The Sex-Starved Relationship
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.ย. 2024
- Not having enough sex in a relationship could sound like a rather trivial issue, to be laughed off in front of others. But in truth, a shortage of sex threatens relationships like almost nothing else - and deserves thought and attention.
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It's not just about the lack of sex itself, the toll it takes when you feel rejected by the one closest to you cuts deep and makes you feel unwanted and unattractive. You feel dirty or uncaring for wanting it and it really wears you down.
Are you me?
I told her almost the exact thing here, 4 months later she left me.
Yes to that
Told my wife the same thing almost word for word. She replied " I'm sorry it makes you feel that way but I'm just not interested in sex" is that not the most selfish twisted thing you've ever heard?
Like the rest here in this thread, I relate to this comment. This is me at the moment. 4 years ago me and my girlfriend would have amazing sex everyday. In turn that gave me the confidence I needed for my work and my social interactions. As years go by after the birth of our daughter, things changed. At first I understood that she was too tired of taking care of our child. Ever since then sex started to becoming less frequent. I'm lucky that we can do it a time in a month and I have gone 3 months of no sex because of the same old excuse. That translated to me having almost no self confidence now. Thoughts of having an affair was on my head but sad part is I'm unattractive so that would be near impossible. Uh well sucks to be me I guess.
Karlo Palencia I’ve heard from friends of mine that have given birth that it happens to women sometimes after they have a baby. It’s a hormonal imbalance where they go through a weird depression stage and their libido drops hella and they don’t feel the same. You should try to communicate with your woman and show her that you feel attracted
What I've learned from this channel over the years: *Lack of communication ruins **_everything._*
absolutely!!
Yes. But a good communication can sometimes only find a way out of the situation via divorce.
Lack of options would be more apropos.
Scarcity makes people put up with anything.
Just leave.
Communication an opinion is the base to build understanding
Everyone knows this, but many have not been taught HOW to communicate properly. THAT is the key.
"When there's *enough sex it's 10%* of the relationship. When there's *no sex it's 90% of the relationship."*
Sorry i am not good at English but could you please elaborate? What does it mean? I am interested.
Wow. You're so right! lol
Very well said Allison. I don’t think I could describe it better. You hit the nail on the head with your comment.
Samurai what this means is, when there’s enough sex in a relationship, then sex is not a problem. This allows couples to focus on other things. financial situations , traveling , spending time together, etc.. On the other hand, when there is not enough sex , one partner is not happy. That usually leads to both partners being unhappy. In that instance sex is 90%. Because it’s a big problem within the relationship.
Galaxy _TheBeast Wow now I got the meaning!
Thank you very much!!
1 of the most difficult things is to tell the person you love that you are feeling sexually neglected, lonely, and unwanted by them. It's a pressure that can feel so overwhelming and painful. Especially if after openly sharing it with them, they reject that or nothing changes.
That's what it's like for me.
What are you really supposed to do it feels like I would be invalidating how they feel js by expressing how I do
I tell her how I feel and it somehow ends up as “all you care about is sex” which just isn’t true at all
I only ever actually want sex once a month when I’m on my period 😂 other than that I will do it because I feel obligated to.
Whewww
I am very sex starved. And I always communicate that and how it makes me feel ugly and unwanted and self conscious about myself. And nothing ever changed. I feel like I have a roommate.
Jenn Stephenson, I feel the exact same way!! So frustrating, I hope things are looking up for you now
Same here
Jenn Stephenson I literally feel the exact same 😭
Jenn Stephenson me too. it's very very lonely.
I know exactly how that feels, now we are seperated and still roomates
I think you need to do a video on the emotional starved relationship, where one person puts in no effort for affection but expects sex.
It’s cause and effect
@@jeffgraham436 Read the 5 languages of love and maybe you will understand why I said that.
thats a narsasistic person-
Stop It you get affection from sex that’s your problem right there
Stop It you didn’t watch the whole video, apparently.
This video saved my relationship with my partner. He never saw the relationship from my perspective until I showed him this. Thank you, sincerely, for handling this topic so delicately and tactfully
Yall still together
Same. This plus the other few about anxious and distant partners.
It really isn’t my business but how are y’all now?
And wat was yo perspective
It was a bot guys lol 🤣
It’s the rejection for me. When you communicate and discuss your feelings and feel invalidated.
Same here, but in opposite for me. I’m a female, and I have been rejected so many times and never been liked back, I have given up hope for anything. Even if i were to be in a relationship with someone, I don’t think i’d ever feel comfortable with sex. Jokes, sure. Hugs and cuddling is perfectly fine- i just feel broken for not wanting sex ever. I guess what i mean is that we are both different sides of the same coin. I hope your troubles are solved and you and your partner can work things out in a way that both of you are happy.
It’s so true about not wanting to ask for it, cause for me it’s not just about the sex but I want my partner to WANT it so asking is just something I don’t normally do.
Same boat 🚢 here. Any tips that you have found to work?
My ex always said the same, but at the end, I felt so much pression, trying to figure out when/what/how many times he wanted, that was just too much. It wasn't like I didn't like him or anything, but at some point, he put his self esteem in my hands, and was something that I couldn't work it out.
My point is that sometimes, your partner don't know what would be the ideal for you. And in my case, I felt like he was actively making the moments more complicated to put me in a more vulnerable position, and of course, it happens the exactly opposite, I felt exposed, hurt and with all responsability over our relationship and himself
same
Thats dump, you really should ask, it goes both ways, it seems to me that you rather have Sex too often that too few,
Os so Important
I get you, in the sense of wanting your partner to also feel the desire, but for me for example, I'm a guy, so usually women dont come at me. Is a little frustrating.
Best scenario, every time I come at her, she's willing. But gotta admit it would be great if she came at me once every ten times. Feeling wanted really helps to fuel things up.
Divorce; starts in the bedroom, ends in the courtroom.
Now that's the best I've ever heard it put . And so true just like a marriage isn't just a piece of paper. It starts with the relationship.
.. usually from the man CHEATING.... not always though, and yes women cheat too .
@@1besieged at this point JP would be asking for the data.......
1besieged no food at home? easy, just go to the restaurant 🤷♂️
@@1besieged Observation: Far more frequently, the man cheats because the wife turned the bedroom into a freezer. Not in all cases, of course, there are always exceptions.
However, most women *know* if they're getting involved with a man who is a womanizer, or is a bad boy, or is unreliable.
If they choose to stay involved in such a relationship, then wind up getting cheated on, they are partially if not wholly to blame for being delusional.
Only if a man makes a legitimate commitment *then* breaks it without some reasonable cause, is she pretty much off the hook.
Of course, females are averse to responsibility, _that's why it's always his fault_ even if she was an abusive harpy who maliciously withdrew sex and affection in order to get him to do what she wanted. She's the victim....right?
Things are not as straightforward as most meatbags often wish to portray them to be. However, the general thrust of this video is correct. Honest communication solves virtually ALL of these problems.
Sex is very important in a marriage. It releases oxytocin and serotonin. It cures headaches, lowers blood pressure, helps anxiety, burns calories and helps with your overall mood. My husband works 60-80hrs a week and is always too tired to.. He works, comes into the house, eats and passes out in his recliner. Sometimes he falls asleep in the middle of eating. He needs help at work but no one around here is qualified enough or wants to get paid but not work. I used to get mad at him but after these last 13 years, I'm over it. It's not always the woman, it can be the husband. But when your husband breaks his back to provide for his family and pays all the bills, you really just have to have some patience and understanding. I still look forward to the day he can find another shop helper and goes back to working 40 hrs a week
Usually the woman though....and they still find time to flick le bean 😀🔫
Umm - it's not that hard to find a good worker. Just takes a bit of work - and a bunch of interviews to find the RIGHT person for the job. Make sure never to hire someone who you feel is bellow standard but you're desperate so you hire them. It ends up a disaster and discourages you from ever hiring again. Help him figure it out. Hire someone. And have more sex :)
why dont u help ur husband ? Work hard like him,thrn u shall feel it.
@Cindy Lou why is it God forbid did you have a traumatic experience in your life
@Cindy Lou that's sad. Good sex is something that makes the Earth move. I would seek help to find why you don't have access to those feelings that sex provides for me and others
I find it bewildering that we are able to share these thoughts in the comment section with totally confidence with people we never met and it feels good to share, yet in a relationship with the one person, we love, we choose for our own reasons, beliefs and feelings, it is so goddamn hard to open up and actively try to change our situations.
Crazy times...
That's because people know that there will be judgement or reactions that will be detrimental to the relationship so better avoid the issue althogether until it becomes unbearable. The alternative is that one partner will partially try and then things will go back to normal and tht will be even more painful.
Naw - thats because the other person in the conversation is a women that is unhappy with herself, emotionally immature and lacks any ability empathize. Thats why.
Because we care what partners think
My parents marriage failed because of the lack of intimacy, I got married and my partner and I seemed to be going down the same path. It took Several conversations and a whole other level of commitment to get our sex life back on track. The more sex we have,the closer we are, the closer we are the more we talk, and hang out, and the more we hang out and converse about our lives and feelings, the more sex we have. It's a beautiful cycle.
"a beautiful cycle"
...that's the way it should be
♡♡
And that’s the way it’s supposed to be!
Congratulations!
@@tjsahara44.69 yes, indeed!
i don't thik i could have sex without attraction and i hardly feel attraction. otherwise it'll be full of anxiety. it's a painful life that even if I find someone "like me" a realtionship won't last because of this
That’s kinda sad you need sex to have a functional life lol
Never stop dating each other. Taking the time to set aside a date night once a week is the best thing you could ever do.
Great point
Sage advice 🙏
Unless the dates are taken care of by one person and not reciprocated in any way.
What if you've kids and cant let them Alone
@@cronos6574 sounds like a personal problem.
Comment section is more interesting than whole video
Everyday it comes down to the question “is love enough to stay together?”Because I do love her very much, but there’s no way around our sexual incompatibility. I just wish I knew this aspect of myself before looking for anything serious
I'm in that same boat. I love him, I do but the sexual incompatibility is killing me. I've told him and my concerns about either of us cheating after marriage and he says, "There are other ways to get off. Your hand for example". I seriously don't know what to do.
No, it's not. I've been in a sexless (as in NONE) relationship for over ten years. It's a miserable existence to feel lonely and undesired in your own house. Now that my youngest son has graduated, I, at 57yo, am leaving. I've never cheated, never would, but see this as my best option to (finally) have my needs met. Even if I never find another partner, at least I won't have the reminder of a person I COULD be having "relations" with around all the time.
@@aevin_ioIn my case, I can't restart a relationship with someone who's been a roommate after so much time. If it hasn't been too long between you and your partner, you might be all right.
ok but why did that person marry a chicken wing?
undergroundalcoholsi Lollll! Very funny comment. U made me lol🤣
who doesnt? bitch said she will die for you. but she didnt...chicken did not said it will die for you but it died anyways for your pleasure..appreciate chicken #ChickenWingsMatter
why not marry a chicken wing?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
undergroundalcoholsi lol
The idea about the letter is nice, but i think most people dont understand themselves enough to know what they want in the first place.
I feel super embarrassed when denied then get nervous to ask later on😢
@Jenny Le why do women hardly initiate?
@@sheilakatende8788 probably because we have a culture that shames us for liking s3x. It’s deep rooted shame
I am single 😍😍❤❤🌷
@@MuhammadImran-ln4fz and would always be single
I had a relationship like that once. Never again.
I am one of those men that do not like having sex all that much. I always knew this hurts my partner, but damn, this video really strikes it down to my very core. The worst part is - I love my wife, I find her attractive, I am willing to go down on her (tongue-game, you know) if she is in the mood, no problem, but I have a deep trauma. Back when I was a kid doing stupid stuff I got injured in my crotch, back than I thought that it was nothing serious, yeah I peed with blood but only once so I quickly forgot about it. But as I got older and started getting in a relationship the signs began to show. Not gonna go down on specifics as it is very hard to type this comment as it is, but I either finish very quickly because of the feeling of the injury, or, if I try to go in a normal pace - pain starts to flow. It’s not a sharp one but it is annoying enough that my libido drops and I can’t continue. The thing that wretches me the most is seeing the disappointment on her face, so it’s a constant battle between making it quick and pleasant for me or painful and with a lack of finish. Every time we try to talk about it I get panic attacks and start trembling. It’s really embarrassing for a grown ass man but it is what it is. And psychology doesn’t help either, if I try to think too much about it I also lose the mood. Never would I have thought that this will become such a problem. I visited a doctor, he told me that the operation is necessary the recovery time will be about 2 painful months. I am currently mustering up the courage to undergo it, but I’m very afraid. Sorry, random stranger, I never told anyone about it and it’s eating me up from the inside. I hope I can get an operation before it gets worse
I wish you luck!
If you don't do anything about the situation, it can stagnate or (more than likely) it will get worse, influencing your physical health, your marriage, your self-worth and hers as well! Think about how lucky you are! A safe medical operation that helps your situation and ends your suffering actually exists! So why not do it? For the 2 months after, well... Depends on the people, but toys in the bed are an option too!🤷🏻♀I wish you the best!
You’re obviously trying your best. None of what’s happening is your fault. I’m very sorry for your injury and wish you best of luck for your surgery! I suggest talking to your partner about your feelings and experiences with your injury. Learning to be comfortable with uncomfortable feelings will always help you in the long run and make you feel more confident in your relationship. Helps your partner as well so she doesn’t feel like she’s done something wrong to turn you off. Communication is key. You sound like a great guy, have a lovely day! ❤
Still wouldnt have sex if you dont want it, think of yourself pls :(
Aw man, I really feel for you and your wife. If there are no drawbacks to the surgery (other than the two months of pain) then you should totally do it! The pain is temporary and will be worth it for your wife’s self esteem, and for the enjoyability of both of you. I’m sorry you had to go through this. I hope all goes well!
The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.....
Zeppelin Floyd I've been married 16 years. I can't remember the last time I had sex.
OMG THIS IS GOLD.
lolol
@Drake ICN EXACTLY don"t be passive. Even at 60 and 69 yrs old if you enjoy sex go, leave and have a life filled with love and sex. Is money and possessions more important than YOUR happiness? Happy Life!!!!
My last time was 8 August 2000. I do not miss sex. It is over rated.
Be with someone with the same libido....when there's the right chemistry every time is like the first time.
On which part of the planet shall we all find that one person and know that it's him/her? Damn... It was easier said than done
Words to live by. I just recently ended a relationship for the lack of sex. When I would try to communicate, she would shut down, or get very defensive like she was being attacked. After a year and a half I ended it, and I feel 3x better.
That shit wears off though. 😭
mndlgh it wears off it you let it. Unless you are elderly and really up their in age there’s ways to prevent it. Like eating healthy,exercising,having sex regularly. Women and men are losing their libido so early on in life because they aren’t doing anything to maintain it for as long as they can,
@@shellybabes leave him now
Sometimes even after sharing your feeling's openly with your partner . They still lack intrest in meeting you , talking to you and being intimate.
Rachita pati I can totally relate to your comment.
Rachita pati yup. That’s the sign that they’re just not that into you
Mr Nobody hell yeah lol I don’t even believe in marriage to begin with. A lot of People commit with the wrong people for the wrong reasons
I agree with You,You can't meet the others wants and needs if both are not willing to honestly talk,if one doesn't then they obviously don't care,i would live an honest conversation with a women who was willing to listen
Then theyre not right
I honestly thought I was the issue for wanting sex and it was super scummy for me to want to break it off because of the lack of sex. I kept telling myself I'd be a horrible person to break up over such a trivial thing and it absolutely fuck me up mentally. In the end we broke up and I left feeling ashamed and as if I was the toxic gross partner. Thank you for helping me come to terms with this.
Ive watched this video a few times. Just can’t bring myself to show my Lady. But it sums up exactly why I “always am mean and have a tone” as she says it.
Bro I’m having to make the most difficult decision ever
@@ProdOchoowhats your decision?
@@marthacornish42 I had a convo with her I think we’re good
I'm in the same situation now. It's been going on for months if not a year. There were conversations, even gynecological examinations to make sure everything was okay. Sometimes I thought she was cheating on me, but that's off. It wasn't boring either because I'm inventive and have a slightly higher libido. But in her opinion, twice a month is cool and you have to earn good sex. Ultimately, I don't think I have anything to count on changes and it's time to get out of here. Everything would be fine just fucking sex! Rather, its absence. I'm 30 and she's younger, it's a misunderstanding.
When you’re single and you get rejected, it’s not so bad because you can try to hit on a multitude of different people next time you’re starved for romance. When you’re in a relationship and your partner rejects you, it hurts even more because they’re your only option. So, next time you want romance, there is the lingering pain and resentment over the previous rejection.
That's why people cheat. Cause they lost their only option
@@angelostanojevic304, that’s one of the possible reasons.
@@AV57 For men it's the Main reason. You're going go sexless for months cause your wife is "stressed"
This is so true
I'm living polyamorous and the whole sex thing is so much easier because of it.
It's important to also address underlying issues that may be at play. For example the partner denying sex may be dealing with sexual trauma that has rendered them unable to engage in a way that feels safe. This is often not talked about in videos about sexual lack in relationships; and I think it's unfortunate.
It depends cause if the beginning of the relationship it was a lot of sex like most relationships than that’s just an excuse to use to make the person have sympathy while theirs another issue that’s not being talked about.
@@yordanoism That's not true...there are many reactions to sexual abuse...you can become a "cold fish," or you can become very promiscuous.
You shouldn't Date if you have any past baggage and jump from person to person 💁♂️
Absolutely true!
I think you are very right, also some people are upfront about this and the partner falsely says it is something they understand and is ok with, but then ” try to fix or seduce them". The "l can secretly fix you and you'll be perfect for me". I have a lot to offer in a relationship. My body isn't one of them. I can't be guilted or gaslight into it. I'm upfront. It is absolutely a deal breaker for me.
That’s what happened to me in my last relationship, half a year with out sex. When I told my friends and family why they laughed or got upset that i ended it, but in reality it was the toughest if not the most frustrating thing I had to deal with in a relationship. I guess you’ll never understand unless it happens to you.
joe chenier forget those people, it’s a very common problem
4 weeks tops and I'm out. Watched too many people waste years away. You 100% did the right thing
NoFapKing gave a girl 4 months and left. Just felt like I was wasting time.
How long would you prefer to have sex?
Been waiting over a year 😢
I totally understand your pain. Needless to say we are getting a divorce
Imagine feeling rejected by someone you are closest with.
Ouch
I don't need to IMAGINE it...
It's unbelievable hurt, too much to cope with
So glad I've never had this problem. Yay, single life. *cries in the corner*
I can fix that!
Khalil Garrison isn't that what match.com is for?
They say love can be found in strange places and that would include TH-cam ;)
professional victim detected
yosharian I am offended by this
So the *real* problem is simply a *lack of communication.*
And sex
Thanks captain obvious
@Kurt Barryman her comments got deleted, would of loved to see her ridiculous wamen response
No
It's women not wanting to bang
Exactly what happened with my ex husband
Taking your partner for granted is no joke. I was miserable for over a year before I finally said "no more." Leaving my ex was probably the best thing I could have ever done. It feels so great to feel wanted and accepted.
Jaycee Jellies Same.
And I bet you have found someone who will meet your needs.
BY getting banged ? that makes you feel the wanted? Nothing else ? I am trying to understand... I never felt valued because someone piped me down and sent me home with a wet ass. I like spending time, having adventure, doing good for the world have some sex and go about my day. But if feeling wanted was solely due to sex its kind of alarming.
@@Evajjane okay let’s not sit here and act like sexual attraction isn’t a huge part of it. It doesn’t have to be the focal point but it definitely adds a reassurance to the relationship. It feels good to be wanted sexually by your partner and there is nothing weird or wrong about that.
@@AEDIVINE I have said several times that I enjoy sex on this thread however I feel that as I become closer to god my sexuality changed. I want to be VALUED over the feeling of basic sex and attraction. In my personal experience it felt great to have a man attracted to me but I now want something more meaningful. I never said its weird to have sex or that its anything wrong with it. However, it seems that when a person doesn't want to have sex, cut back on the frequency, experience libdo changes they are the villain. I think society places SEX above the relationship as a whole. So when the sex stops the relationship should fall apart? Why? what about the other aspects of the person? Also this video leaves out disabled people, what happens if you are attracted to your partner and you sustain injury and can no longer have sex? Then what? I personally want someone to want the whole of me with or without sex.
Intimacy is the only thing that separates a relationship from a friendship.
So true.
The talk leaves out the medical issues that kill libido. Chronic pain, depression, and anything that needs libido-suppressing medications can mess things up all by themselves.
Old age too. Some age poorly. Furthermore, people put their partners on pedestals and it's a long way down when he/she fails. Plus some want others first, so cheating is encouraged.
Absolutely agree, Kathy.
I agree, fluoxetine killed my sex drive, im having problems with my husband, he saiys that I put me taking antidepressants like an "excuse" to no wanting sex, but What can I do? You cant take an secundary effect like and excuse :(
Kathy McGirt that’s a great point. In the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend he had a low sex drive from depression. We got him medical help, now his sex drive is up. But as life situations have gotten tougher, now I’m in depression and anxiety and need help, as well as have a low sex drive. Love and sex, is great. But understanding how to help someone underneath it all, to become healthier in general is more important
Not to mention the pill, which actually lowers women's libido among the other brutal side effects
It's not about sex, it's about intimacy, being appreciated being touched Etc. Some people have problems performing and others have problems receiving. If you have a sympathetic, supportive spouse or significant other then you should be able to work through any of the problems that are associated with a lack of intercourse
Definitely not about sex, just being touchy and intimate. You don’t have to have sex, it’s just your partners response hugging and kissing in bed is just enough.
this stupid issue didn't exist for most history because people had actual issues to deal with
@@appiah948 Those women who don't even want touch or hugging reject it BECAUSE they think it will lead to sex. Too many women are taught not to ''tease'' a guy into wanting more, so they pull back even further.
Not really true. As a man, being close and intimate and touched is all good, but it is not the same need as sex. I wouldn’t be able to be satisfied with just cuddling, though it seems some people would.
@@josephk.4200eah...these posts are clearly from women 😂. It IS about sex. Guys can have fantastic sex with people they don't care about or like.
I always assumed that it was just women rejecting men until I got into a relationship with a man who was the one who always rejected sex. I thought it was a weird phenomenon until I found endless forums where women were dealing with sexless partners. It's heartbreaking. We get tired of hearing it's a lack of communication or a health problem when clearly it isn't always the case. Sometimes men just don't like sex but won't say it because of the stereotype that no man would refuse sex.
.
*Edit: I'm stunned by some of the comments who just keep backing up the stereotype of 'if he refuses sex, he's cheating or gay'. It seems we've a long road ahead in convincing some folk that there are many, many men who live outside of the stereotype. Sad for everyone involved.
So true. I was married 18 years and my husband had little to no interest in sex. One reason I left.
Where do you find men like that? I'd love to date a guy who isn't obsessed with sex. It's so annoying.
@@tiacuppe6681
Get an old boring dude with ED
I would think that more men do not want sex. They want us to believe that it is the women but it is not so.
@@tiacuppe6681 RIGHT!!!! Like can we talk and have fun. The pressure for sex is insane. I like sex but its starting to feel like relationships are only fueled if sex is involved.
I've been in this situation for 6 years. I finally had a heart to heart conversation with him about this 2 months ago. There were some changes for about 3 weeks then we are now back to no sex. After having the conversation and seeing things go back to the way they were before I've since lost all the feelings of attraction towards him and i dont care about the relationship anymore. I'll no longer try and I'll never ever lift even a finger to try and fix anything that i would want improved in the relationship again. Let it die a natural death. Im done
Yea. 6 years here too. I’m just tired. It’s not ok to feel like this. I feel like I’m nothing and I know I’m not but it’s a hard feeling to shake… I can just have sex whenever. Women tend to like me, but I don’t want them. I want my women and it’s getting to the point where I’ll have to turn into that tennager I once was. I’ll just jerk it, stick to my hobbies and friends and let this run it’s course. It’s hard as a guy since my hormones attack my brain so aggressively but I’ll have to stand strong on this I guess. It’s the only way I can feel like I’m a person worth something
I witnessed it with my parents. Messy stuff, my dad was that monster who lashed out at anything my mom said which was inconvenient.
In truth, my dad lashed out because he felt humiliated by my mom, who was planning an affair for 10 years. She stayed with my dad because it was convenient, not because she loved my dad.
People are pretty vile sometimes.
teh one
Dad does too
your mom cheated before- she just got caught that last time
@teh one nah he was the one that caused her to cheat
@@ceterisparibus8966 till u are in that shoe u won’t understand
@@ceterisparibus8966 nobody "makes" you cheat, only you are in control of you
I wanna know who thought this animation style was the way to go.
Angeline
I know just what you mean ‼️😻
lol
Angeline hahahahahahaha pieces of steak face
snow2312
Yes exactly couldn't have put it better.
Angeline Roald Dahl
It’s more about dialogue, closeness and sincerity than about sex.
I’ve had periods of weeks without sex with my wife, not because we didn’t desire each other but because we were so exhausted by the daily routine that we just didn’t have the energy.
We talked about it, understood that it was a phase and did everything we could to get back to our normal sex life and it worked.
Had we not talked about it each of us could have gotten the wrong impression that there was no desire, love, or even that there was cheating involved.
Daniel MGF you and your wife seem to have a good understanding of each other. What a blessing!
That’s awesome!
Well... What if only one of you were exhausted due to work? Another person was just playing along?
I needed to see this comment sir
That is great to hear! Since my gf and I have a similar problem, how did you manage to make it work? My gf has a lot of daily stress and therefore can't really sit back and get herself in the mood and I obviously try to reduce that stress but it doesn't seem to be enough.
On the other side, it's also difficult for the other person who doesn't want to have sex. Especially if there is something that hinders you from wanting it. After my break-up I realised why my libido was so low. It was because my partner didn't give me any love or affection anymore and the romance was gone. It's hard to get in the mood without that.
The reverse is also true. When you are sex starved and have been rejected many time, it became hard to engage in romantic activities.
"Why should I bother inviting her to the restaurant, it will end with her rejecting me and then we are gonna have an argument. I will go drink a beer with my friend instead."
No one is owed sex, no one is owed romance. It's a balancing act between give and take.
@@ameunier41exactly. My partner wants to go one more date nights and get drunk just to fall asleep every night. She constantly wants me to give her back rubs and touch her, but sex… gets shot down these days. I’m so frustrated.
Lucky you…
Wanna know why I get?
I get a man that is extremely hot. One that used to turn me into a blazing furnace. I married him 11 years ago and went on to have multiple kids with him.
Here’s the problem… I refuse to get turned on these days because he’s always given me less than a minute of pumping and boom. Done. I’m ALWAYS left to be pointer/middle-d or use a vibe myself. It’s not the same!!! That would be like me making him use his hand. He’s almost 40 and is still a 30-60 second man.
I’m 30 and I can’t feel my hormones increasing for more but I look at him and feel disappointed. I used to tell him it was okay when he’d feel bad but I feel like I’m being cheated in the adult fun while he’s getting what he wants.
I feel so much pressure about sex being a need and not a desire. Like something I am supposed to check off the list. The more he complains about the lack, the less it makes me want to do it. It becomes a child-like need and it is not attractive. Idk what to do. I feel I have completely lost my sex drive.
I tried this, after 3 years we divorced - thank god - that divorce saved my life
I
love love u u u u so so much forever really
I like u i mske u so so happy i am single relationship with me i am alone 😗😗😚😚😘😘😙😙💑💑💑💑💑💑😍😍😍❤❤❤🌷🌷🌷🙋🙋🙋🙋
@@MuhammadImran-ln4fz tf
As a women, I stop wanting sex when I'm not treated like I'm loved. I don't want to have sex when I'm no longer your friend or equal. I don't want it if you don't take into consideration my feelings when you leave and don't call. I definitely won't give you anything if you mistreat me, or put me down. It's amazing how good sex can be when you both feel respected
Guys find it really hard to understand all this "feelings" crap. But it is definitely very important to women and as a married man you need to learn a little if you want a long happy marriage.
@San Francisco Love: I agree. However, people's definition of being loved change and it changes ever faster with technology that flashes other people's successes in our eyes. The requirement of being loved will climb, and climb, and climb until it becomes unsustainable. I know so because I really tried... and ultimately failed.
True, women spend a lot of time on Facebook or other sites looking at people posting things such as trips to Paris or whatnot, and they start wanting those things for themselves. Problem is not every guy can afford that and this in turns leads to money problems in the relationship and eventual break up. Each day girls become more and more materialistic.
Statistically, Men biologically seek more things. Women are normally okay with living an average lifestyle. If you look at places like norway, women will pick low stress and low money relating jobs. Also As a woman, I don't use facebook or look at what other people do. Find a better girl, homie.
+Samaslamatha Women do choose low stress, low income jobs all around the world. But this is because they expect to find a husband who makes more money than them with a higher stress, higher income job.
For the asexual folks here, this video isn't for you, and isn't meant to be directed at you, and it shouldn't be taken as advice by those who are dating you. You and your loved ones need to talk it out.
Hey, it'll all work out. :) The best advice that I can give is to be forward about how you are, and do the best that you can. Due to romanticism, sex is kinda a part of relationships, however there are workarounds, like polygamy, if you're into that. I'd have difficulty with that, and I would just try and talk to the person I'm with.
Gavin Boutdy its impossible for a human to be asexual... thats self reproduction like worms
Ximena Tellez. Sexual orientation is malleable between both genders, but more so in women. Besides that, just talking to your partner and engaging in honest conversation can't hurt.
Jamal Williams I suppose I should've clarified, "asexual, as in the orientation". As in someone who doesn't feel sexual attraction to anyone.
Asexuality is just a phase caused by traumatic experiences or it's being gay and in the closet.
It’s scary how on point this video is for so many people, including me. Everything said here helped to understand all this a bit more.
Reading through this comment section made me feel understood and gave me back hope. My last relationship ended a few days ago, and probably the main reason was the lack of sex. We love each other immensely, we were caring, we talked and actively listen to each other, but she always had serious difficulties with sex, and I was no exception. We talked a lot about it, decided to make some moves but she didn't want to take the commitment for the moves to take any relevant effect. It felt that every agreement only increased her comfort zone around not having sex. The worst thing was that one of the ideas we tried was that she, and only she, would try to initiate sex. But she didn't try to increase her libido in any way, nor solve her traumas that blocked the idea of sex being something natural. I always supported her self-steem, and I truly truly loved her body. Seeing her was sometimes well beyond enough for to turn me on. But she just used this agreement to increase her comfort zone so she didn't have to face her traumas or make an effort, and when I tried to look for sex back again she though of me as an invasive person. I felt, and still feel, like shit because of everything that came from it. The thoughs of not being enough, than even when "you're the best boyfriend ever" you're missing something. I have now to remove myself from under the dumpster of toxic thoughs I told myself about this whole situation. I know they are not true, but when you love someone and truly want to make things work with her you start to justify why things are not working in order to reduce your own expectations, and you start to think less and less about yourself to do that. My selfsteem is garbage now and, as I said at the start, this video and this comment section made me feel understood, for I was still thinking I did something wrong.
You obviously were just lacking self control.
Do you really believe that or are you just being sarcastic? Because if you believe it I think you disregarded the comment in and on itself
@@sarahrobertson634 You obviously haven't read his comment properly
I have similar feelings. My last partner was almost not interested in sex with me, in 2 years there were about 7 times. At the beginning of the relationship, he warned about his trauma, assumed that he was asexual, said that his past girlfriend blamed him a lot because of this. Therefore, I tried to be the most sensitive and gentle person, never to ask for anything. He didn't even mind me having sex with others, but it broke my heart. I had problems with body acceptance and self-confidence before and after this relationship it got even worse. Of course, I tried to think that the problem was not with me, he was just such a person, but the thought that I could not be attractive and desirable did not give me rest at all. Now I have a husband, we have a great relationship, but my stiffness and shyness has not gone away, which makes it difficult to enjoy sex. It's hard for me to directly say this to my partner, but after reading the comments, I think I'll try to talk.
Exactly the same situation with me mate. Totally feel for you as your story was spot on from mine. I hope your get your self esteem back soon as do I. Wishing you the best dude
a relationship without tennis is diabolical.
As long as she's grabbing your balls and racket...be happy. Lmao
I totally agree. 😂
🤣
The lack of yoga in my relationships is really taking it’s toll. He’s bitter that my abs are toned and his aren’t maybe if he’d just get his ass on the mat! 🙄😭
It is really tough without pool, billiards, and snooker as well.
Sex is very important, but I can't quite put my finger on why after 15 years I still desire my husband. I have to say, it's something much deeper then simply spicing things up. I feel so loved and adored and in turn I try to do the same for him too. We make time for each other everyday just to talk, laugh, and check-in. We know what's going on in each other's lives, emotionally, at work, and with any other family or relationship conflicts. It feels fun, and when we disagree, we disagree and try to work it out. We never go to bed upset at each other and we don't hold grudges. I have a feeling something like that can break marriages. I'm not trying to toot how wonderful my marriage is. There was a period there years ago when I was in college, that I took a break from the relationship. We got back together with a little more maturity. All I can say is that there is no denying when you meet someone that's really great for you and you for them. Laughter comes easily and it feels like you can get through anything together. And when the years pass by, your spouse is not just your spouse anymore. They become somebody who embodies all the memories you've had together!
Outermost_Owl So uplifting comment. I really wish to have relationship like yours
How beautiful. You have a truly healthy, loving marriage. What do you attribute that to? Great role models growing up, great match, faith or all the above? Inquiring minds want to know!
That's so beautiful to hear. My ex and me were always laughing and having fun together, unfortunately one day I did something that left her angry (it wasn't cheating or lying) and she broke up with me. It's been almost 6 months and I still remember all that good times. Wish I could bring them back :(
Rafael Paz, sounds like your partner got triggered and did not possess the tools to deal with things so she fled. Think about her overall attachment style in the patterns from her past. Your attachment style is formed in childhood. She has, like 50 % of the population, an insecure attachment style and this is what she does when things get bumpy in a relationship. Not good. There are some great videos on TH-cam explaining the styles: avoidant/dismissive, fearful avoidant or disorganized, anxious/pleaser and secure. Usually avoidant and anxious styles pair up. You can become an earned secure if you have a more insecure style and have much better relationships with good, clear communication. Check it out and have a great day!
Cindy Pope, thks for your reply! Yes, I'm a student and I also have to support myself and pay my studies and for that I usually work during the week from 8 am to 11pm. So, the weekends I spent with her. Last year she decided to go for holidays in europe for 2 months with her mother. Then, a week before her departure for holidays, she came over my place and we spent the night together, but we had no sex, even though I really wanted as she would stay away for 2 months and our last sex was 2 weeks before that night. The following week I had 4 test at my uni and I didn't study for those tests because I was with her that weekend, so I got really angry because I felt like we were more like friends than partners. We were together for just 5 months and I didn't understand why we were having sex just twice a month. So, the following weekend she was expecting to see me on Saturday and Sunday(Sunday evening she was leaving for holiday), but I told her I would see her just on Sunday as Saturday I had to study. She got really pissed off and broke up with me by text. I called her after, but she said she was really tired of seeing me just on weekends, she said she didn't need a "mate" for weekends, she need a boyfriend. Started to compared me with her brother, saying that her brother works everyday and after finishing his work he goes see her girlfriend etc... Started saying she was too young (26 years old) and she wanted to enjoy life etc... Then, in the end she said that for now it was over, but if I wanted I could send her text when she was on holidays and then when she returned from holidays she said "We will see". I said to her, NO, I won't text you, if it's over it's over. She got even more angry and blocked me on Facebook and we haven't spoke anymore. It's been 6 months . In the beginning I was ok with the break up, but after few weeks I started thinking too much about her and started feeling really sad for the end of the relationship. We shared so many similarities and we were always happy together, laughing, making jokes, making plans for the future etc... She said she liked me so much and I was the first of her boyfriends to meet her family. We used to say to each other how blessed we were for meeting one another and I always treated her with respect, never cheated on her and no lies, but I got shocked after she saying all those sweet thing to me she just decided to broke up for silly stuff. A month later was her birthday and I sent her a happy birthday text, she reply back thanking me for the text, then, I tried to get close to her and sent her another text, but she never return the text, this was 5 months ago. So, that's my story haha. When I was with her I felt like she was the woman of my life, I really thought we would marry, but...
Mine is once in a two months kinda thing. It's not just the quantity but also the quality that causes a lot of resentment. It's just me trying or initiating. We've been together for 2 years & we were invited to a nice resort wedding. So this is the very first getaway we were gonna take. I packed my stuff, bought & arranged outfits for the events as per our itinery, bought a surprise gift for my partner, planned romantic dates for us. He is at his hometown now. He kept delaying his arrival. And now he says the getaway is cancelled. I feel so shit.
My desire waned because my partner refused to talk to me like a human being, humiliated me on a regular basis to others, and treated me like a maid. Then blamed me for not wanting it. Why would I want it from a narcissistic sociopath?
3 years free and am happier out of a relationship than i ever was in one!
Keepers of the Grid Exactly!
'Good for you I'm glad You had the courage to end it
you needed to tell him -even when you are walking out of the door bags in hand. I know a man who treats his GF the same way and he treats me in a similar manner. I am hoping she snaps and stabs him.
I love u
Really
I like u
I am alone single 💑💑😍😍😍❤❤❤🙋🙋🙋💋💋👄💏💏😙😘😘😚😗😗
The constant rejection is the absolute worst- your self confidence spirals downwards and you fill in the gaps why your partner no longer desires you. Its no surprise the rejected person becomes angry and simply looks elsewhere for a quick fix aka infidelity or one night stand. But in the end, it just deepens the problem by now adding guilt and shame into the mix
100%
Learn some self control. WTF is wrong with you?
I hate it when the velociraptor doesn’t reciprocate my feelings.
I have an anxiety disorder, and for some reason, this has spread to our sex life in the last few months. But we're getting along pretty well with that now. He's learned to read me better and to accept my boundaries, and I've learned to show him how much I love him and still find him attractive.
I've had this discussion many times with many people. It appears to me there's two ways to see this: 1) Good relationship creates good sex or 2) Good sex creates good relationships. For me and many others, sex is born out of a solid, intimate clothes-on relationship. Once that clothes-on relationship starts to devolve due to daily casualties (you don't help me enough, you don't hear what I'm saying, I'm unsatisfied in other clothes-on or naked ways) then the sex starts to slide off the table. Lots of people will "take one for the team", and have sex with their partner when they don't really want to. This is a powerful killer of feelings, to be plundered yet still left untouched. For many of us, having sex with someone we love,but don't like much right now is downgrading, spiritually. And when we consider that a majority of women don't achieve orgasm during intercourse, the term "having sex" might mean two different things to the audience. To "have sex" minus the summit, enough times, can make even the sweetest person lose hope in the relationship. Yes, communication is paramount, but empathy is too.
Nancy McCurry wise words!!
I cannot agree with you more, Nancy. It never fails to amaze me how many people cannot see this, especially as it's usually pretty obvious.
jellybean91 I know, right? people need to build the relationship and keep on building it if they hope to have a long-lasting, physical relationship.
President Trump , awww, poor thing. Maybe try a little butt play yourself with some guy friends and see if you can find a workable sales pitch, after.
President Trump i have noticed girls dont want it in the butt best not to ask let them ask instead
We're in our 60's and sex has slowed WAY down. I had the general impression that that's probably pretty normal, and have adjusted. It doesn't seem to be hurting our marriage, but we're very close, affectionate and communicative, so I'm not too concerned
it's true your sex libido decrease and you have less interest by age you get older and older
I think it is irrelevant what is normal. You are in a specific relationship, not a relationship where the averages of relstionship dynamics are at play. You don't need to settle for anything, just because it is the norm.
In saying that you are happy in your relationship - from a holistic perspective - that should be what matters to you.
I’m in my 20s and sex has slowed way down lol
Even as a young man i know that I can’t have it all. I know my drive won’t dip so hard into okd age and I told my women that I’ll handle that. It’s natural. But her lack of libido right now is killing me. Idk if I can take it. I’ve got 30 solid years I don’t want to feel lonely in
0:54 "Oh they're gonna take off their cl- WHAT THE FUUCCKKK"
Kelly Moy clothes
Kelly Moy clothes...are you serious?
Husband: Honey, I am a tentacle monster... I hope you can still love me, regardless.
Wife: You are? ME TOO! Let's do the nasty!
*que "wet" noises*
Scabbage 😂😂😂
WTF XD WAHAHAHAHA This channel knows some powerful kinks xD
Just as a supportive comment for the people going through this:
I'm currently in a 3 year relationship with a person who went through sexual traumas. We took months to start having sex and she took way longer to be able to actively pleasure me (masturbation,oral etc). To this day, I still have to be patient with her. It's weird to think that there are girls with whom I slept once that were more active with me then she ever was.
Still, it only got better, and I never met someone as perfect for me as she is. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and these sexual problems feel so small compared to this sentiment.
What made our sexual relationship constantly improve: comunication and patience. I always tried to make myself clear when I felt undesired by her lack of iniciative (not constantly though, just enough to make sure she knew what was going on in my head) and try being patient. If you really love the person and you feel that they love you back, and it's worth it, have patience.
I have always been really patient cause i love her beyond any limits and i thought we had normalised it and reached a checkpoint but everything starts to fall back again to zero its like i have to from zero again like i am some stranger to her and not the closest person she knows. It eats me out from the inside oh godddd everyday is a torture and as the torture continues i have become so grumpy. And it makes me feel like i am some problem to have high libido and it hurts me so much😔 and i end up talking too much about it still she doesn't take any initiative and i am hurting someone just get me out of this phase please just make her want me
@@alanajimon6767 that sucks, I hope it gets better. Many times I also felt really bad with myself about this.
My opinion:
Don't overcompensate on porn, because its worst. I did that sometimes and now I feel it drove me me further away from my real sexual life/vision.
Try to work on other points of your relationship. Spend time together, do new things together, maintain your friendship and talk about each other problems (not only sex).
Sometimes this can bring sexual desire in a more organic way.
I felt the way you said many times (like we've didnt improve at all) but now I realize that is because she ALWAYS will have those scars and sometimes she will be more introspective/defensive and will not be as inclined towards sex. Also, in general, she is simply not a person with a high sexual drive because of all that happened to her. I, in the other hand, have masturbated a lot and had way more sex than her throughout my life, so I'm more inclined to sex.
Sometimes I miss more sexual relationships that I had in the past, but most times I'm pretty contempt with a relwtionship that is not as much focused on that because of the other things that I like about her.
It’s rarely a relationship problem. Reality is people are too depressed, stressed, time poor and technology-addicted to bother.
There are 7 Billion people on earth.....so somebody is bothering.....
Ain’t that the most accurate response yet.
Cassandra Etc porn has replaced sex.
No it hasn't. Plenty of people are having sex. Some people use porn as a tool. Some people make their own......
Or a fact that you married a nun who thinks just mentioning the word penis is improper
This made me feel so much better knowing that I was validated, and not the only one going through this.
It's nice to know that I'm not the only one having problems in my relationship.
Love how they completely miss out how people just have different libidos and sex drives, or how hormones play a big part or other medical reasons. 4 times a month suggests once a week, but when you can lose a week or more to your period and you may not want anyone touching you during that time, you’re already running behind according to this. Really don’t think it’s as simple as what they’re saying in this videos.
thank u - it's incredibly dismissive to say that (almost) everyone wants sex, and makes people with naturally low libidos (me for example) feel unseen.
I used to want sex frequently until I started taking antidepressants. My libido diminished to basically nothing, and it's hard for me to even feel sensations during sex sometimes. I tell my partner that I'm happy to have sex whenever they want, but it's not something I feel I need...
I have only rejected sex once in our relationship, and that was because I was sick with some stomach bug...
they do talk about it and how both people should communicate what they want from sex and hopefully reach a compromise. they even mention how people are always slightly sexual incompatible and that's why communication is important. they don't say having less sex than 4x/month is bad or that it's a sign of a sexless relationship. it's simply a statistic for divorced couples (also important to notice those are averages). they mention that sex-starved relationships are relationships where at least one party is not getting nearly enough intimacy as they need and that varies from person to person. a couple where one has high libido and the other low libido can be challenging. if a compromise is not reached, at least one party is always going to feel unsatisfied. it's a team effort. if both don't make the effort, then there's a significant incompatibility which will likely doom the relationship.
Exactly my thoughts, this video made me feel worse about myself because I'm taking oral contraception for medical reasons and it makes my libido nonexistent. In a state like this having sex with your partner is nothing more than a chore that you need to do so they're happy. But that just leads to more trauma that will make it even more difficult in the future to deal with sex problems. And everybody's talking how shitty it feels not to get sex/feel unwanted by your partner, what about how difficult it is to hear that your partner feels unloved because of this one thing even though I would give my life for them? Should I just force myself to have sex and lose respect for my body?
@kate90jang i'm so glad you said this, it feels like these people think they are entitled to sex in a relationship. if my partner would only have sex with me because i want to have sex i would feel horrible not because i'm "unwanted" or whatever, but because my partner feels guilty for not feeling like it. nobody owes anybody sex, and if anyone is truly unhappy in a relationship because of the lack of sex, which is completely out of their partner's control (literally nobody controls when they feel aroused or in the mood for sex) then honestly just break up and find someone else.
I thought “waiting till your married” was good until I realized, when if y’all don’t have the same sex drive? when if one person wants it 4 times a week and the other 2 times a month. I just don’t see it working out.
@Tony Mario what do you mean by you're cattle?
Relatable
That's why people leave. Single life is preferable by far. Better to be lonely for life instead of in an unhealthy relationship.
Ong so true
i was going to say that "no sex before marriage" is a baaaad idea. My experience has been that men who talk about wanting to "stay celibate" before marriage had serious sexual issues: either some sexual dysfunction or even being gay... so they didn't want their potential wife to find out until after marriage
This has been happening in my relationship for about 3 years now, I’m literally doing everything this videos says. As a woman you would think it’s me who doesn’t want sex but he’s the one constantly rejecting me, and it hurts me to the core.. I just wish he would open up to me and tell me what he wants and needs.
Im with ya.
This video doesn't talk about those who are emotionally unavailable and therefore have never felt an emotional connection during sex. To those people sex gets boring and they don't care as they are uncaring in general. They prefer to watch porn as they have to make no effort, also the porn often gets more and more extreme as normal stuff gets boring to them, or maybe they cheat. They need that extreme excitement to get off as the emotional connection is lacking. You'll know if that's the case
If you aren't married, LEAVE. But, when you do, try to get him to tell you why he didn't want sex with you. LISTEN to his reasons without being defensive. If he listed things that you can change, change them and have sex with your new BF when you get one.
Maybe he just wants cuddles instead of sex?
Your stereotyping, self-hating and generalizations of women are why he treats you like this.
My marriage hit a point several years back, where u realized that any advance I made was rejected. No matter the factors or effort I put in, I was declined. I tried everything I could think of. I worked during the day then came home and cleaned up the house. I'd take care of most of the responsibility of our son as well. I tried date nights and sending her on getaways with her friends to lift her mood. None of it helped. Hours of conversation on the subject, to tears at some points, still no dice. Eventually I accepted defeat. I quit asking for sex, instead I wait my 10-14 days for her to offer me a quickie (never more than that). In the last 6 months or so she has started complaining that I never express sexual interest in her anymore. Now I just kinda feel like it's a game or some kind of power play... I won't walk out on the mother of my son, and I have no desire to hurt her, so I can't have an affair... Feels like I'm damned no matter what.
You guys should go to couples counseling.
Exact feeling!!
That's real bro 👍
Maybe it's the contraceptives she's using if they're hormonal,you can suggest a change of them.if you've really done all that cause it's crazy ..I feel u
Mannn just hookup with other women
It's the worst long term pain I've endured
Same
I feel so sad for people in relationships these days, wanting so much and remaining unfulfilled... I have chosen to remain single as I realize that is the state I am happiest in, pains my heart to see people willing to put up with things that seem almost abusive to me just so they dont have to be alone.
Singleness doesnt mean loneliness it is a gift too. If you use it wisely.
If you find that you need someone, BE PRESENT in the relationship dont just coast along. Anything worth having takes active effort. Specially when it pertains to matters of the heart.
Rac Morr I am beyond ready 2 be single again. I dont even think I want to marry @ this point.
Being in a loveless marriage is the loneliest I've ever felt. At least when I was single there was a chance for passion. Now I'm just trapped.
@Gaming On A Shitty TV good luck my friend. Keep me posted how everything goes.
Best comment so far
The cellphone has basically destroyed any chance for a relationship these days.... people can't get their noses out of them for even 10 seconds.
I've always thought that if you have to FIGHT for someone, then you've already lost the fight before it even started.
You words seem wise but at the same time all things are a fight so does that mean it is worthless to pursue no but it is what gives it value and meaning.
Ehhh i kinda agree. I think maintain is a better word. You have the partner but you have to fight/maintain the relationship now. Many people stop putting in effort once they have the partner bc should be it right? But we are human and imperfect so its never that easy
Agreed. The only time fighting for your partner actually works is on the Hallmark channel. Anywhere else, it's considered stalking or game-playing. (I'm defining fighting for your partner as a kind of chasing after them literally and/or metaphorically when they've seemingly given up.)
I cried my eyes out while watching this film (beautiful animation, lots of empathy and a great voiceover btw!). Two years ago my partner lost interest in me and I’m at the end of my wits now. We had lots of conversations, a few arguments, nothing helps. I tried so many things, lingerie, gadgets, roleplay, hotel dates, perverse games, toys, stories, fantasies - nothing helps. I am a pretty, sporty, smart, funny person with good vibes. I am creative and caring. I always praised him as a lover, as a man, as a professional. We have no kids together so there are no conflicts over chores, upbringing. We spend some time together and some time apart so there is space to start missing each other and not get bored. I have used all my resources and nothing helps. I love this guy. I have no idea what else to do. I feel like a piece of shit.
Have you tried going to a therapy together?
I can honestly relate to your situation,i'm and older man,and have been on your side of this,there is little worse than feeling like you don't matter,it's humiliating,You start to feel demoralized,I think the hardest part to deal with is that it seems that the other person does not care how this effects You. I don't understand why a lot of people are so turned off to natural love,warmth and basic human contact
Michael ReznoR he refuses going to therapy
JC Rabbit I am so sorry to hear that. I decided to give up, I don’t initiate sex anymore - at least it saves me the pain of open rejection. I guess the relationship will slowly die away or he will cheat on me with sb else and then the end will be more abrupt. So, I hope things will get better for you!
@@karolasikora Thank You,and I too am sorry that you have this to deal with,however,I don't feel like there has to be a point of resignation,to give up what's important to you at the expense of someone else.......instead of loving someone,I want to be in love.....maybe that seems unrealistic,or quaint,but it's important to Me
I’ve been on the opposite end of this though. It seemed like my partner saw me as a machine that’s meant to just pump out sexual favors. He would never help with anything. He wouldn’t really talk to me about anything deeper than how “sexy” I am, and how much I turned him on. I felt like an unpaid pros****te. It feels disgusting being objectified in your own home. And it’s horrible when your own partner feels like an unfulfilling one night stand. And it’s even worse when the person on the receiving end of this treatment is vilified as the evil bad guy who’s “WiThHoLdiNg” sex. If it makes no difference to you where you put your genitals, why not just leave and go live out your little fantasies someplace else?
Did you communicate this? If you did not that’s your fault. You likely accepted and enjoyed it until you didn’t. And instead of being mature and voicing this you simply began to resent him…
Being recently married, I find this a very useful video to those, who find their marriage losing its passion a few years in. I might need it later
***** thank you for making such high quality and valuable videos)
mic9check it will, eventually. Better be ready)
mic9check One can never be sure. And people do change so that even a very deep personal bond might not hold them together.
To be warned is to be armed, as Russians say.
+mic9check That sounds sort of naive. :/
In an ideal world, communication would really be all that was needed. But its not. Its maybe the most important, but it doesn't guarantee long term success.
+Warp Scanner
Depends on what your definition of 'success' is.
Everybody getting what they want or the right decisions being made ?
**agrees in virgin**
Same same lol
Your virginity is a gift dude. Most chicks wanna take advantage of your kindness and generosity. I wish I was a virgin.
Virgo is a constellation.
Goddamit, you got me
Better be a long time virgin then having sex to early. Especially women shouldn't let their innocence and purity be taken without being in a long lasting relationship
This brings tears to my eyes. I've been depressed because of this issue for too long !
Not every relationship puts a high value on sex. Sometimes a deep emotional & life long connection is what both people find their solace in. True love can manifest itself in so many ways between 2 people with sex only being 1 of those ways.
That's how the rejecting partner always shames the one initiating. Always.
@@mrsherwood2599 well yeah. if i told my partner I did not want to do somthing and they keep trying to pruesser me to do it I would shame them.
@user-qu2sy8gh4u initiating in a sexual relationship is not pressuring. Perhaps you are referring to...a friendship.
@@mrsherwood2599 it is pressuring when your partner tells you know and you keep asking....aka pressuring them to due the deed with you.
you do realize pressuring people into sx is commonright?
@user-qu2sy8gh4u are you really young? I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding. If you're really young that's a different story. When i was young i never would have pressured a young woman about sex. If two adults are in an intimate partnership and one partner does not want intimacy, there's a much bigger problem. If anyone is pressuring anyone in an adult intimate relationship, there is a bigger problem.
There's no need to be sarcastic. I know a lot of things, I'm quite grown up. If you're an adult and you got into an intimate partnership with an adult there would have been a reasonable expectation of intimacy. If I join a band I'm going to be expected to play guitar. It's not "pressure". If you don't want to play guitar don't join a band hon. And then shame the band when you refuse to play your guitar.
If you're being pressured you need to leave or work on your boundaries. Why are you letting that happen?
I’m crying while watching it... it’s so hard for me, I can’t stand of this marriage anymore
Me too...
🥺
I get it. Going without sex and intimacy for years in a marriage is torture.
@longrider TRUTH
what have you decided, after all?
John Clare said: ‘Love is the mainspring of existence.’ Everything else in a relationship stems from the core of sexual intercourse, once that stops all the rest, the kissing, the cuddling, the holding hands wither away till you end up with two people sharing a house, a dead house.
Not sure about that. Some men use the word ''love'' when they should say ''sex''.
This basically sums up my three year relationship. Lack of communication is also part of the problem, but the lack of sex has been there since the start. I thought she was shy at first, but it turns out that's she's just not very open. I've never gone out with someone as closed regarding sex. I know it's not to do with my performance, because I have learned to understand her body and to make sure she's enjoying it (when we do actually do it, that is). Rejection has become such a frequent thing that I have stopped initiating. The result is that we never do it because she never initiates and I can't help but feel resentful. I've reached a point where I no longer regard it as a relationship and have decided to end it. It's sad, but if you can't even talk about the problem with your partner, then there's no point. It's not that she doesn't love me, or that I don't love her. She expresses her love in lots of different ways, as do I, but it might as well be a friendship if there's no intimacy.
voodoohamster This is my exact situation and I don’t quite know how to handle it man...
Keep it movin boys you're wasting your time
Stop respecting women
@@rhinoward14 your girl may be feeling insecure and unsafe in your relationship. Withholding sex on a woman's part can often be linked to feeling not valued. How can you change that and save your relationship?
pia madison are you illiterate he said he left her for a reason
Never stop dating each other, cuddling on the couch or just touching one another and kissing a few times daily. That will keep the passion flame going 🔥
For those complaining of lack of sex....something changed in the relationship. Lack of sex is only a symptom of something else...usually. But by the time the couple figures this out, it is usually too late. The damage is done.
Yes. The couples have to talk.
Something else? Like what??
@@croslash1 such as lack of communication and emotional connection
So true something which was not discussed
But isn't that just part of a maturing relationship? At some point the passion disappears, you have children, you get older, hormones change. The frequency of sex does not define the quality of the relationship, but how the couple handles it and how comfortable they both feel about it.
I would disagree with one thing. The motivations for an affair aren't always revenge. Oftentimes the one that commits the affair has a deep need to connect to another human being on that intimate level, and they don't know how to approach their significant other with their needs. Afraid of rejection again, and perhaps presented with someone else who shows interest and desire, they fall into that behavior. This doesn't excuse their gaff, but I see other reasons humans would make this mistake. Only mentioning revenge as the motive makes everyone sound like they do that out of spite, and humans don't all work that way. The narrator may have said this and I might have missed it, but I just wanted to point that out. People who have an affair are still human--they're thirsty--they just really messed up.
I agree 100%
Exactly right. Or they've tried over and over to communicate their needs with their original partner but were shot down or ridiculed each time, so they gave up and temporarily went to someone else instead. I'm not condoning that behavior, just agreeing that it's not always out of spite or revenge, but sometimes pure loneliness.
Or maybe they could just leave I don't know
"the motivations for an affair aren't always revenge"
Such thing is never implied.
YES YES YES
Less than 4 times a month? Try a year
Haha great comment
This is why I can't get married legally in the western world
Seriously.
I'm going on 3 years. My wife doesn't see this as a problem at all.
Curtis Schepers leave its not worth it or be in a open relationship
My partner used to deny me sex often and we would have it at max twice a month. I felt so ugly and unlovable and ultimately the relationship ended after I found him on multiple dating sites (he actually broke up with me two days after I confronted him about it.) He would make me feel so silly for asking for it and acting like it wasn’t something that should be a dealbreaker cause it was “just sex” and that I would be stupid to leave a relationship for that reason. I wish I left him sooner or at least cheated on him.
I played this video at full volume and just stared at my wife. Our sex life has not improved...
Welp, I’m off to rattle some dishes.
blasting it at "full volume" probably didn't help
Lmfao
Good effort though LOL
They don't care try speaking to them n its useless same with my partner i try explaining that we should do it more often but its like why we old please we are 28 n he is 29 now. This is always the excuse since we 23years old n I started to believe that
I'm sorry for you
My wife has been telling me for almost 5 years that she will start hugging, kissing, and making love to me again. Yes, you read that correctly, almost 5 years. Basically, I’m just a roommate. I work, pay all the bills, no side chick. I have begged, pleaded, screamed, prayed, talked, and anything else you can think of to get her to change, but nothing. I don’t even mention it anymore. I’m just a roommate.
Dude, get special help for your marriage, your point of view is wrong
If a partner keeps promising to do something, and doesn't do it, she's just holding you for something. Whatever it is, it's for selfish reasons, and she doesn't love you as much as she loves herself, if at all. A lot of people take for granted that all partners love each other, or all parents love their children. It's actually not true. Love means actually caring, listening and making changes to make the other person happy and fulfilled, and it has to be *mutual*.
It’s been a year since your comment, if nothings changed leave man. Your paying all the bills and providing and getting nothing in return. Do you have any idea how many women there are
That would actually appreciate you?
Keep scrolling through these comments, you’ll see men that waited 30+ years. Don’t be one of em.
Jesus barroso riveriego How is he wrong idiot?
Would you get couples therapy? It might work.
Almost never when I initiate. Almost always when she does. Translation: the lower drive partner dictates frequency. And she may rationally understand there’s a problem, but not see it as one that needs an immediate solution. Since it then has a lower priority than, say, dinner dishes, dirty laundry or some other mundane household task, that becomes how the act is viewed: a chore, and one which may be delayed indefinitely.
I thought thats how it was with my husband and I but i honestly think i have the lower drive. We sometimes even seem to flip. But i dont usually say no either bc ive come to realize how important sex can be. I know i can say no and have in the past but we both have insecurities that can make us feel unwanted when we domt engage in sex either. I do enjoy it when we do
@@Celeste-jh2lj Just to get an idea, what kind of frequency are you talking about? Are you in the 4+/month?
@@zz19991 frequency?
You just need to learn self discipline
Dear comment section,
Some of you are dating asexual people.
You aren’t obligated to keep dating that person, in many cases, you should break up. you aren’t a monster for wanting physical intimacy, but you can’t force them to give it to you, because then you would be a monster. Neither of you are “the problem,” you are just incompatible. Please move on and don’t “fix” us. We are not broken.
Yes, but if you're an asexual person, it's YOUR responsibility to be aware of your own asexuality and refrain from dating or getting involved with people who are naturally sexual.
Nothing is broken until a gorilla named Menopause enters the room.
@@RubanLawrenceI couldn't agree with you more!
Lack of sexual desire isn't something you can simply solve with "communication". Desire is not negotiable and no amount of talking about how unfulfilled you feel is going to make that person want you.
Right?
I am dealing with lack of sexual desire with my partner
Desire can wax and wane, but if it's truly gone, you're right, it can't be brought back by talking.
This is so true! I increased my frequency with my husband and we are much happier now.
Surviving as Mom you're fucking awesome
Talk to the mother of my child please.
You're cute
Way to go!
You are a good woman. I feel so bad for men trapped with frigid bitches.
For those who are lacking sex, it is actually a bigger underlying than the sex. It is lack of effective communication, and an understanding of each others needs and desires. Men and women have different needs, so therefore we forget this role of needs, and suddenly we become too comfortable with a toxic relationship. I suggest, know yourself and worth, and once you reach this level, either stay with this person or leave. Don't stay with someone out of comfort or reputation. Love yourself.
Less than 4 times a month considers to be far too low?
Oh boy...
For real
Yea that’s a very good month. I reckon the writer thought about it and chose that number.
Oh, the glory days of 4 times a month!
I need it 4 times a day
I talked to a girl, once.
younglink309 noice
How was it?!
That’s so alpha
Woah, I thought I was a badass
It was awful.
after 4years of dating, my boyfriend no longer kiss me, we just living together like siblings..
Didn't thought there was anyone around here moments close. Hehehe. Maybe am the only one seeing yo comment here
Lmaoooo wtf 😂😂😂😭
Wyn Ardani if you don’t have kids, leave. You will never be able to get a cleaner break than when there are no kids involved.
Get out
Maybe both of them really are siblings lol
(Just kidding, please no bully)
i listen to the soothing voice of the commentator to get to sleep after being sex starved
Lol
As soon as the relationship becomes a dead bedroom, I'm out. I've made it clear how important sex is to me in a relationship. I've tried talking to about sex. I asked if there is anything for improvement. These aren't working. So I'm out. I'm ending the relationship. It's not fair that sex is so important that if I have with someone else, it's cheating and serious enough to terminate the relationship but not important enough to make me go without it. I refuse to go as low as cheating, but I'm not spending years of wasting my life trying to fix something that can't be fixed.
same here. My husband stopped sleeping with me right after our honeymoon, since then Ive been begging for 4-5 years… I was 28 then now Im 33… I cant have kids this way and I dont feel confident even tho Im a fit good looking woman ( I dont feel that way anymore either just told by others and logically try to remember ) He came out finally and said he always had low libido … he was afraid I would not like him before marriage if I knew ( we had sex multiple times a day and he knew how important it was for me ) now its once every two months or so and its one minutes , ending in tears and arguments because Im so tired of explaining and begging 😢😢 wish you luck!!!
Good one
@@thegalhorowitzmy women lied to me in this way. I know the truth and she refuses to say it bc she knows I have the balls to leave. Sadly I don’t have the balls to quit. I’m thinking I don’t need to hear her confession…
The last four years of my relationship were like this. I was a monster, and it traumatized me so much I couldn’t enjoy sex with my next partner...it became associated with that feeling of rejection. Only being honest will help, guys...take it seriously.
It’s weird but I kind of cried a little while watching this, because this is so true. And I went through this kind of dillema before, and it’s really emotionally tolling. I’ve never felt so low and unaccepted in my life than that part.
Oh is that so? Why don't we kick it and I'll make you feel appreciated and accepted if you know what I mean 😉
That happened to me to. It really hurts.
It's really tough to go through
dude how??? i just dont understand?? what is the importance of having a dick in u for a few minutes?? I DONT GET IT if u love each otherr can't u like,, cuddle and say nice things and isn't that enough?
@huh?
You clearly have never been in a committed relationship before. That's what my partner is telling me. Cuddle, hugs, whatnot. That shit is not enough. I'm not even asking for much, once or twice a week. But hell, I'd get a sex a month if lucky. This shit is driving me nuts.
Its called intimacy. Humans need emotional intimacy. When someone no longer needs intimacy then they no longer need or even want a relationship. My ex wife used to curl up in a fetal position when i would try and be intimatecwith her. All i woukd do is snuggle up to her or just start rubbing her back or bottom. It always made me feel like i was molesting her. The rejection was there and the only time we had sex was if i scheduled a time and day and then she simply just complied with the prearranged day and time. The desire she had was gone. 15yr marriage over.
Been married 21yrs been going down hill for about 12 sex four times a year only got to finish once she tells me to hurry up and finish that's a turn off I don't even bother now.
WOW...Did you ever talk about it?? The reasons behind that behaviour?....
Men: Bend over let me stick it in. Quick sex?
Woman: what is that going to do for me? It’s only pleasure for you. So we shut down duh.
@@Evajjane LoL that can’t be the case if she rejects his first advances of just touching her.
Currently in this situation and I’m a little embarrassed because I’ve never had to ask for sex before.. I feel so unattractive and no longer make effort. in this relationship we go for months without having sex. It’s something I have brought up but there seem to be feeble reasons as to why or feigned surprise that it’s been that long. I’m not a believer of cheating so that’s not an option. I can’t take it anymore. We are roommates. No planned dates, no surprises.
My other half has made me feel so bad for even wanting sex. We've been together for eight years and suppressing my desires is starting to make me feel depressed.
Never beg someone to be in your life. If you text, call, visit and still get ignored, walk away. It's called 'SELF-RESPECT'😎 straight up your head girl, and MOVE ON form this toxic relationship. Life's too short...
Same thing is with me,it's been seven years of our relationship bt she is still not ready for sex, it makes me feel unloved n incomplete... I'm scared of breaking this beautiful bond though. Why girls can't think like us??
After getting out of my 4 year relationship with this exact problem and eventually entering a healthy relationship, I could clearly see how the progression to lack of sex was strongly correlated with my decrease in happiness and hope for the future, and I *immediately* found happiness after exiting the relationship. If you can, you need to, because when you look around in life and have no hope and no happiness other than solitude, you can enter some very dark places. For everyone who reads this and is in such a relationship where the partner refuses to communicate or attempt to reconcile, leave before it gets worse
just wanted to post somesthing positive here. I have a great girlfriend that i love very very much and i am very vocal about that, and vice versa. We talk very open about sex and its still great after 3 years. We kiss and cuddle a lot. We often talk about the good things that happen to us in life. We praise and recognize the good things we do for each other. We dont get into stupid arguments because nobody needs to be right and we dont need to dominate ourselves. We arent to money focused, were both broke students but soon engineers. We do everything we can to spend as much time together as possible.
Awwwww that also sounds like my boyfriend and I! Also wish you the best for you two!
Just wait till she meets a rich or some Chad, shell dump you, hypergamy never changes, you will be too boring for soon
That's beautiful , two intelligent people.
Edward R that’s exactly what I thought.
@@edwardr9130 Dude, you need a bit more confidence or just become a better person. And maybe you shouldnt take the next best thing out there. I could also imagine, that the way your idea of how women are keeps most of the cool ones away from you.
When sex is lacking, there's a problem. It always happens to me when the relationship is about to end, so sad...
That’s when u leave first
But what about those who... simply do not have a high sex drive? Reading these comments is making me feel like I am not worthy of a relationship if I can not perform sexually frequently... Anyone else feel the same?
You're right, I've been reading these comments and feeling an odd mixture of encouragement and dread. Having sex 2-3 times a week, as some have said they do, sounds insane to me. I'm lucky to have a patient and understanding partner, and I'm sure there's someone out there who will be a good match for you as well
This convo basically ignores asexual people who don’t need sex to love someone.
Same. I have the same problem with my husband. I dont know what to do. I dont know if there is something wrong with me or if he has a very high sex drive.
@@shannacollins8371becasue if your asexual be with someone asexual not someone who needs sex…
You are still worthy of a relationship! You'll just need to find a connection with someone who has a similar drive to you.