Acceptance that we really weren't loved is horrible and a very hard pill to swallow! Especially when they've moved on with someone they look like they love. The "why" we care is very difficult.
My ex would tell me all the time he missed me and would ask why couldnt we work out (while he has a new supply). I finally realized what he was saying was “i miss what you DID for me. And if you could be a wall flower, we could have worked out”. He can “miss” me all he wants. Im so glad to be done with that relationship. I learned so much.
They miss the supply we give them…what we did for them…how we made them feel good about themselves…the ego trip. It has zero to do with us, the person, our being. Another great video.
I've read between the lines during my hoovers and get the impression that "I miss you" really means "I miss how you tolerated so much of my bullshit and I'm struggling to find anyone else who will suffer me like you did. I didn't appreciate how much control I had over you. How dare you stop jumping when I say jump? You traitor, I want your blind devotion back." I think their missing is more of a feeling of betrayal that you defected from their cult of personality because they're used to assuming they'll always have you to fall back on.
I know for myself, the reason for wanting to be missed is rooted in the regret I have for the time and energy I threw away on the relationship. I think that lost time and energy energy need to be mourned like a death.
Thank you. Regretting the time and energy lost, regretting everything I did for him, regretting loving him, regretting not leaving him when I "sensed" I should have years before, regretting letting him in my life, regretting not smashing him in the face before I left...ok, sort of joking and not. Summing it up: I'm angry with myself but working on it, every day. Jess, thank you for another WOW video!
Hi Jess, I ran into my Narc on Tuesday and it was like seeing a deer in the headlights! I have educated and protected myself by watching your videos and feel very empowered whenever we have to cross paths. He is no longer entitled to any of my love and care or my “A grade” supply.
The “why do I care” for me is curiosity…….even though I know narcissistic people exist out there, it still blows my mind that this happens at all. Jess, I love that you don’t sugar-coat anything on your channel. Listening to your videos are really helpful to my continued progress in healing.
My ex has every narcissist trait can think of. Only thing is physical abuse because I’m bigger and stronger I will never do that too any woman I don’t believe in that stuff but that’s only thing she couldn’t hurt me with. She abuse me mentally and emotionally. Close to a mental breakdown few times. I’m glad it’s all over. Now I got off all social media and I don’t do dating apps. Just gym church and home. Joined recovery groups at my church try get my insanity back and love myself again
Well done Jimmy as a man its usually hard to be open about a woman abusing because were supposed to be the stronger ones!I keep being told I'm the rock im the mountain I solve problems rather than dwell on them!thats bull it affects me mentally and physically aswell but rather than be the victim I look for a solution! Im stuck in a situationship with a woman ive got 2 children with,she has cheated, lies regular, manipulates and wants everything her own way!we've broken up about 8 times but I've never moved out away from the kids.i don't want my children losing the connection I have with them apart from 0 sexlife we get on pretty good now and when she rages im teaching the boys to walk away until she calms down and speaks rather than shouts. Well its a new year so just waiting on the new breakup again lol probably be around March time I guess,shes already trying to argue over nothing and create issues where there's no issues to be had so wont be long lol!
Anyone who ever survived a relationship with a narc, probably now has more narc traits themselves than they are willing to admit. You needed to develop them to survive.
I totally developed more narc traits while dealing with my last covert narc. The constant ignoring me made me flirt with people to try and piss him off. I even started to have an emotional affair with a friend of ours who paid me attention and actually gave a shit about who I was as a person. I never cheated though physically. Toward the end I was self sabotaging every relationship I had with mutual friends of ours because subconsciously, I knew I needed to get out of the whole scene. I'm so ashamed of my behavior and it's left me a total mess inside my head. But the good news is that he's gone and I can start to heal, regain my kindness and sense of self and NEVER get into another relationship like that again. Narcissistic behavior stems from deep insecurity. Healing that is when the behaviors will stop. Good luck to you.
I don’t think I’m missed for one second. I’d doubt I’ll hear from her. The new supply has everything she needs and wants in her life. 12 mths on and I’m in a better place though I hope we never cross paths again. It’s like she took a part of me. I still enjoy your insight and you’ve helped me a lot throughout this process. Thank you Jess x
No,they miss abusing you. I'm so happy that I've recovered my self worth that the sick sadistic psychopathic manipulative - malignant covert,cheating physically abusive narcissist tried to steal from me!😠
My "why" was because I wanted to have had some significance in the relationshit. I put in so much effort and it kind of pisses me off that I didn't have any meaning to him. Still working on my healing process but doing so much better everyday.
Absolutely my ex Narc misses everything I did for him, I facilitated his great life for 18 years, does he miss my love, the sex, our lovely little family, no he doesn’t and neither do I, it wasn’t real!! He told me at Christmas that he will never find someone like me, absolutely no he won’t !
Because you thought they were someone that did care about you, and wanted to be with. But there Actions did not match there Words. Future Faked and Bread Crumbed. They are entitled to move on. All we can do is the same. Never got any Closure my Closure is my No Contact, my Silence, and my Absence. So I can for heal myself.
They miss what you bring to the table, but narcs don't care about you as a person, that's why a relationship with them is a waste of precious and limited time.
Yes, they miss getting what they want. As far as making your life a living hell, they don't really care about that. They just want what they want and it causes so much trouble that a living hell is the result.
Jess, thank you. I never thought about trying to figure out the "why do I care what they think of me...." before. Once you know "why", you have a path to fix yourself and truly be free of the NPD bonds.
Not a single thought about the ex narc is worth it. I think back… I catch myself and that’s 20-30 seconds that could be 5-30 minutes I will never have back! My life lost! It’s bad enough I lost 5 years! Not one second more… if I can help it Jess! Not one second more
They will swear that they miss you when they come back to Hoover you. When they want your supply, they miss you but more importantly... they really want you to miss them a lot more than they really miss you.
God damn. 8 months NC, getting much better but it still sucks, I was with the narc 14 yrs, and he was engaged 90 days later.. it still boggles my mind, especially knowing the type (yes I understand what is good supply to a narc) of moral character the new supply is.. family and friends are even dumbfounded.. . UGH!!!!!!!!!!
I am glad that I found your channel. I work with mine but on different floors so it's easy to avoid her, but I walked away from her back in September because of lies and manipulation. We spent nearly 6 months avoiding one another. If she walked by my office, she'd keep her head down and walk by fast. I ran into her and another lady in the kitchen on 12/23 and said "good morning ladies". She got up from the table, walked out and didn't say anything. She reached out to me by work email on 3/2 and here is what she said "I don't want to rehash the past and want to let bygones be bygones and I am extending an olive branch, in hopes that we can put an end to this nonsense." She wants to try and move forward and be "friends" and I gave it a shot, but decided in my mind that it would be limited to work only. About two weeks after that initial email, we were in the kitchen with others and I noticed that she would look at everyone she was speaking with except for me. That same day, I sent her an email about a local pizza place that she loved which has closed down, but is reopening and asked her if she had heard they were reopening? She ignored that email and then two weeks later, she walked by my office twice (which is avoidable), and did not say anything. I decided to go no contact again and then 18 days later (this past Friday), she walked by quickly and with her head down, but she said "Hi, Dillon... good morning." LOL
I turned the table on my narcissist. He was a little thrown off by my reaction to him to his behavior. He had a puzzled look on his face everytime we saw eachother.
These people don’t don’t miss anyone!!! One second your in there life the next your not and they don’t even see the difference. They are completely oblivious of anyone’s feeling or thoughts
I wanted to be missed because it's HARD ASS CHEESE to accept that she never really cared for ME in the first place. Not to mention - and this is for us "seasoned" men: It is ABSOLUTELY INTOXICATING to think a 34-year-old little hottie actually loves and cares for you, at 48. It's emotional CRACK!!
I miss the guy who doesn't even really exist. The one who roped me in with fake love, kindness, and caring. That guy is not real. I loved an illusion. To come to the realization that for the years that we were together, he was hiding me...and I didn't actually exist in his real life, because he was on one hand talking about marriage and loving each other forever....yet, he was never really attached to me. He was constantly running around looking for a better supply. IF he ever misses me, I know that it's only the ego stroking that he misses. He said it best himself when he told me several times over those years, that "I love how you love ME". That says it all. Creep. 👹👿🤡👻
Could you make a video on why after the eighth time doing this was my discard so toxic and painful everything got put on me and I honestly feel like I’m going insane I know better I know that it’s not my fault but for some reason I’m allowing the way that he is making me out to be like this big monster affect me is there anyway that you can do a video on toxic multiple discards and how do you get past them because I’ve looked for something similar on your whole playlist and I can’t seem to find it I basically wanna know why everything was twisted and turned on me why he was back with his ex within 24 hours and all of our pictures were removed from social media I was blocked I had to download texting apps to contact him because he broke up with me within two minutes of conversation which by the way we were fine and then in two minutes I was broken up west I’m so confused about the situation and now I’m sitting here ruminating and wondering oh why I am being accused of all this and why I’m the big bad monster and how the hell do I get past it!!!
They move on to another relationship before the current on even ends. That was the case with my ex narc. When she contacted me on i.g last april she mentioned on onw of my post about being friends with exs that shes friends with lots of her exs. If a woman or man says that, massive neon red flag.
After I left my narc, she never acted sad that I left. She told people she asked me to leave. That was a lie. I have text messages from her saying she couldn’t believe I left her when she needed me most; but never “I’m sorry for how I acted. I’m so sad without you.” In fact the times she said, “I’m sorry” it was always “I’m sorry you…” never “I’m sorry I…” Yep! She’s a total Narc. Very high on the spectrum.
I used to worry and wonder if she ‘missed’ me early on…after learning more about narcs I know that she doesn’t because I meant nothing in an emotional context to her…and it doesn’t matter…why would I want a demon narc to miss me really?…we cling to the false beliefs that we had about the narc for awhile…but as we learn we move on knowing how narcs really are…without their constructed mask…my narcex gets her karma and misery by having to beat back the demons daily…narc on sweetheart…
I just don't think so, Jess! Her discard of me was so caculated and planned and announced with such coldness it's unlikely she cares at all....In all reality who the fuck cares anymore..... it's taken, now, going on five years for me to get to the point of realizing that she is/was never worth it for me to think or care about.... thank you so much for your guidance and help through this process, Jess! 💞
I do what I can to help and I'm very glad I can! Yes! Focus on you! We have to make ourselves an important priority because we can't count on others to do that for us. We do a better job anyway!
+Jess Stanley Praise the LORD i am just absolutely disgusted with these demonic bastards like the old man biological seed spiller in my life. Jess Stanley, when it really comes down to it whatever they think it is just pure evil and it is never good for others and even themselves. God bless. Agape love
she then suddenly ghosted me for no apparent reason. and yes she told me along with her hoover attempts how bad she missed me,,,,, but who cares and of course i didn't buy it and it's been 11 months now. it's good news btw that my christmas and new year was hoover free and i do hope the silence would stay. happy sunday Jess!
Six months ago he told me he missed me but just not all the accusations. It will be two years post breakup in March. He makes me feel like I'm the Narc here..all of the stonewalling and gaslighting he put me through made me feel like the bad guy. He was a true manipulator in the relationship, as he claimed just to be a simple man. I disagree, he was the most complicated man that I'd ever met. And lastly, he said that he treated me the best than anyone else ever has, which isn't true. He thinks the love bombing was all that I needed to feel loved, so not true. In the end, I just loved the wrong person too much.
Can u do some videos on male borderline personality disorder? There isn't much I of out there on this and I'd love to learn more bc this is my narc's main issue, which manifested in a lot of abuse, both towards himself, me, and objects, impulsive behavior, and possession. It's a different display of narc traits with bpd, in my experience
If you do not talk to your narc ex, and they text after 2 years of you doing no contact and they text you Happy Thanksgiving, is that a Hoover? Or are they being nice?
My ex has told me I was the best sex she ever had, and she misses that. She was the best to me as well, and I miss it too. So much so that I have been celibate for a while now. The revenge I sought was to have sex one last time and never again. To make her regret all the things she has done and the choices she has made.
I'm sure she misses somebody paying most of her bills. Driving a brand new vehicle, well I drove junk. I was not allowed to use her vehicle, if mine was broken I had to ask for a ride. Buying the newest cell phone, while I waited for mine to not work anymore. Now I have the new vehicle a better cell phone. And there's no bill collectors knocking on my door. Maybe a new Supply buys these things for her, I really don't care. But you know what I really doubt it. At least not for long I don't wish her on anybody.
But but but.......HOW do you deal with them once you have decided to leave and you can't be NO CONTACT because you have kids together? Damn, sounds like I'm STUCK for the next 12 years, like the state I live in!? And I don't care if she misses me or not, I just want to live without the damn drama!
Grey rock works surprisingly well. It took the best part of 18 months though. As we are so boring & respond only to anything that relates directly to kids contact reduces. Keep going, & good luck!
Similar situation but I've not left yet and probably won't! Ive 2 kids with mine and I've put up with some proper bull from her!now when she creates an argument i feed it just a little without raising my voice then pull the argument away by walking to another room then when she chases me I turn it to a joke and laugh or tell her she looks sexy when shes angry or mean the arguing soon stops.ive got it down to about 4 min a argument before I neutralise it,the kids arnt aware of any negativity from us and I dont want to leave them with her but where I live the courts will rule in her favour and she will have them over me for ever!thats why I stay thats why I learnt all I could,I also learnt that if I go out without her or the kids she gets very curious as to where I am and what I'm doing (unless its work) and she kinda begins love bombing me because all I normally do is work and home as shes destroyed any of my friendships,so by me going out for a drive and a walk for an hour or two alone drives her crazy and shes alot nicer towards me. Ive stopped giving her everything she wants and learnt to say no I don't want this or that in the house and she is slowly learning that I have boundaries!she doesn't like it but not alot she can do. Im going to start by seeing if I can reward her when shes nice and take away when shes nasty to see if she will begin treating me better its not really a way I want to go because its like training a dog or teaching a child the right way to behave but they will only treat you badly if you let them.
@@iwantit162 good luck brother. Sounds like a broken record. If she's anything like mine was, when the boundaries start to become an issue, that's when she'll go hunting for new supply. Hopefully not but..... The worst part about the kids is I feel they take the brunt of the abuse now that I'm gone. I pray for you.
Same here. 36. As well as the four years back in the '80s, with the n who dumped me before I met and married Mr. 36, the man-child I recently reconnected with, and found nothing had changed with HIM either. I broke that one off quickly, in less than a year of long distance pretending. I missed a lot of red flags this time around, because of his sweet talk and lies; but once I saw what he was, and began to see the red flags I missed even back in high school, I knew to end it NOW. Still, ending with both fools was hard, and heartbreaking. It broke my heart see that neither one has matured beyond the self-absorbed adult boys they are, and that I wasted so much time. However, my beautiful adult kids and two grandsons are my reward for having put up with Mr. N for 36 years, the cheating, the emotional/verbal/psychological abuse. I'm now my own person, I am free, and both of them are fools. Their karma will leave them empty, alone, and unhealed, as we all age. And I continue to grow, heal, love myself the way I ought to have done all my life, that is my karma. Let them do whatever they want. I want no part of it anymore. I am Me, and I am much happier without their stupid games and drama and self-absorption. 🌻
Oh--and Mr. 36 Years Married? He was on dating sites only theee weeks after I moved out after we separated-- that was even three months before I filed for the divorce. You can bet your ass I just shook my head and laughter. I'd be willing to bet he'd cheated on me more times than the one I caught him on when our youngest was born. 23 years ago. He probably just kept doing it-- learned how to be more stealthy about it, once I was on to him. Good riddance. Let them live with themselves, I say.
I received the "Hey" message once my narc's rebound relationship failed. They only miss us when they're bored and alone.
Acceptance that we really weren't loved is horrible and a very hard pill to swallow! Especially when they've moved on with someone they look like they love. The "why" we care is very difficult.
That pretty much sums it up
My ex would tell me all the time he missed me and would ask why couldnt we work out (while he has a new supply). I finally realized what he was saying was “i miss what you DID for me. And if you could be a wall flower, we could have worked out”. He can “miss” me all he wants. Im so glad to be done with that relationship. I learned so much.
I heard that before
Yes!! I realized similar. It was everything I brought, not me! Just what I could do.
Yep. Here the same,
Hell no
Mine did the same exact thing!
They miss the supply we give them…what we did for them…how we made them feel good about themselves…the ego trip. It has zero to do with us, the person, our being.
Another great video.
Well said and thank you!
💯
I've read between the lines during my hoovers and get the impression that "I miss you" really means "I miss how you tolerated so much of my bullshit and I'm struggling to find anyone else who will suffer me like you did. I didn't appreciate how much control I had over you. How dare you stop jumping when I say jump? You traitor, I want your blind devotion back." I think their missing is more of a feeling of betrayal that you defected from their cult of personality because they're used to assuming they'll always have you to fall back on.
I know for myself, the reason for wanting to be missed is rooted in the regret I have for the time and energy I threw away on the relationship. I think that lost time and energy energy need to be mourned like a death.
Wow. Thanks for sharing, it’s so true. Peace
Agreed. It's allowing it to happen, having your genuine time and energy wasted. You also let it happen, and forgiving yourself is key too.
That so makes sense thankyou
Thank you. Regretting the time and energy lost, regretting everything I did for him, regretting loving him, regretting not leaving him when I "sensed" I should have years before, regretting letting him in my life, regretting not smashing him in the face before I left...ok, sort of joking and not. Summing it up: I'm angry with myself but working on it, every day. Jess, thank you for another WOW video!
So true. Well said. Thank you!
Hi Jess, I ran into my Narc on Tuesday and it was like seeing a deer in the headlights! I have educated and protected myself by watching your videos and feel very empowered whenever we have to cross paths. He is no longer entitled to any of my love and care or my “A grade” supply.
Love to hear this! Exactly! They no longer get access to us or what we provide!
They miss having control over you
The “why do I care” for me is curiosity…….even though I know narcissistic people exist out there, it still blows my mind that this happens at all.
Jess, I love that you don’t sugar-coat anything on your channel. Listening to your videos are really helpful to my continued progress in healing.
My ex has every narcissist trait can think of. Only thing is physical abuse because I’m bigger and stronger I will never do that too any woman I don’t believe in that stuff but that’s only thing she couldn’t hurt me with. She abuse me mentally and emotionally. Close to a mental breakdown few times. I’m glad it’s all over. Now I got off all social media and I don’t do dating apps. Just gym church and home. Joined recovery groups at my church try get my insanity back and love myself again
Well done Jimmy as a man its usually hard to be open about a woman abusing because were supposed to be the stronger ones!I keep being told I'm the rock im the mountain I solve problems rather than dwell on them!thats bull it affects me mentally and physically aswell but rather than be the victim I look for a solution!
Im stuck in a situationship with a woman ive got 2 children with,she has cheated, lies regular, manipulates and wants everything her own way!we've broken up about 8 times but I've never moved out away from the kids.i don't want my children losing the connection I have with them apart from 0 sexlife we get on pretty good now and when she rages im teaching the boys to walk away until she calms down and speaks rather than shouts.
Well its a new year so just waiting on the new breakup again lol probably be around March time I guess,shes already trying to argue over nothing and create issues where there's no issues to be had so wont be long lol!
Anyone who ever survived a relationship with a narc, probably now has more narc traits themselves than they are willing to admit. You needed to develop them to survive.
Yes! Also choosing them. Sure there are co dependents, but there are people who need them, knowing they are the worst.
Some guy I agree with you I question myself often am I a narc deep down I know I was a good wife but I think I lost my sanity for a long time.
I totally developed more narc traits while dealing with my last covert narc. The constant ignoring me made me flirt with people to try and piss him off. I even started to have an emotional affair with a friend of ours who paid me attention and actually gave a shit about who I was as a person. I never cheated though physically. Toward the end I was self sabotaging every relationship I had with mutual friends of ours because subconsciously, I knew I needed to get out of the whole scene. I'm so ashamed of my behavior and it's left me a total mess inside my head. But the good news is that he's gone and I can start to heal, regain my kindness and sense of self and NEVER get into another relationship like that again. Narcissistic behavior stems from deep insecurity. Healing that is when the behaviors will stop. Good luck to you.
I don’t think I’m missed for one second. I’d doubt I’ll hear from her. The new supply has everything she needs and wants in her life. 12 mths on and I’m in a better place though I hope we never cross paths again. It’s like she took a part of me.
I still enjoy your insight and you’ve helped me a lot throughout this process.
Thank you Jess x
Sometimes you meet someone and know from the very first moment you want to spend the whole rest of your life without them in it.
No,they miss abusing you.
I'm so happy that I've recovered my self worth that the sick sadistic psychopathic manipulative - malignant covert,cheating physically abusive narcissist tried to steal from me!😠
@favour Ella Excuse me?
My "why" was because I wanted to have had some significance in the relationshit. I put in so much effort and it kind of pisses me off that I didn't have any meaning to him. Still working on my healing process but doing so much better everyday.
Mine called me last night saying he made a huge mistake letting me go..I don’t buy it. Said he broke up w his current gf. Total BS
There was more than likely some kind of break up, that was probably the reason for the hoover.
Absolutely my ex Narc misses everything I did for him, I facilitated his great life for 18 years, does he miss my love, the sex, our lovely little family, no he doesn’t and neither do I, it wasn’t real!! He told me at Christmas that he will never find someone like me, absolutely no he won’t !
No matter how many good people they find, they will destroy it all.
Because you thought they were someone that did care about you, and wanted to be with. But there Actions did not match there Words. Future Faked and Bread Crumbed. They are entitled to move on. All we can do is the same. Never got any Closure my Closure is my No Contact, my Silence, and my Absence. So I can for heal myself.
If they Say I miss you I love you means I USE YOU!
Thank you Jess Decided to forgive never forget and move on now that I know why
Forgiveness is for us, not them. Forgive, don't forget. Great thing to do!
@@JessStanley ♥️
I’m better off with out toxic people in my life, I’m loving my peace,and freedom, I thank the Lord for removing me from there
They miss what you bring to the table, but narcs don't care about you as a person, that's why a relationship with them is a waste of precious and limited time.
I think they miss being able to abuse you, and make your life a living hell that's what they miss
Yes, they miss getting what they want. As far as making your life a living hell, they don't really care about that. They just want what they want and it causes so much trouble that a living hell is the result.
@@JessStanley Absolutely Jess
Thank you for your channel, and I greatly appreciate all your helpful videos
And thank you for your support! Have a wonderful day!
@@JessStanley Thank you, and you as well Jess Happy New Year to you.... May this New Year bring you much prosperity
Happy New Year to you!
Jess, thank you. I never thought about trying to figure out the "why do I care what they think of me...." before. Once you know "why", you have a path to fix yourself and truly be free of the NPD bonds.
Not a single thought about the ex narc is worth it. I think back… I catch myself and that’s 20-30 seconds that could be 5-30 minutes I will never have back! My life lost! It’s bad enough I lost 5 years! Not one second more… if I can help it Jess! Not one second more
I’m glad she’s gone and I don’t want her back. I now know what I didn’t know. Good video
They will swear that they miss you when they come back to Hoover you. When they want your supply, they miss you but more importantly... they really want you to miss them a lot more than they really miss you.
YESS JESS, IM SO DONE BLOCKED NUMBER NO PHONE CALLS/TEXTS, HE HAS A NEW SUPPLY IM OVER JOYED HE STALKS ME HE'S INVISIBLE THANKS
God damn. 8 months NC, getting much better but it still sucks, I was with the narc 14 yrs, and he was engaged 90 days later.. it still boggles my mind, especially knowing the type (yes I understand what is good supply to a narc) of moral character the new supply is.. family and friends are even dumbfounded.. . UGH!!!!!!!!!!
I am glad that I found your channel. I work with mine but on different floors so it's easy to avoid her, but I walked away from her back in September because of lies and manipulation. We spent nearly 6 months avoiding one another. If she walked by my office, she'd keep her head down and walk by fast. I ran into her and another lady in the kitchen on 12/23 and said "good morning ladies". She got up from the table, walked out and didn't say anything. She reached out to me by work email on 3/2 and here is what she said "I don't want to rehash the past and want to let bygones be bygones and I am extending an olive branch, in hopes that we can put an end to this nonsense." She wants to try and move forward and be "friends" and I gave it a shot, but decided in my mind that it would be limited to work only. About two weeks after that initial email, we were in the kitchen with others and I noticed that she would look at everyone she was speaking with except for me. That same day, I sent her an email about a local pizza place that she loved which has closed down, but is reopening and asked her if she had heard they were reopening? She ignored that email and then two weeks later, she walked by my office twice (which is avoidable), and did not say anything. I decided to go no contact again and then 18 days later (this past Friday), she walked by quickly and with her head down, but she said "Hi, Dillon... good morning." LOL
I turned the table on my narcissist. He was a little thrown off by my reaction to him to his behavior. He had a puzzled look on his face everytime we saw eachother.
These people don’t don’t miss anyone!!! One second your in there life the next your not and they don’t even see the difference. They are completely oblivious of anyone’s feeling or thoughts
I wanted to be missed because it's HARD ASS CHEESE to accept that she never really cared for ME in the first place.
Not to mention - and this is for us "seasoned" men: It is ABSOLUTELY INTOXICATING to think a 34-year-old little hottie actually loves and cares for you, at 48.
It's emotional CRACK!!
I miss the guy who doesn't even really exist. The one who roped me in with fake love, kindness, and caring. That guy is not real. I loved an illusion.
To come to the realization that for the years that we were together, he was hiding me...and I didn't actually exist in his real life, because he was on one hand talking about marriage and loving each other forever....yet, he was never really attached to me. He was constantly running around looking for a better supply.
IF he ever misses me, I know that it's only the ego stroking that he misses. He said it best himself when he told me several times over those years, that "I love how you love ME". That says it all. Creep. 👹👿🤡👻
“Thawing out Mariah Carey”! 😂
I love you Jess , you tell it how it is
I love you Jess. You are such a truth teller and you speak right to the core of my healing process. Thank you Jess.
You are so honest! I really like it!
A frozen Mariah Carey! 😂You do make me laugh!
Thanks! HAHA I do what I can.
Could you make a video on why after the eighth time doing this was my discard so toxic and painful everything got put on me and I honestly feel like I’m going insane I know better I know that it’s not my fault but for some reason I’m allowing the way that he is making me out to be like this big monster affect me is there anyway that you can do a video on toxic multiple discards and how do you get past them because I’ve looked for something similar on your whole playlist and I can’t seem to find it I basically wanna know why everything was twisted and turned on me why he was back with his ex within 24 hours and all of our pictures were removed from social media I was blocked I had to download texting apps to contact him because he broke up with me within two minutes of conversation which by the way we were fine and then in two minutes I was broken up west I’m so confused about the situation and now I’m sitting here ruminating and wondering oh why I am being accused of all this and why I’m the big bad monster and how the hell do I get past it!!!
They move on to another relationship before the current on even ends. That was the case with my ex narc. When she contacted me on i.g last april she mentioned on onw of my post about being friends with exs that shes friends with lots of her exs. If a woman or man says that, massive neon red flag.
After I left my narc, she never acted sad that I left. She told people she asked me to leave. That was a lie. I have text messages from her saying she couldn’t believe I left her when she needed me most; but never “I’m sorry for how I acted. I’m so sad without you.” In fact the times she said, “I’m sorry” it was always “I’m sorry you…” never “I’m sorry I…” Yep! She’s a total Narc. Very high on the spectrum.
I used to worry and wonder if she ‘missed’ me early on…after learning more about narcs I know that she doesn’t because I meant nothing in an emotional context to her…and it doesn’t matter…why would I want a demon narc to miss me really?…we cling to the false beliefs that we had about the narc for awhile…but as we learn we move on knowing how narcs really are…without their constructed mask…my narcex gets her karma and misery by having to beat back the demons daily…narc on sweetheart…
My ex narc tells me he misses me .. I am like no you miss your ego stroke.
Entirely true!
YASSS!! Thank you once again . This is perfect absolutely soooo true !
Once again you are Awesome Jess!!
I just don't think so, Jess! Her discard of me was so caculated and planned and announced with such coldness it's unlikely she cares at all....In all reality who the fuck cares anymore..... it's taken, now, going on five years for me to get to the point of realizing that she is/was never worth it for me to think or care about.... thank you so much for your guidance and help through this process, Jess! 💞
I do what I can to help and I'm very glad I can! Yes! Focus on you! We have to make ourselves an important priority because we can't count on others to do that for us. We do a better job anyway!
@@JessStanley Thank you, Jess! (My kitty just started purring! 🐱 I think that's a good sign! )
,,,goods and services,lol so true,after I told her I am done,I was being told that I was nothing but her cash cow,,
Thanks Jess..
I needed this!
The only thing they miss is the sht you done and gave to them superstar 😂👍 Jess and survivors and thrivers
The narcs do miss survivors, bc that's where they get their supply.
+Jess Stanley Praise the LORD i am just absolutely disgusted with these demonic bastards like the old man biological seed spiller in my life. Jess Stanley, when it really comes down to it whatever they think it is just pure evil and it is never good for others and even themselves. God bless. Agape love
Nah they don't miss you. They miss your Supply!
Well said Jess. You are right about everything you said in this video.
she then suddenly ghosted me for no apparent reason. and yes she told me along with her hoover attempts how bad she missed me,,,,, but who cares and of course i didn't buy it and it's been 11 months now. it's good news btw that my christmas and new year was hoover free and i do hope the silence would stay.
happy sunday Jess!
No ,, they don’t … they miss what they don’t get from yu .. but yu we’re already replaced ..
Great video. Thank you, Jess.
NO!
Maybe I want him to miss me because it's so hard to believe he didn't care. Logically though it doesn't matter.
This right here.
Mine doesn't have a heart or soul, how can he miss me? His heart is so cold if I where to punch him in the chest my hand would shatter!
Hi Jess! Happy Sunday! 🌻
Happy Sunday Peter! I hope you have a lovely day!
Six months ago he told me he missed me but just not all the accusations. It will be two years post breakup in March. He makes me feel like I'm the Narc here..all of the stonewalling and gaslighting he put me through made me feel like the bad guy. He was a true manipulator in the relationship, as he claimed just to be a simple man. I disagree, he was the most complicated man that I'd ever met. And lastly, he said that he treated me the best than anyone else ever has, which isn't true. He thinks the love bombing was all that I needed to feel loved, so not true. In the end, I just loved the wrong person too much.
If they come back ,,, they are just waiting for the next buss …
HELLO ty jess 💜
Can u do some videos on male borderline personality disorder? There isn't much I of out there on this and I'd love to learn more bc this is my narc's main issue, which manifested in a lot of abuse, both towards himself, me, and objects, impulsive behavior, and possession. It's a different display of narc traits with bpd, in my experience
Been goin through hell and you're dead on
If you do not talk to your narc ex, and they text after 2 years of you doing no contact and they text you Happy Thanksgiving, is that a Hoover? Or are they being nice?
It’s a hoover….
No they don’t miss us, they never loved us so how could they 😕
@favour Ella I’m glad to hear that, good for you 👍🏼
Trauma Bond
Doubt if my ex misses me because she married already lol in the relationship in a few weeks after moving away by month and a half married
Same here. Lol. They've found a sucker who will support their mask and false self! Love bombed them all the way down the aisle! Smh!
No
My ex has told me I was the best sex she ever had, and she misses that. She was the best to me as well, and I miss it too. So much so that I have been celibate for a while now. The revenge I sought was to have sex one last time and never again. To make her regret all the things she has done and the choices she has made.
Please can you talk about narcissist and sex?
Thanks Jess thanks GOD 🙏 CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU OK!
❤️❤️💯
I'm sure she misses somebody paying most of her bills. Driving a brand new vehicle, well I drove junk. I was not allowed to use her vehicle, if mine was broken I had to ask for a ride. Buying the newest cell phone, while I waited for mine to not work anymore. Now I have the new vehicle a better cell phone. And there's no bill collectors knocking on my door. Maybe a new Supply buys these things for her, I really don't care. But you know what I really doubt it. At least not for long I don't wish her on anybody.
Must miss me. Stalks me online
Supply is all they care about. I should said New Supply.
It wasn't their first rodeo.
🙏
The narc in my case doesn’t and will never miss me lol
Nobody does which makes me feel like I’m the problem.
Demons from Hell 👿👿👿
eye'd like 2 be missable & cents eye miss them but oh whale eye found a new distraction 2 luv
I think I was criticized for my cooking...It's what he misses most...
They'll do anything to tear you down.
Were you only going out with him try being married to one for ,,15 years then you can talk
But but but.......HOW do you deal with them once you have decided to leave and you can't be NO CONTACT because you have kids together? Damn, sounds like I'm STUCK for the next 12 years, like the state I live in!?
And I don't care if she misses me or not, I just want to live without the damn drama!
Grey rock works surprisingly well. It took the best part of 18 months though. As we are so boring & respond only to anything that relates directly to kids contact reduces.
Keep going, & good luck!
Similar situation but I've not left yet and probably won't!
Ive 2 kids with mine and I've put up with some proper bull from her!now when she creates an argument i feed it just a little without raising my voice then pull the argument away by walking to another room then when she chases me I turn it to a joke and laugh or tell her she looks sexy when shes angry or mean the arguing soon stops.ive got it down to about 4 min a argument before I neutralise it,the kids arnt aware of any negativity from us and I dont want to leave them with her but where I live the courts will rule in her favour and she will have them over me for ever!thats why I stay thats why I learnt all I could,I also learnt that if I go out without her or the kids she gets very curious as to where I am and what I'm doing (unless its work) and she kinda begins love bombing me because all I normally do is work and home as shes destroyed any of my friendships,so by me going out for a drive and a walk for an hour or two alone drives her crazy and shes alot nicer towards me.
Ive stopped giving her everything she wants and learnt to say no I don't want this or that in the house and she is slowly learning that I have boundaries!she doesn't like it but not alot she can do.
Im going to start by seeing if I can reward her when shes nice and take away when shes nasty to see if she will begin treating me better its not really a way I want to go because its like training a dog or teaching a child the right way to behave but they will only treat you badly if you let them.
@@iwantit162 good luck brother. Sounds like a broken record. If she's anything like mine was, when the boundaries start to become an issue, that's when she'll go hunting for new supply. Hopefully not but..... The worst part about the kids is I feel they take the brunt of the abuse now that I'm gone. I pray for you.
Damn , this is all to true
I'm hearing the Eagles song Wasted Time.........I think one of the hardest pills too swallow is the wasted time.....almost 40 years for me
Same here. 36.
As well as the four years back in the '80s, with the n who dumped me before I met and married Mr. 36, the man-child I recently reconnected with, and found nothing had changed with HIM either. I broke that one off quickly, in less than a year of long distance pretending.
I missed a lot of red flags this time around, because of his sweet talk and lies; but once I saw what he was, and began to see the red flags I missed even back in high school, I knew to end it NOW.
Still, ending with both fools was hard, and heartbreaking.
It broke my heart see that neither one has matured beyond the self-absorbed adult boys they are, and that I wasted so much time.
However, my beautiful adult kids and two grandsons are my reward for having put up with Mr. N for 36 years, the cheating, the emotional/verbal/psychological abuse.
I'm now my own person, I am free, and both of them are fools. Their karma will leave them empty, alone, and unhealed, as we all age.
And I continue to grow, heal, love myself the way I ought to have done all my life, that is my karma.
Let them do whatever they want. I want no part of it anymore.
I am Me, and I am much happier without their stupid games and drama and self-absorption. 🌻
Oh--and Mr. 36 Years Married?
He was on dating sites only theee weeks after I moved out after we separated-- that was even three months before I filed for the divorce.
You can bet your ass I just shook my head and laughter. I'd be willing to bet he'd cheated on me more times than the one I caught him on when our youngest was born. 23 years ago.
He probably just kept doing it-- learned how to be more stealthy about it, once I was on to him.
Good riddance.
Let them live with themselves, I say.