DO NOT BREAK "NO CONTACT"!!!!!! The moment you do, they will do everything they can to crush and punish you. I am going through that now, healing from a brutal discard and it's soul crushing.
Gosh tell me about it.... Seriously .... They can suck the life out of u with their craziness.... I got rid of him B4 he could do it to me....the minute I found out about his new supply (which I'm sure wasn't even new)😏😏😏 Been a month and honestly I feel very much lighter and at peace rather being stuck in that toxic relationship which drains u mentally and physically🤮🤮🤮
@@garycordle5295 As soon as you set a boundary they will break them. It's a challenge, cause they have to regain control over you, since they see you as an appliance that they own that has begun to malfunction.
The one day bargain... yes! Always held onto a fantasy of a future that was never going to happen. Six years of highs and lows waiting for that magic moment that never came.
Wow….. I still miss the person I first met. I have been so confused!! I am so grateful for the answers I have so desperately been looking for. She was good. Destroyed me all the way around.
You must learn to stop the emotional thinking about them and learn to let go of these toxic people that don't serve you, love yourself and take care of yourself, stay away from these toxic people that don't serve you nothing, the narcissist is nothing but a lie, one thing you need to say to yourself, you deserve better and a better life,we are responsible for our own happiness,you got this 🙏
@@catlady6938 7 YRS. he wont go away. And im looking into therapists to hypnotize me. i freeze if i even think i hear or see him outside. found out 2 days ago he tried to sleep with my friend whos a neighbor and my cousin im close with.
@@onlymeasha6422 o m g, the horror. Trust in the fact that you do not want to feel like this for the rest of your life, it’s no good for you. It’s NOT how you want to live this life.
A relationship with a narcissist is just an illusion. I was married for 25+ years and my wife never cooked breakfast for me. She says to me when asked to cook for me that she hates cooking for me. Narcissists hate love, peace and kindness. They are greedy and selfish. My best support team is my oldest daughter. Thank you for making an invaluable video Jess.
That is so sad to hear. I wish good men can meet good women. I struggled with the pain of narcissistic abuse as I was brought up old school and to love and respect one man only and my heart has been shattered. It is terrible as it has taken me a long time to understand what this all means. Truly scary
My situation is similar to yours; I've been married 15 years and my husband has never cooked anything for me. When asked about it, he says he can cook, but hates to. It is so very painful to be rejected and neglected by someone who you thought you we're going to spend the rest of your life with in harmony with each other... Also, my youngest daughter is my rock (and I am her's)💞
I didn't have to break the addiction - my narcissistic did that for me. On December 17. 2019 he shot himself under his chin killing himself after shoving the barrel of his gun under my chin calling me a cheater and every sucky name. He was ragingly drunk and out of his mind. I just came home from work and I felt trouble. I have been seeing a therapist for CPTSD and PTSD, doing EMDR and I have come a long way so far. I absolutely love your videos and thank you!
Hugs to you. I can’t even imagine. So proud of you for doing the right things to come back from this traumatic event. You are a not only a survivor but a true warrior!
My boundaries/deal breakers have changed immensely since leaving my relationship last July. I will no longer tolerate bullshit for me/my son. I feel empowered, sometimes lonely. I know I made the right decision. Moving forward.
@@chelseawelch3229 yes im discovering the same . It's amazing what we can put up with when lonely then get trapped. I broke no contact yesterday for some closure haha Never going to happen . Hope you are ok and getting strength back .
@@adamgafa1693 I broke no contact a lot the first few months while caring for our infant son. It gets easier. I’m doing much better now that we have a court order in place. Wish you the best.
I don't want to reach out. he is the type that thinks he is perfect. he doesn't need to change. He thought I would come back like I always have. only I havent. I'm butt hurt mostly. that he thought I was not enough. I am enough. but those words he said stuck in my brain like glue....
Damn. My hook was his Big D and the way he respected me in the first dates,it was also the weirdest feeling in the world that he gave me:Jealousy. I was stayed there too long just to get treated right just like his ex..and now I know not only he didn’t love anyone,he also can’t even like himself..he was asking me why do I like him in the first place. I don’t think that I can ever want somebody ever again.I’m too busy wanting myself back. And I won’t be the same person when I pass through this horror story of my life
Hey Jess just wanna let you know how much your videos saved me.5 months of no contact from my ex narc , after he discarded me , I still listen to all of your videos everyday and every night. It makes me feel stronger especially when I feel like Im weak and blame myself from everything that had happened to me . I wanna THANK YOU for all the efforts. Please dont stop and continue to make do making videos like this.
" The truth will set you free" really applies with a narcissist, these are unbelievably cruel and nasty people, not the fantasy character they created when you first met them, that was just a trap
I’m stuck in this phase but I keep telling myself I’m in a relationship to myself he’s not there yet my mind imagine he’s there...totally need more things to do
Omg this says it all to me for my current situation. It’s been so hard to get him out of my head. He loves keeping me in a fog and broken. Thank you so much Jenn
It was never real it was nothing but a illusion in I myself consider it a lie, that's all it ever was is a lie, nothing but time waisters that's all they will ever be.👍 up Jess and Happy mother's day to all the mother's out there.
"You have to get uncomfortable to feel comfortable until you're not uncomfortable anymore." I love that quote Jess! Moreover, you're right about expressing your emotions & how you truly feel. You have to embrace that pain. Like the saying goes "No pain, no gain" not "No pain=comfort."
What is getting me through is knowing that God removed me from the relationship because he has so much better for me. I don’t know about anyone else but my ex narc was so effing boring! I had to sneak alcohol just to be able to deal w him lol 😂
I am so grateful for you and your channel. You're knowledge has helped me in my healing process, and in my growing process. You have been such a blessing to me. Thank you so much my fellow survivor 💜
ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH A NARCISSIST: ME: You were trying to meet “Liam” while we were together and you were telling me I was the only one! NARCISSIST: Yeah, but that was before I knew all “Liam” wanted was money! ME: WTF?!?!?
Thank you Jess! You are part of my support team! Writing out that letter is what changed my perspective. I needed this. I didn't realize how much I cared for someone who disrespected me so much. I was wanting to believe in the good treatment instead, thinking that is what I am deserving. I didn't deserve the mistreatment at all. I felt like I had to accept the bad to be able to get the package of having a relationship. I allowed him to set the bar because I never got that much attention from a man. I am still grieving that loss, but writing it down made it an act of compassion for myself. I needed to have compassion for myself for not knowing better at the time. I wrote all the points and will be following it.💖
Jess every single thing you said was spot-on I am going to listen to this like over and over again until it sinks in! Thank you for being so passionate in this quest to help us all get through mess and come out stronger and more powerful in the long run!
I had a dream about my narcissist years after the discard. He is blocked and I haven’t talked with him in years. This is called the spiritual Hoover. The narcissist can not contact you in real life so they pray on you at your most vulnerable state. When you are asleep you are at your most valuable state. Now I find myself thinking of my narcissist. He only used me for sex and I understand that but he did this for years off and on. It’s taken me along time to get over him and understanding that I wasn’t the problem. I wasn’t special I was easy to manipulate and looking back now I understand he just wanted me for sex. I just don’t think it’s right I had to go through all the devaluing. I’m at a great point in my life trying to get on the right track and take care of me and my needs. Thank you for your videos! 💕
My hook was him saving me from a different toxic situation I was in. Little did I know, walking into more of the same. The horror. And so...I must learn to take care of self, it’s just that I’d already lived that way a long long time and want to feel connected more with another on deep level. So what is my hook? Help me. I know I can fix it myself if I can just grasp what it truly is.
I feel everything you feel …I love the narcissist That I first met…..but it has taken all my attention and happiness…..then the unhappiness I dealt with surfaced and I know I did the best thing leaving this selfish self centered sly user…..which kept me walking on eggs…..and put me through days of silent treatments until I kissed his butt and gave in to what he wanted
She was the love of my life! She said I was her soulmate. 2yrs. Later we have a beautiful 8 month old daughter & they're gone! She says I never wanted to be a dad. It was all I ever wanted!
I've suffered from erotomanic delusions with her for 8 years, and the reality I was in denial about was that she's had a boyfriend the whole time. I had to snap myself out of the delusion that her and I would ever be together.
Amazing how a narcissist can control you from afar. We spent 3 hours together in the same state and the rest was texts, calls, e-mails etc from our home states. I let him hoodwink me 3 times in the past 11 years. Now I get it. He's incapable of a mature relationship, even a friendship. Totally incapable.
Jess thank you for the videos. It is so true it’s fantasy vs reality. She doesn’t want me to leave yet sees two others one she claims is a friend only but he is at her house daily. I said I am done I am out and get how hard it is to leave. Run don’t walk and you will find happiness instead of a fantasy that will never happen.
I can hear the understanding in your voice, you get this. I don't think I've grieved him like a death, and I need to. I feel like an old version of me is stuck inside of me. I left my ex 10 years ago, I met my current partner 9 years ago. I only had a year between the two. It was a big year of growth, but only a year. I feel so sad because my current partner - who is so loving, and truly a partner in life - has to be with someone who is still processing this shit. I am exhausted. I am so tired of caring about someone I left 10 years ago. It makes me sick. I didn't know I was in a trauma bond until this year, and processing this has been a lot. And I haven't heard of anyone who also has had to deal with this type of situation YEARS later, while in a very different and healthy relationship.
I believe it is the adrenaline shot of the fight/flight that we mistakenly associate with them. If you have had traumas earlier in life you may have gotten used to heightened adrenaline levels as a norm and so you could be attracted to it in an unhealthy way. I just this minute decided I was being childish by blocking the narc that tried to ruin my life on my phone, so I unblocked them. Within seconds, I started to feel anxious, nervous and for the first time, I was conscious of the adrenaline "rush" that had begun. So I decided to re-block them and it subsided again within a couple of minutes. I think I've just learned something, it is defo "like" an addiction, the adrenaline rush... DO NOT BREAK NO CONTACT. You MUST get your homeostasis back onto a reasonable low level again and if that means cutting someone that pushes all your buttons out, then so be it. Plus I personally believe there is a literal demonic element to narcissism and so the Holy Spirit could well have been warning me that I was inviting evil back in and that is NEVER a good idea. So what if she thinks I am being childish, she is the uncaring one with the emotional intelligence of a 3 year old!
Thank you Jess. For months I have been stuck in limbo, trying to break free of my involvement in a limbo of being fed hope and breadcrumbs from my narc ex who was using different mindgame techniques to both hurt me but also keep me around waiting for him by feeding me hope that perhaps one day we may or may not reconcile and in a constant state of confusion where I felt I couldn't move on as I wanted to find better people because I was made to feel like there was hope he might want me back by sending mixed signals and words that both did and didn't give hope at the same time. I feared moving on from him and didn't want preferred not to even though I knew I needed to, due to the hope of getting back together which I feared I would jeopardise if I stopped waiting around for him and moved on and told him what I really thought. But I don't believe he ever really did want me back again anyway as a partner. I think he knew there was no hope for me. He probably made me think this to mindgame me and keep me in his life for his own selfish reasons. I finally blocked him last night after coming to the end of my tether with how he affected mentally and how my life had come to a standstill as I had given him the power by telling him that my decision to either wait around for him or move on from him hinged on whether or not he ever came to a decision on whether or not he wanted me back. But I was at a stalemate for a long time and staying stuck in a waiting around situation as I didn't have the courage to make the decision for myself and wanted him to make it so it was easier for me to know what to do. But I don't think I was ever going to get that from him. Now that I did it and got him out of my life, I'm starting to weaken already and wonder if by blocking him and telling him how I really feel about him, I may have sabotaged my chances of getting back together with him in case he still loved me and was perhaps thinking of getting back together. But people say they don't think he wanted that anyway and that I shouldn't want him back anyway. I felt so strong for kicking him out of my life last night and so good about myself and my victory over him, but today I'm already wondering if I did the right thing. I dont want to weaken to him now or the cycle will never stop and I've now been with 2 narcs in a row, but unlike the first one, this one mindgamed too much and wouldn't let me escape from the psychological prison he kept me in. We both still use the same app and I enjoy using it and don't know if I should delete it to stop myself from being tempted to check on him or message him or in case he messages or hurts me using it. Should i get rid of it and allow those reasons to chase me off it or not? And am I giving him too much power and not being strong enough myself? Am I right to think that perhaps I sabotaged my chances with him by blocking him in case he was going to ask me back as a partner or am I just deluding myself because it was probably all just a game where he gave false hope for his own gain and would never get back together with me anyway in spite of saying he didn't know all the time and maybe, he just didn't know yet?
I hope you've stayed strong; it's been 2 weeks since you wrote to Jess. I know it's so very difficult, confusing, so painful...and I made many mistakes. Do everything you can to have ZERO contact with him; you did not sabotage yourself from having a relationship with you. Narcs enjoy and find pleasure in emotionally destroying. The weaker you are, the more "fun" it is for them. He would prefer to have you in a puddle of hurt. I'm sorry but it's probably true with your dude. It's been 3+ years since I left my ex Narc. I don't regret a moment...my problem is that I ruminate about how much I'd like to see him hurt, destroyed, emotionally tortured. You see, I have more work to do. Sending you a warm hug.
@@pj3034 He repeatedly tries to play headgames to confuse me by blocking and unblocking me periodically. He’s psychopathic too, it seems. Loves to cause drama and conflict. The narcissist doesn’t come as a devil with horns, but as everything you ever wished for in a partner. That’s the whole trick they use to hook us. Charlatans...These videos are of a huge comfort and help to me going through this. I let him not only hurt me too much whilst we were together, but even after the breakup I allowed him to waste too much of my valuable time and headspace on him. He’s not worth it. I’m going to continue healing from the aftermath of the traumabond with the help of these videos. I now look forward to a brighter future and am embracing the idea of finding a real kind of love in a partner who truly loves me the way I deserve. I almost pity him because he will never know what it feels like to truly love someone and I could leave him behind, but unfortunately for him, he will never be able to get away from himself. He will forever sabotage relationships and push people away and hurt them. It must be scary to live with the heart and soul of a monster and not even know it. These people might get better if they sought professional help for narcissism, but the idea of them taking accountability for or seeing fault in themselves goes against their very nature. But to the rare minority who do have enough about them to recognise this about themselves, and wish to seek help, I salute them for having the capacity for introspection and remorse, unlike many others, and wish them all the best on their journeys of self discovery and for happier lives. Sadly I have had the bad luck to find myself in two narcissistic relationships in a row now. Hopefully my luck will change. It takes so much out of you.
I did reach out once I knew what I was going through. Yes, I suddenly consented to her demands yet upon delivering goods to her as she expected 100%. I instead blocked her leaving her texts without any reply and erased her off all social media platforms. I still miss her and she probably Knows. But, I have no reason to ever contact her again. Very dangerous games. No need!
I made the mistake of breaking no contact. Boy was that a mistake. I’m experiencing a major set back. And now I’m grieving over the loss of my marriage. He will never take accountability for anything and makes me feel guilty. Now I’m feeling exhausted. It literally drained my energy talking to him.
Great Show Jess !! With me sometimes you dont want to let go and you Ruminate about maybe she will come back and this is almost like in my mind I am still in a relationship .
@jessstanley Thank you! This has been one of the best motivational videos I have seen soo far. Thank you for all these videos. They are helping me through the pain. 🙏
Thank you needed to hear this. I am struggling with staying away from the narcissist i have been with for 4 years. Its been back and forth with him. It needs to end once and for all. The hard part, we live behind each other. Makes it very difficult. Have no friends here. Moved to where he has lived most of his life. So he has friends. I am in such pain and have done all you said. Have told him my feelings etc. He did not care of course.
Thanks for this. Jess I am shamelessly addicted to the Love Bombing! I love it! ... Because it never goes anywhere and there are stacks of these 'Dumb Asses Wearing Crowns' [Narcissist Chronicles teaches this!] ! I have put together from you and from other experts a few scientific bits. I understood from The Royal We that there is an actual 'addiction' to the sudden extreme temporary chaotic Love Bombing energy of narcs. Kevin said it is an actual addiction. Love and Harmony had researched the actual brain structure of the narcissist. She said that physiologically narcissists have serious problems with Dopamine Receptors. She said the science sees them with Dopamine Receptors that are always 'flat'. That is why they are 'always bored'. So they are deficient neurologically on Dopamine [I thought this all made sense!]. She said however, their Dopamine Receptors are 'Hyper Arousal'. When they find a source of 'excitement' they go from zero to a hundred in a second. Hence the Love Bombing and Chaotic Extreme Energy that is so 'attractive' and extreme - but low in sustenance as they 'get bored' again. She said they also transmit 'Hyper Arousal' to us so we become Hyper Aroused. So it becomes, as Royal We said is 'Addictive' because it is extreme and exciting. Kevin is like Dr. George Simon and Dr. Cloud they all see that Teachings of Christ are directly and explicitly about boundaries. Christ was the Anti-Narcissist. So Kevin was saying that the 'addiction' is actually to 'The Devil'. Narcissist Love Bombing/Hyper Arousal is actually leading us away from 'Christ' [or 'Internal Locus of Control' that Peace and Harmony said] to 'External Locus of Control'... Wow all you people together on this vague subject of the Narcissists are bringing us to incredible clarity on what we are dealing with...But I am really naughty on the Love Bombing, it is fun...but BECAUSE it goes nowhere and is exciting and fun... Thanks for these videos...I'll try to 'wean' myself away! ; ) K
I absolutely loved this video! It was the best advice all in one shot. I will be checking in and listening to this repeatedly while I heal. Thank you Jess!
I have watched basically all your videos and let me tell you… This is the one… THIS IS THE ONE! All of them are awesome but there is no words to fully explain this one. It hits ALL levels of where an individual may be on with their journey of overcoming narcissistic abuse. I have so been through the ups and downs and ins and out of it and still have my moments (which is why I’m here learning lol) and I can say that with the on set of learning what I was dealing with and doing therapy, watching the videos and implementing them into my life has made a TREMENDOUS change in not only my life but my kids❤️. I lost A LOT of connections to relatives (my dad is a Narc and because I chose not to accept his behavior, I’ve basically been “outcasted” from majority of his family🤷🏾♀️), toxic friends, and definitely my ex (who was the 2.0 version of my dad lol). BUT what I stepped back and realized is I gained PEACE🧘🏾♀️ and now, moving forward, those individuals have no choice but to acknowledge that I HAVE BOUNDARIES THAT ARE NOT TO BE BROKEN☺️… Thank You so much Jess for the dedication and work you put in to helping others like myself👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Thank you for this video. I was going crazy acting the way you describe behavior I was doing. Now I understand. Been doing the suggestions you listed and it works ☺️. It's been 3wks I had no contact . It's hard when this person is a coworker. I see their behavior you describe the person will do.
Indeed, in fact I won’t even allow myself to like where I live now or enjoy new things with different people that love me. I stay stuck in a false hope of sorts knowing I didn’t like it anyway and I left.
I am so glad I came across your channel... After being in relationships with narcissists you have given me all the answers I had been looking for all these years... God bless you Jess... ❤️
My support team is my mother and brother. Did a surprise exit and came to visit my family for a while. Been no contact for 59 days. The narc finally stopped trying to contact any of us a couple of days ago. Hopefully she has moved on to new supply....
He's been a supporter of everything I've been doing while she's been trying to sabotage everything I've been working towards. I said I was going to start a business that revolves around God, dogs, and guns. I was 2/3 of the way there and just finished my master gunsmithing course recently. Talked with my counselor at the VA today and have a job lined up. She would rather watch me die than see me succeed. I'm going to keep pressing forward and thanking God every step of the way.
omg! Twinning personified. Its like you've been watching my every move and thought for the past 3 months. Identical, emotions. I need to get where you are cuz right now Im barely holding on.
I am experiencing this gang stalking obsession right now and it has been almost TWO years of being stalked, and if you have experienced this then can you share with me how you escaped!? The narcissists' weird ways I believe are controlled via technology. I reflect about how the gang stalkers must really value my every move and insignificant sigh/ or misplaced items, etc, etc. I agree that the gang stalkers are low value creatures filled with self- hatred.... I will practice efforts of perseverance, strength and understanding and healing and growth, and any point of justice
I’m struggling to stay away from calling her she blocked me everywhere we have a beautiful little girl together which I love her so much, I still send money to her hoping that one day she will treat me little bit better then before, now I can’t see my daughter which is hardest thing in my life, sometimes I feel like I wish I could’ve done little bit more and then when I remember I’m free I feel little happy I really don’t know what to do I’m all over the place, I cry a lot and I thought about killing myself then I remember my daughter needs me I need a help
Please please look up Melanie Tonia Evans "narcissist abuse recovery program" . it's self paced 10 modules and recover you in as fast as few weeks. It is extremely affordable and with you for life. You also get for support group and members like me. Please check her out on TH-cam . It has saved my life. It
I could use a little advice. I got catfish by a narcissist bro love that’s not that big of a deal my problem is now I go hunt this person on other I NFJ young female channels because he prays on them with mine games and I feel drawn to go give these girls a heads up And give him the middle finger in the process I know that feeds the beast even negative energy still feeds them I get it but my concern lies with the prey not the predator and I know at the end of the day there’s nothing I can do but the Boy Scout in me has a hard time turning a blind eye any advice is much appreciated thank you
DO NOT BREAK "NO CONTACT"!!!!!! The moment you do, they will do everything they can to crush and punish you. I am going through that now, healing from a brutal discard and it's soul crushing.
Yes I did the same thing about 3 months ago. Felt like everything gonna be ok second chance and then the lies and discard. I'm traumatized still.
Thank you for your comment .. be strong .. self/ love .. remember you are everything .. you are enough
Gosh tell me about it.... Seriously .... They can suck the life out of u with their craziness....
I got rid of him B4 he could do it to me....the minute I found out about his new supply (which I'm sure wasn't even new)😏😏😏
Been a month and honestly I feel very much lighter and at peace rather being stuck in that toxic relationship which drains u mentally and physically🤮🤮🤮
Narcissists punish you for any boundaries you try to put up
Boundaries are nothing but challenge fuel to them, that's all.
And that’s when you love self over others and walk away.
@@garycordle5295 As soon as you set a boundary they will break them. It's a challenge, cause they have to regain control over you, since they see you as an appliance that they own that has begun to malfunction.
@@brendakauffman2222 yeap it's challenge fuel to them, that's all, this is why you goso get out stay out 👍
I saaseexz Seed seed Ed’s
The one day bargain... yes! Always held onto a fantasy of a future that was never going to happen. Six years of highs and lows waiting for that magic moment that never came.
Exactly - it never happend that moment or moments. Surprized? Not anymore. But I'm FREE nowadays - Good for me 💕👍
Amazing to be punished, ridiculed, basically destroyed and still want this person😩. Thank you......one day at a time😊
Wow….. I still miss the person I first met. I have been so confused!! I am so grateful for the answers I have so desperately been looking for. She was good. Destroyed me all the way around.
i NEEDED this. He contacted me last night and i had a full anxiety attack. im sick to my stomach, i dont sleep, i dont eat.
😢😢😢😢😢
Bless you, mine contacted me yesterday and my anxiety came back too. I have ended it but not sure he will eventually go away.
You must learn to stop the emotional thinking about them and learn to let go of these toxic people that don't serve you, love yourself and take care of yourself, stay away from these toxic people that don't serve you nothing, the narcissist is nothing but a lie, one thing you need to say to yourself, you deserve better and a better life,we are responsible for our own happiness,you got this 🙏
@@catlady6938 7 YRS. he wont go away. And im looking into therapists to hypnotize me. i freeze if i even think i hear or see him outside. found out 2 days ago he tried to sleep with my friend whos a neighbor and my cousin im close with.
@@onlymeasha6422 o m g, the horror.
Trust in the fact that you do not want to feel like this for the rest of your life, it’s no good for you. It’s NOT how you want to live this life.
A relationship with a narcissist is just an illusion. I was married for 25+ years and my wife never cooked breakfast for me. She says to me when asked to cook for me that she hates cooking for me. Narcissists hate love, peace and kindness. They are greedy and selfish. My best support team is my oldest daughter. Thank you for making an invaluable video Jess.
Thanks Papa Smurf 😂❤
That is so sad to hear. I wish good men can meet good women. I struggled with the pain of narcissistic abuse as I was brought up old school and to love and respect one man only and my heart has been shattered. It is terrible as it has taken me a long time to understand what this all means. Truly scary
@@KimDuffield123 I share your sentiments.
@@Anna.Loves.MinnieMouse anytime brainy Smurf
My situation is similar to yours; I've been married 15 years and my husband has never cooked anything for me. When asked about it, he says he can cook, but hates to. It is so very painful to be rejected and neglected by someone who you thought you we're going to spend the rest of your life with in harmony with each other... Also, my youngest daughter is my rock (and I am her's)💞
I didn't have to break the addiction - my narcissistic did that for me. On December 17. 2019 he shot himself under his chin killing himself after shoving the barrel of his gun under my chin calling me a cheater and every sucky name. He was ragingly drunk and out of his mind. I just came home from work and I felt trouble.
I have been seeing a therapist for CPTSD and PTSD, doing EMDR and I have come a long way so far. I absolutely love your videos and thank you!
Sending love to you
😔
Omg😢🙏🏿❤
Hugs to you. I can’t even imagine. So proud of you for doing the right things to come back from this traumatic event. You are a not only a survivor but a true warrior!
I’m speechless. Keep taking very good care of yourself....
Getting real tired. Have days where I'm stuck and days where he barely crosses my mind. WHAT IS THIS
I'm waiting for a day when doesn't cross my mind. This trauma bond is nasty. How are you doing now? Peace 🌻
Same … lately he’s been on my mind entirely too much … it’s a working progress
@@erikar.5472 hope you stay strong
It sucks I'm not ok yet.
@@carpathia0117wow same, it’s been 2 years for you, how are you now?
My boundaries/deal breakers have changed immensely since leaving my relationship last July. I will no longer tolerate bullshit for me/my son. I feel empowered, sometimes lonely. I know I made the right decision. Moving forward.
Same , so many red flags and we don't see them .
@@adamgafa1693 I saw the red flags... I just tolerated it because it was familiar to me. I was used to dysfunction.
@@chelseawelch3229 yes im discovering the same . It's amazing what we can put up with when lonely then get trapped. I broke no contact yesterday for some closure haha Never going to happen .
Hope you are ok and getting strength back .
@@adamgafa1693 I broke no contact a lot the first few months while caring for our infant son. It gets easier. I’m doing much better now that we have a court order in place. Wish you the best.
God bless 🙌
I don't want to reach out. he is the type that thinks he is perfect. he doesn't need to change. He thought I would come back like I always have. only I havent. I'm butt hurt mostly. that he thought I was not enough. I am enough. but those words he said stuck in my brain like glue....
💙❤💜
Damn.
My hook was his Big D and the way he respected me in the first dates,it was also the weirdest feeling in the world that he gave me:Jealousy.
I was stayed there too long just to get treated right just like his ex..and now I know not only he didn’t love anyone,he also can’t even like himself..he was asking me why do I like him in the first place.
I don’t think that I can ever want somebody ever again.I’m too busy wanting myself back.
And I won’t be the same person when I pass through this horror story of my life
You are soooooo write about the grieving. I miss who he used to be or could have been..but I recognize he will not change.
Yeah I miss who the pretended to .
Yep agree miss her too the fake one, would have married her...
Hey Jess just wanna let you know how much your videos saved me.5 months of no contact from my ex narc , after he discarded me , I still listen to all of your videos everyday and every night. It makes me feel stronger especially when I feel like Im weak and blame myself from everything that had happened to me .
I wanna THANK YOU for all the efforts. Please dont stop and continue to make do making videos like this.
how r u feeling now?
" The truth will set you free" really applies with a narcissist, these are unbelievably cruel and nasty people, not the fantasy character they created when you first met them, that was just a trap
I’m stuck in this phase but I keep telling myself I’m in a relationship to myself he’s not there yet my mind imagine he’s there...totally need more things to do
You must learn to stop the emotional thinking about them and learn to let go of these toxic people that don't serve you nothing at all 🙏
Omg this says it all to me for my current situation. It’s been so hard to get him out of my head. He loves keeping me in a fog and broken. Thank you so much Jenn
It was never real it was nothing but a illusion in I myself consider it a lie, that's all it ever was is a lie, nothing but time waisters that's all they will ever be.👍 up Jess and Happy mother's day to all the mother's out there.
I processed the loss of myself aswell.
"Time is a non-renewable resource that we cannot get back."
As a pentagenarian, I felt that. 😂🤣😭
[walking it off]
Self care is the best care 😘
"You have to get uncomfortable to feel comfortable until you're not uncomfortable anymore." I love that quote Jess! Moreover, you're right about expressing your emotions & how you truly feel. You have to embrace that pain. Like the saying goes "No pain, no gain" not "No pain=comfort."
You got it wrong. Go beck and listen to it again.
No one I am alone
What is getting me through is knowing that God removed me from the relationship because he has so much better for me. I don’t know about anyone else but my ex narc was so effing boring! I had to sneak alcohol just to be able to deal w him lol 😂
I am so grateful for you and your channel. You're knowledge has helped me in my healing process, and in my growing process. You have been such a blessing to me. Thank you so much my fellow survivor 💜
Me too
ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH A NARCISSIST:
ME: You were trying to meet “Liam” while we were together and you were telling me I was the only one!
NARCISSIST: Yeah, but that was before I knew all “Liam” wanted was money!
ME: WTF?!?!?
Amen 🙏
Thank you Jess! You are part of my support team! Writing out that letter is what changed my perspective. I needed this. I didn't realize how much I cared for someone who disrespected me so much. I was wanting to believe in the good treatment instead, thinking that is what I am deserving. I didn't deserve the mistreatment at all. I felt like I had to accept the bad to be able to get the package of having a relationship. I allowed him to set the bar because I never got that much attention from a man. I am still grieving that loss, but writing it down made it an act of compassion for myself. I needed to have compassion for myself for not knowing better at the time. I wrote all the points and will be following it.💖
Thank you Jess Time does heal with you too
Currently healing from a Harsh Discard. I can’t wait to sign these papers. I’m letting him go along with the fantasies.
Deliverance Minister's are supporting me. 🙏🕊🕊
Jess every single thing you said was spot-on I am going to listen to this like over and over again until it sinks in! Thank you for being so passionate in this quest to help us all get through mess and come out stronger and more powerful in the long run!
I had a dream about my narcissist years after the discard. He is blocked and I haven’t talked with him in years. This is called the spiritual Hoover. The narcissist can not contact you in real life so they pray on you at your most vulnerable state. When you are asleep you are at your most valuable state. Now I find myself thinking of my narcissist. He only used me for sex and I understand that but he did this for years off and on. It’s taken me along time to get over him and understanding that I wasn’t the problem. I wasn’t special I was easy to manipulate and looking back now I understand he just wanted me for sex. I just don’t think it’s right I had to go through all the devaluing. I’m at a great point in my life trying to get on the right track and take care of me and my needs. Thank you for your videos! 💕
My hook was him saving me from a different toxic situation I was in. Little did I know, walking into more of the same.
The horror.
And so...I must learn to take care of self, it’s just that I’d already lived that way a long long time and want to feel connected more with another on deep level.
So what is my hook? Help me. I know I can fix it myself if I can just grasp what it truly is.
Therapy can help you find that out. Sounds like going would be worth it for you.
I feel everything you feel …I love the narcissist That I first met…..but it has taken all my attention and happiness…..then the unhappiness I dealt with surfaced and I know I did the best thing leaving this selfish self centered sly user…..which kept me walking on eggs…..and put me through days of silent treatments until I kissed his butt and gave in to what he wanted
Thanks so much for this Jess. It's been 18 months without him and it's still so hard to let go. Your words really help me x
She was the love of my life! She said I was her soulmate. 2yrs. Later we have a beautiful 8 month old daughter & they're gone! She says I never wanted to be a dad. It was all I ever wanted!
I've suffered from erotomanic delusions with her for 8 years, and the reality I was in denial about was that she's had a boyfriend the whole time. I had to snap myself out of the delusion that her and I would ever be together.
How does that make her a narcissist??!!
Amazing how a narcissist can control you from afar. We spent 3 hours together in the same state and the rest was texts, calls, e-mails etc from our home states. I let him hoodwink me 3 times in the past 11 years. Now I get it. He's incapable of a mature relationship, even a friendship. Totally incapable.
Same im in Edinburgh he was Glasgow....Scotland UK
Jess thank you for the videos. It is so true it’s fantasy vs reality. She doesn’t want me to leave yet sees two others one she claims is a friend only but he is at her house daily. I said I am done I am out and get how hard it is to leave. Run don’t walk and you will find happiness instead of a fantasy that will never happen.
This channel is an absolute gem 💎 Wish I found this earlier. Wasted 3yrs waiting for a narc to change.
stop living on the future and pay attention of the now oops”that hit home real well
I can hear the understanding in your voice, you get this. I don't think I've grieved him like a death, and I need to.
I feel like an old version of me is stuck inside of me. I left my ex 10 years ago, I met my current partner 9 years ago. I only had a year between the two. It was a big year of growth, but only a year. I feel so sad because my current partner - who is so loving, and truly a partner in life - has to be with someone who is still processing this shit. I am exhausted. I am so tired of caring about someone I left 10 years ago. It makes me sick. I didn't know I was in a trauma bond until this year, and processing this has been a lot. And I haven't heard of anyone who also has had to deal with this type of situation YEARS later, while in a very different and healthy relationship.
I believe it is the adrenaline shot of the fight/flight that we mistakenly associate with them. If you have had traumas earlier in life you may have gotten used to heightened adrenaline levels as a norm and so you could be attracted to it in an unhealthy way. I just this minute decided I was being childish by blocking the narc that tried to ruin my life on my phone, so I unblocked them. Within seconds, I started to feel anxious, nervous and for the first time, I was conscious of the adrenaline "rush" that had begun. So I decided to re-block them and it subsided again within a couple of minutes. I think I've just learned something, it is defo "like" an addiction, the adrenaline rush... DO NOT BREAK NO CONTACT. You MUST get your homeostasis back onto a reasonable low level again and if that means cutting someone that pushes all your buttons out, then so be it. Plus I personally believe there is a literal demonic element to narcissism and so the Holy Spirit could well have been warning me that I was inviting evil back in and that is NEVER a good idea. So what if she thinks I am being childish, she is the uncaring one with the emotional intelligence of a 3 year old!
Thank you Jess. For months I have been stuck in limbo, trying to break free of my involvement in a limbo of being fed hope and breadcrumbs from my narc ex who was using different mindgame techniques to both hurt me but also keep me around waiting for him by feeding me hope that perhaps one day we may or may not reconcile and in a constant state of confusion where I felt I couldn't move on as I wanted to find better people because I was made to feel like there was hope he might want me back by sending mixed signals and words that both did and didn't give hope at the same time. I feared moving on from him and didn't want preferred not to even though I knew I needed to, due to the hope of getting back together which I feared I would jeopardise if I stopped waiting around for him and moved on and told him what I really thought. But I don't believe he ever really did want me back again anyway as a partner. I think he knew there was no hope for me. He probably made me think this to mindgame me and keep me in his life for his own selfish reasons. I finally blocked him last night after coming to the end of my tether with how he affected mentally and how my life had come to a standstill as I had given him the power by telling him that my decision to either wait around for him or move on from him hinged on whether or not he ever came to a decision on whether or not he wanted me back. But I was at a stalemate for a long time and staying stuck in a waiting around situation as I didn't have the courage to make the decision for myself and wanted him to make it so it was easier for me to know what to do. But I don't think I was ever going to get that from him. Now that I did it and got him out of my life, I'm starting to weaken already and wonder if by blocking him and telling him how I really feel about him, I may have sabotaged my chances of getting back together with him in case he still loved me and was perhaps thinking of getting back together. But people say they don't think he wanted that anyway and that I shouldn't want him back anyway. I felt so strong for kicking him out of my life last night and so good about myself and my victory over him, but today I'm already wondering if I did the right thing. I dont want to weaken to him now or the cycle will never stop and I've now been with 2 narcs in a row, but unlike the first one, this one mindgamed too much and wouldn't let me escape from the psychological prison he kept me in. We both still use the same app and I enjoy using it and don't know if I should delete it to stop myself from being tempted to check on him or message him or in case he messages or hurts me using it. Should i get rid of it and allow those reasons to chase me off it or not? And am I giving him too much power and not being strong enough myself? Am I right to think that perhaps I sabotaged my chances with him by blocking him in case he was going to ask me back as a partner or am I just deluding myself because it was probably all just a game where he gave false hope for his own gain and would never get back together with me anyway in spite of saying he didn't know all the time and maybe, he just didn't know yet?
I hope you've stayed strong; it's been 2 weeks since you wrote to Jess. I know it's so very difficult, confusing, so painful...and I made many mistakes. Do everything you can to have ZERO contact with him; you did not sabotage yourself from having a relationship with you. Narcs enjoy and find pleasure in emotionally destroying. The weaker you are, the more "fun" it is for them. He would prefer to have you in a puddle of hurt. I'm sorry but it's probably true with your dude. It's been 3+ years since I left my ex Narc. I don't regret a moment...my problem is that I ruminate about how much I'd like to see him hurt, destroyed, emotionally tortured. You see, I have more work to do. Sending you a warm hug.
@@pj3034 He repeatedly tries to play headgames to confuse me by blocking and unblocking me periodically. He’s psychopathic too, it seems. Loves to cause drama and conflict. The narcissist doesn’t come as a devil with horns, but as everything you ever wished for in a partner. That’s the whole trick they use to hook us. Charlatans...These videos are of a huge comfort and help to me going through this. I let him not only hurt me too much whilst we were together, but even after the breakup I allowed him to waste too much of my valuable time and headspace on him. He’s not worth it. I’m going to continue healing from the aftermath of the traumabond with the help of these videos. I now look forward to a brighter future and am embracing the idea of finding a real kind of love in a partner who truly loves me the way I deserve. I almost pity him because he will never know what it feels like to truly love someone and I could leave him behind, but unfortunately for him, he will never be able to get away from himself. He will forever sabotage relationships and push people away and hurt them. It must be scary to live with the heart and soul of a monster and not even know it. These people might get better if they sought professional help for narcissism, but the idea of them taking accountability for or seeing fault in themselves goes against their very nature. But to the rare minority who do have enough about them to recognise this about themselves, and wish to seek help, I salute them for having the capacity for introspection and remorse, unlike many others, and wish them all the best on their journeys of self discovery and for happier lives. Sadly I have had the bad luck to find myself in two narcissistic relationships in a row now. Hopefully my luck will change. It takes so much out of you.
Your quote made me cry, @Jess Stanley.
This is such a good video and I really needed to see it today, thank you so much Jess 💜
Jess you speak so clearly and with conviction .. love listening to you .. you give your all .. 🙏🏽👑❤️
Thank you!
WOW. What a wonderful teaching. You hit every nerve needing to be healed. I will listen everyday for my healing journey. Thank you.
Just something I needed to hear, one day at a time...on point
I did reach out once I knew what I was going through. Yes, I suddenly consented to her demands yet upon delivering goods to her as she expected 100%. I instead blocked her leaving her texts without any reply and erased her off all social media platforms.
I still miss her and she probably Knows. But, I have no reason to ever contact her again.
Very dangerous games. No need!
Excellent message and words to live by - figure out what it is your afraid of losing and learning whatever the hook is. REBUILD YOURSELF!
I made the mistake of breaking no contact. Boy was that a mistake. I’m experiencing a major set back. And now I’m grieving over the loss of my marriage. He will never take accountability for anything and makes me feel guilty. Now I’m feeling exhausted. It literally drained my energy talking to him.
Your Greve statement was the best I've heard. D
Great Show Jess !! With me sometimes you dont want to let go and you Ruminate about maybe she will come back and this is almost like in my mind I am still in a relationship .
@jessstanley Thank you! This has been one of the best motivational videos I have seen soo far. Thank you for all these videos. They are helping me through the pain. 🙏
Thank you needed to hear this. I am struggling with staying away from the narcissist i have been with for 4 years. Its been back and forth with him. It needs to end once and for all. The hard part, we live behind each other. Makes it very difficult. Have no friends here. Moved to where he has lived most of his life. So he has friends. I am in such pain and have done all you said. Have told him my feelings etc. He did not care of course.
Move girl.
I am learning to love myself more every day care and compaction for self.
Need to play this 24/7 bout now.
😵
This is the video I needed. Excellent job. Thank you so much. New sub!
Thank you so much!!
I love you're videos so much. They genuinely make it possible for me to keep no contact.
I'm so glad!
Thanks for this. Jess I am shamelessly addicted to the Love Bombing! I love it! ... Because it never goes anywhere and there are stacks of these 'Dumb Asses Wearing Crowns' [Narcissist Chronicles teaches this!] ! I have put together from you and from other experts a few scientific bits. I understood from The Royal We that there is an actual 'addiction' to the sudden extreme temporary chaotic Love Bombing energy of narcs. Kevin said it is an actual addiction. Love and Harmony had researched the actual brain structure of the narcissist. She said that physiologically narcissists have serious problems with Dopamine Receptors. She said the science sees them with Dopamine Receptors that are always 'flat'. That is why they are 'always bored'. So they are deficient neurologically on Dopamine [I thought this all made sense!]. She said however, their Dopamine Receptors are 'Hyper Arousal'. When they find a source of 'excitement' they go from zero to a hundred in a second. Hence the Love Bombing and Chaotic Extreme Energy that is so 'attractive' and extreme - but low in sustenance as they 'get bored' again. She said they also transmit 'Hyper Arousal' to us so we become Hyper Aroused. So it becomes, as Royal We said is 'Addictive' because it is extreme and exciting. Kevin is like Dr. George Simon and Dr. Cloud they all see that Teachings of Christ are directly and explicitly about boundaries. Christ was the Anti-Narcissist. So Kevin was saying that the 'addiction' is actually to 'The Devil'. Narcissist Love Bombing/Hyper Arousal is actually leading us away from 'Christ' [or 'Internal Locus of Control' that Peace and Harmony said] to 'External Locus of Control'... Wow all you people together on this vague subject of the Narcissists are bringing us to incredible clarity on what we are dealing with...But I am really naughty on the Love Bombing, it is fun...but BECAUSE it goes nowhere and is exciting and fun... Thanks for these videos...I'll try to 'wean' myself away! ; ) K
I made a mistake... I broke NC after 9 months. It was hard to control tje emotional up and downs... then again block her
I have myself as a support. That's it! For the first time I am positive to myself.
Love you Jess. I need your support so bad 🤗🌹❤️
The way I partially did it was "Get ride evil Narcs and their circle and good people will walk in your life"
I absolutely loved this video! It was the best advice all in one shot. I will be checking in and listening to this repeatedly while I heal.
Thank you Jess!
I have watched basically all your videos and let me tell you… This is the one… THIS IS THE ONE! All of them are awesome but there is no words to fully explain this one. It hits ALL levels of where an individual may be on with their journey of overcoming narcissistic abuse. I have so been through the ups and downs and ins and out of it and still have my moments (which is why I’m here learning lol) and I can say that with the on set of learning what I was dealing with and doing therapy, watching the videos and implementing them into my life has made a TREMENDOUS change in not only my life but my kids❤️. I lost A LOT of connections to relatives (my dad is a Narc and because I chose not to accept his behavior, I’ve basically been “outcasted” from majority of his family🤷🏾♀️), toxic friends, and definitely my ex (who was the 2.0 version of my dad lol). BUT what I stepped back and realized is I gained PEACE🧘🏾♀️ and now, moving forward, those individuals have no choice but to acknowledge that I HAVE BOUNDARIES THAT ARE NOT TO BE BROKEN☺️… Thank You so much Jess for the dedication and work you put in to helping others like myself👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I'm broken. Don't care for hope.
This is by far one of the BEST videos on breaking a trauma bond I've watched. Very helpful.
Thank you for this video. I was going crazy acting the way you describe behavior I was doing. Now I understand. Been doing the suggestions you listed and it works ☺️. It's been 3wks I had no contact . It's hard when this person is a coworker. I see their behavior you describe the person will do.
I do struggle with this addiction.
This is the best vid so far for survivors.
Thanks Jess, that was so perfectly said. I'll have to start my day with your video!
This is super helpful thanks for the reminder it’s ok to be human and have emotions xxx
True after 10 years
Live in the now👍- great advice
Great ful to listen to this
One day was my motto... until I listened to this
Indeed, in fact I won’t even allow myself to like where I live now or enjoy new things with different people that love me. I stay stuck in a false hope of sorts knowing I didn’t like it anyway and I left.
I have never look back. O Hell No!!!
No fantasies. That is a good one....
I am so glad I came across your channel... After being in relationships with narcissists you have given me all the answers I had been looking for all these years...
God bless you Jess... ❤️
Needed this!
Thank you for your grieving quote/ statement!!! That helped me the most! I'm grieving.
My support team is my mother and brother. Did a surprise exit and came to visit my family for a while. Been no contact for 59 days. The narc finally stopped trying to contact any of us a couple of days ago. Hopefully she has moved on to new supply....
Thanks Jess may GOD continue bless you
Hi wonderfully explained how to break trouma
Ironically, my uncle is the biggest supporter I've had through my break up with her and she's been living at his place.
He's been a supporter of everything I've been doing while she's been trying to sabotage everything I've been working towards. I said I was going to start a business that revolves around God, dogs, and guns. I was 2/3 of the way there and just finished my master gunsmithing course recently. Talked with my counselor at the VA today and have a job lined up. She would rather watch me die than see me succeed. I'm going to keep pressing forward and thanking God every step of the way.
omg! Twinning personified. Its like you've been watching my every move and thought for the past 3 months. Identical, emotions. I need to get where you are cuz right now Im barely holding on.
Timely, thanks Jess 🌹
WAW!!!! Amazing video! So straightforward and upfront. Super helpful and honest .
Thank you very much ❤ Jess 💋 ❤
I am experiencing this gang stalking obsession right now and it has been almost TWO years of being stalked, and if you have experienced this then can you share with me how you escaped!? The narcissists' weird ways I believe are controlled via technology. I reflect about how the gang stalkers must really value my every move and insignificant sigh/ or misplaced items, etc, etc. I agree that the gang stalkers are low value creatures filled with self- hatred.... I will practice efforts of perseverance, strength and understanding and healing and growth, and any point of justice
Not everyone can do no contact - please make a video on this. I work with my ex narc
Thank you, Sister. True stories.
Thank you Jess needed this today
All so true..such wise words and advice...xx
💯💯💯🙏
Thank you so much!!!
I’m struggling to stay away from calling her she blocked me everywhere we have a beautiful little girl together which I love her so much, I still send money to her hoping that one day she will treat me little bit better then before, now I can’t see my daughter which is hardest thing in my life, sometimes I feel like I wish I could’ve done little bit more and then when I remember I’m free I feel little happy I really don’t know what to do I’m all over the place, I cry a lot and I thought about killing myself then I remember my daughter needs me I need a help
Please please look up Melanie Tonia Evans "narcissist abuse recovery program"
. it's self paced 10 modules and recover you in as fast as few weeks.
It is extremely affordable and with you for life. You also get for support group and members like me.
Please check her out on TH-cam . It has saved my life.
It
Quanta freedom healing , NARP program , "Melanie Tonia Evans"
9 mounts no contact. Not heard a thing
No the narc is obsessed with u
Thank you so much. 💕🥰💖🤗
Can someone become a narcissistic person by being with a narcissist person
If my hook was her physical appearance (very attractive person) how do I give it to myself alone ?
I could use a little advice. I got catfish by a narcissist bro love that’s not that big of a deal my problem is now I go hunt this person on other I NFJ young female channels because he prays on them with mine games and I feel drawn to go give these girls a heads up And give him the middle finger in the process I know that feeds the beast even negative energy still feeds them I get it but my concern lies with the prey not the predator and I know at the end of the day there’s nothing I can do but the Boy Scout in me has a hard time turning a blind eye any advice is much appreciated thank you
Let it go. Unfortunately we can not save the world. He will get his comeuppance in due time. Focus on you and your happiness.