👌More videos can be found on this topic at th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswhIGwlMpJpyIYe_zdgKXV-Y.html&si=OgvwsJV5YgYb0YfE ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification
My ex wife cheated on me as well. We’ve been divorced for 7 years and I hate to say it still hurts. Especially when I considered she moved on with her AP but when that fizzled quickly jumped into another relationship and recently married that man and had a baby. My heart still hurts from the pain she caused and I hope one day I’ll be able to fully move forward. I am in a loving relationship with a woman I fully trust but I have never been able to fully open myself to her the way I did with my ex because of the betrayal trauma. God-please help me forgive myself and love myself again so I can move forward.
I am sorry you have gone through that and I appreciate you watching the video. Here is the video on brake-up: th-cam.com/video/8OZdTwfb2Mk/w-d-xo.html Here are the videos on grief: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=grief And here are the videos on trauma: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=trauma
This is my biggest fear … idk if I’ll ever be able to open myself up and love someone again. I’m only 4 months out from discovery of the affair and I feel hopeless.
@@macciddy7689I’ve been where you are and remember you cant take responsibility for your ex’s bad decisions. Some people in your life will make bad decisions based off of who they are and what they have seen and been through and has nothing to do w u. Give yourself time and from my experience it takes about 1 yr to 18 months to get over them. In each of my relationships once I get over them they come back and I say no way ! Find several ways to slowly improve yourself from going to the gym to getting outside grounding in the sun. spend time w friends and make new ones. once your past this dark time find someone who needs your help and help them. the trauma your going through can help others and helps you release trapped or buried negative emotions. let them go and stop thinking ab them. be your own best friend and know the person who hurt you won’t hurt you again bc your not allowing them in your life. it gives you your power back. hope this helps and Wish you and anyone reading this well. your one day closer being over them and they will never hurt you again. practice saying this all day.
@@JS-br7bo I have hobbies lol spent 11 years with this woman .. not that easy to move on in 4 months when I got married less than a year ago. Appreciate the advice though ? … you should work in your empathy a bit .
I have learned that we sometimes need to flip the experience around. Theres something wrong with the cheater. They have a problem. Unable to love. Be sincere. They lack integrity. They often insecure. I found this helped me alot. I am NOT the problem. The cheater has issues and have to deal with their lack of esteem and integrity. Wholesome people do NOT cheat. They often run from one meaningless relationship to another. Shame on them..
My husband only went as far as kissing her, but when he apologized, he basically said what you did, and that he should have trusted me as well as tried harder instead of going to someone else. He's been nothing but loving, understanding, patient and empathetic. Even small little details that I’ve noticed he’s changed because he knows it may hurt my feelings, he won’t even tell me, I just notice. Instead of running away he’s taken full accountability and tries really hard every day to fix what he broke. Not a lot of people get this but he’s been holding my hand through all of these things she’s mentioned in this video and it helps but it still hurts like hell.
I am so sorry for everyone in here who's experienced infidelity and cheating. I'm praying for all of your hearts and spirits and pray you're wrapped in love and protection while you get your hearts and spirits back together. ♥️ This is one of the worst painful things to go through and I'm sorry all of you had to experience this. Love and light to you all. You are perfect, whole, and complete. Stay on your healing journey and path.
Thank you for watching and the video. Thank you for your kind words. When we experience a betrayal or a hurt that comes from a person we trusted, it cuts to the very core of our being, it feels like a physical assault and it does cause injury.
I got cheated on 7 months ago and It destroyed me as I never imagined it could, The anxiety is unreal and the person I became (I felt dragged into it) I just can’t recognize her. I feel angry all the time, ugly, old…just totally broken. My therapist was not able to help with any of my symptoms and after 6 months of therapy just told me to find someone more skilled,I stopped watching these videos because it would only trigger me more but yours has put so many things into place and gave me such a great guidance on what to look for in my therapy…Thank you a million times! I hope you really have an Idea of how helpful you’re being and how compassionate too. I hope whoever feels like I do can get to heal and move on from this! Thanks again 💕
I relate so much. At times, I have a hard time being outside. Watching normal couples just sitting in a car would trigger me. It's hard when you're out, you can't relax there. I just try to finish whatever I have and just run back home. I have spent many nights just crying myself to sleep. I could be having a good day but just a certain trigger or just a tiny bit of a flashback could ruin my day. I haven't talked to a therapist about that ( i hardly trust anyone to be vulnerable), just trying to heal by myself. I agree with your views about Doctor Snipes videos. She is probably the only one whose content i watch regularly to process my healing. Wishing you health and peace! Good luck for your healing journey.
You’re so welcome. Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video. Here are some videos on betrayal to help you in your healing journey: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
Alan Robarge is another great one to watch, IMO. My husband of 13yrs left w someone half my age, so I also understand how it feels for your self esteem to be absolutely pulverized. After 2yrs of being isolated & depressed abt it I've decided to start visualizing myself happy & healthy, & figuring out what activities, behaviors & new routines I can begin doing to reach the woman I visualize myself to be. And bc chronic stress can literally kill you, make sure you get as much deep sleep as possible until those cortisol levels even out. I didn't know this abt cortisol, & ended up having 4surgeries & losing handfuls of hair until I had bald spots bc of the constant despair, crying & stress. I had to watch youtube videos to learn how to process the grief of betrayal in order to even begin to feel human again. Stay strong Sis. Everything's going to be so much better for you bc you're actually making the effort to learn how to heal 💪🏼🤍
@@manda-panda Thanks for sharing. I can't imagine how painful it would have been. I admire your ability to stand back up and put your steps ahead on the healing journey. Wishing you so much love and peace. Good luck!
You might be the reason I didn’t feel like I wanted to die today. I’m glad I found out you’re on this earth. Thank you. It’s been 8 months since I left and feel like I can’t breathe everyday
You’re most welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. You can also watch the videos on PTSD, because, as mentioned in the video, the symptoms of PTSD and PISD are very similar: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=PTSD
Hope you're doing better! I think learning thought awareness, CBT techniques to get and feel more in control of your emotions, and days. Thoughts influence emotions which can lead to actions... the brain naturally leans toward negative thoughts as a defense mechanism.. especially if youve been through trauma....once you become aware of this you can practice challenging those negative thoughts with positive ones! which leads to good emotions.. for example what are you grateful for? What is something that makes you smile?....what can you do to self care today? Be compassionate toward yourself. practice this every day and you will retrain your brain away from defaulting to the negative. Cognitive behavioral therapy will help you to learn your brain and feel safe in controlling thought.. therefore emotions and actions improve. CBT therapy with a professional may be great for you.. this video gives some great techniques to start with grounding yourself etc. Best. You got this. Every day is a fresh start!🎉
I spent four more years with my ex after she cheated on me and honestly I needed faith and a good friend to convince me it was over. Nothing ever got better but just got worse over time. Finally realized I’m still wanted on the market after feeling numb for years. I just learned to let go and move on. No more beating myself up. No more of letting my thoughts cloud my self esteem or value. The love was never that deep if they could cheat. It’s like a big relief and weight was taken off my shoulders. I pray for anyone currently going through, I know it’s hard. God bless you all!
Thanks for the talk. Betrayal trauma is definitely not talked about often enough. My wife had an affair in our 24th year of marriage. I've been through some difficult times in my life, but nothing hurts like a betrayal by the person you love and built a life with. There is a reason that Dante put betrayal one step above hell in The Inferno. You have to first get your head around how someone is capable of that level betrayal to you and your children and live another life. Its been 2 years since the D-day, when she went on vacation with her lover and my youngest son while I was overseas on business.....his older brother, who was also away on a trip at the same time, told me about the affair after he got back and spoke to his younger brother. Needless to say her infidelity has impacted the entire family. He fractured his hand by putting it through a wall when he saw me crying at my desk one morning. I was a mess and could not concentrate on anything for a long time. Awful, but I'm getting better.
That’s awful and I am sorry it happened to you. What tips will you use first do heal from the trauma? Here are the videos on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
I can relate. Infidelity is a wound that cuts through your spirit, soul, and body. You will survive, and find strengths you never knew existed. Love your children. And above all.....forgive and love yourself. Rejection causes a person to feel inadequate, and less than in many areas. Let her go. Decide to live. And love. Best wishes to you friend.
Mark G are you still together? How did you recover? Something similar with me. She wants to stay together and is sorry, but man, does that ever mess with your head and heart. 8 months since d day, and I still don't know which way to go
@@RS-rh9kp Yes, we are still together and things are better, but you almost have to treat it like a new relationship and get to the root cause of why she cheated. Most guys like to push 100% of the blame on the wayward spouse. Your marriage was probably not great before, even though that is no excuse for cheating. We are working through the EMS Online Affair Recovery course now. The materials and group calls help bring some of these to the surface. We tried it on our own for 2 years and only got so far. Just realize this is long process. I didn't want to break up my family and throw away a 30 year relationship without at least giving it a try. A new relationship has risks too. If I had less invested, I.e. married less than 5 years and no kids, I would have bailed. Hope that helps
Stay strong brother. My ex wife cheated on me as well. We’ve been divorced for 7 years and I hate to say it still hurts. Especially when I considered she moved on with her AP but when that fizzled quickly jumped into another relationship and recently married that man and had a baby. My heart still hurts from the pain she caused and I hope one day I’ll be able to fully move forward. I am in a loving relationship with a woman I fully trust but I have never been able to fully open myself to her the way I did with my ex because of the betrayal trauma. God-please me free!
I felt physically ill for an entire week after I found that my then girlfriend had been with another man. I would lay in bed for hours unable to sleep as I was cold sweating, shaking and feeling like throwing up. I thought breakups was hard just mentally, but I had never imagined it would wreak havoc on the physical body too.
I was cheated on after I had my daughter by her father. Was disgusted and shattered. Ended it with him and years later met my current partner, been with him 8 years and just found out he has fathered a child to someone whilst we were broken up last year for 4 months and he tells me he had slept with her on and off after we got engaged a few years back. I don’t think these sick individuals realise the trauma and pain they cause to others. It’s evil, horrific and can destroy another persons soul. I will never trust a human again. Ever
This video completely unpacked everything I have been feeling. Currently crying because I didn’t know if I would ever be understood again, even by myself. Thank you! ❤
Found out a few weeks ago that my wife of 7 years cheated on me with her boss and I am so destroyed right now. I cannot see myself recovering from this right now. I loved her with my whole heart and soul.
That’s awful and I am sorry it happened to you. Here is the Betrayed Spouse / Betrayal platlist: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
My husband cheated on me while I was 4 months pregnant. Wish he had your fidelity. I love him and am trying to work things out. I keep seeing other men saying how much they loved their wives in these comments, and I wish that's how my husband felt about me. These women really don't know how lucky they were. I'd kill to not have to worry about my heart being broken over and over again.
I am sorry that happened to you. Betrayal hurts. When we experience a betrayal or a hurt that comes from a person we trusted, it cuts to the very core of our being, it feels like a physical assault and it does cause injury. Betrayal is an emotional assault that causes the loss of trust, the loss of the relationship you thought you had and a need to reconsider your assumptions about your emotional and physical safety, people and the world. When we are betrayed, we experience many loses and those losses need to be grieved. God knows, He sees and He hears.
@@DocSnipesas you move along and rebuild your life , and get to know yourself , just as YOU, I think things will see up. People who cheat have a character disorder .
@DocSnipes Can it also be financially betrayed? I pray to God for wisdom and patience all the time. I feel guilty for giving all our money under my husband to take care of. I was raised that way. I was attorney before marriage, dealing - only by grace of God - almost amazingly with money. In marriage I wanted to be a mother, as for me this is most valued gift and honor that I feel could ever be given by God. After 10 years of marriage I'm not sure can I even count to 10. I don't leave house. Whenever I want to leave this insanity, I'm being told by my husband and my mother, that I'm crazy. I don't know, maybe I'm am. But I can't stop feeling what I feel, which is feeling like living with good looking, loving and caring (for my daughter for 100%), but as it's seem also for me, best person ever. Then, me feeling like living with worst enemy, feels like either for real I'm spoiled so bad as they say, or crazy or I don't what else. Can someone feel so bad, if things are so great ? Can we feel something so unreal ? I don't think so. But maybe I'm sick. I don't know. God bless 💜💜💜
Here I am 3 years after discovering my wife had a long term affair. It’s the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life. Everything I’ve ever done as a man was for her and our family. It’s so crushing.
Thank you so much for this video. My ex cheated on me two years ago after a four year relationship after buying a house together. She had a baby with this new person not long after and it still hurts to this day. Been seeing someone who i like but they're not ready for a relationship brings back all the ptsd and trauma, and i feel that im not good enough for anyone. Reading the comments makes me feel like im not the only one ❤
That’s awful. Thank you for watching the video. Here is the video on Healing after a breakup: th-cam.com/video/8OZdTwfb2Mk/w-d-xo.htmlsi=dnXE_eS8s4OBLH7M
Just found out my boyfriend of almost 5 years had another woman he was sleeping with on the side the entire time. I feel so disgusted that he compromised my health and that he could disrespect and lie so easily all this time. He was only sorry he got caught and was trying to convince me to forgive him. I’m proud of myself for kicking him out and breaking up with him right away but the pain now is unbearable. I always felt safe in our relationship. I thought he was my best friend and I truly trusted him and now that has been shattered. I never knew who he truly was if he was capable of doing this to me. He never truly loved me and it’s so painful to come to terms with.
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds incredibly painful and disorienting. Trusting someone so deeply, only to have that trust broken, is profoundly hurtful. It's completely understandable to feel a mix of anger, betrayal, and sadness. It's important to allow yourself to feel these emotions and not rush the healing process. You made a strong decision in a very tough moment, and that shows a lot of courage and self-respect. Remember, it's okay to seek support from friends, family, or a professional during this time. Healing from such a deep wound takes time, but each day, you're moving forward, even if it doesn't always feel that way. What tips from the video will you use to start your healing journey?
Deciding what is best for me and my children is healing and empowering. When someone is whoring outside marriage commitment there is no love and consideration for the faithful spouse. Risk giving STD to spouse. Trust is foundation to any good relationship. When there’s no remorse on part of cheater. Trust won’t be rebuilt. I have high standards and morals that allow me to use as a compass. I choose not to be with a low value person. I deserve high quality.
Thank God somebody gives a damn about betrayal trauma. 20+ years ago there was no word for it, no help available, and you were just expected to pull yourself together and not be a "drama queen" about it.
Thanks so much for watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?Here are the videos on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
Me too!!!!! Just thankful I left. It’s just been difficult because we had so much fun together, or did we? I keep thinking the entire relationship was fake now.
This has been the most difficult time of my life. Sometimes I’ve had such intense anger and I’ve been let down by my mate, my family and so many people in my life I prefer my own company. I feel like I can’t trust anyone and I hate the word love. It seems like it’s synonymous with lies. Nice guys truly finish last.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Here are the videos on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
I found out yesterday my husband of 8 years cheated on me last week. I have never wanted to die so much. I am struggling so incredibly much to stay afloat. I have nothing, my kids don’t even want to stay with me. I am lost. I feel abandoned by everybody. I haven’t eaten or slept for 30 hours and when I try to eat, I can’t keep it down. I see her face in every woman that passes me in the street. I want to give up.
Hold on girlfriend. Don't give up. You can do this God got your back. I know that pain all too well. Been there. It's dark, lonely, the smell of death feels like sweet relief. There is no greater pain. Get up take walks. Find someone you trust to talk to. Do that hairstyle you so wanted and have been putting off. Take up the gym. Do something outside the box!!NOTHING IS WRONG WITH!!! DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU ARE WHOLE AND OK. ITS HIM SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH!!!
It’s more than two decades after my discovery of my wife’s affair. I still love her and I often reflect on the more tender, exciting, and loving moments of our early marriage and courtship. Treasured memories. The problem is that these memories are almost instantaneously eclipsed by my traumatic memories of her affair.
@@DocSnipes I kept a journal of everything that happened. I did this at the time of the discovery, and how it presented (the actual discovery would make a screenwriter salivate). More recently I did the same, this time in a lot more detail, but I was more analytical in my approach. It reopened old wounds but, having done so, the healing process does seem to be proceeding faster than before.
@@alive4627 I am so sorry, so so sorry for what you have gone through. I am the unfaithful wife and Dday was about 10months ago. Pls can you tell me what your wife did to help you heal to a certain extent. I am going mad reading comments of BS, and watching these videos, seeing that so many years after there is still this pain is really crazy. I came from childhood trauma and I tried to get my husbands attention for so long that I was losing it especially when we would go sometimes two weeks without speaking. I feel like I dont know who I was during the 7months of the affair. Right now, for some awful reason am sooo angry with myself but strangely so with my spouse too. Please help me. As a man, what helped you. I have two girls, am so scared because I feel like I did when I went through the molestation. HE is really suffering and I am so shocked at how much he is suffering, /i cant take it that am the cause of it. I feel like going back. Please what can I do.
@@limitlesky Still married, still together. We get on well. This is my second marriage. My first and only divorce was acrimonious, with two sons of the marriage impacted by it. Had a third son by my current marriage. Didn’t want to go through a second divorce. Divorce just brings a whole new set of problems into play. Caught between a rock and a hard place.
I’ve stayed for 30yrs after being cheated on numerous times and thought everything would settle down as we grew older together but it’s hitting me now like it’s never hit before because I have started to have that compassion for myself and stopped thinking it has/had something to do with me. Wasn’t I good enough is something I struggled with for years and now I know it wasn’t me it’s HIM that has issues. And now I feel like I’m too old to start over and just stay and hope for the best when in actual fact I’m thinking I can’t finish my life bitter and still wondering, thinking, stressing and full of anxiety it’s taking a toll on my health now.. I don’t want to admit I have wasted more than half my life on who I thought was my best friend🥺
You’re most welcome! Thank you for watching the video! Also, here is the playlist on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html&si=dwvoB600FPoQfB9K
All my life people have disappointed me or bullied me or betrayed me but others have been kind and supportive. I keep trying to love people and learn how tothr love myself so that I can have a measure happiness and bring peace and happiness to others.
Me too big man. Raised by a sadistic narc dad and and codep (covert narc) mom and was abused 6 ways from Sunday until i was 15, then thank God my dad died and unfortunately my mom left. My 2nd wife with extreme bpd just hung herself in sept. She hung herself due to extreme shame from all the cheating. I was her true love. She killed me. were married 5 years and friends for 18 before hand. I have had bpd relationship after bpd relationship since 1994. My life has been a trauma filled tragedy and I'm more fucked than I've ever been, but I'm making my own silver lining. I'm trying to at least. Good luck Matthew Anselmi, I know it isn't easy my friend, keep your head up bro. God tests those who are strongest harder than the others. You got this.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. What would you say is your favorite strategy from the video for recovery from Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?
literally me. it hurts so bad. the hardest thing i ever dealt with, and it feels there is no escape. feels like life will never be okay. my partner of 11 years, knew each other since we were kids - 23 years of friendship - thought he’d be my life partner and we’d grow old together. i’m grieving and feeling betrayal at the same time. never would wish this suffering on anyone
I get it and everything in this content is spot on. I'm 20 years into my nightmare with the wife that cheated on me. It's very difficult to know she slept with her lover and me, the husband at the same time. I should of ended on the spot but for the kids.
@@DocSnipes I've come terms with it and don't dwell on it as much. Our love for each other helps me. The interloper is gone and i'm still standing. I win as well as my kids.
@@PJHEATERMAN Exactly 💯, what is the point dwelling on it and turing our own mind against us. Nobody is going to give trophy to split the family. Insted if we keep the family together all are winners in this small life.
Wow, this was extremely eye opening. I came on a search path to this video after watching a tv interview where someone talked about how being cheated on can be traumatic and I stopped in my tracks to think “wait all this time I’ve been suffering, maybe it’s more than just me- this could be a trauma?” Well almost every point you made in this video I have experienced in the last months and I feel so validated that my deep anxieties and insecurities have stemmed from difficult circumstances I faced and to have this physical understanding of my feelings rather than abstract rumination feels like a big step in the right direction after so long of drowning in my own mind. So thank you for your sharing of knowledge and wisdom in this field!
You're definitely not the only one who feels this way. We are many. It's a shame that this topic is still such a taboo topic or that it's simply hardly possible to talk about it sensibly with outsiders. I think it would help people like us enormously if we could simply show and express why and how we suffer. And maybe it would also prevent one or two affairs or cheating. For example, I am affected by the fact that my husband was with prostitutes. How am I supposed to talk to others about something like that? On the one hand, prostitution is so normalized, but which woman talks about it when her own partner has done it (I tried, bad idea) - or which man stands up in public and says "yes, I go to whores"?
@@bittehiereinfugen7723 Wow, thank you for sharing-- your story deserves to be heard and validated. I completely agree with how you mentioned that our individual stories also have different impacts, and can then trigger different struggles with trust. For me, my story differs from you as I was in a woman/woman relationship and she cheated on me with a man-- for me, this brought insecurities of not being enough (especially with the societal stereotype that you can't please a woman without "PIV" sex or that lesbian sex isn't real) But I can only imagine your insecurities and trust difficulties when facing that different circumstance. This also reminds me of how kids of divorced parents experience drastically different trauma depending on the age they were when the divorce happened and how everything went down. We all have such different stories.
It is so painful. I got really lucky I ended up with a man who helped me through all the trauma of being cheated on and he put up with so much of my s***. I acted crazy. I accused him of things that he never did and he stuck by my side. Now I don't think about that don't worry if he goes to the store and no he's only going to the store. It took many years for me to really get over this. We both deleted all social media that was the first step. Even email
Do they have a sibling that's available? 🥹😬😆 Just kidding! Sounds like you found someone with a secure attachment that helped you heal. What a wonderful blessing 💓💓💓
@@mamzz3711 thank you so much. He broke his arm a couple years ago and I was that left arm helped him get dressed shower never left his side at the hospital. He's my soulmate. We all have one out there and I hope you find yours❤️🩹
You must have been really attached to your ex and your current partner must be really attached to you. May ALLAH bless you both and keep you both happy Amen
This is a lesson for all: NEVER date someone who just got out of a serious relationship no matter how ‘over’ they appear to be. Be forewarned! Been there! Done that!
Took my charming ex wife all of 3 months from our wedding day to cheat on a "girls night out™". By this point we'd been together over 11 years and I completely adored her. Despite the pain I stuck around for another 7 years but deep down I never saw her the same again and stopped trusting her. We broke up 4 years ago after a total of 18 years together and I've not even been on so much as a date since. I just can't trust women anymore. I had to go on the only honeymoon I'll ever go on with a cheat and act like what she'd done hadn't all but killed me. Nope. I'm out. I'd rather die alone than feel like that again. I won't offer anyone an opportunity to hurt me like that a second time.
That’s awful and I am so very sorry it happened to you. What tips will you use first to heal from PISD? Here is the playlist on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
Sir, I understand your feelings. TRUST was destroyed in me to the core. But I want to say this in retrospect. I've been alone since 1998. Closed myself off. Vowed I would NEVER go through that horror and hell again. I chose alone-ness. Celibacy comes along with that ride. OVER 20 years. Wish I had given myself a chance to heal, and realize that companionship is so precious. Especially as one ages. Two are better than one. Lack of human love, touch, sharing a meal, just talking, is so much to give up. Don't let this woman rob you of your life. I went inward to protect myself and out of fear. It tainted my entire life. Don't let your ex steal another 18 years. I 🙏 you will find the love of your life. And you will have time to make good memories.
Stay strong brother. My ex wife cheated on me as well. We’ve been divorced for 7 years and I hate to say it still hurts. Especially when I considered she moved on with her AP but when that fizzled quickly jumped into another relationship and recently married that man and had a baby. My heart still hurts from the pain she caused and I hope one day I’ll be able to fully move forward. I am in a loving relationship with a woman I fully trust but I have never been able to fully open myself to her the way I did with my ex because of the betrayal trauma. I hope we can learn to love and taut again
I’m sorry man..I’m dealing with something similar. I feel the hurt in your words and it’s how I feel too. It’s a deeper pain than I thought I could feel.
I am sorry you went through that. Thank you for watching the video. Here is the Betrayed Spouse / Betrayal platlist: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
10 years ago, I was cheated on. She met the guy at work and rekindled an old relationship. She was intimate with him for 3 months before I found out. She ended up blaming me for everything and after 5 years together and 1 child she chose to be with the guy. A month or 2 later he passed away in traffic accident, feeling the need to be there for her we ended up working past the infidelity. We’ve since gotten married and been together for 10 years since the incident and I still have a wall up, I have episodes where I’m thinking the worst, I feel like the way I think it’s hurting the relationship since I can’t give her my 100%. This video really help put into perspective that what I feel is normal and can be worked on!
I got over my partners affairs by just focusing on living well, improvement, leveling up. I still get very bad nightmares every once in a while, but i dont think just not thinking about it or just distracting your mind is helpful. You must face it head on and acknowledge that this has changed you but you can at least channel it somewhere good
Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective. It sounds like you've done a lot of meaningful work in channeling the pain from your partner’s affairs into personal growth and self-improvement, which is a powerful approach. You're absolutely right-simply trying to avoid or distract yourself from the hurt often isn't enough for long-term healing. Facing the pain head-on and acknowledging how it has changed you is an essential part of moving forward. The fact that you still experience nightmares is a sign that, even though you've made progress, there may be lingering emotional wounds that need further attention. It’s common for trauma like this to resurface, even when you're actively working on growth. By acknowledging the pain and finding a way to process it, you allow yourself to heal more deeply. Channeling those emotions into something productive, like improving yourself or creating new opportunities, is an excellent way to regain a sense of control and meaning. At the same time, being compassionate with yourself during moments when the hurt resurfaces is equally important. Healing isn’t about erasing the past but about learning how to live well despite it, just as you’ve described. You’ve clearly tapped into an effective strategy by embracing the change and focusing on growth. Keep honoring that process while also giving yourself space to acknowledge and process any emotions that still need attention.
The person who I thought I will get married to cheated on me six months ago and didn’t tell me until I found out by accident last week. The worst part is not that I do not know who I am without him and what am I gonna do with my future, the worst prr is that he stole my memories. All the good memories together now seem fake, covered by dark clouds because I was feeling happy when I had no idea what he was doing to me. This is the worst part, not knowing what to believe and not knowing what to feel because all the love that I had was not for the person who I found out he is.
I am sorry that happened to you. When we experience a betrayal or a hurt that comes from a person we trusted, it cuts to the very core of our being, it feels like a physical assault and it does cause injury. Here is the Betrayed Spouse / Betrayal platlist: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
Being cheated on is the worst. Its carried over to my new relationship where I just have a wall up and have no emotions. It's awful. It affects you long term
I'm really sorry to hear that being cheated on has had such a lasting impact on you. It's completely understandable to have your guard up in your new relationship. If you're open to it, consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through these emotions and gradually lower that wall, allowing you to fully engage in your current relationship.
I met the right woman, the love of my life abd i pushed her away by not being able to fully trust her and projecting the hurt from being cheated on in past relationships. This is very recent, im incredibly sad right now and i need to know i can change myself and get rid of those traumas once and for all, im in need of help..because ive never known how to deal with those things
I am so sorry about that and I am grateful for you being here and watching the video. What tips will you use first for recovery? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=cptsd And here is the playlist on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
I forgave my wife the first time..found out she cheated on my again on two different occasions recently.. the pain is unbearable. We been together for 20 years. And I can’t let go. It’s so hard.
Thank you so much for watching the video. I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. Infidelity can be incredibly painful and challenging to cope with, especially in a long-term relationship. It's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor to help you navigate your feelings and make decisions about your relationship moving forward. Surrounding yourself with friends and loved ones who can offer support can also be helpful during this tough period. Remember, you don't have to go through this alone, and there are people who can provide guidance and a listening ear as you work through your emotions and choices.
As one who has been diagnosed with multiple labels and used the senses to ground as well as visualizing I find grounding. However, as one who has spent most of my life in survival mode and hyper vigilance, I can sink into perpetual mourning. The best memories are with those who asked me questions and sincerely, out of love, had a desire to see me succeed. We, Survivors, have been conditioned/programmed to fear relationships they should trust and trust the relationships we should fear. The predators who ask questions to use me to fullfill their own wants needs and desires have overrun those who pray for my success. I may translate and read as self centered from the readers perspective. I would like to state for the record. I can only speak for my self. To try to step into my shoes or translate the view from where I sit would be pretty assumption. . . No. You can not sit in my lap. No. I do not want to sit in yours. If I want to wear shoes. I have my own. I have boots too. It snows here. How I cope is none of your business, until, I violate your right to say No. No Is a complete sentence. No explanation mandates. I explain because our people are dying. And if another person utters the words "you are the strongest person I know" to me. I may punch them in the face and call it self defense. Carry on Doc Snipes. I appreciate you.
@Doc Snipes identifying the trauma bond, the extent of abuse, and my inner child is welcome in my lap any time. I have a mission. Several Actually. Stay focused on the goal. The light of hope at the end of the tunnel. There was a time I couldn't see it. I see it now. 🔥💞🙏🕊🎶🙋🏼♀️
Unaliving myself use to seem like an ideal solution. However, i was 4 months pregnant when he cheated on me. S*u*cide is no longer an option. Our daughter is 8 months old now, I love her so much. Do i trust him? No. Are we still married? Yes. Are there good days? Yes, but that pain lingers deep in my soul. Things have gotten better, but this isn't the first time or person I've had to deal with infidelity. This hurt is just normal now, and it's agony. I just want the pain to go away, and it won't. It's like an obsession, and i can't bear it.
The truth is when you let your guard down and trust the ability to do that diminishes with every betrayal. It’s been 15 years and I trust nobody in this world.
@@taylorwhoever I haven’t yet but loneliness is taking over my fear of betrayal. Also gotta find someone who is willing to trust as well. Feels overwhelming but I guess if it never changes life is short and the ride will be over before we know it.
@@-MakeItGood- I’m trying to work things out with my partner and we’re starting therapy. He’s starting his own separate therapy and couples therapy. (I’m already in therapy for the miscarriage I was having while he was cheating)
@@taylorwhoever you’re trying. I went scorched earth because I made a promise to myself to never accept it again because women cannot respect a man that allows that to happen. That being said I wish I could go back and do what you’re doing. Scars fade but regrets never go away even a little bit.
The why is because he wanted to. My wife became an alcoholic & had countless situations I'm sure led to infidelity over the past three years. She lives a lie & has to cover her tracks 24/7. Her kids know she lies, they have almost nothing to do with her, as with her old friends. She's lost me as well. Yet she still denies ever lying or cheating when faced with physical evidence. It's enough to drive anyone crazy. You have to walk away & take care of yourself, he'll never be who you wanted him to be.
If this is happening while you're engaged, it won't change after marriage. Probably will get worse. So many red flags. Run while you can. Your life will be painful and miserable
My recent ex girlfriend had all this from her abusive narcissistic ex husband. She couldn’t handle feeling emotion for me even though it was all positive. I just have to keep praying for her.
My husband of 36 years cheated on me. I discovered it 4 months ago. I thought we were soliid. I am still reeling. I moved out and filed for divorce. He wanted me back, so I made him sign a postnup at the advise of my attorney. Everyday is a challenge. Never have I experienced any pain close to this. Love to all who suffered this betrayal. ❤
When your ex-wife managed to convince you that you were the crazy one when your “spidey sense” was alerting you that something wasn’t right for over a decade. When you find out your daughters knew about your ex-wife’s multiple partners and never told you. When you finally realize what has gone on and you say no more and your ex-wife who also happens to be a social worker lies and gets protective orders against you when all you have done is confront her regarding the behavior and how it has destroyed the family. No threats, no yelling nothing other than how could you have done this to all of us? I’m $170k into fighting to get custody of children she didn’t want to adopt because she had started another affair. The legal system is a shame.
You are most likely dealing with a narcissist/ sociopath. Do some research and I'm sure you will come to that conclusion. Dr. Ramani has a ton of information about this personality disorder. They will destroy the partners reputation to save their reputation after already breaking your heart and mind fucking you. A special attorney will be needed too because divorcing a narcissist is not a normal divorce, they actually like hurting you and will never admit what they did, they will work even harder to destroy you. Move in silence,of you keep talking you are letting on about what know and what you may be preparing to do. You have been sleeping with the enemy.
Dont let this trauma sabotage the next relationship for u. Im currently watching my relationship fall apart because of a prior cheating wife. Im catching all the bullets he is shooting because of her ways that arent mine. Hes bout to lose a faithful loyal spouse cuz he wont heal and its heartbreaking. Ur story is very heartbreaking. Dont lose hope in love and the universe. Jus my advice.
There is no need to replace it with another relationship. I can only tell you to be strong and focus else where till the anger and trauma calms down. Find a bigger goal/purpose that can take you far from this. You cannot erase the mind but you can always chose to weaken the memory. I had a love trauma not a marriage one but it was just as horrible to me.
Truly grateful for your video. I have learned to see my past experiences in a different perspective , sometimes all we need is to hear it from someone as knowledgeable as you ! I also hope that everyone seeing this video finds the inner healing they need and to always know your self worth is never based off of the actions of the people around you but rather on the way you treat & see yourself . Everyone is different , trusting may seem a little difficult but sometimes it just takes you to have faith in yourself and the person you are currently with and give it your best !
This is the most complete video ive found on TH-cam. This explains everything I'm experiencing and going through right now. Thank You. Its very helpful and a starting point for me moving forward
You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching my video. I am grateful to be of help. I have an entire playlist on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
I've had so much about myself change after dealing with betrayal. The biggest thing I've noticed is the loss of memory I've experienced. I look at old photos and I don't remember the vast majority of it. I have a hard time even thinking of a happy memory at all.... I don't even know if I ever truly was happy at any point in my life before. It's been three years now.... I feel like I have to find out who I am, completely lost any sense of identity, no sense of ambition or feeling that anything I do actually makes a difference or matters. The only time I feel good about something is when I day dream about being in a secluded place and alone, it just feels so peaceful and safe. I've done therapy and have gotten better but it is clear to me that there are deep permanent changes/damage done to the brain.
Betrayal hurts and is very traumatic. I am sorry it happened to you. Here is a playlist to help you on your journey: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
My wife left last June. We were trying to work through issues. She eventually ghosted the fourth counseling session and then cheated with a guy from a craft beer bar “one night stand”. She later admitted that she “subconsciously “ did this to move things along to divorce. I’ve been crushed. My first wife abandoned the family and now this wife leaves and cheats. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust again.
I'm truly sorry to hear about the pain and betrayal you've experienced. It's understandable to feel crushed and to struggle with trust after such profound hurt. Healing from this kind of emotional trauma is a process, and it's important to give yourself permission to grieve the loss and work through the complex emotions that arise. Here are some steps to consider as you navigate this difficult time: Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's normal to feel a range of emotions, including anger, guilt, and sadness. Recognize these feelings and allow yourself to experience them without judgment. Seek Support: Connect with friends, family, or a support group who can provide a consistent and validating presence. This can help you feel less isolated and more grounded as you heal. Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote well-being and relaxation. This can help reduce stress and improve your mood during this challenging period. Therapy: Consider speaking with a therapist who can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and work on rebuilding trust in yourself and future relationships. Reframe the Narrative: Understand that your wife's actions are a reflection of her choices and issues, not your worth or desirability. This can help you separate your identity from the betrayal. Create New Memories: As you move forward, it's important to create new experiences and associations that don't involve the painful past. This can help in making your environment feel safe again. Rebuild Trust Gradually: Trust is rebuilt over time. Start with small steps and gradually open up as you feel comfortable. Remember, it's okay to set boundaries and communicate your needs to future partners. Reflect and Learn: Take time to reflect on the relationship and what you can learn from the experience. This can help you make informed choices in future relationships and recognize red flags earlier. Envision Your Future: Consider what you want your life to look like moving forward. Setting goals for yourself can provide direction and a sense of purpose as you rebuild. Remember, healing is not linear, and it's okay to have good days and bad days. Be patient with yourself and recognize that rebuilding trust and overcoming betrayal is a journey that takes time. If you ever feel overwhelmed, don't hesitate to reach out for professional help. You're not alone in this, and there is hope for a happier, more trusting future.
After struggling with the effects of my husband's infidelity for so long and clinging to every straw, my husband (sex and porn addict) has recently proven to me, conclusively, that he is untrustworthy and that everything he says is how he wants to change , are just declarations of intent. That was like a wake-up call for me. I was now finally able to free myself internally, because if I had only gotten to know him now, one thing is certain: I would never enter into a new relationship with a person like him. Mendacious, selfish, lazy and cowardly. Phew, I'm really feeling better.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like you’ve gone through a lot of pain and struggle, but it’s powerful that you’ve reached a place of clarity and inner freedom. Realizing that someone’s words don’t align with their actions can be heartbreaking, but it can also be a turning point in reclaiming your peace and sense of self. It’s a significant shift when you can look at the situation more objectively and recognize that, if this was someone new in your life, you’d never choose to invest in that relationship. That insight can be incredibly liberating. It speaks to your strength and growth that you’re now prioritizing your well-being over clinging to empty promises. Moving forward, it’s important to honor these realizations and continue focusing on what brings you peace and fulfillment. Healing from betrayal takes time, but acknowledging the reality of the situation and freeing yourself from the cycle of false hope is a big step toward regaining your sense of self and autonomy. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better-keep trusting your instincts and prioritizing what’s best for you and, if you’re interested in more tips and tools on healing for infidelity or all things mental health, please don’t hesitate to use my Ai: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. Additionally, I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video.
@@DocSnipes Hi Doc, thank you very much for your detailed and generous answer, I really appreciate it! Yes, this inner liberation is truly a gift. It does bring new pain and sadness with it, but that's okay, it has to be that way. I couldn't even say which part of the video was most helpful to me. It was probably more the case that different points were within my reach at different times and sort of “docked” into me. It's a process, a path that only reveals itself slowly, right? What doesn't suit me today may be exactly what I need in a few weeks. And the antidepressants that I started taking nine months ago (because it was becoming dangerous for me) first had to correct my brain chemistry to such an extent that my brain began to work almost normally again. But your videos were definitely interesting and important to me overall, so I would like to express my deepest gratitude for allowing people like me to benefit from your knowledge and skills! Without any exaggeration, you contributed to my survival. I am a nurse and have worked passionately in psychiatry, so - I suspect - I am most interested in "medical" topics that are clearly dealt with in a factual and structural manner. Facts, not nonsense. Btw, I used to work with new patients who were admitted with such massive depression and were either massively delusional or almost stuporous (without any indicators of this in their biography) and whose medical examinations, such as MRI, ruled out any organic cause , why these women seemed to become so seriously ill from one day to the next. Based on what I have now experienced first hand, I could certainly imagine that they experienced massive trauma in their relationship. I mean - hey, no one goes crazy straight away or becomes a dementia sufferer without something very serious having happened! And what all of these women had in common was that the men seemed cold and distant. Would this be possible?
Now I found out my girlfriend for which I sacrificed everything was cheating on me with somebody from work, found out only after few days I moved out from my own house because of her toxicity, she destroyed me, my mental health, my time, my money, my job, i was publicly shamed by colegues in the job, can not sleep or eat for 5 days already I feel like I will be dying soon.
I have suffered depression (thankfully less frequent in past 15 years) on and off for past 34 years. The pain from a 6 year affair my wife had with her boss was just too painful. Despite having many great times in past 36 years, the bad memories overshadow them. I stayed married for our 4 young children.
I'm truly sorry to hear about the pain you've been carrying for so long. It's incredibly difficult to cope with such deep emotional wounds, especially when they are intertwined with a long history and the responsibility of raising children. Your decision to stay for your children shows your immense strength and dedication as a parent. It's important to acknowledge both your struggles and the good times you've had. Seeking support from a counselor or therapist might help you work through these painful memories and find a way to balance them with the positive ones. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your own healing too. Please feel free to share what tips from the video you’d consider using first to start healing. Also, if you're interested in learning more about healing from infidelity or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
This was so good! Thank you for conceptualizing post infidelity symptoms and it's strategies. I work with individuals and couples as a psychotherapist and found this video to be helpful. Thank you!
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
I'm the one who cheated on him, but i love him i really reget what i did to him, hes perfect for me but i still did it i dont know what to do everything i remember all the sin i did to him makes me depressed and i want to end my life because he gave me everthing but what did i pay back i cant forget the time that i want to go back in time to right the wrong that i did im so shameless i cant take it i just want to end my life but he still accepted me at last and he give me another chance but im still suffering from regrets 😭
I am sorry you are struggling with guilt and shame. Here are some videos to help you with that: th-cam.com/video/suG0ohekVsQ/w-d-xo.htmlsi=6I7b6hnKt-3-eSzB th-cam.com/video/JTYbhu74b58/w-d-xo.htmlsi=guCTsoZWPB9UFOYh th-cam.com/video/nSOUGGDHW8E/w-d-xo.htmlsi=okrJTAGUalFnhjcK
The second chance is pure copium from his side. He isn't going to feel the same about you ever again. I mean EVER. Even after 20 years. Also, perfection can be boring. Up and downs are needed in moderate amount in a healthy relationship IMO. That's probably why you cheated.
What about if you're trying to recover & rebuild trust after infidelity in a marriage, when both partners are in recovery? It would be nice if you would touch on that aspect of recovering rrom betrayal, rather than assuming all relationships end afterwards.
I can only talk from my own experience. My wife and I had a confession night 2 years ago when we admitted to each other a one night stand on both sides during a 3 week long argument & separation(in 2014). Two weeks ago I found out she actually slept with that guy for more than a year and kept seeing him for another 4 years after that. Terry Real says that rebuilding trust in a relationship after infidelity takes a massive amount of work and a long time of being extra-transparent from the cheater partner. Even with that, the doubt never really goes away, as a cheating partner will most probably never forget the forbidden fruit is still there, within reach. When one partner cheats, the relationship ends there and then. Both partners then have to decide whether they can start a new one on different terms or walk away. Its up to you to balance the good and the bad in each other to decide if you both go on. But considering that honesty, integrity and transparency ( which most of us look for in others ) are the traits that suffer most in infidelity, it's clear why people seldom stay after cheating.
@@shalom744the relationship can heal and move on but a scar will b left. It can get smaller over time,u get over it but never 4get it and the cheater has to be willing to wanna make things work and b honest.
My ex wife cheated on me. She said I worked too much. For ten years she lived the cars, jewelry, trips. I found out, went home, packed a bag and never looked back. Cut off all communication with her. Been ten years now and have moved on. If they cheat once they’ll do it again. Fact. Life’s too short to always have that nagging on you. And if you do break up, never get back together.
Thank you for watching. I will think about doing that video. Some videos that might help can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=innerchild
Rumination , times a thousand for me , literally didn’t sleep for 36 hrs 🤯, a traumatic betrayal, Even worse when your parent is THRIVING, at the same time . There was no changing the channel…. Only time
Currently going through something similar, my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant and I truly don’t feel like the same person I was I feel so angry all the time and I always have my walls up and all I want is for those feelings to go away all I can do is pray that the Lord will heal me completely but for now I feel very lost and heartbroken, prayers for everyone going through their own similar thing I know how much of a battle it is I pray Jesus gives us the strength to completely forgive (mainly for us) but also heal.
I think that your advice is exceptionally exceptionally important. I wish you well .I am male however I understand issues around the importance of safety etc.
I know how you feel, I take Valium for anxiety/ptsd and I still can't sleep, when I do manage to get a couple of hours it is during the day. I am isolated and have been totally alone for 10 years, I am so lonely, but will not let anyone close to me.
Take a bath and then a cold shower, yes it sucks! But I have found it to be relaxing after it's over. Now sometimes I cannot, because my heart/blood pressure/blood sugar sometimes is wonky and my body cannot handle it. Only you know your body and if it can physically handle it. If its just temporarily uncomfortable for you try it!! I did today and feel relaxed!
I feel so bad for you. How can you let some loser maggot have so much power over you? By isolating yourself and hanging on the past, you’re still allowing him to drag you down and keep you down,. Please free yourself, forgive yourself and first and foremost treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Fuck that piece of shit who did this to you. Let karma and God deal with him, and rest assure what goes around comes around. Burry him once and for all please!
My ex cheated with his EA in our shared workplace. I had a 2 year old at the time and had been diagnosed with a very serious health issue. Nothing can make the betrayal ok. They live in my suburb - had 2 kids. I am forced to share 50/50 custody with my son so I have basically lost everything. I’m 5 years in and it’s still not ok. I think my strategies of self care do help but when an incident occurs I still have a strong emotional response.
Thanks for all this information.... U dnt even have an idea how helpful ur videos are for people who have or are going through dirty break uksnor cheatings...thank u so much
I have to see the hotel I got cheated on everytime if my family wants shakes . And I forgave him but I'm struggling hard to not bring it up to him . Idk if it makes sense to forgive him . He brought me so down and I can't get over it .
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. The hotel is a trigger. Here are the videos on triggers: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=triggers
Good video but I don't like how you assume that the cheating partner is now "the ex" for everyone. My husband and I are still together and working through things. A lot of people stay together.
That’s awesome. I have videos on betrayal where I talk about partners that stay together, too. Here’s the playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
I have to stay. 32 years of marriage before he ruined it. I can't afford to leave we are moving forward, but I am emotionless and sad most of the time. It's been 2.5 years since I found out.
I want to ask a question but im terrified to on comments lol. Thankyou for the video. I took notes and everything. Ill sub as i noticed you responded to every comment despite my feed, gonna have to work hard to clear out the flood of psychoanalysis vids lol. Thankyou again.
You’re so welcome. I am grateful for you being here and waiting the video. You can ask questions when a video premieres and, on the first Thursday of every month, I do a Ask Doc Snipes Live Q&A video, where I answer questions for free (just in case you need a longer, more detailed answer). You can also join the channel at docsnipes.com/join (it’s $9.99/month) and , in doing so, join my telegram channel where I answer questions or you can join me when I film the videos and ask then :)
Great video, really appreciate the insights shared! Personally, I feel like while it's important to address the emotional fallout of infidelity, focusing too much on coping strategies can sometimes overshadow the need for accountability from both partners. Acknowledging the damage done is crucial in the healing process, don't you think?
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment-it’s such an important point! You’re absolutely right that accountability is a crucial part of the healing process after infidelity. While coping strategies are essential for managing the emotional fallout, they work best when paired with honest acknowledgment of the harm caused and efforts to rebuild trust. Both partners need space to process their emotions, but accountability from the partner who violated trust can be the foundation for genuine healing and growth in the relationship. Open communication, empathy, and sometimes even working with a therapist can help facilitate this accountability in a way that feels safe and constructive for both partners. It’s a delicate balance, but when both partners are willing to take responsibility for their roles and commit to rebuilding, healing becomes much more attainable. If you found the video helpful, please consider sharing it-it might offer others insights into navigating these complex situations. What part of the healing process do you feel is the hardest to navigate? Hearing your perspective could provide valuable insight for others in similar situations!
Husband cheated on me with his sons WIFE. I found his phone and was blown away 😳 his son,wife and I were all very suicidal they both committed I'm still in recovery
The most painful part is when I remember I was waiting for him, daydreaming his come back and missing him deeply while he was in another country sleeping with other woman not caring how much it could hurt me. We went together through a lot, I helped and aupported him when he just started his business, I even encourage him to take the trip to break from work stress. Since I find out, I asked him but he denied and lied. I don't know what to do. I want to forgive him and believe he won't do it again, but if there is not even honesty how can be fixed?
I am sorry you went through this and I appreciate you watching the video. Do you think going to couples counseling, might help? Please feel free to use my AI to learn more about infidelity and to search for videos in the video library: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
I'm deeply sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're going through. It takes a lot of strength and courage to work on saving your marriage after such a painful experience. It's completely natural to have mixed emotions-hope for the future and the reality of possible outcomes. Remember to take care of yourself during this time and seek support from friends, family, or a counselor. No matter what happens, your effort and resilience are truly commendable. What tips from the video will you use first on your journey? Please feel free to use my AI for more tips and tools on saving your marriage: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes Wishing you healing and peace.
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My ex wife cheated on me as well. We’ve been divorced for 7 years and I hate to say it still hurts. Especially when I considered she moved on with her AP but when that fizzled quickly jumped into another relationship and recently married that man and had a baby. My heart still hurts from the pain she caused and I hope one day I’ll be able to fully move forward. I am in a loving relationship with a woman I fully trust but I have never been able to fully open myself to her the way I did with my ex because of the betrayal trauma. God-please help me forgive myself and love myself again so I can move forward.
I am sorry you have gone through that and I appreciate you watching the video. Here is the video on brake-up: th-cam.com/video/8OZdTwfb2Mk/w-d-xo.html
Here are the videos on grief: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=grief
And here are the videos on trauma: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=trauma
This is my biggest fear … idk if I’ll ever be able to open myself up and love someone again. I’m only 4 months out from discovery of the affair and I feel hopeless.
@@macciddy7689I’ve been where you are and remember you cant take responsibility for your ex’s bad decisions. Some people in your life will make bad decisions based off of who they are and what they have seen and been through and has nothing to do w u.
Give yourself time and from my experience it takes about 1 yr to 18 months to get over them. In each of my relationships once I get over them they come back and I say no way !
Find several ways to slowly improve yourself from going to the gym to getting outside grounding in the sun. spend time w friends and make new ones.
once your past this dark time find someone who needs your help and help them. the trauma your going through can help others and helps you release trapped or buried negative emotions. let them go and stop thinking ab them.
be your own best friend and know the person who hurt you won’t hurt you again bc your not allowing them in your life. it gives you your power back.
hope this helps and Wish you and anyone reading this well.
your one day closer being over them and they will never hurt you again. practice saying this all day.
Get a hobby just bro. You are mad
@@JS-br7bo I have hobbies lol spent 11 years with this woman .. not that easy to move on in 4 months when I got married less than a year ago. Appreciate the advice though ? … you should work in your empathy a bit .
I have learned that we sometimes need to flip the experience around. Theres something wrong with the cheater. They have a problem. Unable to love. Be sincere. They lack integrity. They often insecure. I found this helped me alot. I am NOT the problem. The cheater has issues and have to deal with their lack of esteem and integrity. Wholesome people do NOT cheat. They often run from one meaningless relationship to another. Shame on them..
Thanks for watching and for sharing
My husband only went as far as kissing her, but when he apologized, he basically said what you did, and that he should have trusted me as well as tried harder instead of going to someone else. He's been nothing but loving, understanding, patient and empathetic. Even small little details that I’ve noticed he’s changed because he knows it may hurt my feelings, he won’t even tell me, I just notice. Instead of running away he’s taken full accountability and tries really hard every day to fix what he broke. Not a lot of people get this but he’s been holding my hand through all of these things she’s mentioned in this video and it helps but it still hurts like hell.
@@LowdermoomooHello!, a really similar situation is happening to me. Do you think we could share opinions and feelings?
Thank you for this strategy
@@LowdermoomooI’m in your boat now but sadly mine slept together.
I am so sorry for everyone in here who's experienced infidelity and cheating. I'm praying for all of your hearts and spirits and pray you're wrapped in love and protection while you get your hearts and spirits back together. ♥️ This is one of the worst painful things to go through and I'm sorry all of you had to experience this. Love and light to you all. You are perfect, whole, and complete. Stay on your healing journey and path.
Thank you for watching and the video. Thank you for your kind words. When we experience a betrayal or a hurt that comes from a person we trusted, it cuts to the very core of our being, it feels like a physical assault and it does cause injury.
Thank you so much ur so kind 🥺
I pray you are fully blessed and healed, going through it now with trauma . I am exhausted still in the trauma cycle😭🙏🥵
What a beautiful person you are @joannahzamora to have these empathetic feelings for others 🙌🏽 much respected 😌
@@bigd_4 much respect and love back at ya ❤️
I got cheated on 7 months ago and It destroyed me as I never imagined it could, The anxiety is unreal and the person I became (I felt dragged into it) I just can’t recognize her. I feel angry all the time, ugly, old…just totally broken. My therapist was not able to help with any of my symptoms and after 6 months of therapy just told me to find someone more skilled,I stopped watching these videos because it would only trigger me more but yours has put so many things into place and gave me such a great guidance on what to look for in my therapy…Thank you a million times! I hope you really have an Idea of how helpful you’re being and how compassionate too. I hope whoever feels like I do can get to heal and move on from this! Thanks again 💕
I relate so much. At times, I have a hard time being outside. Watching normal couples just sitting in a car would trigger me. It's hard when you're out, you can't relax there. I just try to finish whatever I have and just run back home. I have spent many nights just crying myself to sleep. I could be having a good day but just a certain trigger or just a tiny bit of a flashback could ruin my day.
I haven't talked to a therapist about that ( i hardly trust anyone to be vulnerable), just trying to heal by myself.
I agree with your views about Doctor Snipes videos. She is probably the only one whose content i watch regularly to process my healing.
Wishing you health and peace! Good luck for your healing journey.
You’re so welcome. Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video.
Here are some videos on betrayal to help you in your healing journey: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
I feel old ugly fat too
Alan Robarge is another great one to watch, IMO. My husband of 13yrs left w someone half my age, so I also understand how it feels for your self esteem to be absolutely pulverized. After 2yrs of being isolated & depressed abt it I've decided to start visualizing myself happy & healthy, & figuring out what activities, behaviors & new routines I can begin doing to reach the woman I visualize myself to be. And bc chronic stress can literally kill you, make sure you get as much deep sleep as possible until those cortisol levels even out. I didn't know this abt cortisol, & ended up having 4surgeries & losing handfuls of hair until I had bald spots bc of the constant despair, crying & stress. I had to watch youtube videos to learn how to process the grief of betrayal in order to even begin to feel human again. Stay strong Sis. Everything's going to be so much better for you bc you're actually making the effort to learn how to heal 💪🏼🤍
@@manda-panda Thanks for sharing. I can't imagine how painful it would have been. I admire your ability to stand back up and put your steps ahead on the healing journey. Wishing you so much love and peace. Good luck!
You might be the reason I didn’t feel like I wanted to die today. I’m glad I found out you’re on this earth. Thank you. It’s been 8 months since I left and feel like I can’t breathe everyday
You’re most welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. You can also watch the videos on PTSD, because, as mentioned in the video, the symptoms of PTSD and PISD are very similar: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=PTSD
When I'm feeling overwhelmed I tell myself I only have get through the day. If that's to much I tell myself I only have to get through the moment.
Hope you're doing better! I think learning thought awareness, CBT techniques to get and feel more in control of your emotions, and days. Thoughts influence emotions which can lead to actions... the brain naturally leans toward negative thoughts as a defense mechanism.. especially if youve been through trauma....once you become aware of this you can practice challenging those negative thoughts with positive ones! which leads to good emotions.. for example what are you grateful for? What is something that makes you smile?....what can you do to self care today? Be compassionate toward yourself. practice this every day and you will retrain your brain away from defaulting to the negative. Cognitive behavioral therapy will help you to learn your brain and feel safe in controlling thought.. therefore emotions and actions improve. CBT therapy with a professional may be great for you.. this video gives some great techniques to start with grounding yourself etc. Best. You got this. Every day is a fresh start!🎉
I spent four more years with my ex after she cheated on me and honestly I needed faith and a good friend to convince me it was over. Nothing ever got better but just got worse over time. Finally realized I’m still wanted on the market after feeling numb for years. I just learned to let go and move on. No more beating myself up. No more of letting my thoughts cloud my self esteem or value. The love was never that deep if they could cheat. It’s like a big relief and weight was taken off my shoulders. I pray for anyone currently going through, I know it’s hard. God bless you all!
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video
Thanks for the talk. Betrayal trauma is definitely not talked about often enough. My wife had an affair in our 24th year of marriage. I've been through some difficult times in my life, but nothing hurts like a betrayal by the person you love and built a life with. There is a reason that Dante put betrayal one step above hell in The Inferno. You have to first get your head around how someone is capable of that level betrayal to you and your children and live another life.
Its been 2 years since the D-day, when she went on vacation with her lover and my youngest son while I was overseas on business.....his older brother, who was also away on a trip at the same time, told me about the affair after he got back and spoke to his younger brother. Needless to say her infidelity has impacted the entire family. He fractured his hand by putting it through a wall when he saw me crying at my desk one morning. I was a mess and could not concentrate on anything for a long time. Awful, but I'm getting better.
That’s awful and I am sorry it happened to you. What tips will you use first do heal from the trauma? Here are the videos on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
I can relate. Infidelity is a wound that cuts through your spirit, soul, and body. You will survive, and find strengths you never knew existed. Love your children. And above all.....forgive and love yourself. Rejection causes a person to feel inadequate, and less than in many areas. Let her go. Decide to live. And love. Best wishes to you friend.
Mark G are you still together? How did you recover? Something similar with me. She wants to stay together and is sorry, but man, does that ever mess with your head and heart. 8 months since d day, and I still don't know which way to go
@@RS-rh9kp Yes, we are still together and things are better, but you almost have to treat it like a new relationship and get to the root cause of why she cheated. Most guys like to push 100% of the blame on the wayward spouse. Your marriage was probably not great before, even though that is no excuse for cheating. We are working through the EMS Online Affair Recovery course now. The materials and group calls help bring some of these to the surface. We tried it on our own for 2 years and only got so far. Just realize this is long process. I didn't want to break up my family and throw away a 30 year relationship without at least giving it a try. A new relationship has risks too. If I had less invested, I.e. married less than 5 years and no kids, I would have bailed. Hope that helps
Stay strong brother. My ex wife cheated on me as well. We’ve been divorced for 7 years and I hate to say it still hurts. Especially when I considered she moved on with her AP but when that fizzled quickly jumped into another relationship and recently married that man and had a baby. My heart still hurts from the pain she caused and I hope one day I’ll be able to fully move forward. I am in a loving relationship with a woman I fully trust but I have never been able to fully open myself to her the way I did with my ex because of the betrayal trauma. God-please me free!
I felt physically ill for an entire week after I found that my then girlfriend had been with another man. I would lay in bed for hours unable to sleep as I was cold sweating, shaking and feeling like throwing up. I thought breakups was hard just mentally, but I had never imagined it would wreak havoc on the physical body too.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video
It can cause PTSD. The inability to pack away the events. See a therapist and limit rumination with other activities.
I was cheated on after I had my daughter by her father. Was disgusted and shattered. Ended it with him and years later met my current partner, been with him 8 years and just found out he has fathered a child to someone whilst we were broken up last year for 4 months and he tells me he had slept with her on and off after we got engaged a few years back. I don’t think these sick individuals realise the trauma and pain they cause to others. It’s evil, horrific and can destroy another persons soul. I will never trust a human again. Ever
That’s awful and I am sorry it happened to you.
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=PTSD
I'm going through it too. Its crazy
I hope you are doing well. Sending love
The cheaters dont give a shit untill they are caught, i hope you are doing ok passionfruit
Same 😢
This video completely unpacked everything I have been feeling. Currently crying because I didn’t know if I would ever be understood again, even by myself. Thank you! ❤
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it.
Found out a few weeks ago that my wife of 7 years cheated on me with her boss and I am so destroyed right now. I cannot see myself recovering from this right now. I loved her with my whole heart and soul.
That’s awful and I am sorry it happened to you. Here is the Betrayed Spouse / Betrayal platlist: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
My ex fiance did the opposite. He was the boss and knocked up his secretary.
My husband cheated on me while I was 4 months pregnant. Wish he had your fidelity. I love him and am trying to work things out. I keep seeing other men saying how much they loved their wives in these comments, and I wish that's how my husband felt about me. These women really don't know how lucky they were. I'd kill to not have to worry about my heart being broken over and over again.
These are spiritual wounds I cry to the Lord and give it over to him cuz Lord knows betrayal hurts.
I am sorry that happened to you. Betrayal hurts. When we experience a betrayal or a hurt that comes from a person we trusted, it cuts to the very core of our being, it feels like a physical assault and it does cause injury. Betrayal is an emotional assault that causes the loss of trust, the loss of the relationship you thought you had and a need to reconsider your assumptions about your emotional and physical safety, people and the world.
When we are betrayed, we experience many loses and those losses need to be grieved. God knows, He sees and He hears.
❤❤
@@DocSnipesas you move along and rebuild your life , and get to know yourself , just as YOU, I think things will see up. People who cheat have a character disorder .
@DocSnipes Can it also be financially betrayed? I pray to God for wisdom and patience all the time. I feel guilty for giving all our money under my husband to take care of. I was raised that way. I was attorney before marriage, dealing - only by grace of God - almost amazingly with money. In marriage I wanted to be a mother, as for me this is most valued gift and honor that I feel could ever be given by God. After 10 years of marriage I'm not sure can I even count to 10. I don't leave house. Whenever I want to leave this insanity, I'm being told by my husband and my mother, that I'm crazy. I don't know, maybe I'm am. But I can't stop feeling what I feel, which is feeling like living with good looking, loving and caring (for my daughter for 100%), but as it's seem also for me, best person ever. Then, me feeling like living with worst enemy, feels like either for real I'm spoiled so bad as they say, or crazy or I don't what else. Can someone feel so bad, if things are so great ? Can we feel something so unreal ? I don't think so. But maybe I'm sick. I don't know. God bless 💜💜💜
Here I am 3 years after discovering my wife had a long term affair. It’s the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life. Everything I’ve ever done as a man was for her and our family. It’s so crushing.
I am sorry that happened to you
It will take a while to get over it.
But, you will.
Really the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?
@@ds2348 yes the worst and hardest thing to go through as a man.
@@gmhtown fuckn eh i feel you gmhtown
Thank you so much for this video. My ex cheated on me two years ago after a four year relationship after buying a house together. She had a baby with this new person not long after and it still hurts to this day. Been seeing someone who i like but they're not ready for a relationship brings back all the ptsd and trauma, and i feel that im not good enough for anyone.
Reading the comments makes me feel like im not the only one ❤
That’s awful. Thank you for watching the video. Here is the video on Healing after a breakup: th-cam.com/video/8OZdTwfb2Mk/w-d-xo.htmlsi=dnXE_eS8s4OBLH7M
Just found out my boyfriend of almost 5 years had another woman he was sleeping with on the side the entire time. I feel so disgusted that he compromised my health and that he could disrespect and lie so easily all this time. He was only sorry he got caught and was trying to convince me to forgive him. I’m proud of myself for kicking him out and breaking up with him right away but the pain now is unbearable. I always felt safe in our relationship. I thought he was my best friend and I truly trusted him and now that has been shattered. I never knew who he truly was if he was capable of doing this to me. He never truly loved me and it’s so painful to come to terms with.
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds incredibly painful and disorienting. Trusting someone so deeply, only to have that trust broken, is profoundly hurtful. It's completely understandable to feel a mix of anger, betrayal, and sadness. It's important to allow yourself to feel these emotions and not rush the healing process. You made a strong decision in a very tough moment, and that shows a lot of courage and self-respect. Remember, it's okay to seek support from friends, family, or a professional during this time. Healing from such a deep wound takes time, but each day, you're moving forward, even if it doesn't always feel that way. What tips from the video will you use to start your healing journey?
Walks help. I got to I don’t want to be married to a liar and an adulterous person. That got me to my sense of power. Self care!!
I appreciate you watching. Have you seen the video on Healing from Infidelity with HURT? docsnipes.com/HURT
Deciding what is best for me and my children is healing and empowering. When someone is whoring outside marriage commitment there is no love and consideration for the faithful spouse. Risk giving STD to spouse. Trust is foundation to any good relationship. When there’s no remorse on part of cheater. Trust won’t be rebuilt. I have high standards and morals that allow me to use as a compass. I choose not to be with a low value person. I deserve high quality.
I see a lot of this in on line dating sights. "Must not ever lie" about anything at any time! Deal Breaker! Just tell the world y dont you. lol.
Nor do I but I don't think I have a choice.
Thank God somebody gives a damn about betrayal trauma. 20+ years ago there was no word for it, no help available, and you were just expected to pull yourself together and not be a "drama queen" about it.
Thanks for watching!
23 years ago for me and it still hurts.
It's great that it's call PISD. Because I am. Am am so chronically pissed.
Thanks so much for watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?Here are the videos on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
Me too!!!!! Just thankful I left. It’s just been difficult because we had so much fun together, or did we? I keep thinking the entire relationship was fake now.
look at neurofeedback. it's helped me so much. Sending heart hugs
same, its been 10 weeks for me since i found out about cheating, it will burn for such a long time...
You are witty as fuck my friend
This has been the most difficult time of my life. Sometimes I’ve had such intense anger and I’ve been let down by my mate, my family and so many people in my life I prefer my own company. I feel like I can’t trust anyone and I hate the word love. It seems like it’s synonymous with lies. Nice guys truly finish last.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
Here are the videos on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
@@DocSnipes I found the whole video insightful. I guess good women are not in my orbit.
@@paulthomas3015 I know the feeling. I feel everyone is against me even though I’m the victim
@@veronicagarcia381 I’m so sorry.
People's response is one of the most painful parts.
I found out yesterday my husband of 8 years cheated on me last week. I have never wanted to die so much. I am struggling so incredibly much to stay afloat. I have nothing, my kids don’t even want to stay with me. I am lost. I feel abandoned by everybody. I haven’t eaten or slept for 30 hours and when I try to eat, I can’t keep it down. I see her face in every woman that passes me in the street. I want to give up.
I'm truly sorry for the difficulty you're facing, and it's disheartening that you had to go through such a challenging situation.
Hold on girlfriend. Don't give up. You can do this God got your back. I know that pain all too well. Been there. It's dark, lonely, the smell of death feels like sweet relief. There is no greater pain. Get up take walks. Find someone you trust to talk to. Do that hairstyle you so wanted and have been putting off. Take up the gym. Do something outside the box!!NOTHING IS WRONG WITH!!! DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU ARE WHOLE AND OK. ITS HIM SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH!!!
Praying for everyone to heal past this no matter how long it takes
It’s more than two decades after my discovery of my wife’s affair. I still love her and I often reflect on the more tender, exciting, and loving moments of our early marriage and courtship. Treasured memories. The problem is that these memories are almost instantaneously eclipsed by my traumatic memories of her affair.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use for recovery?
@@DocSnipes I kept a journal of everything that happened. I did this at the time of the discovery, and how it presented (the actual discovery would make a screenwriter salivate). More recently I did the same, this time in a lot more detail, but I was more analytical in my approach. It reopened old wounds but, having done so, the healing process does seem to be proceeding faster than before.
@@alive4627 I am so sorry, so so sorry for what you have gone through. I am the unfaithful wife and Dday was about 10months ago. Pls can you tell me what your wife did to help you heal to a certain extent. I am going mad reading comments of BS, and watching these videos, seeing that so many years after there is still this pain is really crazy. I came from childhood trauma and I tried to get my husbands attention for so long that I was losing it especially when we would go sometimes two weeks without speaking. I feel like I dont know who I was during the 7months of the affair. Right now, for some awful reason am sooo angry with myself but strangely so with my spouse too. Please help me. As a man, what helped you. I have two girls, am so scared because I feel like I did when I went through the molestation. HE is really suffering and I am so shocked at how much he is suffering, /i cant take it that am the cause of it. I feel like going back. Please what can I do.
@@alive4627 are you still with her? why didn't you divorce?
@@limitlesky Still married, still together. We get on well. This is my second marriage. My first and only divorce was acrimonious, with two sons of the marriage impacted by it. Had a third son by my current marriage. Didn’t want to go through a second divorce. Divorce just brings a whole new set of problems into play. Caught between a rock and a hard place.
I’ve stayed for 30yrs after being cheated on numerous times and thought everything would settle down as we grew older together but it’s hitting me now like it’s never hit before because I have started to have that compassion for myself and stopped thinking it has/had something to do with me. Wasn’t I good enough is something I struggled with for years and now I know it wasn’t me it’s HIM that has issues. And now I feel like I’m too old to start over and just stay and hope for the best when in actual fact I’m thinking I can’t finish my life bitter and still wondering, thinking, stressing and full of anxiety it’s taking a toll on my health now.. I don’t want to admit I have wasted more than half my life on who I thought was my best friend🥺
That’s awful and I am sorry it happened to you.
It’s smart to spend some time yourself for once. Get yourself together and be in a happy place with no worries.❤
Thank you. Idk how long the good feeling this video gave me will last but grateful for at least feeling good for 30 mins.
You’re most welcome! Thank you for watching the video! Also, here is the playlist on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html&si=dwvoB600FPoQfB9K
I didn’t know this was an actual thing. I have ptsd/CPTSD and then was cheated on. It’s not easy.
All my life people have disappointed me or bullied me or betrayed me but others have been kind and supportive. I keep trying to love people and learn how tothr love myself so that I can have a measure happiness and bring peace and happiness to others.
Me too big man. Raised by a sadistic narc dad and and codep (covert narc) mom and was abused 6 ways from Sunday until i was 15, then thank God my dad died and unfortunately my mom left. My 2nd wife with extreme bpd just hung herself in sept. She hung herself due to extreme shame from all the cheating. I was her true love. She killed me. were married 5 years and friends for 18 before hand. I have had bpd relationship after bpd relationship since 1994. My life has been a trauma filled tragedy and I'm more fucked than I've ever been, but I'm making my own silver lining. I'm trying to at least. Good luck Matthew Anselmi, I know it isn't easy my friend, keep your head up bro. God tests those who are strongest harder than the others. You got this.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. What would you say is your favorite strategy from the video for recovery from Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?
@matthewanselmi3858 Sending you love 💕💕💕💕💕
literally me. it hurts so bad. the hardest thing i ever dealt with, and it feels there is no escape. feels like life will never be okay. my partner of 11 years, knew each other since we were kids - 23 years of friendship - thought he’d be my life partner and we’d grow old together. i’m grieving and feeling betrayal at the same time. never would wish this suffering on anyone
I get it and everything in this content is spot on. I'm 20 years into my nightmare with the wife that cheated on me. It's very difficult to know she slept with her lover and me, the husband at the same time. I should of ended on the spot but for the kids.
You love your kids. Understood.
I am sorry that happened to you. What tips from the video will you use to address Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?
@@DocSnipes I've come terms with it and don't dwell on it as much. Our love for each other helps me. The interloper is gone and i'm still standing. I win as well as my kids.
@@PJHEATERMAN Exactly 💯, what is the point dwelling on it and turing our own mind against us. Nobody is going to give trophy to split the family. Insted if we keep the family together all are winners in this small life.
this is my exact situation! I'm hurting so bad, but I just can't see leaving the family as a better situation
Wow, this was extremely eye opening. I came on a search path to this video after watching a tv interview where someone talked about how being cheated on can be traumatic and I stopped in my tracks to think “wait all this time I’ve been suffering, maybe it’s more than just me- this could be a trauma?” Well almost every point you made in this video I have experienced in the last months and I feel so validated that my deep anxieties and insecurities have stemmed from difficult circumstances I faced and to have this physical understanding of my feelings rather than abstract rumination feels like a big step in the right direction after so long of drowning in my own mind. So thank you for your sharing of knowledge and wisdom in this field!
You’re most welcome. I am sorry you struggled with this
You're definitely not the only one who feels this way. We are many.
It's a shame that this topic is still such a taboo topic or that it's simply hardly possible to talk about it sensibly with outsiders.
I think it would help people like us enormously if we could simply show and express why and how we suffer.
And maybe it would also prevent one or two affairs or cheating.
For example, I am affected by the fact that my husband was with prostitutes. How am I supposed to talk to others about something like that?
On the one hand, prostitution is so normalized, but which woman talks about it when her own partner has done it (I tried, bad idea) - or which man stands up in public and says "yes, I go to whores"?
@@bittehiereinfugen7723 Wow, thank you for sharing-- your story deserves to be heard and validated. I completely agree with how you mentioned that our individual stories also have different impacts, and can then trigger different struggles with trust. For me, my story differs from you as I was in a woman/woman relationship and she cheated on me with a man-- for me, this brought insecurities of not being enough (especially with the societal stereotype that you can't please a woman without "PIV" sex or that lesbian sex isn't real) But I can only imagine your insecurities and trust difficulties when facing that different circumstance. This also reminds me of how kids of divorced parents experience drastically different trauma depending on the age they were when the divorce happened and how everything went down. We all have such different stories.
It is so painful. I got really lucky I ended up with a man who helped me through all the trauma of being cheated on and he put up with so much of my s***. I acted crazy. I accused him of things that he never did and he stuck by my side. Now I don't think about that don't worry if he goes to the store and no he's only going to the store. It took many years for me to really get over this. We both deleted all social media that was the first step. Even email
Do they have a sibling that's available? 🥹😬😆 Just kidding! Sounds like you found someone with a secure attachment that helped you heal. What a wonderful blessing 💓💓💓
Im so happy for you girl, he's such a blessing always pray for him okay
@@mamzz3711 thank you so much. He broke his arm a couple years ago and I was that left arm helped him get dressed shower never left his side at the hospital. He's my soulmate. We all have one out there and I hope you find yours❤️🩹
You must have been really attached to your ex and your current partner must be really attached to you. May ALLAH bless you both and keep you both happy Amen
I’m six days in and so overwhelmed i jusy want to give up. I’m tired. I can’t eat.
My ex-husband cheated on me. I left him in 1996. I have not dated anyone or been in relationship with a man since 1996. The wound is so deep.
I am so sorry your husband betrayed you and I appreciate you watching the video
This is a lesson for all: NEVER date someone who just got out of a serious relationship no matter how ‘over’ they appear to be. Be forewarned! Been there! Done that!
I appreciate you watching
sometimes youre not there for a relationship .. intimacy and friendship can be platonic.
@@majikalgodddess3451 if you mean "sex" by intimacy, then no.
@@majikalgodddess3451 It's still a relationship...think.
@@amandaforrester7636 🤣😂 intimacy is soooo much more than sex.
Thank you for sharing yourself, your gifts with us, the collective of people for healing and healthy guidance for growth. You are appreciated
You’re most welcome. I appreciate you watching
Took my charming ex wife all of 3 months from our wedding day to cheat on a "girls night out™". By this point we'd been together over 11 years and I completely adored her. Despite the pain I stuck around for another 7 years but deep down I never saw her the same again and stopped trusting her. We broke up 4 years ago after a total of 18 years together and I've not even been on so much as a date since. I just can't trust women anymore. I had to go on the only honeymoon I'll ever go on with a cheat and act like what she'd done hadn't all but killed me. Nope. I'm out. I'd rather die alone than feel like that again. I won't offer anyone an opportunity to hurt me like that a second time.
That’s awful and I am so very sorry it happened to you. What tips will you use first to heal from PISD?
Here is the playlist on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
Sir, I understand your feelings. TRUST was destroyed in me to the core. But I want to say this in retrospect. I've been alone since 1998. Closed myself off. Vowed I would NEVER go through that horror and hell again. I chose alone-ness. Celibacy comes along with that ride. OVER 20 years. Wish I had given myself a chance to heal, and realize that companionship is so precious. Especially as one ages. Two are better than one. Lack of human love, touch, sharing a meal, just talking, is so much to give up. Don't let this woman rob you of your life. I went inward to protect myself and out of fear. It tainted my entire life. Don't let your ex steal another 18 years. I 🙏 you will find the love of your life. And you will have time to make good memories.
@@Mr60minorthis made me cry thank you for these words
Stay strong brother. My ex wife cheated on me as well. We’ve been divorced for 7 years and I hate to say it still hurts. Especially when I considered she moved on with her AP but when that fizzled quickly jumped into another relationship and recently married that man and had a baby. My heart still hurts from the pain she caused and I hope one day I’ll be able to fully move forward. I am in a loving relationship with a woman I fully trust but I have never been able to fully open myself to her the way I did with my ex because of the betrayal trauma. I hope we can learn to love and taut again
I’m sorry man..I’m dealing with something similar. I feel the hurt in your words and it’s how I feel too. It’s a deeper pain than I thought I could feel.
Even after thirty seven years I still struggle. We stayed together but it has been tough at times. I have experienced many of these symptoms.
I am sorry you went through that. Thank you for watching the video. Here is the Betrayed Spouse / Betrayal platlist: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
Me too.
10 years ago, I was cheated on. She met the guy at work and rekindled an old relationship. She was intimate with him for 3 months before I found out. She ended up blaming me for everything and after 5 years together and 1 child she chose to be with the guy. A month or 2 later he passed away in traffic accident, feeling the need to be there for her we ended up working past the infidelity.
We’ve since gotten married and been together for 10 years since the incident and I still have a wall up, I have episodes where I’m thinking the worst, I feel like the way I think it’s hurting the relationship since I can’t give her my 100%.
This video really help put into perspective that what I feel is normal and can be worked on!
I am glad it was helpful. Mahalo
You really loved her, such a rare gentleman, may ALLAH make you happy, Amen
How did you get past the thoughts of them with someone else or their words?
I got over my partners affairs by just focusing on living well, improvement, leveling up. I still get very bad nightmares every once in a while, but i dont think just not thinking about it or just distracting your mind is helpful. You must face it head on and acknowledge that this has changed you but you can at least channel it somewhere good
Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective. It sounds like you've done a lot of meaningful work in channeling the pain from your partner’s affairs into personal growth and self-improvement, which is a powerful approach. You're absolutely right-simply trying to avoid or distract yourself from the hurt often isn't enough for long-term healing. Facing the pain head-on and acknowledging how it has changed you is an essential part of moving forward.
The fact that you still experience nightmares is a sign that, even though you've made progress, there may be lingering emotional wounds that need further attention. It’s common for trauma like this to resurface, even when you're actively working on growth. By acknowledging the pain and finding a way to process it, you allow yourself to heal more deeply.
Channeling those emotions into something productive, like improving yourself or creating new opportunities, is an excellent way to regain a sense of control and meaning. At the same time, being compassionate with yourself during moments when the hurt resurfaces is equally important. Healing isn’t about erasing the past but about learning how to live well despite it, just as you’ve described.
You’ve clearly tapped into an effective strategy by embracing the change and focusing on growth. Keep honoring that process while also giving yourself space to acknowledge and process any emotions that still need attention.
The person who I thought I will get married to cheated on me six months ago and didn’t tell me until I found out by accident last week. The worst part is not that I do not know who I am without him and what am I gonna do with my future, the worst prr is that he stole my memories. All the good memories together now seem fake, covered by dark clouds because I was feeling happy when I had no idea what he was doing to me. This is the worst part, not knowing what to believe and not knowing what to feel because all the love that I had was not for the person who I found out he is.
I am sorry that happened to you. When we experience a betrayal or a hurt that comes from a person we trusted, it cuts to the very core of our being, it feels like a physical assault and it does cause injury. Here is the Betrayed Spouse / Betrayal platlist: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
Being cheated on is the worst. Its carried over to my new relationship where I just have a wall up and have no emotions. It's awful. It affects you long term
I'm really sorry to hear that being cheated on has had such a lasting impact on you. It's completely understandable to have your guard up in your new relationship. If you're open to it, consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through these emotions and gradually lower that wall, allowing you to fully engage in your current relationship.
I met the right woman, the love of my life abd i pushed her away by not being able to fully trust her and projecting the hurt from being cheated on in past relationships. This is very recent, im incredibly sad right now and i need to know i can change myself and get rid of those traumas once and for all, im in need of help..because ive never known how to deal with those things
I am sorry about that. Please feel free to use my AI for your healing progress allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
I feel paralyzed in just doing daily things. I do go to work but just keep canceling my yoga and church activities 😢
I am so sorry about that and I am grateful for you being here and watching the video. What tips will you use first for recovery? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=cptsd
And here is the playlist on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
Same actually
Me too. Me too
I forgave my wife the first time..found out she cheated on my again on two different occasions recently.. the pain is unbearable. We been together for 20 years. And I can’t let go. It’s so hard.
Thank you so much for watching the video.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. Infidelity can be incredibly painful and challenging to cope with, especially in a long-term relationship. It's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor to help you navigate your feelings and make decisions about your relationship moving forward. Surrounding yourself with friends and loved ones who can offer support can also be helpful during this tough period. Remember, you don't have to go through this alone, and there are people who can provide guidance and a listening ear as you work through your emotions and choices.
As one who has been diagnosed with multiple labels and used the senses to ground as well as visualizing I find grounding. However, as one who has spent most of my life in survival mode and hyper vigilance, I can sink into perpetual mourning. The best memories are with those who asked me questions and sincerely, out of love, had a desire to see me succeed. We, Survivors, have been conditioned/programmed to fear relationships they should trust and trust the relationships we should fear. The predators who ask questions to use me to fullfill their own wants needs and desires have overrun those who pray for my success. I may translate and read as self centered from the readers perspective. I would like to state for the record. I can only speak for my self. To try to step into my shoes or translate the view from where I sit would be pretty assumption. . . No. You can not sit in my lap. No. I do not want to sit in yours. If I want to wear shoes. I have my own. I have boots too. It snows here. How I cope is none of your business, until, I violate your right to say No. No Is a complete sentence. No explanation mandates. I explain because our people are dying. And if another person utters the words "you are the strongest person I know" to me. I may punch them in the face and call it self defense. Carry on Doc Snipes. I appreciate you.
I truly appreciate you watching and sharing. How will you start addressing PISD?
@Doc Snipes identifying the trauma bond, the extent of abuse, and my inner child is welcome in my lap any time. I have a mission. Several Actually. Stay focused on the goal. The light of hope at the end of the tunnel. There was a time I couldn't see it. I see it now. 🔥💞🙏🕊🎶🙋🏼♀️
Your the best and exactly correct. The best is to go away from that cheater to have peace of mind coz life is too short to struggle everyday.
Thank you for watching the video
Unaliving myself use to seem like an ideal solution. However, i was 4 months pregnant when he cheated on me. S*u*cide is no longer an option. Our daughter is 8 months old now, I love her so much. Do i trust him? No. Are we still married? Yes. Are there good days? Yes, but that pain lingers deep in my soul. Things have gotten better, but this isn't the first time or person I've had to deal with infidelity. This hurt is just normal now, and it's agony. I just want the pain to go away, and it won't. It's like an obsession, and i can't bear it.
I am sorry about that. Here is the playlist on the betrayed spouse: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
Wow, sorry to hear this. I hope you are doing better 🙏🏽
I am so incredibly sorry. If you would like to talk (like not in yt comments) I’d love to. I was miscarrying at the time.
The truth is when you let your guard down and trust the ability to do that diminishes with every betrayal. It’s been 15 years and I trust nobody in this world.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video
Do you still not trust? I want to trust again.
@@taylorwhoever I haven’t yet but loneliness is taking over my fear of betrayal. Also gotta find someone who is willing to trust as well. Feels overwhelming but I guess if it never changes life is short and the ride will be over before we know it.
@@-MakeItGood- I’m trying to work things out with my partner and we’re starting therapy. He’s starting his own separate therapy and couples therapy. (I’m already in therapy for the miscarriage I was having while he was cheating)
@@taylorwhoever you’re trying. I went scorched earth because I made a promise to myself to never accept it again because women cannot respect a man that allows that to happen. That being said I wish I could go back and do what you’re doing. Scars fade but regrets never go away even a little bit.
Thank you so much for this video. It helps me a lot to understand what has been going on with me.
You’re most welcome. I appreciate you watching
My problem is dealing with my fiance who cheated with an ex and for 3 years had an emotional affair. This really is what haunts me. And why, just why.
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciated you watching
You weren't interesting enough. You became needy and predictable. Exhibit more self-value and ignore more
The why is because he wanted to. My wife became an alcoholic & had countless situations I'm sure led to infidelity over the past three years. She lives a lie & has to cover her tracks 24/7. Her kids know she lies, they have almost nothing to do with her, as with her old friends. She's lost me as well. Yet she still denies ever lying or cheating when faced with physical evidence. It's enough to drive anyone crazy. You have to walk away & take care of yourself, he'll never be who you wanted him to be.
Doesn't sound like fiancé material to me
If this is happening while you're engaged, it won't change after marriage. Probably will get worse. So many red flags. Run while you can. Your life will be painful and miserable
My recent ex girlfriend had all this from her abusive narcissistic ex husband. She couldn’t handle feeling emotion for me even though it was all positive. I just have to keep praying for her.
That’s awful. Betrayal can be very painful. Thank you for watching the video and for sharing
You are so cute Doc Snipes. The lilt of your voice accompanying this content is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!
You are so welcome. Thank you for watching the video
My husband of 36 years cheated on me. I discovered it 4 months ago. I thought we were soliid. I am still reeling. I moved out and filed for divorce. He wanted me back, so I made him sign a postnup at the advise of my attorney. Everyday is a challenge. Never have I experienced any pain close to this. Love to all who suffered this betrayal. ❤
That’s awful and I am sorry it happened to you
When your ex-wife managed to convince you that you were the crazy one when your “spidey sense” was alerting you that something wasn’t right for over a decade. When you find out your daughters knew about your ex-wife’s multiple partners and never told you. When you finally realize what has gone on and you say no more and your ex-wife who also happens to be a social worker lies and gets protective orders against you when all you have done is confront her regarding the behavior and how it has destroyed the family. No threats, no yelling nothing other than how could you have done this to all of us? I’m $170k into fighting to get custody of children she didn’t want to adopt because she had started another affair. The legal system is a shame.
I am sorry that happened to you and appreciate you watching you watching the video
You are most likely dealing with a narcissist/ sociopath. Do some research and I'm sure you will come to that conclusion. Dr. Ramani has a ton of information about this personality disorder. They will destroy the partners reputation to save their reputation after already breaking your heart and mind fucking you. A special attorney will be needed too because divorcing a narcissist is not a normal divorce, they actually like hurting you and will never admit what they did, they will work even harder to destroy you. Move in silence,of you keep talking you are letting on about what know and what you may be preparing to do. You have been sleeping with the enemy.
Dont let this trauma sabotage the next relationship for u. Im currently watching my relationship fall apart because of a prior cheating wife. Im catching all the bullets he is shooting because of her ways that arent mine. Hes bout to lose a faithful loyal spouse cuz he wont heal and its heartbreaking. Ur story is very heartbreaking. Dont lose hope in love and the universe. Jus my advice.
@@asabovesobelow6470 He should look into neurofeedback. It's the only thing that has kept me sane in all of this.
There is no need to replace it with another relationship. I can only tell you to be strong and focus else where till the anger and trauma calms down. Find a bigger goal/purpose that can take you far from this. You cannot erase the mind but you can always chose to weaken the memory. I had a love trauma not a marriage one but it was just as horrible to me.
It makes it extra difficult when that person was the only "support" system you had.
No doubt. Unfortunately that may be a problem that needs to be addressed in its own right
Try going to church or find a divorce care group. Don't do this alone.
Truly grateful for your video. I have learned to see my past experiences in a different perspective , sometimes all we need is to hear it from someone as knowledgeable as you ! I also hope that everyone seeing this video finds the inner healing they need and to always know your self worth is never based off of the actions of the people around you but rather on the way you treat & see yourself . Everyone is different , trusting may seem a little difficult but sometimes it just takes you to have faith in yourself and the person you are currently with and give it your best !
Thank you. I appreciate you watching the video and am glad it helped you see your past experiences in a different perspective
This is the most complete video ive found on TH-cam. This explains everything I'm experiencing and going through right now. Thank You. Its very helpful and a starting point for me moving forward
You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching my video. I am grateful to be of help. I have an entire playlist on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
I've had so much about myself change after dealing with betrayal. The biggest thing I've noticed is the loss of memory I've experienced. I look at old photos and I don't remember the vast majority of it. I have a hard time even thinking of a happy memory at all.... I don't even know if I ever truly was happy at any point in my life before. It's been three years now.... I feel like I have to find out who I am, completely lost any sense of identity, no sense of ambition or feeling that anything I do actually makes a difference or matters. The only time I feel good about something is when I day dream about being in a secluded place and alone, it just feels so peaceful and safe. I've done therapy and have gotten better but it is clear to me that there are deep permanent changes/damage done to the brain.
Betrayal hurts and is very traumatic. I am sorry it happened to you. Here is a playlist to help you on your journey: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
You are excellent. Never have I heard such a complete discussion on these subjects. Thank you.
You are very welcome
I find it hilarious that this pops up out of the blue right after I find some things out in my life, thank you spot on
You’re most welcome. Thanks for watching the video
My husband cheated on me 4 years ago, and I'm still hurt over it. I find myself very triggered. It's so hard for me to move forward.
That’s awful and I am deeply sorry that it happened to you. What tips from the video will you use to start healing from PISD?
Don’t move forward and leave him!!!
You have the chance to be happy yourself even if it’s by yourself❤
My wife left last June. We were trying to work through issues. She eventually ghosted the fourth counseling session and then cheated with a guy from a craft beer bar “one night stand”. She later admitted that she “subconsciously “ did this to move things along to divorce. I’ve been crushed. My first wife abandoned the family and now this wife leaves and cheats. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust again.
I'm truly sorry to hear about the pain and betrayal you've experienced. It's understandable to feel crushed and to struggle with trust after such profound hurt. Healing from this kind of emotional trauma is a process, and it's important to give yourself permission to grieve the loss and work through the complex emotions that arise.
Here are some steps to consider as you navigate this difficult time:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's normal to feel a range of emotions, including anger, guilt, and sadness. Recognize these feelings and allow yourself to experience them without judgment.
Seek Support: Connect with friends, family, or a support group who can provide a consistent and validating presence. This can help you feel less isolated and more grounded as you heal.
Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote well-being and relaxation. This can help reduce stress and improve your mood during this challenging period.
Therapy: Consider speaking with a therapist who can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and work on rebuilding trust in yourself and future relationships.
Reframe the Narrative: Understand that your wife's actions are a reflection of her choices and issues, not your worth or desirability. This can help you separate your identity from the betrayal.
Create New Memories: As you move forward, it's important to create new experiences and associations that don't involve the painful past. This can help in making your environment feel safe again.
Rebuild Trust Gradually: Trust is rebuilt over time. Start with small steps and gradually open up as you feel comfortable. Remember, it's okay to set boundaries and communicate your needs to future partners.
Reflect and Learn: Take time to reflect on the relationship and what you can learn from the experience. This can help you make informed choices in future relationships and recognize red flags earlier.
Envision Your Future: Consider what you want your life to look like moving forward. Setting goals for yourself can provide direction and a sense of purpose as you rebuild.
Remember, healing is not linear, and it's okay to have good days and bad days. Be patient with yourself and recognize that rebuilding trust and overcoming betrayal is a journey that takes time. If you ever feel overwhelmed, don't hesitate to reach out for professional help. You're not alone in this, and there is hope for a happier, more trusting future.
After struggling with the effects of my husband's infidelity for so long and clinging to every straw, my husband (sex and porn addict) has recently proven to me, conclusively, that he is untrustworthy and that everything he says is how he wants to change , are just declarations of intent.
That was like a wake-up call for me.
I was now finally able to free myself internally, because if I had only gotten to know him now, one thing is certain: I would never enter into a new relationship with a person like him.
Mendacious, selfish, lazy and cowardly.
Phew, I'm really feeling better.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like you’ve gone through a lot of pain and struggle, but it’s powerful that you’ve reached a place of clarity and inner freedom. Realizing that someone’s words don’t align with their actions can be heartbreaking, but it can also be a turning point in reclaiming your peace and sense of self.
It’s a significant shift when you can look at the situation more objectively and recognize that, if this was someone new in your life, you’d never choose to invest in that relationship. That insight can be incredibly liberating. It speaks to your strength and growth that you’re now prioritizing your well-being over clinging to empty promises.
Moving forward, it’s important to honor these realizations and continue focusing on what brings you peace and fulfillment. Healing from betrayal takes time, but acknowledging the reality of the situation and freeing yourself from the cycle of false hope is a big step toward regaining your sense of self and autonomy. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better-keep trusting your instincts and prioritizing what’s best for you and, if you’re interested in more tips and tools on healing for infidelity or all things mental health, please don’t hesitate to use my Ai: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.
Additionally, I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video.
@@DocSnipes Hi Doc, thank you very much for your detailed and generous answer, I really appreciate it!
Yes, this inner liberation is truly a gift. It does bring new pain and sadness with it, but that's okay, it has to be that way.
I couldn't even say which part of the video was most helpful to me. It was probably more the case that different points were within my reach at different times and sort of “docked” into me. It's a process, a path that only reveals itself slowly, right? What doesn't suit me today may be exactly what I need in a few weeks. And the antidepressants that I started taking nine months ago (because it was becoming dangerous for me) first had to correct my brain chemistry to such an extent that my brain began to work almost normally again.
But your videos were definitely interesting and important to me overall, so I would like to express my deepest gratitude for allowing people like me to benefit from your knowledge and skills!
Without any exaggeration, you contributed to my survival.
I am a nurse and have worked passionately in psychiatry, so - I suspect - I am most interested in "medical" topics that are clearly dealt with in a factual and structural manner. Facts, not nonsense.
Btw, I used to work with new patients who were admitted with such massive depression and were either massively delusional or almost stuporous (without any indicators of this in their biography) and whose medical examinations, such as MRI, ruled out any organic cause , why these women seemed to become so seriously ill from one day to the next.
Based on what I have now experienced first hand, I could certainly imagine that they experienced massive trauma in their relationship.
I mean - hey, no one goes crazy straight away or becomes a dementia sufferer without something very serious having happened!
And what all of these women had in common was that the men seemed cold and distant.
Would this be possible?
Now I found out my girlfriend for which I sacrificed everything was cheating on me with somebody from work, found out only after few days I moved out from my own house because of her toxicity, she destroyed me, my mental health, my time, my money, my job, i was publicly shamed by colegues in the job, can not sleep or eat for 5 days already I feel like I will be dying soon.
That’s truly awful and I am sorry it happened to you.
I have suffered depression (thankfully less frequent in past 15 years) on and off for past 34 years. The pain from a 6 year affair my wife had with her boss was just too painful. Despite having many great times in past 36 years, the bad memories overshadow them. I stayed married for our 4 young children.
I'm truly sorry to hear about the pain you've been carrying for so long. It's incredibly difficult to cope with such deep emotional wounds, especially when they are intertwined with a long history and the responsibility of raising children. Your decision to stay for your children shows your immense strength and dedication as a parent. It's important to acknowledge both your struggles and the good times you've had. Seeking support from a counselor or therapist might help you work through these painful memories and find a way to balance them with the positive ones. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your own healing too. Please feel free to share what tips from the video you’d consider using first to start healing. Also, if you're interested in learning more about healing from infidelity or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
This was so good! Thank you for conceptualizing post infidelity symptoms and it's strategies. I work with individuals and couples as a psychotherapist and found this video to be helpful. Thank you!
You are quite welcome Tammy. Thanks for the comment and for watching.
Thank you for your expert advice I got alot of answers tonight.
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
Thank you for this video. Ive recently started counselling and this is helpful also.
You are so welcome! Thanks for watching
I'm the one who cheated on him, but i love him i really reget what i did to him, hes perfect for me but i still did it i dont know what to do everything i remember all the sin i did to him makes me depressed and i want to end my life because he gave me everthing but what did i pay back i cant forget the time that i want to go back in time to right the wrong that i did im so shameless i cant take it i just want to end my life but he still accepted me at last and he give me another chance but im still suffering from regrets 😭
I am sorry you are struggling with guilt and shame. Here are some videos to help you with that: th-cam.com/video/suG0ohekVsQ/w-d-xo.htmlsi=6I7b6hnKt-3-eSzB
th-cam.com/video/JTYbhu74b58/w-d-xo.htmlsi=guCTsoZWPB9UFOYh
th-cam.com/video/nSOUGGDHW8E/w-d-xo.htmlsi=okrJTAGUalFnhjcK
The second chance is pure copium from his side. He isn't going to feel the same about you ever again. I mean EVER. Even after 20 years.
Also, perfection can be boring. Up and downs are needed in moderate amount in a healthy relationship IMO. That's probably why you cheated.
What about if you're trying to recover & rebuild trust after infidelity in a marriage, when both partners are in recovery? It would be nice if you would touch on that aspect of recovering rrom betrayal, rather than assuming all relationships end afterwards.
I appreciate you watching. You can find videos on that in the betrayed spouse series: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=betrayal
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I can only talk from my own experience. My wife and I had a confession night 2 years ago when we admitted to each other a one night stand on both sides during a 3 week long argument & separation(in 2014). Two weeks ago I found out she actually slept with that guy for more than a year and kept seeing him for another 4 years after that.
Terry Real says that rebuilding trust in a relationship after infidelity takes a massive amount of work and a long time of being extra-transparent from the cheater partner. Even with that, the doubt never really goes away, as a cheating partner will most probably never forget the forbidden fruit is still there, within reach.
When one partner cheats, the relationship ends there and then. Both partners then have to decide whether they can start a new one on different terms or walk away.
Its up to you to balance the good and the bad in each other to decide if you both go on. But considering that honesty, integrity and transparency ( which most of us look for in others ) are the traits that suffer most in infidelity, it's clear why people seldom stay after cheating.
Does that even work? Do people change? Can you trust them again?
@@shalom744the relationship can heal and move on but a scar will b left. It can get smaller over time,u get over it but never 4get it and the cheater has to be willing to wanna make things work and b honest.
Thanks for introduce the PISD Dr. Snipes.
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
My ex wife cheated on me. She said I worked too much. For ten years she lived the cars, jewelry, trips. I found out, went home, packed a bag and never looked back. Cut off all communication with her. Been ten years now and have moved on. If they cheat once they’ll do it again. Fact. Life’s too short to always have that nagging on you. And if you do break up, never get back together.
Thank you for watching the video and for sharing your story
Can you please do avideo on parental rejection. It's made me a people pleaser and im drawn to people who don't respect me
Thank you for watching. I will think about doing that video. Some videos that might help can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=innerchild
Rumination , times a thousand for me , literally didn’t sleep for 36 hrs 🤯, a traumatic betrayal,
Even worse when your parent is THRIVING, at the same time . There was no changing the channel…. Only time
Avoidance should only be temporary. If you want to get over the trauma, you eventually need to confront the things that made you traumatized.
Thanks for watching the video
Thank you doctor for sharing this. I never knew what I was doing was ruminating.
You’re so welcome. Thank you so much for watching. What is your favorite tip from the video, a tip you find extremely helpful in addressing PISD?
Currently going through something similar, my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant and I truly don’t feel like the same person I was I feel so angry all the time and I always have my walls up and all I want is for those feelings to go away all I can do is pray that the Lord will heal me completely but for now I feel very lost and heartbroken, prayers for everyone going through their own similar thing I know how much of a battle it is I pray Jesus gives us the strength to completely forgive (mainly for us) but also heal.
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video
Jesus's love completes us❤
Stop having Band-Aid babies.
It’s never the answer.
I think that your advice is exceptionally exceptionally important. I wish you well
.I am male however I understand issues around the importance of safety etc.
Thank you. I appreciate you watching the video
If I could get some sleep I would feel so much better! I honestly don't even remember "how to sleep" thats how bad my carcadian rhythm is off 😩
appreciate you watching!Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=CPTSD
I know how you feel, I take Valium for anxiety/ptsd and I still can't sleep, when I do manage to get a couple of hours it is during the day. I am isolated and have been totally alone for 10 years, I am so lonely, but will not let anyone close to me.
Take a bath and then a cold shower, yes it sucks! But I have found it to be relaxing after it's over. Now sometimes I cannot, because my heart/blood pressure/blood sugar sometimes is wonky and my body cannot handle it. Only you know your body and if it can physically handle it. If its just temporarily uncomfortable for you try it!! I did today and feel relaxed!
I feel so bad for you. How can you let some loser maggot have so much power over you? By isolating yourself and hanging on the past, you’re still allowing him to drag you down and keep you down,. Please free yourself, forgive yourself and first and foremost treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Fuck that piece of shit who did this to you. Let karma and God deal with him, and rest assure what goes around comes around. Burry him once and for all please!
Thank you Doc Snipes for another great lecture on an important subject!
Glad you enjoyed it!
My ex cheated with his EA in our shared workplace. I had a 2 year old at the time and had been diagnosed with a very serious health issue. Nothing can make the betrayal ok. They live in my suburb - had 2 kids. I am forced to share 50/50 custody with my son so I have basically lost everything. I’m 5 years in and it’s still not ok. I think my strategies of self care do help but when an incident occurs I still have a strong emotional response.
I am sorry your ex cheated on you and you lost everything. That’s awful. What tips from the video will you use first to address PISD?
i have love for the BOTH of you.. I hope you receive the joy & peace youve been longing for.. ❤❤❤
Wow this is a very informative video thank you and God bless you 🙏
You’re most welcome. I appreciate you watching
Rule 1: Don't committ infidelity!
Rule 2: Good to go!
Rule 3: don't date someone who brags they cheated/was a party to cheating/covered up cheating for a friend. Even if they say they changed.
I appreciate you watching. Have you seen the video on Healing from Infinity with HURT? docsnipes.com/HURT
His cheating was my opportunity to exit into peaceful freedom ,
Thank you for watching the video and for sharing.
Thanks for all this information....
U dnt even have an idea how helpful ur videos are for people who have or are going through dirty break uksnor cheatings...thank u so much
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video
Thank you for such clear teaching
You’re so welcome. What did you fond most useful from it?
@@DocSnipes
All of it
Outlining of the symptoms &
Your systematic approach to over come them
It requires another few listens with pen & paper
I have to see the hotel I got cheated on everytime if my family wants shakes . And I forgave him but I'm struggling hard to not bring it up to him . Idk if it makes sense to forgive him . He brought me so down and I can't get over it .
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. The hotel is a trigger. Here are the videos on triggers: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=triggers
I visited the hotels too 😞
Can't thank you enough for this video, doc. Helped me reason and reflect a lot.
❤❤
You’re most welcome. I am grateful to have been of service
Brilliant advice. Just when I needed it.
Thank you for watching the video.
Good video but I don't like how you assume that the cheating partner is now "the ex" for everyone. My husband and I are still together and working through things. A lot of people stay together.
That’s awesome. I have videos on betrayal where I talk about partners that stay together, too. Here’s the playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
I have to stay. 32 years of marriage before he ruined it. I can't afford to leave we are moving forward, but I am emotionless and sad most of the time. It's been 2.5 years since I found out.
I did that after my husband cheated on me. Separated for 6 months, then reconciled only to be cheated on again 7 years later. Now divorced.
Get well❤❤❤
Thank you for watching the video!
I want to ask a question but im terrified to on comments lol. Thankyou for the video. I took notes and everything. Ill sub as i noticed you responded to every comment despite my feed, gonna have to work hard to clear out the flood of psychoanalysis vids lol. Thankyou again.
You’re so welcome. I am grateful for you being here and waiting the video. You can ask questions when a video premieres and, on the first Thursday of every month, I do a Ask Doc Snipes Live Q&A video, where I answer questions for free (just in case you need a longer, more detailed answer). You can also join the channel at docsnipes.com/join (it’s $9.99/month) and , in doing so, join my telegram channel where I answer questions or you can join me when I film the videos and ask then :)
This was very helpful thank you!
I appreciate you watching. What would you say was your favorite strategy for recovery from Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?
Great video thank you for this
You’re so welcome. Thank you so much for watching. Here are the videos on betrayal: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswgdmOu3qJOApYAd_twc5KfD.html
This is very helpful, thank you.
You're very welcome!
Thought stopping is how the affair was missed in the first place, “they’re just friends.”
Thank you for watching
There is no such thing as just friends when they are the opposite sex
Great video, really appreciate the insights shared! Personally, I feel like while it's important to address the emotional fallout of infidelity, focusing too much on coping strategies can sometimes overshadow the need for accountability from both partners. Acknowledging the damage done is crucial in the healing process, don't you think?
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment-it’s such an important point! You’re absolutely right that accountability is a crucial part of the healing process after infidelity. While coping strategies are essential for managing the emotional fallout, they work best when paired with honest acknowledgment of the harm caused and efforts to rebuild trust. Both partners need space to process their emotions, but accountability from the partner who violated trust can be the foundation for genuine healing and growth in the relationship.
Open communication, empathy, and sometimes even working with a therapist can help facilitate this accountability in a way that feels safe and constructive for both partners. It’s a delicate balance, but when both partners are willing to take responsibility for their roles and commit to rebuilding, healing becomes much more attainable.
If you found the video helpful, please consider sharing it-it might offer others insights into navigating these complex situations.
What part of the healing process do you feel is the hardest to navigate? Hearing your perspective could provide valuable insight for others in similar situations!
Please do one on Post Friendzone Stress Disorder
Husband cheated on me with his sons WIFE. I found his phone and was blown away 😳 his son,wife and I were all very suicidal they both committed I'm still in recovery
That’s awful and I am sorry it happened to you
You mean they died?
The most painful part is when I remember I was waiting for him, daydreaming his come back and missing him deeply while he was in another country sleeping with other woman not caring how much it could hurt me. We went together through a lot, I helped and aupported him when he just started his business, I even encourage him to take the trip to break from work stress.
Since I find out, I asked him but he denied and lied. I don't know what to do. I want to forgive him and believe he won't do it again, but if there is not even honesty how can be fixed?
I am sorry you went through this and I appreciate you watching the video. Do you think going to couples counseling, might help? Please feel free to use my AI to learn more about infidelity and to search for videos in the video library: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
How did you find out he cheated on you?
I've become stuck in place.
He never stops.
That’s awful. What tips from the video will you use first to overcome PISD
Self care❤ start treating yourself, exercise to express your feelings 🎉
I am actively working to save my marriage after catching my wife cheating. I'm hopeful, but I am fully prepared for it to tank.
I'm deeply sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're going through. It takes a lot of strength and courage to work on saving your marriage after such a painful experience. It's completely natural to have mixed emotions-hope for the future and the reality of possible outcomes. Remember to take care of yourself during this time and seek support from friends, family, or a counselor. No matter what happens, your effort and resilience are truly commendable.
What tips from the video will you use first on your journey? Please feel free to use my AI for more tips and tools on saving your marriage: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
Wishing you healing and peace.