I had a friend who way overshared constantly, including things about others. Then we had a falling out. I wonder how many of my personal details they have shared with others. No, actually I don't. All of them.
@robertfindley921 Like the comment above me said, thats gossip and you have to be very careful aroung people who like to do that, people like that are normally 2 faced who say nice things to peoples faces and then when their back is turned they start talking BS. its just best not share anything with those types of people, the less you give them the less they can use against you
1000% . I am guilty of oversharing with people who were not so close friends just because I was lonely. Loneliness makes me mad and is cause of loose tounge 😂
It's hard when you have no family and have so much going on in life. It's hard when you have childhood trauma where you were neglected and or abused so you don't know what it's like to have a normal relationship with healthy boundaries. I write my thoughts down in what I call a prayer journal. Then I physically feel I've gotten the worries, anxieties and stress off my chest. So I don't overburden the few friends I have. ❤
Have you looked into groups like Adult Children of Alcoholics and other dysfunctional families, or Codependents Anonymous? They're safe places to share these things and learn healthy boundaries
I am an over sharer. I share because I want to be best friends with the other person. Let them know that I am reachable and I care. I share everywhere and everything. It has worked more against me than for me. I want everyone to be friends with me and exchange thoughts and feelings. Lol, I shared in this TH-cam comment section.
yea, there is more individual instances of "worked against me" but hopefully when it works "for you" it pays off with a lasting real connection to someone that understands what an unfiltered honest person is worth in their life.
‘One of those very rare characters who deserves to hear’ - that’s the part it took me years to realize. My father once told me that if I ended up with one or two truly close friends in life I’d be doing well. I thought he was exaggerating - that notion sounded very bleak. But he was right.
After 40+ years of meeting hundreds (if not thousands) of people, dating about 60(?) gals, working with folks, hiring some, firing others, etc. ... I can't say that more than 1% of them were truly exemplary human beings. Most were users, abusers, broken, narcissistic, obtuse, disdainful of those with proven experience, and often self-destructive to the point where their collateral damages affected FAR more than just them alone. It's been embarrassing to have to endure this for so long, but I finally realized that it was the STATUS QUO, not some bizarre anomaly or Twilight Zone situation, lol. 😂
As a psychologist, I'd argue that my clients find this the most difficult to change as many people easily fall into the extremes (either sharing everything or sharing nothing). There is unfortunately a need to engage in a lot of trial and error, but also a willingness to take risks. Unlearning unhelpful patterns from childhood can take a long time and hard work. However, growth is possible and sometimes we need a helping hand.
@@reneedubuc37121. You can trigger traumas within others by making them listen to something they weren't prepared to, possibly leading them back down a bad path. 2. You can ruin your reputation by saying you did something bad like it's nothing or funny to you, even though you regret it. 3. You open yourself up to be hurt in the future. And some other stuff
@@neonicetriggering other’s traumas that’s their problem 😂 Oversharing is just annoying because it’s self indulgent & gives a vibe of desperation. “Me me me me me”… often it’s not about sharing problems it’s trying too hard to convince “tell” someone why they should like you, when you should just show them through action & be patient. There’s an art to conversation, a rapport, & requires mutual interest. The fist step is to remember someone’s name when introduced before sharing anything. That alone is difficult.
So since you're sick it's okay to infect other people with your personal issues, so they feel bad as well on top of their own problems and traumas? Possibly triggering them on selfh-rm, domestic vi-lence, substance ab-se etc. in a setting they never wanted to be confronted with it?
Recently instead of trying to not over share, (if you tell yourself not to do a thing, you just wanna do that thing more), I've decided to play a game where I do my best to LISTEN as much as possible. In other words, to replace my impulse to gab endlessly with a directive to do something positive, not just to censor myself. It's worked beautifully. And it's made me more aware of lots.
Yes! Exactly! Truly, oversharing will never make people like you more. But listening to people and asking them questions about themselves and listening to their answers without interruption or distraction is an incredible way to make good connections. ♥️
we have two ears and only one mouth for a reason but many people cant help but speaking over others as if their opinion means more than yours keep it up
I did the same thing and listened a lot and over the years I became a therapist to many people and very lonely as a lot of the people I spent time with, including those closest to me, knew very little about me
Overshare below; Not talking hurts. Talking too much can hurt. Not having anyone to talk to at all most of the time makes it difficult to find the middle ground. I've overshared when my feelings have hit their breaking point. Didn't matter if it was a friend for ages or some recently got to know. Kept details vague enough and blurted everything out because I couldn't keep it in anymore. I seen eyes roll and jaws hit the floor and realised that we've crossed a certain point. Old friend give it a faithful listen and brush it off. The greener ones, seldom talk with me again... When trying to get into relationships, I was upfront and honest with everything. Because that's how I thought relationships are supposed to start. You lay it all out and if you both can match or agree you're golden. When you have been alone or been left alone and behind, somehow all or nothing became the default. What you see is what get.
@@Nothingbutdust_ hi, I hope you're okay. I'm kinda sorry that you can relate. Means that you've had to deal with something like this. Sometimes, I just overshare because I know the worst thing possible is, I'll back where I started. So, all or nothing right? I don't know what you went through or are going through. But I hope, whatever it was remains in the past. Or you manage to resolve/overcome it!
@@Sam-de6qx Hi, thank you for your concern. I think we've both been through a lot for us to feel this way. I'm not going to lie but with the experiences I've had I can honestly and truthfully say I've been trough more than most people my age at least here in my country where I live. I've been through things I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemies. There's just things in life you'd rather keep to yourself because you've learnt that sharing them with someone actually doesn't bring you closer to them but has the opposite effect. Initially at first I kept quiet a lot but people didn't like that either and always asked me why I was so quiet. So when I slowly started to open up to them they grew distant. Not because we didn't get along, but because they didn't know how to process these things themselves so they couldn't relate. I can tell you must be a very smart person or at least have had to deal with similar things in life. Your words actually meant a lot to me. I hope you're doing ok nevertheless 🥺🙏🏻❤️
Nothing but dust….and Sam…if you can find a good therapist, who has the training to know how to handle the information you need to get off your chest , without using it against you or pulling away, it will help you in so many ways. And with over sharing too.
@@Shelleysnail Thank you, but unfortunately it's not something I can afford. A psychiatrist I met a couple of months ago suggested I could be eligible to get free therapy at some point but the queue is very, very long. But thank you for the suggestion and concern, I appreciate it.
I personally don’t believe in ‘oversharing’. It seems like this is a motivation to foster even more of an alienating society, full of shaming and surface level interactions that only benefit those who have no depth themselves. Who cares if you tell me about how lonely or depressed you are, despite us not having a close relationship? Who cares about what’s ‘appropriate’ to a sociopathic society that victim blames, isolates vulnerability and looks down on people who are open books. I’ve had countless of interactions with random strangers where they’ve told me their life story which would fit this concept of ‘oversharing’ presented in this video. Never did I walk away feeling like they’ve done something inappropriate. In fact I was glad that as a mature adult that’s gone through many difficult experiences, I was able to make them feel seen for a moment because this was never about me to begin with anyway. Of course it is important to pick the people you trust, but that’s about your chosen company, not the concept of how much you share.
It's because there are bad people out there that oversharing can become a problem. But you stating that you appreciate when someone shares something personal is proof that there are good people. It's just hard to know who those people are until you've met enough to figure it out.
@@paulinerebel845 I feel like this is also a perfect philosophy to keep taboos, stigmas and abuse alive. It is already scary to say things out loud when nobody is around.
@@JLakis I agree with you and think it is important to think of who you’re talking to first, however I came across so many examples and conversations that target the act of ‘oversharing’ itself and comes from a place of shame, rather than just saying ‘think twice about who you trust’. I feel like calling it selective sharing instead of oversharing would put a better message across.
Exactly, in the video he refers to those "who's hunger for closeness overwhelms their concern for safety", implying there should be a fear in oversharing. I'm not worried about those who would try to use my openness against me. I am not ashamed of what shaped me, nor the struggles I endure. That which I have already embraced, and choose to share, can't be used against me. Perhaps I'm better at knowing to keep things to myself that could be damaging if shared, but I disagree with the notion that one must apply such a strategic framework to interpersonal connection.
Yeah as a naturally private person and the opposite of an overshare I actually like "over sharers". I think they are very true to themselves, open and vulnerable which I respect and appreciate. I just worry for them sometimes as I know that those same qualities I respect could be perceived as an opening for exploitation by the wrong person. I think as long as the overshare is capable of recognizing predatory people, there's nothing wrong with it and it's not that dangerous. Sometimes openness can be empowering because it allows you to be more in control of narratives about yourself, or to build a community more easily.
You can also harm others by oversharing, especially when sharing traumatic experiences. Some people who overshare are also very bad listeners, so busy trying to be seen and heard, that the other person feels like their audience instead of having a balanced conversation.
Well if you could over share, without being judged and labeled and being taken advantage of, I doubt there would be oversharing in general, or better yet the term oversharing would cease to exist.
I was the person always sharing too much, saying sorry and thank you way too often. It lowered by self esteem a ton. That meditation book called 30 Days to Overcome Guilt by Harper Daniels helped a lot.
I've always been raised to guard my privacy. I've known many people with "diarrhea of the mouth" and they caused much harm to themselves. I have always been reserved about my personal affairs and I have great friendships and relationships with those who respect my boundaries as I do theirs.
I already regret over sharing with someone just this morning about my dreams only to get confirmation he's a hater and I wish I never told him anything... I'm still going to pursue my dreams anyway.
Yup. It's one thing to tell people your dreams. It's another to ACHIEVE and to PRODUCE them. 💪😎✌️ Personally, I do both: I say what I'm gonna do, and then I accomplish these things. People never believe me no matter what, either. 😂 Not even after 30+ years of completed goals. I LOVE IT! It's satisfying to prove people wrong over and over and over again. They bet weirdly, too. It's like, if I've been up to all of this for so long, what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?! 🤔 #weird #amnesia?
I know a professor, he was a nerd in high school and certain classmates found him a dork and weird guy. But now he’s thriving and earning a lot of money, and is a young professor.
Yea only because if you were happy about sharing a lot it wouldn’t be called “over sharing” it would just be sharing. The adverb “over” implies it’s in retrospect more than what you comfortable with. Anyways sorry for being a nerd and wish everyone peace and happiness.
I relate so much to this. I tend to overshare, and it's probably because I craved real connections as a kid but rarely got them. Now, I find myself spilling secrets too soon, hoping it'll lead to genuine intimacy, but often it just backfires. It's a tough habit to break
Hug u. ❤ Same with me. Finally I'm learning that connecting with my innermost being is the first and foremost thing. It's damned hard and an incredibly dark journey, but a journey towards the gem of new life too
@@Weiling-gl6xz I appreciate you sharing that. Sounds like you're really getting to the heart of what matters by facing those inner challenges. I'm also learning to pause and reflect more, to better understand my own needs before rushing. Hugs ❤
I don't believe that's what the video meant to imply. It's cautionary. There are people who will take advantage, abuse, or otherwise use some information against you. I know this the very hard way. I believe what they are trying to convey is that some things are best kept between very close and trusted friends or others. And when you are traumatized or lonely or in a vulnerable place, sometimes it's difficult to know who is safe and who is not.
@@JLakis What if you aren't hurt by those trying to use your 'vulnerability' or openness against you because it says more about them to do so? I personally don't feel in danger when I'm open and let people see into the deeper parts of me.
I completely disagree with the premise of this video. It’s a path to boring, superficial relationships where you realize years later that you’re totally incompatible.
The consequences of oversharing in life have made me share VERY LITTLE anymore. I have found that people cannot resist sabotaging, manipulating, twisting, interfering with and destroying good things that others have- especially when jealousy is high. Protect your life, sanity, relationships, belongings, finances, health, and opportunities at all cost. At. ALL. COST. I love you all.
Your more than right about that, in my experience. Its hard to keep that lifestyle overtime, but thats the only one that pays off and bring peace of mind.
Especially hard when you have to go no-contact with parents. That is both the hardest and easiest thing I've had to do. But it was essential to my well-being as an adult navigating the world.
I loved this perspective. It is a phase. A normal phase of a dysfunctional experience we didn't choose and had no escape for too long. It's not permanent. It's not a personal flaw. It's also not the problem. We should be able to share without fear. The problem is people using information to harm
Maybe with a certain type of oversharing that's the main problem but, oversharing can harm others too. Like word vomiting traumatic experiences over & over and being in a constant circle of oversharing and apologizing. It's weird for the person listening & exhausting. It's not always that others use the information to hurt you. I've been on the listening end of people going through this phase, I've witnessed other people have this dynamic in relationships, and I've also been the one compulsively oversharing. Sure, ppl can use the info but, make no mistake, you are unwell in this phase and not seeing clearly, that's the main problem & needs action. So when ppl distance themselves from you, it's not necessarily bc they thought they were gonna harm you, it could be bc this is an exhausting dynamic and it's harming them.
@niaselah3348 can you please help me understand what you meant by elaborating? I feel like there is something obvious I'm missing/should know but dont, but what is it a phase of? Like healing? Or a breakup or? If it is a phase, how long does it typically last and like what does it lead to (what is the next phase?). Am I way overthinking this lol?
@@goldmidwest I mean that when we have dysfunctional experiences there's a process to going back to "normal". Example if you never had a home and had to spend all days for years on public spaces when you finally have a home of your own you may go through a phase of being a homebody. Society tends to see it as a personal flaw and permanent when actually it's a phase you need, time to meet a need that wasn't met for too long. Once that need feels met you naturally will want to go out more. We don't allow those processes bc we are constantly judging it and pushing bc everyone judges and pushes us A child that feels seen, heard and appreciated stops crying. Telling the child what's wrong with you or push them to stop crying or needing what they need doesn't work. It only creates more harm That's the approach society's narratives promote that we do to ourselves If you still have a need instead of judging yourself for it maybe focus on how would that part feel seen, heard and appreciated. And telling that part of you that it can take as long as it needs just like you would do with a child It's not about fixing or getting you to do something. Those attitudes created the harm. You are not a problem to be fixed. You deserve healing Edit: you are not overthinking for having valid questions. Some of us have more analytical brains or need to consider all scenarios due to trauma.
I didn't have friends growing up and deciding what is the right amount of sharing is truly difficult for me. Sometimes I'm too secretive and noone knows about my true feelings, sometimes I seem to not realize (or realize too late) that I said something inadequate... You can learn so much from having a community when growing up, and people forget that you could also just NOT learn these things when you're a loner.
I had a friend. Trusted him more than my parents or siblings. Shared all my personal problems and insecurities with a hope that he would understand me better and probably behave certain way that would help me overcome those. I respected him. At the end, He used those against myself, said things that pushed me to great extent of self destructive behaviors. Been more than half a decade- still working to get over it.
I can't tell how much overwhelming it is to discover I'm not alone in this thing! I always knew I was feeling lonely but cause of all the secrets shared I had many friends who told me I was being silly... thankyou soo much everyone in this comment section!
I'm not sure if this qualifies as oversharing, but my approach is often to be honest with how I am doing or what I am goin through when I am asked. I find it much more interesting than "fine" "good" etc. And usually others do too. I suppose it depends on what your goal is in a particular situation or conversation.
I don't think that's oversharing; sounds more like genuineness or honesty. Oversharing is giving too many details in an impulsive way without regard to unhelpful outcomes, i.e unwise communication.
Unfortunately we humans are very harsh judges of one another. If someone doesn't share enough we judge them as distant, if they share too much we will judge their "outrageous" but honest feelings.
Sharing how much you earn (with coworkers) is protected under law in many places; disclosing your salary isn't oversharing so much as it is an important mechanism to prevent employers from exploiting their staff, which they continue to do all over the world.
It's not against the law but it is unwise. As someone who has done this trust me you really don't want to start letting your colleagues know how much you actually earn. Always understate it because if they know they're getting less than you they'll see everything you do as undeserving and make your life hard.
@@TheFakeyCakeMaker I think you just proved my point - Employers exploit their workers, speaking up together with your peers is the only recourse you have.
I have the exact opposite problem and I appreciate this video because it made me realise that I shouldn't rush to the exact opposite side of the spectrum. It's about balancing being comfortable sharing and knowing when it's best to keep something to yourself, at least for the time being
I used to over share, and still do sometimes online. It's a big mistake, as many people like to kick others when they're down, use it against you, or play off of your insecurities. There are cruel people out there that would do terrible things to you given the chance. When you can post anonymously online all masks of their character fall off.
Yeah the problem is even if 90% of people are supportive, or neutral to your oversharing, there is a small minority of people who will use it against you. That's why it's important not to overshare with untrustworthy people
I know the feeling. I often have to ask, does this person need to know this? How will it help them or me? Then I pull back. When in doubt say nowt. I only owe explanations to friends and family and even then it's not always a MUST people don't need to know everything.
I used to overshare a lot but I have learned that shutting up is the best option in every scenario. Every abuser always looks kind and welcoming at first to lure you into sharing your weaknesses, and they always pull the rug when you least expec it. The key to staying safe is fulfilling your needs by yourself and giving yourself the validation you desire. Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise simply cannot handle themselves and cannot even entertain the possibility of independence and being whole that they seek to pull others down into codependency along with them.
Fairness is different for each person - for example, for those neglected it is fair to seek people, for those who are overwhelmed by people it's fair to seek solitude. Fairness is a need/feeling as personal as happiness,anger, or sadness.
Not everyone wants or can handle hearing what you want to share. Reading the comments, it's funny how many people are focused on their own need to burden others without stopping to think of the other person they're oversharing with. Instead of oversharing try over listening, this will help you to guage who you can and should share with and when it's appropriate.
Then only one person is getting information about the other to discern. This is imbalanced. If you are so easily triggered by negative aspects of life, I guess just don’t form meaningful connections or leave your house at all.
I overshared my feelings after my breakup with my closed ones ,because I was lonely and wanting help ,but believe me they took advantage of it and still it haunts me breaks me from inside
Manage your situations with your surroundings. Read book "The Art of War" If you're interested on increasing your soft skills qualities(it have correlations, that's why); after all its about _skill issue_ 🗿
@@leounsal6895 yup, Im aware that didn't make any sense, but in my point of view the 'value' you could get from the Art of War are basically about 'managing' anything in various schemes(in summary). For example: the social relationship with someone; no need to be cunning or being a 'liar', just be 'aware' is enough. It is also necessary to practice the soft skills that you have so you can understand it all more easily. Collect the references, find the clues, connect the dots, take advantage of it.
@@leounsal6895 in summary, from what I understand in the Art of War is about 'managing' something from ourselves & also towards our circumstances according to our own objectives. As an advice: collect the references, find the clues, connect the dots/find the correlations, validates, take advantage of it, repeat(for the better accuracy skeptically); iykyk.
I have definitely struggled with this- but also with being perceived as unfriendly because I hold back too much, don't share in whatever friendly way is expected of the situation.
ON THE CONTRARY-----this has always helped me weed out the superficial, boring, unstimulating, and shallow people from my life. Because i don't have time to waste with talking about the weather or formal pleasantries. I'd rather hear something personal, something REAL. There may be dangers in this-----but it's a risk well worth taking every single time. And when you find people are into it, you get to hear what they have or have had as well. A very small number of people actually do this with real transparency----and those are special people to my eyes.
Exactly, I think we are trained from a young age to value the reward, rather than the journey getting to it, so we naturally tend to think "What can I get from this person?", even if it's subconscious, though most people seem to not have the self-awareness to see that.
Doing it to people you dont know well shows them you dont have a lot of self preservation and makes it easier for them to take advantage of your vulnerabilities.
I think that one of the issues with oversharers is that they don’t always know when to stop or how to read a social cue that the other person is uncomfortable, didn’t have the emotional space to hear about a trauma that day, etc. like, it’s great when you share deeply and you find someone who is open, willing, and able! But, I think there’s more to it as the video revealed.
I "over shared" for years bc I had no support and no one to listen to me so I happily put it out into the world..and I don't care and don't regret it. Because I needed to be heard until I could get professional help. It helped to save me.
I share everything and it's gotten me far in life. People love being around someone who is so open and truthful. Within hours of meeting me, a person will feel safe enough to open up. It's wonderful. I've always hated all these barriers people build up around themselves. And I'm not talking about boundaries, that's healthy. But building walls based on unfounded fear or shame is unhealthy. I've found most people want to be seen and understood and I'm privileged in that they choose to let me see them. It's a great honour and I hold their secrets dearly.
@reflect_3 Yeah that's true, don't expect your secrets stay dearly to yourself. I found that doing this can be freeing. like when I share it brings a new perspective to life and a new form of communicating with people. It's also a development thing, like a skill, there's a way of sharing that can make it interactive with the people you're are talking to. It like broadens my horizon I would say, but, It can be scary for sure.
sometimes i overshare but if the person listens and feels normal, I know that’s a great friend to keep edit: lmao it’s ridiculous when some of you telling me i’m so wrong. you can say you don’t agree with me, i may ask why don’t you, and we’ll keep talking and you may share/talk to me more about your opinion, that’s when a good conversation might happens, a good friendship might blooms. when you try to prove i’m wrong, i don’t think we should continue, and that’s why i don’t think you’re a good friend to keep, because you don’t want to listen in the first place, so i won’t bother anyway. edit 2: i don’t overshare with everyone i meet, not everyone i overshare listens, not everyone i overshare the first time gets a second time, not everyone i overshare is my friend, not everyone overshare their story to me is my friend, not every friends of mine overshare their story with me (in case you miss the point).
@jaughnekow they're right. Someone who is uncomfortable wont ask follow up questions or will look nervous and give a small smile. Someone who is actually comfortable will both express that what you said sounds difficult and ask if you want to share more. In other words, they invite you to continue sharing. Of course, you have to stop speaking to see their reaction. Sometimes when oversharing I know there can be an urge to get it all out before you can see their reaction.
@@jaughnekow idk if you have been through those little oversharing chit chats like me myself. i don’t care if they pretend or not, if they stays till the end the day, they stays. i just respect their patience. friendship is not something built within an hour. english is not my 1st language, if i make any mistakes, please point out, i’m willing to learn 🙏 hope this “overshared” opinion helps
YUP! 💪😎✌️ Ain't nothin' better than jump-scaring 'em away with a "these are the ABC's of me, baby! Don't like it? All good; the door is unlocked, and you may take my smile and farewell wave as a parting gift, suckah"! 😂 I'd rather have zero friends and allies than twelve-hundred phony fronters who fake their feelings and dodge deep conversations. I only have so many years left. I ain't wasting 'em on their dumb arses! 😂🤣😂
yeah… back when I had friends, I’m usually just the listener, and I only speak up when with my closest friends. But now that I don’t have friends anymore, I tend to accidentally overshare to random strangers I meet online. Most probably because I never felt like anyone ever listens to me, both then and now, and so I cannot resist the urge to finally speak about myself. But also because my years of semi-isolation has made me forget how to have a conversation with others. I know a lot of us here feel the same way and have similar experiences, so I just hope that you all are doing okay, or at least, doing better than yesterday ❤️
@@mcsy98 Currently, I have the same situation as you had - I'm just waiting to speak up and I don't feel like they listening me 😢... And yeah, I randomly sharing "private" information with strangers Bless them, I don't think that I wanna continue being friends with them
sometimes i overshare to teach people a lesson through my experiences. but when they use that information against me, i thank them, because their character was exposed and i dont need to talk them again.
Trust very few people.. ones you know for decades and have kept their gobs shut over things you asked them not to share over the years. Its about sussing people out..
Learned this the hard way in a relationship with a woman that would never cut me some slack, even though I was " as open as one can be". I got out of the relationship but am still really hurt and regret that I was open about everything and made me really vulnerable to her relentlessness.
I am always shocked by complete strangers who seem to pick me out in a store and overshare! I was just being (genuinely) polite and smiling...minutes later😱
This just shows how untrustworthy most people are. It shouldn't matter if someone over-shares, it only does because of how the listener responds to it (and will probably use it against you some how). Yet more evidence of how disgusting humanity and/or our society is.
Depends on the type of relationship you have with the person. Oversharing with people you’re not close to can be imposing, why are you placing your own expectations onto others in such a way? Not to say there isn’t a lack of trust, but trust is something built in relationships. People are complicated. And varied. And diverse. I don’t subscribe to the idea that most people are “untrustworthy” than I would that most people can be in some way “conformists.” But you’re making a sweeping generalization based on a few factors and possible anecdotal experiences It shouldn’t matter, sure. But you can always improve communication and understanding. And hope to find people that reciprocate A relationship takes two, if you find friends that don’t reciprocate then that sucks but yeah, it’s not what I’d consider a close relationship. People taking advantage of others exist, but those aside, most people are not “horrible” but normal and complex people like you and I with their own worldview and values and personalities. Communication is a skill. A very effective skill in connecting with others. The generalization, I’m not a big fan of.
Oversharing can also be selfishness wrapped up in vulnerability, not everything is about you and your needs. The other person has needs too and maybe they don't need to hear what you feel the need to share.
@@TheFakeyCakeMaker Indeed it's not about 'me', not everyone needs to hear anything, but it's about give and take, being humane over human, compassion and all that good stuff. Yes the other person has needs, the individual wanting to express their thoughts and feelings has needs. Are we all to remain silent unless others state they are ready or wanting to listen to another?. If you don't like what you hear, you can always state it. If you tire of company, don't entertain it.
6 Signs of Love Addiction (AKA Limerence!) 1. obsessively thinking about them 2. insecurity and/or shyness in their presence 3. putting them on a pedestal 4. emotional dependency 5. longing for reciprocation 6. fantasizing about reciprocation
I love it when people overshare. I want to know everything about them. Everyone should be themselves. That’s how we truly get to know people. And even when they don’t say anything, I can guess from observation. So, no point in hiding. Some people can read you like a book without you uttering a word.
I’m the same way. I overshare and wish others would too; however, the world is full of people who aren’t like us and use the information we provide in bad ways or use it to pre-judge before fully knowing us. After watching this vid it kinda makes more sense now.
Most of society is incapable of being a good human being. No joke; they're simply not trained for it, they don't WORK at it, they don't work on themselves, and they're full of more haughty disdain than Edna Mode. 😂 This is a sad reality, but I've noticed this after 40+ years of work in production. Almost NO ONE holds power or mastery in the rare skill of Reflection. 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
Unfortunately relationships are a bit of a game that human minds must perform complex calculations to get right. We need to have a good idea if someone is going to hurt us, so we need them to share details about themselves so that we can judge them. If they refuse to share, they are distant and we avoid them. If they share too much, inevitably these honest feelings will ring alarm bells in our heads. They might admit some feeling that, even if we share that feeling, is a wrong thing to tell to someone you barely know. This person may tell my secrets to others, and they will judge me, so we avoid the oversharers. We are constantly looking out for people that both align with our own feelings, will not hurt us, and will not share our secrets with others, and that is a difficult combination of qualities to discover in a person, as they are also playing the same game. It's a risky game that we have no choice but to participate in, else be seen as distant.
It also might endanger one, to open up about trauma with someone, but not have the safety to deal with pouring out what wants to get out. Had to learn the hard way.
I don’t tell anyone anything about anything, and people who know me know better than to ask me questions, my business is my own-and I keep myself to myself. When people overshare with me they trust that what they say to me is going in the vault-unless it’s about them harming themselves and/or others, or if someone is harming them-but that’s the only time that I will intervene.
The reality is that you have to find people who like you for you, and not everyone is going to be that person for you. In the process of discovering these fellow souls, you're going to happen upon a LOT of people who don't vibe with you, and that's nobody's fault, not yours nor theirs, just as it isn't your fault if you don't like being around someone else. How you handle it matters way more than the fact that you're not clicking with them. There's no need to be rude. Direct and unambiguous, maybe, but it doesn't have to come to put-downs or shaming. Similarly, if you're in the position of being let down gently, accept it gracefully. There's no recovery, there's no "Maybe if I...", it's not happening. Accept the honesty from the other person and try again with someone else. It will always feel like it sucks that you're not clicking with certain people you may like, but we're not meant to be friends with everybody. We can be polite and friendly with strangers without inviting them into our inner circle. Everyone's inner circle is going to be small, and it's inevitable that we're not going to let the majority of people we know into that range of intimacy and familiarity. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or them, it's just a matter of diverging paths. What makes me kind of sad is seeing so many people taking rejection, even repeated rejection, as a metric of their self-worth, when there's often nothing wrong with the person, they're just trying to vibe and fit in with the wrong crowd. It happens. It's an inevitability of life. But what's sad is when people feel the need to radically change who they are when there wasn't anything wrong with them to begin with, just to "fit in" with a group of people who have made it evident and plain that they aren't accepting you for who you are. Do yourself a favor and embrace the reality that it simply isn't going to happen with certain people, but it will be a million times worth it once you do find your own group of people who do accept you for who you are.
I've been guilty of sharing life's negatives to the point that I've dragged so many people down around me. I have a bad habit of ruminating on it and ranting to others. I'll do my best to only share the positives with other people from now on. Even if it's not the "true" me, only a half truth, it's the only me people need to see.
My oversharing comes from a mixture of loneliness, fear of being boring, and a need for validation. I have been really bad about oversharing in the past to the point of cringing most nights when I think about it. The thing that changed it is a video I saw recently that explained that oversharing my traumas can actually traumatize the listener. I had no idea. I thought it would just make them feel welcome to open up as well. Once I realized I might be hurting people, I vowed to try to get a handle on oversharing.
I’ve over shared to the wrong people and didn’t share enough to the right people. Now I use discernment as much as possible and also write in my journal. But what I have learned that has helped me a lot is knowing the difference between public information and private information.
As an oversharer myself I do get the occasional feeling of regret about sharing too much, BUT I’d rather share a little more of myself and get to know people more closely than wait years to find out that someone can’t handle the true me. It’s all about shame. In my late thirties I feel less and less shame about the things I can’t control or change about myself so I have no problem in sharing them. It gets problematic when you share your honest thoughts about others, most people can’t handle that even if they say they do. What hasn’t been mentioned in the video is that oversharing can be quite manipulative because it’s like an intimacy supercharger.
Sharing alone ruined a lot of things in my life. So imagine over sharing. Humans are pretentious so be careful who you talk to and what you say...if better, don't open up at all
This is why it's good to find groups online ( or in person if you can thought that can be hard) and find a hobby or outlet so you don't feel the need to over share.
I often find my oversharing is coupled with my ADHD and the impulsivity that comes with it. The desire to over share is often a compulsion to feel close to someone and, rather than thinking it over, I often share impulsively - only to hurt myself and burden those around me with facts that they themselves did not need to know.
The pain of oversharing is a slow-healing wound. But if there's any good that comes from it, it's that we gain experience. We have the chance to become wiser about who we decide to trust and that is an invaluable life skill. What I've learned is that the passage of time has a healing quality to it and with every step forward the consequences of a regretful oversharing will recede further and further into the distance. Keep going, hang in there and one day the right people will enter your life and encourage you to share your true authentic self. Better days are ahead. Believe it.
With social media, people think their whole life should be on display for everyone. I don't need to know your life's story, including mundane details like what you had for dinner. I don't need to know who you sleep with within 5 seconds of meeting you.
I never considered it, but being brought up as an only child in a single parent household has likely given me this problem. I very quickly alienate people with up front conversations of deep beliefs and don't make a great first impression. I will endeavour to stop doing that, even though I hate banal conversations.
I remember I overshared a lot in university when struggling with undiagnosed adhd. I needed validation that everyone else was struggling as much as I was. Later, I heard from one of my close friends, and to my shock, that they thought I had a really strong work ethic because I was always talking about study strategies and thinking about how to learn better.
And no, this isn't a "oh I only worked 50 hours a week". The most, absolute most, I ever worked was about 30 hours in a week, and that was doing absolutely nothing else, because the rest of the time was filled with me taking breaks and procrastinating constantly. And that happened in two weeks out of many years.
Ah, whatever, these things are better learned the hard way through experience. Without crossing the oversharing line, you’ll always feel misunderstood and lonely. You need to find that line yourself, cross it, feel ashamed and then naturally reach a comfort level where you don’t need to think about how much to share, you just naturally say the right amount because you’ve conditioned yourself. Otherwise you’ll have to constantly use your brainpower what to say and what not to say. You’ll flow more naturally if you’ve been through it all.
Living without shame and regret is hard however you slice it. There is not more honor in being timid. If people judge you for oversharing maybe those aren’t the people you should be surrounding yourself with in the first place.
Idk if I agree with this one. Most of the friendships I have are with people who over share, they’re much more interesting and genuine than people who try and hide who they are to appear normal 🤷🏽♀️
I am just an "oversharer" when it comes to giving some advice to people, especially children & teenagers, so that they can learn from my mistakes to learn for themselves, not to repeat that. But the real secrets about me won't be shared. ;) 👍
@@TheFakeyCakeMaker Teens rarely want advice from adults/elders, they'll probably brush the words off and fling themselves into their next adventure. I've been on both sides, lol. Only through experience we can truly learn
It is a hard thing for me to learn (or unlearn). It likely stems from some loneliness as the video said. However, I’m also learning the gauge of each person’s preference. There are people who do things with me as if we are really close but do not engage in the same level of sentimental sharing that I want to. It confuses me sometimes because other than that I thought we are there, but apparently not? Or maybe we just have different needs. Then, I accept it and move on. I enjoy our friendship in this aspect and will continue to do so, but the true ways of intimacy that I like (that I’m not receiving from them), I will continue on my journey of finding those that match. No biggies.
Thats why I dont share unless the other person will share personal information too and if I seen the person I talk to doesn't share anything then I tell them thats this relationship will fail if I was the only one sharing like you creeping me out. So I dont overshare unless we do it like real friends do we share our life togather equally
I don't know why it's presented as if oversharers do not want to be perceived as boring. That might be true for some. Others may have ADHD and a hard time not being talkative, or they may have autism and don't know the societal or cultural taboos. Also, oversharing depends on culture: some topics are deemed inappropriate with strangers in one country but not another. There is a difference between oversharing as conceived by society and trauma dumping as well. Further, Many of us get insanely bored of small talk or the inability to discuss non-personal deep topics with others because of cultural discomforts such as politics, violence against women, everyday racism, etc. In turn, this can reduce options for conversations and push some people to either talk of themselves or let the conversation fall to silence. I venture that oversharers simply prefer the former. Not everyone is comfortable in awkward silence. Unfortunately, trauma dumping can be an unwanted outcome of past abuse. Under the disguise of "that way, I'll know straight away if they can handle me," they end up creating a relational imbalance where the other is forced into empathy or acting as a carer. The emotional drain on the receiver leads them to stay away as a protective measure. It is hard to teach the right pace of emotionally charged disclosures as people tend to find that to be intuitive and offer vague answers to those willing to learn. Emotional sharing should feel exponential and balanced. You share 5% about x, they share 5% about x, then after some time, 10% about y, and they share 10% about y..etc. If they don't share back, stop and wait. You can stay within the 5% and attempt to explore y and z to see. It's not that calculated in life, of course. Ideally, survivors of abuse would work on reducing trauma dumping as they re-learn trust and non-abusive relational dynamics, while non-survivors work on breaking societal taboos and improving caring responses to disclosures of abuse. 🤍
This brief implies that over sharing is always compulsive, motivated by attention seeking, but this is not always the case.. The regrets are mostly related to the contents, not the degree of sharing itself.. Misconduct is mostly sharing the secrets of others, just don't do it!
Find yourself a neurodivergent friend. As a neurodivergent person myself, I never felt connected to anyone before I met and befriended another neurodivergent person. We overshared from the start and have always been open with each other. I wish all people were as honest.
If people don't confuse it with nagging or kidnapping every chitchat about yourself, oversharing is a way of being who you are (if you feel comfortable doing it). Oversharing is all about not taking yourself or your biggest problems too seriously so you can make life less difficult to face.
It do be what it do be. Just work to accomplish your goals. Forget about sharing details with 90% of the planet's population, because ultimately... they don't give a sheet! 😂
In an American culture, forget oversharing, sharing alone is a dangerous endeavor where eat or be eaten will leave you vulnerable. To that, sharing, instead of being seen as an extension of a trusting hand be seen as an opportunity to exploit at one’s own benefit. It’s no wonder loneliness is an epidemic in this country and self preservation celebrated coyly as part of individualism. Keep to yourself and die lonely and when the pain is too much, lean on drugs and consumerism to self medicate.
Showing vulnerability with another is how you get closer. Unfortunately very often that isn’t returned, and you are left feeling foolish for trying and for exposing yourself.
![ลองสั่งของจากแอพ temu ถูกจริงหรอ?? ( part : 1/2 ) [โกงไหมครับ ep.89 ] | DOM](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RTcZSQTiDZw/mqdefault.jpg)
Oversharing has cost me relationships, not sharing enough has also cost me relationships. Its hard to find a balance
I had a friend who way overshared constantly, including things about others. Then we had a falling out. I wonder how many of my personal details they have shared with others. No, actually I don't. All of them.
@@robertfindley921 it's called gossiping, and a different story I believe.
@robertfindley921
Like the comment above me said, thats gossip and you have to be very careful aroung people who like to do that, people like that are normally 2 faced who say nice things to peoples faces and then when their back is turned they start talking BS. its just best not share anything with those types of people, the less you give them the less they can use against you
There is no balance.
You just be yourself and the partner that you attract will love you for who you are or they won't.
*that moment when you realize you've overshared and can't take it back*
Today
Why? I truly do not understand the concept of over sharing
If they stay, they care
If not, why sad?
so true😢
"Dead rats don't squ..."
@@3ngan498 I didn’t get the concept of over sharing until it affected relationships.
No, people do not care that much if you’re just being authentic
“We share too much when we’ve been too lonely…”❤
Alain got it right on that point.
Not really
Agree 100%
1000% . I am guilty of oversharing with people who were not so close friends just because I was lonely. Loneliness makes me mad and is cause of loose tounge 😂
SO TRUE
It's hard when you have no family and have so much going on in life. It's hard when you have childhood trauma where you were neglected and or abused so you don't know what it's like to have a normal relationship with healthy boundaries. I write my thoughts down in what I call a prayer journal. Then I physically feel I've gotten the worries, anxieties and stress off my chest. So I don't overburden the few friends I have. ❤
Wish I had the discipline
Having groups to talk to online is great too.
Have you looked into groups like Adult Children of Alcoholics and other dysfunctional families, or Codependents Anonymous? They're safe places to share these things and learn healthy boundaries
“Paper has more patience than people.” -Anne Frank
@@Retro_Sean
Lol
I am an over sharer. I share because I want to be best friends with the other person. Let them know that I am reachable and I care.
I share everywhere and everything. It has worked more against me than for me.
I want everyone to be friends with me and exchange thoughts and feelings.
Lol, I shared in this TH-cam comment section.
❤❤❤❤
😅😅😂 I'm like that, too
Bros oversharing rn 😭
Sounds like you need to meet my good friend, Nunya.
yea, there is more individual instances of "worked against me" but hopefully when it works "for you" it pays off with a lasting real connection to someone that understands what an unfiltered honest person is worth in their life.
‘One of those very rare characters who deserves to hear’ - that’s the part it took me years to realize. My father once told me that if I ended up with one or two truly close friends in life I’d be doing well. I thought he was exaggerating - that notion sounded very bleak. But he was right.
After 40+ years of meeting hundreds (if not thousands) of people, dating about 60(?) gals, working with folks, hiring some, firing others, etc. ... I can't say that more than 1% of them were truly exemplary human beings. Most were users, abusers, broken, narcissistic, obtuse, disdainful of those with proven experience, and often self-destructive to the point where their collateral damages affected FAR more than just them alone. It's been embarrassing to have to endure this for so long, but I finally realized that it was the STATUS QUO, not some bizarre anomaly or Twilight Zone situation, lol. 😂
As a psychologist, I'd argue that my clients find this the most difficult to change as many people easily fall into the extremes (either sharing everything or sharing nothing). There is unfortunately a need to engage in a lot of trial and error, but also a willingness to take risks. Unlearning unhelpful patterns from childhood can take a long time and hard work. However, growth is possible and sometimes we need a helping hand.
You can only take risks when you are safe. American culture is not safe. Sharing or oversharing both. Both leave you open for exploitation.
@TheAaronJP Can you please explain the actual dangers of oversharing? This video was really vague
Unlearning is just as important as learning.
@@reneedubuc37121. You can trigger traumas within others by making them listen to something they weren't prepared to, possibly leading them back down a bad path.
2. You can ruin your reputation by saying you did something bad like it's nothing or funny to you, even though you regret it.
3. You open yourself up to be hurt in the future.
And some other stuff
@@neonicetriggering other’s traumas that’s their problem 😂
Oversharing is just annoying because it’s self indulgent & gives a vibe of desperation.
“Me me me me me”… often it’s not about sharing problems it’s trying too hard to convince “tell” someone why they should like you, when you should just show them through action & be patient.
There’s an art to conversation, a rapport, & requires mutual interest.
The fist step is to remember someone’s name when introduced before sharing anything. That alone is difficult.
When shame attacks try to understand and forgive yourself - it’s because you’re unwell, like sneezing and coughing uncontrollably when you’re sick
That is an incredible way to think of it. That hit me in a way I think i needed. Thank you.
Thank you
I am always looking for ways to be compassionate (to myself and others), what a great perspective
Love the analogy
So since you're sick it's okay to infect other people with your personal issues, so they feel bad as well on top of their own problems and traumas? Possibly triggering them on selfh-rm, domestic vi-lence, substance ab-se etc. in a setting they never wanted to be confronted with it?
Recently instead of trying to not over share, (if you tell yourself not to do a thing, you just wanna do that thing more), I've decided to play a game where I do my best to LISTEN as much as possible. In other words, to replace my impulse to gab endlessly with a directive to do something positive, not just to censor myself. It's worked beautifully. And it's made me more aware of lots.
This helped to read, thanks for sharing this 🙏🏾
This is brilliant and a perfect balance because oversharers (me included) tend to be poor listeners. Thanks for sharing this. ❤
Yes! Exactly!
Truly, oversharing will never make people like you more. But listening to people and asking them questions about themselves and listening to their answers without interruption or distraction is an incredible way to make good connections. ♥️
we have two ears and only one mouth for a reason but many people cant help but speaking over others as if their opinion means more than yours
keep it up
I did the same thing and listened a lot and over the years I became a therapist to many people and very lonely as a lot of the people I spent time with, including those closest to me, knew very little about me
Overshare below;
Not talking hurts. Talking too much can hurt. Not having anyone to talk to at all most of the time makes it difficult to find the middle ground. I've overshared when my feelings have hit their breaking point. Didn't matter if it was a friend for ages or some recently got to know. Kept details vague enough and blurted everything out because I couldn't keep it in anymore. I seen eyes roll and jaws hit the floor and realised that we've crossed a certain point. Old friend give it a faithful listen and brush it off. The greener ones, seldom talk with me again... When trying to get into relationships, I was upfront and honest with everything. Because that's how I thought relationships are supposed to start. You lay it all out and if you both can match or agree you're golden. When you have been alone or been left alone and behind, somehow all or nothing became the default. What you see is what get.
That's so true. I can relate so much and couldn't have worded it out better.
@@Nothingbutdust_ hi, I hope you're okay. I'm kinda sorry that you can relate. Means that you've had to deal with something like this. Sometimes, I just overshare because I know the worst thing possible is, I'll back where I started. So, all or nothing right?
I don't know what you went through or are going through. But I hope, whatever it was remains in the past. Or you manage to resolve/overcome it!
@@Sam-de6qx Hi, thank you for your concern. I think we've both been through a lot for us to feel this way. I'm not going to lie but with the experiences I've had I can honestly and truthfully say I've been trough more than most people my age at least here in my country where I live. I've been through things I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemies. There's just things in life you'd rather keep to yourself because you've learnt that sharing them with someone actually doesn't bring you closer to them but has the opposite effect. Initially at first I kept quiet a lot but people didn't like that either and always asked me why I was so quiet. So when I slowly started to open up to them they grew distant. Not because we didn't get along, but because they didn't know how to process these things themselves so they couldn't relate.
I can tell you must be a very smart person or at least have had to deal with similar things in life. Your words actually meant a lot to me. I hope you're doing ok nevertheless 🥺🙏🏻❤️
Nothing but dust….and Sam…if you can find a good therapist, who has the training to know how to handle the information you need to get off your chest , without using it against you or pulling away, it will help you in so many ways. And with over sharing too.
@@Shelleysnail Thank you, but unfortunately it's not something I can afford. A psychiatrist I met a couple of months ago suggested I could be eligible to get free therapy at some point but the queue is very, very long. But thank you for the suggestion and concern, I appreciate it.
I personally don’t believe in ‘oversharing’. It seems like this is a motivation to foster even more of an alienating society, full of shaming and surface level interactions that only benefit those who have no depth themselves. Who cares if you tell me about how lonely or depressed you are, despite us not having a close relationship? Who cares about what’s ‘appropriate’ to a sociopathic society that victim blames, isolates vulnerability and looks down on people who are open books. I’ve had countless of interactions with random strangers where they’ve told me their life story which would fit this concept of ‘oversharing’ presented in this video. Never did I walk away feeling like they’ve done something inappropriate. In fact I was glad that as a mature adult that’s gone through many difficult experiences, I was able to make them feel seen for a moment because this was never about me to begin with anyway. Of course it is important to pick the people you trust, but that’s about your chosen company, not the concept of how much you share.
It's because there are bad people out there that oversharing can become a problem. But you stating that you appreciate when someone shares something personal is proof that there are good people. It's just hard to know who those people are until you've met enough to figure it out.
@@paulinerebel845 I feel like this is also a perfect philosophy to keep taboos, stigmas and abuse alive. It is already scary to say things out loud when nobody is around.
@@JLakis I agree with you and think it is important to think of who you’re talking to first, however I came across so many examples and conversations that target the act of ‘oversharing’ itself and comes from a place of shame, rather than just saying ‘think twice about who you trust’. I feel like calling it selective sharing instead of oversharing would put a better message across.
Exactly, in the video he refers to those "who's hunger for closeness overwhelms their concern for safety", implying there should be a fear in oversharing. I'm not worried about those who would try to use my openness against me. I am not ashamed of what shaped me, nor the struggles I endure. That which I have already embraced, and choose to share, can't be used against me. Perhaps I'm better at knowing to keep things to myself that could be damaging if shared, but I disagree with the notion that one must apply such a strategic framework to interpersonal connection.
Yeah as a naturally private person and the opposite of an overshare I actually like "over sharers". I think they are very true to themselves, open and vulnerable which I respect and appreciate. I just worry for them sometimes as I know that those same qualities I respect could be perceived as an opening for exploitation by the wrong person. I think as long as the overshare is capable of recognizing predatory people, there's nothing wrong with it and it's not that dangerous. Sometimes openness can be empowering because it allows you to be more in control of narratives about yourself, or to build a community more easily.
You can also harm others by oversharing, especially when sharing traumatic experiences.
Some people who overshare are also very bad listeners, so busy trying to be seen and heard, that the other person feels like their audience instead of having a balanced conversation.
Exactly. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This! I can't abide oversharer strangers.
Well if you could over share, without being judged and labeled and being taken advantage of, I doubt there would be oversharing in general, or better yet the term oversharing would cease to exist.
I was the person always sharing too much, saying sorry and thank you way too often. It lowered by self esteem a ton. That meditation book called 30 Days to Overcome Guilt by Harper Daniels helped a lot.
I've always been raised to guard my privacy. I've known many people with "diarrhea of the mouth" and they caused much harm to themselves. I have always been reserved about my personal affairs and I have great friendships and relationships with those who respect my boundaries as I do theirs.
Do you have any tips?
AMEN.
I already regret over sharing with someone just this morning about my dreams only to get confirmation he's a hater and I wish I never told him anything... I'm still going to pursue my dreams anyway.
Yup. It's one thing to tell people your dreams. It's another to ACHIEVE and to PRODUCE them. 💪😎✌️
Personally, I do both: I say what I'm gonna do, and then I accomplish these things. People never believe me no matter what, either. 😂 Not even after 30+ years of completed goals. I LOVE IT! It's satisfying to prove people wrong over and over and over again. They bet weirdly, too. It's like, if I've been up to all of this for so long, what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?! 🤔 #weird #amnesia?
I know a professor, he was a nerd in high school and certain classmates found him a dork and weird guy. But now he’s thriving and earning a lot of money, and is a young professor.
never have i said " thank god i overshared"
This is actually a great little reminder not to overshare!
Anyone who overshares, keep in mind the op's comment.
@@Raven_Black_252 Yep finding a outlet that can replace over sharing is a good idea
Yea only because if you were happy about sharing a lot it wouldn’t be called “over sharing” it would just be sharing. The adverb “over” implies it’s in retrospect more than what you comfortable with. Anyways sorry for being a nerd and wish everyone peace and happiness.
@@dog360 Yes, good job, you stated in painful detail what OP said in a few words.
oversharing costed me sooooo many relationships and friendships
Ah the irony of sharing this in TH-cam comments...
In what contexts?
Some of the best people in my life and my greatest friends are oversharers.
fuck all that. go unfiltered. the ones who stick around are the ones...
@@BRICKSINSILKgood luck with that
I relate so much to this. I tend to overshare, and it's probably because I craved real connections as a kid but rarely got them. Now, I find myself spilling secrets too soon, hoping it'll lead to genuine intimacy, but often it just backfires. It's a tough habit to break
Hug u. ❤ Same with me. Finally I'm learning that connecting with my innermost being is the first and foremost thing. It's damned hard and an incredibly dark journey, but a journey towards the gem of new life too
@@Weiling-gl6xz I appreciate you sharing that. Sounds like you're really getting to the heart of what matters by facing those inner challenges. I'm also learning to pause and reflect more, to better understand my own needs before rushing. Hugs ❤
Something I will never understand. That it's better to stay silent than be yourself.
I don't believe that's what the video meant to imply. It's cautionary. There are people who will take advantage, abuse, or otherwise use some information against you. I know this the very hard way. I believe what they are trying to convey is that some things are best kept between very close and trusted friends or others. And when you are traumatized or lonely or in a vulnerable place, sometimes it's difficult to know who is safe and who is not.
@@JLakis What if you aren't hurt by those trying to use your 'vulnerability' or openness against you because it says more about them to do so? I personally don't feel in danger when I'm open and let people see into the deeper parts of me.
@@chrisblashill7265 In that case I'd say you have been very fortunate.
I completely disagree with the premise of this video. It’s a path to boring, superficial relationships where you realize years later that you’re totally incompatible.
You don't stop being you because you're quiet. Make sure people are okay with you being you before you share.
The consequences of oversharing in life have made me share VERY LITTLE anymore.
I have found that people cannot resist sabotaging, manipulating, twisting, interfering with and destroying good things that others have- especially when jealousy is high.
Protect your life, sanity, relationships, belongings, finances, health, and opportunities at all cost.
At. ALL. COST.
I love you all.
Your more than right about that, in my experience. Its hard to keep that lifestyle overtime, but thats the only one that pays off and bring peace of mind.
Especially hard when you have to go no-contact with parents. That is both the hardest and easiest thing I've had to do. But it was essential to my well-being as an adult navigating the world.
I don't share in person only in obscure online groups and I use art and video games as an outlet and it's been going well so far.
@@Toastcat890 I like that approach. I’m similar.
-Take care of yourself
Thank you for sharing
I loved this perspective. It is a phase. A normal phase of a dysfunctional experience we didn't choose and had no escape for too long. It's not permanent. It's not a personal flaw. It's also not the problem. We should be able to share without fear. The problem is people using information to harm
This! People use the information to harm us. That's what's wrong.
I agree!
Maybe with a certain type of oversharing that's the main problem but, oversharing can harm others too. Like word vomiting traumatic experiences over & over and being in a constant circle of oversharing and apologizing. It's weird for the person listening & exhausting. It's not always that others use the information to hurt you. I've been on the listening end of people going through this phase, I've witnessed other people have this dynamic in relationships, and I've also been the one compulsively oversharing. Sure, ppl can use the info but, make no mistake, you are unwell in this phase and not seeing clearly, that's the main problem & needs action. So when ppl distance themselves from you, it's not necessarily bc they thought they were gonna harm you, it could be bc this is an exhausting dynamic and it's harming them.
@niaselah3348 can you please help me understand what you meant by elaborating? I feel like there is something obvious I'm missing/should know but dont, but what is it a phase of? Like healing? Or a breakup or? If it is a phase, how long does it typically last and like what does it lead to (what is the next phase?). Am I way overthinking this lol?
@@goldmidwest I mean that when we have dysfunctional experiences there's a process to going back to "normal". Example if you never had a home and had to spend all days for years on public spaces when you finally have a home of your own you may go through a phase of being a homebody. Society tends to see it as a personal flaw and permanent when actually it's a phase you need, time to meet a need that wasn't met for too long. Once that need feels met you naturally will want to go out more. We don't allow those processes bc we are constantly judging it and pushing bc everyone judges and pushes us
A child that feels seen, heard and appreciated stops crying. Telling the child what's wrong with you or push them to stop crying or needing what they need doesn't work. It only creates more harm
That's the approach society's narratives promote that we do to ourselves
If you still have a need instead of judging yourself for it maybe focus on how would that part feel seen, heard and appreciated. And telling that part of you that it can take as long as it needs just like you would do with a child
It's not about fixing or getting you to do something. Those attitudes created the harm. You are not a problem to be fixed. You deserve healing
Edit: you are not overthinking for having valid questions. Some of us have more analytical brains or need to consider all scenarios due to trauma.
''Please be open with how you feel''
**Share my feelings**
Ew not like that **leaves**
Ah, Modern Bad Girlfriend Trap #418: Just Share Your Feelings
I didn't have friends growing up and deciding what is the right amount of sharing is truly difficult for me. Sometimes I'm too secretive and noone knows about my true feelings, sometimes I seem to not realize (or realize too late) that I said something inadequate...
You can learn so much from having a community when growing up, and people forget that you could also just NOT learn these things when you're a loner.
I had a friend. Trusted him more than my parents or siblings. Shared all my personal problems and insecurities with a hope that he would understand me better and probably behave certain way that would help me overcome those. I respected him. At the end, He used those against myself, said things that pushed me to great extent of self destructive behaviors. Been more than half a decade- still working to get over it.
Sharing because we care of a healthy mental state and not over sharing out of concern of our own safety. This is good advice!
"we share too much when we have been too lonely" and that my friends, is what the pandemic did to us all :/
I can't tell how much overwhelming it is to discover I'm not alone in this thing! I always knew I was feeling lonely but cause of all the secrets shared I had many friends who told me I was being silly... thankyou soo much everyone in this comment section!
I'm not sure if this qualifies as oversharing, but my approach is often to be honest with how I am doing or what I am goin through when I am asked. I find it much more interesting than "fine" "good" etc. And usually others do too. I suppose it depends on what your goal is in a particular situation or conversation.
I don't think that's oversharing; sounds more like genuineness or honesty. Oversharing is giving too many details in an impulsive way without regard to unhelpful outcomes, i.e unwise communication.
Unfortunately we humans are very harsh judges of one another. If someone doesn't share enough we judge them as distant, if they share too much we will judge their "outrageous" but honest feelings.
Sharing how much you earn (with coworkers) is protected under law in many places; disclosing your salary isn't oversharing so much as it is an important mechanism to prevent employers from exploiting their staff, which they continue to do all over the world.
Amen!
It's not against the law but it is unwise. As someone who has done this trust me you really don't want to start letting your colleagues know how much you actually earn. Always understate it because if they know they're getting less than you they'll see everything you do as undeserving and make your life hard.
@@TheFakeyCakeMaker I think you just proved my point - Employers exploit their workers, speaking up together with your peers is the only recourse you have.
@@TheFakeyCakeMaker yeah one of my coworkers got fired for doing this bc she made everyone feel so uncomfortable..
Yeah, the more I really pay close attention to things this narrator says in various videos, the more I question this channel.
I have the exact opposite problem and I appreciate this video because it made me realise that I shouldn't rush to the exact opposite side of the spectrum. It's about balancing being comfortable sharing and knowing when it's best to keep something to yourself, at least for the time being
that's true... being mindful of things
I used to over share, and still do sometimes online. It's a big mistake, as many people like to kick others when they're down, use it against you, or play off of your insecurities. There are cruel people out there that would do terrible things to you given the chance. When you can post anonymously online all masks of their character fall off.
you are not the problem they are 💗
Yeah the problem is even if 90% of people are supportive, or neutral to your oversharing, there is a small minority of people who will use it against you. That's why it's important not to overshare with untrustworthy people
@@Mara.Isabellebut they're only a problem because OP gave them the means to be.
I know the feeling. I often have to ask, does this person need to know this? How will it help them or me? Then I pull back. When in doubt say nowt. I only owe explanations to friends and family and even then it's not always a MUST people don't need to know everything.
@@TheFakeyCakeMaker ahhhhh!!!! please don’t complicate it
I used to overshare a lot but I have learned that shutting up is the best option in every scenario. Every abuser always looks kind and welcoming at first to lure you into sharing your weaknesses, and they always pull the rug when you least expec it. The key to staying safe is fulfilling your needs by yourself and giving yourself the validation you desire. Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise simply cannot handle themselves and cannot even entertain the possibility of independence and being whole that they seek to pull others down into codependency along with them.
When you're a child you're forced to hide, and then you're punished again as an adult with other people. It isn't fair.
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What is fairness?
Fairness is different for each person - for example, for those neglected it is fair to seek people, for those who are overwhelmed by people it's fair to seek solitude. Fairness is a need/feeling as personal as happiness,anger, or sadness.
Not everyone wants or can handle hearing what you want to share. Reading the comments, it's funny how many people are focused on their own need to burden others without stopping to think of the other person they're oversharing with. Instead of oversharing try over listening, this will help you to guage who you can and should share with and when it's appropriate.
Then only one person is getting information about the other to discern. This is imbalanced. If you are so easily triggered by negative aspects of life, I guess just don’t form meaningful connections or leave your house at all.
I overshared my feelings after my breakup with my closed ones ,because I was lonely and wanting help ,but believe me they took advantage of it and still it haunts me breaks me from inside
Know how you feel.. I did the same.. dont blame yourself. We just gotta do better ❤
Manage your situations with your surroundings. Read book "The Art of War" If you're interested on increasing your soft skills qualities(it have correlations, that's why); after all its about _skill issue_ 🗿
@HeisenbergTrazyn the book by Sun Tzu, Chinese general and strategist?
@@leounsal6895 yup, Im aware that didn't make any sense, but in my point of view the 'value' you could get from the Art of War are basically about 'managing' anything in various schemes(in summary). For example: the social relationship with someone; no need to be cunning or being a 'liar', just be 'aware' is enough. It is also necessary to practice the soft skills that you have so you can understand it all more easily. Collect the references, find the clues, connect the dots, take advantage of it.
@@leounsal6895 in summary, from what I understand in the Art of War is about 'managing' something from ourselves & also towards our circumstances according to our own objectives. As an advice: collect the references, find the clues, connect the dots/find the correlations, validates, take advantage of it, repeat(for the better accuracy skeptically); iykyk.
I have definitely struggled with this- but also with being perceived as unfriendly because I hold back too much, don't share in whatever friendly way is expected of the situation.
ON THE CONTRARY-----this has always helped me weed out the superficial, boring, unstimulating, and shallow people from my life. Because i don't have time to waste with talking about the weather or formal pleasantries. I'd rather hear something personal, something REAL. There may be dangers in this-----but it's a risk well worth taking every single time. And when you find people are into it, you get to hear what they have or have had as well. A very small number of people actually do this with real transparency----and those are special people to my eyes.
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Exactly, I think we are trained from a young age to value the reward, rather than the journey getting to it, so we naturally tend to think "What can I get from this person?", even if it's subconscious, though most people seem to not have the self-awareness to see that.
Doing it to people you dont know well shows them you dont have a lot of self preservation and makes it easier for them to take advantage of your vulnerabilities.
Same. Sharing something potentially uncomfortable with someone and see how they react is a fast way to judge their character.
I think that one of the issues with oversharers is that they don’t always know when to stop or how to read a social cue that the other person is uncomfortable, didn’t have the emotional space to hear about a trauma that day, etc. like, it’s great when you share deeply and you find someone who is open, willing, and able! But, I think there’s more to it as the video revealed.
I "over shared" for years bc I had no support and no one to listen to me so I happily put it out into the world..and I don't care and don't regret it. Because I needed to be heard until I could get professional help. It helped to save me.
I share everything and it's gotten me far in life. People love being around someone who is so open and truthful. Within hours of meeting me, a person will feel safe enough to open up. It's wonderful. I've always hated all these barriers people build up around themselves. And I'm not talking about boundaries, that's healthy. But building walls based on unfounded fear or shame is unhealthy. I've found most people want to be seen and understood and I'm privileged in that they choose to let me see them. It's a great honour and I hold their secrets dearly.
@reflect_3 Yeah that's true, don't expect your secrets stay dearly to yourself. I found that doing this can be freeing. like when I share it brings a new perspective to life and a new form of communicating with people. It's also a development thing, like a skill, there's a way of sharing that can make it interactive with the people you're are talking to. It like broadens my horizon I would say, but, It can be scary for sure.
sometimes i overshare but if the person listens and feels normal, I know that’s a great friend to keep
edit: lmao it’s ridiculous when some of you telling me i’m so wrong.
you can say you don’t agree with me, i may ask why don’t you, and we’ll keep talking and you may share/talk to me more about your opinion, that’s when a good conversation might happens, a good friendship might blooms.
when you try to prove i’m wrong, i don’t think we should continue, and that’s why i don’t think you’re a good friend to keep, because you don’t want to listen in the first place, so i won’t bother anyway.
edit 2: i don’t overshare with everyone i meet, not everyone i overshare listens, not everyone i overshare the first time gets a second time, not everyone i overshare is my friend, not everyone overshare their story to me is my friend, not every friends of mine overshare their story with me (in case you miss the point).
Humans pretend...you wouldn't know who is genuine or not
@@jaughnekow Not very hard to tell, especially in oversharing scenario.
@@jsarguitar you have no idea huh?
@jaughnekow they're right. Someone who is uncomfortable wont ask follow up questions or will look nervous and give a small smile. Someone who is actually comfortable will both express that what you said sounds difficult and ask if you want to share more. In other words, they invite you to continue sharing.
Of course, you have to stop speaking to see their reaction. Sometimes when oversharing I know there can be an urge to get it all out before you can see their reaction.
@@jaughnekow idk if you have been through those little oversharing chit chats like me myself. i don’t care if they pretend or not, if they stays till the end the day, they stays. i just respect their patience. friendship is not something built within an hour.
english is not my 1st language, if i make any mistakes, please point out, i’m willing to learn 🙏
hope this “overshared” opinion helps
Love your videos 😊
Always very high quality, professionally presented and edited 👍
Over sharing is how you find out if you actually have any friends.
YUP! 💪😎✌️ Ain't nothin' better than jump-scaring 'em away with a "these are the ABC's of me, baby! Don't like it? All good; the door is unlocked, and you may take my smile and farewell wave as a parting gift, suckah"! 😂
I'd rather have zero friends and allies than twelve-hundred phony fronters who fake their feelings and dodge deep conversations. I only have so many years left. I ain't wasting 'em on their dumb arses! 😂🤣😂
yeah… back when I had friends, I’m usually just the listener, and I only speak up when with my closest friends. But now that I don’t have friends anymore, I tend to accidentally overshare to random strangers I meet online. Most probably because I never felt like anyone ever listens to me, both then and now, and so I cannot resist the urge to finally speak about myself. But also because my years of semi-isolation has made me forget how to have a conversation with others.
I know a lot of us here feel the same way and have similar experiences, so I just hope that you all are doing okay, or at least, doing better than yesterday ❤️
@@mcsy98 Currently, I have the same situation as you had - I'm just waiting to speak up and I don't feel like they listening me 😢... And yeah, I randomly sharing "private" information with strangers
Bless them, I don't think that I wanna continue being friends with them
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HINT: no one stays around
Lol, over sharing put me in a mental institution. Now I keep my mouth shut. 🙂
Me too! Actually I didn't have to share much, but they were a bad person and taking notes for later. Evil human being.
I've been accused of being insane for the same reason so now I keep to myself, I realized over two decades ago that MOST people suck.
sometimes i overshare to teach people a lesson through my experiences.
but when they use that information against me, i thank them, because their character was exposed and i dont need to talk them again.
Trust no one. People don't care unless it directly affects themselves.
That is pretty much a golden rule. In the grand scheme of things, our basic instinct is self preservation.
True
Yep, as my dad always said: ''Love all, smile with all, laugh with all, live with all, but trust none.''
Trust very few people.. ones you know for decades and have kept their gobs shut over things you asked them not to share over the years. Its about sussing people out..
This has been my motto for years
Learned this the hard way in a relationship with a woman that would never cut me some slack, even though I was " as open as one can be". I got out of the relationship but am still really hurt and regret that I was open about everything and made me really vulnerable to her relentlessness.
If you share something with someone, and they abandon you because of that, they're probably not a good fit for you. It's good to share!
I am always shocked by complete strangers who seem to pick me out in a store and overshare! I was just being (genuinely) polite and smiling...minutes later😱
This just shows how untrustworthy most people are. It shouldn't matter if someone over-shares, it only does because of how the listener responds to it (and will probably use it against you some how). Yet more evidence of how disgusting humanity and/or our society is.
Yes 👏
Oversharing is usually harmful to the recieving end, not the over-sharer.
Depends on the type of relationship you have with the person. Oversharing with people you’re not close to can be imposing, why are you placing your own expectations onto others in such a way?
Not to say there isn’t a lack of trust, but trust is something built in relationships. People are complicated. And varied. And diverse. I don’t subscribe to the idea that most people are “untrustworthy” than I would that most people can be in some way “conformists.” But you’re making a sweeping generalization based on a few factors and possible anecdotal experiences
It shouldn’t matter, sure. But you can always improve communication and understanding. And hope to find people that reciprocate
A relationship takes two, if you find friends that don’t reciprocate then that sucks but yeah, it’s not what I’d consider a close relationship. People taking advantage of others exist, but those aside, most people are not “horrible” but normal and complex people like you and I with their own worldview and values and personalities. Communication is a skill. A very effective skill in connecting with others.
The generalization, I’m not a big fan of.
@stubby7934 Exactly
Oversharing is overcaring, love peeps can talk about anything and everything. Alas, seems quite rare these days.
Oversharing can also be selfishness wrapped up in vulnerability, not everything is about you and your needs. The other person has needs too and maybe they don't need to hear what you feel the need to share.
@@TheFakeyCakeMaker Indeed it's not about 'me', not everyone needs to hear anything, but it's about give and take, being humane over human, compassion and all that good stuff.
Yes the other person has needs, the individual wanting to express their thoughts and feelings has needs. Are we all to remain silent unless others state they are ready or wanting to listen to another?.
If you don't like what you hear, you can always state it. If you tire of company, don't entertain it.
Yep
Love is absent in the people of the world because the world is absent of love.
Fuck that, overshare. Be honest and loving
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Exactly. Those that don't like those traits aren't the ones that are supposed to be in our lives.
6 Signs of Love Addiction (AKA Limerence!)
1. obsessively thinking about them
2. insecurity and/or shyness in their presence
3. putting them on a pedestal
4. emotional dependency
5. longing for reciprocation
6. fantasizing about reciprocation
I love it when people overshare. I want to know everything about them. Everyone should be themselves. That’s how we truly get to know people. And even when they don’t say anything, I can guess from observation. So, no point in hiding. Some people can read you like a book without you uttering a word.
I’m the same way. I overshare and wish others would too; however, the world is full of people who aren’t like us and use the information we provide in bad ways or use it to pre-judge before fully knowing us. After watching this vid it kinda makes more sense now.
Most of society is incapable of being a good human being. No joke; they're simply not trained for it, they don't WORK at it, they don't work on themselves, and they're full of more haughty disdain than Edna Mode. 😂 This is a sad reality, but I've noticed this after 40+ years of work in production. Almost NO ONE holds power or mastery in the rare skill of Reflection.
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@@Novastar.SaberCombat For real. Reflection and self-awareness is the rarest thing.
Watch my words no matter what. Always listen.
Unfortunately relationships are a bit of a game that human minds must perform complex calculations to get right. We need to have a good idea if someone is going to hurt us, so we need them to share details about themselves so that we can judge them. If they refuse to share, they are distant and we avoid them. If they share too much, inevitably these honest feelings will ring alarm bells in our heads. They might admit some feeling that, even if we share that feeling, is a wrong thing to tell to someone you barely know. This person may tell my secrets to others, and they will judge me, so we avoid the oversharers. We are constantly looking out for people that both align with our own feelings, will not hurt us, and will not share our secrets with others, and that is a difficult combination of qualities to discover in a person, as they are also playing the same game. It's a risky game that we have no choice but to participate in, else be seen as distant.
This is a good perspective.
When I was young I used to overshare unintentionally since I rarely had any friends growing up. Sometimes lonely people do that.
It also might endanger one, to open up about trauma with someone, but not have the safety to deal with pouring out what wants to get out. Had to learn the hard way.
Absolutely. I have done this.
I don’t tell anyone anything about anything, and people who know me know better than to ask me questions, my business is my own-and I keep myself to myself. When people overshare with me they trust that what they say to me is going in the vault-unless it’s about them harming themselves and/or others, or if someone is harming them-but that’s the only time that I will intervene.
The reality is that you have to find people who like you for you, and not everyone is going to be that person for you. In the process of discovering these fellow souls, you're going to happen upon a LOT of people who don't vibe with you, and that's nobody's fault, not yours nor theirs, just as it isn't your fault if you don't like being around someone else. How you handle it matters way more than the fact that you're not clicking with them. There's no need to be rude. Direct and unambiguous, maybe, but it doesn't have to come to put-downs or shaming.
Similarly, if you're in the position of being let down gently, accept it gracefully. There's no recovery, there's no "Maybe if I...", it's not happening. Accept the honesty from the other person and try again with someone else. It will always feel like it sucks that you're not clicking with certain people you may like, but we're not meant to be friends with everybody. We can be polite and friendly with strangers without inviting them into our inner circle. Everyone's inner circle is going to be small, and it's inevitable that we're not going to let the majority of people we know into that range of intimacy and familiarity. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or them, it's just a matter of diverging paths. What makes me kind of sad is seeing so many people taking rejection, even repeated rejection, as a metric of their self-worth, when there's often nothing wrong with the person, they're just trying to vibe and fit in with the wrong crowd. It happens. It's an inevitability of life. But what's sad is when people feel the need to radically change who they are when there wasn't anything wrong with them to begin with, just to "fit in" with a group of people who have made it evident and plain that they aren't accepting you for who you are. Do yourself a favor and embrace the reality that it simply isn't going to happen with certain people, but it will be a million times worth it once you do find your own group of people who do accept you for who you are.
I've been guilty of sharing life's negatives to the point that I've dragged so many people down around me. I have a bad habit of ruminating on it and ranting to others. I'll do my best to only share the positives with other people from now on. Even if it's not the "true" me, only a half truth, it's the only me people need to see.
You can say whatever you want, whenever you want.
You absolutely can. But you're not free from the consequences of that. And they can be really bad.
Depends.
My oversharing comes from a mixture of loneliness, fear of being boring, and a need for validation. I have been really bad about oversharing in the past to the point of cringing most nights when I think about it. The thing that changed it is a video I saw recently that explained that oversharing my traumas can actually traumatize the listener. I had no idea. I thought it would just make them feel welcome to open up as well. Once I realized I might be hurting people, I vowed to try to get a handle on oversharing.
I’ve over shared to the wrong people and didn’t share enough to the right people. Now I use discernment as much as possible and also write in my journal. But what I have learned that has helped me a lot is knowing the difference between public information and private information.
"Such is the promise and lure of togetherness"
Thank you for always fostering our growth and your information enables us to navigate through the intricate journey of life. ❤❤
As an oversharer myself I do get the occasional feeling of regret about sharing too much, BUT I’d rather share a little more of myself and get to know people more closely than wait years to find out that someone can’t handle the true me.
It’s all about shame. In my late thirties I feel less and less shame about the things I can’t control or change about myself so I have no problem in sharing them. It gets problematic when you share your honest thoughts about others, most people can’t handle that even if they say they do.
What hasn’t been mentioned in the video is that oversharing can be quite manipulative because it’s like an intimacy supercharger.
Sharing alone ruined a lot of things in my life. So imagine over sharing.
Humans are pretentious so be careful who you talk to and what you say...if better, don't open up at all
This is why it's good to find groups online ( or in person if you can thought that can be hard) and find a hobby or outlet so you don't feel the need to over share.
I shared stuff in a "support group" and got bitched about. Nowhere is safe.
@@pujabhattacharjee4051 Sorry to hear that.
I often find my oversharing is coupled with my ADHD and the impulsivity that comes with it. The desire to over share is often a compulsion to feel close to someone and, rather than thinking it over, I often share impulsively - only to hurt myself and burden those around me with facts that they themselves did not need to know.
The pain of oversharing is a slow-healing wound. But if there's any good that comes from it, it's that we gain experience. We have the chance to become wiser about who we decide to trust and that is an invaluable life skill. What I've learned is that the passage of time has a healing quality to it and with every step forward the consequences of a regretful oversharing will recede further and further into the distance. Keep going, hang in there and one day the right people will enter your life and encourage you to share your true authentic self. Better days are ahead. Believe it.
With social media, people think their whole life should be on display for everyone. I don't need to know your life's story, including mundane details like what you had for dinner. I don't need to know who you sleep with within 5 seconds of meeting you.
I never considered it, but being brought up as an only child in a single parent household has likely given me this problem. I very quickly alienate people with up front conversations of deep beliefs and don't make a great first impression.
I will endeavour to stop doing that, even though I hate banal conversations.
I remember I overshared a lot in university when struggling with undiagnosed adhd. I needed validation that everyone else was struggling as much as I was. Later, I heard from one of my close friends, and to my shock, that they thought I had a really strong work ethic because I was always talking about study strategies and thinking about how to learn better.
And no, this isn't a "oh I only worked 50 hours a week". The most, absolute most, I ever worked was about 30 hours in a week, and that was doing absolutely nothing else, because the rest of the time was filled with me taking breaks and procrastinating constantly. And that happened in two weeks out of many years.
Ah, whatever, these things are better learned the hard way through experience. Without crossing the oversharing line, you’ll always feel misunderstood and lonely. You need to find that line yourself, cross it, feel ashamed and then naturally reach a comfort level where you don’t need to think about how much to share, you just naturally say the right amount because you’ve conditioned yourself. Otherwise you’ll have to constantly use your brainpower what to say and what not to say. You’ll flow more naturally if you’ve been through it all.
Living without shame and regret is hard however you slice it. There is not more honor in being timid. If people judge you for oversharing maybe those aren’t the people you should be surrounding yourself with in the first place.
and that is why i see people as customers. You have something i want i have something you want lets just exchange that works every time.
This still doesn't explain how oversharing can be dangerous? Where is the threat to my safety?
I believe its mostly in the regret of others having that information or being able to hold it over you in the future or mock you for it.
I had just come across this very important concept for the first time today and now this video! Very helpful
A major problem with sharing anything is that most people can't hold their own piss let along confidential or intimate information.
Idk if I agree with this one. Most of the friendships I have are with people who over share, they’re much more interesting and genuine than people who try and hide who they are to appear normal 🤷🏽♀️
I am just an "oversharer" when it comes to giving some advice to people, especially children & teenagers, so that they can learn from my mistakes to learn for themselves, not to repeat that. But the real secrets about me won't be shared. ;) 👍
And it's never occurred to you that they don't always want or need to hear it?
@@TheFakeyCakeMaker Teens rarely want advice from adults/elders, they'll probably brush the words off and fling themselves into their next adventure.
I've been on both sides, lol.
Only through experience we can truly learn
Over sharing is the sign of lonelinesses
It is a hard thing for me to learn (or unlearn). It likely stems from some loneliness as the video said.
However, I’m also learning the gauge of each person’s preference. There are people who do things with me as if we are really close but do not engage in the same level of sentimental sharing that I want to. It confuses me sometimes because other than that I thought we are there, but apparently not? Or maybe we just have different needs. Then, I accept it and move on. I enjoy our friendship in this aspect and will continue to do so, but the true ways of intimacy that I like (that I’m not receiving from them), I will continue on my journey of finding those that match. No biggies.
WTH now you tell me about this after I just over shared with my boss 😢
Your boss is not your friend.
Thats why I dont share unless the other person will share personal information too and if I seen the person I talk to doesn't share anything then I tell them thats this relationship will fail if I was the only one sharing like you creeping me out.
So I dont overshare unless we do it like real friends do we share our life togather equally
I don't know why it's presented as if oversharers do not want to be perceived as boring. That might be true for some. Others may have ADHD and a hard time not being talkative, or they may have autism and don't know the societal or cultural taboos. Also, oversharing depends on culture: some topics are deemed inappropriate with strangers in one country but not another. There is a difference between oversharing as conceived by society and trauma dumping as well.
Further, Many of us get insanely bored of small talk or the inability to discuss non-personal deep topics with others because of cultural discomforts such as politics, violence against women, everyday racism, etc. In turn, this can reduce options for conversations and push some people to either talk of themselves or let the conversation fall to silence. I venture that oversharers simply prefer the former. Not everyone is comfortable in awkward silence.
Unfortunately, trauma dumping can be an unwanted outcome of past abuse. Under the disguise of "that way, I'll know straight away if they can handle me," they end up creating a relational imbalance where the other is forced into empathy or acting as a carer. The emotional drain on the receiver leads them to stay away as a protective measure.
It is hard to teach the right pace of emotionally charged disclosures as people tend to find that to be intuitive and offer vague answers to those willing to learn. Emotional sharing should feel exponential and balanced. You share 5% about x, they share 5% about x, then after some time, 10% about y, and they share 10% about y..etc. If they don't share back, stop and wait. You can stay within the 5% and attempt to explore y and z to see. It's not that calculated in life, of course.
Ideally, survivors of abuse would work on reducing trauma dumping as they re-learn trust and non-abusive relational dynamics, while non-survivors work on breaking societal taboos and improving caring responses to disclosures of abuse. 🤍
Sometimes, these videos help me relax and think better on a concept or a subject, but i have no idea what I've learned or what the takeaway is 😅🧐
This brief implies that over sharing is always compulsive, motivated by attention seeking, but this is not always the case.. The regrets are mostly related to the contents, not the degree of sharing itself.. Misconduct is mostly sharing the secrets of others, just don't do it!
Find yourself a neurodivergent friend. As a neurodivergent person myself, I never felt connected to anyone before I met and befriended another neurodivergent person. We overshared from the start and have always been open with each other. I wish all people were as honest.
If people don't confuse it with nagging or kidnapping every chitchat about yourself, oversharing is a way of being who you are (if you feel comfortable doing it). Oversharing is all about not taking yourself or your biggest problems too seriously so you can make life less difficult to face.
Only care when that person seems humble and respectful
1:22 hi marceline
Literally my life story. And then I got traumatized and not shared enough, so my relationships are pretty much destroyed
It do be what it do be. Just work to accomplish your goals. Forget about sharing details with 90% of the planet's population, because ultimately... they don't give a sheet! 😂
I must confess that I've never really met anybody like that... Or am I oversharing?
Have you really not?? I have!
In an American culture, forget oversharing, sharing alone is a dangerous endeavor where eat or be eaten will leave you vulnerable. To that, sharing, instead of being seen as an extension of a trusting hand be seen as an opportunity to exploit at one’s own benefit. It’s no wonder loneliness is an epidemic in this country and self preservation celebrated coyly as part of individualism. Keep to yourself and die lonely and when the pain is too much, lean on drugs and consumerism to self medicate.
Me sharing all my secrets in a stand-up comedy show after watching this video 🙂.
I have overshared my things to a person and they used it against me.
Showing vulnerability with another is how you get closer. Unfortunately very often that isn’t returned, and you are left feeling foolish for trying and for exposing yourself.
Brilliantly Insightful! 🌐✌️💚🖖👽🤟😘