How Do We Say No When We Can't Say No? (Defences Series Part 4 of 5)

This video addresses the difficulties many of us have in saying no to others, the reasons why we can find ourselves in that position and how we can work on changing it.
When we have grown up in a narcissistic family, we have been conditioned into being compliant, passive and agreeable and we will therefore often struggle to not only know what our wants and needs are, but to be able to assert them, to be able to say no to people when we don’t want to do something, and to be able to generally live our lives in the way that we would like to. We may be aware of this consciously to some extent or we may be largely unaware of these underlying dynamics in our psyches.
I read an article from my website - How Can We Say No When We Can't Say No? along with excerpts from The Search for the Real Self by James F. Masterson which can help us to understand why we struggle to know what our needs and wants are and how that can lead us to not being able to set boundaries or say no.
00.52 Learning to Be Compliant and Agreeable
03.24 The Real Self and The Adapted Self
07.11 The Six Horsemen of The Psychic Apocalypse
09.09 James F. Masterson - the Search For the Real Self Excerpts
09.27 Examples of Being in the Adapted Self
10.54 The Abandonment Depression - The Real and the Adapted Self
20.10 Depression and Rage
20.58 Anger
21.31 Rage, Fear and Panic
22.47 The Godfather
23.56 Guilt
27.31 Helplessness
29.25 Subconscious Defences
30.07 Why do We Fear Saying No?
31.23 Why Can’t We Say No?
34.09 We Don’t Know We Want to Say No
35.54 We Want to Say No but Can’t
36.32 Behaviours That Help us to Avoid Saying No
38.37 How Do We Learn to Say No?
Links:
The '10 Capacities of the Real Self' addressed here:
How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse
• How to Heal From Narci...
Behavioural Conditioning in a Narcissistic Family:
• Behavioural Conditioni...
childrenofnarc...
Defences Series So Far:
Common Defence Mechanisms
• Common Defence Mechani...
Avoidance as a Defence Mechanism
• Avoidance as a Defence...
Our Biological Defences
studio.youtube...
childrenofnarc...

[@childrenofnarcissists]

00.52 Learning to Be Compliant and Agreeable
03.24 The Real Self and The Adapted Self
07.11 The Six Horsemen of The Psychic Apocalypse
09.09 James F. Masterson - the Search For the Real Self Excerpts
09.27 Examples of Being in the Adapted Self
10.54 The Abandonment Depression - The Real and the Adapted Self
20.10 Depression and Rage
20.58 Anger
21.31 Rage, Fear and Panic
22.47 The Godfather
23.56 Guilt
27.31 Helplessness
29.25 Subconscious Defences
30.07 Why do We Fear Saying No?
31.23 Why Can’t We Say No?
34.09 We Don’t Know We Want to Say No
35.54 We Want to Say No but Can’t
36.32 Behaviours That Help us to Avoid Saying No
38.37 How Do We Learn to Say No?

[@kingadomanska6470]

Hello I appreciate your videos very much much. Knowing this helps me but it also makes me angry. I have a strong victim mentality internalising everything and not liking myself. Is the victim mentality a consequence of living with a narcissist parent ? Thank you

[@childrenofnarcissists]

Hi Kinga,
I am glad my videos are useful. The question you ask is very complex. I will do a video on this at some point in the future.

[@chernobylspecialist6487]

Blur effect is banging