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I was 9 when I attempted to take my life. At 55, I remember like it was yesterday. My mom, whom I suspect has NPD more on the convert side. She parentified me and then punished me when I was assertive. She triangulated me with my sibling and wrecked our relationship. My mother called me mean, moody, and constantly criticized me. Still to this day she can't have one conversation without taking jabs. She saw obedience and compliance as love. She even thinks trauma bonding is love. At no point could a child ever be right about anything. We weren't allowed to have emotions, privacy, or to even to take a break. In no way did a child need rest unless it was sleeping at night. The impacts last a lifetime. I wonder who I would be, the person I could have been if it were not for all the hurt.

"The fifth column" is also a phrase used by politicians and leaders, it originated from the spanish civil war and means "The enemy within", it was being used by USA during the "red scare" against people that the state thought they were communists, it was used by authoritarian regimes to describe people revolting against the authoritarian regime. In general it means the people that are inside a certain group and trying to undermine that group in favor of an actual or perceived enemy. Using that metaphor, this kind of guilt is the kind of guilt that undermines your identity and your personality in the favor of an abusive caregiver or an abusive relationship

thank you! very helpful, I'm diving deeper :)

Excellent info, thank you.

I've been in therapy for 7 months now. Learned I've had CPTSD and ADHD my whole life and I'm in my 40's now - just thought I was broken the whole time. This is def one of the best informational vids covering disorganized attachment that I've seen. It's really difficult to get solid insights on this topic and I resonated with your description so well. Thank you.

Didgerigora (Dharug: Thank you) for this pertinent video and for your website.🙏🏼 1. I’ve been saying for years that believing one was born with ‘the devil 😈 inside’-afflicted with a medical condition called ‘original sin’ = Munchausen. And treating children or others as though they were born with ‘original sin’ = MSBP. And yet ‘Obscene Exposure’-style laws which conflate embodied existence (presence-unhidden-visible-undisguised (‘naked’)) with sexual forwardness-aggression-exhibitionism without consent, and so criminalise simply appearing in life-looking like yourself-looking human, seem pretty prevalent-perhaps more common than not. 2. (WARNING ⚠️ sexual violence content) I think scapegoating also includes engulfing spoiling-indulging-favouring…, love-bombing and pseudo-spouse, unilateral & monodirectional emotional incest.🤯❤️‍🩹👣

This was a fantastic overview. Thank you

Guilt for basically existing. Doing anything for myself, enjoying anything, expecting anything. Only self sabotaging feel natural.

This could be describing a mother I know at my own child's school. I have raised concerns with school

This is absolutely amazingly articulated. 👏 thank you

Thank you so much for this content, when I see that channels like this exist I feel like somebody cares about us, makes me want to cry, thank you so much!!!!!😭😭😭💗💗💗💗

This is how people become schizophrenic, it takes a ridiculously narcissistic home

Suicide is induced by menticidal covert psychological murderers. I know many people who have committed suicide and I know exactly who and how they were pushed over the edge

True intergenerational witchcraft that has largely flown under the radar, for far too long.

Excellent information. Thank you so much!

Thank you!

Shocking Family Secrets Revealed #BreakTheSilence th-cam.com/video/0Bcoxqtd5Wg/w-d-xo.html

❤Thank you ❤

I know why, it’s because people ascribe pedestals to themselves, judging you, changing reality, making assumptions, false beliefs, polarized thought.” 🤢👍💯absolutely annoying.

This is a most comprehensive and well detailed compilation of the single most important aspects of narcissism and it’s deadly effects that I have found. Thank you for sharing your insights.

The fucking bastards. I don't care how abused they were. I was abused and I did not disrespect or dehumanize children.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

I always thought this was normal but it’s not, now I see shady figures and tall men.

When you are starving emotionally you eat.

I find it curious when people who are likely Narcissists mistreat you and you react to it, then they come out in a fury and say something like "You must respect me!" Dealing with them on any occasion will make your head twist like a pretzel. They're ingenious at triggering a bad behavior in you and then setting you up to look bad. The people around them fall for it as well which may say something about the general lack of human intelligence or awareness, but that's a discussion for another day!

I'm glad you made mention in your closing remarks about "excuses." One of the things I learned when I began studying psychology that turned on the lights for me was that it's not productive to set up a dichotomy of "excuse/blame." In fact it's so limiting it shuts down decent discussion. It's not only possible, it's crucial to avoid either excuse or blame when exploring the reasons and results of disordered behavior. You will never get past them to reach "explanation" unless you stay neutral; and what you can't explain or account for, you can hardly hope to fix.

They are demons in meat suits that have been enabled by people who feel sorry for them. Its all about the game and winning because they are predatory.

Sometimes, having listened to several of your discussions now, I am finding a big chunk of relevant material falling into place and showing the interlocking parts of the structure lining up. It's starting to make me short of breath, to be honest. I've "known" this stuff about our family dynamic for many years, but I've somehow refused to let it near me or touch it without a mental hazmat suit and gloves on. This latest falling chunk hitting me in the head was how the scapegoat child may not have the capacity to play into the game rules the parent is demanding, when the golden child can and does. My brother and I were born less than a year apart, and our respective relationships with my mother were from two different planets. He was the baby and the only boy (my older sister and I used to privately refer to him "Wales," even though we are American😊). I knew by the time I was seven that she was full of crap, her values were all over the place, and she was a horrocious liar and revisionist of our family story, who COULD NOT EVER be trusted, especially with feelings; and Wales played her with great success like a violin to get his way, eventually becoming the smoothest sociopath at sixteen you ever met. She had a different purpose for each of us; but also, I was never able to hide my inner assessment of her, and she spent all her time with me trying to crush my resistance. I retreated into books,fantasy, and eventually music, which no one else in the family had aptitude for. My own country, finally. I could not have capitulated to her self-aggrandizing game had I craved to. It wasn't my assigned function, I see now. But in truth it made me sick, SHE made me sick, and now I understand she could smell it even when I never spoke or looked her in the eye. And she made me pay. My brother? I think he pitied me for an idiot, when there was so much to be gained by just playing along. "Well, then -- more for me," I could hear him thinking.

I have a lot of trust issues that I really want to fix.

Sarah, I love your channel!! 💕 I’m well along my healing journey, but it always feels good when people validate ACTUAL reality (vs. a narc’s delusions of what constitutes reality). This is such a powerful book-thank you for sharing it with us. 🙏 It’s a shame we can’t grow up knowing all of this, but hopefully, kids in this generation who are born into narc families will be able to discover MUCH sooner that they aren’t (and never were) the problem. As an INTJ, your approach to understanding & healing narcissistic abuse really resonates with me. Thanks again! 😊

So glad I found your channel. This is an incredibly helpful video.😊

A great deal of this sounds familiar. I did not come to realize until my thirties that much of the "parenting" behaviour my siblings and I were treated to was harmful, neglectful, abusive, or just "off" in some important way that skewed expectations about what love means, and how to love and be loved. I attended a seminar in graduate school on childhood abuse that is mostly delivered as invalidation, that felt like being smacked across the head with the knowledge that it was spot on. I think the deliberate, really concentrated message that dampened any chance of protest was a series of dismissive, ridiculing comments that carried the same purpose every time: "listen to you, you crybaby/ingrate/self-absorbed little wimp, you're just SO abused, aren't you? What a joke." As if it were some kind of contest in which we weren't even contenders, first of all, for the status of "abused" or "neglected," and for which we had no valid way of discerning what a genuinely unhappy, insufficiently nurtured situation was because we were spoiled rotten by parents who really had suffered abuse and neglect during their own childhoods (the Great Depression) and had risen from the ashes to become wonderful achievers and providers. To deny that was, and still is, practically a sacrilege.

My mother a few years ago said that I should ' just get over it' and I 'needed counselling'. Not her, nor the family. Just me. Because I spoke up. And noone else did.

I have been receiving a call from an older woman. I suspect that she has been put up by someone to call me, For what? What have I done to anyone.. ? Just for fun to scare me. I feel terrified of these strange call by older women, pretending it is a wrong number, when it is her co-dependent boyfriend who asked her to call me. I am sick and tired of life, and all the stressors in it.♣️🔮🐸👺👿

If you tell someone a story and it makes them flinch, it was that bad. 😢

Finally dumped my 92 year old narcissistic mother after being belittled threatened and dismissed for 65 years. Adios lady.

With my mother it was a look, a look of disapproval or a sarcastic tone in her voice. I never felt safe around her. I spent a lot of time alone reading in my room. Then she would say sarcastically “how nice that I could lie around reading all day.” I was a straight A student, took classical piano for 10 years and took swimming lessons and became a life guard to earn money for university. There was always something I didn’t do exactly to her satisfaction. When I left home instead of feeling the huge relief I expected, I completely came undone and almost killed myself. I never had children, and according to her it was because I was too “selfish”. She had me convinced my acne was my fault. At 42 I finally realized I couldn’t control it and the dr. prescribed Accutane. It was without a doubt the death of a thousand cuts and I couldn’t even describe it to people. She gave me nasty looks? She didn’t like me? Doesn’t sound all that terrible. 😞

With me it was older siblings not parents. Physical, emotional and sexual abuse - they were/are toxic. I now view my family as two separate halves. The toxic trio and my brothers and sister. When I was young I found myself wanting my "real" family to come and take me away as these guys couldn't possibly be who I was stuck with. I am now coming to terms with it and as I have minimum contact with the toxic trio I can cope however I still find myself at times seeking their approval, being heartbroken when it is not forthcoming, then have a reality check and ask myself why I need that. I hope that everyone who finds this, finds the strength to heal. Kudos to you all my fellow survivors. ❤️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

This video has explained more to me than 10 years of therapy in terms of being the child of a narcissistic parent. I recognise and identify with so many of the behaviours you and this book so excellently describe. Thank you so much!

The guy at 7:21, I just want to give him a big hug!

After pondering a lifetime about all sorts of abuse I discovered it is akin to a wave/web of negative influences that spans wide over time and space.. This realisation made me wiser and able to _"turn the table"_ so to speak.. Any experience can be a learning one provided you have the ability to reflect on those and grow from it.. Take care and be safe 🖐️

All that and more !! I did laugh at the list of things and could add a few more. Nonetheless i still do exist and am grateful for being able to make my own way in the world as a free person. Adversity brings resilience if you learn how to make use of things unwanted, including yourself. Upcycle..re-purpose.. Keep going...be what you always wanted, not to perpetuate bad things. Be your best you, not the next version of them.

My mother was a narcissist and my two sisters and I were all profoundly affected by this - in very different ways due to our different personality traits, but we were and still are very deeply impacted. I have done a lot of work to deal with this, but what breaks my heart is that I still feel utterly broken inside and I feel that a fully healed place is and will forever be beyond my reach. I wonder every day what I might have been like and able to achieve if my mother had been able to love me. My saving grace was that my father did.

Thank you. My mother treated me with the kind of "low-key" abuse you describe from time to time. I prefer to see her parenting of me as having been good enough. My father was outright abusive and he was sometimes violent to the rest of my family members. My mother told me that she left me in the care of my father once while she was running an errand. When she came back he was sleeping while she had to look for me. She found me under the bed where my father was sleeping with a red area on my face while I was apparently asleep. Lucky for me she was able to wake me up. Everyone outside of our home thought my mother was saintly. At times she could be very encouraging of me too. So it was confusing. At least I was not mistreated by them on my wedding day. However I needed to acknowledge that abuse while growing up and how it affected me. I think I finally figured it out as to why she was like that while not having anyone to talk to about that because all the other still living members of my family are in denial about it. She struggled with a disease for almost all of her life while being in denial about it.

Ouch. That hurt.

So, we did remain at year 2 😂

...just knowing that...noone has your back.

Thank you for your video. I like your reassuring, sensible approach to imparting your knowledge. Very helpful. ❤

Thank you for answering the question right away!!! As someone who’s been through it it’s hard for me to wait patiently for answers and watch a whole video because the abuser would never answer me and ignore me for hours or dismiss my questions and attempts to connect with them. So waiting out a whole video for an answer reminds me of being strung along and then kicked to the curb

I remember when some elderly aunts came to visit when I was about 8 years old. They introduced me to a strange and wonderful thing-human touch and hugs. I’d snuggle up to them on the couch or lean against them. I hated to see them go but I never forgot what it felt like to be loved.