Im that teen who won’t talk and to my defense, it’s just hard for me to open up and be vulnerable with a stranger. I have severe trust issues and social anxiety so it will take a while before I ever get vulnerable with anyone. When I was 15 (2 years ago), my therapist thought I was doing good so they discharged me, but I lied about my life so that they would. Also the fear of speaking up about my issues and them telling my parents absolutely terrifies me. They don’t know what my parents are capable of, and I don’t mean it in an physical abusing way, but more of an emotional way. Plus I’m just waiting until I turn 18 to find my own therapist, and finally be “free”. I feel like my current one isn’t a great match for me. Also I’ve told my parents but they don’t care, so they’re forcing me to stay with them. Also, therapy will NOT work if you don’t want to get better. :)
Getting therapy is a consumer activity. You need to shop around and try to find the therapist that you can click with! Also a lot can change in a two year period, so don't worry about returning to therapy. Many people go to therapy on and off throughout their life. But most important, you want to find that therapist that you feel comfortable with. If you haven't found that therapist ,yet, keep shopping!
Thanks! I'm a counselor and have had issues with counseling my teens, but they love me for some reason! Thanks for some more tools to add to my toolbox!
I’m so glad I found this channel. Therapist here about two years post degree and man - if I had a dollar for every time I heard “I don’t know” - I’ve been binging your videos to help me work with my teens and kiddos.
Thank you so much for this fantastic comment. I am so glad my videos can help you in anyway I'm editing one right now about using body mapping to help people with anxiety. Take care Quenby
I know this is an older video, but it was SPOT on and so helpful for me! One activity I came up with for building rapport with teens is sharing music. If the teen is into music, ask them about a song on their playlist they would like to share. Then listen to it between sessions and explore at the next session. I use this to help them think about how they FEEL when listening. It's been incredibly helpful. Thanks again!!!
I use music as well but at the end of the sessions. It really helps to regulate their emotions more especially if the session was really deep and intense for them.
You are EXACTLY RIGHT. I have another video all about building the rapport and relationship which is the #1 priority, in my opinion, with teen in the 1st few session. Quenby
My therapist at Kentucky counseling center opened up my cult family's Pandora's box. I thought my mommy and daddy were just different. In retrospect, they were some kind of psychonaults. My parents were the conniving, angry type. She opened me up to new worlds in 2 weeks!
I am grateful for the grateful therapist! I am a beginning counselor and I have found your videos and resources to be so helpful!💗 thank you so much for sharing!
Your videos are so helpful, thank you so much for sharing this free content with us. I feel like I'm stealing and I should be paying for this information. Lol I appreciate you.
I work with LGBTQ and trans teenagers in SoCal and I get plenty of folks who are sloooowww to warm up or very resistant to therapy. Loved this video. Great reminders!
I’m having a tough time with a 13 yo client because I feel like his mom’s presence makes him uncomfortable and not want to talk. The mom seems adamant that she be there. How would you handle a situation like that? I feel like if I ask the mom to leave, she will get defensive.
If I were in that situation, I would be honest and transparent and say that in my professional opinion, the teen would be better served in individual counseling for the time being. I would say that I think the teen would open up and talk more and feel less pressure one to one. It is a clinical professional assessment and not personal to mom. As professionals, this is our job, to do what is best for our clients. Thanks! Quenby
Hi! New subscriber, working with teens for just a few months now. Your tip at 2:15 establishing rapport, taking it slow with teen clients, especially if they’re hesitant to therapy and don’t like talking…you said the first couple of a sessions…are there some teens that may need more than 2 sessions to build trust and begin to open up before we dive into the work of therapy? If it takes 3-5 sessions is that indicative that they’re not connecting with you and might need another therapist? Thank you!
Good question. I think every kid is different, so I don't want to put an exact number on it. Some kids take longer to warm up or to build trust, depending on their unique past experiences. That said, if you don't feel you are connecting and building a relationship, I would talk about it directly with the teen. Thanks Quenby
You would make the best counselor or support person to a teen because teens can recognize those who had hard times as a teen THEY KNOW YOU GET IT and that is everything. xoxooxox Q
Hi I am not a teen yet. I'm a preteen. My mother insists I go to therepy for my anger issues. Just the fact that you would be telling the therepist things that you have never told anyone else I am also scared that the therepist would judge me
If you are open to it, maybe therapy could help you. My best tip is to find a therapist you fell comfortable with. You might have to try a few until you find a good fit. It is okay to talk to your mother about this so she knows what you are looking for and that you want a good fit and you are not just rejecting the idea of therapy. Therapist are trained not to judge you and to support you and be curious about how you see the world. . You can tell your therapist that you are afraid of this so you can talk about it. I hope it works out for you. Thank you
Yknow when I went to counseling with my mom I personally thought that I was talking or opening up. The councilor said to my mother behind my back that i wasnt. I think the reason for that was that I've never told anyone what I was feeling except for myself in like a notes app. I dont think thats normal.
Definitly going to implement art therapy . But what if they are still giving one word answers, how can you pull more out of them while not intimidating them ?
Build the relationship. Build the trust. When they feel truly comfortable, they will share more. Also be wiling to address trust issues and if they are reluctant to do therapy, be willing to talk about that too. Take your time. Don't push them. Best of luck Thanks Quenby
I'm ready to do anything but my depressed teen other than taking meds us not ready to do anything else other than gaming all day long. Therapist commented he doesn't open up much although my child narrated all incidents that upset in the past.
Did you see my video on how to treat depression without meds? He might need a different therapist that he connects more with if it's been more than a few sessions and he is not opening up. Most of the teen boys are gaming all day these days. He might benefit from some limits on that. Wish you the best with him.
I really appreciate the videos, but I have a few teen clients who refuse to engage. I have tried the question cards and their responses to ALL questions are “I don’t know / I’m not sure / Maybe / No,” etc. It is incredibly challenging for this new therapist.
Are the teens you work with REQUIRED to be there? I do not see teens who are mandated, so that helps me as a therapist. I have seen many many kids who start out reluctant and we work through it together. Some have gone from Hating Therapy to referring their friends to therapy. Do you do art or anything other than talk? I try to find which modality is going to work best for a teen, art, writing, talking, games, etc. I could go on and on, but I do wish you the best and you will gain more and more skills and confidence the more you work the teens. Thanks!
@@thegratefultherapist Yes, 85% of my clients are in foster care and therapy is mandated by a caseworker. They have so little control in their lives so I’m just another annoying thing they are required to do. I invested in lots of art supplies which helps, but many clients say “I hate this and I’m not going to talk to you.” It’s honestly making me re-think my career choice 😞
@jdtv7162 I hate to hear that. That is super frustrating. One thing I learned (of many) from my fantastic clinical supervisor is to ask yourself 3 questions: 1) is this the right client population for me? 2) is this the right organization for me? 3) is this the right field for me? Sometimes it is just not a good fit where or with whom you're working. I can only suggest finding ways you can focus on rapport and setting yourself apart from every other adult in their life. Feeling heard, being seen and aligning with them best you can. E.g. "I know this wasn't your idea to come to therapy, but if you're gonna try it out, what do you want out of this experience/how could I help you, you think?" Also get creative at working around "idk" - what keeps you from knowing? What would it be like to know? What do you wish you could know about this? It gets easier! Best of luck 😊👍🏻
Same. Most my clients aren't mandated, but still, it is so frustrating when you do all the things and it's still met with those one word answers 🤦♀️ I keep telling myself I only just started in this field and to be patient with myself as I continue to learn. We can do this 💪
Do you think it’s okay to do the question cards for more than one session? I’ve done this twice in a row with a client and I’m still struggling to build the rapport. He’s also a virtual client so I can’t do many hands on activities. Are there any online resources?
My best tip is to ask your client to talk about what they are interested in to build rapport. Be very curious and ask lots of questions. I did this with a new client this week and learned all about the video games he loves. Also, Most activities can be converted for tele-health. Just ask the parent to have the teen be prepared with the needed supplies such as paper, markers etc.. Send a supply list a few days b4 session. Let me know how it goes.
I understand why some parents insist on therapy for teens, often they do need the support of therapy, but I personally do not accept mandated kids because my experience tells me that therapy is not successful with kids who are forced into it . Thanks, Quenby
Hello If someone repeats this several times a day for three months, you are a dumb, stupid, stupid person The listener believes that he has these characteristics In this case, how can you discard this belief? And believe that he is smart! My self-confidence is destroyed I think I'm dumb, I stopped doing everything, even studying It's bothering me a lot that my sister fights every day several times a day for two to three months and she calls me a dumb idiot. Really, my self-confidence is the only thing I lost.
Im that teen who won’t talk and to my defense, it’s just hard for me to open up and be vulnerable with a stranger. I have severe trust issues and social anxiety so it will take a while before I ever get vulnerable with anyone.
When I was 15 (2 years ago), my therapist thought I was doing good so they discharged me, but I lied about my life so that they would.
Also the fear of speaking up about my issues and them telling my parents absolutely terrifies me. They don’t know what my parents are capable of, and I don’t mean it in an physical abusing way, but more of an emotional way.
Plus I’m just waiting until I turn 18 to find my own therapist, and finally be “free”. I feel like my current one isn’t a great match for me. Also I’ve told my parents but they don’t care, so they’re forcing me to stay with them.
Also, therapy will NOT work if you don’t want to get better. :)
Getting therapy is a consumer activity. You need to shop around and try to find the therapist that you can click with! Also a lot can change in a two year period, so don't worry about returning to therapy. Many people go to therapy on and off throughout their life. But most important, you want to find that therapist that you feel comfortable with. If you haven't found that therapist ,yet, keep shopping!
Thanks! I'm a counselor and have had issues with counseling my teens, but they love me for some reason! Thanks for some more tools to add to my toolbox!
I’m so glad I found this channel. Therapist here about two years post degree and man - if I had a dollar for every time I heard “I don’t know” - I’ve been binging your videos to help me work with my teens and kiddos.
Thank you so much for this fantastic comment. I am so glad my videos can help you in anyway I'm editing one right now about using body mapping to help people with anxiety. Take care Quenby
I’m an intern and this is my life right now . . . I’m so glad I found this video🙏🏼♥️
I know this is an older video, but it was SPOT on and so helpful for me! One activity I came up with for building rapport with teens is sharing music. If the teen is into music, ask them about a song on their playlist they would like to share. Then listen to it between sessions and explore at the next session. I use this to help them think about how they FEEL when listening. It's been incredibly helpful. Thanks again!!!
That is fantastic and I appreciate you sharing it in the comments so others can learn from you! Thank you Quenby
I use music as well but at the end of the sessions. It really helps to regulate their emotions more especially if the session was really deep and intense for them.
These are such great ideas. I am a trainee therapist and its hard to come up with activities for teens that are not too juvenile
This video is helpful for my upcoming OJT! I need to prepare myself to handle clients (mostly teens).
Will you please make a video about how to work with resistant teens over Telehealth? I find it to be so much harder than in person
I can really relate to this.
Building rapport is so important! I often like to have teenagers teach me about their interests. I also made sure to subscribe :)
You are EXACTLY RIGHT. I have another video all about building the rapport and relationship which is the #1 priority, in my opinion, with teen in the 1st few session. Quenby
Very insightful and helpful. These are very creative ways to interact and break the ice with teens!
Yes i do have a lot question to say
This is very Interesante and helpful topic.
I have a full afternoon of teen and preteen clients today and just found your channel!! Thank you!! ❤
My therapist at Kentucky counseling center opened up my cult family's Pandora's box. I thought my mommy and daddy were just different. In retrospect, they were some kind of psychonaults.
My parents were the conniving, angry type. She opened me up to new worlds in 2 weeks!
Thks for being so generous!!!, a big hug from Ecuador South America
Oh cool! Our community is now international. Thank you
I am grateful for the grateful therapist! I am a beginning counselor and I have found your videos and resources to be so helpful!💗 thank you so much for sharing!
muy bien me gustó , tengo un paciente que no habla casi nada solo dice "sí , no" tus videos son muy excelentes gracias
Thank You Gracias. xo Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist de nada God bless you have a good day... cuidate mucho
Your videos are so helpful, thank you so much for sharing this free content with us. I feel like I'm stealing and I should be paying for this information. Lol I appreciate you.
Very creative tools and ways thank you for the sharing
You are very welcome Glad it was helpful! Thank you, Quenby
I work with LGBTQ and trans teenagers in SoCal and I get plenty of folks who are sloooowww to warm up or very resistant to therapy. Loved this video. Great reminders!
Thank you so much! I'm in Nor Cal. Quenby
Yaaaayyyy another video on this channel!!!
Hi Hun, great to see you here. xo Quenby
Yeah. It is so useful topic❤
This was extremely helpful
I am so glad it helped you!
I just bought your cards. Looking forward to using them. :)
OH fantastic. Let me know what other videos or tools would be helpuful to you. Quenby
I’m having a tough time with a 13 yo client because I feel like his mom’s presence makes him uncomfortable and not want to talk. The mom seems adamant that she be there. How would you handle a situation like that? I feel like if I ask the mom to leave, she will get defensive.
If I were in that situation, I would be honest and transparent and say that in my professional opinion, the teen would be better served in individual counseling for the time being. I would say that I think the teen would open up and talk more and feel less pressure one to one. It is a clinical professional assessment and not personal to mom. As professionals, this is our job, to do what is best for our clients. Thanks! Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist thank you 🙏 this helps a lot.
Great tips and interventions 👌 love watching your videos . X
Thanks so much! 😊 I appreciate you letting me know. Thanks Quenby
You are amazing!!!
You are AMAZING too! Xo Quenby
Thank you for this video!
Really helpful video! Thanks for your insight and wisdom. ❤
Hello
Lot of good information in your videos can you please enable transcripts.
Thank you so much. This video was very informative. I'm excited to apply a few of these into my sessions.
I am so happy this video was helpful. Thank you!
Thank you
THIS IS JUST BRILLIANT! Thank you so much!
really useful ideas and tips that can be used straight away :)
Hey there. I just watched this video from Jerusalem Israel. And I really liked it. Thanks for putting it up there.
New therapist I help improve my therapy work
Thank you, glad it was helpful! Quenby
You're amazing 😇
Excellent 👍👍
Thank you I appreciate your comment xo Quenby
Honor them, Have them write
bought them
Thank you so much I hope you find the cards helpful. xo Quenby
Hi! New subscriber, working with teens for just a few months now. Your tip at 2:15 establishing rapport, taking it slow with teen clients, especially if they’re hesitant to therapy and don’t like talking…you said the first couple of a sessions…are there some teens that may need more than 2 sessions to build trust and begin to open up before we dive into the work of therapy? If it takes 3-5 sessions is that indicative that they’re not connecting with you and might need another therapist? Thank you!
Good question. I think every kid is different, so I don't want to put an exact number on it. Some kids take longer to warm up or to build trust, depending on their unique past experiences. That said, if you don't feel you are connecting and building a relationship, I would talk about it directly with the teen. Thanks Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist thank you so much for your feedback. I am *loving* your channel.
Hello Beautiful Quenby 💜🥰 I Was That Teenager 😉 I Felt That I Was Just Another Client To Them. As I'm Older I Know That It Was To My Detriment 😢
You would make the best counselor or support person to a teen because teens can recognize those who had hard times as a teen THEY KNOW YOU GET IT and that is everything. xoxooxox Q
What would you do to figure out if they are being scripted by a parent? Especially when “family therapy” is court mandated?
I need all of your videos lmao I feel so lost right now
Now I wish I had gone to therapy when my mom tried to take me
Well this is the best comment ever. Yes, therapy is good. Therapy works. Just find a therapist you connect with who is authentic. Quenby
Hi
I am not a teen yet. I'm a preteen. My mother insists I go to therepy for my anger issues. Just the fact that you would be telling the therepist things that you have never told anyone else
I am also scared that the therepist would judge me
If you are open to it, maybe therapy could help you. My best tip is to find a therapist you fell comfortable with. You might have to try a few until you find a good fit. It is okay to talk to your mother about this so she knows what you are looking for and that you want a good fit and you are not just rejecting the idea of therapy. Therapist are trained not to judge you and to support you and be curious about how you see the world. . You can tell your therapist that you are afraid of this so you can talk about it. I hope it works out for you. Thank you
@kailashmendiratta6178 omg samee my mom also wants me to go to counselling for my anger issues and also social anxiety
Thanks so much for this!
Off-topic, but do you recommend any books for teens interested in and wanting to get into counseling?
Hello, have you made a similar video for preteen children ages 10-12? It is this age which is also challenging to work with.
I have not made a pre-teen video but the suggestions would be the same. Thank you!
Yknow when I went to counseling with my mom I personally thought that I was talking or opening up. The councilor said to my mother behind my back that i wasnt. I think the reason for that was that I've never told anyone what I was feeling except for myself in like a notes app. I dont think thats normal.
Journaling is very normal! But it’s very healthy to share when you’re comfortable.
I also do the same I think everyone should have a personal diary to write about their feelings
Definitly going to implement art therapy . But what if they are still giving one word answers, how can you pull more out of them while not intimidating them ?
Build the relationship. Build the trust. When they feel truly comfortable, they will share more. Also be wiling to address trust issues and if they are reluctant to do therapy, be willing to talk about that too. Take your time. Don't push them. Best of luck Thanks Quenby
I'm ready to do anything but my depressed teen other than taking meds us not ready to do anything else other than gaming all day long. Therapist commented he doesn't open up much although my child narrated all incidents that upset in the past.
Did you see my video on how to treat depression without meds? He might need a different therapist that he connects more with if it's been more than a few sessions and he is not opening up. Most of the teen boys are gaming all day these days. He might benefit from some limits on that. Wish you the best with him.
Hi there, the teen question cards say “sold out” on Etsy?
Thank you so much for alerting me. I just renewed the listing
Wonderful thank you!!
Could you help me out with the link for the etsy store? I don't find it in the comment section. Thank you 🌺🍀
Yes here is the link to my therapist etsy shop
www.etsy.com/shop/TheGratefulTherapist#
Hi, I don't see the link to the question cards.
All new
Where did you get your top?
This is a Jonny Was Brand. I bought it on Poshmark
@@thegratefultherapist thank you :0 and also, thanks for your videos. They are very helpful!
I really appreciate the videos, but I have a few teen clients who refuse to engage. I have tried the question cards and their responses to ALL questions are “I don’t know / I’m not sure / Maybe / No,” etc. It is incredibly challenging for this new therapist.
Are the teens you work with REQUIRED to be there? I do not see teens who are mandated, so that helps me as a therapist. I have seen many many kids who start out reluctant and we work through it together. Some have gone from Hating Therapy to referring their friends to therapy. Do you do art or anything other than talk? I try to find which modality is going to work best for a teen, art, writing, talking, games, etc. I could go on and on, but I do wish you the best and you will gain more and more skills and confidence the more you work the teens. Thanks!
@@thegratefultherapist Yes, 85% of my clients are in foster care and therapy is mandated by a caseworker. They have so little control in their lives so I’m just another annoying thing they are required to do. I invested in lots of art supplies which helps, but many clients say “I hate this and I’m not going to talk to you.” It’s honestly making me re-think my career choice 😞
@jdtv7162 I hate to hear that. That is super frustrating. One thing I learned (of many) from my fantastic clinical supervisor is to ask yourself 3 questions: 1) is this the right client population for me? 2) is this the right organization for me? 3) is this the right field for me? Sometimes it is just not a good fit where or with whom you're working. I can only suggest finding ways you can focus on rapport and setting yourself apart from every other adult in their life. Feeling heard, being seen and aligning with them best you can. E.g. "I know this wasn't your idea to come to therapy, but if you're gonna try it out, what do you want out of this experience/how could I help you, you think?" Also get creative at working around "idk" - what keeps you from knowing? What would it be like to know? What do you wish you could know about this? It gets easier! Best of luck 😊👍🏻
Same. Most my clients aren't mandated, but still, it is so frustrating when you do all the things and it's still met with those one word answers 🤦♀️ I keep telling myself I only just started in this field and to be patient with myself as I continue to learn. We can do this 💪
So what do you do if the kid refuses anything
Do you think it’s okay to do the question cards for more than one session? I’ve done this twice in a row with a client and I’m still struggling to build the rapport. He’s also a virtual client so I can’t do many hands on activities. Are there any online resources?
My best tip is to ask your client to talk about what they are interested in to build rapport. Be very curious and ask lots of questions. I did this with a new client this week and learned all about the video games he loves. Also, Most activities can be converted for tele-health. Just ask the parent to have the teen be prepared with the needed supplies such as paper, markers etc.. Send a supply list a few days b4 session. Let me know how it goes.
But why force people to go ?
I understand why some parents insist on therapy for teens, often they do need the support of therapy, but I personally do not accept mandated kids because my experience tells me that therapy is not successful with kids who are forced into it . Thanks, Quenby
No i am not a dr at all caregiver is my give:;;;;;;;;;;;
Hello
If someone repeats this several times a day for three months, you are a dumb, stupid, stupid person
The listener believes that he has these characteristics
In this case, how can you discard this belief?
And believe that he is smart!
My self-confidence is destroyed
I think I'm dumb, I stopped doing everything, even studying
It's bothering me a lot that my sister fights every day several times a day for two to three months and she calls me a dumb idiot. Really, my self-confidence is the only thing I lost.
That clicking sound is super distracting to the video