Beaten every day (‘you cannot learn anything without pain’), beaten severely every week (‘to learn anything about yourself, you have to be punished and bullied’) and beaten until leaving my body almost every month (luckily I did not felt the pain any more, when I left my body) to be finally beaten to death (my near death experience at the age of 6 ), no wonder as a child I despised almost every adult and I never wanted to grow up and to become an adult. Now I am 70 and still a child…
@@stefaniakonstantinidou981 Yes, an NDE at the age of 4, and I still can remember every detail. By the way, my youth was a bit like Sam. I had three main educators, starting at the age of 3: my mother (a fan of Stalin), my father (a special forces interrogator) and my mother’s best friend, a well know surgeon in Bruges (Belgium) after WW2. Before that I was raised by very kind nonpolitical grandparents. My three educators indeed loved communism and they wanted to create a so called ‘new man’ or ‘homo sovieticus’, a human without personal feelings, nor sexuality; in short a kind of a nice docile psychopath or narcissist, ready to kill or to love, at the command of the party. A kind of a remote controlled James Bond, if you ask me, the dream of many dictators (of the proletariat). In my case I was the raw material to experiment with. So, between the age of 3 and 7, I was given injections, pills, electroshocks, hypnosis, enhanced interrogation sessions, etcetera, in short the whole shebang. One day, during a session, I refused to reject my feelings for a neighbouring girl and I was condemned to death, by my parents. They started beating me up until I left my body (like so many times before) but this time I went into deep space, in search of a better world … I remember walking on a planet, but it was totally desolate, like the rest of the universe, it seems. I started worrying about getting lost in space. Strangely, I noticed a kind of a silver rope connecting my belly directly to my body on the ground in our house in Bruges! I immediately knew that if that rope got broken, I could never return home on earth and I will die alone in space. Then a soft but intense male voice spoke words like this to me, ‘There is nothing for you here in space, everything you desire can only be found on earth. Look, your father is playing football with you corpse and your mother is fascinated by that spectacle. Do you really want to prove to those people how much you love that girl by dying? Do you really want to die for those people? They do not give a damn about your feelings, you are a thing, property. So decide, you can die here, or you can go back and play the game. But this time you have a friend: I can protect you, as long as you do not love anybody anymore, not even you parents. Go, learn and enjoy’ So I came back and I rejected all my feelings, as demanded by my parents. This happened at the age of 4. At the age of seven the experiment was considered a failure and the surgeon left for Antwerp. My parents spread the rumour that I was a bit insane, a kind of a clown. They were right, they know how to protect themselves. Life has a price, but I enjoyed every bit of it. What a spectacle and we are in it, Gimme Shelter, indeed. Thanks (It is only a story)
All their life, everywhere they go. Be "good". Be normal (mediocre). Be accepted. These are the "winner's" guards against competition. Don't listen to "winners". Don't be a winner. Be you. Congratulations! You won!
The unconscious mind and body of child remembers everything that has happened to them all the back to in the womb. Nonverbal memories will remain and affect everything about you until you start verbalizing it to someone safe.
This cycle is horrendous.😢 Parents have a picture of who/what kids should be like... That idea gets pushed upon an impressionable young one... They try to guess and BE the person they think/know their parents want them to be.... They get depressed from stuffing their true self, stuck between what they want and who they want to be in order to keep the love of their parents.... Then, hopefully, at some point the adult child breaks free.... But many don't 😢
I have read all of Miller's books and greatly admired her work. Sadly, it seems the very thing Alice Miller warns repeating itself with the abused child who has not processed and dealt with his own childhood trauma's is the very thing she was guilty of herself towards her own son, Martin if you read his book about his own childhood growing up with his parents. Martin later went on to become a psychoanalyst himself.
If you have read all of A.M. 's books (as myself) you should have read that she apologizes expressly several times about her own mistakes in the upbringing of her children. Futhermore, I would say that Martin Miller's accusations are very dangerous. I am so very grateful to A.M. work and courage, as so many other victims of childdhood mistreatment and I feel there is something irresponsible into trying to bring a shadow over her...Nobody is perfect, but was it necessary such a public exposure of that?, or is it a need of public attention that is the real purpose of Martin Miller?
[" Just because you observe something about a person that seems, or possibly is, hypocrisy fails to effect the truth of the statements that are made by that person. I have gotten zero benefit from her son. His statements about his Mom have offered me zero value while AM's work is a rich tapestry of value. "]
@@fabiobriones4950 The more complete picture of AM's parenting proves the point she made herself in her books, that intellectual understanding alone will not bring the healing change needed to be a good parent. Plenty of feeling work -- and maybe spirituality, too, I think -- is needed
“ The way we were treated as small children is the way we treat ourselves for the rest of our lives”. Absolutely false and the dead giveaway she was herself an abusive victim-feigning narcissist (the exact type she later criticized Freudian theory for excusing). Once she started pointing her own traumatic abuse at innocent others the way she did to her own children she was no longer a victim. The hypocrisy is astounding but par for the course in narcissism
@@ckyung1312 Ha. Even Miller herself would’ve recognized how striking a nerve in the person who has that response (verbalized or not) is problematic for denying or contradicting my point. A person with a PD is stuck treating themselves the same way (inauthentically pretending/attempting not to by projecting it onto others)… which is why she thought that. Those of us who narrowly escaped acquiring one might similarly mistreat ourselves (in part through pairing to disordered proxy abusers) “for the rest of our lives”, but it’s the non-disordered among us who may learn not to. Thanks for your comment, C Kyung.
@@ckyung1312 Another useful example of narcissistic projection. I know you want to believe having said only “shut up” and “dimwit” (FYI it’s a single word) that you are not dim witted, and also require only that I (or some other person) buy into myself being that in order to endorse your deluded unreality….but newsflash-NPD is a cognitive deficit. Your idiocy is willful and deliberate though, so if it hurts sometimes…tough.
![Alice Miller Audio [English]](http://yt3.ggpht.com/ytc/AIdro_m19aRaI_0V9GnR9nfzxi8WGDcBZbVVIAMWAmMPrBVg6Q=s48-c-k-c0x00ffffff-no-rj)
![Method Writing: The First Four Concepts - Jack Grapes [FULL INTERVIEW]](/img/n.gif)
"The link between the feeling and it's verbal expression is crucial to the healing process"
No
Beaten every day (‘you cannot learn anything without pain’), beaten severely every week (‘to learn anything about yourself, you have to be punished and bullied’) and beaten until leaving my body almost every month (luckily I did not felt the pain any more, when I left my body) to be finally beaten to death (my near death experience at the age of 6 ), no wonder as a child I despised almost every adult and I never wanted to grow up and to become an adult. Now I am 70 and still a child…
I can feel it...
I feel for you and your experiences. You have my deepest sympathies ❤
Leaving your body... dissociation.
I'm learning how I dissociated from pain and even I can dissociate at will, sometimes.
I understand you 😢❤
What did you experience in nde
@@stefaniakonstantinidou981 Yes, an NDE at the age of 4, and I still can remember every detail. By the way, my youth was a bit like Sam. I had three main educators, starting at the age of 3: my mother (a fan of Stalin), my father (a special forces interrogator) and my mother’s best friend, a well know surgeon in Bruges (Belgium) after WW2. Before that I was raised by very kind nonpolitical grandparents. My three educators indeed loved communism and they wanted to create a so called ‘new man’ or ‘homo sovieticus’, a human without personal feelings, nor sexuality; in short a kind of a nice docile psychopath or narcissist, ready to kill or to love, at the command of the party. A kind of a remote controlled James Bond, if you ask me, the dream of many dictators (of the proletariat). In my case I was the raw material to experiment with. So, between the age of 3 and 7, I was given injections, pills, electroshocks, hypnosis, enhanced interrogation sessions, etcetera, in short the whole shebang.
One day, during a session, I refused to reject my feelings for a neighbouring girl and I was condemned to death, by my parents. They started beating me up until I left my body (like so many times before) but this time I went into deep space, in search of a better world … I remember walking on a planet, but it was totally desolate, like the rest of the universe, it seems. I started worrying about getting lost in space. Strangely, I noticed a kind of a silver rope connecting my belly directly to my body on the ground in our house in Bruges! I immediately knew that if that rope got broken, I could never return home on earth and I will die alone in space. Then a soft but intense male voice spoke words like this to me, ‘There is nothing for you here in space, everything you desire can only be found on earth. Look, your father is playing football with you corpse and your mother is fascinated by that spectacle. Do you really want to prove to those people how much you love that girl by dying? Do you really want to die for those people? They do not give a damn about your feelings, you are a thing, property. So decide, you can die here, or you can go back and play the game. But this time you have a friend: I can protect you, as long as you do not love anybody anymore, not even you parents. Go, learn and enjoy’ So I came back and I rejected all my feelings, as demanded by my parents. This happened at the age of 4. At the age of seven the experiment was considered a failure and the surgeon left for Antwerp. My parents spread the rumour that I was a bit insane, a kind of a clown. They were right, they know how to protect themselves. Life has a price, but I enjoyed every bit of it. What a spectacle and we are in it, Gimme Shelter, indeed.
Thanks
(It is only a story)
Eye opening.
"The price of repressing feelings is depression". 😮❤
Life changing discoveries. Forever grateful x
The child doesn't learn only at home to obey, but also at schools ...
All their life, everywhere they go. Be "good". Be normal (mediocre). Be accepted.
These are the "winner's" guards against competition.
Don't listen to "winners". Don't be a winner.
Be you.
Congratulations! You won!
Starts in the womb.
The unconscious mind and body of child remembers everything that has happened to them all the back to in the womb. Nonverbal memories will remain and affect everything about you until you start verbalizing it to someone safe.
Thank you for posting this audio!
Children are the most marginalized demographic in society period.
This cycle is horrendous.😢
Parents have a picture of who/what kids should be like...
That idea gets pushed upon an impressionable young one...
They try to guess and BE the person they think/know their parents want them to be....
They get depressed from stuffing their true self, stuck between what they want and who they want to be in order to keep the love of their parents....
Then, hopefully, at some point the adult child breaks free....
But many don't 😢
I understand why most people hate those who think and feel outside of the box.
I feel you.
Hugs 🤗 from Spain ❤
Babies have to be narcissistic in order to bring attention to their needs to be met.
Punishment of a child only makes the child an abuser as an adult.
Unfair punishment to clarify.
This is a much too humble presentation of Alice Miller and her thoughts.
I have read all of Miller's books and greatly admired her work. Sadly, it seems the very thing Alice Miller warns repeating itself with the abused child who has not processed and dealt with his own childhood trauma's is the very thing she was guilty of herself towards her own son, Martin if you read his book about his own childhood growing up with his parents. Martin later went on to become a psychoanalyst himself.
If you have read all of A.M. 's books (as myself) you should have read that she apologizes expressly several times about her own mistakes in the upbringing of her children. Futhermore, I would say that Martin Miller's accusations are very dangerous. I am so very grateful to A.M. work and courage, as so many other victims of childdhood mistreatment and I feel there is something irresponsible into trying to bring a shadow over her...Nobody is perfect, but was it necessary such a public exposure of that?, or is it a need of public attention that is the real purpose of Martin Miller?
@Project AcuHope Not everyone has a "BIG" shadow...(and that is what we were talking about concerning those unclear accusations).
[" Just because you observe something about a person that seems, or possibly is, hypocrisy fails to effect the truth of the statements that are made by that person. I have gotten zero benefit from her son. His statements about his Mom have offered me zero value while AM's work is a rich tapestry of value. "]
What is your point in mentioning this? Does it affect the validity of her work in any way?
@@fabiobriones4950 The more complete picture of AM's parenting proves the point she made herself in her books, that intellectual understanding alone will not bring the healing change needed to be a good parent. Plenty of feeling work -- and maybe spirituality, too, I think -- is needed
AM Is so right. .
“ The way we were treated as small children is the way we treat ourselves for the rest of our lives”. Absolutely false and the dead giveaway she was herself an abusive victim-feigning narcissist (the exact type she later criticized Freudian theory for excusing). Once she started pointing her own traumatic abuse at innocent others the way she did to her own children she was no longer a victim. The hypocrisy is astounding but par for the course in narcissism
Shut up.
@@ckyung1312 Ha. Even Miller herself would’ve recognized how striking a nerve in the person who has that response (verbalized or not) is problematic for denying or contradicting my point. A person with a PD is stuck treating themselves the same way (inauthentically pretending/attempting not to by projecting it onto others)… which is why she thought that. Those of us who narrowly escaped acquiring one might similarly mistreat ourselves (in part through pairing to disordered proxy abusers) “for the rest of our lives”, but it’s the non-disordered among us who may learn not to. Thanks for your comment, C Kyung.
@@Zarathustran No problem, Dim Wit.
@@ckyung1312 Another useful example of narcissistic projection. I know you want to believe having said only “shut up” and “dimwit” (FYI it’s a single word) that you are not dim witted, and also require only that I (or some other person) buy into myself being that in order to endorse your deluded unreality….but newsflash-NPD is a cognitive deficit. Your idiocy is willful and deliberate though, so if it hurts sometimes…tough.
@@Zarathustran okay, Dim Wit.