Here is another great metaphor for dysphoria: Imagine you are wearing shoes, except on the wrong feet. Left shoe on right foot and vice versa. Everyone else has their shoes on correctly, and sometimes you get weird stares. It is unbelievably uncomfortable and you wish you could rip them off, but you can't. On occasion, you forget that you are wearing your shoes on the wrong feet, only to look down and have the discomfort rush in all at once. Phoenix Animations has a video on this idea, check it out!
Didnt really fully understand it before, but god is this a good metaphor. I feel that struggle. Ive put my shoes on the wrong feet in a rush and been uncomfortable even after switching them back.
Problem with that metaphor is that you absolutely can take your shoes off if they’re on the wrong feet, just as much you can if they weren’t. It feels like you’re comparing apples to oranges.
I've been terrorized with so many detransition stories for so many years that it's impossible not to feel scared just by the possibility of its existence. Just like the fear parents put on pregnancy. I could be 20 years on T, with zero possibilities of getting pregnant and I would surely still freak the hell out about it.
To answer the trans doubt one: YES! IT IS NORMAL TO NOT KNOW THINGS, AND TO TAKE A LONG TIME TO COME TO TERMS WITH THINGS. Just make sure that you don’t do any permanent things until you are sure. Take your time to figure yourself out. You aren’t less valid for not knowing. Sincerely, A trans man, 7 months on T, who went through years of not knowing.
Yes this! I’m also 7 months on T and the most mentally stable I’ve ever been, after knowing I was trans and trying to convince myself I wasn’t for 7 years, but even now I still sometimes find myself in the mindset I had for so many years thinking “wtf am I doing maybe I should have continued pretending to be cis and just coped with it” but then I am immediately struck by horror at the idea of not being on T and setting myself back any further than I did for all those years, and realize I could never go back to how miserable I was before.
@@jacksonb1001 As a 35 yr old who just realized they are trans, this says how I've been feeling better than anything I've seen or read. I obviously had a lot to come to terms with and I have and the more I accept the idea, the happier I am with myself, but I definitely have those moments of doubt, especially after 35 years of 'coping'. What others have said about being patient and allowing yourself time to really figure things out is so important, but I am very thrilled with how good realizing this about myself has actually started to make me feel and I feel less doubt every day.
yeh for me (transwoman) i went into a weird part of doubt where i just went "oh i cant be trans i bet im just trying to fetishize myself or that im just a crossdresser" now (3 years into hormones) i actually love being trans :)
My mom really likes to push the whole “omg dont cut people out of your life because they didn’t call you ‘they/them’ thats baddddd” and guess who is the only person in my family that regularly misgenders me and doesn’t at all try to correct herself?
I watch him, as well other trans youtubers, because I want their perspective and I want to be a good ally to them by really listening and boosting their voices.
I’m gay and really just learning more about the community so I can help my friends out, so I getcha there. Also sam is also p cute aswell so that helps lmao
For anyone saying they cant order a binder online because their parents track their card/they don't have a card, if you save up cash and buy a prepaid Visa debit card from a store, that works well
Another option is asking a friend you trust that has a card to order it and ship it to their house and then ask them to bring it to school or something. Just be sure you pay them back.
Ninetales 144 Honestly try to get a job. I’m about to get one since I recently turned 14. But also for birthday and Christmas or any other holiday (which is soon) ask for cash
Actually, there have been cases of medical emergencies in the Olympic pools that lifeguards have to help out with until paramedics show up. Please don't mock them, they're trying to help others.
@@abbym3630 I don't think they're mocking them, just saying that things can happen to anyone and that everyone makes mistakes. Thank you for sticking up for them, though.
Dysphoria is like if youre a 30 year old person, and youre stuck wearing a Doc McStuffins Shirt and everyone you know insists its your favorite tv show. You cant take the shirt off and everyone sees you as a big Doc McStuffins fan even though youre not.
the only trans douse that i have is me trying to convince myself i’m not trans and also the influx of all the trendeders and detransitioners it’s just a lot if "am i really trans or did i convince myself i’m trans" but i know i won’t be happy as a girl
I sometimes think "Am I a trender and dont even know it?". I told this to someone and they told me "Most people who fake something dont think "Am I faking this?" Because they are sure they are right"
I have this thought alot, it can be really hard to convince yourself that you aren't a bad person. A majority of my friends are trans and I'm really insecure, always wondering if I only think I'm trans bc I want to fit in with them. And then seeing all the people that thinks being trans is just a joke or a fad or a phase and you just hope so badly that you don't end up being one of them
That's how it is for me, but then I think of myself in the future as a "woman" and it really stresses me out, I'm not an expert but I think if you're afraid you aren't trans imagine yourself when you're older and how you want to be
@@almendez2599 I can relate to both of these so much. I don't feel happy living as a male and I've told my parents that, I have a lot of dysphoria especially regarding my body hair and although I feel confident wearing female clothes I'm constantly thinking "am I really trans, maybe I just think I am and I'm not". And that happens every once in a while. But I also know I'm not happy as a male.
Personally, I've never doubted myself being trans, until I started seeing people De-transition, and it kinda paranoid me. Edit: *yeah no I'm definitely trans* Edit 2: *or am i...?* Edit 3: yeah no i'm trans lol
Dude same, I was fine for 2 years until August 2019 when i first heard about them and since then, everyday I doubt myself and I overthink it way too much
I would like to understand better the differences between being someone who identifies with the birth sex but not with social gender norms and being trans. I am cis and I had a relationship with a guy who would like to put glitter on his face and thought about being trans. I was always, like "well, why can't you wear it as a boy?". Also, he was constantly uncomfortable for being a man, while we talked about feminism, but never did corrected sexist behaviours among male friends. I always thought it would be better taking action as a man who was a ally than thinking "I don't like man doing this, therefore I'm not one". I no longer am with said person (not because of that, thankfully), but I don't know if I was being insensitive and would like to better understand about it.
Yeah like I know for sure I want/need top surgery, but then I see detransitioners regret it and I'm like what if I end up being like that too even though I know I won't
for getting a binder w/o ur parents knowing, have it shipped to someone elses house (if theyre ok with it obviously). my bf got me one for my bday & i hid it from my parents for months (like 4 but still). i told them abt it very recently & it works out p decently. i know everyones situation is different but i wish the best for all of u!!!
This was going to be my exact advice. On top of giving money to that trusted person so they can order it, in case your parents can see your bank statements.
oliver !! I got my one shipped to my friends house after I gave her the money and she brought it into school for me when it came and it took a few months for my parents to find out but they were more mad about me lying about it and concerned about my ribs
i’ve only really ever had trans doubt when i was still trying to convince myself i wasn’t trans, but personally i feel its a lot easier nowadays to have some trans doubt/fear of transitioning because of the spike of people thinking they’re trans when they aren’t. it’s pretty easy to think ‘oh god. what if i’m one of those people?’ and since being trans is pretty awful to begin with, sometimes you just want to force yourself to believe that you might be cis
That's when I get The Doubt too, the "am I really trans, or am I just faking it subconsciously like a trender?". It doesn't happen often, but when I stop myself and think about it and imagine continuing life as a female or transitioning to life as a male, transitioning always feels like the right path. It's scary to me, I think, the struggles I'll face transitioning and the distinct lack of support I have from my family (which is also another contributing factor) and that translates in my head to doubts of my own legitimacy, even though I know logically in myself that the path I'm on is the right one and what feels right in my heart.
I only realized I was trans earlier this year (it suddenly clicked, why I liked getting mistaken for a guy, disappointed I couldn't wear a tux like the others, and so many other things) and most days I wake up wondering if I'm just trying to convince myself of something, if I'm just faking it all because I got this far in life (18 years) just fine. I want hrt. I want top surgery. I want a deep, rumbling bass voice, I want a beard, I want a square jaw and solid pecs instead of jiggly DD cup breasts. But half of my mind doubts how I'm really trans since I was "fine before."
For the cis people relating to trans struggles question: i agree, dont try to relate. Understanding is good, but relating feels like a mockery almost. I was talking to someone about how I was called ma'am and it made me dysphoria. She said something to the effect of "yeah no one likes that" and she said how she hates being called ma'am because it reminds her of like condescending tones or whatever towards women. Relating that personal choice to dislike it and her personal correlation to relate to gender dysphoria just felt so disrespectful of what it's really like to experience dysphoria. Like it went over your head and you make it seem like my discomfort is the same as your personal choice.
@jben jones I agree. What they are doing is like telling a child who is beaten by their parents "yeah omg I hate my dad too, he took away my xbox yesterday, he's such a cruel asshole." It's stupid to try to relate to a problem that in no way is similar to your own struggles. Understand, don't relate.
I knew I was different/trans at 4 years old but I didn’t come out till last year, that’s 30 years I kept it a secret. I’m now a year and 4 months on Hrt MtF trans
I know I'm not Sam Collins but, I do think that asking yourself that and checking in is a good thing in some ways. Because it's really important to make yourself think through your transition before medicalizing it. But I would recommend talking to a specialist about that because if the question is more internal and less mental, you might want to dive into it a bit more? Anyways hope that helps😅✌️
eek meek I’m trans myself, and I felt that all the time. I thought that maybe I was just trying to seek attention and stuff, but I know that I made the good decision
guys if you need a binder without your parents knowing, point of pride gives out free binders, thats where i got mine, there's just a bit of a waiting list but you do get it :))
Roman sanders Just an ordinary guy who has been there before. If you’re in the thick of it right now, hang tight, it really does get better. Also if you need any other tips / resources I def can help where I can just @ me in the comments
...I mean I started my transition six and a half years ago, went on hormones five years ago, had surgery almost three years ago and have regretted none of it but I still have occasional bouts of brain weasels whispering that this was all a mistake and someday I will have massive regrets, so, yeah I think it's fairly normal to doubt yourself lmao.
dysphoria to me feels like danger. Like i was always on edge. At risk, I was afraid. And I was afraid of my body. My chest was a huge dysphoria trigger. I felt like i was suffocating, I had the urge to tear them off, make it stop make it stop make it go away! Freakout. Panic with hysto related parts. I describe it as being terrorized into submission by an organ. I fear those parts. And the longing... Deep longing and pain... Feeling wronged, angry, Dispair, absolute rampage like a tantruming toddler for what is right. like my skin is crawling and im tantruming to get out. Its eased alot with transitioning. I still have dysphoria but its more like im in a body now than ever before. I purposely considered myself "a pair of eyeballs on sticks" to forget about the rest of my body. Now i have one. Its not perfect, i have insecurities and dysphoria at times. But i can live in this place. Im not just surviving and breathing another day. I can use my body more. Im more aware of my body in positive ways
SkaterSurfer Snowboarder feeling fury, jealousy and spite. Hating your body. Being terrified of the female/Male parts becoming diseased. Not wanting hormonal birth control to prevent yourself becoming more female and at the same time being bullied into feeling like an ugly butch woman/man monster by people around you because you don’t pass. Been there, still there.
I was in a relationship with a female, who at the time told me they were bi, yet they were actually lesbian and through the entire year we dated, they tried to tell me I was really a girl and that she only loved the girl part of me. That affected me a whole freaking bunch, even now.
I went through this too recently. Anytime I would bring up that I was questioning my gender she would have a sexuality crisis, despite saying she was bi. She would say things like, "I'm such a lesbian" as a kind of compliment, even though she knew I wasn't comfortable being referred to as a girl. Or say I was pretty or whatever even though I didn't like it. But when she did see me as a guy she would start being really toxic and say things to hurt me, unless she wanted sex, then she'd be complimentary so I know it wasn't impossible. She was a trans woman too lol so I thought she wouldn't do that, but she knew how much being unsupportive would hurt and did it anyway.
About buying a binder without your parents knowing: if you’re out to a friend you could give them the money and ask them to order it or you could just give their address
[I tried cutting this down, but it's still long, sorry] I'm transmasculine, and for me, personally, gender dysphoria feels like I'm being crushed by the air around me. Like, suffocated. And it comes from just the overall feeling I get when thinking about myself, and the way I look. It happens more when I'm not binding, or not binding enough (sometimes I used to accidentally wear my old binder unknowingly, which didn't work well enough, and on those days it was excruciating to even exist. The thought of looking at myself or other people looking at me made me want to shrivel up or just completely disappear.) It took me a long time to pinpoint the actual issue. I thought it was weight issues, because that was the only answer that had ever been presented to me that came close to explaining how I was feeling, and it made sense because people said it often applied to "girls". It wasn't until I bought something for tying around my waist to make myself thinner (it hurt so much, and didn't work at all), as a sort of last-resort, when it suddenly occurred to me to pull it up over my chest. Just like that, I realised that my chest was the real issue. It took ages for me to understand the rest of the symptoms, but all of them, at least in some way, were/are gender/sex related (hence, body dysphoria). I never knew I was a boy. If anything, I did the exact opposite of what everyone else says they do, and made myself almost hyper-feminine, but in this weird "I'm not like other girls" way, at the same time. It was weird, and I always knew, at least from the age of 8, that there was something incredibly wrong with how I looked. There were also other signs, like how when I was 12 I remember repeatedly thinking "I wish I were a guy". I related to almost ANYTHING that "other girls" did that broke gender norms (which is what I mean by the "I'm not like other girls" thing) and within weeks of discovering my first ever representation of a trans man, identified as trans. I know most of this is based only on how I look, but that's just how it feels for me. I shouldn't have been born in the body I was born in, and the more I transition, the more comfortable and mentally healthy I get. I don't automatically click with the elaborate metaphors of being trapped with cockroaches, or anything like that, even though I do also feel trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me. I more think of gender dysphoria as a physical crushing pain, like the walls closing in on you; or the images of a guillotine cutting down my chest to flatten it, because that thought, as violent as it is, was comforting to me. Like, my physical existence is wrong, and the only way for me to be okay is by changing it. I NEVER would have outgrown it, and it was never going to go away. Transitioning socially, medically, and surgically has and is still saving my life.
I'm getting a binder through an organization called QMUNITY and their BBB program (binders, bras, and breast forms). I'm pretty sure they help transgender youth who can't afford a binder or can't get one because their parents don't know/don't agree with it. The office my therapist works at works with them so my therapist is ordering one for me. they are only in BC, Canada though so this won't help majority. but I'm sure there are organizations like this in other places.
The most doubt that I’ve really had is enjoying wearing some dresses. Like, kinda 1950s poodle skirts- but I did like the high waisted trousers better, so yea-
I feel the same. If ppl cant accept that I am gay, they just vanish from my life. They no longer exist. That would include my family, which luckily did not happen.
im not sure if someone else has mentioned this, but if you want to buy a binder without your family/guardians finding out, you can always ship it to a friends house if they're okay with it.
That's a fantastic metaphor for dysphoria-- Here's another! Imagine, if you will, that you were a stuffed animal. Someone has stitched something onto you that doesn't belong there. Like an extra ear, or a nose in the middle of your forehead. You feel an intense disassociation with the extra part. You don't want to see it, and you don't want anyone else to see it either. Other people may not notice it--they might think it's normal, they might have the same features--but to you it sticks out like a sore middle finger, because you know from the bottom of your heart that it _does not belong there._ You do your best to hide it from the world--you do your best to make yourself forget about it. You may succeed for a while, but at the end of the day you know it's still there, and you can't get rid of it, at least not without expensive surgery that you can only hope to ever afford.
But the nice grandma that feeds you constantly and is really sweet, not the racist, transphobic, homophobic grandma who thinks conversion therapy is a great plan and deadnames you. :)
@@zbear199b3 I don’t have an answer but I’m just gonna put this reply here because I’m also wondering if I’m a demigirl and I would also like to know this
I realized I'm trans Christmas eve 2019 and I already feel better as me. I found a song that helped me accept myself. Daughter by Ryan Casseta ( I think I misspelled then last name) it helped me feel like I can be who I wanted. I haven't come out to my parents yet but I'm going to come out pride month 2020.
Wish you luck when you come out, another song that might help is This Is Home by Cavetown, although I guess it depends on what your transitioning to. Also I really like the song thank you for showing it to me.
4:47 yup I needed 6 years to find out that I'm trans. at 8 I thought hmm I wanna be a girl but I look like a boy, I'm completely insane. I tried to deny it for 6 years. now I'm 14 and now I've finally accepted myself for being trans. just like everyone that I've told it.
Another good and cheap way to bind is to get a camisole put it on and fold the bottom up over your chest as many times as it can fold. Up, down, up down. If you feel like you still aren't flat enough get another camisole, but in a bigger size than your first one and layer it on top of the other. Bam! Make shift binder. I used to do this before I had a binder and it actually worked pretty well for me. Remember to take breaks and drink lot of water to prevent you skin from losing elasticity.
I have short hair rn but my mom wont let me wear "men's" clothing, so that sucks :/ everytime i talk about it i always get the same respond "you're not a boy" my heart breaks everytime
to get shirts: just say that women's shirts are too thin and that you like the 100% cotton stiffness of men's shirts (trust me, it's great and evens out my torso. or you can say that you like looser shirts shorts: just say that women's shorts are way too short (no lie) pants: if you live in a place where's there's a costco (less suspicious than the men's section at a clothing store), try to find (men's/boy's) pants that fit, and if your mom questions you, just say that you didn't read the sign (the letters are small anyway), and that the fit is good. shoes: if you have wide feet, you can get men's shoes in a normal width since the width is already much wider. just say that it is hard to get women's shoes in a wide size. you can also go shopping with your dad if your feet sizes are similar. or if you don't have wide feet, just say that you didn't read the tag and that you like the shoes. if you can't get men's shoes at all, get women's shoes in black/white or grey
I have doubt. It happens every couple of months though so very rarely. I feel like it’s just something some people experience, but while experiencing it I feel like I’m not trans. I’ve been out and starting to transition for almost a year now (I’m 14 and in 8th grade) I started to transition in the 7th grade closer to the middle of the year. I’m gonna admit my life has been a lot easier and a lot happier living as my real self and being honest with myself. So even after doubt I forget it ever happened and since I generally have horrible mental health I assume it’s just another paranoia thing.
Which part is the REAL you? Being trans may not get easier as you get older, as fertility and child rearing are important issues. I'm sure you know most trans teens outgrow the whole shebang by the end of puberty....IF they don't take hormones. I know I'll get hated on for that comment, but it's true. I wish you all the best! :)
Paige B Where did you get the “most trans teen outgrow being trans” that’s definitely not true at all. If someone starts to transition not enough people de transition to say most. Not even close to most.
LoanLeaf I agree mate as a trans dude wait until your 18 your brain has finished developing and you can think things out clearer, as some one who came out in year 12 it was the best ever I was officially an adult and so people understood it better, I cannot empathise it enough WAIT
Dude I’m 26 and came out nearly 6 months ago. I thought of transitioning at 17 then scared myself and laughed it off, had a kid, got married and it came back to bite my in the ass. However, if I’d taken T at 18 Iikely wouldn’t have been able to have my child at all, or have had the chance to be supported by my husband. Be very careful about what you do as a teenager because irreversible MEANS irreversible and what you want at 14 isn’t necessarily what you want at 34
My girlfriend tried asking me out, but I wasn’t out to her yet, so I called her later to tell her and then I asked her out and she was cool with it. Then again, I don’t really talk about being trans, like ever, so I guess even if it was a problem with anything, it hasn’t come up. Any disputes we’ve had haven’t been near my gender identity. Cool girl, love her to death. I thought I was gonna be 100x harder, cause most girls I met, once they found out, were disgusted. Meanwhile, my guy friends could care less when they found out, they just wanted someone to play games with. But, all’s good. Worked out 👍
One f my favorite songs says, "I don't need you to respect me, I respect me. I don't need you to love me, I love me. But I want you to know you could know me, if you change your mind." I feel like this applies to me in so many situations.
Damn that part about dating, “will they get tired of me being trans” god I feel that with being disabled. I always worry people will get tired of me dealing with my health and advocating for myself and my accommodations. I’m glad you’re happy!!
It's completely normal to have doubt and feel scared! The fear is not towards our doubt of our identity and our dysphoria, but of the change that it brings, the uncertainty of what our life will be like. It's the fear that comes with any change. Try to picture yourself in a beach, away from everybody. You are the gender you feel you are, your body feels right, it matches your gender. How does that feel? If you could make a wish and get the body that matches your gender and the recognition from everybody of your gender, right away, would you do it?
I'm not trans, so these kind of videos are very interesting and educational. This one in particular made me realize how much trans people go through really. Figuring out my sexuality and gender identity was hard, but now I understand that's not nearly as close to what trans people experience, thank you)
I'm glad that you're able to learn from these videos, and just letting you know to not let other people's experiences take away from your own! Sometimes figuring things out can be tough, and other’s experiences don't make yours any less valid :)
@@shaples7355 Thank you)) I understand that my experience is just as important but I only said that because I thought of if slightly different, I understood that not feeling comfortable with my sex would have been much harder)
For me the doubt stems from anxiety triggered by OCD thoughts of what if I don’t like it? What if I’m forcing myself? When for 25 years I forced myself to be a girl, I forced things in my life and anxiously tried to make myself the most feminine and inside I felt terrible and like I stuck out like a sore thumb, that something was deeply different. Inside I felt like a boy but truly believed you could never, ever change and I deeply fear looking like a butch lesbian. My issue isn’t being a man, it’s being pegged as a masculine woman. It’s fear of being hideous, of hating my downstairs even more, but at the same time I’m off the path of my biological sex and saving up for T. I present Male and will change my name and pronouns formally soon, it feels better but I’m still scared. It feels weird because I feel I look ridiculous or people are laughing at me for being an ugly butch woman. I’m scared of the hormonal changes but I know deep down I would be happier living life as a more effeminate dude than a woman. I feel like an imposter calling myself a woman because mentally I am not, physically I cannot stand it and I’m not comfortable with my biological or social role. I had a kid and got married and I think the way my body changed massively from pregnancy was the final step. I was crying a lot for over a year, I felt awful and like my body had been stolen by the estrogen dragon and I wanted to brush all of my skin off. I fear regrets most of all and I fear being bald and ugly, but those fears aren’t enough to stop me saving for HRT. When I think of myself old I see myself as a little old man, it makes me feel warm inside. I’ve always been anxious of dying and ageing and not wanting to be a woman, but I don’t feel anxious that way as a man. I feel happy.
So my birthname is Sara and he just started saying it suddenly and I felt like he was calling me a woman and I started crying and my fucked up mind went "don't cry that shit feminine" and i just in a dysphoric loop
I know that feeling, my dead/birthname is Angel and whenever someone that doesn’t know about it calls me Angel as a complement I freak out but it’s not so bad that I start crying
3:49 to add onto this, whenever I get deadnamed I’ll just not respond to them. I’ll flat out ignore them until they either stop trying to get my attention or they give up and call me by the right name 🤷🏻♂️ it’s worked so far
for me, personally, the main times ive had some sort of "trans doubt" was after watching stuff about transtrenders doing something weird or such and then being all existential crisis "wait. am I like them? am i doing this for attention? do i not actually have dysphoria?!?" but then on occasion i have a dream involving dysphoria or just... irl get stressed/freak out over something that triggers my dysphoria, and then its like "ya... i dont think im a transtrender... "
if this is helpful to anyone (it might not work but every situation is different), i would get consent from a friend's parents to get a binder shipped to said friend's house. my friend's mom was very accepting so i was able to get my binders shipped to her house but that was just my experience. as i said every situation is different but i thought i would share experience to see if this would help anyone else 🤙
TO GET BINDERS SECRETLY: order them and change the delivery address to a pick up point (eg. amazon lockers). they get delivered to your local lockers and you can pick them up whenever
Nørā Nøvā if it’s that you don’t have a credit card, i think you could buy a £30/$30 amazon gift card and use that. if not, there’s binder giveaway websites. i don’t know one off by heart, but you could look it up. wish you luck...
For the people that want to get a binder with out people knowing, be very careful because they will notice a change in your body and also maybe get it delivered to a friends house or somebody that’s close and supports you. I hope that’s helpful for anyone I just thought of it then good luck! Edit- also maybe come out first but if you know your parents won’t support you then you have to be careful.
What should I do if someone gets aggressive when I come out? I know my brother is a transphobe and he is more likely to get violent than to accept me. I can't just cut him out of my life because we are both underage and in the same household, and my parents would probably say it's not as bad as it is just to keep our family together. (edit) Someone told me to keep them updated on my coming out well i haven't come out yet I got a binder! I'm so happy I got it! I got it for free through my provinces BBB program. I got a gc2b binder. (edit 2) my birthday is in 2 days and i am going to come out then. i really hope it goes well... (edit 3) i cam out a bit ago. my parents acted like it never happened so i talked to them about it and they were more skeptical than i hoped but it's was pretty ok.
Come out, and if he's violent to you then tell your parents and call the cops on him. Discriminating against lgbt people is illegal, and being violent is also illegal regardless of it being discrimination
to all the people concerned about getting a binder because of parental issues, there are brands that make sports bras (ugh i hate that word) that do an exceptionally good job. also if you remove the stupid pad things that helps make it flatter :)
Equestrian here! We have a very fun product called vet wrap. It’s looks kinda similar to an ace bandage and it sticks to itself, but it won’t constrict as you breathe. I use it to wrap my horse’s tail in the winter and also to bind my chest when I dress in drag because I don’t do it often enough to warrant buying a binder. It is super scratchy and uncomfortable so you want to wear a sports bra underneath and it definitely doesn’t work as well as a binder but it’s a lot safer that ace bandage please don’t hurt yourselves guys. You can get it for like 5 dollars for 5 rolls at pretty much any local farm supply store. I also use it to bandage my wrists/knees/elbows when I have nerve pain in lieu of buying a brace so you can tell your parents that’s what you’re using it for.
I have indeed been scared about transitioning, mainly because I am absolutely terrified of surgery. But, I came to terms because I realized, hey, doing this will make me feel better and will make me not want to completely die every time I look in the mirror
I have been out to my family for four years and sometimes i’m still like “But what if i’m actually faking it? What if my dysphoria isn’t bad enough? What if I’m just being stupid and i’ve actually been a girl the whole damn time?!” Honestly RIP me i can’t wait to eventually be sure
@@ellie-g9o Decidedly not a girl! Not sure if I’m a binary man or if i’m non-binary (leaning toward binary), but either way i’m starting testosterone in a couple months and things are going alright! My dysphoria is much lessened, but my therapist thinks it may be due to the amount of people (friends, family, coworkers, and boss) that automatically refer to me with the correct terminology and pronouns
A really good binding alternative is a tight tank top or crop top this will typically only really work if you also wear slightly baggy clothes and have a smaller chest I do this a lot when it's too hot to wear a regular binder also it's safe to swim in
hey sam i got a question, like when i go to my graduation idk how to get them to use the name i want bc i dont wanna be deadnamed. like do i tell the person whos calling out the names or?? idk, i dont graduate until next year but i wanna be prepared for it .
They HAVE to use your legal name on the certificate. But if you talk to the principal or the person announcing you, you could talk to them and request they call a different name instead of whats on the certificate.
when i graduated they gave us these little cards to fill out so the announcer would properly pronounce our names, so i just put my real name instead of deadname. unfortunately on your diploma they have to put your legal name
If y’all want a safe DIY binder: .Get a sports bra (right size or one size too small, no smaller than that), and a t-shirt bra (correct band size, smallest cup size you can find) .Put on sports bra .Put t-shirt bra on backward, so the band rests over your breasts, just under the nipples. .Adjust shoulder straps so the t-shirt doesn't slip downwards. The band will typically have three clips. The widest one is for - light - exercise, such as walking (wear only the sports bra for more intense exercise) . The middle one is for general use. The tightest one is for short periods of time when dysphoria is worse (eg, going to out in public for a couple of hours) Wear for no more than 10hrs a day, and keep in the tight fit for no more than 3hrs at a time.
way to get a binder without your parents knowing: Save up cash or use your card and buy a visa gift card at a grocery store. If you do it around Christmas or someone else’s birthday and your parents know you bought it you can say it’s for a friend as a gift. Use it to buy the binder and either ship it to your house or (preferably) a friends house. Alternatively ask someone supportive to buy one for you. This can be almost literally anyone. one of my friends has a cousin who is a trans woman, we had never talked before but we live close so I DMed her on Instagram and asked if she could buy me a binder and she immediately said yes. Most trans people are willing to help other trans people. You can also have it shipped to someone else’s house (someone supportive who lives too far away to just go there and retrieve it.) and have them put it in different packaging so that it looks like a gift and ship it to your house. (Best to do around a holiday or your birthday)
That epic moment when you get a trans friend for the first time so you do sum research to understand haw thay feel and what thare struggles are and then you relise that you are trans and you both transition together and are close to echother as a hole and become best friends 🥰
if you order something online, most times you can put special instructions like “put it behind the garage” or something, so it’s not in the mailbox where your parents will see
Here is another great metaphor for dysphoria:
Imagine you are wearing shoes, except on the wrong feet. Left shoe on right foot and vice versa. Everyone else has their shoes on correctly, and sometimes you get weird stares. It is unbelievably uncomfortable and you wish you could rip them off, but you can't. On occasion, you forget that you are wearing your shoes on the wrong feet, only to look down and have the discomfort rush in all at once.
Phoenix Animations has a video on this idea, check it out!
Mylee L pretty much
And the shoes are extremely tight and they're on fire and smell of blue cheese
Didnt really fully understand it before, but god is this a good metaphor.
I feel that struggle. Ive put my shoes on the wrong feet in a rush and been uncomfortable even after switching them back.
Basically, yeah
Problem with that metaphor is that you absolutely can take your shoes off if they’re on the wrong feet, just as much you can if they weren’t. It feels like you’re comparing apples to oranges.
I thought Sam was about to say "Now, if you do not know what underwear is..."
Same
Me too 😂
Piper Meisler I’m just like Sam I know I’m a dumbass but you don’t need to tell me that
Same
I guess we're just so used to TH-camrs explaining the stupidest things in order to extend their videos
cis family: HORMONES CAUSE IRREVERSIBLE CHANGES TO YOUR BODY!
Me: Uh, yeah I sure hope it does
I heard the 'Road Work Ahead' vine..
I had to stop and appreciate your pfp, the trans queen 👑
And yet people get mad about hormone suppressors 👌
I've been terrorized with so many detransition stories for so many years that it's impossible not to feel scared just by the possibility of its existence. Just like the fear parents put on pregnancy. I could be 20 years on T, with zero possibilities of getting pregnant and I would surely still freak the hell out about it.
@@sutpecna I hope you have support from psychologists and your doctors about it :(
To answer the trans doubt one:
YES! IT IS NORMAL TO NOT KNOW THINGS, AND TO TAKE A LONG TIME TO COME TO TERMS WITH THINGS. Just make sure that you don’t do any permanent things until you are sure. Take your time to figure yourself out. You aren’t less valid for not knowing.
Sincerely,
A trans man, 7 months on T, who went through years of not knowing.
Addictive thanks for this :)
Thanks man, I needed this
Yes this! I’m also 7 months on T and the most mentally stable I’ve ever been, after knowing I was trans and trying to convince myself I wasn’t for 7 years, but even now I still sometimes find myself in the mindset I had for so many years thinking “wtf am I doing maybe I should have continued pretending to be cis and just coped with it” but then I am immediately struck by horror at the idea of not being on T and setting myself back any further than I did for all those years, and realize I could never go back to how miserable I was before.
@@jacksonb1001 As a 35 yr old who just realized they are trans, this says how I've been feeling better than anything I've seen or read. I obviously had a lot to come to terms with and I have and the more I accept the idea, the happier I am with myself, but I definitely have those moments of doubt, especially after 35 years of 'coping'. What others have said about being patient and allowing yourself time to really figure things out is so important, but I am very thrilled with how good realizing this about myself has actually started to make me feel and I feel less doubt every day.
yeh for me (transwoman) i went into a weird part of doubt where i just went "oh i cant be trans i bet im just trying to fetishize myself or that im just a crossdresser" now (3 years into hormones) i actually love being trans :)
My mom really likes to push the whole “omg dont cut people out of your life because they didn’t call you ‘they/them’ thats baddddd” and guess who is the only person in my family that regularly misgenders me and doesn’t at all try to correct herself?
Yeah, that would be my dad
Start misgendering them. Act like you have no idea what they are talking about when they say they are a women. For instance call them he/him or dad
@@ash9121 yes great idea
@@ash9121 lmao yes
I personally am not trans, nor thinking of transitioning. I watch your vids to know how to properly interact with my trans friend.
Awman that's so nice of you
I watch him, as well other trans youtubers, because I want their perspective and I want to be a good ally to them by really listening and boosting their voices.
@@oklol7142 I mean, I've known them since before they started transitioning, so...
I’m gay and really just learning more about the community so I can help my friends out, so I getcha there. Also sam is also p cute aswell so that helps lmao
Zionne Makoma 🥺
For anyone saying they cant order a binder online because their parents track their card/they don't have a card, if you save up cash and buy a prepaid Visa debit card from a store, that works well
Abby McDonald parents would notice it as they check everything of mine- back to sports bras
@@denverisntjohn i used to tell my parents it was a compression bra for my dance class. if you play sports, use that excuse :>
Another option is asking a friend you trust that has a card to order it and ship it to their house and then ask them to bring it to school or something. Just be sure you pay them back.
And some parents (mine) don't give money to their child... or only on an account - so no access to it
Ninetales 144
Honestly try to get a job. I’m about to get one since I recently turned 14. But also for birthday and Christmas or any other holiday (which is soon) ask for cash
If you ever feel like your life is useless just remember there are lifeguards at the swimming part of the Olympics
Actually, there have been cases of medical emergencies in the Olympic pools that lifeguards have to help out with until paramedics show up. Please don't mock them, they're trying to help others.
@@abbym3630 I don't think they're mocking them, just saying that things can happen to anyone and that everyone makes mistakes. Thank you for sticking up for them, though.
Thats actually funny
Im one of them...
@@kaylublol9498 fr?
It's impossible to hate a face like that
Not for some
Hes a cutie boy
Not for the religious based haters its not impossible
@@michelemcdaniel6032 :(
Ik he looks like a lil chipmunk bb boi
Dysphoria is like if youre a 30 year old person, and youre stuck wearing a Doc McStuffins Shirt and everyone you know insists its your favorite tv show.
You cant take the shirt off and everyone sees you as a big Doc McStuffins fan even though youre not.
Jesus, you put the feeling in words 💀💀💀
Thank you, imma use this metaphor more
I’m so early that none of the transphobs have disliked the video yet
Same
Hola me llamo Elliott Sup fellow Elliot
Elliot: You spell your name the not so weird way. Unlike me.
@@holamellamoeliot3154 Hi to both E(l)liots. You should watch Mr Robot.
the only trans douse that i have is me trying to convince myself i’m not trans and also the influx of all the trendeders and detransitioners
it’s just a lot if "am i really trans or did i convince myself i’m trans" but i know i won’t be happy as a girl
I sometimes think "Am I a trender and dont even know it?". I told this to someone and they told me "Most people who fake something dont think "Am I faking this?" Because they are sure they are right"
I have this thought alot, it can be really hard to convince yourself that you aren't a bad person. A majority of my friends are trans and I'm really insecure, always wondering if I only think I'm trans bc I want to fit in with them. And then seeing all the people that thinks being trans is just a joke or a fad or a phase and you just hope so badly that you don't end up being one of them
That's how it is for me, but then I think of myself in the future as a "woman" and it really stresses me out, I'm not an expert but I think if you're afraid you aren't trans imagine yourself when you're older and how you want to be
@@almendez2599 I can relate to both of these so much. I don't feel happy living as a male and I've told my parents that, I have a lot of dysphoria especially regarding my body hair and although I feel confident wearing female clothes I'm constantly thinking "am I really trans, maybe I just think I am and I'm not". And that happens every once in a while. But I also know I'm not happy as a male.
I get that
Personally, I've never doubted myself being trans, until I started seeing people De-transition, and it kinda paranoid me.
Edit: *yeah no I'm definitely trans*
Edit 2: *or am i...?*
Edit 3: yeah no i'm trans lol
sAme
Dude same, I was fine for 2 years until August 2019 when i first heard about them and since then, everyday I doubt myself and I overthink it way too much
i felt that. i’m going through this rn.
I would like to understand better the differences between being someone who identifies with the birth sex but not with social gender norms and being trans. I am cis and I had a relationship with a guy who would like to put glitter on his face and thought about being trans. I was always, like "well, why can't you wear it as a boy?". Also, he was constantly uncomfortable for being a man, while we talked about feminism, but never did corrected sexist behaviours among male friends. I always thought it would be better taking action as a man who was a ally than thinking "I don't like man doing this, therefore I'm not one". I no longer am with said person (not because of that, thankfully), but I don't know if I was being insensitive and would like to better understand about it.
Yeah like I know for sure I want/need top surgery, but then I see detransitioners regret it and I'm like what if I end up being like that too even though I know I won't
for getting a binder w/o ur parents knowing, have it shipped to someone elses house (if theyre ok with it obviously). my bf got me one for my bday & i hid it from my parents for months (like 4 but still). i told them abt it very recently & it works out p decently. i know everyones situation is different but i wish the best for all of u!!!
This was going to be my exact advice. On top of giving money to that trusted person so they can order it, in case your parents can see your bank statements.
oliver !! I got my one shipped to my friends house after I gave her the money and she brought it into school for me when it came and it took a few months for my parents to find out but they were more mad about me lying about it and concerned about my ribs
Yeah, my moms (the friend kind) got me a binder as a birthday present and I don't think I've ever been that happy and grateful
I had my aunt have it shipped to her house lol
Chan 160138 id say just try ur best to do it when ur parent/s are outta the house
"censoring this 4 your eyes Ur welcome"
LMAO I LOVE HIM
i’ve only really ever had trans doubt when i was still trying to convince myself i wasn’t trans, but personally i feel its a lot easier nowadays to have some trans doubt/fear of transitioning because of the spike of people thinking they’re trans when they aren’t. it’s pretty easy to think ‘oh god. what if i’m one of those people?’ and since being trans is pretty awful to begin with, sometimes you just want to force yourself to believe that you might be cis
Or sometimes being pre t I'd look at myself and have doubts bc I dont pass enough or appear more like a lesbian than a man ):
That's when I get The Doubt too, the "am I really trans, or am I just faking it subconsciously like a trender?". It doesn't happen often, but when I stop myself and think about it and imagine continuing life as a female or transitioning to life as a male, transitioning always feels like the right path. It's scary to me, I think, the struggles I'll face transitioning and the distinct lack of support I have from my family (which is also another contributing factor) and that translates in my head to doubts of my own legitimacy, even though I know logically in myself that the path I'm on is the right one and what feels right in my heart.
Yeah you described it perfectly
I only realized I was trans earlier this year (it suddenly clicked, why I liked getting mistaken for a guy, disappointed I couldn't wear a tux like the others, and so many other things) and most days I wake up wondering if I'm just trying to convince myself of something, if I'm just faking it all because I got this far in life (18 years) just fine. I want hrt. I want top surgery. I want a deep, rumbling bass voice, I want a beard, I want a square jaw and solid pecs instead of jiggly DD cup breasts. But half of my mind doubts how I'm really trans since I was "fine before."
Someone's Side Channel the fine before thing omg! That hits so hard sometimes!
Lmao "I'm transitioning to a cis man." Me too, me too
For the cis people relating to trans struggles question: i agree, dont try to relate. Understanding is good, but relating feels like a mockery almost. I was talking to someone about how I was called ma'am and it made me dysphoria. She said something to the effect of "yeah no one likes that" and she said how she hates being called ma'am because it reminds her of like condescending tones or whatever towards women. Relating that personal choice to dislike it and her personal correlation to relate to gender dysphoria just felt so disrespectful of what it's really like to experience dysphoria. Like it went over your head and you make it seem like my discomfort is the same as your personal choice.
@jben jones I agree. What they are doing is like telling a child who is beaten by their parents "yeah omg I hate my dad too, he took away my xbox yesterday, he's such a cruel asshole." It's stupid to try to relate to a problem that in no way is similar to your own struggles. Understand, don't relate.
jben jones just because someone else is going through something worse doesn't mean my struggles aren't real you fucking imbocile
Because this doesn't sound condensing
@@EKennethsanders lol it's condescending, for future reference. Condensing is to thicken.
@jben jones i agree with you
I knew I was different/trans at 4 years old but I didn’t come out till last year, that’s 30 years I kept it a secret. I’m now a year and 4 months on Hrt MtF trans
Casey Noelle I'm proud of you
Casey Noelle woah, you’re one of those rare people that figure it out _early_ early. Congrats on coming out, I’m sure you’ll have a good transition
It was almost that long for me. Im 62 and post.op 24 years
Once your vocal cords thicken you have a more masculine voice permanently without surgery. Learning pitch intonation and prosody
Aw, I'm so proud of you! Hope all's well with you
i have a question, is it ok for you to constantly ask yourself,"am i faking being trans?"
I know I'm not Sam Collins but, I do think that asking yourself that and checking in is a good thing in some ways. Because it's really important to make yourself think through your transition before medicalizing it. But I would recommend talking to a specialist about that because if the question is more internal and less mental, you might want to dive into it a bit more? Anyways hope that helps😅✌️
I just commented about that actually kind of! Look up impostor syndrome, I deal with it a lot and it may be what you experience.
@@noahpr4843 thank you ☺️
@@y0ppin33 thank you too
eek meek I’m trans myself, and I felt that all the time. I thought that maybe I was just trying to seek attention and stuff, but I know that I made the good decision
“hey my name is jon... not sarah....” that entire thing made me flinch bc sarah’s the deadname 🤢✌🏻
Don't worry, John. We have your back
Anyone else hated the deadname even before you knew you were trans
@@gawd-zila YES
@@gawd-zila Yup
guys if you need a binder without your parents knowing, point of pride gives out free binders, thats where i got mine, there's just a bit of a waiting list but you do get it :))
Also you can ask a supportive friend if you can mail it to their house and pick it up from them
You guys are gods
Roman sanders Just an ordinary guy who has been there before. If you’re in the thick of it right now, hang tight, it really does get better. Also if you need any other tips / resources I def can help where I can just @ me in the comments
that's how i got mine. the waiting list is quite long but it was worth it!
I’m gonna get mine through there! It’ll take a while with the ordering holdup but I know it’ll be worth it :)
"Stuck in a box covered in roaches."
Oh Jesus, I knew it was bad but I didn't know it was THAT KIND OF BAD.
*shudders to infinity*
yeah it’s Bad djdhdhd
And the worse part is when people look at you and tell it's totally normal. Like yeah I don't think so.
0:59 you were going to say "lit" you tried to distract us by zooming in on your hands, but I heard it. I hear everything.
Same lol
I heard it too
...I mean I started my transition six and a half years ago, went on hormones five years ago, had surgery almost three years ago and have regretted none of it but I still have occasional bouts of brain weasels whispering that this was all a mistake and someday I will have massive regrets, so, yeah I think it's fairly normal to doubt yourself lmao.
Im 20 plus years post op. And those little weasels still attack me once in a while
Every body wonders about how life would have been especially when life isnt good
dysphoria to me feels like danger.
Like i was always on edge. At risk, I was afraid.
And I was afraid of my body. My chest was a huge dysphoria trigger. I felt like i was suffocating, I had the urge to tear them off, make it stop make it stop make it go away! Freakout.
Panic with hysto related parts. I describe it as being terrorized into submission by an organ. I fear those parts.
And the longing... Deep longing and pain... Feeling wronged, angry, Dispair, absolute rampage like a tantruming toddler for what is right. like my skin is crawling and im tantruming to get out.
Its eased alot with transitioning. I still have dysphoria but its more like im in a body now than ever before. I purposely considered myself "a pair of eyeballs on sticks" to forget about the rest of my body. Now i have one. Its not perfect, i have insecurities and dysphoria at times.
But i can live in this place. Im not just surviving and breathing another day. I can use my body more. Im more aware of my body in positive ways
SkaterSurfer Snowboarder feeling fury, jealousy and spite. Hating your body. Being terrified of the female/Male parts becoming diseased. Not wanting hormonal birth control to prevent yourself becoming more female and at the same time being bullied into feeling like an ugly butch woman/man monster by people around you because you don’t pass. Been there, still there.
going to do a spin on cavetown's song and call it b00bs are bugs
I'M FUCKING DEADDDDD💀💀😂
i would vibe with that 👌🏼👌🏼
Sam the savior
That’s the T sis
that’s the t, cis.
Went to a family washroom and found shit smeared on the wall. Plus had a microwave. I was very scared.
At least it had a microwave that's pretty sick
Microwave the baby
Sheds are small barns
it costs you $0.00 to say this
Barns are just animal green houses.
I was in a relationship with a female, who at the time told me they were bi, yet they were actually lesbian and through the entire year we dated, they tried to tell me I was really a girl and that she only loved the girl part of me.
That affected me a whole freaking bunch, even now.
I went through this too recently. Anytime I would bring up that I was questioning my gender she would have a sexuality crisis, despite saying she was bi. She would say things like, "I'm such a lesbian" as a kind of compliment, even though she knew I wasn't comfortable being referred to as a girl. Or say I was pretty or whatever even though I didn't like it. But when she did see me as a guy she would start being really toxic and say things to hurt me, unless she wanted sex, then she'd be complimentary so I know it wasn't impossible. She was a trans woman too lol so I thought she wouldn't do that, but she knew how much being unsupportive would hurt and did it anyway.
About buying a binder without your parents knowing: if you’re out to a friend you could give them the money and ask them to order it or you could just give their address
My experience with dysphoria is looking down and my brain screaming “Oh God, this is all wrong!”. I am starting transitioning very soon.
[I tried cutting this down, but it's still long, sorry]
I'm transmasculine, and for me, personally, gender dysphoria feels like I'm being crushed by the air around me. Like, suffocated. And it comes from just the overall feeling I get when thinking about myself, and the way I look. It happens more when I'm not binding, or not binding enough (sometimes I used to accidentally wear my old binder unknowingly, which didn't work well enough, and on those days it was excruciating to even exist. The thought of looking at myself or other people looking at me made me want to shrivel up or just completely disappear.)
It took me a long time to pinpoint the actual issue. I thought it was weight issues, because that was the only answer that had ever been presented to me that came close to explaining how I was feeling, and it made sense because people said it often applied to "girls". It wasn't until I bought something for tying around my waist to make myself thinner (it hurt so much, and didn't work at all), as a sort of last-resort, when it suddenly occurred to me to pull it up over my chest. Just like that, I realised that my chest was the real issue. It took ages for me to understand the rest of the symptoms, but all of them, at least in some way, were/are gender/sex related (hence, body dysphoria).
I never knew I was a boy. If anything, I did the exact opposite of what everyone else says they do, and made myself almost hyper-feminine, but in this weird "I'm not like other girls" way, at the same time. It was weird, and I always knew, at least from the age of 8, that there was something incredibly wrong with how I looked. There were also other signs, like how when I was 12 I remember repeatedly thinking "I wish I were a guy". I related to almost ANYTHING that "other girls" did that broke gender norms (which is what I mean by the "I'm not like other girls" thing) and within weeks of discovering my first ever representation of a trans man, identified as trans.
I know most of this is based only on how I look, but that's just how it feels for me. I shouldn't have been born in the body I was born in, and the more I transition, the more comfortable and mentally healthy I get. I don't automatically click with the elaborate metaphors of being trapped with cockroaches, or anything like that, even though I do also feel trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me. I more think of gender dysphoria as a physical crushing pain, like the walls closing in on you; or the images of a guillotine cutting down my chest to flatten it, because that thought, as violent as it is, was comforting to me. Like, my physical existence is wrong, and the only way for me to be okay is by changing it. I NEVER would have outgrown it, and it was never going to go away. Transitioning socially, medically, and surgically has and is still saving my life.
I'm getting a binder through an organization called QMUNITY and their BBB program (binders, bras, and breast forms). I'm pretty sure they help transgender youth who can't afford a binder or can't get one because their parents don't know/don't agree with it. The office my therapist works at works with them so my therapist is ordering one for me. they are only in BC, Canada though so this won't help majority. but I'm sure there are organizations like this in other places.
BC gang
There's also a company called GC2B that sells binders for between 20 and 30 dollars.
@@heroinfathr hell yeah!
@@Lemon-Bark yeah. that's where my BBB programs gets their binders from.
Awww that’s so nice. It’s so nice to here my fellow trans dudes are getting help.
The most doubt that I’ve really had is enjoying wearing some dresses. Like, kinda 1950s poodle skirts- but I did like the high waisted trousers better, so yea-
I cosplay and whenever I feel even the slightest bit confident in a female cosplay that causes me to doubt myself .....
Ginger_ McAle yea! I get what chu mean
I feel the same. If ppl cant accept that I am gay, they just vanish from my life. They no longer exist. That would include my family, which luckily did not happen.
im not sure if someone else has mentioned this, but if you want to buy a binder without your family/guardians finding out, you can always ship it to a friends house if they're okay with it.
That's a fantastic metaphor for dysphoria--
Here's another!
Imagine, if you will, that you were a stuffed animal. Someone has stitched something onto you that doesn't belong there. Like an extra ear, or a nose in the middle of your forehead. You feel an intense disassociation with the extra part. You don't want to see it, and you don't want anyone else to see it either. Other people may not notice it--they might think it's normal, they might have the same features--but to you it sticks out like a sore middle finger, because you know from the bottom of your heart that it _does not belong there._ You do your best to hide it from the world--you do your best to make yourself forget about it. You may succeed for a while, but at the end of the day you know it's still there, and you can't get rid of it, at least not without expensive surgery that you can only hope to ever afford.
My description of dysphoria is like wearing wet clothes you could never take off (like feeling uncomfortable all day every day)
Excellent analogy
Cis girls act like grandmas for us trans guys
Don’t lie to me
But the nice grandma that feeds you constantly and is really sweet, not the racist, transphobic, homophobic grandma who thinks conversion therapy is a great plan and deadnames you. :)
Aoife Moss yeah, I have both kinds. But neither know.
If I'm a demi girl or just demi am I trans ? Like without needing to transition
@@zbear199b3 I don’t have an answer but I’m just gonna put this reply here because I’m also wondering if I’m a demigirl and I would also like to know this
I realized I'm trans Christmas eve 2019 and I already feel better as me. I found a song that helped me accept myself. Daughter by Ryan Casseta ( I think I misspelled then last name) it helped me feel like I can be who I wanted. I haven't come out to my parents yet but I'm going to come out pride month 2020.
Wish you luck when you come out, another song that might help is This Is Home by Cavetown, although I guess it depends on what your transitioning to. Also I really like the song thank you for showing it to me.
4:47 yup I needed 6 years to find out that I'm trans. at 8 I thought hmm I wanna be a girl but I look like a boy, I'm completely insane. I tried to deny it for 6 years. now I'm 14 and now I've finally accepted myself for being trans. just like everyone that I've told it.
I'm a cis woman and the bugs in the box explanation really creeped me out 😣 really helped me understand trans people better. Thank you ❤️
4:07
Sam: “didnt mean to make it emo hour, but if it is emo hour... thats fine”
😂😂
Just got a trump impeach petition in your video😂😂
Another good and cheap way to bind is to get a camisole put it on and fold the bottom up over your chest as many times as it can fold. Up, down, up down. If you feel like you still aren't flat enough get another camisole, but in a bigger size than your first one and layer it on top of the other. Bam! Make shift binder.
I used to do this before I had a binder and it actually worked pretty well for me.
Remember to take breaks and drink lot of water to prevent you skin from losing elasticity.
For me, dysphoria is like someone telling me all shitty the things you can ever think of.
Omg " are they gon get sick of me being trans" me too man just started seeing some one and I'm already super stressed bout dat
Be you others will deal or not. Try not to belabor the fact that youre trans.
I have short hair rn but my mom wont let me wear "men's" clothing, so that sucks :/ everytime i talk about it i always get the same respond "you're not a boy" my heart breaks everytime
to get
shirts: just say that women's shirts are too thin and that you like the 100% cotton stiffness of men's shirts (trust me, it's great and evens out my torso. or you can say that you like looser shirts
shorts: just say that women's shorts are way too short (no lie)
pants: if you live in a place where's there's a costco (less suspicious than the men's section at a clothing store), try to find (men's/boy's) pants that fit, and if your mom questions you, just say that you didn't read the sign (the letters are small anyway), and that the fit is good.
shoes: if you have wide feet, you can get men's shoes in a normal width since the width is already much wider. just say that it is hard to get women's shoes in a wide size. you can also go shopping with your dad if your feet sizes are similar. or if you don't have wide feet, just say that you didn't read the tag and that you like the shoes. if you can't get men's shoes at all, get women's shoes in black/white or grey
Me: I didn’t mean to make this emo hour
*My depression and dysphoria coming back*
Me: maybe it is emo hour
An underwear sponser?
Well, you know what? Its better than seeing Raid, Dollar Shave Club, Honey, Nord, etc again. Horray for ad diversity!
another tip for buying binders lowkey is buying it around christmas time and then saying it's a gift so you can't show them
As a cis female trying to be an ally, I found this video really helpful! Thank you so much! 🤗💕
I have doubt.
It happens every couple of months though so very rarely.
I feel like it’s just something some people experience, but while experiencing it I feel like I’m not trans.
I’ve been out and starting to transition for almost a year now (I’m 14 and in 8th grade) I started to transition in the 7th grade closer to the middle of the year. I’m gonna admit my life has been a lot easier and a lot happier living as my real self and being honest with myself. So even after doubt I forget it ever happened and since I generally have horrible mental health I assume it’s just another paranoia thing.
Which part is the REAL you? Being trans may not get easier as you get older, as fertility and child rearing are important issues. I'm sure you know most trans teens outgrow the whole shebang by the end of puberty....IF they don't take hormones. I know I'll get hated on for that comment, but it's true. I wish you all the best! :)
Paige B
Where did you get the “most trans teen outgrow being trans” that’s definitely not true at all. If someone starts to transition not enough people de transition to say most. Not even close to most.
psmag.com/social-justice/why-transgender-kids-should-wait-to-transition One more article for you....not a scholarly one, but a personal story.
LoanLeaf I agree mate as a trans dude wait until your 18 your brain has finished developing and you can think things out clearer, as some one who came out in year 12 it was the best ever I was officially an adult and so people understood it better, I cannot empathise it enough WAIT
Dude I’m 26 and came out nearly 6 months ago. I thought of transitioning at 17 then scared myself and laughed it off, had a kid, got married and it came back to bite my in the ass. However, if I’d taken T at 18 Iikely wouldn’t have been able to have my child at all, or have had the chance to be supported by my husband. Be very careful about what you do as a teenager because irreversible MEANS irreversible and what you want at 14 isn’t necessarily what you want at 34
My girlfriend tried asking me out, but I wasn’t out to her yet, so I called her later to tell her and then I asked her out and she was cool with it. Then again, I don’t really talk about being trans, like ever, so I guess even if it was a problem with anything, it hasn’t come up. Any disputes we’ve had haven’t been near my gender identity. Cool girl, love her to death. I thought I was gonna be 100x harder, cause most girls I met, once they found out, were disgusted. Meanwhile, my guy friends could care less when they found out, they just wanted someone to play games with. But, all’s good. Worked out 👍
One f my favorite songs says, "I don't need you to respect me, I respect me. I don't need you to love me, I love me. But I want you to know you could know me, if you change your mind." I feel like this applies to me in so many situations.
Question:
How should I gently remind my parents of the pronouns I've asked them to use?
6 veiws and 69 likes and 9 comments makes sense
@•The FacelessCurl• yes?
@•The FacelessCurl• ok.....
If I see one more of these unfunny fucking comments how hard is it to think of something original
*NICE*
Damn that part about dating, “will they get tired of me being trans” god I feel that with being disabled. I always worry people will get tired of me dealing with my health and advocating for myself and my accommodations. I’m glad you’re happy!!
It's completely normal to have doubt and feel scared! The fear is not towards our doubt of our identity and our dysphoria, but of the change that it brings, the uncertainty of what our life will be like. It's the fear that comes with any change. Try to picture yourself in a beach, away from everybody. You are the gender you feel you are, your body feels right, it matches your gender. How does that feel? If you could make a wish and get the body that matches your gender and the recognition from everybody of your gender, right away, would you do it?
I'm not trans, so these kind of videos are very interesting and educational. This one in particular made me realize how much trans people go through really. Figuring out my sexuality and gender identity was hard, but now I understand that's not nearly as close to what trans people experience, thank you)
I'm glad that you're able to learn from these videos, and just letting you know to not let other people's experiences take away from your own! Sometimes figuring things out can be tough, and other’s experiences don't make yours any less valid :)
@@shaples7355 Thank you)) I understand that my experience is just as important but I only said that because I thought of if slightly different, I understood that not feeling comfortable with my sex would have been much harder)
@@soniapastukhova I'm cis too, but videos like these are so interesting! Not to mention how cute and funny Sam is. So I just had to subscribed 😁
For me the doubt stems from anxiety triggered by OCD thoughts of what if I don’t like it? What if I’m forcing myself? When for 25 years I forced myself to be a girl, I forced things in my life and anxiously tried to make myself the most feminine and inside I felt terrible and like I stuck out like a sore thumb, that something was deeply different. Inside I felt like a boy but truly believed you could never, ever change and I deeply fear looking like a butch lesbian. My issue isn’t being a man, it’s being pegged as a masculine woman. It’s fear of being hideous, of hating my downstairs even more, but at the same time I’m off the path of my biological sex and saving up for T. I present Male and will change my name and pronouns formally soon, it feels better but I’m still scared. It feels weird because I feel I look ridiculous or people are laughing at me for being an ugly butch woman. I’m scared of the hormonal changes but I know deep down I would be happier living life as a more effeminate dude than a woman. I feel like an imposter calling myself a woman because mentally I am not, physically I cannot stand it and I’m not comfortable with my biological or social role. I had a kid and got married and I think the way my body changed massively from pregnancy was the final step. I was crying a lot for over a year, I felt awful and like my body had been stolen by the estrogen dragon and I wanted to brush all of my skin off. I fear regrets most of all and I fear being bald and ugly, but those fears aren’t enough to stop me saving for HRT. When I think of myself old I see myself as a little old man, it makes me feel warm inside. I’ve always been anxious of dying and ageing and not wanting to be a woman, but I don’t feel anxious that way as a man. I feel happy.
So my birthname is Sara and he just started saying it suddenly and I felt like he was calling me a woman and I started crying and my fucked up mind went "don't cry that shit feminine" and i just in a dysphoric loop
I know that feeling, my dead/birthname is Angel and whenever someone that doesn’t know about it calls me Angel as a complement I freak out but it’s not so bad that I start crying
3:49 to add onto this, whenever I get deadnamed I’ll just not respond to them. I’ll flat out ignore them until they either stop trying to get my attention or they give up and call me by the right name 🤷🏻♂️ it’s worked so far
"but now that i'm engaged," hold on. pause, PAUSE, HOLD ON
for me, personally, the main times ive had some sort of "trans doubt" was after watching stuff about transtrenders doing something weird or such and then being all existential crisis "wait. am I like them? am i doing this for attention? do i not actually have dysphoria?!?" but then on occasion i have a dream involving dysphoria or just... irl get stressed/freak out over something that triggers my dysphoria, and then its like "ya... i dont think im a transtrender... "
if this is helpful to anyone (it might not work but every situation is different), i would get consent from a friend's parents to get a binder shipped to said friend's house. my friend's mom was very accepting so i was able to get my binders shipped to her house but that was just my experience. as i said every situation is different but i thought i would share experience to see if this would help anyone else 🤙
If your parents or anyone in your family see your binder just say it’s a corset.
My trans guy friend used this excuse and it worked for him.
"how could you hate a face like this" i awww'ed at my computer haha
TO GET BINDERS SECRETLY:
order them and change the delivery address to a pick up point (eg. amazon lockers). they get delivered to your local lockers and you can pick them up whenever
What if you can’t order them online, do you know of any organizations that could help? Or another way to get a binder?
Nørā Nøvā if it’s that you don’t have a credit card, i think you could buy a £30/$30 amazon gift card and use that. if not, there’s binder giveaway websites. i don’t know one off by heart, but you could look it up. wish you luck...
The way he introduced the sponsor by saying "...well YOU CAN'T DO PE WITHOUT UNDERWEAR"
Idk if you celebrate Christmas, but I'm early so I just want to say - happy Christmas Sam!
Thank you for some of this advice! As a baby trans it's super helpful
For the people that want to get a binder with out people knowing, be very careful because they will notice a change in your body and also maybe get it delivered to a friends house or somebody that’s close and supports you. I hope that’s helpful for anyone I just thought of it then good luck!
Edit- also maybe come out first but if you know your parents won’t support you then you have to be careful.
What should I do if someone gets aggressive when I come out? I know my brother is a transphobe and he is more likely to get violent than to accept me. I can't just cut him out of my life because we are both underage and in the same household, and my parents would probably say it's not as bad as it is just to keep our family together.
(edit) Someone told me to keep them updated on my coming out well i haven't come out yet I got a binder! I'm so happy I got it! I got it for free through my provinces BBB program. I got a gc2b binder.
(edit 2) my birthday is in 2 days and i am going to come out then. i really hope it goes well...
(edit 3) i cam out a bit ago. my parents acted like it never happened so i talked to them about it and they were more skeptical than i hoped but it's was pretty ok.
Come out, and if he's violent to you then tell your parents and call the cops on him. Discriminating against lgbt people is illegal, and being violent is also illegal regardless of it being discrimination
@@heroinfathr yeah, i know. I'm hoping to come out this june
@Face in the Crowd yeah, I'm going to see if i can get something like pepper spray just in case things get bad. I really hope I don't need it
@Face in the Crowd there's an edit on this post with updates
@Face in the Crowd On the original comment. you may just need to refresh the page
to all the people concerned about getting a binder because of parental issues, there are brands that make sports bras (ugh i hate that word) that do an exceptionally good job. also if you remove the stupid pad things that helps make it flatter :)
My questions are trans, they are ftm
His advice seems good for either
@@michelemcdaniel6032 I guess except biding, that wouldn't really work for a MTF
The ammount of times you said ‘Sarah’ (my dead name 😭) was uncomfortable lmaoo
I am a pre op trans guy and I have a straight boyfriend. . .
*Huh???* Wadduidoo?
Good luck I was the opposite at an early time in my life it isnt easy
Does he know? If not tell him then ask him whats up
I feel you I bind and dress but only came out to my BF like 3 weeks ago
If he dosn’t accept you then find someone who does that’s all I can say. If he truly loves you then he will support you.
Equestrian here! We have a very fun product called vet wrap. It’s looks kinda similar to an ace bandage and it sticks to itself, but it won’t constrict as you breathe. I use it to wrap my horse’s tail in the winter and also to bind my chest when I dress in drag because I don’t do it often enough to warrant buying a binder. It is super scratchy and uncomfortable so you want to wear a sports bra underneath and it definitely doesn’t work as well as a binder but it’s a lot safer that ace bandage please don’t hurt yourselves guys. You can get it for like 5 dollars for 5 rolls at pretty much any local farm supply store. I also use it to bandage my wrists/knees/elbows when I have nerve pain in lieu of buying a brace so you can tell your parents that’s what you’re using it for.
Broke: bird bix
Woke: bug box
I actually love the picture you gave with this example, i never really knew how to explain it myself!
If you have a friend you trust you can also ask them to order a binder for you
Without hrt, Christmas would just be cismas
I have indeed been scared about transitioning, mainly because I am absolutely terrified of surgery. But, I came to terms because I realized, hey, doing this will make me feel better and will make me not want to completely die every time I look in the mirror
I have been out to my family for four years and sometimes i’m still like “But what if i’m actually faking it? What if my dysphoria isn’t bad enough? What if I’m just being stupid and i’ve actually been a girl the whole damn time?!” Honestly RIP me i can’t wait to eventually be sure
I want an update!
@@ellie-g9o Decidedly not a girl! Not sure if I’m a binary man or if i’m non-binary (leaning toward binary), but either way i’m starting testosterone in a couple months and things are going alright! My dysphoria is much lessened, but my therapist thinks it may be due to the amount of people (friends, family, coworkers, and boss) that automatically refer to me with the correct terminology and pronouns
@@blakehoward2398 Yay! Congrats 🎉
A really good binding alternative is a tight tank top or crop top this will typically only really work if you also wear slightly baggy clothes and have a smaller chest I do this a lot when it's too hot to wear a regular binder also it's safe to swim in
hey sam i got a question, like when i go to my graduation idk how to get them to use the name i want bc i dont wanna be deadnamed. like do i tell the person whos calling out the names or?? idk, i dont graduate until next year but i wanna be prepared for it .
They HAVE to use your legal name on the certificate. But if you talk to the principal or the person announcing you, you could talk to them and request they call a different name instead of whats on the certificate.
I would talk to the Principal about it. Or counselors first, if that's easier. They can surely get that remedied for you.
when i graduated they gave us these little cards to fill out so the announcer would properly pronounce our names, so i just put my real name instead of deadname. unfortunately on your diploma they have to put your legal name
Have them use first and middle initial
If y’all want a safe DIY binder:
.Get a sports bra (right size or one size too small, no smaller than that), and a t-shirt bra (correct band size, smallest cup size you can find)
.Put on sports bra
.Put t-shirt bra on backward, so the band rests over your breasts, just under the nipples.
.Adjust shoulder straps so the t-shirt doesn't slip downwards.
The band will typically have three clips. The widest one is for - light - exercise, such as walking (wear only the sports bra for more intense exercise) . The middle one is for general use. The tightest one is for short periods of time when dysphoria is worse (eg, going to out in public for a couple of hours)
Wear for no more than 10hrs a day, and keep in the tight fit for no more than 3hrs at a time.
thank you for answering the people
way to get a binder without your parents knowing:
Save up cash or use your card and buy a visa gift card at a grocery store. If you do it around Christmas or someone else’s birthday and your parents know you bought it you can say it’s for a friend as a gift. Use it to buy the binder and either ship it to your house or (preferably) a friends house.
Alternatively ask someone supportive to buy one for you. This can be almost literally anyone. one of my friends has a cousin who is a trans woman, we had never talked before but we live close so I DMed her on Instagram and asked if she could buy me a binder and she immediately said yes. Most trans people are willing to help other trans people.
You can also have it shipped to someone else’s house (someone supportive who lives too far away to just go there and retrieve it.) and have them put it in different packaging so that it looks like a gift and ship it to your house. (Best to do around a holiday or your birthday)
Thanks for the video :)
I hope your dysphoria will get better.
8:05
having satan as a cellmate
Or
Looking in a fun house mirror
Went from watching an older video of yours to this one :))
Your valid! Everyone is valid!
I saw Sam's underwear.
I can finally die in peace.
That epic moment when you get a trans friend for the first time so you do sum research to understand haw thay feel and what thare struggles are and then you relise that you are trans and you both transition together and are close to echother as a hole and become best friends 🥰
4:09
Every hour is emo hour. MCR is back. You're all emo now, whether you like it or not.
if you order something online, most times you can put special instructions like “put it behind the garage” or something, so it’s not in the mailbox where your parents will see