Thank you Barbara ❤ i dont see much about topics like this but it is something that troubles me. I have a narcissistic father and as fate would have it my partner has one as well. Im currently in therapy due to my feelings towards my dad which is where my therapist made the connection for me about my dad and all I’ve been through/ struggle with. Me and my partner have different roles, he is the hero/ golden child and i watch his dad suck the life out of him and emotionally abuse him. My partner is so use to his role he would almost not have an identity without it. Its extremely upsetting to me where im on my healing journey and my partner does not want to see the truth. I want nothing to do with his father but his father is emotionally dependent upon my partner and there is no boundaries between them. It is a fight when i do speak up about how i feel. On top of all the trauma responses im realizing me and my partner have been operating through which has caused a lot of strain on our relationship, now my eyes are open to what behind both of our father’s behaviors. While im sorting through my feelings I can choose distance from my dad, but i have no say when it comes to him and his dad. I fear having to grow my own separate way from my partner.
Oftentimes the golden child doesn't even know who they are themselves. Just remember that you are on your healing path. It's up to you to decide whether or not you wish to have this partner for life considering this dynamic may never -- and likely will not -- change. You cannot change the situation for him. Only he can do that. You can only change your direction, and how you deal with situations. Unsolicited advice from a woman who is on the edge of growing old at age 59 -- it's easier to make better choices in hindsight. At some point there is no room for hindsight. There is this one precious life, and it is time limited.
@@therealJamieJoy I appreciate your advice and wisdom ❤ nobody in my life truly gets my situation to give me solid advice in the first place. It took lots of therapy and my own research to even understand my own situation. I really appreciate the online world and communities, even if it’s just a comment section, i need and appreciate the insight from someone who gets it. And you are so right. Time is limited. I need to make a move one way or another. Thank you ❤️
Golden Child and (from living with my mom) lost child (from my dad leaving the state early on) here and I'm married to a caretaker child. Within my own family of origin I get SO sick of my siblings saying you're the favorite, you're the golden one, everything is easy for you. But I'm 37, and I'm over being made to feel like my feelings and boundaries are less because I have this perceived easier life (which I dont) I have 3 kids and work full time. It's taken me years to even be able to speak up for myself because I've always felt I couldn't step out of line.
I feel this as well.. I have suffered the most in the family, yet im expected to be good, perfect and the hero/golden child. I witnessed DV, I had multiple Eds, my father and mother abused me physically as a child etc. I suffered the most out of everyone, but because ive tried to heal myself and im the most empathetic and caring, ive become their hero. I need people in my life who are supportive too!
I’m so glad to have found you! This explanation is perfect in relation to my situation and in affirming that I’m neither greedy nor unloving to have an expectation of being recognized and deserving within my late in life marriage. Thank you for your clear message.
My husband is obsessed with our adult daughters welfare and leaves me out. He lets them disrespect me and he jumps on their side. He is definitely enmeshed with my daughters and my grandson. I am not his priority at all after 37 years of marriage. Any suggestions?
I just found your channel yesterday and I absolutely love it. I was wondering if I could ask a question that's unrelated to this video. It's about rumination. If we sing or otherwise do something that's designed to "change the topic," isn't that just suppressing that voice without addressing the underlying issue of why that voice is chattering away? Some therapists claim that it's important to listen to that voice and try to understand what it's really saying. They also claim that voice has one function which is to keep us safe and alive. It seems like two schools of thought to me. I want to say that this other school of thought is family systems therapy if I'm not mistaken. To be honest CBT makes more sense to me. My mother was a major ruminator. She claimed that that's just the way she was built and there was no way to change it. I grew up in a house full of ruminators so it feels like it's part of my DNA. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us. I've seen a few therapists over the years and no one explained it like you have. New subscriber here! 🙂
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Everything revolved around my in-laws and their dramas. They tried to control everything. They think they are the most unique family.
Thank you Barbara ❤ i dont see much about topics like this but it is something that troubles me. I have a narcissistic father and as fate would have it my partner has one as well. Im currently in therapy due to my feelings towards my dad which is where my therapist made the connection for me about my dad and all I’ve been through/ struggle with. Me and my partner have different roles, he is the hero/ golden child and i watch his dad suck the life out of him and emotionally abuse him. My partner is so use to his role he would almost not have an identity without it. Its extremely upsetting to me where im on my healing journey and my partner does not want to see the truth. I want nothing to do with his father but his father is emotionally dependent upon my partner and there is no boundaries between them. It is a fight when i do speak up about how i feel. On top of all the trauma responses im realizing me and my partner have been operating through which has caused a lot of strain on our relationship, now my eyes are open to what behind both of our father’s behaviors. While im sorting through my feelings I can choose distance from my dad, but i have no say when it comes to him and his dad. I fear having to grow my own separate way from my partner.
Oftentimes the golden child doesn't even know who they are themselves. Just remember that you are on your healing path. It's up to you to decide whether or not you wish to have this partner for life considering this dynamic may never -- and likely will not -- change. You cannot change the situation for him. Only he can do that. You can only change your direction, and how you deal with situations. Unsolicited advice from a woman who is on the edge of growing old at age 59 -- it's easier to make better choices in hindsight. At some point there is no room for hindsight. There is this one precious life, and it is time limited.
@@therealJamieJoy I appreciate your advice and wisdom ❤ nobody in my life truly gets my situation to give me solid advice in the first place. It took lots of therapy and my own research to even understand my own situation. I really appreciate the online world and communities, even if it’s just a comment section, i need and appreciate the insight from someone who gets it. And you are so right. Time is limited. I need to make a move one way or another. Thank you ❤️
Golden Child and (from living with my mom) lost child (from my dad leaving the state early on) here and I'm married to a caretaker child. Within my own family of origin I get SO sick of my siblings saying you're the favorite, you're the golden one, everything is easy for you. But I'm 37, and I'm over being made to feel like my feelings and boundaries are less because I have this perceived easier life (which I dont) I have 3 kids and work full time. It's taken me years to even be able to speak up for myself because I've always felt I couldn't step out of line.
That's tough. I'm so glad you're here and have started your healing journey!
I feel this as well.. I have suffered the most in the family, yet im expected to be good, perfect and the hero/golden child. I witnessed DV, I had multiple Eds, my father and mother abused me physically as a child etc. I suffered the most out of everyone, but because ive tried to heal myself and im the most empathetic and caring, ive become their hero. I need people in my life who are supportive too!
I’m so glad to have found you! This explanation is perfect in relation to my situation and in affirming that I’m neither greedy nor unloving to have an expectation of being recognized and deserving within my late in life marriage. Thank you for your clear message.
Yes please to the extra video!!! Thanks Barbara ✌️❤️
My husband is obsessed with our adult daughters welfare and leaves me out. He lets them disrespect me and he jumps on their side. He is definitely enmeshed with my daughters and my grandson. I am not his priority at all after 37 years of marriage. Any suggestions?
I just found your channel yesterday and I absolutely love it. I was wondering if I could ask a question that's unrelated to this video. It's about rumination. If we sing or otherwise do something that's designed to "change the topic," isn't that just suppressing that voice without addressing the underlying issue of why that voice is chattering away? Some therapists claim that it's important to listen to that voice and try to understand what it's really saying. They also claim that voice has one function which is to keep us safe and alive. It seems like two schools of thought to me. I want to say that this other school of thought is family systems therapy if I'm not mistaken. To be honest CBT makes more sense to me. My mother was a major ruminator. She claimed that that's just the way she was built and there was no way to change it. I grew up in a house full of ruminators so it feels like it's part of my DNA. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us. I've seen a few therapists over the years and no one explained it like you have. New subscriber here! 🙂
Thank you!
Do narcissists ever have epiphanies that trigger them to change?
May 15, 2024