In Defence Of 'Needy' People
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ก.พ. 2017
- We’re used to being very down on so-called ‘needy’ people. But perhaps - in many situations - the problem doesn’t lie so much with the apparently ‘needy’ party, but with the person describing their lover as such.
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FURTHER READING
“The ‘needy’ person is a stock figure of caricature: they call too much, they cry when you leave to get a glass of water, they feel put out when you check your phone, they were upset when you watched a film without them. We hate needy people a lot. But let’s look at this another way. There are, of course, a few pathologically dependent people at large, but a lot of the time, far more than is generally accepted, the person who has the problem isn’t the ‘needy’ person at all, it is us; the ones who are doing the accusing…”
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Neediness usually gets annoying when we think the person wants anyone, just the attention in itself, and are not truly interested in us as we are.
I know that cause Im a needy bastard.
Agreed
can i just say that your eyebrows are blessing me through the thumbnail, thank you Norbert
Great brows.
i'm also a needy bastard, been there, done that
Norbert Caparica Same. Only I try to "earn" his attention and affection by doing shit for him and giving him his space. It usually pays off because then he comes to ME and I get the attention I've been hungering for.
This might go the other way too. A needy person might give extra attention and stuff because they feel that without it, they aren't enough for the other person to like.
EXACTLY.
and I'm guilty of it.
This is me
Right... Somebody knows a video who explain the other way? 0:
Hi squall
Agree. If I don't give the attention, I feel I will be abandoned
Im pretty sure this vid is asking you to take a good look at yourself before calling someone needy. Because there might be some conflict in what you think is needy and what they consider a basic friendship. If I hate myself and love my alone time and had a friend who always wants to hang out. I might see them as needy but thats just something friends do. I think this video is a call to self-reflection. The title is just a bit miss leading. But if you watch till the end this is made clear.
DarkNightz Yeah I stand by this.
This!!!
Well said. Maybe you should be hired as an advisor for TSOL :)
This video is a mess. It recognizes the unhealthy obsession at the start but then for the rest pf the video implies "there's no such thing as needy people, just people who can't believe they can be needed." That's ridiculous. Anyone who has good friends can understand people can need and enjoy their company just fine, but that some people are just unhealthily dependent to the point of selfishness.
I completely agree
I´m not needy, I´m wanty
That leads to desiry, if unchecked ;)
I heard there isn't a cure for requiry... :(
I had this girlfriend who used to get mad at me if I fell asleep before she did... it's like I wasn't giving her enough attention. Once, we were standing in line at the movie theater and I was checking the posters around the walls. She got mad because I wasn't looking at her, even though we were hugging while standing in line.
One day, after working too much, she demanded we spend the night watching a lot of movies. So I tried my best to keep my eyes open (at this point in the relationship I was blaming myself, I thought maybe I was a bad boyfriend like she told me).
But sure enough I fell asleep. And so she hit me, multiple times. There was even blood involved. After this incident, she justified this in the name of the "love" she felt for me.
So, I decided to go on with this relationship... Exactly because I felt it was my fault for not giving her enough attention.
Recently, my young nephew paid me a visit on the weekend. So I decided to invite him to go to the movies the three of us. She got mad because I didn't ask her first, if she wanted to go out with another person. The discussion got heated and then she hit me again in the face. While she did that, she played the victim telling me I made her suffer with this "kind of attitude".
But the funny thing is, I was only able to get out of this relationship because I WAS CONVINCED it wasn't my fault. And believe me, it took a long time to convince myself of that. Sometimes, when I'm vulnerable I start blaming myself and want to get back together with her, even though it's physically dangerous.
BUT NOW, I WATCHED THIS VIDEO... AND IM NOT SURE ANYMORE!!!
Was I a bad boyfriend??? Was it all my fault?
I feel completely lost again!!!
Please School of Life... Was it fault?
Because if it was, I'll try to go back with her!! Again... and again!
Thiago Gabriel Pretty sure you know, from the general tone of your post, that this woman isn't 'needy', she's an abuser! Nothing in this vid should have supported the view that physical violence has anything to do with emotional need, much less love. For your own sake, get out of that relationship before it gets worse! Good luck.
Thiago Gabriel Ah, read further down your post and you did get out! Well done! Please don't get back with her. You weren't a bad boyfriend and it wasn't your fault.
Needy people are indeed annoying, but so is the fact that this term has become a label for anyone that "dares" to show affection and sympathy towards you. There is a huge difference between being needy and simply someone liking you or needing help for a moment. Whoever's doing the latter isn't clingy at all, he's human.
Yeah. This video addressed that at the very beginning but it certainly goes over our heads! We are so used to labeling things.
you find it annoying because you dont care and your selfish
I needed thank you
@@pepaxxxsvinka3379so needy
Wait what? So why does the needy character in this video end up alone, ignored and forgotten?
LostinChina I didn't understand this animation as well :O and why is this person put on speaker?
LostinChina I believe that the person at the end was the actual being, but she was being depicted in a different manner by the other. And she put her phone on speaker so she could show the other partner that she can be trusted.
I take it as the concept of the 'needy person' being abolished and the they are put on speaker because the 'needy person' doesn't have to call lots when you answer, so this is us accepting them as not needy. Also I take these animations as being representations of internal conversations exploring ideas rather than physical interactions.
Life.
Or it's a poly situation and the one in purple is in a relationship with both the one in green and the one in orange. The one in green at the end is trying to be a good metamour and trying to get them to communicate with each other. I may be biased in trying to see non-monogamy in things though. :)
I know this may be hard to understand, but please be kind to needy people, you don't have to comply with their every wish or completely kill off your alone time for them.
But just know that they're probably not needy and rather withdrawn around everyone else but you, because they're suffering from a lonliness that they truly believe you can help them deal with.
Know that they are concerned with the quality of the time you spend with them, not the quantity and that they always appreciate the little things.
Needy people don't want a hero, just a friend. So please, don't hate them for loving you.
mephistopheles the silent chief healthier would be tho to help them become less needy. You shouldn't just take away an addicts objects of addiction but obviously also dont just support his/her addiction. You should help the person become less dependent on it.
Couga1337 Needy people aren't addicted to your company, although they're very fond of you, they don't use or treat your companionship like some kind of drug.
This is where neediness gets mixed up with obsession, someone who's obsessed doesn't want to spend quality time with you, they want to have control over you and everything about you.
They're the ones who become irrational and agitated when your not somewhere they can see you at all times or when you're doing something they don't know about.
They're the ones who may try to coerce you into spending almost every possible moment with them, and get furious when you don't. They can't take no for an answer.
They percieve you not as an immensely wonderful human being, but as the object of their obsession, the thing they want all to themselves all of the time no matter the cost.
The obsessed have the addiction and to them, you don't HAVE the drug you ARE the drug.
Neediness is a coping mechanism, a person who suffers from great loneliness, anxiety and depression and has lost the strength the to keep fighting his own battles.
In need of respite and recovery, someone completely normal who could suffer from the exact same problems but doesn't, is a source of inspiration and guidance.
They don't expect this person to save the day, but to pleasantly distract them from their troubles and woes and boost their self esteem, by being kind and loving to the person they admire.
So that eventually they will return to face their struggles with renewed vigour and a true friend to catch them should they fail again.
Needy people know how unappealing and taxing neediness is to others, so they always try to be appreciative, understanding and kind to those they bother.
Needy people just need a shoulder to lean on for a bit, before they can start walking on their own and as your equal.
Couga1337 Needy people aren't addicted to your company, although they're very fond of you, they don't use or treat your companionship like some kind of drug.
This is where neediness gets mixed up with obsession, someone who's obsessed doesn't want to spend quality time with you, they want to have control over you and everything about you.
They're the ones who become irrational and agitated when your not somewhere they can see you at all times or when you're doing something they don't know about.
They're the ones who may try to coerce you into spending almost every possible moment with them, and get furious when you don't. They can't take no for an answer.
They percieve you not as an immensely wonderful human being, but as the object of their obsession, the thing they want all to themselves all of the time no matter the cost.
The obsessed have the addiction and to them, you don't HAVE the drug you ARE the drug.
Neediness is a coping mechanism, a person who suffers from great loneliness, anxiety and depression and has lost the strength the to keep fighting his own battles.
In need of respite and recovery, someone completely normal who could suffer from the exact same problems but doesn't, is a source of inspiration and guidance.
They don't expect this person to save the day, but to pleasantly distract them from their troubles and woes and boost their self esteem, by being kind and loving to the person they admire.
So that eventually they will return to face their struggles with renewed vigour and a true friend to catch them should they fail again.
Needy people know how unappealing and taxing neediness is to others, so they always try to be appreciative, understanding and kind to those they bother.
Needy people just need a shoulder to lean on for a bit, before they can start walking on their own and as your equal.
Ain't nobody got time for dat
mephistopheles the silent chief As a former needy person your comment helped me understand more thoroughly about my former ways. I will say though I became the neediest when the friends/guys were the most emotionally unavailable. I wasn't as needy with my friends that wanted a closer connection.
Looking back I realize it was a similar relationship to a rejecting parent. When you go through years of having a parent reject your need for attention/connection, it just continues on to your dating life. At least that's what I perceived from examining my neediness.
I'm considered needy by some people but I just don't know how to contain my love for the people that I love . I already know that some people can't handle my passionate nature
Yes i agree
Alabanza….. You're cool ! Don't change.... We are all different....
Alabanza YES GIRLLL AMEN
It's called "unable to regulate emotions" not passionate nature 😆
@@asmrfoodieuk7965 ok, asshole
I don't hate myself, i just don't want any company most of the time.
Pareil, pas mal ce que tu fais niveau artistique! :)
the longer you avoid people the more youll not want to be around them. The more you get out there and be around them, the more youll enjoy them.
Yes, very much so. Took a test a little while back that placed me in the top 1% most introverted people on earth.
I prefer company in short bursts (unless we're actually doing something together, like playing games, then i prefer longer bursts), and the longer i spend time with people without alone time, the more miserable i feel (i can go maybe a day before i'm just done). I'd go insane if i didn't have solitude.
MrG Draws dont cut yourself with that edge
There’s a whole lotta people in the comments here that are missing the point of the video.
This video isn’t saying “Every time you think someone is needy, it’s actually you’re fault!” It’s saying that the knee jerk reaction to think of someone as needy isn’t always correct and it’s worth using some introspection to try and work out the difference because it may just happen that we are sabotaging our happiness by refusing to accept love from another person just because we can’t accept the thought that we may be deserving of love.
If you look back at the history of humanity, dependence is humanity's natural state of being, and independence is what's artificial and perverse. Before the economic imposition of the "nuclear family" folks lived communally in tribes. Everybody needed everyone else, and nobody felt emotionally taxed because any degree of "neediness" from any one individual was dissipated over an entire group of people instead of it all being dumped on one close friend or romantic partner.
Point is, if we weren't so socially isolated nowadays, then the very notion of "neediness" wouldn't even be a part of our collective vocabulary.
Interesting perpective.
Andrew McPhail wow!
Well said
He is referring to the Avoidant Personality here. They can’t tolerate even the slightest need from an “intimate” partner. They don’t believe their self worth, ability to offer and don’t think they deserve love. When someone expresses a need to them they feel inept. Intimacy scares them and filling someone’s needs brings them closer where they really just want to push them away.
Nice way to spin emotional immaturity as a positive/healthy trait.
hummingbirdcity it was not the incentive of the video at all.
hummingbirdcity did you watch the video at all?
Nonon one thing is to be needy, and the other is to be completely fucking annoying because you call literally every day just because youre lonely. Being needy isnt as serious as that of which you speak. That of which you speak is, to put it simply, inability to ever rely on yourself and therefore you need to constantly annoy the fuck out of every living person you know.
crimson cosmonaut - Nope. I just saw the word "needy" in the title and was triggered by my own self-hatred.
I don't think either of these traits are being spun as healthy or positive so much as they are being percieved as normal. This video is more about WHY neediness scares us. In any case, being needy isn't being "annoying" or a show of how "lonely" someone is. Sometimes the communication of emotions comes across as "needy" because of the emotional insecurity and immaturity of the party recieving it. It's perfectly normal to express when you miss someone, want to hang out, or simply tell them you love them. I think you're confusing neediness with obsession.
You should do a video on overcoming dependency.
Already they have done not exactly on that topic but around the topix
Topic*
No! Everyone has been dependent on something & someone at some point in life
Neediness is a grey subject - not black & white so spare yourselves from the insults and judgements. It’s all about perception and the level of selfishness in the person who is perceiving the so called person in question as “needy”. Selfish people who value independence over investing into a give & take connection need not entertain relationships at all. Stay alone - that’s what you value anyway so do yourself and the needy person a favor- be alone in your own little selfish world but please don’t forget to come out only when YOU are in need of something 🤣such a selfish society - and you wonder why the divorce rate is high and most are fucking everything and everyone 🤣🤣🤣
I dont understand why is it bad being dependent human beings are biological of needs
The problem with pathologically needy people is that they refuse to acknowledge that you have needs of your own too, and that you have limited energy and limited time here in this world which you might want to use for something that you find meaningful, which also includes spending time with your family and other friends.
If you think about it from the other perspective, the needy people might deep down have some fears of their own. Fear that they cannot stand as an equal to you, fear that they are not capable of handling the problems in their lives, fear that they cannot rely on themselves.
At the end, it won't be unfair to ask the needy to be a little kind to us too and to realize that we are just human with our own limitations who cannot be around all the time to address their needs.
Muhammad Saad I hear this. I guess it’s really important to be understanding of the other’s needs. And also for the needy person to be confident in actually expressing what those needs are.
Exactly
True
Thank you. It's like "how dare you set boundaries, how dare you be exhausted from a long day of work and fall asleep when I want to talk about useless shit. How dare you ask for some alone time to recharge your batteries." My ex was like this and she was a fucking nightmare. And one of my friends has the nerve to defend her cause she displays the same behavior. This video really pissed me.off. stop defending weak needy people and tell then to get a goddamn life of their own.
@@brandonhann1508 wow how dare someone want to spend time with you. I hope other people have more compassion for the root of your meanness than you have for the root of others needs.
With my ex, I felt like I was filling up a hole or compensating for the lack of love he got from his parents when he was younger. He constantly came to me with self-doubt, putting himself down, showing signs of distrust towards me and I found myself having to reassure and comfort him every time. He also profusely professed his love for me, constantly showering me in compliments which I felt was sweet and loving at first. Everything over time started to feel like a chore. I became emotionally drained. I felt like I couldn't give him what he wanted or enough, like I didn't have the love to give anymore. I'm not sure where it has left me but found myself disgusted with relationships for a while after we broke up.
Damn, find yourself a better man who has confidence and has the right balance
@@MatthewStark235 Wow it's been three years, I don't even remember posting this comment. I've definitely grown from that experience. If I ever do come across someone that's balanced I'll take that chance, but since then I've been pursuing myself.
Mae i had a gf who was just like that. They are the worst
@@julian-vanilla8379 They are difficult to be with at times. But I also believe we all deserve to be loved, especially at our darkest moments. Though we can never substitute their own self-love. Sometimes it's better to give them your best and walk away. I hope you find someone who has enough in their pot for you too.
This is exactly how I felt with my friend. Emotional draining. Burnout. Needy person take advantage someones affection and responsibility. So I carefully choose someone I close how they deal with their negative feelings. This is important for my self image.
This video is for me. I see most people as needy and left boyfriends so quick when i thought so. Meantime they where healthy and normaland i wasn't. I didn't like love and exceptance and health because i wasn't use to it.
So this really hit me. I see the world as needy but its juat actually me feeling inadequate to be what it needs me to be.
you ever regret left someone that he loves you so much? if not than you are narcissist selfish
May I ask you how you continue now? Because I don't know if it is just me, but even id I realize, I wasn't loved enough in my childhood and this why I can't handle to much love, what then? The problem is not just suddenly solve itself. The feeling of feeling of constricting my freedom is still there. So this is why I am super curious how to candle it after finding it out.
Very much disagree. Being needy is not a desirable trait, especially at the onset of a relationship. It shows that you are not a stable person who has a high enough opinion of yourself and your life.
brendanisstupid1 Aye it's a sign of mental health in some respects
brendanisstupid1 Leaving my opinions of neediness in-and-of-itself aside, I want express that I think it very brave when such people have the guts to express their neediness, no matter how intense those interests are, in the first place. I'm assuming that these folks are likely aware that our society in general will label them as needy, and yet they express their desires despite this. Plenty of people wouldn't be able to take the implied ridicule from exposing themselves like that, yet you can argue that they have the security to do so.
Ryan when does need turn into leeching?
We are all in a way in need, that's what social interaction is about.
But needy is a whole different topic. These people don't have guts to express their needs but their whole psychological make up is made to be needy. Like people that can't stand being single ft a day and have to immediately hook up with someone. People that constantly ask for your opinion for their life choices instead of making them themselves. When a person believes that talking to them 3 times means that you have started some kind of a relationship lol. And when you set things straight they can't accept it and express vile behavior trying to psychological guild trip you.
A needy person is either psychological immature or just mentally unhealthy.
Rajiv Gupta 0 times. If your aim is to insult, you really shouldn't leave such an easy out to your question. For example next time try "How does it feel when" instead of "How many times have".
That's the exact stereotypical attitude this video does a very good job rebutting.
sorry, no. When you get with someone that legit won't leave you alone, it becomes irritating. When you have no time for yourself, or your hobbies, because they won't give you that time alone, you'll see.
Fun Party And in my relationship, I am the introvert where she was the loud extrovert. I did talk to her about alone time. I did so for months. She was unwilling to compromise. At the end it was so bad because I wasn't being listened to that it became a huge part of why I left. I have a whopping two friends that I communicate with once a week, up to once a month. Believe me friend, there was plenty of communication about the issue. Just nothing was done on their part.
Fun Party Also, it doesn't take a perfect world. It takes getting to know people before actually entering a relationship with them, which is something we both obviously failed to do on a deeper level.
That's called being a stalker. Way different than the kind of person described in this video.
magnawaves the animations are over dramatized, they mean a generally needy person who just wants to socialize and be around you, not a stalker....
Saku I made this comment after listening to it. I didn't watch the actual video until just now. The animations aren't a factor in what I said...
It feels like most of the persons commenting didn't watch the video, just looked at the title and started to feel threatened.
He explains; when you feel like you are not that perfect and deserve that much attention, normal friendly behaviour feels like needy to you. Someone calls you once per week and wants to hang out, even you like this person you start to feel like they may be needy, too clingy for your liking. In an example remember this, before this era of social media when people hung out daily thought they were not close enough, they felt like they missed their friends. Ancient greeks formed bro-clubs so they can be happy and spend time with their friends, sometimes love interests. But now even when you see someone more than a couple times a week you get bored of them because you may feel like you don't deserve the attention deep down, you feel awkward around them, you feel cheated, you disagree with their affection.
Result of this is, maybe you must do some self reflection, maybe its not them who are broken, needy, absurd, maybe its normal human condition and you are over-reacting to something just because you disagree with them. Search the cause of this disagreement and you may find you think you do not deserve the affection and it just looks too much to you. But on what earth people don't want affection? You think you are lonely, you think society alienates you. There is probably billions of people feel alien to their surroundings but still when faced with affection you feel threatened, you want to be left alone.
Think of this, if you like someone but you just don't want to be with them often, and you don't want to be with anyone often, you maybe are the problem. You maybe mistake normal human behaviour -which is seeking company, friends, stimulation, social interaction-, with being needy.
That's what is being said in the video, its not trying to justify sexual predators or pedophiles. Respectfully get your head out from your ass without commenting.
Dogebrand You still misunderstand. The point is to understand what that person does means, to not label them, to not misjudge. It is not about what you want. Instead of proving a point why video is just wrong, you are arguing about your own feelings. It will go nowhere so I won't discuss.
Needy person detected, yes you are annoying. Its not your god given right that everyone needs to pander and give you attention on a moments notice. Selfishness hiding behind a 'woe is me' act.
I think there are a lot more situations where people do not have a problem with themselves if they don't want to search for human interaction constantly and find joy in different hobbies or learning, or getting better at your job. People don't care about those things that sharpen the mind anymore as good activities and instead feel bored and can only satisfy their boredom by asking you at every hour to hang out.
I wish my friend see this so they can have self reflection time
seriously? What's next? *In defense of narcissistic people* ?
"It is not that these people love themselves too much, perhaps they truly are that great, but it is you that is the problem. Deep down inside, you can't see how great you are, so you project your self hatred onto them."
He'll get to pedos first. NAMBLA ads incoming.
wwwwwww~*
Or murderers and war mongrels
Bruhduh - Hey, now. I'm not narcissistic, you just have low self-esteem. Wait, how did you...?
This is really funny. I get that these videos give one perspective to look at something.
Maybe the way they are portrayed or narrated gives an impression that the video is trying to show some deeper or universal truth. But when they exaggerate some point it becomes hard to take that point seriously.
Either way they changed my mind on some topics so I'm thankful to the authors.
bebopbountyhead Careful, you could cut the air with those edges.
I won't dislike the video but I strongly disagree. I like my self a lot and I know I'm worthy of love and admiration but still I find some people to be overly dependent and in need of constant validation and attention. I don't think they are "diseased" but I think they are a burden and that they demand too much from me.
I expect a level of balance and Independence even from the woman I truly love and already married. luckily we maintain respect for each others space even though we need each others.
Maher F you claim they are "independent" and at the same time demand too much? I don't follow
@Nylef, My mistake, English is not my first language and type like an idiot.. edited.
Maher F Thanks 🙏 didn't mean any offence, I too am quite an idiot
@Maher F you are spot on. I agree wholeheartedly. My sentiments exactly.
@wawbwc6, tbh it got better over the years, it took a lot of communication and I don't want people to think it should all start perfect. but yeah we now know where to give the other person a space every once in a while to read a book, hangout with friends or play videogames without constantly bugging them. I think security and stability contributes greatly to this.
People, this video is just *another* way of looking at needy people, to provide a new perspective. And that means it's just a thought, an idea; which doesn't have to relate to everyone and whether you agree or disagree.
I am needy myself but I constantly think about 'what if he's busy? What if I'm wasting his time? What if he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore?'. It's never my intention to annoy him in any way. He somehow started it by being so sweet and treating me like a princess almost every day in our relationship. And over time, I have gotten used to being the center of his attention because he kept reassuring me that I'm his first priority and I should never feel like a burden. Now here I am, fighting the urge to text him first because I haven't heard from him for two days now. I don't wanna ask too much of him, we don't need to be lovey dovey or anything. I just wanna know if he's alright and he still cares about me.
I don't know if I agree with this much at all. Maybe we're talking about different types of neediness. It's emotionally taxing in a busy world to spend too much time with needy people. This is especially so for the more introverted. Neediness doesn't necessarily come from the strength to reveal weakness. It may also come from the refusal to exercise ones strength. It may be that the person always runs to others to be rescued, even when there's no real danger or crisis to begin with.
@Stiggandr1 you are seriously speaking the truth. I feel the same exact way. Thank you for putting it profoundly.
Stiggandr1 lol you could not have misunderstood harder. It's NOT needy, it's ASSERTIVE. Going after what they want, which just happens to be YOU, even if you hate yourself too much to realize it
Stiggandr1 it don't mean strength as in weakness. It means strength as in strength. Assertive.
tachikararules you completely misunderstood. It's not needy. It's WANTING you. And being assertive enough to go after what they want. The video even specifically explained it's not a weakness, it's a strength
Stiggandr1 it's all crapola from my least favorite European people.
I was married to somebody who thought I was too needy... She worked 12-16 hours a day, always skipped our date nights for something more important, now that I left... she wishes she could have spent more time with me working to fix what went wrong. Too little too late.
I don't hate myself. I just don't want unnecessary attention or affection from people I find undesirable.
Bre C then you'll never be in a relationship with some that is needy then if being needy is undesirable.
CasualViewer3 Being needy is not necessarily undesirable. It's the individual particular individual that I find undesirable. If I'm not interested in them.. I'll find their neediness annoying and unnecessary
CasualViewer3 I smell burn and bullshit. Being needy and being in need are different words with different meanings.
A needy person is constantly trying to rely on others and get as much attention from others as possible.
Also who wants to be in a relationship and being needy at that. Lol that's the perfect foundation for a future break up. At some point ppl like that become clingy and needy sucking the life out of you.
Who wants to be in a relationship with a mentally unstable unhealthy person that pulls you down to hell with them, because being needy is selfishness at its best a needy person won't give because they have nothing to give all they do is take.
And a healthy relationship of all kind is to give and take and to leave space.
Needy people probably never learned about boundaries were spoiled as children or lacked of things when they were smaller. Which manifests in self in neediness and a lack of self esteem.
D. Va So much truth to this! Thank you!
Then don't talk to people that you find undesirable.
I don't hate myself, I just like being alone.
+1
I was just thinking that then read your comment.
In fact, I like myself enough to spend time with myself. I don't think that equates to self-hatred.
Live to be alone
My alone time keeps me happy, losing that time constantly drives me crazy to the point I'll just start ditching all my friends until i regain my happiness through being alone
when you're accused of not answering to texts immediately after receiving them with 'I care so much and you don't' speeches, I think my sure existing self hatred has nothing to do with me not find clingy people very attractive.
This video's message really is important, especially in the dating world: think twice before you consider someone's legitimate interest and affection "needy." This generation uses the term "thirsty" to describe this as well. For women, a man who is showering you with attention that is not obsessive isn't needy, but rather trying to win your over by giving you the affection you evoked from him. And men, a woman doesn't have to play games with your heart - if she responds to your calls and messages in a timely fashion and checks in on you from time to time, she's showing interest. That shouldn't be boring to you.
At the end of the day, dating has definitely become a game of who can care LESS. Whoever cares less and acts the most nonchalant is seen to have the most power - I disagree with this.
I would say that if you are able to show love and affection, then it would seem you have more power. You believe in the power that love has to bring out the best in your partner, and this is what you wish to see. I hope more people approach dating in this way, instead of hiding how they feel. Chances are, more people would have their emotional needs met
Sometimes we just want balance. Being needy is unbalanced. Being selfish is unbalanced. Holding on to more than we should is unbalanced as well as giving too much.
The problem is sometimes I really "need" to be on my own, there's nothing worse than a needy person "needing" you on the same afternoon...
Neediness, to me, is annoying becaus I can't get any time for myself anymore. I feel guilty for spending some quiet time by myself, and that's not right.
But have you ever discussed that?? I’m afraid of coming off needy but then afraid of coming off uninterested. I truly like this person but I don’t want to take away their freedom or take advantage of them. But I don’t think they know that or believe it. I want to spend quality time together but I don’t want to take them away from their work or friends
Anijah S hey, i know enough people who were in your shoes that i knew that just wanted to spend all your time together with, but if they have to hang with family and friends then let them do so, you'll have some time with them again soon enough. Just ask your friend about it, if it were me, someone who needs all the free time he can get. I wouldn't mind hanging with you but keep in mind ppl will have things to do or need their time alone so it be good to find something you'll enjoy doing by yourself or with other people
I like needy people, well as long as they don't need money
Haha funny
Hey, give me $10 please
what makes needy people oh-so-annoying is that they stifle one's ability to be independent. a proper defense of needy people is to be a lover who realizes that they might be suffering from paranoia and insecurities, which we all suffer in some form or another, so 'tis just a matter of being the lover who proves that the needy person can rely on us to not cheat on them at a moment's notice, and give them the love and security they so desire from us.
They are annoying because you dont like them
dont make to excuse to use the word annoying your just selfish and cruel who dont care about others people need love and care
we find people needy when they are interested in us but we are simply not interested in them.
I never understood needy people, till I got into situation where I was the needy one. Needy becomes when the other party has no feelings or attraction to them, so therefor I become an annoying person.
Some people need to conect more to their emotions and let go of people instead of using them and acusing them of needy.
Needy person is not as bad as the opposite party who is lost and selfish.
I think sometime it’s not so much that we don’t think ourselves deserving of attention, but instead we require some boundaries so that we have time to ourselves, and are not overwhelmed by caring for others when we have a need to spend some time with oneself. This idea is touched on in a few other School of Life videos.
Once again, a video by SOL misunderstood. It's all about perspective people. The video is saying that needy people aren't actually needy (for the most part, at least), but we see them as needy because we ourselves do not think of ourselves as desirable in the first place, so their love/admiration towards us becomes suspicious and scary; we end up running off.
I guess the video's title is slightly misleading that's all.
Dogebrand I guess we can say that the video sheds light on only part of why needy people aren't popular (but again, it's not needy people that the videos is portraying, it's NORMAL people who like people with issues). Real needy people who are needy to everyone all the time, not just their loved ones who they find flawless, can be a real pain in the throat.
A strong person can win a victory. It takes an even stronger person to walk away from a victory.
Okay, when you get clingy I get irritated.
Unicorn Troll yep 😂
And when you get clingy, they get irritated.
Unicorn Troll women irritate me a lot
Rogelio Valencia good. you'll have no trouble dying alone along with the other assholes commenting on this girls thread :) God bless
"dying alone" wow.. NotsoLovelyASMR
I'm not needy and I was rude to needy people... I regret it because I realized, after being in a relationship with an avoidant guy, that needy people are amazing, courageous and true to their feelings... I'm in love with a needy guy and i love it.
i wish people were like that to be honest
I don't have self hatred. I don't have enough time to keep dealing with their self centered neediness of sucking the life out of me.
I disagree with this, your example is totally situational. Many people considered needy can also be abusive or manipulative. If you tell someone you don't want to hang out today and they come over anyways that's not you having a problem with yourself. That's them not respecting your wishes not to hang out.
All relationships are a give and take, an exchange. Some people who are needy take but never know how to give and put their emotions before the emotions of those that they need. We aren't parents to our friends and it isn't necessarily self hatred that dictates our reasons for not wanting to be around them. It's called being smothered, everyone needs time to themselves just as much as they want time with others.
MissyMona i love this
they address this issue within the first 22 seconds of the video-
“there are, of course, a few pathologically dependent people at large...”
MissyMona I really like what you said, you said it so well, Missy! Sometimes, it gets to be too much, especially when you want to spend time on your own.
MissyMona The so-called bf is like this and it got to a point where I couldn't tolerate him anymore. He got angry abusive and manipulative. So I broke up the friendship. I no longer enjoyed his company, because he didn't have anything in common with me. He just wanted someone to hear him talk about stupid things, in other words, he wanted a sounding board. Well, forget that, not interested in his goofy ramblings.
@@lindakim3051 You're absolutely right, thank you for pointing out "there are, of course, a few pathologically dependent people at large..."
People really missed the point. This video is about dismissive avoidants, to whom normal expectations within a relationship are interpreted as neediness because their frame of reference is so far off. This type of person is as much insecure as a codependent person and a nightmare to date if they lack self awareness. They bomb partners with intimacy while claiming to want to take things slow, pull away inexplicably and gaslight them into thinking they are the problem for having what were reasonable expectations. When they come back from "deactivating" you feel you've been downgraded to a casual fling where before there was passion. If you love yourself, you leave, but ironically the codependent might stay out of insecurity they will not find better. Securely attached individuals have standards and will not stay in a relationship long if they cannot have needs met and don't feel valued. Sadly contemporary Western culture pushed the myth of independence when it's lack of good social bonding that creates insecure attachements in the first place. We are social creatures and were not meant to live lonely atomized lives.
Exactly. This is absolutely for the dismissive avoidant attachment style, who very classically does not know that they are one, and usually has no drive to find out. They think distance and emotional unavailability is normal and it’s very difficult to get them to recognize what they are doing which is why most relationships with them fail from their own inability to let closeness occur. Their distance creates the neediness in their partner that they despise by withholding what would be considered normal, and essentially starving their partner of all relationship needs. They don’t understand healthy interdependence and are afraid of it on some level.
Exactly. This is absolutely for the dismissive avoidant attachment style, who very classically does not know that they are one, and usually has no drive to find out. They think distance and emotional unavailability is normal and it’s very difficult to get them to recognize what they are doing which is why most relationships with them fail from their own inability to let closeness occur. Their distance creates the neediness in their partner that they despise by withholding what would be considered normal, and essentially starving their partner of all relationship needs. They don’t understand healthy interdependence and are afraid of it on some level.
exactly. Thank u
This isn't really a great defense to be honest. The big issue with needy people is that they take more from you than they give in exchange. They may not mean to, and sometimes they cannot help it, but it's that inequality that's causing an issue. Not some self hatred coming out of nowhere.
Will Nottel So true! I must confess that I was quite emotionally needy for some time in my youth, probably stemming from a lack of a stable guidance, but as I grew older I realized the only to make (and keep) connections is if there is equal contribution from both parties and respect for boundaries.
Expecting something in return seems kind of egotistical but ok
I have a needy friend but I love her so I'm willing to be there when she's feeling vulnerable and we're slowly building boundaries that she feels safe with. That being said I have called a former friend needy based on my own insecurities. I wish now I had just been honest and realized we were incompatible and not made him out to be this horrible, draining person, not only to him, but to my friends and family. He didn't deserve that. I need to go set the record straight.
the video was good. wth happened in the end
threesome
Apurv tyagi the hell
Disgusting polyamoury.
This is really a great insight ! The girl I loved so much dumped me calling me needy, though she used to like in the beginning years. In my introspection , I only acted needy when she just hid away for too long . I don't know who is right, who is wrong. But I don't have her 😞
School of life might be right for some, but many 'popular' people do not hate themselves at all, yet are targeted by people who want to constantly be around them. Giving hope to the real needy people that those who are not willing to constantly satisfy their need are just self-hating, does not make sense lol
There is no defence for needy people. They're an annoyance and burden to have as friends and partners. They will suck the life and enthusiasm from you until you cut them out of your life. Of all of the personality types, needy people are severely underestimated in how truly toxic they are.
Agree. Especially when it seems like they are being super “nice” and they care about you and want to be a “good friend” but they are actually demanding your attention constantly, and wanting to get into your head so you will be thinking about them from the moment you wake up and throughout the day, and you start to feel completely smothered by their energy. These people literally suck. Uugghh!
I disagree. I have an excessively needy friend and neighbor I once indulged, either every day or weekend one summer, and very quickly I watched other areas of my life deteriorate... and all i wanted to do was be a "good friend." I KNOW im not the problem. Sometimes your needs and their's are just not compatible. I thrive in solitude and its getting to a point that im wondering if i should let this person go and ignore indefinitelt, as im sick of being chased around for time; weekends, holidays, a day off from work; when there too many other things, including myself, side hustles, family, hobbies, other friends, etc. that needs immediate attention. Some people just dont get it and are, in fact, excessive amd may not actually care that they are being abusive of your time.
I’m sorry but I will never put aside my goals because a person want more of my attention. I had to break up with my boyfriend because of this. Needy people can Ruin your life if you left them it’s like they are manipulating you because you suppose to feel sorry for them because they don’t have a life. I had some friends like this. We are not responsible for someone else happiness but our own.
Selfish
@@juliusjohnson911yesty3 no shes smart. Go find your own happiness you wealth minded fool
Healthy boundaries. Totally agree
I have to disagree. The annoyingness of neediness comes when the person cares more about the attention than the person. Learning to be comfortable with ones self is incredibly important and neediness generally indicates someone doesn't feel complete unless they are being validated, fulfilled, etc by someone else.
you don't seem to realise that a person can be totally comfortable with themselves right up until they fall headfirst in love. then things get blurry and needy people get needy. but it's not that they actually see themselves as inadequate: love just temporarily makes them feel like they don't want any other timeline except the one with their lover.
I was once a "needy" person, even I knew that I was really annoying back then lol
When I realized that how I show my sympathy or passion for caring to my friends is annoying, I learned that there should be boundaries on showing affection/helping them or else it would look like a really weird gesture. I lost some friends because of that but it's fine, life teaches us the hard way sometimes.
This is an interesting view but I do think if you´re blaming others for getting uncomfortable you need to take a deeper look at yourself. If someone doesn´t want to talk to you, you should be asking "What am I doing that is affecting the situation" not "What are they doing that is affecting the situation"
ismellrudolph A little bit of both for a balanced view me thinks
ismellrudolph You miss the point of the video.
I don´t think I missed the point, I think if you want to be a people pleaser you can do that or if someone has other things going for them you can look past the needyness, overall though, to me this seems like alway a "what am I doing wrong" LIKE always.. Focus on what you have control over and if you want that needy person in your life
speaking of being needy, I need friends.. any volunteers?
xPlatybelodon I volunteer as a tribute! :^(
Metaxmorphose, you mean his friendship is like the hunger games?
xPlatybelodon mee
Add me on G+ and we can exchange social media accounts later
I volunteer too
I am extremly needy when I feel bad. Then I want to hang out with my boyfriend. But he is the exact opposite. He could live without me for weeks even though we are able to see each other. I think when we don't run away from each other and make up dates we both agree on, without anyone of us feeling guilty that we need to be pleased or please the other one, that is the way.
If you already run away from the needy one, don't make his/her life miserable.
instead: break up!!!
agree up until a certain point with them though...I don't hate myself Lol. In fact its BECAUSE I love myself that I recognize when some people aren't for me. As an introvert, I need my alone time and people who constantly impose themselves on me and violate my space regardless of what I say to them are selfish and needy and borderline narcissistic. If our friendship styles are incompatible yet you insist to thrust yourself upon me because "I feel lonely", then that crosses the boundary where I have sympathy to where I am annoyed because you are taking away from my love for myself (bc Im giving myself what I need first and foremost, before I can consider giving myself to you. )
These videos are sooooo incredibly helpful for me. Here I was thinking for years that I was broken, and in one day of watching your videos I understand myself and other people so much better. Thank you!!
or the fact that people who call constantly are just annonying
I completely disagree 100%. I am a person with a limited amount of emotional energy, and I resent people who expect me to give too much of that up for them. I don't loathe myself, I just have boundaries. Forcing me to give you attention is not a sign of love for me its a sign of selfishness, and if I say I'm not feeling like hanging out and they make me feel guilty about that then they aren't taking my needs into consideration. I have had people that I have had to coddle, that have put me in situations I was uncomfortable in, caused me to compromise my health because they refused to let me leave for hours and then gotten mad at me for getting cold and distant. Its give and take. If I love someone I will be there for them but I need alone time too.
because your not like others
Jane doe - I agree. I have a bad repetitive experience that people talk and seek my attention because they want something. Maybe not a t first, but it will come! I now have no problem epressing my boundaries, and people find that intriguing. And they get more and more interested, wanting to visit me evwn when i said no to that multiple times. I especially dislike people from who i get the feeling that they want me to guide, help and listen to them, like a mother figure, people copying and following me around, even with people older than me. I dislike that and i do not think i have to just accept that, sometimes i just wanna scream. Showing affection and and being a latch-on person, are not the same thing.
This video calls for self reflection before labeling someone needy. It's not accusing the more independent people of being automatically self loathing or insecure, etc.. I guess the video is not as clear to those who didn't finish it.
Amazingly wonderful video! I agree with all of it. I’ve always seen needy people as someone who’s not afraid of being vulnerable or of showing they are interested in someone else.
I dont really agree and here is why. Those that I have been needy towards usually had much more to offer to me than I could offer to them. No human calculates this but everyone feels this on some instinctual level. Just like when you put more work into a relationship than the other person, you feel like there is an imbalance. And thats exactly how popular people feel toward needy people, they dont have much to offer OR their offerings are not valuable enough for them. Some people are simply said takers and investing in them is not a good idea. Needy people present themselves like takers to some degree.
Fujtajblus Very good point. I've been quite needy and been needed; neither feels good and is really a reflection of an imbalance within me. When balanced internally, issues of neediness don't arise; I don't attract needy people and I don't become needy myself.
does it really matter?
For 33 years of my life, I was quite judgemental of every person I came across.
Then upon renouncing my Faith, my vision of humanity was shifted to new unexplored aspects.
Now, and thanks to you guys at School of Life, I even see the world through new glasses and it looks mush more beautiful.
To me, a needy person is not one who reciprocates. It's someone who always needs but rarely gives
my self hatred is completely unrelated to finding suffocatingly clingy people annoying. people need personal space something clingy people cannot comprehend
Eve Flynn agreed
Brianna Laola 'haha', look at you mocking people with absolutely no point in your mockings, you sad piece of shit :)
@gordonloet The point is she thinks clingy people can stop her from getting personal space. It's easy, go to your room lock the door. OR tell the needy person that you don't want to see them. If something bothers you enough you'll quit being passive.
Eve Flynn personal flaws can change the lense in which you perceive others.
@buster only full screen mode captions on boss run I found a better way to express my opinion, you don't really add anything to the conversation though.
No, needy people are just annoying.
This video was a real eye-opener to a different perspective. There are overtly needy people too though, when they ignore your desire for privacy and time to yourself, for the sake of their own desire for company. That's entirely different to a person who actually cares about you and loves you, since a truly caring person who's needy would still respect your wish for your own space.
I am an introvert and Some needy/extrovert people feel so offended when you tell them you want space just some alone time and they take it very personal. You accept them as they are but won’t get the same understanding back
Tsuki ** i don’t know the depth of the friendship between you and your friend but maybe there is a possibility he really likes you? i understand what you feel its very annoying when people do that. Currently living with a family member who has an attention seeker loud extroverted shallow dominant maybe a little toxic persona. She is like THE opposite of me and i started not to care anymore about how she feels when i want my space or just don’t want to talk and enjoy the silence. So if your friend ignores the fact that you want your space you could ignore him back not all the time but i mean only when you want to be alone he must respect that.
I'm not sure about what's said in this video: When someone constently needs the attention of me, I'm getting restrictive with time. That's not because I don't trust in myself, affraid of beeing there for that person, it's because I feel used. I feel used by a person that wants me to accept it's attentions (that I acctually don't need) with thanks, so that it can cover its self hatred by thinking to itself "I did something good to this person, so I'm not that bad", or "That person likes me, I have to be okay!" too. It is very tiring, to act as this confirmation, while not really getting anything back! Well, I get attention and "love". The thing is: A real loving person would give me attention to make me feel better (that's what I love about love), not to comfort itself. So in the end "Needy" people act egoistic, because they kind of force someone to accept their "love".
Yes
Or I just want everyone to leave me to drink in peace.
Needy people are generally unable to have their own time and space, therefore they invade the time and space of another. They do it not necessarily because they like the other person, but because they are desperately trying to fill the emptiness from themselves with the other person. I find suspicious anyone unable to sit alone with himself/ herself for a couple of hours a day.
I spend most of my time alone. Yet I'm still a needy person by nature. How come? I don't depend on other people's affection but I'm affectionate and quite passionate when it comes to love and friendship. Y'all just seem like you've never loved anyone.
There is a difference between letting the other know you're interested with dignity and totally throwing yourself at someone, without giving them time for themselves. We ourselves should desire that too. It's about self respect and respecting the other. That's what real love is all about. Being so needy takes bravery, but it doesn't mean that it's the smarter option. It takes more bravery to let the other be. Just saying... otherwise you're really insecure.
this video truly was eye opening... thank you for making this!
I LOVE being either alone, with my husband or with people that are CLOSE FRIENDS. If someone is not in this category, and contacts me several times a week, I automatically don't want to be around them. I'm an only child not dependent on other people for my happiness, I am aloof with a "catlike" personality and don't want people orbiting around me. There is not one thing wrong with this, or any other person who chooses carefully the people they spend time with. I DON'T WANT DRAMA in my life, and I'm not your therapist🙅
you dont have to be therapist to comfort someone you love and what is wrong being dependent for happiness?
Gonna call BS on this one. Needy people need to learn boundaries and that other full grown adults have responsibilities and can't be tending to what they can't even give themselves.
Thank you so much! This needy guy has been calling me consistently! I ended blocking him, now he's calling me with different numbers! I block them, he calls me with private calls, I drop them, he keeps calling! Like what a psycho with no respect for personal boundaries, like geez, I am not your mother! My word, they can be infuriating!
@@nomfundomasuku2443 That's super creepy dude!! And nottt attractive. I had a dude do that and it instantly killed my crush. Good job keeping boundaries.
I think a lot of it is we just get tired of having to deal with others needs.
And then there's the people who feel so insecure about themselves, they need to check all the time if you still love them.
Needy people all lack empathy. This makes them selfish and greedy. They leave others exhausted and don't bother to read the room. They have to be avoided at all costs.
All these comments in disagreement are pissing me off. Everyone has someone in their life that they have wanted more attention from. I don't get why people have to hate someone for seeming clingy and liking you. If they bother you that much just tell them you aren't interested, if they continue to persist that isn't neediness, it is just stalker-y. Get over yourself if you really think that you yourself have never felt a want to be around someone more, spend a lot of time with them, and talk to them often. These things are simple parts of loving, at least a clingy person is capable of communicating their affection.
I don't see how that's related to what I said
madison G my best friend keeps persisting even tho i confronted her many times abt how uncomfortable her clingyness makes me feel but it still hasnt reached stalker-y level yet for me to leave her or whatever u suggest. i love everything everything about her as a best friend except for that part so i would never leave her but i am still super uncomfortable and often question myself if its just me being a shitty person. honestly it is more than just a person giving u too much affection, the line should be drawn the moment someone feels uncomfortable and u cant blame the person for it, blame the clingy person for not knowing what personal space is
I doubt that the way you write it now is how you present the problem to this friend of urs. If she makes you feel so damn uncomfortable then clearly she does not care enough about ur comfort to put aside her own need for companion or someone to talk to. You need to tell her straight up! (maybe you have) but most people and I see girls do this when rejecting guys all the time give them bs escape excuses like "I am busy" "you are just too much right now" "I love to spend time with you but....." This is not proper communication. This is you giving some bs answer so that they will leave you alone for a little but still give you attention because at the end of the day you are human and admit it or not a clingy person feeds ur ego ;)
Yea exactly
My stalker is too needy
I was never interested
Currentky guilt tripping me to go to prom with him
Already bought the ticket after i told him no
Interigating my friends for my favorite color
Getting mad at me because im not hungry to go eat with him
"Im paying for you, what more do you want?!"
*buys burger and throws it at me* yes you read right, a wrapped mcdonalds burger
Now telling everyone I'm a bitch im this im that
Making fun of my weight (im a skinny person) then asking if we can talk in person alone
Ive told him i dont like him, leave me alone
Ive cussed out of no where so many times people think im crazy and he's just being nice
Dont i have the right to not want it?
Im ranting
He will not stop following me. He will find me in school
He tried to find out which college im going to
Im hella anoyed
Accurate comment. Thanks for this!
Not true - I just don’t want needy people leeching off me while I’m trying to focus on my own life and my own dreams. And then needy people get offended and lash out. People are fucked.
I'm needy and I like needy people...it shows that they care about me and it makes me feel confortable around them, knowing that they care a lot about me :)
this made me feel much better about feeling like I was being needy, thank you
I watched this video a couple times to get a grasp on the argument. I like the video and some of the good points in it, but I think premises don't support the conclusion.
The premises are
1. Needy people are misrepresented. They just want to hang out occasionally. They want your friendship.
Response: We have to define a needy person. A needy person is someone who lacks something. To be in need is to not have the thing you want. Needy people don't want occasional friendship they want excessive friendship.
2. Needy people are not the problem , the accuser is the problem.
Response: The accuser becomes the accuser once they recognize the excessive of neediness of the person. The excessiveness of their neediness is the problem.
3. The accuser doesn't see themselves as the appropriate Target of the needy person. The accuser is insecure.
Response: in many ways this is true. The accuser is not the appropriate source for the person's neediness. But this has nothing to do with the accusers personal flaws. The needy person wants something from the accuser that the needy person is capable of obtaining for themselves.
4. The accuser, hates needy people but really hates themselves. Needy people are just trying to give love. And the accuser doesn't think they're Worthy of love.
Response: how is wanting a person to be emotionally independent self-hatred. Again, the definition of needy is a person who lacks something, so how could they be trying to give love if that's what they need.
5.the accuser should not try to change the needy person from asking too much of them. The needy person doesn't see anything wrong with giving love.
Response:
again, giving love assumes that you already have it to give, to be in need means that you lack it, another thing is if a person wants to give you love then they must think that you are in need. This changes the dynamic of the situation because if a needy person is just trying to give love, then the accuser is making it clear that they don't need additional love because they have self-love.
6. Showing need is a precondition of strength. The accuser needs to revise the view of themselves to realize they are an appropriate Target for love.
Response:
How could showing need be a precondition of strength if need means you lack something, you may be saying that showing need actually takes a strong person. The Problem is, people are only a limited source of strength. Needy people do not seek out quality people to gain their strength from but will seek attention from anyone
8.we all are broken in need of love the needy person doesn't see anything strange with liking us the needy person is broken and needs love.
Response:
There's nothing wrong with liking or wanting attention from another person. the problem becomes when the needy person doesn't want you to show anybody else attention, when they're neediness becomes excessive and then they become the accusers. Accusing you of not liking them or loving them. I think they do not understand how to have a healthy balanced relationship with someone and also have a healthy balanced relationship with themselves.
I hope the makers of this video read this. You are spot on. I have close friends and a healthy self esteem. When I encounter someone who has obsessive needs that drain me and they still aren't satisfied, it isn’t a case of self-hatred that causes me to point at boundaries.
Man this is perfectly said. My girlfriend is needy/clingy and doesn’t even know it, and denies it when I point it out to her. On top of that she is passive controlling and gets mad when I don’t respond the way she want or in a certain amount of time via text/calling.
To make things worst she is pregnant and I feel I have totally messed up.
The crazy thing is there is never a problem unless she says something based off her emotions. I think she is insecure, has self esteem issues, brining issue from her previous relationship, and has daddy issues.
Don’t get me wrong she is a nice person no doubt, but when she get emotional she becomes too much 😩😩
You are capable of expressing love without having it, sorry but this comment has no sense
"at the first sign someone's becoming reliant on us, we flinch" maaaann caaalm dooown. this isn't some self-hatred BS. it might be for some people, but it's unhealthy to think that way and give in to every whim and desire that your friend wants because "oh, if i think they're needy, that means I think less of myself, and undeserving of attention." simply wanting someone to give you space or independence, a phone with fewer than 5 missed calls during a night out, a house less visited when you say you have to get work done, etc. is n o r m a l . I can't think of anything more normal than wanting-- and needing-- some time for yourself and other friends, family, and loved ones to grow, develop, and learn.
The thing is my dear, human connections are established by a consensus of staying in touch often. A relatoonship with someone does not magically appear solid before our eyes. Unless you want to become a hermit...
Thank you. I needed this message and it came to me today. Thanks again!
Exactly. Thanks for the vid! Vulnerability is one of a love language. 💖
I was with my guy months after 7 months we dropped the love bomb he literally began distancing himself.
He invested in me for months then began disappearing 😔
He is scared.
Im clingy/needy only because i need validation that i never got from my parents which i know is bad but i see myself as annoying
Once again, another excellent lesson. Thank you.
the problem with needy people is that they often blame people for not helping them out, very bad vibe
i strongly disagree.
I disagree with this video. Even if you need someone, having the class to give them space and to find validation doing your own thing is key in gaining mutual respect, and sometimes even attraction. It's not a strength to lay all your cards down for someone if they are not even with you, it's outright idiocy; you are asking to get hurt.
Hell even if you are with someone, self-sufficiency goes a long way. You don't enter a relationship to become 100% complete; you enter it as a 100% with another person to make it 200%.
Exactly!
I enjoyed this video, because it offers a different perspective to others who might not understand where we might be coming from, and that most of the time the other person simply doesn't want to figure us out, because we've already tired them out with our 'neediness' ! For example I TRY to be more independent and avoid certain social interactions / people so I won't become attached and consequently get hurt, (lost a lot of people I loved). So it hurts and it sucks when you try to be nice and want to help and hang out with someone who has helped YOU out, but they've got other stuff going on in their lives and just don't want you to be a part of it. Then you realize you've been far too needy and in trying to be nice and helpful, freaked the hell of out that person that you wanted in your life... school of life, indeed ;)
Thanks for the upload.
This was beautiful. Thank you from an ‘independent woman’ who fell madly in love with a ‘needy’ man.
yeah but guys its simple some people are just needy and it has nothing to do with us
its just how they are. its exhausting
well done on hitting 2M!!🐝
You know when i cant sleep, i would watch your videos. maximum 2 videos and i'm ready to close my eyes. you have a really soothing voice.