People are often surprised when they discover I don't have a boyfriend and I don't want one. They seem to think that the solution to a bad relationship with an abusive partner is a relationship with a better partner. I'm not healthy enough to be a good partner. That means I can't tell if someone else has the potential to be a good partner. Once was enough. I'd love to have someone in my life, but only if it's going to be a healthy relationship. For now, I have a lot of work to do. Relationships need to wait.
but to be with pple nd say this my issue I realised but I need to work nd all confrontations only show what's going wrong do the give yourself to someone too soon.always say only when I'm sure ..I'm tell
Susana, not even women find "normal" not having a relationship if you are a woman... humanity has not evolved that much no matter how "modern" they might think of themselves... they are not. We have to be grateful that we, lone women are not burning at a stake in the High Square of our cities or villages. We have not evolved that much... unless you want to join a Church, be a nun or something related.
@@Mary-lk8eq That’s what I said. I'm not healthy enough to be a good partner, and that means I can't tell whether somebody else is healthy enough to be a good partner. Healthy = potential to be a good partner. Unhealthy = bad partner, & that goes for both of us.
I think that's because of losing sense of self & feel safe only when there is somebody shares my mind with me. It's like my structure of being has been separated into two. So to heal codependency I have to create the sense of self & build wall as boundary & practice to stand alone without thinking about anyone else.
Same here. Put down and shamed, meant I feel the need to find another person agreeing, as though I need corroboration. My opinion isn't enough. And now I'm in early stages of relationship with someone who has similar struggles. Both taking it exceedingly slowly, for this reason.
I've been on my own plenty, but have always struggled with this, struggled to feel good about myself or self-regulate. Trying hard to, partly due to seeing a couple of other folks' problems. One constantly seeks validation and demands to be fixed. The other doesn't, but continually struggles to believe he CAN heal, cope, and succeed in taking trust-steps. This is helping me, recognise them as fellow survivors working on healing. Seeing others itself makes me feel less lonely and ashamed. It's only the last few years anyone even seems to be TALKING about the massive shame issue, which I was asking about decades ago.
That’s me. Here I sit alone because the relationship ran its course and it’s over. And here I am with all my pain from the previous relationship and now this last one too. I knew it would never work. I had too much to heal before I tried to love someone else. I don’t even love me so how could I love another? No words to express how difficult it is, but deep down I’m thankful he let me let him go. I tried to control everything so i wouldn’t get hurt.
You gonna be ok....it's something to count that you even let go of who /what didn't any purpose in your life. Mist people can't find the balls/liver to let go of poisonous people. God bless and wrapped HIS loving arms around you to let you know that it will get better. Take care.
Brave soul......❤.go wiith the pain as thats the starting point for healing. In a way it's a grief process for you but pain does heal. The memories of beautiful times together Will support you, treasure these as this is part of your New identity and development. I hope this helps, i'm alone since 2023 but i'm finding yhe creative/culturel side of myself 8s very strong. Take care!❤
This was very insightful Tim. It helped me understand the “why” behind my behaviors when I was younger. I choose not to live in regret but use my experiences to hep others.
So i true..getting out of abusive narcissist relationship i ised to cry to b alone but now im ok with it..its so hard but u have to ask yourself and remind yourself of all the verbal abuse and physical u learn to embrace the alone time want nothing elss and fall inlove with yourself again..its amazing feeling to b free
Always learning great facts from Tim! My narc mother influenced my whole life. Even influenced my eldest son, firstborn, against me. Such a reliëf to me when she was no more!.
Yes, it's a relief to no longer have their toxic presence in one's life - whether mother, father, siblings or whoever. I felt this when my father finally died.
It is a good thing if you do not let someone outside of you define what growth is for you. Not even Tim or Gabor can define your own personal growth for you in every area.
Growth can certainly look very different depending on who you are and what you're struggling with most. We all experience complex trauma differently and we're each unique in how we approach our growth.
If you are a man it's ok. If you are a woman... don't do it... you will stay out of trouble...no man thinks a woman only wants to talk, make friends, have fun...in a pub without looking for a hook up and casual sEx...I guess you are a man but women are not safe in that kind of environment. Humans can go to Jupiter and back before being a woman and having the right to come and go in any environment can be viewed as a human right. Women are more than half of the global population and still considered less than humans. We are a huge minority.
@@artivedi3887 You don’t need a significant other to laugh, listen to music, have fun and dance. You can do that alone or with friends. It doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship.
it's worth making the effort to learn to both do that with friends, acquaintances, strangers, AND on your own. As other people tend to not be available when you happen to be struggling, and then you're stuck. At the same time, important to learn interdependence, and reciprocal friendships that are balanced.
Probably not by being 'there in a real emergency', as this trains the person to exaggerate every crisis. Best to be available, as a friend, for short, frequent, regular, reliable interactions. That trains the person to the 'delayed gratification' of knowing you WILL be available in a few days. It's amazing how much can wait, if you're sure of support. By the time you meet, the person has solved half the things themselves.
being on my own is the best thing I have done for myself
good for you, wishing you all the best in 2025!
Liberation is great.
People are often surprised when they discover I don't have a boyfriend and I don't want one. They seem to think that the solution to a bad relationship with an abusive partner is a relationship with a better partner.
I'm not healthy enough to be a good partner. That means I can't tell if someone else has the potential to be a good partner.
Once was enough. I'd love to have someone in my life, but only if it's going to be a healthy relationship.
For now, I have a lot of work to do. Relationships need to wait.
but to be with pple nd say this my issue I realised but I need to work nd all confrontations only show what's going wrong do the give yourself to someone too soon.always say only when I'm sure ..I'm tell
I think BOTH parties should be healthy,but your thoughts are a good start!👌
Susana, not even women find "normal" not having a relationship if you are a woman... humanity has not evolved that much no matter how "modern" they might think of themselves... they are not.
We have to be grateful that we, lone women are not burning at a stake in the High Square of our cities or villages.
We have not evolved that much... unless you want to join a Church, be a nun or something related.
This is really as simple as you can't love another until you learn to love yourself. Simple to say, damn near impossible to achieve.
@@Mary-lk8eq That’s what I said. I'm not healthy enough to be a good partner, and that means I can't tell whether somebody else is healthy enough to be a good partner.
Healthy = potential to be a good partner.
Unhealthy = bad partner, & that goes for both of us.
Absolutely! I learned to love being alone, putting my peace first and caring for me. 🥰
This was wayyyyyyyy harder to overcome than getting off of drugs ever was!!! Lord have mercy
i agree im still trying to avoid dating at all costs because i simply refuse to be a burden to anyone else
Finally starting to heal. Thanks Tim 😊
Codependency is the worst addiction I ever overcame - and don't you know there have been many. Godspeed everyone and Happy New Year 🎊🙏🫂
I am sick of others trying desperately to force themselves into my life trying to make me apart of this dynamic. I love my peace ✌
I think that's because of losing sense of self & feel safe only when there is somebody shares my mind with me. It's like my structure of being has been separated into two. So to heal codependency I have to create the sense of self & build wall as boundary & practice to stand alone without thinking about anyone else.
Same here. Put down and shamed, meant I feel the need to find another person agreeing, as though I need corroboration. My opinion isn't enough.
And now I'm in early stages of relationship with someone who has similar struggles. Both taking it exceedingly slowly, for this reason.
This was the hardest addiction to recover from, and also the most rewarding ❤
I've been on my own plenty, but have always struggled with this, struggled to feel good about myself or self-regulate.
Trying hard to, partly due to seeing a couple of other folks' problems. One constantly seeks validation and demands to be fixed.
The other doesn't, but continually struggles to believe he CAN heal, cope, and succeed in taking trust-steps.
This is helping me, recognise them as fellow survivors working on healing. Seeing others itself makes me feel less lonely and ashamed.
It's only the last few years anyone even seems to be TALKING about the massive shame issue, which I was asking about decades ago.
That’s me. Here I sit alone because the relationship ran its course and it’s over. And here I am with all my pain from the previous relationship and now this last one too. I knew it would never work. I had too much to heal before I tried to love someone else. I don’t even love me so how could I love another? No words to express how difficult it is, but deep down I’m thankful he let me let him go. I tried to control everything so i wouldn’t get hurt.
You gonna be ok....it's something to count that you even let go of who /what didn't any purpose in your life.
Mist people can't find the balls/liver to let go of poisonous people.
God bless and wrapped HIS loving arms around you to let you know that it will get better.
Take care.
Brave soul......❤.go wiith the pain as thats the starting point for healing. In a way it's a grief process for you but pain does heal. The memories of beautiful times together Will support you, treasure these as this is part of your New identity and development.
I hope this helps, i'm alone since 2023 but i'm finding yhe creative/culturel side of myself 8s very strong. Take care!❤
This was very insightful Tim. It helped me understand the “why” behind my behaviors when I was younger. I choose not to live in regret but use my experiences to hep others.
Your videos are so helpful! Thank you and God bless you!
I love this so much. Instead of focusing on the problem focusing more on the identifiers of growth
So i true..getting out of abusive narcissist relationship i ised to cry to b alone but now im ok with it..its so hard but u have to ask yourself and remind yourself of all the verbal abuse and physical u learn to embrace the alone time want nothing elss and fall inlove with yourself again..its amazing feeling to b free
I just recognized this in myself 2 weeks ago ❤ it has been a huge shift
That's a big step! 💜
Thank you ❤
Always learning great facts from Tim! My narc mother influenced my whole life. Even influenced my eldest son, firstborn, against me. Such a reliëf to me when she was no more!.
Yikes, watch this again. I hope you actua)y get better.
Yes, it's a relief to no longer have their toxic presence in one's life - whether mother, father, siblings or whoever. I felt this when my father finally died.
Thank you!
Thanks Tim, Im healing, wow🧎🏾♀️➡️
Wow
What's hard is getting to this point only to realize you also married a codependent person who isn't trying to work on it.
LOVE💖💖💖
Clearly analysed!
It’s very hard, especially when you are still being abused.
Thankfully I have not done that. 🙏
❤❤❤
❤ Thank you
It is a good thing if you do not let someone outside of you define what growth is for you. Not even Tim or Gabor can define your own personal growth for you in every area.
Growth can certainly look very different depending on who you are and what you're struggling with most. We all experience complex trauma differently and we're each unique in how we approach our growth.
@TimFletcher Yes. Lots of differences. Life has many unique sets of circumstance. Parts Therapy.
what if u need pple.. laughter ..fun ..dance. music
I do mine in my head😅
If you are a man it's ok. If you are a woman... don't do it... you will stay out of trouble...no man thinks a woman only wants to talk, make friends, have fun...in a pub without looking for a hook up and casual sEx...I guess you are a man but women are not safe in that kind of environment.
Humans can go to Jupiter and back before being a woman and having the right to come and go in any environment can be viewed as a human right.
Women are more than half of the global population and still considered less than humans. We are a huge minority.
You can do all of those alone.
@@artivedi3887 You don’t need a significant other to laugh, listen to music, have fun and dance. You can do that alone or with friends. It doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship.
it's worth making the effort to learn to both do that with friends, acquaintances, strangers, AND on your own. As other people tend to not be available when you happen to be struggling, and then you're stuck.
At the same time, important to learn interdependence, and reciprocal friendships that are balanced.
How can we help them?
Probably not by being 'there in a real emergency', as this trains the person to exaggerate every crisis.
Best to be available, as a friend, for short, frequent, regular, reliable interactions. That trains the person to the 'delayed gratification' of knowing you WILL be available in a few days. It's amazing how much can wait, if you're sure of support. By the time you meet, the person has solved half the things themselves.
❤❤❤