I thoroughly enjoy your advice and videos, though timing the non-adsense to interrupt flow, rather than simply played at full at front/back/both of video, is disheartening and sours the rest of video :(
This hits different as someone who was seen as a failure and thought and still thinks of themselves as a failure. I study psychology now in university and Dr.K was one of the inspirations for doing it.
I'm chasing stability tbh. I don't care about being the wealthiest but not getting your priorities straight/walking with no direction or stability will screw you over more.
@@TheAlexDouglas That's why you want to have some money saved up and a few backup plans. That's all stability really is I think, getting your basic needs met, not having to worry too much about those needs suddenly not being met, a good balance of work and leisure, and plans/contingencies in place in case of bad luck. True you can't do much about something like being struck by lightning, caught in a natural disaster, or hit by a bus, but you can try to have things in place for something like your basement flooding and needing repairs or your car breaking down.
I've accepted that success can only exist while you're chasing it. This allows me to reflect more because I know i'm not chasing an end goal, but the next step forward. I'm successful because I chase my goals, not for achieving them. A negative side effect is that if i stop chasing a goal I feel unsatisfied in it regardless of how much i've accomplished.
The saying exists for this reason, money doesn't buy happiness. The goal isn't money or some other simple success it's fulfilment and experience which you get by being sensibly ambitious and chasing goals. Keep grinding, but stop and smell the roses sometimes.
The problem with this saying is that it is actually not true and it is just a low/middle class coping mechanism. Money drastically increases your chances at happiness and survival. Chasing money to the point it becomes an obsession and your life is devoid of everything else is the problem. There is an ancient Greek saying "παν μετρον αριστον" meaning everything is good in moderation. If you go overboard on anything, even if it is good and healthy for you initially, it beomes bad.
@@cspeitch3262you're completely right: it increases our chanses at being happy (ant it sure makes survival a lot easier), but doesn't make someone automatically happy. A depressed person will continue to be depressed even with a million dollar in their bank account. Like Jim Carrey said: "I wish everyone has money and fame, only to discover that isn't the answer"
We are sold a lie that success will bring you happiness and euphoria. Then once you get there, you realize that the amount of happiness you get from it is very short lived and you're basically where you started... but with years of hard work that you now feel were almost wasted. I fell for this and feel like i wasted my 20s.
I’m a 20 year old kind of just getting started in life. What kind of life or success did you chase and did you get it? Would you say it was worth it or would you have been better off doing something else?
@@TheGreatWasian_ I personally think you should go back to your childhood and figure out what you liked doing and were good at. Finding things that are interesting to you and understanding how the world around you works. I'm turning 27 this year and I feel pretty decent about my life even though I'm not rich or anything.
@@ElijahMoore-Restfulnights hey man, this comment was only 9 months but my life has changed so drastically since then. I have a good job in corporate fintech, got in shape again, talking to a new girl, have healthy hobbies in my life, and an overall positive mindset in life. Most of all, I have developed resilience and a trust in that everything will be okay in the end. Hopefully I can keep this up in life
I actually had a realization about this a bit over a month ago after I finished going back to school for my undergraduate degree. I had built up the accomplishment in my head but shortly after walking across the stage I realized it wasn’t worth the 15 hour days between my full time job and being a part time student year-round for two years while also dual degree-ing (Most of my Masters is already done). I could have finished my MBA at the end of next spring but I pushed it to Fall ‘24 after doing some reflection on my life. I realized that accomplishing things doesn’t really add any level of self-worth and I was looking for external validation from friends, family members, etc in a lot of areas in my life. I had already been doing a lot of work over the last couple years on some internal issues but this was a major milestone for me in that regard because despite having come back from literally being homeless at 19 to being a home owner, making a high income, etc by 27 I still couldn’t fill that void. I feel more fulfilled now just taking time for myself and living my life. None of these things are really worth that endless treadmill feeling. Hope this helps somebody out there haha.
I hear ya brother, 19 years old I've been looking for a way to fill this void for as long as I can remember. I got high in extracurriculars, got into a good college, getting good grades and taking amazing classes. But it doesnt feel like enough. Then I see advice like this and reflect on all the good I've done and I feel much happier and content. My ambition is still here but it's much less controlling. And the mental clarity is amazing.
@@michaelbob937 yeah man. I’d say the #1 thing I’ve learned the last couple of years is that you can’t fix internal issues with external things. Once you start working on this you’ll be surprised what habits you have are fed by it lol. Never felt better.
Wow that is awesome, I think I lost a bit of what you meant on how you felt about school? Did you wish you didn't rush it and worked a little less hard? I considering going back to school and working part-time with full time school to finish my degree in a couple years because I didn't finish it what I should've with everyone else and I keep waiting for some perfect path to come in. Foent of me idk even if engineering is what I want but at least it would get me somewhere? Idk maybe I should just be a barista and travel or something
@@maxvenker9714 Can't really speak to your situation, but for clarification I meant that I wish I hadn't rushed finishing my education. I was already well situated financially, so it did not really have an impact on my career. I was working on both my undergraduate business degree and my MBA at the same time (essentially dual degree due to this program I was in) year-round with no breaks and working full time. This was very taxing and wasn't really worth it. Could have spread it out a year. Even with spreading out my MBA, I'll still receive my masters right after I turn 29...whereas if I had spread out the undergraduate as well I'd get my MBA at 30. Not much of a difference and it would've helped to have more balance.
@@maxvenker9714 I would say to some extent you’d need to work towards a decent paying job to do what you want to do. Things cost money and nowadays cost of living is too high. Being a barista and nothing else is a setup for financial hardship or failure. Just don’t let that high paying job consume you.
Street Fighter 6 taught me how to do this. Every time I play I don't think about trying to make my rank go up. I stick mostly to casual matches where I play longer sets rematching the same person and if I don't know how to deal with an interation I take the time to figure it out. By shifting my focus to solving one small interaction at a time, i have real accomplishments I can acknowledge and appreciate. I don't worry about what rank I am anymore because a number going up isn't a specific accomplishment I can feel good about. Rather I see it now as a passive form of confirmation that all the little things I've learned have added up significantly. It's no longer the goal, it's the reward. Being able to enjoy the process of getting better has been so good for me and by not worrying about the rank, ironically it has been going up higher and faster than my rank has ever gone in any fighting game I've player prior. Recently I even started a journal where every day I play I try to learn 1 new thing and them I write about what I learned, whether that be discovering how to beat something, or even discovering a new weakness I need to overcome. By recontextualizing my losses into discovering my weaknesses, I've become able to appreciate even the negative things I go through because even if something beats me, by acknowledging it i have still gained the awareness of the problem which I can work towards solving next time. Either way that gained awareness means I learned something and mentally I take that as a good thing. Using a journal to reflect on these small improvements has been super beneficial since if forces me to see all of the pages worth of progress I've made improving. It's about all the things I did good, not all the things i can't do yet or all the ranks above me that leave me feeling like a low rank scrub. I get excited about all the cool things I can do now, not "oh fuck but what if my rank go down tho?" It's especially useful because either can apply this philosophy to the rest of my life.
I feel like people don’t pause to reflect on their successes and their motivations because they don’t want to truly face their feelings, desires, motivations and emotions. They want to keep things moving along because that’s a good way to be productive at the cost of inner growth and happiness. I’ve seen it happen. Very sad.
And also you environment. When all people around you are super successful and rich. You can still be in 10% richest people but your friends are for example in 3%. You can have master degree but many your friends have Phd for example too so you can still feel like an outsider even though you did better than most people. Or you can go to best schools but be among the worst in class
Legitimately, one earlier Dr K video mentioned to not binge watch these videos, but instead to go think about it, and it was a key turning point in me beginning to reflect instead of immediately go next. I have felt so much less under pressure slowly after that one recommendation.
I am so happy with all the progress I’ve made as a person. Every year I change so much for the better and it’s a never ending journey that I find so much fulfillment in.
Perfect timing as always. I recently had to back out of a funding opportunity for my company. I realized it was making me very unhappy. I wasn't a good friend, I had no hobbies, no rest.
Post-viewing edit: I'm currently trying to decide if I should try seeking funding again, or if I just don't have the temperament to do it without MAKING it into a struggle in ways it doesn't need to be. I definitely have a lot of achievements in my life that I've enjoyed for too short a time. There ARE always new problems, because I'm trying to found a company as a low earner who prioritizes time for my company over earning at a day job. But I know that Dr K is right that reflecting would change so much of this. I have used the mindfulness practice of reflecting on how I felt before, during and after indulging in a habit, and it has helped me stop smoking, drinking and eating sweets (which I currently need to work on again). Surely it can work for achievements too.
I am a musician multi-instrumentalist composer. I pratice daily for a short time many times. I never force myself to pratice. I do it when I feel like it.
I learned to be more content with my life. Gotta say, I lived a really long time villanized by other people. So much that I wanted to be ignored so badly. I got what I wanted. I was in peace. And then, a lot of people started showing appreciation towards me. Took me by surprise, but a welcoming one after all these years. I still suffer a lot, but my suffering is due to overload. As soon as my overload ends(university-related, either I pass or I flunk) I will come back to this great state of productivity. I think in my life, the best times were always when I was satisfies with my personal relationships. I am very reserved and talk with few people, but it only came to a pleasing number recently. I think my productivity and building of good habits only after this contentment found an all-time high. Nothing feels that burdening anymore(well, uni aside). So I wonder: are really those sigma grindset guys going to produce more than me now, given the same conditions? I don't think so. I think they are like a hare, while I'm the turtle. They run and get exhausted; I go slowly and never stop.
That’s the secret. You are consistent. They aren’t . Going too fast with out really learn/understanding things will lead to a cycle of mid poductivity n ultra low. Where as slowing down alittle to understand what it is you are even doing and taking breaks to digest it will lead to long more productive periods.
Did someone ever tell you your style of writing really sucks you in? I really liked the read, and i agree with ur point. Being fulfilled should still be, in my opinion, the priority.
Absolutely, the cultural focus on pursuing more and more happiness has been detrimental to obtaining lasting satisfaction. Learning to make choices that make you feel content tend to also be the wiser option. You may have heard of phrases such as "biting off more than one can chew", contentment also assists in safeguarding from regret.
i totally can relate to the "chasing something" is more satisfying than actually getting it. the story for that is my family was unable to pay for internet for around 6 months and is was horribly boring at home. No Wifi at home means all media like Computer, Phone ,Tablet , TV ... all of that GONE espacially when i least expected it. It might sounds weird but i really suffered during that phase and i feeled misarable every day. It got better after 2 weeks, than my brain learned to adapt to the circumstances. i feeled like i had a hardcore Internet/dopamin/media Detox. after around 2 months of constant boredom AND A LOT OF FUCKING TIME WITH MYSELF (days feel like an eternity when you put away your phone and internet trust me) I had the urge to go online again. SOMEHOW even for half an hour. The Craving for wifi , beeing online got worse and worse up to the point where i literally bought a daily ticket for the bus (you can drive around with that for the whole day any direction) and searcht for open wifi around the city and other spots. And at long last after 2-3 months of pure Online Detox i found a wifi in the city and without any payment shenanigans i was able to connect and finally i was online again. I had a thousands of messages in the whatsapp classgroupchat , millions of updates for the apps and many online friends on discord asking what the fuck had happend to me. yes the initial rush of emotion was unbelivably awsome! but suddenly....i feeled so empty inside. my brain got overwhelmed with dopamin and the amazing feeling to be back online but after that? It was that weird underwhelming feeling like "that's it"? what the fuck did i crave for all this time , i missed nothing here" and what do i want to do now? i ended up downloading some offline games and Downloading some youtube videos from my favorite content creators to get some value out of that new discovered option for Wifi. i was happy that day but honestly it wasn't as satisfying AS i expected it to be. which is weird cause at home my brain was flooded with this convulsive thoughts to "go back online" when i achived it it was underwhelming and i went home after around 2h standing outside in the city at a random ass Wifi spot. After that experience my usage of media and internet in general got so much healthier. Cause suddenly after school if i "really" craved for wifi , i could actually go to the city again and get my 5 minutes of a dopamin / fun / youtube entertainment. but it would at least cost me the energy to go there in the first place. but at least since i had that experience i could match my expectation and the reality. To a point where i went there occasionally (like 1-2 times a week) for a maximum of 2h to enjoy my time online. what i'm trying to say is if you crave or want something really damn badly and you can't controll yourself but thinking about achiving and getting whatever you want (either success or wifi or ANYTHING which you'd like to have) than actually getting it after your brain hyped it up so much like you need that , YOU NEED IT NOW , is actually very disappointing and feels underwhelming , since it often can't meet the expactations about it. ( i can only share my personal experience here , don't want to generalize that) and than i realised after reflecting it that those things aren't that worth craving for. but it's still better this way , than craving something endlessly without ever getting or achiving it. You don't want to be stuck craving for something which you never get/ can achive.
I want to keep this short and simple. I recently graduated with a B.S. in Computer Science and Minor in Cybersecurity earlier in May. I also have some I.T. experience, I have a cloud fundamental (Azure certification) and even then I am not able to find a job. I reflected on your video and noticed that, yea I achieved a degree, a certification, but the end goal was a good job. I am struggling to find that contentment in between of this goal, because these achievements are meant to help me achieve the life long goal of getting a good job (which as Asian parents, you know.. you're brought up and reminded almost every time that college is a must and its important for good paying jobs *Only degrees get good paying jobs) Not getting a good job with a lot of efforts to improving my interview skills, my knowledge and everything really stresses me every day and that stress. Stress is the key term here. Stress prevents me from enjoying anything accomplished. Just wanted to share my 2¢ Thanks again for a great video!
Dude I resonate a lot with your comment. I graduated in 2019 and when I presented my thesis and was pronounced engineer... I felt nothing. Nowadays I always reflect about what I do, mainly in the bus. I try to write what I feel about my daily activities and stuff like that. I realized that: You don't just want a high paying job, you have to fit into the culture of the job. I can tell you that if your mindset is all about the next thing you will fit into an organization that looks for that profile, leading to a VERY stressful life. I had 2 jobs of that kind and this year I took a break and then looked for a job with a new "storytelling" about myself. I decided that I no longer wanted to wear a mask 24/7 and wanted to enjoy the simple things. I'm happy at my new job which I found between april and may. If you graduated in may and now we are in july that is a reasonable timeframe to get a job, don't get discouraged. Work on your story for the interviews, what is your value? What do you like about your career? What will you contribute to a team? Would you like to work with people like yourself? Try to work out "who you are" and present yourself genuinely. It's better to take a couple of months and even to reject positions than end up working in a toxic job. I wish you the best, i hope the life advice of a 30 year old lady from a third world country helps you in some way.
Broo i graduated 2 years and half in the same field as computer engineer and haven’t find a job while all my my classmates i know got jobs , I’m trying to find a field among the technical fields that i can be an expert in it so i can get a job but i’m still lost and feel like i’m not doing enough
Just wanted to drop in and say thanks for all your videos and what you are doing for mental health. I know you may not see this, but your videos have helped me so much. I actually have a diagnosis of OCD, Anxiety, Major Depression and ADHD (Mixed bag, i know). Due to my depression getting worse, i have had to take extended time off work, i usually see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist, but because of not having an income i can no longer afford to see the psychologist, this has lead me to have a lot of mixed emotions and thoughts that i can't talk to anyone about...your videos are like a psychiatrist, neurologist and psychologist all in one, i know as you say in your disclaimer that it should not be used as a substitute for medical care, but for someone like me that is just barely hanging by a thread, it means the world to me. Thankyou.
Hi, idk if this would help but i find Star Jesse Taylor on yt helpful for helping with the diagnosis you have. I struggle with anxiety, depression with anhedonia and i have practiced what he suggested and it has helped me to pull me out of the rut i was in. His advice might seem offensive or controversial to the mental health community, but if you keep an open mind, it might help you. Best of luck and take care! :)
I'm the guy who has actually done best with wanting less. I feel lucky that I am able to ride my bike or run hills for cardio 6 days a week. I'm grateful that I feel appreciated at work. I feel so fortunate to be able to stand in the river a couple of times a week and catch smallmouth bass on my fly rod. I've been fortunate to be able to earn more than I need to survive from the markets. The obvious trade off is that wanting less makes you unattractive to most women. They seem to prefer strivers who want to chase big houses, fancy cars and world travel that they can throw in the faces of their friends, who are also pursuing the same kind of striving. I ended up here because I could never compete with that crowd but honestly believe I've come out better for it.
You must have only met really shallow women. I know there are other women on the Healthy Gamer channel and in general who don’t chase superficiality. Think about all the billions of women who are in relationships right now; do you think they all are with ultra-rich millionaires? Do you know people in your life who aren’t super rich and still have partners? Desiring to be in a loving relationship is a very natural part of life.
Honestly? As a female, I would find the kind of guy you describe as quite attractive and admirable. What I look for in a partner is not someone who is affluent and has societal status, but rather someone who has dignity, respect, kindness, and is authentic to how he feels and what he wants in life. Wealth and status can be nice, but I think it's way less important than the memories, experiences, and connections we can acquire in this life. If I can feel that way, I'm sure you can find other women who does too! 😊 I think it's wonderful that you find joy and contentment in what you do and hope you'll continue to be blessed with it.
Sounds like fun! Hopefully you meet someone who will accept you as you are and who are secure in themselves. I noticed that a lot of people are extremely insecure these days because of what we are taught in media and in schools and other places. Myself included, it’s taken me years to become a little more secure in myself and I still struggle on a daily basis. I have a lot of trauma because of my really insecure family who are narcs and unintentionally turned me into a dormat and now I have a hard time leaving the apartment because of fear I will be used by people or that I won’t be able to handle peoples rejection. Hopefully things will get better for me soon and I’m getting out more and more but it’s an uphill battle. You’re lifestyle sounds awesome and I hope one day and I can have one like yours
Exactly. I don’t understand people who play a game just to beat it. That would be like watching a movie and skipping right to the end. It’s about the journey that makes it worth doing.
I was on a plane a few days ago, and I come to realize I enjoy being on airplanes. The reason why is similar to the lessons in this video. When I'm on a plane, I have no control over the flight route or the speed of the plane. There's also no internet or data to entertain me; all I have is what I brought with me and what I already downloaded on my devices. Getting rid of all these potential decisions helped me slow down and focus on one thing; sit still and wait until the plane lands. I actually LISTENED to the music on my phone; tried to understand the meaning behind the lyrics and how the melody, tempo, chorus, etc. influence that message. I had a crossword puzzle that I enveloped myself in, and the plane ride was over before I knew it. This made me realize that, at least sometimes, having too much control over a situation is anxiety-inducing and never produces contentment. It's not until I'm on an airplane, where I have practically zero choice, when I can finally slow down and enjoy what I'm doing. I'm trying to make small changes in my life where I can feel like I'm on an airplane and I can enjoy all the things I can do and accomplish.
This video explained so much about myself!!! I have always surprised people (and myself) because I am objectively quite successful now and I have a drive that scares some people, but I truned into who I am from a complete degenerate gamer almost overnight some years ago. This shows me why that was possible and what I actually am...
@@seventeen777 That's not really completely a good thing and it's kind of like swapping one addiction for another, but I now know what to look at at least.
@XuQifei I'm a bit confused here why is it bad? Sure you aren't content but if all us humans were content with our progress forever there would be no reason to keep doing things. It's why we didn't stop at the wheel and instead went to the moon.
Somehow the idea of increasing the space to reflect reminds me of Victor Frankl's "Between stimulus and response, there is a gap. Within that gap lies your freedom to choose your way." The Aghori Babas reflecting on their negative experiences reminds me of the Stoic Premeditatio Malorum.
I can relate to the "same pathway" it was so easy to exchange my obsession with academics, into sports, into gaming. It was always disappointing whenever I achieved a goal.
I love how the first half of the video discusses the problem and the second half, the solution. It just shows how we need to fully understand and reflect on things before actually doing something to improve or solve them, because moving forward without reflecting just doesn't complete the cycle of resolution.
I hope/expect that "Pause & Reflect" will be beneficial to me in several ways. On one hand I love to eat, I enjoy food. I connect food consumption with socalizing. But I also need to eat less, work out more, be more healthy etc. A few weeks ago I reflected on the need to be more mindful in my eating; to focus more on enjoying the taste and texture of each bite and extract the pleasure of it all and end up eating less; rather than continuing to shovel too much of the same food in my mouth while watching a show or some other distraction. In the same way, week in-week out I have a fund routine schedule: Monday and Wednesday are gaming nights with different groups. Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday are date nights. Friday and Saturday is my personal alone time to recharge and adult. Weeks can go by in a blur. Taking this advice, by pausing and reflecting daily, I can better treasure the memories being made each day of the week as I spend time with the people in my life and take less for granted. Also, being more mindful of I play this other game or visit this other friend, I plan ahead with an invite and a date on the calendar for said game or said friend rather than just continue with wishful thinking. Stumbled upon HG last night and bingeing through a lot of your videos today. Taking notes. Thank you.
I wish I could be content in life, but I realized long ago, money and success and are the two things that will give you control over your time and the power to make an impact. As much as I'd love to to just lay on the beach and be content with having the minimum, I've got generational wealth to build because I'm trying to leave a legacy and give the next generation the things I didn't have growing up. Until then , I cannot rest.
An interesting analogy to this video to help people understand how true this method is, is to go an learn something. Then pause after you have learned something, and pause every minute or two and don't do anything and you will give your brain time to process the thing that you were learning. For example, I taught myself how to play the Halo 3 Warthog Run soundtrack on the piano. I have never learned to play piano before but with this I spent 2 and a hald months watching a TH-cam video of which keys to press and I copied the exact video. Every so often when I felt myself getting frustrated during practice I would literally stop and pause and stare at the keys and do nothing, not even move my eyes or fidget etc. I realised that what I was doing was allowing my brain time to digest the incessant load of information, a but like when you change gear in a car you have to come of the acceleration and then you can shift up a gear. Try changing gear on your bike next time you ride, but keep pedalling without slowing momentarily on pressing the pedal. You will realise you can't do it. I suppose we all need gears in life, and now to this day I can still play the entire Halo 3 Warthog run song from start to fininsh and it remains the only song I know how to play on piano to date.
I did this when I finished the draft to my novel. I'll write my experience of it in relation to the 4 questions to ask yourself. 1. It took months to write this draft so I don't remember it all too well. Writing the final chapter though, that felt very exciting as if I was there with my characters on their adventure and trying to figure out how to end this. 2. Write when I finished I felt a sense of wellness, peace, happiness and a whole lot of pride. I was at work when I completed it so I had to find a place to hide where I could feel all these emotions well up in me. Even teared up a bit. 3.I planned a small celebration in two weeks afterwards with some friends. During that time I didn't work on any other writing project. The contentment waned after a couple of days, but maybe because I wasn't during any writing, the achievement of finishing my draft stayed in the background of my mind. Sorta like a temporary buff in which I could indulge in and feel pride. Then when I celebrated with friends that was another peak in happiness because I got to share my struggles and accomplishments with them. They also got to be happy for me which was cool. 4. In total, it lasted for two weeks with peaks and valleys in between. Once I started work on another project though the achievement started to fade from my mind as other things occupied it.
I'm proud of you malik! I'm working on my own book at the moment but it's still far from being finished. Writing is a dedication sport, finishing is the hardest part. Keep it up
Also a writer myself, but got stuck big time. Working on one book for 9 years now, but it's inspiring to read your answers. Definitely hope to eventually feel like that as well!
This hits home for me so much. Ive been a lil hardstuck in life and blaming people that actually care about me alot, instead of reflecting on myself and my decisions. (up until like a month ago)
I literally always say that I struggle to remember what I've done in work because I do things, sometimes struggle, complete them, and then yeah, I'm like ,"okay, what's next". 🥴😭😭
I'm last year medical student and I keep struggling with my gamer side against my sucesses man, doctor and family example. Problaby this fight will last until my end days
I love how in his own way Dr. K came to the same Mises realization that "the only difference between the stauch capitalist and [degenerate] hedonist is a matter of time prefence". It may have been a different Austrian economist who said this, but I remember the quote.
I've been following a content creator whose advice is to "write things you're grateful for every day." I never really thought of doing that because in the back of my mind, I already know what I'm grateful for, why repeat them? _I just realized this correlates with this video on reflecting, because despite knowing we achieved something, it is still different from actually recognizing, acknowledging, and repeating them. Just like habits, if you do things once, they seem unimportant, but the more you do things and repeat them, they basically become a routine and you can't live a day without doing it._ *So basically, like forming habits, if we do the 3Rs: reflect, recognize, and repeat, we actually see the essence or worth of the good things we did. Therefore, we obtain good results and feel accomplishment.*
This is kind of how I’ve been. I’m 27 and have been working towards a “career” for the last 3/4 years. Now that I have a (hopefully) stable job, I want to focus on my passions and interests. My career has always been my Plan B, but I wanted to make sure my Plan B/day job was secure before I embark on whatever Plan A brings.
You’re incredible. Best advice that I absolutely needed. About to start a masters degree in electrical engineering and I have been emotionally all over the place. Thank you for this. ❤ from a depressed Zimbabwean lady
10:11 You know, that's so true. I don't think I ever really reflect on what I did well in certain cases in fact I think I'm even having difficulty listing what I did well. Most of the time I let the anxiety, paranoia and second guessing consume me and come out saying what do I do to get more?. Its problematic too because if you think everything's terrible you won't follow up properly on what you did well.
I like it when dr. K swears :) Two follow-up questions: 1) What to do if I want to be like the 1st group of people (sigma grind mindset)? I don't get many successes in life, often end up giving up before reaching it. 2) When can it be inappropriate to reflect? Like, mindfullness may be harmful in trauma processing, I feel like reflecting could do more damage, but I can't figure out when.
This is some pretty great advice. I tend to struggle sometimes with achieving great things and lacking that feeling of being content. I think this will help me the next time I deal with this issue.
Absolutely love this idea of creating more space in our lives to let our experiences sink in. It makes me feel like I have permission to celebrate when things go well instead of trying to downplay accomplishments.
I own a flip phone without internet and no social media so I can reflect more and sit with my thoughts. I don't drive so it's an mp3 player with music only when I go for a walk or take public transportation. I have O.C.D, A.D.H.D. and anxiety and find it helps not to be distracted all the time. I have a laptop but I try to use it for a purpose only and not just to avoid being bored. What you're saying is so true, I'm a perfectionist and always feel things are never enough. I always focus on what didn't get done in a day instead of all the small accomplishments.
want Dr. K to talk more about authentic vs non-authentic goals/desires: related to this vid as being present in one's reaction to success helps weed out unauthenticity. what I mean by non-authentic: many ambitious people I see have goals determined by internalized judgment/others expectations/fear/trying to fill self-worth void with external validation. those are ultimately misaligned with one's true wants and pursuing them isn't gonna be deeply satisfying.
9:55 ......"I'm attached to them" ...... says a lot. Spot on tho...... attachment to ambition is conducive to success but not happiness and vice versa barring semantics. Being aware and objective about achievement and accomplishment is what I take the theme to be here.
12:10 In project management the phase between tasks is called "transition phase". To use this phase to pause and reflect sounds really useful. I will have that in mind.
It's about the journey and not the destination. We chase things with incredibly high expectations and that is why we don't feel contentment from them. Increase the window between achievements. Step back and reflect and ask yourself, how did u feel before, during and after and how long did the contentment last? This window between one achievement and achieving something else, that is where you will find happiness and contentment. Same with bad habits maybe. Eating a cookie, ask how did u feel before, during and after and how long did the contentment last?
OP is too real for spending 20 hours on a chapter. I thought it was the only one like this! 😭 I wish the comments were talking about that part of the video more, I’m literally currently working on a research worksheet that is probably going to end up taking me 10 hours in total for just the writing part lol. Feels like everyone else must have been able to do it all in 3-6 hours or something
i normally do not comment under these videos, but this video suddenly made every puzzle piece suddenly fit together, regarding problems i'm facing in multiple stages of my life. this mere reflection excersize (although i did self reflect in other ways countless times) caused me to spiral in a huge moment of revelation, in which i finally accepted that i have achieved a fair lot in my life, and thus am able to love myself and feel pride for it. thanks, from the bottom of my heart, Dr. K. your videos have helped me a lot to make progress in my psychological route (i've consumed a fair part of content outside of therapy sessions), and even inspired me to decide and take psychology next semester. thanks for making tens if not hundreds of hours of this sort of golden content free to watch on youtube.
Im on the opposite, NOT wanting "success" made people see me as a "waste of potential" in a way, Not chasing success brought me unhappiness. Because people deemed me as "not ambitious enough"
WHich means you based your happiness on how others perceived you? Don't get me wrong, if this though came on your own, that's fine, but try not to let others determine your happiness.
I also experience this even though in my case, I was chasing success, and people literally see as "trying hard", "big (delusional) dreamer", and "worthless". I realized I really shouldn't rely on external _interpersonal_ validation, and Instead, I should reflect and do _intrapersonal_ self-evaluation. I'd suggest you try that too.
10:16 this also reminds me of how we never consider; just because we've accomplished something before doesn't mean it's still not an accomplishment. Like hiking to the peak of a mountain. Just because this is not your first time.. doesn't mean that you didn't accomplish something. Obviously that can pertain to other things like making a painting or building something we're learning something new like a language.
The first time I watched this video my mind didn't quite get the idea. Now that I've watched it again my mind has blown up. I've just realized how important it is to reflect on our experiences, and how the urge for dopamine completely fucks up this process. Thanks Dr. K 🙏
This has to be THE BEST video on the topic that I have seen on YT. Apart from the ability to make contentment stick, the advice also comes in handy to get rid of bad habits.
Yup yup yup!!! Every weekend when I sit down to plan the upcoming week, I start with a review of the previous week. And i start that review by asking myself "what did I accomplish last week?" It takes conscious practice to do this, but it's changed my life for the better. I can have space to acknowledge the things I can improve upon, but I also need to give myself credit for the things I do well.
I can confirm that this works similarly for me. for years I have reflecting on things, whether past, present, or future. It's a really powerful thing although I sometimes actually overthink things which can be a bad thing as well
It's nice that you talk about the constant chasing of success for those who are doing well, but how about for those who are just chasing survival? Those who spend years of their life barely being able to pay rent can't stop chasing success - and it's not because their attached to their desires it's because they will die if they don't. Are they supposed to give up on their desire to survive, or reflect on and be satisfied with just surviving?
My note 1. What was the build up to the event actually like? 2. How did you feel DURING you doing the thing? 3. How did you feel AFTER you did the thing? 4. How long did the contentment last?
As I pause to reflect on this video, I began to ask questions! And/But this time it brings down the addiction to clinging to stuff & teaches you to look inward for the source of that thing you've always look into the external world for!
What I get from this is the equivalent of savoring every bite of the food we eat, but for achievements and successes. Also, the achievement/success/failure is not tied to one's self-worth. We are bad at doing something does not mean we are bad ourselves. Just like if we got a bad pair of shoes and it is hurting our feet, we don't immediately think we are bad person ourselves. We swap a better pair of shoes that works better for us.
Everytime Dr. K does his advertisments with his soft conversational voice, i get whiplash, cause i'm so use to his lecturing tone when he's explaining something. I think I should digest why...
Thank you for creating such a tangible guide to self-reflection. I genuinely wish someone had put it to me like this years and years ago. It- very ironically, I might add- feels that most guides on mindfulness very much put the cart before the horse when telling users how to accomplish self-reflection. I wonder if it's because the writers have been using it for so long that a lot is instinct, so they forget people don't have these instincts at first? Also, your note that we don't often reflect on what went right when looking to improve really hits home. I'm an artist, and constructive criticism is something that is required for growth, but most schools don't teach to point out what went right. Looking at positives as well as negatives helps in deciding how to divide study times better than just the negatives, and it motivates you to still pursue what you're already good at, too!
amazing content as always. similar to what my coach in healthy gamer suggested. That being, to become more aware of my actions by stating out-loud what I am going to do before I do it with conviction even if it is non-productive. This could give me more awareness and possibly another choice in the actions I can take before I take them. Good luck to all those struggling out there. And shoutout to healthygamercoaching
When people aren't comfortable walking in the dark it doesn't matter how many people walk together. But when you're used to the dark, you start to develop your own sense of when shit happens. Or when it can happen. Group dynamics seriously becomes a thing and there are answers but not everyone has has the same ones. It's ironic because sometimes the first glint of light can make you deaf dumb and blind. Trends and niches are a thing but people have to be concerned about how genuine the value of whatever is to them. That in which people can only find when they are alone in the dark.
Oh wow, I feel some of these things on a personal level, not even talking about success, but mainly how I interact with people. I don't think I'm fine so when I ask for feedback and its good I don't believe them because I do want to hear the bad news so I can improve. It's a vicious cycle that is manifesting now, but thankfully I'm getting help.
This is a lesson which has been known going all the way back to Buddha & Aristotle. Drive is good, akrasia, however, will destroy you. To be an akratic is to give up your agency & freedom for things, whether it's sex, getting high, money, or status, it's the same logic. The best way to find true happiness & contentment is by recognizing that you are the master of your fate, the captain of your soul.
Incredibly insightful and powerful video. Thank you so much for sharing wisdom and experience that can truly change lives. Your awesome Dr. K and HG team! This video makes me want to do the opposite of watch a TH-cam short right after :)
So basically *reflect* on experiences/things, place a space between what happened and what's next (which is a Yogic technique as mentioned): What we did well, what did I learn from it. Archievements are temporary, as they give you temporary satusfaction and joy, same happens when you buy a brand new item or whatever, soon you'll want anything better...
Dopamine is not the reward at the end of the path of pursuit, it's the driving force of pusuit itself. The problem is that people are unaware that the journey is the reward and what life is all about. If we're not evolving, moving forward, and setting more goals, we'll feel unfulfilled. But we'll also feel unfulfilled if we think these things will help us "arrive" at the top of mount Olympus or something. The key is to be satisfied in the now moment. To be fully and intentionally present to what's taking place moment to moment, no matter what it is you're doing. From the mundane to the momentous.
Yep, this video was for me. I see my brain learning those lessons, and it's gratifying, it's like evidence that the "cycle" is at least partially voluntary.
New favorite Dr. K video! This really ties together a lot of concepts. It explains why I've had the most success and happiness after I started journaling and walking... Giving my brain space and time to reflect.
I used to say “if I only achieved this” or “if I could just sort that out, then I’ll be happy” and I wondered how many I had to bang out in order to “achieve happiness”. To my surprise, my attitude changed a few months ago, after I finally acquired what I needed to do my dream job, and I can’t believe how things like ankle twists seems so little now. Im just so happy. 😍
I feel like Doc is missing out on something simple, "work smoothly, lifetime peace". Process over product, find things to do that move you closer to your long term desires. Find things you can enjoy that also qualify for your long term goals.
I suspect what he's describing is the first step to ultimately finding joy in process over product. A great many of us have been conditioned our whole lives to focus solely on product. Habits like this, especially if they've been tied to your sense of survival or self-worth, can take quite a while to properly break and retrain. By taking the time to slow down and think a bit at a time, you can eventually reduce your obsession with the product and focus more on how you feel about the process. Eventually, you'll either learn how to enjoy the process regardless of the quality of the product, or realize that the small, fleeting joy of the product is not worth the time-consuming agony of the process and start looking for more fulfilling ways to spend your time. Coming to this realization is a process in and of itself, and as such, shouldn't be forced. Again, his monk training may be peeking through here a bit. A good teacher sets the student on the path, but the student must walk it themselves in order to fully understand it.
I agree with everything said the more I chase things the unhappier I was I have that sigma mindset in gameing. That’s why I stopped competitive gaming along with gachas and mmo grinding it’s all designed too keep me stressed and doing chores that seem fun on the surface. But in reality aren’t and it’s easy to run into negativity of others constantly putting each other down. Which is why consuming less multiplayer games rapidly made me more happier and stress free I wish I applied the time and reflection thing a lot sooner .Instead of going through all that too get burned out and mad with a ton of frustration and anger issues and addiction .I still enjoy some multiplayer games just not the ones where you make your day worse or somebody doing the same too me or me doing the same too them potentially which caused me too explore single player more.
It's the same with me sometimes i feel insecure about my looks i am unemployed for 5 years don't have any skills how would i get skills if even entry level jobs are so demanding sometimes i feel life is just not worth living but i am hopeful but no matter how good i do things i just dont feel content at all i feel like everyone is better than me😢
Yea. I used to want too much and that let me to ever worse outcome. Being minimalist is really a key to go. the example with sweets at 15:00 really is a good one for me except in my case, the price for sweets is quite high and this frustrates me instead.
"I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
What I’ve learned from the video so far after watching half of it: 1.) the constant pursuit of desires and goals can be attributed to a maladaptive survival mechanism. Think of it perceiving that I’ll have a hole that can never be filled, but it just has to be when there isn’t a hole in the first place. The only person that thinks there is a hole is me. 2.) The reasons that it’s extremely hard to shed my desires is because so much of my identity is surrounded and attached to them. Meaning the inverse, that if I were a monk; shedding desires should be easier because I’m already so loosely tied to these desires. Instead, I should honor how closely I am attached and how hard it is to shed them. Will come back later for one last thing since I know it’s in the video.
The two extreme examples reminds me of the happiness paradox - working hard usually increases your level of life satisfaction but decreases your day-to-day wellbeing because you're stressed all the time. In the top 5 regrets of the dying I think its funny that some people say 'I regret that I never made anything of my life' and others are like 'I wish I'd spent more time with my kids' - it's always a trade-off when the really successful people at my work retire they always in the speech include an apology to their family for basically never seeing them. I feel like a balance of a bit of relaxing playing video games etc and a bit of striving for goals is optimal for me, with not too much of either one.
![[MV] A leap of faith...ความเชื่อใจครั้งสุดท้าย (From "Petrichor the series")](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/U1piZH2CNXA/mqdefault.jpg)
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Damn the more I watch your vid. the more I see the hotel owner on John Wick
I thoroughly enjoy your advice and videos, though timing the non-adsense to interrupt flow, rather than simply played at full at front/back/both of video, is disheartening and sours the rest of video :(
This hits different as someone who was seen as a failure and thought and still thinks of themselves as a failure. I study psychology now in university and Dr.K was one of the inspirations for doing it.
awesome
Welcome comrade! Glad to have you.
Hey I study psychology too and the same has happened to me
That's awesome 😍😍😍
Same dude, good luck
I'm chasing stability tbh. I don't care about being the wealthiest but not getting your priorities straight/walking with no direction or stability will screw you over more.
Imho that’s the difference between having ambitions and just being greedy.
Thats cool, but sadly stability doesnt exists
@@TheAlexDouglas New video... why chasing stability leads to failure.
Love the Lonerism profile picture
@@TheAlexDouglas That's why you want to have some money saved up and a few backup plans. That's all stability really is I think, getting your basic needs met, not having to worry too much about those needs suddenly not being met, a good balance of work and leisure, and plans/contingencies in place in case of bad luck. True you can't do much about something like being struck by lightning, caught in a natural disaster, or hit by a bus, but you can try to have things in place for something like your basement flooding and needing repairs or your car breaking down.
I've accepted that success can only exist while you're chasing it. This allows me to reflect more because I know i'm not chasing an end goal, but the next step forward. I'm successful because I chase my goals, not for achieving them. A negative side effect is that if i stop chasing a goal I feel unsatisfied in it regardless of how much i've accomplished.
The saying exists for this reason, money doesn't buy happiness. The goal isn't money or some other simple success it's fulfilment and experience which you get by being sensibly ambitious and chasing goals. Keep grinding, but stop and smell the roses sometimes.
The problem with this saying is that it is actually not true and it is just a low/middle class coping mechanism. Money drastically increases your chances at happiness and survival. Chasing money to the point it becomes an obsession and your life is devoid of everything else is the problem. There is an ancient Greek saying "παν μετρον αριστον" meaning everything is good in moderation. If you go overboard on anything, even if it is good and healthy for you initially, it beomes bad.
@@cspeitch3262you're completely right: it increases our chanses at being happy (ant it sure makes survival a lot easier), but doesn't make someone automatically happy. A depressed person will continue to be depressed even with a million dollar in their bank account. Like Jim Carrey said: "I wish everyone has money and fame, only to discover that isn't the answer"
My expirience fully confirms this
We are sold a lie that success will bring you happiness and euphoria. Then once you get there, you realize that the amount of happiness you get from it is very short lived and you're basically where you started... but with years of hard work that you now feel were almost wasted. I fell for this and feel like i wasted my 20s.
I’m a 20 year old kind of just getting started in life. What kind of life or success did you chase and did you get it? Would you say it was worth it or would you have been better off doing something else?
What did you Chase? Any advice
@@TheGreatWasian_ I personally think you should go back to your childhood and figure out what you liked doing and were good at. Finding things that are interesting to you and understanding how the world around you works. I'm turning 27 this year and I feel pretty decent about my life even though I'm not rich or anything.
@@ElijahMoore-Restfulnights hey man, this comment was only 9 months but my life has changed so drastically since then. I have a good job in corporate fintech, got in shape again, talking to a new girl, have healthy hobbies in my life, and an overall positive mindset in life. Most of all, I have developed resilience and a trust in that everything will be okay in the end. Hopefully I can keep this up in life
@@TheGreatWasian_ Nice man!
I actually had a realization about this a bit over a month ago after I finished going back to school for my undergraduate degree. I had built up the accomplishment in my head but shortly after walking across the stage I realized it wasn’t worth the 15 hour days between my full time job and being a part time student year-round for two years while also dual degree-ing (Most of my Masters is already done). I could have finished my MBA at the end of next spring but I pushed it to Fall ‘24 after doing some reflection on my life.
I realized that accomplishing things doesn’t really add any level of self-worth and I was looking for external validation from friends, family members, etc in a lot of areas in my life. I had already been doing a lot of work over the last couple years on some internal issues but this was a major milestone for me in that regard because despite having come back from literally being homeless at 19 to being a home owner, making a high income, etc by 27 I still couldn’t fill that void.
I feel more fulfilled now just taking time for myself and living my life. None of these things are really worth that endless treadmill feeling. Hope this helps somebody out there haha.
I hear ya brother, 19 years old I've been looking for a way to fill this void for as long as I can remember. I got high in extracurriculars, got into a good college, getting good grades and taking amazing classes. But it doesnt feel like enough. Then I see advice like this and reflect on all the good I've done and I feel much happier and content. My ambition is still here but it's much less controlling. And the mental clarity is amazing.
@@michaelbob937 yeah man. I’d say the #1 thing I’ve learned the last couple of years is that you can’t fix internal issues with external things. Once you start working on this you’ll be surprised what habits you have are fed by it lol. Never felt better.
Wow that is awesome, I think I lost a bit of what you meant on how you felt about school? Did you wish you didn't rush it and worked a little less hard?
I considering going back to school and working part-time with full time school to finish my degree in a couple years because I didn't finish it what I should've with everyone else and I keep waiting for some perfect path to come in. Foent of me idk even if engineering is what I want but at least it would get me somewhere? Idk maybe I should just be a barista and travel or something
@@maxvenker9714 Can't really speak to your situation, but for clarification I meant that I wish I hadn't rushed finishing my education. I was already well situated financially, so it did not really have an impact on my career. I was working on both my undergraduate business degree and my MBA at the same time (essentially dual degree due to this program I was in) year-round with no breaks and working full time. This was very taxing and wasn't really worth it. Could have spread it out a year. Even with spreading out my MBA, I'll still receive my masters right after I turn 29...whereas if I had spread out the undergraduate as well I'd get my MBA at 30. Not much of a difference and it would've helped to have more balance.
@@maxvenker9714 I would say to some extent you’d need to work towards a decent paying job to do what you want to do. Things cost money and nowadays cost of living is too high. Being a barista and nothing else is a setup for financial hardship or failure. Just don’t let that high paying job consume you.
"Wow I really need to start reflecting and stop looking for the next thing immediately" **watches next video immediately**
Street Fighter 6 taught me how to do this. Every time I play I don't think about trying to make my rank go up. I stick mostly to casual matches where I play longer sets rematching the same person and if I don't know how to deal with an interation I take the time to figure it out. By shifting my focus to solving one small interaction at a time, i have real accomplishments I can acknowledge and appreciate. I don't worry about what rank I am anymore because a number going up isn't a specific accomplishment I can feel good about. Rather I see it now as a passive form of confirmation that all the little things I've learned have added up significantly. It's no longer the goal, it's the reward. Being able to enjoy the process of getting better has been so good for me and by not worrying about the rank, ironically it has been going up higher and faster than my rank has ever gone in any fighting game I've player prior. Recently I even started a journal where every day I play I try to learn 1 new thing and them I write about what I learned, whether that be discovering how to beat something, or even discovering a new weakness I need to overcome. By recontextualizing my losses into discovering my weaknesses, I've become able to appreciate even the negative things I go through because even if something beats me, by acknowledging it i have still gained the awareness of the problem which I can work towards solving next time. Either way that gained awareness means I learned something and mentally I take that as a good thing. Using a journal to reflect on these small improvements has been super beneficial since if forces me to see all of the pages worth of progress I've made improving. It's about all the things I did good, not all the things i can't do yet or all the ranks above me that leave me feeling like a low rank scrub. I get excited about all the cool things I can do now, not "oh fuck but what if my rank go down tho?" It's especially useful because either can apply this philosophy to the rest of my life.
I feel like people don’t pause to reflect on their successes and their motivations because they don’t want to truly face their feelings, desires, motivations and emotions. They want to keep things moving along because that’s a good way to be productive at the cost of inner growth and happiness. I’ve seen it happen. Very sad.
So true. But I also think the reason ppl chase success is media.
And also you environment. When all people around you are super successful and rich. You can still be in 10% richest people but your friends are for example in 3%. You can have master degree but many your friends have Phd for example too so you can still feel like an outsider even though you did better than most people. Or you can go to best schools but be among the worst in class
Legitimately, one earlier Dr K video mentioned to not binge watch these videos, but instead to go think about it, and it was a key turning point in me beginning to reflect instead of immediately go next. I have felt so much less under pressure slowly after that one recommendation.
I am so happy with all the progress I’ve made as a person. Every year I change so much for the better and it’s a never ending journey that I find so much fulfillment in.
Perfect timing as always. I recently had to back out of a funding opportunity for my company. I realized it was making me very unhappy. I wasn't a good friend, I had no hobbies, no rest.
Post-viewing edit: I'm currently trying to decide if I should try seeking funding again, or if I just don't have the temperament to do it without MAKING it into a struggle in ways it doesn't need to be. I definitely have a lot of achievements in my life that I've enjoyed for too short a time. There ARE always new problems, because I'm trying to found a company as a low earner who prioritizes time for my company over earning at a day job. But I know that Dr K is right that reflecting would change so much of this. I have used the mindfulness practice of reflecting on how I felt before, during and after indulging in a habit, and it has helped me stop smoking, drinking and eating sweets (which I currently need to work on again). Surely it can work for achievements too.
I am a musician multi-instrumentalist composer. I pratice daily for a short time many times. I never force myself to pratice. I do it when I feel like it.
@@Skoopyghostthat sounds like an amazing life tbh
@@TheGreatWasian_ Thanks man.
@@dresdenvisage With progress comes sacrifice. Now, are you willing to make those sacrifices?
I learned to be more content with my life. Gotta say, I lived a really long time villanized by other people. So much that I wanted to be ignored so badly. I got what I wanted. I was in peace. And then, a lot of people started showing appreciation towards me. Took me by surprise, but a welcoming one after all these years. I still suffer a lot, but my suffering is due to overload. As soon as my overload ends(university-related, either I pass or I flunk) I will come back to this great state of productivity. I think in my life, the best times were always when I was satisfies with my personal relationships. I am very reserved and talk with few people, but it only came to a pleasing number recently. I think my productivity and building of good habits only after this contentment found an all-time high. Nothing feels that burdening anymore(well, uni aside). So I wonder: are really those sigma grindset guys going to produce more than me now, given the same conditions? I don't think so. I think they are like a hare, while I'm the turtle. They run and get exhausted; I go slowly and never stop.
I do hope that everything does go well for you.
That’s the secret. You are consistent. They aren’t . Going too fast with out really learn/understanding things will lead to a cycle of mid poductivity n ultra low. Where as slowing down alittle to understand what it is you are even doing and taking breaks to digest it will lead to long more productive periods.
Did someone ever tell you your style of writing really sucks you in? I really liked the read, and i agree with ur point. Being fulfilled should still be, in my opinion, the priority.
Absolutely, the cultural focus on pursuing more and more happiness has been detrimental to obtaining lasting satisfaction. Learning to make choices that make you feel content tend to also be the wiser option. You may have heard of phrases such as "biting off more than one can chew", contentment also assists in safeguarding from regret.
@@amerstain No, never. Thank you, I am just a beginner at writing, though.
i totally can relate to the "chasing something" is more satisfying than actually getting it.
the story for that is my family was unable to pay for internet for around 6 months and is was horribly boring at home.
No Wifi at home means all media like Computer, Phone ,Tablet , TV ... all of that GONE espacially when i least expected it.
It might sounds weird but i really suffered during that phase and i feeled misarable every day.
It got better after 2 weeks, than my brain learned to adapt to the circumstances.
i feeled like i had a hardcore Internet/dopamin/media Detox.
after around 2 months of constant boredom AND A LOT OF FUCKING TIME WITH MYSELF (days feel like an eternity when you put away your phone and internet trust me)
I had the urge to go online again. SOMEHOW even for half an hour. The Craving for wifi , beeing online got worse and worse up to the point where i literally bought a daily ticket for the bus (you can drive around with that for the whole day any direction)
and searcht for open wifi around the city and other spots.
And at long last after 2-3 months of pure Online Detox i found a wifi in the city and without any payment shenanigans i was able to connect and finally i was online again.
I had a thousands of messages in the whatsapp classgroupchat , millions of updates for the apps and many online friends on discord asking what the fuck had happend to me.
yes the initial rush of emotion was unbelivably awsome! but suddenly....i feeled so empty inside.
my brain got overwhelmed with dopamin and the amazing feeling to be back online
but after that?
It was that weird underwhelming feeling like "that's it"? what the fuck did i crave for all this time , i missed nothing here"
and what do i want to do now?
i ended up downloading some offline games and Downloading some youtube videos from my favorite content creators to get some value out of that new discovered option for Wifi.
i was happy that day but honestly it wasn't as satisfying AS i expected it to be.
which is weird cause at home my brain was flooded with this convulsive thoughts to "go back online"
when i achived it it was underwhelming and i went home after around 2h standing outside in the city at a random ass Wifi spot.
After that experience my usage of media and internet in general got so much healthier.
Cause suddenly after school if i "really" craved for wifi , i could actually go to the city again and get my 5 minutes of a dopamin / fun / youtube entertainment.
but it would at least cost me the energy to go there in the first place.
but at least since i had that experience i could match my expectation and the reality.
To a point where i went there occasionally (like 1-2 times a week) for a maximum of 2h to enjoy my time online.
what i'm trying to say is if you crave or want something really damn badly and you can't controll yourself but thinking about achiving and getting whatever you want (either success or wifi or ANYTHING which you'd like to have)
than actually getting it after your brain hyped it up so much like you need that , YOU NEED IT NOW ,
is actually very disappointing and feels underwhelming , since it often can't meet the expactations about it. ( i can only share my personal experience here , don't want to generalize that)
and than i realised after reflecting it that those things aren't that worth craving for.
but it's still better this way , than craving something endlessly without ever getting or achiving it.
You don't want to be stuck craving for something which you never get/ can achive.
I want to keep this short and simple.
I recently graduated with a B.S. in Computer Science and Minor in Cybersecurity earlier in May. I also have some I.T. experience, I have a cloud fundamental (Azure certification) and even then I am not able to find a job.
I reflected on your video and noticed that, yea I achieved a degree, a certification, but the end goal was a good job. I am struggling to find that contentment in between of this goal, because these achievements are meant to help me achieve the life long goal of getting a good job (which as Asian parents, you know.. you're brought up and reminded almost every time that college is a must and its important for good paying jobs *Only degrees get good paying jobs)
Not getting a good job with a lot of efforts to improving my interview skills, my knowledge and everything really stresses me every day and that stress.
Stress is the key term here.
Stress prevents me from enjoying anything accomplished.
Just wanted to share my 2¢
Thanks again for a great video!
Dude I resonate a lot with your comment. I graduated in 2019 and when I presented my thesis and was pronounced engineer... I felt nothing.
Nowadays I always reflect about what I do, mainly in the bus. I try to write what I feel about my daily activities and stuff like that.
I realized that:
You don't just want a high paying job, you have to fit into the culture of the job. I can tell you that if your mindset is all about the next thing you will fit into an organization that looks for that profile, leading to a VERY stressful life. I had 2 jobs of that kind and this year I took a break and then looked for a job with a new "storytelling" about myself. I decided that I no longer wanted to wear a mask 24/7 and wanted to enjoy the simple things. I'm happy at my new job which I found between april and may.
If you graduated in may and now we are in july that is a reasonable timeframe to get a job, don't get discouraged. Work on your story for the interviews, what is your value? What do you like about your career? What will you contribute to a team? Would you like to work with people like yourself? Try to work out "who you are" and present yourself genuinely. It's better to take a couple of months and even to reject positions than end up working in a toxic job.
I wish you the best, i hope the life advice of a 30 year old lady from a third world country helps you in some way.
Broo i graduated 2 years and half in the same field as computer engineer and haven’t find a job while all my my classmates i know got jobs ,
I’m trying to find a field among the technical fields that i can be an expert in it so i can get a job but i’m still lost and feel like i’m not doing enough
Just wanted to drop in and say thanks for all your videos and what you are doing for mental health. I know you may not see this, but your videos have helped me so much. I actually have a diagnosis of OCD, Anxiety, Major Depression and ADHD (Mixed bag, i know). Due to my depression getting worse, i have had to take extended time off work, i usually see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist, but because of not having an income i can no longer afford to see the psychologist, this has lead me to have a lot of mixed emotions and thoughts that i can't talk to anyone about...your videos are like a psychiatrist, neurologist and psychologist all in one, i know as you say in your disclaimer that it should not be used as a substitute for medical care, but for someone like me that is just barely hanging by a thread, it means the world to me. Thankyou.
Wish you all the best.
Hi, idk if this would help but i find Star Jesse Taylor on yt helpful for helping with the diagnosis you have. I struggle with anxiety, depression with anhedonia and i have practiced what he suggested and it has helped me to pull me out of the rut i was in. His advice might seem offensive or controversial to the mental health community, but if you keep an open mind, it might help you. Best of luck and take care! :)
@@elene1166 Thanks so much for the suggestion! Will check it out
I'm the guy who has actually done best with wanting less. I feel lucky that I am able to ride my bike or run hills for cardio 6 days a week. I'm grateful that I feel appreciated at work. I feel so fortunate to be able to stand in the river a couple of times a week and catch smallmouth bass on my fly rod. I've been fortunate to be able to earn more than I need to survive from the markets. The obvious trade off is that wanting less makes you unattractive to most women. They seem to prefer strivers who want to chase big houses, fancy cars and world travel that they can throw in the faces of their friends, who are also pursuing the same kind of striving. I ended up here because I could never compete with that crowd but honestly believe I've come out better for it.
Women or dating in general is just another desire that causes suffering…a desire that must vanish.
You must have only met really shallow women. I know there are other women on the Healthy Gamer channel and in general who don’t chase superficiality. Think about all the billions of women who are in relationships right now; do you think they all are with ultra-rich millionaires? Do you know people in your life who aren’t super rich and still have partners? Desiring to be in a loving relationship is a very natural part of life.
Honestly? As a female, I would find the kind of guy you describe as quite attractive and admirable. What I look for in a partner is not someone who is affluent and has societal status, but rather someone who has dignity, respect, kindness, and is authentic to how he feels and what he wants in life. Wealth and status can be nice, but I think it's way less important than the memories, experiences, and connections we can acquire in this life. If I can feel that way, I'm sure you can find other women who does too! 😊 I think it's wonderful that you find joy and contentment in what you do and hope you'll continue to be blessed with it.
Sounds like fun! Hopefully you meet someone who will accept you as you are and who are secure in themselves. I noticed that a lot of people are extremely insecure these days because of what we are taught in media and in schools and other places. Myself included, it’s taken me years to become a little more secure in myself and I still struggle on a daily basis. I have a lot of trauma because of my really insecure family who are narcs and unintentionally turned me into a dormat and now I have a hard time leaving the apartment because of fear I will be used by people or that I won’t be able to handle peoples rejection. Hopefully things will get better for me soon and I’m getting out more and more but it’s an uphill battle. You’re lifestyle sounds awesome and I hope one day and I can have one like yours
joy is in the journey. when you just focus on collecting achievements like gym badges, you lose the point of the game: to have fun.
Exactly. I don’t understand people who play a game just to beat it. That would be like watching a movie and skipping right to the end. It’s about the journey that makes it worth doing.
I was on a plane a few days ago, and I come to realize I enjoy being on airplanes. The reason why is similar to the lessons in this video. When I'm on a plane, I have no control over the flight route or the speed of the plane. There's also no internet or data to entertain me; all I have is what I brought with me and what I already downloaded on my devices. Getting rid of all these potential decisions helped me slow down and focus on one thing; sit still and wait until the plane lands. I actually LISTENED to the music on my phone; tried to understand the meaning behind the lyrics and how the melody, tempo, chorus, etc. influence that message. I had a crossword puzzle that I enveloped myself in, and the plane ride was over before I knew it.
This made me realize that, at least sometimes, having too much control over a situation is anxiety-inducing and never produces contentment. It's not until I'm on an airplane, where I have practically zero choice, when I can finally slow down and enjoy what I'm doing. I'm trying to make small changes in my life where I can feel like I'm on an airplane and I can enjoy all the things I can do and accomplish.
How did it go?
What a perfect topic during tech layoff season, this shit hasn't been easy.
This video explained so much about myself!!! I have always surprised people (and myself) because I am objectively quite successful now and I have a drive that scares some people, but I truned into who I am from a complete degenerate gamer almost overnight some years ago. This shows me why that was possible and what I actually am...
Congrats, man! That's great to hear
@@seventeen777 That's not really completely a good thing and it's kind of like swapping one addiction for another, but I now know what to look at at least.
@XuQifei I'm a bit confused here why is it bad? Sure you aren't content but if all us humans were content with our progress forever there would be no reason to keep doing things. It's why we didn't stop at the wheel and instead went to the moon.
Somehow the idea of increasing the space to reflect reminds me of Victor Frankl's "Between stimulus and response, there is a gap. Within that gap lies your freedom to choose your way."
The Aghori Babas reflecting on their negative experiences reminds me of the Stoic Premeditatio Malorum.
Ive come to the conclusion that this is probably the best youtube channel. Your info is great and very digestible. Thanks for your work Dr.K
I can relate to the "same pathway" it was so easy to exchange my obsession with academics, into sports, into gaming. It was always disappointing whenever I achieved a goal.
You are honestly one of my favourite channels out there. Your feedback and psychology is so beyond helpful to my life.
I love how the first half of the video discusses the problem and the second half, the solution. It just shows how we need to fully understand and reflect on things before actually doing something to improve or solve them, because moving forward without reflecting just doesn't complete the cycle of resolution.
Brilliant 👏
I hope/expect that "Pause & Reflect" will be beneficial to me in several ways. On one hand I love to eat, I enjoy food. I connect food consumption with socalizing. But I also need to eat less, work out more, be more healthy etc. A few weeks ago I reflected on the need to be more mindful in my eating; to focus more on enjoying the taste and texture of each bite and extract the pleasure of it all and end up eating less; rather than continuing to shovel too much of the same food in my mouth while watching a show or some other distraction. In the same way, week in-week out I have a fund routine schedule: Monday and Wednesday are gaming nights with different groups. Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday are date nights. Friday and Saturday is my personal alone time to recharge and adult. Weeks can go by in a blur. Taking this advice, by pausing and reflecting daily, I can better treasure the memories being made each day of the week as I spend time with the people in my life and take less for granted. Also, being more mindful of I play this other game or visit this other friend, I plan ahead with an invite and a date on the calendar for said game or said friend rather than just continue with wishful thinking.
Stumbled upon HG last night and bingeing through a lot of your videos today. Taking notes. Thank you.
I wish I could be content in life, but I realized long ago, money and success and are the two things that will give you control over your time and the power to make an impact.
As much as I'd love to to just lay on the beach and be content with having the minimum, I've got generational wealth to build because I'm trying to leave a legacy and give the next generation the things I didn't have growing up. Until then , I cannot rest.
An interesting analogy to this video to help people understand how true this method is, is to go an learn something. Then pause after you have learned something, and pause every minute or two and don't do anything and you will give your brain time to process the thing that you were learning.
For example, I taught myself how to play the Halo 3 Warthog Run soundtrack on the piano. I have never learned to play piano before but with this I spent 2 and a hald months watching a TH-cam video of which keys to press and I copied the exact video. Every so often when I felt myself getting frustrated during practice I would literally stop and pause and stare at the keys and do nothing, not even move my eyes or fidget etc. I realised that what I was doing was allowing my brain time to digest the incessant load of information, a but like when you change gear in a car you have to come of the acceleration and then you can shift up a gear.
Try changing gear on your bike next time you ride, but keep pedalling without slowing momentarily on pressing the pedal. You will realise you can't do it. I suppose we all need gears in life, and now to this day I can still play the entire Halo 3 Warthog run song from start to fininsh and it remains the only song I know how to play on piano to date.
I did this when I finished the draft to my novel. I'll write my experience of it in relation to the 4 questions to ask yourself.
1. It took months to write this draft so I don't remember it all too well. Writing the final chapter though, that felt very exciting as if I was there with my characters on their adventure and trying to figure out how to end this.
2. Write when I finished I felt a sense of wellness, peace, happiness and a whole lot of pride. I was at work when I completed it so I had to find a place to hide where I could feel all these emotions well up in me. Even teared up a bit.
3.I planned a small celebration in two weeks afterwards with some friends. During that time I didn't work on any other writing project. The contentment waned after a couple of days, but maybe because I wasn't during any writing, the achievement of finishing my draft stayed in the background of my mind. Sorta like a temporary buff in which I could indulge in and feel pride.
Then when I celebrated with friends that was another peak in happiness because I got to share my struggles and accomplishments with them. They also got to be happy for me which was cool.
4. In total, it lasted for two weeks with peaks and valleys in between. Once I started work on another project though the achievement started to fade from my mind as other things occupied it.
Hey good luck with the novel
I'm proud of you malik! I'm working on my own book at the moment but it's still far from being finished. Writing is a dedication sport, finishing is the hardest part. Keep it up
@@edwardvalerie5284 Thanks for the luck internet person!
@@connorking984 You too! I hope you get to feel that pride too once you reach a milestone.
Also a writer myself, but got stuck big time. Working on one book for 9 years now, but it's inspiring to read your answers. Definitely hope to eventually feel like that as well!
I love how when he go into "monk mode" comes with Indian accent.
This hits home for me so much. Ive been a lil hardstuck in life and blaming people that actually care about me alot, instead of reflecting on myself and my decisions. (up until like a month ago)
I literally always say that I struggle to remember what I've done in work because I do things, sometimes struggle, complete them, and then yeah, I'm like ,"okay, what's next". 🥴😭😭
I think its really helpful that you emphasize and repeat the key phrase "pause and reflect".. that really helps me memorize it
I chase creativity. That flow state of time passing and i am less lonely.
Wanting more is a natural part of success. Being content is the perfect way to fail. Obviously trhis all depends on the person
I'm last year medical student and I keep struggling with my gamer side against my sucesses man, doctor and family example. Problaby this fight will last until my end days
I love how in his own way Dr. K came to the same Mises realization that "the only difference between the stauch capitalist and [degenerate] hedonist is a matter of time prefence". It may have been a different Austrian economist who said this, but I remember the quote.
I feel called out... Always chasing more education to be more competent or smth....
I've been following a content creator whose advice is to "write things you're grateful for every day." I never really thought of doing that because in the back of my mind, I already know what I'm grateful for, why repeat them?
_I just realized this correlates with this video on reflecting, because despite knowing we achieved something, it is still different from actually recognizing, acknowledging, and repeating them. Just like habits, if you do things once, they seem unimportant, but the more you do things and repeat them, they basically become a routine and you can't live a day without doing it._
*So basically, like forming habits, if we do the 3Rs: reflect, recognize, and repeat, we actually see the essence or worth of the good things we did. Therefore, we obtain good results and feel accomplishment.*
This is kind of how I’ve been. I’m 27 and have been working towards a “career” for the last 3/4 years. Now that I have a (hopefully) stable job, I want to focus on my passions and interests. My career has always been my Plan B, but I wanted to make sure my Plan B/day job was secure before I embark on whatever Plan A brings.
You’re incredible. Best advice that I absolutely needed. About to start a masters degree in electrical engineering and I have been emotionally all over the place. Thank you for this.
❤ from a depressed Zimbabwean lady
10:11 You know, that's so true. I don't think I ever really reflect on what I did well in certain cases in fact I think I'm even having difficulty listing what I did well. Most of the time I let the anxiety, paranoia and second guessing consume me and come out saying what do I do to get more?. Its problematic too because if you think everything's terrible you won't follow up properly on what you did well.
Once again, these videos keep arriving right when I need to hear it ❤ Specifically this one.
I like it when dr. K swears :)
Two follow-up questions:
1) What to do if I want to be like the 1st group of people (sigma grind mindset)? I don't get many successes in life, often end up giving up before reaching it.
2) When can it be inappropriate to reflect? Like, mindfullness may be harmful in trauma processing, I feel like reflecting could do more damage, but I can't figure out when.
This is some pretty great advice. I tend to struggle sometimes with achieving great things and lacking that feeling of being content. I think this will help me the next time I deal with this issue.
Absolutely love this idea of creating more space in our lives to let our experiences sink in. It makes me feel like I have permission to celebrate when things go well instead of trying to downplay accomplishments.
I own a flip phone without internet and no social media so I can reflect more and sit with my thoughts. I don't drive so it's an mp3 player with music only when I go for a walk or take public transportation. I have O.C.D, A.D.H.D. and anxiety and find it helps not to be distracted all the time. I have a laptop but I try to use it for a purpose only and not just to avoid being bored. What you're saying is so true, I'm a perfectionist and always feel things are never enough. I always focus on what didn't get done in a day instead of all the small accomplishments.
want Dr. K to talk more about authentic vs non-authentic goals/desires: related to this vid as being present in one's reaction to success helps weed out unauthenticity.
what I mean by non-authentic: many ambitious people I see have goals determined by internalized judgment/others expectations/fear/trying to fill self-worth void with external validation. those are ultimately misaligned with one's true wants and pursuing them isn't gonna be deeply satisfying.
9:55 ......"I'm attached to them" ...... says a lot. Spot on tho...... attachment to ambition is conducive to success but not happiness and vice versa barring semantics. Being aware and objective about achievement and accomplishment is what I take the theme to be here.
12:10 In project management the phase between tasks is called "transition phase". To use this phase to pause and reflect sounds really useful. I will have that in mind.
It's about the journey and not the destination. We chase things with incredibly high expectations and that is why we don't feel contentment from them.
Increase the window between achievements. Step back and reflect and ask yourself, how did u feel before, during and after and how long did the contentment last? This window between one achievement and achieving something else, that is where you will find happiness and contentment. Same with bad habits maybe. Eating a cookie, ask how did u feel before, during and after and how long did the contentment last?
OP is too real for spending 20 hours on a chapter. I thought it was the only one like this! 😭 I wish the comments were talking about that part of the video more, I’m literally currently working on a research worksheet that is probably going to end up taking me 10 hours in total for just the writing part lol. Feels like everyone else must have been able to do it all in 3-6 hours or something
i normally do not comment under these videos, but this video suddenly made every puzzle piece suddenly fit together, regarding problems i'm facing in multiple stages of my life.
this mere reflection excersize (although i did self reflect in other ways countless times) caused me to spiral in a huge moment of revelation, in which i finally accepted that i have achieved a fair lot in my life, and thus am able to love myself and feel pride for it.
thanks, from the bottom of my heart, Dr. K.
your videos have helped me a lot to make progress in my psychological route (i've consumed a fair part of content outside of therapy sessions), and even inspired me to decide and take psychology next semester.
thanks for making tens if not hundreds of hours of this sort of golden content free to watch on youtube.
Im on the opposite, NOT wanting "success" made people see me as a "waste of potential" in a way, Not chasing success brought me unhappiness. Because people deemed me as "not ambitious enough"
WHich means you based your happiness on how others perceived you? Don't get me wrong, if this though came on your own, that's fine, but try not to let others determine your happiness.
I also experience this even though in my case, I was chasing success, and people literally see as "trying hard", "big (delusional) dreamer", and "worthless". I realized I really shouldn't rely on external _interpersonal_ validation, and Instead, I should reflect and do _intrapersonal_ self-evaluation. I'd suggest you try that too.
THIS! I've experienced the same
Love these videos. It's interesting how you can fit answers to deep problems in a shorthand way.
10:16 this also reminds me of how we never consider; just because we've accomplished something before doesn't mean it's still not an accomplishment. Like hiking to the peak of a mountain. Just because this is not your first time.. doesn't mean that you didn't accomplish something.
Obviously that can pertain to other things like making a painting or building something we're learning something new like a language.
The first time I watched this video my mind didn't quite get the idea. Now that I've watched it again my mind has blown up. I've just realized how important it is to reflect on our experiences, and how the urge for dopamine completely fucks up this process.
Thanks Dr. K 🙏
The best kind of doctor K video is the kind where I'm already doing the thing but just didn't know how to explain it yet.
This has to be THE BEST video on the topic that I have seen on YT.
Apart from the ability to make contentment stick, the advice also comes in handy to get rid of bad habits.
Yup yup yup!!! Every weekend when I sit down to plan the upcoming week, I start with a review of the previous week. And i start that review by asking myself "what did I accomplish last week?" It takes conscious practice to do this, but it's changed my life for the better. I can have space to acknowledge the things I can improve upon, but I also need to give myself credit for the things I do well.
I can confirm that this works similarly for me. for years I have reflecting on things, whether past, present, or future. It's a really powerful thing although I sometimes actually overthink things which can be a bad thing as well
It's nice that you talk about the constant chasing of success for those who are doing well, but how about for those who are just chasing survival? Those who spend years of their life barely being able to pay rent can't stop chasing success - and it's not because their attached to their desires it's because they will die if they don't. Are they supposed to give up on their desire to survive, or reflect on and be satisfied with just surviving?
My note
1. What was the build up to the event actually like?
2. How did you feel DURING you doing the thing?
3. How did you feel AFTER you did the thing?
4. How long did the contentment last?
As I pause to reflect on this video, I began to ask questions! And/But this time it brings down the addiction to clinging to stuff & teaches you to look inward for the source of that thing you've always look into the external world for!
What I get from this is the equivalent of savoring every bite of the food we eat, but for achievements and successes.
Also, the achievement/success/failure is not tied to one's self-worth. We are bad at doing something does not mean we are bad ourselves. Just like if we got a bad pair of shoes and it is hurting our feet, we don't immediately think we are bad person ourselves. We swap a better pair of shoes that works better for us.
Everytime Dr. K does his advertisments with his soft conversational voice, i get whiplash, cause i'm so use to his lecturing tone when he's explaining something. I think I should digest why...
So when you fail. Reflect on it. When you win, reflect on it.
Thank you for creating such a tangible guide to self-reflection. I genuinely wish someone had put it to me like this years and years ago. It- very ironically, I might add- feels that most guides on mindfulness very much put the cart before the horse when telling users how to accomplish self-reflection. I wonder if it's because the writers have been using it for so long that a lot is instinct, so they forget people don't have these instincts at first?
Also, your note that we don't often reflect on what went right when looking to improve really hits home. I'm an artist, and constructive criticism is something that is required for growth, but most schools don't teach to point out what went right. Looking at positives as well as negatives helps in deciding how to divide study times better than just the negatives, and it motivates you to still pursue what you're already good at, too!
amazing content as always. similar to what my coach in healthy gamer suggested. That being, to become more aware of my actions by stating out-loud what I am going to do before I do it with conviction even if it is non-productive. This could give me more awareness and possibly another choice in the actions I can take before I take them. Good luck to all those struggling out there. And shoutout to healthygamercoaching
That bronze analogy was too funny man! Great video as always!
When people aren't comfortable walking in the dark it doesn't matter how many people walk together. But when you're used to the dark, you start to develop your own sense of when shit happens. Or when it can happen. Group dynamics seriously becomes a thing and there are answers but not everyone has has the same ones. It's ironic because sometimes the first glint of light can make you deaf dumb and blind. Trends and niches are a thing but people have to be concerned about how genuine the value of whatever is to them. That in which people can only find when they are alone in the dark.
Oh wow, I feel some of these things on a personal level, not even talking about success, but mainly how I interact with people. I don't think I'm fine so when I ask for feedback and its good I don't believe them because I do want to hear the bad news so I can improve. It's a vicious cycle that is manifesting now, but thankfully I'm getting help.
This is a lesson which has been known going all the way back to Buddha & Aristotle. Drive is good, akrasia, however, will destroy you. To be an akratic is to give up your agency & freedom for things, whether it's sex, getting high, money, or status, it's the same logic. The best way to find true happiness & contentment is by recognizing that you are the master of your fate, the captain of your soul.
Incredibly insightful and powerful video. Thank you so much for sharing wisdom and experience that can truly change lives. Your awesome Dr. K and HG team! This video makes me want to do the opposite of watch a TH-cam short right after :)
So basically *reflect* on experiences/things, place a space between what happened and what's next (which is a Yogic technique as mentioned): What we did well, what did I learn from it.
Archievements are temporary, as they give you temporary satusfaction and joy, same happens when you buy a brand new item or whatever, soon you'll want anything better...
Dopamine is not the reward at the end of the path of pursuit, it's the driving force of pusuit itself.
The problem is that people are unaware that the journey is the reward and what life is all about.
If we're not evolving, moving forward, and setting more goals, we'll feel unfulfilled. But we'll also feel unfulfilled if we think these things will help us "arrive" at the top of mount Olympus or something.
The key is to be satisfied in the now moment. To be fully and intentionally present to what's taking place moment to moment, no matter what it is you're doing. From the mundane to the momentous.
Yep, this video was for me. I see my brain learning those lessons, and it's gratifying, it's like evidence that the "cycle" is at least partially voluntary.
I always leave a Healthy Gamer video feeling like I learned something, what a great channel : )))))
New favorite Dr. K video! This really ties together a lot of concepts. It explains why I've had the most success and happiness after I started journaling and walking... Giving my brain space and time to reflect.
I used to say “if I only achieved this” or “if I could just sort that out, then I’ll be happy” and I wondered how many I had to bang out in order to “achieve happiness”. To my surprise, my attitude changed a few months ago, after I finally acquired what I needed to do my dream job, and I can’t believe how things like ankle twists seems so little now. Im just so happy. 😍
I feel like Doc is missing out on something simple, "work smoothly, lifetime peace". Process over product, find things to do that move you closer to your long term desires. Find things you can enjoy that also qualify for your long term goals.
I suspect what he's describing is the first step to ultimately finding joy in process over product. A great many of us have been conditioned our whole lives to focus solely on product. Habits like this, especially if they've been tied to your sense of survival or self-worth, can take quite a while to properly break and retrain.
By taking the time to slow down and think a bit at a time, you can eventually reduce your obsession with the product and focus more on how you feel about the process. Eventually, you'll either learn how to enjoy the process regardless of the quality of the product, or realize that the small, fleeting joy of the product is not worth the time-consuming agony of the process and start looking for more fulfilling ways to spend your time.
Coming to this realization is a process in and of itself, and as such, shouldn't be forced. Again, his monk training may be peeking through here a bit. A good teacher sets the student on the path, but the student must walk it themselves in order to fully understand it.
Summary: Keep a gratitude journal and write 10 things you are grateful for, everyday.
I agree with everything said the more I chase things the unhappier I was I have that sigma mindset in gameing. That’s why I stopped competitive gaming along with gachas and mmo grinding it’s all designed too keep me stressed and doing chores that seem fun on the surface. But in reality aren’t and it’s easy to run into negativity of others constantly putting each other down. Which is why consuming less multiplayer games rapidly made me more happier and stress free I wish I applied the time and reflection thing a lot sooner .Instead of going through all that too get burned out and mad with a ton of frustration and anger issues and addiction .I still enjoy some multiplayer games just not the ones where you make your day worse or somebody doing the same too me or me doing the same too them potentially which caused me too explore single player more.
Getting weird deja vu with this video, even the place I’m sitting and thoughts and memories comin’ back
This video is speaking straight facts man. Im going to go pause and reflect on it now…
This is so true. Thank you for sharing this perspective because it’s important for people to hear it.
Thank you, Dr. K. 🤲
The way you put things into words helps me understand how I feel.
Thank you for the videos!
Thanks!
It's the same with me sometimes i feel insecure about my looks i am unemployed for 5 years don't have any skills how would i get skills if even entry level jobs are so demanding sometimes i feel life is just not worth living but i am hopeful but no matter how good i do things i just dont feel content at all i feel like everyone is better than me😢
Yea. I used to want too much and that let me to ever worse outcome. Being minimalist is really a key to go. the example with sweets at 15:00 really is a good one for me except in my case, the price for sweets is quite high and this frustrates me instead.
I have been avoiding this content for the longest time, and is exactly what i needed
"I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
What I’ve learned from the video so far after watching half of it:
1.) the constant pursuit of desires and goals can be attributed to a maladaptive survival mechanism. Think of it perceiving that I’ll have a hole that can never be filled, but it just has to be when there isn’t a hole in the first place. The only person that thinks there is a hole is me.
2.) The reasons that it’s extremely hard to shed my desires is because so much of my identity is surrounded and attached to them. Meaning the inverse, that if I were a monk; shedding desires should be easier because I’m already so loosely tied to these desires. Instead, I should honor how closely I am attached and how hard it is to shed them.
Will come back later for one last thing since I know it’s in the video.
The two extreme examples reminds me of the happiness paradox - working hard usually increases your level of life satisfaction but decreases your day-to-day wellbeing because you're stressed all the time. In the top 5 regrets of the dying I think its funny that some people say 'I regret that I never made anything of my life' and others are like 'I wish I'd spent more time with my kids' - it's always a trade-off when the really successful people at my work retire they always in the speech include an apology to their family for basically never seeing them. I feel like a balance of a bit of relaxing playing video games etc and a bit of striving for goals is optimal for me, with not too much of either one.
i listening to this playing OW in bronze and i've played almost daily since OW1 beta
I can already see this working for so many things. Especially addiction.
You're uploading literal fkn gold recently Dr. K!
Thank you so much for this video!