It's so hard to get out, especially because they work so hard to make you feel insecure and weak. But being free is so amazing. Your life completely changes. If you're scared to get away, I promise it's worth it once you find your footing.
I'm 59. It took me over 30 years to come to the realization that both my sisters were taking advantage of my empathic nature generosity. They used guilt, shame, and blame to constantly manipulate me. I couldn't see it at the time because I was deep in it. Major, life-altering event in my life, never registered with them. They never remembered or followed up. They are incredibly selfish and self-obsorbed. When I finally mustered up the courage to push back a little bit, I was met with RAGE, shame, blame, and gaslighting. I knew that staying away was my only option. I vowed to myself that once our parents were gone, I was going to make my escape. My parents have passed, and I made my escape. It's been 5 years, and although, the guilt is still there, I'm now happy and free.
Well Done!! Delighted for you!! 🎉 My experience is not dissimilar - the whole family was involved, causing my sanity to be in jeopardy and resulting in my departure to live in another country for 23 years. Wishing you Love, Companionship, Protection and Freedom. ❤🎉❤🙏
A therapist encouraged me to stop regular monthly calls and wait until my brother called me before I called again. That was around 2007, and I am still waiting. We had no disagreement; apparently he just never cared and my keeping in touch was a waste of my effort. Now I email once a year or so. They all live a few thousand miles away but it’s like I became an orphan in ‘07. Wishing you better days!
@@Barbara-li5ybI know that hurts although moving forward for you was and continues to be the best decision you could have made. Congratulations for loving and caring for yourself ❤
I learned to be a perfectionist as a very young child. If you were “perfect” then my abusive parents would not have an issue with me. I also stayed as quiet as I could possibly be. I realize, I rarely spoke as a child. However, I was AWARE of everything and everyone around me, and have a sixth sense with everything ; still. And with my narcissistic husband of 46 years, my quietness for the most part continued, at least situational. I divorced him, I found my voice. But it took time with therapy. The perfectionism never left me, and I like me just the way I am. I’ve been through hell and back. I’m proud to have created the love and life I have now.
That’s radical friend. Shelly my heart moved in me for you. I know it’s in your past time but your wings stayed in a brief case for that long until feathers could be feathers… 16 years of marriage 3 amazing kids for me and I’m still with my wife. The last two years she’s finally seen what the war inside her is but she only thinks it’s a spiritual demon called Lilith. She’s never mentioned narc words or narcissism with her identity or behavior. But every video Iv watched aligned with the covert Narcissism. I’m praying and trusting God equipped me to last a little longer physically emotionally mentally
EVERY relationship with a Narcissist, whether family, love or marriage is toxic. You can't chose your family, but you CAN choose limited contact.🙏🤦♀️🪻💜🙏
Okay I have this thought I want to share with you !! The Second of Chronicles 11 When Re·ho·boʹam arrived in Jerusalem, he immediately congregated the house of Judah and Benjamin,+ 180,000 trained* warriors, to fight against Israel in order to restore the kingdom to Re·ho·boʹam.+ 2
I love this woman. I thank God for the healers of our time. We didn't have a language for this decades ago... We had no map. It's hard to navigate with this kind of abuse. ❤
I love that she accepts the wounds it left in her, because they are visible. It's refreshing to see someone who is not putting up a show or acting the persona the presumes being above it all and fully healed.
Same. My grandeur narcissistic mother never gave any confidence to me when I was a child or adult. Life has treated me well after I became independent (moved away from my mom) and my wife and I are quite successful. However, I could never share my good fortunes with my mom as she would find a manipulative way to get me to help her financially if she knew how successfully I am. My mother doesn’t need the money as she has an amazing pension as a senior. But it is never enough money to her.
And we bless them from afar family dynamics are just that, we pray 🙏🙏🙏 always but high high boundaries eventually they may seek God . Live happy acceptance of who we are and our faith and fortitude let go let God. Be happy live joyfully. We can heal slowly one day.
I'm thriving with help from amazing people!!. I disengage quickly from anyone showing any of these signs. I felt like my wings had been clipped. Being alone is allowing me to be me. The grief is real. I am very careful who gets to be with me in my personal space.
I love how Dr Ramani is supportive to us, survivors. She doesn’t judge those who can’t instantly leave. She’s giving amazing support. She also explains us what has happened to us and what is happening to us after realizing that we were under the narc abuse. I didn’t know I’m going through grieve , until I heard her speaking about it. It’s so true. She’s so compassionate and empathic and everything we, survivors, are longing for. Her advises are always the best ❤ Dr Ramani you are one of those people who have saved my life and helped me to get out of depression, anxiety and low self esteem… which I thought I was the reason of. Until I realized I was the only sane person in the story…
I'm the only one who has gotten real help, yet I am the unstable one. No, I'm seeing the truth and that's the worst thing that could happen. Not my problem anymore. The Lord knows I have tried, they are emotionally crippled and present brick walls every time you try to address ANY issue. I'm DONE
I’ve known for a long time that I am a perfectionist, but when Dr Ramani made the connection between perfectionism and the byproduct of abuse at the hands of a narcissist, a lightbulb 💡 went on!!
This is 💯% right, it's grievance, like a death of a loved one, but no dead body , no funeral, just letting go of all your current life, family and everything else. I been processing for a year 1 in a half a lot of loses. Your no the same anymore. It's difficult to trust again.
Once you see you can’t unsee! I never looked at it as grief however that’s so true, you go through all the stages of grief! When you decide to exit & set boundaries the defamation of character begins! Real Narcissistic abuse is awful! Bruises heal yet emotional abuse is damaging to the core! Takes years to heal and the scars are deep
Im chuckling as i listen. I have survived a 2 year situationship. Ive been to hell and back. Deleted. He returned after a year last month as if nothing had happened, charming, and playful. in the meantime i have had the training. i picked up on the mind fuckery straight away and red flags . I see-sawed, i began to feel sorry for him . Seeing his vunerable side, only to be discarded again. Im surprised how quickly ive bounced back and truely feeling happy again. So now i see the funny side as it has played out to the script. i feel sorry for the next woman
Narcissism is verbal brutality and violence that has no law against it, unfortunately. The victims are left battered and bruised and worse, blamed for whatever happened. Narcissists dig the soul out of a person, piece by piece, until the victim is left hollow and powerless.
That’s not love it’s fear. To try w/all you heart to please someone who do not deserve your kindness and good energy and they’re ungrateful. Detached and for your mental and physical health remove yourself.🙏🏾💕😊
I know … and you cannot stop to think about them , no matter what . They have been your part and with kids even separation is hardly a separation as you do need to co ordinate parenting , keep meeting , and you have to keep listening to their abusive way of talking , so even divorce does not help much
excactly what i went through.for over 50 years i hoped forgave !!!!he left always staying out in bars drinking.tell my fault.i was devasteded.for all those years grieving not understanding that uncaring behavior.fights children involved too!!!no emphaty when i cried.laughing enven!!!i was always a happy person,singing in the house happy with my children later in a different cou try i had a 2nd friendship (accidental)never looked for that.a good listening friend.we stayed together (i still wanted my husband )he never changed!!!drinking staying out.his rights is his opinion.he was always right.!!!!now he is 90 years old meaner than before.lying about all.!!!!i have been abused for so long need to be on my own at piece..if i am able i will leave with my dog!hopeful i can get some help to leave.85 and taking this emotional pain is killing me.he is sooo friendly to everybody shows his fake character.he worked hard does many good things to show off!!! but what i experience is hell for too long!!!
It’s 2 years after I walked out from a 15 years marriage! Just took a small suitcase and walked out from the apartment we were renting! If I’m honest at that point I got to the stage I didn’t care where I’m going to as I was so…. Broken in every way! And I thought I’m very strong mentally but NO! He was pushing me away every time I would enter after my long working days with sarcasm and lies! Looking for a smallest thing that I’m going or saying wrong. Nothing ever ever was good enough for him. We’re together but I felt alone all the time. I still recovering after 2 years . I’m much better now and can see what I couldn’t then. I learn how to identify the damaging narcissist person… and that’s the best school of my life by now.
Dr Ramani you’ve seen my comments I’m sure. If you have you know I’m stuck at 70. Poor health bad finances I can’t leave. But here’s the thing. When i realized, thanks to you all that narcissism is about I went into shock. I realized that after 32 years I started to mirror a lot of the stuff he was doing. Call it reactive abuse call it whatever you want but I had to wake up. And so I did. The grief was so confusing so devastating I became suicidal. I’m still stuck yes but I can feel myself regaining a sense of myself. I’m starting to lose the hysteria the fear the loss of so many years of my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a position to leave. Just found out some more stuff affecting my health making me realize even more I can not support myself financially. But it’s not as traumatic as it was a year ago. I am healing. Don’t know where this will end. You’re so right when you say one will never be the same. I’m hoping despite that I’m a much better person. I have you to thank. Thank you for your book. Thank you for all you do; thank you for my life. I know I’ll still go thru some bad spots but not with the same attitude. Thank you.
That absolutely resonates with me. I was in a 30 year relationship....that basically robbed many years of my life. That and I missed out on alot of things I'll always regret. I'm not tolerating any of it anymore with anyone! Good luck to you. ✨✨
I was just thinking this today. I’m 68 years old and my life was a total waste. It was barely two when the narc abuse started. Picked friends , one short marriage.. a daughter influenced by the narcissist. Today I’m waving the white flag.. sooo tired. I’m slowly disappearing going invisible.. just feeling this today.. nothing I can do about the past. One day at a time one moment at a time. Very upsetting that narcissistic abuse destroyed my life basically
@@DebParker-z6d I’m sorry you’ve travelled down your path of unhappiness and strife. I can’t help but cry whilst I’m replying for I’m sick with a dreadful cold that he passed on to me without taking any precautions. Im not suggesting it was done deliberately but in the midst of fever and a throat that screams every time I swallow I know this is because of the stress I’m enduring. I’m trying real hard not to indulge in self pity. But I do know that there are many in my position and somehow someway we have to change it. My heart breaks for each and everyone. But I also applaud all your heroism and strength. And to draw from that strength and courage as an example. And each time there is a “bad spot” I know there is the other side that I will get to. If it’s the last thing I do in my life I will get there. Thank you for taking the time to reply. The very best.
I used to watch Dr Ramani a lot and found her videos very helpful. After a year I have come back to this and realised how much of it applied to the relationship I was in when I first discovered her. It is very validating, but there is grief for past me. Thank you so much for this interview.
I never blamed myself as a kid for my parent's behavior - so her assertion that kid's do this is not always true. I knew that I had nothing to do with their behavior. I wanted it to be different and did not understand it, of course.
To be able to do that a kid usually needs another significant adult in their life who is healthy. Did you have someone like that? Also, with kids age matters. You can figure out things as a teenager, even preadolescent, but not a three of four year old. There are children (and adults) who are the so-called truth seeers. They get it earlier than most.
Most things are always true. You're blessed to have some part of you that rose above the circumstances refusing to absorb their craziness. I'm with you on that. Somehow, a few of us can see threads of truth insulating us for the full force of the family trauma that would take others further down the state of despair. Even so, it like walking through ankle deep mud and crud. At the very least, it robs us of energy that could be better spent elsewhere. And yet we can become more than imaginable with God's help. Though I had little to no concept of God as a child in a secular humanistic home, certain adults in my life discerned enough to pray for me as God led them. I remember some of them asking me questions in an attempt to uncover what burden I carried. My response to strangers' attempts at understanding was to strengthen my smoke-screens keeping others out. In my adult life, I crossed paths with some of those discerning people of prayer. God wad there even when I didn't recognize him.
When hope goes away,, You realize this is it. This is all you’re going to get the rest of your life..like you’ve been sentenced to no life , the rest of your life.
I simply stopped speaking at a certain age and now anytime i do, it feels like the fourth of july because I legitimately sometimes forget I'm alive. I hadn't heard my voice in so long i didnt recognize any of my emotions. Its like i can't live with it, cant live without it.
Love, love, love this woman ❤❤❤. Thank You for your kindness, compassion, your brilliance and your story, Dr. Ramani. 👍 I do hope to meet you one day. 💯 A wonderful podcast!! Thoughts, Love, Companionship, Best Wishes and Protection go out to you today and every day. May God Bless You (and your loved ones) abundantly. 🎉❤❤❤❤🙏🙏
These two are a perfect pair for exploring this topic. his questions and other input are so complimentary to what she has to offer us. And She is the best of anyone i ever heard be so clear and so correct in her choice of words and concepts to both simplify and at same time deepen our understanding of things we can then actually apply in our lives because of that. I just found the videos with these two and can't stop listening to them.
I seem to be in the same place emotionally as Dr. Ramani, and I felt really emotional around 8:00. It was incredibly hard, and I truly don’t want anyone else to feel this way. A non-judgmental society where parents can raise children happily, alongside education that teaches a genuine sense of love, care, empathy, and compassion, is the way to prevent the rise of narcissism. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Let’s work together to create a world where happy people continue to smile and bring joy to others.
I learned after growing up in narc sociopath family To narc spath spouse That I was brainwashed to it being normal I had explained to myself I’m to nice why abuse? But it came to ‘ that gut feeling things are wrong’ It’s not selfish to leave And no contact When things start to feel better You don’t feel weighted with gut misery
Y'all are descrbing the reason the reason I stopped doing goals lists!! Doing them drove me nuts because if tried to do them the ways I did them or others recommended, perfectionism meant recording every damn hour of my day!! It was overwhelming!!😂😂❤️🐉💙💙🌈🌈😎
42:42 When I sit in a restaurant it must be around the perimeter of the room. I appreciate Dr. R's transparency. I think therapists who come across as above you / having it together with no struggles do a disservice to their clients. And in addition you can not properly treat a patient if you hold them in contempt.
I’m numb to it now honestly, it is the radical acceptance wasn’t easy but well worth it I am free to rebuild myself. I am so glad I left. Adios chapter over, new life begins ! Divorce helps a lot too for rebuilding. , great interview. I have found myself again, an amazing partner who is a dream, the betrayal hard to believe and the trust is a work in progress. it is part of who I am as well, we move on and never forget.
My friend is in so deep and the partner is in denial won't bend an inch. She stepped out emotionally.and her hurt changed her to being cynical about this person. There are times where he is good and she isn't buying it and he tells her you don't appreciate what I do for you. He changed her no doubt. 8:05
They will never say, Thank-you. I appreciate you in my life as a partner and friend. They keep hidden finances and i important matters. They are fake and phoney and rately if ever are a team player. They wont give homorto the relationship. They have very little patience. They will never acknowledge how you helped them.
More crusial seems to be the aftermath! Actually realizing afterwards the patters- It wasn't accidental 😢 And -- yet still it happened. For real. ( Even though hearing probably "- no , no it wasn't the case- your perspective was wrong. Crazy. Etc.") With healing process continue living with hope.❤
I have been living in a narcissistic relationships for 57 years. I believe my grandfather and mother ask god to safe me. So I got a encephalitis and when woke up after two weeks needed to start at zero. The positive part was that the past was in the beginning not available and had care from two unbelievable persons. Bit by bit everything came back but without emotional feelings. It’s only 3 years ago so not 100 % but the biggest lesson is keep yourself safe and listen to your feelings because to many respect less people in the world only being their to suck your energy
I have a neighbor downstairs from me that has unresolved psychological issues. Yells at the top of her lungs at her boyfriend. I mean yelling like someone is getting hurt and dying. To where I awoke at 2:30 am last week to her yelling bloody murder. I was so pissed. It has been going on for literally a year. I have recorded her psychotic freak outs and played it for the land lord. They told me others in the neighborhood have also complained and it hasn’t fallen on deaf ears. But she also has a 5 year old daughter and an infant. She yells at them and speaks to them like a piece of trash, using profanity at the children. I want to call child protective services and tell them what is happening. Anyways…she is a narcissist.
Thank you beautiful soul. 🫶🏼I am healing slowwwwly from 20 years of a narcissistic abusive relationship 👁️✨👁️Pain § suffering everyday in my entirety. Mind. Body. Spirit. 😞😫😌
We MUST take our power back slowly. It is OK for us to change over the years because we die to ourselves hopefully often as we live this one life. Let us live in the grace that we have an embrace, all the splendor of love that we have to hold in our hearts and feel sorrowful for those that cannot hold that space in their hearts as well.
So I love all of your videos & wanted to thank you for your time. You seems to focus all of your help towards the middle class though & being someone who suffers daily with severe mental health problems at the bottom of the bread line can you tailor some videos towards people like me please?
I always hated that’s sad when I tell my story. This Really got under my skin! Sad!! ? It’s GRIEF… definitely grief, Ty Dr Ramani ❤ exactly it’s not all going to heal .. I have accepted this too. Love the ending! The planet of the apes ruling with the reptilian mind- bingo !!
I also need to sit on the end seat of an aisle, I do feel faint at times due to health issues but I think it also may be a desire to feel less trapped. Narcissist's do like to trap their victim's in some way and that is probably why I feel the need to be more free.🦅
The narcissist future faked, but I also future faked myself, the devaluing and discard/ dumped me for the adulteress/new supply.... disturbing.... narcissistic fog, was hell, chronic illnesses.... 👿👿👿👿 Help!!!!! Get out!!!! Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150👑🇯🇲🙌
The problem, of course, is that "Narcissist" is a label. Labels can be fairly or unfairly applied. And (see username) to a Narcissist, everyone else but him, is a Narcissist.
Someday never comes… My Son was in this toxic relationship, I have been telling him over couple of years . Finally after 5 years he kicked her out or actually she walked out and she already had 2-3 guys lined up :) I’m very sorry for my grand daughter who is 4 years old . She is a victim as well ! 🙏🙏 thank God my Son never married to that psycho !!!
SAME THING IS TRUE WHEN I AS A WOMAN WAS ABUSED BY A MALE NARCISSIST. TAKES TIME TO HEAL AND BE CAREFUL WHENEVER WE MEET ANY NEW MEN. NO SANE PERSON WANTS TO BE LIED TO AND USED AGAIN BY TOXIC PEOPLE.
Macrobiotic philosophy and diet helps with healing things that seem incapable of healing. All things can be transformed from yin to yang and vice versa.
I'm getting out. I also wish I could've gotten it right and learned it before so much loss and damage but I can get out and get people I trust to help me so 1, 2 years doen the road the damage isnt piling on even more.
So. If narcissism is adaptive and authenticity is maladaptive (punished) then shouldn't one internalize narcissism to survive & thrive? How can you heal (be authentic) in a toxic society (that rewards narcissism)? Is narcissism a mental illness if it's adaptive? Is authenticity a mental illness (maladaptive)? Is psychology making it worse (by pushing authenticity)?
Yes l relate to everything you say but in Canada there is no place affordable housing woman all over l have talked to know many of systems are failing woman in Canada unhealthy relationships with no housing affordable by corruption in governments.
I was raised by a functioning drug addict and alcoholic NARCISSIST. It was doom from the beginning 😢just a shame. You learned this as normal " Recently divorced my husband who was a narcissist and bipolar unmedicated. Lethal mixture! A year later he still won't except we're divorced. He believes God's talking me back 😢recently went back to court to file contempt for not paying alimony. It's been a roller-coaster nightmare. These relationships are unbelievable and painful!!
Narcissistic ex was OVERLY responsible (-until he wasn’t). He had an iron-fisted grip on control. Not immature; but “TOO MATURE”…(If that’s possible; yet, emotionally immature and needy (for others approval and women’s attention and validation). Narcissists can have islands of stability in ONE area (such as their career) and totally flop on OTHER areas, such as relationships. The relationship/marriage He cheated on me with has now lasted over 27 years!! But he’s retired; so no more island of stability at work; now he’s switched it over to an island of responsibility in his relationship. Likely, BOTH are narcissists, somatic and grandiose!
I love alot of Dr Ramani's work...but the one aspect that I just can't agree with is her belief that narsissists are made....I've listened to her say it in many ways. From personal experience with my first relationship..with whom I was hooked in...I had two children with said person. He was a hard core Narcissist with likely Anti social personality disorder. I've read everything on this...listened to as many experts as possible...and my conclusion is that it's WAAAAAY more genetic than it is something that is created...BOTH my children inherited this from their father. He abandoned the family and never looked back...lied about his past and I found out he had been married TWICE before..the first marriage producing 4 other children...He did the same thing to them...I'm not claiming to be perfect , BUT I gave my children a stable loving home...unconditional love..boundaries and structure and discipline when appropriate...the schism ism as I call it kicked in starting in puberty for my son, and daughter early teens...they also inherited his looks, temperament and talents.....with basically no association from the ages of 3 and 18 months, their ages when he left...Anyway, I like alot of Dr Ramani's work...but in this aspect I think she just hasn't seemed to be able to accept this piece....sorry for the length..But I've met too many people who suffer immeasurably (especially wonderful adoptive parents) and blame themselves~~when it has absolutely nothing to do with their parenting ...
Be aware of your own value.. some people are not worthy your time!
It's so hard to get out, especially because they work so hard to make you feel insecure and weak. But being free is so amazing. Your life completely changes. If you're scared to get away, I promise it's worth it once you find your footing.
Yes they do. Bully, insults, control, gaslighting, and gossiping. You feel like you're losing your mind.
I have 😞@@jacquelineglitter4328
And this is why Dr. RAMANI is so RESPECTED not just for all her work but for the REAL PERSON she is❤❤❤ we LOVE HER🤗🥰🤗❤
I'm 59. It took me over 30 years to come to the realization that both my sisters were taking advantage of my empathic nature generosity. They used guilt, shame, and blame to constantly manipulate me. I couldn't see it at the time because I was deep in it. Major, life-altering event in my life, never registered with them. They never remembered or followed up. They are incredibly selfish and self-obsorbed. When I finally mustered up the courage to push back a little bit, I was met with RAGE, shame, blame, and gaslighting.
I knew that staying away was my only option. I vowed to myself that once our parents were gone, I was going to make my escape.
My parents have passed, and I made my escape. It's been 5 years, and although, the guilt is still there, I'm now happy and free.
Well Done!! Delighted for you!! 🎉
My experience is not dissimilar - the whole family was involved, causing my sanity to be in jeopardy and resulting in my departure to live in another country for 23 years.
Wishing you Love, Companionship, Protection and Freedom. ❤🎉❤🙏
A therapist encouraged me to stop regular monthly calls and wait until my brother called me before I called again. That was around 2007, and I am still waiting. We had no disagreement; apparently he just never cared and my keeping in touch was a waste of my effort. Now I email once a year or so. They all live a few thousand miles away but it’s like I became an orphan in ‘07. Wishing you better days!
I know. I did. But after I had a massive, multi-million stroke and her psychopathic doctor daughters and two psychopathic sisters led her to die!
Me too... Sisters...
@@Barbara-li5ybI know that hurts although moving forward for you was and continues to be the best decision you could have made. Congratulations for loving and caring for yourself ❤
I've never met Dr Ramani but she's been my best therapist.
Right? I love her!
I learned to be a perfectionist as a very young child. If you were “perfect” then my abusive parents would not have an issue with me. I also stayed as quiet as I could possibly be. I realize, I rarely spoke as a child. However, I was AWARE of everything and everyone around me, and have a sixth sense with everything ; still. And with my narcissistic husband of 46 years, my quietness for the most part continued, at least situational. I divorced him, I found my voice. But it took time with therapy. The perfectionism never left me, and I like me just the way I am. I’ve been through hell and back. I’m proud to have created the love and life I have now.
That’s radical friend. Shelly my heart moved in me for you. I know it’s in your past time but your wings stayed in a brief case for that long until feathers could be feathers… 16 years of marriage 3 amazing kids for me and I’m still with my wife. The last two years she’s finally seen what the war inside her is but she only thinks it’s a spiritual demon called Lilith. She’s never mentioned narc words or narcissism with her identity or behavior. But every video Iv watched aligned with the covert Narcissism. I’m praying and trusting God equipped me to last a little longer physically emotionally mentally
EVERY relationship with a Narcissist, whether family, love or marriage is toxic. You can't chose your family, but you CAN choose limited contact.🙏🤦♀️🪻💜🙏
I know. I did. But after I had a massive, multi-million stroke and her psychopathic doctor daughters and two psychopathic sisters led her to die!
@@rjpoetry3319 I'm so very sorry. You will be in my prayers.
@rjpoetry3319 I'm so very sorry and you will be in my prayers. 🙏🙏🙏🙏💜🪻🪻💜🤦♀️🪻💜💜🪻😔
@@rjpoetry3319 I'm so very sorry. You will be in my prayers. 🤦♀️🤦♀️💜🪻💜🪻🪻💜🪻💜🪻💜🪻🙏🙏🙏🙏💜🪻💜
Okay I have this thought I want to share with you !!
The Second of Chronicles
11 When Re·ho·boʹam arrived in Jerusalem, he immediately congregated the house of Judah and Benjamin,+ 180,000 trained* warriors, to fight against Israel in order to restore the kingdom to Re·ho·boʹam.+ 2
I love this woman. I thank God for the healers of our time. We didn't have a language for this decades ago... We had no map. It's hard to navigate with this kind of abuse. ❤
Like looking through broken glass with ADHD!
I love that she accepts the wounds it left in her, because they are visible. It's refreshing to see someone who is not putting up a show or acting the persona the presumes being above it all and fully healed.
I wanted my mom to be happy for me. She never was. I did finally accept that and move on.
Same, mine would say, "I didn't get to do that or have that, why should you?" Because she was jealous
Amen.
❤
Same. My grandeur narcissistic mother never gave any confidence to me when I was a child or adult. Life has treated me well after I became independent (moved away from my mom) and my wife and I are quite successful. However, I could never share my good fortunes with my mom as she would find a manipulative way to get me to help her financially if she knew how successfully I am. My mother doesn’t need the money as she has an amazing pension as a senior. But it is never enough money to her.
And we bless them from afar family dynamics are just that, we pray 🙏🙏🙏 always but high high boundaries eventually they may seek God . Live happy acceptance of who we are and our faith and fortitude let go let God. Be happy live joyfully. We can heal slowly one day.
I'm thriving with help from amazing people!!. I disengage quickly from anyone showing any of these signs.
I felt like my wings had been clipped. Being alone is allowing me to be me. The grief is real.
I am very careful who gets to be with me in my personal space.
@@Katyklb Ditto, Sweetheart. It's the ONLY way.🤷♀️🤷♀️💜🪻💜🪻🪻🪻💜💜💜🪻💜🪻💜🪻💜🪻
Sweet progress.
I love how Dr Ramani is supportive to us, survivors. She doesn’t judge those who can’t instantly leave. She’s giving amazing support. She also explains us what has happened to us and what is happening to us after realizing that we were under the narc abuse.
I didn’t know I’m going through grieve , until I heard her speaking about it. It’s so true.
She’s so compassionate and empathic and everything we, survivors, are longing for.
Her advises are always the best ❤
Dr Ramani you are one of those people who have saved my life and helped me to get out of depression, anxiety and low self esteem… which I thought I was the reason of. Until I realized I was the only sane person in the story…
I'm the only one who has gotten real help, yet I am the unstable one. No, I'm seeing the truth and that's the worst thing that could happen. Not my problem anymore. The Lord knows I have tried, they are emotionally crippled and present brick walls every time you try to address ANY issue. I'm DONE
This is like 5 years of high quality therapy concentrated into one talk
I’ve known for a long time that I am a perfectionist, but when Dr Ramani made the connection between perfectionism and the byproduct of abuse at the hands of a narcissist, a lightbulb 💡 went on!!
Why perfectionism is byproduct of abuse?
Because you felt you had to be perfect to avoid criticism and yelling at
This is 💯% right, it's grievance, like a death of a loved one, but no dead body , no funeral, just letting go of all your current life, family and everything else. I been processing for a year 1 in a half a lot of loses. Your no the same anymore. It's difficult to trust again.
I wish this information was out 25 years ago. 26 years later I just learned that this is my life.
Once you see you can’t unsee! I never looked at it as grief however that’s so true, you go through all the stages of grief! When you decide to exit & set boundaries the defamation of character begins! Real Narcissistic abuse is awful! Bruises heal yet emotional abuse is damaging to the core! Takes years to heal and the scars are deep
Exactly 💯
They sure are!!
What's more, the abuse, entitlement, superiority and one-upmanship never stop. 😥💯💔😪🙏
Im chuckling as i listen.
I have survived a 2 year situationship. Ive been to hell and back. Deleted. He returned after a year last month as if nothing had happened, charming, and playful. in the meantime i have had the training. i picked up on the mind fuckery straight away and red flags .
I see-sawed, i began to feel sorry for him . Seeing his vunerable side, only to be discarded again.
Im surprised how quickly ive bounced back and truely feeling happy again. So now i see the funny side as it has played out to the script.
i feel sorry for the next woman
Narcissism is verbal brutality and violence that has no law against it, unfortunately. The victims are left battered and bruised and worse, blamed for whatever happened. Narcissists dig the soul out of a person, piece by piece, until the victim is left hollow and powerless.
Very hard and conflicting feeling. To love someone who hurts you. 😢
you will stop loving them eventually.
@sukayna7026 you can love from a very far distance. So sorry and many prayers.🙏🙏🙏🤦♀️🪻💜🪻🪻💜🙏🙏💜🪻🪻
That’s not love it’s fear. To try w/all you heart to please someone who do not deserve your kindness and good energy and they’re ungrateful. Detached and for your mental and physical health remove yourself.🙏🏾💕😊
Yes, indeed, I have experienced it most of my life. But dear human, you deserve "a healthy life." The only solution to me is to love yourself ❤
I know … and you cannot stop to think about them , no matter what . They have been your part and with kids even separation is hardly a separation as you do need to co ordinate parenting , keep meeting , and you have to keep listening to their abusive way of talking , so even divorce does not help much
She talks so eloquently. Great interview
excactly what i went through.for over 50 years i hoped forgave !!!!he left always staying out in bars drinking.tell my fault.i was devasteded.for all those years grieving not understanding that uncaring behavior.fights children involved too!!!no emphaty when i cried.laughing enven!!!i was always a happy person,singing in the house happy with my children
later in a different cou try i had a 2nd friendship (accidental)never looked for that.a good listening friend.we stayed together (i still wanted my husband )he never changed!!!drinking staying out.his rights is his opinion.he was always right.!!!!now he is 90 years old meaner than before.lying about all.!!!!i have been abused for so long need to be on my own at piece..if i am able i will leave with my dog!hopeful i can get some help to leave.85 and taking this emotional pain is killing me.he is sooo friendly to everybody shows his fake character.he worked hard does many good things to show off!!!
but what i experience is hell for too long!!!
It’s 2 years after I walked out from a 15 years marriage! Just took a small suitcase and walked out from the apartment we were renting! If I’m honest at that point I got to the stage I didn’t care where I’m going to as I was so…. Broken in every way! And I thought I’m very strong mentally but NO! He was pushing me away every time I would enter after my long working days with sarcasm and lies! Looking for a smallest thing that I’m going or saying wrong. Nothing ever ever was good enough for him. We’re together but I felt alone all the time. I still recovering after 2 years . I’m much better now and can see what I couldn’t then. I learn how to identify the damaging narcissist person… and that’s the best school of my life by now.
They also cause you and others to be confused by blaming you for doing all those things to them that they are doing to you.
Dr Ramani you’ve seen my comments I’m sure. If you have you know I’m stuck at 70. Poor health bad finances I can’t leave. But here’s the thing. When i realized, thanks to you all that narcissism is about I went into shock. I realized that after 32 years I started to mirror a lot of the stuff he was doing. Call it reactive abuse call it whatever you want but I had to wake up. And so I did. The grief was so confusing so devastating I became suicidal. I’m still stuck yes but I can feel myself regaining a sense of myself. I’m starting to lose the hysteria the fear the loss of so many years of my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a position to leave. Just found out some more stuff affecting my health making me realize even more I can not support myself financially. But it’s not as traumatic as it was a year ago. I am healing. Don’t know where this will end. You’re so right when you say one will never be the same. I’m hoping despite that I’m a much better person. I have you to thank. Thank you for your book. Thank you for all you do; thank you for my life. I know I’ll still go thru some bad spots but not with the same attitude. Thank you.
That absolutely resonates with me. I was in a 30 year relationship....that basically robbed many years of my life. That and I missed out on alot of things I'll always regret. I'm not tolerating any of it anymore with anyone! Good luck to you. ✨✨
I was just thinking this today. I’m 68 years old and my life was a total waste. It was barely two when the narc abuse started. Picked friends , one short marriage.. a daughter influenced by the narcissist. Today I’m waving the white flag.. sooo tired. I’m slowly disappearing going invisible.. just feeling this today.. nothing I can do about the past. One day at a time one moment at a time. Very upsetting that narcissistic abuse destroyed my life basically
@@DebParker-z6d I’m sorry you’ve travelled down your path of unhappiness and strife. I can’t help but cry whilst I’m replying for I’m sick with a dreadful cold that he passed on to me without taking any precautions. Im not suggesting it was done deliberately but in the midst of fever and a throat that screams every time I swallow I know this is because of the stress I’m enduring. I’m trying real hard not to indulge in self pity. But I do know that there are many in my position and somehow someway we have to change it. My heart breaks for each and everyone. But I also applaud all your heroism and strength. And to draw from that strength and courage as an example. And each time there is a “bad spot” I know there is the other side that I will get to. If it’s the last thing I do in my life I will get there. Thank you for taking the time to reply. The very best.
Nearly 14 years and I feel like I will never be the same. He has been gone as many years as I was with him and I just can't seem to be me again!!
I used to watch Dr Ramani a lot and found her videos very helpful. After a year I have come back to this and realised how much of it applied to the relationship I was in when I first discovered her. It is very validating, but there is grief for past me. Thank you so much for this interview.
Thank you for this! ❤ the grief of the loss of so many things. Dr Ramani is so spot on with everything! Thank you
Grief and feeling betrayal and unloved besides confused.
I never blamed myself as a kid for my parent's behavior - so her assertion that kid's do this is not always true. I knew that I had nothing to do with their behavior. I wanted it to be different and did not understand it, of course.
To be able to do that a kid usually needs another significant adult in their life who is healthy. Did you have someone like that? Also, with kids age matters. You can figure out things as a teenager, even preadolescent, but not a three of four year old. There are children (and adults) who are the so-called truth seeers. They get it earlier than most.
She is correct in the 'vast' majority of cases. You are an 'outlier'. Lucky You!! 🎉
Most things are always true. You're blessed to have some part of you that rose above the circumstances refusing to absorb their craziness.
I'm with you on that. Somehow, a few of us can see threads of truth insulating us for the full force of the family trauma that would take others further down the state of despair.
Even so, it like walking through ankle deep mud and crud. At the very least, it robs us of energy that could be better spent elsewhere. And yet we can become more than imaginable with God's help.
Though I had little to no concept of God as a child in a secular humanistic home, certain adults in my life discerned enough to pray for me as God led them.
I remember some of them asking me questions in an attempt to uncover what burden I carried. My response to strangers' attempts at understanding was to strengthen my smoke-screens keeping others out.
In my adult life, I crossed paths with some of those discerning people of prayer. God wad there even when I didn't recognize him.
When hope goes away,, You realize this is it. This is all you’re going to get the rest of your life..like you’ve been sentenced to no life , the rest of your life.
I simply stopped speaking at a certain age and now anytime i do, it feels like the fourth of july because I legitimately sometimes forget I'm alive. I hadn't heard my voice in so long i didnt recognize any of my emotions. Its like i can't live with it, cant live without it.
Best explanation of radical acceptance including the grief ❤
BRAVO for this excellent piece of psychological knowledge about the narcissistic plague that burdens millions of lives today👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
❤ People Should not get involved with Angry people. It Hurts to much! Some of these people are Evil. It is Harmful.
Dr Ramani keeps astonish me with her knowledge keep being served in such a relatable way! This is MUST WATCH for everyone!
Love, love, love this woman ❤❤❤.
Thank You for your kindness, compassion, your brilliance and your story, Dr. Ramani. 👍
I do hope to meet you one day. 💯
A wonderful podcast!!
Thoughts, Love, Companionship, Best Wishes and Protection go out to you today and every day. May God Bless You (and your loved ones) abundantly. 🎉❤❤❤❤🙏🙏
Love the person in the mirror first..that's God's image🙏👑
14:27 this is how I was raised to feel 😢
Me too
Yes overwhelming grief like no other.
These two are a perfect pair for exploring this topic. his questions and other input are so complimentary to what she has to offer us. And She is the best of anyone i ever heard be so clear and so correct in her choice of words and concepts to both simplify and at same time deepen our understanding of things we can then actually apply in our lives because of that. I just found the videos with these two and can't stop listening to them.
I seem to be in the same place emotionally as Dr. Ramani, and I felt really emotional around 8:00. It was incredibly hard, and I truly don’t want anyone else to feel this way. A non-judgmental society where parents can raise children happily, alongside education that teaches a genuine sense of love, care, empathy, and compassion, is the way to prevent the rise of narcissism. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Let’s work together to create a world where happy people continue to smile and bring joy to others.
He’s killing me.
Mahalo for this conversation and the legacy of your life-saving eye-opening work, Dr. Ramani. Appreciative of the work of you both!
It’s hard my cos your head knows it wrong your heart still loves them wants it to work but it’s also harder when you have a family together x
PTSD is a recurring problem.
I learned after growing up in narc sociopath family
To narc spath spouse
That I was brainwashed to it being normal
I had explained to myself I’m to nice why abuse?
But it came to ‘ that gut feeling things are wrong’
It’s not selfish to leave
And no contact
When things start to feel better
You don’t feel weighted with gut misery
I was nothing more than a burden. Now my parents are very ill. My life is crumbling now. I have such deep anger and so much rage inside.
Y'all are descrbing the reason the reason I stopped doing goals lists!! Doing them drove me nuts because if tried to do them the ways I did them or others recommended, perfectionism meant recording every damn hour of my day!! It was overwhelming!!😂😂❤️🐉💙💙🌈🌈😎
42:42 When I sit in a restaurant it must be around the perimeter of the room. I appreciate Dr. R's transparency. I think therapists who come across as above you / having it together with no struggles do a disservice to their clients. And in addition you can not properly treat a patient if you hold them in contempt.
I am so incredibly THANKFUL for all you do Dr. Ramani!!🤙🏼🌺
I’m numb to it now honestly, it is the radical acceptance wasn’t easy but well worth it I am free to rebuild myself. I am so glad I left. Adios chapter over, new life begins ! Divorce helps a lot too for rebuilding. , great interview. I have found myself again, an amazing partner who is a dream, the betrayal hard to believe and the trust is a work in progress. it is part of who I am as well, we move on and never forget.
My friend is in so deep and the partner is in denial won't bend an inch. She stepped out emotionally.and her hurt changed her to being cynical about this person. There are times where he is good and she isn't buying it and he tells her you don't appreciate what I do for you. He changed her no doubt. 8:05
Everything for resources I have been forced to compete for and have lost
They will never say, Thank-you. I appreciate you in my life as a partner and friend. They keep hidden finances and i important matters. They are fake and phoney and rately if ever are a team player. They wont give homorto the relationship. They have very little patience. They will never acknowledge how you helped them.
More crusial seems to be the aftermath!
Actually realizing afterwards the patters-
It wasn't accidental 😢
And -- yet still it happened. For real.
( Even though hearing probably "- no , no it wasn't the case- your perspective was wrong. Crazy. Etc.")
With healing process continue living with hope.❤
You have opened my eyes 👀 😢
I am really going through a situation 😢 but your video gives me hope.
Yes “people who’ve been affected by these people are woefully underserved “
When you describe knowing about new relationships I feel the need to give them advice to know well each other so they can choose well .
I have been living in a narcissistic relationships for 57 years. I believe my grandfather and mother ask god to safe me. So I got a encephalitis and when woke up after two weeks needed to start at zero. The positive part was that the past was in the beginning not available and had care from two unbelievable persons. Bit by bit everything came back but without emotional feelings. It’s only 3 years ago so not 100 % but the biggest lesson is keep yourself safe and listen to your feelings because to many respect less people in the world only being their to suck your energy
I have a neighbor downstairs from me that has unresolved psychological issues. Yells at the top of her lungs at her boyfriend. I mean yelling like someone is getting hurt and dying.
To where I awoke at 2:30 am last week to her yelling bloody murder. I was so pissed. It has been going on for literally a year. I have recorded her psychotic freak outs and played it for the land lord.
They told me others in the neighborhood have also complained and it hasn’t fallen on deaf ears.
But she also has a 5 year old daughter and an infant. She yells at them and speaks to them like a piece of trash, using profanity at the children.
I want to call child protective services and tell them what is happening.
Anyways…she is a narcissist.
then call cps. The children are obviously being harmed
Poor children please call CPS
Those poor children, someone needs to put there welbeing 1st.
Please speak up for them, CALL CHILD PROTECTION.
Please call CPS asap!
I’m recovering from a 12 year abusive marriage and from an abusive parent only because of Dr Ramani❤
I just love your podcasts look forward to hearing them
Best advice yet
Still hurts so much
This information really helps me…thank you…now I know for sure I’m not alone.
Thank you beautiful soul. 🫶🏼I am healing slowwwwly from 20 years of a narcissistic abusive relationship 👁️✨👁️Pain § suffering everyday in my entirety. Mind. Body. Spirit. 😞😫😌
You my divine queen healer are helping me heal NOW!!! Blessings upon your every step. 🙏🏼🦋☀️🌳🪬
We MUST take our power back slowly. It is OK for us to change over the years because we die to ourselves hopefully often as we live this one life. Let us live in the grace that we have an embrace, all the splendor of love that we have to hold in our hearts and feel sorrowful for those that cannot hold that space in their hearts as well.
So I love all of your videos & wanted to thank you for your time. You seems to focus all of your help towards the middle class though & being someone who suffers daily with severe mental health problems at the bottom of the bread line can you tailor some videos towards people like me please?
Caution by others who are witnesses too. I can't risk a repeat of the abuse from someone else. So I am extremely careful.
Thanks Dr Ramani. I have been listening to your teaching about narcissism you have helped me a lot
JUST TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO HURTS U COSTANTLY IS OFFSIDE AND UNHEALTHY.
I always hated that’s sad when I tell my story. This Really got under my skin! Sad!! ? It’s GRIEF… definitely grief, Ty Dr Ramani ❤ exactly it’s not all going to heal .. I have accepted this too. Love the ending! The planet of the apes ruling with the reptilian mind- bingo !!
This is so hard! I know I have to never speak to him again. BF.
But he did get me addicted.
I was never like this before.
I also need to sit on the end seat of an aisle, I do feel faint at times due to health issues but I think it also may be a desire to feel less trapped. Narcissist's do like to trap their victim's in some way and that is probably why I feel the need to be more free.🦅
Dr Ramani is awesome ❤
The narcissist future faked, but I also future faked myself, the devaluing and discard/ dumped me for the adulteress/new supply.... disturbing.... narcissistic fog, was hell, chronic illnesses.... 👿👿👿👿 Help!!!!! Get out!!!! Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150👑🇯🇲🙌
❤20:58 (explanation who is more vulnerable of getting stuck)
The problem, of course, is that "Narcissist" is a label.
Labels can be fairly or unfairly applied.
And (see username) to a Narcissist, everyone else but him, is a Narcissist.
Thank you so much for posting this and perfect timing for what I need to heal! Thank you guys!
Could you please create a discussion about self boundaries?
Thank you for all your work ❤
Everything I worked. For to top it off
Someday never comes… My Son was in this toxic relationship, I have been telling him over couple of years . Finally after 5 years he kicked her out or actually she walked out and she already had 2-3 guys lined up :)
I’m very sorry for my grand daughter who is 4 years old . She is a victim as well ! 🙏🙏 thank God my Son never married to that psycho !!!
Unfortunately there's the flying monkeys and triangulation situations they use to drag people back in
I describe it as “ I am grieving the death of someone who both is still alive and never existed at the same time”
My narcissistic relationship has made me have a very negative opinion of women in general I know this is irrational but I can't help it .
SAME THING IS TRUE WHEN I AS A WOMAN WAS ABUSED BY A MALE NARCISSIST. TAKES TIME TO HEAL AND BE CAREFUL WHENEVER WE MEET ANY NEW MEN. NO SANE PERSON WANTS TO BE LIED TO AND USED AGAIN BY TOXIC PEOPLE.
Macrobiotic philosophy and diet helps with healing things that seem incapable of healing.
All things can be transformed from yin to yang and vice versa.
Thank you.
There’s a thin line between hate and hate
I'm getting out. I also wish I could've gotten it right and learned it before so much loss and damage but I can get out and get people I trust to help me so 1, 2 years doen the road the damage isnt piling on even more.
❤Thank you this helps immensely ❤
So. If narcissism is adaptive and authenticity is maladaptive (punished) then shouldn't one internalize narcissism to survive & thrive? How can you heal (be authentic) in a toxic society (that rewards narcissism)? Is narcissism a mental illness if it's adaptive? Is authenticity a mental illness (maladaptive)? Is psychology making it worse (by pushing authenticity)?
Yes l relate to everything you say but in Canada there is no place affordable housing woman all over l have talked to know many of systems are failing woman in Canada unhealthy relationships with no housing affordable by corruption in governments.
Year and a half with a coworker. Love hate vibes she always gives me. A complete nightmare
you make it seem so easy
I was raised by a functioning drug addict and alcoholic NARCISSIST. It was doom from the beginning 😢just a shame. You learned this as normal " Recently divorced my husband who was a narcissist and bipolar unmedicated. Lethal mixture! A year later he still won't except we're divorced. He believes God's talking me back 😢recently went back to court to file contempt for not paying alimony. It's been a roller-coaster nightmare. These relationships are unbelievable and painful!!
Narcissistic ex was OVERLY responsible (-until he wasn’t). He had an iron-fisted grip on control. Not immature; but “TOO MATURE”…(If that’s possible; yet, emotionally immature and needy (for others approval and women’s attention and validation). Narcissists can have islands of stability in ONE area (such as their career) and totally flop on OTHER areas, such as relationships. The relationship/marriage He cheated on me with has now lasted over 27 years!! But he’s retired; so no more island of stability at work; now he’s switched it over to an island of responsibility in his relationship. Likely, BOTH are narcissists, somatic and grandiose!
You r right on.
This video hit so hard! I hope I can believe in love again one day
She puts a name to it…grieving, now you know…
I love alot of Dr Ramani's work...but the one aspect that I just can't agree with is her belief that narsissists are made....I've listened to her say it in many ways. From personal experience with my first relationship..with whom I was hooked in...I had two children with said person. He was a hard core Narcissist with likely Anti social personality disorder. I've read everything on this...listened to as many experts as possible...and my conclusion is that it's WAAAAAY more genetic than it is something that is created...BOTH my children inherited this from their father. He abandoned the family and never looked back...lied about his past and I found out he had been married TWICE before..the first marriage producing 4 other children...He did the same thing to them...I'm not claiming to be perfect , BUT I gave my children a stable loving home...unconditional love..boundaries and structure and discipline when appropriate...the schism ism as I call it kicked in starting in puberty for my son, and daughter early teens...they also inherited his looks, temperament and talents.....with basically no association from the ages of 3 and 18 months, their ages when he left...Anyway, I like alot of Dr Ramani's work...but in this aspect I think she just hasn't seemed to be able to accept this piece....sorry for the length..But I've met too many people who suffer immeasurably (especially wonderful adoptive parents) and blame themselves~~when it has absolutely nothing to do with their parenting ...