For the first story: I actually don't think there's anything wrong with checking in on the cameras, as long as it's not obsessive. My dad has a habit of checking in on the game room camera when me and all of my young sisters are in there, especially when my parents are out of the house. Sometimes he does it to make sure the dog isn't doing some stupid shit. The main difference is that this was discussed and everyone is comfortable with it.
Spying means someone does not know but he said the wife knew about the cameras. He just pops in to see them, it's not like he has the video up all the time.
Agreed! Why have cameras at all if not to be used? The very existence in the house should suggest they will be used to see what's going on. I think OP might be in the wrong for going to Mom instead of calling and checking up on Wife, but not for using cameras for their intended purpose.
Story 1: NTA. NTA. There have been many cases of children being killed due to postpartum psychosis. Are the people calling him the A-hole even parents? She’s screaming shut up because she’s hitting a limit. She could’ve left the baby in crib while she took a little break to herself. Healthy people remove themselves from the situation for a breather. PPD is very common and it’s symptoms should never be ignored. He needs to let his mom babysit some days. He felt his wife was acting insane so he called someone else for assistance, that doesn’t make him a mommas boy. I did this with my first born and thank god it went away but I also had help. He needs to get his wife help.
I would totally agree with you if he tried to call his wife first. He called his mother instantly which means, either his wife doesn't know he uses the cameras to spy or he doesn't trust her. Either way that's just my opinion
She was acting "insane"? Lol Yelling shut up to your newborn from another room isn't abuse or insane. I'm sorry that happened to your wife but that's not the case here. He totally stepped over the line here by calling MIL. Sometimes babies cry no matter what you do and they won't stop. She needed a few minutes break away from her baby. How is she insane for that?
@@alfredthecucumber9757 It’s verbal abuse to helpless baby. If the scenario was switched people would tell the mom to protect her baby and get a divorce. But Reddit as usual is one sided.
@@joesmoe8841 If the child was older I would agree but this is a newborn that won't remember anything. In no way was she emotionally/mentally/psychologically damaging this baby. If a wife did this to her stay at home husband I would have the same opinion.
People are wrong for the YTA comments for the OP in the nanny story. The comparison was justified. A SAHM with nannies bitching about not having coverage once in front of mothers who actually take care of their own children all of the time is lowkey bragging.
it's like a rich person complaining about their Ferrari is at the mechanic so they had to drive their Bugatti so they know the struggle of the commonfolk
@@theswedishdude1 While the person they're talking to has a late 90s Toyota with bald tires, a severe oil leak, and brakes with about 2 atoms of surfacing left.
The mods are frustrating too, especially AITA. Seems like they delete posts like they get paid to do it. I'm tired of looking up a juicy post for updates to see the post or update was deleted for...reasons, I guess? Also, I read a mod post a few weeks ago on a story that warned people they'd ban commenters who used "man child" about OP's SO (it was *definitely* a warranted phrase here). A lot of people vented about it on other subs. Gotta love a good power trip. Ironic though, lol.
Tbh I wouldn't even post to reddit about anything. I would just try youtube. Like how some people read stories that were sent in on TH-cam. Reddit makes you sugar coat your responses to stories or questions. At least on TH-cam you can get the unfiltered responses from people if you really wanna know if you're wrong.
By your logic him asking for a paternity test and thus accusing his spouse of cheating is okay. Bc if he was right ppl wouldn't be mad at him? With ''what if's'' you can remake the whole world. When there is no indication that someone is doing anything wrong, breaching their trust doesn't make you right on rights of what if. They have security cameras, not a nanny cam. Those you check only in retrospect if someone broke in. You don't use them to spy on you spouse without them knowing. And yes spying it is, bc it's wouldn't be if he had told her he was doing that... everyday. Just bc you marry someone does not mean you own them and can do whatever. Privacy is still a thing.
@@PrincessAfrica3 Nah. That's Reddit and you're a bold faced liar if you're claiming otherwise. They makes excuse for damn near everything women do. Admit you're a man on Reddit and the issue is with a woman you bet your behind they come up with nonsense stories that had nothing to do with the context to explain why the man is the problem.
The YTAs for story 1 boggle my mind. There wasn't any "invasion of privacy" - the wife knew about the cameras. And OP has all the reasons to be concerned. Not wanting to jump to conclusions, but checking for PPD wouldn't be out of place here imo.
@@PrincessAfrica3 How about the wife yelling at her baby to shut up? If op was the wife and it was the husband that did that, everyone would be telling her to kick him out, divorce him and protect her child. He was simply watching his child because he missed them and got concerned so asked someone he trusts to check on them. If she needed time to herself due to stress, she should have taken advantage of her mil there and take a breather.
@@jedimasters1462 finally someone says it, i was so lost listening to everyone give the okay about her screaming at the baby, and like okay of the mil was there that was perfect for her to cool down, i do agree MIL shouldnt have said what she said because that was stupid
Story 2: NTA. Someone else getting something is not taking away from anyone else. There is some favoritism going on and it’s obviously the parents favoriting the Niece.
I would tell the Grandparents whats really going in. I would cancel the shopping trip with the obviously spoiled entitled Niece. I would make sure the Nephew had my number and a Psychologists number on speed dial. The whole wsit until he’s 18 to go NC is crap. He's in a toxic home being emotionally abuse and needs to know someone cares enough to fight for him. Offer to let him move in with you. I will wager that this kind of abuse didn't just start with the Divorce. This kind of abuse would have been happening all along but no one noticed it. Encourage him to talk with his school councilor or his Doctor. Contact CPS.
@@marshawargo7238 That's what I was thinking. I would point out to the niece that by her logic there wouldn't be money spent during the shopping except the equivalent of the amount spent on possible snacks and such for the game
First story OP is NOT the idiot. He wasn't spying on his wife, he missed his family and wanted to see them. When he heard his wife shouting at the baby after leaving the infant to cry 5 min straight, he had EVERY right to be concerned. Post partum depression is a thing, and as people pointed out, being a new parent (not just moms) is hard, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. He sent his mom over to help the situation. She could relieve the mom of child care for a bit so she could relax, go for a walk, a bath, anything to help calm down. Being overwhelmed is natural, as is being concerned over a new parent getting overwhelmed. OP's wife very well could be ashamed of her behavior and misdirecting that anger at herself at her husband. Regardless, OP is not the idiot and should work on getting help for the wife for when things get to be too much to handle. Tell her she's not a bad mom for feeling overwhelmed and that sending the mom wasn't to keep an eye on the wife, but to help her out when he couldn't.
Postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis are real. Op's wife knew he checked in on them. Sounds like op's wife needs a break and to see her doctor about ppd and pps.
Yeah, I agree sadly. The whole story sounds like a setting for something out of Woman: real life cases. Where one horrible hag is both verbally and physically abusive to the baby - the dad, BIL and MIL find out before the hag almost murdered the baby.
I don't think he was wrong for having someone check on her, but his mom is a real piece of work to come charging in, guns-a-blazin' with her accusations. MIL didn't go to help diffuse the situation, she went to pour gasoline on the already raging inferno.
She knew there where cameras but not that he was watching her. Why didn't he talk to her himself? They are partners? No instead he went to his mother and so of course it felt like he was ganging up on her.
Omg...the commenters for story 1 had me shaking my head. OP is NTA for being concerned about his wife who yelled "shut up" to a crying infant. The wife knew about the cameras and OP was not spying on his wife, he literally explains that he checks in on them because he literally just got off parental leave and misses them. His mom could have just told her she was checking in on them but I do not blame OP for being a caring father and husband. I have no idea what is going on with Reddit and those commenters are truly concerning. SMH
It's the men are always wrong, even when they do exactly the same thing as a woman. If roles were reversed, everyone would be telling her to get out of there and protect her child. It's double standard at it's finest.
Welcome to reddit. It's all anti-man, anti-parent(step parent) and anti-religious - you can't even report people making hate/absuive comments towards said groups because they won't take your report seriously at all!
Nah, he could have told her he looks in at certain time because he misses them. He didn’t. He could have video chatted with them during lunch or break time but again he didn’t. While he might have good intentions it doesn’t look good when you don’t tell you SO. For me, it doesn’t matter if the Op was male or female it would look bad either way. Now, if he was truly concern he should have called her and not sent his mom. Based on his wife interactions doesn’t seem to be a good relationship in the first place. But again like above he didn’t do this. If the genders were reversed would you have the same opinion. This question can be asked in every story. Because if it changes than you have a bias towards one gender.
@@Jamlf With more information, it would be easier to say if calling his mom was right or not (the watching is the same either way since both know about the cameras and that both have access to them). It's possible op has tried to call his wife while he's at work and she will never answer, or he did try to call this time and she didn't answer so he called his mom. He doesn't give that information and it's possible he forgot to mention that. It's also possible that he was too concerned that he skipped calling his wife in the desire to get help there. Like I said, there's a bit more information needed for that call part. As for the genders switched, most likely the wife wouldn't have called the husband if she saw him leave the kid alone crying for five minutes. She would have rushed home, called her mom if the mom lived close or both. My problem is that reddit has a tendency to take the women's side even when the guy didn't do wrong. In this one, if the genders were reversed, the dad would have been attacked for leaving the baby on the floor alone for even a minute crying and the wife would have been told to run with the baby. She would be praised for watching the cameras and even for calling her mom. If he had yelled at thecbwby to shut up, even from another room, the wife would be told to never let him see the kid again because he's a danger. This is one time that both need at least some therapy as both have a few things to work through. Some together and some apart.
@@jedimasters1462 I didn’t wanted to quote the whole paragraphs so I put P for the paragraph and the number relating to the paragraph you wrote. P1. With the information that was given its highly unlikely that he would have forgotten to mention the fact that he called her. While possible it is a very remote chance that he did in fact call her. Hell, he doesn’t even say if he kept watching. To see if everything was ok. He only mentions that his wife blew up his phone after his mom got there. While this part he could have forgotten to include but its again a small chance that he did. P2. If he had rushed home and called his mom, I would have said he overacted I could understand why he did that. The same if the genders were reversed. But with the information that was given he didn’t do this. P3. While reddit does tend to take a women’s side and it does disgust me, it doesn’t mean I personally have to agree with them. It also means I don’t let guys off when I view their actions as questionable. I also will call out when I see either side show a bias view. Hell, a female said I needed therapy when I empathies a husband started to question a wife’s action. The husband was wrong but the information leading up to it seem fishy and the wife lied to him. What happen was the wife’s nephew was over doing some construction while he was away, and she wanted to surprise him. P4. Both need therapy and I would say the wife’s need the most because she might be suffering from PPD.
Yeah. Just a wealthy entitled brat that grew up and pushed out kids but expects others to do the actual work. She is not a stay-at-home mom, she is just a stay-at-home adult = unemployed leech. Wow, she does a few hours ov doing her job as a parent. What a role model.
Seriously. It’s like most Redditors who answer these posts have zero life experience and just like to shame anyone for having any opinion that does not align with theirs at that moment. It is infuriating!
Op didn’t say whether or not it was a home game whether or not they took the subway if they brought food to the Rogers centre (the blue jays home Field) or if it was the cheap seats. Also neice really had no idea if op was going to be unequal in money spent or not
@@babybookworm003 how much the op spends isn't the point. The point is Niece equating money spent to love. Op also didn't say how much shopping (which I'm guessing niece likes more than sports) they would do. Depending on the store and what there buying makes and clothes can be as expensive as a day out. Also op could be taking niece out to eat as well. The point is the niece was making a lot of assumptions and being greedy no doubt egged on my the mom. With attitudes like that no wonder the mom is getting divorced.
@@SnowyWolborg how do you know if a little girl isn't also being treated like shit. It weird to me that Opie is done playing the nieces feelings during a divorce
@@rockfan243 it kind is we've seen on Reddit that's the best way to show favoritism. for example there was one story where the parents bought the boy the best-of-the-best but they bought their daughter shity cheap presents. that is a form of favoritism spending more money on one kid and not the other
Second story: OP is the only sane adult in that family, i can't believe how cruel the ex-husband, sister and mom are, i wouldn't take the girl out to shopping after that. Keep being and amazing aunt to your nephew.
To be honest I don't even think it's the girl's fault the girl said she was fine with it and then the mother and the grandmother basically are making her feel guilty for just saying I'm fine I can wait till this weekend. You know there's more to this as well. Think about it the mother the father and the grandmother are all blaming the nephew for the divorce you cannot tell me that there's not a part of this boy that's been like he wants to give up on living
@@BIGEAGLEDUDE i get is not completely her fault, but i wouldn't want to reward the attitude she took, i would try to explain to her exactly what happened and why OP didn't took her too. But i agree, the mother is failing that girl.
@@despinasgarden.4100 Let's be real here it's not the kids fault but you can't say that the kids words are her words when in reality it's the word of the parent that's feeding her these thought patterns and she's believing everything her parents the same. You cannot see that the mother is causing more division within her family than what she's going through right now
@@BIGEAGLEDUDE i can totaly see that, is clear that the mother is influencing that girl and pinning her against OP and the brother, but i still think that the way she behave should be rewarded with going shopping, is not her fault but she needs to see that this kind of behavior isn't ok. Also, OP should try to tell her exactly why she didn't took her with her and the nephew.
I'd still take her on an outing. By spending one on one time with her, OP has a chance to undo some of the damage that the child's mother, father and grandmother has done.
1S: I’m gonna with NAH tbh. If I had a husband and he did this to our child I would of immediately called somebody to go check on him. The behavior could of easily escalated. Wife also isn’t wrong for feeling the way she does. She is clearly suffering from post partum. I hope OP gets her into counseling. I wish them well!
You are probably wrong. 1...op should have called his wife........2. He should have let her know he checks the cameras and WHY. So she knows it's not because he doesn't trust her but misses them. And it's probably NOT post partum if it's as stated unusual AND done from another room. Getting overwhelmed occasionally and venting AWAY from the baby is perfectly normal. I've been involved in family, couples and personal growth counseling as a minister for years. IF it were to become frequent and not be addressed that's one thing. A good idea is to create a situation where mom can get out of the house and not be isolated as much. Maybe a moms group, or grandma can take the baby for bonding time while mom goes for coffee or lunch with a friend once a week or however often they need. A club, hobby, exercise.....something for her. EVERYONE needs that kind of time
@@bessevaraven859 Why the hell does he owe her any explanation on why he checks the camera? She knows that they are there and is clearly fine with it. How about not ignoring her crying baby and not yelling at an innocent baby? How about we both know that if the shoe was on the other foot your opinion would not be the same. No wonder m3n are checking out of marriage these days.
@@TheRationalist. exactly. The wife KNEW the cameras are there and she STILL yelling at an infant??? I would be very worried about what she would be doing if the cameras weren't there
@@TheRationalist. letting your baby cry is a very valid parenting technique. It's been used for a long time by many parents. Letting them" cry it out" is the term. Once you know the baby doesn't have a soiled diaper, has been recently fed, is not being subjected to something causing the reason to be crying....bright lights, extremely loud noises, physical pain ect....you put the baby down and let them cry.....many parenting advocates feel that constantly coddling a crying baby is one of the reasons we have so many temper tantrum issues, children with attachment issues, abandonment issues ect....and THEYRE CORRECT. IF a father does this it's the same. The mother yelled for a completely different room. She is at home all day with the baby and likely won't be able to leave the house without the baby for a day or two, maybe several days like most dads can. If a father were under those circumstances and went a room away or more like the mother DID them yelling once in a while is reasonable for ANY person. As I've said IF it's the exception of behavior( as it seemed to be a first time or rarity from what OP stated) it's not unusual. People have different ways of handling different things...parenting, tempers and more. Some people handle temper by going to the gym, going for a walk, or walking away from the situation causing the frustration. You can't do that when you're alone with a baby. THAT would be abuse. Walking into a different root crying your eyes out, yelling for a few seconds IS a compromise and way to vent/cope for many, many people.
First story: people need to stop saying he's "spying on his wife." He's not. He's checking in on his wife and child while at work because HE MISSES THEM. He happened to see his wife having a bad moment. He's of course the AH for calling his mother instead of his wife, but he was not "spying" or "snooping" or anything of the sort. He just missed his wife and kid.
Nah it's not a nanny cam, they are security cameras. Those get only consulted in retrospect when someone has broken in. So at no point does he get to look at them everyday and never mention that he does it ?? If that's not spying, what is it ? Idk if he is missing them, he should have said he does that, it's huge breach of privacy. Just bc you married someone doesn't you get to whatever you want with them or that you own them. The fact he even called his mom, do to a check instead of calling her shows he knows it's was weird he was watching. Bc he just wanted his mom to check and thought the mom would be more subtle, instead of tell her what he was watching the camera's. The way he handled this show that he knows that his wife knows they have security cameras, but is absolutely aware that she doesn't know he watches when she thinks she is alone. Otherwise he would have straight up called her and said I saw what happened on the cameras
@@greyscalesx Exactly. I don't buy the "I miss baby so much that I want to spy on him using the security cameras" excuse. OP hadn't told his wife that he spies on the household at odd times of the day from work. And when he thinks there's a problem does he call his wife, the adult who's on the spot? No, instead he calls Mommy to check up on wife.
@@Ambidexter143 And yet, if he hadn't done it, he wouldn't have noticed his child being left unattended on the couch and his wife showing verbal aggression. I like how people are like "You shouldn't have done that" but conveniently forget there is a more pressing issue than the "spying."
@@Ambidexter143 and yet she's not a AH for yelling at a baby ? What if one day he sees his wife abusing baby insulting it would still be fucking bad? She knew they were their and its possible he look sometimes. Yet she's more angry he seen her shout at baby. Fuck her fuck everyone thinking he's bad. He called his mother because he couldn't leave his job maybe they should swap places she get off her ass and work while he stays as a stay at home husband. Bet he be great While she regrets it. I mean it's 50 50 she she just insult baby as she yells or start abusing. Don't care when u see ur partner shout n yell at ur baby then It changes everything he should keep a eye on her and record some of it and keep it save against her if he decide divorce such women
So, the wife can ignore their child and even yell "shut up!" At the baby, but op can't look at his own security camera to check in on his family when he misses them because that's "spying" on someone in his own house that he pays for? .... man concerned about his family, women most affected.
The dude disclosed private information to his mother and sent her on a crusade to save his child from his unstable wife. This was unthoughtful and antagonistic. He should have been calling for a sitter for a date night or something.
Leaving a baby to cry is normal. They have to get used to not being held 24/7. And it's fine for him to check on them if she knows about it. Doing it without her knowledge or permission is criminal. I see a lot of comments from people who don't seem to know what it's like to be a parent. How Op handled this was not good.
@@kellharris2491 so she knows the cameras are there, is okay with the cameras being that, but isn't okay that he checks in on them to make sure they're alright or when he misses them, especially when she's yelling at the baby? Makes sense............ it actually doesn't, but okay.
@@kellharris2491 I wasn't going to say anything because filling the house with cameras seems to be the norm these days, but I find it creepy and disrespectful. Nearly all of these setups are cloud hosted, so the creepiness is magnified by 100.
I wish people would just get it through their heads that a wedding and the reception are about the people getting married, no one else. It's not a time to come out, announce an engagement, a new job or anything to take attention from the bride and groom.
Story 1: what is with the YTA people in the comments? Who yells shut up at a newborn? OP was right to be concerned. His mom should not have said that the wife needed watched, but dang, yelling at a baby is the potential start of abuse. OP better watch closer and get more cameras.
I agree. I never told my son shut up as a infant. I had figure out what he wanted. I did break down crying thinking I wasn't doing a perfect job as a mom.
I so agree with you. And if OP's wife tries that again, or something else to their baby, other than yelling "SHUT UP!", she'll lose their baby to foster care or to foster care or an adoptive mother, the moment, CPS shows up at the door.⚠️
@@danacarter9147 foster care doesn’t work like that. You don’t get your child taken away for yelling shut up in another room. Disgusting shit that is. Foster care is meant for children who are at risk, with parents who need help. You don’t lose custody of your children for this, nor should you. When children are placed in foster care the primary goal for most children is reunification. You’re overdramatic, misinformed, and if foster care worked like you believe it does/should, that would be a very very dark time.
For the stay at home mom with 2 nannies story, I always thought being a stay at home mom was a mom who stayed at home obviously and took care of her children when they weren't in school. How does having 2 nannies make her a stay at home mom when she ISN'T taking care of her own children when they come home from school? Also, she has a maid cleaning her home, so what is the SIL really doing when she has no children to watch and has people cleaning and cooking for her? And yeah, I again may get some hate here but I really, really don't care, but OP is NTA. The YTA commenters and SIL are AHs.
Yeah, the commenters are delusional. Accusing OP of a pity party? Or perhaps getting sick of pampered ‘SAHMs’ whinging about their lot when there’s really nothing, realistically, to whinge about. Honestly, some people don’t realise how well-off they are. What, was SIL late for her coffee morning or her nail appointment? Jeez.
Yeah, what momming is she doing? She's not a stay at home mom; she's a housewife. And she has a maid? That's fine, but it is also what it is and shouldn't be treated like she's doing any great thing when in essence she's doing nothing. Peg Bundy was more of a SAHM than her.
Yeah I stay home with my kids, I don't understand what SIL does/doesn't do to warrant 2 nannies and a maid/cook. At that point she's just a mom, not SAH. SAH implies she's actually caring for her kids so much it's basically a full time job. If she's got full-time childcare then what is she doing?
Story 1: I'm not a parent, but I still say NTA. Postpartum depression is a real thing, and screaming at the baby is a red flag for it. It's very likely that the wife would have covered it up if asked, so having mom check was the right call. Plus, who said she didn't know that OP was watching them? It might be me, but I remember him saying that the wife *knew*. The ppl saying YTA are idiots.
OP committed the cardinal sin of being male and asking Reddit for their opinion. He did indeed say "My wife knows about the cameras." So if she' knows there's cameras there she should know that he could be watching her at any moment. So accusations of spying are just upset for having been caught doing something. "I knew you had the cameras, but I didn't think you'd actually be using them."
Having mum check would have been good if the wife and mum had a close relationship, but judging by how the mum said she needed to be chaperoned it doesn't sound like they're close. You need support with postpartum, not judgement. If he actually thought his child was in danger he would have left work.
@@charliedelfino2102 oh ye, lemme just tell my boss that I saw my wife yell at the baby on cam and that I wanna check if everything is okay! Calling his mom was better than his wife cuz I can imagine how more mad she would be.
Terra Claiborne I agree except for post partum she does not have the signs thse women do know they need hel and want it this woman was defensive n raged at OP for calling his mother and at being caught at what she was doing she showed no remorse for screaming at that little baby at all
They were basically just saying that what she did was normal for new moms and not actually abuse. And he didn't trust her because he sent his mom over instead of calling her to ask what was up. Someone else in the comments here said they also yelled but were given advice to set the baby somewhere safe and go to another room for a few minutes. The mom clearly doesn't like her and straight up said he told her to watch her and personally my first instinct would be to call to see if they are feeling alright, and they also would've known I check on them sometimes via camera.
@@marissab4730 she didn't yell at the baby, she was yelling at the situation, Marrissa. There's a big difference, and if you can't tell the difference between the two or understand what's actually going on here, you need to figure it out quickly.
Oh wow it's so hard to be a stay at home mom, when she isn't a stay at home mom. She has two nannies that takes care of her children. Yeah she is not an idiot for pointing that out.
I left my month old son screaming and went to cry in the bathroom. After 2 hours of non stop screaming I called my husband at work and he came home to help. The damn kid quit crying as soon as my hubby took him from me. He's 25 and I'm still salty!!!
@@Mexicobeanpole Babies are hard. People are so quick to judge. I was talking to a mom with a 4 year old with autism you would not believe what people have said to her. They comment about his headphones and his tablet but complain if he melts down without his distractions. Nothing she does is right but no one cares how hard she works to raise him!!
Stranded in Utah she yelled at the baby not into the batthroom sto making a joke out of child abuse and hr defensive actions to be calledout is signs of no remorse and if you are stil mad at him now then you are as bad as OPs wife who calls their son the damn kid
@@aprilgosa5779 I was never mad at him. I have told him the story and it's a joke how he quit crying as soon as his father came home and picked him up. The fact is that having a baby, especially, the first one is really hard. You want to fix whatever is wrong and causing the tears. It is scary, frustrating, stressful and devastating when you can't solve the problem. Yelling "shut up" isn't going to hurt the baby. The baby doesn't understand at that point. If it were a daily event it would be different but I understand an emotional outburst that does no harm to the child. It's better to shout and calm down than to really hurt the baby.
Keep in mind this is Reddit in a lot of people are going to basically criticize a man even if the man has every right to be concerned about his child especially if the child is a newborn in the presence of the mother who may be going through postpartum and she doesn't want to admit it
yea i somehow doubt that if a father yelled " SHUT UP!" at his baby reddit wouldn't be defending it and probably be telling OP (the mother) to take the baby and run away from the abuser...
No they wouldn't be. They tell you to put the baby down and walk away for five minutes if you're getting overwhelmed before discharge from the hospital, and gender is irrelevant, Alexis. It's almost like you're trying to gender bait and are doing a really shitty job at it.
NTA for 1st story. So sometimes look at my cats on video, we have a cam just for their outdoor exclosure the app opens on the on the cam in the livingroom. If 8 heard my wife bitch at the cats should I not be concerned? Yelling at a baby crying after 5m of crying is a budding into abuse. And then when she clearly needed help she's pissed help came over uninvited? It's also not a privacy violation as the CAMERA IS KNOWN THERE meaning at all times you are being recorded even if not saved on your account, any one at anytime could be viewing the feed. Do you call people who look at your fb page or Instagram photos a creep and stalker too? NTA for mom with 2 nannies. She did belittle op, she just said a rich family with 2 nannies and a maid has it just as hard as op. Yeah nope. She's a stay at home wife, not a mom.
Exactly! I'm like am I the only one who read that she yelled "shut up" to a crying infant????? Maybe his mom could have told a little fib about simply checking in on her and the child but OP was NTA for being concerned about their wellbeing.
@@seleneledezma3543 nobody cares. She didn't abuse the baby. She shouted in a moment of frustration. Like 99.7% of loving, but new mothers do at some point in time. Take your sanctimonious ass elsewhere. Beat it
For that last story: Last time I give them a ride. I can’t believe they left him. I would block them and anyone who said I should pay for the Uber would get a cold shoulder. They couldn’t even get him a water? I want to knock some sense in them on OP’s behalf.
@@kylesullivan4165 screaming at *infant* is abusive.. infant are usually 9/10 easiest stage feed change let them sleep … if they are not sleeping take them doctor maybe they need to see a chiropractic
@@kylesullivan4165 it’s totally is!!! Especially if baby is 0-3 months old !!! 0-6 is easiest stage of life change sleep and eat that all baby cry about that age and u always confront a baby that 0-3 months…
Daughter is clearly the golden child and son who was taken to the game the scapegoat, this is a multigenerational dynamic? Here's a plan while every one else goes to mom's boring wedding you two go somewhere fun like an amusement park?
How is everyone against OP for the first story? The wife could've been neglecting or even abusing the baby and he caught her in the act! First she lets it cry for 5 straight minutes, and then yells "SHUT UP" like it can comprehend? Plenty of stories out there about mothers that can't cope with motherhood and turn to abusive behavior because they blame the baby for the lifestyle change, but no, let's blame OP for acting quickly. I agree he should've called his wife and see what she said was going on before calling someone else though.
I already know if OP didn’t do anything and she shook the baby they would blame him for not being more attentive. I get frustration and exhaustion is expected but something felt off with her. It’s good to call his mom or anyone just in case.
No. You are recommended to put the baby down in a safe place (like the floor) when you are starting to get too overwhelmed. Who knows how long the baby had been crying? Putting it down and walking away for 5 minutes, and yelling out of frustration in another room (she knows the baby doesn’t understand shut up, it wasn’t about that and you know it) is GOOD and RESPONSIBLE parenting. Expecting parents who care for an infant alone for months to never feel overwhelmed, touched-out, frustrated, or annoyed is… expecting them to be emotionless robots. What she did is what experts say you should do.
I’m in my 60’s. It used to be common to let babies cry themselves to sleep. It was advice I received from every grandmotherly aged woman. But, I was told that pretty soon they get better at sleeping through the night. I couldn’t bring myself to let my babies do that, but Being as lenient as I was had me still being awakened by mo son when he was three.
I was born 91 and I was left to cry it out but nowadays we know and have proof its actually more harmful than people realise. Statistics and (sorry I dont know the English word) tests have proven that it is super harmful and causes serious mental health issues
I’m sorry infant 0-3 crying is usually red flag .. 0-3 only want eat sleep and to be clean … if baby crying non stop go see a doctor because usually the baby has back problems!!! Never let 0-3 baby cry it out that abusive behaviour
@@Swnsasy doctors told me that’s babies 0-3 only want 3 thing sleep eat and clean diapers… a lot babies have messsed up necks and backs never get treated because parents don’t realize it not normal 0-3 babies just to cry . Also every 2 -3 hour need to feeding 2-3oz isn’t hard if stay at home mom get on baby schedule American need midwives !! Trust me if baby actually healthy and u get on baby schedule it is easiest time Clearly something up … well supported moms do not have problems with newborns
I cannot understand this reasonings about how babies "cry themselves to sleep". Newly born babies don't cry for attention. If they cry they have a problem period. Leaving a baby to cry at that age is stupid. It may be okay for a toddler, but I didn't do that then. A kid crying means a kid has problems - either real problems or imagined problems. It is always okay to care for them. Anything else is pseudo science. I raised 3 kids myself and I never let them crying. As far as I remember that never became any longer lasting problem. If a kid was not trained to lie every cry is genuine. I don't comment on the situation of OP's wife, because I don't know about that situation or possible reason. BTW I'm in my sixties as well. I never believed in any "traditions" - not in health care. We were then and now more advanced in medical sciences, than our ancestors have been.
"It doesnt count because its not as expensive" price tag means nothing when it comes to quality time. If taken my niece to a free zoo and we had a great time
Oh my God true red flags there, in the last story. So they do nothing to help and have a audacity to make you pay for an Uber that they ordered. What the hell kind of logic is that? I would send those idiots a bill for the car ride, gas, an idiot fee for their entitlement.
Last Story: OP should tell their "friends" to deduct the Uber cost from the Uber cost of being driven out, then Venmo them the difference. After that find some real friends, not opportunists.
First story. How is everyone ignoring the fact that he wasn't angry about the baby being on the floor he was worried about his wife's behavior because it was really out of character. She knows about the cameras. He wasn't spying. That's literally what these cameras are for. Making sure your family and home are safe. There is nothing wrong or creepy about checking in because you miss your family. There IS something wrong with your wife screaming at your infant baby to shut up and ignoring their crying. Especially when it is out of character for your wife to behave that way. And no you can't just leave your job in the middle of the day and expect them to forgive you and still have your job the next time you go in. That's not how the real world works. If the wife is snapping like this and ignoring her child and if she has never let on that she is struggling to her husband how is he supposed to help her? This very well could be one of the first signs hes noticed that she may have undiagnosed ppd. Most of the time women who have it don't even realize their behavior is abnormal or feel like they can seek help. How are more people not understand how big of a problem this can actually be and attacking a man for being worried about his family's safety? He couldn't go himself because his boss told him he couldn't leave so he sent his mother. And considering she was also worried you'd think people would take the hint that this isn't normal. And he couldn't just call his wife because how exactly is that going to help? His mother at least could watch the baby while she goes and takes a break if all this is is stress but I doubt it considering the timeframe. He is not at all the asshole for making sure his family is okay when he can't be there. Ffs. What is wrong with people. Edit: Fixed some typos.
And please do not start with the "babies cry for attention" bullcrap. That isn't what this is about. It's about the way she snapped at her infant child who needed her to shut up and that this kind of behavior from her was enough the alarm her husband and completely unsettle him to the point he was going to leave his job. You never ignore any signs that your wife may be suffering from PPD no matter how small and education in this area for expecting parents is not nearly good enough or even common enough.
"It's my fault they had to take an Uber because they didn't want to help me change a tire?": NTA, and ask this exact question to any person who insists you need to pay these selfish people back. Never go anywhere with these people again and if you're able distance from them.
It wasn't at the child, it was at the situation. Believe it or not, putting the kid down for five minutes, and walking away to another room to scream has been part of post partum education on coping for thirty years. So, maybe get off TH-cam and use your device to back your smart mouth up.
Story 1, when my daughter was a baby there was one time I couldn't get her to stop crying. My wife was at work (ICU RN) and couldn't be reached. My daughter was not hungry, diaper dry, not teething. Trying to rock her in the chair, walk with her, nothing was working. I was getting so frustrated, and starting to lose my temper, so I put her in the crib, to give myself time to cool off. An older neighbor heard my daughter crying and came over to see if everything was alright I explained the situation. She asked if she could try, after about 5 minutes, my daughter stopped crying and was asleep. About two weeks later, my daughter was doing the same thing. The neighbor was not home and my wife was at work. So I put my daughter in the car seat and started to drive to my wife's work. My daughter fell asleep in the car seat before I was even 1/3 of the way to the hospital. I think I put 5000 miles on my truck just driving my daughter around town over 3 years. So glad that has was only $1.35/gal back then.
andrewforte Yes but unlikeYou OP screamed at a little baby to shut up what is she gonna do next slap said baby and her actions when confronted were not those of a stressd mother she was angry that grandma was there and she was defensive to Op's concerns all she cared about is why you spying on me ? OP has every right to make sure hsi baby is safe I am so sick of women harming babies and getting away with it by oh she was mentally sick
women with Post Partum ask for help and usually do not recieve it Ops wife was defensive and angry at granny coming and helpng and also raged at OP for Checking on his child and wife it was not spying
@@aprilgosa5779 In what world do women with PPD usually ask for help? Many women don't even realize it or are too ashamed and try to hide it, like regular depression.
Good afternoon XOS. Thanks for the stories. Wasn't as expensive? Anything would be more expensive because she didn't buy the tickets. The family needs to get their heads out and go on. Have a great day
Leaving babies to "cry it out" has actually been proven to be extremely harmful! It has a super high chance to cause attachment disorders, antisocial personality disorders, dissociative disorders etc Not to mention the health risks. Let's have these adults sit on a cold floor in minimal clothing, maybe in wet underwear to sit and cry and scream like a baby for 5 minutes. People seem to forget, babies get headaches too. Babies throats get sore too. Not to mention, I was a single fcking mother of twins and I NEVER, in the 4 short months they were alive, ever screamed at them or yelled at defenseless, innocent babies to shut up. Would you take that asshole behaviour from someone? No! So why should a baby? The literal only way they can communicate is by crying!
Setting the baby down for five minutes is vastly different than letting them 'cry it out'. Doctors TELL you to put your baby down in a safe place, and walk away for five minutes to calm down as part of Shaken Baby Syndrome prevention, MADDY. Your personal single parent status doesn't trump thirty plus years of post partum education that has statistically been proven to prevent parents from snapping due to exhaustion, frustration and overload. But go off, sanctimommy
Thank you 🙏🏼 this what i wanted to see … oh my goodness If infant 0-3 is crying nonstop doctor now … my niece had neck and back problem that why she was screaming bloody murder .. alot have back and neck problems especially if mom is short !
@@matthewhanf3033 yep mom bitch I mean op is only one that's good. He works while she takes care of baby. Yep she yells at baby I mean how many times does she yell at baby when op doesn't sed he was lucky to see it. Thing is people over bitchy on her side when they don't think how many times does she put baby in one place and yell at it. I mean that's just bad. Op watching ye some were bad but he just miss them both then he got lucky n seen her yelling he want go home yet couldn't he's a adult he has to work otherwise he might get fired or warning. Him calling his mom was right thing I mean he seen his wife shout at a baby to shut up. Bet she sounded angry aswell so that pushed him into getting his mom check on both. Wife just angry he seen her yelling at baby Marriage ain't gunna work if she doesn't see she's bad one their so he should collect prove on how she treats baby in case.
First story obviously you're not in the wrong gear however I think a lot of these commenters are basically saying you're in the wrong because you are a male looking at it from a place of concern because let's be honest you're this baby is a newborn and they expect the baby to cry Non-Stop and the mother who let's be honest here is most likely going through postpartum depression and it's not dealing with it well so you did the right thing by calling your mother to make sure that your wife and your baby all right you got the camera still for the safety and the world being not just of your child before your house in general and to be honest I think your wife is more angry at you because you're seeing this from a place of concern but she's also looking at you as if she can't do it on her own. You're not in the wrong here but I think most people are saying you're in the wrong because this is Reddit and anytime a man is looking at this from a place of concern he's always going to be seen as in the wrong even when he's right
I agree with you. Why did your brother HAVE to come out at your wedding? Why didn't he come out to HIS FRIENDS instead of YOUR FRIENDS? I think we all know the answer. Because he couldn't stand for you to have an entire day that was all about you and your spouse. He felt he HAD to take the attention away from you. Everyone was just paying WAY too much attention to you. Your parents aren't speaking to you? Well, I'm so glad to hear that your parents are mature adults. I realize they are your family and you love them, but you are probably better off without them.
I agree, he was worried for his child after he heard her shouting. Yes it can be a coping mechanism but in that split second he made a choice to make sure his son is ok. For those saying call her, yes there was probably a better answer but again split second decision. It isnt like he is watching the cams 24/7 he does it on lunch break, like what some people do with pets so I don't think it is creepy if the wife knows about it.
@@Steelwing96 Didn't sound split second to me, he first checked with his boss to leave work. Why didn't he call home, that sounds like a normal first reaction.
Story 1:NTA. I have 2 children myself and I've become frustrated too but I've never left them to cry and cry then yell at them. Thats a newborn! Not a toddler. Newborns cry for everything and anything and you can't just ignore it like that. With how the story seemed it wasn't the norm for the baby to cry for long times. I can't stand reddit comments sometimes. Its all underage kids who have 0 life experience thinking they know everything.
Tire story - obviously NTA, but what I really wanted to say is, where do the OPs of these stories get their friends? I've heard sooooo many tales in which the OP is clearly, objectively, absolutely in the right, and they mention, "My friends all say I'm the asshole, so am I?" Like, my boyfriend stabbed me, then requested money for a new shirt since my blood got on his, and my friends are all like, well, it is your blood, you should at least pay to have it cleaned. OH MY GOD. Attention all OPs with tendencies to self-blame: please get friends who are not assholes.
For all these parents saying "I've never yelled at a baby," .... good for you, I guess? Everyone is different. Not everyone can handle an extremely stressful situation (a baby that won't stop crying, despite having their needs met) with grace. Sometimes, people just snap. That doesn't make them bad or abusive. Yes, if this was a pattern, and OP's wife had a habit of losing it, I would say she needed medical treatment, and to be separated from the baby. But OP clearly stated that this behavior was out of character.
So you're basically saying it's okay for parents to scream at their babies as long as it's not all the time?....Wow you're a crappy person and if you have children I feel horrible for them.
I'm sorry but yes screaming at your child at any age and especially screaming profanities is child abuse. If you as an adult can't be expected to control your emotions why in God's name do you expect that from your child. Abusive parents always say they just snap. That they didn't mean to that it was just such a stressful situation they couldn't handle it so they had no choice but to lash out. BS you're an adult learn to control your emotions. You chose to indulge in frustration you chose to indulge in anger. Nobody made you the situation didn't force you to you chose to. Don't scream at your infant child. The first years of thier life is extremely important to their Mental Health. More important than most people realize. Study after study after study in the scientific field of childhood development proves this implicitly. If a child thinks that it's needed are not going to be met and it doesn't have that safe bond with its primary caregiver it will be detrimental to its mental health. If you are drowning taking care of a child you need to reach out before you reach the point of screaming profanities and ignoring your child crying for help. No one will deny Parenthood is difficult and everyone needs help.
Are you a parent? Because if so you sound like a first time Mom or Dad. Someone who knows statistics and not reality. Did she need help? Yes. Should he have gone nuclear no.
First Story That is so clearly the start of PPD that is actually very serious. She left a baby one a couch alone crying for 5 minuets and then proceeded to yell "Shut up" at a crying baby. Anyone who doesnt recognize that is not normal, healthy, or what a good mother does is a fool. That woman is planting her red flags and they are being ignored.
Where did he say they baby was alone on the couch? Were told that when you are overwhelmed by a crying baby, put the bsby down in a safe place amd remove yourself from the room so yoi don't risk harming the baby out of frustration.
Typical Reddit. I knew it. The issue isn't leaving the baby. It's screaming "Shut up!" at a newborn. It's not normal. Also, I'd bet my left leg that if dad was a stay-at-home and mom went back to work and used the cameras for a few minutes on lunch to see her baby and husband NO ONE would call it "spying". Good god. AND if hubby screamed "SHUT UP!" at a newborn people would be "concerned". Also, there is such a thing as not being able to leave work immediately. I'm a 911 dispatcher and I wouldn't be able to leave until a relief showed up. Also, some people with regular jobs also wouldn't be able to leave because they'd get fired and need that money. This idea that you can just do as you please and be fine is insane. This is the real world.
Sil has 2 nannies and a Maid/Cook- You are NOT the idiot, but you used the wrong tactic. Instead of belitting her lack of skills, you need to show how your's are better. Last night, A had math homework, B had to do a science experiment, C was wailing that a the favorite crayon broke, then D had diarrhea in the diaper. So, I set A up in the kitchen to do her math and check her answers as she finishes one. Then B helped me cook some Creme of Rice for the baby and to see how Heat helps to change cellular structure of the rice and allow the water to be absorbed and change the texture of the rice. I showed C that now she has 2 of her favorite color to use in both hands for an abstract art project. Then all three of us took turns giving D a spoon full of rice, then offering comfort. The next morning, A's homework was in her bag ready to go. B had carefully written down his science experiment with cooking rice and had two containers with solid and cooked rice. C had tried the technigue of different colors in each hand to take to school the next day. And D had overcome her tummy troubles. Mornings don't have to be chaos, if you just get them organized the night before. It's all about routine, so the kids know what to expect. You show them the joys of your life completely involved with your kids, and let THEM be jealous because they can't make their lives work as well as you do, because they are organzing adults to organize their children and you just cut out the middle man.
NTA for story 1. That’s not spying. It’s his own house. She knows about the cameras. She screamed shut up at him. Yes op should be concerned and make sure she’s okay. Op was just checking in. And he was worried. One day, my son rolled over in his pack and play and he couldn’t roll over onto his back. My husband wouldn’t wake up from my calls and texts so I called his mom. Granted, we live with his parents and the camera is jjst on the pack and play. But even when the baby was in his nursery and it also looked into the room, I’d check in. Yes occasionally I’d see my husband or mil, I wasn’t watching them.
i dont understand… how is it spying if both parties know theres cameras in the house? as if the owner wouldnt have access to the camera feed and NOT check in from time to time… like whats the point in having cameras then?
First story: There's a line between needing a few minutes and screaming at a crying baby to shut up. That's how abuse begins. I should know, as I was verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by my mother for 10 years before I could get myself removed from the house. It all started with the yelling. OP had every reason to be concerned. I can't help but wonder, had the wife hit the baby, instead of screaming at the baby to shut up, I wonder how many people would be praising OP for calling his mother to rescue his child. And before anyone says yelling "shut up" isn't verbal abuse, a nurse in a hospital recovery ward did just that to a patient who was moaning in terrible pain, and she was reported. She was demoted for her actions, as they were deemed abusive and unacceptable. If you still don't believe it's verbal abuse, contact your local CPS office or psychological professional and ask them.
She wasn’t even in the room when she yelled it, she was probably having a melt down. She did what your supposed to do. Put baby in a safe space and cried/yelled in a completely different space so she could calm down. Baby’s are fine crying for a few moments while a parent calms themselves down first.
#1 It is very concerning that she would yell at your baby that way?? It is not normal in any way to yell at an innocent baby! I would be worried if she was doing something else to be mean to your infant??
Wait, niece thinks it won't be as special because it "wasn't as expensive"? Op got the tickets for free! If there would be any favoritism, it would be taking the niece on a shopping trip!
Wow, huge NTA on the first story. That woman was screaming at that child to shut up and get everybody's taking her side? The fact that she push the baby out of a vajayjay doesn't give her the right to act like that towards her child. If a husband had been caught on film talkin like that to the child everybody would be up in arms.
She didn't scream at the child, Randall. There's a big difference, Randall. She put the baby down and screamed in the other room. Like they tell you to do, Randall. Because it's been part of post partum education for thirty years, Randall.
First story: The guy is a first time dad. Nothing wrong with checking the camera (that both parents agreed to) to see his kid. He saw something startling and had a new dad panic. Panic people don't always make the most rational choices.
*THIS.* He was told by his boss that he couldn't go home and called his mom to do a wellness check. Maybe he should've called, but he was stuck on the idea of being there *in person.*
If that's the case, this is also a first time mom, why ride her ass about it? PPD/PPA affects dads, too, and his reaction (overreaction, really) could've been that, too.
@@temp_unknownOP wasnt riding the dad about it. However, if therr is an issue where she had PPD, then she needs help. Dad isnt allowed to be home because he's working, so if mom is getting overwhelmed or struggling to connect with her child, she needs to say something and not kick MiL out or blow up on her husband. Mental issues are no excuse for that behavior.
Yelling at a baby is wrong...people are pissed at the dad for seeing his wife leave a newborn and screaming at it? Yeah ive never yelled a baby, ever. The wife new the security cams are there. What a load of bs
last story tell them it was their choice to get the uber and leave me behind, consider it a cheap copout to helping me. teamwork could have easily halved the repair, even with first timers, so it was their fault it took so long, therefore it's their cost for the uber
I will say this a million times, YOU DO NOT USE OTHER PEOPLE'S LIFE EVENTS IN ORDER TO ANNOUNCE YOUR OWN! Brother coming out at the wedding was just an attention grab, though OP can thank him for making it so much easier to go no contact with him and the toxic parents
Second story you're not in the wrong gear however you need to basically keep a close eye on both your niece and your nephew because let's be real here your sister is using your nephew as emotional support to some degree even to some sense maybe blaming him for a sense of the divorce. And your brother-in-law is blaming your nephew for the divorce in general. Not to mention your sister is also causing friction between her two children and equating favoritism as a way of spending one-on-one time with your niece and nephew individually. Your mother is basically saying that your nephew and you are not invited to her wedding makes me believe that there's something deeper going on here that's concerning the nephew that I think that is making the whole world think pretty obviously. There's a major part of me that feels like a child that's being mistreated this way can only result to one thing either the father cheated on the mother the nephew told the mother and and now the gang of divorce the father pretty much is blaming his son for everything and then you got Grandma Mom and Dad all basically throwing the anger and hatred towards him there's a major part of this boy that's on the verge of suicide here. And the sad part about it is I don't think he even realizes it yet. But there's also another part of me that feels like that maybe the nephew is not the man's biological son and he's blaming the son for the divorce. You're not in the wrong here but you need to be close to both your niece and nephew now more than ever because they're about to be the sacrificial lambs for their parents mental state and you may want to get CPS involved if this continues
Story one: absolutely NTA flip the script with mom and dad and watch all the comments defend the actions of the mom and admonish the father. It’s absolutely disgusting that people are okay with verbal abuse to infants if said abuse is coming from a woman.
I feel like I cheated, because I am hard of hearing and rely on a hearing aid. When I need to comfort a crying baby, I can just turn it off and have an instant earplug. The other side is almost entirely deaf, so no problem at that point.
Story 1: Honestly, I can see why OP asked for his mom to go over however, that's with the assumption that she has a decent relationship with her DIL, sadly that is not the case. Mom could've easily popped by and said she just wanted to see if DIL needed anything then left soon after. The AH is his mama.
Years ago I loaned my car to a boyfriend. He did not think to put gas in and thus ran out. He comes back and screamed insults at me over it. I asked why he thought I should pay for his gas when he hadn't even said where he was going. I ended the relationship on the spot with a simple. I'm done with you, and drove away. About a week later he confronted me with a demand for gas reimbursement. Laughed in his face. Heard he didn't do so well in life. No family, no friends, mostly unemployed. I expect the Uber "friends" will meet the same fate.
Poor wife? She screamed at an infant to shut up? No freaking way, I had three sons, one was a constant screamer for 4 months….it was horrible but I never screamed at him. Get that woman therapy. Disgusting.
She didn't scream at an infant. She went into another room and yelled at the situation. There's a big difference, and it's been part of the SBS prevention tool kit for thirty years.
Honestly, when I was a kid, nothing bored me more than sports, be it baseball football soccer, I didn't like any of them, but what I did and still do love, going to the movies, nothing quite like sitting in the middle of the theater, yeah you got your overpriced popcorn, and the smuggled drinks and candy, then you got the previews, the surround sound d booms in, and finally you get to see that movie you've been dying to watch, yeah you gotta pee like a racehorse when that climax starts, but you endure the need to go until you finally see "directed by" and on the way home, if you went with someone you can talk about the flick on the ride home, and honestly, movies just stick with me more than random sports games, and I tend to make a bigger deal with movies than with sports, oh, and we all know the movies are pricy as fuck
Story 1 Nah at first First of all the invasion of privacy isn't really a thing since she knew about the cameras and his access to them. Also what parent doesn't want to be able to see their newborn 24/7 especially when they've been forced to go back to work a few weeks into their life. The wife wasn't the AH either because although I hadn't heard of leaving the baby for 5 minutes method so you don't crazy. Looking at it again I can see how that would be a beneficial thing to do, and shouting from another room at a newborn is not going to harm them in any way either. However can anyone honestly say they wouldn't panic when they hear their partner scream at their baby, even if it was just once. OP also did try to get away from work to be the one to do an in person check up and when he couldn't he resorted to his mom. The important thing here to OP was an in person check up. I know if I was concerned in the way OP was a phone call to the person that was concerning me just wouldn't cut it, I'd want either me or someone I trust to be there in person to see what was wrong. OPs mom could have been better by saying something like I thought you might like a hand for half an hour. Honestly the biggest ah are people calling OP an AH for being a concerned father doing his best to make sure his child was safe. This is entirely hypothetical but if he or someone in his position takes this to heart, they may decide to just ignore any other causes for concern because they may think they would be the AH if they were to act to make sure their child is safe
Story 1: NTA I mean she yelled at her baby his baby. I mean she yelled so all reddit commenters put the baby down n yelled at baby over n over ? What if she abused baby would he be AH or YTA ? No bet u be singing a different tune. He couldn't go to home if he did he would of been punished for example fired. Or downgrade pay. So he asking his mom was right thing besides she knew 📷 was their. So she should thought he might Check on them. I mean this is so stupid the mother was bad one. She chose be stay at home while he WORKS yes it must be hard but working is fucking HARD too seriously ur downgrading OP. If she hates being one she should stop n get off her batching ass n get a job. Instead of yelling to a baby can't believe they think she's not bad.
You really need better listening skills, because Jesus Christ. She put the baby dow, where it was safe (can't roll off a floor) and went into another room to scream at the situation. Those very steps have been part of the SBS prevention tool kit for thirty YEARS. So, how about you, I dunno, get off TH-cam and learn something.
The last story: I kept thinking to myself "Where is your Triple A card?" When I got my first car, I got a road service clause on my insurance, and later got Triple A. Even if you are a guy who was shown how to change a tire ONCE, it is well worth the $115 a year to have on-road tire service, recharging a battery, bringing fuel, and one 200 mile tow plus three 100 mile tows. You don't have to be the macho who changes a tire in a poor situation like twilight with a couple of losers who won't help. 🥴😵
I'm female and my dad made me learn how to change a tire before he let me learn how to drive. This came in handy when once I blew a tire on an interstate highway before I had a cell phone. It was twilight, but I had a flashlight and an owner's manual and I got the job done. Incidentally, I saw 4 highway patrol cars blow past me while I was doing this and not one stopped to check on me.
@@eywine.7762 I once had to put chains on for the snow in the mountains, directly across from a police officer who was monitoring for cars coming the other way without chains. It took me about half an hour from 8 to 8:30 PM on Christmas Eve, because it was dark and these were actual chains. After I was done, I walked across to the police officer and asked if he had enjoyed the show, because I know he never moved and I don't believe there was even any traffic the other way, because, again, Christmas Eve around 8 PM.
Based on my experience with AAA, get another roadside service. They were OK when I needed a jump or tire change when my car was in my driveway. But when I was stranded on a back road, in the boonies (yes, there were once boonies in NJ) late at night, in a convertible (top held on by velcro) in Jan, arm in a sling from recent shoulder surgery, no heat, alone, female they could not help me. But the State Police did. Found out later that the tow truck driver/mechanic had refused AAA, BUT NOT THE STATE POLICE. By 1 AM I was on my way home, about 20 miles away. Broken water pump. Now I use roadside service provided thru my car insurance. So far, so good.
Title Story - So ... everyone is really just gonna overlook the fact she *screamed at the baby?* Okey-dokey 😒😒😒 Two Nannies Story - What the hell is wrong with these comments? *The SIL has TWO NANNIES!* What, if anything, does she even do for after those “chaotic mornings”?
Story 1: Hold on did everyone jump over the wife SCREAMING AT HER CHILD TO SHUT UP. to say OP did something wrong by spying on her I might be able to agree. But for everyone to actively ignore the concept of screaming at your child to shut up even as a new mother is ridiculous. It doesn’t matter if it’s postpartum or anything else wrong with her or the father that needs to be addressed. If he would’ve ignored that situation he would’ve been called a monster but when he tried to address the situation he’s also a monster?
Lol, I had a coworker that got a flat in his mom's car, called his dad to fix it, dad fixed the flat and left him on the side of the road, don't pay them.
Not y’all defending a verbally abusive mother in the first story. Get therapy. You don’t ever treat a child like that. If he did it he would be called toxic.
First story doesn't feel like spying as much as him being a concerned husband and father, it's a lot more common than you'd think, but rarely for the intent you think, he's not spying on the wife, he was worried and checking the cameras alleviate that worry, however, the detractors have a point that husband's reaction was not in check, and from what I gather, the mother wasn't being completely negligent, kids need to be given time to fuss on their own otherwise you end up with a kid overly reliant on their parents to make uncomfortable situations disappear, I've heard too many terrible mommas boys stories that I can safely assume, this is where it starts, kids need to learn tolerance for unhappy situations, and they can't learn tolerance if you're constantly bending to the whims of a toddler
Story 2 : one of the commenters said “I doubt the niece even likes baseball” - ugh, why the hell not ? Because she’s a Girl ?? I absolutely *loved* going to baseball games (Cincinnati Reds) at that age, and worked hard on my studies to get the free tickets offered to straight-A students… and of course would share the game tickets with my dad for some dad-daughter time. I had straight-A tickets every summer from 5th through 8th grade ! But - otherwise, the OP is NTA . The baseball game is not “more expensive” - she was given free tickets. The shopping with niece is likely to be more expensive. OPs crappy sister is the one stirring up trouble, and OP’s mom is a self-absorbed idiot who seemingly thrives on ratcheting up the drama to a whole ‘nother level.
Yes something's just not right with that second story either the nephew called the Dad cheating and the dad is blaming his son for the divorce and the mother is using him as emotional support and the mother is creating tension between her kids or the nephew is not the biological kid of the father and he's being blamed for everything it has to be one of those two because nobody just makes a kid to sacrificial lamb and blames him for everything wrong in one family unless there's a reason
@@hothead2463 it has to be that or he caught his dad cheating on his mom and told his mom and his mom is divorcing his dad and they're both looking for somebody to be the sacrificial lamb so that their ego wouldn't be destroyed.
Oh my God for all you attacking this man. He wasn't spying on his wife he was watching his wife and child. It was out of love not what is she doing. And for all you mothers out there whining about how it is to be home with a newborn shut up. Yes a kid cries and cries and cries in Christ and there are several great methods to make them stop. Google them. And if they don't stop they cry. It doesn't make you a bad mother it's not the worst thing in the world it's a crying baby. How in the hell do you think your ancestors walked across the country carrying a kid would have handled it if they act like you guys do. But would be nice if you could arrange for your wife to have a spa day. I let her be the focus of a day. When you get home if weather permitting throw the kid in a stroller go for a walk tell your wife to take a nap. Cook dinner give her a break now and then. People that's helpful suggestions condemning this man to hell is just ridiculous. God bless enjoy your little love time will go by really fast and before you know it he's going to be or she's going to be walking out the door. And as much as this is not the easiest time in the world trust me when they get 13 you're going to wish you had these days back again LOL
SIL nanny story: NTA. Why? Your SIL claims life is sooooo hard getting children ready from 6 to 8 am. Try doing it all day. Then wants a pat on the back because, wait for it, she has no one to watch HER kids the next day. Wow! As a father of two whos exwife traveled for work two weeks out of the month and I worked a 8:30 to 5ish day job I can tell you it's hard work. I truely feel for SAHM. I do half a day and i'm still tired some days but, I dont complain. Why? Because I had them, ok I helped, lol and I love the socks off of them so, when the SIL drops the two nannys and cooks then she can compare her struggles with op. FYI, my boys are grown now are finished college and are doing great. I now sit with a beer and a smile after the gym.
First of all: ANY mother YELLING “shut up” at an infant for crying NEEDS to be checked on. The fact that these pathetic people don’t say shit about that are the problem!!! He is NTA for having his mother go check in his wife and baby. I’m a mother of five and i have NEVER ONCE yelled at my infant for crying. That’s what babies do
@@BloodShed4REAL nope, there's a big difference between yelling at a situation and yelling AT a person - they taught this in High School. It has nothing to do with genders, so that just invalidated your whole non-argument.
![แฉกลโกงงานวัด 2024 [ โกงมั้ยครับ ep.106 ] | DOM](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/taC5dpP3HXA/mqdefault.jpg)
For the first story: I actually don't think there's anything wrong with checking in on the cameras, as long as it's not obsessive. My dad has a habit of checking in on the game room camera when me and all of my young sisters are in there, especially when my parents are out of the house. Sometimes he does it to make sure the dog isn't doing some stupid shit. The main difference is that this was discussed and everyone is comfortable with it.
A woman may kill someone but you are not allowed to check on her - Some Redditor probably
@@ishaandwivedi2039 exactly ty but the caring dad is a mamas boy
Spying means someone does not know but he said the wife knew about the cameras. He just pops in to see them, it's not like he has the video up all the time.
@@FranciscoGarcia-ns4om oh yeah definitely. A phone call was definitely something he should've done first.
Agreed! Why have cameras at all if not to be used? The very existence in the house should suggest they will be used to see what's going on.
I think OP might be in the wrong for going to Mom instead of calling and checking up on Wife, but not for using cameras for their intended purpose.
Story 1: NTA. NTA. There have been many cases of children being killed due to postpartum psychosis. Are the people calling him the A-hole even parents? She’s screaming shut up because she’s hitting a limit. She could’ve left the baby in crib while she took a little break to herself. Healthy people remove themselves from the situation for a breather. PPD is very common and it’s symptoms should never be ignored. He needs to let his mom babysit some days. He felt his wife was acting insane so he called someone else for assistance, that doesn’t make him a mommas boy. I did this with my first born and thank god it went away but I also had help. He needs to get his wife help.
Thank you!!
I would totally agree with you if he tried to call his wife first. He called his mother instantly which means, either his wife doesn't know he uses the cameras to spy or he doesn't trust her. Either way that's just my opinion
She was acting "insane"? Lol Yelling shut up to your newborn from another room isn't abuse or insane. I'm sorry that happened to your wife but that's not the case here. He totally stepped over the line here by calling MIL. Sometimes babies cry no matter what you do and they won't stop. She needed a few minutes break away from her baby. How is she insane for that?
@@alfredthecucumber9757 It’s verbal abuse to helpless baby. If the scenario was switched people would tell the mom to protect her baby and get a divorce. But Reddit as usual is one sided.
@@joesmoe8841 If the child was older I would agree but this is a newborn that won't remember anything. In no way was she emotionally/mentally/psychologically damaging this baby. If a wife did this to her stay at home husband I would have the same opinion.
People are wrong for the YTA comments for the OP in the nanny story. The comparison was justified. A SAHM with nannies bitching about not having coverage once in front of mothers who actually take care of their own children all of the time is lowkey bragging.
it's like a rich person complaining about their Ferrari is at the mechanic so they had to drive their Bugatti so they know the struggle of the commonfolk
@@theswedishdude1 While the person they're talking to has a late 90s Toyota with bald tires, a severe oil leak, and brakes with about 2 atoms of surfacing left.
What is happening with Reddit now? the opinions are making me worried because of all the bad takes that seem to be supported
Maybe by posting the more controversial comments they will get more traffic with opposite opinions.
They're also ignoring abusive comments and hate ones too, they're not taking it seriously.
The mods are frustrating too, especially AITA. Seems like they delete posts like they get paid to do it. I'm tired of looking up a juicy post for updates to see the post or update was deleted for...reasons, I guess? Also, I read a mod post a few weeks ago on a story that warned people they'd ban commenters who used "man child" about OP's SO (it was *definitely* a warranted phrase here). A lot of people vented about it on other subs. Gotta love a good power trip. Ironic though, lol.
Tbh I wouldn't even post to reddit about anything. I would just try youtube. Like how some people read stories that were sent in on TH-cam. Reddit makes you sugar coat your responses to stories or questions. At least on TH-cam you can get the unfiltered responses from people if you really wanna know if you're wrong.
It's run by Karen's. Not even a joke. They banned the word.
First Story: If he had caught his wife physically abusing the baby, would people still get angry that he was 'creeping on his wife'?
Naw they would still try to defend the wife in some form i think op should still keep doing what he's doing to hell what these stangers have to say
By your logic him asking for a paternity test and thus accusing his spouse of cheating is okay.
Bc if he was right ppl wouldn't be mad at him?
With ''what if's'' you can remake the whole world.
When there is no indication that someone is doing anything wrong, breaching their trust doesn't make you right on rights of what if.
They have security cameras, not a nanny cam.
Those you check only in retrospect if someone broke in.
You don't use them to spy on you spouse without them knowing.
And yes spying it is, bc it's wouldn't be if he had told her he was doing that... everyday.
Just bc you marry someone does not mean you own them and can do whatever.
Privacy is still a thing.
Just stop exaggerating. That is a totally different situation
What physical abuse?
@@PrincessAfrica3
Nah. That's Reddit and you're a bold faced liar if you're claiming otherwise. They makes excuse for damn near everything women do. Admit you're a man on Reddit and the issue is with a woman you bet your behind they come up with nonsense stories that had nothing to do with the context to explain why the man is the problem.
The YTAs for story 1 boggle my mind. There wasn't any "invasion of privacy" - the wife knew about the cameras. And OP has all the reasons to be concerned. Not wanting to jump to conclusions, but checking for PPD wouldn't be out of place here imo.
What reasons exactly
@@PrincessAfrica3 How about the wife yelling at her baby to shut up? If op was the wife and it was the husband that did that, everyone would be telling her to kick him out, divorce him and protect her child. He was simply watching his child because he missed them and got concerned so asked someone he trusts to check on them. If she needed time to herself due to stress, she should have taken advantage of her mil there and take a breather.
@@jedimasters1462 finally someone says it, i was so lost listening to everyone give the okay about her screaming at the baby, and like okay of the mil was there that was perfect for her to cool down, i do agree MIL shouldnt have said what she said because that was stupid
@@lilynetteabendroth199 Yeah, just because it's baby doesn't mean verbal abuse from "mom" won't affect them in the long run.
@@Digitalfairy Their brain would have to...NVM it's clearly above your intellect.
Story 2: NTA. Someone else getting something is not taking away from anyone else. There is some favoritism going on and it’s obviously the parents favoriting the Niece.
I would tell the Grandparents whats really going in. I would cancel the shopping trip with the obviously spoiled entitled Niece. I would make sure the Nephew had my number and a Psychologists number on speed dial. The whole wsit until he’s 18 to go NC is crap. He's in a toxic home being emotionally abuse and needs to know someone cares enough to fight for him. Offer to let him move in with you. I will wager that this kind of abuse didn't just start with the Divorce. This kind of abuse would have been happening all along but no one noticed it. Encourage him to talk with his school councilor or his Doctor. Contact CPS.
Just How is it that FREE Tickets is spending More Money on her brother? Definitely Something was inferred!
One on one time is good for kids
@@marshawargo7238 That's what I was thinking. I would point out to the niece that by her logic there wouldn't be money spent during the shopping except the equivalent of the amount spent on possible snacks and such for the game
First story OP is NOT the idiot. He wasn't spying on his wife, he missed his family and wanted to see them. When he heard his wife shouting at the baby after leaving the infant to cry 5 min straight, he had EVERY right to be concerned. Post partum depression is a thing, and as people pointed out, being a new parent (not just moms) is hard, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. He sent his mom over to help the situation. She could relieve the mom of child care for a bit so she could relax, go for a walk, a bath, anything to help calm down. Being overwhelmed is natural, as is being concerned over a new parent getting overwhelmed. OP's wife very well could be ashamed of her behavior and misdirecting that anger at herself at her husband.
Regardless, OP is not the idiot and should work on getting help for the wife for when things get to be too much to handle. Tell her she's not a bad mom for feeling overwhelmed and that sending the mom wasn't to keep an eye on the wife, but to help her out when he couldn't.
Postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis are real. Op's wife knew he checked in on them. Sounds like op's wife needs a break and to see her doctor about ppd and pps.
Yeah, I agree sadly. The whole story sounds like a setting for something out of Woman: real life cases. Where one horrible hag is both verbally and physically abusive to the baby - the dad, BIL and MIL find out before the hag almost murdered the baby.
I don't think he was wrong for having someone check on her, but his mom is a real piece of work to come charging in, guns-a-blazin' with her accusations. MIL didn't go to help diffuse the situation, she went to pour gasoline on the already raging inferno.
She knew there where cameras but not that he was watching her. Why didn't he talk to her himself? They are partners? No instead he went to his mother and so of course it felt like he was ganging up on her.
It is the recommendation to put the baby down in a safe place (like floor) and walk away when you’re overwhelmed with a baby
Omg...the commenters for story 1 had me shaking my head. OP is NTA for being concerned about his wife who yelled "shut up" to a crying infant. The wife knew about the cameras and OP was not spying on his wife, he literally explains that he checks in on them because he literally just got off parental leave and misses them. His mom could have just told her she was checking in on them but I do not blame OP for being a caring father and husband. I have no idea what is going on with Reddit and those commenters are truly concerning. SMH
It's the men are always wrong, even when they do exactly the same thing as a woman. If roles were reversed, everyone would be telling her to get out of there and protect her child. It's double standard at it's finest.
Welcome to reddit. It's all anti-man, anti-parent(step parent) and anti-religious - you can't even report people making hate/absuive comments towards said groups because they won't take your report seriously at all!
Nah, he could have told her he looks in at certain time because he misses them. He didn’t. He could have video chatted with them during lunch or break time but again he didn’t. While he might have good intentions it doesn’t look good when you don’t tell you SO. For me, it doesn’t matter if the Op was male or female it would look bad either way.
Now, if he was truly concern he should have called her and not sent his mom. Based on his wife interactions doesn’t seem to be a good relationship in the first place. But again like above he didn’t do this.
If the genders were reversed would you have the same opinion. This question can be asked in every story. Because if it changes than you have a bias towards one gender.
@@Jamlf With more information, it would be easier to say if calling his mom was right or not (the watching is the same either way since both know about the cameras and that both have access to them). It's possible op has tried to call his wife while he's at work and she will never answer, or he did try to call this time and she didn't answer so he called his mom. He doesn't give that information and it's possible he forgot to mention that. It's also possible that he was too concerned that he skipped calling his wife in the desire to get help there. Like I said, there's a bit more information needed for that call part.
As for the genders switched, most likely the wife wouldn't have called the husband if she saw him leave the kid alone crying for five minutes. She would have rushed home, called her mom if the mom lived close or both.
My problem is that reddit has a tendency to take the women's side even when the guy didn't do wrong. In this one, if the genders were reversed, the dad would have been attacked for leaving the baby on the floor alone for even a minute crying and the wife would have been told to run with the baby. She would be praised for watching the cameras and even for calling her mom. If he had yelled at thecbwby to shut up, even from another room, the wife would be told to never let him see the kid again because he's a danger.
This is one time that both need at least some therapy as both have a few things to work through. Some together and some apart.
@@jedimasters1462 I didn’t wanted to quote the whole paragraphs so I put P for the paragraph and the number relating to the paragraph you wrote.
P1. With the information that was given its highly unlikely that he would have forgotten to mention the fact that he called her. While possible it is a very remote chance that he did in fact call her. Hell, he doesn’t even say if he kept watching. To see if everything was ok. He only mentions that his wife blew up his phone after his mom got there. While this part he could have forgotten to include but its again a small chance that he did.
P2. If he had rushed home and called his mom, I would have said he overacted I could understand why he did that. The same if the genders were reversed. But with the information that was given he didn’t do this.
P3. While reddit does tend to take a women’s side and it does disgust me, it doesn’t mean I personally have to agree with them. It also means I don’t let guys off when I view their actions as questionable. I also will call out when I see either side show a bias view. Hell, a female said I needed therapy when I empathies a husband started to question a wife’s action. The husband was wrong but the information leading up to it seem fishy and the wife lied to him. What happen was the wife’s nephew was over doing some construction while he was away, and she wanted to surprise him.
P4. Both need therapy and I would say the wife’s need the most because she might be suffering from PPD.
Stay at home mom with 3 nanny’s …Are you serious what a joke ….”ohhh she might be doing other things” ..Well obviously not taking care of you kids !
Yeah. Just a wealthy entitled brat that grew up and pushed out kids but expects others to do the actual work.
She is not a stay-at-home mom, she is just a stay-at-home adult = unemployed leech.
Wow, she does a few hours ov doing her job as a parent. What a role model.
Story 3
OP: "SIL was throwing herself a pity party so I called her out"
Reddit: "OP how dare you throw yourself a pity party"
Seriously. It’s like most Redditors who answer these posts have zero life experience and just like to shame anyone for having any opinion that does not align with theirs at that moment. It is infuriating!
At best it’s an ESH, not the YTA majority. Sil is an AH for being majorly tone deaf, imo
@@Steampunkkids what are you talking about they don't
I agree, and having nannies (plural) means YOU ARE NOT a stay at home mom. You are entitled.
Niece "it's not as expensive " that is all I need to hear about the niece and the mom is raising an entitled brat.
Edit spelling
Op didn’t say whether or not it was a home game whether or not they took the subway if they brought food to the Rogers centre (the blue jays home Field) or if it was the cheap seats. Also neice really had no idea if op was going to be unequal in money spent or not
@@babybookworm003 how much the op spends isn't the point. The point is Niece equating money spent to love. Op also didn't say how much shopping (which I'm guessing niece likes more than sports) they would do. Depending on the store and what there buying makes and clothes can be as expensive as a day out. Also op could be taking niece out to eat as well.
The point is the niece was making a lot of assumptions and being greedy no doubt egged on my the mom. With attitudes like that no wonder the mom is getting divorced.
She's still a kid 🤦♀️. Going on a cool all day trip is a little bit better than just going to the mall in a kids mind tbh.
@@SnowyWolborg how do you know if a little girl isn't also being treated like shit. It weird to me that Opie is done playing the nieces feelings during a divorce
@@rockfan243 it kind is we've seen on Reddit that's the best way to show favoritism. for example there was one story where the parents bought the boy the best-of-the-best but they bought their daughter shity cheap presents. that is a form of favoritism spending more money on one kid and not the other
Second story: OP is the only sane adult in that family, i can't believe how cruel the ex-husband, sister and mom are, i wouldn't take the girl out to shopping after that. Keep being and amazing aunt to your nephew.
To be honest I don't even think it's the girl's fault the girl said she was fine with it and then the mother and the grandmother basically are making her feel guilty for just saying I'm fine I can wait till this weekend. You know there's more to this as well. Think about it the mother the father and the grandmother are all blaming the nephew for the divorce you cannot tell me that there's not a part of this boy that's been like he wants to give up on living
@@BIGEAGLEDUDE i get is not completely her fault, but i wouldn't want to reward the attitude she took, i would try to explain to her exactly what happened and why OP didn't took her too. But i agree, the mother is failing that girl.
@@despinasgarden.4100 Let's be real here it's not the kids fault but you can't say that the kids words are her words when in reality it's the word of the parent that's feeding her these thought patterns and she's believing everything her parents the same. You cannot see that the mother is causing more division within her family than what she's going through right now
@@BIGEAGLEDUDE i can totaly see that, is clear that the mother is influencing that girl and pinning her against OP and the brother, but i still think that the way she behave should be rewarded with going shopping, is not her fault but she needs to see that this kind of behavior isn't ok. Also, OP should try to tell her exactly why she didn't took her with her and the nephew.
I'd still take her on an outing. By spending one on one time with her, OP has a chance to undo some of the damage that the child's mother, father and grandmother has done.
1S: I’m gonna with NAH tbh. If I had a husband and he did this to our child I would of immediately called somebody to go check on him. The behavior could of easily escalated. Wife also isn’t wrong for feeling the way she does. She is clearly suffering from post partum. I hope OP gets her into counseling. I wish them well!
this right here no one should yell at baby im pissed nobody pointed this out
You are probably wrong. 1...op should have called his wife........2. He should have let her know he checks the cameras and WHY. So she knows it's not because he doesn't trust her but misses them. And it's probably NOT post partum if it's as stated unusual AND done from another room. Getting overwhelmed occasionally and venting AWAY from the baby is perfectly normal. I've been involved in family, couples and personal growth counseling as a minister for years. IF it were to become frequent and not be addressed that's one thing. A good idea is to create a situation where mom can get out of the house and not be isolated as much. Maybe a moms group, or grandma can take the baby for bonding time while mom goes for coffee or lunch with a friend once a week or however often they need. A club, hobby, exercise.....something for her. EVERYONE needs that kind of time
@@bessevaraven859 Why the hell does he owe her any explanation on why he checks the camera? She knows that they are there and is clearly fine with it. How about not ignoring her crying baby and not yelling at an innocent baby? How about we both know that if the shoe was on the other foot your opinion would not be the same. No wonder m3n are checking out of marriage these days.
@@TheRationalist. exactly. The wife KNEW the cameras are there and she STILL yelling at an infant??? I would be very worried about what she would be doing if the cameras weren't there
@@TheRationalist. letting your baby cry is a very valid parenting technique. It's been used for a long time by many parents. Letting them" cry it out" is the term. Once you know the baby doesn't have a soiled diaper, has been recently fed, is not being subjected to something causing the reason to be crying....bright lights, extremely loud noises, physical pain ect....you put the baby down and let them cry.....many parenting advocates feel that constantly coddling a crying baby is one of the reasons we have so many temper tantrum issues, children with attachment issues, abandonment issues ect....and THEYRE CORRECT. IF a father does this it's the same. The mother yelled for a completely different room. She is at home all day with the baby and likely won't be able to leave the house without the baby for a day or two, maybe several days like most dads can. If a father were under those circumstances and went a room away or more like the mother DID them yelling once in a while is reasonable for ANY person. As I've said IF it's the exception of behavior( as it seemed to be a first time or rarity from what OP stated) it's not unusual. People have different ways of handling different things...parenting, tempers and more. Some people handle temper by going to the gym, going for a walk, or walking away from the situation causing the frustration. You can't do that when you're alone with a baby. THAT would be abuse. Walking into a different root crying your eyes out, yelling for a few seconds IS a compromise and way to vent/cope for many, many people.
First story: people need to stop saying he's "spying on his wife." He's not. He's checking in on his wife and child while at work because HE MISSES THEM. He happened to see his wife having a bad moment. He's of course the AH for calling his mother instead of his wife, but he was not "spying" or "snooping" or anything of the sort. He just missed his wife and kid.
If you aren't aware you're being watched, it's spying. The law says so, and frankly if you don't know this, you're scary AF.
Nah it's not a nanny cam, they are security cameras.
Those get only consulted in retrospect when someone has broken in.
So at no point does he get to look at them everyday and never mention that he does it ??
If that's not spying, what is it ?
Idk if he is missing them, he should have said he does that, it's huge breach of privacy.
Just bc you married someone doesn't you get to whatever you want with them or that you own them.
The fact he even called his mom, do to a check instead of calling her shows he knows it's was weird he was watching.
Bc he just wanted his mom to check and thought the mom would be more subtle, instead of tell her what he was watching the camera's.
The way he handled this show that he knows that his wife knows they have security cameras, but is absolutely aware that she doesn't know he watches when she thinks she is alone.
Otherwise he would have straight up called her and said I saw what happened on the cameras
@@greyscalesx Exactly. I don't buy the "I miss baby so much that I want to spy on him using the security cameras" excuse. OP hadn't told his wife that he spies on the household at odd times of the day from work. And when he thinks there's a problem does he call his wife, the adult who's on the spot? No, instead he calls Mommy to check up on wife.
@@Ambidexter143 And yet, if he hadn't done it, he wouldn't have noticed his child being left unattended on the couch and his wife showing verbal aggression. I like how people are like "You shouldn't have done that" but conveniently forget there is a more pressing issue than the "spying."
@@Ambidexter143 and yet she's not a AH for yelling at a baby ? What if one day he sees his wife abusing baby insulting it would still be fucking bad? She knew they were their and its possible he look sometimes. Yet she's more angry he seen her shout at baby. Fuck her fuck everyone thinking he's bad. He called his mother because he couldn't leave his job maybe they should swap places she get off her ass and work while he stays as a stay at home husband. Bet he be great While she regrets it. I mean it's 50 50 she she just insult baby as she yells or start abusing. Don't care when u see ur partner shout n yell at ur baby then It changes everything he should keep a eye on her and record some of it and keep it save against her if he decide divorce such women
So, the wife can ignore their child and even yell "shut up!" At the baby, but op can't look at his own security camera to check in on his family when he misses them because that's "spying" on someone in his own house that he pays for? .... man concerned about his family, women most affected.
The dude disclosed private information to his mother and sent her on a crusade to save his child from his unstable wife. This was unthoughtful and antagonistic. He should have been calling for a sitter for a date night or something.
Leaving a baby to cry is normal. They have to get used to not being held 24/7. And it's fine for him to check on them if she knows about it. Doing it without her knowledge or permission is criminal. I see a lot of comments from people who don't seem to know what it's like to be a parent. How Op handled this was not good.
@@overclucker so basically, reward her for yelling at their infant child that doesn't understand a thing she's saying? Got'cha.
@@kellharris2491 so she knows the cameras are there, is okay with the cameras being that, but isn't okay that he checks in on them to make sure they're alright or when he misses them, especially when she's yelling at the baby? Makes sense............ it actually doesn't, but okay.
@@kellharris2491 I wasn't going to say anything because filling the house with cameras seems to be the norm these days, but I find it creepy and disrespectful. Nearly all of these setups are cloud hosted, so the creepiness is magnified by 100.
I wish people would just get it through their heads that a wedding and the reception are about the people getting married, no one else. It's not a time to come out, announce an engagement, a new job or anything to take attention from the bride and groom.
Story 1: what is with the YTA people in the comments? Who yells shut up at a newborn? OP was right to be concerned. His mom should not have said that the wife needed watched, but dang, yelling at a baby is the potential start of abuse.
OP better watch closer and get more cameras.
Men bad Redditors
I agree. I never told my son shut up as a infant. I had figure out what he wanted. I did break down crying thinking I wasn't doing a perfect job as a mom.
She yelled in another room. If that helps her calm down let her. She knows the baby doesn’t understand
I so agree with you. And if OP's wife tries that again, or something else to their baby, other than yelling "SHUT UP!", she'll lose their baby to foster care or to foster care or an adoptive mother, the moment, CPS shows up at the door.⚠️
@@danacarter9147 foster care doesn’t work like that. You don’t get your child taken away for yelling shut up in another room. Disgusting shit that is. Foster care is meant for children who are at risk, with parents who need help. You don’t lose custody of your children for this, nor should you. When children are placed in foster care the primary goal for most children is reunification.
You’re overdramatic, misinformed, and if foster care worked like you believe it does/should, that would be a very very dark time.
For the stay at home mom with 2 nannies story, I always thought being a stay at home mom was a mom who stayed at home obviously and took care of her children when they weren't in school. How does having 2 nannies make her a stay at home mom when she ISN'T taking care of her own children when they come home from school? Also, she has a maid cleaning her home, so what is the SIL really doing when she has no children to watch and has people cleaning and cooking for her? And yeah, I again may get some hate here but I really, really don't care, but OP is NTA. The YTA commenters and SIL are AHs.
I thought the same thing!
Yeah, the commenters are delusional. Accusing OP of a pity party? Or perhaps getting sick of pampered ‘SAHMs’ whinging about their lot when there’s really nothing, realistically, to whinge about. Honestly, some people don’t realise how well-off they are. What, was SIL late for her coffee morning or her nail appointment? Jeez.
Yeah, what momming is she doing?
She's not a stay at home mom; she's a housewife. And she has a maid? That's fine, but it is also what it is and shouldn't be treated like she's doing any great thing when in essence she's doing nothing. Peg Bundy was more of a SAHM than her.
Agreed nta op sil does the bare minimum 🙄 and bearly a mom nagging about how hard it is when she doesn't parent
Yeah I stay home with my kids, I don't understand what SIL does/doesn't do to warrant 2 nannies and a maid/cook. At that point she's just a mom, not SAH. SAH implies she's actually caring for her kids so much it's basically a full time job. If she's got full-time childcare then what is she doing?
Story 1: I'm not a parent, but I still say NTA. Postpartum depression is a real thing, and screaming at the baby is a red flag for it. It's very likely that the wife would have covered it up if asked, so having mom check was the right call.
Plus, who said she didn't know that OP was watching them? It might be me, but I remember him saying that the wife *knew*. The ppl saying YTA are idiots.
OP committed the cardinal sin of being male and asking Reddit for their opinion. He did indeed say "My wife knows about the cameras." So if she' knows there's cameras there she should know that he could be watching her at any moment. So accusations of spying are just upset for having been caught doing something. "I knew you had the cameras, but I didn't think you'd actually be using them."
Having mum check would have been good if the wife and mum had a close relationship, but judging by how the mum said she needed to be chaperoned it doesn't sound like they're close. You need support with postpartum, not judgement. If he actually thought his child was in danger he would have left work.
@@charliedelfino2102 oh ye, lemme just tell my boss that I saw my wife yell at the baby on cam and that I wanna check if everything is okay! Calling his mom was better than his wife cuz I can imagine how more mad she would be.
Terra Claiborne I agree except for post partum she does not have the signs thse women do know they need hel and want it this woman was defensive n raged at OP for calling his mother and at being caught at what she was doing she showed no remorse for screaming at that little baby at all
I agree. I thought, oh no that is not okay. It’s not normal. She needs help before it gets worse.
How dare he question that strong independent woman and her mistreating his kid like wtf is reddit on?
They were basically just saying that what she did was normal for new moms and not actually abuse. And he didn't trust her because he sent his mom over instead of calling her to ask what was up. Someone else in the comments here said they also yelled but were given advice to set the baby somewhere safe and go to another room for a few minutes. The mom clearly doesn't like her and straight up said he told her to watch her and personally my first instinct would be to call to see if they are feeling alright, and they also would've known I check on them sometimes via camera.
@@squirrel670 u never yell at baby that abuse go outside and scream into pillow make sure baby doesn’t hear .
@@marissab4730 she didn't yell at the baby, she was yelling at the situation, Marrissa. There's a big difference, and if you can't tell the difference between the two or understand what's actually going on here, you need to figure it out quickly.
@@pansprayers did you miss the part where OPs wife yelled "shut up"? Sounds like you did.
@@matthewhanf3033 the baby doesn't know what she said. At that age, it's like naming your dog Dumbass. He doesn't know what it means either
Oh wow it's so hard to be a stay at home mom, when she isn't a stay at home mom. She has two nannies that takes care of her children. Yeah she is not an idiot for pointing that out.
@ last story:
Ditch those so-called friends, and ditch everyone who said they were in the right.
I left my month old son screaming and went to cry in the bathroom. After 2 hours of non stop screaming I called my husband at work and he came home to help. The damn kid quit crying as soon as my hubby took him from me. He's 25 and I'm still salty!!!
Thank you for your honesty. People are so quick to blame mothers, when most are doing their absolute best not to lose their minds. Lol.
@@Mexicobeanpole Babies are hard. People are so quick to judge. I was talking to a mom with a 4 year old with autism you would not believe what people have said to her. They comment about his headphones and his tablet but complain if he melts down without his distractions. Nothing she does is right but no one cares how hard she works to raise him!!
Stranded in Utah she yelled at the baby not into the batthroom sto making a joke out of child abuse and hr defensive actions to be calledout is signs of no remorse and if you are stil mad at him now then you are as bad as OPs wife who calls their son the damn kid
@@StandedInUtah I helped raise my brother he screamed alot my parents never screamed at him to Shut up as the mother in story 1 did
@@aprilgosa5779 I was never mad at him. I have told him the story and it's a joke how he quit crying as soon as his father came home and picked him up.
The fact is that having a baby, especially, the first one is really hard. You want to fix whatever is wrong and causing the tears. It is scary, frustrating, stressful and devastating when you can't solve the problem.
Yelling "shut up" isn't going to hurt the baby. The baby doesn't understand at that point. If it were a daily event it would be different but I understand an emotional outburst that does no harm to the child. It's better to shout and calm down than to really hurt the baby.
I can't help but think that if the rolls in Story 1 were reversed, the comments would be COMPLETELY different.
They would have taken away HIS paternal rights, called the cops, called children's services.
Keep in mind this is Reddit in a lot of people are going to basically criticize a man even if the man has every right to be concerned about his child especially if the child is a newborn in the presence of the mother who may be going through postpartum and she doesn't want to admit it
yea i somehow doubt that if a father yelled " SHUT UP!" at his baby reddit wouldn't be defending it and probably be telling OP (the mother) to take the baby and run away from the abuser...
They would've called him cruel and a narcissist!
No they wouldn't be. They tell you to put the baby down and walk away for five minutes if you're getting overwhelmed before discharge from the hospital, and gender is irrelevant, Alexis. It's almost like you're trying to gender bait and are doing a really shitty job at it.
NTA for 1st story. So sometimes look at my cats on video, we have a cam just for their outdoor exclosure the app opens on the on the cam in the livingroom. If 8 heard my wife bitch at the cats should I not be concerned? Yelling at a baby crying after 5m of crying is a budding into abuse. And then when she clearly needed help she's pissed help came over uninvited? It's also not a privacy violation as the CAMERA IS KNOWN THERE meaning at all times you are being recorded even if not saved on your account, any one at anytime could be viewing the feed. Do you call people who look at your fb page or Instagram photos a creep and stalker too?
NTA for mom with 2 nannies. She did belittle op, she just said a rich family with 2 nannies and a maid has it just as hard as op. Yeah nope. She's a stay at home wife, not a mom.
How is the wife's behavior in story 1 acceptable? How is op the ahole for being concerned about his wife's wellbeing and his child's?
Well...he is a man, therefore always in the wrong, according to toxic feminist reddit....
Exactly! I'm like am I the only one who read that she yelled "shut up" to a crying infant????? Maybe his mom could have told a little fib about simply checking in on her and the child but OP was NTA for being concerned about their wellbeing.
You're not a parent. That was easy to tell
@@KhaosDancer well, i am a parent, and screaming "shut up" to a baby, is extremely abusive. OP isn't wrong at all.
@@seleneledezma3543 nobody cares. She didn't abuse the baby. She shouted in a moment of frustration. Like 99.7% of loving, but new mothers do at some point in time. Take your sanctimonious ass elsewhere. Beat it
For that last story: Last time I give them a ride. I can’t believe they left him. I would block them and anyone who said I should pay for the Uber would get a cold shoulder. They couldn’t even get him a water? I want to knock some sense in them on OP’s behalf.
"Classic mommas boy idiot" ??? She screamed at the child and left it alone on the floor??? The comments are all abusers.
How is it abusive to leave a baby on the floor
@@kylesullivan4165 the abuse is on the screaming
@@kylesullivan4165 screaming at *infant* is abusive.. infant are usually 9/10 easiest stage feed change let them sleep … if they are not sleeping take them doctor maybe they need to see a chiropractic
@@marissab4730 screaming from another room is not abusive
@@kylesullivan4165 it’s totally is!!! Especially if baby is 0-3 months old !!! 0-6 is easiest stage of life change sleep and eat that all baby cry about that age and u always confront a baby that 0-3 months…
Daughter is clearly the golden child and son who was taken to the game the scapegoat, this is a multigenerational dynamic? Here's a plan while every one else goes to mom's boring wedding you two go somewhere fun like an amusement park?
How is everyone against OP for the first story? The wife could've been neglecting or even abusing the baby and he caught her in the act! First she lets it cry for 5 straight minutes, and then yells "SHUT UP" like it can comprehend? Plenty of stories out there about mothers that can't cope with motherhood and turn to abusive behavior because they blame the baby for the lifestyle change, but no, let's blame OP for acting quickly. I agree he should've called his wife and see what she said was going on before calling someone else though.
Yea this and how stupid was the comment there is no room for asking just leave and ask forgiveness.... that's how you lose a job
I agree. However, it's likely that the wife would have lied and covered up her actions, so calling his mother was the right move.
I already know if OP didn’t do anything and she shook the baby they would blame him for not being more attentive. I get frustration and exhaustion is expected but something felt off with her. It’s good to call his mom or anyone just in case.
He's a man and thus wrong by default.
No. You are recommended to put the baby down in a safe place (like the floor) when you are starting to get too overwhelmed. Who knows how long the baby had been crying? Putting it down and walking away for 5 minutes, and yelling out of frustration in another room (she knows the baby doesn’t understand shut up, it wasn’t about that and you know it) is GOOD and RESPONSIBLE parenting. Expecting parents who care for an infant alone for months to never feel overwhelmed, touched-out, frustrated, or annoyed is… expecting them to be emotionless robots.
What she did is what experts say you should do.
I’m in my 60’s. It used to be common to let babies cry themselves to sleep. It was advice I received from every grandmotherly aged woman. But, I was told that pretty soon they get better at sleeping through the night. I couldn’t bring myself to let my babies do that, but Being as lenient as I was had me still being awakened by mo son when he was three.
I was born 91 and I was left to cry it out but nowadays we know and have proof its actually more harmful than people realise. Statistics and (sorry I dont know the English word) tests have proven that it is super harmful and causes serious mental health issues
I’m sorry infant 0-3 crying is usually red flag .. 0-3 only want eat sleep and to be clean … if baby crying non stop go see a doctor because usually the baby has back problems!!! Never let 0-3 baby cry it out that abusive behaviour
@@Swnsasy dude 0-3 months are easiest months of child life !! Unless mom is going through postpartum depression there is no need for any of that …
@@Swnsasy doctors told me that’s babies 0-3 only want 3 thing sleep eat and clean diapers… a lot babies have messsed up necks and backs never get treated because parents don’t realize it not normal 0-3 babies just to cry .
Also every 2 -3 hour need to feeding 2-3oz isn’t hard if stay at home mom get on baby schedule
American need midwives !! Trust me if baby actually healthy and u get on baby schedule it is easiest time
Clearly something up … well supported moms do not have problems with newborns
I cannot understand this reasonings about how babies "cry themselves to sleep". Newly born babies don't cry for attention. If they cry they have a problem period. Leaving a baby to cry at that age is stupid. It may be okay for a toddler, but I didn't do that then. A kid crying means a kid has problems - either real problems or imagined problems. It is always okay to care for them. Anything else is pseudo science.
I raised 3 kids myself and I never let them crying. As far as I remember that never became any longer lasting problem. If a kid was not trained to lie every cry is genuine.
I don't comment on the situation of OP's wife, because I don't know about that situation or possible reason.
BTW I'm in my sixties as well. I never believed in any "traditions" - not in health care. We were then and now more advanced in medical sciences, than our ancestors have been.
"It doesnt count because its not as expensive" price tag means nothing when it comes to quality time. If taken my niece to a free zoo and we had a great time
She knew the camera was there and the wife didnt answer her phone. You dont tell an infant to shut up
That last story is amazing. How disappointing it would be to have ‘friends’ like that. 🤦🏻♀️ SMH
Oh my God true red flags there, in the last story. So they do nothing to help and have a audacity to make you pay for an Uber that they ordered. What the hell kind of logic is that? I would send those idiots a bill for the car ride, gas, an idiot fee for their entitlement.
Last Story: OP should tell their "friends" to deduct the Uber cost from the Uber cost of being driven out, then Venmo them the difference. After that find some real friends, not opportunists.
First story. How is everyone ignoring the fact that he wasn't angry about the baby being on the floor he was worried about his wife's behavior because it was really out of character. She knows about the cameras. He wasn't spying. That's literally what these cameras are for. Making sure your family and home are safe. There is nothing wrong or creepy about checking in because you miss your family. There IS something wrong with your wife screaming at your infant baby to shut up and ignoring their crying. Especially when it is out of character for your wife to behave that way. And no you can't just leave your job in the middle of the day and expect them to forgive you and still have your job the next time you go in. That's not how the real world works. If the wife is snapping like this and ignoring her child and if she has never let on that she is struggling to her husband how is he supposed to help her? This very well could be one of the first signs hes noticed that she may have undiagnosed ppd. Most of the time women who have it don't even realize their behavior is abnormal or feel like they can seek help. How are more people not understand how big of a problem this can actually be and attacking a man for being worried about his family's safety? He couldn't go himself because his boss told him he couldn't leave so he sent his mother. And considering she was also worried you'd think people would take the hint that this isn't normal. And he couldn't just call his wife because how exactly is that going to help? His mother at least could watch the baby while she goes and takes a break if all this is is stress but I doubt it considering the timeframe. He is not at all the asshole for making sure his family is okay when he can't be there. Ffs. What is wrong with people.
Edit: Fixed some typos.
And please do not start with the "babies cry for attention" bullcrap. That isn't what this is about. It's about the way she snapped at her infant child who needed her to shut up and that this kind of behavior from her was enough the alarm her husband and completely unsettle him to the point he was going to leave his job. You never ignore any signs that your wife may be suffering from PPD no matter how small and education in this area for expecting parents is not nearly good enough or even common enough.
"It's my fault they had to take an Uber because they didn't want to help me change a tire?": NTA, and ask this exact question to any person who insists you need to pay these selfish people back. Never go anywhere with these people again and if you're able distance from them.
There is a huge difference in a SAHM needing alone time, time to cry or dream, and screaming SHUT UP at an infant crying.
but the hidden camera. that's ok?
@@phiakate If you actually listened to it, you would know that the wife knew about the cameras and where they are so how are they 'hidden cameras'?
@@phiakate You don't listen well do you?
It wasn't at the child, it was at the situation. Believe it or not, putting the kid down for five minutes, and walking away to another room to scream has been part of post partum education on coping for thirty years. So, maybe get off TH-cam and use your device to back your smart mouth up.
@@phiakate they weren't hidden
Story 1, when my daughter was a baby there was one time I couldn't get her to stop crying. My wife was at work (ICU RN) and couldn't be reached. My daughter was not hungry, diaper dry, not teething. Trying to rock her in the chair, walk with her, nothing was working. I was getting so frustrated, and starting to lose my temper, so I put her in the crib, to give myself time to cool off.
An older neighbor heard my daughter crying and came over to see if everything was alright I explained the situation. She asked if she could try, after about 5 minutes, my daughter stopped crying and was asleep.
About two weeks later, my daughter was doing the same thing. The neighbor was not home and my wife was at work. So I put my daughter in the car seat and started to drive to my wife's work. My daughter fell asleep in the car seat before I was even 1/3 of the way to the hospital.
I think I put 5000 miles on my truck just driving my daughter around town over 3 years. So glad that has was only $1.35/gal back then.
andrewforte Yes but unlikeYou OP screamed at a little baby to shut up what is she gonna do next slap said baby and her actions when confronted were not those of a stressd mother she was angry that grandma was there and she was defensive to Op's concerns all she cared about is why you spying on me ? OP has every right to make sure hsi baby is safe I am so sick of women harming babies and getting away with it by oh she was mentally sick
women with Post Partum ask for help and usually do not recieve it Ops wife was defensive and angry at granny coming and helpng and also raged at OP for Checking on his child and wife it was not spying
@@aprilgosa5779 In what world do women with PPD usually ask for help? Many women don't even realize it or are too ashamed and try to hide it, like regular depression.
But did you yell at the baby to STFU?
@@vampire9545 I laid her in the crib before I got to that point.
Second story tell her that you got the tickets for free that this expenditure is infact less then I would have spent on you.
1) sounds like you're wife needs help. You have every right to check on your kid. You don't tell your baby to shut up.
Op did not throw her own pity party she interrupted sil unfounded pity party. Totally justified.
Good afternoon XOS. Thanks for the stories. Wasn't as expensive? Anything would be more expensive because she didn't buy the tickets. The family needs to get their heads out and go on. Have a great day
Telling a baby to shut up is not coping it’s cruel,
Leaving babies to "cry it out" has actually been proven to be extremely harmful! It has a super high chance to cause attachment disorders, antisocial personality disorders, dissociative disorders etc
Not to mention the health risks. Let's have these adults sit on a cold floor in minimal clothing, maybe in wet underwear to sit and cry and scream like a baby for 5 minutes. People seem to forget, babies get headaches too. Babies throats get sore too. Not to mention, I was a single fcking mother of twins and I NEVER, in the 4 short months they were alive, ever screamed at them or yelled at defenseless, innocent babies to shut up. Would you take that asshole behaviour from someone? No! So why should a baby? The literal only way they can communicate is by crying!
Setting the baby down for five minutes is vastly different than letting them 'cry it out'. Doctors TELL you to put your baby down in a safe place, and walk away for five minutes to calm down as part of Shaken Baby Syndrome prevention, MADDY. Your personal single parent status doesn't trump thirty plus years of post partum education that has statistically been proven to prevent parents from snapping due to exhaustion, frustration and overload. But go off, sanctimommy
@@pansprayers how about screaming at them to "shut up"?
Thank you 🙏🏼 this what i wanted to see … oh my goodness
If infant 0-3 is crying nonstop doctor now … my niece had neck and back problem that why she was screaming bloody murder .. alot have back and neck problems especially if mom is short !
I am sorry your babies didn't live past 4 months. I hope your ok
@@matthewhanf3033 yep mom bitch I mean op is only one that's good. He works while she takes care of baby. Yep she yells at baby I mean how many times does she yell at baby when op doesn't sed he was lucky to see it. Thing is people over bitchy on her side when they don't think how many times does she put baby in one place and yell at it. I mean that's just bad. Op watching ye some were bad but he just miss them both then he got lucky n seen her yelling he want go home yet couldn't he's a adult he has to work otherwise he might get fired or warning. Him calling his mom was right thing I mean he seen his wife shout at a baby to shut up. Bet she sounded angry aswell so that pushed him into getting his mom check on both. Wife just angry he seen her yelling at baby
Marriage ain't gunna work if she doesn't see she's bad one their so he should collect prove on how she treats baby in case.
Story 1- Are people really glossing over the fact that the mom screamed at the baby to stfu...??
First story obviously you're not in the wrong gear however I think a lot of these commenters are basically saying you're in the wrong because you are a male looking at it from a place of concern because let's be honest you're this baby is a newborn and they expect the baby to cry Non-Stop and the mother who let's be honest here is most likely going through postpartum depression and it's not dealing with it well so you did the right thing by calling your mother to make sure that your wife and your baby all right you got the camera still for the safety and the world being not just of your child before your house in general and to be honest I think your wife is more angry at you because you're seeing this from a place of concern but she's also looking at you as if she can't do it on her own. You're not in the wrong here but I think most people are saying you're in the wrong because this is Reddit and anytime a man is looking at this from a place of concern he's always going to be seen as in the wrong even when he's right
Final Story: NTA. The nerve of these girls. I would have charged them the gas for the extra weight they put in the car.
I agree with you. Why did your brother HAVE to come out at your wedding? Why didn't he come out to HIS FRIENDS instead of YOUR FRIENDS? I think we all know the answer. Because he couldn't stand for you to have an entire day that was all about you and your spouse. He felt he HAD to take the attention away from you. Everyone was just paying WAY too much attention to you. Your parents aren't speaking to you? Well, I'm so glad to hear that your parents are mature adults. I realize they are your family and you love them, but you are probably better off without them.
These commentors are stupid. He has cameras in his house that his wife knows are there. They aren't there to spy on her.
I agree, he was worried for his child after he heard her shouting. Yes it can be a coping mechanism but in that split second he made a choice to make sure his son is ok. For those saying call her, yes there was probably a better answer but again split second decision. It isnt like he is watching the cams 24/7 he does it on lunch break, like what some people do with pets so I don't think it is creepy if the wife knows about it.
@@Steelwing96 Exactly, and the fact this can be an early warning sign of PPD
@@ZeronayLarane yeah I thought similar as well.
@@Steelwing96 Didn't sound split second to me, he first checked with his boss to leave work. Why didn't he call home, that sounds like a normal first reaction.
Yup and as others had said this could of been the earliest signs of postpartum
Story 1:NTA. I have 2 children myself and I've become frustrated too but I've never left them to cry and cry then yell at them. Thats a newborn! Not a toddler. Newborns cry for everything and anything and you can't just ignore it like that. With how the story seemed it wasn't the norm for the baby to cry for long times. I can't stand reddit comments sometimes. Its all underage kids who have 0 life experience thinking they know everything.
Tire story - obviously NTA, but what I really wanted to say is, where do the OPs of these stories get their friends? I've heard sooooo many tales in which the OP is clearly, objectively, absolutely in the right, and they mention, "My friends all say I'm the asshole, so am I?" Like, my boyfriend stabbed me, then requested money for a new shirt since my blood got on his, and my friends are all like, well, it is your blood, you should at least pay to have it cleaned. OH MY GOD. Attention all OPs with tendencies to self-blame: please get friends who are not assholes.
For all these parents saying "I've never yelled at a baby," .... good for you, I guess? Everyone is different. Not everyone can handle an extremely stressful situation (a baby that won't stop crying, despite having their needs met) with grace. Sometimes, people just snap. That doesn't make them bad or abusive. Yes, if this was a pattern, and OP's wife had a habit of losing it, I would say she needed medical treatment, and to be separated from the baby. But OP clearly stated that this behavior was out of character.
So you're basically saying it's okay for parents to scream at their babies as long as it's not all the time?....Wow you're a crappy person and if you have children I feel horrible for them.
So it's ok to yell at your baby who btw didn't make his mom open her legs just because he's crying? Husband is awesome for calling his mom
@@FranciscoGarcia-ns4om what?
I'm sorry but yes screaming at your child at any age and especially screaming profanities is child abuse. If you as an adult can't be expected to control your emotions why in God's name do you expect that from your child. Abusive parents always say they just snap. That they didn't mean to that it was just such a stressful situation they couldn't handle it so they had no choice but to lash out. BS you're an adult learn to control your emotions. You chose to indulge in frustration you chose to indulge in anger. Nobody made you the situation didn't force you to you chose to. Don't scream at your infant child. The first years of thier life is extremely important to their Mental Health. More important than most people realize. Study after study after study in the scientific field of childhood development proves this implicitly. If a child thinks that it's needed are not going to be met and it doesn't have that safe bond with its primary caregiver it will be detrimental to its mental health. If you are drowning taking care of a child you need to reach out before you reach the point of screaming profanities and ignoring your child crying for help. No one will deny Parenthood is difficult and everyone needs help.
Are you a parent? Because if so you sound like a first time Mom or Dad. Someone who knows statistics and not reality. Did she need help? Yes. Should he have gone nuclear no.
First Story That is so clearly the start of PPD that is actually very serious. She left a baby one a couch alone crying for 5 minuets and then proceeded to yell "Shut up" at a crying baby. Anyone who doesnt recognize that is not normal, healthy, or what a good mother does is a fool. That woman is planting her red flags and they are being ignored.
Where did he say they baby was alone on the couch? Were told that when you are overwhelmed by a crying baby, put the bsby down in a safe place amd remove yourself from the room so yoi don't risk harming the baby out of frustration.
Typical Reddit. I knew it. The issue isn't leaving the baby. It's screaming "Shut up!" at a newborn. It's not normal. Also, I'd bet my left leg that if dad was a stay-at-home and mom went back to work and used the cameras for a few minutes on lunch to see her baby and husband NO ONE would call it "spying". Good god. AND if hubby screamed "SHUT UP!" at a newborn people would be "concerned".
Also, there is such a thing as not being able to leave work immediately. I'm a 911 dispatcher and I wouldn't be able to leave until a relief showed up.
Also, some people with regular jobs also wouldn't be able to leave because they'd get fired and need that money. This idea that you can just do as you please and be fine is insane. This is the real world.
Sil has 2 nannies and a Maid/Cook- You are NOT the idiot, but you used the wrong tactic. Instead of belitting her lack of skills, you need to show how your's are better. Last night, A had math homework, B had to do a science experiment, C was wailing that a the favorite crayon broke, then D had diarrhea in the diaper. So, I set A up in the kitchen to do her math and check her answers as she finishes one. Then B helped me cook some Creme of Rice for the baby and to see how Heat helps to change cellular structure of the rice and allow the water to be absorbed and change the texture of the rice. I showed C that now she has 2 of her favorite color to use in both hands for an abstract art project. Then all three of us took turns giving D a spoon full of rice, then offering comfort.
The next morning, A's homework was in her bag ready to go. B had carefully written down his science experiment with cooking rice and had two containers with solid and cooked rice. C had tried the technigue of different colors in each hand to take to school the next day. And D had overcome her tummy troubles. Mornings don't have to be chaos, if you just get them organized the night before. It's all about routine, so the kids know what to expect.
You show them the joys of your life completely involved with your kids, and let THEM be jealous because they can't make their lives work as well as you do, because they are organzing adults to organize their children and you just cut out the middle man.
NTA for story 1. That’s not spying. It’s his own house. She knows about the cameras. She screamed shut up at him. Yes op should be concerned and make sure she’s okay. Op was just checking in. And he was worried. One day, my son rolled over in his pack and play and he couldn’t roll over onto his back. My husband wouldn’t wake up from my calls and texts so I called his mom. Granted, we live with his parents and the camera is jjst on the pack and play. But even when the baby was in his nursery and it also looked into the room, I’d check in. Yes occasionally I’d see my husband or mil, I wasn’t watching them.
Nothing wrong with her setting the baby down and the wife needs to take care of herself but the husband wasn’t TA either
Are all the people saying YTA stay at home moms with nannies and house keepers?
I wouldn’t be surprised.
Were all the commentators forgetting that the wife told a crying baby to shut up?
Last story: Bill those 'friends' more money for the gas and told them you´ll pay for the venmo request after they paid your gas.
i dont understand… how is it spying if both parties know theres cameras in the house? as if the owner wouldnt have access to the camera feed and NOT check in from time to time… like whats the point in having cameras then?
Flat tire story: Yeah, NTA! If they had gotten off their lazy asses and helped it wouldn’t have taken so long! Good riddance to bad rubbish!
First story:
There's a line between needing a few minutes and screaming at a crying baby to shut up. That's how abuse begins. I should know, as I was verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by my mother for 10 years before I could get myself removed from the house. It all started with the yelling.
OP had every reason to be concerned. I can't help but wonder, had the wife hit the baby, instead of screaming at the baby to shut up, I wonder how many people would be praising OP for calling his mother to rescue his child.
And before anyone says yelling "shut up" isn't verbal abuse, a nurse in a hospital recovery ward did just that to a patient who was moaning in terrible pain, and she was reported. She was demoted for her actions, as they were deemed abusive and unacceptable. If you still don't believe it's verbal abuse, contact your local CPS office or psychological professional and ask them.
She wasn’t even in the room when she yelled it, she was probably having a melt down. She did what your supposed to do. Put baby in a safe space and cried/yelled in a completely different space so she could calm down. Baby’s are fine crying for a few moments while a parent calms themselves down first.
#1 It is very concerning that she would yell at your baby that way?? It is not normal in any way to yell at an innocent baby! I would be worried if she was doing something else to be mean to your infant??
Wait, niece thinks it won't be as special because it "wasn't as expensive"? Op got the tickets for free! If there would be any favoritism, it would be taking the niece on a shopping trip!
Wow, huge NTA on the first story. That woman was screaming at that child to shut up and get everybody's taking her side? The fact that she push the baby out of a vajayjay doesn't give her the right to act like that towards her child. If a husband had been caught on film talkin like that to the child everybody would be up in arms.
She didn't scream at the child, Randall. There's a big difference, Randall. She put the baby down and screamed in the other room. Like they tell you to do, Randall. Because it's been part of post partum education for thirty years, Randall.
Also, it's spelled VAGINA. If you're not mature enough to use words properly, you don't get to weigh in on the subject.
First story: The guy is a first time dad. Nothing wrong with checking the camera (that both parents agreed to) to see his kid. He saw something startling and had a new dad panic. Panic people don't always make the most rational choices.
*THIS.* He was told by his boss that he couldn't go home and called his mom to do a wellness check. Maybe he should've called, but he was stuck on the idea of being there *in person.*
If that's the case, this is also a first time mom, why ride her ass about it? PPD/PPA affects dads, too, and his reaction (overreaction, really) could've been that, too.
@@temp_unknownOP wasnt riding the dad about it.
However, if therr is an issue where she had PPD, then she needs help. Dad isnt allowed to be home because he's working, so if mom is getting overwhelmed or struggling to connect with her child, she needs to say something and not kick MiL out or blow up on her husband. Mental issues are no excuse for that behavior.
It’s so convenient that the mom hates favoritism but favors the one daughter. Tisk tisk. 😂😂😂
Last story- Pay them nothing! And get new friends! Smh!
Yelling at a baby is wrong...people are pissed at the dad for seeing his wife leave a newborn and screaming at it? Yeah ive never yelled a baby, ever. The wife new the security cams are there. What a load of bs
last story tell them it was their choice to get the uber and leave me behind, consider it a cheap copout to helping me. teamwork could have easily halved the repair, even with first timers, so it was their fault it took so long, therefore it's their cost for the uber
That girl in the last story needs to not only did her real friends, but she needs to send them an Uber bill for driving them to Miami and back.
I will say this a million times, YOU DO NOT USE OTHER PEOPLE'S LIFE EVENTS IN ORDER TO ANNOUNCE YOUR OWN! Brother coming out at the wedding was just an attention grab, though OP can thank him for making it so much easier to go no contact with him and the toxic parents
The brother calling her phobic is about as dumb as someone who called me, a transwoman, transphobic for calling Trump transphobic.
Second story you're not in the wrong gear however you need to basically keep a close eye on both your niece and your nephew because let's be real here your sister is using your nephew as emotional support to some degree even to some sense maybe blaming him for a sense of the divorce. And your brother-in-law is blaming your nephew for the divorce in general. Not to mention your sister is also causing friction between her two children and equating favoritism as a way of spending one-on-one time with your niece and nephew individually. Your mother is basically saying that your nephew and you are not invited to her wedding makes me believe that there's something deeper going on here that's concerning the nephew that I think that is making the whole world think pretty obviously. There's a major part of me that feels like a child that's being mistreated this way can only result to one thing either the father cheated on the mother the nephew told the mother and and now the gang of divorce the father pretty much is blaming his son for everything and then you got Grandma Mom and Dad all basically throwing the anger and hatred towards him there's a major part of this boy that's on the verge of suicide here. And the sad part about it is I don't think he even realizes it yet. But there's also another part of me that feels like that maybe the nephew is not the man's biological son and he's blaming the son for the divorce. You're not in the wrong here but you need to be close to both your niece and nephew now more than ever because they're about to be the sacrificial lambs for their parents mental state and you may want to get CPS involved if this continues
Story one: absolutely NTA flip the script with mom and dad and watch all the comments defend the actions of the mom and admonish the father. It’s absolutely disgusting that people are okay with verbal abuse to infants if said abuse is coming from a woman.
I feel like I cheated, because I am hard of hearing and rely on a hearing aid. When I need to comfort a crying baby, I can just turn it off and have an instant earplug. The other side is almost entirely deaf, so no problem at that point.
Story 1: Honestly, I can see why OP asked for his mom to go over however, that's with the assumption that she has a decent relationship with her DIL, sadly that is not the case. Mom could've easily popped by and said she just wanted to see if DIL needed anything then left soon after. The AH is his mama.
S Esslife Ops Baby could have been in danger with the unstable wife who tells their newborn baby to shut up let alone screams it
Years ago I loaned my car to a boyfriend. He did not think to put gas in and thus ran out. He comes back and screamed insults at me over it. I asked why he thought I should pay for his gas when he hadn't even said where he was going. I ended the relationship on the spot with a simple. I'm done with you, and drove away.
About a week later he confronted me with a demand for gas reimbursement. Laughed in his face.
Heard he didn't do so well in life. No family, no friends, mostly unemployed. I expect the Uber "friends" will meet the same fate.
Story 4: NTA. Don’t you love it when out people back up crappy behavior with “Your just ***phobic”. Like you can’t be both homosexual and a jerk.
Poor wife? She screamed at an infant to shut up? No freaking way, I had three sons, one was a constant screamer for 4 months….it was horrible but I never screamed at him. Get that woman therapy. Disgusting.
She didn't scream at an infant. She went into another room and yelled at the situation. There's a big difference, and it's been part of the SBS prevention tool kit for thirty years.
Honestly, when I was a kid, nothing bored me more than sports, be it baseball football soccer, I didn't like any of them, but what I did and still do love, going to the movies, nothing quite like sitting in the middle of the theater, yeah you got your overpriced popcorn, and the smuggled drinks and candy, then you got the previews, the surround sound d booms in, and finally you get to see that movie you've been dying to watch, yeah you gotta pee like a racehorse when that climax starts, but you endure the need to go until you finally see "directed by" and on the way home, if you went with someone you can talk about the flick on the ride home, and honestly, movies just stick with me more than random sports games, and I tend to make a bigger deal with movies than with sports, oh, and we all know the movies are pricy as fuck
2 nannies and it's just as hard as raising a kid alone ? Did you pick the worst comments to read?
No actually. I couldn’t believe it either but majority and most popular were YTA, with ESH or NTAs getting downvoted to oblivion
Story 1
Nah at first
First of all the invasion of privacy isn't really a thing since she knew about the cameras and his access to them. Also what parent doesn't want to be able to see their newborn 24/7 especially when they've been forced to go back to work a few weeks into their life.
The wife wasn't the AH either because although I hadn't heard of leaving the baby for 5 minutes method so you don't crazy. Looking at it again I can see how that would be a beneficial thing to do, and shouting from another room at a newborn is not going to harm them in any way either.
However can anyone honestly say they wouldn't panic when they hear their partner scream at their baby, even if it was just once. OP also did try to get away from work to be the one to do an in person check up and when he couldn't he resorted to his mom. The important thing here to OP was an in person check up. I know if I was concerned in the way OP was a phone call to the person that was concerning me just wouldn't cut it, I'd want either me or someone I trust to be there in person to see what was wrong.
OPs mom could have been better by saying something like I thought you might like a hand for half an hour.
Honestly the biggest ah are people calling OP an AH for being a concerned father doing his best to make sure his child was safe. This is entirely hypothetical but if he or someone in his position takes this to heart, they may decide to just ignore any other causes for concern because they may think they would be the AH if they were to act to make sure their child is safe
Story 1: NTA I mean she yelled at her baby his baby. I mean she yelled so all reddit commenters put the baby down n yelled at baby over n over ? What if she abused baby would he be AH or YTA ? No bet u be singing a different tune. He couldn't go to home if he did he would of been punished for example fired. Or downgrade pay. So he asking his mom was right thing besides she knew 📷 was their. So she should thought he might Check on them. I mean this is so stupid the mother was bad one. She chose be stay at home while he WORKS yes it must be hard but working is fucking HARD too seriously ur downgrading OP. If she hates being one she should stop n get off her batching ass n get a job. Instead of yelling to a baby can't believe they think she's not bad.
You really need better listening skills, because Jesus Christ. She put the baby dow, where it was safe (can't roll off a floor) and went into another room to scream at the situation. Those very steps have been part of the SBS prevention tool kit for thirty YEARS. So, how about you, I dunno, get off TH-cam and learn something.
The last story: I kept thinking to myself "Where is your Triple A card?" When I got my first car, I got a road service clause on my insurance, and later got Triple A. Even if you are a guy who was shown how to change a tire ONCE, it is well worth the $115 a year to have on-road tire service, recharging a battery, bringing fuel, and one 200 mile tow plus three 100 mile tows. You don't have to be the macho who changes a tire in a poor situation like twilight with a couple of losers who won't help. 🥴😵
I'm female and my dad made me learn how to change a tire before he let me learn how to drive. This came in handy when once I blew a tire on an interstate highway before I had a cell phone. It was twilight, but I had a flashlight and an owner's manual and I got the job done. Incidentally, I saw 4 highway patrol cars blow past me while I was doing this and not one stopped to check on me.
@@eywine.7762 I once had to put chains on for the snow in the mountains, directly across from a police officer who was monitoring for cars coming the other way without chains. It took me about half an hour from 8 to 8:30 PM on Christmas Eve, because it was dark and these were actual chains. After I was done, I walked across to the police officer and asked if he had enjoyed the show, because I know he never moved and I don't believe there was even any traffic the other way, because, again, Christmas Eve around 8 PM.
Based on my experience with AAA, get another roadside service. They were OK when I needed a jump or tire change when my car was in my driveway. But when I was stranded on a back road, in the boonies (yes, there were once boonies in NJ) late at night, in a convertible (top held on by velcro) in Jan, arm in a sling from recent shoulder surgery, no heat, alone, female they could not help me. But the State Police did. Found out later that the tow truck driver/mechanic had refused AAA, BUT NOT THE STATE POLICE. By 1 AM I was on my way home, about 20 miles away. Broken water pump. Now I use roadside service provided thru my car insurance. So far, so good.
@@kemarisite To protect and serve is more of a suggestion, I guess.
@@sboyle536 Just wow. I'm glad you got home safely. Maybe the State Police in NJ are better than NC's highway patrol.
OP did the right thing. Safety of the baby comes first. His wife could have had a mental break and harmed the baby. Forget her " privacy"!!!
Title Story - So ... everyone is really just gonna overlook the fact she *screamed at the baby?* Okey-dokey 😒😒😒
Two Nannies Story - What the hell is wrong with these comments? *The SIL has TWO NANNIES!* What, if anything, does she even do for after those “chaotic mornings”?
The blown tire story… the summation by the last commentator… 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
NTA, if something would of happened to the baby, they would be blaming the father for not being aware, your damn if you do damn if you don't.
Story 1: Hold on did everyone jump over the wife SCREAMING AT HER CHILD TO SHUT UP. to say OP did something wrong by spying on her I might be able to agree. But for everyone to actively ignore the concept of screaming at your child to shut up even as a new mother is ridiculous. It doesn’t matter if it’s postpartum or anything else wrong with her or the father that needs to be addressed. If he would’ve ignored that situation he would’ve been called a monster but when he tried to address the situation he’s also a monster?
Lol, I had a coworker that got a flat in his mom's car, called his dad to fix it, dad fixed the flat and left him on the side of the road, don't pay them.
Not y’all defending a verbally abusive mother in the first story. Get therapy. You don’t ever treat a child like that. If he did it he would be called toxic.
@@SnowyWolborg exactly. stay single my man 👍🏾
First story doesn't feel like spying as much as him being a concerned husband and father, it's a lot more common than you'd think, but rarely for the intent you think, he's not spying on the wife, he was worried and checking the cameras alleviate that worry, however, the detractors have a point that husband's reaction was not in check, and from what I gather, the mother wasn't being completely negligent, kids need to be given time to fuss on their own otherwise you end up with a kid overly reliant on their parents to make uncomfortable situations disappear, I've heard too many terrible mommas boys stories that I can safely assume, this is where it starts, kids need to learn tolerance for unhappy situations, and they can't learn tolerance if you're constantly bending to the whims of a toddler
Story 2 : one of the commenters said “I doubt the niece even likes baseball” - ugh, why the hell not ? Because she’s a Girl ??
I absolutely *loved* going to baseball games (Cincinnati Reds) at that age, and worked hard on my studies to get the free tickets offered to straight-A students… and of course would share the game tickets with my dad for some dad-daughter time. I had straight-A tickets every summer from 5th through 8th grade !
But - otherwise, the OP is NTA . The baseball game is not “more expensive” - she was given free tickets. The shopping with niece is likely to be more expensive. OPs crappy sister is the one stirring up trouble, and OP’s mom is a self-absorbed idiot who seemingly thrives on ratcheting up the drama to a whole ‘nother level.
Yes something's just not right with that second story either the nephew called the Dad cheating and the dad is blaming his son for the divorce and the mother is using him as emotional support and the mother is creating tension between her kids or the nephew is not the biological kid of the father and he's being blamed for everything it has to be one of those two because nobody just makes a kid to sacrificial lamb and blames him for everything wrong in one family unless there's a reason
@@BIGEAGLEDUDE I thought the the nephew as a other man child too. The Grandma in this is an ah for being a hypocrite to op.
@@hothead2463 it has to be that or he caught his dad cheating on his mom and told his mom and his mom is divorcing his dad and they're both looking for somebody to be the sacrificial lamb so that their ego wouldn't be destroyed.
Free tickets from the school for getting straight As? Genius motivator! Every school should do something similar.
Oh my God for all you attacking this man. He wasn't spying on his wife he was watching his wife and child. It was out of love not what is she doing. And for all you mothers out there whining about how it is to be home with a newborn shut up. Yes a kid cries and cries and cries in Christ and there are several great methods to make them stop. Google them. And if they don't stop they cry. It doesn't make you a bad mother it's not the worst thing in the world it's a crying baby. How in the hell do you think your ancestors walked across the country carrying a kid would have handled it if they act like you guys do. But would be nice if you could arrange for your wife to have a spa day. I let her be the focus of a day. When you get home if weather permitting throw the kid in a stroller go for a walk tell your wife to take a nap. Cook dinner give her a break now and then. People that's helpful suggestions condemning this man to hell is just ridiculous. God bless enjoy your little love time will go by really fast and before you know it he's going to be or she's going to be walking out the door. And as much as this is not the easiest time in the world trust me when they get 13 you're going to wish you had these days back again LOL
SIL nanny story: NTA. Why? Your SIL claims life is sooooo hard getting children ready from 6 to 8 am. Try doing it all day. Then wants a pat on the back because, wait for it, she has no one to watch HER kids the next day. Wow! As a father of two whos exwife traveled for work two weeks out of the month and I worked a 8:30 to 5ish day job I can tell you it's hard work. I truely feel for SAHM. I do half a day and i'm still tired some days but, I dont complain. Why? Because I had them, ok I helped, lol and I love the socks off of them so, when the SIL drops the two nannys and cooks then she can compare her struggles with op. FYI, my boys are grown now are finished college and are doing great. I now sit with a beer and a smile after the gym.
First of all: ANY mother YELLING “shut up” at an infant for crying NEEDS to be checked on. The fact that these pathetic people don’t say shit about that are the problem!!! He is NTA for having his mother go check in his wife and baby.
I’m a mother of five and i have NEVER ONCE yelled at my infant for crying. That’s what babies do
I bet you the response from these "people" would be different if the genders where switched.
@@BloodShed4REAL nope, there's a big difference between yelling at a situation and yelling AT a person - they taught this in High School. It has nothing to do with genders, so that just invalidated your whole non-argument.
@@pansprayers I was talking about how the reddit commenter's would be all NTA if the OP was a woman and it was the husband yelling at the child.
@@BloodShed4REAL Yup, if OP´s the mother and the one yelled was the father, Reddit would be out for his blood.
@@SnowyWolborg Exactly!