My favorite Scooby Doo episode is when the gang buried a white buffalo placenta in the backyard of Old Man Jenkins to try and ward off angry Native American spirits.
@ChaosLord5129 Being an assh*le to other people on the Internet is not a good way of coping with having a sad and unfulfilling life. You should find new methods of dealing with this harsh world, I'd suggest building up healthy and respectful human relationships.
a recent quote from George Bush revealed that both he and Obama didn't blow the horn because Woodrow Wilson put his mouth on it to look cool at the treaty of Versailles, and that's totally gross
@@videonaj You'd be surprised. By design capitalism works best for the people who do the least work, so long as they both own property that they can make money off of, and hire others to work on that property. Google the "labour theory of value"
@@billybobferguson3946 That theory is heavily flawed for the following reasons: 1) businesses have to be run well to succeed, their owners and managers have to know their industries or they fall behind quickly. Its often a 16 hour day to own a business. I know I do often and I know other business owners. 2) Owning land or renting it is the same when you have a business. 3) Since the beginning of time everyone needs a job to exchange with those around them. Most CEOs had lowly jobs when they were younger and worked their way up. They were smarter, harder working, more efficient, more aggressive and high work ethic thus getting selected to run the show. 4) Giving a business to a bad manager will collapse that business in no time. - See real life.
@@videonaj 1) It is a very common mistake, but you are conflating multi-billionaire CEOS who could and do easily never lift a finger yet make the majority of profits anyway and small business owners ("petit bourgeois" is the typical term used for these people) who make their money off of both their own work and the work of people they employ. It's wrong to compare a bakery owner to Jeff Bezos, which more often than not doesn't happen when talking about LTV. While they still partially make their money off of other people's work, and this itself can still be remedied in one way or another, it's nowhere near as grievous. 2) Whether or not the business owner himself has a landlord doesn't change that he is getting money at least partially from other people's work. The only real difference is that the person renting out the land is himself exploiting that business owner, adding another layer to the cycle. 3) Capitalism as we know it has only really existed for the last 400 years or so. Humans have been able to share resources amongst each other communitively for hundreds of years, it's just that as classes of people started to form in more civilised societies this was shed in favour of methods of distribution that helped the most affluent in society. If I recall correctly the first examples of markets were in Ancient Greece and were widely criticized for being anti-social at the time. I'm not entirely brushed up on my knowledge on it, but Capital by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels includes quite a lot of information on the history of the formation of capitalism in Britain and how it was generally a result of the nepotism/inheritance of an ever-decreasing group of elites more than anything else. 4) It's not so much that it's bad and lazy managers but that people higher in the rungs of business inherently gain their wealth through the work of those lower on the rungs. Amazon would collapse without its large collective of under-paid, over-monitored employees but Bezos alone is seen as the one responsible for it. I feel we as a society have given a very unhealthy precedent that someone in charge of a company is to be credited with its success, when the opposite is true: you could remove Bezos and any pointless managerial positions and turn Amazon into a collective, and it would still function well, if not better than before.
Studies say that only removes about 60% of the curses effects. There's also a high chance you could have angered the spirits more by moving them. I know it's a more expensive option but you should really seek a professional about cleansing tbe location.
@@tylerbonser7686 MSNBC? Sounds like something you caught from licking the floor of a public transportation bus. Not everybody has that/knows what that is/cares and you should keep your diseases to yourself. Please.
OMG, I live less than 200 yds from a Native American burial ground. And here I was, worrying that that my unhappiness in life was related to my shitty personality and my general hatred of people.
I once went to an American University to study Math and I became cursed. After I left, barely living, due to constantly experiencing comical amounts of bad luck, I saw they called themselves "the pioneer land-grant university". I googled what "land-grant university" actually meant. It's the stuff of nightmares. I was cursed both by Native Americans and Black People, apparently. Thanks MSU!😶👍
AzureBluez Not even just one! Like half of this skit was a scooby doo reference. The whole cave scene is all classic scooby doo tropes and them talking about unmasking the dude as well
I can't believe the "Drowning Man" festival reference at the end was actually prophetic 🤣🤣🤣The Onion is truly timeless. (For future readers, the Burning Man festival was flooded in 2023)
"He's set to make a trip behind the old cave in Montecello this week." Was that a 'Count of Monte Cristo' reference? It was, I believe, a cave where the priest Edward Dantes was locked up next to, told him to dig to find his wealth.
Adore how it swerves into scooby doo randomly and ends with something totally unrelated to the setup. The placenta is so so good i chuckle every time she pulls it out.
"Republicans believe that the only way to placate the Indian ghosts is by blood offering." Why do I not only find that not-at-all hard to believe, but also the most realistic sentence in this whole report?
Weather service wants to name really nice summer days. I like that idea actually. Why name all the really bad stuff? A kick ass day or week of good weather should be named. :)
What's ironic - is that US economy is great and US has been the best country since WWII. I dont think America is cursee, but actually very much blessed, due to the foundation of the laws coming mostly from the Bible!
Id hate to be the one to tell you this, but most laws didn't actually come from the bible and just came from common sense. It isnt against the law to break the 10 commandments at all
What TaskForge said. In fact the founding fathers specifically implimented separation of church and state laws to stop the bibles "laws" from becoming actual laws.
I mean, the only reason it’s been the best since WWII is because almost every other country on earth was busy rebuilding themselves after the devastation of WWII. I say give it another 10-20 years and the US will be rather insignificant (atleast compared to other giants)
Our three branches of government came from the Bible. That check and balances itself is partly a key to our success. If you steal, kill, and lie under oath, you are breaking both the commandments and the laws of US. Both the Bible and Law state that your not guilty unless proven guilty. (This is common sense but most governments corrupt their judicial process by condemning anyone against them. USA is blessed by following the laws and morals from the Bible. Alot of US laws came from Roman Law, but most of Roman Law came from the first five books of the Old Testament. The founding fathers were almost all very strong Christians. Many came to USA to practice their reglious beliefs freely. George Washington said its impossible to govern a country without the Bible. The separation of state and church was to ensure politics didn't get involved with the church. Not.. that the laws aren't rooted in the Bible... On every US currency, it says "In God we Trust" and every upper government official swears upon the Bible. The separation of church and state does not mean, US is atheist. But we have the ability to practice freely our reglious beliefs.
Fox is the only news station that has a conservative rather than a liberal bias. Perhaps CNN is more unbiased, but I'd take some convincing. I'm not saying Fox News is good, ideally news broadcasters should have no bias. But without Fox, there'd be no second voice in news at all.
I wonder if this would have been better served as a 30 second part. It's a fantastic one-liner, and the writing is fine but maybe it just worked better at the time.
I love how it slowly changed into just scooby doo references
The newspaper photo is them but with a cat.😃
My favorite Scooby Doo episode is when the gang buried a white buffalo placenta in the backyard of Old Man Jenkins to try and ward off angry Native American spirits.
@@PitterPatter20 They did that on the Simpsons
All things
@@Mr1930s "pesky kids and that fleabag cat of theirs"
Obama is soft on poltergeists
You're a Republican, aren't you?
Edit: I was confused af by my own post until I rewatched the video 😂
Well to be fair, he's soft on everything. Honestly. From Syria, to China, to Russia, to racism in America, to illegal immigrants, to the environment.
@@burtonl7239 dawg its 3 years after obama
Burton L yea bro fuck the environment
Burton L Yeah fuck the environment. No one likes it
"These ghosts have been screwing with capitalism, so it doesn't work as it should."
This might be my favorite Onion panel.
Man capitalism would be awesome if the ghosts of the poor people's necks it strangled weren't haunting it.
@ChaosLord5129 lol u seem angry.
@Choas_Lord_512 imagine being an Internet troll arguing with strangers as a hobby
@Choas_Lord_512 I deleted Reddit, because of the astounding prevalence of screeching morons.
@ChaosLord5129 Being an assh*le to other people on the Internet is not a good way of coping with having a sad and unfulfilling life. You should find new methods of dealing with this harsh world, I'd suggest building up healthy and respectful human relationships.
It's her damn fault. Who pulls out an enchanted placenta on live TV?
Exactly, what did she think would Happen?
I bet she walks alone at night with exposed elbows.
"republicans want the curse to hold so that they can paint obama as weak on poltergeists" welcome back the onion...ive missed u so very much
Still watch?
@@ReznorQuakeyes
2023 and ONN is still the most reliable news network
Maybe they should blow the horn that summons the Founding Fathers.
The Horn of Valere? I hear they're starting another hunt for it, but the last one ended horribly for Lewis and Clark.
a recent quote from George Bush revealed that both he and Obama didn't blow the horn because Woodrow Wilson put his mouth on it to look cool at the treaty of Versailles, and that's totally gross
@@justfantastic2877 Your comment is beautiful
Hope that the founders can get us to Shrimp Heaven
@@owlblocksdavid4955 nice reference
The Scooby political staffer gang and their mystery limo traveling around solving economic mysteries.
Shroud66 lit fam lit.
"Mystery limo"
Someone should really talk to that Clifford Baines. At this point it's just unprofessional.
Don't you cast aspersions on Baines! He's the greatest TV hosts never to be seen on TV!
Scott McElveen
He was only okay.
I have been saying this all the time.
I mean when disney offers you a role like that you can’t say no
@@eelsemaj99 Especially because they will kill your family if you say no
As a Native North American, I am appalled by this!! They could of just ASKED US since we're not all dead & buried under there!!!
Holy shit one got away, grab him!
*could've, as in could have
Please tell us where you live? We would love to send you a beautiful basket of food from our generous restaurants
This is about Indians, not "native americans"
Not for long!
"Thats why capitalism isnt working properly"
It does work when people use it. They are free to sit on their ass all day playing games. There is no money for those that dont earn it.
@@videonaj You'd be surprised. By design capitalism works best for the people who do the least work, so long as they both own property that they can make money off of, and hire others to work on that property. Google the "labour theory of value"
@@billybobferguson3946 That theory is heavily flawed for the following reasons:
1) businesses have to be run well to succeed, their owners and managers have to know their industries or they fall behind quickly. Its often a 16 hour day to own a business. I know I do often and I know other business owners.
2) Owning land or renting it is the same when you have a business.
3) Since the beginning of time everyone needs a job to exchange with those around them. Most CEOs had lowly jobs when they were younger and worked their way up. They were smarter, harder working, more efficient, more aggressive and high work ethic thus getting selected to run the show.
4) Giving a business to a bad manager will collapse that business in no time.
- See real life.
@@videonaj 1) It is a very common mistake, but you are conflating multi-billionaire CEOS who could and do easily never lift a finger yet make the majority of profits anyway and small business owners ("petit bourgeois" is the typical term used for these people) who make their money off of both their own work and the work of people they employ. It's wrong to compare a bakery owner to Jeff Bezos, which more often than not doesn't happen when talking about LTV. While they still partially make their money off of other people's work, and this itself can still be remedied in one way or another, it's nowhere near as grievous.
2) Whether or not the business owner himself has a landlord doesn't change that he is getting money at least partially from other people's work. The only real difference is that the person renting out the land is himself exploiting that business owner, adding another layer to the cycle.
3) Capitalism as we know it has only really existed for the last 400 years or so. Humans have been able to share resources amongst each other communitively for hundreds of years, it's just that as classes of people started to form in more civilised societies this was shed in favour of methods of distribution that helped the most affluent in society. If I recall correctly the first examples of markets were in Ancient Greece and were widely criticized for being anti-social at the time.
I'm not entirely brushed up on my knowledge on it, but Capital by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels includes quite a lot of information on the history of the formation of capitalism in Britain and how it was generally a result of the nepotism/inheritance of an ever-decreasing group of elites more than anything else.
4) It's not so much that it's bad and lazy managers but that people higher in the rungs of business inherently gain their wealth through the work of those lower on the rungs. Amazon would collapse without its large collective of under-paid, over-monitored employees but Bezos alone is seen as the one responsible for it. I feel we as a society have given a very unhealthy precedent that someone in charge of a company is to be credited with its success, when the opposite is true: you could remove Bezos and any pointless managerial positions and turn Amazon into a collective, and it would still function well, if not better than before.
@@billybobferguson3946 - A bee hive will collapse if the queen is lost. It will not necessarily collapse if it looses 90% of its drones.
Before building my home, I dug up all the indian remains from the property, tossed them in the garage, and saged the place, so it's all good.
Mr. Butterworth can you really do that, some doesn’t even know what’s beneath the ground ...
Home building 101. If you know what you’re doing the ghosts of the nations past are no trouble at all.
Studies say that only removes about 60% of the curses effects. There's also a high chance you could have angered the spirits more by moving them. I know it's a more expensive option but you should really seek a professional about cleansing tbe location.
Believe me they are still there. They are all around you and they are watching.
1:26 can we just take a moment to appreciate the fact that they took the time to write all that?
So sad about the 2,000 lost at sea during this year's Drowning Man.
@Graig Simmonette I think the 2,000 dead sounds like the festival was a roaring success.
Another 2000 burned alive during Burning Man.
This cracked me up.
Sounds like a Lovecraftian cult
two DOZEN*
I wonder how they rehearse these?
Repeat every line until you can get through it without anyone bursting out in laughter.
What are they rehearsing? This is legitimate.
The same way fox rehearses before Trumps dial-ins.
@@SquashMVP keep on drinking that MSNBC koolaid bud
@@tylerbonser7686 MSNBC? Sounds like something you caught from licking the floor of a public transportation bus. Not everybody has that/knows what that is/cares and you should keep your diseases to yourself. Please.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!? MY PLACENTA!!!!!"
OMG, I live less than 200 yds from a Native American burial ground. And here I was, worrying that that my unhappiness in life was related to my shitty personality and my general hatred of people.
Late, I know, but perfect execution of self-deprecating humor! I enjoyed a good chuckle
Exactly. Can't believe I almost took responsibility for what is in reality ghost interference making me miserable!
I once went to an American University to study Math and I became cursed. After I left, barely living, due to constantly experiencing comical amounts of bad luck, I saw they called themselves "the pioneer land-grant university". I googled what "land-grant university" actually meant. It's the stuff of nightmares. I was cursed both by Native Americans and Black People, apparently. Thanks MSU!😶👍
Sounds great, how does one get a land grant???
"Comical amounts of bad luck" I need to use that in my life!
This is beyond ridiculous. Everyone knows that the economy collapsed because of that taboo idol that Bobby found on the Brady's Hawaiian vacation.
right... I remember
omg😂😂😂
🏆
The ending is how quickly humanity jumps from slight order to complete chaos
Can I have a piece of that placenta? BECAUSE I WANNA PROVE TO YOU
The acting in these skits is always so real. That dejected "Ohh!" from the guy in the brown suit at 2:13 was perfect.
I had to go back when I realized that there was a scooby doo reference
AzureBluez Not even just one! Like half of this skit was a scooby doo reference. The whole cave scene is all classic scooby doo tropes and them talking about unmasking the dude as well
"that was just old man Greenspan in a phantom mask trying to scare away day traders"
hiding under a carpet.
Rut row
“Mitch McConnell tearfully admits to kissing his pillow and pretending it was a woman”
"Study: Majority of shame sexually transmitted"
I love the bar on the bottom xD
I'm mohawk indian and I approve this onion video. This video is hilarious, love the onion's satire.
Why hasn't Clifford Banes been fired yet? He never shows up and everyone else keeps doing his job.
Didn't you hear about all his adventures that make him miss the shows? They are scared of him!
Isn't it Clifford Bates?
It's all too often in my life that casual discussion turns into a savage fight over a placenta.
that poor woman, they tore her placenta apart like beasts
Pause to read the article, I promise it's worth it.
I just did because of your comment. All those pixels, but it was worth it.
But that would mean the curse is made up to deceive the American public 😂
1:23 but I can't read it on my phone.
Watching in 240p so I cant
“I want a piece because I want to prove to you...” bruh I’m dead 😭
I just absolutely love the headline "Ancient Scroll Found"
"These ghosts have been screwing with capitalism!"
Lmao!
This is so well produced and these jokes aged so well.
If onion reposted these news videos they'd be a hit
I love the panel!
I just read the title and cracked up
I alway watch a second time to read the scrolling text on the bottom!
Keep it up ONN!
I love how The Onion isn't afraid to poke fun at EVERYTHING!
I love how the video titles are always just long enough that you can't tell if it's serious until you click on it and get the full title
Hahaha. What was Clifford Banes' excuse this time?
I think he was the candle stick in beauty and the beast the musical or something
I can't believe the "Drowning Man" festival reference at the end was actually prophetic 🤣🤣🤣The Onion is truly timeless. (For future readers, the Burning Man festival was flooded in 2023)
Wow that quip at the end about the drowning man festival- that aged….
9 years too early. 2020 is the year the Indian burial grounds came back to haunt us.
I wonder how many takes The Onion needs to make this perfection without breaking.
"200 were lost at sea during this year's Drowning Man festival"
"National Weather Service to begin also tracking, naming really nice summer days"
Lost it when they showed the picture of them holding up the scroll and saw velma
we all just want a piece of the placenta, that explains it all....
"He's set to make a trip behind the old cave in Montecello this week." Was that a 'Count of Monte Cristo' reference? It was, I believe, a cave where the priest Edward Dantes was locked up next to, told him to dig to find his wealth.
Seriously, the combination of the subject, the Scooby reference, and Danny77uk's comment makes this one of the most epic Onion articles of all time
Adore how it swerves into scooby doo randomly and ends with something totally unrelated to the setup. The placenta is so so good i chuckle every time she pulls it out.
Hahhahhahaha omg I lost it at ‘old man greenspan’
@TheGodOfPegana
Wow , I didn't think anyone would answer that and in such detail.
Tyvm man.
Cheers:)
"Where exactly are the indian burial grounds?"
"I marked the areas in red, Sir."
"But its ALL red!?"
"Yeaah i knoww"
What the hell is up with the possessed cat in that newspaper clip?!? LOL
Funny! My two favorites: 'Obama as soft on poltergeists!' and 'This year's Drowning Man Festival'.
they wrote a whole ass article about the scroll. the dedication is unmatched.
"Sentient fire alarm hates to wake you up, but there may be a fire, maybe not, but he'd hate not to atleast give you a heads up!"
I like how the onion was able to parody American politics and Americans response to the financial crisis. Without, going over 3 minutes.
the Onion always kicks in the extra point with their "in other news" gags.
"This is ridiculous. There has to be a logical, scientific explanation for the economy's collapse."
"No can find it."
He said “No one can find it”
@@winxwest2964 🤣🤣 Just saw the typo. 🤣 Guess I thought she was a caveman or something. 🤣
I love how real they make these videos
old man greenspan!! best part.
And he woulda gotten away with it too if it wasn't for them meddling kids and their talking dog!
Old man Greenspan? Priceless!
Love the crossover from Jason Copeland to In The Know. Also break a leg as Lumiere, Clifford Baines! Let's chip in and get him some flowers.
The depressing thing is that this is literally true.
It is true.
Every country is built on the corpses of old dead humans.
It... isn't. There are not, in fact, poltergeists cursing the economy.
@@Resi1ience then explain our president. You think a poltergeist knows what humans of today are?
@@Resi1ience sounds like something a poltergeist would say
I almost went to 2011 Drowning Man festival… i suppose its all water under the bridge
They are so passionate about this noncence xD
Just like in real life ^_^
The title is actually an 101% truth!
I want a piece of that placenta too.
Lol
0:58, oh my gosh. Is that the private detective from Nathan for You
Dat Scooby Doo reference.
This is the best remake of Poltergeist we'll ever get
This is my favourite excuse for why Clifford Baines isn't there.
I think HR needs to speak to Clifford Baines at this point.
Ahhh I still remember good comedy.
These are priceless !
Can someone explain me the difference between this and a Governor from Texas asking people to pray for rain? I really don't see much difference.
Because unlike the economy, the weather isn't something people have been actively making worse for decades. Oh, wait, never mind.
Oh my god! Real tears 🤣
Old man Greenspan? Are they talking about Alan Greenspan? Cause that's next level funny
Knowing the ONN and thier legendary references and well thought out videos....there's no way it's not about him.
So ahead of its time, Onion my friends!!
"U.S. Built On Ancient Indian Burial" pure comedy gold fucking job well done. I want to give that joke writer a blumpkin
It's so accurate how they're referring to Native Americans as Indiana
Lol that cat
That newspaper is such a fucking amazing bit, I love it
Man, The Onion used to be so damned good...
The Scooby Doo references are killing me lol
lol, it's funny because some of the higher ups actually claim similarly stupid reasons for unrelated problems
Why is bro so loud in the end, somehow makes it funnier
"Republicans believe that the only way to placate the Indian ghosts is by blood offering."
Why do I not only find that not-at-all hard to believe, but also the most realistic sentence in this whole report?
Weather service wants to name really nice summer days. I like that idea actually. Why name all the really bad stuff? A kick ass day or week of good weather should be named. :)
The world doesn't deserve The Onion lmao
The actual text of the newspaper article is basically a bonus video, it's so funny 🤣
Top Kek
There are so many layers to this satire it’s crazy
What's ironic - is that US economy is great and US has been the best country since WWII.
I dont think America is cursee, but actually very much blessed, due to the foundation of the laws coming mostly from the Bible!
Id hate to be the one to tell you this, but most laws didn't actually come from the bible and just came from common sense. It isnt against the law to break the 10 commandments at all
What TaskForge said. In fact the founding fathers specifically implimented separation of church and state laws to stop the bibles "laws" from becoming actual laws.
I mean, the only reason it’s been the best since WWII is because almost every other country on earth was busy rebuilding themselves after the devastation of WWII. I say give it another 10-20 years and the US will be rather insignificant (atleast compared to other giants)
Our three branches of government came from the Bible. That check and balances itself is partly a key to our success.
If you steal, kill, and lie under oath, you are breaking both the commandments and the laws of US.
Both the Bible and Law state that your not guilty unless proven guilty. (This is common sense but most governments corrupt their judicial process by condemning anyone against them. USA is blessed by following the laws and morals from the Bible.
Alot of US laws came from Roman Law, but most of Roman Law came from the first five books of the Old Testament.
The founding fathers were almost all very strong Christians. Many came to USA to practice their reglious beliefs freely. George Washington said its impossible to govern a country without the Bible. The separation of state and church was to ensure politics didn't get involved with the church. Not.. that the laws aren't rooted in the Bible...
On every US currency, it says "In God we Trust" and every upper government official swears upon the Bible.
The separation of church and state does not mean, US is atheist. But we have the ability to practice freely our reglious beliefs.
its in the know! hurray
Fox is the only news station that has a conservative rather than a liberal bias.
Perhaps CNN is more unbiased, but I'd take some convincing. I'm not saying Fox News is good, ideally news broadcasters should have no bias. But without Fox, there'd be no second voice in news at all.
RT has a conservative bias.
Santa Anna We don’t. Take BBC any day.
I wonder if this would have been better served as a 30 second part. It's a fantastic one-liner, and the writing is fine but maybe it just worked better at the time.
Why does this video sound saner than Trump's whitehouse??? 😮😆
r/bittheonion
You do realise this is a satirical news channel
probably because you're delusional
Oh jeeeeez (read in mr garrisons voice)
don't even have audio right now, just came to click like and i'll be back later. unreal concept.