When I hear that I can't help feel like you should probably have a better excuse because otherwise I feel that the person making this statement has lost all joy in life. Edit: This is thinking in the context of your neighbor's very young kids crashing your kids party. What I feel is important to understand is whether they are actually friends with your kid. I don't know, denying kids joy feels like a moral failing to me.
@@madhuguru3130 half of growing up is learning boundaries and being disappointed when things go wrong. I would have let the kids stay, if there was enough food, and if I knew them even in passing. That said, everyone is allowed their own boundaries and kids will need to learn them. The moral failing is on the part of the neighbors. Been alive a good long while, and held MANY kids birthdays, and never had a single crasher (though we have invited some in)
@@madhuguru3130 ah yes, let's let every kid do whatever they want, because saying "no" and teaching kids to respect healthy boundaries is "morally failing"
Everybody in this thread is being insufferable tbh. There's nuance. Personally, I'd prefer to live in a society where people have better relationships with their neighbors than what we currently have... Community is nonexistent in western society. HOWEVER, with that in mind, since your neighbors are basically strangers it is weird for them to crash your kids birthday party uninvited, so I don't blame the OP for being agitated. If you're in a situation where your neighbors are well-known, then they'd qualify as family friends anyway. But again, in an ideal system a birthday party would definitely be a "community event," unless the kid themself was very introverted and wanted something more private... But this would go both ways and the community would be expected to pitch in and bring gifts or help to get the catering, not burdening everything onto the birthday kids parents if you're taking an "it takes a village" approach. I will agree with the person who said that this is a sign of being joyless, as I feel like inviting random kids is more permissible than inviting random adults (not sure why the adults even wanted to come if I'm being completely honest).
2nd story. It's weird that he didn't mention the fact that they have a 7 year old that she watches, almost as if he was trying to portray his wife as lazy or something.
I love how he assumes she has nothing to do at all for/with their child once the child is off to school. Who gets the kid up, dressed, ready, makes sure they have everything they need, has eaten food, and is on time for that bus if he's working 7-7. It's most likely her, since she's the 'stay at home wife'. Honestly Stay at Home Parenting and Household Management/Maintenance is easily 90k$ a year worth of labor.
@@MakoKittenThat’s along the lines of what I was thinking too, plus staying at home isn’t only cleaning it’s also making sure things stay in stock like food or toilet paper, also maintaining the house like if a cabinet handle got loose and you needed to fix it who knows how many situations like popped up.
Plus the fact that you don’t just clock off as a parent. Sure the kid isn’t there during the day during term time but you have to help them transition from a busy day at school into the home routine, deal with any emotional things that come up as your child learns to navigate life plus all the regular care responsibilities, and that doesn’t suddenly turn off when they go to bed. Sometimes they have a bad dream and get up in the night. Many nights they don’t but you are still half expecting them to or you are worried about something they are going through so you can never completely relax. Where as is often (though not always) the case that the partner goes to work, probably works hard but then gets to basically “clock out” mentally once the work day is done while she never feels completely off the clock. Saying that she only has to watch their daughter for two hours a day is very dismissive of the mental load going on.
that second story was kind of dumb all around, I agree that a lack of communitcation existed between the two of them, maybe she was not clear, but at the same time not cool to belittle her. And if he owns a firm I have the feeling he could pay for a housekeeper, if not everyday, 3 times a week or once a week just to do the heavier tasks, if he didn't feel like helping, which in part I get it if you work 12h. Just hire a house keeper, so easy to fix.
Another thing about the first story is that the neighbors children were there but not the parents. So they were just expecting other people to look after their children, without even informing anyone or asking if those children could be there.
Yeah, trying to foist their kids. off on other adults. Suppose the kids had had an allergic reaction or something??!! You can bet they would have tried to hold the OP liable. That's another thing. They are careless of their kids and would be the first to scream bloody murder if something happened. Can't trust people like that on your property.
Also, maybe I'm just hyperaware of allergies because I have severe food allergies, but I would not be comfortable feeding a strange child in case they had allergies. Also, whatever happened to teaching kids not to accept food from strangers?
@maggieavilla1336 exactly. Boundaries and social rules are important and those kids are obviously not learning them at home, they need to learn them somewhere, unfortunately
What irks me is that in the second story, the guy calls his wife a "stay at home wife" and not a "stay at home mom." Just because your child is at school doesn't mean they aren't your child. Plus, even if she's only with the daughter for 2 hours, that doesn't change the fact that she is a legal guardian of the child. Argh. That's like saying that you don't own a car because it's with a valet.
Also the fact that even when he is home with the kid, she still could be doing everything (that’s how my parents were so it is very possible for other stay at home moms to have it pushed onto them)
Also, for my kid, the extra curricular activities actually require me to either be with my kid, or provide transportation when she is older. That means that I am busy with her stuff.
no its more because stay at home mom is more like a verb than a noun in this case because there refering to a mum staying home and taking care of the child
Purposefully not calling your wife, who you have a child with, a mom because the child goes to school is so heartless. He’s doing the same thing with hobby/job language choice. Choosing hurtful language is just mean.
Also, isn't their kid 7? That means it's only been the past few years that the kid has been going to school - before that his wife had "mom time" ALL DAY EVERY DAY.
I think you guys misunderstood. (I think) He was calling her a 'stay-at-home wife', instead of 'stay-at-home mother' because they are both home for 90% of the time the child is at home. Sure, you're a mother, but you aren't 'mothering' all day; You're 'wife-ing'. There is a difference, even if only pedantically.
@cloudsteele1989 but she is taking care of the kid's laundry and cleaning the house for the whole family. There is nothing that is exclusive to being a wife . She probably runs more errands for her child than her husband. And she probably spends more time in a working day with her kid than her husband. Why is someone not considered a stay at home mother if they don't spend a certain amount of time with them in a work day but to be a stay at home wife you don't have to spend any time with your husband within a work day. It logically doesn't make sense. In this case stay at home wife isnt actually being used to mean stay at home wife, its being used because the husband purposely doesn't want to give her too much credit, (when in reality she does probably have a lot more work to do than a stay at home wife). I think you and ops husband aren't taking into account the errand that need to be run to look after a child (e.g. laundry, school events/ paperwork, lunch) beyond just taking care of the child directly
I am losing my mind at the man trying to roast his wife for trying to publish a book while he cannot construct a sentence to save his life. The only firm that man should own is a Mattress Firm, goddamn
Regarding the second story; just because someone says they’re not mocking someone doesn’t mean that they aren’t. Lots of people will say they’re not doing the thing in order to deflect. It honestly sounded to me like he was absolutely belittling her aspirations. Rich for a guy who seems like he can barely write himself.
exactly what i was thinking too. it’s like when bullies say “not to be mean but…” and then they mention your biggest insecurity. also i am concerned by the fact that that man owns a firm, yet his writing is… that horrible. he literally can’t use basic grammar.
Story 2: I was kinda on op side until we learned they had a child. She is NOT a mom for only 2 hours a day. She isn't a stay at home wife, she is a stay at home mom, regardless of the school schedule.
Right!! The fact that people were saying he's not the AH because there are "no kids involved"? Yes, that kid is not home for most of the day. But when they get home...messes are made.
@@allysonallred3810also if the OP is gonna factor into his schedule an hour commute both ways for his 7 am to 7 pm schedule, the same applies to the mom (presumably) dropping their kid off for 7:30 as part of parenting their child. Taking you kid to school or at least getting them ready is parenting your kid. And regardless any family housework she does, packing or not is still parenting their kid. Edit: and the guy seems to not be interested in parenting
@@splish8869 yes! Not only dealing with the commute to school but the extra curriculars after school which OP factored in as extra time the child is away. Those extracurriculars still have a burden on her.
Doesn't change the fact that he's working long hours and she's so lazy she can't do a little house work because "muh writing." Responsible adults prioritize their responsibilities. No way she wouldn't have any time to write after taking care of them.
You gave OP #2 too much benefit of the doubt. The fact that he didn't mention upfront about how they have a 7-year-old is sketchy af. He thinks, because his wife is only alone with the kid for two hours a day, therefore she is not a stay-at-home-mom? This man has NO IDEA how much work it is to parent a child, probably because he doesn't do any of the parenting.
FOR REAL. it's so clear he devalues and takes for granted what she does. cooking and cleaning ARE super labour and time-intensive activities, but she likely ALSO takes care of so much scheduling, appointments, running errands, keeping track of family obligations, and maintaining important connections. plus, im willing to bet, doing plenty of emotional labour for him (given his seeming interpersonal ineptitude), and of COURSE their daughter who they should both be involved in nurturing socially and emotionally. the vibes from that #2 guy are just ABYSMAL ew !!!!!!
Thank 👏🏽 you 👏🏽 I was so puzzled why this just got skated over. Prep, care, and cleaning after a child isn't only done when they are directly underfoot. We can tell that ALL emotional labor, on top of household labor, is done by his wife by that late addition to his story. I guess only paid labor counts as "work," though, huh?
@@clegs8356lol I love how much stretching you have to do to tryto validate your point. "She likely does all this stuff, I have zero evidence but CLEARLY she's doing all of this stuff because I decided so" what are you even talking about, what youre saying is complete bs lmao
i’ve been in this situation. “i’m sorry, sweetie…..you weren’t invited, and i don’t have enough for extra people. you have to go home.” because wtf? my son would never do that, and if your parents won’t teach you not to invite yourself places, i will.
Second story guy is the AH. She's trying to create a career and he's not taking into account getting their daughter up, dressed, fed, lunch made, sent off to school, and more just around the child. She has a degree and wants to put it to use. I highly doubt her house is in so much disarray because she's writing and he's capable of helping if he's home at 5-6.. he put her down so much because he wants her to act like his mom but cleaning up after 1 person is different than cleaning a whole house up after multiple people and it takes longer. She's allowed to pursue her career of choice without acting like his mommy and taking care of everything for him without help.
@@Ellie-rx3jt She didn’t change her lifestyle though? She’s still doing her job as a mother, taking care of her child and such. Writing isn’t really a lifestyle change… If he decides to get a divorce though, good riddance! He doesn’t view his wife as a mother, he wants his wife to BE his mother.
@@weirdreapr she did change the lifestyle. If he is doing what is expected of him and she isnt meeting her side of the bargain, especially without discussion beforehand she is the ahole .
@@weirdreaprShe didnt meet her side of their arrangement and didnt try to discuss with him before switching up. She is the ahole simply because they didnt discuss.
@leisurelyleisuring he doesn't mention the child until later. He counts his commute for his work day but doesn't count his wife's. She gets the kid ready and takes them to the bus or school. What extracurricular activities is she doing at school that is 5 days a week for a second grader? Who takes that child to said activities and/or picks them up? Who likely has to stay at the place of the activities because at 7, mom is waiting in another room usually while the kid does their dance, gymnastics, or sports ball.
for the second one i find it so weird that people were saying ‘writers don’t quit their day job until after their book makes money’ then say that her housewifeness constitutes a job. Because NEITHER housewifing or writing a first book makes money, so according to OPs logic either they should both be considered jobs or both be considered hobbies.
that one especially had some weird takes in there, but i do think Daniel had the best nuanced handle of it. whether or not something is a "job" is unnecessary semantics and doesn't get anyone anywhere, it just makes people angry. people who focus on stuff like that in arguments really piss me off -- the "i'm not BELITTLING you, i'm just saying what's TRUE" card gets old very, very fast and i wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't the first time OP pulled that on his wife. it doesn't matter what makes a job, what matters is what makes a functioning family and happy partners.
@@ephemeris9432the husband explicitly dismissed her role as mother because she doesn't watch the kid 24/7. Like what, being a mother or not isn't decided by a certain daily routine. He is a massive assface for the way he talks about his wife
I get what you mean, but I do think there is a distinction - To me, chores, making money, raising the kids, etc. are shared household needs, and necessary to survive. However those tasks get handled is fine, but it MUST be done. Pursuing a new career, learning a skill, going to school, enjoying an actual hobby, etc. all go towards maintaining a happy life, not just meeting the bare requirements to survive, so it's still very important, but it's not part of shared responsibilities the way finances, chores, and raising children are. I would, for that reason, consider doing the chores separate from a hobby. However, I think it's really important as someone who's part of a relationship to support your partner, and sometimes that may even mean that you have an imbalance in the household workload for a while. It's just about communicating it so that it works for both people in the relationship, in my opinion.
Also it sounded like she just started it, not that it took a long time and nothing came of it, so it could've worked out, if they just communicated expectations maybe were a bit lax for a bit about cleaning and then figure it out
Referring to your partner as a "stay-at-home wife," belittling a creative venture she is excited about, then trashing her on Reddit is not a good look. While I agree she should be keeping up with the housework if that was what she and her husband mutually agreed upon, I would not want to be married to that dude.
I keep hearing/reading "if that's what they agreed upon," but agreeing doesn't make her his bound servant. Agreements can be withdrawn and renegotiated. If you read between the lines she probably thought that's what was happening when she told him she's going to write a book.
@@zetizaharaExactly. He talks as though his wife can’t decide that maybe she wants to do something else as well? A lot of people go through phases of life or need some sort of change, even if it’s just adding a side business.
@@Window4503 of course, in that regard he is the asshole, but she is also the asshole for not talking to him about it before she deicided she didn't need to do as much house work anymore
As something of a writer myself, it's more than possible to think on things while doing chores and then write it all out. A bit slower, sure, and you might forget things if you're anything like me, but not entirely mutually exclusive. If it weren't for the inconceivable number of red flags he bears he would _almost_ have something resembling a point. It would still be entirely ruined by the fact he posted it on reddit, but oh well.
Also it’s wild to think Florida=Disney. Florida is as big as the UK. That’s like winning a trip to London and deciding you’re going to spend the entire time in Scotland
There's so much to do in Florida besides theme parks. There's a world-class alligator and crocodilian preserve in St. Augustine, a fortress, some plantation ruins, Cape Canaveral, the Everglades, NASCAR, zip lining, sailing, a thriving art scene, plenty of beaches, great seafood, and literally something for everyone. I wish my family was still welcome there because we loved to vacation there and do all the things.
The kids didn't go over there on their own is the point Daniel was make. If they just showed up, then yes, but their parents specifically told them to go
@@Kitty.ggaall so that means we shouldn’t tell them that it’s a wrong thing to do? Imagine if this was any other scenario, like a parent telling their child to go grab some thing from a neighbors house and walk out. Should the child not be told that stealing is wrong?
@@aduckofsomesort Apples and oranges. Redirect kids yes, but the harshness of the redirection was the issue when that should've been reserved for the parents. Stealing is not comparable to this particular situation. The kids just walked somewhere because their parents said so, they didn't try to take anything
So many people devalue their domestic partners, treating them like slaves while at the same time saying they are lazy or don't deserve a life outside the house (is it a home if you're enslaved?) it is no wonder people are more reluctant than ever to get married and/or bear children. These AITAs make me confident in my decision to never have kids or share a bank account.
second story: kids are emotionally exhausting, and if the kid is 7 and has extracurriculars every single day, she's going to be exhausted and therefore harder to handle every single day, so yeah the husband not calling her a stay at home MOM, despite having to do hours of work that are themselves more intense due to the nature of tired kids, he's tah
why are the reddit comments saying 'writers don't quit their job before publishing'. She didn't stop cleaning the house. She just got behind on the chores and asked him to help? Am I misunderstanding something here?
@@LycanKai14I don't think a lot of the comments were sexist (some would obviously be sexist because it's the internet) it boils down to 2 things. 1. Most people don't know how much effort it takes to be a stay at home parent of any gender. Being a stay at home parent is easily a 12 hour job like his because it entails SO MUCH. 2. Stories like this are flawed because it's only one side of the story. We don't know anything about the wife's motivations or if she had told him she would be behind on the chores prior. He can change the way he says things and twist things slightly in his favour because he is the one telling the story but I'm sure if we heard an objective view of the story not told by the wife or the husband it would be a very different situation. Because of those two things it makes sense people agreed with his side because the post is written by someone who thinks he isn't the ah and read by people who don't understand the wife's job.
@LycanKai14 Okay, let me try this another way. If the roles were reversed and it was a stay at home dad becoming a writer and a career driven woman, would it be sexist towards the man?
@@SnowLily06 The fact that people don't know (or respect) how much effort it takes to be a stay at home parent/partner is an issue of sexism though, regardless who is being affected by that societal bias. It has been historically devalued and disregarded despite being necessary labour because it was a traditionally feminine role filled mostly by women in service to men who essentially owned them, leading to both a lack of knowledge and respect towards the role and the people filling it. The showcasing of that ignorance and those biases are displays of sexism, yes even if it was a husband receiving the same criticisms, though it'd probably be much less apparent since it wouldn't have the added straightforward animosity of being directed towards a woman. I'd say one could make a strong argument the vast majority of the comments agreeing (if not overall tbh, we live in a society after all) were probably sexist because this topic is steeped in traditional gender dynamics, pretty much prompts disrespect by default just to even agree with the OP, and people inevitably tend to speak from their biases on such issues, especially when they're being wrong and shitty. Your conclusion is also kinda silly, saying that because [people are sexist]- paraphrased- and the narrator is biased and unreliable that it makes sense people would agree with him, but we're all raised in the same society broadly speaking and we all read the same story and perfectly well see he was TA about it even if some (wrongly) think he had valid criticisms?? Like personally I think if a conclusion is dependent on being ignorant to easy to obtain knowledge of extremely common everyday things people deal with and sparing zero empathy for those people then it by default cannot "make sense", because they got there through willful, obstinate depravity. It's like saying "Oh well it makes sense Robert set that puppy on fire considering he doesn't care how it feels and he likes setting things on fire.", like technically yeah, that adds up?? Still not a remotely reasonable thing to do?? But idk maybe we're working off very different standards for behavior being sensical. I'd also point out it's usually more of a 24/5-7 job, because it's not like you stop being a parent when you go to sleep or when the partner gets home. A lot of the time if any parenting is needed in the middle of the night, the SAHP still has to deal with it because the other partner "has to work in the morning". This concludes my list of semantics about your one sided argument*, hope you enjoyed my ranting as much as I did. (*YT isn't showing me LycanKai's messages, so I have no idea if they deleted them or if it's that youtube bug where they hide some messages if you're not set to sort by newest and honestly I don't care enough to check.)
That wife using her poor daughter as leverage to get what she wants out of a vacation is really underhanded and extremely unfair to both her husband AND her child. My parents used to do this stuff with us when we were little and all it ever did was cause more turmoil and made us kids feel horrible in the end. No one wins when you use your children to get your way.
I think she thought it was specifically for her and her blabbing is completely not appropriate of her to get her way. And the Disney and Seaworld is bad and the M should be able to pick I mean it’s his won vacation and it’s not for Orlando it’s for FORT MYERS which is around 3 hours is the and back!
My neighbor had a birthday party for her daughter. My son was like four at the time and I told him he couldn’t go because he was not invited. He was sad, but that is what you do as a parent. If you don’t teach your kids to respect boundaries, they won’t learn.
literally the only time the dusters are used in my house is when something is pulled out of the attic / shed or smth … aint NO way op noticed DUST falling behind 😭😭 wth is up with reddit
With the story about a free trip the wife really f'd up everything. For one it wouldn't have been that big of a thing to explain to the kid that they're taking a trip for adults, but now that she made the kid think she was gonna go as well the disappointment is going to be so much bigger. Plus there might've been a chance of them talking it out and taking the daughter with them to this trip, but after what the wife did, the conversation is over and it becomes a much bigger issue. And now if she got what she wanted the trip would be almost ruined even before it started as no one is having fun now.
Finally someone talking about that one. Like judging by her behavior, I can almost guess why she's got a second husband... and hopefully that becomes a second divorce. That dude doesn't deserve all the shit for trying to talk things out first. Communication is really healthy and he seemed to have wanted to take that route. Seems like his wife is not big on communication, and people who cannot just talk things out are people who aren't ready for relationships.
@@nomoretwitterhandles big agree on this one. If you can't talk to your spouse and even worse, do something that you BOTH agree not to do to use a third party (especially a child) as leverage to win an argument is not mature, and I'm just feeling sorry for the kid that has such a bad mother figure in their life
I think its pretty clear the wife told her daughter to try to force his hand and make him do what she wants not only is it really underhanded but its not fair to the kid either what would happen would either be 1 she doesn't get to go and is really upset (understandably so because her mother told her she would get to go) or 2 even if op gave in and let her come its not a trip any of them would enjoy they're hours away from the things she was told she could do and op isnt able to do what he was planning either and also feels invalidated
My thing is if the child was his biological daughter would he really want to leave her at home and have an Adults trip?..... I know parents need their own time but if you have a kid and a free trip you don't want to take them somewhere you may never be able to afford to take them? Honestly this dude wants me to believe as a father to a girl he wants to hang out in another state with his friends insted of taking his child on a trip she will remember for the rest of her life...?....... It's a no from me.
Story 2: A woman with an English degree... trying to write a book... isn't work? What? How is she supposed to make money from publishing the book if she hardly spends any time writing it, because it's "just a hobby"? I'm pretty sure she's serious enough to treat it like a 9-5 job until it's published. Not sure if it's the best metaphor, but farmers don't make money until after the crops are grown and sold, right? But as a SAHM myself, she might need to rework her time management to be able to do chores and writing while their daughter is at school. Can understand the struggle of being too inspired and motivated to want to stop working though
I was an editor for 13 years. She may be working on a project, but if she's only started writing now, it's 99.99% likelihood garbage and will cost a bunch but never make a cent. Even if it's great, reality is she almost certainly won't be able to srll it. If she was going to be good, she ought to have been writing for the sheer love of it for years.
Some editor, judging before reading the draft. Also first drafts are always crsp, thats their nature, but you kind of need to write them first. Then self edit. Then edit with an editor.
@@museofthesea I’m assuming that she has been writing for the love of it for years if she chose to get a degree in it. She’s seems to be acting like someone who’s had writing as a lifelong passion (to me at least anyway)
The story about the person ending up in jail because of his friend's night terror really brought me back to something that happened around twelve years ago, involving my little sister. So, here's a wall of text describing the event: My sister has had night terrors on and off throughout her life, and it was especially bad if she had a nasty cold. And this incident occured, of course, when she had both a cold and a pretty awful ear infection. She had finally fallen asleep after taking some medicine, and her fever seemed to subside. Meanwhile, I was in the living room, probably playing some 3DS game, when I heard crying coming from her room. My mom sent me to check on her and ask if she needed anything. Rolling my eyes and complaining, I opened the door and asked her, "Why are you whining?" You know, like any big sister would. She cried out, staring at the corner in terror as the light from the hallway illuminated it. She was *covered* in sweat, trembling. And I won't lie, it creeped me out to find her just gaping at nothing, but it also caused my brain to switch from "annoyed" to "concerned." I tried talking to her calmly, letting her know it was just a dream. It wasn't working, and I was starting to panic. Stupidly, I tried touching her shoulder in an attempt to shake her out of it. She screamed, batted my hand away, and shoved past me, shouting, "Leave me alone! Don't hurt me!" I followed her into the living room just as she bolted out the front door. (Mom couldn't follow immediately, as she's disabled, and my dad and other siblings just happened to be out.) But, man, I had never seen that kid run faster than she had as I sprinted behind her. My only thoughts at that moment were that my sister, still in a half-dreaming state, would get hit by a car--but from her perspective, as she'd later tell me, I looked like some sort of demon barreling after her, which obviously frightened her more. I desperately called her name, hoping she would wake up, but she was still in the middle of the night terror. That was when some of our neighbors several doors down came out to see what was going on. My sister ran into the lady's arms, sobbing and screaming, "He's trying to kill me!" Upon hearing that, the lady barked at me to stop where I was and explain what was happening. Not only was I emotional because I thought my sister was going to die, but I'm big autistic and have a lot of anxiety. So an angry adult yelling at me on top of it made it very hard for me to be coherent. This lady was very suspicious of me. My sister had a few bruises on her arms and legs, as well as some scrapes from taking a tumble or two on her bike. My arm was also starting to bruise after my sister nearly knocked me off my feet as she fled past me, as well as various bruises from being genuinely clumsy and climbing up trees. I don't blame my neighbor at all for telling her son to call the police, before telling me she wasn't going to let me take my sister back home to a potentially unsafe situation until it was sorted out by the cops. Eventually, my mom caught up and the lady reiterated all that to Mom. Mom was furious at the moment, blinded by the indignance that this person she didn't even know wouldn't let her have her child back. She called my dad in a huff, who came over as quickly as he could and started SCREAMING at this woman, ordering her to give my sister back. My sister, who was seeing Dad as this twisted creature with a horrid, distorted voice wailed and gripped onto the lady for dear life. My dad's aggressive demands were already enough to paint him in a terrible light, but my sister's reaction further cemented our neighbor's belief that my sister was kn trouble. She swept my sister behind her, and spat, "You terrorizing this girl, or what? She said you're trying to kill her." My dad denied this, of course, but the lady was, again, rightfully skepitcal. By the time the cops came and started talking to us, my sister had "woken up." She was dazed and confused, and had no idea why her bare feet were blistered and who the lady holding her was. Mom and Dad also sort of calmed down when they came to the understanding that this woman had every reason to believe my sister was in fear for her life, considering her bruises and sheer terror...especially when a frazzled and scared teen was chasing after her with an almost manic look in her eyes. Honestly, I'm grateful this family showed such concern and were so protective of the random twelve-year-old that showed up on their doorstep. Mom and I baked a bunch of cookies as thanks for being such good people. A few years later, they moved, and the people that live in that house now kind of suck, lmao. TL;DR: sister had a night terror and thought I was a demon/some sort of evil minion trying to capture her so she could be slaughtered, and a cool lady and her family were very concerned about her wellbeing.
TBH in that situation it is better to err on the side of caution. Glad the cops arrived and did due diligence before deciding to detain anyone. I have known people who have had night terrors and stuff before, but never the prolonged kind like this. It's wild. Makes me thankful that the worst I've had to deal with with sleep issues in insomnia. I can't imagine...
@@MorganMakesThings Oh, definitely. It was the only positive experience I've had with cops, which was a relief considering they don't handle cases of mental distress very well.
The way op handled telling the neighbors and their kids was the correct way to handle it. They were hoping that op would feel too bad to say anything by sending the kids and putting them in that position. The neighbors got the appropriate punishment of righrfully feeling like crap by setting their own kids up for disappointment. Telling the kids that was inappropriate is absolutely the right thing to do so not only are they imprinting that lesson on their children so it doesn't happen again they are also showing that they're willing to stand their ground in front of anyone all the neighbors can't even say what they need to say to ops face. Standing your ground in front of every single person no matter what age they are is the right thing to do it shows you are not willing to compromise and you're not willing to be a pushover no matter what tactic they use not to mention The kids will figure out very quickly Next time their parents try to do that but they're setting them up
Eh...they handled it ok, but i wouldn't say it was *the* correct way. If the children came in thinking they can just join any party they want, that would be one thing. But these kids said they got permission from their parents, so it's reasonable for them to think what they did was appropriate. Telling them "no" is ok, but it should at least come with some explanation - something like, "I'm sorry, but your parents didn't check with us first". I think the best way is Daniel's suggestion to say something like "let me talk/confirm with your parents" and bring them with you as you go to their parents. That way you can pressure *them* to be the ones to say "no".
A "hobby" takes time to turn into a job/business. Time where you do a lot of work, unpaid, to get something off the ground. You'd think that someone who has their own firm would understand that
Yes, it really shouldn’t be a big deal to the husband for him to do a little more jobs. As long as my partner isn’t doing anything to financially compromise us, it’ll never be a burden to support them. If supporting your partner is a burden then I don’t think you love your partner. Too many people get married/ in relationships and don’t realize there’s a lot of emotional responsibility and maturity that’s required…
Shes working on a book. She could easly work 2 hours on a book and not have house chores piling up. Also shes nit working on a buisness, its a passion project that may or may not sell. He works all day so she should make sure chores are done, expecially those they already agreed on. Im saying it as a working woman
I don't wanna be mean, but that's like the one thing I agree with him on. It's a hobby until you make money. It's clear she's trying to turn it into a job, but it's not one yet.
"Not sure why so many people are hung up on phrasing" Because phrasing can be indicative of behavior. It's not always but I have this conversation with my dad somewhat frequently because I get uncomfortable when he refers to me as "my daughter" in conversations with me. I find it possessive. He says I'm hung up on the words and tells other people I care a lot about how things are said. And I've tried to explain to him that it's not just about the words, it's because it's indicative of other ways he treats me. He acts possessive in other ways like getting angry when I moved away; getting jealous when he knows I called other family members; getting upset when I don't contact him as much as he'd like, if I can't drop everything immediately for his calls, when I ask for a day to myself or that I was busy on *my* birthday. When he calls me and says "how's *my* little girl" it reminds me of how possessive he is in other ways. Sometimes words are just words; and sometimes they are telling a bigger story.
Maybe it’s because I don’t necessarily have this dynamic with my own parents, but I don’t really see how saying “my daughter/son” is indicative of anything. Like, I would not bat an eye at all if I saw anybody refer to their children like that. Imo in this case, you’re reading into relatively normal language as a result of a shitty situation.
Telling the kids “It’s not really appropriate for you to be here” or whatever is SOOOOO justified!! My child’s birthday party is for my family not your family. Would I say get out? No. Would I still tell the child what happened like “This is not your party and you’re not invited.” Everything the first person said to the child was 100% justified.
Ooooooh this 2nd aita. The husband IS an asshole. "Not a sahm" "her job is to do the chores" ok, who does the grocery shopping, meal planning, prepping, cooking, doctors appointments scheduling and chauffeuring, social planning for the parents and kid, clothes shopping, who carries the mental load of the home and all that it entails (that is a massive thing nobody talks about) who schedules dentist appointments and driving, the parenting, homework, field trips, relationship work, the deep cleaning, the organizing, the everything else besides the dishes and laundry? It irks me to the mooon when people think stay at home mom or wife only does dishes and laundry. I get it that the wife could tidy up and still do her writing, but the husband is dismissive and condescending and not supportive or understanding. He is a gross person.
Oh, the car maintenance, lawn care, getting the girl ready for school, I could go in for hours about all the millions of details of keeping a house and family. When the husband "babysits" his own daughter, especially when she was younger I guarantee he didn't do anything else besides watch the kid. While the wife is expected to take care of the house AND watch the kid. Ugh these kinds of men are so gross.
mightve missed smth as i wasnt fully listening but i never noticed any mention of the wife getting a break either... so all that work and no breaks. at least the husband gets to come home from work and relax. as far as i could tell she doesnt get that luxury
@@dansihvonen8218Why should she do all the work at home? By his own admission it is not a real job because it doesn’t make any money. “It’s just a hobby”. Acting like a 12 hour shift (which includes breaks) is the same as a 24/7 job is insane to me. He belittled her multiple times in the post and you wonder why people think he may be in the wrong is insane. “I put stay at home wife because she only looks after the kid 2 hours a day” “it’s not a job, it’s a hobby” because “it doesn’t make money”.
As for the 'firm' guy - he obviously doesn't respect his wife and that's going to affect the story. While he might not be an asshole technically for getting into semantics - the way he spoke about his wife definitely makes him *an* asshole.
Oh yes. Plus making it a 12 hour day by counting commute ... eh. That's a 48 hour work week, expecting he has lunch. Just way to make himself look better
@@oreohunter7798 and you know that this is a guy that expects to do absolutely nothing when he gets home from his "12 hour day" so I highly doubt he's taking on any of the parenting responsibilities after work. She works from the moment she opens her eyes in the morning till the moment she closes them at night and lets be real sleep time is on call time when you have a 7 year old (our pediatrician informed me that 6-10 is when children experience the most sleep disturbances in their lives) so she's working 16 hours days and is on call the other 8 and he's grumpy that she'd rather spend SOME of that time doing something that doesn't immediately serve him or his interests. Like be so for real right now, mans wouldn't be able to have a successful career at all without this woman's support keeping the house clean and his belly full and his child cared for. I think it's pretty significant that their daughter is 7, she's just now starting first grade and she's probably out of the house more than she's ever been before. This is probably the most time his wife has had to herself in years, in 7 years, and it's not uncommon to feel like you're losing your sense of self and identity when you become a parent, so I'm not surprised she wants to bust out that degree and do something with it. It's just like that other commenter said, everyone needs to feel a sense of purpose. Shockingly, doing mountains of laundry every day and cleaning a house and taking care of everyone in the house probably doesn't feel that fulfilling to an English major.
@@smirbelbirbelfound the lazy parent, you dont think 12 hours a day is a lot? Its clear you haven't worked much then. To clarify the guys an AH imo but he certainly is putting in his half ten fold, if you think running a business is easier than changing diapers though youre a clown
Man's wife is an English major, and he can't even write a coherent sentence, but he's arguing with HER over semantics!? And of course, he's WRONG! A hobby is something you do for leisure in your free time, she's not doing this for leisure. She's doing it to make money so it's a job!
she is clearly doing it for leisure 💀. Or else she wouldn't be doing it on top of her "horribly time consuming chores". And she wouldn't be complaining to her husband with 14 hour workdays to try and make more time to do it. Also, I know you aren't supposed to use conjunctions to start a sentence, so don't be temped to comment that i'm wrong because of my use of grammar instead of looking at my argument. I started the sentences with "and" and "or" to make my comment clearer and easier to understand.
@@sethsmith2608Dude…you’re on nearly every comment about this and yet you still haven’t gotten it into your head that doing unpaid work ≠ leisure. And then you’re paranoid about someone correcting your grammar even though if you reread their comment, they ALSO started a sentence with “and”. If you’re already trying to defend yourself over something that hasn’t even happened that the other person clearly doesn’t care about, then that indicates you already came into this discussion expecting irrational conflict, not a civil exchange. People who approach conversations with that attitude tend to be more combative because a neutral situation is already viewed as threatening. It’s self-fulfilling.
@@Window4503 from the husband's post it seems like she is doing this as a hobby and not as a means of revenue. Also when did I say chores weren't work? i just said the thing about conjunctions so I don't look uneducated, which adds validity to my statement
@@sethsmith2608 Fun fact: The statement that you can't start a sentence with a conjunction is kinda bullshit, to put it bluntly. It is taught to us as kids so that we don't write incomplete sentences and learn our clauses. However if you know what you're doing, you can 100% start a sentence with a conjunction. Published books can do so for the sake of stylistic emphasis, so it's not what I consider to be an inherent flaw.
For the last one: since the free trip the husband won to Florida isn’t even in Disney World, and it’s a 2.5-4hr drive to Disney, he is not obligated to bring his stepdaughter or the wife’s mother. The tickets really are for an adult trip.
To say nothing of the cost of renting a vehicle and buying park tickets for four people, only to spend six hours in a car each day to get to the theme parks.
Yeah I actually feel bad for that guy. He should just go on a boys trip and maybe even a divorce because his wife clearly was being manipulative about telling her daughter
@@jessetheplantHeaven forbid you use a free trip for your FAMILY. Heaven forbid you spend some money on a day trip to disney and do other stuff while there at well.
@@kippledipple how do you not realize how expensive that would be for all the gas money since they wouldn’t be anywhere near Disney?? Plus do you know how much it costs per person for Disney World tickets? It’s very very expensive, plus then there’s all of the stuff to pay for inside the park so it’s very very different
Regarding the 2nd story: I'm a single parent who's day is 7 - 7... I still get the chores done. The length of the day doesn't matter. You either do it or you don't and if you're in a partnership you work it out together. It sounded like he isn't in a partnership. He doesn't see her as a partner. He sees her as the housemaid.
Maybe she should do some paid work away from home? Don't you think a spouse would gladly share the responsibility for the family's finances? Of course, that would significantly reduce time for writing. But that is life as an independent adult. Only the husband working and paying for everything, including the wife's personal things, doesn't sound like an equal and modern relationship, does it?
I was thinking the only reason he needs to work 12 hours every day is because he has such difficulties putting together a coherent sentence and basic grammar. If she was the lawyer in the family she probably would get all his work load done in 2 hours instead of 12 because she actually knows how to read and write! He's probably just envious of that.
@@zetizahara " It's pretty clear that the husband isn't the only one who works." Who claims that? It's pretty clear that the husband is the only one getting paid. If she stops doing chores, he will be the only one working.
The amount of money saved from daycare expenses alone makes it qualify. The only reason some men belittle it is because it gives them more power over women.
House cleaning services alone are pricey to get a decent one. Having someone at home do all of that saves a lot. If he's really such a big shot firm owner he could just hire a service and the wife could do less and there wouldn't be this argument at all.
Everyone is also ignoring the fact that she just momentarily pulled back on chores..."typical" jobs get weekends off, they also get to take personal/vacation days....he didn't say she'd been ignoring the chores for months, just recently. And does his attitude of it not being a real job, mean that if her book makes money he won't expect her to contribute to the household at all with it since he wasn't granting her some leeway, let alone doing anything to contribute to her success.
3:00 a little girl's birthday is not a "community event" its a personal event you dont have an invitation dont come in i dont care how rude im being 26:30 Bring the daughter and then the guy chooses 1 more, each chooses 1 partner to bring then its even
@K.C-2049 That's just sad man. Everybody seems so scared of letting children be children in America it would seem. Calling cops on kids is just unthinkable anywhere else. Edit: I must also add, neighbors' kids usually are friends and play together. Do you really want to deny joy to kids? I know I will not ask kids to leave unless they need to be back home. Edit2: Also, I don't think it's right to compare kids to adults.. They are kids.
But now the daughter is still going to be overly hyped about Disney, etc, despite it being another 2-4 hours away, meaning now guy has to fill the whole vacation with either excess driving, or a disappointed 11 year old step-daughter. Not to mention that if the guy did choose a friend for the fourth person, that person will be relegated to "tag-a-long" to a family outing, rather than them getting to have any sort of adult-only excursion. I think no matter what guy chooses, it's now going to be a horrible trip, thanks to his wife's manipulations. WitA.
Even in the situation with the alpaca, if I was chilling in my backyard and having a birthday party and my neighbor walks over and stays outside the fence to have a chat about the alpaca and ask what kind of party we're having, that's more pleasant and social than just walking in and showing up.
Just go to one of the hosts of the party and ask if you may join. If refused, you greet and leave, if accepted, you ask if you should bring a contribution of food.
Yeah, that's reasonable. Or if the party was in a public park or something like that, that could be an honest mistake, but it's just dumb to send a kid to a random party
Personally, I would have let the kids stay for the party but then have a serious talk with the parents afterwards about how inappropriate that is. I would only escort the kids back home if they were being rude and disruptive. But if they were getting along with the other kids and they were all having fun together then I honestly don't see the problem with that. I think it's weird and imho rude to punish the kids who don't know any better and just want to play with other kids. The parents on the other hand, need a serious reality check because in what world is that okay? Pure delusion, and I hope the kids don't turn out like their parents.
@@noway377 it's the common case of give them a finger and they'll rip off your arm. You let their kids stay for one party, before you know it YOU'RE the main provider for them and their parents consider the entire purpose of your existence to provide unpaid childcare for them. These people see everyone around them as nothing but slaves.
Story 3: she needs to contact the police and clear things up. It all needs to be cleared up, and he should consult an attorney to ensure it happens. She needs to see a psychiatrist too, her panic attack put a innocent man in jail for a night.
A night terror isn't the same thing as a panic attack. Night terrors are actually a pretty awful sleep disorder. The weird thing is why the woman didn't try harder (and sooner) to rectify the misunderstanding.
2nd story: Apparently, carrying a child for 9 months and giving birth to them doesnt make a person a mother.. what kind of world are we living on now😮💨
i would never use the second guys law firm for anything. he has zero awareness of what hes typing and i have no confidence he could ever successfully understand the finer details of the law.
"eating your lunch-" Excuse me, Daniel. For me, it's 9am and I was eating breakfast, thank you very much. Anyway, I love the callbacks to the "You're not invited" song because that was silly and I love silly.
No, it’s “Hey kid, your mom lied and it’s not okay to be here. Give your mother this.” Hand the kid the note and tell them not to open it. It reads, “Nice try”
Heads up creator, keeping a house in order is more than a couple hours of work a day, especially if you have kids, even with extracurriculars. There's meetings with teachers, doctors apts, meals to shop, prep & cook, PTA to participate in, homework to help with, conversations to have & life lessons to teach. Keeping a large house that other people live in is WAY different than cleaning an apartment. It's more space to clean, more things to put away, kids tend to make messes (yes, even girls), lots of outside maintenance too.
For #2, if your domestic roles aren’t working for BOTH partners, it’s an a-hole move for ONE partner to think they have the authority to shut down the discussion. Furthermore, a 7-year-old isn’t self-sufficient. OP doesn’t sound like the type that’s very hands-on with his kid. A meeting in the middle could have involved a discussion about hiring someone to do the deep clean once or twice a month for a set # of months, then re-evaluate her progress toward the book’s completion.
@@lockofmetal8894 OP is clearly dismissive and condescending, and minimizes his wife's contributions to their home/family life. The fact that he obfuscates that they have a 7yo (and minimizes the work that goes into parenting one, acting like extra-curriculars are less work rather than more) says a lot all on its own. @auntlynnie actually made a pretty good "middle-ground" compromise for OP and his wife. Him hiring a cleaning service for a set number of months and then seeing where his wife is with her novel seems like a completely fair thing to do for a woman who, despite being college-educated, chose to be a SAHM to their child for the past 7 years so OP could focus on his career and growing his firm. If he owns his own firm, having a cleaning service come in regularly is a negligible expense in terms of showing OP's wife that he loves her and supports her ambitions...especially given how she has proven her support of his own ambitions over the better part of a decade.
2nd story: I suggest OP take a week off work and swap duties with his wife. He can see how long it takes him to do chores (we have no idea how big the house is, if they have pets, barely found out about the child), "watch" his child for "two hours." And to all the people saying chores take an hour or so per day? WTF are they eating for dinner every night? Planning, shopping for and preparing and cleaning up meals can be a whole-all part time job in itself. Let's do a hypothetical on that last story. What if OP had won a $2k shopping spree and wife said she couldn't wait for her daughter and mother to come with; then told her daughter she gets to spend $500 on anything she wants? (And granny, too.)
even ignoring all the other really important stuff, just one hour a day to keep the entire house clean? impossible unless you live in a under 30 sq mt apartment
@@rflsms exactly lol. Even if you're single it can still take forever and OP was talking about chores that take a lot of time (dusting etc). They knew what they were doing omitting their child from the original story, and he seems clueless about his wife's insane work ethic and ability to manage time without his input.
It takes me 2 hours just to vacuum and mop the ground floor, and I don't live in a huge house. Also, I think the people just saying "chores" don't have any experience running a household, so they think it only means cleaning. They have a 7 year old, and the OP mentions extracurriculars. So, who picks her up from those? They usually don't have after-school clubs in elementary school, so we're probably talking about dance classes, or gymnastics, something outside the school. Even if it's a carpool, someone has to schedule that. Having a kid, even without extracurriculars, is like being a personal assistant. With them, there's even more to keep track of. School schedules, holidays, school events, helping with homework, any special event from the extracurriculars, outside events like other children's birthday parties her child wants to attend, doctors appointments, dentist appointments, and that's all just for the kid. It's not easy. People should have to take a class on how much effort goes into the behind the scenes housework, I swear.
Right. I noticed all the people saying "I can tidy my whole house in 30 minutes", are all most likely men who ignore the fact that they have vastly different standards of what tidy is when they do it themselves vs expecting someone else to do it for them. Also they dont do near the amount for themselves that they push off onto their wives. Most of the time being a stay at home mom means being an on call servant for anything the husband doesn't want to do, which is everything, meaning the work never ends. And if you have young kids then your up all night and still have shit to do the next day. He gets to call out or take sick days, vacation days but you never do. They act like it's just laundry and cooking, meanwhile they're enlisting you to help their mother with her chores, deciding you're hosting a large dinner, want their cluttered, filthy garage and tool shed gone through, cleaned and reorganized, need the inside of their car cleaned, need secretarial work done, want stains taken out of their shirts, the carpets need deep cleaned, he wants his office repainted. And just tons and tons of random maintenance work on top of the every day appointments, meal cooking, shopping, laundry, childcare, general cleaning. It's like they think maintaining an entire house for multiple people is like "picking up your room" when you're 15.
The second story is definitely TA. His wife is cooking, cleaning, caring for a child, and now writing a book which is what she was trained to do. The gentleman here is out of line to say that she doesn't have a job, she has two, he has one.
Amount of jobs means literally nothing, you can work 2 jobs 20 hours each or 1 job 40 hours and it comes out to be the same thing. Imagine the husband randomly decides to cut their income in half so he can spend more time trying to become a professional golfer, I bet people wouldn’t be thrilled with that.
This is very emotionally charged. If the roles were reversed and he wanted to quit his job to become an MMA fighter you'd flip sides. The thing that makes him the asshole is he doesn't see any value in helping his partner pursue their goals. Couples are supposed to support each other, and lift each other up, not put each other down. Nothing about what either of them did right or wrong was about the amount of work or effort, it was about a failure in communication and empathy. Both of them were being selfish. This is the type of problem that can easily be fixed, but can also easily ruin a marriage if not addressed.
@@Tattletales402tooooooooo beeeeeeeeeee faaaaaaaaaaair as someone with a friend that is really into golf to the point she drags me along with her and teaches me how to swing sometimes becoming a professional golfer is WAY harder and you’re FAR less likely to get money out of it than writing a book. And she has an English degree, with enough patience she could make it with her book because she’s been trained to write already. I don’t know of any college courses on professional golfing so it’d be entirely self trained or with a private tutor which could take years even decades to even qualify for something that makes really any money at all.
Plus she never said she was quitting her sahm “job” entirely she was just saying she wants him to help out a bit more so that she can have a bit more time to work on the book.
@@Tattletales402 LOL except as everyone likes to point out, and disrespect stay-at-home-spouses as a result of, a stay-at-home-spouse doesn't earn any money. So if a house spouse does half the housework, the existing budget isn't impacted. Only the division of labor within the home. Given that this college-educated woman didn't pursue a career so she could raise their child and take care of their home for the better part of a decade, I would bet money that if her breadwinner husband said he wanted to sell his firm, and take a different job that paid half as much so he could focus on an interest that he was actually more than qualified to do...I bet you she would support that. I bet you (since their child is in school) she would take a part-time (or full-time) job somewhere, etc. Keep in mind that this woman is an English major looking to write a book. She is not an English major looking to become an astronaut. Why do I think that? Because she already made sacrifices for the benefit of her family. So why wouldn't she do the same if the shoe was on the other foot?
19:59 1. That person has far too much trust in police training and 2. If your abusive ex broke into your house when you slept and started to threaten you, you would be incoherent aswell 3. Abused partners have been known to defend there spouses after someone tries to stop them and 4. The alleged abuser can very easily lie about not doing it. There’s a reason police officers hate domestic dispute calls and it’s mostly because of how messy they get and how quickly they can escalate.
@jameson1239 which is why she has no right to be offended that he is staying out of it, in fact if I was him I would be offended she tried to repeat the situation. She was willing to risk ruining his life again after already potentially leaving a permanent life changing mark on his record thats insane. Its incredibly selfish and shows a massive lack of care for him and his wellbeing. Trauma or not thats not acceptable and soft cutting him out after would, if i was him, be a insanely massive sign that it wasnt a equal friendship, at least anymore, and to massively distance myself till she improves how she treats people. Trauma changes people, and very rarely for the better and it sucks. If it makes you someone who cant empathize with your friends or care for their safety then you are gonna lose them. Which truly sucks. Yes victims should put themselves first but that is of course within reason, you shouldnt be putting people you claim to care about in active harms way of your actions.
5:17 To be fair i think it's totally okay to tell kids that it's not appropriate behavior. If you don't teach kids what's universally inappropriate behavior even when they're very young then it'll just be a lesson that'll be more difficult to learn later and in a worst case scenario those kids will grow up to be entitled Karens or Kevins because that lesson wasn't taught early enough. And i don't mean that you should shout at kids for doing kid stuff, but you shouldn't treat them as if they're *_entirely_* incapable of rational thought either.
i was thinking this too and trying to imagine how I'd take it when i was a kid. i think it's perfectly fine to gently let the kids know its not appropriate but just make sure you say you're not mad at them and it's not their fault. i think that would be a great learning opportunity for a kid!
I don't necessarily think you're wrong but I also don't necessarily agree. It's not their job to teach societal expectations to their neighbors' kids. As a kid and as an adult now, I would have been thoroughly embarrassed to have someone tell me I'm not welcome at a party. The kids asked their parents for permission and they got it. It's the parents' fault not the kids. You can't expect kids to be like, oh I need to ask my parents and then I need to also ask someone else before I do something. They're kids. Regardless, I think we can agree it's the parents of the uninvited kids that are the a holes.
I agree that this was totally the parent's fault but what really boggles my mind is how they STILL thought they were in the right to just gate crash into someone else's birthday party??? That's honestly insane
One tiny thing I'd like to correct - it's inaccurate to say this is "universally" inappropriate social behavior and to imply that this is common sense. In many cultures that would actually be a totally normal thing to do. Yeah that is pretty unusual entitled behavior based on the dominant Western individualistic societal ideology which tends to agree that you don't show up uninvited to places. However, if the neighbors were immigrants of a different culture or something, this could perhaps be a cultural misunderstanding. In my travels, I've literally been in situations that were the reverse of this where a neighbor expected me to show up uninvited and was offended when I didn't. I thought I was being respectful bc I felt weird about going to a person's house without being expressly invited, but I learned that in that very communal collectivist culture it doesn't really work like that, so I had to adjust my mindset around my individualistic ideas of privacy and personal space and boundaries and strangers... Anyway, my point is just, while it may be likely these ppl were both white Americans, I didn't want to assume anything and therefore wouldn't tell kids that this is how everyone is but merely that this is the case in this particular environment/neighborhood (bc even here in the US, some neighborhoods are way more open and communal in nature than others, though that is becoming less common these days unfortunately...) Anyway sorry, I digress. 😅
@JB_Kuku Well that's certainly interesting.... May I ask which culture or which country did you experience that the neighbour expected you to show up uninvited?
I was celebrating my daughter's birthday at a trampoline park. And one kid kept asking about getting slushies for everyone. My husband was like.... how about it? I said no, between everyone, it would be an extra 100, they got 2 hours on trampolines and stuff, pizza and cake.... they're fine. He delivered the no for me. After one kid tripped another in purpose, i knew he'd be better at giving the decline. In otherwords, kids need to hear no. No one is a jerk for setting boundaries, IMO.
Second story feels like it belongs in relationshipadvice to figure out an agreement that they both can agree on. Figuring out if he's the asshole does not help any of the parties.
Bro that last story was CRAAAZY. For the first half, I was kind of questioning why he wouldnt want to take his stepdaughter on a vacation. But to learn it's all the way in Ft. Myers!?!? The wife is absolutely trying to turn it into a weird power-grab or SOMETHING by forcing her kid and mom into the vacay. If there really is some sense of "i dont want my child to feel like she cant have a vacation with her stepdad" then that needs to be worked on separately and also not by just lavishing the kid with expensive gifts like trips to disney world. Def needs to be some better communication on the wife's part.
Second story: if she’s the only person responsible for the house, that’s not a 9-5, it’s a 24-7 job that she can never leave. The housework is her job while he’s at his job. THEN…it’s both of their responsibilities when he gets home. Period
On what planet does taking care of the household require you to work 24/7 ? It's a few hours of work a day maximum. You don't do deep cleaning everyday... "Never leave" Wtf is this? A prison? What are you even on about.
@@lockofmetal8894 Clearly you've never been in an abusive marriage. I get what you're saying about the hours you sleep but there is a constant mental load when you're the only one caring about maintaining the home. There are a thousand and one things to take care of. Plus, if the person taking care of the home also works, that cuts down on the time too. For example: you get off work at 5 and go to be at 9. That leaves 4 hours in which to make supper and clean up after and maybe run errands and don't forget to pick up groceries and what if you've fallen behind on cleaning and oh you've got appointments or events this week so you only have a couple days that have a couple hours here and there to clean. And what about quality of life and finding your own enjoyment and happiness.
@@Scarlet_Phoenix We're not talking abusive relationships, don't mix in other variables that does not exist here. She also doesn't work right now, at all. But riddle me this then, theres millions of people who live on their own in houses and apartments. These people can work and maintain their home. But the moment you split up these 2 , somehow taking care of your own home ,only, no working. It becomes this enormous impossible task that just absolutely drums on your own mental health. We're overexaggerating the work that needs to be done here. And what about his mental health? He works super long hours, barely anytime for hobbies or interests himself. Imagine the anxiety when you get sick and you're the only one making ends meet. You'd prob gon in sick aswell to make sure you make enough money.
First story; It was a birthday. Unless the neighbour is inviting them to every other birthday/public event, that's some entitled shit. Teaching your kids that you can just...bust your way into places you weren't invited to, and that if someone says "hey, no thank you", then THEYRE wrong.....is asinine and absolutely bonkers. The entitlement, the bullshit.
My puppy just passed away and I rly needed anything to listen to and you were the only person I wanted to hear so thank you for making long form content it's saving my heart
Art takes time to make money. Does that husband want to help her reach her goals? I feel like in good marriages they help each other toward their personal goals
Scenario 2 - I'd ask him if he'd tell an unpaid intern at his firm they don't have a job, they have a hobby. Even outside of the arts the concept of putting in unpaid work to earn a chance for a paid work is well-established. I do think he was fine to expect their agreed upon expectations to be met. If she wanted that changed she should have asked to renegotiate them, first. But he's wrong to claim he wasn't belittling her. If this was any other traditional field he wouldn't have used the word "hobby" to explain the effort put in. No one said I was pursuing my hobby when I was doing unpaid undergraduate research while earning my Chemistry degree. The use of the word "hobby" speaks to more than just whether someone is paid or not. It speaks to their intentions with the field. If someone listens to true crime podcasts at home, because they like it, that's a hobby. If someone is spending hours at your firm as an intern researching past cases - because they're hoping their efforts result in eventual pay - that's a job.
Agreements you make with your spouse about chores aren't legal contracts though. They can be revised at any time when circumstances change. It's not at all unreasonable for her to fall behind on a couple chores and respond to her AH partner saying "Hey wtf why are there dishes and laundry not done?!" with "Look, yeah, I'm working now, I don't have time to keep up with every little thing, I need you to occasionally do a couple of the 100 chores I've been doing everyday for years." That shouldn't be something she needs to give 2 weeks notice about, or talk about with him beforehand to not be talked down to for it. Your partner not being able to get everything they planned on doing done should not be a big deal unless they're important time sensitive things that can no longer be done on time. Also she clearly did talk to him about it beforehand? She told him she was going to start writing a book. He could've reasonably anticipated having to split her time between working on a book and doing everything to keep their house and family in order might result in some stuff not getting done before he gets home. She is taking on new work. He knew that. If he respected her or what she does at all, he should've expected that might result in her not doing all the chores on her own anymore, per their agreement. But clearly he thinks he does way more than her, thus there's no reason she can't do everything around the house and her new work. Which you have to think to justify the thought of "Oh well she still should've stuck to their agreement though." btw. If you think that, you must think her day was not already filled by the 24/7 job taking care of their household she already had.
@@Lanoira13 Except that 12 hours to tidy your house and take care of your kid for 3 of thouse hours is not the same as 12 hours of work. A job you do while you're awake, IE from 7am to 10pm, is not a "24/7". She doesn't wake up at 3am and start vaccuming, then sleep to 5am and mop the floor.
@@lockofmetal8894 Does making ignorant youtube comments help you cope with the fact your mother regretted having you and you grew up with her resentment of your existence hanging over your head? Or is it just a side hobby to that whole mess?
My husband works right now and I don’t (temporarily, to take care of some health issues I’m having) - I do all of the cleaning and cooking, and I do all the “housewife” stuff that I can manage. My husband would never neg me for something like dusting, because he sees I’m doing my best and he just isn’t that kind of man. However, when I was 19 I was married to a man who was like the OP in #2…that marriage was miserable and took me years to heal from. People like that are NEVER satisfied no matter what anyone does, the misery just exists inside of them.
In the jail one, NAH except the cops. She's traumatized and is looking for her only source of comfort. He's scared because he doesn't want to be arrested again. Both are reasonable, if a sucky situation. The cops arresting someone instead of de-escalating the situation and recognizing a night terror/flashback is a serious problem.
I think she's TA. Why wasn't she going to the jail and trying to get him out immediately as soon as the cobwebs cleared? He was in jail until the following afternoon.
@@cuculain78 I get the feeling we're missing to many details to really know who's TA. OP didn't go into her trauma at all (which is good), leaving us with a partial story. Maybe she was traumatized *by* cops. Maybe she was unable to function after the night terror because she was dissociating. Too many outside variables.
Maybe it's the roommate who's TA. She most likely knew about the night terrors, and while not having witnessed anything at all, with no evidence that he hurt her, she called the cops.
This all seems like this girl is just jerking this guy around and is acting out for attention because I’m guessing her ex ignored her and now that she sees people caring for her and being attentive she is milking it for all it’s worth. I was SA and abused for decades by my ex I have complex ptsd panic disorder and anxiety. I have night terrors and sleep paralysis never once did it make me jump up scream I’m being attacked for how ever long it takes for police to arrive 10 minutes maybe. Also if this was a actual thing roommates neighbors probably even the police would be aware of it and he would have been briefed. It also didn’t just start that night. I’ve jumped up and ran to my door in one of these states but I was awake and coherent in seconds it would not last as long as it takes to call the police and them respond. It makes me so angry when people abuse mental health issues to garner attention when they really should be getting therapy or even worse lying about abuse to get sympathy and affection MBP behavior. This girl is full of crap on this situation and if she is really traumatized witch she may very well be she needs to get help from a licensed professional not play games with others lives because she is desperate for affection. If you want attention or cuddles just ask don’t be abusive to others. My mother had MBP and abused and gas lit me my entire life as well as manipulating others that to this day are unaware and refuse to believe she was the lying manipulative B that she was. She did so much of what that girl is pulling and abused law enforcement to not only abuse me for her but to make herself look like a victim that needed special treatment and care. People like this are usually people who feel neglected or have been abused who find out what sympathy and “love” feels like by being a victim so they literally will create situations to be seen as a victim. Good chance she wants her sympathy fix that’s why she is pushing so hard for a man (always seen as the aggressor just look at the Jonny Depp situation always guilty until proven innocent) to be alone with her in the exact situation she created that got you falsely a-rested before. Some women also crave drama so they will create it out of nothing to fit their needs. This is why I do not associate with or like any of the females in my life I am a female and it makes me so ashamed to see people like this. I had a female friend once get her husband a-rested for R@Pe and abuse so she could take everything even the kids in the divorce. She was laughing about it and said she may recant in a few years when she is sure she got everything. Another woman I know bragged about getting multiple men a-rested because they wouldn’t sleep with her or they wouldn’t do what she demanded of them like buy her things. She literally ruined innocent mens lives made them spend decades in jail because she was a lying evil spoiled brat. Best advice NEVER put yourself in any situation you could have any possibility of misconceptions such as sleeping in the same bed with a girl who screams he’s attacking me. Always assume the worst but hope for the best. Unfortunately that is the state of the world we are trapped in right now and society has trained people to take and do what they want with no consequences. Keep yourself safe let others worry about themselves m.
I don't believe he's a lawyer, or even has a secondary education. As far as I understand it, you have to write a lot of papers and essays in uni/college. Any professor approving a paper written like this shouldn't be grading jack shit. I didn't even go to college, and I know how to form a sentence.
@@ameliaduncan3236 Exactly, I have a hard time believing he's a lawyer too lol. My mother was a lawyer and I'm heavily looking into law school myself, and unless English is OP's second language and he doesn't practice in English for some reason, there's no way he's a lawyer with that kind of writing. However, I've met a lot of genuinely dumb people in undergrad, so you'd be surprised how bad your writing can be and still pass a course lol. As they say, Cs get degrees.
Exactly what i was thinking. Hes trying to one up her english degree and book with his ‘real job’ meanwhile it doesnt even seem like he graduated third grade english
It's a side hustle. It boils down to being a side hustle. A second job possibly, if you will. As someone trying to get my art off the ground, I finish work (8 hour shifts) come home, clean the cats' litter box, feed them, change clothes, and sit down and immediately start working. I spend up to 6 hours working each night. I stop to get food, clean up the kitchen a little, shower if I need to. But I don't fully deep clean or even fully clean the house. Just some small bits. I guarantee I am not sweeping or mopping everyday. She is essentially doing the same thing. Vranted, the first 8 hours are at home. But when does she wake up? Breakfast. Does she help the daughter get ready? Drive her to school? Dinner takes time. Between those, once you get in the zone with writing, you don't stop and go "oh yeah I need to do the dishes oopsie" and some people don't just wake and immediately do house work. I can't clean before afternoon. I have tried to wake up and start cleaning. Brain no likey. I need start up time. If her creative juices start flowing mid breakfast or hell even mid vacuum session, then she is going to spend the next few hours writing. Also, books can take years to write. Imagine how long it takes with only writing 3 or 4 hours a day. Many years. That aside. His verbage tells me immediately he is a controlling and possessive husband. I have known too many (not from me, other people in those relationships). He expects her to exist to make his life easier. How dare he come home and the dishes aren't done for one or two days. Why didn't she DUST?! What a lazy person. That's the mentality. He doesn't view her as a person, but his little slave. He is the asshole. He is phrasing it so he seems like not the asshole. Like he is being reasonable and she should be able to manage both, and she SHOULD manage both. Specifically his needs. Hers come second. These types are very good at making it seem like they're good and considerate but the smaller details give away the nasty people they are underneath. It's the equivalent of "she made friends and started havin girls night instead of staying home and making me a sandwich." The last one, sounds to me like the guy needs a divorce. He views her and her kid as seperate people. Weird marriage. Marriages are supposed to be partnerships. Not "her stuff, my stuff." Nothing wrong with seperate finances, but everything else is typically OUR stuff. Especially CHILDREN. So because you aren't a sperm donor you don't wanna step up and claim that kid as yours in the marriage? It 's her kid, that thing ain't mine. That's the mentality. He says people are hung up on verbage that's because IT MATTERS. Her handling it the way she did was also messed up too. Both the asshole.
"I can't clean before afternoon. I have tried to wake up and start cleaning. Brain no likey. I need start up time." Same! I thought I was the only one!
Time management is key. You can set up a schedule carve out time to get stuff done, but the husband came off like he’s unwilling to do the bare minimum to make his wife happy. He can’t wash a single dish to make her happy? That’s the upsetting part. But yes 2 people in a relationship not communicating and burdening the other is also grounds for being upset. If the husband came off like he was devoted to his wife and actually gave an iota about her happiness, I’d be on his side.
remember when my dad says "my dog/my kid" when you're good but if something bad happens it's "your kid/your dog", like? stop being absent fathers, men, you live in your child's life doesn't mean you're more than a sp*rm donor when you don't take care of them.
Story 2 reminded me of a disagreement I got into with someone on Reddit, who claimed I used too many commas when writing. Like bro. I took a legit writers course, held by a published writer, and it's common school knowledge that commas are basically "pauses for breaths".
Recently my uncle who travels a lot and lives in Texas visited his all class reunion in Ely, MN which is really close to Canada, and they visited us in the Twin Cities on their way back. And the rest of my family went up to Duluth (I didn't) for a day which is 2 hours one way, my brother had flown here but my sister had driven from Kansas City. So I could believe that someone would drive 3 hours to go to Disney World. I don't know if people in the Midwest just drive more or what.
Regather second. There’s no way he’s a lawyer with how poorly he wrote the Reddit post. He’s totally the a hole cuz it sounds like he’s a controlling jerk.
There are bad lawyers, or people that are good at speaking but bad at writing, I'm sure. To me it's a nuanced situation and I don't think he handled it correctly but I don't know that he's a controlling jerk either. He currently makes the income in that house and there's no guarantee that her book will sell, though I hope it does. But if he cares so much about things being cleaned maybe he should work more reasonable hours and do more cleaning.
2:05 hello from someone who works with children 👋 My advice would be to tell the kids that their parent didn’t check with you before then and that you’re sorry that it didn’t work out today to come hang out and play. Then have a parent go back with them and figure out a time for them to come over and play with the neighbors another time or even come for dinner one time if they’re able to make that happen
wtf no that undermines the entire lesson of "don't invite yourself over unannounced" to then IMMEDIATELY offer to pay for a meal 💀 You explain it to them, rationally and calmly, that it is not acceptable to invite yourself to someone else's house or gathering, especially unannounced, and then you take them home to their parents and explain to their parents that it's not acceptable to just invite yourself to someone's house unannounced. Their job is not to coddle someone else's child, and there is zero reason for them to invite them to dinner for inviting themselves to the party.
Personally, I would have let the kids stay for the party but then have a serious talk with the parents afterwards about how inappropriate that is. I would only escort the kids back home if they were being rude and disruptive. But if they were getting along with the other kids and they were all having fun together then I honestly don't see the problem with that. I think it's weird and imho rude to punish the kids who don't know any better and just want to play with other kids. The parents on the other hand, need a serious reality check because in what world is that okay? Pure delusion, and I hope the kids don't turn out like their parents.
The guy in the second story could use an English degree himself, or at least basic education on punctuation. Hopefully his firm isn‘t something grammar related.
Honestly as a writer and housewife (currently) with a husband who works 12hrs a day, it’s all about communication beforehand and scheduling the writing and housework accordingly
Second story: He doesn't even respect her enough to call her a stay at home MOM, when she IS the mother of his kid! He works a REGULAR SHIFT! An hour to get there, to get back, AND an hour lunch. 12 minus three is 9 hours. He's belittling his wife while over inflating his contrabutions. He's def shitting on her. It's not a job in this case means it doesn't count as contributing to the house thus she has no value
Guy who was stuck in jail for a night... from night terrors, they could have thought he drugged her or she was drunk or something else and that was why she was not coherent, heard "he is going to hurt me," assumed they had a "witness," and just arrested him. They should have taken her to the hospital if she was incoherent and thought he was trying to hurt her. That should be proper procedure, especially since they may have thought they had someone to corroborate the situation. The fact that the cops were not called is fucked up. I get why the roommate reacted that way initially, she was looking out for her roommate. But not fixing it isn't acceptable. If it was not possible to fix it because of bureaucracy, that can happen. The cops were the negligent assholes that night. If the friend did nothing at all to help, same with the roommate, they are also assholes. After that, the friend is the asshole.
That young woman should probably seek professional help; screening for PTSD and other mental health problems should be the first thing she did now that her symptoms are actively harming the OP and other people around her. Given that she didn't do that, it's only a matter of time before it happens again. She might want feel safe with him, but because of her behavior he rightly doesn't feel safe with her. She also has options that don't involve perssuring the OP into sharing a bed with her when he doesn't want to. Like seeking more effective help for a problem so serious that it landed an innocent man in jail, and maybe not drinking alcohol, which can mess with meds. She isn't managing her condition effectively. Red flag city.
I am married with two kids, am 34, and have known my husband for almost 15 years. The way you speak about these issues is such a green flag and how we’ve lasted so long so happily ❤
Look, I know we are all trying really hard to be conscious of how we treat kids because we’ve really come to understand how it can mess us up for life. I think that’s great. Im 41 and sometimes my principal from when I was five makes an appearance in my nightmares. We should definitely continue that deliberate thoughtfulness of the impact we will have when interacting with kids. BUT. If you make it to adulthood and your trauma is being nicely refused a cupcake from a party you weren’t invited to and then walked home to make sure you’re safe…. You’re fine. Kids learned that day that you can’t have something just because you want it. Also learned their mom might be wrong which is gonna help them out when they’re old enough to really grasp it.
As a parent, yes. You absolutely can and should tell children if they're doing something inappropriate. Normalize. Telling people. They. Are. Being. Inappropriate. You can tell people this, respectfully, and even politely, but clearly. Too often adults want to dance around a thing because they think, "Oh well they're just kids." but then they're BAFFLED when those kids grow up and don't have a good understanding of things that WERE NEVER EXPLAINED TO THEM. Rofl. Being clear and direct is so much better for them because understanding the why is crucial for them making mental connections between actions, and consequences, and all that stuff! :D And something like "Hey listen this isn't your home, and it's not really appropriate to go into someone else's home without permission." isn't a bad statement. Especially because these neighbors don't really know each other short of the occasional wave, and as a parent the idea of sending my kid UNSUPERVISED into someone else's home is fucking WILD and unsafe. It literally makes me anxious just thinking about it. And then if the kid DID happen to get upset by that kind of statement, you just... empathize with them and give a perspective they can understand. "If I walked into your room without asking you, how would that make you feel? Would you prefer if I asked you if it was ok, first? Well I feel the same way! I like it best if people knock or ring the doorbell before they come into my house or my yard. So in the future, do you think you could do that? I'd appreciate it!" And then as for the mom bit that's useful, too, because you can deflect some guilt or awkwardness the kid might feel, on that, too, "Your mom said you could? Ok, I understand! I'm really sorry about the misunderstanding, I'll clear it up with your folks, later, ok? Why don't you head home and let your mommy know I'll talk to her when I get a chance, but that we're busy right now, ok?" Apologies for the rant, I've just personally dealt with two kids in my life that have either just straight walked into my home or PHYSICALLY FORCED THEIR WAY into my door. So. I have THOUGHTS and FEELINGS on the matter. ROFL.
Second story: That guy should've asked his wife to use her English degree to help him write a coherent sentence 💀
Literally my first thought after he said she had an English degree and then the post continued the way it did 😂
Was gonna say something similar, lol.
I was definitely gonna say the same! 😂
XD
@Milf_und_Cookies
I liked your comment and giggled because it says 666 now. 🤣😎😈
Birthdays are not a community event
When I hear that I can't help feel like you should probably have a better excuse because otherwise I feel that the person making this statement has lost all joy in life.
Edit: This is thinking in the context of your neighbor's very young kids crashing your kids party. What I feel is important to understand is whether they are actually friends with your kid. I don't know, denying kids joy feels like a moral failing to me.
@@madhuguru3130 half of growing up is learning boundaries and being disappointed when things go wrong. I would have let the kids stay, if there was enough food, and if I knew them even in passing. That said, everyone is allowed their own boundaries and kids will need to learn them. The moral failing is on the part of the neighbors. Been alive a good long while, and held MANY kids birthdays, and never had a single crasher (though we have invited some in)
@@madhuguru3130 ah yes, let's let every kid do whatever they want, because saying "no" and teaching kids to respect healthy boundaries is "morally failing"
@@mr.phantom674*Makes a specific point towards a specific topic that doesn't apply to everything*
wELl lET's JUsT LeT kIDS dO WhATEvER thEY WAnT
Everybody in this thread is being insufferable tbh. There's nuance.
Personally, I'd prefer to live in a society where people have better relationships with their neighbors than what we currently have... Community is nonexistent in western society. HOWEVER, with that in mind, since your neighbors are basically strangers it is weird for them to crash your kids birthday party uninvited, so I don't blame the OP for being agitated. If you're in a situation where your neighbors are well-known, then they'd qualify as family friends anyway.
But again, in an ideal system a birthday party would definitely be a "community event," unless the kid themself was very introverted and wanted something more private... But this would go both ways and the community would be expected to pitch in and bring gifts or help to get the catering, not burdening everything onto the birthday kids parents if you're taking an "it takes a village" approach. I will agree with the person who said that this is a sign of being joyless, as I feel like inviting random kids is more permissible than inviting random adults (not sure why the adults even wanted to come if I'm being completely honest).
2nd story. It's weird that he didn't mention the fact that they have a 7 year old that she watches, almost as if he was trying to portray his wife as lazy or something.
I love how he assumes she has nothing to do at all for/with their child once the child is off to school. Who gets the kid up, dressed, ready, makes sure they have everything they need, has eaten food, and is on time for that bus if he's working 7-7. It's most likely her, since she's the 'stay at home wife'. Honestly Stay at Home Parenting and Household Management/Maintenance is easily 90k$ a year worth of labor.
@@MakoKittenThat’s along the lines of what I was thinking too, plus staying at home isn’t only cleaning it’s also making sure things stay in stock like food or toilet paper, also maintaining the house like if a cabinet handle got loose and you needed to fix it who knows how many situations like popped up.
Plus the fact that you don’t just clock off as a parent. Sure the kid isn’t there during the day during term time but you have to help them transition from a busy day at school into the home routine, deal with any emotional things that come up as your child learns to navigate life plus all the regular care responsibilities, and that doesn’t suddenly turn off when they go to bed. Sometimes they have a bad dream and get up in the night. Many nights they don’t but you are still half expecting them to or you are worried about something they are going through so you can never completely relax. Where as is often (though not always) the case that the partner goes to work, probably works hard but then gets to basically “clock out” mentally once the work day is done while she never feels completely off the clock. Saying that she only has to watch their daughter for two hours a day is very dismissive of the mental load going on.
that second story was kind of dumb all around, I agree that a lack of communitcation existed between the two of them, maybe she was not clear, but at the same time not cool to belittle her. And if he owns a firm I have the feeling he could pay for a housekeeper, if not everyday, 3 times a week or once a week just to do the heavier tasks, if he didn't feel like helping, which in part I get it if you work 12h. Just hire a house keeper, so easy to fix.
And maybe she wasn't clear because he would be a dismissive prick. @@julia88843
Another thing about the first story is that the neighbors children were there but not the parents. So they were just expecting other people to look after their children, without even informing anyone or asking if those children could be there.
Yeah, trying to foist their kids. off on other adults. Suppose the kids had had an allergic reaction or something??!! You can bet they would have tried to hold the OP liable. That's another thing. They are careless of their kids and would be the first to scream bloody murder if something happened. Can't trust people like that on your property.
I'd never want strangers looking after my kid, especially without a single convo. Terrible parenting all around.
I also don't think the way she spoke to the kids was wrong. She was polite but firm.
Also, maybe I'm just hyperaware of allergies because I have severe food allergies, but I would not be comfortable feeding a strange child in case they had allergies. Also, whatever happened to teaching kids not to accept food from strangers?
@maggieavilla1336 exactly. Boundaries and social rules are important and those kids are obviously not learning them at home, they need to learn them somewhere, unfortunately
What irks me is that in the second story, the guy calls his wife a "stay at home wife" and not a "stay at home mom." Just because your child is at school doesn't mean they aren't your child. Plus, even if she's only with the daughter for 2 hours, that doesn't change the fact that she is a legal guardian of the child. Argh. That's like saying that you don't own a car because it's with a valet.
Also the fact that even when he is home with the kid, she still could be doing everything (that’s how my parents were so it is very possible for other stay at home moms to have it pushed onto them)
Also, for my kid, the extra curricular activities actually require me to either be with my kid, or provide transportation when she is older. That means that I am busy with her stuff.
Well, to him she's his wife, so that makes sense. From an outside perspective she's a stay at home mom.
no its more because stay at home mom is more like a verb than a noun in this case because there refering to a mum staying home and taking care of the child
Purposefully not calling your wife, who you have a child with, a mom because the child goes to school is so heartless. He’s doing the same thing with hobby/job language choice. Choosing hurtful language is just mean.
Also, isn't their kid 7? That means it's only been the past few years that the kid has been going to school - before that his wife had "mom time" ALL DAY EVERY DAY.
I can imagine what he's like with his employees.
yeah, hes a genuine asshole.
I think you guys misunderstood. (I think) He was calling her a 'stay-at-home wife', instead of 'stay-at-home mother' because they are both home for 90% of the time the child is at home.
Sure, you're a mother, but you aren't 'mothering' all day; You're 'wife-ing'. There is a difference, even if only pedantically.
@cloudsteele1989 but she is taking care of the kid's laundry and cleaning the house for the whole family. There is nothing that is exclusive to being a wife . She probably runs more errands for her child than her husband. And she probably spends more time in a working day with her kid than her husband. Why is someone not considered a stay at home mother if they don't spend a certain amount of time with them in a work day but to be a stay at home wife you don't have to spend any time with your husband within a work day. It logically doesn't make sense. In this case stay at home wife isnt actually being used to mean stay at home wife, its being used because the husband purposely doesn't want to give her too much credit, (when in reality she does probably have a lot more work to do than a stay at home wife). I think you and ops husband aren't taking into account the errand that need to be run to look after a child (e.g. laundry, school events/ paperwork, lunch) beyond just taking care of the child directly
I am losing my mind at the man trying to roast his wife for trying to publish a book while he cannot construct a sentence to save his life.
The only firm that man should own is a Mattress Firm, goddamn
Or just a firm mattress.
He used auto-text😅
@@dr_ltorres8289Auto-text uses proper punctuation. What boot-leg auto-text do you have?
😂😂😂 yeah, so true.
No doubt people roasted him for that in the comments. No way Reddit let that slide
*Y O U ' R E N O T I N V I T E D*
I’m never invited 🕺🏻
and i just can't hide it
HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!?!
Damnit, I wanted to go too. 😢
@@ribosomerocker I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I want you, to stay home.
Now I have “you’re not invited” stuck in my head
A wonderful thing
The internet 😂😂😂
I need this one as a full song!
"Stay at home wife and not mum?" Being a parent is a full-time thing, you don't just stop being a parent when your kid is at school.
Regarding the second story; just because someone says they’re not mocking someone doesn’t mean that they aren’t. Lots of people will say they’re not doing the thing in order to deflect. It honestly sounded to me like he was absolutely belittling her aspirations. Rich for a guy who seems like he can barely write himself.
Made me think of when kids say "I'm not touching you!" while holding their finger right up next to the other's body.
@NoiseDay I was thinking "calm down it's just a joke" vibes
"I'm not mocking you but _I'm just saying_ "
exactly what i was thinking too. it’s like when bullies say “not to be mean but…” and then they mention your biggest insecurity. also i am concerned by the fact that that man owns a firm, yet his writing is… that horrible. he literally can’t use basic grammar.
" I'm not racists but....."
Story 2: I was kinda on op side until we learned they had a child. She is NOT a mom for only 2 hours a day. She isn't a stay at home wife, she is a stay at home mom, regardless of the school schedule.
Right!! The fact that people were saying he's not the AH because there are "no kids involved"? Yes, that kid is not home for most of the day. But when they get home...messes are made.
@@allysonallred3810 and homework. my mom helped me so much (even if it was homework i wouldn't have done it myself and her explanations help)
@@allysonallred3810also if the OP is gonna factor into his schedule an hour commute both ways for his 7 am to 7 pm schedule, the same applies to the mom (presumably) dropping their kid off for 7:30 as part of parenting their child. Taking you kid to school or at least getting them ready is parenting your kid.
And regardless any family housework she does, packing or not is still parenting their kid.
Edit: and the guy seems to not be interested in parenting
@@splish8869 yes! Not only dealing with the commute to school but the extra curriculars after school which OP factored in as extra time the child is away. Those extracurriculars still have a burden on her.
Doesn't change the fact that he's working long hours and she's so lazy she can't do a little house work because "muh writing." Responsible adults prioritize their responsibilities. No way she wouldn't have any time to write after taking care of them.
You gave OP #2 too much benefit of the doubt. The fact that he didn't mention upfront about how they have a 7-year-old is sketchy af. He thinks, because his wife is only alone with the kid for two hours a day, therefore she is not a stay-at-home-mom? This man has NO IDEA how much work it is to parent a child, probably because he doesn't do any of the parenting.
FOR REAL. it's so clear he devalues and takes for granted what she does. cooking and cleaning ARE super labour and time-intensive activities, but she likely ALSO takes care of so much scheduling, appointments, running errands, keeping track of family obligations, and maintaining important connections.
plus, im willing to bet, doing plenty of emotional labour for him (given his seeming interpersonal ineptitude), and of COURSE their daughter who they should both be involved in nurturing socially and emotionally.
the vibes from that #2 guy are just ABYSMAL ew !!!!!!
Thank 👏🏽 you 👏🏽
I was so puzzled why this just got skated over. Prep, care, and cleaning after a child isn't only done when they are directly underfoot. We can tell that ALL emotional labor, on top of household labor, is done by his wife by that late addition to his story.
I guess only paid labor counts as "work," though, huh?
@@clegs8356yes I totally agree!
I mean he did end it saying there needs to be a communication clearly bc both sides aren't happy there
@@clegs8356lol I love how much stretching you have to do to tryto validate your point. "She likely does all this stuff, I have zero evidence but CLEARLY she's doing all of this stuff because I decided so" what are you even talking about, what youre saying is complete bs lmao
i’ve been in this situation. “i’m sorry, sweetie…..you weren’t invited, and i don’t have enough for extra people. you have to go home.” because wtf? my son would never do that, and if your parents won’t teach you not to invite yourself places, i will.
Second story guy is the AH. She's trying to create a career and he's not taking into account getting their daughter up, dressed, fed, lunch made, sent off to school, and more just around the child. She has a degree and wants to put it to use. I highly doubt her house is in so much disarray because she's writing and he's capable of helping if he's home at 5-6.. he put her down so much because he wants her to act like his mom but cleaning up after 1 person is different than cleaning a whole house up after multiple people and it takes longer. She's allowed to pursue her career of choice without acting like his mommy and taking care of everything for him without help.
She *is* free to do that. But he's also free to get a divorce if she suddenly and unilaterally changes their lifestyle arrangements.
@@Ellie-rx3jt She didn’t change her lifestyle though? She’s still doing her job as a mother, taking care of her child and such.
Writing isn’t really a lifestyle change…
If he decides to get a divorce though, good riddance!
He doesn’t view his wife as a mother, he wants his wife to BE his mother.
@@weirdreapr she did change the lifestyle. If he is doing what is expected of him and she isnt meeting her side of the bargain, especially without discussion beforehand she is the ahole .
@@weirdreaprShe didnt meet her side of their arrangement and didnt try to discuss with him before switching up. She is the ahole simply because they didnt discuss.
@leisurelyleisuring he doesn't mention the child until later. He counts his commute for his work day but doesn't count his wife's. She gets the kid ready and takes them to the bus or school. What extracurricular activities is she doing at school that is 5 days a week for a second grader? Who takes that child to said activities and/or picks them up? Who likely has to stay at the place of the activities because at 7, mom is waiting in another room usually while the kid does their dance, gymnastics, or sports ball.
for the second one i find it so weird that people were saying ‘writers don’t quit their day job until after their book makes money’ then say that her housewifeness constitutes a job. Because NEITHER housewifing or writing a first book makes money, so according to OPs logic either they should both be considered jobs or both be considered hobbies.
that one especially had some weird takes in there, but i do think Daniel had the best nuanced handle of it. whether or not something is a "job" is unnecessary semantics and doesn't get anyone anywhere, it just makes people angry. people who focus on stuff like that in arguments really piss me off -- the "i'm not BELITTLING you, i'm just saying what's TRUE" card gets old very, very fast and i wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't the first time OP pulled that on his wife.
it doesn't matter what makes a job, what matters is what makes a functioning family and happy partners.
But those things like laundry do need to be done.
As someone writing, it can wait two hours.
@@ephemeris9432the husband explicitly dismissed her role as mother because she doesn't watch the kid 24/7. Like what, being a mother or not isn't decided by a certain daily routine. He is a massive assface for the way he talks about his wife
I get what you mean, but I do think there is a distinction - To me, chores, making money, raising the kids, etc. are shared household needs, and necessary to survive. However those tasks get handled is fine, but it MUST be done. Pursuing a new career, learning a skill, going to school, enjoying an actual hobby, etc. all go towards maintaining a happy life, not just meeting the bare requirements to survive, so it's still very important, but it's not part of shared responsibilities the way finances, chores, and raising children are.
I would, for that reason, consider doing the chores separate from a hobby. However, I think it's really important as someone who's part of a relationship to support your partner, and sometimes that may even mean that you have an imbalance in the household workload for a while. It's just about communicating it so that it works for both people in the relationship, in my opinion.
Also it sounded like she just started it, not that it took a long time and nothing came of it, so it could've worked out, if they just communicated expectations maybe were a bit lax for a bit about cleaning and then figure it out
Referring to your partner as a "stay-at-home wife," belittling a creative venture she is excited about, then trashing her on Reddit is not a good look. While I agree she should be keeping up with the housework if that was what she and her husband mutually agreed upon, I would not want to be married to that dude.
I keep hearing/reading "if that's what they agreed upon," but agreeing doesn't make her his bound servant. Agreements can be withdrawn and renegotiated. If you read between the lines she probably thought that's what was happening when she told him she's going to write a book.
plus she's a mom, its a 24/7 job really, and to say she's a wife before a mom is absolutely disgusting
@@zetizaharaExactly. He talks as though his wife can’t decide that maybe she wants to do something else as well? A lot of people go through phases of life or need some sort of change, even if it’s just adding a side business.
@@Window4503 of course, in that regard he is the asshole, but she is also the asshole for not talking to him about it before she deicided she didn't need to do as much house work anymore
As something of a writer myself, it's more than possible to think on things while doing chores and then write it all out. A bit slower, sure, and you might forget things if you're anything like me, but not entirely mutually exclusive. If it weren't for the inconceivable number of red flags he bears he would _almost_ have something resembling a point. It would still be entirely ruined by the fact he posted it on reddit, but oh well.
Also it’s wild to think Florida=Disney. Florida is as big as the UK. That’s like winning a trip to London and deciding you’re going to spend the entire time in Scotland
There's so much to do in Florida besides theme parks. There's a world-class alligator and crocodilian preserve in St. Augustine, a fortress, some plantation ruins, Cape Canaveral, the Everglades, NASCAR, zip lining, sailing, a thriving art scene, plenty of beaches, great seafood, and literally something for everyone. I wish my family was still welcome there because we loved to vacation there and do all the things.
@@rawilliams5881 wait wait wait you can’t just gloss over that part about not being welcome in Florida. Are y’all banned from the state???
@@Shoulderpads-mcgee They probably got into some trouble with one of the local gangs
@@rawilliams5881 girl tf yall do 😭
Maybe some part of the family is LGBT
Thinking its not okay to tell kids their behavior is innappropriate, is exactly why kids do stuff like this.
The kids didn't go over there on their own is the point Daniel was make. If they just showed up, then yes, but their parents specifically told them to go
@@Kitty.ggaall so that means we shouldn’t tell them that it’s a wrong thing to do? Imagine if this was any other scenario, like a parent telling their child to go grab some thing from a neighbors house and walk out. Should the child not be told that stealing is wrong?
@@aduckofsomesort Apples and oranges. Redirect kids yes, but the harshness of the redirection was the issue when that should've been reserved for the parents. Stealing is not comparable to this particular situation. The kids just walked somewhere because their parents said so, they didn't try to take anything
So many people devalue their domestic partners, treating them like slaves while at the same time saying they are lazy or don't deserve a life outside the house (is it a home if you're enslaved?) it is no wonder people are more reluctant than ever to get married and/or bear children. These AITAs make me confident in my decision to never have kids or share a bank account.
second story: kids are emotionally exhausting, and if the kid is 7 and has extracurriculars every single day, she's going to be exhausted and therefore harder to handle every single day, so yeah the husband not calling her a stay at home MOM, despite having to do hours of work that are themselves more intense due to the nature of tired kids, he's tah
why are the reddit comments saying 'writers don't quit their job before publishing'. She didn't stop cleaning the house. She just got behind on the chores and asked him to help? Am I misunderstanding something here?
@@yourshoulderdevil5229 exactly
@@LycanKai14I don't think a lot of the comments were sexist (some would obviously be sexist because it's the internet) it boils down to 2 things.
1. Most people don't know how much effort it takes to be a stay at home parent of any gender. Being a stay at home parent is easily a 12 hour job like his because it entails SO MUCH.
2. Stories like this are flawed because it's only one side of the story. We don't know anything about the wife's motivations or if she had told him she would be behind on the chores prior. He can change the way he says things and twist things slightly in his favour because he is the one telling the story but I'm sure if we heard an objective view of the story not told by the wife or the husband it would be a very different situation.
Because of those two things it makes sense people agreed with his side because the post is written by someone who thinks he isn't the ah and read by people who don't understand the wife's job.
@LycanKai14 Okay, let me try this another way. If the roles were reversed and it was a stay at home dad becoming a writer and a career driven woman, would it be sexist towards the man?
@@SnowLily06 The fact that people don't know (or respect) how much effort it takes to be a stay at home parent/partner is an issue of sexism though, regardless who is being affected by that societal bias. It has been historically devalued and disregarded despite being necessary labour because it was a traditionally feminine role filled mostly by women in service to men who essentially owned them, leading to both a lack of knowledge and respect towards the role and the people filling it. The showcasing of that ignorance and those biases are displays of sexism, yes even if it was a husband receiving the same criticisms, though it'd probably be much less apparent since it wouldn't have the added straightforward animosity of being directed towards a woman.
I'd say one could make a strong argument the vast majority of the comments agreeing (if not overall tbh, we live in a society after all) were probably sexist because this topic is steeped in traditional gender dynamics, pretty much prompts disrespect by default just to even agree with the OP, and people inevitably tend to speak from their biases on such issues, especially when they're being wrong and shitty.
Your conclusion is also kinda silly, saying that because [people are sexist]- paraphrased- and the narrator is biased and unreliable that it makes sense people would agree with him, but we're all raised in the same society broadly speaking and we all read the same story and perfectly well see he was TA about it even if some (wrongly) think he had valid criticisms?? Like personally I think if a conclusion is dependent on being ignorant to easy to obtain knowledge of extremely common everyday things people deal with and sparing zero empathy for those people then it by default cannot "make sense", because they got there through willful, obstinate depravity. It's like saying "Oh well it makes sense Robert set that puppy on fire considering he doesn't care how it feels and he likes setting things on fire.", like technically yeah, that adds up?? Still not a remotely reasonable thing to do?? But idk maybe we're working off very different standards for behavior being sensical.
I'd also point out it's usually more of a 24/5-7 job, because it's not like you stop being a parent when you go to sleep or when the partner gets home. A lot of the time if any parenting is needed in the middle of the night, the SAHP still has to deal with it because the other partner "has to work in the morning".
This concludes my list of semantics about your one sided argument*, hope you enjoyed my ranting as much as I did. (*YT isn't showing me LycanKai's messages, so I have no idea if they deleted them or if it's that youtube bug where they hide some messages if you're not set to sort by newest and honestly I don't care enough to check.)
Well you see they hate women
That wife using her poor daughter as leverage to get what she wants out of a vacation is really underhanded and extremely unfair to both her husband AND her child. My parents used to do this stuff with us when we were little and all it ever did was cause more turmoil and made us kids feel horrible in the end. No one wins when you use your children to get your way.
I think she thought it was specifically for her and her blabbing is completely not appropriate of her to get her way. And the Disney and Seaworld is bad and the M should be able to pick I mean it’s his won vacation and it’s not for Orlando it’s for FORT MYERS which is around 3 hours is the and back!
"Our Mommy said we could come!"
*Look the child in the eye with the meanest glare possible.
"Your "MoMmY" lied to you."
My neighbor had a birthday party for her daughter. My son was like four at the time and I told him he couldn’t go because he was not invited. He was sad, but that is what you do as a parent. If you don’t teach your kids to respect boundaries, they won’t learn.
Story 2:
He only mentioned dishes and DUST falling behind, didnt he?
WHO THE FUCK DUSTS ALL THE DAMN TIME ANYWAY??
literally the only time the dusters are used in my house is when something is pulled out of the attic / shed or smth … aint NO way op noticed DUST falling behind 😭😭 wth is up with reddit
I almost never dust. I am a monster. Don't tell Sir I-Have-My-Own-Firm.
With the story about a free trip the wife really f'd up everything. For one it wouldn't have been that big of a thing to explain to the kid that they're taking a trip for adults, but now that she made the kid think she was gonna go as well the disappointment is going to be so much bigger. Plus there might've been a chance of them talking it out and taking the daughter with them to this trip, but after what the wife did, the conversation is over and it becomes a much bigger issue. And now if she got what she wanted the trip would be almost ruined even before it started as no one is having fun now.
Yeah wife the AITA. Not the vibe
Finally someone talking about that one. Like judging by her behavior, I can almost guess why she's got a second husband... and hopefully that becomes a second divorce.
That dude doesn't deserve all the shit for trying to talk things out first. Communication is really healthy and he seemed to have wanted to take that route. Seems like his wife is not big on communication, and people who cannot just talk things out are people who aren't ready for relationships.
@@nomoretwitterhandles big agree on this one. If you can't talk to your spouse and even worse, do something that you BOTH agree not to do to use a third party (especially a child) as leverage to win an argument is not mature, and I'm just feeling sorry for the kid that has such a bad mother figure in their life
I think its pretty clear the wife told her daughter to try to force his hand and make him do what she wants not only is it really underhanded but its not fair to the kid either what would happen would either be 1 she doesn't get to go and is really upset (understandably so because her mother told her she would get to go) or 2 even if op gave in and let her come its not a trip any of them would enjoy they're hours away from the things she was told she could do and op isnt able to do what he was planning either and also feels invalidated
My thing is if the child was his biological daughter would he really want to leave her at home and have an Adults trip?..... I know parents need their own time but if you have a kid and a free trip you don't want to take them somewhere you may never be able to afford to take them?
Honestly this dude wants me to believe as a father to a girl he wants to hang out in another state with his friends insted of taking his child on a trip she will remember for the rest of her life...?....... It's a no from me.
Story 2: A woman with an English degree... trying to write a book... isn't work? What? How is she supposed to make money from publishing the book if she hardly spends any time writing it, because it's "just a hobby"? I'm pretty sure she's serious enough to treat it like a 9-5 job until it's published. Not sure if it's the best metaphor, but farmers don't make money until after the crops are grown and sold, right?
But as a SAHM myself, she might need to rework her time management to be able to do chores and writing while their daughter is at school. Can understand the struggle of being too inspired and motivated to want to stop working though
I was an editor for 13 years. She may be working on a project, but if she's only started writing now, it's 99.99% likelihood garbage and will cost a bunch but never make a cent. Even if it's great, reality is she almost certainly won't be able to srll it. If she was going to be good, she ought to have been writing for the sheer love of it for years.
*sell
@@museofthesea>editor
>doesn't edit their own comment
>leaves
lmao
Some editor, judging before reading the draft. Also first drafts are always crsp, thats their nature, but you kind of need to write them first. Then self edit. Then edit with an editor.
@@museofthesea I’m assuming that she has been writing for the love of it for years if she chose to get a degree in it. She’s seems to be acting like someone who’s had writing as a lifelong passion (to me at least anyway)
The story about the person ending up in jail because of his friend's night terror really brought me back to something that happened around twelve years ago, involving my little sister. So, here's a wall of text describing the event:
My sister has had night terrors on and off throughout her life, and it was especially bad if she had a nasty cold. And this incident occured, of course, when she had both a cold and a pretty awful ear infection. She had finally fallen asleep after taking some medicine, and her fever seemed to subside.
Meanwhile, I was in the living room, probably playing some 3DS game, when I heard crying coming from her room. My mom sent me to check on her and ask if she needed anything. Rolling my eyes and complaining, I opened the door and asked her, "Why are you whining?" You know, like any big sister would.
She cried out, staring at the corner in terror as the light from the hallway illuminated it. She was *covered* in sweat, trembling. And I won't lie, it creeped me out to find her just gaping at nothing, but it also caused my brain to switch from "annoyed" to "concerned."
I tried talking to her calmly, letting her know it was just a dream. It wasn't working, and I was starting to panic. Stupidly, I tried touching her shoulder in an attempt to shake her out of it.
She screamed, batted my hand away, and shoved past me, shouting, "Leave me alone! Don't hurt me!"
I followed her into the living room just as she bolted out the front door. (Mom couldn't follow immediately, as she's disabled, and my dad and other siblings just happened to be out.)
But, man, I had never seen that kid run faster than she had as I sprinted behind her. My only thoughts at that moment were that my sister, still in a half-dreaming state, would get hit by a car--but from her perspective, as she'd later tell me, I looked like some sort of demon barreling after her, which obviously frightened her more. I desperately called her name, hoping she would wake up, but she was still
in the middle of the night terror.
That was when some of our neighbors several doors down came out to see what was going on. My sister ran into the lady's arms, sobbing and screaming, "He's trying to kill me!"
Upon hearing that, the lady barked at me to stop where I was and explain what was happening. Not only was I emotional because I thought my sister was going to die, but I'm big autistic and have a lot of anxiety. So an angry adult yelling at me on top of it made it very hard for me to be coherent.
This lady was very suspicious of me. My sister had a few bruises on her arms and legs, as well as some scrapes from taking a tumble or two on her bike. My arm was also starting to bruise after my sister nearly knocked me off my feet as she fled past me, as well as various bruises from being genuinely clumsy and climbing up trees.
I don't blame my neighbor at all for telling her son to call the police, before telling me she wasn't going to let me take my sister back home to a potentially unsafe situation until it was sorted out by the cops.
Eventually, my mom caught up and the lady reiterated all that to Mom. Mom was furious at the moment, blinded by the indignance that this person she didn't even know wouldn't let her have her child back. She called my dad in a huff, who came over as quickly as he could and started SCREAMING at this woman, ordering her to give my sister back.
My sister, who was seeing Dad as this twisted creature with a horrid, distorted voice wailed and gripped onto the lady for dear life. My dad's aggressive demands were already enough to paint him in a terrible light, but my sister's reaction further cemented our neighbor's belief that my sister was kn trouble. She swept my sister behind her, and spat, "You terrorizing this girl, or what? She said you're trying to kill her."
My dad denied this, of course, but the lady was, again, rightfully skepitcal.
By the time the cops came and started talking to us, my sister had "woken up." She was dazed and confused, and had no idea why her bare feet were blistered and who the lady holding her was. Mom and Dad also sort of calmed down when they came to the understanding that this woman had every reason to believe my sister was in fear for her life, considering her bruises and sheer terror...especially when a frazzled and scared teen was chasing after her with an almost manic look in her eyes.
Honestly, I'm grateful this family showed such concern and were so protective of the random twelve-year-old that showed up on their doorstep. Mom and I baked a bunch of cookies as thanks for being such good people. A few years later, they moved, and the people that live in that house now kind of suck, lmao.
TL;DR: sister had a night terror and thought I was a demon/some sort of evil minion trying to capture her so she could be slaughtered, and a cool lady and her family were very concerned about her wellbeing.
TBH in that situation it is better to err on the side of caution. Glad the cops arrived and did due diligence before deciding to detain anyone. I have known people who have had night terrors and stuff before, but never the prolonged kind like this. It's wild. Makes me thankful that the worst I've had to deal with with sleep issues in insomnia. I can't imagine...
@@MorganMakesThings Oh, definitely. It was the only positive experience I've had with cops, which was a relief considering they don't handle cases of mental distress very well.
The way op handled telling the neighbors and their kids was the correct way to handle it. They were hoping that op would feel too bad to say anything by sending the kids and putting them in that position. The neighbors got the appropriate punishment of righrfully feeling like crap by setting their own kids up for disappointment. Telling the kids that was inappropriate is absolutely the right thing to do so not only are they imprinting that lesson on their children so it doesn't happen again they are also showing that they're willing to stand their ground in front of anyone all the neighbors can't even say what they need to say to ops face. Standing your ground in front of every single person no matter what age they are is the right thing to do it shows you are not willing to compromise and you're not willing to be a pushover no matter what tactic they use not to mention The kids will figure out very quickly Next time their parents try to do that but they're setting them up
Eh...they handled it ok, but i wouldn't say it was *the* correct way.
If the children came in thinking they can just join any party they want, that would be one thing. But these kids said they got permission from their parents, so it's reasonable for them to think what they did was appropriate. Telling them "no" is ok, but it should at least come with some explanation - something like, "I'm sorry, but your parents didn't check with us first".
I think the best way is Daniel's suggestion to say something like "let me talk/confirm with your parents" and bring them with you as you go to their parents. That way you can pressure *them* to be the ones to say "no".
What's funnier is how versitle Daniel's "You're not invited" song was.
A "hobby" takes time to turn into a job/business. Time where you do a lot of work, unpaid, to get something off the ground. You'd think that someone who has their own firm would understand that
You'd think but apparently not
Yes, it really shouldn’t be a big deal to the husband for him to do a little more jobs.
As long as my partner isn’t doing anything to financially compromise us, it’ll never be a burden to support them.
If supporting your partner is a burden then I don’t think you love your partner.
Too many people get married/ in relationships and don’t realize there’s a lot of emotional responsibility and maturity that’s required…
Yeah, writers don’t make money until they sell their book, but it’s still a job, just with unreliable revenue
Shes working on a book. She could easly work 2 hours on a book and not have house chores piling up. Also shes nit working on a buisness, its a passion project that may or may not sell. He works all day so she should make sure chores are done, expecially those they already agreed on.
Im saying it as a working woman
I don't wanna be mean, but that's like the one thing I agree with him on. It's a hobby until you make money. It's clear she's trying to turn it into a job, but it's not one yet.
"thats why you're probably eating lunch while watching this" made me jump out of my skin. i am indeed preparing a meal right now
Same! 😂 I was literally eating my lunch when that comment came up
me too, heh :D
Same bahahaha
Same!!!
same lmao
"Not sure why so many people are hung up on phrasing"
Because phrasing can be indicative of behavior.
It's not always but I have this conversation with my dad somewhat frequently because I get uncomfortable when he refers to me as "my daughter" in conversations with me. I find it possessive. He says I'm hung up on the words and tells other people I care a lot about how things are said.
And I've tried to explain to him that it's not just about the words, it's because it's indicative of other ways he treats me. He acts possessive in other ways like getting angry when I moved away; getting jealous when he knows I called other family members; getting upset when I don't contact him as much as he'd like, if I can't drop everything immediately for his calls, when I ask for a day to myself or that I was busy on *my* birthday. When he calls me and says "how's *my* little girl" it reminds me of how possessive he is in other ways.
Sometimes words are just words; and sometimes they are telling a bigger story.
I have never liked when parents said “my___”. They could use your name instead and treat you like human
Maybe it’s because I don’t necessarily have this dynamic with my own parents, but I don’t really see how saying “my daughter/son” is indicative of anything. Like, I would not bat an eye at all if I saw anybody refer to their children like that. Imo in this case, you’re reading into relatively normal language as a result of a shitty situation.
Telling the kids “It’s not really appropriate for you to be here” or whatever is SOOOOO justified!! My child’s birthday party is for my family not your family. Would I say get out? No. Would I still tell the child what happened like “This is not your party and you’re not invited.” Everything the first person said to the child was 100% justified.
Ooooooh this 2nd aita. The husband IS an asshole. "Not a sahm" "her job is to do the chores" ok, who does the grocery shopping, meal planning, prepping, cooking, doctors appointments scheduling and chauffeuring, social planning for the parents and kid, clothes shopping, who carries the mental load of the home and all that it entails (that is a massive thing nobody talks about) who schedules dentist appointments and driving, the parenting, homework, field trips, relationship work, the deep cleaning, the organizing, the everything else besides the dishes and laundry? It irks me to the mooon when people think stay at home mom or wife only does dishes and laundry.
I get it that the wife could tidy up and still do her writing, but the husband is dismissive and condescending and not supportive or understanding. He is a gross person.
Oh, the car maintenance, lawn care, getting the girl ready for school, I could go in for hours about all the millions of details of keeping a house and family.
When the husband "babysits" his own daughter, especially when she was younger I guarantee he didn't do anything else besides watch the kid. While the wife is expected to take care of the house AND watch the kid. Ugh these kinds of men are so gross.
mightve missed smth as i wasnt fully listening but i never noticed any mention of the wife getting a break either... so all that work and no breaks. at least the husband gets to come home from work and relax. as far as i could tell she doesnt get that luxury
@@agirlisnoone5953 someone using those kinds of gender roles definitely isn't leaving car maintenance or lawn care to the woman
@@LycanKai14 what's the rest
@@dansihvonen8218Why should she do all the work at home? By his own admission it is not a real job because it doesn’t make any money. “It’s just a hobby”. Acting like a 12 hour shift (which includes breaks) is the same as a 24/7 job is insane to me. He belittled her multiple times in the post and you wonder why people think he may be in the wrong is insane. “I put stay at home wife because she only looks after the kid 2 hours a day” “it’s not a job, it’s a hobby” because “it doesn’t make money”.
As for the 'firm' guy - he obviously doesn't respect his wife and that's going to affect the story. While he might not be an asshole technically for getting into semantics - the way he spoke about his wife definitely makes him *an* asshole.
Oh yes. Plus making it a 12 hour day by counting commute ... eh. That's a 48 hour work week, expecting he has lunch. Just way to make himself look better
The fact that he doesn’t call his wife a mom because the daughter is only home for 2 hours with the her… He’s an asshole
@@oreohunter7798 and you know that this is a guy that expects to do absolutely nothing when he gets home from his "12 hour day" so I highly doubt he's taking on any of the parenting responsibilities after work. She works from the moment she opens her eyes in the morning till the moment she closes them at night and lets be real sleep time is on call time when you have a 7 year old (our pediatrician informed me that 6-10 is when children experience the most sleep disturbances in their lives) so she's working 16 hours days and is on call the other 8 and he's grumpy that she'd rather spend SOME of that time doing something that doesn't immediately serve him or his interests. Like be so for real right now, mans wouldn't be able to have a successful career at all without this woman's support keeping the house clean and his belly full and his child cared for. I think it's pretty significant that their daughter is 7, she's just now starting first grade and she's probably out of the house more than she's ever been before. This is probably the most time his wife has had to herself in years, in 7 years, and it's not uncommon to feel like you're losing your sense of self and identity when you become a parent, so I'm not surprised she wants to bust out that degree and do something with it. It's just like that other commenter said, everyone needs to feel a sense of purpose. Shockingly, doing mountains of laundry every day and cleaning a house and taking care of everyone in the house probably doesn't feel that fulfilling to an English major.
@@smirbelbirbelfound the lazy parent, you dont think 12 hours a day is a lot? Its clear you haven't worked much then. To clarify the guys an AH imo but he certainly is putting in his half ten fold, if you think running a business is easier than changing diapers though youre a clown
@@smirbelbirbelalso your math is off, you think 12x5 is 48? Its 60.
Man's wife is an English major, and he can't even write a coherent sentence, but he's arguing with HER over semantics!? And of course, he's WRONG! A hobby is something you do for leisure in your free time, she's not doing this for leisure. She's doing it to make money so it's a job!
she is clearly doing it for leisure 💀. Or else she wouldn't be doing it on top of her "horribly time consuming chores". And she wouldn't be complaining to her husband with 14 hour workdays to try and make more time to do it.
Also, I know you aren't supposed to use conjunctions to start a sentence, so don't be temped to comment that i'm wrong because of my use of grammar instead of looking at my argument. I started the sentences with "and" and "or" to make my comment clearer and easier to understand.
Disagree with the last sentence. A hobby can 100% be used to make money
@@sethsmith2608Dude…you’re on nearly every comment about this and yet you still haven’t gotten it into your head that doing unpaid work ≠ leisure.
And then you’re paranoid about someone correcting your grammar even though if you reread their comment, they ALSO started a sentence with “and”. If you’re already trying to defend yourself over something that hasn’t even happened that the other person clearly doesn’t care about, then that indicates you already came into this discussion expecting irrational conflict, not a civil exchange. People who approach conversations with that attitude tend to be more combative because a neutral situation is already viewed as threatening. It’s self-fulfilling.
@@Window4503 from the husband's post it seems like she is doing this as a hobby and not as a means of revenue. Also when did I say chores weren't work?
i just said the thing about conjunctions so I don't look uneducated, which adds validity to my statement
@@sethsmith2608 Fun fact: The statement that you can't start a sentence with a conjunction is kinda bullshit, to put it bluntly. It is taught to us as kids so that we don't write incomplete sentences and learn our clauses. However if you know what you're doing, you can 100% start a sentence with a conjunction. Published books can do so for the sake of stylistic emphasis, so it's not what I consider to be an inherent flaw.
2nd dude "my wife has a hobby not a job"
"Ok my wife is a stay at home wife/mom"
So she has a job? Lmfao
The definition of "job" seems to be quite broad here if that can be classified as a job.
yeah but that means she's not doing her job
2:14 easy you say, oh I’m sorry sweetie, this is a family party. But we can play another day
For the last one: since the free trip the husband won to Florida isn’t even in Disney World, and it’s a 2.5-4hr drive to Disney, he is not obligated to bring his stepdaughter or the wife’s mother. The tickets really are for an adult trip.
To say nothing of the cost of renting a vehicle and buying park tickets for four people, only to spend six hours in a car each day to get to the theme parks.
Yeah I actually feel bad for that guy. He should just go on a boys trip and maybe even a divorce because his wife clearly was being manipulative about telling her daughter
@@jessetheplantHeaven forbid you use a free trip for your FAMILY. Heaven forbid you spend some money on a day trip to disney and do other stuff while there at well.
@@kippledipple how do you not realize how expensive that would be for all the gas money since they wouldn’t be anywhere near Disney?? Plus do you know how much it costs per person for Disney World tickets? It’s very very expensive, plus then there’s all of the stuff to pay for inside the park so it’s very very different
@@rawilliams5881 and spend a ton of money while in the park as well, while only being able to be there for a few hours bc of the driving too!
Regarding the 2nd story: I'm a single parent who's day is 7 - 7... I still get the chores done. The length of the day doesn't matter. You either do it or you don't and if you're in a partnership you work it out together. It sounded like he isn't in a partnership. He doesn't see her as a partner. He sees her as the housemaid.
Maybe she should do some paid work away from home? Don't you think a spouse would gladly share the responsibility for the family's finances? Of course, that would significantly reduce time for writing. But that is life as an independent adult. Only the husband working and paying for everything, including the wife's personal things, doesn't sound like an equal and modern relationship, does it?
@@dansihvonen8218 It's pretty clear that the husband isn't the only one who works.
I was thinking the only reason he needs to work 12 hours every day is because he has such difficulties putting together a coherent sentence and basic grammar. If she was the lawyer in the family she probably would get all his work load done in 2 hours instead of 12 because she actually knows how to read and write! He's probably just envious of that.
@@zetizahara " It's pretty clear that the husband isn't the only one who works."
Who claims that?
It's pretty clear that the husband is the only one getting paid.
If she stops doing chores, he will be the only one working.
@@dansihvonen8218 Work is still work, even if it goes unpaid. The dictionary exists, use it.
Re Story 2: A "stay-at-home wife/mom" is a job and should be regarded as such, even if it's not salaried.
The amount of money saved from daycare expenses alone makes it qualify. The only reason some men belittle it is because it gives them more power over women.
House cleaning services alone are pricey to get a decent one. Having someone at home do all of that saves a lot. If he's really such a big shot firm owner he could just hire a service and the wife could do less and there wouldn't be this argument at all.
She was effectively reducing that job for a non paying one, so she should have discussed it. I think they're both the AH.
Everyone is also ignoring the fact that she just momentarily pulled back on chores..."typical" jobs get weekends off, they also get to take personal/vacation days....he didn't say she'd been ignoring the chores for months, just recently. And does his attitude of it not being a real job, mean that if her book makes money he won't expect her to contribute to the household at all with it since he wasn't granting her some leeway, let alone doing anything to contribute to her success.
I think the government should pay SAH parents..
“You’re not invited” sounds like the needle drop that kicks off the title card of a horror film and I love it
“You’re Not Invited” has been such an ear worm for me :P
3:00 a little girl's birthday is not a "community event" its a personal event you dont have an invitation dont come in i dont care how rude im being
26:30 Bring the daughter and then the guy chooses 1 more, each chooses 1 partner to bring then its even
"How dare those kids! Get off my lawn!"
@K.C-2049 That's just sad man. Everybody seems so scared of letting children be children in America it would seem. Calling cops on kids is just unthinkable anywhere else.
Edit: I must also add, neighbors' kids usually are friends and play together. Do you really want to deny joy to kids? I know I will not ask kids to leave unless they need to be back home.
Edit2: Also, I don't think it's right to compare kids to adults.. They are kids.
@K.C-2049lmao yea
But now the daughter is still going to be overly hyped about Disney, etc, despite it being another 2-4 hours away, meaning now guy has to fill the whole vacation with either excess driving, or a disappointed 11 year old step-daughter. Not to mention that if the guy did choose a friend for the fourth person, that person will be relegated to "tag-a-long" to a family outing, rather than them getting to have any sort of adult-only excursion. I think no matter what guy chooses, it's now going to be a horrible trip, thanks to his wife's manipulations. WitA.
@michaelhuett9916 oh yeah completely forgot about the 2 hour distance
Even in the situation with the alpaca, if I was chilling in my backyard and having a birthday party and my neighbor walks over and stays outside the fence to have a chat about the alpaca and ask what kind of party we're having, that's more pleasant and social than just walking in and showing up.
I might've even knocked on the door, and asked to pet the alpaca.
Just go to one of the hosts of the party and ask if you may join. If refused, you greet and leave, if accepted, you ask if you should bring a contribution of food.
Yeah, that's reasonable. Or if the party was in a public park or something like that, that could be an honest mistake, but it's just dumb to send a kid to a random party
Personally, I would have let the kids stay for the party but then have a serious talk with the parents afterwards about how inappropriate that is. I would only escort the kids back home if they were being rude and disruptive. But if they were getting along with the other kids and they were all having fun together then I honestly don't see the problem with that. I think it's weird and imho rude to punish the kids who don't know any better and just want to play with other kids. The parents on the other hand, need a serious reality check because in what world is that okay? Pure delusion, and I hope the kids don't turn out like their parents.
@@noway377 it's the common case of give them a finger and they'll rip off your arm. You let their kids stay for one party, before you know it YOU'RE the main provider for them and their parents consider the entire purpose of your existence to provide unpaid childcare for them. These people see everyone around them as nothing but slaves.
Story 3: she needs to contact the police and clear things up. It all needs to be cleared up, and he should consult an attorney to ensure it happens. She needs to see a psychiatrist too, her panic attack put a innocent man in jail for a night.
A night terror isn't the same thing as a panic attack. Night terrors are actually a pretty awful sleep disorder. The weird thing is why the woman didn't try harder (and sooner) to rectify the misunderstanding.
2nd story: Apparently, carrying a child for 9 months and giving birth to them doesnt make a person a mother.. what kind of world are we living on now😮💨
That “You’re Not Invited” song 😂 fantastic touch. Send it to OP for their daughter’s bday next year so they can blast it across the neighbourhood lol
i would never use the second guys law firm for anything. he has zero awareness of what hes typing and i have no confidence he could ever successfully understand the finer details of the law.
Dude probably owns a Mattress Firm... franchise.
LITERALLY!! This is what I was thinking as I was listening lol
3:11 I can imagine Daniel just yelling "Yo! Sick llama!" from beyond the fence then walking away
Edit: alpaca mb lol
iT wAs An ALpAcA tHaNk YoU vErY mUcH
Edit: Im just joking btw
the fact that it was an alpaca makes this funnier actually. daniel would totally say that to an alpaca.
"eating your lunch-"
Excuse me, Daniel. For me, it's 9am and I was eating breakfast, thank you very much.
Anyway, I love the callbacks to the "You're not invited" song because that was silly and I love silly.
I was cooking supper lol
But what about second breakfast?
😎
2:20 "Your mommy didn't ask us if it's ok, and she should. Let's go talk with your mom honey"
No, it’s “Hey kid, your mom lied and it’s not okay to be here. Give your mother this.” Hand the kid the note and tell them not to open it. It reads, “Nice try”
Heads up creator, keeping a house in order is more than a couple hours of work a day, especially if you have kids, even with extracurriculars. There's meetings with teachers, doctors apts, meals to shop, prep & cook, PTA to participate in, homework to help with, conversations to have & life lessons to teach.
Keeping a large house that other people live in is WAY different than cleaning an apartment. It's more space to clean, more things to put away, kids tend to make messes (yes, even girls), lots of outside maintenance too.
Yes! Cleaning a house does not take 2 hours.
For #2, if your domestic roles aren’t working for BOTH partners, it’s an a-hole move for ONE partner to think they have the authority to shut down the discussion. Furthermore, a 7-year-old isn’t self-sufficient. OP doesn’t sound like the type that’s very hands-on with his kid. A meeting in the middle could have involved a discussion about hiring someone to do the deep clean once or twice a month for a set # of months, then re-evaluate her progress toward the book’s completion.
How does this "sound" sound exactly?
Feels like u make shit up to help ur argument.
@@lockofmetal8894 OP is clearly dismissive and condescending, and minimizes his wife's contributions to their home/family life. The fact that he obfuscates that they have a 7yo (and minimizes the work that goes into parenting one, acting like extra-curriculars are less work rather than more) says a lot all on its own. @auntlynnie actually made a pretty good "middle-ground" compromise for OP and his wife. Him hiring a cleaning service for a set number of months and then seeing where his wife is with her novel seems like a completely fair thing to do for a woman who, despite being college-educated, chose to be a SAHM to their child for the past 7 years so OP could focus on his career and growing his firm. If he owns his own firm, having a cleaning service come in regularly is a negligible expense in terms of showing OP's wife that he loves her and supports her ambitions...especially given how she has proven her support of his own ambitions over the better part of a decade.
2nd story: I suggest OP take a week off work and swap duties with his wife. He can see how long it takes him to do chores (we have no idea how big the house is, if they have pets, barely found out about the child), "watch" his child for "two hours." And to all the people saying chores take an hour or so per day? WTF are they eating for dinner every night? Planning, shopping for and preparing and cleaning up meals can be a whole-all part time job in itself.
Let's do a hypothetical on that last story. What if OP had won a $2k shopping spree and wife said she couldn't wait for her daughter and mother to come with; then told her daughter she gets to spend $500 on anything she wants? (And granny, too.)
This comment makes me feel so much better. I thought I was going crazy for a minute there. 😭
even ignoring all the other really important stuff, just one hour a day to keep the entire house clean? impossible unless you live in a under 30 sq mt apartment
@@rflsms exactly lol. Even if you're single it can still take forever and OP was talking about chores that take a lot of time (dusting etc). They knew what they were doing omitting their child from the original story, and he seems clueless about his wife's insane work ethic and ability to manage time without his input.
It takes me 2 hours just to vacuum and mop the ground floor, and I don't live in a huge house.
Also, I think the people just saying "chores" don't have any experience running a household, so they think it only means cleaning.
They have a 7 year old, and the OP mentions extracurriculars. So, who picks her up from those? They usually don't have after-school clubs in elementary school, so we're probably talking about dance classes, or gymnastics, something outside the school. Even if it's a carpool, someone has to schedule that.
Having a kid, even without extracurriculars, is like being a personal assistant. With them, there's even more to keep track of.
School schedules, holidays, school events, helping with homework, any special event from the extracurriculars, outside events like other children's birthday parties her child wants to attend, doctors appointments, dentist appointments, and that's all just for the kid.
It's not easy.
People should have to take a class on how much effort goes into the behind the scenes housework, I swear.
Right. I noticed all the people saying "I can tidy my whole house in 30 minutes", are all most likely men who ignore the fact that they have vastly different standards of what tidy is when they do it themselves vs expecting someone else to do it for them. Also they dont do near the amount for themselves that they push off onto their wives. Most of the time being a stay at home mom means being an on call servant for anything the husband doesn't want to do, which is everything, meaning the work never ends. And if you have young kids then your up all night and still have shit to do the next day.
He gets to call out or take sick days, vacation days but you never do. They act like it's just laundry and cooking, meanwhile they're enlisting you to help their mother with her chores, deciding you're hosting a large dinner, want their cluttered, filthy garage and tool shed gone through, cleaned and reorganized, need the inside of their car cleaned, need secretarial work done, want stains taken out of their shirts, the carpets need deep cleaned, he wants his office repainted. And just tons and tons of random maintenance work on top of the every day appointments, meal cooking, shopping, laundry, childcare, general cleaning. It's like they think maintaining an entire house for multiple people is like "picking up your room" when you're 15.
The second story is definitely TA. His wife is cooking, cleaning, caring for a child, and now writing a book which is what she was trained to do.
The gentleman here is out of line to say that she doesn't have a job, she has two, he has one.
Amount of jobs means literally nothing, you can work 2 jobs 20 hours each or 1 job 40 hours and it comes out to be the same thing. Imagine the husband randomly decides to cut their income in half so he can spend more time trying to become a professional golfer, I bet people wouldn’t be thrilled with that.
This is very emotionally charged. If the roles were reversed and he wanted to quit his job to become an MMA fighter you'd flip sides. The thing that makes him the asshole is he doesn't see any value in helping his partner pursue their goals. Couples are supposed to support each other, and lift each other up, not put each other down. Nothing about what either of them did right or wrong was about the amount of work or effort, it was about a failure in communication and empathy. Both of them were being selfish. This is the type of problem that can easily be fixed, but can also easily ruin a marriage if not addressed.
@@Tattletales402tooooooooo beeeeeeeeeee faaaaaaaaaaair as someone with a friend that is really into golf to the point she drags me along with her and teaches me how to swing sometimes becoming a professional golfer is WAY harder and you’re FAR less likely to get money out of it than writing a book. And she has an English degree, with enough patience she could make it with her book because she’s been trained to write already. I don’t know of any college courses on professional golfing so it’d be entirely self trained or with a private tutor which could take years even decades to even qualify for something that makes really any money at all.
Plus she never said she was quitting her sahm “job” entirely she was just saying she wants him to help out a bit more so that she can have a bit more time to work on the book.
@@Tattletales402 LOL except as everyone likes to point out, and disrespect stay-at-home-spouses as a result of, a stay-at-home-spouse doesn't earn any money. So if a house spouse does half the housework, the existing budget isn't impacted. Only the division of labor within the home. Given that this college-educated woman didn't pursue a career so she could raise their child and take care of their home for the better part of a decade, I would bet money that if her breadwinner husband said he wanted to sell his firm, and take a different job that paid half as much so he could focus on an interest that he was actually more than qualified to do...I bet you she would support that. I bet you (since their child is in school) she would take a part-time (or full-time) job somewhere, etc. Keep in mind that this woman is an English major looking to write a book. She is not an English major looking to become an astronaut. Why do I think that? Because she already made sacrifices for the benefit of her family. So why wouldn't she do the same if the shoe was on the other foot?
housework doesn't make any money, therefore it's just a hobby and not something she has to do.
"Your housework is just a hobby, not your job, because it doesn't make money"
19:59 1. That person has far too much trust in police training and 2. If your abusive ex broke into your house when you slept and started to threaten you, you would be incoherent aswell 3. Abused partners have been known to defend there spouses after someone tries to stop them and 4. The alleged abuser can very easily lie about not doing it. There’s a reason police officers hate domestic dispute calls and it’s mostly because of how messy they get and how quickly they can escalate.
Definitely true. And I assume it wasn't put on his record because she would have explained that she was talking about someone else.
@jameson1239 which is why she has no right to be offended that he is staying out of it, in fact if I was him I would be offended she tried to repeat the situation. She was willing to risk ruining his life again after already potentially leaving a permanent life changing mark on his record thats insane. Its incredibly selfish and shows a massive lack of care for him and his wellbeing. Trauma or not thats not acceptable and soft cutting him out after would, if i was him, be a insanely massive sign that it wasnt a equal friendship, at least anymore, and to massively distance myself till she improves how she treats people.
Trauma changes people, and very rarely for the better and it sucks. If it makes you someone who cant empathize with your friends or care for their safety then you are gonna lose them. Which truly sucks. Yes victims should put themselves first but that is of course within reason, you shouldnt be putting people you claim to care about in active harms way of your actions.
5:17 To be fair i think it's totally okay to tell kids that it's not appropriate behavior. If you don't teach kids what's universally inappropriate behavior even when they're very young then it'll just be a lesson that'll be more difficult to learn later and in a worst case scenario those kids will grow up to be entitled Karens or Kevins because that lesson wasn't taught early enough. And i don't mean that you should shout at kids for doing kid stuff, but you shouldn't treat them as if they're *_entirely_* incapable of rational thought either.
i was thinking this too and trying to imagine how I'd take it when i was a kid. i think it's perfectly fine to gently let the kids know its not appropriate but just make sure you say you're not mad at them and it's not their fault. i think that would be a great learning opportunity for a kid!
I don't necessarily think you're wrong but I also don't necessarily agree. It's not their job to teach societal expectations to their neighbors' kids. As a kid and as an adult now, I would have been thoroughly embarrassed to have someone tell me I'm not welcome at a party. The kids asked their parents for permission and they got it. It's the parents' fault not the kids. You can't expect kids to be like, oh I need to ask my parents and then I need to also ask someone else before I do something. They're kids. Regardless, I think we can agree it's the parents of the uninvited kids that are the a holes.
I agree that this was totally the parent's fault but what really boggles my mind is how they STILL thought they were in the right to just gate crash into someone else's birthday party??? That's honestly insane
One tiny thing I'd like to correct - it's inaccurate to say this is "universally" inappropriate social behavior and to imply that this is common sense. In many cultures that would actually be a totally normal thing to do. Yeah that is pretty unusual entitled behavior based on the dominant Western individualistic societal ideology which tends to agree that you don't show up uninvited to places. However, if the neighbors were immigrants of a different culture or something, this could perhaps be a cultural misunderstanding. In my travels, I've literally been in situations that were the reverse of this where a neighbor expected me to show up uninvited and was offended when I didn't. I thought I was being respectful bc I felt weird about going to a person's house without being expressly invited, but I learned that in that very communal collectivist culture it doesn't really work like that, so I had to adjust my mindset around my individualistic ideas of privacy and personal space and boundaries and strangers... Anyway, my point is just, while it may be likely these ppl were both white Americans, I didn't want to assume anything and therefore wouldn't tell kids that this is how everyone is but merely that this is the case in this particular environment/neighborhood (bc even here in the US, some neighborhoods are way more open and communal in nature than others, though that is becoming less common these days unfortunately...) Anyway sorry, I digress. 😅
@JB_Kuku Well that's certainly interesting.... May I ask which culture or which country did you experience that the neighbour expected you to show up uninvited?
I was celebrating my daughter's birthday at a trampoline park. And one kid kept asking about getting slushies for everyone. My husband was like.... how about it? I said no, between everyone, it would be an extra 100, they got 2 hours on trampolines and stuff, pizza and cake.... they're fine. He delivered the no for me. After one kid tripped another in purpose, i knew he'd be better at giving the decline.
In otherwords, kids need to hear no. No one is a jerk for setting boundaries, IMO.
yep not to mention is one of the kids got hurt or something I feel like they would try and sue or something
Second story feels like it belongs in relationshipadvice to figure out an agreement that they both can agree on. Figuring out if he's the asshole does not help any of the parties.
Telling kids that it wasnt appropriate to come seemed completely fine to me. It's true, and completely perfect quick explanation.
Did anyone else read that as “Daniel gets friendzoned, then goes to jail”?
You're not the only one💀
I READ THAT TOO LOL
Did he change the title or something cause I read that too!
Yeah ☠️
Based on a horrific true story
"That’s why you’re probably eating lunch and watching this right now"
SIR, I AM FEELING VERY ATTACKED
I’m drinking coffee 😂
its seems wild that tact is not in the expertise of a lawyer
This leads me to believe it’s a different type of firm lol
@@PizzaHutCEO Like what? /genq
@@catbatrat1760 that’s a good question. Maybe accounting or consulting. I feel like I’ve heard both of those called firms before. Who knows though?
Bro that last story was CRAAAZY. For the first half, I was kind of questioning why he wouldnt want to take his stepdaughter on a vacation. But to learn it's all the way in Ft. Myers!?!? The wife is absolutely trying to turn it into a weird power-grab or SOMETHING by forcing her kid and mom into the vacay. If there really is some sense of "i dont want my child to feel like she cant have a vacation with her stepdad" then that needs to be worked on separately and also not by just lavishing the kid with expensive gifts like trips to disney world. Def needs to be some better communication on the wife's part.
If i didn’t know better, i would’ve thought that Daniel’s channel is primarily this type of content.
He speaks with such conviction-
Yay! Judging people to ignore my own faults!
"Ya gotta learn how to phrase things man! That's the only way to succeed in life. Ya know?"
- Daniel Trasher 2024
Second story: if she’s the only person responsible for the house, that’s not a 9-5, it’s a 24-7 job that she can never leave. The housework is her job while he’s at his job. THEN…it’s both of their responsibilities when he gets home. Period
On what planet does taking care of the household require you to work 24/7 ? It's a few hours of work a day maximum. You don't do deep cleaning everyday...
"Never leave" Wtf is this? A prison?
What are you even on about.
@@lockofmetal8894 Clearly you've never been in an abusive marriage. I get what you're saying about the hours you sleep but there is a constant mental load when you're the only one caring about maintaining the home. There are a thousand and one things to take care of. Plus, if the person taking care of the home also works, that cuts down on the time too. For example: you get off work at 5 and go to be at 9. That leaves 4 hours in which to make supper and clean up after and maybe run errands and don't forget to pick up groceries and what if you've fallen behind on cleaning and oh you've got appointments or events this week so you only have a couple days that have a couple hours here and there to clean. And what about quality of life and finding your own enjoyment and happiness.
@@Scarlet_Phoenix We're not talking abusive relationships, don't mix in other variables that does not exist here.
She also doesn't work right now, at all.
But riddle me this then, theres millions of people who live on their own in houses and apartments. These people can work and maintain their home. But the moment you split up these 2 , somehow taking care of your own home ,only, no working. It becomes this enormous impossible task that just absolutely drums on your own mental health.
We're overexaggerating the work that needs to be done here. And what about his mental health? He works super long hours, barely anytime for hobbies or interests himself. Imagine the anxiety when you get sick and you're the only one making ends meet. You'd prob gon in sick aswell to make sure you make enough money.
@@lockofmetal8894 you live your reality, dude, and I’ll live mine, and peace will reign. ✌🏻
First story; It was a birthday. Unless the neighbour is inviting them to every other birthday/public event, that's some entitled shit. Teaching your kids that you can just...bust your way into places you weren't invited to, and that if someone says "hey, no thank you", then THEYRE wrong.....is asinine and absolutely bonkers. The entitlement, the bullshit.
My puppy just passed away and I rly needed anything to listen to and you were the only person I wanted to hear so thank you for making long form content it's saving my heart
no, because why did the neighbors even come if they weren't invited?
because it was a "community event" according to them, which it absolutely isn't. XD
@@AipomBTWit was a community event. The neighbours wasn’t part of the community that it was for.
@@gamesexpress1432 no it wasn't. It was exclusively for family and family friends. That isn't the same as a function that a town/city are invited to.
@@AipomBTW i was meaning the family/friends being the community. I like being annoying lol
@@gamesexpress1432 lol, ok
Art takes time to make money. Does that husband want to help her reach her goals? I feel like in good marriages they help each other toward their personal goals
Scenario 2 -
I'd ask him if he'd tell an unpaid intern at his firm they don't have a job, they have a hobby. Even outside of the arts the concept of putting in unpaid work to earn a chance for a paid work is well-established.
I do think he was fine to expect their agreed upon expectations to be met. If she wanted that changed she should have asked to renegotiate them, first. But he's wrong to claim he wasn't belittling her.
If this was any other traditional field he wouldn't have used the word "hobby" to explain the effort put in. No one said I was pursuing my hobby when I was doing unpaid undergraduate research while earning my Chemistry degree.
The use of the word "hobby" speaks to more than just whether someone is paid or not. It speaks to their intentions with the field.
If someone listens to true crime podcasts at home, because they like it, that's a hobby. If someone is spending hours at your firm as an intern researching past cases - because they're hoping their efforts result in eventual pay - that's a job.
Woah, using interns as an example is actually a great analogy.
Great example. Well said.
Agreements you make with your spouse about chores aren't legal contracts though. They can be revised at any time when circumstances change. It's not at all unreasonable for her to fall behind on a couple chores and respond to her AH partner saying "Hey wtf why are there dishes and laundry not done?!" with "Look, yeah, I'm working now, I don't have time to keep up with every little thing, I need you to occasionally do a couple of the 100 chores I've been doing everyday for years." That shouldn't be something she needs to give 2 weeks notice about, or talk about with him beforehand to not be talked down to for it. Your partner not being able to get everything they planned on doing done should not be a big deal unless they're important time sensitive things that can no longer be done on time. Also she clearly did talk to him about it beforehand? She told him she was going to start writing a book. He could've reasonably anticipated having to split her time between working on a book and doing everything to keep their house and family in order might result in some stuff not getting done before he gets home. She is taking on new work. He knew that. If he respected her or what she does at all, he should've expected that might result in her not doing all the chores on her own anymore, per their agreement. But clearly he thinks he does way more than her, thus there's no reason she can't do everything around the house and her new work.
Which you have to think to justify the thought of "Oh well she still should've stuck to their agreement though." btw. If you think that, you must think her day was not already filled by the 24/7 job taking care of their household she already had.
@@Lanoira13
Except that 12 hours to tidy your house and take care of your kid for 3 of thouse hours is not the same as 12 hours of work.
A job you do while you're awake, IE from 7am to 10pm, is not a "24/7". She doesn't wake up at 3am and start vaccuming, then sleep to 5am and mop the floor.
@@lockofmetal8894 Does making ignorant youtube comments help you cope with the fact your mother regretted having you and you grew up with her resentment of your existence hanging over your head? Or is it just a side hobby to that whole mess?
My husband works right now and I don’t (temporarily, to take care of some health issues I’m having) - I do all of the cleaning and cooking, and I do all the “housewife” stuff that I can manage. My husband would never neg me for something like dusting, because he sees I’m doing my best and he just isn’t that kind of man. However, when I was 19 I was married to a man who was like the OP in #2…that marriage was miserable and took me years to heal from. People like that are NEVER satisfied no matter what anyone does, the misery just exists inside of them.
14:35 the crystal clear fact that "YOU'RE NOT INVITED!"
In the jail one, NAH except the cops. She's traumatized and is looking for her only source of comfort. He's scared because he doesn't want to be arrested again. Both are reasonable, if a sucky situation. The cops arresting someone instead of de-escalating the situation and recognizing a night terror/flashback is a serious problem.
I think she's TA. Why wasn't she going to the jail and trying to get him out immediately as soon as the cobwebs cleared? He was in jail until the following afternoon.
@@cuculain78 I get the feeling we're missing to many details to really know who's TA. OP didn't go into her trauma at all (which is good), leaving us with a partial story. Maybe she was traumatized *by* cops. Maybe she was unable to function after the night terror because she was dissociating. Too many outside variables.
Maybe it's the roommate who's TA.
She most likely knew about the night terrors, and while not having witnessed anything at all, with no evidence that he hurt her, she called the cops.
@@ameliaduncan3236 I spent the whole discussion wondering why roommate didn't go into the room and see what was up before calling the cops.
This all seems like this girl is just jerking this guy around and is acting out for attention because I’m guessing her ex ignored her and now that she sees people caring for her and being attentive she is milking it for all it’s worth. I was SA and abused for decades by my ex I have complex ptsd panic disorder and anxiety. I have night terrors and sleep paralysis never once did it make me jump up scream I’m being attacked for how ever long it takes for police to arrive 10 minutes maybe. Also if this was a actual thing roommates neighbors probably even the police would be aware of it and he would have been briefed. It also didn’t just start that night. I’ve jumped up and ran to my door in one of these states but I was awake and coherent in seconds it would not last as long as it takes to call the police and them respond. It makes me so angry when people abuse mental health issues to garner attention when they really should be getting therapy or even worse lying about abuse to get sympathy and affection MBP behavior. This girl is full of crap on this situation and if she is really traumatized witch she may very well be she needs to get help from a licensed professional not play games with others lives because she is desperate for affection. If you want attention or cuddles just ask don’t be abusive to others. My mother had MBP and abused and gas lit me my entire life as well as manipulating others that to this day are unaware and refuse to believe she was the lying manipulative B that she was. She did so much of what that girl is pulling and abused law enforcement to not only abuse me for her but to make herself look like a victim that needed special treatment and care. People like this are usually people who feel neglected or have been abused who find out what sympathy and “love” feels like by being a victim so they literally will create situations to be seen as a victim. Good chance she wants her sympathy fix that’s why she is pushing so hard for a man (always seen as the aggressor just look at the Jonny Depp situation always guilty until proven innocent) to be alone with her in the exact situation she created that got you falsely a-rested before. Some women also crave drama so they will create it out of nothing to fit their needs. This is why I do not associate with or like any of the females in my life I am a female and it makes me so ashamed to see people like this. I had a female friend once get her husband a-rested for R@Pe and abuse so she could take everything even the kids in the divorce. She was laughing about it and said she may recant in a few years when she is sure she got everything. Another woman I know bragged about getting multiple men a-rested because they wouldn’t sleep with her or they wouldn’t do what she demanded of them like buy her things. She literally ruined innocent mens lives made them spend decades in jail because she was a lying evil spoiled brat. Best advice NEVER put yourself in any situation you could have any possibility of misconceptions such as sleeping in the same bed with a girl who screams he’s attacking me. Always assume the worst but hope for the best. Unfortunately that is the state of the world we are trapped in right now and society has trained people to take and do what they want with no consequences. Keep yourself safe let others worry about themselves m.
His wife should *stop* with the book so she can teach her husband how to write in english.
I don't believe he's a lawyer, or even has a secondary education. As far as I understand it, you have to write a lot of papers and essays in uni/college. Any professor approving a paper written like this shouldn't be grading jack shit. I didn't even go to college, and I know how to form a sentence.
@@ameliaduncan3236 $$$ exists
@@ameliaduncan3236 Exactly, I have a hard time believing he's a lawyer too lol. My mother was a lawyer and I'm heavily looking into law school myself, and unless English is OP's second language and he doesn't practice in English for some reason, there's no way he's a lawyer with that kind of writing. However, I've met a lot of genuinely dumb people in undergrad, so you'd be surprised how bad your writing can be and still pass a course lol. As they say, Cs get degrees.
@@ameliaduncan3236 yeah, a lawyer wouldn't be working 12 hour days to try and support his family 💀
Exactly what i was thinking. Hes trying to one up her english degree and book with his ‘real job’ meanwhile it doesnt even seem like he graduated third grade english
It's a side hustle. It boils down to being a side hustle. A second job possibly, if you will. As someone trying to get my art off the ground, I finish work (8 hour shifts) come home, clean the cats' litter box, feed them, change clothes, and sit down and immediately start working. I spend up to 6 hours working each night. I stop to get food, clean up the kitchen a little, shower if I need to. But I don't fully deep clean or even fully clean the house. Just some small bits. I guarantee I am not sweeping or mopping everyday.
She is essentially doing the same thing. Vranted, the first 8 hours are at home. But when does she wake up? Breakfast. Does she help the daughter get ready? Drive her to school? Dinner takes time. Between those, once you get in the zone with writing, you don't stop and go "oh yeah I need to do the dishes oopsie" and some people don't just wake and immediately do house work. I can't clean before afternoon. I have tried to wake up and start cleaning. Brain no likey. I need start up time. If her creative juices start flowing mid breakfast or hell even mid vacuum session, then she is going to spend the next few hours writing. Also, books can take years to write. Imagine how long it takes with only writing 3 or 4 hours a day. Many years.
That aside. His verbage tells me immediately he is a controlling and possessive husband. I have known too many (not from me, other people in those relationships). He expects her to exist to make his life easier. How dare he come home and the dishes aren't done for one or two days. Why didn't she DUST?! What a lazy person. That's the mentality. He doesn't view her as a person, but his little slave. He is the asshole. He is phrasing it so he seems like not the asshole. Like he is being reasonable and she should be able to manage both, and she SHOULD manage both. Specifically his needs. Hers come second. These types are very good at making it seem like they're good and considerate but the smaller details give away the nasty people they are underneath. It's the equivalent of "she made friends and started havin girls night instead of staying home and making me a sandwich."
The last one, sounds to me like the guy needs a divorce. He views her and her kid as seperate people. Weird marriage. Marriages are supposed to be partnerships. Not "her stuff, my stuff." Nothing wrong with seperate finances, but everything else is typically OUR stuff. Especially CHILDREN. So because you aren't a sperm donor you don't wanna step up and claim that kid as yours in the marriage? It 's her kid, that thing ain't mine. That's the mentality. He says people are hung up on verbage that's because IT MATTERS. Her handling it the way she did was also messed up too. Both the asshole.
"I can't clean before afternoon. I have tried to wake up and start cleaning. Brain no likey. I need start up time." Same! I thought I was the only one!
@@catbatrat1760 me three!
I literally break things if I try to wash up/clean surfaces too early in the day! 😳😳
Time management is key. You can set up a schedule carve out time to get stuff done, but the husband came off like he’s unwilling to do the bare minimum to make his wife happy.
He can’t wash a single dish to make her happy? That’s the upsetting part.
But yes 2 people in a relationship not communicating and burdening the other is also grounds for being upset.
If the husband came off like he was devoted to his wife and actually gave an iota about her happiness, I’d be on his side.
remember when my dad says "my dog/my kid" when you're good but if something bad happens it's "your kid/your dog", like?
stop being absent fathers, men, you live in your child's life doesn't mean you're more than a sp*rm donor when you don't take care of them.
Very well said! 🙌
The neighbors from the first one would show up to a funeral at someone’s house and eat all the catering and call it a “community event”
Story 2 reminded me of a disagreement I got into with someone on Reddit, who claimed I used too many commas when writing.
Like bro. I took a legit writers course, held by a published writer, and it's common school knowledge that commas are basically "pauses for breaths".
As a person from Fort Myers, I can confirm a drive to the Disney area is AT LEAST 3 hours. 2:45 will get you to the edge of Paradise, Florida tops.
So, you can edge yourself to paradise? Asking for an enemy...
Recently my uncle who travels a lot and lives in Texas visited his all class reunion in Ely, MN which is really close to Canada, and they visited us in the Twin Cities on their way back. And the rest of my family went up to Duluth (I didn't) for a day which is 2 hours one way, my brother had flown here but my sister had driven from Kansas City. So I could believe that someone would drive 3 hours to go to Disney World. I don't know if people in the Midwest just drive more or what.
Regather second. There’s no way he’s a lawyer with how poorly he wrote the Reddit post.
He’s totally the a hole cuz it sounds like he’s a controlling jerk.
or maybe english isn't his first language? but yeah, op is totally the a hole
Regather a hole what are you talking about im confused
@@confusedperson21 You can look up what a-hole means. But when they said Regather I'm sure they meant Redditor.
There are bad lawyers, or people that are good at speaking but bad at writing, I'm sure. To me it's a nuanced situation and I don't think he handled it correctly but I don't know that he's a controlling jerk either. He currently makes the income in that house and there's no guarantee that her book will sell, though I hope it does. But if he cares so much about things being cleaned maybe he should work more reasonable hours and do more cleaning.
2:05 hello from someone who works with children 👋
My advice would be to tell the kids that their parent didn’t check with you before then and that you’re sorry that it didn’t work out today to come hang out and play. Then have a parent go back with them and figure out a time for them to come over and play with the neighbors another time or even come for dinner one time if they’re able to make that happen
wtf no that undermines the entire lesson of "don't invite yourself over unannounced" to then IMMEDIATELY offer to pay for a meal 💀
You explain it to them, rationally and calmly, that it is not acceptable to invite yourself to someone else's house or gathering, especially unannounced, and then you take them home to their parents and explain to their parents that it's not acceptable to just invite yourself to someone's house unannounced.
Their job is not to coddle someone else's child, and there is zero reason for them to invite them to dinner for inviting themselves to the party.
Personally, I would have let the kids stay for the party but then have a serious talk with the parents afterwards about how inappropriate that is. I would only escort the kids back home if they were being rude and disruptive. But if they were getting along with the other kids and they were all having fun together then I honestly don't see the problem with that. I think it's weird and imho rude to punish the kids who don't know any better and just want to play with other kids. The parents on the other hand, need a serious reality check because in what world is that okay? Pure delusion, and I hope the kids don't turn out like their parents.
I hate how "You're Not Invited" got immediately stuck in my head.😂🔥
My favorite part of every video is when Daniel feels the emotion of a post so strongly he is compelled to make a song about it
You won me over. You're hilarious. The return of "You're not invited" had me cackling out loud in my car. I'm no longer just a lurker. Subscribed.
The guy in the second story could use an English degree himself, or at least basic education on punctuation. Hopefully his firm isn‘t something grammar related.
"Humans do not like to be bored. Facts. You're probably eating lunch and watching this right now."
didn't have to call me out like that damn
Honestly as a writer and housewife (currently) with a husband who works 12hrs a day, it’s all about communication beforehand and scheduling the writing and housework accordingly
Second story: He doesn't even respect her enough to call her a stay at home MOM, when she IS the mother of his kid! He works a REGULAR SHIFT! An hour to get there, to get back, AND an hour lunch. 12 minus three is 9 hours. He's belittling his wife while over inflating his contrabutions. He's def shitting on her. It's not a job in this case means it doesn't count as contributing to the house thus she has no value
Guy who was stuck in jail for a night... from night terrors, they could have thought he drugged her or she was drunk or something else and that was why she was not coherent, heard "he is going to hurt me," assumed they had a "witness," and just arrested him. They should have taken her to the hospital if she was incoherent and thought he was trying to hurt her. That should be proper procedure, especially since they may have thought they had someone to corroborate the situation. The fact that the cops were not called is fucked up. I get why the roommate reacted that way initially, she was looking out for her roommate. But not fixing it isn't acceptable. If it was not possible to fix it because of bureaucracy, that can happen. The cops were the negligent assholes that night. If the friend did nothing at all to help, same with the roommate, they are also assholes. After that, the friend is the asshole.
How is the friend wrong for not wanting to be with her?
That young woman should probably seek professional help; screening for PTSD and other mental health problems should be the first thing she did now that her symptoms are actively harming the OP and other people around her. Given that she didn't do that, it's only a matter of time before it happens again.
She might want feel safe with him, but because of her behavior he rightly doesn't feel safe with her. She also has options that don't involve perssuring the OP into sharing a bed with her when he doesn't want to. Like seeking more effective help for a problem so serious that it landed an innocent man in jail, and maybe not drinking alcohol, which can mess with meds. She isn't managing her condition effectively. Red flag city.
@@Bobbiit I think they meant the woman was the areshole as in the "friend" of the OP not the man himself.
Judging people on reddit is the greatest
I am married with two kids, am 34, and have known my husband for almost 15 years. The way you speak about these issues is such a green flag and how we’ve lasted so long so happily ❤
Look, I know we are all trying really hard to be conscious of how we treat kids because we’ve really come to understand how it can mess us up for life. I think that’s great. Im 41 and sometimes my principal from when I was five makes an appearance in my nightmares. We should definitely continue that deliberate thoughtfulness of the impact we will have when interacting with kids.
BUT.
If you make it to adulthood and your trauma is being nicely refused a cupcake from a party you weren’t invited to and then walked home to make sure you’re safe…. You’re fine.
Kids learned that day that you can’t have something just because you want it. Also learned their mom might be wrong which is gonna help them out when they’re old enough to really grasp it.
As a parent, yes. You absolutely can and should tell children if they're doing something inappropriate. Normalize. Telling people. They. Are. Being. Inappropriate. You can tell people this, respectfully, and even politely, but clearly. Too often adults want to dance around a thing because they think, "Oh well they're just kids." but then they're BAFFLED when those kids grow up and don't have a good understanding of things that WERE NEVER EXPLAINED TO THEM. Rofl. Being clear and direct is so much better for them because understanding the why is crucial for them making mental connections between actions, and consequences, and all that stuff! :D
And something like "Hey listen this isn't your home, and it's not really appropriate to go into someone else's home without permission." isn't a bad statement. Especially because these neighbors don't really know each other short of the occasional wave, and as a parent the idea of sending my kid UNSUPERVISED into someone else's home is fucking WILD and unsafe. It literally makes me anxious just thinking about it.
And then if the kid DID happen to get upset by that kind of statement, you just... empathize with them and give a perspective they can understand. "If I walked into your room without asking you, how would that make you feel? Would you prefer if I asked you if it was ok, first? Well I feel the same way! I like it best if people knock or ring the doorbell before they come into my house or my yard. So in the future, do you think you could do that? I'd appreciate it!"
And then as for the mom bit that's useful, too, because you can deflect some guilt or awkwardness the kid might feel, on that, too, "Your mom said you could? Ok, I understand! I'm really sorry about the misunderstanding, I'll clear it up with your folks, later, ok? Why don't you head home and let your mommy know I'll talk to her when I get a chance, but that we're busy right now, ok?"
Apologies for the rant, I've just personally dealt with two kids in my life that have either just straight walked into my home or PHYSICALLY FORCED THEIR WAY into my door. So. I have THOUGHTS and FEELINGS on the matter. ROFL.