I Can't Breastfeed (Encouragement for families who formula feed their babies!)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ก.ย. 2024
- Fed really is best. My sister is here to share her story about breastfeeding & formula feeding her new baby. Encouragement for families who can't breastfeed and an open conversation about the shame of formula feeding.
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@meredithbat3s ** sorry it is spelled wrong on the video!!
My sister Meredith Bates is a nurse and a mother of 2. She recently had her son Jack at 31 weeks. He was in the NICU for 61 days. Her daughter Loewy (pronounced “Low- ee”) is 5 years old. Loewy was breastfed for 2.5 years. Meredith was told she would stop breastfeeding when she was ready but she never showed signs of being ready. One day Meredith stopped nursing her and that was the first night she slept through the night on her own. Meredith had hoped to breastfeed Jack too but due to health complications the breast milk was going into his lungs. He was formula fed and Meredith was pumping for months. She got mastitis multiple times, was exhausted, had emergency surgery due to an IUD complication (see my last video) and was told that Jack likely wouldn’t be able to breastfeed until he was around 6 months old. By that time Meredith would be back to work and Jack would have to learn breastfeeding from scratch. Watch this video to find out what she did and why. Also … we know fed is best .. but the shame and disappointment are still real. If you’re a formula feeding parent be encouraged that you’re doing great. Feed your baby, love your baby, and take care of yourself. You’re a very good mom. (Or dad 😉)
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![Breastfeeding & formula feeding - [everything you need to know]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/NzXx-HrS4kA/mqdefault.jpg)
I feel like as mother’s we all carry so much guilt for the decisions we make. Often over things that we can’t control. Can we all make a collective pact to let go of our guilt?
Exactly
I desperately tried to breastfeed for 3 months and nothing worked. It made me depressed that i couldn’t do it and I really struggled to accept the fact that it wasn’t gonna work for us. Thank you for this ❤️ fed is best
I was exactly the same. I cried so much because I felt like a failure. My baby is now 15 months and thriving being a formula fed baby. Fed is best!
The shame is so so so prevalent. And extremely hurtful. I still 11 MONTHS LATER, feel so much guilt every time I make him a bottle. Every time.
Same… I’m 7months PP and I still sob over not being able to breastfeed. It’s hard. I feel like a failure of a mum but I also try to remind myself that a happy mum is the best mum.. so I try to do that… I try to remind myself to just be happy he is healthy and well and happy! Big hugs xxxx
same - 10 months in xo
I understand you so much ♥️ when I was about 3 months into bottle feeding I actively changed this mindset- our Babys are happy and healthy and thank God there is the possibility of formula feeding our precious little ones! Much love to all of you 💋
True, the shame is there. I had to quit at almost 4 months as I was underproducing and my baby had very high demands. I was so so sad and felt so guilty.
@@juliam.5154 I agree !! I have the same mindset and it really brings so much more positivity to bottle feeding.
Even as someone who was able to breastfeed, I had a lot of similar fears and feelings. when I saw my friends formula feeding their babies, I didn’t judge them, I was jealous that they felt peace and no stress about feeding their baby. We dealt with tongue tie revision, mastitis, over supply, and every obstacle there is. It would be nice if people acknowledged that both breastfeeding and bottle feeding can be hard and no judgement is ever okay.
Yes! I think the issue here is that with breastfeeding, there are so many unique issues and situations that effect your ability (or willingness) to breastfeed. And these are all happening during a very emotional time for mom. So every situation is unique and very hard to navigate. Yeah, no judgment, that's the beat way to go: like question, what are the factors in the situation?. How is moms health? How is baby's health? What are the options for pumping and/or bottlefeeding? These are the questions, choose your support group to find the answers! FED IS BEST!!
My milk just never came in. I had to wait a week to see a lactation consultant. My midwife prescribed me Domperidone for my supply. I took supplements. Nothing increased my supply. I pumped for 3 months out of guilt. I also had my son during the beginning of Covid, so I was afraid he would get sick if I didn't feed him. My mood got 100% better when I stopped. I still felt guilty, but I felt better giving my son a bottle of formula. Fed is best. Being a parent is hard!
Gosh I could completely relate to this. I took domperidone too and had my baby a week before my country went ito hard lockdown. The guilt and fear of not doing enough was hard.
My milk never came in either. Your story feels like exactly what I lived too during 2020. ❤️ Just wanted to say thanks for sharing too.
I was able to do the first two months, but slowly started producing less and less no matter how hard I tried. Changed my diet, ate a lot, took supplements - everything you can think of I did. I had to start supplementing with formula and finally had to switch completely switch to formula. Wish I could have kept breastfeeding, but I wouldn't want her to be hungry. Fed is best.
I can relate to this. I must have taken every supplement possible to produce more milk but to no avail. My baby wouldn't latch properly too.
Same happened to me...I ended up gaining so much weight breastfeeding. The one thing that increased my milk was a ton loads of carbs, especially oats. Whenever I eat oats I gain weight like there is no tomorrow. I really value my weight, so I had to cut down on it and just pumped until I had no milk anymore. Would just mix formula with breastmilk that I pumped and that's it.
I breastfed my daughter for 4 days. I was not producing enough to feed her. She developed jaundice and we had to return to the hospital. My milk never came in. It was heartbreaking, but I was so happy to see her eating the formula and thriving. She went from eating every 30 minutes (because I didn't have enough) to every 2-3 hours. My pediatrician was on board and is a big proponent of "fed is best".
As someone who had latching problems with her baby and could not get access to a lactation consultant, this video and the comments posted here are so encouraging and uplifting. Our shared experiences make us stronger and to have healthy, growing children is the most important thing however that can be done. Thank you Jess and Meredith and to all the ladies here for sharing your wisdom and for making someone like me feel less alone in what I went through.
I needed this! It was so hard for me to accept that I wasn't able to breastfeed my son also named jack and born in January! After latching issues, multiple times having mastitis, mamary abscess, etc I just decided to give formula to my son and he's thriving! That's what matters is that your baby is happy!
You're so great mommas! You are a true inspiration!
Thank you for sharing this! I had a traumatic early c-section birth that had my baby in the NICU for a while. I pumped and pumped but barely produced any milk so I made the decision to formula feed. I felt like such a failure at the time and really beat myself up that I couldn’t be with my baby 24/7, couldn’t produce milk and missed out on that bonding time. But now that I’m a year out from that moment in time I feel no shame. My baby is 13 months and thriving. I want mothers out there to know it’s okay if you’re having a hard time, do what’s best for your situation and don’t feel like you have to explain yourself to every person you meet. Fed is absolutely best.
Spoke with 3 lactation consultants. Pumped for 3 months. Couldn't produce milk no matter how hard I tried. Thank you for this.
Fed is best! It's so easy to feel guilty but you need to do what's right for you and your baby. God bless you and your sweet baby boy.
I knew before hand I would feel so intensely stressed about trying to breastfeed. The idea alone made me break out in a sweat and depressed feelings. My heart wasn't there, I knew it would break me up. I did gave my son some colostrum (and to still give breastfeeding a try, even though I felt the way I did). And it was simply not for me. So I choose to formula fed. We can take turns at night. It made me feel relaxed! And he is doing absolutely fabulous on that too!!
We’re in the process of starting to try for our second and our first was 4lbs no nicu stay just super tiny at 37 weeks and she could not latch and I pumped but never really produced anything. The agony you feel over being hooked up to a machine (esp when you do it 7 times and day and end up only producing a couple of bottles) when all you want to do is feed your baby is brutal. I stopped about 6 weeks after many many years and back and forth.. and literally.. I was already dried up. There was no helping that milk.. and I’ll tel you what.. the whole time she was also on special extra calorie formula and nothing made me happier than seeing that little baby chunk up and to feed her with a bottle and being able to not be hooked up to a machine and bond with her making eye contact. I’m rambling but I appreciate this video so much!
Oh this brought a tear to my eye!! Thank you for sharing this😢
Meredith, you're such a beautiful soul for sharing these tender moments with us. Sending you and Jack so much love 💕
Mom guilt is real. And breastfeeding is so challenging! My son is 6 months old now, and breastfeeding has been a struggle off and on since the beginning. We are still breastfeeding and supplementing, but formula guilt is REAL. I'm a NICU RN and formula/bottle feed babies all the time. I know it's perfectly fine, but it is so emotional as a mom! You feel like you're failing. It isn't logical, but it happens. We all are doing the best we can for our babies. 💙
Gosh the encouragement and love coming through the screen between the two of you and to all of us watching is so genuine 🥺
Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s so reassuring to hear. I had planned to breast-feed the whole time I was pregnant, and I thought it would be so easy and work out perfectly. As soon as my baby was born I realized that I had inverted nipples and he absolutely never wanted to latch and wasn’t able to. He would get super fussy and upset whenever I tried to breast-feed, which was the opposite of his normally happy & calm personality. I think he was really frustrated because not much was coming out and he couldn’t suck properly. Pumping was extremely painful for me and I had a really low supply. I would save up all the milk that I pumped throughout the day back then and I would only be able to make 2 to 3 ounces during the WHOLE entire day! It was so discouraging and really depressing feeling like a failure as a mom, and like I couldn’t do what I was supposed to do for my baby. But I realized once I completely stopped trying to pump, all the pain I was experiencing went away. He had always been so happy with formula, so there was no need to stress him out and try to force him to breast feed when he wasn’t enjoying it. Luckily, it had absolutely no effect on us bonding. he’s my little best friend and I love him with all my heart. He always looks for me when he needs anything. he’s five months old now and he gets so excited whenever he sees the bottles. So I really did go through the whole process just to realize that I’m not a failure as a mom and that my baby can still be perfectly fine and healthy without breast feeding. ❤️
Same situation happened to me now my baby 5months old but am worried because I never breastfeed him because I have low supply I tried all supplements but nothing worked I tried to pump but for entire day I could pump only 30ml so I started formula from 2 weeks,I am worried that if anything might happen in future
@@sandhyainsights I don’t think anything will happen, just feed him as healthy as possible once he starts eating solids and he’ll get even more nutritional benefits and I’m sure he’ll be great 😊
Sometimes breastfeeding just doesn’t work out and it’s ok
@@MoonstoneElements tq
My son quit breastfeeding at 8 weeks. He would scream to high heaven if I put him near my boob. My (very pro breastfeeding) pediatrician told me without hesitation to switch to formula because I was so stressed over trying to pump full time once he quit. She said a mother who is so stressed that she can't focus on her baby is immensely worse than feeding a baby with formula. That helped me so much.
Omg! So true!
What a fantastic pediatrician. You are fortunate to have had such good advice so early.
I am currently going through this. I have a 3 (almost 4) week old who has essentially rejected my boobs after my colostrum went away and my milk came in. I tried every trick in the book to get her to want to latch again but nothing worked. Now I am trying the exclusive pumping thing but it definitely is a lot of work and I'm not sure how long I will be able to keep it up so diligently. The pressure to stick to breastmilk is so real. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one who has experienced this. A lot of people don't seem to understand why regular breastfeeding didn't work out for me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing! My little guy is almost six weeks, old, born five weeks early, and has made me an exclusive pumper. It has by far been the hardest thing I have ever done and the amount of shame and guilt I have felt about it for the last month is insane. It’s getting better now but every day I wonder if it would be better for both of us just to switch to formula and hearing others stories makes it feel much less scary
All my friends breastfed so not only was there my own shame there was no comfort from someone I knew who had struggled through the processing of trying to breastfeed. Thank you so much for posting this. I related to your feelings of going back and forth so much and can't express the gratitude for sharing. You are also doing an amazing job!
When I was a baby my mom was breastfeeding me but at some point I started crying more and more (as my mom told me). Eventually, she figured I just wasn’t getting enough food and was hungry so she just made me a formula. I stopped crying and slept through the night :) My mom told me that that was such a warm feeling knowing that I was ok, not hungry, not crying. After that she only formula fed me because apparently the milk production stopped completely unfortunately. Because my mom told me this I grew up knowing that it’s totally fine! No big fuss around exclusive breastfeeding. If it works - awesome! If not - well, find another way to keep your baby fed and happy.
Whoa nelly!!! It was not a failed pregnancy. You had a beautiful baby boy! It was not a failed delivery! He was delivered to you, his chosen momma. And you DID breastfeed your baby! It may not be the journey that you expected. Or the journey that you wanted. It was a difficult journey to get to where you got, but you did amazing things and your baby is still getting liquid gold! Don't sell yourself short.
I just want to thank you so so much for sharing your story. I am 6 months postpartum with my baby girl and had hope and dreams of breastfeeding that just did not, for multiple reasons, comes to pass. I was heartbroken and tried to make exclusively pumping work but was so exhausted and felt like I was chained to my pump and really missing the first few months of my baby's life. I am a working mom who had a wonderful 3 month maternity leave, but I cannot express how much I wish I had stopped trying to breastfeed/pump earlier so I could just enjoy the time I had at home with my baby. In addition, my precious niece was born at 28 weeks and was in the NICU for the first 3 months of her life and my sister went through many of the same stages and emotions you have and I just want to share you are not alone and are so loved and supported. You ARE a mom no matter how you may feel at certain intervals. NO ONE can replace your role with your baby. Your baby KNOWS you and your love at a biological, innate level, and that cannot be taken away or replaced.
I can't put into words how thankful I am for this! ❤️ Thanks for sharing your journey and shedding light and perspective on this topic. Everyone should listen to it!!! The shame is real and I felt it especially coming from Healthcare providers. It was a physically and emotionally roller-coaster for me (and husband who helped a lot) who dreamt of breastfeeding my baby!
This is SO IMPORTANT. I wish I could take back all the stress and self-hatred about having low milk supply and having to supplement with formula. If this is you, IT DOESN'T MATTER MAMA. Do it, and focus on this fleeting and special time with your little treasure. All that matters is that you love them. xxxx
Thank you for making this video! This is a topic that doesn’t get talked about enough. It was always my plan and dream to exclusively breastfeed my baby, but a posterior tongue tie and low milk supply made it extremely difficult. We had to supplement with formula early on due to rapid weight loss, and I felt like a failure. I was heartbroken my body wasn’t doing what it was supposed to and felt so inadequate, frustrated and ashamed. I tried absolutely everything to bring my milk supply up, but even after having her tongue tie fixed, I still wasn’t making enough milk. Pumping was having such a negative effect on me mentally too. I decided to mostly stop pumping and just breastfeed whenever I could, even though she was primarily formula fed. It’s been 4 months and I’m so grateful she will still nurse even with being mostly bottle fed, it’s a wonderful comfort and bonding experience for us both. The journey is nothing like I expected. I’m grateful my baby is fed and healthy and I’m working on moving past the pain from our breastfeeding struggles. ♥️
As a BC survivor who had a double mastectomy pre-babies I really appreciate this video ♥️
I had my baby on April 2nd. I wasn't able to breastfeed (he was born at 36 weeks at 6.5lbs so he wasn't latching). I tried pumping and I had zero supply whatsoever. I had a lactation consultant in the hospital tell me that I was poisoning my baby by feeding him formula and that made me so guilty. She literally said "he is better off starving than being fed all those preservatives and poisons." I started sobbing immediately and my husband asked her to leave the room. I would cry every time I tried to pump because I wasn't getting anything. He is 2.5 months old now and eating formula like a champ. I have so much less guilt knowing that my son is being taken care of and is growing like he should (he even has little rolls!).
Did you ever figure out why you had no supply?
@@neuroticgypsy nope! Probably just hormones tbh
@@7BearSarah ok I am nervous I won't have milk when he's born !
@@neuroticgypsy there's no way to know of you will or won't. Talk to your doctor!
I had my baby at 36 weeks on April 9th weighing 5.5lbs. I barely was producing any milk just droplets. I formula fed my baby and nurses and other mothers made me feel guilty for it. I cried sometimes and was becoming depressed. My baby is healthy and creeping, constantly smiling, lifting his head and turning over his body. He loves his formula and I feel at peace seeing your comment.
My daughter was born at 34 weeks and just never got the hang of breastfeeding. She took to the bottle immediately and screamed when we tried to breastfeed. It made me feel terrible that she didn't want to breastfeed when supply was not an issue. I thought we needed that to bond. I continued to EP for two months until I decided my mental health was struggling and I wanted to spend more time with her. We have been combo feeding with formula as I've been weaning. My weaning process has taken two months! I'm finally down to 1ppd. I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulder and I am so much closer with my daughter now.
I feel the same way out in public when bottle feeding my daughter, I feel like I need to explain myself and am very self-conscious. Hopefully that continues to get better.
Omg this video made me cry. I just gave birth to my first baby born at 31 weeks and she spent about a month in the nicu and I felt the same emotions as your sister, Meredith. I cried daily. The guilt of leaving my baby in the hospital and having to be discharged without taking her home, feeling like my body betrayed me, feeling like everyone is doing more for my baby than I was, and then production issues (mine is the opposite... I would get only 1-2oz after a 15-20 min pumping session)... PLUS the stress of having a child in the NICU; it's A LOT. I made the decision to supplement my measly amount of breastmilk with formula because I would rather feed my baby enough than hope that I'm going to spontaneously make enough milk to exclusively breastfeed, especially when I know that's not really the case.
It's so tough and unfair how we are judged for feeding our babies. If I could make enough breastmilk to exclusively feed her that, I would. But even if I chose to give her formula only, that should be okay because at least she is getting fed. And shame on people too for judging moms who CAN'T breastfeed. Being a mom is hard enough as it is without people offering their unwarranted opinions.
Thank you for this. I experienced all those feelings of sadness and shame when I realised I could not breastfeed. I tried pumping but results were dismal too. Mixed fed 1st week onwards. But had to throw in the towel eventually when I got sick and took antibiotics etc. I really grieved and felt not good enough. I needed to remind myself constantly that fed is best. Thank you for affirming this.
Wow, this really couldn’t have come at a better time for me.
I breastfed my first baby for 20 months with no problems besides my undiagnosed postpartum depression. Now, I am pregnant with my second and on medication for postpartum bipolar disorder (my diagnosis changed.) I am not allowed to breastfeed while taking the medication I’m on, and there’s really no better medication to replace it with. I feel like I’m having to choose between breastfeeding (which is SO important to me) and my mental health… also vital to having a good pregnancy and postpartum experience. I have been grieving so much. I never imagined this would happen and I wouldn’t be able to feed my baby. It’s been so hard to accept. I cry whenever I think about it. I’m praying that things will work out in the end because right now it just feels like it doesn’t make sense and it’s not fair. Ugh…. Thank you for shining light on the topic. ❤️
Oh Meredith, honey, you are totally not alone in your feelings ... and just look at all you've done. Honestly, that is absolutely AMAZING that you could breastfeed your daughter for 2.5 years. I do completely sympathize with how you feel - on a different level of course as your situation was much more extreme than mine was - as I was not able to breastfeed either of my children. My first, 9 years ago, was due to very slow let down due to having a breast reduction a couple years earlier. Now 9 years later, I just gave birth to my daughter 4 months ago and was so excited that my body had fixed itself and I was producing milk *literally fist pumping the air as my boobs leaked when I was being rolled out of the hospital* ... However, we had extreme feeding issues - she couldn't keep her latch, she would pass out when feeding, she would feed for sometimes up to 30+ minutes and not drain one of my breasts, she was taking in so much air and had reflux and would spit up around the clock... therefor, she was loosing too much weight. I began to exclusively pump, thinking it was me, the shape of my breast or something. Like you, I would have to bottle-feed her, then pump - which felt impossible because she was still taking 20-30 minutes to take a bottle, then I had to hold her upright for an additional 20 minutes to let the milk go down, THEN put her down close so I could pump for 20-30 minutes... in which many times, that was interrupted because she would spit up while laying down or something would happen that I would have to stop pumping to tend to. I also was not able to take my anxiety prescriptions due to pumping, and I had a severe case of postpartum anxiety after having my daughter. All of this while also homeschooling my son through the end of Covid, and trying to keep my shit together for my partner as this was his first child and was clueless - after a month, I decided to stop pumping as I was a zombie and not being a very good partner, mom or even being able to properly care for myself due to exhaustion - this gave some relief, and some guilt as well. Now 4 months and many consults later, I found out that my daughter has a lip and tongue tie which were severe enough to have caused all this frustration with her feeding... and just as I was beginning to forgive myself and live more in gratitude, it's hard not to fall back into the guilt and self-pity, and some blame on the earliest medical professionals we saw, that came with being unable to breastfeed.
We are so hard on ourselves, as moms and as women... our frame of mind to be able to just "do it all" and be that provider of all things that fall into the mothering category can leave us feeling quite short. Even when in your present-state mind, you do not feel like you are not holding yourself to unrealistic expectations... the disappointment creeps in eventually. I'm so thankful that you shared your story, and that I had the moments to sit and watch it, I sympathize with you on so many levels, and think you are a superwoman for all things you were able to accomplish on top of all this you were going through. You are amazing!
I cannot tell you how helpful it was to watch this. I’m typing this comment literally as I pump for my newborn. He was born at 30 weeks because I developed HELLP syndrome when I hit third trimester. Because I was so sick (liver and kidneys), my supply won’t be what I expected. It took a lot of reflection to come to a place of acceptance. I completely empathize and totally experience exactly what you have. Thank you for helping to normalize that breastfeeding isn’t always this natural, intuitive thing that we envision it being. It does take “practice” and so many variables falling into place in order for it to be successful. I think you making the decision to transition to formula was difficult but also incredibly selfless. You acknowledged and rose above your feelings of inadequacy in order to give your baby what he needed and give your family the peace it needed. That’s way more “mom” than putting your boob in his mouth, girl 😘
Hugs. So many hugs.
My postpartum depression and anxiety over how I couldn’t provide for my son and how unnatural and worthless I was as a mother was absolutely compounded by every book, article, and pamphlet that I read. And everyone who asked me if I was breastfeeding. I cried so so much. I tried and tried and cried and cried and he cried. Ugh it was really difficult. Dante is my first baby, so I never had the experience of breastfeeding (except for the first 24 hours after he was born).
It is really awesome that many people can feed him on demand with formula.
He’s living and he’s happy and he loves me and I love him and that’s all that truly matters.
Thanks so much for making and sharing on your large platform. I spent the better part of my first 3mos postpartum grieving over the fact that I couldn’t breastfeed. And it was really hard personally but also I felt like everyone was judging me and that I was somehow hurting my son. It’s now 5 mos postpartum and I still get a little blurry eyed when someone talks about breastfeeding but I realize that my son is growing strong and we are all going to be just fine.
Wow Meredith you've been through so much more than one human should have to. Your resilience and strength seem to know no bounds and i'm amazed at that. You should be so proud of yourself!
Also, your description of how you didn't feel like Jack's mom hit me so hard. I only experienced a fraction of what you went through (my son came via emergency C section, which felt like a failed delivery, and then he spent a week in the nicu and my milk didn't come in for 10 days so I pumped by myself in the ward). I struggled so much when i couldn't breastfeed him and because he wasn't in the ward with me. I felt like I didn't bond with him for months because of the rough start - it almost felt like i was just babysitting someone else's kid. Thank you for sharing your experience because it has made me not feel so alone in my struggles. So much love and respect for you! (and Jess) xx
This comes at a perfect time. I felt like a horrible mama for not being able to breastfeeding. I cried and cried. This whole video hit home.
One thing I found surprising about being a first time mom was the fact that no matter what decision you make as a parent, there will always be those who judge... and those people are always ignorant and toxic.
There's pros and cons to everything and as long as we are caring for our babies and keeping them safe and as healthy as we can within our power, that's all that matters.
I didn't just grow a child inside me, I grew a spine. I am so fortunate and thankful my son was born healthy and we were able to do natural term (self weaning) and our breastfeeding journey lasted 2.5 years. What helped me the most was researching, and trying to go with the flow - meaning, learning about what can possibly happen, and coming up with a plan in my mind, including thinking about how I would react to different scenarios and challenges if they were to arise. While my birth preferences were natural vaginally birth, I wound up with an emergency csection. I felt prepared when the OB told me they had to cut him out of me.
My advice, watch all the videos, even the unaffirming ones.
Omg thank you thank you thank you for this. Struggled for 3 months and had to stop and it’s been the hardest journey. This video has helped me soooooo much. There are so many videos encouraging breastfeeding and hardly any looking at the flip side. Amazing.
I love your closeness and love for each other it’s so heartwarming and feels like your little sister will be ok because she has you by her side.
Thank you so much for this. It really makes me feel less alone. 7 months postpartum and i still feel some shame when in public and I’m scooping the formula into the bottle... i still wish i hadnt given up breastfeeding but the depression was sinking me down and my daughter was in the NICU. She was so little her mouth was tiny and my boob felt like it was suffocating her :’( ugh thank you again. I needed this.
Again, this video has made me feel so so much better as a mom! Not being able to breastfeed, after an early delivery as well as having an emergency c section after two failed inductions, was honestly what broke me the most! I felt like my body had completely failed me...
Also, try REALLY hard not to hear other people's comments 🙄. At the end ofvthe day, YOU need to do what is best for your baby!
Thanks for this. We are using a surrogate for our embryos and will bottle feed and I really felt the part where she said “What sets me apart as his mom, what makes me different from just the nurses caring for him?” This. Something I’m struggling with, but also trying to be at peace with. Feeling a little better 💕
I want to give you guys the world's biggest hugs. I also had a severe mastitis, which made some holes in my breast, so I feel this so so so much. And I cannot imagine going through this with your baby in NICU. You guys are so great, and you deserve to be proud! hugs and loves.
It is such an emotional journey. I have insufficient glandular tissue (IGT). 1st baby I didn't know and didn't have any support, so formula in the first few weeks. 2nd baby tried for 3 months, failure to thrive. 3rd baby did all kinds of things pre-delivery to change my body and increase chances of supply. Didn't work. I could only try for 1 week - it depressed me a lot, and if I allow myself to think deeply about it, it depresses me again. 3rd baby just turned a year and he's happy and doesn't know the difference. My mental health improved, also, after switching fully to formula. Just do what you have to do Mamas!
We need more videos like this! Everyone’s journey is different. It is so refreshing to see that I am not the only one. Thank you so much for sharing!
I Love how Jess is looking att her sister as she speaks and not in the camera or doing other things. She seems like such a kindhearted person ❤️
My older sister tried so hard to nurse her baby but issues after issues made it impossible. My son was 3 months older than her baby & because I had such an oversupply, I donated my milk to her baby. It was hard. I felt guilty for my oversupply. I was terrified to offer my frozen milk but when her baby was diagnosed failure to thrive, my poor sister was devastated. She was so excited when a couple weeks after she started feeding her baby my milk her baby was back in the growth chart. I love the sister support on this video. ❤️
This is so beautiful for you to share. My son is 7 weeks, he was in the nicu for 2 due to low
Weight and low glucose. I can tell you it absolutely broke my heart to be apart from him, so I made it my mission to pump and bring his milk every day. When he got home I couldn’t let go of the control with bottle feeding him my milk- he was still so small and I was confused and scared of breastfeeding, it didn’t come naturally at all as I hoped. He also had a tongue tie so he wasn’t latching and was inefficient, it’s been revised but he’s still learning. I’ve literally tortured myself for the last 5 weeks he’s been home and I feel guilty for my moods and then I feel guilty for considering formula. I have a great lactation consultant who is helping me, so I’m breastfeeding now from his waking up until 2pm, then I continue pumping and bottle feeding. This gives me some peace of mind that I’m not letting him go hungry. I basically bottle feed him and pump every 2 hours. It’s exhausting, and my supply is all over the place so I am so uptight about producing enough. I’m so obsessed with providing for him that it’s taking away from any other bonding. I just don’t have the energy. It’s so so hard. Some people tell me to go to formula and some say keep trying. My gut tells me he will be able to fully breastfeed someday. Thank you for sharing, the feelings are overwhelming especially with the nicu and then the hormones postpartum! You’re an amazing mom! X
For my first two babies nursing did not workout due to being underweight and being born early and then my son because he got sick at 9 weeks old, with my current 17 month I've been exclusively pumping but she nurses a couple times a day, but I'm getting to the point that I'm ready to be done by due to a whole clogged duct situation it never feels like a good time, I'm so thankful for your story, Meredith I have recieved the same conflict from my family and I still do, but now because they think I need to give up nursing
Yesterday I decided to stop pumping for my 2 month old because I am dizzy every time I pump. Today I see this video. Thank you so much for the support.
Thank you for sharing and being so transparent! I couldn't breastfeed my son because of an undiagnosed tongue tie. It was such an emotional journey and I felt like such a failure. I'm doing much better now, but I still sometimes grieve the fact we never got to breastfeed.
I saw THREE lactation consultants and neither one checked for a lip-tie or posterior tongue-tie. It wasn’t until World Breastfeeding Week that I found it. He was 4 months old when I had him fixed.
Thank you so much for this video. It’s so painful to have to stop when you don’t want to.
Sorry to hear about all of that pain and trauma. I wanted to breastfeed but I was partially Bleeding and pumping and bottle feeding. My body just would not produce the milk my girl needed, when I pumped I would only get about an ounce for a whole day. So I stopped Bleeding and pumping at 8 or 9 weeks just because she needed to gain weight and get nutrients. I agree my girl is thriving after being formula fed, she is a happy, healthy toddler now. Cheers to all of us mother's making it work whichever way is working for them.
I was in and out of the hospital for the first couple weeks of my son's life because of birth complications and I was told by a lactation consultant that i was a bad mom because at a week old he wasn't past his birth weight (he was at his birthweight btw). So I began pumping because I had so much anxiety about him eating enough. Our latch just never had a chance. I gave up nursing at about 2 months and exclusively pumped until 5.5 months but it was so hard and I was so unhappy. I felt like a failure because I wouldn't have survived birth without medical intervention and then I couldn't feed him how I was supposed to.
I am so incredibly sorry you were told that, all of my breastfed babies took longer than 1 week to get back to birth weight and 2 of the 3 took a full 2 weeks.
That’s a very shitty lactation consultant who is very uneducated on breastfeeding. It’s normal for newborns to lose 7% to 10% of birth weight the first 5-7 days. And then they’ll normally be at birth weight by 10 to 14 days, unless a preemie or lost too much weight.
@@naruto04 I knew she was wrong but I had severe postpartum depression and anxiety and at that point decided I HAD to see how many ounces he got every day. He was a big boy too hut that didn't help. He was in the 95th percentile for height and 90th for weight the entire time he was on breastmilk. She just said the wrong thing to me at the wrong time I guess.
Thank you for this! My 3 week old isn't eating enough directly from the breast so I've been pumping like crazy and supplementing with a bottle of formula a day. We keep going to the lactation specialists and nothing is helping. The stigma is so so real
When supplementing with formula it's important not using a bottle. The babies use different muscles when they're latching and when they are drinking from a bottle. Supplementing with formula and using a bottle just turned my breastfeeding journey a nightmare. My baby had nipple confusion. As soon we eliminate the bottle feeding and started using a open cup things improved. My todler is 15 months and I still nursing her.
@@barbarapicelliklein5561 nipple confusion has not been an issue. He just isn't sucking enough out of the breast to get full, even though I am generally producing enough. Has been this way since before we started adding in bottles. As I said, we are working with the lactation consultant who recommends I breast feed and then switch to the bottle after so he eats enough. Thanks though
thank you for this video! I was unable to breastfeed due to failure of production, I made nothing after birth even with nursing, pumping(i hate pumping never again) and medical intervention with meds, I worked and pushed for 6 weeks and just had to have my breakdown and let it go, so grateful for formula so my baby could be fed and I am so glad I chose to supplement for his health. I am waiting on #2 now and unless by some miracle i produce something this time we are formula feeding again for my own mental health, if I have something happen then I will do some but I will not be exclusively breastfeeding. I was publicly shamed by a stranger for not using "my big boobs" to feed my baby, I told her maybe she should use her big brain to keep her mouth shut since she didn't know why I wasn't and it was none of her business in the first place. my mom when she had all of us in the 80s was shamed the same way for choosing to breastfeed and not formula feed. why do we treat eachother this way, why can it just not be a good thing that baby is fed.
I had to stop breastfeeding at 8 weeks. My son had a severe dairy allergy and we weren’t sure what else he might have issues with. Switched him to elecare formula and within about 48 hours he was a new baby. Not screaming constantly, no more bloody stool, no more pain for him. I was sad for a moment, but knew it was 100% what was best for him. Yet somehow the stigma and perceived judgement from others made me ashamed for a long time about it even knowing it was the correct choice. It’s a hard road but I am proud of all the moms who have had to walk it or are walking it! You are all wonderful moms!
My first baby arrived the same day this year at 33 wks. I totally get the pain of pumping alone at night at home. I hated leaving my son .it was crushing.
The identity of mum is hard to find with the journey through NICU.
Fed is best but I honestly have the motto “you do you boo”. But it is hard to let those feelings and opinions of others not affect you. As it’s such an emotional time.
I’m so glad he’s healthy and thank you for sharing. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing your story! I had a traumatic experience with a postpartum nurse, she wouldn't sign my discharge papers until she saw my baby nurse for an amount of time she deemed fit. I was so stressed that my body wouldn't produce more than 3 oz at a time. I made the same decision to formula feed and soon found out my son has a cows milk and soy intolerance. You are amazing!! Keep sharing your story!
oh man, my journey was so painful. I couldn’t breastfeed either of my babies and I still grieve this to this day. In my situation, for some reason I couldn’t express any milk and it was so frustrating because I was convinced I had milk but it couldn’t come out. pumping didn’t work, it was very heartwrenching. there is so much shame and if I could go back to my new mom self I would hug her and validate her big time. I would let her know it’s ok, and not perfect and it’s ok to be really sad and cry a lot. I wish I had had someone to help me understand that the grief I was feeling was ok and valid and there wasn’t anything wrong with me for feeling so deeply about it all. My journey as a mom has been different than I would have imagined, I had a c section as well and I really have had to work through how I may never have the motherhood journey I had desired. ♥️
Thank you for making this video. I related so much.
My milk never came in “normally” and after having to formula feed to get babies weight up I still tried numerous supplements, virtual lactation consultants during COVID, renting a hospital grade breast pump and exclusively pumping for 6 months. Baby got maybe 1/3 of daily feeding from breast and the rest formula. When I stopped finally felt like myself and like I could be a fully capable Mom when I stopped pumping. I wouldn’t do that again to myself and our family.
For baby #2 I keep telling myself “breastfeeding and pumping stops being liquid gold when it affects your mental health and your ability to care for your child(ren).”
The guilt from formula feeding so real. I'm lucky my mother group was so supportive.
My little boy just stopped breastfeeding at 7weeks. He just wanted the bottle. I also got my period at this time as well. Not sure if linked but yeah. I kept pumping and trying to breastfeed again. Soon I was exclusively pumping and my supply kept dropping until I could only make 3/4 of what he drank... Some days only 1/2. It got to 6 months and I was like I'm emotionally ready to stop. I was going back to work and wanted as much sleep and relaxation time as possible. I don't regret stopping and it's helped me so much mentally and improved my bond with my baby.
Thank you for this, I got told very young (19yrs) that the medication I need means I can’t breastfeed. Flash forward to being pregnant at 35yrs and it was still hard every time someone offered breastfeeding advice and especially when midwives at the hospital continually would bring the topic up despite me asking them to note that I can’t breastfeeding in the notes every visit. Very hard no matter how logical you try to be knowing that formula be ok.
Had a breast reduction when I was 19, making that decision I knew there would be a very slim chance of being able to breast feed when I did eventually have a baby. Had my baby at 26 and have been happily formula feeding her for 2.5 years. Fed is best.
This could not have come at a better time for me, thank you so much for this! Long story short I suspect my baby girl has a lip tie because no matter how hard I tried she could not latch and was dehydrating and suffering but no doctors or lactation consultants would take me seriously. I have been exclusively pumping but at 3 1/2 months postpartum now my supply is very low and it’s just not possible for me to get in 8 pumps a day and so I’ll be switching her to solely formula soon and honestly I cry about it nightly. It’s the toughest thing I have ever dealt with, I wanted to breastfeed more than anything in the world.
Thank you for this! I had latch and supply issues with my baby which meant I had to triple feed (breast + bottle + pump) and supplement with formula. It was so draining and I also ended up in the hospital with a bad case of mastitis. I’m now formula feeding my baby and the whole family is so much happier and healthier. I get to spend more time with her this way and the whole family gets to feed her. She and I have a bond that is strong and unique and it has nothing to do with how she is fed. I still feel ashamed when I bottle feed her in public but I’m learning to let go of that.
My breastfeeding goals did not turn out the way I always hoped either. Nursing was so difficult for me and my daughter because--I swear--she HATED every single nursing position. We tried every single one and the only way I could nurse her was by holding her in a really weird cradle hold I came up with, and even then that was hard because--I know they say it doesn't matter but it did for me--I'm a very busty girl, and it seemed like my breasts were just too big for her to latch right. I exclusively pumped for 6 months before switching to formula because my supply (which wasn't great to begin with) was just dropping, dropping, dropping. It was really emotional for me because I wanted to BF until a year, but no matter what I tried, my supply just wouldn't boost back up. I'm proud of how long I managed to do it, but BF is not as easy as it ought to be. No matter how your babies are fed, all that matters is that they're full and happy.
My son was born at 34 weeks and was in the NICU for 2 weeks. I pumped 8-10 times a day for 2 weeks. Everyone kept telling me my milk would come it, but it never did. I wouldn’t get more than 10 ML per pump at most. I’ve been mourning that loss but have also loved seeing how my baby is thriving on formula. Thank you for this video ❤️
Thanks so much for this! You are absolutely correct in saying that fed is best (however we feed our babies, as long as they are fed, and loved, is best!)
I so felt for your sister, what an incredibly hard journey. He is so beautiful! I had no problem feeding my two girls but when I had my son it was so hard and painful. You feel so guilty when you stop. My second son was even harder, mastitis, cracked nipples, nipple vasospasm. I felt guilty and sad when I stopped but it was also such a relief. Contrary to what I had read I too only lose weight once I stop breast feeding. Thank you for sharing. So good to talk more about this stuff. And I really enjoy your videos. :)
I gave birth on May 10th 2021 to my son Jaxson. I wanted to breast feed so bad this time and well..i didn't get to. He came out hungry and I tried right away. But he was gnawing on me and it was really painful. He couldn't latch. Then he was in the NICU for 3 weeks till May 28th. He had to formula feed. I cried so much and felt like a failure. Thank you for this video it made me feel a lot better.
Thank you for telling your story! I feel so ashamed that I formula feed my son. The doctors and lactation consultants weren't very nice when I decided to stop but I got really bad postpartum anxiety after having him and the breastfeeding just depressed me I just cried every time I did it, I hated it and I felt so guilty that I didn't like it and it wasn't how everyone said it would be. I decided to stop when he was 1 month old and I felt so much happier when I stopped, I still feel guilty that I don't breastfeed him but I know he's healthy and eating good with the formula and that it's better for my mental health to not do it.
Thank you so much for sharing. I have a similar story and there were times when I would just hold my baby and cry. There is so much shame associated with not being the one to provide the milk. Thank you for your vulnerability 💗
I can totally relate to the feeling of wanting to defend myself regarding the way I fed my baby. At my son's one month checkup I was worried about the pediatrician's reaction that I was exclusively pumping. And when she asked about his feedings, I told her how much/how often he was eating and that I had started exclusively pumping. She said "That's great!" and moved on to the next topic. She didn't dwell on it or ask questions or insist I try again to breastfeed. And in that moment I realized that it didn't matter to her and it shouldn't matter to me. I was feeding my baby the way that was best for me/us, and I didn't owe anyone an explanation for that.
My stories are different but I struggled the most with my son and even though I’d combo fed my first I still felt all of this! The shame, the guilt, the detachment unfortunately for me though having stopped nursing him around 8/9 months spiraled my ppd to insanely scary levels. I almost lost my most recent baby a few weeks into life her jaundice spiked and I went straight to EP because something about the hormones with let down made me feel better. Now she’s at breast and I pump to maintain supply and I leave here and there but we just got to the point where we’re not needing formula to supplement or fill feedings when I’m out. I still struggle with emotions around how all of it is going 😔
Once I apologized while crying to my little baby girl because I couldn't breastfeed. I was feeling extremely sad. I still cry about it. Thanks Meredith and Jessica for this video.
Thank you for this video ❤️ I’m a FTM with a now 7mo and I still sob sometimes and feel heartbroken about the fact that I couldn’t breastfeed… or maybe I could but just wasn’t given the right support… I had planned for a home birth and did all my hypnobirthing homework..but came the day and baby was born ventouse and I lost 1.5L of blood.. When baby was born he screamed non stop for the first 3h of his life (had I been forcefully sucked out I would do the same!) before a doctor thought to offer him some pain relief due to possible headache. Once the pain relief hit, he was a different baby..no crying or fussing. But when it came to trying to get him on the boob he screamed and fought and pushed me away…. I thought it was maybe because he was stressed about his birth experience and I didn’t want to stress him out any more so I didn’t push…. The midwives didn’t really explain to me that “No, baby isn’t stressed and it’s not your fault. Some babies just do this out of frustration…Try this way…” etc… Instead they just backed away when he started screaming leaving me believing it was my fault and I was doing something wrong.I managed to get him to breastfeed a few times over the first few months and I have been pumping from birth to now, but wow it’s full on!! You have to pump day and night every 2 to 3h and it just takes over your life and makes you miserable… I have touched on post natal depression when for a few days I was feeling and thinking things like “ I just wanted to die, and baby would be better off without me, I’m no more special than the midwives at the hospital to him, anyone can pick up a bottle and feed a baby…” etc… and then found myself not wanting to hold baby out of shame and resentment to myself. This only lasted like 3days…but it was so scary!!! So dark…. Reaching out to a platform of other mums and hearing all their similar struggles is what pulled me out of my hole. That and just being reminded to take it easy and ENJOY baby…. Have long baths with him…. Lots of cuddling in bed…. Lots of rest…. Good food…etc…. To reconnect! And yeh, all is better, but yes, I still have moments where I cry about it.. and my heart is still broken at the missed opportunity to be shown how to breastfeed and be given the support I needed. My little one is in the 95th percentile, so he’s definitely enjoying my milk and formula… he’s healthy and happy and our bond is strong and loving. I do think I have missed out on something special, that is the honest truth, and I will always feel sad about that…but I try to make feeding times as close as breastfeeding would be.. I hold him close, caress him, breathe him in, he plays with my hair, grabs my chin, all that..and yeh, slowly try and stop beating myself up about it… it is hard.. but something I have also decided is that baby needs a happy mum do that he can be happy… and I’m not going to be doing him any favours feeling depressed about things like that… so for him, I just need to be happy and so that’s what I’m doing. Bring happy..loving him… always bonding more and more and loving exploring this new thing that is Motherhood. Big hugs ❤️
THIS SOUNDS JUST LIKE MY OWN EXPERIENCE. Wow it makes me feel so seen.
Hi awesome mommies :) My DD was born at 28 weeks. I completely understand all the feels that you are describing in this video. I exclusively pumped for 5 months. Felt so guilty but at the end of the day she did much better on formula. It's so difficult either way
I was shamed for not exclusively breast feeding my twins who were premature in the NICU after an emergency c section! I was shamed by my doctors, nurses and even breastfeeding consultants. I felt so bad that I couldn’t fully breast feed both babies and I wasn’t producing enough breast milk. I do my best and supplemented with formula. I understand how important it is to breast-feed your child but I don’t agree with the stress, anxiety and pressure everyone puts on you.
I exclusively pumped while my baby was in the NICU for almost 3 weeks and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I also had mastitis and I couldn't believe how sick I got. I completely understand why you would quit. I was thankfully able to switch to exclusively breastfeeding when she came home, but if I wasn't able to, I probably would have switched to formula as well.
Breastfeeding for me was so traumatic because I had low supply from the beggining, only producing 1-2 oz per pump and my baby was too sleepy to be able to breastfeed and developed jaundice and lost over a pound at his 2 week checkup. I tried increasing my supply for months but failed. He eventually learned to nurse but he was mostly on formula and I had so much guilt that I continued to pump a few oz a day until he turned a year old and I have recently weaned. I really hope I will be able to breastfeed exclusively if I have another baby.
Yes!!! So relatable. Thank you girls for giving voice to these pains, those nagging questions, that bond. Funny my baby was born 29th Jan and he's Jack also xxx
I'm a big breastfeeding advocate, but I know how personal it is and that some women really struggle with it. Don't feel guilty mommies, just do your best. I know plenty of formula fed babies who grew up totally healthy, beautiful, and intelligent.
I pumped for six weeks with my daughter before calling it quits. She became so fussy we eventually found out she had reflux so like you I have to keep her upright after most feeds which just left no time to pump.
Plus I have a thriving 3 Yr old who was formula fed so the motivation was gone.
Breastfeeding is great if you can do it but formula will keep your baby alive if you cant so no stress.
Oh my gosh your sister is so adorable I love her! 😊 tell her she’s amazing and she’s a wonderful mom and to never ever think twice about that!
Someone told me their doctor told them “formula doesn’t kill or hurt babies. Breastfeeding can kill mothers.” Just make sure your baby is fed! That’s what matters not where the milk comes from!
I’m a mom of three. I’ve had a hard time with breastfeeding my first two. I have no plans on breastfeeding this time. It’s okay! All of my kids have been healthy! They have done great with formula! I’m 28. I was formula fed. I’m okay health wise!
Thank you for sharing! Just in case you'd want to edit the text in the video, I don't believe Meredith's handle is written correctly on the text overlay.
You two are amazing! Keep on encouraging the world of moms and dads ❤️ and spreading love and positive energy!! 🥰👍😘
My question is - how do you pick a formula for your baby? There’s so many choices and I am overwhelmed!
Your pediatrician should be able to tell you. It's usually formula with iron though.
I will only be able to formula feed any future children due to a breast reduction and current meds. I dare someone to say something to me about it! 😅
Much love much support ❤️❤️❤️
New mothers need to hear this!!! Thank you for sharing
I love this so much!! 💕 thank you for saying GRIEVING because that is exactly what it is like! 💕
You have to be there for your baby - if breastfeeding is so detrimental to your mental health that you can't be the mum you want to be, then the right decision is definitely to formula feed. You're very brave and I'm sorry that it's still such a difficult decision for us. People don't seem to get it that so many mums who formula feed have tried breastfeeding and it's not possible for them.
Hey Jess! Can you do a video on what to wear after you deliver? I am due in August. I have no idea what will feel good on!
Ugh the pain is real. I went through breast cancer during pregnancy and wasn’t able to breast feed when my son was born because of chemo and surgery. I felt like a failure lying in bed too tired to even get up and make him a bottle, I was so lucky I had family to help me take care of him. I felt like a failure. But I am so happy he was fed and able to thrive.
when i was pregnant i really was determit that i would breastfeed my baby, while beein at the hospital, after deliver, my nipples got so sore and bloody that i had to give him a bottle and that continued when i got home, i felt so bad about it. i tried pumping but there wasnt much milk either. not beein able to breastfeed made me really sad, i felt like a damn quitter. thank you for this video. nowadays formula is almost as good as breastmilk. we shouldnt feel bad
I think it’s great that you are sharing this.