Not getting hoovered is a blessing and a gift. It means you are too tough to crack. No shade to those who are- you can’t control that- but no getting hoovered is an advantage.
Very good perspective. I finally accepted this fact and that God was protecting me from them. His angels surround me and repel them because they are of the Devil..
I believe a Hoover is an insult. They actually think you will respond. Blocking totally works for me. I don’t get hoovered . I am sure she smeared me to the high heavens and she’s totally aware I was on to her . I walked away and I believe she does experience shame and guilt. I would be totally be too much of a gamble for her to even try. At one point I did want her to try……… but that was 2 yrs ago. I feel blessed every day that goes by and there is no attempt.
Yeah not always though, sometimes they are to scared/afraid and it might as well could be that their smear campaign was to such a great extent that’s it’s quote on quote impossible for the narc to return in my case I called and texted her so extensively for an week owed apology that she pulled the card called a restraining order so that could also be a reason for them not to hoover you back into their sick and delusional kind of relationship no matter what you should count your blessings even though you may be missing the narcissist I know I still do but nonetheless is only miss the “perfect” person she was in the beginning of our relationship nor the person she became in the end of the relationship hell no! and that restraining is a blessing in disguise at least for me it was/is because that was what I took for me to really move on with my life that’s was how long her and I had to take it to forget each other and our time together that is unnecessary but it is how it is unfortunately and furthermore he reasons for getting that restraining where all build on lies upon lies but I didn’t wanted to pull it any further and defend my innocence she’s a rotten apple in the basket so out she goes and hello “happier life it’s nice to see you again” it sure has given me some peace that’s for sure 🤥😏🙂🙌🏼
Yep, it’s been 10 months, no hoovering, don’t think she’s the type to do so. I’m angry,sad,bitter,hurt, depressed, feel stupid for not seeing the red flags for 4 years, all of it…..but…..it is starting to turn & I am finally starting to climb out of the confusion & dark abyss. Thanks for this vid & the understanding & empathy.
I did the discard not to brag by know means, but I've been hoovered a handful of times, the first one was a toughy I'm not going to lie but I stood my grounds and said there's no way in hell I'd ever go back to you, I was so proud of myself and it's been easier just blowing her the fck off, but I done the work and I know my worth, it's better to be single then to be fckn miserable 👍 Jess thanks for the video and have a great weekend everyone 🦋
My narc tried to hoover me twice. You know what I said back to her....absolutely nothing. No more words. Yes, I blocked her phone number, and moved her emails straight to the trash folder.
Thank you! This made me smile..you are great Jess! It validated my thoughts for sure but make no mistake...I'm never returning to this toxic and sick friendship ever again. It's been almost 2 months and I feel more like myself again after I let go!!
Keep up the amazing work, Jess! I didn’t block her and have no plans to. Once you reach zen level indifference; like I have forced myself to do, I don’t care if she looks, I don’t post on social media anyway. If she texts, emails, or whatever, I’ll just ignore it. If she hits a brick wall of being blocked somewhere, she probably thinks I care enough to block her. Giving her headspace. I agree with you, not all need to block. I may still be in a bit of fog, wish I had answers, etc. But I know enough not to respond if she does contact me, and that’s all I need to know. I’m 5 months since leaving mine. No Hoover. And I’m thankful! And to me, confirms she didn’t actually care at all about me. The garbage took itself out!!!!
When they don't eventually reach back out after a couple of past hoovers, we really need to focus on healing no matter how hard it is. The pain they've caused is brutal but we have to find a way to rise up again.
I completely agree with you about not telling people to block. I had to chose that on my own but there was a time, I would have went insane for doing that.
Mine were always guilt trips like " oh well i guess youre happy, im homeless, heres the closure you wanted.. gaining sympathy but also that i would react and defend myself.
I was weak and called him on his birthday. After 10 min, he lost his temper and I hung up on him mid temper tantrum. He called me back and basically said dont ever do that again. I just repeated the same phrase over and over, the point I was trying to make. He called me back but I didnt pick up. He left a hoovering sickly sweet apology, that I admit I kept that voice mail for a long time. I went no contact. I accidentally found some recent pics of him on a friends Facebook. That was creepy and triggering for me. I guess she is his new supply. She can have him. He cheated on both of us at the same time. Yuck. So she knows what she is getting.
🤣🤣🤣 hahaha That is priceless. Thank you for sharing your Badassery w us. May I borrow your words when I get that Hoover? I don't wanna copy cat ur statement like the narc's adopt our character traits.
I gave mine a triple treat of narcissistic injury. She knows what is waiting for her if she tries that again. Narcissist are dirty birds and I wouldn't touch that shit ever again
1:20--Best most self-aware comment about hoovering ever that's tough medicine to swallow, "HOOVERING'S ABOUT DESPERATION (when their another supply didn't work out). I used to so want to BELIEVE thought they were going back to the hoovering phase.. THE REAL ONE even in a less committed way and I didn't want to go back there again myself because I had lost trust in them
Found Jess a long time ago. Since then, the ex narc / bpd: 1. Doesn't know where I live. 2. Doesn't have my new number 3. Doesn't have my email. 4. Doesn't know where my new job is. 5. Doesn't have my social media (As I don't have any). Perhaps I went to extremes but it's been a year and haven't heard a thing and life is great.
Great description of hoovering! Mine tried a few times after I left her. But I walked away and caused massive narc injuries (not intentionally, just by asserting appropriate boundaries and moving on). I know she thinks I'm dangerous, in so much as I'll expose her and metaphorically cut my nose off to spite my face. Zero contact since I had to step away from seeing the kids as she wouldn't stop weaponising them and I was getting I'll with stress and suicidal urges. I've historically been most vulnerable to narc "apologies" and emergencies... Not this time 💪 I can almost feel her sniffing around trying to figure out her best gambit. But I'm dangerous to her (due to narc injury) and I've pre-warned that the usual stuff won't work. So radio silence from the witch for now. which is nice, I just want her out of my dreams every night now, soul/energetic ties are a pain. And appreciating such a good description of hoovering. 🤜🤛
When they know you can crush their lies with truth especially when they don’t want you to expose serious wrongdoing they will never hoover you, why would they?
Mine had that ego/pride. Enjoyed the the challenge I guess. I Did substantial damage with a narcissistic injury the first time around as a *warning but she wouldn't (or couldnt) take the hint. Completely obliterated her when she came back for revenge and round 2.
I'd say ur lucky then. Bc most won't ever not hoover stalk or triangulate u. They despise u doing well n happy. N if you mortified them to believe they'd never do that to you...hopefully ull reconsider thinking smarter n prepare urself 4 a malice campaign of retaliation. That's what they do. Stay safe.
@@forensicfaithinprofiling The campaign against me has been in full swing since the 80’s, unrelenting and ongoing, the Bible says satan rules the world ( 1st John chapter 5 verse 19 ) not for much longer thankfully.
I'm a super empath. I went Super nova on his azz after our final break up. I intentionally inflicted narcissistic injury. 10 months later and he has new supply he continues to stalk me. I have been rejecting every hoover attempt. We'll never get back together. He's that desperate to Garner attention from me? He was ordered to delete my number from his phone. We're done in this lifetime.
Thank you for being completely real about it! I know so many narc survivors that can do the block & walk away - I’m definitely one who struggles with it, which I’m working on. (We we’re together for 3 years) He blocked me himself, in every way you can think of - in the middle of the phone call we were having as he was discarding me. I can only assume it’s a form of control, as he has done it every time - he can block / unblock & check up on me as he pleases - he usually makes it obvious but I haven’t noticed anything this time around, just a feeling like I’m being watched so maybe he’s actually done? Currently I am 5 weeks no contact and I have stuck to it. I came to the realization that he waits for me to hoover myself - to break the no contact, to reach out for ‘closure’ .. and then responds with his best love bombing attempts. He hasn’t reached out, and I’m assuming it’s either bc he is waiting for me to do the work for him, or he’s actually just done.
She doesnt know what to do with her life but I know. After 2 months of no contact I was hoovered and we met. She was so submissive. She even cried. I bought it again only for her to dump me 6 months later. Turns out she was juggling 2 or 3 guys and me. I have seen a lot of hollywood and no one is as good an actress as this person. No one.
1:40 "Not all hoovers are done to get you back into a relationship!"" I've had future faking.. but I've also had half-hearted hoovers.. the reason why? I just had stopped playing their rules of the game a while back. I JUST WASN'T in such a good source of supply in that way anymore! (Considerate it an inadvertant compliment.. you STOOD FOR SOMETHING instead of falling for anything again... They know they're going to have to go find someone else to play their little "I do all the taking and you do all the giving" game)
Really appreciate your keeping it real, Jess! It’s very important to take ourselves apart and understand what’s really going on, in order to heal and to live in peace with ourselves.
It is a really difficult situation with many feelings at the same time. One day I want hoover I miss him, and I hope maybe he can change. Another day, I am happy, I am letting go and I realize that I don't need a hoover. I thought he was the love of my life. We just need to accept that they are not the ones, we have to let go of, which sometimes hurts the most. But we have to keep going and healing.
I've had to block my partner's number a few times and Jess I gotta say, I took the high road and did what's called a ho'oponopono prayer to try and heal myself and even prayed for her. if you can send love to a manipulative person then that means you have a lot of inner strength and compassion for broken people.
I need so much help with my situation. Blocking causes me anxiety. I true-life know running from him is best . Honestly I have listened to sp my. Ur videos are so real
I believe he turned me into a Narc, I've been hoovering for two years post him leaving me. It scares me. In the beginning he always broke up with me and always eventually hoovered me. I have to say, he's done for good and I'm trying really hard to at least feel indifference towards him like he does me. It takes time to grieve and two years grieving from a four year relationship can truly take a toll on a person. It really hurts knowing the man I truly loved is completely over me, all because of my insanity to push him over the edge. He hasn't responded in 8 months now. Signed sick and tired and really hurting.
Ouch. Ya I 'hoovered' her I guess 🤷 too. Felt bad for the fragile broken little girl who didn't grow up to stand for herself and not drain others for life.
1.5 yr together. Many Hoovers. Totally blocked him. Every month flowers were delivered. 6mth post discard he was at my door. Politely told him to leave. Never answered the door after that. Snail mail love letters. Texts from random phone numbers. Saw him w his new squeeze & ignored them . The following nite He burst thru my unlocked door & I Blew up. Told him I’m making a police report. One month later flowers again. It’s been 2 years since discard.. he’s shameless.
I bruised my narc by bringing back every gift he ever got me. I left it at his door and told him he’s an abuser in text. I then blocked him. I haven’t heard from him and I’m a mess. I knew my actions would cause this and he’d be done but damn if I don’t want him to Hoover and we do this all over again. Even though I know this is best. One day at a time.
I love and appreciate all you do woman ...I am not a blocker I let it go on for years. Sometimes it was years, Sometimes not. I seen her for the last time 12 days before she died in a car accident. I now know I should have shut the door for good. I was way to emotional for the time we were apart....(No more pain please)!!!!!!
My ex is terminally ill and we ended on a huge row and walking away, I do wonder how I will feel when he dies, but I know I made the right decision to go he was getting worse and worse and cheating on me too, so I will not reproach myself when his time comes, he made my life a misery.
My fiance of 6yrs killed himself after o ran away and he ended up moving into the same building I in 3doors up then he tried hoover me and just as I told him I'll be friends nothing else I already found him dead 3times in 1 wk when I did live with him 6yrs later I ran after getting ambulance 3times in 1wk they saved his life. He would do silent Treatment for days I remember waking on egg shells around him in his silence. He knew I lost my 1st fiance of 12yrs Thomas I loved him and he died in my arms of sudden adult death syndrome 33yrs old and I think larwarce was Trying to recreate the same life and death situation was to trauma bond me . Well he died when I went shop came back and I wax told he was dead suicide. Its 4yrs since I live alone with my dog I'm 37yrs old no kids and when I lost my baby thats when Larwance blamed me for miscarriage. I went through sickness c.o.p.d lung disease. I ended up in hospital every 3 to 6wks P.t.s d anxiety and now I am studying psychology and wanting to help myself rather than others because my twin sis and mother are narks too My mum home was set on fire over me and my twin refused the nark to go out with him he petrol bombed our home in bed we was 3 women and a baby escaped from our home in flames smoke he stalked our house. We was so scared. He s locked up now murder rape 11yrz crazy. We didn't get him arrested af the time as the police he had has friends too fooled. Crazy
You helped me a lot today. I have to admit that it has been bothering me that the hoovering has stopped; as absurd as that sounds. Not because I want to get back together in any way with that person. Just that I have been wondering, what changed. I feel better now that I have sorted through this. Thank you very much.
I totally blocked him in every way. I even left a nice group I was in where I met him through"mutual friends" yeah right off the bat...barely two weeks he wanted me to "move in" for a trial period!!
My ex narc has new supply and married her a few months ago. (Downgrade.) I have never been more relieved. However, I'm suddenly getting odd calls and texts since about the time they got married, so idk if it's related. I'm just happy to know I shouldn't have the potential for a hoover until he blows this 3rd marriage and divorces. I've got plenty of time to enjoy my peace of mind for the time being.
My ex Narc lost his parents within 2 months of each other and he used this to reach out to me, I was sympathetic and listened to him, it was difficult to not engage. He started to call almost daily and I felt out of control again, I had to block him on everything and he is now bothering our teenage son, I wish he would just find someone and move on
Anger is healthy n a part of 1. Being human 2. The grieving process. 3. Not a deadly sin. I refuse to allow society to blame shift me for being angry at deplorable abuse and malicious behavior. Love, An angry SiStar n proud of my anger. Frankly, immorality pisses me off girl.
I adore your bluntness. Thank you for being you and producing awesome content. I'm on the fence about wanting and not wanting a hoover...it's pretty terrifying either way.
Im using all your videos. implementing them all. I am messsing with him now. 20 yrs is a long tome... looking back i cant he was with me so long. cause wed axtually fight... I guess i was intertainong!!lolololol I love your videos
I was hoovered in S Valentine’s Day with a card saying I miss you and an horrible bouquet of flowers that he left in the concierge of my building . I wrote a tex saying him thank you for the flowers and I wish you well . Bye ¡ I did not want to continue the relationship with him , but whisking him the best . I blocked him later . I am so happy , now , in my life . Any way , I am sure he will never Hoover me again . Totally sure . Thank you for the reading Jess .
Honestly i have moved on with my ex fiancé narc but I didn’t block him like others advice. But then knowing he blocked me somehow it pinched mu heart thats why i am here again watching videos of you. I mean whatever happens to him I still wish him good life. Thats all.🤷🏻♀️😁
I am greatful that we have terminology for this now. I don't call anyone a narcissist. I'm not a professional. That being said if they check all the boxes ,well, if it looks like a duck! I did predict the hoover and got one. I like being able to know what move they are in and possibly what to expect next. They do follow a pattern. With these tools I'm not caught up in their game near as bad. I have room to respond and run. Good point on just because they hoover they want you back, NOT! They want their drug of choice "supply. Your right if nothing changes, nothing changes. These people are evil.They are dangerous. I like my recovery raw! I hear it better!👍Thanks. I do block during times I feel like their "wack a moos" will affect my mental state. Emotions really screw with my executive functions.
I really like what you're saying, and I should only like to add that even in they do have a seemingly endless cache of NARC supply, they may hoover you out of sheer boredom with who's available to them, NOW, in the present moment. When I would get standoffish with mine, she used to hoover me with, "Hey. Come on over for a few drinks." And like a sap, I would go over. Only to see that there were 2, 3, sometimes 4 other guys already there.
The closest I got to a hoover was my youngest stepson passing a message from his dad that I could visit him in hospital (for one of his heart procedures). I thanked my stepson and asked him to refrain from giving me messages from his dad, which he has honored. Also, during the relationship, the now-ex would rage and/or be silent for days and then suddenly would say: “I have been taking you for granted for all that you do” - a kind of “hoover”. Frankly, I’m glad he hasn’t hoovered. I don’t need that crap! By the time I left him, I was SO DONE that I could do the “please don’t pass on messages to me about him” to my stepsons and my daughter, who were all attempting to be in a relationship with him. (He could put on a charming “dad” vibe with each of them, poor people, and turn around and treat them like sh**!) I agree that we are all individual in how our life experiences have impacted us. If someone wants to block or doesn’t, that is totally up to that person. Personally, I’m in the “real life” category now and I appreciate matter-of-fact videos like yours, Jess. Thank you.
Don’t block the you’ll always wander if they did try to call you. I want that door open so I can choose not to respond or hear their sad story and say sorry you made your bed enjoy sleeping in it alone. ✌️
This video was very helpful. I left him, did nothing to get me back, no apology.. About 15 days later he wrote a message saying how I wronged him by not keeping my promise to give him some money and to never contact him again because he will not answer.. But the strangest thing is that he also wrote “I wish you find the love you want” he even made an apology about saying nasty things about me. 😳 I found this to be totally out of character. Can someone give me some ideas. I think he found someone else that’s why..
Hahaha oh girl. Once the narcos dirty little secret replacement sent me exey narco and her dirty little secrets TH-cam channel so I can listen to him serenading her a love song. She was SOOO excited, bc after all, Narco wrote it for her. But that love song was one he wrote for me, and I wrote the hook, when we were married. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. All these musician Narcs are just so predictable.
I have over 2000 emails from him. I tried to block him there too but it goes into spam. However finally I can read them and laugh at how ridiculous he is instead of be triggered.
Hahaha. Girl u had me laughing my ass off. I got myself so outta his life but every 3 months like clockwork, I get a Hoover via 1. Sock puppet accounts on my new sosh 2 Restricted or blocked number phone calls on my new number. 3. His Po Po family following me in the Po Po cars. 4 His I got Daddys truck, she won't know it's me, drive bys. 5. His holiday greeting cards left on my windshield minus a signature. 6 Even him gatemaster, taking tickets - mastering my favorite event n high school friends he despised. 7 I even get his dirty secret replacement visiting my live streams. I ignore it all. But I do document everything. Dates times video pictures and send it off to big gun agencies outside my jurisdiction bc Narco has family in law n judiciary here. These Sicko Psychos are mentally ill Best protect oneself and stay far away from them. Ya can't get well if ur allowing poison in ur life. Thanks Jess. U Rock.
@@m998hmmwv7 yes isn't it so freeing when you can truly laugh again? When you laugh those belly aching, rib hurting laughter's of freedom. That's when you truly know these people can never affect your beautiful you ever again. No matter what they try to throw at you, you really could see it so clearly as these weak cowardly little children. I freaking love to laugh. I Love The Way laughter feels. I have so many more happy days now that I'm narc free. I have even had so many people tell me I am so funny and have a great sense of humor. So yes I agree. Laughter has been one of the most beautiful medicine!!
My ex has cancer stage 4 lung cancer. He lost his mother in October 2021 . He disrespected me and you name it he did it. I feel guilty for leaving him but I just couldn’t take his verbal abuse anymore. I want to call him and just check on him. I’m starting to feel like I’m the narcissist.
It's normal to feel guilty about leaving. That choice is up to you. However, keep in mind that if you had been respected and treated better you wouldn't WANT to walk away. Their actions cause your reaction.
So I left him 3 months again and I have had no contact we do have a son together but he has done this in the past when my son was 3 months old I left him because of how abusive he is he disappeared for 4 years then begged to see him and we got into Argument and he disappeared for another two years then recently came back begging for another try I unfortunately gave in and felt maybe he had changed but he was even more physically and mentally abusive I ended it 3 months now he has disappeared again , why does he do this ?
I think allowing a narcissist to hoover, however he does it, just prolonged the hurt . Save his last message where the masks slips and play or read it every so often as a sharp reminder why you left the toxic relationship, this works especially well if it was a romantic one and you fell in love with him .Shoot one last but short arrow at him, block and move on. Every day it gets a little better .
Can I ask what made you stay for 35 years? Only asking cos I was with mine a year and that involved physical abuse, calling the police on him, cheating etc, and that was only a year. He’s been with this new supply 2 years and I’m so confused how he’s making it work for 2 years. So intrigued to know how some make it last so long, or why the supply stays that long? :) x
@@laaaah4577 we met in high school and married at 18. He was never physically abusive in any way. He’s a covert narcissist!! The rest is just too much to tell.
It’s been 18 months since the break up. I had to be in touch with recently over the selling of a house. The way he treated me was beyond cruel and down right evil. He had the nerve to send me a pic of him and his new girlfriend asking me to happy for them. Is that a Hoover?
Yes girl. Also .... what ur explaining n enduring is called a malice campaign. It's incredible how they extend this process as long as they possibly can. They want as much money out of the deal, and as much time to try to drain you. Because they want you to give up n give in. All I can suggest, is PLEASE get some education and some coaching when you work with a realtor and go through divorce, court, and asset division. U can get help with this even w retainers. But shits gotta be done in such an executive manner that you blindsided the narc, his family, the new replacement n the attorneys. Ya gotta get expert advice from a badass coach who's been through this. Hugs ❤️ Good luck girl. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
@@SuzieQ7983 Don't be too hard on yourself for being human. Now you know what an ass he'll act like if you have to deal with him again and you can be better prepared.
jess, you are a good lecturer. im glad i listrn almost everything. and again, class relations are not covered by any of you ibn this quasidark world of narcoses ahaha class and narcos. luv and class don mix, thats where i would start the class relations monologue:)
OMG, after 6 mnths of being ghosted by the narc, and I not reaching out,he texted me on my work phone line and said "you really changed on me, and I 4give you" I didn't respond, he texted "gm" just yesterday, no response, it's funny he texted me after his buddies seen me looking FABULOUS at a concert, BOI BYE😏
I thank God I was NEVER hovered. New phone #, off all social media, and I moved. No flying monkeys, he had no friends. The only was I could see him is if we meet up by accident. My plan is in place. I will ignore him. Just keep walking away, and don't stop to talk. HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! 🐇🐇🐇🪻🐇🐇
Not getting hoovered is a blessing and a gift. It means you are too tough to crack. No shade to those who are- you can’t control that- but no getting hoovered is an advantage.
Very good perspective. I finally accepted this fact and that God was protecting me from them. His angels surround me and repel them because they are of the Devil..
@@sleeperno1215 hoovering is actually insulting! They think you're stupid
I believe a Hoover is an insult. They actually think you will respond. Blocking totally works for me. I don’t get hoovered . I am sure
she smeared me to the high heavens and she’s totally aware I was on to her . I walked away and I believe she does experience shame and guilt. I would be totally be too much of a gamble for her to even try. At one point I did want her to try……… but that was 2 yrs ago. I feel blessed every day that goes by and there is no attempt.
Hope of having their love back will destroy your heart more than the narcissist will. It's a grief that never eases.
Umm. Simple answer.. they have new supply......
Yeah not always though, sometimes they are to scared/afraid and it might as well could be that their smear campaign was to such a great extent that’s it’s quote on quote impossible for the narc to return in my case I called and texted her so extensively for an week owed apology that she pulled the card called a restraining order so that could also be a reason for them not to hoover you back into their sick and delusional kind of relationship no matter what you should count your blessings even though you may be missing the narcissist I know I still do but nonetheless is only miss the “perfect” person she was in the beginning of our relationship nor the person she became in the end of the relationship hell no! and that restraining is a blessing in disguise at least for me it was/is because that was what I took for me to really move on with my life that’s was how long her and I had to take it to forget each other and our time together that is unnecessary but it is how it is unfortunately and furthermore he reasons for getting that restraining where all build on lies upon lies but I didn’t wanted to pull it any further and defend my innocence she’s a rotten apple in the basket so out she goes and hello “happier life it’s nice to see you again” it sure has given me some peace that’s for sure 🤥😏🙂🙌🏼
Exactly
Yep, it’s been 10 months, no hoovering, don’t think she’s the type to do so. I’m angry,sad,bitter,hurt, depressed, feel stupid for not seeing the red flags for 4 years, all of it…..but…..it is starting to turn & I am finally starting to climb out of the confusion & dark abyss. Thanks for this vid & the understanding & empathy.
I did the discard not to brag by know means, but I've been hoovered a handful of times, the first one was a toughy I'm not going to lie but I stood my grounds and said there's no way in hell I'd ever go back to you, I was so proud of myself and it's been easier just blowing her the fck off, but I done the work and I know my worth, it's better to be single then to be fckn miserable 👍 Jess thanks for the video and have a great weekend everyone 🦋
Brag all u want ! Good for u 👏❤️
@@lize5755 👍❤️ thanks 🙏🦋
Respect to you brother 👏🏻
My narc tried to hoover me twice. You know what I said back to her....absolutely nothing. No more words. Yes, I blocked her phone number, and moved her emails straight to the trash folder.
Thank you! This made me smile..you are great Jess! It validated my thoughts for sure but make no mistake...I'm never returning to this toxic and sick friendship ever again. It's been almost 2 months and I feel more like myself again after I let go!!
Keep up the amazing work, Jess!
I didn’t block her and have no plans to. Once you reach zen level indifference; like I have forced myself to do, I don’t care if she looks, I don’t post on social media anyway. If she texts, emails, or whatever, I’ll just ignore it. If she hits a brick wall of being blocked somewhere, she probably thinks I care enough to block her. Giving her headspace. I agree with you, not all need to block. I may still be in a bit of fog, wish I had answers, etc. But I know enough not to respond if she does contact me, and that’s all I need to know.
I’m 5 months since leaving mine. No Hoover. And I’m thankful! And to me, confirms she didn’t actually care at all about me. The garbage took itself out!!!!
When they don't eventually reach back out after a couple of past hoovers, we really need to focus on healing no matter how hard it is. The pain they've caused is brutal but we have to find a way to rise up again.
I completely agree with you about not telling people to block. I had to chose that on my own but there was a time, I would have went insane for doing that.
Mine were always guilt trips like " oh well i guess youre happy, im homeless, heres the closure you wanted.. gaining sympathy but also that i would react and defend myself.
I was weak and called him on his birthday. After 10 min, he lost his temper and I hung up on him mid temper tantrum. He called me back and basically said dont ever do that again. I just repeated the same phrase over and over, the point I was trying to make. He called me back but I didnt pick up. He left a hoovering sickly sweet apology, that I admit I kept that voice mail for a long time. I went no contact. I accidentally found some recent pics of him on a friends Facebook. That was creepy and triggering for me. I guess she is his new supply. She can have him. He cheated on both of us at the same time. Yuck. So she knows what she is getting.
3 diff narcs said they had cancer. I said "Tell Jesus Hi for me"....
I shouldn't love this, but I really do! HAHA Good for you for not paying into the drama!
🤣🤣🤣 hahaha
That is priceless.
Thank you for sharing your Badassery w us.
May I borrow your words when I get that Hoover?
I don't wanna copy cat ur statement like the narc's adopt our character traits.
Oh they are not going up to meet Jesus. They are going down to hell where they belong. After all they are the devil's child.
I told them I would light a candle. Up my behind 🤣💥
+Sunny Daye Praise the LORD truth be told, say give my regards to satan. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. God bless. Agape love
I needed this today . Struggling with rumination..
It’s normal you are healing
I gave mine a triple treat of narcissistic injury. She knows what is waiting for her if she tries that again. Narcissist are dirty birds and I wouldn't touch that shit ever again
1
1:20--Best most self-aware comment about hoovering ever that's tough medicine to swallow, "HOOVERING'S ABOUT DESPERATION (when their another supply didn't work out).
I used to so want to BELIEVE thought they were going back to the hoovering phase.. THE REAL ONE even in a less committed way and I didn't want to go back there again myself because I had lost trust in them
Block based on your own situation. I blocked straight away and it was the right thing to do for me.
I blocked….. He sends text messages from fake phone numbers. I don’t reply. I’m so over it!
Keep it moving!
Found Jess a long time ago. Since then, the ex narc / bpd: 1. Doesn't know where I live. 2. Doesn't have my new number 3. Doesn't have my email. 4. Doesn't know where my new job is. 5. Doesn't have my social media (As I don't have any). Perhaps I went to extremes but it's been a year and haven't heard a thing and life is great.
Great description of hoovering!
Mine tried a few times after I left her. But I walked away and caused massive narc injuries (not intentionally, just by asserting appropriate boundaries and moving on).
I know she thinks I'm dangerous, in so much as I'll expose her and metaphorically cut my nose off to spite my face.
Zero contact since I had to step away from seeing the kids as she wouldn't stop weaponising them and I was getting I'll with stress and suicidal urges.
I've historically been most vulnerable to narc "apologies" and emergencies... Not this time 💪
I can almost feel her sniffing around trying to figure out her best gambit. But I'm dangerous to her (due to narc injury) and I've pre-warned that the usual stuff won't work.
So radio silence from the witch for now. which is nice, I just want her out of my dreams every night now, soul/energetic ties are a pain.
And appreciating such a good description of hoovering. 🤜🤛
When they know you can crush their lies with truth especially when they don’t want you to expose serious wrongdoing they will never hoover you, why would they?
We’re out of their league. 🤩
Mine had that ego/pride. Enjoyed the the challenge I guess. I Did substantial damage with a narcissistic injury the first time around as a *warning but she wouldn't (or couldnt) take the hint.
Completely obliterated her when she came back for revenge and round 2.
@@hawaiifiveohoh how so bro
I'd say ur lucky then. Bc most won't ever not hoover stalk or triangulate u.
They despise u doing well n happy. N if you mortified them to believe they'd never do that to you...hopefully ull reconsider thinking smarter n prepare urself 4 a malice campaign of retaliation. That's what they do. Stay safe.
@@forensicfaithinprofiling The campaign against me has been in full swing since the 80’s, unrelenting and ongoing, the Bible says satan rules the world ( 1st John chapter 5 verse 19 ) not for much longer thankfully.
I don't have him blocked him at all. I so hope he reaches out so badly. I have the perfect come back for him, when he does.
I'm a super empath. I went Super nova on his azz after our final break up. I intentionally inflicted narcissistic injury. 10 months later and he has new supply he continues to stalk me. I have been rejecting every hoover attempt. We'll never get back together. He's that desperate to Garner attention from me? He was ordered to delete my number from his phone. We're done in this lifetime.
Thank you for being completely real about it! I know so many narc survivors that can do the block & walk away - I’m definitely one who struggles with it, which I’m working on. (We we’re together for 3 years) He blocked me himself, in every way you can think of - in the middle of the phone call we were having as he was discarding me. I can only assume it’s a form of control, as he has done it every time - he can block / unblock & check up on me as he pleases - he usually makes it obvious but I haven’t noticed anything this time around, just a feeling like I’m being watched so maybe he’s actually done? Currently I am 5 weeks no contact and I have stuck to it. I came to the realization that he waits for me to hoover myself - to break the no contact, to reach out for ‘closure’ .. and then responds with his best love bombing attempts. He hasn’t reached out, and I’m assuming it’s either bc he is waiting for me to do the work for him, or he’s actually just done.
She doesnt know what to do with her life but I know. After 2 months of no contact I was hoovered and we met. She was so submissive. She even cried. I bought it again only for her to dump me 6 months later. Turns out she was juggling 2 or 3 guys and me. I have seen a lot of hollywood and no one is as good an actress as this person. No one.
After being discarded, I would never go back with her or respond to her message. Thanks Jess
I love the fact you’re real and use curse words.
1:40 "Not all hoovers are done to get you back into a relationship!"" I've had future faking.. but I've also had half-hearted hoovers.. the reason why? I just had stopped playing their rules of the game a while back. I JUST WASN'T in such a good source of supply in that way anymore! (Considerate it an inadvertant compliment.. you STOOD FOR SOMETHING instead of falling for anything again... They know they're going to have to go find someone else to play their little "I do all the taking and you do all the giving" game)
And the I come and go as I please no questions asked no lies told code they live by.
This is happening to
Me now
The supply he left me for kicked him out
Now he sent me texts apologized to me
I don’t respond!!!!
Don’t!!!
Really appreciate your keeping it real, Jess!
It’s very important to take ourselves apart and understand what’s really going on, in order to heal and to live in peace with ourselves.
It is a really difficult situation with many feelings at the same time. One day I want hoover I miss him, and I hope maybe he can change. Another day, I am happy, I am letting go and I realize that I don't need a hoover. I thought he was the love of my life. We just need to accept that they are not the ones, we have to let go of, which sometimes hurts the most. But we have to keep going and healing.
I've had to block my partner's number a few times and Jess I gotta say, I took the high road and did what's called a ho'oponopono prayer to try and heal myself and even prayed for her. if you can send love to a manipulative person then that means you have a lot of inner strength and compassion for broken people.
And that's how you attract the narcissist.
The prayer works I still do it after 3 years very healing
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I love your channel, Jess!!! Thank you for being so REAL and not sugarcoating things!
Love that you keep 👏 it 👏 real 👏. Yes! This is exactly what we need to hear! It’s not all “unicorn kisses!” Love your videos!
"Someone's dead...the dog's dead... (Oh, damn.)..."
I appreciate you not sugar coating this. this is real. ty Jess
Keep doing what you do Jess. ❤️ your channel and ❤️ your delivery! You are amazing.
Having a PFA and getting it extended, has definitely helped with no contact.
You are spot on with the blocking issue. I HATE just cutting off anyone.
Well I got blocked after being discarded and replaced, so there you go (5th time for the discard, first time where the blocking is concerned though).
Same. ghosted and blocked and they moved in with new supply.
I need so much help with my situation. Blocking causes me anxiety. I true-life know running from him is best . Honestly I have listened to sp my. Ur videos are so real
I believe he turned me into a Narc, I've been hoovering for two years post him leaving me. It scares me. In the beginning he always broke up with me and always eventually hoovered me. I have to say, he's done for good and I'm trying really hard to at least feel indifference towards him like he does me. It takes time to grieve and two years grieving from a four year relationship can truly take a toll on a person. It really hurts knowing the man I truly loved is completely over me, all because of my insanity to push him over the edge. He hasn't responded in 8 months now. Signed sick and tired and really hurting.
Ouch. Ya I 'hoovered' her I guess 🤷 too.
Felt bad for the fragile broken little girl who didn't grow up to stand for herself and not drain others for life.
I’m right there with you. These people will make you crazy and have you doing crazy behavior. It’s okay. Take a deep breath. How’s it going now?
I think blocking works in most cases or even changing your number , especially if the narc is so demented enough to blacklisted your phone.
Yet again you are on point I got one a few months ago with the scripted dialogue and was like "naw I'm good".
My ex narc actually had an emoji that was a caricature of themselves, and it said "pay attention to me"
1.5 yr together. Many Hoovers. Totally blocked him. Every month flowers were delivered. 6mth post discard he was at my door. Politely told him to leave. Never answered the door after that. Snail mail love letters. Texts from random phone numbers. Saw him w his new squeeze & ignored them . The following nite He burst thru my unlocked door & I Blew up. Told him I’m making a police report. One month later flowers again. It’s been 2 years since discard.. he’s shameless.
I bruised my narc by bringing back every gift he ever got me. I left it at his door and told him he’s an abuser in text. I then blocked him. I haven’t heard from him and I’m a mess. I knew my actions would cause this and he’d be done but damn if I don’t want him to Hoover and we do this all over again. Even though I know this is best. One day at a time.
You'll feel it at the celluar level. It will feel like an anxiety attack,
I love and appreciate all you do woman ...I am not a blocker I let it go on for years. Sometimes it was years, Sometimes not. I seen her for the last time 12 days before she died in a car accident. I now know I should have shut the door for good. I was way to emotional for the time we were apart....(No more pain please)!!!!!!
My ex is terminally ill and we ended on a huge row and walking away, I do wonder how I will feel when he dies, but I know I made the right decision to go he was getting worse and worse and cheating on me too, so I will not reproach myself when his time comes, he made my life a misery.
My fiance of 6yrs killed himself after o ran away and he ended up moving into the same building I in 3doors up then he tried hoover me and just as I told him I'll be friends nothing else I already found him dead 3times in 1 wk when I did live with him 6yrs later I ran after getting ambulance 3times in 1wk they saved his life. He would do silent Treatment for days I remember waking on egg shells around him in his silence. He knew I lost my 1st fiance of 12yrs Thomas I loved him and he died in my arms of sudden adult death syndrome 33yrs old and I think larwarce was Trying to recreate the same life and death situation was to trauma bond me .
Well he died when I went shop came back and I wax told he was dead suicide.
Its 4yrs since I live alone with my dog
I'm 37yrs old no kids and when I lost my baby thats when Larwance blamed me for miscarriage.
I went through sickness c.o.p.d lung disease. I ended up in hospital every 3 to 6wks
P.t.s d anxiety and now I am studying psychology and wanting to help myself rather than others because my twin sis and mother are narks too
My mum home was set on fire over me and my twin refused the nark to go out with him he petrol bombed our home in bed we was 3 women and a baby escaped from our home in flames smoke he stalked our house. We was so scared.
He s locked up now murder rape 11yrz crazy. We didn't get him arrested af the time as the police he had has friends too fooled.
Crazy
You helped me a lot today. I have to admit that it has been bothering me that the hoovering has stopped; as absurd as that sounds. Not because I want to get back together in any way with that person. Just that I have been wondering, what changed. I feel better now that I have sorted through this. Thank you very much.
I totally blocked him in every way. I even left a nice group I was in where I met him through"mutual friends" yeah right off the bat...barely two weeks he wanted me to "move in" for a trial period!!
My ex narc has new supply and married her a few months ago. (Downgrade.) I have never been more relieved. However, I'm suddenly getting odd calls and texts since about the time they got married, so idk if it's related. I'm just happy to know I shouldn't have the potential for a hoover until he blows this 3rd marriage and divorces. I've got plenty of time to enjoy my peace of mind for the time being.
I never got a Hoover after I finally left him.
You haven't waited long enough. Don't wait, keep moving forward!
My ex Narc lost his parents within 2 months of each other and he used this to reach out to me, I was sympathetic and listened to him, it was difficult to not engage. He started to call almost daily and I felt out of control again, I had to block him on everything and he is now bothering our teenage son, I wish he would just find someone and move on
You are right I don't block. He had me blocked but I've been unblocked for 3 wks but he isn't talking. Ugh
Oh! buy the way, I am angry and glad of it!
Anger is healthy n a part of
1. Being human
2. The grieving process.
3. Not a deadly sin.
I refuse to allow society to blame shift me for being angry at deplorable abuse and malicious behavior.
Love,
An angry SiStar n proud of my anger.
Frankly, immorality pisses me off girl.
I adore your bluntness. Thank you for being you and producing awesome content. I'm on the fence about wanting and not wanting a hoover...it's pretty terrifying either way.
Trust me, you don’t want it! That’s just the trauma bond talking, don’t mind it.
Another great video 👌 Thank you for being “REAL” Jess ❤️
Im using all your videos. implementing them all. I am messsing with him now. 20 yrs is a long tome... looking back i cant he was with me so long. cause wed axtually fight... I guess i was intertainong!!lolololol I love your videos
I was hoovered in S Valentine’s Day with a card saying I miss you and an horrible bouquet of flowers that he left in the concierge of my building . I wrote a tex saying him thank you for the flowers and I wish you well . Bye ¡ I did not want to continue the relationship with him , but whisking him the best .
I blocked him later . I am so happy , now , in my life . Any way , I am sure he will never Hoover me again . Totally sure .
Thank you for the reading Jess .
Sometimes Narcs sit right next to you inside an empty movie theater. The outright damn nerve of them.
Honestly i have moved on with my ex fiancé narc but I didn’t block him like others advice. But then knowing he blocked me somehow it pinched mu heart thats why i am here again watching videos of you. I mean whatever happens to him I still wish him good life. Thats all.🤷🏻♀️😁
Triangulating hovering....when the ex narc brings someone to a place she knows you'll be at.
I like your channel very much. I'm going to continue my learning...
I am greatful that we have terminology for this now. I don't call anyone a narcissist. I'm not a professional. That being said if they check all the boxes ,well, if it looks like a duck! I did predict the hoover and got one. I like being able to know what move they are in and possibly what to expect next. They do follow a pattern. With these tools I'm not caught up in their game near as bad. I have room to respond and run. Good point on just because they hoover they want you back, NOT! They want their drug of choice "supply. Your right if nothing changes, nothing changes. These people are evil.They are dangerous. I like my recovery raw! I hear it better!👍Thanks. I do block during times I feel like their "wack a moos" will affect my mental state. Emotions really screw with my executive functions.
Exactly! And thank you very much!!
I really like what you're saying, and I should only like to add that even in they do have a seemingly endless cache of NARC supply, they may hoover you out of sheer boredom with who's available to them, NOW, in the present moment.
When I would get standoffish with mine, she used to hoover me with, "Hey. Come on over for a few drinks."
And like a sap, I would go over. Only to see that there were 2, 3, sometimes 4 other guys already there.
I've heard them all before trust me I'm Learning Life is to short to play games Thank You for this information
The closest I got to a hoover was my youngest stepson passing a message from his dad that I could visit him in hospital (for one of his heart procedures). I thanked my stepson and asked him to refrain from giving me messages from his dad, which he has honored. Also, during the relationship, the now-ex would rage and/or be silent for days and then suddenly would say: “I have been taking you for granted for all that you do” - a kind of “hoover”. Frankly, I’m glad he hasn’t hoovered. I don’t need that crap!
By the time I left him, I was SO DONE that I could do the “please don’t pass on messages to me about him” to my stepsons and my daughter, who were all attempting to be in a relationship with him. (He could put on a charming “dad” vibe with each of them, poor people, and turn around and treat them like sh**!)
I agree that we are all individual in how our life experiences have impacted us. If someone wants to block or doesn’t, that is totally up to that person.
Personally, I’m in the “real life” category now and I appreciate matter-of-fact videos like yours, Jess. Thank you.
I’ve learned I have to block. Don’t look in the rear view mirror. That’s not where I’ve going.
Thank you for this.
My pleasure!
Don’t block the you’ll always wander if they did try to call you. I want that door open so I can choose not to respond or hear their sad story and say sorry you made your bed enjoy sleeping in it alone. ✌️
Good word Jess
I feel seen every time I listen to your videos. THANK YOU
This video was very helpful. I left him, did nothing to get me back, no apology.. About 15 days later he wrote a message saying how I wronged him by not keeping my promise to give him some money and to never contact him again because he will not answer.. But the strangest thing is that he also wrote “I wish you find the love you want” he even made an apology about saying nasty things about me. 😳 I found this to be totally out of character. Can someone give me some ideas. I think he found someone else that’s why..
I love your honesty.
Great that's all I need. My Birthday is in April. I'll have to be vigilant and on my game. I'm loving my Freedom too much. Thanks Jess 😊 👍💪❤
Mine used to send me songs. Changed my number, blocked him on Facebook, so he sent them through email.
Hahaha oh girl.
Once the narcos dirty little secret replacement sent me exey narco and her dirty little secrets TH-cam channel so I can listen to him serenading her a love song.
She was SOOO excited, bc after all, Narco wrote it for her.
But that love song was one he wrote for me, and I wrote the hook, when we were married.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.
All these musician Narcs are just so predictable.
I have over 2000 emails from him. I tried to block him there too but it goes into spam. However finally I can read them and laugh at how ridiculous he is instead of be triggered.
I get disturbing messages. It is good to know where his head is at so I can protect myself. The guy wants me dead.
They used cancer on me. But the tumor was benign and removed. But still, my brother in law “has cancer” and I am heartless.
Hahaha.
Girl u had me laughing my ass off.
I got myself so outta his life but every 3 months like clockwork, I get a Hoover via
1. Sock puppet accounts on my new sosh
2 Restricted or blocked number phone calls on my new number.
3. His Po Po family following me in the Po Po cars.
4 His I got Daddys truck, she won't know it's me, drive bys.
5. His holiday greeting cards left on my windshield minus a signature.
6 Even him gatemaster, taking tickets - mastering my favorite event n high school friends he despised.
7 I even get his dirty secret replacement visiting my live streams.
I ignore it all.
But I do document everything.
Dates times video pictures and send it off to big gun agencies outside my jurisdiction bc Narco has family in law n judiciary here.
These Sicko Psychos are mentally ill
Best protect oneself and stay far away from them.
Ya can't get well if ur allowing poison in ur life.
Thanks Jess.
U Rock.
Thank you so much!!!
@@JessStanley Anytime Jess.
And thank you for all your strength n guidance.
Love, a SiStar Goddess of Badassery too 👑
Laughter is the best medicine! 😊
@@m998hmmwv7 yes isn't it so freeing when you can truly laugh again? When you laugh those belly aching, rib hurting laughter's of freedom. That's when you truly know these people can never affect your beautiful you ever again. No matter what they try to throw at you, you really could see it so clearly as these weak cowardly little children. I freaking love to laugh. I Love The Way laughter feels. I have so many more happy days now that I'm narc free. I have even had so many people tell me I am so funny and have a great sense of humor. So yes I agree. Laughter has been one of the most beautiful medicine!!
My ex has cancer stage 4 lung cancer. He lost his mother in October 2021 . He disrespected me and you name it he did it. I feel guilty for leaving him but I just couldn’t take his verbal abuse anymore. I want to call him and just check on him. I’m starting to feel like I’m the narcissist.
It's normal to feel guilty about leaving. That choice is up to you.
However, keep in mind that if you had been respected and treated better you wouldn't WANT to walk away.
Their actions cause your reaction.
@@JessStanley thank you so much you are truly a beautiful blessing. Thank you for helping me heal.
Great presentation Jess…thanks for your insight and wisdom…
Keep the videos coming please. You’ve helped me so much
So I left him 3 months again and I have had no contact we do have a son together but he has done this in the past when my son was 3 months old I left him because of how abusive he is he disappeared for 4 years then begged to see him and we got into Argument and he disappeared for another two years then recently came back begging for another try I unfortunately gave in and felt maybe he had changed but he was even more physically and mentally abusive I ended it 3 months now he has disappeared again , why does he do this ?
I don't expect a hoover I did walk away told him I have a new guy. I wish he would reach out. But he has a supply that will bow to him
Great info
Thank you so MUCH!!!!!
My bpd or npd ex-girlfriend told me I was going to he'll. And I said no I'm not both Odin and Thor told me im going to Valhalla! 😂
I think allowing a narcissist to hoover, however he does it, just prolonged the hurt . Save his last message where the masks slips and play or read it every so often as a sharp reminder why you left the toxic relationship, this works especially well if it was a romantic one and you fell in love with him .Shoot one last but short arrow at him, block and move on. Every day it gets a little better .
He will never hoover me because after 35 years I know all of his games and manipulations!!
Can I ask what made you stay for 35 years? Only asking cos I was with mine a year and that involved physical abuse, calling the police on him, cheating etc, and that was only a year. He’s been with this new supply 2 years and I’m so confused how he’s making it work for 2 years. So intrigued to know how some make it last so long, or why the supply stays that long? :) x
@@laaaah4577 we met in high school and married at 18. He was never physically abusive in any way. He’s a covert narcissist!! The rest is just too much to tell.
It’s been 18 months since the break up. I had to be in touch with recently over the selling of a house. The way he treated me was beyond cruel and down right evil. He had the nerve to send me a pic of him and his new girlfriend asking me to happy for them. Is that a Hoover?
If you had to reach out it was more tying up a loose end than it was a hoover, but his HAHA in your face behavior was very transparent.
Yes girl.
Also .... what ur explaining n enduring is called a malice campaign.
It's incredible how they extend this process as long as they possibly can. They want as much money out of the deal, and as much time to try to drain you.
Because they want you to give up n give in.
All I can suggest, is PLEASE get some education and some coaching when you work with a realtor and go through divorce, court, and asset division.
U can get help with this even w retainers.
But shits gotta be done in such an executive manner that you blindsided the narc, his family, the new replacement n the attorneys.
Ya gotta get expert advice from a badass coach who's been through this.
Hugs ❤️
Good luck girl.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
@@JessStanley I wish I had handled it better. Threw some F bombs at him in true Cee Lo Green song fashion. Not my finest moment.
@@SuzieQ7983 Don't be too hard on yourself for being human. Now you know what an ass he'll act like if you have to deal with him again and you can be better prepared.
Dont worry your doing a great job...
My ex pretended to have cancer to get me back smh
Pathetic. 😏😒
jess, you are a good lecturer. im glad i listrn almost everything. and again, class relations are not covered by any of you ibn this quasidark world of narcoses ahaha
class and narcos. luv and class don mix, thats where i would start the class relations monologue:)
OMG, after 6 mnths of being ghosted by the narc, and I not reaching out,he texted me on my work phone line and said "you really changed on me, and I 4give you" I didn't respond, he texted "gm" just yesterday, no response, it's funny he texted me after his buddies seen me looking FABULOUS at a concert, BOI BYE😏
I thank God I was NEVER hovered. New phone #, off all social media, and I moved. No flying monkeys, he had no friends. The only was I could see him is if we meet up by accident. My plan is in place. I will ignore him. Just keep walking away, and don't stop to talk. HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! 🐇🐇🐇🪻🐇🐇
Thank you! I love all angles of this video. You are awesome Jess 💜
Dopest approach to the topic, your casual swearing lulled me into a false sense of security much like my ex narc🤪
Thank you.... I think? Haha
@@JessStanley I'm a weirdo and I just went with it lol, I was just kidding about the false sense of security thing. It just flowed
You are so real....