naked as I’ve said before. It feels more like a barrier to the way I want to present myself when I dress to go outside. Possibly this is because I am a bit of a butch in the streets femme in the streets sorta person according to my gf.
To comment on an ancient video (sorry). I somewhat like myself naked or just in ma boxers. I'm not as fond of my lower half but my large but proportionate boobs and skinny girl frame certainly look good. But I dress in men's clothes and that's when I start to feel weird about it. I don't like women's clothes and I'm a tomboy/butch whatever. I love my men's clothes but sometimes I start to feel they look stupid on me especially in the chest area. It's not that i want them to fit better there it's just that id rather it looked nice and flat. And I get very picky about my jeans in order to minimise my hips and fill out my legs. That does make me feel like I want my body to be sorta different. But then I think of being naked and I'm not even sure I wanna bind much because I think my boobs sort of make my naked body and they might get damaged. But in my dreams my naked chest always seems to be a bad thing, it's a bit of a reoccurring theme. It's a strange mixture of feelings but definitely I feel content over all as long as I remind myself it's just the clothes that make me seem silly (and girls clothes make me feel more silly so, that's fine).
Theres women who workout to obtain a "masculine" physique (I;m thinking specifically of some professional women body builders),but embrace dressing "feminine",For some of us, our gender expression may not match our biological sex. That is,while other people see us as being male or female, we may or may not fit their expectations of masculinity or femininity because of the way we look, act, or dress,& that's okay. So,yes women can dress & feel masculine but yet be comfortable w/being bio female.
It's all a continuum, as you know, and those who feel uncomfortable enough to change, do so. I am not always sure how to define 'dysphoria', but It sounds like what you are describing about the way your body looks in male clothes is straight up body/gender dysphoria--and while that sucks, it's equally the dominion of those who are trans-ID'd or butch. Everyone deserves the right to feel good in their bodies, masculine or not. I am curious what keeps drawing you back to the idea of transition?
hey! I don't know if you will respond on this video but that would really help me soooo : i think like you ( in the video ) every time and i have a lot of dysphoria think about that, and now that you made your transition i would like to know how you figured out what you say ( i mean like some parts of your femal body but want to be male ) and what's help you to find what you really want ... this will be nice of you to respond to me :3
I think that it can be possible to be masculine and appreciate one's female body; I think butch women feel this way. However, what I've discovered is that I really am a trans man, not a butch woman. That's why I was never really able to accept or feel comfortable in a female body. Now, having transitioned, I feel so much better in my body than I ever did before. There's no magic answer for figuring out if you're trans or not, it just takes time, thought, learning, and being in touch with your deepest self. And a good therapist can help, too!
TheSLOfox thank you for your time to respond me ! yes i am going to start a real therapie ( i already have experiment transphobic therapist.. yeeeeaaah) And whatch your videos made me understand what i am not ( a cis femal ) and what i am maybe, and just see you, happy with your body now make me understand a lot of things, i really want to thank you !! please don't stop your videos it's really help me and others ! thank again :) ( and sorry for my bad english ... )
I want the muscles, but I am too Lazy. I kinda like my boobs and get used to my female body, but very often times I wish I were male. 😁😁. Very conflicting, that is why I Do nothing as I am fluid. 🐒
alot of women like butch woman.if you decide to be a man,you are no longer butch..you are a man.so this is my delema. transition sounds good in theory,but creates a whole new host of problems.
why is it so important? just be yourself in all situasjons, its ok, be who you are dont alter your body, its as many sexes in this world as it is humans
That's incredible. The begining of the video is a picture perfect description of myself currently. I watch trans videos until the wee hours of the morning, obsessing over it, trying to find an answer. Then when morning comes, I have the same thought process of "oh wow what was i thinking?". This morning i felt it a lot. I had just woken up, and i was remembering where i was and who i was as i woke up, and suddenly remembered the night before, that obsessive worry and video watching- and felt so embarassed, because at least that early in the morning, i definitely didnt feel trans, or male. I felt nothing, i just felt as myself, and i assume that myself is what i currently am i suppose. Interesting video.... Will continue watching it and the rest of your content. I see so much of myself in you.
i feel you
Okay but seriously...your videos are an echo of my thoughts this year as I challenged the possibilities of being or not being trans. Haha.
I have the same inner questions as well. When I identifies as a lesbian I felt good in my body when I was in my best physical shape. During and after a climbing training program when my shoulders and back felt big and strong and my stomach looked hard. I even found myself comfortable in my sports bar without a shirt on. And I’ve usually been very dysphoric about my breast ever since realizing I was going to get them.
I know now that I want top surgery but I know if I get back into shape that the need would be so urgent.
But I do often wonder if my dysphoria of my breast and when my period comes around (thank god it’s not often for me) would be so bad or even a problem at all if it weren’t for societal norms of the masculine image.
Like when I was a kid I liked dressing like my brother and didn’t have much interests that aligned with other girls. But I didn’t see myself as a girl or a boy. I was just me dressing how I liked and enjoying the interests that I liked. I even knew that I had different reproductive parts from my brother. to me they were “peeing parts” 😆 and that mine matched my sisters. But I never remember not liking my body until puberty came and people started paying attention to our bodies and we had to split gym classes into boy and girls “parts”.
I wonder if there wasn’t so much emphasis and attention and separation because of it if I would have less or no dysphoria today…
I think it is indeed possible to be masculine and still appreciate your female body. I have been living with a masculine appearance (or as a butch) most of my life but still loved my female body and never had serious thoughts about transitioning, also I was also many times mistaken for a man, which actually insulted me. So I think it really is a matter of how you feel with your body and if you actually think about transitioning, as I think that these can be totally independent from each other. (I just saw that your video is from 2010... So I guess I am a bit off time :-) )
@MrSydn Wow! How interesting to hear that I have some influence! :) Your question, what is masculinity?, is a big one! I'll keep it in mind. Thanks for the comment!
@bbbbakey Thanks for commenting! I am also curious what keeps drawing me back to the idea of transition!! :) At this point, I think that it might be partly a culturally-influenced "body image" thing, where it's not so much that I feel male; I just get sucked into wanting to be stereotypically masculinely good-looking, which in our culture means having broad shoulders and all of that. Whenever I get positive feedback about myself and feel confident, I don't think much about transitioning.
I appreciate my masculine and feminine side; whatever I think that is and not what society thinks it is. I consider myself two spirited and I fit that a lot of the time in my daily life. I present myself more masculine in role and manner. I also present myself as feminine in a pretty face which is very powerful in a sense in my mind since it's so unique and great and can help other people like me out there.
I'm 25 year old tomboy,
I see myself and feel like a dude, but being bothering because of my height (150cm). Everyone calls me cute little girl and starts to pet on my damn head like I'm some cat... sure that might not be the most bothering thing.. but keep telling me to wear a dress and be and act more like a woman, because of my damn gender and height.
Sure everyone goes through this.. but why height..?
I don't know how to deal with this crap. This is pretty much 99% everyday of my life.
Femininity and masculinity have been very focused on the physical aspect as it has been in my life as well... since I know I have to focus on this since I want a fit body more so than a masculine body. I also focus on the spiritual, mental, emotional aspect of being twospirited (feminine and masculine). I love embracing that and I'm teaching myself that every day.
Hi there, I can totally relate to this, I thought I was a boy when I was little ..:) always dressed like a boy. Everybody thought I was a boy until age of 22-23. Today I am 32, still wearing men clothes..I live in Bulgaria, a country in Eastern Europe where transitioning is out of the question. I think of myself more as having a fluid gender sensation - I am somewhere in between - still I like my female parts, and would not go for chess surgery :)
Hi there, I so enjoyed your video and thought process, I get lost in crazy headland too! hehe I just wanted to comment that I feel like gender euphoria is a state of Being, and everyone "reads" it differently, but that if we are comfortable with everything we have then our Being radiates it and others are drawn to THAT, not the labels or clothes....of course getting to this magical confident calm place is a journey cuz of this pathological culture! that's my 2 cents, love how u think!
I look very female, and usually dress very female. sometimes I dress like a man, with oversized band shirts, and I do have short hair- and usually feel very masculine/fluid normally. I do enjoy my female body, but at the same time I wish I was male- I don't think I would try to "fix" it though, because I'm so confused/gender-fluid
I am a 25 yr old gay female. I pass as male 90% of the time at work (unless ive seen the person a dozen times and they know by my feminine name on my badge that im a girl) but I pass as a 14 yr old boy that hasn't hit puberty yet. Anyways to answer your masculine but feminine question. I feel like if I could have a flat chest, a deeper voice, and a more masculine face oh and less curves id be content with being female below the waist. And I honestly don't like underarm hair. Is that selfish? to want the best of both worlds?
I look at it this way, I want to have the face, facial hair and chest. Every time I look in the mirror I always try and get rid of my breasts... I hate them I cant stand them I feel like I'm not supposed to have them.. I'm having a hard time deciding on if I want the complete sex change you know? It's not selfish haha I hate armpit hair as well.
borderlineloki I totally agree im glad someone can relate. I never wanted breasts. Ever! I have been seriously, contemplating transitioning a lot more lately then usual. I work out as an attempt to a more masculine body along with supplements and I recently bought a binder. Ive always said to myself I need to see a therapist to either learn to except myself as female or do something to change it. But sometimes its easier to just block it out.
@ucancallmepaul Hi, thanks for the comment. That's interesting about the hormone cycle... hmm... I will have to pay attention to that. :)
I also wanted to add that to me, masculine and feminine and blends of the two are more about energy than about looks, in answer to your questions about being masculine and looking masculine.
I’m always rewatching theses old videos haha. I often want to have a body that looks more masculine but I also do enjoy having breasts to a certain extent and especially in a sexual context. The androgynous model Rain Dove actually looks very masculine despite having fairly large breasts possibly because of her wider shoulders and her masculine face offsetting her feminine features greatly. I would really enjoy having that sort of body instead of my one which looks sorta frumpy in men’s clothes sometimes. But my body is okay to me when naked as I’ve said before. It feels more like a barrier to the way I want to present myself when I dress to go outside. Possibly this is because I am a bit of a butch in the streets femme in the streets sorta person according to my gf.
To comment on an ancient video (sorry). I somewhat like myself naked or just in ma boxers. I'm not as fond of my lower half but my large but proportionate boobs and skinny girl frame certainly look good. But I dress in men's clothes and that's when I start to feel weird about it. I don't like women's clothes and I'm a tomboy/butch whatever. I love my men's clothes but sometimes I start to feel they look stupid on me especially in the chest area. It's not that i want them to fit better there it's just that id rather it looked nice and flat. And I get very picky about my jeans in order to minimise my hips and fill out my legs. That does make me feel like I want my body to be sorta different. But then I think of being naked and I'm not even sure I wanna bind much because I think my boobs sort of make my naked body and they might get damaged. But in my dreams my naked chest always seems to be a bad thing, it's a bit of a reoccurring theme. It's a strange mixture of feelings but definitely I feel content over all as long as I remind myself it's just the clothes that make me seem silly (and girls clothes make me feel more silly so, that's fine).
ya its possible
Theres women who workout to obtain a "masculine" physique (I;m thinking specifically of some professional women body builders),but embrace dressing "feminine",For some of us, our gender expression may not match our biological sex. That is,while other people see us as being male or female, we may or may not fit their expectations of masculinity or femininity because of the way we look, act, or dress,& that's okay. So,yes women can dress & feel masculine but yet be comfortable w/being bio female.
It may be possible. I am gender fluid, assigned female. Though I am not able to fully embrace the feminine or masculine genders.
It's all a continuum, as you know, and those who feel uncomfortable enough to change, do so. I am not always sure how to define 'dysphoria', but It sounds like what you are describing about the way your body looks in male clothes is straight up body/gender dysphoria--and while that sucks, it's equally the dominion of those who are trans-ID'd or butch. Everyone deserves the right to feel good in their bodies, masculine or not. I am curious what keeps drawing you back to the idea of transition?
hey! I don't know if you will respond on this video but that would really help me soooo : i think like you ( in the video ) every time and i have a lot of dysphoria think about that, and now that you made your transition i would like to know how you figured out what you say ( i mean like some parts of your femal body but want to be male ) and what's help you to find what you really want ... this will be nice of you to respond to me :3
I think that it can be possible to be masculine and appreciate one's female body; I think butch women feel this way. However, what I've discovered is that I really am a trans man, not a butch woman. That's why I was never really able to accept or feel comfortable in a female body. Now, having transitioned, I feel so much better in my body than I ever did before. There's no magic answer for figuring out if you're trans or not, it just takes time, thought, learning, and being in touch with your deepest self. And a good therapist can help, too!
TheSLOfox thank you for your time to respond me ! yes i am going to start a real therapie ( i already have experiment transphobic therapist.. yeeeeaaah) And whatch your videos made me understand what i am not ( a cis femal ) and what i am maybe, and just see you, happy with your body now make me understand a lot of things, i really want to thank you !! please don't stop your videos it's really help me and others ! thank again :) ( and sorry for my bad english ... )
if no one could see your body but yourself (and possibly a person you are intimate with) would you still want a testosterone-dominated body?
I want the muscles, but I am too Lazy. I kinda like my boobs and get used to my female body, but very often times I wish I were male. 😁😁. Very conflicting, that is why I Do nothing as I am fluid. 🐒
@AshKetchum442 I could have said exactly the same thing about me...
alot of women like butch woman.if you decide to be a man,you are no longer butch..you are a man.so this is my delema. transition sounds good in theory,but creates a whole new host of problems.
Possible but not for me! Can't stand my breasticles!
why is it so important? just be yourself in all situasjons, its ok, be who you are dont alter your body, its as many sexes in this world as it is humans