AITA for telling my dad and stepmom their home isn't my home? Dusty Reads & Reacts!
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AITA for telling my dad and stepmom their home isn't my home?
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Lots of courts don't listen to the kids. Especially if they have a charmer manipulative parent. This isn't unheard of. It's sadly very common.
Iowa here. my daughter doesn't want to go to her dad's. he buys their love, 🙄 rather than actually parent. I've talked to several family court lawyers who told me, unless he's actually convicted of child abuse, Iowa courts won't change custody.
I am a step mom, we have full physical custody of my step son. I can’t stand his mom. She’s a dumpster fire of a parent. BUT I don’t talk negatively about her to or around my step son (who is 16 and I’ve been here since he was 6) I have framed photos of his half siblings for him. Bought cards, flowers, gifts for him to give his mom and half sisters for holiday and even picked up breakfast on Mothers day for him to take to her (even though he didn’t want to see her that much). He didn’t ask to be born, he didn’t ask to have his parents split, he didn’t ask for me, so he will never suffer for that. I do all I can for him because I am his mom and I love him too.
Dad sounds like a control freak. He refused to compromise with his first wife and then he tried to erase his ex from his house despite having a child with his ex, and now he's mad that OP keeps him at arm's length for his attempts at parental alienation. He wants everything on his terms and his timeline and his wife doesn't sounds any better.
Looked through OPs comments, they are very vocal about how the judges in their area force 50/50 until 18. Like 20+ comments at least.
Same happened to my cousin with her kids. Her husband cheated with and knocked up my sister who he used to babysit and was only about 3-4 years older than my cousins eldest. Because there was no proof anything happened before my sister was of age of consent they were forced to go every weekend and for every other week on breaks until they were 18.
Poor kid. She’s never talking to dad and step mom when she grows up.
When my daughter went to college, her father and stepmother gave her BR to her little brother (my son too, 15) , who originally was sleeping in a room that was very small. They turned his room into an office. Now, when my daughter goes to their home overnight, she has to sleep on a pullout Fouton in the room where they keep their kitty litter pans. Tbe main kicker in all of this is that her stepsister, who is also in college about to graduate, has her own room. The last few times my daughter has stayed there, they have given her the privilege of sleeping in the stepsisters BR. ITS TOTALLY MESSED UP!! She doesn't think of his home as hers, and neither does her brother. When they go there they are guests.
OP’s mom might not want to be in a situation where it looks like it is her fault later in OPs life that she didn’t have a relationship with her father . It happened to my cousin until her daughter went into therapy and her daughter’s therapist testified in court that she should not have any visitation with her father. When OP is an adult she can make the decision as an adult. It’s horrible that OP has to deal with this. Someday her father might get his head out of his a**. Probably not, but you never know.
Not all judges allow it or listen to the kids. The aunt of one of my childhood friends is a judge. And while many judges will take into consideration the wishes of kids over 14 where I live, she never does. She is firm on her belief that only 50/50 custody is valid and that minors don't know what's best for them. Only cases she considers changes on custody arrangements is if there is any type of abuse is going on, the claims of abuse must be backed up by proof and also by a psychiatrist or child therapist's detailed file about the issue, otherwise she just dismisses this kind of petitions.
She sounds positively soulless
She's an idiot. She believes children are property... and all property must be shared 50/50. She's abusing children with her attitude.
I was a kid the courts didn’t listen to because my BPD mom had high charisma. Some courts treat kids like shit and don’t actually try to sus out what is really wrong
It depends on the age of the individual when the request was made in a lot of court systems period if the individual was under 14, the courts will not take the chilelse interest or preferences into account. They can repetition now that she is 16. But depending on the courts the standing arrangement may still be the honor one
arkansas doesnt listen to kids. they have to be 18 to choose not to go anymore. we went through it with my daughter
If you don't think a judge would force a child to visit a parent there was a judge in Texas that put a 14yo in a jail cell until he agreed to visit his dad.
wtf 😮
I've read the original post, she's actually been to serval court cases in hope the next judge would listen to her and let her live where she wanted to live, but none of them have so far.
Maybe mom knows ex hub would cause trouble if she did so wants to keep the peace.
The mother may not know they can go back to court and change the stipulations of the visitation. Some people are not well versed in the court system. However to state the child is manipulating the situation is completely and utterly ridiculous. She acts like a guest because she is a guest. If it is her room, she should be allowed to personalize it in a way that makes her feel comfortable...not the dad and stepmother.
My niece was going through this exact thing with her ex. The judge literally told the kids that they have no choice but to go to their dads when it is ordered until they are 18. This is in California.
OP needs to have an honest talk with CPS and a judge, this is a form of abuse.
Not everything is abuse. Dad and S/mom are the AH’s though.
@@ericthompson5704 You're right, not everything is abuse. But this sure is emotional manipulation.
A reason mom could have said she couldn't redo custody is due to the original custody hearings. Dad could have kept fighting whatever was put in front of him until custody was 50/50 so he wouldn't have to pay child support. Family court is messy enough when the kids get a say and worse when they are too young to have their voice heard.
NTA. Father and Stepmom are abusive. At her age she can tell the judge how she feels. How can OP treat it as her room when she can't have her own things?
NTA definitely needs to talk to a judge
Some judges are not reasonable at all! I know this is an extreme but happens a lot: judge allows the kid to go to an unstable parent and the kid gets harmed or killed. I don’t think OPs mom is in the wrong
NTA!
OP, you are clearly more mature than your dad and step mom.
As mo resident you may want to look at the Rocketts custody lawsuit. It a mo judge they are trying pierce emunity on. Have something to defuse your anger stress ball, pillow to scream into as it does go so far afield the kids are take into police custody twice. Kids opinion should be listen too but sometimes it the luck of the judge
OP, if you're in the US, at 16+ family court judges will usually take the minor's desire to live with one or the other parent into consideration, but they aren't required to do so. I have to ask where you're getting your info from and if your mother has spoken to an attorney about getting custody changed. While you can't just stop going to your father's without a change in the custody agreement, that agreement can be altered. And if your parents no longer have 50-50 custody one could wind up owing the other child support. You can also tell your father that regardless when you turn 18, that custody agreement ends and you can choose to never see him again. That line about OP being manipulative is an incredible amount of BS MANIPULATION if I've ever heard any. NTA!
I'm not sure how the OPs location works but she should look into getting something like a guardian ad litem who is not working for either parent and represents the minor's interest in court.
I especially love the gaslighting at the end of the story there. Family court is a hot mess, but navigating it isn't impossible, and if OP does her research, she might find a solution herself. Dad is actively harming his relationship with his daughter by allowing his wife to walk all over her, and while I'm no legal expert, I have had the displeasure of dealing with family court, and they will at least acknowledge if that kind of thing is happening. Worst case scenario, OP has less than 2 years until she's 18, and after that, she's free to cut ties with Daddy Dearest and Cruella DeVil.
Dusty there are different rules in each state. Not every judge listens to the kid and feel that they have to see both parents. The father and step mother are just the worst.
I don't understand people who want to act like there step children's other parent just can't exist around them
When my parents separated when I was a kid, the judge told my dad "don't bother with a lawyer, your ass is screwed, this is Texas and the mother gets whatever she wants." My parents got back together and had a strained relationship until they finally divorced when I was an adult.
Thankfully my parents weren't abusive (immature at times, sure, but never abusive). However, Southern states can favor one parent more than the other, be lazy and force 50/50 despite there being signs of abuse, or favor whichever parent has the most money.
A childhood friend was returned to his mother 3 times because the courts favored the mother having a connection with the child. She broke his wrist as an infant, his leg as a small child, and lastly his skull as a teenager. After that, he was allowed to stay with his maternal (but not paternal) grandparents, who broke some of his ribs.
When you talk about fairness in custody issues in your videos it sounds wonderful, but I have no point of reference, tbh.
There was a book written in the 1970's about CPS in Canada... one mother abused her infants... she lost custody of a few (after the first two died)... however, one person decided to argue that she needed help, and the best way to help is to leave the infant in her care, so she would finally form the "motherhood bond" with the infant. The judge was persuaded and granted the infant to be returned to the mother with frequent check-ins. The CPS workers didn't have the time to do those check-ins (which were supposed to be in-person visits, every few days)... so, yeah. That infant died less than a month later. She killed, through neglect 3 of her 5 infants.
In court she told the judge no one will stop her from being pregnant... so... the judge ordered "all infants she gives birth to, or under her care are to be taken away"...
I'm guessing that OP's mom saying they can't change custody is either a Stepdad thing, as she mentioned there were issues there, or there is something financial that is causing it.
I thought the mom said it so O.P will still have a relationship with dad. Mom might fear that if O.P stops hanging out with her dad, their relationship might never be repaired.
My thoughts are that was what was said while originally going through custody. But things change and OP needs to ask to go back to court.
It was unclear to me whether it was stepmother being insecure or is the dad still that resentful. Either way they need serious counseling.
Dusty you are assuming OP lives in America. Laws in other countries could be very different. Also as others have brought up it is way to easy for some parents to twist judges in circles.
My brother had to fight for years for joint custody and visitation rights. The step father would claim the gifts he sent his child as gifts from him. His child wanted to live with him full time for years and years but his ex had convinced one therapist that he had bipolar. She used that one therapists report to convince a judge to grant her a divorce, full custody and let her move to the other side of the country. My brother had to prove with multiple other therapists reports that he didn't have bipolar. It still danmed him in the eyes of the court that even when his child asked to live with him full time at 15 it was refused.
Dad and Mom are incredibly wrong for what they've done and to them act oblivious
I can say, speaking from experience, a bad relationship with step parents can be traumatizing. My step mom treated me like a second class citizen and at 32, I’m still dealing with the fallout. I didn’t even realize until days later that I didn’t wish her a happy Mother’s Day. And I don’t feel bad about it
I was 16 and they definitely told my mom they’d hold her contempt for every time I said I wouldn’t go to my dad’s. I spoke with the judge about my wishes and he basically said screw it
Courts do force visitation and at times threaten with jail and or loss of complete custody.
I think it depends on the state whether kids have a right to say they don’t want to be forced to visit a parent or not. In Ohio, I think kids can say they don’t want to see a parent at 14. I don’t think Indiana has that same right.
The court could have told the mother that when OP was younger and the mother has to abide by that order. There are some judges that don't take what kids want into account if it appears that the kid will be entirely cutting off one of the parents. The best thing to do would be to try and get a guardian ad litem that would act as the child's legal advocate, but it can be expensive. The child is getting old enough that if they returned to court, OP might be able to speak up and mention their wishes and why they want it.
This happen to my oldest son when Dad moved on. The store mom and her daughter destroyed my photos he had in his room. His father had an affair with this woman and she to this day still hates me. It's been over 30 yrs and the hate is still there. My ex begged me to never divorce him so he wouldn't have to marry her. They have a daughter together as well. It's sad the way the step whatever is so immature they put the child through so much shit.
Mom would say that because that's what the judge said in the last court date, when she was much younger.
My cousin Ms kids couldn’t decide not to see their dad who cheated on their mother with and knocked up my sister who he used to babysit and was only 4 years older than the eldest. They were court orders and forced to go until they were 18.
💙
OP is definitely the asscanaut. Mom clearly hurt the dad horrifically, and dad is the real victim in all of this. OP should be more thankful to have a caring dad. Also, it is the dads house, and after whatever the mother did, clearly traumatized the father and OP needs to be more respectful to that.
Wow, you created an entire narrative out of nothing. Nothing in this story supports this narrative at all, but maybe you're OPs dad or stepmom? No one who refuses to allow their child to have photos of or speak about their other parent, especially 16 years after the divorce, is a loving parent. That is the definition of a selfish parent who puts their own grievances ahead of the emotional well-being of their child. Enjoy your delusions, I guess.
@jambalie not out of nothing. Based on the dad behavior, it is clear that the mother was in the wrong and the father is the true victim.
I really love how absolutely unhinged your comments are. Always good for a laugh.
I think the step-mom just joined the chat 😂
Get help... You clearly need it.