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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ต.ค. 2024
- Pre-transition, I feared that maybe it'd be hard to find people to date, hard to make friends, that coming out would be traumatizing, that I might not feel psychologically great about looking male, and some other stuff. Did such fears come true? Watch to find out! :)
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My favorite part of this video was where you talk about your true self, and how you can't predict what can happen with people or things in your life if you transition, but living as your true self can change things in positive ways you could have never dreamed. I like hearing that because sometimes I worry if I hate myself so much now as a female, what if nothing changes when/if I transition to male. I guess I have to trust that if I change something that has been the root of such negativity, stress, shame in my life, it would have a ripple effect in other areas. of my life in a positive way, even if I can't see it now.
Yes, I certainly think that if you feel that way, you would be likely to experience positive changes that you could not have anticipated before!
I can tell all your years of questioning your gender was good preparation for your transition. Internally you seem further than some guys who have been on longer. Hope that makes sense? I enjoy hearing this video and you think a lot! Please make that video on women friends😀
I appreciate that! I had never thought of that before--that all my questioning pre-transition has helped me be in a better or further-along mental state than if I'd done it with less pondering/questioning. I actually sense that that is true, and it makes me feel really good! Our culture tends to value doing things quickly and without much hesitation, but I think that is sometimes inappropriate or impossible. So thanks for that comment!
Love these. I had these fears to some degree. I recognize myself more all the time. I'm more connected and integrated. I felt so half-baked pre-T. I look at my first video and think I was a scrawny, watered down version of myself. I felt frozen in development in many important ways. Thanks for these reflections & observations. Man, I relate! Luckily my marriage is in tact and stronger than ever. My wife's family is loving and supportive. I lost the relationships in my immediate biological family, though. I thought that would happen and it did. Having myself is worth it all.
"half-baked" is a good phrase for that! I get it. I'm glad you're feeling pretty good, but that is awful that your biological family didn't come through. Shameful for them. But that's awesome that you have a strong marriage!
I've watched a bunch of your videos and haven't related to anyone as much as I relate to all of your thoughts and feelings. I love your videos because I'm not great with words and have a hard time explaining things, but every time I watch a video of yours it's like everything I've thought that I couldn't put in words was finally being said. I especially love in this video how you talked in the beginning about the fear of not feeling like yourself or recognizing yourself if you transitioned before you started. I don't hear people talk about that fear/concern ever, but it's one of the biggest ones I have. It's so nice to know other people have actually felt the same.
I'm so glad you can relate to my videos! Thanks.
this video was extremely helpful to me as I'm pre-T and share a lot of these fears. So thank u
I'm glad it was helpful!
i fear all of the mentioned things (in both videos) plus the sexual orientation "change". i know I am noticing handsome men on the street but I am having trouble differentiating attraction from wanting to be them. I mean I am pretty sure I am looking at them because I want to be them, but I am still confused about it because I was never in my life attracted to a male person and have always actually viewed myself as straight male. So discovering to be attracted to males would make me a gay male which would actually put me in a serous identity crisis. For the second time in my life. First was when I accepted the fact that I was attracted to women, but didn't feel like a lesbian, the label felt so incredibly foreign. Then I realized i was trans and it made things much clearer and I felt okay with that label. But thinking of myself as a gay guy makes me feel again that terrible anxiety that I felt when realizing I was "lesbian" and feeling the label doesn't fit me. Gay just doesn't click with that deep part of my identity... I dont know.
That sounds like a lot to process! I get what you mean about being unsure about whether you're attracted to those men or want to be them. I've had such thoughts sometimes. Remember, though, people can be bisexual or queer; gay or straight aren't the only possibilities. :) I don't know if that helps. I did have crushes on two men in the past, but lately I've realized that I am developing into the exact same kind of man that both of them were--athletic, outdoorsy, at ease, open, emotionally alive... so now I wonder if I actually did have a crush, or if I felt strongly towards them because I subconsciously felt I was like them or wanted to be like them. It can be confusing! But just keep in mind that things will be OK regardless of your sexual orientation and its evolution.
it is not sexual, i don't feel sexual attraction towards men, i just feel excited when i see a man that i consider good looking. now that you mention resemblance, they mostly look similar to me physically. or to be more precise they look how I imagine myself looking if i was born male. i guess that's the case.
I have very similar issue, or thoughts. I definitely as afab don't feel like a lesbian the label is foreign and strange to me, and my good friend is a gay man, but I don't feel like i'm attracted to gay men, and if I'm to transition, I would be more attracted to straight women, or bisexual women but not lesbians. I have no issues with lesbians or gay men, or any of that. The thing is its ok to evolve on sexual attraction, hormones may change how you feel, I am curious to see how they are going to effect me.
Please do another video to elaborate your thoughts about navigating the LGBTQIA community as a cis-passing heterosexually oriented transguy.
OK, I'll consider doing that.
Thank you so much for posting! I can relate to your old videos, i'm still kind of in denial about my own identity... but so glad to see that you feel more comfortable now:)
Wow, your videos are the most insightful and thought-provoking trans videos I've ever seen on TH-cam
wow, thank you! I'm so honored that you feel that way.
Hi Allen! This was a lovely video, I share the same kind of fears but as a trans woman. It's nice to hear this perspective from the trans man point of view :). I just binged watched a whole bunch of your videos. I love your explanations and way of thinking. :)
Thank you! I appreciate that very much.
Lol, same: jealousy I had and the female friends I had I ended up falling for unless they had a boyfriend and or were married of course.
It would be really interesting to hear about your observations of the differences between woman-woman friendships and man-woman friendships.
OK, maybe I'll get into that in another video!
+TheSLOfox I look forward to it if you do! I enjoy your videos, you have a different calmer more thoughtful energy than a lot of people you often see on TH-cam. I really like that. Keep going x
Thank you! I appreciate your support. :)
Yeah, I also have the same fears as you for not just physical, but social aspects. I'm scared of coming out to my family and friends.
I can not believe this channel hos more wievs! This is so honest! I can relate to many of your video as a transman =) Thanks for posting =)
Love you Allen
haha. Thanks!
i would love to be friends with you your really sweet and cute you are great
I think about the zombie apocalypse way more then I should
hey there! Alan, what do you think about statements like "if society accepted me as a man/woman without HRT or surgeries, I would not need those interventions" (said by trans people).
Sorry about my bad english, I hope my question makes sense to you...
Hi! I think there are some trans people who feel that way--who might skip HRT or surgery if they felt they could have the place in society they desire. But for a lot of us, definitely including myself, transition is not just about how society sees me, it's about how I feel within myself and how my body looks and feels to me. For me, continued HRT is absolutely essential in those ways. Plus, testosterone affects my mind and emotions in a way that feels proper, like a correct match, so I would really not want to go back to feeling depressed and confused and low-energy like I did pre-T.
You would be surprised at how many bisexual people won't date a trans person. I've been doing a little online looking and good god if you are trans and bisexual such as I am it's very difficult. Also I watched your other video on the doctors appointment stuff and I wanted to let you know that some Planned Parenthoods have transgender care. Where I live our PP is the only place that I can get my hormones and what not. If you contacted a PP that did trans care then the ob gyn wouldn't be a big deal because you could tell them that you are seeking trans services .
Hi Allen 😊do you train Karate regularily ?
No, I mainly just did karate from age 6-18. I'm out of practice!