When I hear that I can't help feel like you should probably have a better excuse because otherwise I feel that the person making this statement has lost all joy in life. Edit: This is thinking in the context of your neighbor's very young kids crashing your kids party. What I feel is important to understand is whether they are actually friends with your kid. I don't know, denying kids joy feels like a moral failing to me.
@@madhuguru3130 half of growing up is learning boundaries and being disappointed when things go wrong. I would have let the kids stay, if there was enough food, and if I knew them even in passing. That said, everyone is allowed their own boundaries and kids will need to learn them. The moral failing is on the part of the neighbors. Been alive a good long while, and held MANY kids birthdays, and never had a single crasher (though we have invited some in)
@@madhuguru3130 ah yes, let's let every kid do whatever they want, because saying "no" and teaching kids to respect healthy boundaries is "morally failing"
Everybody in this thread is being insufferable tbh. There's nuance. Personally, I'd prefer to live in a society where people have better relationships with their neighbors than what we currently have... Community is nonexistent in western society. HOWEVER, with that in mind, since your neighbors are basically strangers it is weird for them to crash your kids birthday party uninvited, so I don't blame the OP for being agitated. If you're in a situation where your neighbors are well-known, then they'd qualify as family friends anyway. But again, in an ideal system a birthday party would definitely be a "community event," unless the kid themself was very introverted and wanted something more private... But this would go both ways and the community would be expected to pitch in and bring gifts or help to get the catering, not burdening everything onto the birthday kids parents if you're taking an "it takes a village" approach. I will agree with the person who said that this is a sign of being joyless, as I feel like inviting random kids is more permissible than inviting random adults (not sure why the adults even wanted to come if I'm being completely honest).
Purposefully not calling your wife, who you have a child with, a mom because the child goes to school is so heartless. He’s doing the same thing with hobby/job language choice. Choosing hurtful language is just mean.
Also, isn't their kid 7? That means it's only been the past few years that the kid has been going to school - before that his wife had "mom time" ALL DAY EVERY DAY.
I think you guys misunderstood. (I think) He was calling her a 'stay-at-home wife', instead of 'stay-at-home mother' because they are both home for 90% of the time the child is at home. Sure, you're a mother, but you aren't 'mothering' all day; You're 'wife-ing'. There is a difference, even if only pedantically.
@cloudsteele1989 but she is taking care of the kid's laundry and cleaning the house for the whole family. There is nothing that is exclusive to being a wife . She probably runs more errands for her child than her husband. And she probably spends more time in a working day with her kid than her husband. Why is someone not considered a stay at home mother if they don't spend a certain amount of time with them in a work day but to be a stay at home wife you don't have to spend any time with your husband within a work day. It logically doesn't make sense. In this case stay at home wife isnt actually being used to mean stay at home wife, its being used because the husband purposely doesn't want to give her too much credit, (when in reality she does probably have a lot more work to do than a stay at home wife). I think you and ops husband aren't taking into account the errand that need to be run to look after a child (e.g. laundry, school events/ paperwork, lunch) beyond just taking care of the child directly
I am losing my mind at the man trying to roast his wife for trying to publish a book while he cannot construct a sentence to save his life. The only firm that man should own is a Mattress Firm, goddamn
You gave OP #2 too much benefit of the doubt. The fact that he didn't mention upfront about how they have a 7-year-old is sketchy af. He thinks, because his wife is only alone with the kid for two hours a day, therefore she is not a stay-at-home-mom? This man has NO IDEA how much work it is to parent a child, probably because he doesn't do any of the parenting.
FOR REAL. it's so clear he devalues and takes for granted what she does. cooking and cleaning ARE super labour and time-intensive activities, but she likely ALSO takes care of so much scheduling, appointments, running errands, keeping track of family obligations, and maintaining important connections. plus, im willing to bet, doing plenty of emotional labour for him (given his seeming interpersonal ineptitude), and of COURSE their daughter who they should both be involved in nurturing socially and emotionally. the vibes from that #2 guy are just ABYSMAL ew !!!!!!
Thank 👏🏽 you 👏🏽 I was so puzzled why this just got skated over. Prep, care, and cleaning after a child isn't only done when they are directly underfoot. We can tell that ALL emotional labor, on top of household labor, is done by his wife by that late addition to his story. I guess only paid labor counts as "work," though, huh?
@@clegs8356lol I love how much stretching you have to do to tryto validate your point. "She likely does all this stuff, I have zero evidence but CLEARLY she's doing all of this stuff because I decided so" what are you even talking about, what youre saying is complete bs lmao
Story 2: I was kinda on op side until we learned they had a child. She is NOT a mom for only 2 hours a day. She isn't a stay at home wife, she is a stay at home mom, regardless of the school schedule.
Right!! The fact that people were saying he's not the AH because there are "no kids involved"? Yes, that kid is not home for most of the day. But when they get home...messes are made.
@@allysonallred3810also if the OP is gonna factor into his schedule an hour commute both ways for his 7 am to 7 pm schedule, the same applies to the mom (presumably) dropping their kid off for 7:30 as part of parenting their child. Taking you kid to school or at least getting them ready is parenting your kid. And regardless any family housework she does, packing or not is still parenting their kid
@@splish8869 yes! Not only dealing with the commute to school but the extra curriculars after school which OP factored in as extra time the child is away. Those extracurriculars still have a burden on her.
Doesn't change the fact that he's working long hours and she's so lazy she can't do a little house work because "muh writing." Responsible adults prioritize their responsibilities. No way she wouldn't have any time to write after taking care of them.
Regarding the second story; just because someone says they’re not mocking someone doesn’t mean that they aren’t. Lots of people will say they’re not doing the thing in order to deflect. It honestly sounded to me like he was absolutely belittling her aspirations. Rich for a guy who seems like he can barely write himself.
exactly what i was thinking too. it’s like when bullies say “not to be mean but…” and then they mention your biggest insecurity. also i am concerned by the fact that that man owns a firm, yet his writing is… that horrible. he literally can’t use basic grammar.
2nd story. It's weird that he didn't mention the fact that they have a 7 year old that she watches, almost as if he was trying to portray his wife as lazy or something.
I love how he assumes she has nothing to do at all for/with their child once the child is off to school. Who gets the kid up, dressed, ready, makes sure they have everything they need, has eaten food, and is on time for that bus if he's working 7-7. It's most likely her, since she's the 'stay at home wife'. Honestly Stay at Home Parenting and Household Management/Maintenance is easily 90k$ a year worth of labor.
@@MakoKittenThat’s along the lines of what I was thinking too, plus staying at home isn’t only cleaning it’s also making sure things stay in stock like food or toilet paper, also maintaining the house like if a cabinet handle got loose and you needed to fix it who knows how many situations like popped up.
Plus the fact that you don’t just clock off as a parent. Sure the kid isn’t there during the day during term time but you have to help them transition from a busy day at school into the home routine, deal with any emotional things that come up as your child learns to navigate life plus all the regular care responsibilities, and that doesn’t suddenly turn off when they go to bed. Sometimes they have a bad dream and get up in the night. Many nights they don’t but you are still half expecting them to or you are worried about something they are going through so you can never completely relax. Where as is often (though not always) the case that the partner goes to work, probably works hard but then gets to basically “clock out” mentally once the work day is done while she never feels completely off the clock. Saying that she only has to watch their daughter for two hours a day is very dismissive of the mental load going on.
for the second one i find it so weird that people were saying ‘writers don’t quit their day job until after their book makes money’ then say that her housewifeness constitutes a job. Because NEITHER housewifing or writing a first book makes money, so according to OPs logic either they should both be considered jobs or both be considered hobbies.
why is everyone ignoring workload due to the kid? packing school lunch, extra laundry, cleaning after kid etc they have a kid, so she's clearly a stay at home mom, not wife, whatever the distinction means
that one especially had some weird takes in there, but i do think Daniel had the best nuanced handle of it. whether or not something is a "job" is unnecessary semantics and doesn't get anyone anywhere, it just makes people angry. people who focus on stuff like that in arguments really piss me off -- the "i'm not BELITTLING you, i'm just saying what's TRUE" card gets old very, very fast and i wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't the first time OP pulled that on his wife. it doesn't matter what makes a job, what matters is what makes a functioning family and happy partners.
@@ephemeris9432the husband explicitly dismissed her role as mother because she doesn't watch the kid 24/7. Like what, being a mother or not isn't decided by a certain daily routine. He is a massive assface for the way he talks about his wife
I get what you mean, but I do think there is a distinction - To me, chores, making money, raising the kids, etc. are shared household needs, and necessary to survive. However those tasks get handled is fine, but it MUST be done. Pursuing a new career, learning a skill, going to school, enjoying an actual hobby, etc. all go towards maintaining a happy life, not just meeting the bare requirements to survive, so it's still very important, but it's not part of shared responsibilities the way finances, chores, and raising children are. I would, for that reason, consider doing the chores separate from a hobby. However, I think it's really important as someone who's part of a relationship to support your partner, and sometimes that may even mean that you have an imbalance in the household workload for a while. It's just about communicating it so that it works for both people in the relationship, in my opinion.
Ooooooh this 2nd aita. The husband IS an asshole. "Not a sahm" "her job is to do the chores" ok, who does the grocery shopping, meal planning, prepping, cooking, doctors appointments scheduling and chauffeuring, social planning for the parents and kid, clothes shopping, who carries the mental load of the home and all that it entails (that is a massive thing nobody talks about) who schedules dentist appointments and driving, the parenting, homework, field trips, relationship work, the deep cleaning, the organizing, the everything else besides the dishes and laundry? It irks me to the mooon when people think stay at home mom or wife only does dishes and laundry. I get it that the wife could tidy up and still do her writing, but the husband is dismissive and condescending and not supportive or understanding. He is a gross person.
Oh, the car maintenance, lawn care, getting the girl ready for school, I could go in for hours about all the millions of details of keeping a house and family. When the husband "babysits" his own daughter, especially when she was younger I guarantee he didn't do anything else besides watch the kid. While the wife is expected to take care of the house AND watch the kid. Ugh these kinds of men are so gross.
mightve missed smth as i wasnt fully listening but i never noticed any mention of the wife getting a break either... so all that work and no breaks. at least the husband gets to come home from work and relax. as far as i could tell she doesnt get that luxury
how come these aita things are always "my friend/partner is a spawn of satan from the 9th circle of hell who emotionally gaslights and occasionally also physically tortures me for fun, I told them to stop the other day and they got upset. aita?" also 🎶youuuuu're not inviiiiiiiited 🎶
It's always either that, or if not it's: "I am constantly mistreating this person/clearly hiding something about a situation and still coming across poorly despite thinking I'm the good guy and trying to present it as such, they asked me to stop being horrible, but I'm clearly being normal and reasonable and they're asking too much, AITA?" Followed by it getting reposted to am I the devil
Because some people can do no wrong (according to themselves). The partner is probably blaming it on the person who writes the post even if it's not entirely their fault.
Because it's writing from either a place of trauma or privilege. "I'm insecure because of life experiences and second guess everything I say and do, please enlighten me...." Or "I KNOW I'm right, so agree with me so I can prove how right I am". Occasionally you do get genuine growth and insight but sadly it's those two types of people the majority of the time.
Regarding the 2nd story: I'm a single parent who's day is 7 - 7... I still get the chores done. The length of the day doesn't matter. You either do it or you don't and if you're in a partnership you work it out together. It sounded like he isn't in a partnership. He doesn't see her as a partner. He sees her as the housemaid.
Maybe she should do some paid work away from home? Don't you think a spouse would gladly share the responsibility for the family's finances? Of course, that would significantly reduce time for writing. But that is life as an independent adult. Only the husband working and paying for everything, including the wife's personal things, doesn't sound like an equal and modern relationship, does it?
I was thinking the only reason he needs to work 12 hours every day is because he has such difficulties putting together a coherent sentence and basic grammar. If she was the lawyer in the family she probably would get all his work load done in 2 hours instead of 12 because she actually knows how to read and write! He's probably just envious of that.
@@zetizahara " It's pretty clear that the husband isn't the only one who works." Who claims that? It's pretty clear that the husband is the only one getting paid. If she stops doing chores, he will be the only one working.
As for the 'firm' guy - he obviously doesn't respect his wife and that's going to affect the story. While he might not be an asshole technically for getting into semantics - the way he spoke about his wife definitely makes him *an* asshole.
Oh yes. Plus making it a 12 hour day by counting commute ... eh. That's a 48 hour work week, expecting he has lunch. Just way to make himself look better
@@oreohunter7798 and you know that this is a guy that expects to do absolutely nothing when he gets home from his "12 hour day" so I highly doubt he's taking on any of the parenting responsibilities after work. She works from the moment she opens her eyes in the morning till the moment she closes them at night and lets be real sleep time is on call time when you have a 7 year old (our pediatrician informed me that 6-10 is when children experience the most sleep disturbances in their lives) so she's working 16 hours days and is on call the other 8 and he's grumpy that she'd rather spend SOME of that time doing something that doesn't immediately serve him or his interests. Like be so for real right now, mans wouldn't be able to have a successful career at all without this woman's support keeping the house clean and his belly full and his child cared for. I think it's pretty significant that their daughter is 7, she's just now starting first grade and she's probably out of the house more than she's ever been before. This is probably the most time his wife has had to herself in years, in 7 years, and it's not uncommon to feel like you're losing your sense of self and identity when you become a parent, so I'm not surprised she wants to bust out that degree and do something with it. It's just like that other commenter said, everyone needs to feel a sense of purpose. Shockingly, doing mountains of laundry every day and cleaning a house and taking care of everyone in the house probably doesn't feel that fulfilling to an English major.
@@smirbelbirbelfound the lazy parent, you dont think 12 hours a day is a lot? Its clear you haven't worked much then. To clarify the guys an AH imo but he certainly is putting in his half ten fold, if you think running a business is easier than changing diapers though youre a clown
The amount of money saved from daycare expenses alone makes it qualify. The only reason some men belittle it is because it gives them more power over women.
House cleaning services alone are pricey to get a decent one. Having someone at home do all of that saves a lot. If he's really such a big shot firm owner he could just hire a service and the wife could do less and there wouldn't be this argument at all.
Everyone is also ignoring the fact that she just momentarily pulled back on chores..."typical" jobs get weekends off, they also get to take personal/vacation days....he didn't say she'd been ignoring the chores for months, just recently. And does his attitude of it not being a real job, mean that if her book makes money he won't expect her to contribute to the household at all with it since he wasn't granting her some leeway, let alone doing anything to contribute to her success.
why are the reddit comments saying 'writers don't quit their job before publishing'. She didn't stop cleaning the house. She just got behind on the chores and asked him to help? Am I misunderstanding something here?
That's what I'm trying to figure out too. She didn't really stop anything, and asking your partner for help is never bad? If you ask your partner for help on something for a job, that doesn't mean you've quit your job, it just means you need some help sometimes. His logic is so flawed, especially when the child was brought into the situation.
@@LycanKai14I don't think a lot of the comments were sexist (some would obviously be sexist because it's the internet) it boils down to 2 things. 1. Most people don't know how much effort it takes to be a stay at home parent of any gender. Being a stay at home parent is easily a 12 hour job like his because it entails SO MUCH. 2. Stories like this are flawed because it's only one side of the story. We don't know anything about the wife's motivations or if she had told him she would be behind on the chores prior. He can change the way he says things and twist things slightly in his favour because he is the one telling the story but I'm sure if we heard an objective view of the story not told by the wife or the husband it would be a very different situation. Because of those two things it makes sense people agreed with his side because the post is written by someone who thinks he isn't the ah and read by people who don't understand the wife's job.
@LycanKai14 Okay, let me try this another way. If the roles were reversed and it was a stay at home dad becoming a writer and a career driven woman, would it be sexist towards the man?
@@SnowLily06 The fact that people don't know (or respect) how much effort it takes to be a stay at home parent/partner is an issue of sexism though, regardless who is being affected by that societal bias. It has been historically devalued and disregarded despite being necessary labour because it was a traditionally feminine role filled mostly by women in service to men who essentially owned them, leading to both a lack of knowledge and respect towards the role and the people filling it. The showcasing of that ignorance and those biases are displays of sexism, yes even if it was a husband receiving the same criticisms, though it'd probably be much less apparent since it wouldn't have the added straightforward animosity of being directed towards a woman. I'd say one could make a strong argument the vast majority of the comments agreeing (if not overall tbh, we live in a society after all) were probably sexist because this topic is steeped in traditional gender dynamics, pretty much prompts disrespect by default just to even agree with the OP, and people inevitably tend to speak from their biases on such issues, especially when they're being wrong and shitty. Your conclusion is also kinda silly, saying that because [people are sexist]- paraphrased- and the narrator is biased and unreliable that it makes sense people would agree with him, but we're all raised in the same society broadly speaking and we all read the same story and perfectly well see he was TA about it even if some (wrongly) think he had valid criticisms?? Like personally I think if a conclusion is dependent on being ignorant to easy to obtain knowledge of extremely common everyday things people deal with and sparing zero empathy for those people then it by default cannot "make sense", because they got there through willful, obstinate depravity. It's like saying "Oh well it makes sense Robert set that puppy on fire considering he doesn't care how it feels and he likes setting things on fire.", like technically yeah, that adds up?? Still not a remotely reasonable thing to do?? But idk maybe we're working off very different standards for behavior being sensical. I'd also point out it's usually more of a 24/5-7 job, because it's not like you stop being a parent when you go to sleep or when the partner gets home. A lot of the time if any parenting is needed in the middle of the night, the SAHP still has to deal with it because the other partner "has to work in the morning". This concludes my list of semantics about your one sided argument*, hope you enjoyed my ranting as much as I did. (*YT isn't showing me LycanKai's messages, so I have no idea if they deleted them or if it's that youtube bug where they hide some messages if you're not set to sort by newest and honestly I don't care enough to check.)
A "hobby" takes time to turn into a job/business. Time where you do a lot of work, unpaid, to get something off the ground. You'd think that someone who has their own firm would understand that
Yes, it really shouldn’t be a big deal to the husband for him to do a little more jobs. As long as my partner isn’t doing anything to financially compromise us, it’ll never be a burden to support them. If supporting your partner is a burden then I don’t think you love your partner. Too many people get married/ in relationships and don’t realize there’s a lot of emotional responsibility and maturity that’s required…
Shes working on a book. She could easly work 2 hours on a book and not have house chores piling up. Also shes nit working on a buisness, its a passion project that may or may not sell. He works all day so she should make sure chores are done, expecially those they already agreed on. Im saying it as a working woman
Referring to your partner as a "stay-at-home wife," belittling a creative venture she is excited about, then trashing her on Reddit is not a good look. While I agree she should be keeping up with the housework if that was what she and her husband mutually agreed upon, I would not want to be married to that dude.
I keep hearing/reading "if that's what they agreed upon," but agreeing doesn't make her his bound servant. Agreements can be withdrawn and renegotiated. If you read between the lines she probably thought that's what was happening when she told him she's going to write a book.
@@zetizaharaExactly. He talks as though his wife can’t decide that maybe she wants to do something else as well? A lot of people go through phases of life or need some sort of change, even if it’s just adding a side business.
Story 2: A woman with an English degree... trying to write a book... isn't work? What? How is she supposed to make money from publishing the book if she hardly spends any time writing it, because it's "just a hobby"? I'm pretty sure she's serious enough to treat it like a 9-5 job until it's published. Not sure if it's the best metaphor, but farmers don't make money until after the crops are grown and sold, right? But as a SAHM myself, she might need to rework her time management to be able to do chores and writing while their daughter is at school. Can understand the struggle of being too inspired and motivated to want to stop working though
I was an editor for 13 years. She may be working on a project, but if she's only started writing now, it's 99.99% likelihood garbage and will cost a bunch but never make a cent. Even if it's great, reality is she almost certainly won't be able to srll it. If she was going to be good, she ought to have been writing for the sheer love of it for years.
I don't believe he's a lawyer, or even has a secondary education. As far as I understand it, you have to write a lot of papers and essays in uni/college. Any professor approving a paper written like this shouldn't be grading jack shit. I didn't even go to college, and I know how to form a sentence.
@@ameliaduncan3236 Exactly, I have a hard time believing he's a lawyer too lol. My mother was a lawyer and I'm heavily looking into law school myself, and unless English is OP's second language and he doesn't practice in English for some reason, there's no way he's a lawyer with that kind of writing. However, I've met a lot of genuinely dumb people in undergrad, so you'd be surprised how bad your writing can be and still pass a course lol. As they say, Cs get degrees.
That wife using her poor daughter as leverage to get what she wants out of a vacation is really underhanded and extremely unfair to both her husband AND her child. My parents used to do this stuff with us when we were little and all it ever did was cause more turmoil and made us kids feel horrible in the end. No one wins when you use your children to get your way.
The second story is definitely TA. His wife is cooking, cleaning, caring for a child, and now writing a book which is what she was trained to do. The gentleman here is out of line to say that she doesn't have a job, she has two, he has one.
Amount of jobs means literally nothing, you can work 2 jobs 20 hours each or 1 job 40 hours and it comes out to be the same thing. Imagine the husband randomly decides to cut their income in half so he can spend more time trying to become a professional golfer, I bet people wouldn’t be thrilled with that.
This is very emotionally charged. If the roles were reversed and he wanted to quit his job to become an MMA fighter you'd flip sides. The thing that makes him the asshole is he doesn't see any value in helping his partner pursue their goals. Couples are supposed to support each other, and lift each other up, not put each other down. Nothing about what either of them did right or wrong was about the amount of work or effort, it was about a failure in communication and empathy. Both of them were being selfish. This is the type of problem that can easily be fixed, but can also easily ruin a marriage if not addressed.
Second story: if she’s the only person responsible for the house, that’s not a 9-5, it’s a 24-7 job that she can never leave. The housework is her job while he’s at his job. THEN…it’s both of their responsibilities when he gets home. Period
Man's wife is an English major, and he can't even write a coherent sentence, but he's arguing with HER over semantics!? And of course, he's WRONG! A hobby is something you do for leisure in your free time, she's not doing this for leisure. She's doing it to make money so it's a job!
she is clearly doing it for leisure 💀. Or else she wouldn't be doing it on top of her "horribly time consuming chores". And she wouldn't be complaining to her husband with 14 hour workdays to try and make more time to do it. Also, I know you aren't supposed to use conjunctions to start a sentence, so don't be temped to comment that i'm wrong because of my use of grammar instead of looking at my argument. I started the sentences with "and" and "or" to make my comment clearer and easier to understand.
@@sethsmith2608Dude…you’re on nearly every comment about this and yet you still haven’t gotten it into your head that doing unpaid work ≠ leisure. And then you’re paranoid about someone correcting your grammar even though if you reread their comment, they ALSO started a sentence with “and”. If you’re already trying to defend yourself over something that hasn’t even happened that the other person clearly doesn’t care about, then that indicates you already came into this discussion expecting irrational conflict, not a civil exchange. People who approach conversations with that attitude tend to be more combative because a neutral situation is already viewed as threatening. It’s self-fulfilling.
@@Window4503 from the husband's post it seems like she is doing this as a hobby and not as a means of revenue. Also when did I say chores weren't work? i just said the thing about conjunctions so I don't look uneducated, which adds validity to my statement
@@sethsmith2608 Fun fact: The statement that you can't start a sentence with a conjunction is kinda bullshit, to put it bluntly. It is taught to us as kids so that we don't write incomplete sentences and learn our clauses. However if you know what you're doing, you can 100% start a sentence with a conjunction. Published books can do so for the sake of stylistic emphasis, so it's not what I consider to be an inherent flaw.
With the story about a free trip the wife really f'd up everything. For one it wouldn't have been that big of a thing to explain to the kid that they're taking a trip for adults, but now that she made the kid think she was gonna go as well the disappointment is going to be so much bigger. Plus there might've been a chance of them talking it out and taking the daughter with them to this trip, but after what the wife did, the conversation is over and it becomes a much bigger issue. And now if she got what she wanted the trip would be almost ruined even before it started as no one is having fun now.
Finally someone talking about that one. Like judging by her behavior, I can almost guess why she's got a second husband... and hopefully that becomes a second divorce. That dude doesn't deserve all the shit for trying to talk things out first. Communication is really healthy and he seemed to have wanted to take that route. Seems like his wife is not big on communication, and people who cannot just talk things out are people who aren't ready for relationships.
@@nomoretwitterhandles big agree on this one. If you can't talk to your spouse and even worse, do something that you BOTH agree not to do to use a third party (especially a child) as leverage to win an argument is not mature, and I'm just feeling sorry for the kid that has such a bad mother figure in their life
I think its pretty clear the wife told her daughter to try to force his hand and make him do what she wants not only is it really underhanded but its not fair to the kid either what would happen would either be 1 she doesn't get to go and is really upset (understandably so because her mother told her she would get to go) or 2 even if op gave in and let her come its not a trip any of them would enjoy they're hours away from the things she was told she could do and op isnt able to do what he was planning either and also feels invalidated
My thing is if the child was his biological daughter would he really want to leave her at home and have an Adults trip?..... I know parents need their own time but if you have a kid and a free trip you don't want to take them somewhere you may never be able to afford to take them? Honestly this dude wants me to believe as a father to a girl he wants to hang out in another state with his friends insted of taking his child on a trip she will remember for the rest of her life...?....... It's a no from me.
Also it’s wild to think Florida=Disney. Florida is as big as the UK. That’s like winning a trip to London and deciding you’re going to spend the entire time in Scotland
3:00 a little girl's birthday is not a "community event" its a personal event you dont have an invitation dont come in i dont care how rude im being 26:30 Bring the daughter and then the guy chooses 1 more, each chooses 1 partner to bring then its even
@@K.C-2049 That's just sad man. Everybody seems so scared of letting children be children in America it would seem. Calling cops on kids is just unthinkable anywhere else. Edit: I must also add, neighbors' kids usually are friends and play together. Do you really want to deny joy to kids? I know I will not ask kids to leave unless they need to be back home. Edit2: Also, I don't think it's right to compare kids to adults.. They are kids.
But now the daughter is still going to be overly hyped about Disney, etc, despite it being another 2-4 hours away, meaning now guy has to fill the whole vacation with either excess driving, or a disappointed 11 year old step-daughter. Not to mention that if the guy did choose a friend for the fourth person, that person will be relegated to "tag-a-long" to a family outing, rather than them getting to have any sort of adult-only excursion. I think no matter what guy chooses, it's now going to be a horrible trip, thanks to his wife's manipulations. WitA.
For #2, if your domestic roles aren’t working for BOTH partners, it’s an a-hole move for ONE partner to think they have the authority to shut down the discussion. Furthermore, a 7-year-old isn’t self-sufficient. OP doesn’t sound like the type that’s very hands-on with his kid. A meeting in the middle could have involved a discussion about hiring someone to do the deep clean once or twice a month for a set # of months, then re-evaluate her progress toward the book’s completion.
For the last one: since the free trip the husband won to Florida isn’t even in Disney World, and it’s a 2.5-4hr drive to Disney, he is not obligated to bring his stepdaughter or the wife’s mother. The tickets really are for an adult trip.
2nd story: I suggest OP take a week off work and swap duties with his wife. He can see how long it takes him to do chores (we have no idea how big the house is, if they have pets, barely found out about the child), "watch" his child for "two hours." And to all the people saying chores take an hour or so per day? WTF are they eating for dinner every night? Planning, shopping for and preparing and cleaning up meals can be a whole-all part time job in itself. Let's do a hypothetical on that last story. What if OP had won a $2k shopping spree and wife said she couldn't wait for her daughter and mother to come with; then told her daughter she gets to spend $500 on anything she wants? (And granny, too.)
even ignoring all the other really important stuff, just one hour a day to keep the entire house clean? impossible unless you live in a under 30 sq mt apartment
@@rflsms exactly lol. Even if you're single it can still take forever and OP was talking about chores that take a lot of time (dusting etc). They knew what they were doing omitting their child from the original story, and he seems clueless about his wife's insane work ethic and ability to manage time without his input.
second story: kids are emotionally exhausting, and if the kid is 7 and has extracurriculars every single day, she's going to be exhausted and therefore harder to handle every single day, so yeah the husband not calling her a stay at home MOM, despite having to do hours of work that are themselves more intense due to the nature of tired kids, he's tah
It's a side hustle. It boils down to being a side hustle. A second job possibly, if you will. As someone trying to get my art off the ground, I finish work (8 hour shifts) come home, clean the cats' litter box, feed them, change clothes, and sit down and immediately start working. I spend up to 6 hours working each night. I stop to get food, clean up the kitchen a little, shower if I need to. But I don't fully deep clean or even fully clean the house. Just some small bits. I guarantee I am not sweeping or mopping everyday. She is essentially doing the same thing. Vranted, the first 8 hours are at home. But when does she wake up? Breakfast. Does she help the daughter get ready? Drive her to school? Dinner takes time. Between those, once you get in the zone with writing, you don't stop and go "oh yeah I need to do the dishes oopsie" and some people don't just wake and immediately do house work. I can't clean before afternoon. I have tried to wake up and start cleaning. Brain no likey. I need start up time. If her creative juices start flowing mid breakfast or hell even mid vacuum session, then she is going to spend the next few hours writing. Also, books can take years to write. Imagine how long it takes with only writing 3 or 4 hours a day. Many years. That aside. His verbage tells me immediately he is a controlling and possessive husband. I have known too many (not from me, other people in those relationships). He expects her to exist to make his life easier. How dare he come home and the dishes aren't done for one or two days. Why didn't she DUST?! What a lazy person. That's the mentality. He doesn't view her as a person, but his little slave. He is the asshole. He is phrasing it so he seems like not the asshole. Like he is being reasonable and she should be able to manage both, and she SHOULD manage both. Specifically his needs. Hers come second. These types are very good at making it seem like they're good and considerate but the smaller details give away the nasty people they are underneath. It's the equivalent of "she made friends and started havin girls night instead of staying home and making me a sandwich." The last one, sounds to me like the guy needs a divorce. He views her and her kid as seperate people. Weird marriage. Marriages are supposed to be partnerships. Not "her stuff, my stuff." Nothing wrong with seperate finances, but everything else is typically OUR stuff. Especially CHILDREN. So because you aren't a sperm donor you don't wanna step up and claim that kid as yours in the marriage? It 's her kid, that thing ain't mine. That's the mentality. He says people are hung up on verbage that's because IT MATTERS. Her handling it the way she did was also messed up too. Both the asshole.
"I can't clean before afternoon. I have tried to wake up and start cleaning. Brain no likey. I need start up time." Same! I thought I was the only one!
Time management is key. You can set up a schedule carve out time to get stuff done, but the husband came off like he’s unwilling to do the bare minimum to make his wife happy. He can’t wash a single dish to make her happy? That’s the upsetting part. But yes 2 people in a relationship not communicating and burdening the other is also grounds for being upset. If the husband came off like he was devoted to his wife and actually gave an iota about her happiness, I’d be on his side.
remember when my dad says "my dog/my kid" when you're good but if something bad happens it's "your kid/your dog", like? stop being absent fathers, men, you live in your child's life doesn't mean you're more than a sp*rm donor when you don't take care of them.
Guy who was stuck in jail for a night... from night terrors, they could have thought he drugged her or she was drunk or something else and that was why she was not coherent, heard "he is going to hurt me," assumed they had a "witness," and just arrested him. They should have taken her to the hospital if she was incoherent and thought he was trying to hurt her. That should be proper procedure, especially since they may have thought they had someone to corroborate the situation. The fact that the cops were not called is fucked up. I get why the roommate reacted that way initially, she was looking out for her roommate. But not fixing it isn't acceptable. If it was not possible to fix it because of bureaucracy, that can happen. The cops were the negligent assholes that night. If the friend did nothing at all to help, same with the roommate, they are also assholes. After that, the friend is the asshole.
Even in the situation with the alpaca, if I was chilling in my backyard and having a birthday party and my neighbor walks over and stays outside the fence to have a chat about the alpaca and ask what kind of party we're having, that's more pleasant and social than just walking in and showing up.
Just go to one of the hosts of the party and ask if you may join. If refused, you greet and leave, if accepted, you ask if you should bring a contribution of food.
Yeah, that's reasonable. Or if the party was in a public park or something like that, that could be an honest mistake, but it's just dumb to send a kid to a random party
Personally, I would have let the kids stay for the party but then have a serious talk with the parents afterwards about how inappropriate that is. I would only escort the kids back home if they were being rude and disruptive. But if they were getting along with the other kids and they were all having fun together then I honestly don't see the problem with that. I think it's weird and imho rude to punish the kids who don't know any better and just want to play with other kids. The parents on the other hand, need a serious reality check because in what world is that okay? Pure delusion, and I hope the kids don't turn out like their parents.
"eating your lunch-" Excuse me, Daniel. For me, it's 9am and I was eating breakfast, thank you very much. Anyway, I love the callbacks to the "You're not invited" song because that was silly and I love silly.
i would never use the second guys law firm for anything. he has zero awareness of what hes typing and i have no confidence he could ever successfully understand the finer details of the law.
In the jail one, NAH except the cops. She's traumatized and is looking for her only source of comfort. He's scared because he doesn't want to be arrested again. Both are reasonable, if a sucky situation. The cops arresting someone instead of de-escalating the situation and recognizing a night terror/flashback is a serious problem.
I think she's TA. Why wasn't she going to the jail and trying to get him out immediately as soon as the cobwebs cleared? He was in jail until the following afternoon.
@@cuculain78 I get the feeling we're missing to many details to really know who's TA. OP didn't go into her trauma at all (which is good), leaving us with a partial story. Maybe she was traumatized *by* cops. Maybe she was unable to function after the night terror because she was dissociating. Too many outside variables.
Maybe it's the roommate who's TA. She most likely knew about the night terrors, and while not having witnessed anything at all, with no evidence that he hurt her, she called the cops.
This all seems like this girl is just jerking this guy around and is acting out for attention because I’m guessing her ex ignored her and now that she sees people caring for her and being attentive she is milking it for all it’s worth. I was SA and abused for decades by my ex I have complex ptsd panic disorder and anxiety. I have night terrors and sleep paralysis never once did it make me jump up scream I’m being attacked for how ever long it takes for police to arrive 10 minutes maybe. Also if this was a actual thing roommates neighbors probably even the police would be aware of it and he would have been briefed. It also didn’t just start that night. I’ve jumped up and ran to my door in one of these states but I was awake and coherent in seconds it would not last as long as it takes to call the police and them respond. It makes me so angry when people abuse mental health issues to garner attention when they really should be getting therapy or even worse lying about abuse to get sympathy and affection MBP behavior. This girl is full of crap on this situation and if she is really traumatized witch she may very well be she needs to get help from a licensed professional not play games with others lives because she is desperate for affection. If you want attention or cuddles just ask don’t be abusive to others. My mother had MBP and abused and gas lit me my entire life as well as manipulating others that to this day are unaware and refuse to believe she was the lying manipulative B that she was. She did so much of what that girl is pulling and abused law enforcement to not only abuse me for her but to make herself look like a victim that needed special treatment and care. People like this are usually people who feel neglected or have been abused who find out what sympathy and “love” feels like by being a victim so they literally will create situations to be seen as a victim. Good chance she wants her sympathy fix that’s why she is pushing so hard for a man (always seen as the aggressor just look at the Jonny Depp situation always guilty until proven innocent) to be alone with her in the exact situation she created that got you falsely a-rested before. Some women also crave drama so they will create it out of nothing to fit their needs. This is why I do not associate with or like any of the females in my life I am a female and it makes me so ashamed to see people like this. I had a female friend once get her husband a-rested for R@Pe and abuse so she could take everything even the kids in the divorce. She was laughing about it and said she may recant in a few years when she is sure she got everything. Another woman I know bragged about getting multiple men a-rested because they wouldn’t sleep with her or they wouldn’t do what she demanded of them like buy her things. She literally ruined innocent mens lives made them spend decades in jail because she was a lying evil spoiled brat. Best advice NEVER put yourself in any situation you could have any possibility of misconceptions such as sleeping in the same bed with a girl who screams he’s attacking me. Always assume the worst but hope for the best. Unfortunately that is the state of the world we are trapped in right now and society has trained people to take and do what they want with no consequences. Keep yourself safe let others worry about themselves m.
Art takes time to make money. Does that husband want to help her reach her goals? I feel like in good marriages they help each other toward their personal goals
I was celebrating my daughter's birthday at a trampoline park. And one kid kept asking about getting slushies for everyone. My husband was like.... how about it? I said no, between everyone, it would be an extra 100, they got 2 hours on trampolines and stuff, pizza and cake.... they're fine. He delivered the no for me. After one kid tripped another in purpose, i knew he'd be better at giving the decline. In otherwords, kids need to hear no. No one is a jerk for setting boundaries, IMO.
Regather second. There’s no way he’s a lawyer with how poorly he wrote the Reddit post. He’s totally the a hole cuz it sounds like he’s a controlling jerk.
2:05 hello from someone who works with children 👋 My advice would be to tell the kids that their parent didn’t check with you before then and that you’re sorry that it didn’t work out today to come hang out and play. Then have a parent go back with them and figure out a time for them to come over and play with the neighbors another time or even come for dinner one time if they’re able to make that happen
wtf no that undermines the entire lesson of "don't invite yourself over unannounced" to then IMMEDIATELY offer to pay for a meal 💀 You explain it to them, rationally and calmly, that it is not acceptable to invite yourself to someone else's house or gathering, especially unannounced, and then you take them home to their parents and explain to their parents that it's not acceptable to just invite yourself to someone's house unannounced. Their job is not to coddle someone else's child, and there is zero reason for them to invite them to dinner for inviting themselves to the party.
Personally, I would have let the kids stay for the party but then have a serious talk with the parents afterwards about how inappropriate that is. I would only escort the kids back home if they were being rude and disruptive. But if they were getting along with the other kids and they were all having fun together then I honestly don't see the problem with that. I think it's weird and imho rude to punish the kids who don't know any better and just want to play with other kids. The parents on the other hand, need a serious reality check because in what world is that okay? Pure delusion, and I hope the kids don't turn out like their parents.
Scenario 2 - I'd ask him if he'd tell an unpaid intern at his firm they don't have a job, they have a hobby. Even outside of the arts the concept of putting in unpaid work to earn a chance for a paid work is well-established. I do think he was fine to expect their agreed upon expectations to be met. If she wanted that changed she should have asked to renegotiate them, first. But he's wrong to claim he wasn't belittling her. If this was any other traditional field he wouldn't have used the word "hobby" to explain the effort put in. No one said I was pursuing my hobby when I was doing unpaid undergraduate research while earning my Chemistry degree. The use of the word "hobby" speaks to more than just whether someone is paid or not. It speaks to their intentions with the field. If someone listens to true crime podcasts at home, because they like it, that's a hobby. If someone is spending hours at your firm as an intern researching past cases - because they're hoping their efforts result in eventual pay - that's a job.
Agreements you make with your spouse about chores aren't legal contracts though. They can be revised at any time when circumstances change. It's not at all unreasonable for her to fall behind on a couple chores and respond to her AH partner saying "Hey wtf why are there dishes and laundry not done?!" with "Look, yeah, I'm working now, I don't have time to keep up with every little thing, I need you to occasionally do a couple of the 100 chores I've been doing everyday for years." That shouldn't be something she needs to give 2 weeks notice about, or talk about with him beforehand to not be talked down to for it. Your partner not being able to get everything they planned on doing done should not be a big deal unless they're important time sensitive things that can no longer be done on time. Also she clearly did talk to him about it beforehand? She told him she was going to start writing a book. He could've reasonably anticipated having to split her time between working on a book and doing everything to keep their house and family in order might result in some stuff not getting done before he gets home. She is taking on new work. He knew that. If he respected her or what she does at all, he should've expected that might result in her not doing all the chores on her own anymore, per their agreement. But clearly he thinks he does way more than her, thus there's no reason she can't do everything around the house and her new work. Which you have to think to justify the thought of "Oh well she still should've stuck to their agreement though." btw. If you think that, you must think her day was not already filled by the 24/7 job taking care of their household she already had.
The guy in the second story could use an English degree himself, or at least basic education on punctuation. Hopefully his firm isn‘t something grammar related.
5:17 To be fair i think it's totally okay to tell kids that it's not appropriate behavior. If you don't teach kids what's universally inappropriate behavior even when they're very young then it'll just be a lesson that'll be more difficult to learn later and in a worst case scenario those kids will grow up to be entitled Karens or Kevins because that lesson wasn't taught early enough. And i don't mean that you should shout at kids for doing kid stuff, but you shouldn't treat them as if they're *_entirely_* incapable of rational thought either.
i was thinking this too and trying to imagine how I'd take it when i was a kid. i think it's perfectly fine to gently let the kids know its not appropriate but just make sure you say you're not mad at them and it's not their fault. i think that would be a great learning opportunity for a kid!
I don't necessarily think you're wrong but I also don't necessarily agree. It's not their job to teach societal expectations to their neighbors' kids. As a kid and as an adult now, I would have been thoroughly embarrassed to have someone tell me I'm not welcome at a party. The kids asked their parents for permission and they got it. It's the parents' fault not the kids. You can't expect kids to be like, oh I need to ask my parents and then I need to also ask someone else before I do something. They're kids. Regardless, I think we can agree it's the parents of the uninvited kids that are the a holes.
I agree that this was totally the parent's fault but what really boggles my mind is how they STILL thought they were in the right to just gate crash into someone else's birthday party??? That's honestly insane
One tiny thing I'd like to correct - it's inaccurate to say this is "universally" inappropriate social behavior and to imply that this is common sense. In many cultures that would actually be a totally normal thing to do. Yeah that is pretty unusual entitled behavior based on the dominant Western individualistic societal ideology which tends to agree that you don't show up uninvited to places. However, if the neighbors were immigrants of a different culture or something, this could perhaps be a cultural misunderstanding. In my travels, I've literally been in situations that were the reverse of this where a neighbor expected me to show up uninvited and was offended when I didn't. I thought I was being respectful bc I felt weird about going to a person's house without being expressly invited, but I learned that in that very communal collectivist culture it doesn't really work like that, so I had to adjust my mindset around my individualistic ideas of privacy and personal space and boundaries and strangers... Anyway, my point is just, while it may be likely these ppl were both white Americans, I didn't want to assume anything and therefore wouldn't tell kids that this is how everyone is but merely that this is the case in this particular environment/neighborhood (bc even here in the US, some neighborhoods are way more open and communal in nature than others, though that is becoming less common these days unfortunately...) Anyway sorry, I digress. 😅
@JB_Kuku Well that's certainly interesting.... May I ask which culture or which country did you experience that the neighbour expected you to show up uninvited?
Another thing about the first story is that the neighbors children were there but not the parents. So they were just expecting other people to look after their children, without even informing anyone or asking if those children could be there.
Story 2, I was waiting for him to mention a child. Cuz that changes alot. Taking care of a child is 24 h job. My assumption is that he does not help alot with that, that he assumes what she is ”supposed” to do. Yes the kid is in school for like 7/8 hours a day, but she has to get their child ready for school, probably drive her there, mabye make her child lunch, then during those hours she takes care of the house, but then she has to pick up the child and then take care of her the rest of the day. He makes it seem like it is nothing, he is also a very unreliable narrator. I wonder how much responsibility he takes for their child. Also i wonder if he shares the house duties on the weekends, cuz i assume hes not working and house shore are still relevant on weekends, also taking care of your child. What seems wrong is him undermining her work and not supporting her passion. It also seems like there was a lack of communication, a discussion of changing their arrangements. Cuz i get being frustrated coming home to a dirty house, but there just seems so much lack of appreciation and understanding on both ends.
I think you/the commenters were underestimating the chores time estimates. Especially if meals for the three of them are involved. Especially after we found out that there's a kid involved. I'd guess breakdown is probably more like: 3 hours - prep for child arrival (prepare snack/pickup from bus stop/homework/etc) 1 hours - lunch 2 hours - dinner prep (bet she's doing the dishes too) 1 hours - grocery shopping/planning (this estimate might be a little generous but I bet it's at least 3 hrs/week especially if child goes with her) 1 hours - lunch prep (maybe op/daughter are eating out/cafeteria but I doubt it based on dude's attitude) 1 hours - breakfast? (maybe it's just cereal or they don't eat it but who do you think wakes up the child in the morning/gets them to the bus stop?) That's already 9 hours w/o really including any cleaning and I wouldn't be surprised if 2-3 hours additional mostly related to daughter happens outside of op's 7-7 day but w/o his assistance. I don't know about you but I'd probably put a nap in a couple of those remaining hours. She's probably also not doing all that much differently on Saturday/Sunday while having added time investment of doing things w/ child. I was a little generous w/ my estimates to prove my point so real hours are most likely somewhere between yours and mine but I'd wager closer to mine than to yours. Also, very possibly I've missed some chores as I am not a stay at home mom so actual could be even higher than my estimates.
Food really is such a chore. Shopping for the food, prepping the food, making the food, cleaning up after the food. It's maddening. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to eat.
@@LycanKai14 Plus, the husband doesn't take into consideration that it's *The Wife* who's driving the kid to school, and their extracurricular activities. It's very unlikely that the child's extracurriculars are at school, especially if they're in elementary. She probably wakes up, gets herself ready, gets the kid ready, makes breakfast, makes a bag lunch, and takes the kid to school, all in the time where he's getting himself ready, and driving to work. He sounds like the kind of guy that would expect her to prep his lunch. He really doesn't appreciate the *Unpaid Labour* that his wife does daily.
@@LycanKai14edit: The guy even said the wife only "watches" _their kid_ 2 hours a day. He makes it sound like babysitting instead of the full time job a SAHM has. Not to mention, even if the kid is away all day, they're 7 y/o. The wife is 100% doing all the childcare while the husband comes home expecting to be catered to.
@@SharkSnoot Naaaah, that's not even what he said. He didn't specify what parenting he does at all, just said that his wife "only watches [the daughter] for 2 hours a day without [him] there". She probably still primarily deals with the daughter the entire time while he relaxes after work in the house he demands be sparkling clean when he gets home.
This also isn't including planning and going to appointments for her and the daughter, school functions, extracurricular commitments, making her own lunch/breakfast/snacks since she is also a human who needs to eat, along with any necessary bathroom breaks, organizing and executing meetups with friends, PLAYING/SPENDING TIME WITH THE KID, doing the laundry and probably putting it all away given the dude's attitude, vacuuming, taking a shower, making sure the daughter is showered, dealing with the school whenever needed, etc etc etc. And homework can take 3 hours on its own if not more for some kids.
Telling a kid that something is inappropriate is JUST fine. If they were anywhere around the bday girls age - 8 - they can definitely be told that it's inappropriate to come to an event that you weren't invited to. At that age you can know better. The entitlement is disgusting
@@LycanKai14 true, but if this is the standard level of behaviour for the parents it will be helpful for the kids in the long term to see others enforcing normal societal expectations &/or healthy boundaries.
the husband walked the kid home (for safety, but I would assume MOSTLY to explain "sorry, our party is private, we're busy and can't be responsible for your kid, thanks for understanding ") HOW did the kid AND PARENTS return uninvited AGAIN? It's crazy they were asked to leave and wrote a note- not to apologize, but to chastise the neighbor for not accommodating them?!? WTF
Personally, I would have let the kids stay for the party but then have a serious talk with the parents afterwards about how inappropriate that is. I would only escort the kids back home if they were being rude and disruptive. But if they were getting along with the other kids and they were all having fun together then I honestly don't see the problem with that. I think it's weird and imho rude to punish the kids who don't know any better and just want to play with other kids. The parents on the other hand, need a serious reality check because in what world is that okay? Pure delusion, and I hope the kids don't turn out like their parents.
I am married with two kids, am 34, and have known my husband for almost 15 years. The way you speak about these issues is such a green flag and how we’ve lasted so long so happily ❤
19:59 1. That person has far too much trust in police training and 2. If your abusive ex broke into your house when you slept and started to threaten you, you would be incoherent aswell 3. Abused partners have been known to defend there spouses after someone tries to stop them and 4. The alleged abuser can very easily lie about not doing it. There’s a reason police officers hate domestic dispute calls and it’s mostly because of how messy they get and how quickly they can escalate.
Lol the first story happened at a birthday party I was working at. I was face painting and was charging based on the number of kids. So this one mom walks up with her kids and sits one down in front of me and says “she wants a butterfly”. She looked a bit shifty but I was like ok. Then, one of the kids from the party walks up and is like “what are you doing here, you weren’t invited”. 😂 The woman that hired me was worried that it would effect the price of the party but I told her not to worry about it 😂
As someone who has written a book, (not published) there is no way anyone could write for 12 hours straight. Their brain would explode! But being pissed your wife didn't dust is kind of ridiculous.
First story, what to say to the kids? Easy. "It's rude to join a party you weren't invited to, so I'm going to take you home real quick." And THEN (if you want to be nice), add a little, "I'm sorry you can't join us today, but we don't have supplies for extra people. Maybe your mom will let us have a small cupcake party together next weekend?"
Personally, I believe that teaching kids to be independent individualists in their community isn't good in the longterm, but there would have been a way to handle this that would satisfy both parties. 1) The kids should have actually been friends with their neighbors kids ahead of time... Not doing this is literally the cause of the problem. 2) If the birthday is a community event then it should be planned as a community event... As in, the community needs to pitch in to solve the supplies problem and bring the kid a gift. We have such a broken sense of community in modern western society. "Community event" doesn't mean it's a free-for-all where anybody can take resources from the host, it should be more like a potluck where everyone is expected to bring something... The entitled parents in the story are seeing "fun opportunity for my kids" but skipped the part where they actually care about her birthday. As-is, it seems like typical neighbors (basically strangers) feeling randomly entitled to go to the party. They should have built that bond years prior.
@@dinodare1605 It clearly was just a private party from the start. The OP actually sounds pretty insular/isolationist which explains why the kids aren't friends with the neighbours kids.
It's not right to put any judgement on this kids. They got permission from their parents, who to young kids are like the supreme authority on everything, so the kids have done nothing wrong. If it were me I'm not interested in making the kids feel embarrassed or like they're in trouble, so I would be nice to them, take them home and just tell the parents sorry it's a private party, maybe organize a play-date for some other time.
“Youuurrrr not inviiiittteeed” is Danny’s new anthem Also guy 2 is absolutely the AH - the way he belittles not only her new job as a writer (starting her career similarly to how I’m sure OP needed support when he started his own firm) but also her current job/responsibilities as a STAY AT HOME MOM instead calling her a stay at home wife tells me all I need to know!
I looked away and was just listening and "One of my 39 male hobbies" was such a weird way to start a sentence that even though I knew from context what it must say I still exhaled air through my nose briskly
Story 3: she needs to contact the police and clear things up. It all needs to be cleared up, and he should consult an attorney to ensure it happens. She needs to see a psychiatrist too, her panic attack put a innocent man in jail for a night.
That second OP has clearly no idea how much work it is to raise a kid. Everything takes more time and energy. Without kids, it took me about an hour per day to take care of the food. With kids it’s at least two hours. And I mean the cooking and cleaning of the kitchen and dishes and doing the shopping. Plus, if you want your kid to be ready for school and out the door by 7.35, you have to be up at 6.00 to 6.30 to make sure they eat something, are appropriately dressed, have their lunch and snacks with them, so your workday starts very early. Also, hopefully she isn’t just watching the child. Because it looks like she has to put all the parenting into those 2 hours before “dad” gets home. All the homework, playing, listening, teaching basic human skills. And those extra curricular activities, how is the child getting there? Do they require extra stuff that has to be cleaned, bought, transported, prepared, kept somewhere? And putting a kid to bed, even at 7 years old, can be a lot of work. Some kids can basically put themselves to bed, but others take a lot of mental and physical strength and time.
i’ve been in this situation. “i’m sorry, sweetie…..you weren’t invited, and i don’t have enough for extra people. you have to go home.” because wtf? my son would never do that, and if your parents won’t teach you not to invite yourself places, i will.
Third story: The commenter talking about the cops seeing or not seeing evidence of violence... In many jurisdictions if a domestic violence call comes in, someone is required to go to jail, it's just a matter of who the police are taking. Even if there is no obvious physical evidence. Bruising can take time to appear, and the primary thing they want to do is separate the two parties, so someone gets to go to jail overnight. The two stories won't mean anything to them. You'll be lucky if they actually write it down in the police report. In reality, this usually means the man gets arrested as they are usually considered a higher probability of risk by the police. Basically if they don't have obvious physical evidence like a gunshot or knife wound they can point to as a reason, they just assume that women are physically unable defend themselves and they arrest the man.
i remember being a child and being told to attend events for family members i didn't like. my parents told me i was a jerk for not wanting to go to these events, i don't think i'm a jerk, because i don't get along with these same people.
The way op handled telling the neighbors and their kids was the correct way to handle it. They were hoping that op would feel too bad to say anything by sending the kids and putting them in that position. The neighbors got the appropriate punishment of righrfully feeling like crap by setting their own kids up for disappointment. Telling the kids that was inappropriate is absolutely the right thing to do so not only are they imprinting that lesson on their children so it doesn't happen again they are also showing that they're willing to stand their ground in front of anyone all the neighbors can't even say what they need to say to ops face. Standing your ground in front of every single person no matter what age they are is the right thing to do it shows you are not willing to compromise and you're not willing to be a pushover no matter what tactic they use not to mention The kids will figure out very quickly Next time their parents try to do that but they're setting them up
Bro the minute they said the trip was in Fort Meyers I shouted at my screen “THATS THREE HOURS AWAY” lmaooo Also I didn’t know you were from St. Pete! My aunt and uncle live there. They’re boat captains and super fun. Just makes you realize it’s a small world (Disney pun intended)
If you KNOW your neighbors youre welcome to swing by and ask if your kids can join the party but you cant ever assume. I was best friends with the family who lived behind us but if the older brother who i wasnt close to was having a party i wouldnt just assume i could include myself
How is 'inappropriate' a bad word for a child? Better than 'rude'. It gets the point across. And it's better to be honest than to infantilise a child by telling them some fairytale excuse.
that honestly sounds like it would confuse the kids and make them question their parents, possibly undermining them a little. I agree that it's not bad to tell the kids, but only if they'll understand what you mean. And it's also probably better to have the parents teach them that lesson instead of a stranger.
@@LycanKai14 the question was not whether you could tell them no, it was whether or not to say it was inappropriate. I also never said you couldn't, just that there were better ways to put it. And on top of that, it would just be a bit rude to the kids who did nothing but what their parents said they could
I really like the way you do these videos (and not just because of the amazing tunes) because let's be honest a lot of youtubers make similar reddit based content, but I've only seen you take the time to really think about it, read replies with same attention you give to the main post and then "discuss" it with us. Alot of youtubers seem to be already thinking of the next post before they've read the one they're on. Caused by having 10+ reddit posts a video I think. All in all thanks for not thinking that quantity is over quality, Daniel!
First story: NTA, 100%. Just say "well, your mommy didn't ask first, so my husband is gonna take you home, and have her say please next time." (I am exhausted from work so I should be in the right mindset to be "exhausted parent") To the parents: "do you have a gift? the social contract is gift for food and hosting." 2nd one: YTA. I was gonna say YTA/NAH, but *not calling her a mom* is cringe. 3rd story: NTA. Why does friend want OP to hang over? Roommate! Also, *grr,* f🤬k how men get treated sometimes. 4th story: NTA and *of course* Daniel's a Florida Man
Funny thing about writing: It's one of those things that doesn't make money until you're done working. Unless you already have a book deal(which doesn't seem to be the case here), you aren't making money until you've sold your book to a publisher or are making sales. So, in the eyes of the second OP, the time when writing would be a "real job" is when the actual writing is done. Sure there'd be marketing and such left to do, but the bulk of the work would be finished.
10:52 I'm kind of split here. I think the guy is TA 100% purely because of how he treated the situation. No matter how long you work, how rough it is, unless you are paying that individual, they do not work for you, and you should not treat them as such. If he didn't have a partner, he'd have to do all of the housework himself, including basic living like making food -- or paying someone to make it and bring it to him. _Regardless_ of that, me and my partner are artists in our own right. She draws and creates cute things, and we've been discussing about going to conventions for her to actually start making said things for a profit. While yes, I would consider "Not making money does not equate to a job" it still depends on the motivation of the individual. Writing a book is not as easy as crafts, or drawing in the terms of selling, because writing needs to be done completely before it can be sold. That's including any form of proofing and publishing that is (mostly) done by outside sources, if not an eBook. Spend money to make money. Someone who creates physical items such as charms, or paintings, can easily be sold online via numerous platforms, or one at a time for supply and demand. My point here, is that at some point, an individual can lose faith/hope in their own project. If that happens, then all that time working on the project is essentially wasted -- given they don't come back to it at a later point. That's sort of where my partner is currently at. She doesn't have the hope of her projects being good enough to make money, so she doesn't care to put any effort into making it. When she creates, it's awesome, don't get me wrong. The amount of talent in the gifts I've gotten could never be replaced. However, I know if she doesn't have that stable ground to continuously support and guide her, she would never get to do something she could be proud of. It doesn't matter what I think of her projects, nor does it matter if I think she (or we) could make a living off of it alone -- and I would be ecstatic if that's true. What matters is that she has something that she enjoys, that brings light to her life, that she finds at least a little bit relaxing, and if that thing can bring extra money into the house? More power to her. Just a small note, for anybody who is starting to think that they should give up on their passion, don't. As cliche as it may sound. As long as you have the capability to survive and thrive, keep your dream alive. Maybe you don't have time for it right now, but that doesn't mean you'll never have time for it. Life is hard enough as it is, we don't have to make it dull, too. 14:43 I see u/FelineRoots21 already said a better version of this. Awesome comment.
My neighbor had a birthday party for her daughter. My son was like four at the time and I told him he couldn’t go because he was not invited. He was sad, but that is what you do as a parent. If you don’t teach your kids to respect boundaries, they won’t learn.
For the second story: 1 hour of housework, are you serious? We don't know the size of their house, but there is so much more to do, like food shopping, cooking etc. I bet she still did most of her chores for a few hours, but just fell a little bit behind on others.
Second story: That guy should've asked his wife to use her English degree to help him write a coherent sentence 💀
Literally my first thought after he said she had an English degree and then the post continued the way it did 😂
Was gonna say something similar, lol.
😂 😂😂 literally!
I was definitely gonna say the same! 😂
XD
Birthdays are not a community event
When I hear that I can't help feel like you should probably have a better excuse because otherwise I feel that the person making this statement has lost all joy in life.
Edit: This is thinking in the context of your neighbor's very young kids crashing your kids party. What I feel is important to understand is whether they are actually friends with your kid. I don't know, denying kids joy feels like a moral failing to me.
@@madhuguru3130 half of growing up is learning boundaries and being disappointed when things go wrong. I would have let the kids stay, if there was enough food, and if I knew them even in passing. That said, everyone is allowed their own boundaries and kids will need to learn them. The moral failing is on the part of the neighbors. Been alive a good long while, and held MANY kids birthdays, and never had a single crasher (though we have invited some in)
@@madhuguru3130 ah yes, let's let every kid do whatever they want, because saying "no" and teaching kids to respect healthy boundaries is "morally failing"
@@mr.phantom674*Makes a specific point towards a specific topic that doesn't apply to everything*
wELl lET's JUsT LeT kIDS dO WhATEvER thEY WAnT
Everybody in this thread is being insufferable tbh. There's nuance.
Personally, I'd prefer to live in a society where people have better relationships with their neighbors than what we currently have... Community is nonexistent in western society. HOWEVER, with that in mind, since your neighbors are basically strangers it is weird for them to crash your kids birthday party uninvited, so I don't blame the OP for being agitated. If you're in a situation where your neighbors are well-known, then they'd qualify as family friends anyway.
But again, in an ideal system a birthday party would definitely be a "community event," unless the kid themself was very introverted and wanted something more private... But this would go both ways and the community would be expected to pitch in and bring gifts or help to get the catering, not burdening everything onto the birthday kids parents if you're taking an "it takes a village" approach. I will agree with the person who said that this is a sign of being joyless, as I feel like inviting random kids is more permissible than inviting random adults (not sure why the adults even wanted to come if I'm being completely honest).
Purposefully not calling your wife, who you have a child with, a mom because the child goes to school is so heartless. He’s doing the same thing with hobby/job language choice. Choosing hurtful language is just mean.
Also, isn't their kid 7? That means it's only been the past few years that the kid has been going to school - before that his wife had "mom time" ALL DAY EVERY DAY.
I can imagine what he's like with his employees.
yeah, hes a genuine asshole.
I think you guys misunderstood. (I think) He was calling her a 'stay-at-home wife', instead of 'stay-at-home mother' because they are both home for 90% of the time the child is at home.
Sure, you're a mother, but you aren't 'mothering' all day; You're 'wife-ing'. There is a difference, even if only pedantically.
@cloudsteele1989 but she is taking care of the kid's laundry and cleaning the house for the whole family. There is nothing that is exclusive to being a wife . She probably runs more errands for her child than her husband. And she probably spends more time in a working day with her kid than her husband. Why is someone not considered a stay at home mother if they don't spend a certain amount of time with them in a work day but to be a stay at home wife you don't have to spend any time with your husband within a work day. It logically doesn't make sense. In this case stay at home wife isnt actually being used to mean stay at home wife, its being used because the husband purposely doesn't want to give her too much credit, (when in reality she does probably have a lot more work to do than a stay at home wife). I think you and ops husband aren't taking into account the errand that need to be run to look after a child (e.g. laundry, school events/ paperwork, lunch) beyond just taking care of the child directly
*Y O U ' R E N O T I N V I T E D*
I’m never invited 🕺🏻
and i just can't hide it
HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!?!
Damnit, I wanted to go too. 😢
@@ribosomerocker I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I want you, to stay home.
I am losing my mind at the man trying to roast his wife for trying to publish a book while he cannot construct a sentence to save his life.
The only firm that man should own is a Mattress Firm, goddamn
Or just a firm mattress.
He used auto-text😅
@@dr_ltorres8289Auto-text uses proper punctuation. What boot-leg auto-text do you have?
😂😂😂 yeah, so true.
No doubt people roasted him for that in the comments. No way Reddit let that slide
You gave OP #2 too much benefit of the doubt. The fact that he didn't mention upfront about how they have a 7-year-old is sketchy af. He thinks, because his wife is only alone with the kid for two hours a day, therefore she is not a stay-at-home-mom? This man has NO IDEA how much work it is to parent a child, probably because he doesn't do any of the parenting.
FOR REAL. it's so clear he devalues and takes for granted what she does. cooking and cleaning ARE super labour and time-intensive activities, but she likely ALSO takes care of so much scheduling, appointments, running errands, keeping track of family obligations, and maintaining important connections.
plus, im willing to bet, doing plenty of emotional labour for him (given his seeming interpersonal ineptitude), and of COURSE their daughter who they should both be involved in nurturing socially and emotionally.
the vibes from that #2 guy are just ABYSMAL ew !!!!!!
Thank 👏🏽 you 👏🏽
I was so puzzled why this just got skated over. Prep, care, and cleaning after a child isn't only done when they are directly underfoot. We can tell that ALL emotional labor, on top of household labor, is done by his wife by that late addition to his story.
I guess only paid labor counts as "work," though, huh?
@@clegs8356yes I totally agree!
I mean he did end it saying there needs to be a communication clearly bc both sides aren't happy there
@@clegs8356lol I love how much stretching you have to do to tryto validate your point. "She likely does all this stuff, I have zero evidence but CLEARLY she's doing all of this stuff because I decided so" what are you even talking about, what youre saying is complete bs lmao
Story 2: I was kinda on op side until we learned they had a child. She is NOT a mom for only 2 hours a day. She isn't a stay at home wife, she is a stay at home mom, regardless of the school schedule.
Right!! The fact that people were saying he's not the AH because there are "no kids involved"? Yes, that kid is not home for most of the day. But when they get home...messes are made.
@@allysonallred3810 and homework. my mom helped me so much (even if it was homework i wouldn't have done it myself and her explanations help)
@@allysonallred3810also if the OP is gonna factor into his schedule an hour commute both ways for his 7 am to 7 pm schedule, the same applies to the mom (presumably) dropping their kid off for 7:30 as part of parenting their child. Taking you kid to school or at least getting them ready is parenting your kid.
And regardless any family housework she does, packing or not is still parenting their kid
@@splish8869 yes! Not only dealing with the commute to school but the extra curriculars after school which OP factored in as extra time the child is away. Those extracurriculars still have a burden on her.
Doesn't change the fact that he's working long hours and she's so lazy she can't do a little house work because "muh writing." Responsible adults prioritize their responsibilities. No way she wouldn't have any time to write after taking care of them.
Regarding the second story; just because someone says they’re not mocking someone doesn’t mean that they aren’t. Lots of people will say they’re not doing the thing in order to deflect. It honestly sounded to me like he was absolutely belittling her aspirations. Rich for a guy who seems like he can barely write himself.
Made me think of when kids say "I'm not touching you!" while holding their finger right up next to the other's body.
@NoiseDay I was thinking "calm down it's just a joke" vibes
"I'm not mocking you but _I'm just saying_ "
exactly what i was thinking too. it’s like when bullies say “not to be mean but…” and then they mention your biggest insecurity. also i am concerned by the fact that that man owns a firm, yet his writing is… that horrible. he literally can’t use basic grammar.
" I'm not racists but....."
2nd story. It's weird that he didn't mention the fact that they have a 7 year old that she watches, almost as if he was trying to portray his wife as lazy or something.
I love how he assumes she has nothing to do at all for/with their child once the child is off to school. Who gets the kid up, dressed, ready, makes sure they have everything they need, has eaten food, and is on time for that bus if he's working 7-7. It's most likely her, since she's the 'stay at home wife'. Honestly Stay at Home Parenting and Household Management/Maintenance is easily 90k$ a year worth of labor.
@@MakoKittenThat’s along the lines of what I was thinking too, plus staying at home isn’t only cleaning it’s also making sure things stay in stock like food or toilet paper, also maintaining the house like if a cabinet handle got loose and you needed to fix it who knows how many situations like popped up.
Plus the fact that you don’t just clock off as a parent. Sure the kid isn’t there during the day during term time but you have to help them transition from a busy day at school into the home routine, deal with any emotional things that come up as your child learns to navigate life plus all the regular care responsibilities, and that doesn’t suddenly turn off when they go to bed. Sometimes they have a bad dream and get up in the night. Many nights they don’t but you are still half expecting them to or you are worried about something they are going through so you can never completely relax. Where as is often (though not always) the case that the partner goes to work, probably works hard but then gets to basically “clock out” mentally once the work day is done while she never feels completely off the clock. Saying that she only has to watch their daughter for two hours a day is very dismissive of the mental load going on.
for the second one i find it so weird that people were saying ‘writers don’t quit their day job until after their book makes money’ then say that her housewifeness constitutes a job. Because NEITHER housewifing or writing a first book makes money, so according to OPs logic either they should both be considered jobs or both be considered hobbies.
why is everyone ignoring workload due to the kid? packing school lunch, extra laundry, cleaning after kid etc they have a kid, so she's clearly a stay at home mom, not wife, whatever the distinction means
that one especially had some weird takes in there, but i do think Daniel had the best nuanced handle of it. whether or not something is a "job" is unnecessary semantics and doesn't get anyone anywhere, it just makes people angry. people who focus on stuff like that in arguments really piss me off -- the "i'm not BELITTLING you, i'm just saying what's TRUE" card gets old very, very fast and i wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't the first time OP pulled that on his wife.
it doesn't matter what makes a job, what matters is what makes a functioning family and happy partners.
But those things like laundry do need to be done.
As someone writing, it can wait two hours.
@@ephemeris9432the husband explicitly dismissed her role as mother because she doesn't watch the kid 24/7. Like what, being a mother or not isn't decided by a certain daily routine. He is a massive assface for the way he talks about his wife
I get what you mean, but I do think there is a distinction - To me, chores, making money, raising the kids, etc. are shared household needs, and necessary to survive. However those tasks get handled is fine, but it MUST be done. Pursuing a new career, learning a skill, going to school, enjoying an actual hobby, etc. all go towards maintaining a happy life, not just meeting the bare requirements to survive, so it's still very important, but it's not part of shared responsibilities the way finances, chores, and raising children are.
I would, for that reason, consider doing the chores separate from a hobby. However, I think it's really important as someone who's part of a relationship to support your partner, and sometimes that may even mean that you have an imbalance in the household workload for a while. It's just about communicating it so that it works for both people in the relationship, in my opinion.
Ooooooh this 2nd aita. The husband IS an asshole. "Not a sahm" "her job is to do the chores" ok, who does the grocery shopping, meal planning, prepping, cooking, doctors appointments scheduling and chauffeuring, social planning for the parents and kid, clothes shopping, who carries the mental load of the home and all that it entails (that is a massive thing nobody talks about) who schedules dentist appointments and driving, the parenting, homework, field trips, relationship work, the deep cleaning, the organizing, the everything else besides the dishes and laundry? It irks me to the mooon when people think stay at home mom or wife only does dishes and laundry.
I get it that the wife could tidy up and still do her writing, but the husband is dismissive and condescending and not supportive or understanding. He is a gross person.
Oh, the car maintenance, lawn care, getting the girl ready for school, I could go in for hours about all the millions of details of keeping a house and family.
When the husband "babysits" his own daughter, especially when she was younger I guarantee he didn't do anything else besides watch the kid. While the wife is expected to take care of the house AND watch the kid. Ugh these kinds of men are so gross.
mightve missed smth as i wasnt fully listening but i never noticed any mention of the wife getting a break either... so all that work and no breaks. at least the husband gets to come home from work and relax. as far as i could tell she doesnt get that luxury
@@agirlisnoone5953 someone using those kinds of gender roles definitely isn't leaving car maintenance or lawn care to the woman
Who pays all the bills including her food and personal items?
Was she forced to have a child and stay at home or did she happily choose it herself?
@@LycanKai14 what's the rest
how come these aita things are always "my friend/partner is a spawn of satan from the 9th circle of hell who emotionally gaslights and occasionally also physically tortures me for fun, I told them to stop the other day and they got upset. aita?"
also 🎶youuuuu're not inviiiiiiiited 🎶
It's always either that, or if not it's: "I am constantly mistreating this person/clearly hiding something about a situation and still coming across poorly despite thinking I'm the good guy and trying to present it as such, they asked me to stop being horrible, but I'm clearly being normal and reasonable and they're asking too much, AITA?"
Followed by it getting reposted to am I the devil
Because they're redditors.
Because some people can do no wrong (according to themselves). The partner is probably blaming it on the person who writes the post even if it's not entirely their fault.
Because it's writing from either a place of trauma or privilege.
"I'm insecure because of life experiences and second guess everything I say and do, please enlighten me...."
Or
"I KNOW I'm right, so agree with me so I can prove how right I am".
Occasionally you do get genuine growth and insight but sadly it's those two types of people the majority of the time.
it helps to understand when you realize that like 70% of the stories are written to farm karma.
Regarding the 2nd story: I'm a single parent who's day is 7 - 7... I still get the chores done. The length of the day doesn't matter. You either do it or you don't and if you're in a partnership you work it out together. It sounded like he isn't in a partnership. He doesn't see her as a partner. He sees her as the housemaid.
Maybe she should do some paid work away from home? Don't you think a spouse would gladly share the responsibility for the family's finances? Of course, that would significantly reduce time for writing. But that is life as an independent adult. Only the husband working and paying for everything, including the wife's personal things, doesn't sound like an equal and modern relationship, does it?
@@dansihvonen8218 It's pretty clear that the husband isn't the only one who works.
I was thinking the only reason he needs to work 12 hours every day is because he has such difficulties putting together a coherent sentence and basic grammar. If she was the lawyer in the family she probably would get all his work load done in 2 hours instead of 12 because she actually knows how to read and write! He's probably just envious of that.
@@zetizahara " It's pretty clear that the husband isn't the only one who works."
Who claims that?
It's pretty clear that the husband is the only one getting paid.
If she stops doing chores, he will be the only one working.
@@dansihvonen8218 Work is still work, even if it goes unpaid. The dictionary exists, use it.
As for the 'firm' guy - he obviously doesn't respect his wife and that's going to affect the story. While he might not be an asshole technically for getting into semantics - the way he spoke about his wife definitely makes him *an* asshole.
Oh yes. Plus making it a 12 hour day by counting commute ... eh. That's a 48 hour work week, expecting he has lunch. Just way to make himself look better
The fact that he doesn’t call his wife a mom because the daughter is only home for 2 hours with the her… He’s an asshole
@@oreohunter7798 and you know that this is a guy that expects to do absolutely nothing when he gets home from his "12 hour day" so I highly doubt he's taking on any of the parenting responsibilities after work. She works from the moment she opens her eyes in the morning till the moment she closes them at night and lets be real sleep time is on call time when you have a 7 year old (our pediatrician informed me that 6-10 is when children experience the most sleep disturbances in their lives) so she's working 16 hours days and is on call the other 8 and he's grumpy that she'd rather spend SOME of that time doing something that doesn't immediately serve him or his interests. Like be so for real right now, mans wouldn't be able to have a successful career at all without this woman's support keeping the house clean and his belly full and his child cared for. I think it's pretty significant that their daughter is 7, she's just now starting first grade and she's probably out of the house more than she's ever been before. This is probably the most time his wife has had to herself in years, in 7 years, and it's not uncommon to feel like you're losing your sense of self and identity when you become a parent, so I'm not surprised she wants to bust out that degree and do something with it. It's just like that other commenter said, everyone needs to feel a sense of purpose. Shockingly, doing mountains of laundry every day and cleaning a house and taking care of everyone in the house probably doesn't feel that fulfilling to an English major.
@@smirbelbirbelfound the lazy parent, you dont think 12 hours a day is a lot? Its clear you haven't worked much then. To clarify the guys an AH imo but he certainly is putting in his half ten fold, if you think running a business is easier than changing diapers though youre a clown
@@smirbelbirbelalso your math is off, you think 12x5 is 48? Its 60.
Re Story 2: A "stay-at-home wife/mom" is a job and should be regarded as such, even if it's not salaried.
The amount of money saved from daycare expenses alone makes it qualify. The only reason some men belittle it is because it gives them more power over women.
House cleaning services alone are pricey to get a decent one. Having someone at home do all of that saves a lot. If he's really such a big shot firm owner he could just hire a service and the wife could do less and there wouldn't be this argument at all.
She was effectively reducing that job for a non paying one, so she should have discussed it. I think they're both the AH.
Everyone is also ignoring the fact that she just momentarily pulled back on chores..."typical" jobs get weekends off, they also get to take personal/vacation days....he didn't say she'd been ignoring the chores for months, just recently. And does his attitude of it not being a real job, mean that if her book makes money he won't expect her to contribute to the household at all with it since he wasn't granting her some leeway, let alone doing anything to contribute to her success.
I think the government should pay SAH parents..
why are the reddit comments saying 'writers don't quit their job before publishing'. She didn't stop cleaning the house. She just got behind on the chores and asked him to help? Am I misunderstanding something here?
That's what I'm trying to figure out too. She didn't really stop anything, and asking your partner for help is never bad? If you ask your partner for help on something for a job, that doesn't mean you've quit your job, it just means you need some help sometimes. His logic is so flawed, especially when the child was brought into the situation.
@@yourshoulderdevil5229 exactly
@@LycanKai14I don't think a lot of the comments were sexist (some would obviously be sexist because it's the internet) it boils down to 2 things.
1. Most people don't know how much effort it takes to be a stay at home parent of any gender. Being a stay at home parent is easily a 12 hour job like his because it entails SO MUCH.
2. Stories like this are flawed because it's only one side of the story. We don't know anything about the wife's motivations or if she had told him she would be behind on the chores prior. He can change the way he says things and twist things slightly in his favour because he is the one telling the story but I'm sure if we heard an objective view of the story not told by the wife or the husband it would be a very different situation.
Because of those two things it makes sense people agreed with his side because the post is written by someone who thinks he isn't the ah and read by people who don't understand the wife's job.
@LycanKai14 Okay, let me try this another way. If the roles were reversed and it was a stay at home dad becoming a writer and a career driven woman, would it be sexist towards the man?
@@SnowLily06 The fact that people don't know (or respect) how much effort it takes to be a stay at home parent/partner is an issue of sexism though, regardless who is being affected by that societal bias. It has been historically devalued and disregarded despite being necessary labour because it was a traditionally feminine role filled mostly by women in service to men who essentially owned them, leading to both a lack of knowledge and respect towards the role and the people filling it. The showcasing of that ignorance and those biases are displays of sexism, yes even if it was a husband receiving the same criticisms, though it'd probably be much less apparent since it wouldn't have the added straightforward animosity of being directed towards a woman.
I'd say one could make a strong argument the vast majority of the comments agreeing (if not overall tbh, we live in a society after all) were probably sexist because this topic is steeped in traditional gender dynamics, pretty much prompts disrespect by default just to even agree with the OP, and people inevitably tend to speak from their biases on such issues, especially when they're being wrong and shitty.
Your conclusion is also kinda silly, saying that because [people are sexist]- paraphrased- and the narrator is biased and unreliable that it makes sense people would agree with him, but we're all raised in the same society broadly speaking and we all read the same story and perfectly well see he was TA about it even if some (wrongly) think he had valid criticisms?? Like personally I think if a conclusion is dependent on being ignorant to easy to obtain knowledge of extremely common everyday things people deal with and sparing zero empathy for those people then it by default cannot "make sense", because they got there through willful, obstinate depravity. It's like saying "Oh well it makes sense Robert set that puppy on fire considering he doesn't care how it feels and he likes setting things on fire.", like technically yeah, that adds up?? Still not a remotely reasonable thing to do?? But idk maybe we're working off very different standards for behavior being sensical.
I'd also point out it's usually more of a 24/5-7 job, because it's not like you stop being a parent when you go to sleep or when the partner gets home. A lot of the time if any parenting is needed in the middle of the night, the SAHP still has to deal with it because the other partner "has to work in the morning".
This concludes my list of semantics about your one sided argument*, hope you enjoyed my ranting as much as I did. (*YT isn't showing me LycanKai's messages, so I have no idea if they deleted them or if it's that youtube bug where they hide some messages if you're not set to sort by newest and honestly I don't care enough to check.)
A "hobby" takes time to turn into a job/business. Time where you do a lot of work, unpaid, to get something off the ground. You'd think that someone who has their own firm would understand that
You'd think but apparently not
Yes, it really shouldn’t be a big deal to the husband for him to do a little more jobs.
As long as my partner isn’t doing anything to financially compromise us, it’ll never be a burden to support them.
If supporting your partner is a burden then I don’t think you love your partner.
Too many people get married/ in relationships and don’t realize there’s a lot of emotional responsibility and maturity that’s required…
Yeah, writers don’t make money until they sell their book, but it’s still a job, just with unreliable revenue
Shes working on a book. She could easly work 2 hours on a book and not have house chores piling up. Also shes nit working on a buisness, its a passion project that may or may not sell. He works all day so she should make sure chores are done, expecially those they already agreed on.
Im saying it as a working woman
Referring to your partner as a "stay-at-home wife," belittling a creative venture she is excited about, then trashing her on Reddit is not a good look. While I agree she should be keeping up with the housework if that was what she and her husband mutually agreed upon, I would not want to be married to that dude.
I keep hearing/reading "if that's what they agreed upon," but agreeing doesn't make her his bound servant. Agreements can be withdrawn and renegotiated. If you read between the lines she probably thought that's what was happening when she told him she's going to write a book.
plus she's a mom, its a 24/7 job really, and to say she's a wife before a mom is absolutely disgusting
@@zetizaharaExactly. He talks as though his wife can’t decide that maybe she wants to do something else as well? A lot of people go through phases of life or need some sort of change, even if it’s just adding a side business.
Story 2: A woman with an English degree... trying to write a book... isn't work? What? How is she supposed to make money from publishing the book if she hardly spends any time writing it, because it's "just a hobby"? I'm pretty sure she's serious enough to treat it like a 9-5 job until it's published. Not sure if it's the best metaphor, but farmers don't make money until after the crops are grown and sold, right?
But as a SAHM myself, she might need to rework her time management to be able to do chores and writing while their daughter is at school. Can understand the struggle of being too inspired and motivated to want to stop working though
I was an editor for 13 years. She may be working on a project, but if she's only started writing now, it's 99.99% likelihood garbage and will cost a bunch but never make a cent. Even if it's great, reality is she almost certainly won't be able to srll it. If she was going to be good, she ought to have been writing for the sheer love of it for years.
*sell
"thats why you're probably eating lunch while watching this" made me jump out of my skin. i am indeed preparing a meal right now
Same! 😂 I was literally eating my lunch when that comment came up
me too, heh :D
Same bahahaha
Same!!!
same lmao
His wife should *stop* with the book so she can teach her husband how to write in english.
I don't believe he's a lawyer, or even has a secondary education. As far as I understand it, you have to write a lot of papers and essays in uni/college. Any professor approving a paper written like this shouldn't be grading jack shit. I didn't even go to college, and I know how to form a sentence.
@@ameliaduncan3236 $$$ exists
@@ameliaduncan3236 Exactly, I have a hard time believing he's a lawyer too lol. My mother was a lawyer and I'm heavily looking into law school myself, and unless English is OP's second language and he doesn't practice in English for some reason, there's no way he's a lawyer with that kind of writing. However, I've met a lot of genuinely dumb people in undergrad, so you'd be surprised how bad your writing can be and still pass a course lol. As they say, Cs get degrees.
@@ameliaduncan3236 yeah, a lawyer wouldn't be working 12 hour days to try and support his family 💀
That wife using her poor daughter as leverage to get what she wants out of a vacation is really underhanded and extremely unfair to both her husband AND her child. My parents used to do this stuff with us when we were little and all it ever did was cause more turmoil and made us kids feel horrible in the end. No one wins when you use your children to get your way.
3:11 I can imagine Daniel just yelling "Yo! Sick llama!" from beyond the fence then walking away
Edit: alpaca mb lol
iT wAs An ALpAcA tHaNk YoU vErY mUcH
Edit: Im just joking btw
The second story is definitely TA. His wife is cooking, cleaning, caring for a child, and now writing a book which is what she was trained to do.
The gentleman here is out of line to say that she doesn't have a job, she has two, he has one.
Amount of jobs means literally nothing, you can work 2 jobs 20 hours each or 1 job 40 hours and it comes out to be the same thing. Imagine the husband randomly decides to cut their income in half so he can spend more time trying to become a professional golfer, I bet people wouldn’t be thrilled with that.
This is very emotionally charged. If the roles were reversed and he wanted to quit his job to become an MMA fighter you'd flip sides. The thing that makes him the asshole is he doesn't see any value in helping his partner pursue their goals. Couples are supposed to support each other, and lift each other up, not put each other down. Nothing about what either of them did right or wrong was about the amount of work or effort, it was about a failure in communication and empathy. Both of them were being selfish. This is the type of problem that can easily be fixed, but can also easily ruin a marriage if not addressed.
Second story: if she’s the only person responsible for the house, that’s not a 9-5, it’s a 24-7 job that she can never leave. The housework is her job while he’s at his job. THEN…it’s both of their responsibilities when he gets home. Period
Man's wife is an English major, and he can't even write a coherent sentence, but he's arguing with HER over semantics!? And of course, he's WRONG! A hobby is something you do for leisure in your free time, she's not doing this for leisure. She's doing it to make money so it's a job!
she is clearly doing it for leisure 💀. Or else she wouldn't be doing it on top of her "horribly time consuming chores". And she wouldn't be complaining to her husband with 14 hour workdays to try and make more time to do it.
Also, I know you aren't supposed to use conjunctions to start a sentence, so don't be temped to comment that i'm wrong because of my use of grammar instead of looking at my argument. I started the sentences with "and" and "or" to make my comment clearer and easier to understand.
Disagree with the last sentence. A hobby can 100% be used to make money
@@sethsmith2608Dude…you’re on nearly every comment about this and yet you still haven’t gotten it into your head that doing unpaid work ≠ leisure.
And then you’re paranoid about someone correcting your grammar even though if you reread their comment, they ALSO started a sentence with “and”. If you’re already trying to defend yourself over something that hasn’t even happened that the other person clearly doesn’t care about, then that indicates you already came into this discussion expecting irrational conflict, not a civil exchange. People who approach conversations with that attitude tend to be more combative because a neutral situation is already viewed as threatening. It’s self-fulfilling.
@@Window4503 from the husband's post it seems like she is doing this as a hobby and not as a means of revenue. Also when did I say chores weren't work?
i just said the thing about conjunctions so I don't look uneducated, which adds validity to my statement
@@sethsmith2608 Fun fact: The statement that you can't start a sentence with a conjunction is kinda bullshit, to put it bluntly. It is taught to us as kids so that we don't write incomplete sentences and learn our clauses. However if you know what you're doing, you can 100% start a sentence with a conjunction. Published books can do so for the sake of stylistic emphasis, so it's not what I consider to be an inherent flaw.
With the story about a free trip the wife really f'd up everything. For one it wouldn't have been that big of a thing to explain to the kid that they're taking a trip for adults, but now that she made the kid think she was gonna go as well the disappointment is going to be so much bigger. Plus there might've been a chance of them talking it out and taking the daughter with them to this trip, but after what the wife did, the conversation is over and it becomes a much bigger issue. And now if she got what she wanted the trip would be almost ruined even before it started as no one is having fun now.
Yeah wife the AITA. Not the vibe
Finally someone talking about that one. Like judging by her behavior, I can almost guess why she's got a second husband... and hopefully that becomes a second divorce.
That dude doesn't deserve all the shit for trying to talk things out first. Communication is really healthy and he seemed to have wanted to take that route. Seems like his wife is not big on communication, and people who cannot just talk things out are people who aren't ready for relationships.
@@nomoretwitterhandles big agree on this one. If you can't talk to your spouse and even worse, do something that you BOTH agree not to do to use a third party (especially a child) as leverage to win an argument is not mature, and I'm just feeling sorry for the kid that has such a bad mother figure in their life
I think its pretty clear the wife told her daughter to try to force his hand and make him do what she wants not only is it really underhanded but its not fair to the kid either what would happen would either be 1 she doesn't get to go and is really upset (understandably so because her mother told her she would get to go) or 2 even if op gave in and let her come its not a trip any of them would enjoy they're hours away from the things she was told she could do and op isnt able to do what he was planning either and also feels invalidated
My thing is if the child was his biological daughter would he really want to leave her at home and have an Adults trip?..... I know parents need their own time but if you have a kid and a free trip you don't want to take them somewhere you may never be able to afford to take them?
Honestly this dude wants me to believe as a father to a girl he wants to hang out in another state with his friends insted of taking his child on a trip she will remember for the rest of her life...?....... It's a no from me.
Also it’s wild to think Florida=Disney. Florida is as big as the UK. That’s like winning a trip to London and deciding you’re going to spend the entire time in Scotland
Did anyone else read that as “Daniel gets friendzoned, then goes to jail”?
You're not the only one💀
I READ THAT TOO LOL
Did he change the title or something cause I read that too!
Yeah ☠️
Based on a horrific true story
3:00 a little girl's birthday is not a "community event" its a personal event you dont have an invitation dont come in i dont care how rude im being
26:30 Bring the daughter and then the guy chooses 1 more, each chooses 1 partner to bring then its even
"How dare those kids! Get off my lawn!"
imagine if you just tried to show up at a kids' birthday as an adult. the cops would get called lol
@@K.C-2049 That's just sad man. Everybody seems so scared of letting children be children in America it would seem. Calling cops on kids is just unthinkable anywhere else.
Edit: I must also add, neighbors' kids usually are friends and play together. Do you really want to deny joy to kids? I know I will not ask kids to leave unless they need to be back home.
Edit2: Also, I don't think it's right to compare kids to adults.. They are kids.
@@K.C-2049lmao yea
But now the daughter is still going to be overly hyped about Disney, etc, despite it being another 2-4 hours away, meaning now guy has to fill the whole vacation with either excess driving, or a disappointed 11 year old step-daughter. Not to mention that if the guy did choose a friend for the fourth person, that person will be relegated to "tag-a-long" to a family outing, rather than them getting to have any sort of adult-only excursion. I think no matter what guy chooses, it's now going to be a horrible trip, thanks to his wife's manipulations. WitA.
For #2, if your domestic roles aren’t working for BOTH partners, it’s an a-hole move for ONE partner to think they have the authority to shut down the discussion. Furthermore, a 7-year-old isn’t self-sufficient. OP doesn’t sound like the type that’s very hands-on with his kid. A meeting in the middle could have involved a discussion about hiring someone to do the deep clean once or twice a month for a set # of months, then re-evaluate her progress toward the book’s completion.
For the last one: since the free trip the husband won to Florida isn’t even in Disney World, and it’s a 2.5-4hr drive to Disney, he is not obligated to bring his stepdaughter or the wife’s mother. The tickets really are for an adult trip.
2nd story: I suggest OP take a week off work and swap duties with his wife. He can see how long it takes him to do chores (we have no idea how big the house is, if they have pets, barely found out about the child), "watch" his child for "two hours." And to all the people saying chores take an hour or so per day? WTF are they eating for dinner every night? Planning, shopping for and preparing and cleaning up meals can be a whole-all part time job in itself.
Let's do a hypothetical on that last story. What if OP had won a $2k shopping spree and wife said she couldn't wait for her daughter and mother to come with; then told her daughter she gets to spend $500 on anything she wants? (And granny, too.)
This comment makes me feel so much better. I thought I was going crazy for a minute there. 😭
even ignoring all the other really important stuff, just one hour a day to keep the entire house clean? impossible unless you live in a under 30 sq mt apartment
@@rflsms exactly lol. Even if you're single it can still take forever and OP was talking about chores that take a lot of time (dusting etc). They knew what they were doing omitting their child from the original story, and he seems clueless about his wife's insane work ethic and ability to manage time without his input.
second story: kids are emotionally exhausting, and if the kid is 7 and has extracurriculars every single day, she's going to be exhausted and therefore harder to handle every single day, so yeah the husband not calling her a stay at home MOM, despite having to do hours of work that are themselves more intense due to the nature of tired kids, he's tah
It's a side hustle. It boils down to being a side hustle. A second job possibly, if you will. As someone trying to get my art off the ground, I finish work (8 hour shifts) come home, clean the cats' litter box, feed them, change clothes, and sit down and immediately start working. I spend up to 6 hours working each night. I stop to get food, clean up the kitchen a little, shower if I need to. But I don't fully deep clean or even fully clean the house. Just some small bits. I guarantee I am not sweeping or mopping everyday.
She is essentially doing the same thing. Vranted, the first 8 hours are at home. But when does she wake up? Breakfast. Does she help the daughter get ready? Drive her to school? Dinner takes time. Between those, once you get in the zone with writing, you don't stop and go "oh yeah I need to do the dishes oopsie" and some people don't just wake and immediately do house work. I can't clean before afternoon. I have tried to wake up and start cleaning. Brain no likey. I need start up time. If her creative juices start flowing mid breakfast or hell even mid vacuum session, then she is going to spend the next few hours writing. Also, books can take years to write. Imagine how long it takes with only writing 3 or 4 hours a day. Many years.
That aside. His verbage tells me immediately he is a controlling and possessive husband. I have known too many (not from me, other people in those relationships). He expects her to exist to make his life easier. How dare he come home and the dishes aren't done for one or two days. Why didn't she DUST?! What a lazy person. That's the mentality. He doesn't view her as a person, but his little slave. He is the asshole. He is phrasing it so he seems like not the asshole. Like he is being reasonable and she should be able to manage both, and she SHOULD manage both. Specifically his needs. Hers come second. These types are very good at making it seem like they're good and considerate but the smaller details give away the nasty people they are underneath. It's the equivalent of "she made friends and started havin girls night instead of staying home and making me a sandwich."
The last one, sounds to me like the guy needs a divorce. He views her and her kid as seperate people. Weird marriage. Marriages are supposed to be partnerships. Not "her stuff, my stuff." Nothing wrong with seperate finances, but everything else is typically OUR stuff. Especially CHILDREN. So because you aren't a sperm donor you don't wanna step up and claim that kid as yours in the marriage? It 's her kid, that thing ain't mine. That's the mentality. He says people are hung up on verbage that's because IT MATTERS. Her handling it the way she did was also messed up too. Both the asshole.
"I can't clean before afternoon. I have tried to wake up and start cleaning. Brain no likey. I need start up time." Same! I thought I was the only one!
@@catbatrat1760 me three!
I literally break things if I try to wash up/clean surfaces too early in the day! 😳😳
Time management is key. You can set up a schedule carve out time to get stuff done, but the husband came off like he’s unwilling to do the bare minimum to make his wife happy.
He can’t wash a single dish to make her happy? That’s the upsetting part.
But yes 2 people in a relationship not communicating and burdening the other is also grounds for being upset.
If the husband came off like he was devoted to his wife and actually gave an iota about her happiness, I’d be on his side.
remember when my dad says "my dog/my kid" when you're good but if something bad happens it's "your kid/your dog", like?
stop being absent fathers, men, you live in your child's life doesn't mean you're more than a sp*rm donor when you don't take care of them.
Very well said! 🙌
Guy who was stuck in jail for a night... from night terrors, they could have thought he drugged her or she was drunk or something else and that was why she was not coherent, heard "he is going to hurt me," assumed they had a "witness," and just arrested him. They should have taken her to the hospital if she was incoherent and thought he was trying to hurt her. That should be proper procedure, especially since they may have thought they had someone to corroborate the situation. The fact that the cops were not called is fucked up. I get why the roommate reacted that way initially, she was looking out for her roommate. But not fixing it isn't acceptable. If it was not possible to fix it because of bureaucracy, that can happen. The cops were the negligent assholes that night. If the friend did nothing at all to help, same with the roommate, they are also assholes. After that, the friend is the asshole.
How is the friend wrong for not wanting to be with her?
Even in the situation with the alpaca, if I was chilling in my backyard and having a birthday party and my neighbor walks over and stays outside the fence to have a chat about the alpaca and ask what kind of party we're having, that's more pleasant and social than just walking in and showing up.
I might've even knocked on the door, and asked to pet the alpaca.
Just go to one of the hosts of the party and ask if you may join. If refused, you greet and leave, if accepted, you ask if you should bring a contribution of food.
Yeah, that's reasonable. Or if the party was in a public park or something like that, that could be an honest mistake, but it's just dumb to send a kid to a random party
Personally, I would have let the kids stay for the party but then have a serious talk with the parents afterwards about how inappropriate that is. I would only escort the kids back home if they were being rude and disruptive. But if they were getting along with the other kids and they were all having fun together then I honestly don't see the problem with that. I think it's weird and imho rude to punish the kids who don't know any better and just want to play with other kids. The parents on the other hand, need a serious reality check because in what world is that okay? Pure delusion, and I hope the kids don't turn out like their parents.
"eating your lunch-"
Excuse me, Daniel. For me, it's 9am and I was eating breakfast, thank you very much.
Anyway, I love the callbacks to the "You're not invited" song because that was silly and I love silly.
i would never use the second guys law firm for anything. he has zero awareness of what hes typing and i have no confidence he could ever successfully understand the finer details of the law.
What's funnier is how versitle Daniel's "You're not invited" song was.
its seems wild that tact is not in the expertise of a lawyer
This leads me to believe it’s a different type of firm lol
In the jail one, NAH except the cops. She's traumatized and is looking for her only source of comfort. He's scared because he doesn't want to be arrested again. Both are reasonable, if a sucky situation. The cops arresting someone instead of de-escalating the situation and recognizing a night terror/flashback is a serious problem.
I think she's TA. Why wasn't she going to the jail and trying to get him out immediately as soon as the cobwebs cleared? He was in jail until the following afternoon.
@@cuculain78 I get the feeling we're missing to many details to really know who's TA. OP didn't go into her trauma at all (which is good), leaving us with a partial story. Maybe she was traumatized *by* cops. Maybe she was unable to function after the night terror because she was dissociating. Too many outside variables.
Maybe it's the roommate who's TA.
She most likely knew about the night terrors, and while not having witnessed anything at all, with no evidence that he hurt her, she called the cops.
@@ameliaduncan3236 I spent the whole discussion wondering why roommate didn't go into the room and see what was up before calling the cops.
This all seems like this girl is just jerking this guy around and is acting out for attention because I’m guessing her ex ignored her and now that she sees people caring for her and being attentive she is milking it for all it’s worth. I was SA and abused for decades by my ex I have complex ptsd panic disorder and anxiety. I have night terrors and sleep paralysis never once did it make me jump up scream I’m being attacked for how ever long it takes for police to arrive 10 minutes maybe. Also if this was a actual thing roommates neighbors probably even the police would be aware of it and he would have been briefed. It also didn’t just start that night. I’ve jumped up and ran to my door in one of these states but I was awake and coherent in seconds it would not last as long as it takes to call the police and them respond. It makes me so angry when people abuse mental health issues to garner attention when they really should be getting therapy or even worse lying about abuse to get sympathy and affection MBP behavior. This girl is full of crap on this situation and if she is really traumatized witch she may very well be she needs to get help from a licensed professional not play games with others lives because she is desperate for affection. If you want attention or cuddles just ask don’t be abusive to others. My mother had MBP and abused and gas lit me my entire life as well as manipulating others that to this day are unaware and refuse to believe she was the lying manipulative B that she was. She did so much of what that girl is pulling and abused law enforcement to not only abuse me for her but to make herself look like a victim that needed special treatment and care. People like this are usually people who feel neglected or have been abused who find out what sympathy and “love” feels like by being a victim so they literally will create situations to be seen as a victim. Good chance she wants her sympathy fix that’s why she is pushing so hard for a man (always seen as the aggressor just look at the Jonny Depp situation always guilty until proven innocent) to be alone with her in the exact situation she created that got you falsely a-rested before. Some women also crave drama so they will create it out of nothing to fit their needs. This is why I do not associate with or like any of the females in my life I am a female and it makes me so ashamed to see people like this. I had a female friend once get her husband a-rested for R@Pe and abuse so she could take everything even the kids in the divorce. She was laughing about it and said she may recant in a few years when she is sure she got everything. Another woman I know bragged about getting multiple men a-rested because they wouldn’t sleep with her or they wouldn’t do what she demanded of them like buy her things. She literally ruined innocent mens lives made them spend decades in jail because she was a lying evil spoiled brat. Best advice NEVER put yourself in any situation you could have any possibility of misconceptions such as sleeping in the same bed with a girl who screams he’s attacking me. Always assume the worst but hope for the best. Unfortunately that is the state of the world we are trapped in right now and society has trained people to take and do what they want with no consequences. Keep yourself safe let others worry about themselves m.
Art takes time to make money. Does that husband want to help her reach her goals? I feel like in good marriages they help each other toward their personal goals
I was celebrating my daughter's birthday at a trampoline park. And one kid kept asking about getting slushies for everyone. My husband was like.... how about it? I said no, between everyone, it would be an extra 100, they got 2 hours on trampolines and stuff, pizza and cake.... they're fine. He delivered the no for me. After one kid tripped another in purpose, i knew he'd be better at giving the decline.
In otherwords, kids need to hear no. No one is a jerk for setting boundaries, IMO.
Regather second. There’s no way he’s a lawyer with how poorly he wrote the Reddit post.
He’s totally the a hole cuz it sounds like he’s a controlling jerk.
or maybe english isn't his first language? but yeah, op is totally the a hole
Regather a hole what are you talking about im confused
2:05 hello from someone who works with children 👋
My advice would be to tell the kids that their parent didn’t check with you before then and that you’re sorry that it didn’t work out today to come hang out and play. Then have a parent go back with them and figure out a time for them to come over and play with the neighbors another time or even come for dinner one time if they’re able to make that happen
wtf no that undermines the entire lesson of "don't invite yourself over unannounced" to then IMMEDIATELY offer to pay for a meal 💀
You explain it to them, rationally and calmly, that it is not acceptable to invite yourself to someone else's house or gathering, especially unannounced, and then you take them home to their parents and explain to their parents that it's not acceptable to just invite yourself to someone's house unannounced.
Their job is not to coddle someone else's child, and there is zero reason for them to invite them to dinner for inviting themselves to the party.
Personally, I would have let the kids stay for the party but then have a serious talk with the parents afterwards about how inappropriate that is. I would only escort the kids back home if they were being rude and disruptive. But if they were getting along with the other kids and they were all having fun together then I honestly don't see the problem with that. I think it's weird and imho rude to punish the kids who don't know any better and just want to play with other kids. The parents on the other hand, need a serious reality check because in what world is that okay? Pure delusion, and I hope the kids don't turn out like their parents.
Scenario 2 -
I'd ask him if he'd tell an unpaid intern at his firm they don't have a job, they have a hobby. Even outside of the arts the concept of putting in unpaid work to earn a chance for a paid work is well-established.
I do think he was fine to expect their agreed upon expectations to be met. If she wanted that changed she should have asked to renegotiate them, first. But he's wrong to claim he wasn't belittling her.
If this was any other traditional field he wouldn't have used the word "hobby" to explain the effort put in. No one said I was pursuing my hobby when I was doing unpaid undergraduate research while earning my Chemistry degree.
The use of the word "hobby" speaks to more than just whether someone is paid or not. It speaks to their intentions with the field.
If someone listens to true crime podcasts at home, because they like it, that's a hobby. If someone is spending hours at your firm as an intern researching past cases - because they're hoping their efforts result in eventual pay - that's a job.
Woah, using interns as an example is actually a great analogy.
Great example. Well said.
Agreements you make with your spouse about chores aren't legal contracts though. They can be revised at any time when circumstances change. It's not at all unreasonable for her to fall behind on a couple chores and respond to her AH partner saying "Hey wtf why are there dishes and laundry not done?!" with "Look, yeah, I'm working now, I don't have time to keep up with every little thing, I need you to occasionally do a couple of the 100 chores I've been doing everyday for years." That shouldn't be something she needs to give 2 weeks notice about, or talk about with him beforehand to not be talked down to for it. Your partner not being able to get everything they planned on doing done should not be a big deal unless they're important time sensitive things that can no longer be done on time. Also she clearly did talk to him about it beforehand? She told him she was going to start writing a book. He could've reasonably anticipated having to split her time between working on a book and doing everything to keep their house and family in order might result in some stuff not getting done before he gets home. She is taking on new work. He knew that. If he respected her or what she does at all, he should've expected that might result in her not doing all the chores on her own anymore, per their agreement. But clearly he thinks he does way more than her, thus there's no reason she can't do everything around the house and her new work.
Which you have to think to justify the thought of "Oh well she still should've stuck to their agreement though." btw. If you think that, you must think her day was not already filled by the 24/7 job taking care of their household she already had.
"Ya gotta learn how to phrase things man! That's the only way to succeed in life. Ya know?"
- Daniel Trasher 2024
no, because why did the neighbors even come if they weren't invited?
because it was a "community event" according to them, which it absolutely isn't. XD
@@AipomBTWit was a community event. The neighbours wasn’t part of the community that it was for.
@@gamesexpress1432 no it wasn't. It was exclusively for family and family friends. That isn't the same as a function that a town/city are invited to.
@@AipomBTW i was meaning the family/friends being the community. I like being annoying lol
@@gamesexpress1432 lol, ok
The guy in the second story could use an English degree himself, or at least basic education on punctuation. Hopefully his firm isn‘t something grammar related.
Yay! Judging people to ignore my own faults!
5:17 To be fair i think it's totally okay to tell kids that it's not appropriate behavior. If you don't teach kids what's universally inappropriate behavior even when they're very young then it'll just be a lesson that'll be more difficult to learn later and in a worst case scenario those kids will grow up to be entitled Karens or Kevins because that lesson wasn't taught early enough. And i don't mean that you should shout at kids for doing kid stuff, but you shouldn't treat them as if they're *_entirely_* incapable of rational thought either.
i was thinking this too and trying to imagine how I'd take it when i was a kid. i think it's perfectly fine to gently let the kids know its not appropriate but just make sure you say you're not mad at them and it's not their fault. i think that would be a great learning opportunity for a kid!
I don't necessarily think you're wrong but I also don't necessarily agree. It's not their job to teach societal expectations to their neighbors' kids. As a kid and as an adult now, I would have been thoroughly embarrassed to have someone tell me I'm not welcome at a party. The kids asked their parents for permission and they got it. It's the parents' fault not the kids. You can't expect kids to be like, oh I need to ask my parents and then I need to also ask someone else before I do something. They're kids. Regardless, I think we can agree it's the parents of the uninvited kids that are the a holes.
I agree that this was totally the parent's fault but what really boggles my mind is how they STILL thought they were in the right to just gate crash into someone else's birthday party??? That's honestly insane
One tiny thing I'd like to correct - it's inaccurate to say this is "universally" inappropriate social behavior and to imply that this is common sense. In many cultures that would actually be a totally normal thing to do. Yeah that is pretty unusual entitled behavior based on the dominant Western individualistic societal ideology which tends to agree that you don't show up uninvited to places. However, if the neighbors were immigrants of a different culture or something, this could perhaps be a cultural misunderstanding. In my travels, I've literally been in situations that were the reverse of this where a neighbor expected me to show up uninvited and was offended when I didn't. I thought I was being respectful bc I felt weird about going to a person's house without being expressly invited, but I learned that in that very communal collectivist culture it doesn't really work like that, so I had to adjust my mindset around my individualistic ideas of privacy and personal space and boundaries and strangers... Anyway, my point is just, while it may be likely these ppl were both white Americans, I didn't want to assume anything and therefore wouldn't tell kids that this is how everyone is but merely that this is the case in this particular environment/neighborhood (bc even here in the US, some neighborhoods are way more open and communal in nature than others, though that is becoming less common these days unfortunately...) Anyway sorry, I digress. 😅
@JB_Kuku Well that's certainly interesting.... May I ask which culture or which country did you experience that the neighbour expected you to show up uninvited?
"That’s why you’re probably eating lunch and watching this right now"
SIR, I AM FEELING VERY ATTACKED
I’m drinking coffee 😂
Another thing about the first story is that the neighbors children were there but not the parents. So they were just expecting other people to look after their children, without even informing anyone or asking if those children could be there.
Story 2, I was waiting for him to mention a child. Cuz that changes alot. Taking care of a child is 24 h job. My assumption is that he does not help alot with that, that he assumes what she is ”supposed” to do. Yes the kid is in school for like 7/8 hours a day, but she has to get their child ready for school, probably drive her there, mabye make her child lunch, then during those hours she takes care of the house, but then she has to pick up the child and then take care of her the rest of the day. He makes it seem like it is nothing, he is also a very unreliable narrator. I wonder how much responsibility he takes for their child. Also i wonder if he shares the house duties on the weekends, cuz i assume hes not working and house shore are still relevant on weekends, also taking care of your child. What seems wrong is him undermining her work and not supporting her passion. It also seems like there was a lack of communication, a discussion of changing their arrangements. Cuz i get being frustrated coming home to a dirty house, but there just seems so much lack of appreciation and understanding on both ends.
Story 2:
He only mentioned dishes and DUST falling behind, didnt he?
WHO THE FUCK DUSTS ALL THE DAMN TIME ANYWAY??
I think you/the commenters were underestimating the chores time estimates. Especially if meals for the three of them are involved. Especially after we found out that there's a kid involved. I'd guess breakdown is probably more like:
3 hours - prep for child arrival (prepare snack/pickup from bus stop/homework/etc)
1 hours - lunch
2 hours - dinner prep (bet she's doing the dishes too)
1 hours - grocery shopping/planning (this estimate might be a little generous but I bet it's at least 3 hrs/week especially if child goes with her)
1 hours - lunch prep (maybe op/daughter are eating out/cafeteria but I doubt it based on dude's attitude)
1 hours - breakfast? (maybe it's just cereal or they don't eat it but who do you think wakes up the child in the morning/gets them to the bus stop?)
That's already 9 hours w/o really including any cleaning and I wouldn't be surprised if 2-3 hours additional mostly related to daughter happens outside of op's 7-7 day but w/o his assistance. I don't know about you but I'd probably put a nap in a couple of those remaining hours. She's probably also not doing all that much differently on Saturday/Sunday while having added time investment of doing things w/ child.
I was a little generous w/ my estimates to prove my point so real hours are most likely somewhere between yours and mine but I'd wager closer to mine than to yours. Also, very possibly I've missed some chores as I am not a stay at home mom so actual could be even higher than my estimates.
Food really is such a chore. Shopping for the food, prepping the food, making the food, cleaning up after the food. It's maddening.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to eat.
@@LycanKai14 Plus, the husband doesn't take into consideration that it's *The Wife* who's driving the kid to school, and their extracurricular activities. It's very unlikely that the child's extracurriculars are at school, especially if they're in elementary.
She probably wakes up, gets herself ready, gets the kid ready, makes breakfast, makes a bag lunch, and takes the kid to school, all in the time where he's getting himself ready, and driving to work. He sounds like the kind of guy that would expect her to prep his lunch. He really doesn't appreciate the *Unpaid Labour* that his wife does daily.
@@LycanKai14edit: The guy even said the wife only "watches" _their kid_ 2 hours a day. He makes it sound like babysitting instead of the full time job a SAHM has. Not to mention, even if the kid is away all day, they're 7 y/o. The wife is 100% doing all the childcare while the husband comes home expecting to be catered to.
@@SharkSnoot Naaaah, that's not even what he said. He didn't specify what parenting he does at all, just said that his wife "only watches [the daughter] for 2 hours a day without [him] there". She probably still primarily deals with the daughter the entire time while he relaxes after work in the house he demands be sparkling clean when he gets home.
This also isn't including planning and going to appointments for her and the daughter, school functions, extracurricular commitments, making her own lunch/breakfast/snacks since she is also a human who needs to eat, along with any necessary bathroom breaks, organizing and executing meetups with friends, PLAYING/SPENDING TIME WITH THE KID, doing the laundry and probably putting it all away given the dude's attitude, vacuuming, taking a shower, making sure the daughter is showered, dealing with the school whenever needed, etc etc etc. And homework can take 3 hours on its own if not more for some kids.
Telling a kid that something is inappropriate is JUST fine. If they were anywhere around the bday girls age - 8 - they can definitely be told that it's inappropriate to come to an event that you weren't invited to. At that age you can know better. The entitlement is disgusting
@@LycanKai14 true, but if this is the standard level of behaviour for the parents it will be helpful for the kids in the long term to see others enforcing normal societal expectations &/or healthy boundaries.
the husband walked the kid home (for safety, but I would assume MOSTLY to explain "sorry, our party is private, we're busy and can't be responsible for your kid, thanks for understanding ") HOW did the kid AND PARENTS return uninvited AGAIN? It's crazy they were asked to leave and wrote a note- not to apologize, but to chastise the neighbor for not accommodating them?!? WTF
I agree. Clearly their parents aren't going to teach them proper etiquette. 🤷♀️
@@icu3869 yea at that point I'm embarassing them in front of their children.
Personally, I would have let the kids stay for the party but then have a serious talk with the parents afterwards about how inappropriate that is. I would only escort the kids back home if they were being rude and disruptive. But if they were getting along with the other kids and they were all having fun together then I honestly don't see the problem with that. I think it's weird and imho rude to punish the kids who don't know any better and just want to play with other kids. The parents on the other hand, need a serious reality check because in what world is that okay? Pure delusion, and I hope the kids don't turn out like their parents.
I am married with two kids, am 34, and have known my husband for almost 15 years. The way you speak about these issues is such a green flag and how we’ve lasted so long so happily ❤
Judging people on reddit is the greatest
19:59 1. That person has far too much trust in police training and 2. If your abusive ex broke into your house when you slept and started to threaten you, you would be incoherent aswell 3. Abused partners have been known to defend there spouses after someone tries to stop them and 4. The alleged abuser can very easily lie about not doing it. There’s a reason police officers hate domestic dispute calls and it’s mostly because of how messy they get and how quickly they can escalate.
As a person from Fort Myers, I can confirm a drive to the Disney area is AT LEAST 3 hours. 2:45 will get you to the edge of Paradise, Florida tops.
So, you can edge yourself to paradise? Asking for an enemy...
7:37 pretty sure he meant to say she wanted to PUT her degree to use, lol
Lol the first story happened at a birthday party I was working at. I was face painting and was charging based on the number of kids.
So this one mom walks up with her kids and sits one down in front of me and says “she wants a butterfly”. She looked a bit shifty but I was like ok. Then, one of the kids from the party walks up and is like “what are you doing here, you weren’t invited”. 😂
The woman that hired me was worried that it would effect the price of the party but I told her not to worry about it 😂
As someone who has written a book, (not published) there is no way anyone could write for 12 hours straight. Their brain would explode! But being pissed your wife didn't dust is kind of ridiculous.
"Humans do not like to be bored. Facts. You're probably eating lunch and watching this right now."
didn't have to call me out like that damn
He thinks that anything that doesn't earn money is not a job? Then why is it her job to keep house?
Good point!
Now I have “you’re not invited” stuck in my head
First story, what to say to the kids? Easy. "It's rude to join a party you weren't invited to, so I'm going to take you home real quick." And THEN (if you want to be nice), add a little, "I'm sorry you can't join us today, but we don't have supplies for extra people. Maybe your mom will let us have a small cupcake party together next weekend?"
Both great. 🩷
Boy: but my mom always burn cupcakes😂😂😂
Personally, I believe that teaching kids to be independent individualists in their community isn't good in the longterm, but there would have been a way to handle this that would satisfy both parties.
1) The kids should have actually been friends with their neighbors kids ahead of time... Not doing this is literally the cause of the problem.
2) If the birthday is a community event then it should be planned as a community event... As in, the community needs to pitch in to solve the supplies problem and bring the kid a gift. We have such a broken sense of community in modern western society. "Community event" doesn't mean it's a free-for-all where anybody can take resources from the host, it should be more like a potluck where everyone is expected to bring something... The entitled parents in the story are seeing "fun opportunity for my kids" but skipped the part where they actually care about her birthday.
As-is, it seems like typical neighbors (basically strangers) feeling randomly entitled to go to the party. They should have built that bond years prior.
@@dinodare1605 It clearly was just a private party from the start. The OP actually sounds pretty insular/isolationist which explains why the kids aren't friends with the neighbours kids.
It's not right to put any judgement on this kids. They got permission from their parents, who to young kids are like the supreme authority on everything, so the kids have done nothing wrong. If it were me I'm not interested in making the kids feel embarrassed or like they're in trouble, so I would be nice to them, take them home and just tell the parents sorry it's a private party, maybe organize a play-date for some other time.
I think this series should be renamed : Judgement with a Ditty
You won me over. You're hilarious. The return of "You're not invited" had me cackling out loud in my car. I'm no longer just a lurker. Subscribed.
“Youuurrrr not inviiiittteeed” is Danny’s new anthem
Also guy 2 is absolutely the AH - the way he belittles not only her new job as a writer (starting her career similarly to how I’m sure OP needed support when he started his own firm) but also her current job/responsibilities as a STAY AT HOME MOM instead calling her a stay at home wife tells me all I need to know!
I looked away and was just listening and "One of my 39 male hobbies" was such a weird way to start a sentence that even though I knew from context what it must say I still exhaled air through my nose briskly
On the usage of “my knee jerk reaction”, I went “maybe your knee is the jerk”🙄
Story 3: she needs to contact the police and clear things up. It all needs to be cleared up, and he should consult an attorney to ensure it happens. She needs to see a psychiatrist too, her panic attack put a innocent man in jail for a night.
That second OP has clearly no idea how much work it is to raise a kid. Everything takes more time and energy. Without kids, it took me about an hour per day to take care of the food. With kids it’s at least two hours. And I mean the cooking and cleaning of the kitchen and dishes and doing the shopping. Plus, if you want your kid to be ready for school and out the door by 7.35, you have to be up at 6.00 to 6.30 to make sure they eat something, are appropriately dressed, have their lunch and snacks with them, so your workday starts very early. Also, hopefully she isn’t just watching the child. Because it looks like she has to put all the parenting into those 2 hours before “dad” gets home. All the homework, playing, listening, teaching basic human skills. And those extra curricular activities, how is the child getting there? Do they require extra stuff that has to be cleaned, bought, transported, prepared, kept somewhere? And putting a kid to bed, even at 7 years old, can be a lot of work. Some kids can basically put themselves to bed, but others take a lot of mental and physical strength and time.
That “You’re Not Invited” song 😂 fantastic touch. Send it to OP for their daughter’s bday next year so they can blast it across the neighbourhood lol
What's wrong with explaining to a kid that a behavior is inappropriate or impolite? They may not have known, and could learn from this experience.
i’ve been in this situation. “i’m sorry, sweetie…..you weren’t invited, and i don’t have enough for extra people. you have to go home.” because wtf? my son would never do that, and if your parents won’t teach you not to invite yourself places, i will.
Third story: The commenter talking about the cops seeing or not seeing evidence of violence... In many jurisdictions if a domestic violence call comes in, someone is required to go to jail, it's just a matter of who the police are taking. Even if there is no obvious physical evidence. Bruising can take time to appear, and the primary thing they want to do is separate the two parties, so someone gets to go to jail overnight. The two stories won't mean anything to them. You'll be lucky if they actually write it down in the police report.
In reality, this usually means the man gets arrested as they are usually considered a higher probability of risk by the police. Basically if they don't have obvious physical evidence like a gunshot or knife wound they can point to as a reason, they just assume that women are physically unable defend themselves and they arrest the man.
The firm guy is lawyering too much in his personal life w the way he needs to define and reason everything-that’s ANNOYING to deal with
i remember being a child and being told to attend events for family members i didn't like. my parents told me i was a jerk for not wanting to go to these events, i don't think i'm a jerk, because i don't get along with these same people.
Please upload “your not invited” to Spotify 😂 I need that song
"You're not invited" needs to be a full 2-3 min song 😂
Fort Meyers is full of golf courses and old people. I went there as a kid only because I had *great-grandparents* there.
The way op handled telling the neighbors and their kids was the correct way to handle it. They were hoping that op would feel too bad to say anything by sending the kids and putting them in that position. The neighbors got the appropriate punishment of righrfully feeling like crap by setting their own kids up for disappointment. Telling the kids that was inappropriate is absolutely the right thing to do so not only are they imprinting that lesson on their children so it doesn't happen again they are also showing that they're willing to stand their ground in front of anyone all the neighbors can't even say what they need to say to ops face. Standing your ground in front of every single person no matter what age they are is the right thing to do it shows you are not willing to compromise and you're not willing to be a pushover no matter what tactic they use not to mention The kids will figure out very quickly Next time their parents try to do that but they're setting them up
1:40 Why not? If the kids’ parents aren’t teaching them that it’s inappropriate, someone has to.
Bro the minute they said the trip was in Fort Meyers I shouted at my screen “THATS THREE HOURS AWAY” lmaooo
Also I didn’t know you were from St. Pete! My aunt and uncle live there. They’re boat captains and super fun. Just makes you realize it’s a small world (Disney pun intended)
If you KNOW your neighbors youre welcome to swing by and ask if your kids can join the party but you cant ever assume. I was best friends with the family who lived behind us but if the older brother who i wasnt close to was having a party i wouldnt just assume i could include myself
"the agreement was for her to do the house work"... Clearly she wanted to change the agreement...its called being in a relationship.
How is 'inappropriate' a bad word for a child? Better than 'rude'. It gets the point across. And it's better to be honest than to infantilise a child by telling them some fairytale excuse.
And getting excluded is probably one of the first lessons a child will learn it’s going to happen regardless whether they’re 5 or 15
I think Daniel was more unsure whether the kids would really understand what OP was trying to convey to them
that honestly sounds like it would confuse the kids and make them question their parents, possibly undermining them a little. I agree that it's not bad to tell the kids, but only if they'll understand what you mean. And it's also probably better to have the parents teach them that lesson instead of a stranger.
@@LycanKai14 pretty much what Daniel said, like a "hey let's go talk to your parents and see if we can figure this out", then tell off the parents
@@LycanKai14 the question was not whether you could tell them no, it was whether or not to say it was inappropriate. I also never said you couldn't, just that there were better ways to put it. And on top of that, it would just be a bit rude to the kids who did nothing but what their parents said they could
“Half sane half insane human being” lmao I’m using that 😂
I really like the way you do these videos (and not just because of the amazing tunes) because let's be honest a lot of youtubers make similar reddit based content, but I've only seen you take the time to really think about it, read replies with same attention you give to the main post and then "discuss" it with us. Alot of youtubers seem to be already thinking of the next post before they've read the one they're on. Caused by having 10+ reddit posts a video I think.
All in all thanks for not thinking that quantity is over quality, Daniel!
housework doesn't make any money, therefore it's just a hobby and not something she has to do.
First story: NTA, 100%. Just say "well, your mommy didn't ask first, so my husband is gonna take you home, and have her say please next time."
(I am exhausted from work so I should be in the right mindset to be "exhausted parent")
To the parents: "do you have a gift? the social contract is gift for food and hosting."
2nd one: YTA. I was gonna say YTA/NAH, but *not calling her a mom* is cringe.
3rd story: NTA. Why does friend want OP to hang over? Roommate! Also, *grr,* f🤬k how men get treated sometimes.
4th story: NTA and *of course* Daniel's a Florida Man
Funny thing about writing: It's one of those things that doesn't make money until you're done working. Unless you already have a book deal(which doesn't seem to be the case here), you aren't making money until you've sold your book to a publisher or are making sales. So, in the eyes of the second OP, the time when writing would be a "real job" is when the actual writing is done. Sure there'd be marketing and such left to do, but the bulk of the work would be finished.
Dude Keeper of The House is the best title! I'm going to start using that!
10:52 I'm kind of split here. I think the guy is TA 100% purely because of how he treated the situation. No matter how long you work, how rough it is, unless you are paying that individual, they do not work for you, and you should not treat them as such. If he didn't have a partner, he'd have to do all of the housework himself, including basic living like making food -- or paying someone to make it and bring it to him. _Regardless_ of that, me and my partner are artists in our own right. She draws and creates cute things, and we've been discussing about going to conventions for her to actually start making said things for a profit. While yes, I would consider "Not making money does not equate to a job" it still depends on the motivation of the individual.
Writing a book is not as easy as crafts, or drawing in the terms of selling, because writing needs to be done completely before it can be sold. That's including any form of proofing and publishing that is (mostly) done by outside sources, if not an eBook. Spend money to make money. Someone who creates physical items such as charms, or paintings, can easily be sold online via numerous platforms, or one at a time for supply and demand. My point here, is that at some point, an individual can lose faith/hope in their own project. If that happens, then all that time working on the project is essentially wasted -- given they don't come back to it at a later point.
That's sort of where my partner is currently at. She doesn't have the hope of her projects being good enough to make money, so she doesn't care to put any effort into making it. When she creates, it's awesome, don't get me wrong. The amount of talent in the gifts I've gotten could never be replaced. However, I know if she doesn't have that stable ground to continuously support and guide her, she would never get to do something she could be proud of. It doesn't matter what I think of her projects, nor does it matter if I think she (or we) could make a living off of it alone -- and I would be ecstatic if that's true. What matters is that she has something that she enjoys, that brings light to her life, that she finds at least a little bit relaxing, and if that thing can bring extra money into the house? More power to her.
Just a small note, for anybody who is starting to think that they should give up on their passion, don't. As cliche as it may sound. As long as you have the capability to survive and thrive, keep your dream alive. Maybe you don't have time for it right now, but that doesn't mean you'll never have time for it. Life is hard enough as it is, we don't have to make it dull, too.
14:43 I see u/FelineRoots21 already said a better version of this. Awesome comment.
This is such a well written comment and you sound like an amazing partner. I especially love your fourth paragraph.
My neighbor had a birthday party for her daughter. My son was like four at the time and I told him he couldn’t go because he was not invited. He was sad, but that is what you do as a parent. If you don’t teach your kids to respect boundaries, they won’t learn.
For the second story: 1 hour of housework, are you serious? We don't know the size of their house, but there is so much more to do, like food shopping, cooking etc. I bet she still did most of her chores for a few hours, but just fell a little bit behind on others.