AITA for refusing to give my stepdaughter a graduation present? Dusty Reads & Reacts!!
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ก.ย. 2024
- Join this channel to get access to perks:
/ @dustythunder
Dusty Thunder narrates stories from Reddit, follower submissions, and other sources and provides reactions.
AITA for refusing to give my stepdaughter a graduation present?
bit.ly/3QBs50B
Website - www.dusty-thun...
All the Links - linktr.ee/dust...
Swag - dusty-thunders...
Spotify - open.spotify.c...
Jot Coffee - SAVE 20% with code DUSTY20 - jot.co/
Submit Your Story - www.dusty-thun...
Dusty's Subreddit - / dustythunder
#storytime #redditstories #storyreaction #voiceover #asconscale #aita
They've been married for 6 years and his daughter's 22 so they were together when his daughter graduated. Did his wife get his daughter anything when she graduated? I need to know that 1st. 🤷
My thoughts exactly.
That's what I was wondering
Wow! If I had known that one was only required to get grad gifts for bio kids, I'd have a lot more money in my bank account. I've bought grad gifts for nieces/nephews, friends' kids, coworkers' kids (if invited to the party). This guy might not have a father daughter bond with SD, but she's still his wife's kid. I mean, he shouldn't have to get her a new BMW, but some supplies for her college dorm and some costume jewelry would be thoughtful and perhaps even build a bridge.
I mean, it's sad. The kid never wanted him to be any kind of Father until it came time for a gift? That sucks for him. Also, did the Mom give his daughter a gift at her graduation? Their is zero united front here. They aren't acting like a family at all. They aren't even acting like husband and wife.
That's sad. I had a co-worker that wanted to figure out how to bond with his step-son. He bought an old car that needed a lot of work. He thought if he taught his step-son how to work on the old car that it would bring them closer together. And it did. After they got it to work, he gifted the car to step-son. One of the things he taught him was how to paint a car. It looked really great when they finished it.
I'm thinking OP did not care enough to figure out how to bond with his step-daughter.
You are correct Dusty. When you are married, gifts come from both of you jointly. Also, doesn't OP give gifts to nieces, nephews, friends kids graduations? Jesus. No blood, no gift? Definitely AH.
He can’t do $50 in a card? The bare minimum that people who barely interact with you do? This guy sucks.
He is just being cheap and hurtful because people don't JUST get people gifts because they are their biological parent!! Wtf? People get gifts for people because they are in their life and you want to help them celebrate whatever is going on. Would he not get a niece or nephew something because they are not his child? A friend or a friend's child?? That doesn't make sense.
She don’t like his ass why should he buy her shit
My husband and I have 3 kids, my son along with his son and daughter. Even though his kids never lived with us, all three have and were treated the same. They are our kids. This means, birthdays, graduations, first time homeowners, they all get a gift from the two of us.
His account was suspended so I can't see if someone asked if the wife got her stepdaughter anything and if OP had answered if his wife did or did not.
NTA. This whole situation is weird. I agree that they need to stop acting as individuals instead of as one.
What does not having a father-daughter bond have to do with giving her a grad gift? Your wife's daughter is graduating. That should be enough.
Also, I think your audio is a wee bit behind the video. Your mouth starts moving before you start talking
Does he buy her Christmas or birthday gifts? If yes then he needs to knock off the BS and if no then why's she asking him to do gifts now? The fact he never mentioned that tells me it's likely the former which brings us back to not being a nasty putz.
You shouldn't put yourself in the position of stepPARENT if you don't want to be a PARENT to your stepkid(s). That means still loving them when they keep their distance or even push you away altogether.
why would he care about an ungrateful child who doesn't even consider op as a parent so since she doesn't see him as a father or a family she shouldn't be entitles to any gift from op
That’s not his kid 😂
NTA. She don't want him to be her dad. He has no obligation to treat her like his daughter and that includes graduation presents.
SO's with children come as a package deal. You ARE going to be in each other's lives. The question is how do you want the relationship to go.
She doesn’t like him why should he buy her shit 😂
@@Jakebrand11208 Maybe he'd like to stay married to her mother?
@@merlinathrawes746seems like the wife has selective anger. OP insinuates that he doesn’t gift anything to his step daughter. Why is it now a problem for graduation?
I think you’re reading too much into separate gifts. In my family we always did that because it was preferred: you got two gifts instead of one. That’s just what some people prefer, what some kids prefer, it doesn’t mean they’re not a team
NTA! If she didn't want you in her life to begin with, then why should you? He distanced himself after she told him she didn't see him as a father figure. The wife in the other hand is TAH because she didn't step in to defuse it. It sounds like she wanted the benefits financially but not the bond!
$s to donuts - Wife allowed the daughter to say too often, you're not my Dad. So he backed off. I would.
How does the wife suck? She is communicating. She went to him to talk about what he would get Amy. It’s weird to get so angry at her just because they each like to give their own gifts. I know of several married couples who even only have children who are biologically both of theirs, and each parent likes to get their own gifts for their kids. There’s nothing wrong with that. You can act as individuals in that way. It’s not wrong and it doesn’t mean someone sucks. You’re pushing your own personal opinions to judge others.
OP sucks because he’s being spiteful just because he’s butt hurt that Amy doesn’t see him as a dad. There’s nothing wrong with her feeling that way. It’s completely reasonable. He could’ve still been a trusted and caring adult in her life without being a father figure. And clearly if his wife thinks he doesn’t even try as a step dad, and Amy is hurt by what he said, clearly it’s not as if Amy just hates OP or something. OP is ASCON 2 and his wife is NTA.
Can you imagine the tension in that household after the daughter heard that???
There was already tension from how the daughter sees him.
Maybe he feels like his wife & SD treat him like the motel manager… free room & board, etc. Or an ATM. If he made an effort with his SD & she rejected him AND he had conversations with his wife about it… There seems to be not a lot of in-depth conversations in this household. Does she want him to pay for her college & future wedding, too? Where is her Dad? I always buy the gifts for people in our lives. Most of them I discuss with my husband ahead of the purchase, but he is not actively involved in the purchase - except for earning the money to make the purchase. 😉 I discuss it with him out of respect though he would probably prefer to be left out of it. I just don’t want him to be surprised or shocked later. I think the daughter & wife got what they gave.
I gotta disagree with you here Dusty. NTA. If step-daughter doesn't like OP, and doesn't want him to play a role in her life outside of her mothers husband, then she doesn't get the benefit of OP's money after she is a legal adult. Did his wife buy his daughter a graduation gift? Why is it all on OP?
Sounds like the mom never did anything to try to integrate OP and her daughter into any kind of relationship. It sounds like mom is all 'gimme, gimme, gimme!'. Forget that noise. Who buys this girl's xmas and bday presents? Do the two get them together? Each gets her one? That would be my deciding factor, but if the girl has always been standoffish to him, it is not all on him. ESH.
We definitely need more context on their relationship. Is step-daughter openly hostile, or does she just not want OP to replace her dad. Also, does OP have nieces or nephews? Does he plan to get them a graduation gift? Even if he isn't DAD he is still an adult in her life. And provided she hasn't been a complete entitled brat he should get her SOMETHING.
When you marry someone who has children, they become your children as well. Yes she should have made the effort to become closer to you, but, it is your responsibility as the adult to build and nurture that bond, not the child's.
I (42F) Just bought a gift for my sorority sisters step daughter. I haven't seen either of them in 4 years. She shared an Amazon wish list for once and needs for college and I got a little something off of it. It's not that hard and it's a thought that counts. TA
If they don't have joint finances, it still makes sense for them to both contribute toward a joint gift. But given the lack of relationship with his stepdaughter, I feel that OP taking her to do something fun would be an excellent way to show he cares and start to bond. Then back it up by continuing to build that bond and make an effort. And yes, counseling for everyone.
So - what did the wife get her step daughter for HER graduation? Wouldn't whatever is given be from one parent be from both.
You don’t see me as a parental figure well then I’m not obligated to buy anything. I hate to be that person. If the mom wants to go 50/50 on a gift then maybe. But it sounds like wife wants him to buy something on his own. I don’t agree with that
NTA. They are married so gifts come from both of them. No reason OP has to give his own gift. Was he a bit harsh? sure but given that the Stepdaughter has made it clear he's nothing to her he was right in saying no solo gift.
I feel like this has nothing to do with the present, but more to do with the fact that he's being spiteful because he couldn't get his step daughter to bond with him and that hurt his feelings... But that's my opinion.
Why can't mom buy her a gift, but this needs to be sorted cos you guys are living separately
Asking what he was going to get her daughter was a trap/test to see if he was going to treat SD the same as his bio daughter. Or the wife is a gold digger, and is teaching her daughter to be one too. Red flags.
Uhmmm, NO, he is not the idiot. She buys the gift and/or they go out together for a good dinner.
Too much is missing to make a good judgement. But the way he says this then yes he is.
I think it depends on the type of relationship they have.
Mom and stepdad need to buy one gift from both of them. That's the way my husband and I were about my kids (his step kids).
NTA, why would he care about an ungrateful child who doesn't even consider op as a parent so since she doesn't see him as a father or a family she shouldn't be entitles to any gifts from op it is a result of her own actions
Did the wife get his daughter a graduation present??? But also... NTA... If you never been close and the daughter made it clear she didn't want a relationship... Then why should he get her a present???
NTA!! Did ANY of you listen to the story? If the child rejected the step up dad then he IS NOT obligated to do for her. You guys always write your own versions of things. She turned him away first.
Why are they even married if there isn't a partnership, a sharing of parental duties, and combined finances? They are literally making zero use of the benefits of marriage. It's like going to a buffet and then paying full price for each plate they fill.
Neither should've had children as they still act like children. I hope both HIS children and HER children receive counseling so they can unlearn the beliefs that genetics determines your value, that's it's normal for parents to have favorites, and partnerships are just in name only.
What a clusterfuck of a family dynamic.
Typically extended relatives and close friends get grads something too. Even if OP isn't gifting as "dad", it's really weird not giving her anything at all.
NTA. The daughter made it clear she does not see you as a father figure, so there is no obligation to get her anything. Instead, spend that money on your real daughter and if step daughter wants something, she can go to biodad. You have no obligations to the fake daughter.
You sound delightful.
I’m with OP on this one ! Daughter doesn’t want a relationship with step dad it’s only monetary
💛💚🤍
I think the stepdad was hurt of the lack of connection his stepdaughter displayed and stopped caring years ago. Idk. She doesn’t want the man in her life then don’t expect a gift. It was the wife’s duty to get them both to be open to one another. Yea, everyone sucks here