Why Is My Ex So Resentful?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 พ.ค. 2019
- Clay Andrews answers the question "Why is my ex so resentful toward me?" If you want to find out more about our future coaching opportunities (both private and group coaching) sign up for our interest list over here: modernlove.life/the-final-call/
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If you find yourself wondering why your ex resents you so much and is bitter toward you, you have to look beyond their reactions and look at their emotional state.
You see, your ex is so resentful toward you after a breakup because of a few different factors, which will all make sense after you understand your ex's emotional state.
First of all, your ex may be responding to the Law of Consistency. That is to say that must act consistently with their previous actions. Their previous actions are that they broke up with you, so they may begin acting consistently with those actions. And how do people typically think of their exes? Typically they will see their exes in a resentful and bitter sort of way..
That's one explanation.
Another possibility is that your ex is still holding on to hurt and pain from the breakup. Maybe they have hurt feelings from something that you did or said. And because of that, they are starting to turn bitter and resentful toward you.
Now bitterness and resentment can only stay in place as long as there is a story keeping them in place. Your ex likely has their own story about what happened and how much pain they are in.
If you can help them to decontextualize what happened, then the story changes, and their emotions start to change.
So apologize, but don't just apologize the way most people do, Apologize in a way that sheds light on how you felt, what you were thinking while you were doing the things you did or saying the things you said. And of course reflect back to them how you imagine that your actions made them feel.
This is often enough to get them to let go of their resentment, bitterness, and anger.
The third possibility is that your ex is angry at you because you changed in a positive way only AFTER the breakup. This may seem a little bit strange, until you consider things from their perspective.
They are probably thinking that they were not a good enough reason fro you to change your behaviors. Again, re-contextualizing the story can help here.
Let them know that the breakup was a real wake up call for you to change things and that is a good start to getting back on track. - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
![ลักพาตัว เอาลูกเอิร์นกลับมา...!! [เอิร์นไดเม่]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/f4NVKlZ5qkk/mqdefault.jpg)
Never react to negative energies... Understand where she is coming from... Say what you really feel in your heart. Understand. Support. Accept. Love. Trust the process and trust the universe. Do not invest in resentment and regret.
Well said :-)
@@ClayAndrews what a test... She disappeared for 15 months. Till one day she reached out... I don't know why she bailed 3 months into the new equation... But, I still hold out faith. I have always communicated sincerely. She is much younger... So I am patient.
@@adityabee1 did you get her back?
Wow first explanation is much on point.
She treated me in a way that i was asking myself what i have done so bad to her.
It was like as if she created another human in her mind.
I actually experienced this with an ex I dumped who was so nice to me. I felt so hurt because he moved on naturally and didn’t pine over me. Now I’m moving on from my guy and he is the one demonizing me.. it’s karma.
My ex is definitely the last one...my confidence was so low during the relationship. I had depression too. I fought so hard and I started going to therapy and doing relationship coaching. She is mad that I couldn’t change during the relationship and now she’s attracted to me but is mad bc I couldn’t do that for her. I’ve been dressing up nice and buying more clothes and caring about my appearance more and I’m doing the things that I’ve always wanted to do. I’m happy and she doesn’t like it. She wants me to be upset while she’s happy. It really hurt her ego.
Well she never loved you .
She should be happy
Did it go well? My ex is the same way.
Damn this is so similar to my situation, it’s like she wants me to hurt
Women are evil.
But the pain also comes from their dysfunctional childhood as well.
HI Anthony, If the pain is coming from a deeply rooted cause like childhood experiences, it may need to be worked on a deeper level. If their past had affected their well-being and adjustments, it may take a more formal therapy to work on these deeply rooted causes.
To think you've covered a video over something I didn't see coming, but turns out it's actually a common thing. My ex began to fake-justify his guilt by over exaggerating all my flaws, and his friend picked up on his bs.
My best response to the excuse "Wasn't I worth changing for during the relationship? Why are you changing only now?" Is that I already was on my way to being better, they just didn't wanna stay for it. And it's a shame they chose to miss out on that.
My ex said the same exact thing. “Why did it take me breaking up with you to change, I don’t want our whole life together being me having to break up with you in order for you to listen to me”
resentment is a understatement
Weird. I have no idea why I wasn't seeing your comments while I was live...? Sorry about that, guys. If you are interested in either private coaching or a group coaching course, please make sure you are on this interest list. I'll be making an announcement tomorrow (Saturday): modernlove.life/the-final-call/
My ex is resentful but because she did something bad to me and doesn't want to own up to it. So she pushes me away and hopes I'll leave. I guess I really do need to just leave her alone.
Hi Henny, I'm sorry to hear about that. It sounds like she is displacing her guilt. Displacement is a defense mechanism and I would agree with your plan for now. It is best to give her the needed time to process the situation.
She’ll be back
My ex broke up with me after i was admitted to hospital because of my mental health by ghosting me, she was cheating on me the while relationship i found texts on her phone from 2 diff guys and texts from her friends laughing about how dumb they think i am that i couldn’t tell
Shes cheating. then after a year where it really took everything inside me to actually accept ill never get closure and then started to heal. She reached out and weirdly she kept saying that i broke up with her? I cant help but just think shes a lunatic because i never wanted her to leave. It really helped me wipe my eyes and see who she actaually was. She honestly bieleves i broke up with her. I wouldnt drop it and she ended up blocking me again, never ever give in to the narcs bullshit man. Its really hard but you will be better without them. Its too draining and loads of just contradicting things and its tiring calling out every little lie and thing. God i feel so much better by myself now. Stay strong people
My ex, moved on to what I think was a rebound relationship, soI decided to end the friendship completely, and not communicate and even ignore each other completely because she said she loved this new person, so I naturally assumed that was it . Our paths have crossed just once since, and her facial expression at seeing me immediately turned into fury. What I struggle to understand is, she’s got what she says she wanted, so why is all this anger directed at me?
Wow, same boat here man. Its usually the rebound (not the person themselves) that helps the resentment grow. But rebounds show that the EX hasn't focused on themselves, so they'll eventually see their fault
She still loves you . She just made at her unhealed self
Exact same situation except my ex but we work side by side and her new guy also works with us but not directly with us. He’s the “nice guy” but this new guy is pretty threatened by me and when they see me together, they make a point to avoid me. It’s pretty wild how hard she tries to ignore me. It’s clearly an effort on her part. I do however believe they won’t break up. It’s just a hunch. The new guy will never let her go.
On her part it´s regret and pitty, instead of resentment... Thanks for ur videos:) Greetings, Chris
You're welcome. Glad to hear that our videos have helped you. :-)
Makes so much sense now. Wish he wasn’t so stubborn, but I still wish him the best, hope he changes for the better! Thank you Clay
You're very much welcome, Chanel. When we say that our "ex is stubborn" it may show at times our level of emotional acceptance and that we may have to work on with Empathy, Acceptance and the Advanced Relational Skills. How you respond/react to things is a reflection on where we are at in our 5 individual stages. All the best.
Clay Andrews I often think about texting him to apologize, for closure, but I have apologized several times, he says he hates me and I noticed he’s been drinking heavily. I feel reaching out to him might be a bad idea though.
Apologizing multiple times might lost its sincerity and value. Take some time to heal and reconnect with your own self. For now, his wall of reactance is still high and adding that pressure on him emotionally might push his wall further. All the best.
Clay Andrews Thank you so much for the advice Clay! You are the best!
You can try but, you can only try if the other person is open. If they refuse to communicate tmyou have to give this person space, they will contact you when they are ready
Why would anyone contact there ex if they dumped you???
What a man this Clay is.
Thanks a lot man!
Welcome! Hope all goes well with your relationship.
@@ClayAndrews Long story short: I reacted badly to the breakup saying stuff like "I don't wanna be friends". "don't call me baby". I did an useless NC which made her more bitter and fill in the gaps with the wrong memories of me. Now I'm in the transition between The Wall of Reactance and the Test Drive Phase.
I've been speaking my mind and heart and being vulnerable in a healthy way. Now she's giving some decent answers to my text but not engaging in conversation. I'll keep following your advises.
Since there's still some reactance I guess I still have to talk about the gap and the issues of the relationship before having conversations on the Test Drive Mode.
I wish I had encounter your teachings before. It's more real than everything I've seen around. Congrats! Cheers!
This was excellent, Thankyou ❤
This video was on point; and it made me smile Bro. Amazing insight, so Thank you for that; it gave me a lot to ponder.
Zatiti Cherry thanks so much for the kind words. I’m glad it helped you out.
She told me “Let’s leave things on a good note” last time I tried to talk to her 🙄 I still haven’t moved on after 3 yrs
Hi Tatianna, When you say you haven't moved it, it may indicate that you may need to work on healing and acceptance.
Every time I have a new experience with my break up, I find you’ve covered the bases. I honestly feel like the government should take you on to provide break up courses through insurances or some kind of program, so that everyone can access this information when they are going through this, because virtually none of us go through life without going through at least one break up. It can be very scary and confusing to navigate, and I feel like society would better off as a whole if we were all educated on how to deal with it. Well, for now I’m thankful for you, I hope many more people who are struggle through this will find you.
Thank you for the compliment, thetruthfree . It would help as well if you share our channel with your friends and people you know who wanted to work on having a healthy relationship. That would mean a lot for us as well. :-)
The pain also comes from being mentally unstable (health) and having their priorities in a jam and being bipolar
I'm sorry to hear about the situation that you are going through. I am not sure who is going through some mental health concerns but I do hoper that the help of a licensed professional should be sought for further help.
Yeah so true . Unresolved feelings it is
I did the apologizing thing... and he said ok i understand... that's it! The 3rd thing happens all the time with me. I now go out and he's like oh now you go out more...i said well yeah, i wanted to go out all the time with you but you never wanted to. Now you tell me to go so that's why i do. It's such a Rollercoaster
what happen after
@@amirulsyafiqbmandy6782 2.5 years later… we’re divorced, he lives with the girl he cheated on me with. But our friendship is good mainly because of our kids. I also had another relationship during this time that has ended recently. Getting over that heart break too.
I have been in a relationship on and off for 29 years! I helped raise his two daughters! He broke up with me after his daughters house burned down. I had been in a depression for a year before due to the death of for family members and I caught him in a lye. He moved on quickly and now drug more problems into this relationship ship. I waited 10 months and caught back up with a guy I went to school with. My ex then decided to contact me?? We are trying again, but I can't get that emotional connection back??
How am i supposed to apologize if I’ve in NC for 3 months? And I don’t want to give him an extra ego boost
Man clay you sure do know what you're talking about I need help
Thank you and we really appreciate your kind words.
Split from my ex wife 18 months ago we have kids together situation is this we don’t talk and when we do talk she’s horrible and always tries to find ways to get me to react she has been in 2 relationships and flirted with other fellas at the start but she has been with her new fella roughly 7 months now he’s now moved into the home with our kids and they are no engaged am I over thinking her actions for last 18 months or is she in a state of bitterness
My ex block me 21 days ago and she still mad over me going nuts because she is talking to a supposely friend alot and it was my birthday and i ask her if she could atleast say happy birthday she dint and just blocked me right away without saying a word
This is such bad advice. I watched this to understand resentment from an ex *i* broke up with. Rather, a non-ex who wouldn't commit. This is saying that I made up shit in my head to hate him??? No. What you're doing there is called gaslighting. People don't have to pretend someone is unlikeable to get comfortable with the idea of dumping them. That's not how any of this works!
You always have a reason for dumping someone. It might be totally valid and just or it might just be that you're a dick who treats them like shit. But no one sits around and makes up that someone is a bad person in order to break up with them. There's always a reason.
When should one bring all this up once they reach out to an ex?
Hi Clay, I am angry and raging after 4 months. She had an affair and lives with the man now. I hate them both. She has also egzagerated my imperfections to try and convince herself that she did the right thing. What tips would you have for me.
Mine resents me, that's why I'm watching this, but he is unstable and when he thought he was going to publicly destroy me, I showed him otherwise. In fact, I have shown him the type of woman he was dealing with in terms of my strength vs the type of woman he deserves to be with - easy to manipulate and allows him to sleep around. He resents me for not being destroyable 😂😂😂
Same here!
Love it
What if you’re in no contact?
She or he could also be a narcissist. Not all of them boast with arrogance. Some are quiet but fly into a rage if confronted with something they are accountable for. Do research into NPD and narcissism. Save yourself.
I really hope it's all just reaction and such. I made mistakes during the breakup and the only part that was negative was me taking my stuff back. Besides that everything was for her, to try and help her or to try and fix things.
She has me painted as the worst POSSIBLE version of me...
And I'm blocked on almost everything and I can't really fix my situation.
I want to try and re-establish a positive communication between us so we can have a bond and I can replace the negatives.
She just got out of her rebound and I want to reach out still, but the first of this month she basically said she want's nothing to do to me to a pal of mine...
I just don't know what to do anymore.. I've been trying to move on and I was doing okay UNTIL another friend told me she went "Single" on Facebook...
What if you're the one that did the breaking up? In the kindest, most reasonable and logical way possible and they insist of trying to ruin your life because they can't handle their emotions? That's the twisted part. Me personally, I didn't want to be friends, I just wanted to be cordial because we have a child on the way, my intentions were good. But he is being vindictive and trying to cause chaos. I don't want to apologize to a mentally unstable person. I just want to be left alone.
Same!
Did anyone's ex unblock them who were resentful
Hello I love your vidos!
Thank you, Richard. :-)
Is it too late clay if I restart nc when my ex girl left 2 months ago I think I let to many mutual friends how I feel and that I didn’t want to give up because she found out, I’m blocked on everything apart from her actual Facebook but I’m unfriended on Facebook but block on messenger app. She tells everyone plus me she isn’t coming back is that a bad thing one thing I’ve chabged is I just got a job which I think is a good thing because I havnt worked for a long time I’m doing it for me but will it help with her in anyway?, she’s is still seeing some of my family?
Hi Sky, It's never too late to restart Active No Contact. As long as you are clear with your goal and the things that you wanted to achieve for your self in doing another round of Active No Contact. All the best.
Your so awesome 🤩
Thank you. :-)
he walked away from me before we got back together. he decided to leave me again. yes I was very angry.
All of those reactions are her projections, bigger question is why waste time and energy trying to change it?
Lol When I asked my ex what I did wrong. She told me "so you can get better for the next girl? Ha".
my ex was resentful, chaotic, sadistic , and full blown smearing me, ive just been humble and kind through out the whole break up, now theres this awkward tension between us, she knows that i know she cheated, she still keeps her new relationship a secret, she reaches out everyone in a while. i cant wait till my heart is healed and i get my confidence back, its been two years and i avoid sex like its the plague , n i have just been working on myself, i feel like sex is a death trap now , n it sucks because i wanna bang , but something inside keeps setting off these alarms when ever a woman gets close
HI Sly Fly, it sounds like your past experience had made an impact on your well-being. If you feel that it had affected you as a person, you can always seek the help of a licensed professional.
Its odd because my ex broke up wirh me for no good reason, than he told me he feels aweful and that he is Well aware of his words his actions and broken promises. Although he is very angry with me because iam taking it so hard and now is not speaking to me. Why ???????
I'm sorry to hear about that, Sabine. Just like what you have said, your ex feels guilty about the breakup. allow him to process his own emotions while focusing on yours. Would you like us to send some information on how we can help you with the healing process?
I actually did the things you talk about, all by my self. And i thought we where getting closer and moving forward, but he keeps on feeling negative towards me.. He seems very angry at me, although he broke up with me.
sigeyja i feel same way been 2yrs now and still I feel like there’s negativity and walls up.
My ex gf is the same
Wow Clay is so right - I always felt I didn’t think in my opinion, I did such awful stuff to cause this much of his resentment towards me? But it’s there and he keeps saying he can’t get over it so wow I must have really been so bad. So I used to blame myself so much and think that gosh I must have been such an awful witch to have warranted how much he resented me?
He keeps saying he doesn’t hate me but that he’s forgiven me. He has built and exaggerated his narrative to justify his actions of what he did - and that wasn’t just dumping me. It was also to justify why he did the ‘bad stuff’ before he dumped me over 8 long years of lies and deceit he spun, coz I didn’t meet his needs.
So now there’s too much ‘baggage’ and coz when he sees me he sees his awful self. Still, I’ve taken time to figure out my role and apologize and knowing wot to be sorry for? So how long is he going to blame me for his awful behavior towards me? And it’s true, he’s exaggerated so much but can’t remember a good thing I did and I realized that by him being so switched off and like a zombie over 8yrs but playing the part, while he may have been with me, he was never truly present and ‘with me’. 😔
As a result he could not even receive or appreciate the good things or love I gave him. It’s coz he was secretly score-keeping and when you have someone doing that while you in a relationship how can you even claim (he claims he did) give and give selflessly? You can’t claim that if you couldn’t even receive the love your partner gave coz it wasn’t wot you wanted? It means you actually weren’t giving selflessly in the first place.
Clay you are so right about how someone is holding on to past hurt and baggage - I believe he needs to forgive himself first before he can even begin to deal with his resentment towards me. He refuses to deal with his unresolved hurt and refused to work with me to deal with it before he left / broke up. I wanted us to deal with it, so we could be good Co-parents and there isn’t this elephant in the room every time we forced to deal / talk to each other.
He is definitely attached to his narrative and any form of me helping him to get past his blinkers or to share with him my experiences of him, he won’t have it. Else he will see me trying to convince him to change his mind or that I’m trying to win him back.
I’m willing to accept his exaggerated stories of how he experienced our relationship, but when I’m sharing my version; he wants to claim I’m lieing, or I’m 70% remembering wrong or I’m exaggerating. He’s not willing to even receive a different version, coz he can’t even accept how much he may have failed to meet my needs too: for him then it wouldn’t justify in his head why he had to leave coz it will make what he did and the manner in which he dealt / behaved incorrectly to deal with his unhappiness irresponsible and reckless and selfish.
Thank you for tips - perhaps I’ll have to write him and apply your principles because talking at therapy didn’t help even tho I wanted and been wanting to share my experiences. He hasn’t even had the humility to ask me after so long, so that’s how I know he doesn’t or hasn’t dealt with anything and just shoved it under the rug or hiding behind work.
Clay you recently did a series on moving on - and how it may be good if you ex moves on coz then they will be able to start to see you in a new light. Could you look at how this may fit into the 5 stages of getting your ex back? And whether it’s a necessary stage for for eg riding the dragon or new beginnings to take place or not necessarily?
Because in one aspect as dumpees we either hoping the dumper doesn’t move on in order for them to want us back. Or we do want them to move on because that’s the only way they will see us in a new light? Or they move on and may never see you in a new light as they will never move past the baggage?
It’s very hard and contradicting ito how to link the two together ? Or maybe one can’t? Maybe they just mutually exclusive?
Could you also please post the link to the coaching interest group as I don’t see it above? Thanks 👍🙏
Hi Gem, you can check this link >> modernlove.life/the-final-call/
So I broke up with my ex in March and he wants to be friends for a foreseeable future. There was alot of factors that caused the breakup. Trying to be friends with him was too hard since he would act mean and cold towards me. All my friends were telling me to continue to be his friends that the friendship is worth it. I realize that it is not worth it and it's just causing me pain while he is fine. So yesterday I deactivated all my social media and blocked him on my phone so I can actually heal from this break up. I worry that doing this I will lose any chance of maybe working things out. Am I making a good decision?
Bacon lover i felt same as you. I still kept the odd ‘how are you?’, / ‘how are things going?’; every so now and again, but he would ‘answer back’ in a normal friendly way.
So I had thought we had had a period of almost no contact for 6months, then I started to reconnect after my sort of ANC ask questions like above. Then a further 6months and he’d told happy New Years and show me what he’s up to? And what did I get up to?
Then after NYE, he told me this story - saying I’m too ‘curious’ about him I don’t leave him alone enough to which I’d say well when I ask then why do you respond still pleasantly and all that? To which he’d say coz he doesn’t want to be rude and say ‘it’s none of my business anymore’. I was quite shocked? He felt that he can’t say whether my asking questions still shows I’m not accepting his decision and he wants me to leave him alone because he wants his resentment for me to die down but I’m not leaving him alone enough.
I’d still feel how can he still harbor so much resentment towards me? After all I did for him? I mean how many times must one apologize?
So then I gave him what he wanted. I went colder myself stopped bothering to even ask how he is coz well he never really asked me anyways? It was just him always responding when I’d make conversation. He claimed he doesn’t know when I ask him ‘how was his weekend’? And whether I wanted him to say it was good or what he got up to? He felt it was him still having to be accountable to me and he couldn’t handle that thought coz he felt like that during our time together? 😳. I mean I thought in a relationship aren’t we meant to be accountable to each other?
The truth is I had to realize to stop putting him on a pedestal ! I mean after he to told me that - here I was just being kind to him - checking in how’s his work going and if he went to visit his family, how are they doing and not like everyday! I’d find the opportunity to genuinely ask that because I genuinely cared. I realized that I was still just being good old caring me and even I couldn’t be myself around him.
So I was sick of being treated like ‘ I was sole bad one to blame and he’s like this sole victim’. He had a role too and he just didn’t want to own his stuff because facing his own demons is too painful for him because in our case he actually did way more worse things that I had to find out how much he had lied to me all these years and playing some farce with me meanwhile building a life with me together? Who does that? He keeps on saying he blames himself so much coz it meant he didn’t value himself but now he looks at me and I’m a constant reminder of that!
So now he blames me for how how little he valued himself in order ‘to make me happy and meet my needs’ just coz he self sacrificed?? I never asked him to spend his life serving me! I wanted a partner to serve it WITH me together. I used to wonder, how can his pain of what he did to himself mean he has the right to be angry and resentful towards me when I equally had the right to show him actually ‘I’m going to dump you coz of what you did to me?
I realized that you know all his resentment and fact he can’t let go is a reflection of him. He feels he can let go by moving on with his life by breaking up. He feels I couldn’t let go coz I wanted to save and fix our relationship when he didn’t want to. I felt by me having found out his lies and in spite of his worse actions, still wanting to wipe the slate clean meant I was letting go coz it meant I could still see him for who he was ‘the good guy’ who is good at heart and can love deeply and kindly and generously. To me him not being able to see me for who i truly was but still being angry and resentful towards me meant he couldn’t let go of his anger and hurt and pain and hence leaving me meant ‘he couldn’t let go’. Who’s right? Who knows to be honest I guess this is the problem in breakups. Inevitably both people are justifying their reasons for things to happen / not to happen using their own logic.
I soon realized that I’m done having to chase after a man who just wants to scorekeeper - who really is like so complicated and meanwhile I truly wanted to forgive and forget and build a new beautiful life when we both have so much to offer and so much going for us and to be greatful. I realized his anger and hurt is holding him back and it’s a reflection on him. He holds me in such bad light and typically people who do what he did need to do so in order to justify what they did to their ex’s or rather what they became.
As I said he can’t face wot he did else it will mean this is who he became. But he needs to realize what horrible and painful things he did too and then have the humility and remorse to admit what he did and to truly make up to me! Coz while I was willing to give him my trust back then provided he wanted to work on our relationship together, he didn’t want to give me his trust!
So it’s ok - perhaps he needs to go find some other ms perfect out there and realize that other women won’t actually tolerate his crap either the way I did - and I did coz I just loved him purely and honestly. I’m not saying I didn’t have a role to play, but I was more than willing to try and figure out my bad habits our triggers to each other; and do so much self growth and for us to heal together. His family will always say ‘he tried’ before he left struggling to make it work.
But I find that an understatement. In his head when he told me our he wants out of our relationship I said let’s go for therapy. He’ll say to his family oh ‘he tried to go for therapy’ but it’s all lies. In his mind he was already checked out.
His ‘trying’ was to wait for ‘his heart to magically’ want to turn back that the ‘desire to go to therapy’ and actively participate will come back. But he did no action to figure out his part, or own his bad stuff like lying and all that or even try and hear wot my experiences of him in our relationship was like. Clay says we needs to show them wot it was like for us - but how can we when we tell them and all they say is ‘we have 70% of the version of the true wrong’ or I’m exaggerating. I was willing to accept his reality and experience (even tho to me he exaggerated also!) but I couldn’t deny that of him. I had to accept it but yet every time I had an experience of how he was failing to meet my needs, all he did was gas light me and deny it with pathetic excuses.
So yes I think the distance now went worse. After another year from the Happy New Years message at next NYE, there was nothing. And it’s ok. I realized I’m Ok and why should I be in pain trying to convince this man of who i truly am? I think as Clay said in his previous video, deep down we want our ex’s validation by them accepting our version when they dumped us we don’t have to take on the guilt and so much self blame that it was all our fault.
Coz that’s what you as dumpee feel like. You feel since they left and you still love them what they did for you was good enough so you still want in whereas if they put you must have been the truly awful one?
I feel when I look back I even accepted what my ex would say ‘oh you must be all wrong’ I used to think maybe I do have my story all wrong? Now Iv really had to look back on our marriage and say yes I accept there were a lot of problems but which relationship is perfect ? I still had the values of commitment and integrity to want to believe in their goodness coz that’s who I am at heart! And why should I need to sell myself or convince my ex otherwise?
If he was the true partner he was supposed to be he would have made the effort to get to know this of me. But he stopped wanting to get to know me, to have faith and rely on me and knowing I’d have his back to want to work on our relationship.
But to then blindside me and leave was just the height of selfishness and to let his unhappiness go on for so long and burying his feelings for so long until he exploded - how could he not see how reckless and irresponsible that was? Meanwhile bring kids into this life and all that?
So in the end be true to yourself - if it’s too painful to be his friend then don’t. I found I was ok to still ask the odd question like I did in that first year. I was trying to follow clay when he said try and be friends in order to re- establish and reconnect.
But when he told me how ‘I still was too curious’, I was more hurt I felt he had answered me back but even that as he claims was ‘all a show coz he didn’t want to be rude and say it’s none of my business’ and in interest of him now starting to be honest with people, he told me. After that I just felt he doesn’t deserve my care / kindness to be honest.
How are you know?
I have been so very resentful and angry towards my x. he left me for another woman. maybe in time I will forgive him . I really don't want anything to do with him.
I was resentful towards my ex because I let her string me along. What I really needed to do was establish better boundaries for myself so I would stand my ground and not put up with it.
Would you say you still had feelings for her when u had resentment towards her?
@@melindabararata6888 yes definitely
@@melindabararata6888 yes definitely
My ex and i are both stubborn but every argument is my fault that i'm stressing her and make her cry even if it wasnt my fault but now she's in dating someone after a month already and want to friendzone me what should i do clay
Hey Dark Man, I'm sorry that you felt a bit concerned about her dating. Remember that she is technically single so she is entitled to make that decision for herself. The question is, will you be in acceptance with her choice for now? What you can do to prove to her that being with you is better than the other person that she is seeing with?
@@ClayAndrews hmmm first i told her i'm gonna think about it if i wanna be her friend and later on the day i said yes but now its coming she said the other guy is inspiring her than i was doing but everyday the whole day she wanta my attention and i can't do that i feel like a punk
Would this be a case for cheating as well?
Vincent Capuano i have same question too
Yes. It is possible that this would also be the case for some.
Hey Clay! Hope all is well. I've been watching your videos. This one totally resonates with me. I reached out to my ex just a few hours ago for the first time after 2 mos since the break up and not contacting her, because I feel like I need to do so. However, she is still full of resentment . I appreciated that she answered my call then apologized to her about how I behaved before and after the break up. She said she still remembers everything and she doesn't want me to call again. I tried to shift that up by telling "lets move on and start fresh". She went silent for a bit then she ended the call because she needs to get back to work. I miss and still love her. Watchu think?? Thanks!
Hi JD, It's good to hear that you took the step to reach out to her. Now since that your ex still feels a lot of resentment, it is best to give her the needed time to work on those emotions. Telling her to move on and start fresh may sound like you are putting your agenda ahead of her emotional needs. Have you checked our Ex Solution Program course? Maybe we can help you further on your journey.
Appreciate the offer. 😟
Same here mate it’s horrible isn’t it? The guilt is killing me and she seems to get worse
Well... my ex is resentful for all those reasons. I'm fucked lol
Hi guys!
It may be weird quastion but.. About a three months ago by boyfriend broke up with me because he wasn't ready for a relationship. That's what he told me.
Well..then I discovered he was texting his ex girlfriend..
A moth ago we got back together. YAY! Things were going great. I felt loved and everything.. But like two weeks ago I started feeling little bit weird like I am the only one who tries to built a functional relationship. And I feel like he's taking me a little bit for granted..
So.. How could I make him really commit to the relationship?
And the other half.. We are going camping next weekend.. Me, him and some of our mutual friends. Nobody knows that we are dating again and I told him that I want to say it to my best friend that's going with us.. And he told me that he thinks that it's not a good idea.. That I should tell her the week after..
And then I discovered that his ex girlfriend, that he was texting after he dumped me, is going to.
Now I don't know what to do..
Like.. He wants me to act for a four days like we are not together.. His ex girlfriend is going to be there..
And I am scared..
I don't think that he would cheat on me.. But person never really knows, right? I am literally shaking when I think about it.
What should I do? Should I try to talk to him about it? What am I supposed to do? I have nobody to talk about it.. Please, help.
Tell him to kiss your a$$ and make other plans for that weekend
I hope you didn't go especially if they weren't actual friends.
Are you gonna coaching soon ?
Hi Andrew, We are still ironing things out before we would offer our coaching services. Have you included your self in our interest list so you would be updated?
I most definitely did
I was with my x for 2 years he brought me a house and he took me on 3 cruise ships.we loved each other.then one day he just change on me.he didn't won't me anymore.😪he put me out of the house and blocked me from everything and 2weeks later he had a hold new women over to the house.iam so hurt.why he treating me like this.its like he erase me out of his life.i miss him so much.
And now he's telling people he about to marry this new women he only know for 2months
Clay i really need your help.
Hang in there Sashia. You can sign up for the free advice I'm giving here: >> relationshipinnergame.com/
This makes perfekt sense. I have tried to reconnect with my ex for a while. Six months to be exact. It has gone fine for a while. Even had sex a few times. Suddenly the last three weeks, her mood has changed and old stuff from a year ago has started to surface, and her behavior seems to be going backwards to the times right after the breakup. Very frustrating. I have work a lot on myself, and has been kind and friendly to her. We have a kid together. My impression is that She doesnt want to believe in the new version of me. We meet quite a lot, and i have helped fixing her apartment, do favors, never raise my voice. She gave me a key to her apt as well. I dont show up wwithout invitation, of course.
So the challenge is How to move beyond from here... She Even tells me to Get a girlfriend, to Which i respond: I am not interested in other girls.
It was a bad breakup with name calling and stuff from both sides. We were totally disconnected at the end, But when things cooled down, i really love the girl. We met back in 2011, and lived together for 3,5 yrs.
How did things turn out?
@@duranpugh1986 things are going great. We are planning on getting married. Took three years to rekindle and to get things stable. Totally worth it
@@killerqueen1974love this. This gives me hope
I left this girl a clean slate, peaceful message after SHE decided to break up over me going through dark times in my life and I got insulted in return😐👍😣
I'm sorry to hear about what happened @Neon_ one_neo. It seems like your ex still has a lot of negative emotions and may need some time to process your message. Allow her to heal at this point.
Same here, she's gone really cold. She's like a new person. I have no clue who she is anymore.
I think ur a good person that’s why
Love n hate same shit
😥😥😥